A Jump A Day Keeps The Monsters Away
When you have been around for as long as I have, you begin to wish for death. It’s sweet embrace to caress you and take you away, away to some far away fixture of my imagination. My thoughts have all been consumed with the thought of an end, a goal. Living forever is a curse, a curse that forces you to see your friends die, your decisions worsen, your health deteriorate. Seeing empires fall, seeing the thousands of massacres and mass killings, seeing the countless number of killers walking the streets. Stalking those who I call my subjects. To live forever and see these things? A curse might be an understatement.
And what was once a plea was now a curiosity. A plea that formed from my newest student’s transformation into an alicorn, forever damned with the fate I was forced into. I was a depraved villain for allowing her to fall victim to immortalities viscous grasps. However, morbid curiosity clouded my mind. To see what, if anything, can deliver a sweet exit of the lands Princess.
I tried the small things of course. I set myself aflame only to have the flames merely dance around me, bringing a comforting and cold embrace. I tried poison, only for my body to show no symptoms. I tried to fly to where I couldn’t breathe, but my lungs simply filled with infinite air. I threw myself to the changelings, only for the friends of Twilight to save me, or for my body to instantly kill all. I tried everything. Everything.
So now here I was, standing over this balcony. The sky was gray, just like I ordered. The sun didn’t deserve to rise. It must have been over a hundred feet high, where I could barely see the ground. What I did see was multi-colored specks walking around, no doubt filled with thoughts of shopping and their family. That’s the way I raised them, and I knew that’s what I was destined to do forever.
I stepped closer to the edge knowing full well it wasn’t going to work. It never would. The feeling that it might was exhilarating, and the pain it would give me would bring me back to reality. Maybe I’ll snap out of this rut I’m stuck in, maybe I’ll surrender to immortalities clutching jaws. Sometimes, I could hear them snapping, calling my name. I stayed in it’s maw for too long. The air, brushing past my mane, brought coolness. I looked down once again, making a mark inside my head.
My sister was sleeping, the guards dismissed. Everything was quiet except for the howling air, enticing me to come forward. In my eyes, there was no reason to resist. I needed it, I developed an obsession for it. A will to push myself, to throw myself into danger in hopes of a black screen.
Celestia, Celestia it seemed to call out. And I must admit, for a minute I was unsure. Through all my bravado, jumping a hundred feet would cause anyone to run away. I closed my eyes and imagined the screams that the ponies would bellow out. Seeing their princess plummeting down to her “death.” Their princess who has sentenced many to die despite their lives, murdered in cold blood, played and manipulated while pretending to be pure. I made up my choice. The ground was real.
With a final step, my hooves left the balcony, and I began to plummet. This was the first time I had tried this method, and I was shocked at how the events unfolded. Time seemed to slow down, as I turned and turned in mid-air. It was a stimulating experience. I would have screamed in delight if I could breathe. My loss of breath made me hopeful.
I stopped spinning at the halfway mark, instead plunging downward on my back. I tried to smile, but instead, I gave off a frown. I tried to laugh, but instead I cried. I tried to play music in my head. Carnival music, the type Starswirl would take me and Luna to back when we were younger. Instead, I heard the funeral music. I felt like I was dying for the first time in millennia. And it scared me.
My ambition, my depression, my obsession, everything melted away as the ground came closer, closer, closer…
I tried to cry out, but was silenced by the whipping air.
Closer, closer…
No! I recant my feelings! I dont wish this!
Closer, closer…
My mind has been diluted by thoughts of death! I recant, I recant! I’m sorry!
Closer, closer…
I tried to open my wings, but they were clamped shut from the powerful gales hugging my body, now frigid and cold. I could finally open my mouth only for a blood-curdling scream to come forth. What is the end of no reward? What is a goal that earns me nothing? I don’t wish to die!
Closer, closer…
I RECANT MY IDEAS! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I DONT WISH TO-
Author's Note
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8_72NFyd-w
Those Angels are calling
From so far away
Asking, to tell them
What I did in my so many days
To tell them what I had accomplished
To tell them what I had done
Through all my moments under the moon
And my moments under the sun
The sweet cries of those who care
Bellowing out behind me
I tried to do it my way I said
I tried to end it sweetly
But some told to look back
They told me to hold my tears
They told me to question nothing
They told me to get rid of my fears
They told me to give up my right
They told me that’s not what I said
They told me that nothing I do matters
Even when I’m eventually dead
But now I told the angels
I told those that they’re misguided
Because thinking like that gets you nowhere
Their goals haven’t yet been sighted
I told them that I will shine
When I die I will be remembered
To hide like a mole
Nothing I did would have rendered
For now I stand before you today
I’m facing answering the call
Because If you are never remembered
Have you existed at all
