The Merchant of Ponyville

by nameundetermined

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 9279

When a Victorian Era merchant is dragged from the comfort of his day to day life by a salty chaos spirit, legends unseen in this generation take new life in the here and now.

Jasper Mountebank is a well-to-do merchant of the Victorian period. he loves his tea, he loves his evening walks, and he loves to have everything in its place, as any gentleman should.

But when Discord, in a last-ditch effort to spread chaos beyond his defeat, drags him from his home with the intention of creating chaos in his absence, He learns that in this new world the place of any human, even a gentleman such as himself, is not so clear cut.

A Commission of thus far indeterminate length for an anonymous benefactor. Currently Capped at 30'400 words. if you would like to contribute to the continuation of this fanfic, feel free!

Join our Discord Server here if you want updates as soon as new chapters are posted and dank memes.

Big ups to yakopak for the new cover art!

Published 2021-02-05 07:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-12 17:09:47 UTC

Chapter One

All things considered, Jasper could be having a far worse day than he was. Sure, he was fairly far out into an unfamiliar woodland, with only his most personal affairs in his briefcase to aid him should something go awry, but at least the weather was acceptable, and the sun seemed like it would still be out for some time yet. A gentleman paid little mind to his troubles, save to alleviate them.

And alleviate them he would! he had found himself on a well-beaten dirt path, and seemed t be making good headway through the woods. With any luck, he would find himself out of the thick of things by sundown and hopefully be able to spot a town close enough to make the trip by nightfall. As much as he appreciated nature, he certainly had no desire to get quite so intimate as to lay on the ground for the evening to rest his head.

Earlier that Day...

.................

Discord's eyes widened as the little ponies he had so handily demoralized before came together as friends once more and activated the Elements of Harmony. He had been, it seemed, a bit too confident in his ability to tear their little group apart. And now it looked as if he was going to pay the price once more for his hubris.

However, that did not mean that the fun had to end.

As the rainbow rushed towards him, his tail formed into a hand at the tip, sneakily snapping as he pretended to be utterly terrified of his upcoming petrification.

"Ah, little ponies, it seems I will be out of commission for a while longer." he thought to himself as he was slowly petrified by the power of the ancient artifacts. "But not to worry! I think I have a perfect substitute in mind to keep you all entertained while I am unavailable, have fuuuun~"

The six ponies responsible for the feat were not sure why as the stone crept up his neck, he began to laugh, but they certainly did not like it. They did not like it one bit.

...............

The next day, one of that six, a rather gentle, kindly young pegasus, was attending to her daily works. She was at the outskirts of the White Tail Woods and busy tending to some of her many woodland companions. it seemed that Mr. Ferret had gone and hurt his paw during the unfortunate happenings yesterday, what with the entire area in the throes of chaos and all. He was honestly lucky to have gotten off so lightly, in the mare's opinion, and she was happy the rest of her animals, had also made out so well from the event.

As she finished applying the comically small bandages to his paw, she smiled down at him softly "There you go, Mr. ferret, now, try not to put too much weight on it for a few days, if you could. And if you experience any increased discomfort, please let me know so I can get Dr. Fauna to take a look..."

The ferret looked up to her and nodded,d chittering a thankful response, when suddenly...

His ears perked up, then flattened, and he quickly as he could manage, scampered off into the woods, looking somewhat fearful.

And not only him! The birds nearby seemed to have stopped chirping and flown off in a tizzy, quick as they could, as had the other animals nearby. The woods around her were now quite uncomfortably quiet.

Quiet save for the footsteps that were now slowly trampling towards her, a voice calling out from past the trees as a tall, lumbering figure towered in the distance.

"Helloooooo...?"

............

"Hello? Hello? is anybody there?" The gentleman called out affably as he finally made his way out of the woods. He could see a cottage not too far from here on the horizon, and a bit past that what seemed to be a rural town, admittedly one more pastel and cheerful than any he had seen in his day.

But he had also heard someone talking to someone else, a young lady by the sounds of it. He smiled wide in a welcoming manner despite being slightly disheveled from his trek through the woods as he looked around, trying to find the source of that demure, gentle voice from earlier.

Sadly it seemed that he was alone, he looked around slowly, giving a soft sigh as he realized that whoever had spoken, as far as he could tell, was gone.

He gave a small sigh and took a seat on a fallen log nearby, putting his face in his hands, "Goodness. I must really be having a bad time to be hearing voices already. I have not even been out here for a day!" He says with a chuckle, his hands sliding downward and off of his face after a moment, landing in his lap as he looks around.

It takes him just a moment, but he realizes that he is not in fact, entirely alone. There seems to be a small pony nearby. it was...strange-looking, to say the least. A soft yellow coat. Not Blonde, mind you. Outright yellow. in color, with a pastel pink mane to match it in terms of strangeness. Its wide, blue eyes seemed to peer up at him with considerable fear and anxiety as he looked down at it. Even from his stump, he was taller than it by a good foot and a half at least.

"Oh, a little pony..." he said softly as he slowly leaned forward to get a better look at it. it shied away a bit at his movement and he chuckled ever so softly "Well, aren't you just a precious little thing, what are you doing out here all on your own? Are you lost?"

It was in this moment that he was thrown for quite the loop! After he spoke, the Pony spoke back!

"O-oh, no. I'm not lost. I live in the cottage nearby, actually..." The pony said in a voice decidedly like the one he had heard before. Though admittedly this time it was much more frightened and nervous sounding.

He blinked, slowly. Once, then twice as he looked the other up and down. "I...I am sorry, but did you just speak?" he asked her gently as he stood up, tilting his head at the little pony whose head barely came up to his waist upright.

She squeaked a bit more loudly than before and seemed to shrink back slightly, giving a small nod, shaking. "Y-yes I did..." she said as she looked up at him as though she might cry at any moment "I was just saying I live at the um..."

His eyes widened a bit at this "A talking pony. How queer..." he said as he rubbed his chin slowly "My apologies miss. I do not see terribly many of those where I am from." he said as he shifted the hand to run through his hair while sucking in a bit of air and exhaling in an almost exasperated manner. "Do you belong to any of the people in that village there? or is your owner In the cottage?"

"O-owner?" she asked, sounding almost just a tad insulted. or at least she would if she did not sound so scared. "I do not have any owner, I'm a pony," she said in a way that indicated she felt this was a self-explanatory phrase. "a-and there are no people in Ponyville, only ponies...what is a people?" She asked softly after she finished her previous statements.

This left the poor man somewhat dumbfounded, as you might imagine. If what she was saying meant what he thought
it did, then it seemed he was in a place where there were no people. Only these...strange little talking ponies. "Oh er...well, a people is what I am, little pony. or rather, I am a singular person. My name is Jasper by the by. Jasper Mountebank," he said as he removed one of his gloves and offered her a hand, bending down on one knee to be closer to eye level to her.

Suddenly coming closer seemed to frighten her again, however, and she dropped to the ground, her front legs covering her eyes, and her...wings.... splayed onto the ground. Wings? yes, wings. Not simply a talking pony, but a talking pegasus pony it seemed. Honestly, that little extra shove out of his perception of normal reality made this a bit easier to accept. of course a Pegasus might be able to talk! A pegasus was magical after all, that made tremendously more sense. If magic was at play this all seemed dramatically more coherent.

At least, that is what his already overworked ego told him to shield him from the strangeness of it all as he took in this extra bit of information.

He swallowed dryly and, standing up, stepped back a tad "O-oh! Please, I assure you I have no intention to hurt you, I was simply attempting to greet you properly." He said as reassuringly as he could, putting his hands up in a nonthreatening gesture. "Please, there is no need to be so afraid of me, I am a gentleman after all. I would never harm a lady or erm...mare, such as yourself for no good cause."

This seemed to reassure her somewhat. She stood back up slowly on wobbling legs, giving him an unsure, but somewhat relieved look. "O-oh dear, sorry. You are just so large and strange I am simply not sure what to do with myself..." she said as she slowly extended a hoof up to him, looking down and away still somewhat fearful "M-my name is Fluttershy..."

He moved more slowly this time, knelt down to be closer to her eye level and took her hoof, gently making a motion as if kissing the top of it without his lips touching the hand and smiling down at her softly "it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Fluttershy."

He had never seen a horse blush. bit he did have to admit that on this sort of equine, it was a rather adorable look. As her face reddened slightly he pulled his hand away and slowly stood up, straightening his cravat and dusting himself off, placing his glove back on and humming a bit. "Just to be sure I have understood you correctly, Miss Fluttershy, if I make my way in that direction, the town will be populated with other ponies like yourself?"

She nodded slowly, looking him over a bit more closely now that some of the initial shock had worn off for her. "That's right, yes. Ponyville should have plenty of ponies who can help you with whatever you might need." She said as she walked over and started gently nudging him in the general direction of the town with her head "N-now I-if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to the rest of the animals, a-and I don't want to be rude, but you are scaring them all away..."

He gave her a somewhat apologetic look as he realized he had been making a bit of a ruckus when he had arrived. he took the hint and went on his way, briefcase in hand "A-ah! My apologies, miss. I will just be on my way, I suppose..." he said as he took his leave "I do hope to see you around, Miss Fluttershy, good day!"

She did not answer as he walked away, dashing back towards her cottage and quickly slamming the door, the click of a lock behind heard as he passed the building.

"Hmphhh...I suppose not as gentle a maiden as I might have speculated initially..." he said softly as he turned his sights towards the town. Ponyville, he believed she called it. he hoped that the residents of the town would be a bit more...agreeable than Fluttershy had been. If he was truly the only human around, being outside of the good graces of the local citizenry might certainly put him back a ways.

Author's Note

And there is the first of at least five chapters for this story! More coming soon ^^

Chapter Two

Applejack was standing at her stall, dutifully attending to her role as a sales pony for the afternoon with her little sister in tow. It was not the role that suited her the best, for sure. But still, one that she was required to play in order to be able to fulfill other, more important roles in her livelihood. It was a warm, pleasant enough afternoon, getting close to the evening as a matter of fact. It would not be much longer until she could make her way back home and be done with this ill-fitted role and resume her much preferred occupation of working with the land and tending her homestead.

Sadly for her, it seemed as if the end of her day would be the most...exciting portion. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Ponies started to close up shop left and right, a frightened look on their faces. Applejack looked to and fro, attempting to discern the cause as she prepared to follow suit.

Her little sister seemed just as confused as she was, gently prodding her side with a hoof to get her attention while giving her a wide-eyed, unsure look. “Applejack, what’s goin’ on? Why is everypony closin’ up?” she asked as she looked around somewhat anxiously.

Applejack continued to look around, slowly backing closer to the cart she was minding, now mostly empty of apples at this time of the day. “I ain’t rightly sure, Applebloom. But maybe we should see about goin’ home soon…” She said as her ears flattened against her head, one hoof raised to her chest as she finally saw it, though a bit too late.

A bipedal creature. A rather large one at that, towering over an average pony by a considerable margin, was approaching from the direction of the Whitetail Woods. It was Dapperly dressed and mostly hairless, save for the top of its head, sporting a set of spectacles, a pipe seemed to hang from the corner of its mouth, billowing a soft, constant trail of smoke as it held the implement in a gloved paw.

And who’s stall would he be coming towards but her own! Seriously, with everyone else closed down, who else would he be approaching? Applebloom squeaked softly and gave the large biped an unsure look, more confused than scared as Applejack stood between her and the large creature. “Can I -ahem-...can I help you there, partner?”

The creature smiled wide down at her, and she could not help but take notice of a set of pronounced canines gracing his mouth as he began to speak in a posh accent. It sort of reminded her of rarity, to be frank. “Ah yes, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jasper, Jasper Mountebank.” He said, taking off one of his gloves, and extending his paw to her. He had no claws, but rather blunt nails more like a monkey. Was he some sort of shaven ape? Or maybe a naturally hairless sort of one?

In any case, strange monkey-thing or not, Applejack was never one to refuse a hoof shake, and took his paw, shaking it heartily, a surprised look coming across his face as the firmness and intensity of her response. “Well, I suppose it is good enough meetin’ ya, Jasper. The name’s Applejack. This here’s my lil’ sister, Applebloom.” She said as she gestured down at the younger filly after releasing his paw.

The strange creature rubbed his paw for a moment with a small wince before placing his glove back on, smiling at the two of them kindly again, giving a small bow of greeting to the young filly. “A pleasure meeting you both. As to what you can do for me. I am erm...new to town, and in a bit of a pickle! I’ve been trying to find somewhere to bed for the evening, but so far it seems all of my attempts have had me shooting into the brown and, to be frank, I’m quite poked up about it.” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck, seeming a bit abashed. "My stature and queer appearance seem to have turned most of the townsfolk into meaters, but you seem a bricky enough gal to stick around for a chat, so I was hoping you might point a gent in the right direction."

She tilted her head slightly as she tried to process what he said, a dial tone almost audible as she puzzled over it for a moment “Well, if you are lookin’ for a place to stay, Ponyville ain’t got an inn or nothin like that as far as I know. Your best bet would be to take the train up to Canterlot yonder.” she said as she gestured with a hoof towards a much larger town in the distance, hanging off of the side of a rather large mountain.

The creature’s eye twitched “Canter….lot. Hm, I will just pay that no mind for now.” he said somewhat cryptically as he gave her a nod “Thank you for your assistance, Miss Applejack. Now, would I be able to purchase a few of your apples here? I am typically more an Essex Pippin man myself, but those seem delightfully well-tended.” he said kindly enough as he looked over the remains of her stock.

She gave him an odd look and finally shrugged, offering a polite smile “Sure nuff, Partner! That’ll be a bit for five.”

“Hm….” he gave a slightly furrow-browed expression as he sought to dig through his pocket for a small clasp mouthed satchel, popping it open and pulling out four small, strange-looking silver coins of varying designs. “I think there may be a currency disparity, will a shilling and sixpence suffice for a dozen?

The creature as far as she was able to tell (which was quite far) seemed to be giving her a fair enough offer with his strange silver currency, so she decided it would not hurt too terribly much. He seemed a bit down on his luck, and if nothing else, perhaps he would return with actual bits at some point.

“Uhmmm...sure, big fella…” she said as she took his currency and placed it in a small container attached to her cart., handing him off the apples in a small sack “Now er...I don’t mean tah be too rude but…”

“I know, I know…” he said looking around with a small sigh “It seems the likes of myself are not too terribly welcome in these parts. I shall tend to my business and be on my way shortly enough.” he looked around, slightly annoyed now. “Do the ponyfolk treat every stranger that rolls into town this way, or am I just particularly hard on the eyes?” he asked half-jokingly as he crossed his arms.

Applejack gave a small, uncomfortable laugh as she kicked at the dirt, looking away from him “hehe, yeah, this ain’t the first time we’ve had a problem with outsiders like this. Sorry fella…” she said, sounding slightly ashamed. “Look, just try to stay out of trouble, would ya? You seem alright for one of those uh, hoity-toity types, no offense.”

His face scrunched slightly for a moment and he gave a small sniff “None taken, I suppose. Good day, ma’am.” he said as he pushed up his glasses with a digit and walked away. As he got further from the little array of shops and caravans, the ponies came back out slowly, seeming quite relieved that he had taken his leave.

……………..

Jasper gave a small sigh as he made his way down the road, running a hand through his hair in a somewhat exasperated fashion. As he walked down the streets, mothers hid their children, ran into their houses. Men, or rather...stallions gave him unpleasant or downright hostile looks.

He was quite displeased with it to say the very least. He was a refined and well-mannered gentleman of good and honest repute! To be treated as some sort of vagrant simply because he was different than those around him was appalling!

Was this what it was like to be Irish? He gave a small shudder at the mere thought of such an awful thing. Goodness, imagine being Irish, he simply could not relate.

In any case, it really was starting to get a bit late, he needed to find somewhere to stay until the morni-

“Excuse me, you are a Human, right?”

From nowhere he heard a hesitant, excited voice chime out for his attention. He looked about until he felt a hoof gently poke him in his thigh and looked down to see a rather happy looking cyan pony with a light blue and white mane and tail. She had a mark of a harp of some sort on her flank as well. The last one had a mark of apples and she sold apples. Perhaps this one was some sort of musician?

In any case, it was about time someone in this town was kind enough to give him the time of day without prodding from his purse. He smiled at her and nodded “Why Indeed I am, the name is jasper. Jasper Mountebank.” he said as he looked her up and down.

She beamed up at him and extended a hoof in earnest greeting “Lyra Heartstrings, at your service, Mister Mountebank. I could not help but notice that you are having some….trouble here in town…” She said as she looked over to the menagerie of ponies all watching from the perceived safety of their homes. She turns back towards him, beaming at him brightly. “If you would like, I would be more than happy to allow you to stay in my home for the evening as my guest! “

“Really now…?” he said, raising an eyebrow slowly. The mare certainly seemed….quite eager to be of assistance. Almost a bit too eager in his opinion. But beggars cannot be choosers after all! He clears his throat softly and gives a small nod. “Miss Heartstrings, that is a very generous offer. I am not sure about staying the entire evening, but I would certainly be happy to join you for dinner and go from there if that suits your fancy.”

It does indeed seem to suit her quite well. The little pony jumps into the air slightly and wiggles her little flanks excitedly “Oh, this is so great! Oh wait until I show you to Bon Bon, she’s going to feel so dumb when I rub it in her cute bucking face That I met a real human!” She reared up on two legs and took a countenance resembling a chicken, forelegs bent inwards and elbows flapping as she said in a mocking tone, slightly bent over. “ ‘ThAt AnThRoPoLoGy DeGrEe WoN’t FeEd OuR fUtUrE cHiLdReN’, hah!” She said, finishing with a small snort as she happily started to trot towards what he assumed was her home. “Anyway, are you coming, Mister?”

He was seriously starting to rethink all of the choices he had made in the last several minutes. It seemed he might be getting caught up in the affairs of a quarreling couple of fillies. But A warm meal was a warm meal, and he had already accepted her hospitality, a thinly veiled excuse to lord his existence over her roomates head or not. He shrugged softly and started to follow her, notably concerned in his expression. “I supposed I am, lead the way, ma’am.

“Oh, good!” she said, turning back around and resuming prancing her way forward now humming some little tune or another.

Jasper straightened his cravat nervously as they walked down the street, now with a considerable number more of those unpleasant stares coming his way, as if taking the company of this pony, in particular, had worsened his situation somehow.

Ah, well, too late to worry about that sort of thing now. All that was left to do was bear the consequences of his choices and hope for the best. And of course, to prepare for the worst....

Author's Note

And there is another one for you!

nothing of note for this chapter to take not oe, so here's my current writing jams if you wanna peep that hotness.
Enjoy!

Chapter Three

Jasper sat on a couch that was a size or two too small for him, looking over at the two arguing mares quite sheepishly. Though to be fair, it was less an argument and more Lyra doing some sort of dance to mock her roommate for not believing in humans.

He had been quite surprised to learn that humans had some form of mythical status in their culture, though he had not pressed her for further details. he could only assume that either most ponies were ignorant of it, or else did not know what a human was, or else, had a negative opinion of them. he had decided that simply playing things by ear would be the best bet for the time being.

And right now, what he was getting an ear full of was Miss Heartstrings shaking her flank mockingly at the other mare in the room, laughing softly between sing-song bouts of crying "In your face" and"I told you so" and things of that nature.

The other mare, Bon-Bon her named seemed to be, was taking it...though not very well. she was still sort of in shock at the fact that he was there. Eyes wide, sort of just staring at him cautiously. She was pale in her coat, with a dark blue mane and tail bearing a rather thick, vibrant pink stripe near the center part of each. one other bright blue eyes twitched occasionally as she tried to soak in something that she seemed to have been attempting to refute for quite some time as she slowly began to speak.

"W-well, Lyra, that's...wonderful she said in a polite, somewhat strained voice as she slowly walked over towards the human "So, your name was...Jasper yes? I think that is what Lyra said in between her gloating." she said as she shot her roommate a look that caused Lyra to give a sheepish smile in response.

He nodded, clearing his throat before he answered politely "Oh er...yes. And you were Bon-Bon, yes?" he asked, getting a nod from her as he scooted forward slightly and gave her his attention properly. "I hope it is not too much of an imposition for me to be spending dinner with the two of you."

She gave him a nervous smile and shook her head "O-oh! No not at all, Mister Mountebank. We would be happy to have such an interesting guest at the table. Would you mind if I talked to Lyra for a moment though, in erm...private?"

He blinked, and shook his head, standing up "not at all, go right ahead, I shall wait outside until you have finished speaking." he said, not waiting for an answer before slowly walking back towards the front door, seeing himself out for the moment.

As soon as he closed the door, Bon-Bon whipped around and glared at her roommate, looking absolutely pissed. "and just WHAT is all of this about?"

Lyra seemed taken aback at her reaction, stepping back a bit and raising a hoof to her chest defensively "What do you mean? I just wanted to show you that I was right! My Studies in anthropology have value, humans are real!" she said, stamping the hoof back down firmly, stepping forward again as she gained back some confidence as she spoke.

But Bon-Bon did not seem to be having any of it! "So you decided that the best course of action was to bring an incredibly capricious, possibly dangerous mythical creature into our bucking house, Lyra!?"

"Oh come on. Don't be like that. Jasper has been nothing but a perfect gentleman ever since we met. Just because the legends paint most humans as incorrigible tricksters of immense magical power does not mean they are all
like that." she said as she walked a bit closer to the other, non-threateningly, leaning in to nuzzle her neck a bit.

Bon-Bon relaxed slightly at this and gave a small huff. "Fine. I suppose he is rather nice from what I have seen. But why did you bring him here in the first place? I really hope it was not just to make a point to me." she said, a tinge of irritation returning to her voice.

She blinked and shook her head, giving her a reassuring look "O-oh no! I invited him over because If you give a human a place to stay and a meal for the evening, they might grant you a wish!

Bon-Bon's eyes widened as she understood what was being told to her "So, you are saying that if we treat them well while they are at our house, we might get a wish granted?"

"Mhm!" Lyra said, her smile widening in a slightly unsettling and excited manner. "And I mean, even if we don't get a wish, look at him! he's so nice. And he was having a hard time with the other ponies in town. I just had to do something, if only to make sure that um...the town doesn't end up a checkerboard Tartarus-scape for a second time this month."

Bon-Bon paled slightly at the thought, giving a small shudder. "Ugh...yeah, I can see what you were thinking now. Sorry I got so mad at you over it..." she said as she leaned in and nuzzled the other mare back gently, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

The two of them having made up, they invited Jasper back into the house and shared a very pleasant, wonderful dinner with him. Everything went quite swimmingly during. Conversation was light but polite and very pleasant. He was of course, on his best behavior, as he always was!

When the evening came around he decided that he would, in fact, be staying the night much to the joy of his generous hostesses. he was given a guest room and told to simply let them know if there was anything that they could do for him and was bidden a good night. And then, all was quiet for the evening.

For about half an hour. Jasper was sitting at a desk, a single candle lit in his room as he put pen to paper and wrote on his days experiences. Partly to keep himself busy, and partly so that in the event he ever made his way home, he could prove, at least to himself that all of this was quite real. His notes were peppered with quick, reasonably accurate sketches of the ponyfolk he had spoken to, and some of the more notable architecture and landmarks around town he had seen.

He was interrupted in this process by the sound of a gentle knock on his door, followed by a bashful, familiar feminine voice. "Jasper? it's Lyra. I was hoping I could come in and talk to you for a little?"

he gave a small sigh, setting his pages to one side to dry as he turned his chair around and called out in answer "very well, please, do come in, Lyra." he said, putting on a gentle smile as he placed his hands in his lap.

Lyra slowly opened the door, peeking in and looking around somewhat confused. "Why is it so dark in here?" she asked as she closed the door behind her, looking this way and that as if looking for something.

"What do you mean? the sun has gown down, and I have a candle on. I do not think it is going to get much brighter." he says with a small chuckle, prompting a similar one from her. this in turn prompted him to give her a confused look of his own. "Am I missing something?"

"Oh, it's nothing important. here, let me turn on the light..." She said as she flicked a switch next to the door, causing the lightbulb in the fixture on the ceiling to light up, the same happening to the eyes of her awestruck human guest shortly thereafter.

"oh! This must be one of those er...lightbulbs I keep hearing about in the science journals. Goodness Edison really has his fingers in every pie, doesn't he..." they finished more softly than they began as they looked up at the fixture with a squint. he was tall enough, in comparison to the fairly squat pony architecture surrounding him, to reach up and gently tap the bulb a few times. "Fascinating..."

"Uh....huh." Lyra said with a slow, unsure nod as she trotted over closer to him and watched him fuss over her light fixture "But er, yes, back on topic, I was hoping to speak with you for a bit?" she said as she made herself comfortable on the bed, curling up and looking towards him.

He snapped from his fascination with the bulb and looked back down to her, slightly embarrassed by his conduct "Oh yes! Quite. I can certainly chat for a while," he said as he licked his gloved fingertips and pinched them together around the base of the wick of the candle to stop the flame. "what was it that you wished to talk about?" he asked as he took a seat on the bed next to her.

"Well, I guess wanting to talk is not the most accurate way to say it. I was more hoping I could ask a small favor?" She said as she scooted a bit closer to him, looking up at him with a big-eyed, soft hopeful expression.

he leaned back slightly, unsure of how to proceed. "A...favor? Hmm, I suppose I can allow you to ask. I cannot guarantee that I will fulfill it, however." he said quickly afterward, wanting to make sure that there were no misunderstandings on the matter.

She hesitated for a few moments, as if unsure how to proceed before speaking once more. "I...I was hoping you could pet me?" She said, more question than demand.

"I'm sorry but what?" he asked her, as he raised an arm, putting a slight barrier between the two of them in slight shock.

She quickly tried to resolve the matter, waving her hoof "w-wait! I-it isn't what you might be thinking I just erm...well, the legends about humans talk about how great their...hands are for petting and rubbing." She said, seeming to almost salivate at speaking the word 'hands'. "It's just sort of a once in a lifetime opportunity and I was hoping you might be able to erm....maybe scratch me behind the ears a bit?"

"What, like a dog?" he asks her, tilting his head as his arm slowly came down, still quite vexed but less disturbed at the very least. "I mean, I suppose...." he said as he took his glove off of one of his hands, slowly flexing his fingers as he thought.

Lyra's eyes seemed to hungrily follow the digits as they curled and unfurled again, with an expression possession all of the subtlety of a bear eying a salmon about to jump from the river into its maw as he reached towards her with a small, slightly uncomfortable smile.

He slid his hand between her ears and slowly began to rub and scratch, the way he would do for one of the hounds on his estate. "Erm, Is...is this acceptable?" he asked her with a soft, unsure tone to his voice as his fingers worked their magic.

And they did indeed work magic it seemed. The pony practically melted at his touches, giving a soft, pleased sigh as she relaxed and raised her head into his touch "O-oh yes, that's the stuff..." She said in once again, a tone that made poor Jasper very uncomfortable as her leg began to kick to boot!

The continued like this for somewhere between several minutes to an hour, time started to lose meaning to the poor fellow after only a brief period of enduring this strange, surreal experience. When she seemed satisfied she nuzzled him and thanked him for his help, trotting back to her room seeming quite satisfied.

And leaving Jasper very much in need of a shower to feel clean.

Author's Note

And there's another one! Hope you are all enjoying this ^^

Chapter Four

The next morning, Jasper awoke early and left a note thanking Lyra for her hospitality before making his way out of the house as the sun rose as quietly as he could manage. As kind as the little Unicorn had been, he was...not sure how comfortable he would be staying there for longer than the duration of a single night. That being said, acquiring transport to this...Canterlot was sure to present some difficulties. He took one of the apples from the burlap sack of them he had purchased from that Applejack pony and took a bite from it, humming softly as he thought.

However, his train of thought was interrupted as quickly as it began when he heard a rough, female voice from above “Hey! Hey you, what are you doing here?”

He looked up in time to see a rather...flamboyantly colored pegasus pony land next to him, striking what he could only assume was meant to be an intimidating, authoritative pose. The equines mane was a garish rainbow affair, as was the tail. Their coat was a light blue and their eyes were a sort of purplish color. A marking of a cloud with a lightning bolt in rainbow colors was plastered into either side of their flanks. They also seemed to be giving him quite the displeased expression as they trotted a bit closer.

They were, as he had initially guessed from the voice, a female. She was a rather...roguish and rough and tumble sort, but definitely of the fairer half. He cleared his throat softly and addressed her politely. “My apologies, I was just making my way down the street while enjoying a bit of breakfast. Was there something I could do for you, Miss…?”

The name is Rainbow Dash, and I’ll be asking the questions here, buster!” she said firmly as she reached up to poke him in the chest with a hoof, prompting a small frown from him. “Now what exactly are you, and what are you doing in Ponyville?”

He gave a small sigh and braced himself, This was not going to be a pleasant exchange, he could already feel it in his bones. “My name is Jasper. Jasper Mountebank, I am a Human, and I am currently simply passing through Ponyville, hoping to catch a train to Canterlot later today if I can come up with the funds to do so. I happen to be in a bit of a jam you see. I am quite lost and do not have any of the regional currency at my disposal.”

She squinted at him, her eyes narrowing slowly as she looked him up and down carefully. “You use a lot of big words, Hyoo-man. What are you, some kind of egghead?”

He tilted his head slightly, raising one eyebrow. He was not exactly sure what an egghead was supposed to be, but from context, it seemed to be some form of derogatory term for a well-read person. “I am fairly well-read yes. My trade as a Merchant demands a certain level of intellectual prowess in order to be successful.”

“Hmmm...and you said you don’t have...currency? No money huh?” Well, at least she seemed to be able to use context to deduce meaning as well. “If you don’t have any money, where did you get those apples huh? Applejack is gonna be really mad if she finds out you stole em, ya know.”

He seemed taken aback by this accusatory statement, even raising a hand in a defensive gesture “Ma’am, I am no thief! I gained this produce fair and square! I simply do not have any erm...bits. She was kind enough to accept some shillings and pence for the transaction. That is the currency back in England you see.”

“England huh...sounds like some kind of made-up place to me. How do I know you are telling the truth about any of this, huh?”

He sighed softly, giving her a patient if stern look as he crossed his arms in front of him. “Look, Miss Dash. I am sure that you have plenty of questions. But there is no point in me dawdling about all day answering them if you are just going to refuse to believe the answers I give. You can either take my answers at face value, or you can stop asking me questions and perhaps leave me alone so I can enjoy my breakfast in peace.

She seems a bit taken aback by this answer for a moment, embarrassed even before quickly becoming indignant. “Hey! You aren’t in any position to be making any demands, smart guy!” she said, stamping a hoof and bringing herself slightly lower to the ground. “Maybe I should just bring you to Twilight. She’ll know what to do with you...”

As she lowered herself slightly, he stepped back, seeming a bit nervous about the serious look she was giving him. “H-hey now, no need to be so aggressive, I am sure we can talk this out-oh god!”

POP!

Smash!

As she threw herself into the air at him, his hands came up and he braced himself for impact. He looked away and closed his eyes and the next thing he knew, he heard a crash behind him. He opened his eyes to look slowly lowering his arms and saw...the piny who had just lept at him, upside down, dazed and confused atop a pile of barrels.

He found himself chuckling softly as he looked down at her despite how nervous he still was inside, regaining his normal, calm demeanor as he leaned down to get a better look “It seems you have missed your target. Perhaps next time I could offer you some directions to make sure you make it safely to your destination.”

As he mocked her gently, she shook her head and clapped her forehooves against her cheeks a few times, tumbling herself right side up again and giving a small snort “hey! No fair using magic like that! How the buck did you even do that!” She said angrily as she pawed at the ground and scowled at him.

“Magic? I am afraid you are mistaken, miss. You whiffed that tackle all on your own.” he said, more unsure than cocky now as he tilted his head. “Are you okay? Did you hit your head a bit too hard there? I can escort you to an infirmary if you need.” he said, taking a step towards her, a hand raised.

She stomped her hood down and stepped back slightly. “Step off, creep! I know exactly who to get to deal with you!” She said as she took off and quickly flashed through the air towards what seemed to be a large tree in the distance.

He sighed softly and shrugged as she beat a hasty retreat, presumably coming back with reinforcements. Chances are based on the average temperament of the ponies he had met so far that whoever they brought had a...decent chance of actually listening to him at least. He might as well stick around and see if he could get someone with some common sense to hear him out.

In the meantime, he had seen what looked to be a rather homey, if garish sweets shop yesterday. Perhaps he could talk himself into a nice cup of coffee and a scone if he was lucky…

Meanwhile, one particular purple unicorn librarian was having a rather relaxed day all things considered. Spike was out of the house, presumably on one of his bi-weekly visits to woo rarity by being her little assistant for the day. At least today he had done so at a time when she did not need her assistant. She had managed to get the entire library’s catalog of books organized to her liking and was enjoying a well-earned cup of tea in her dining room. She gave a satisfied sigh as she brought the freshly brewed cup in her telekinetic grasp up to her lips-

SMASH!

-only to be interrupted by a blue blur smashing through her roof and directly onto her table, the legs giving out from under it immediately and smashing the teacup out of her aura and splattering her face.

“Twilight! You gotta help me, there’s a Hyoo-man in the middle of town acting all suspicious and using magic and I think he stole from Applejack and...and…” as Rainbow Dash scrambled to her feet, she sheepishly came to a halt in her speech as she noticed all of the collateral damage she had caused and the very unamused and very wet expression on her friend’s face. “O-oh, sorry about that...don’t worry, I’m insured for that through work, they’ll cover a replacement.”

Twilight gave a small, exasperated sigh as she used her magic to dry herself and got out of her chair, shaking the dust and debris out of her coat and giving the other girl a flat, mildly annoyed expression. “It’s fine, Rainbow Dash. Now, what were you saying about somepony being suspicious in town?”

And from there, Rainbow Dash began to explain her encounter in town, of course trying to make herself sound much cooler than she was during the entire affair. After she finished her embellished retelling, Twilight hummed softly and simply turned to walk towards the shelves. Browsing for a few moments before pulling out a rather old book “Hyoo-mans, I know I have heard that term in...this one, I think…”

The book was titled “Encyclopedia of Equestrian Folklore: Volume 8 - H” She slowly, carefully opened it with her magic, careful not to damage the older tome as she flipped through the pages “Hmmm….Hyoo-mans, Hyoo...mans...Ah!” She says suddenly as she points her hoof at a section of a page. “Humans! I knew it! They are apparently a sort of mythical creature.”

She skimmed over the page, reading aloud for the other mare to hear as she leaned in with mild interest. “Hmmm, member of the Fair Folk, in the same category as Centaurs, Goblins, Trolls, Seaponies, Flutterponies…” She trailed off softly as her hoof ran along the aged, slightly faded text. “Naturally Curious and generally Jovial and Capricious by nature, Humans are difficult to predict. They are generally harmless unless provoked, content with pulling harmless if sometimes large scale acts of mischief, and will often grant small favors in exchange for gifts or charitable acts, or even help with a task or problem for no seeming reason other than boredom. But if provoked, humans are capable of wielding immense magical power on par with a Draconeqqus to...unpleasant, sometimes fatal effect…”

Twilight stopped reading slowly, the color draining slightly from her face as her eyes widened and her hoof stopped next to a picture of a mostly hairless, quadrupedal creature. “And you are sure that this was the creature you encountered, Rainbow Dash. And you attacked him? And he used magic?” She asked as she looked over at her friend while more directly pointing with her hoof.

Rainbow Dash frowned and nodded, realization seeming to fall across her features slowly. “Yeah, I did do that didn’t I…” she said slowly as she rubbed at the back of her neck with a hoof. “Do you think it’s too late for me to go and apologize?”

Twilight snapped the book shut, grimacing as she placed it back on the shelf. “Maybe not Rainbow Dash. I mean, he seemed to take it fairly well from what you said. He did not stop you from coming here after that. He did not seem to do terribly much aside from simply keeping you from touching him. Maybe he wasn’t too mad?”

In any case, apologizing was certainly looking like an appealing option, and the two of them cleaned up the mess around the destroyed kitchen table and set off into town to find this Human creature before it got itself into any more trouble. They both remembered what happened the last time the ponies in town had to get used to a strange creature among them. With how this place worked, it was only a matter of time before someone else decided they wanted to cause a problem.

As it had turned out, the bartering had gone far better than expected. It seemed that that orange mare’s apples were quite a desirable commodity around town. It just so happened that the shop owner’s wife had been meaning to go out and grab some, and he had managed to trade ten of them for three bits and a cup of tea, netting himself a tidy little profit. It had been easy enough to convince them that the additional cost was worth not having to go out and grab the apples himself during breakfast hours. The yellow-colored stallion had even thanked him for the convenience afterward.

He happily sipped at his team humming as he enjoyed the last of his apples along with the soothing beverage. He noticed that a rather...fluffy looking pink mare was eyeing him curiously from the booth next to his, bouncing up and down slowly with a smile across her face. He gave a small sigh and cocked his head towards her and spoke “Yes, Miss. Can I help you with something?”

Evidently, she took this as an invitation and hopped over the backrest of the seat opposite to him to sit across from him at the booth, her smile widening slightly. “Howdy! Sorry for staring so much, I just haven’t seen somepony that looks like you before, and the last time a strange pony came to town we made them feel really unwelcome and I ended up feeling really bad, so I figured ‘Oh! Maybe this stranger will be nice too!’, so I decided to come and talk to you to find out, so, are you nice, Mister?” She asked, leaning in after spouting all of that out in a near stream of consciousness, hyperactive cant.

He blinked slowly and ran a hand through his hair as he digested what she had said before finally deciding to answer. “Well, I do consider myself to be a fairly agreeable fellow yes. My name is Jasper. Jasper Mountebank.” he said as he continued to sip at his tea. “I hope you can forgive me for not getting up to shake your er...hoof. I am currently having breakfast.”

“Awe, that’s okay! My name is Pinkie Pie! I’m the resident Professional Party Pony!” she said with an adorable little wave of her hoof, a bit of confetti seeming to materialize from her mane.”I don’t wanna be rude, but what are you, Mister? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anypony like you around before, and I know everybody in Ponyville!” she said as her hooved drummed gently against the tabletop with excitement.

“Well Miss Pie, it is...very nice to meet you. I am a human, actually,” he said as he scratched at his chin. “And er...was that confetti just in your hair?” he asked as he gently dusted it away from his food and drink with one of his gloved hands.

“Nope! That just sort of happens sometimes.” she said happily if noncommittal before her eyes widened and she gave a small gasp “A Human!?” Granny Pie told me about those! She said you guys aren’t real though. It’s too bad too! From what I heard you can be a lot of fun, but if you aren’t real then that means I can’t play with you.” She said with a pout as her hair deflated slightly.

He could not help but chuckle softly, his lips turning a few degrees upward moreso than his usual easy gentlemanly demeanor demanded. A more genuine smile than his typical encoded contented countenance. “I assure you that as far as I am aware, I have been quite real for my entire life and have no intention of ceasing to be real at any point in the future,” he said somewhat dryly with a hint of amusement. “Though as much as I would like to er...play, I am afraid I do have pressing matters to attend to. I need to gather enough capital to secure a train to Canterlot. I am quite lost and I have been told that Canterlot would be a particularly suitable place for me to get my bearings and try to sort out my situation, but I do not have enough money for a ticket.”

She seems to think for a few long moments, going so far as to press her head to the table and put her hooves on top of it and rub before coming back up with a face betraying revelation “Oh! I know! What if I give you the money for your ticket if you spend the day with me meeting some of my friends! That way I get to play with you and you get your ticket!” she said confidently, extending a hoof towards him as if prompting him to shake on it in agreement “Sound good Mister?”

He took a moment to consider. While the ponies had, by and large, seemed not terribly friendly, she looked to be an obvious exception. And if she really is in charge of organizing many of the town’s social gatherings, it would probably look quite good to be seen associating with her as far as the opinions of the other ponies in town were concerned. He reached over and happily shook her hoof in his hand.

“That sounds wonderful, thank you, it’s a deal.”

As he says those last three words, he gets a strange sensation of comfortable finality. Pinkie seems to vibrate for a few moments and then rubs her head “Ooohhh! That was weird! I usually only get a feeling like that when somepony makes a Pinkie Promise!” she said as she hopped out of her seat and started...bouncing towards the door. “Come meet me outside when you finish, Jasper!”

He smiled softly at her as she exited the building, giving a small nod, turning back to finish his breakfast. Seems he had a full day ahead of him.

About fifteen minutes later, Twilight and Rainbow Dash burst through the doors. This was not the first establishment they had suddenly entered, they were looking for the human, but so far they were having no luck.

Mister Cake waved at them from the counter and gave a small, slightly worried smile when he saw their serious expressions “O-oh! Hey girls, is uh, somethin’ the matter?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as the two of them approached the counter quickly and Twilight began to speak.

“We are just looking for somepony, Mister Cake. Tall, really tall actually. dark mane, glasses, walks on two legs-”

He smiles a bit wider and cuts them off! “Oh! That fella. Yeah, he actually left with Pinkie Pie about fifteen minutes ago. She wanted to show him around town. Really off fella, him. Nice though! Saved me a trip to the market!” he said chipperly as Rainbow Dash and Twilight gave each other a panicked look and simultaneously yelled.

“PINKIE PIE!?”