According to Rarity

by dog0food

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Slice of Life
Length: 7834

Everypony is falling for Rainbow Dash's charm except for Rarity.

Finally, it's Rarity's favorite day of the week - her day off. Rarity has the perfect day all lined out. A stroll through the most romantic park in all of Ponyville, a relaxing spa day... If only a certain magnificently rainbow-maned pegasus with that sleek, toned body didn't constantly get in the way. Honestly! It's as if Rainbow Dash is trying to ruin Rarity's day. And if that isn't enough, she's pretty sure Rainbow Dash is sleeping around with all of their friends. What's a pony to do when it seems everypony around Rarity is falling for Rainbow Dash's rugged charm except for her?

Published 2012-09-02 16:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-02 16:54:01 UTC

The One and Only Chapter

Rarity enjoyed taking long walks through the park in her spare time. She found something special in the peaceful serenity of the calming atmosphere. The grass was a dark green that made it look delectable to even the most high class pony, and Rarity was, of course, one of the few ponies with any class in Ponyville. The sky was the deepest shade of blue which, Rarity was certain, matched her eyes perfectly. The sun beamed happily down on the park’s inhabitants, making Rarity’s own coat shine a grade above everypony else’s, she thought.

Often, during these rare occasions where she had free time, Rarity would stare longingly at the love-struck ponies that filled the benches of the park. Making eyes at each other, holding hooves, giggling at unspoken words… Rarity sighed. One day she would have a stallion of her own. The only reason she didn’t have one yet was because she was holding out for somepony special.

After all, there was no way a pony of such high caliber would settle for anything less than spectacular. Rarity was in a completely different league and there were few colts that would ever suffice to stand in her presence, let alone touch her silky, smooth mane. The white unicorn had read enough romance novels to know exactly what she needed in her mate.

‘They must combat my fabulousness,’ she reasoned. ‘Opposites do attract, after all.’ Rarity passed the flocks of happy couples that seemed to stampede to the park on warm and inviting days like these. As she went, her eyes began to glaze over dreamily. Soon, she was no longer seeing the interlocked manes of the ponies around her, but instead found herself in an unknown pony’s embrace.

‘My pony must be strong. Very toned and muscular, but not too bulky, or else they would never fit in my better designs. Of course they must be brave and honest, capable of defending my honor when danger - like ponies with bad fashion sense hitting on me - strikes. Color matters, too. Oh yes, they must go with my own style. Perhaps something bold and brash. Blue, to match my eyes? And their mane…’

Rarity was contemplating the more intricate details of her ideal mate when something fluttering in the distance caught her eye. It was the flicker of a rainbow. ‘Yes!’ Rarity thought, concealing a goofy grin. ‘A rainbow mane. How bold! How brash! How daring! And it will clash with everything, yet somehow it seems to match everything. It’s just the sort of spice that will complement my own regality. It’s everything I need in a mare! Wait, I mean…’

Before Rarity could analyze her own thoughts, the rainbow she had seen a moment ago zoomed into view once again. Then, the light from the sun seemed to fade away. Rarity blinked and looked up. Looming in front of the sun was the sleek and athletic body of a pegasus. They were shrouded in darkness, positioned directly in front of the sun, but Rarity found her mouth opening wordlessly at their impeccable figure and the dazzling charm and confidence that seemed to emanate from them so mysteriously.

‘The perfect stallion,’ she thought to herself with a small smile. ‘Oh, I must find out who that is at once!’ She was sure that the pony was looking right at her. There were a few tense moments where their eyes were locked and Rarity could hear nothing else but their hearts beating in perfect harmony. And then, as if the pony blocking the sun had read her thoughts, Rarity watched as they dropped carelessly out of the sky, nose-diving towards the ground. All that was left of the beautiful creature was a streak of rainbows.

Rarity gasped and ran towards the direction of the plummeting pegasus. She couldn’t quite see where they had landed, or if they had touched down at all, but she was determined to find the daring pegasus with the toned body and obvious courage. Only a colt befitting of Rarity could ever pull off a stunt so dangerous.

As Rarity continued running in the direction she had seen the pegasus drop, with no sign of the pony anywhere, she began to get worried. ‘What if they didn’t pull up in time?’ she thought, biting her lip. ‘Oh, how tragic, my love! We are destined to only remember each other in those last moments, where we looked lovingly into each other’s eyes and –’

Any thoughts Rarity had were immediately cut off. There was a moment of pain and confusion where Rarity’s vision became blurred and she was physically knocked off her feet. It only lasted a second. She blinked and she was on the ground, covered in mud. All she could see was the sky. Wait, no, that wasn’t the sky. It was blue fur. Somepony was laying on top of Rarity, dripping mud all over her combed mane.

Angrily, Rarity pushed the pony off of her and jumped up, assessing the damage done to her glowing pelt. Clumps of brown entangled her fur, her cutie mark was invisible behind the splatter, and her purple mane was dripping wet with her normally luxurious locks looking flattened and bland.

“Ugh!” she cried out, turning on the cyan pegasus that had landed on her. “Rainbow Dash! Just what do you think you’re doing?!”

Rainbow Dash stood up and stretched out, shaking herself free of the muddy ground. “Heh. Whoops. Sorry.” She gave her friend an apologetic grin and shrugged. “I was practicing a new move. You kinda got in the way and I didn’t have any time to stop.”

“I got in the way?!” Rainbow Dash took a step back. She didn’t like the crazy gleam in her posh friend’s eye. Rarity took a step forward to match the distance. “I was enjoying a quaint walk through this park, like everypony else! You came out of nowhere and ran into me!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you.”

“Didn’t see me?! You should look where you’re going when you’re flying around an inhabited area!”

“Okay! I said I was sorry.”

Rarity was about to make another comment when a third voice cut through the park. “Wow, Rainbow Dash! That was so super duper cool!”

Rarity and Rainbow Dash both turned to see Pinkie Pie hopping over to them with a wide smile on her face.

“I see you brought your cheering squad,” Rarity deadpanned.

“An athlete needs her fans,” Rainbow Dash replied with a smile and a wink. Rarity rolled her eyes. She watched in disdain as Pinkie Pie immediately jumped on top of Rainbow Dash and pulled her into a huge hug.

There was definitely something up between them, Rarity thought through narrowed eyes. Rainbow Dash was always a little tomboyish and she never seemed interested in the colts around Ponyville the way Rarity was. In fact, Rarity was certain she saw a sly gleam in Rainbow Dash’s eyes as she struggled halfheartedly out of Pinkie’s death grip. And didn’t it seem like Pinkie’s hug lasted a little too long for it to be considered purely friendly?

It was one thing for Rainbow Dash to strut around with that masculine body and rainbow mane, practically shouting her preferences, but it was another thing to drag one of their very good friends into a meaningless relationship filled with frivolous antics and wild behavior! Rarity would be the first to admit that there was a certain charm, perhaps a quality that drew ponies in, that Rainbow Dash possessed. But Rarity knew her blue friend well enough to be sure that Rainbow Dash wasn’t a pony that dwelled on the more intricate feelings and aspects of relationships. She would never make a good marefriend to anypony! If Pinkie thought getting into a romance with Rainbow Dash would lead to anything more than a fling, then she was sorely mistaken.

There was definitely something between them, though. Rarity hid a subtle smile as Rainbow Dash pushed Pinkie off and gave her a glare. Just as the unicorn thought, Pinkie Pie was nothing more than a good time for the pegasus. There was certainly nothing more than that. If Rainbow Dash ever were to settle down, she would need somepony more stable and elegant to tame that wild mane of hers. That beautifully bright, colorful mane…

“Rarity, are you even listening?”

“Hm?” Rarity blinked and moved her eyes from her friend’s haunches, she had momentarily been interested in her friend’s rainbow tail, to her cerise eyes. ‘Such an interesting color,’ Rarity thought, finding herself looking deeply into them. ‘A reddish pink. It goes well with my own deep blue.’

“I was saying I could give you a quick blow job to make up for getting you all muddy.”

Rarity felt her entire face redden. “A blow… What?” Her friend was so crude, so sexual, so rugged, so incredibly open about matters that should be private! How could she go around messing with her friends and not even have the common courtesy to court them like a proper stallion would? The frivolities of mares was one of the many reasons Rarity stuck to colts. Rainbow’s brusque behavior was one of the many indicators of her own preferences.

“It’s my own patented move,” Rainbow Dash replied, looking proud. She didn’t seem to notice her friend’s embarrassment. “I call it the Rainblow Dry! Cool, huh?”

“Err…”

“Here, lemme show you!”

“Oh no, I think I’d rather not –” But Rainbow Dash didn’t listen. Within seconds, she was circling Rarity and creating a rainbow-colored tornado to form. Instantly, it sucked all traces of the mud from Rarity’s pelt. Rainbow Dash landed next to Pinkie, who was giving Rarity an odd look. Rarity blinked and glanced at herself. Rainbow was true to her word; the mud that once covered the white unicorn’s features was gone. Instead, Rarity let out a little squeal as she realized her carefully styled mane was reduced to a frizzy afro.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie looked at Rarity and exchanged looks. Then, simultaneously, they fell into each other laughing.

Rarity bit her lip and felt her eyes watering. She wasn’t sure if her sudden outburst of emotion was from the atrocity of her current hairdo or the very blatant sexual tension between her two friends. She quickly decided it had to have been the former.

“I’m ugly!” Rarity cried out.

“N-No,” Rainbow Dash tried to assure her, biting her lip and squinting to keep from laughing.

“You look…” But Pinkie couldn’t finish her sentence. She fell into another giggling fit. Rainbow tried hard not to break, but soon she was rolling on the floor next to Pinkie, laughing just as hard.

“Ugh! You two are perfect for each other!” Rarity snapped. She ran off before either pony could reply. But they hadn’t heard her anyway. As she streaked towards her boutique, the pair of pranksters continued drowning in their own laughter.

***

Rarity was having a terrible day. It was supposed to be her day off, which meant absolutely no work. Rarity normally began her day by dolling herself up so that she looked absolutely delightful. The goal was to appear as if she was not trying at all and she was just naturally beautiful. The effect was always perfect, as was everything else Rarity did. Then, she would stroll through the park and look longingly at the loving couples while rejecting the advances made on her by the many less-than-satisfactory suitors that surrounded her. It was an exhausting, yet flattering activity.

The beginning of her day had gone just as planned. Unfortunately, the unwanted company of a certain cyan pegasus ruined the latter part of her morning. Rarity had spent the rest of her much-deserved contemplative walk back at Carousel Boutique, fixing her horridly disfigured mane.

The entire mess had made Rarity quite distraught. In fact, she was certain the stress of being forced out in public while that monstrosity sat on her head earned her normally clean and smooth skin a few undesirable pimples. Thankfully, the next item on Rarity’s list was a relaxing afternoon at the spa with Fluttershy. Surely some time with her demure friend would erase all signs of anxiety from her face. Unlike the encounters spent with a certain rainbow-maned pegasus, which threatened to knock Rarity off her very hinges.

‘Don’t think about her,’ Rarity advised herself wisely. ‘No need to waste your thoughts stressing over a pony with so little tact. It does not matter how much style she possesses, or how brave and courageous her stunts tend to be, or even how she can corral a group of ponies with so few words. Her mannerisms are crude and she wraps ponies around her hooves and tosses them out again. Look at what she’s doing to Pinkie! The poor pony is completely taken by that wild pegasus. No one can blame her, of course. But I’ve never seen a hint of stability in that wild pony. Pinkie is just going to get hurt, succumbing to a pony like Rainbow Dash.’

Rarity found herself in front of Fluttershy’s door. She hadn’t even registered that she had arrived, being so lost in thought. Normally the pair met at the spa, but the unicorn was uncharacteristically early after having her walk through the park cut short that she decided to meet Fluttershy at her cottage. Besides, Rarity could use the excess time to vent her feelings about Rainbow Dash to the timid pony. That is, vent about her anger towards the brash pegasus pony.

Unfortunately, even that plan seemed destined to be ruined.

“Come on, Fluttershy!” came the raspy voice Rarity knew all too well. “It’ll take, like, ten seconds.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. Rarity is expecting me at the spa any minute.”

The voices were coming from inside. Rarity pushed her ear against the door, all thoughts of knocking and letting her presence be known abandoned. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash together? Now that was an odd pairing, Rarity mused. What could Rainbow possibly get out of the yellow pegasus?

“You guys just lay around in mud with cucumbers in your eyes,” Rainbow Dash complained. “She won’t even notice you’re gone.”

“That’s not true,” Fluttershy said quietly. Rarity nodded her head vigorously in agreement, pouting. “Rarity talks a lot, too.” There was a hesitant moment where Rarity narrowed her eyes. She was sure the pair were exchanging some sort of look on the other side of the wall. Finally, Fluttershy added, “A-And I listen. Sometimes I even give my inputs.”

“Wow, fun.” The comment was dripping with sarcasm. Rarity ground her teeth and rolled her eyes. Rainbow Dash knew nothing about the wonders of the spa. Somehow, she maintained a smooth body without the assistance of Aloe and Lotus. Perhaps it was the wind that gave Rainbow that ruggedly sleek appearance.

“It’s very relaxing.”

“Just push it back, like, an hour. The mud’s not gonna go anywhere.”

Rarity’s mind had momentarily stopped listening to the words being spoken and instead was focusing on the quality of Rainbow Dash’s unique voice. The deep, raspy character of it with the occasionally cute little squeak. It was just another reminder of Rainbow Dash’s obvious boyishness. A common trait, Rarity assumed, of mares that were interested in mares, as Rainbow Dash was.

“W-Well…” Fluttershy appeared to be giving in. Rarity snapped to attention. She should have realized that Rainbow’s charisma and appeal would get the best of Fluttershy, ensnaring the impressionable pony in Rainbow’s lewd grasp.

Quickly, Rarity knocked on the door. In the momentary silence that preluded Fluttershy opening the door, Rarity fussed over herself. She had to look perfect for… well, there didn’t have to be a reason to look perfect. Rarity always conducted herself under the veil of perfection. This moment was just like every other moment.

The door opened to reveal Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash standing in the doorway. Rarity noticed how close they were together and she grimaced slightly. ‘How quick,’ Rarity thought, ‘she went from Pinkie to Fluttershy. Just as I suspected. She has an hour of fun with one friend, which I’m sure meant so much more to Pinkie. And now she’s working her magic on poor Fluttershy, too. Fluttershy, of all ponies! The poor, poor dear.’

“Oh! R-Rarity. Hello,” Fluttershy greeted the white unicorn, glancing away guiltily. Rarity watched her friend’s reaction, wondering exactly what gross act she had prevented from taking place by intruding on their peace. Fluttershy would thank her later for stopping Rainbow Dash from acting on her wily impulses. Rarity could not blame Fluttershy for perhaps being taken by the pegasus pony for her looks and, yes, even her personality. But giving into these temptations would always be regrettable in the morning.

“Long time no see,” Rainbow Dash said with a grin.

“Yes,” Rarity replied curtly. “It’s regrettable we could not have met under better circumstances earlier, Rainbow Dash.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. But you look really good, Rarity. In fact, you look even better than usual.” Rarity felt a small blush from her friend’s compliment. Especially coming from an unsentimental pony like Rainbow Dash, her words meant a lot. “Maybe it was the mud bath from this morning?” Rarity glared at Rainbow, who gave a snort of laughter, any sign of a blush immediately dissipated.

“That was not a proper mud bath,” Rarity snapped. It was only Rainbow Dash who could send Rarity into fumes this quickly. “In fact, I was just here to get my dear friend Fluttershy for our weekly spa trip.”

“Oh! Um…” Fluttershy receded behind Rainbow Dash, obviously abashed at being dragged into the heated conversation.

Rainbow Dash was undeterred by Rarity’s glare, though. In fact, she gave a scowl that nearly matched Rarity’s own. “Fluttershy was actually saying she wanted to spend some time with me today.”

“Did she now?” Rarity said, staring into Rainbow’s eyes. She found her own resolve wavering for a moment as she noticed the passionate rose-colored tint of Rainbow’s irises, but shook her head and continued. “I’m sure you convinced her of the perks to spending some time with you.”

“Yeah, I did,” Rainbow Dash growled.

“Fluttershy!” Rarity snapped, stomping a hoof on the ground. Fluttershy whimpered and peered out behind Rainbow Dash’s strong legs. Rarity was taken by the fact that Rainbow Dash made a good protectorate, but only for a moment. Just because she had a myriad of good qualities did not make her a suitable mate for anypony. Rarity reminded herself that she had just seen Rainbow Dash undoubtedly fooling around with Pinkie Pie, and now she was already making advances on the unwitting and prudent yellow pegasus.

“Y-Yes?” Fluttershy squeaked.

“Do you want to ‘hang out’ with Rainbow Dash, or would you rather accompany your best friend to the spa?”

“Um…” Fluttershy bit her lip and began to retreat behind Rainbow Dash once again. Rarity let out a frustrated scream. Rainbow Dash’s smirk was quickly wiped off her face by one wicked glare from the white unicorn.

“Fine! I’ll make this easy. Celestia knows Rainbow Dash is.” Neither pony noticed the jab at Rainbow Dash’s promiscuity. “Fluttershy, you can have Rainbow Dash for the day. Go to town. I suppose you could use the fun, anyway. I’ll visit the spa by myself. Like Rainbow Dash said, I won’t even notice you aren’t there.”

It was a flatout lie, but Fluttershy was more embarrassed at the realization that Rarity had heard what they were saying about her behind closed doors to notice the crack in the prim and proper unicorn’s voice.

“O-Okay,” Fluttershy said softly. “If you’re sure…”

“Oh, I’m positive!” Rarity chimed, a nasty undertone in her voice. She looked back and forth between them. Fluttershy couldn’t meet her eye, but Rainbow Dash looked as confident and sure of herself as ever.

‘Such a good quality in a pony,’ Rarity thought. ‘If only she had the proper mate to put her multitude of positive traits to good use. Instead, she’s wasting her time with meek ponies like Fluttershy and star struck ponies like Pinkie Pie.’

Rarity gave a little ‘hmph’, whipped her nose into the air, and stalked off. She wasn’t sure why, but she gave her rump an extra little shake as she walked off. That’d give Rainbow Dash something to think about while she took Fluttershy away from her.

As Rarity left, Fluttershy turned to Rainbow Dash and said, “But we aren’t going to town, are we?”

“Well, we’re going above town,” Rainbow Dash replied, also trying to make sense of Rarity’s phrasing. “The clouds are the best place to practice my tricks, after all!” And with a grin, Rainbow Dash blasted into the air. Slower and less sure, Fluttershy trailed after her rainbow-maned friend.

***

The solo trip was just as horrible as Rarity expected it to be. It was true that Rarity often went to the spa alone; this trip was a lot like those other ones. But it was the principle of the matter that sent Rarity steaming. This was supposed to be her day with Fluttershy. It was embarrassing to go to their usual appointment and tell Aloe and Lotus that today’s spa was only for one when they had prepared for two.

Still, a spa day was a spa day. No matter how much Rarity wallowed in pity, she could not suppress the ‘ahh’ of relaxation that escaped her lips as she sunk into her mud bath. She even left the place with a smile and a little trot in her step. But even though she was smiling, she was not happy. And she hoped nopony would mistake her chipper exterior for true bliss.

Because Rarity was angry, very angry. She was fine with Rainbow Dash liking mares. It was a completely acceptable and common thing in Equestria. Just because Rarity was only attracted to colts and stallions didn’t mean she was narrow-minded about the whole thing. The problem was that Rainbow Dash was going around and making all of their friends fall for her; she didn’t even have the decency to date just one pony like a traditional, well-cared for relationship deserved. It seemed more and more like Rarity was the only sensible pony who was not falling for Rainbow’s dashing good looks and smooth talk.

‘Well, Pinkie Pie has always been the crazy one of the group,’ Rarity reasoned. ‘It’s completely understandable why Rainbow Dash would go to her for a good time. And why Pinkie Pie would comply so heartily. And, as much as I love her, Fluttershy gives in very easily. Even without Rainbow Dash’s irresistible charm, Fluttershy would have a very hard time saying no if asked politely.

‘Applejack, though, is a very sensible pony. Twilight is, too. There is no way Rainbow Dash will throw herself at either of them and have such an easy time.’ Rarity smiled, and this time there was a hint of relief behind it. ‘I think it’s time to pay my favorite farmpony a visit.’

Rarity wasn’t completely sure what she would accomplish from this visit; she trudged along the path to Sweet Apple Acres with only Rainbow Dash on her mind. She found herself recounting the moment when she first realized Rainbow Dash was into mares. It wasn’t exactly a specific time or event that Rarity could pinpoint. She just began to notice Rainbow Dash more. The way her eyes seemed to linger over Rarity for maybe a half a second too long, or the closeness of her breath when she would put her face in one’s personal space. There was even that time Rainbow Dash saved Rarity’s life from plummeting to her death during the Young Flier’s Competition. Rarity was certain that Rainbow Dash groped her flank and chest in a surreptitious manner.

There was no doubt in Rarity’s mind about Rainbow Dash’s sexuality. And while Rainbow Dash never openly said anything, she didn’t try very hard to hide the fact from Ponyville. Rarity could see the growing crush that Rainbow Dash was developing on her, and she couldn’t blame her for it. The white unicorn was, after all, one of the finest specimens to ever grace Celestia’s earth. She even teased the cyan pegasus a little bit, just for some fun. Sometimes, Rarity would graze Rainbow Dash’s toned flank with her tail as she passed, or sidle up close and whisper her words alluringly into her perked ear.

It was obvious to Rarity how enticed Rainbow Dash was by these encounters. It was almost cute that Rainbow Dash was too nervous to actually act out on her feelings. Of course, Rainbow must have been aware of the fact that Rarity was not into mares in that way. Unfortunately, she would be forced to reject any attempts made by her incredibly attractive female friend. Because of this sad realization, Rainbow Dash was left to fill her growing desires with second-bests, like Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. It was sad how Rainbow Dash was leaving a string of heartbreaks behind because she couldn’t have what she deeply wanted.

While there wasn’t much Rarity could do to combat the bad choices that Rainbow Dash was making, she could protect her other friends from being trapped in the downward spiral of Rainbow Dash’s life. Applejack, Rarity was sure, would see reason and be able to help her stop their friend from ruining her life. As she came into view of the Apple family farm, she scanned the fields for the orange earth pony.

“Yeehaw, Rainbow Dash! Tha’ was some mighty fine buckin’ fer a pony with her head in the clouds.”

Rarity felt a knot tightening in her stomach. It had already happened. In the span of the couple hours that Rarity had spent her pampering session at the spa, Rainbow Dash had went from Fluttershy to Applejack. And now, it seemed, Rarity was intruding on the end of the pair’s… bucking.

“Hey, I’m an athlete,” came the undeniable reply of Rainbow Dash. Rarity searched for any sign of the two ponies, but they weren’t anywhere to be found. “You don’t have to be an earth pony to get down and dirty.”

“S’pose not,” Applejack mused. “But what it mus’ be like fer you ta do what we do in the clouds. Sometimes Ah wouldn’ mind havin’ me a pair of wings.”

“It’s totally awesome, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash said, her voice bubbling with excitement. Rarity was drawn to the voice; it was one of child-like wonder and excitement. She found herself moving closer to the sound, hiding herself behind the many apple trees. But still, she couldn’t see a single sign of either Applejack or Rainbow Dash. “But you’re really good at what you do. No pegasus pony can work the way you do. You’ve got that magic touch.”

“Magic’s fer the unicorns,” Applejack said with a laugh.

“Whatever. You know what I mean.” And then Rarity saw them. The pair were walking out of the barn, completely alone. Rainbow Dash gave Applejack a playful bump on the rump. Rarity watched, hidden behind a tree, with a frown growing across her face.

“Oh, Ah know,” Applejack replied with a wink. “Yer callin’ me stronger than a pegasus.”

“Stronger than any normal pegasus,” Rainbow Dash said quickly. “Remember who’s the Iron Pony here.”

“Sure, sure.” Applejack rolled her eyes, which turned into a grin that looked rather mischievous to Rarity. She shifted uncomfortably as the ponies she was spying on came rather close to her location. “Ah’ve got some real delicious apple pie waitin’ inside if you wanna stick around for dinner.”

Rarity stuck out her tongue in a disgusted manner. ‘Applejack!’ she silently chided the earth pony. ‘I suppose I shouldn’t expect subtlety from you, but you could at least find a classier euphemism to use in such a public setting.’

Rainbow Dash didn’t answer for a moment, presumably weighing her options carefully. Rarity felt her heart flutter in anxiety waiting for Rainbow’s response. She definitely looked enticed by the offer. Rarity gave an annoyed pout. Knowing Rainbow Dash’s need to constantly fill the void made by the looming threat of rejection from Rarity, she was sure to accept Applejack’s crude offer.

Finally, Rainbow Dash said, “Sounds great, Applejack, but I’ve got an appointment with Twilight. Save me some for later, though!” And with a wink to her friend, Rainbow Dash exploded into the sky.

Applejack grabbed onto her Stetson to keep it from flying off her head upon the impact of Rainbow Dash’s takeoff. Then, she chuckled and called after her friend, “No promises!”

As Applejack turned to head back inside, she noticed a white and purple figure out of the corner of her eye. She did a double take and found herself staring at a frozen, blanched Rarity.

“Howdy, Rarity!” Applejack chortled, walking over to her friend. “Ah didn’t see ya there. Uh, you okay?”

Rarity blinked and shook herself, regaining her composure. “Um. Why yes, of course! Why wouldn’t I be fine? Quite a nice day, Applejack… Yes, indeed…”

“Uh, right,” Applejack said hesitantly. “Didja need somethin’, Rare?”

“Hm? Oh. Right.” Rarity bit her lip, thinking. Her mind kept flashing back to Rainbow Dash and Applejack. ‘She was supposed to be smarter than that,’ Rarity thought unhappily. ‘And Twilight’s next! Rainbow Dash is making appointments with them, like some common whorse! Why I could just… kill her! Or kiss her! No, that doesn’t make any sense. Kill her, definitely.’

“Yes?” Applejack prodded.

‘Then again, she’s only doing this because I don’t like her in that way,’ Rarity continued thinking. ‘Perhaps kissing her would help the situation. Giving her a little taste would subdue that subconscious need for me. Then she’ll stop with all of this nonsense and things can go back to normal. Yes, that’s definitely an option.’

“Alrigh’, Rarity,” Applejack said, a little confused, “if ya think of wha’ ya’ll wanted, Ah’ll be righ’ inside.”

As Applejack walked away, Rarity snapped out of her stupor. A new idea was forming in her head. “Wait!” she called. “Applejack. Could you gather the girls and meet me at Twilight’s in a few minutes? I have something incredibly important to announce.”

“Uh, sure, Rare. Ah s’pose Ah could do tha’ fer ya. Mind tellin’ me what all this is abou—”

“Oh, thank you, Applejack!” And Rarity ran off with Applejack left completely in her dust, watching in bemusement.

***

“Aha!” Rarity barged right into Twilight’s tree house, looking slightly manic as she did so. She was breathing heavily, her hair thoroughly disheveled, and a wild glint in her eye.

Twilight immediately jumped up from her seat at her desk and gave her friend a surprised look. “Rarity, you startled me! What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”

“Oh, fine, fine,” Rarity replied, walking inside and glancing all around. The place seemed to be empty except for the purple unicorn. “Had any visitors today?”

“Oh yes, quite a few!” Twilight said happily. “Cheerilee stopped by to add more books to the school library, Mayor Mare checked out a few political essays, and I even had a few foals come in looking to read –”

“Anypony special?” Rarity prompted.

Twilight deflated slightly. “I thought all of those were pretty special.”

“Oh yes, quite,” Rarity agreed distantly. She stalked all through the library, checking every nook and cranny.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Twilight asked.

“Is anypony else here?” Rarity countered, her face suddenly inches from Twilight’s.

“Uh, Spike’s upstairs…” Rarity’s eyes narrowed, probing Twilight for answers. “Rainbow Dash is here, too.”

“Aha!” Rarity said again, jumping into the air. “Where is she? Is she in your bedroom? Am I intruding on something?”

“No?” Twilight responded, a little uncertain. “You’re welcome here anytime. You know that, Rarity.”

“Hey Twilight, Spike found the book. It was in your… Oh, hey Rarity.” Rainbow Dash flew down to greet them, a Daring Do book wrapped carefully in her hooves.

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, nodding. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Not really,” Rainbow Dash said casually. “I’ve been running into you everywhere I go today.”

“Yes,” Rarity muttered. Then, under her breath she added, “You’re like a stalker with a crush.”

“What was that?”

Before Rarity could respond, the door opened up once again and Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all trotted inside.

“Howdy, y’all,” Applejack said. Her eyes met Rarity’s. “Ah gathered everypony up jus’ like ya asked, Rare. Now what’s this all abou’?”

It was finally here. The moment of truth.

“Rarity asked you to bring everypony here?” Twilight asked.

“Yeppers!” Pinkie Pie chortled, hopping up and down. “Applejack came by Sugarcube Corner saying Rarity had some super duper important secrets to share with all of us at Twilight’s!”

“Are you alright, Rarity?” Fluttershy asked, floating gently over to her friend. “You look… tired.”

“I’m quite fine!” Rarity snapped. “Why does everypony keep asking me that?”

“Well, your hair is a little out of place,” Twilight said nervously.

“And you’ve got an evil-ba-deevil look in your eye!” Pinkie added.

“You sound kinda outta breath, too,” Rainbow Dash noted.

“Did you get your spa treatment today?” Fluttershy asked. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t join you, I was–”

“I know exactly what you were doing!” Rarity yelled. “I know what all of you were doing today!”

“Oh, good,” Fluttershy said, breathing a sigh of relief. “So there’s no hard feelings, right?”

“Hard… feelings?” Rarity blinked. Her confession didn’t have the desired effect she had hoped for. “Of course there’s no hard feelings. If I had hard feelings, that would imply I cared. And I don’t care! I don’t like her like that. I never did. She can do whatever she wants with all of you. I just don’t want to see all of you wasting your time fooling around with a pony that doesn’t have one hundred percent good intentions with you.”

Everypony stared at Rarity. The looks on their faces told her that they were completely unaware of what she was talking about. ‘Oh goodness, of course,’ Rarity thought, mentally slapping herself. ‘None of them must know that Rainbow Dash is fooling around with all of them. And I’ve been put into the situation where I must carry the bad news to each and every one of them.’

“Rainbow Dash has seen every single one of you today,” Rarity said slowly, choosing her words carefully. It was followed by silence. ‘Shock, I’m sure,’ Rarity thought with an inward sigh.

“Yeah, so?” Rainbow Dash finally said, breaking the silence.

“You can be so dense sometimes!” Rarity said angrily, turning on her friend. “You don’t see that your actions might be hurting somepony! There might be a pony out there that actually cares about you, and you’re going around with multiple ponies and none of them even know they aren’t the only one!”

“I don’t mind,” Fluttershy said quietly. “Rainbow Dash can hang out with more than one friend a day.”

“Ah don’ see a problem with havin’ multiple engagements arranged fer one day,” Applejack said, nodding in agreement.

“Well, of course a crude farmpony like yourself might have that sort of mindset,” Rarity said huffily. “And Fluttershy’s too much of a doormat to even realize she’s being stepped on. The poor dear doesn’t even have the confidence to stand up for herself when her little heart is being stepped on!”

“My heart isn’t being stepped on,” Fluttershy assured her.

“Yeah,” Pinkie piped up. “Dashie isn’t the only pony I saw today. This party pony saw plentiful plucks of ponies at the bakery today, too. And I’m hanging out with all of my friends right now.”

“But you have that pet name for her!” Rarity said, turning on Pinkie. “Surely it must hurt to find out that after reaching a stage in your relationship where you have sweet names for each other, she still goes around with other ponies?”

“Just because Pinks calls me something different doesn’t make her my only friend,” Rainbow said.

“Dashie’s my bestest best friend!” Pinkie shouted happily, jumping onto Rainbow Dash. They fell into a clumsy heap on the floor. Strangling Rainbow Dash in her grasp, Pinkie continued, wisely, “But it’s like fudge. I love fudge, but if I eat too much I get a pudge and I can’t budge. So I can’t have it all the time or I’d never get to experience anything else. And I’d never move!”

Rainbow pushed Pinkie off and shook herself off. “Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. Besides, all of you guys are different. I like you all for different reasons. If I only had one friend, I might not get the athletic challenge I get from Applejack. Or I might have never learned how much I like reading from Twilight. And Fluttershy shares my wings. Pinkie’s just crazy.

“Look, Rarity, I’m sorry I didn’t hang out with you today, if that’s what you’re upset about. But you’re an important friend, too. If you want, we could get breakfast or something tomorrow.”

Rarity didn’t even know how to respond. It was finally happening. Rainbow Dash had just asked Rarity out on a proper date. She felt herself blush. ‘But of course I can’t accept. I don’t like mares! And besides, she is still continuing these relationships with our other friends. It wouldn’t be a real relationship. Not like that matters, because of course I wouldn’t accept it either way. I don’t like Rainbow Dash like that.’

“But,” Rarity began, “you are all okay with this polygamous relationship?”

There was a chilled silence. Then, finally, Rainbow Dash said, “A what?”

The break in the hush that had followed Rarity’s question sent Twilight’s brain back into action. “A polygamous relationship?” she repeated, completely dumbfounded. “Rarity, just what in the hay are you talking about?”

“Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie! And then Rainbow with Fluttershy! And don’t you pretend you were offering Rainbow Dash regular apple pie, Applejack! And now you, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash! Together, here! She’s just been going all around, fooling around with all of you!”

“What? I have not!” Rainbow Dash yelled, her mouth dropping. “That’s just gross! Why would I do something like that with my friends? They’re mares!”

“Exactly my point!” Rarity cried out. “You’re… You… You like mares, don’t you?” Suddenly, Rarity found herself drawing into herself. Something wasn’t right here. This was not at all how Rarity planned her big reveal to go down.

“No!” Rainbow Dash said loudly, completely shocked by what Rarity was saying.

“Wait,” Fluttershy said slowly, catching up with the conversation. “Y-You thought that Rainbow and I were… Eep!” Her entire face turned red and she hid behind the curtain of pink that shielded her from the threats of the real world, like Rarity’s accusations.

“Well, I… Yes… But, come on! Rainbow Dash is obviously a fillyfooler.”

“Actually,” Twilight said, “I thought you were, too.”

“You what?!”

Applejack chuckled. “Ah thought it could have gone either way. Maybe ya liked ta dip yer hooves in both waters.”

“Why were you guys even speculating any of this?” Rainbow Dash asked, defeated.

“I wasn’t!” Pinkie chirped. “But now that you guys mention it –”

“Don’t even start, Pinkie.”

“But it’s obvious!” Rarity whined. “Your rainbow mane, your muscles, your voice… Everything points to you being into mares!”

“I’m well-toned,” Rainbow Dash defended herself, bristling slightly. “I can’t control my voice. I didn’t choose my mane color, either. So what if it’s a rainbow color?”

“And you have a very tomboyish attitude,” Twilight said, thinking.

“My personality makes me into mares?” Rainbow Dash said flatly. “You’re just basing this on the way I act or look. When did I ever show any interest in a mare?”

“Ooh, ooh, what about the Wonderbolts?” Pinkie piped up, hopping circles around Rainbow Dash.

“What about them?”

“That’s right!” Rarity gasped happily. “You’re always going on about Fleetfoot and Spitfire and…”

“And Soarin’,” Rainbow Dash snapped. Suddenly her entire face turned red. “Actually, I, uh…” She looked down at her feet and began shuffling her hooves.

“Yes?” Rarity asked, leaning closer to Rainbow Dash. She was waiting for it, she knew it was almost there. Perhaps she was incorrect in her assumptions about Rainbow Dash having some fun on the side with her friends. That was an unfortunate miscalculation. But she was at least getting the confession she had been waiting to hear! So at least today wouldn’t be a complete waste of time.

“I…”

“What? What?” Pinkie asked loudly.

“I’m kind of…”

“What is it, Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asked, peering out from behind her bangs.

“Well, remember when Soarin’ and I kind of hit it off at the wedding?”

“Sure do, Sugarcube.”

“We kinda, uh… Ugh. This is so embarrassing. We started talking after that and now… I guess we’re sorta dating.”

The silence seemed to stretch on for ages for Rarity. In reality, it was only a brief couple of seconds. And then a chorus of congratulations rang out from every side of the room. It was deafening. Rarity thought she would vomit from the obnoxious sound of happy ponies. For Rarity, this was the worst possible thing. How could she have been so wrong?

“Darn tootin’! Tha’s mighty fine, Rainbow Dash.”

“Oh, wow! I can’t believe you didn’t tell us earlier. I’m so happy for you guys! I’m sorry I just assumed you liked mares like that. It was wrong of me.”

“Omigosh! I need to throw you guys a party! This is so super duper awesome!”

“That’s really wonderful, Rainbow Dash. I’m sure you make a very adorable couple.”

“Aw, cut it out, you guys,” Rainbow Dash said with a small chuckle, her face redder than ever. “It’s not a big deal, really.” And then she turned to Rarity, who remained completely still with a shocked smile on her face. “I just can’t believe this one thought I was screwing around with all of you guys behind her back! Rarity, you might be even crazier than Pinkie Pie.”

“Aha, ha ha, ha, ha.” Rarity laughed slowly. “Ha ha, ha, ha ha ha, ha… Yes, crazy… Me… Of course… Wow, Rainbow Dash. I… I had no idea that you and Soarin’ were… were an item. This is… quite the news.”

“Lookit her,” Applejack said, chuckling. “Ah think she’s goin’ into shock from the relationship overload. Y’all know how Rarity gets over relationship stuff.”

“Maybe we should give her a moment to herself,” Twilight suggested nervously as she watched Rarity quietly laugh to herself, her eyes moving in opposite directions.

“I’m sure when she’s processed it, she’ll want to design a whole line of outfits for you to wear on your dates, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said. Rainbow groaned.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here before she starts suggesting romantic stuff for me to try,” Rainbow Dash said, gagging.

“But now you have to bring Soarin’ around Ponyville!” Pinkie said. “Pinkie promise! He’s gonna be invited to all my parties, and you guys better make kissy faces all the time, and have inside jokes, and be all cutsie-wootsie around each other!”

Rainbow Dash chuckled and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, Pinks.” The five of them all began walking out of Twilight’s tree house together. As they left, Rainbow Dash said, “You know, I’m glad Rarity had this whole misunderstanding. It actually feels pretty good to finally tell you guys about Soarin’ and me. I’ll definitely bring him around now. I can’t wait for you guys to meet him, too. He’s totally awesome!”

And then Rarity was left all alone to wallow in her thoughts.

‘Rainbow Dash likes stallions and colts. Like me. Oh, we’re so similar in so many ways. I don’t have to worry, then. Rainbow Dash is dating Soarin’. She doesn’t have some sort of childish, unrequited crush on me. Everything’s fine then. Everything is quite fine.’ Rarity smiled, but it was far too wide for her own face.

“Okay, Twilight, I finished cleaning the upstairs… Hey, where’d everypony go?” Spike walked down the steps, looking all around. His eyes fell on Rarity and a blush encompassed his entire face. Immediately, he ripped off his frilly, pink apron and coughed in an attempted manly way.

“Rarity!” he greeted her, trying to make his voice sound deeper. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Oh, Spike, hello,” Rarity said quietly. Then she sighed. “Today has been a very long, stressful day. I believe I’ve garnered a few unwanted pimples from these needless hassles. I think another spa trip is in order.”

“C-Cool,” Spike said lamely.

She glanced at the green dragon like she was seeing him for the first time. “Oh, Spike, would you like to come with me? You look as if you could use a day of relaxation as well.”

Spike’s smile widened and he mentally congratulated himself. He was totally in, all that was left was sealing the deal. “Sure,” he said, trying not to sound too eager. “That sounds great.”

“Wonderful,” Rarity said. “It’s a date.”
“A d-d-d-ate?” Spike felt as though his entire body was going to rocket into the sky at any moment from the ecstasy he was experiencing. He pinched himself but, for the first time during one of these types of encounters with Rarity, it really wasn’t a dream.

The white unicorn walked out of Twilight’s tree house, with Spike running to keep up with her. He had a glazed over look in his eyes and couldn’t stop a goofy smile from spreading across his face.

‘So what,’ Rarity thought, not paying much attention to the baby dragon walking next to her, ‘if Rainbow Dash isn’t into mares. It’s not like I care. It’s not like it will affect my pursuit of the stallions in Equestria. Yes, that is one more mare to add to my list of competition, but it’s not like Rainbow Dash is much competition. She’s in a relationship after all.

‘Sure, if I were into mares, Rainbow Dash might have potentially been my type. But it’s not like I’m a fillyfooler or anything like that! I don’t like Rainbow Dash like that. And it’s only a relief to discover that she hasn’t been messing around with all of our friends. It’s even better to hear that she isn’t into me, either. That just makes everything much less awkward.

‘Still, it is rather upsetting that I was so sorely mistaken with all of this business involving Rainbow Dash. I suppose I did jump to conclusions a little too quickly. Perhaps it was wishful thinking… I don’t see why I would care if Rainbow Dash was into mares or not, though. That kind of information would not effect me in any way whatsoever. The entire affair is just so frivolous.

‘Perhaps Spike and I can talk all of this over during a relaxing evening at the spa. I’m sure he’ll have some astounding insight into my inner psyche. After all, he is gay.’