Canterlot High

by TheKMExperience

Rating: teen
Tags: Pipsqueak, Profanity, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Human, Sweetie Belle, Button Mash, Comedy, Other, Romance, Equestria Girls
Length: 8456

Teen drama at its finest...

You know what really sucks?

School.

You know what makes it suck just a little bit more? It's when you have to go to a brand NEW school, especially when your labeled as the dreaded "new kid".

And that's happening to me...

I'm Button Mash. And this is gonna be a very long high school life.

Published 2021-01-28 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-04-23 01:08:25 UTC

Freshman

You know what really sucks?

School.

You know what makes it suck just a little bit more? It's when you have to go to a brand NEW school.

And that's happening to me.

My mom just moved us all the way across the country from Brookville to Canterlot because she got some type of new job or whatever, and now I'm forced to a new school called Canterlot High.

Yeah, I dunno anybody there at all. I'm gonna be labeled as that "New Kid" for, probably, the next four years of my school career up to my senior year. You know what makes it worse, I'm about to become a freshman in high school. If that's not hard enough, I'm still THE NEW KID!

At least the place looks nice and much, much bigger than my old one, so I guess that's something.

Today is the first day of school and there I was...

Standing there at the front doors, too nervous to open them.

"Urgh, why'd you have to move us, mom?!" I groaned in my head. "Brookville had FRIENDS, we had FAMILY!"

This was gonna be a long ass day.

"Gotta put a happy face on," I said to myself. "When I walk through these doors, if anyone sees me, I hope their first impressions aren't 'Oh, look, it's that sad dude'!"

I took a deep breath.

"Let's do this."

I stepped inside, and then EVERYONE PELTED ME WITH BOOKS POINT BLANK AND LAUGHED! THE HORROR!!!

Oh, wait, everyone's just going about their business, chill as can be. Okay then.

Up ahead, I see this sparkle-haired lady carrying a clipboard and assumed she must be the head here.

"Um, e-excuse me?" I waved. "I'm new here."

"Ah, you must be the new student in town." she chimed. "Button Mash, I'm guessing?"

"Yeah, I just moved here."

"Well, welcome to Canterlot High, where we try to further your education and your spirit! I'm Principal Celestia. If you need anything, just stop by my office."

"Thank you, Principal Celestia. Nice to meet you."

"Have a great first day."

"She seems nice." I thought as I walked off, looking through my binder. "Okay, if I read my schedule correctly, my first class is geometry? Ugh, math. They should've just stopped with simple MATH! Why geometry, or trigonometry or other types of -ometry? 2 + 2 = FISH. BOOM, never need math again."

I eventually found my first class and then-

"HEY, DICKWEED!"

Suddenly, this tall guy in a leather jacket blocks my path.

"You're the new kid, right?" he grunted, towering over me.

"Uh, yeah," I uttered. "What's up?"

"Just letting you know, I rule this school. Name's Garble, step outta line, you're done for."

"O...Okay? I, uh, I have to get to class."

"Yeah, run to class, egghead." Garble scoffed.

I'm a gamer, not a fighter. Note to self: avoid Garble. I think I have a theory about his behavior...

Anyways, I eventually made my way to geometry, a little early actually. The only one in there was this one girl who seemed to be striving to become a living girl's doll, especially with that tiara. ~~Totally NOT a potential waifu...~~

I just went ahead and sat beside her.

"Oh, hey there," she squeaked. "You must be new here! My name's Diamond Tiara."

"Just moved here a few days ago." I stated. "Nice to meet you, too. I've actually been pretty nervous being the fresh meat, ya know?"

"It's okay, I was new in town last year. You shouldn't stress about small things like that. Life's all about new experiences."

I like her already. And I get to sit by her the whole semester! ;3

Ahhh, Diamond Tiara...
~~I need a notebook so I could write her name over and over again...~~

Alrighty, so I survived my first few classes. So far, so good. I've been dodging Garble as best I could, getting some "there's the fresh meat" glance, but the world hasn't ended.
Yet.

Now, it's time for lunch, the best

"Hey there," a high-pitched voice called. "Come sit over here!"

I turned to see this little dude waving me over to an empty table with an excited grin.

"Um......okay?" I shrugged as I shuffle toward him.

"Oi, you're the new guy, eh?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm Button Mash."

"Pipsqueak. Call me Pip."

"Ohhh, it's because you're-"

"Yes, unfortunately. But what I lack in size, I have in brains. I have a genius IQ!"

"Sure ya do, sure ya do..."

"Hey, don't let my incredibly good looks fool you," Pip chuckled, pulling out a large blue ribbon. "I won the 12th grade science fair in 3rd GRADE."

"Wow, respect, dude!"

"Heh, thank you. Livin' the nerd life. Hey, how 'bout we hang out after school? You know, I could show you around town? Show you the ropes?"

Wait......did I just make a friend? That's a new one!

[PIPSQUEAK HAS JOINED YOUR PARTY!]

"Sure!" I exclaimed. "Sounds like a good time."

"Brilliant!"

Wow!

You know, actually, today wasn't all that bad. I usually dread the first day of school, but things here at C.H. hasn't been all that bad, it was almost textbook perfect in a way. Made a new friend, got a pretty cool principal, I wasn't harassed for being a freshman, and I've met a potential maybe lady!

I'd give this day a final score of: A++

As I happily marched my way out the door, I spot Diamond Tiara waiting by herself near the library. I caught her eye and she called me over. She no doubt wants to mash some more buttons.
;D

"Hey, Button!" she said playfully. "How've you been doing today?"

"Hey, Diamond," I chimed. "I'm pretty good, you?"

"I'm good, I'm waiting here to meet up with my boyfriend in a little bit."

Final Score
C+

"O-Oh, okay then. I'll see ya in geometry then..."

"Stay safe, Button."

"You too!"

I kept that dopey grin on my face until I was out of view. I should've known. I felt stupid, there was no way a cool gal like Diamond would go for a nerd like me. But, it occurred to me, put delicately by my brain:

You just MET this girl, numbnuts!

There are over a billion vajayjays on this earth, you can find another one!

My brain was right, I needed to pull myself together. Today still wasn't totally terrible. I mean, a C's still not that bad of a grade.

But whoever the guy is, he sure is a lucky guy. This day can't possibly get wor-

SMACK!

"So, dickweed..."

I found myself pinned against the lockers, with the leather-wearing jackass towering over me once again.

Final Score
D-

Spoke too soon.

"Yes, Garble?" I gulped.

"I heard you sat by Diamond yesterday while I was busy skipping class?" he asked with a frightening sneer.

"Y-Yeah, I did. So?"

"Diamond's my girlfriend, dork! So if anyone's gonna sit by her, it's gonna be me."

"Wait, she's YOUR girlfriend?!"

"Yeah, why? Did you actually think you had a chance with her? Ha, that's hilarious! You're a nerd, Diamond's a cheerleader, and I'm a football player. DO THE MATH!"

"N-No, I didn't think like that at all. I just sat by her, nothing more!"

"Uh huh, sure." Garble scoffed, shoving me against the lockers before stomping off. "Just remember, she's mine."

"Urgh, I'm sorry," I groaned. "Jeez..."

Final Score
F (me)

Well, damn...

Author's Note

Yes, Garble is a human and not a dog like Spike.

I couldn't think of someone who's that jerky, so bare with me on this...
:twilightblush::facehoof:

Ugh...

Oh, my God, I'm so glad geometry is done!

I couldn't take being glared at by that psychopath, Garble any longer.

I still can't believe a girl like Diamond would fall for a douche like him, it makes about as much sense as making Chronic the Hedgehog look realistic!

On the bright side, I did have a pretty fun time hanging with Pip yesterday. He seemed quite knowledgeable about the town, everyone knows him while he knows almost EVERYTHING.

We played a few games. I destroyed him at Mortal Wombat several times with ease. Judging by his performance, I see he'd be more of an Animal Walking type of gamer.

There's only room for one video game nerd in this town, but I digress...

Anyways, it's the second day of high school and I'm in gym class doing what I always did in gym class...

Hide.

While I stood around hiding beneath the bleachers, letting everyone's squeaky sneakers assault my eardrums, this sweaty guy with frazzled hair popped outta nowhere and startled me.

"Hey, you're that new kid, aren't ya?" he asked.

"Y-Yeah, Button Mash." I nodded.

"Noice! My name is Snips and I'm on the basketball team at Canterlot High."

"Cool, man. Hope guys have a great season or whatever."

"Thanks. You ever play basketball?"

"Ehhhhhh, not really?"

"You play any sports?"

"Uhhhhhh......does Mii Sports count?"

"Oof, that's not good. I asked because we're looking for new players and you have the right height for it. You ever thought of trying out?"

I smiled, pulled out my phone and gave Snips my answer:

"Heh, classic." Snips chuckles. "Message received, but the offer still stands if you ever change your mind, 'kay, pal?"

"Gotcha."

As Snips galloped off to return to Sweat City, I felt a delicate tap on my shoulder.

"Hmm?"

Woah......

Who. Is. SHE?

Beside me stood a radiant beauty, one that would rival Princess Nectarine or Terra Croft, someone who's both pretty and DOESN'T have pixelated breasts!

And in the always eye-catching cheer gear, I might add. 😍
No more blocky tits, son! Let's GO!!!
Jk

"Hello," she squeaked, shaking her pom-poms playfully. "Button, was it?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm Mutton Bash- I-I mean, Button Mash!"

"Hee, I overheard you talking to Snips. You're going to try out for the basketball team?"

"I-I'm sorry......I don't believe I know your name?"

"Oops, my bad! My name is Sweetie Belle, and I'm the head cheerleader here at Canterlot High! So if you make the team, I'll be seeing you a lot. Like, three times a week."

"R-Really?" I gasped. "Why would we see each other so much?"

"Duh, silly! You guys have, like, a game every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. And me and my squad will be on the sidelines cheering you all on!"

"Man, sounds kinda fun. It was nice meeting you, Sweetie Belle."

"Likewise! I wish you all the luck in the world, Button. I hope you make the team. GOOOOOO BUTTON!"

"Excuse me, why are you so cute?" I thought.

"Haha, thanks! Guess I'll be seeing you around."

"Byeeeeeeeeee!"

Alrighty then, I just carried a conversation with the HEAD CHEERLEADER, so, um......

GO ME!!! 😁

I can't believe I'm saying this, but gym class might be a blast!

"Snips, when can I start?!"

"So, uh......what do I do with this?"

"It's a ball, dude. You just......throw it, simple as that."

"Okay then. I got this!"

So, Snips decided to help me get more familiar with basketball later after school that day...

"And a one, and a two, and a-"

BUMP!
THWACK!

"AUGH! MY NOSE!"

"Word of advice, Button," Snips said. "Aim."

I think I was doing good so far. I had a few hiccups along the way...

"Ooooooh, right in the ol' left plum!"

A few minor hiccups...

"Urgh, DAMMIT!"

Barely a little inconvenience, in fact...

"I wanna go home!"

I gave it my all, and I think I'm awesome! I tamed that hoop REAL good.

"Yes!" I cheered. "One point! That's a new record, wooooo!"

"You're improving," Snips added. "That's all that matters, I suppose."

Now that I've gotten the gist of it all, it was time to head home and rest my nerves with some classic Mac-Pan and-

"That was really impressive!"

"Ah, Sweetie Belle!" I flinched, stumbling back from her surprise appearance. "U-Uh, so you were w-watching me?"

"Of course! You did......good for a beginner. But don't worry, I know you can do it!"

"Really? You think I was good?"

"As long as you put your mind to it, I believe you can accomplish anything, Button. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"S-See ya then, Sweetie Belle."

I am 101% in love right now.

Ah, today is the day. Now that I've tried out for the team, all I gotta do is wait to hear that I've made the team.

I had spent a great amount of time admiring my ~~nerdy~~ good looks in the bathroom mirrors.

I can already see it now...

Sweetie Belle and Pip are gonna be there to support me, the crowd would cheer, I will become super popular and Garble would weep at how awesome I've become!

Nothing was gonna stop me!

"Heh, Garble sucks." I snickered to myself.

"Garble WHAT?"

Oh, crap.

"G-GARBLE!" I squealed. "What are you talking about? I-I didn't say anything, I didn't. I mean, who's Garble?"

Moron.

"Oh, I'll make sure you don't forget this!" he growled, lifting me by my shirt collar.

"No, Garble, please! I didn't mean one bit of- AHHHHH!!!"

I can never keep my mouth shut, can I?

After that merciless beat down, I couldn't let anyone see me look a bruised mess. If a single adult found out, one thing would lead to another and then I'd be forever known as "the snitch", and I didn't want that.

I kept my head down and sped on down the hallways for a clear place to hide my scars.

"Oh, Button! I gotta talk to you."

Damn, not now, Sweetie!

I pressed forward, hiding my face further as the concerned cheerleader started catching up to me.

"Hey, Button, wait up!"

"I-I'm very busy right now, Sweetie Belle." I muttered, picking up my pace.

"Busy doing what?"

I couldn't take it anymore. By the time I made it outside of the school, I stumbled to the nearest bench before breaking down.

"BEING A LOSER!" I whined loudly, shielding my face behind my hands.

Sweetie quickly sat beside me.

"Aww, Button," she winced, moving my hands aside. "Who did this to you? We gotta tell Principal Celestia about this-"

"No, we can't do that!" I begged. "I don't wanna be known as the tattletale! I can handle it. Heck, I'm used to it. Maybe being on the team might stop the bullying."

"You......didn't hear the news?"

"Judging by your tone, I'm guessing it's nothing good." I sighed, sulking hard.

"Well......"

"I didn't make the team, did I?"

"I mean, I don't know if......I mean, maybe? No. Not even close."

"Figures."

"I'm so sorry, Button. I really hoped you'd make the team."

"It's alright, I was thinking STUPID."

"You're not stupid, Button."

"Yes, I am! I thought for a moment that I could actually do something cool like join the basketball team so that I could impress you, something that-"

"You......wanted to impress me?"

"Blabbermouth!" I thought.

"Um......w-well, I don't know," I mumbled, looking at the floor. "Maybe..."

The few seconds of awkward silence is soon broken by Sweetie's hysterical giggles.

"I know, I know," I huffed. "How can someone like me impress someone as awesome as you? Ridiculous, I know."

"That's not why I'm laughing, silly." Sweetie said. "You don't need to be part of something like the basketball team to impress me. No one's ever gone that far for me before. I think it's......sweet."

"Y-You really mean it?"

"Of course, ya goof!"

"Does that mean I can give up basketball now?"

"Are you happy doing it?"

"...no."

"Then you don't have to play it anymore."

"Oh, thank goodness."

"Hee, silly!" Sweetie giggled, softly grabbing my hand. "Come on, the bell's 'bout to ring any moment. My friend AppleBloom is great at treating wounds and can patch you up quick, then we'll walk each other to class, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

Author's Note

Date

SCREEEEEEEECH!!!

You hear that?

That's the sound of my brain derailing.

Guess who just got invited for tacos after school by the head cheerleader?

Huh...? No, who the hell is Flash?
Sounds like a tool...

👉THIS 😎 guy!👈

After I walked Sweetie to class, she asked me out on a date!

Well, not exactly a DATE date. Sure, her Crusader friends will be there as well, but still. It always feels nice to be included ~~for once~~. Moving to this new school might not be a total bummer after all.

There I was, sitting around in the hallways with Pip and letting my thoughts wander.

"What are you writing in there, friend?" Pip asked.

"Oh, not much," I mumbled, tilting my writing out of view.

💖Sweetie Belle 💖Sweetie Belle💖Sweetie Belle💖
💖Sw33ti3 B3ll3 :heart: 5weetie 8elle💖
Sweetie Belle💖SWEETIE BELLE💖Sweetie Belle

I finally got that NOTEBOOK!
Don't judge me. A girl acknowledging your existence for once makes you think crazy.

Later on, I did what I thought I'd never do, strolled up into geometry happy, and awaited to tackle it all. Sweetie's kind heart gave me a burst of energy, I felt like I could do any-

Hmm, that's odd...

Diamond Tiara looked pretty down over there by herself at her desk.

I would've gone on to check up on her, but I didn't wanna risk getting another swift blow to the gut again by you know who, so I kept my distance and remained silent-

"Hey, Button?" Diamond waved. "Mind sitting here? I could use the company right now."

Damn.

"Um......sure." I cringed, looking both ways before I crept over beside her. "How's it going?"

"Eh, fine, I suppose." she shrugged, staring at her phone. "I haven't heard from Garble in a few days. He's been quite distant lately."

"What, is he too busy terrorizing others?"

"Hey, Garble's not a bad guy, Button. Yes, he can be a bit rough and overbearing at times, but he does have a heart when you really get to know him. He's just not that good at showing it, that's all."

"I guess so," I shrugged. "I'm sure he's fine, don't stress it."

"Thanks, I needed to hear that." Diamond let out a long sigh and hugged me softly. "You're so kind."

"Anytime."

At gym, I gave it my all. Powered by waifu support, I got off my lazy ass and decided to be a MAN for once and worked those frail joints of mine to the MAX. I was making great progress.

"Almost there..." I strained, doing sit-ups. "Urghhhhhh......ONE! One down, let's GOOOOOOOO!"

Well, for my standards, at least.

"Hey, dude," Snips winced. "I heard you got roughed up the other day?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I'm fine though. Garble can't top the King of Swirlies from my hometown. TWO!"

"Ugh, not again," he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Big guy just never seems to learn no matter what I try to teach him, I swear."

"What, you're his coach on how not being a douche? Come on, TWO!"

"Ehhhhh, think more along the lines of......mutual respect. He always respects the head of the basketball team. For me, it means more immunity and less wedgies, heh."

"Oh, how I envy you. TWOOOOO!"

"He's got his issues, but he's a decent guy deep down. You should try getting to know him better, ya know?"

"TWO! FINALLY!" I sighed out loud, falling back from a tough sit-up. "Wooo, sure, whatever you say, man."

Not on your life, man...

"Good. Yo, Bulk, stop making out with your muscles and get back to jogging, fool! Ugh, see ya, Button."

"Urgh, see ya. Okay......THREEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Regardless of it all, I wasn't gonna let Garble's beef with me bring me down. I was going out with a REAL cheerleader and no one was gonna stop me!

After school, I made a quick stop home and tidied myself up, grabbed my lucky propeller hat and my "Make Tacos, Not War" shirt before heading out.

Girls appreciate a good taco lover after all, right?

I finally met up with the girls, we ordered our grub, found a spot to chow down and chatted it up. I tried to pay for it all, but apparently one coin doesn't get you a full meal.

Yeah, me and reality had alot of catching up to do...

"And that's why I can't touch my nose with my tongue." I concluded a "charming" story.

"That's- pfft!" Scootaloo mumbled, hiding an obvious grin. "That's an interesting story- pfffffft, HAHAHAHA!"

She flailed all over the table, laughing her ass off with Apple Bloom cracking not long after.

"What's so funny?" I asked curiously. "Don't leave me hangin' here."

"I'm sorry, I..." she snickered. "I can't take you seriously with that hat on."

"What's wrong with it?"

"No offense, pal," Apple Bloom chuckled. "But that thang is Dork Central, to be honest."

"Hey, this is my lucky hat!" I pouted. "I used to get three wedgies and a noogie on a daily basis. When I got this hat, I only got ONE wedgie a day. And a swirlie!"

"No worries, Button," Sweetie chimed, playfully flicking my hat's propeller. "I like it. It's more.....you."

"At least someone gets it. Thanks."

Scoots and AB's smiles had suddenly turned from playfulness to one of sneaky delight.

"H-Hey, Scoots?" AB squeaked, slightly bumping Scootaloo aside. "I gotta show you this new soda flavor combination. It's really good..."

"Y-Yeah, sounds cool." she stammered playfully. "I wanna check that out, let's go!"

The two frantically flopped out of their seats and scurried away, keeping their shining, gleeful eyes on Sweetie and I.

"Don't y'all two do anything crazy while we're out." Apple Bloom giggled, skipping out of sight.

"Define crazy." I uttered.

Scoots gave me a quick wink before heading out with AB.

"Okaaaaay?" I thought.

"Oh, you two," Sweetie sighs with a smirk. "You both just don't know when to give up, do you?"

"Give up what?" I asked.

"Hee, they have been trying to set me up with a few guys at school lately. None of them really seem to be my type, ya know?"

"Heh, yeah. They must be cray cray to think that you'd like to go for some odd, awkward manchild. Especially someone like me."

"I mean......I do like you, Button. I think you're a nice, interesting person."

"Wait, you......you think I'm interesting?"

"Hee, of course I do, goof! I like you, you're not like other hard-headed, cocky, smelly guys around here. You're kind, smart, odd..."

"Odd? Odd is...not exactly the word I would use, but-"

"In a good way, silly boots!"

"Oh......w-well you know, there is a certain oddness to me. Y-Ya know, some have said 'freak', but in a nice......nah, no word given to describe me was ever said in a nice way."

Sweetie giggled, slightly scooting closer to me.

"You're so awkward," she sighed. "And I like it."

"Thank you," I said with a wide smile. "That means alot to me."

"Anytime, dude. Hey, Diamond Tiara's parents are out of town and she's throwing this party later tonight..."

No...

"Everyone's invited and Scootaloo and Apple Bloom kept pestering me to ask, so..."

She's not serious. This is a joke.

"Would you like to come with me?"

SHE'S SERIOUS!!!

"S-Sure thing!" I laughed. "Sounds like fun!"

"Awesome!" she squeed. "We'll meet up again at 8, alright?"

"Read ya loud and clear."

My heart was pumping FAST. My cheeks were gonna be sore in the morning.

This day just kept getting better and better. I've never been asked to go to a party before, especially one without adult supervision...

And on a FRIDAY!

That's the most RAD and CRAZY type of party!

At that moment, I had one thing to say to all my doubts and insecurities...

Tonight was going to be fun. 😎

Party

My luck just kept getting better and better.

A future boo thang, an invitation to a cool af party tonight, a few new pals. Life in Canterlot is more incredible than I had ever imagined.

I had gotten myself as nerdy as I possibly could for that night. Sweetie convinced me to embrace who I am, and that's exactly what I was gonna do.

It was a little past 7 PM, the girls and I have just arrived at Diamond's rockin' mansion. Came with my 8-bit shades and lucky cap.

And let me tell ya...

The place was PACKED.

Music was booming from every part of the house, bits of pizza were strewn about on the tables and girls were wearing outfits that left very little to the imagination.

Which is something that's been bothering me when I first came here, why are nearly all the girls at school wearing skirts WAAAAAY above the knee?

Anyways, judging by the stifled laughs from the scattered teens hanging outside in the front yard, my get-up was quite the eye-catcher.

"They're just jealous they're not as expressive or as confident as you are." Sweetie whispered to me.

I aligned my shades and twirled my cap and strut my stuff, ignoring all the classic nerd insults. Nothing was gonna ruin my night. No sir.

As we cut through the side of the house toward the poolside of the place, I noticed a small group of peeps up ahead reenacting some kinda talk show or something.

I'm guessing from the exaggerated "boo's" and cheesy acting that they're all playing some make-believe Quarry episode.

"We asked Sunset," one dude read from a sheet of paper. "Did you sleep with Rumble? You said no. The lie detector determined......you're telling a lie, you slept with him 10 times!"

"LET'S GO!!!" Rumble cheered, busting into some celebratory breakdancing before backflipping into the pool. "I KNEW I'D SMASH!"

"Keep dreaming, dude." Sunset scoffed playfully.

"I KNEW I'D SMASH!"

As we headed inside, I noticed that this off-the-hook party has...IT.

You know, IT.

The IT that could risk all of our adolescent butts going to juvie, the IT that causes nothing but problems for us impressionable lot...

Alcohol.

Guys were guzzling bottle after bottle down like there was no tomorrow. I saw that "Bulk" dude in the back slamming bottles against his hard ass skull while screaming "YEAAAAAAAH!!!" with each slam.

"Oh, SCORE!" Scootaloo chimed, rushing to grab a bottle off a bar.

"No, bad Scootaloo!" AB huffed, slapping Scoot's hand away. "Bad!"

"Hmph, you guys are no fun!"

"You're right," Sweetie nodded. "We're smart. I'd much rather prefer the fruit punch over there. Button, mind grabbing us some? I'll be upstairs."

"S-Sure, no prob," I said, scurrying off. "Coming right up."

I brushed pass the crowded halls full of jamming teens waving their cups around in the air and drenching my hair before I eventually reached the punch bowl in the kitchen.

As I scooped some into a cup, I stopped myself.

"Who spiked the punch with beer?" I hollered.

Everyone nearby raised their hands in a snap. I rolled my eyes before dropping the tainted ladle.

"Guess it's time for plan B, here." Apple Bloom popped out of nowhere, handing me two plastic bottles of 100% pure apple juice.

"Thanks." I uttered.

"Go get 'er, tiger!"

The sneaky farm girl shuffled deep into the crowd with a wink and disappears before I could respond.

Damn shippers, I swear.

I made my way toward upstairs

Is...

Is someone crying?

I walked further down the hall to distance myself from the booming music and found the source of the sound from the bathroom.

I peaked my head inside and find...

Diamond Tiara?

"Uh, Diamond?" I asked, shuffling beside her. "Everything okay?"

"No," she sniffled. "Everything's 100% not okay."

"Well, what's wrong? Talk to me."

"Garble broke up with me!" she wailed. "First time I have a house party on my own, and I get DUMPED!"

"Oof, that sounds harsh."

"It is!"

"Why would he break up with you?"

"I-I don't know, he wouldn't give me an explanation. What could I have done to deserve this? Was I too nice? Did I say something dumb? Am...am I ugly?"

"No!" I grunted, sitting down beside her. "You're not any of those things, far from it! You're a smart, unique and caring person, and don't you forget that."

"I......you really think so?"

"I know so, goofball."

"Thank you," she sniffled. "Y-You better get going. Wouldn't wanna keep ya in my pity party."

"You gonna be good?"

"I'll......I'll be fine," Diamond sighed. "Go on ahead, have fun. I don't want to bring anyone down, especially during a party."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure, Button. I'll be okay."

"O-Okay then. Just hope these people don't get drunk and destroy the place."

"Oh, don't worry about them. It's non-alcoholic beer."

"Wow, is that a real thing?"

"Of course it's a real thing. Crazy, right?"

Clever...

But fine or not, that's just harsh!

That was some grade A asshole-ery Garble just did right there. If I didn't have these noodle arms, I'd......I'D...

Well, I don't know what I would do, I'm a coward, but still!

While I tried to wrap my head around this sudden status update, I was suddenly pulled outside onto a balcony and found myself standing before a chipper Sweetie Belle.

"There you are!" she squeaked.

"Here I am!" I chimed sheepishly, pulling out the juice. "The punch, uh..."

"Spiked?" she asked, reaching for her drink.

"Spiked." I nodded. "It's non-alcoholic beer anyways, so we're safe."

"That's a thing?"

"Apparently so. Insane, right?"

"Yeah, the world always has tons of surprises."

"When you're right, you're right."

Sweetie Belle and I lean up against the balcony's rail, opening our bottles of apple juice with a light CLICK!

"Mmm, I do love me some apple juice." I sighed in delight, sipping my nutritious beverage.

"Don't tell Apple Bloom that," Sweetie chuckled. "Soon her and Applejack would be shoving tons of apple treats your way and you end up with a muffin top and start feeling gassy when you have to do routine splits and..."

"..."

"..."

"From experience, I'm guessing?"

"Heh, don't judge."

"Hey, I can't judge. I'm low on protein and high on cholesterol 24/7, I'm a lard lad."
Fill me up with some Tony loaf, XD

"Oh, that's nothing. I used to have more chins than Chinatown!"

"Pfft, child's play. I was so fat, the scale told me 'to be continued'."

"I was so fat, Thanos had to clap!"

"I bought this 3DS with my own hard-earned money after selling shade on the beach one summer!"

"I'm psychic. My name used to be the 'Four Chin Teller'."

"I GOT A "B" IN ENGRISH!"

"..."

"..."

"Button. You're so silly!"

"Gotta love me."

"Hee, I suppose so..."

Sweetie's hand rubbed up from mine to my elbow and sent major shivers up my spine. Her radiant eyes glistened bright under the pale moonlight and had stared DEEP into my soul.

My heart was soaring, it felt like everything but us melted away before us.

Sweetie stepped closer to me, our entranced gazes locked onto each other. Her beautiful eyes became half-lidded, I wasn't gonna let it ruin this time I had with her.

My leg nearly wobbled and gave out as I took a small step forward. Either I was on the way to pure ecstacy, or I was about to pass out for holding my breath for the last five minutes.

Getting closer...

Closer...

Ever so close...

"E-EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE, MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?"

That familiar jerky voice echoed throughout the whole house, stopping the music and interrupting our magical moment.

"I know I'm known to be the bad boy of Canterlot High, and I gladly take that title!"

"He interrupted everything to gloat about himself?" I muttered to myself.

"However, there's something not everyone knows about me," he continued. "I...can be......a passionate guy too, at times. I've been in and out with tons of girls, and I mean TONS of girls, but there is only one person that I truly love and am extremely loyal to."

Okay, now he's starting to scare me. Who is this guy?

"Now that everyone's here, I felt it was the right time to say this..."

Where is he going with this?

"I, Garble, am in love with..."

Attached

He did not just do that.

He isn't....no way. This must be a prank, it had to be.

Sweetie Belle and I hurry on downstairs toward the living room to witness this shocking discovery. Already, people were as shocked and confused as I was.

There, the dude just took a mic from this blue-haired DJ and decided to make sure everyone inside and out could hear him loud and clear.

"Once again, I Garble am in love with..."

"SNIPS?!" everyone exclaimed.

"Yes," he nodded solemnly. "Snips and I have been in love for a long, long time and I wanted the whole world to know. And if anyone's got a problem with it, they can take it up with my FISTS!"

Everyone's bewildered murmurs had went silent quick.

"Nobody? Good! Now continue your li'l party here, I've said my piece."

The DJ hesitantly raised the music to a low beat as Garble left without another word.

I dunno if he knew, but after dropping stuff like that outta nowhere, at a party no less, things tone down and become awkward from then on.

So it's no surprise that after about a half hour or so of uncomfortably silent partying, people eventually took their leave. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that was actually pretty brave of Garble to do there. I...gotta give it to him.

Sure hope Snips agreed to letting this announcement come out.

The girls wanted to stick around to comfort Diamond Tiara and I decided to do the same.

I wasn't even the one going through this crap and I felt just absolutely terrible for Diamond Tiara, I couldn't even imagine how she must be feeling right now.

I got her a nice cup of water as the Crusaders cuddled up around her struggling to fix up her beatened appearance.

"You good there, T?" I asked, handing her the cup.

"I-I...just......WHAT THE HELL?!?!" she roared, mascara-filled tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's bad enough that he dumped me, but it's even worse that he turned out to be a flippin' TWINK!"

"Hey, hey, it's okay," I cooed, patting her back. "We're here for you, right?"

"Darn tootin'!" Apple Bloom nodded proudly.

"We gotcha covered, girl!" Scootaloo stated.

"Heck, we'll help you tidy up the place!" Sweetie Belle cheered.

"No, no." Diamond shook her head. "It's my mess, might as well clean it myself."

"Nonsense," I scoffed. "Let us help, we're not taking 'no' for an answer."

Diamond opened her mouth to object to the idea before remaining silent. Our determined faces told her we meant bit-niz.

She let out a long sigh and gave a little grin.

"Okay," she sniffled. "Have at it."

"YES!" the girls cheered. "Crusader Clean-Up Crew!!!"

"..."

"And Button!!!"

"Sweet!"

And so, we did what all good friends do and helped Diamond clean up the place. We couldn't just leave her to sort all that clutter out.

AB cleaned up all the crumbs and bits of leftover party snacks, Sweetie Belle helped Diamond realign all the paintings and furniture in the house, Scootaloo collected all the plastic cups and empty bottles...

And my job?

SMACK!

"Nnnnno! BAD, Scootaloo, BAD!"

Made sure Scoots didn't drink a single drop of any of them.

By the power of teamwork, we managed to fix the place up within a half hour and basked in our awesomeness.

"Garbage-B-Gone, son!" I cheered.

"We're finished!" the girls said proudly.

"Thank you," Diamond smiled warmly. "For everything."

"No prob!" AB nodded. "Ya ever need us, just give us a holler."

As we all grabbed our things and turned to head out, I felt a hand grab lightly tug at my wrist.

"H-Hey, Button?" Diamond uttered.

"Yeah?" I said.

"If it's not too much trouble......do you mind sticking around just a little longer? I-I need a little company."

"Oh, sure."

I waved goodbye to the Crusaders and chilled with Diamond in the living room.

She turned on a massive television and scrolled down toward TooYube, where she pulled up a compilation vid of a wacky purple donkey doing all kinds of silly shenanigans with his friends.

"Aww, sweet!" I chimed. "I LOVE My Giant Donkey!"

"Hee, same here. Whenever I'm down, I just watch it. When I see others happy, it makes......me happy sometimes. It's wholesome."

"A gal of quality, I see."

"Why thank you, fellow bronkey."

And so we watched on for about an hour or so. We laughed, we d'awwwwww'd, we got a tad in our feels...

Cut us some slack, kid shows can be emotional too!

Soon, it eventually got a little late and we ended our short Donkey binge.

"Thanks again for keeping me company, Button." Diamond said wholeheartedly. "Really means alot that someone cares enough about me to make sure I'm okay."

"That's me," I chuckled. "Always here to help anyone out as best I could. You deserve it the most though, Diamond. Some day, you'll find that special someone, 'cuz you deserve to be happy."

"You really mean all that?"

"Of course I do. And whoever that guy is, he would be incredibly lucky to have you."

"You're......you're so nice to me, Button..."

Diamond locked eyes with me, giving a warm smile. Her small, soft hand rested on mine, she slides over to me a little close.

"Hey, don't sweat it," I shrugged. "Just helpin' out a friend- MMM!"

My eyelids shot up faster than the speed of light. For a second, I almost felt my heartbeat come to a screeching halt.

I never thought this would happen in a million years.

Diamond Tiara...

Was kissing me.

I felt her hands reach over and brush all over my hair as she let out a low, satisfied sigh and deepened the kiss as I just sat there in shock.

Eventually, she pulled away from the surprise affection, ending it with a little tug at my bottom lip before giggling to herself.

"What was that?!" I gasped for air.

"Mmm, you're such a good kisser," Diamond purred, rubbing her hand down my leg. "I like that. You lucky, lucky boy..."

"D-Diamond, y-you're just on a rebound, this is NOT a good idea. You have to heal, your mind's not in the right place!"

"Oh, it's exactly in the right place. It's telling me it wants more. Much more..."

"Diamond, NO!"

My protests were silenced by her moaning lips as she pinned me down on the sofa and wrapped her arms around my head like a voluptuous viper.

"Diamond, please, this isn't right!" I wheezed, barely getting my words out. "We shouldn't be doing this!"

"Why not?" she giggled. "I saw how you used to look at me in geometry. I want you, and I know you want me."

"No, I don't!"

"Hehe, we'll see about that." the hungry predator snickered, placing my hands on her heaving chest. "This, and many more can be all yours, Button. Aaaaaaaaall yours."

"Not ag-aaaaaah!!!"

Her lust was insatiable, and her grip grew near inescapable.

"Mwah! You know you love me," she panted hard in my ear, assaulting my face with lustful smooches. "Come on, say it to me. Say you love me. Whisper it in my ears!"

After some more aggressive affection, I used all the cowardly strength I had within me to
finally break free from Diamond's love grip and backed away from the sofa, lipstick stamped across every inch of my twitching face.

I backed away as Diamond sat up, rubbing her fingers around her curves seductively.

"Admit it, you liked that." she sighed in a satisfied tone.

"N-No, I didn't!" I mumbled, wiping the red goop off my cheeks.

"Then is that a Neightendo 3DS XL in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"No, it's a normal-sized 3DS, duh!" I said, pulling my device out. "This is crazy, girl! You gotta relax!"

"I'm sorry, Button, I can't help myself. I've never been around someone who's been this passionate toward me before."

"Well right now, I'm filled with more fear than PASSION, ya know!"

"Don't worry, I'll change that feeling soon enough."

"Whatever, I-I gotta go."

"Hee, I'm always here if you ever wanna go for round TWO."

Well...

That escalated quickly.

The next day, I met up with Pip in the halls and told him my little situation.

"You did WHAT?!"

He took the news well.

"I got outta there, Pip. It was too crazy."

"And you didn't SHAG?!?!"

"Your British is showing, bro. Didn't what?"

"Bonk, have it off, getting your end away, sex!"

"What? NO!"

"Dude, she let you touch her baps and you didn't take that opportunity to hook up just 'cuz you would rather beat the bishop over Sweetie Belle? Diamond Tiara was clearly gagging for it!"

"She's just on a rebound. If I did get with her, I'd feel like I was using her. And I don't want that."

"You should feel COOL, bruv! You're a stud!"

I didn't feel cool. Or like a stud.

I felt filthy.

Like some unsavory growth latched onto me and can't be washed off. Like some surly presence was wrapped around my waist.

...wait a minute.

"Guess whoooo?"

Aww, damn.

"H-Hey, Diamond," I uttered, standing stiff as a statue. "Pleasure seeing you today."

"Not as much of a pleasure as you were last night." she whispered in my ear, resting her head on my shoulder.

As I entered sweaty nerd mode with the sly succubus holding me in a tender embrace, I locked eyes with Pip.

"Pip," I muttered. "Initiate Locker Down Delta."

Quicker than you can say "Run, Geek lord, run!", I slipped from under Diamond's arms and dove inside Pip's locker the minute he opened it and slammed it closed right behind me.

When all else fails, take refuge in some dude's locker.

It's the nerd code. 🤓

"Mmm, I like it when you play hard to get." Diamond purred. "Makes me so......HOT."

The thirsty lioness stalked around her prey's protective domain.

"Pip, dear," she said sweetly. "What's the combination?"

"Don't fall for those eyes, Pip!" I shouted.

"Pretty please?" Diamond pouted playfully.

"U-Uh, I, uh..." Pip gulped. "Nine..."

"BRO! WHAT THE HELL?!"

Diamond scratches the top of the poor kid's head. Judging by the ecstatic look on his face, she had found a sweet spot.

"Fifteen."

"Don't you freaking finish that last number!"

"She's too good, Button!" Pip whined. "She has me trousers feeling funny!"

"You can talk to me, Pippy." Diamond smiled, booping Pip's nose. "You're so smart, and cute and......oh, so cultured."

"Don't say it!"

"..."

"..."

"...three."

"NO!"

"Thank you, dear Pip." Diamond chimed, skipping over toward my safe zone. "Just give me five minutes."

My sphincter clinched hard with every small "click" I heard outside.

With a sly smirk, Diamond opened the locker, lunged inside and closed the door behind her.

"PIIIIIIIIIP!!!"

"Kiss me, Button!"

"AHHHHHHH!!!"

I...

I barely made it outta there alive that day...

Complications

"Eat up, Pip!"

"Ugh, but it's dog food flavor!"

"Do it! Do it! Do it!"

Later that day, the Crusaders joined Pip and I at our table during lunch. Scootaloo, being the good friend that she is, decided to subjugate us all in a horrible session of Bean Boozled.

Suicidal? Yes, but I needed something to take my mind off the filth of crazy that was hard to wash out. Plus, it was all worth it just to see Pip eat a dog food bean.

Payback's a :yay:, mudda suckah!

But anyways, everything was perfectly fine. It was just pretty cool having more friends over at our table. There, I dubbed it the mildly adequate table!

"You're up, Button." Sweetie stated. "It's either juicy pear, or booger."

"You're on!" I reached into the box of beans and proudly popped a green bean in my mouth.

It was incredible...ly terrible!

"Nasty, isn't it?" Scoots laughed.

"Mmph!" I muffled, failing to keep a straight face. "That's not a juicy pear. That's a juicy ass crack."

"Power through it, Button!" Sweetie cheered. "You got this, big guy!"

I took a deep breath and barely managed to swallow that abysmal thing down. I'll surely get strep throat alone from something so non-nonheinous, but at least Sweetie cheered me on.

"I fear NOTHING!" I chortled triumphantly.

"Heyyyyy, Button."

Except...

HER.

"Diamond, ya feelin' alright?" AB asked.

"Oh, I'm perfectly fine," she purred, shooting me a quick seductive glance as she sat down beside me on the right. "Simply a-okay. I found some comfort."

I cringed as I felt the amorous adolescent rest her hand into mine. I whipped my arm across my lap before she could wrap those petite fingies around it.

"Well that's awesome," Sweetie squeaked. "What happened?"

"Oh, let's just say I found a little pocketful of sunshine." Diamond giggled, slipping a hand in my back pocket. "Isn't that right, Button?"

"RIGHT!" I blurted out loud, accidentally dropping the bean that was in my grasp.

My startled jump shook Diamond's hand away.

"I got it!" Sweetie and I exclaimed, reaching down to the floor scrambling for the little piece.

Sweetie and I kinda sat there for a moment as we slowly looked down between us.

My hand was rested delicately upon hers.

"Heh, sorry about that..." I chuckled nervously.

"All good, silly. It's no prob..."

It felt like we were suddenly placed in a bubble that silenced the entire room and just had us around. Sweetie's face went pink as we exchanged a warm smile.

"..."

"..."

Man, she is so beautiful.

"Umm, guys?" Scootaloo chimed in. "Did you find treasure down there or what?"

"Uh, no, I was under for too long," I mumbled. "Too much blood in the head, ya know?"

"Ditto!" Sweetie nodded nervously.

"Uh huh..." AB said skeptically.

"Okay then..." Diamond uttered.

The momentum of fun kinda went down a smidge after that, but overall was a good time. Minus the sensual advances of one confused succubus...

After lunch, I rummaged through my locker for the books for my next class. I stocked my GameGuy with cartridges to distract myself from useless info and fill my brilliant mind with twice as useless game info.

It's a hard nerd life.

"Hey, Button." Diamond said behind me.

"Good Lord, Diamond, please don't nibble on my ears again!" I yelped, backing up against my locker.

"I'm not, Button." she uttered calmly.

"Oh, thank goodness. For a moment there, I thought-"

SLAP!

"Oww!" I winced, cupping my cheek. "What was that for?!"

"Don't toy with me!" Diamond hissed, pinning me against the lockers. "We both know what you did!"

"Ughhhh, for frick sake, I didn't do jack!"

"But you seem to wanna DO Sweetie Belle."

"Sweetie Belle? What are you talking about?"

SLAP!

"OW!"

"I am referring to lunchtime at precisely 12:28 AM, while you were all goofing around, you were making googly eyes at her!"

"I did not make any googly!"

"Don't forget who you're with, dude!"

"But we're not even dating, you don't own me!"

"I'll win you over soon enough, I fight for what I want. And whatever I want..." Diamond grabbed me by the shirt collar and leaned into my ear.

"I always get." she whispered, tugging on my ear with her moist lips. "Stay sexy, bae."

My legs went limp and I slid from the lockers to the floor as I watched Diamond walk away, swaying her hips.

I think I just crapped myself.

Man, what a classic story.

Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy eventually regrets that last part upon witnessing how bat:yay: insane girl is. How timeless, how touching.

It was the end of school and I was sitting outside ruminating my situation. I just couldn't believe how out of control this whole Diamond issue has gotten.

I felt this unsettling feeling in my heart. Maybe it was the thought of Diamond evolving into a controlling person, maybe it was the possibility that I might be adding to another person's pain without realizing.

Or maybe it's the rubber arrow that randomly bounced off my chest.

"Sorry, Button!"

I snapped out of pondering mode as I saw Pip and a small group of his friends approaching me, wearing shoddy sets of armor made from tinfoil and cardboard.

"Oh, it's alright, bro," I sighed, handing the non-lethal weapon back. "What are you up to out here?"

"We're after-school LARP-ing!" Pip stated boisterously. "You wanna join, pal?"

"Normally I would, dude, but not today."

"What's the matter?"

"Just craziness after craziness with everything."

"People need to stop and talk things over for once." a girl with poofy red hair shook her head. "Pure insanity."

"Silence, Twist!" Pip huffed. "Thou be a witch, so nyah nyah to thee!"

"Wait, you're supposed to be a witch?" I asked, observing her non-witchy outfit.

"Not a witch!" she sighed. "I just asked for equal quest earnings for men and women!"

"WITCH!" the nerds barked. "WIIITCH!!!"

I pulled Pip aside while the nerd herd babbled on.

"What's the sitch, pal?" Pip asked.

"One, never say that again. And two, Diamond has gone cray cray!"

"D'ah, don't use that word!"

"What? Cray-"

"Never ever call a girl crazy, friend. That is a bloody death wish!"

"Urgh, thanks for the advice. But what should I do then?"

"Did you report her to Principal Celestia?"

"No, I can't! She's still hurting, I don't want to screw things up further for her. I just know that, deep down, she doesn't mean any harm."

"Oi, tell that to your cheeks, she really did a number on them, didn't she?"

"Oof, yeah. She's a fiesty one, I'll admit."

"My goodness, just wait until she discovers your interest in Sweetie Be-"

"..."

"She knows, doesn't she?"

"Well, I...I wouldn't say...I mean, it wasn't fully...I guess you could say- yeah, I think she knows."

That was a scary thought to me. I didn't want to rope anyone into whatever drama I'm involved in, especially poor Sweetie Belle.

I couldn't let that happen.

"No matter," I held my head high. "I'm putting my foot down. I like Sweetie Belle and Diamond's just gotta have to accept that. Sooner or later, she'll snap out of it and lose interest."

"You sure about this?" Pip sighed.

"Don't worry, she'll be back to normal soon. I just know it."

Did I forget to mention, earlier that day, I found this in my locker?

"Because I love you. 💖
~DT

Oh, how naive and stupid I was...