Princess Anon and The Fridge
Anon stared upward at the castle fridge with a mixture of emotions. One was awe, for who couldn’t be in awe at such a display of modern art, of clashing colors and daring artistic risks, splayed out for the world to see. The works before her were carefully curated from ponies of all walks of life, with some truly stellar masterpieces adorning the plain white surface of the art gallery.
Another emotion the diminutive alicorn felt was jealousy. She had created many such works of art, so why were none displayed? She had been told time and time again that her art was great, and that she should keep striving to be better, and she did! She worked on her art whenever there was time between all of her new royal teachings, even during some of them! Yes, doodling had earned her some ire on more than one occasion, but she was getting better and better at drawing. Too bad Celestia had always turned her doodling into some kind of magic lesson.
As Anon continued staring up at the wall of art, she let her mind drift back through the past few months. After her crowning day, which had officially become a national holiday celebrated with cake gorging, Anon had officially moved to Canterlot for royal schooling. On the weekends she went to stay with her adopted mom, Twilight, and the two caught up, usually going on some minor adventure or another. Anon would have missed cuddling up with the purple alicorn, had her new teacher and pseudo-stepmother not started filling in the same role with gusto.
While Anon had her own room for studying, playing, and storing all of her stuff, the room noticeably lacked a bed. The first night in Canterlot Anon had been unable to sleep without a warm, loving pillow at her back, and much to her chagrin, she had wandered about the castle in dire straits, which is to say that she bawled like a little baby until Celestia had found her. When Anon had explained the situation, the white alicorn had been stricken with the sudden awareness that her nest was empty, and she had joined Anon in tears, grieving her fully grown student.
Together the pair had raided the castle kitchens for good-time food, then had retreated to Celestia’s room. One thing had led to another, and they had fallen asleep together, with Anon happily being the little spoon, as she was used to. The next morning she had awoken completely smothered in white fluff, and after a struggle to get out of bed, she and Celestia had sat down for a rather adult conversation, one that led to the arrangement that Anon would sleep with Celestia. Both alicorns were quite pleased with the arrangement, and it had served them quite well as they grew into the roles of teacher and student.
With their nightlife sorted, Anon and Celestia became fast friends. Whenever she wasn’t being taught a myriad of new (actually interesting subjects, bite my flank Ms. Cheerilee) that Anon took to with gusto. With a horn she could actually use what she learned about magic, with wings she could actually buzz around, making herself move faster as she worked toward full flight. On top of that, all of the lessons were so practical.
One time she and Celestia had filled Luna’s bath with pink dye, but to get away with it, Anon had to crawl through the air ducts around the alicorn’s bedroom and use her magic to lower the dye into the bath when Luna wasn’t looking. Another time the goal had been to move fast, and the prize had been Luna’s vaunted weekly moonpie. With the extra boost her wings provided, Anon had snatched the delectable pastry away, feasting on it before Luna was any the wiser.
Those two fond memories brought her back to the present, and a feeling of dread spread throughout her tiny form as she realized that most of the drawings were from night guards. That was to be expected given that the fridge was in their breakroom, but still, there was a certain lack of diversity amongst all the glorious art. The common theme of the pictures was that most, if not all, depicted the night sky in some way, and more than a few also fixated on mangoes, what Anon knew was a personal favorite of Luna and all of her guards. The bat ponies were weird about the juicy fruit in a way that was slightly frightening, and even Celestia knew that mangoes were off limits.
Anon felt excitement flicker through her tail, and she smiled, determination setting in. She was pretty sure Luna didn’t hold grudges, and besides, the prank war was two-way. Yes, Luna might have been slightly angry at being dyed pink for a week, but it’s not like she wouldn’t get her revenge eventually.
Anon spiraled away from the fridge and dashed through the castle toward her room, colorful ideas already flowing through her mind.
*****
Princess Celestia, the ever kind, ever wise, and the ever owner of the fattest rump in all the world, had to become ever the encouraging as she smiled down at the newest princess, and her new protégé. Coloring furiously, Anon threw back her head and groaned, then tossed the page to the side to start again. Over a dozen such pages sat strewn around the little green alicorn, all in various states of completion, or that’s at least what Celestia could assume. She couldn’t actually identify what any of the drawings were trying to depict, but she didn’t fault Anon too much for that. At least she was using her horn to draw.
The green filly had sprinted into her room, late to her morning lesson, with one goal on her mind. While Celestia had tried drawing her attention to more important matters, the little green filly had outright ignored her, merely gathering up her Super Deluxe box of Rainbow DashTM crayons and plenty of paper before plopping down against her fluffy white chest. Seeing Anon so consumed with her “art”, Celestia had merely let the lesson slide away, on the condition Anon used her magic.
Thankfully she was as she colored away at what Celestia believed was a cow. Anon focused hard and a second crayon joined the first, scribbling furiously away at the page. Celestia watched with a smile, reminiscing quietly as she sipped at her tea. Twilight had been an equally terrible, if not worse, artist, her talents lying strictly in the realm of the intellectual.
Anon groaned again and shoved the paper away.
“That’s not good either,” she spat. “I’m never going to get on the fridge with this entry level amateur trash.”
Ah, so that was her goal. She hadn’t actually said anything when she had stormed in, but with the goal in the air, Celestia briefly considered shutting the little operation down, if for no other reason than to spare the adorable little filly the heartache of repeated rejection. Celestia shuddered as memories of both her, and Cadence’s repeated failures crossed her mind. So many tears had been shed.
“Anon,” she said motherly, drawing the filly’s eyes. “Are you referring to the fridge in the night guard lounge?”
Anon nodded and smiled, her little black tail waggling.
“Yup! Aunty Luna’s fridge. I saw it this morning while I was…” She coughed and looked away. “doing patrols, or something.”
Celestia smiled and nuzzled the filly’s back.
“Cake patrol I’m sure. You know you can get a cake from me if you’d like dear, you’re just going to get pudgy, but you told me you didn’t wish to become such.”
“And I don’t,” Anon reaffirmed, puffing her chest out. “Your cheeks are the best in Equestria Aunty, and it’s pure blasphemy to even challenge their greatness.”
Celestia snorted and scooped the filly up.
“Call me fat again little one, and I’ll commission another dress from Miss Rarity.”
Anon shrank in her grip.
“Anything but that…” she whispered.
Celestia turned away from the pile of discarded drawings.
“Well, I could be convinced to wave your punishment, if we had a day on the town together…”
Anon didn’t fall for her not-so-subtle change in subject and she looked back to her drawings.
“But I gotta get on the fridge! It’s where all the greats start!”
“And who told you that?” Celestia asked.
She, of course, knew it was true. All the best artists in modern Equestria began on the Lunar Fridge, hoof-picked by Luna. The fridge was almost sanctified in the art world, and only the most devout and talented stood a chance of making it on the fridge. While Anon put forth great effort and showed immense passion, Celestia could already tell that, like her adoptive mother, her strengths were elsewhere. Anon wriggled free of Celestia’s grip, then shoved aside her latest drawing and stared at a fresh sheet of paper.
“I just know,” Anon said. “And I saw that prick Red Sparrow’s name up there.”
Celestia clicked her tongue.
“Language little one. I know Twilight curbed that nasty tongue of yours, and I am not going to let you slip back.”
Anon withered.
“S-sorry.”
Celestia smiled and nuzzled her back.
“It’s alright, just be self-corrective. Use your anger more subtly.”
“Aunty Luna doesn’t use her anger subtly!”
“Aunty Luna was locked on the moon for a thousand years,” Celestia countered. “I’d rather her attempt to bludgeon Discord to death than turn that anger anywhere else, so I let her behavior slide, and in turn, she attends regular speech therapy lessons and has a coffee and reading club to keep her head mostly level. Now, instead of calling Red Sparrow a “prick”, let’s think of a much more careful, and subtle insult.”
Anon’s muzzle curled.
“He’s lucky Mom used that word eraser spell, because I’d have some real choice ones for him. Prick was nice.”
Celestia sighed, knew that whatever princessly lesson she tried to bestow would be ignored by the irritated little filly.
“Just try to say that word only in private Anon,” she compromised. “Now, you were saying about his art?”
Anon’s eyes lit up.
“Yeah! I saw it up there, and I finally understood what he’s been grumbling every time I order him to scrub toilets! He kept saying;” she puffed out her chest, scrunching up her muzzle and attempting to deepen her voice, an effort that failed spectacularly as she squeaked her imitation, “You might be a princess, but even you won’t get onto the fridge!”
She settled her fur down and shrugged up at Celestia.
“But I never understood, so usually I just put a lemon in his lunch.”
Celestia blinked in horror.
“Anon! He’s allergic to lemons!”
“He’s allergic to lemon juice,” Anon said. “I just put the whole lemon in there as a warning. It’s why I’ve had easy access to the castle vents recently.”
That did make a lot of sense. All of her prank missions for the fledgling princess had been at night, and Red Sparrow was one of the few pegasi small enough to keep an eye on the vents, yet Anon had accomplished each mission without much effort. She was an effective weapon in the prank war.
Celestia shook herself free of the musings that would quickly lead to new planning, only to find Anon hard at work once more. Celestia took a deep breath and ran a comforting hoof down Anon’s back.
“Anon, it’s very difficult to get on the fridge,” she said. “I tried, Cadence tried, and Twilight tried, yet we all failed. I’m not saying not to try, but I would council you against getting your hopes up.”
Anon shrugged the hoof away and her horn sparked as she summoned forth her crayons.
“Thanks Aunty Tia, but I’ve got this. Red Sparrow did a bunch of nature scenes, so I figure, I’m gonna do something similar, except unlike him, mine’s gonna be something I’m passionate about, from memory!”
Brown, green, and blue crayons attacked the page, and Celestia watched carefully as what she believed was a tree took form. The sky was quickly colored a deep blue, with Anon carefully leaving white dots spattered amongst the nightscape.
“You are drawing it at night?” Celestia asked.
Anon looked back sheepishly.
“Can’t hurt to suck up a little, right?”
Celestia sat back, nodding silently at the sage advice. Of course it was, neither she, nor Cadence had ever tried such a thing. Twilight had once, but had gotten so fixated on the correct star positions that she had abandoned her drawing to ask Luna directly about the stars. It had turned into a night in the observatory for the pair, and the then purple unicorn had returned to Ponyville the next day, the drawing abandoned.
“Done!” Anon shrieked with joy.
Before Celestia could so much as glance at the picture, Anon was out the door, buzzing beneath the pair of guards that were supposed to guard her. The pair watched their charge disappear, far too quick to catch, before exchanging a look and looking back to Celestia with whimpers and wide, pleading eyes. The white alicorn rubbed her forehead.
“We can have cuddles until she comes back, if you two get us some grieving cakes. I fear for princess Anon’s spirit.”
The left guard immediately vanished toward the kitchens, while the other one rubbed the back of his head and sighed.
“I just hope Princess Luna let’s her down easy. She was kind of mean when I submitted my vase.”
Celestia’s eyes lit up, and she smiled, patting the space next to her.
“Do tell.”
*****
Luna scowled as she analyzed the “picture” before her muzzle. Anon had, without warning, burst through her door, leaving a small alicorn sized hole in the bottom, and startling her awake. Though the glowing red eyes had been slightly off-putting, Luna had quickly realized who her new guest was, and the little filly had made her intent clear just as quickly.
Luna didn’t quite like her method, which was to bound off the wall and onto her chest. The begging and groveling was a nice touch though.
Luna tilted her head and snorted derisively.
“You should know that I am not a fan of abstractionism.”
Anon’s muzzle curled.
“It isn’t abstract, that’s the library in Ponyville! It’s a big tree.”
Luna looked again to the picture, her brows furrowed. She faintly recognized the white splotches as an attempt at the moon and stars, and while she welcomed their inclusion, their depiction bordered on blasphemous. With Anon, that may well have been intention, but then why the bold entrance?
To catch me unawares, Luna thought. To make me grant immediate support while still drowsy. A fine tactic, her princesshood is coming along nicely.
Unfortunately, Anon was learning tactics from her peace-inclined aunt, so her methods were flawed. Still, the potential for greatness was there. If only the same could be said of her drawing. The “tree” she claimed existed was nothing more than a few brown lines to the sky with green painted between them. The trunk was misshapen, looking nothing like the tree Luna remembered seeing on her visits to Ponyville. Also the door lacked a knob, or even a handle.
“I do not see it,” Luna stated flatly. She looked to Anon with a careful frown. “And what do you wish done with this… thing of yours.”
Anon glanced at the picture, then met Luna’s eyes.
“Well… despite your careful, and professional criticism…”
Luna scoffed. She really was becoming a tiny Celestia.
“I was hoping I could have one of the lower spots on the fridge?” Anon finished hopefully.
Luna’s frown immediately deepened and she looked to the drawing before shaking her head.
“Nay. Tis not good enough. The fridge is for art, not…” She sniffed in disgust at the drawing. “this. This reeks of little thought, or passion. Nay, tis more likely you saw another drawing and thought to do something similar.”
She cast a judging eye down at Anon, who looked anywhere but up.
“Am I incorrect?”
“No,” Anon mumbled.
She snatched the drawing away and hopped off the bed. Luna thought for a moment that she should say something, perhaps to encourage the little filly, set her down an appropriate path.
She then snorted and rolled over, flopping back onto her pillow.
“Nopony did that for me,” she grumbled. “I turned out fine.”
She then closed her eyes and went back to sleep. It was her day off.
*****
Celestia felt vindicated as Anon trudged back into her room. Not because the filly had been rejected outright, but because of her conversation with her lovely guard. Talking about their sculpting passions had even led her to not consuming a cake wholesale, and she put the remaining slice onto a plate, setting it invitingly in Anon’s view. The green filly’s drawing ended up on the floor with the rest, and she flopped down with an open mouth, inhaling the cake slice in one go. Her jaws snapped shut, and Anon scowled as she began to chew, her eyes telling a tale of hard thinking and careful planning.
Celestia knew that no good could come of planning revenge for missed fridge opportunities, so she nuzzled Anon’s back.
“How about we have a nice night out together? We can go to the arcade, go see a movie, and go to that new gryphon restaurant in Old-New Town. You always talk about wanting to try bacon to see if you could still eat it.”
Anon frowned in thought for a moment, then shook her head.
“As fun as that sounds Aunty, Aunt Luna was right. That first attempt was almost fraudulent, and I don’t want to be the fraud princess! I need to try harder, need to do better!”
She spun around and flopped onto a blank sheet of paper, smiling at her bodyguards.
“Could you fine stallions fetch me a bucket and a stove? I’m getting creative with this next one.”
The pair exchanged a glance, then shrugged and nodded, offering the little green alicorn a salute before setting off in opposite directions.
“A word to the wise dear,” Celestia noted. “Luna doesn’t have a particular affinity for sculptures.”
Anon snorted.
“Duh, a sculpture can’t go on a fridge! Don’t be silly Aunty.”
Celestia started at the wise words. It was the second bit of insight she had never taken into account, yet seemed so significant when said aloud. Unlike the first time, however, Celestia dismissed the notion.
A sculpture can’t fit on a fridge, she mentally scoffed. It can’t be something so simple. Of all ponies, Luna would know there is more to art than placement.
…
Right?
*****
The castle soon became a mess, with the source being one little green filly with a passion for art that could not be quenched, no matter how many times she was rejected. And she was rejected a lot.
The first dozen or so times, Celestia waited in Anon’s room, ready to be a shoulder to cry on. Instead, with each failure, Anon became more driven, and more creative. Watercolors, melted crayons, and hoofpainting made way to paint cans suspended from pendulums, and custom ordered paintbrushes that were made from alicorn fur. Twilight’s alicorn fur, actually. Anon turned in a favor she had earned from a succubus to snatch the fur away without her mother noticing, and notice she did not. Not until she got home to find a heart shaped bare spot on her tummy at least.
But as Anon’s schemes became wilder, and she became more frustrated, and therefore more driven, Celestia withdrew, slowly, and carefully making her way toward her sister’s room. At some point, the crude drawings she had become accustomed to had faded into some truly great works of art, yet Luna sent them back time and again. It was borderline cruel, and she had to know why. Unfortunately, Anon would become discouraged if she knew she had an advocate, so she had to move slow, avoiding the green alicorn’s frequent sprints that somehow always took a different path through the castle.
As she made it to Luna’s balcony, however, another alicorn entered the castle, noticing the carnage encompassing the long halls. Though she was supposed to be visiting for their monthly teatime, Cadence knew that whatever was happening was far more important.
She followed the great streaks and trail of paint splatters to their epicenter; a room she was quite familiar with. Cadence stepped into the doorway of Anon’s room to find the green filly on the verge of tears, staring at a massive canvas that had a rough sketch of Canterlot Castle on it. At a glance, Cadence could tell that it was pretty good, especially for someone as small as Anon, yet the green filly through her head back and leaped at the canvas, raising her hooves to smash it to bits.
“It’s not original enough!” she cried. “Everypony and their mother has done Canterlot at night!”
Cadence cleared her throat before the first blow could be struck, drawing Anon’s eyes, and immediately lighting them up with a change in mood.
“Cadence!” Anon cheered.
The little green filly buzzed over and latched onto Cadence’s foreleg. The pink princess smiled and offered her a nuzzle, then whispered in her ear.
“Cadence? Who’s that? I’m the tickle monster!”
Cadence snatched the filly up and set her wings to work, running feather after feather against Anon’s soft and fluffy tummy. The green filly shrieked and squirmed, laughing hard as Cadence tickled her, but the pink alicorn’s grip was just tight enough to keep her in place, so Anon could do nothing but plead and struggle to breathe.
They had met when Twilight had gone gallivanting off on one of her friendship missions, sending a letter to the Empire asking for the best babysitter in the world. What she had found, upon arriving in Ponyville, was a mature filly gorging herself on a cake Twilight had attempted to keep locked away. But much like her adoptive mother, Anon was resourceful, and also completely and utterly precious. The punishment had been tickling, followed by a bath and a clean up of the library, but they had quickly become the best of friends, with Anon’s actual age revealing the reason behind her heightened intelligence. She hadn’t seen the filly since she had become an alicorn, but as she tickled that fluffy green belly, she knew that not much, if anything at all, had changed.
Cadence continued to tickle until Anon was blue in the face, then finally she let the filly breathe. Anon immediately tried to throw a crayon at her, but with the pink alicorn’s years of babysitting experience, the projectile never had a chance of hitting.
Instead, Cadence merely sat before the little green filly, her muzzle a shining smile.
“And how are you doing today Any?” She looked around at the thoroughly thrashed room. “It certainly looks like you’re having fun.”
Anon’s face screwed into an expression of anger, and she huffed and leaned against Cadence.
“It was at the beginning, but Aunty Luna won’t accept anything I try!” Anon waved around at the various art pieces in the room. “I’ve tried everything, and even did some stuff Equestria’s never even seen! I technically invented art styles, and it wasn’t good enough!”
Cadence let out a sigh.
“Oh Any, I’m so sorry. I would have thought Aunty Celestia would have warned you how hard it is to get on the fridge.”
She had similarly tried dozens of times, and despite her repeated failure, Cadence had actually developed a somewhat permanent affinity for painting, though she always kept her works hidden. If she wasn’t good enough for the fridge, where could she display her paintings?
Cadence shook off her own self-doubt, instead taking an appraising gaze at some of Anon’s works.
“These are really good,” she murmured. “And it looks like you've been switching up color palettes, and styles. You’ve really left no stone unturned here.”
“I know!” Anon whined. “But it’s not good enough, and now it’s not fun!” She sniffled and hugged tighter to Cadence’s chest. “I think Aunty Luna hates me.”
Cadence let out a gasp and rubbed Anon’s back.
“That isn’t true Any,” Cadence assured. “Aunty Luna loves you just fine, she’s just… harsh when it comes to art.”
Anon screwed her eyes shut and shook her head.
“But she hasn’t given anything a second glance! I think it’s cause I helped Aunty Tia prank her, and now she hates me, and I’ll never get on the fridge!”
Cadence’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh, I see,” she said, her tone taking on a serious note. “So she finally breached the codes of prank war. I suppose we should have seen this coming, but I always thought Aunt Celestia would have crossed that line first.”
Anon sniffled and looked up.
“There’s rules to pranking?”
Cadence smiled.
“Of course Any, there’s rules to everything. Even Discord has rules, and he hates rules. There are always lines.” Her gaze hardened and she stared into the middle-distance. “But now Aunty Luna has crossed the line, so we must retaliate.”
Anon tilted her head.
“How so?”
“Well, you make a convincing case that she’s rejecting your art due to a prior prank, which is against Article 769 of Pra-”
“I meant how are we going to retaliate,” Anon interrupted. “Rules are for squares and losers with crowns.”
Cadence cast an eye down at her.
“We’re losers with crowns.”
“I didn’t stutter.”
Cadence nodded and looked back to the middle-distance.
“Fair enough. As for a response…” Her muzzle curled in a smile. “The fridge is the target. If she withholds a place for good art, then I believe it is time to put up something truly great!”
She smiled sadistically at Anon.
“You wouldn’t happen to have something vengeful on hoof, would you?”
Anon grinned back.
“Nope, but gimme a minute. If I’m going out in a blaze, it’ll be a blaze of glory.”
The pair rubbed their hooves together and began to cackle as one final piece of paper levitated over.
*****
“Luna, I am begging you,” Celestia pleaded. “What lesson does she learn if her perseverance is shot down? She’s created some truly good works, her improvement in the last hour alone puts her above many ancient artists!”
Luna snorted, staring hard at her pillow. It still hadn’t seen lengthy use, and it appeared as if it never would. She briefly wondered if she should throw a tantrum. A few years on the moon wouldn’t be terrible for a nap, although it was awful cold… She would just grab a blanket as she was blasted. That would do it. Perhaps she could wear a cloak…
“Just because Princess Anon is above ancient ponish cave paintings doesn’t mean she earns a spot on the fridge,” Luna said, flopping her head onto the pillow. “The lessons she will take from this, dear sister, is that sometimes life isn’t fair.” Her ear flicked, her horn detecting a minor disturbance in the fabric of the world. It was gone just as quickly, so she ignored it. “Also that she should avoid making powerful enemies, namely me.”
Celestia let out a whine.
“You can’t punish my agent for my prank! Besides, if you drive this wedge between the two of you now, how will you ever entice her to your side?”
Luna snorted dismissively.
“She is too corrupted by you. My teachings will not stick. Yet another alicorn to your pranking camp.”
Celestia changed tactics, straightening and clicking her tongue.
“I suppose you’re right,” she admitted. “That’s too bad, Anon is always telling me that she wants to play with the guards more, but she can’t because she doesn’t have any proper training,” Luna’s ear flicked with interest. “Oh well,” Celestia continued. “I suppose I will have a monopoly on a pony who can infiltrate even the most secure facilities, who is known to intimidate and bully guards into submission…”
“Red Sparrow does fear her,” Luna mumbled. “And she is quite the small, secretive agent. With her recent painting improvements, teaching her camoflauge would be ease itself. Not to mention her immediate access to all of your personal effects...”
Her mind lit up with the potential. Her prior words were true, both Twilight and Cadence were too much like Celestia, but Anon wasn’t quite like them yet, was she? Oh sure, she was a nice little filly most of the time, doing her homework, and playing well with others, but she still had that small mean streak that would make her an excellent espionage agent. In time, Luna could finally have a partner on all of her nightly excursions, someone to vent to about the inane dreams of the rabbl- common ponies. A nice little dueling partner.
Luna ran her hoof around under her blankets. The little filly’s art had improved drastically as the afternoon had pushed on, and she did like having the little green scrap around, even if she was occasionally too loud and messy, but those things could be taught away, and she was still a child after all. She would mature.
Luna sat up in her bed, ignoring Celestia’s smug grin.
“Well,” she said at length, “Red Sparrow did knock over that wet floor sign the other day. Somepony could have gotten hurt, so he must be punished!”
Celestia agreed with a smile.
“Of course, safety is very important.”
Luna waved a hoof and tossed her blankets back.
“Silence! I know the importance of safety, and I know the value of good art! I will go immediately to inform Princess Anon that, on second review, one of her pieces is sufficient enough for the fridge!” Luna thought back through the parade of art pieces the filly had shown off. “I think I will chose the one where a whale attempts to eat the moon. The reflections in the turbulent seas was very well done.”
She stuck her nose in the air.
“But it will only stay up for two weeks, then she must submit another.”
“She’ll be thrilled,” Celestia said. “And thank you Luna.”
“I need it not!” Luna declared. “I merely needed time to process Princess Anon’s talent, tis all!”
Celestia rolled her eyes.
“Of course. So can we go tell her?”
Luna hopped out of bed.
“Verily!”
They walked quickly through the castle, with Celestia happy that her prodigy would be met with success for all her effort, while Luna developed a high intensity training regimen for the little green filly, in which she would learn how to execute proper pranks.
The route to Anon’s room passed by the guard break room, and as they neared, both alicorns noticed a horde of ponies crowded in the doorway. Exchanging a glance, Luna cleared her throat, and hundreds of eyes fixated on her, standing frozen in fear for a moment.
Then, like a horde of cats, the ponies collectively squealed in panic and fled, with some going out the nearby windows, while others sprinted down the opposite hall, tripping and falling repeatedly on the carpet. One pony flapped up to the chandelier, and began crowing in alarm, while another hid rather poorly behind a potted plant, his eyes poking out on either side of the solitary sunflower.
Luna frowned and hummed.
“I didn’t give the castle Sombra’s nightmares on accident again, did I?”
Celestia scooted past her and stuck her head into the break room. She gasped and nearly collapsed in blind panic.
“Sister? What has…?”
She looked into the break room, then stopped, standing completely still as she beheld the newest addition to her precious fridge space.
Celestia looked again at the image of barbarity in its crudest form. The wards on the fridge were still intact, but they were clearly breached. The picture was… she had to look away, had to focus. The shocking nature of the “art” had frozen Luna in place, but that wouldn’t last. Celestia began pulling power from the sun. She would need every drop to prevent untold destruction.
Luna walked forward and placed a hoof on the drawing, staring at it with shock still somewhat present in her eyes.
“This… this is….”
Celestia funneled more power into her horn, the long bone sparking with magic. A locator spell flew from her horn. She needed to reach Anon first, perhaps banish her to a celestial body until Luna cooled off. She could always banish Twilight as well, so that the two would have each other. Perhaps banish an ice cream machine as well, some pillows, maybe those crayons Anon loved so…
A glance at the picture killed that idea. No, the crayons were bad. She needed to enact a global ban on their creation so that Anon would be safe from their corrupive influence.
As she prepared to leap through space to save the little green filly, Luna’s head pitched back and she laughed, long, hard, and ugly. Snot poured from Luna’s nose and tears streamed down her cheeks like twin waterfalls. The blue alicorn fell on her back and began to rock and roll, her laughs sending cracks through the ceiling.
In Ponyville, the clock-tower's bell began to ring. Discord, helping Fluttershy put the finishing touches on the new snake sanctuary, was jolted by the force of laughter, and the brick in his hands instinctively teleported away. It reappeared on the window sill of Rarity’s second floor window, and was immediately dislodged by the force of the snootiest of snorts. The brick plummeted, slamming into a bush and startling a trio of nesting geese. The trio attacked the nearest available source of the snort; Diamond Tiara, chasing her all the way into the town square, where they caught up and honked her into submission. Discord, trying to locate his missing brick, watched the scene with glee, his laughter joining Luna’s, though not to quite so disruptive a result.
Back in Canterlot, Celestia’s power slipped away, her concentration thoroughly thwarted by confusion. All her tongue managed to express, in that moment, was a startled, and short;
“Bwuh?”
The noise brought an end to Luna’s laughter, and the blue alicorn wiped her face clean and smiled up at her elder sister.
“Oh come now Tia, tis funny!”
She rolled over and stood up, motioning to the picture.
“It’s caricature, one of my old favorites! None of the newspapers do it for us anymore, and look!” She tapped the crudely written “smol butt”. “Anon uses compliment inside the jest! I quite enjoy my physically fit bum, and Anon knows it, and appreciates it.” Luna smiled, and her horn charged as she giggled excitedly. “Though her technique could use some work, she has overall reached the perfect balance of complimentary and derogatory to make this most enjoyable. Gold star!”
Celestia suddenly found herself surrounded by the entirety of the guard staff, even those that were supposed to be at home sleeping. The thestrals in particular crowded in close, watching in awe as Luna summoned a gold star sticker with her magic.
“The highest honor one can achieve for art!” one particularly excited thestral cheered. “Princess Anon is a master!”
Excited squeaks, screes, and squeals churned through the tightly packed crowd of ponies, and Celestia, bewildered as she still was, vaguely realized that someone was feeling up her buns.
Luna smiled at the group.
“One of you fine ponies wouldn’t have happened to scoop up Princess Anon on your way here, would you?”
“Right here Aunty!”
A green head stuck out of Celestia’s tail, and the filly waved.
“Just getting my inspiration for my next piece!”
Luna laughed in delight.
“Superb! We shall be eager to see what you produce, but come, come! We must honor your current work!”
The filly levitated over until she rested before the fridge. Luna straightened and puffed out her chest as she levitated the gold star closer to the drawing.
“Congratulations Anon,” Luna said, her tone oozing with pride. “You do your crown well, and you have more than earned this star, for both your perseverance, but also your stunning revival of an ancient, and lost art.”
Everyone, save for Celestia, cheered as Luna placed the gold star on Anon’s drawing. The green filly found herself swept up by the guards, and she giggled as they swarmed her with compliments. Luna raised a hoof, cutting above the noise.
“To the royal dining rooms for moon pies and mangoes!”
The guards and Anon cheered, and the crowd of ponies pressed out of the break room, carrying the filly out and toward the dining room.
Luna smiled as a stunned Cadence was revealed from the crowd, her agape jaw an exact match to her taller white counterpart’s. Luna chuckled at the two and looked back to her fridge, adjusting Anon’s picture so that it didn’t cover any of the others.
“So,” she said. “Who’s first?”
“All those sculptures,” Celestia said blankly. “I had to shuffle them to the gardens because they weren’t good enough. Dozens of sculptures that I spent decades on.”
Luna scoffed.
“Come now Tia, sculptures can’t go on a fridge.”
Celestia’s ear flicked. Of course the solution was so simple. Anon was the wisest pony of all time. Her crown was forfeit. Absentmindedly, she added;
“What about my paintings?”
“Your paintings were as original as a rock,” Luna deadpanned. “You lack creativity when you use the brush, and I can’t be blamed for rejecting you when you refuse to experiment, or even so much as color outside the lines. That fault lay with you.”
“B-But I tried so many times,” Cadence whimpered, finally making her voice known. “I filled the Crystal Empire with all my rejected works because I thought I wasn’t good enough.”
Luna smiled at her.
“Actually my dear niece, I’d like to review some of your works under fresh eyes. Yours was more a princessly lesson, one of showing spine. You were rejected before because you never stood up to me, never accepted that your works were good on their own merit, rather than my praise. You never even tried to defend your works, and secreted yourself away after a number of failures.”
Luna motioned to the fridge.
“Yet today that has changed. Anon showed perseverance, and willingness to act, and I know that she does not have the ability to slip beneath my wards; but you do. That is the boldness I wished to see in you, and I think that if you tried something new now, or presented me one of your older pieces, it has great potential to be fridge worthy.”
Cadence’s eyes lit up and she leaped forward, hugging Luna tight.
“Thank you Aunty!” Her wings fluttered and flapped with excitement. “I’ll go get my water colors now!”
She vanished in a teleport, leaving only Luna and Celestia. The blue alicorn grinned knowingly at her sister.
“Come now Tia, I know the question burning on your mind.”
“So it is revenge then?” Celestia questioned.
Luna chuckled.
“Yes and no. I do rather like characture, crude though it is.” She placed a hoof on the small red heart at the corner of the drawing. “But this was rather innocent retaliation, made with only good intent. Anon was not malicious, and she passed me this,” she drew a second picture from beneath her wing, “just before she was carried off.”
Luna unrolled the picture, on which was a simple heart. She couldn’t help but smile at it, then she rolled it back up and tucked it back beneath her wing.
“That one shall go to the lockbox. Tis truly good art.”
She looked to Celestia.
“But she was passionate, and you are correct, I must reward that fire, that will to succeed. I need to take a more active role in her education, combat lessons, espionage lessons, but also art lessons. Once or twice a week will suffice, as to not cut into your time together.”
Her grin took on a wicked glean.
“But she does need an art inclined teacher, and art inclined you are not.”
She trotted cheerfully past Celestia, who was still largely in a daze, her eyes fixated on the crude drawing. Luna stopped beside her sister and flicked her muzzle with her tail.
“But who knows? This has truly put me in a good mood. Perhaps you too could one day earn your way onto the fridge, if you finally did something unique.” She tapped her chin. “You always did like capturing the living form, perhaps start by painting one of your statues.”
She shrugged and glanced over her shoulder.
“Just experiment dear sister. It’s good to shake things up on occasion. It is one of the reason Discord still draws breath. It’s a lesson he has always understood.”
She trotted away, leaving Celestia to mull. Eventually, she blinked as her mind slowly chugged out the first artistic idea she had thought of in centuries.
“Unique….”
*****
Two months later, three new pieces of art adorned the fridge. The first was from Cadence, a new watercolor painting the moon in dozens of brilliant, and vibrant shades. Up close it looked like an ugly, clashing mix of oranges, reds and yellows, but when looked at from afar, it was one of the most accurate, stunningly white images of the moon in creation.
The second was an art piece from Anon, the result of her first major art project. It had earned a C+, and the comment “Not half bad”.
The third was a photograph, the first of its kind on the fridge, and the caption beneath the Polaroid read; Celestia’s first idea. The picture showed the alicorn painted from head to hoof, with every square inch of her fur painted to look like the wide assortment of her favorite cakes; which is to say, all of them.
Author's Note
Original art by me. Now you know why I decided to do writing.
