Paradise Prison

by fsujs

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Random, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 1235

Journal entree of a man stuck in Equestria

Written for a creative writing elective course. This is a just for fun, one shot little short story. Styled as a journal entree, from a man that randomly got stuck in the land of Equestria. This chronicle excerpt is loosely based on this in-class prompt http://fsujs.deviantart.com/gallery/35355483#/d4s9jvm

Published 2012-09-03 00:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-03 00:24:01 UTC

-Day 347

-Day 347

Assuming that my count isn't off, I'm just about two weeks shy of a year since I randomly came to live in the strange land called Equestria. I guess I've acclimated to the insanely cartoonish world but every so often I remember that half the world looks like the edible room of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory; the one Gene Wilder played in, the one with Johnny Dep sucked.

Today started off different than usual. Instead of Fluttershy's mother frickin chickens waking me up before dawn, it was actually Twilight Sparkle trying to buck down my door. That girl is probably the biggest dork I've ever meet, human or pony. She's so determined to take me to Canterlot to see Princess Celestia raise the sun on the summer solstice. Have I ever written that before? Yeah, in this cracked out on sugar world I'm in, the sun is magically raised and lowered by a winged unicorn (or is she horned pegasis?) and she's also the ruler of all ponies. Of all the alternate made up universes I could have been flung into, what did I ever do to deserve this one?

But yeah, the purple little egghead has been so excited about it that she got a full week ahead of herself. By the way, have I mentioned I'm not a morning person? I should probably apologize tomorrow. In my defense it was probably about 4AM.

I went ahead and got my day started anyway. Didn't feel like making any breakfast so I swung by Applejack's farm and took two apples from a tree. Should probably apologize to her too. Actually I should have probably gone and paid for them. Anyway, probably should have asked if nothing else. It was still really early like 5AM so I probably wasn't firing on all cylinders.

Got to the bakery about 5:30, the Cakes weren't up yet. I was pretty tired still so I went around back and snoozed against the wall. Last time I napped out front, I woke up to a couple of school fillies poking me with a stick. Anyway, it was about 6:30 and Pinkie Pie in her infinite wisdom decided it a good idea to wake me up by shooting her party cannon off about two feet from face. I wonder sometimes when we're not at work, if she psychotic or just annoying. Probably both. As much as I hated it, the high velocity confetti and streamers did wonders for waking me up.

Work was pretty uneventful other than that. The Cakes have started clocking me for longer hours ever since they decided that it was more efficient to have Pinkie babysit their twins while they're working. It kind of sucks actually. Pinkie was often annoying to work with, don't get me wrong, but she was good at what she did, and she kept things going at a really good pace. Actually, I think I've started slowing down since they moved her. Whatever, at least I don't have to deal with her annoying spontaneous recipe songs. Dear God woman, I know how to make cupcakes.

Got an extra long lunch break today, not that it mattered. In a world dominated by herbivores, three square meals can get pretty unexciting. At least eggs aren't off the menu. It's odd, but I'm not complaining. It ticks me off though that farm and ranch ponies raise pigs. There's no point to them in this world other than garbage disposals! God I really miss bacon.

I decided to be smart and used the extra time to stop by Rarity's shop. I'm not a fan of going to a "boutique" but she's the only one who makes legitimate clothes in this whole town. It's weird that she does as well as she does, since ponies don't wear clothes unless there's some big event. Wonder if it has something to do with unicorn magic? Anyway most of the clothes she made me the first time are getting a little too holey for even me. I only put in an order for new pants and shirts. I'd love to ask her to just patch the oldies but she almost flipped her lid last time I asked her to do that. God, I really miss Walmart.

I actually talked to Fluttershy. Like we talked legitimately talked; like a legitimate conversation, I mean yeah, it was short, but it was more than three words from her and she wasn't about to start crying and fly off because more than a mosquito's attention was on her. It was five actual sentences from her. She was really bubbly and happy today, no clue why. But yeah, it was after my lunch break, probably around 2:30. She picked up an order and was on cloud nine the whole time. If I had to guess, I'd say probably her favorite bunny had a birthday today since she picked up a carrot cake.

Forgot that the other pegasi scheduled a rainstorm at 5PM today. Still not used to the fact that clouds don't move on their own here, or the sun for that matter. I personally blame Rainbow Dash, she was the one that I first meet when I woke up here, and she told me she'd keep an eye out for me. All that lazy bum does is lounge on the clouds and sleep. She was probably right overhead when I was getting poured on. I was only halfway home when it started happening so I decided to stop at Applejack's farm.

I wasn't actually going to say hi to any of them, just hide out in their barn until the rain let up. Turns out Applejack didn't have time to get to her house before the rain either. It was kind of awkward when I ran inside the barn, immediately took off my soggy shirt, turned around, and she was right in from if me. Have I ever written about that weird double standard? Yeah, even though they're all a bunch of ponies running around with no clothes, it's still considered indecent if I have no clothes. But yeah, that was really awkward. She took it all in good stride. We talked for a while, not much else to do when it's raining and you're stuck in a barn. Really love that deep southern draw in her voice. It's about the only thing that ever reminds me of home.

Ya'know, if I ever went off the deep end, she'd probably be the one I'd pick. On second though that's beyond a bad idea. Though, it does make me wonder if Centaurs are possible in this world. If so it probably would have to be from a regular pony, not a unicorn or pegasus. Got to be sure to never see if it works. Applejack would probably kick me in the nads if I even suggested it. Oh lord, if that ever happened, and her brother found out. Big Macintosh would be livid. He'd probably kick my nads so hard my they'd explode, along with my eyes. I mean seriously he's probably the only one here that should be called a horse instead of a pony. Yeah, note to self, don't ever go off the deep end, and while I'm thinking of it, I should probably destroy half of this paper.

So on a less disturbing note, I'm going to bed now.