Chapters Swapping Scales For Suave
At last Spike was drawing close to his destination, yet it was as if the weather itself opposed him. Wind whipped against the dragon’s body, threatening to tear his alabaster scarf from his throat. Rain pounded against his hard scales in such a powerful torrent that he had to lean into it in order to not be driven back.
And yet Spike continued onward, the now adult dragon cursing his tall, lanky form as he made his way down a tight city street. Old Canterlot surrounded him on all sides, it's much more narrow roads ensuring that even with visibility being low, he could still see the signs which hung above the various stores. Which was good, because after nearly an hour of wandering he was starting to think that Trixie’s recommended jeweler didn't actually exist.
He briefly considered stopping somewhere and asking for directions only for his pride to get the better of him. He was Spike the dragon, and after celebrating his twenty first birthday not long ago, he was officially an adult. As such he was determined to find what he was looking for without asking for help, and definitely without giving up.
“Now where are you Gilded Hen? You should be around here somewhere,” Spike muttered to himself as he trudged down the street.
Straining against the heavy rain, Spike tried to peer into the gloom, his sharp draconic eyes piercing the darkness. Yet even as he neared the end of the street his target eluded him. That was until something strange caught his eye.
Something jumped out at him and all at once Trixie’s description of the place returned to the forefront of his mind.
“It's the place with the golden hen on the sign,” she had claimed. “But whatever you do, don't go into the store next to it. That guy only sells cursed stuff, plus his laugh is like nails on a chalkboard.”
Shaking off the memory, Spike found himself in a bit of predicament.
Before him two doors stood next to each other, but unfortunately for Spike the sign above was being whipped around so hard in the wind that he couldn't tell which one was the correct entrance. Deciding to go with his gut, Spike turned to the left, and hoped he had chosen correctly. Pushing his way into the shop, Spike turned and shoved the door closed once he was through, briefly fighting with the blowing wind.
Once the entrance clicked shut, the dragon shuddered, and ran a hand down his face.
“That was brutal,” he muttered under his breath.
After giving himself a little shake and allowing the majority of the rain to fall from his body, Spike straightened his scarf and looked around. Only to quickly find that he was surrounded on all sides by pillars of random junk and bookshelves packed with thick tomes. It was like the store owner had started off selling used books only to switch focus and become a pawn broker shortly thereafter.
Swords could be seen hanging next to piles of folded flags, and even the odd peice of jewelry. Though clearly not the place Spike was hoping to end up, it still managed to pique his curiosity. Plus there were a few rings, and necklaces hidden amongst the other more esoteric objects placed haphazardly around the space.
Which meant there was a chance he could find what he was looking for, even if he hadn't ended up where he had hoped to. Plus if he was being honest with himself this was way cooler then just any old jewelry store. It reminded him of when hed join Twilight in her rare book hunts to old Canterlot.
The sound of parting fabric made the dragon’s attention shift to a curtain which had just been brushed aside. Revealing a strange elderly stallion with off white fur, and a deep purple mane bound in a braid which stuck out from beneath a rather strange looking hat. He also wore a pair of spectacles which hung on the very tip of his nose, somehow managing to defy gravity by not falling off his face.
His eyes were the color of eggs that had just gone bad, and his heavy clothes obscured his cutie mark, ensuring it was difficult to identify him. As he approached, he fixed Spike with a slight, devilish smile, seemingly unsurprised to find a dragon wandering the shop.
“May I help you, traveller?” he offered in a low, inviting tone.
Spike nodded. “I’m looking for something special.”
“Ahh, then something must have drawn you to my shop. Something powerful,” replied the shopkeeper who turned and trotted deeper into his store.
Spike followed as close as he could, hopping over piles of tomes and dodging a rack of ancient zebrican spears. He wasn't sure where the stallion was going, but Spike hoped it was the location of the store owner’s special stock.
“I’m looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. I hope to propose to her next week and I have yet to find something worthy of her,” Spike exclaimed.
The shopkeeper trotted into a back area which was slightly more orderly then the rest of the place. Before him rested a long counter, while behind him were numerous shelves upon which an even greater number of artifacts rested.
“You seek something worthy of a creature who has everything,” inferred the pony.
“I do,” Spike declared, a dopey grin crossing his face. “I’ve tried nearly every shop in Canterlot but nothing is quite good enough for her.”
“Tell me my young friend. Does anything I have speak to you?” asked the shopkeeper, who gestured to the wide array of objects sitting on the shelves behind him.
Spike hummed thoughtfully as he let his gaze wander over the many rows of items, mentally discarding all the cool swords he saw. He also brushed aside the pieces of armor, ancient looking helmets and even the really wicked looking gold cape. The dragon scolded himself for letting his mind wander, and reminded himself why he was here in the first place.
Rarity deserves something as beautiful as her. Something perfect. Spike thought to himself.
Other rings, and pieces of jewelry passed his gaze and were similarly ignored one after another. That one is too garish. That one is too minimal. Why does that one look like the grinch? Well at least it's better than that broach with the ogre on it.
Spike was about to give up his quest when he saw something so perfect that his eyes lit up and his mouth began to water. Two rings sat prominently within a black satin case, one of which was adorned with diamonds of varied colors while the other was much more plain though it followed the same general design. This second one was a simple black band with two diamonds inlaid within, one white, the other the same color of purple as Spike’s scales.
The larger of the two was made up of three individual bands which split near the halfway point, the upper and lower ones being studded with similarly colored diamonds. While the more plain ring had only three of the priceless gems, the more extravagant one had over a dozen of them, half of which were white while the others were purple. The central section of that ring rose slightly, and had three larger diamonds of alternating color set within v shaped holders.
It was eye catching, yet it didn't scream its price tag like Rarity liked to say. It was everything the unicorn had ever expressed interest in, all wrapped into one perfect package.
“That one!” Spike exclaimed, pointing to the box.
“Ah, you have a keen eye,” remarked the shopkeeper. “The bands of mutual love allow the wearers to see just how much the wearers care for one another.”
“Really?” Spike asked.
The pony nodded slowly. “Indeed they do, and it even comes with a lifetime guarantee on the diamonds.”
“So if they fall off or whatever you’ll replace them?” Spike inquired.
“Oh no. They would simply grow back in a few weeks,” the pony smirked. “But I wouldn't eat them if I were you. They apparently taste like burnt shoe leather.”
“I wasn't… well maybe I was thinking about it,” Spike murmured.
The pony chuckled. “Don't worry young one. Allow me to give you a closer look.”
Spike watched as the shopkeeper lifted them off the back and set the box on the counter before him.
“Now then, how will you be paying? We take cash, credit, debit, visa and mastercard,” asked the pony.
“Hold on,” Spike cautioned. “What if they don't fit? I am a dragon after all. Most jewelry isn't exactly my size.”
“Hold out your hand dear boy,” encouraged the shopkeeper.
Spike shrugged, and did just that, extending his hand and splaying his fingers. The pony opened the box and gently placed the larger of the two rings on Spike’s finger, the band growing in order to fit securely.
“See? You need not worry about if it will fit whatever creature has taken your heart,” he declared.
“Woah,” Spike murmured. “That's pretty cool.”
“Indeed, and the other does the same, obviously,” the pony added.
“I’ll take them,” Spike declared.
The pony chuckled cruelly, his laughter sounding akin to nails on chalkboard. “Excellent, just excellent,” he whispered to himself.
“Did you say something?” Spike asked, looking up from the ring.
The unicorn cleared his throat. “No. Now, would you like that gift wrapped?”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike muttered a rather colorful curse under his breath as he peered out the window that looked over the driver pulling their carriage. His pace was slow, dignified, and held a calm even speed that likely took a lot of practice to get down properly. Normally this fact wouldn't bother the dragon, but the small black box in his chest pocket was beginning to burn a hole through his clothes.
“Oh I’m so excited,” Rarity exclaimed, touching the strip of cloth covering her eyes. “Is this blindfold truly necessary though darling?”
Spike nodded, then remembered that she couldn't see him. “Err yes. I thought it would be more romantic that way.”
“Well it certainly is quite romantic though I am remiss to lose out on a sunset carriage ride with you,” Rarity replied sweetly.
“Yes, well. If all goes well tonight then I foresee another such ride in our immediate future,” Spike stated, blushing slightly.
“If tonight goes well?” Rarity pressed. “Whatever do you mean darling?”
Spike gulped, and tugged at the collar of his shirt. “You know. In case you don't fall and hurt yourself or something.”
Rarity giggled, pressing a hoof gently against her lips. “Oh dear you can be such a worry wart sometimes. I swear it's like dating a scalier Twilight.”
“Well you know what they say about parents. They give you the good and the bad,” Spike exclaimed.
Rarity nodded. “Quite true darling. Quite true.”
Spike turned his head and peered back out the window. “Oh thank goodness,” he muttered.
Seeing his destination slowly coming closer, Spike nervously scanned the road for anything out of the ordinary. Everything seemed fine however, as the streets were relatively empty given that it was nearing Twilight by then. The various restaurants Spike could see, were at about half capacity for similar reasons, but this was also likely due to the fact that it was wednesday evening.
Not many folk went out at such a day or hour, but that was precisely why Spike and Rarity were there at that moment.
As the carriage began to slow, Spike nervously rubbed his hands on his pants, wiping away the sweat that threatened to make them clammy. When their ride stopped, he quickly stood, and reached down to take hold of Rarity’s less dominant hoof.
“May I guide you to our final destination?” he inquired as suavely as his nervous heart would allow.
Rarity giggled, and gently stood, allowing the dragon to do just that. “It would be my honor,” she replied.
Spike smiled, and opened the carriage door, hastily stepping out before leading his date out behind him. “Your payment is in the cab, as well as a tip,” Spike quickly whispered to the driver.
Who stood a little taller, and upon eying the small open bag of gold on the plush seat of his carriage, nodded slowly. “Best of luck to ya, youngin,” he announced before beginning to trot away.
“How does he…” Spike shook his head and turned back to Rarity. “My apologies dear. We have arrived, but before I remove your blindfold may I ask you a question?”
“But of course,” Rarity replied.
“Do you remember what today marks the event of?” Spike inquired.
The unicorn giggled excitedly. “Of course I do. It's our second anniversary.”
Spike barely stopped himself from giggling in excitement. “You are right. Which is why we have returned to our restaurant,” Spike declared.
Rarity gasped as her date removed her blindfold. “Burger queen! Ohoho that was quite the bait and switch you pulled.”
“I didn't want to make it too obvious where we were going,” Spike replied, only to blush and rub the back of his neck. “I thought it was fitting considering how on our first date I totally screwed up the reservation at that other place.”
Rarity giggled, and planted a brief kiss on the dragon’s cheek. “You brought me to your favorite restaurant and shared something special with me. It was lovely.”
Spike chuckled awkwardly, and tried to mutter a response only to fail.
Rarity merely smiled. “I don't think I need you to hold my hoof anymore. Though I am certainly not complaining.”
“How about we cut the difference then?” Spike offered before locking his arm with her foreleg.
Though the position was slightly awkward given Spike’s newfound height, with a little slouching he made it work. Plus it was worth it given the adorable blush which crossed his lover’s face.
“That is… acceptable,” Rarity remarked with a fake air of disinterest.
Spike extended an arm towards the door. “Shall we?”
Rarity nodded. “Après vous.”
Spike grinned, and strode forward, making sure to not walk too fast lest he accidentally leave Rarity behind. Opening the large glass entrance, he strode through into the small, old, and mostly empty fast food place with all the grace of a dancer entering a ball. Rarity matched his movements perfectly, with the unicorn holding her head high all the while.
Around them stood several tables, one of which was crowded with younger ponies who didn't pay them any mind. To their left sat three booths, one of which had nestled near the entrance to the kitchen, and had high walls on either side. In front of them stood the long counter, cash register, and behind that the glowing board of menu items that were hard to read due to having nearly faded away completely.
The slightly older unicorn sitting behind the till jumped up the second she laid eyes on the pair, a massive smile crossing her face. “Hey Small Fry, Scorch Mark, the love birds are back!” She yelled through the narrow opening separating the front of the store from the back.
Spike and Rarity merely smiled as they continued to gracefully stride up to the counter before finally separating.
“Good evening Sunny Smiles,” Rarity greated.
The yellow maned, and orange furred unicorn worker bowed, briefly lifting her paper hat as she did so. “Greetings to you, lady Rarity and Sir Spike,” she welcomed.
“How is the evening rush treating you?” Spike teased.
The mare stood, wincing slightly when her knees cracked. “Not the busiest but thankfully we get some hungry students and you guys to keep the two oafs from falling asleep on the job.”
“Hey!” shouted a green furred earth pony stallion who was poking his head through the opening.
“That only happened once!” added a brown maned pegasus stallion that peeked through a second later.
“I have no doubt that it was a well warranted rest,” Rarity offered.
“Oh don't go encouraging them,” remarked the till worker. “Now what would you like to order?”
“Hold on, aren't we going to at least get a twirl?” asked the earth pony worker.
“Twirl, twirl, twirl!” chanted the pegasus.
“Oh fine, if I must,” Rarity declared in mock indignation.
The unicorn gently spun in place, her long flowing purple dress subtly shifting shades as the light caught it at different angles. Upon completion, Rarity ran a hoof through her mane and with a sly flourish made it bounce into place.
The pegasus whistled while his partner clopped his hooves together. “Bravo, bravo!” They yelled.
“Now Spike!” demanded the earth pony only to blush and look down. “That is, if he wants to.”
The dragon chuckled. “It is good to know that you can recognize a good coat when you see one.”
“Come on, give ‘em a twirl darling,” Rarity encouraged.
Spike straightened his lapel. “If you insist dear.”
He too proceeded to turn in place and though he wasn't quite as showy as his partner, he still made sure to make his coat tails flutter briefly. Once back in place he straightened his stark white tie and ran a pair of clawed hands down his black suit jacket.
“He doesn't have a brother by chance does he?” asked Sunny Smiles who leaned over the counter. “Or maybe a single father or uncle?”
Rarity giggled. “I’m afraid they are all taken dear.”
The older mare cursed under her breath. “Just my luck,” she muttered.
Rarity smirked, and leaned closer. “Though he does have a rather dashing cousin that visits every once and a while. Perhaps next time we are in Canterlot we can swing by.”
“You’re a saint ya know that?” Sunny Smiles replied with a grin.
Rarity chuckled as she took a step back. “I wouldn't go that far.”
“Well I would,” offered Small Fry with a grin.
“You two are the highlight of the week around here,” added Scorch Mark.
Sunny Smiles thumped a hoof against the counter. “Alright, that's enough chin wagging. These two are on a date and are gonna need some grub.”
“Don't worry. I wont forget to go light on the mayo this time!” Announced Small Fry.
“Or to go heavy on the hot sauce!” Added Scorch Mark.
Spike grinned. “I don't know how you guys aren't busier.”
“Not everyone has your refined palate,” remarked Sunny, who shot the pair a wink. “Now then, what can I getcha?”
Rarity cleared her throat. “The usual, but make my sundae a medium.”
“Daring today,” Sunny exclaimed, turning to Spike. “Let me guess. A double flame broiled ruby burger with extra hot sauce?”
“You know me too well Sunny,” Spike stated with a smile.
The mare chuckled. “That will be twenty four bits please.”
Spike nodded, and reached within his coat. “Allow me dear.”
“Such a gentleman,” Rarity exclaimed.
After paying the mare and depositing his shrinking bag of gold back into his pocket, Spike extended an arm. “Care to join me at our table?” He offered.
Rarity batted her eyelashes at the male. “Why yes sir Spike.”
The dragon blushed and gently took the unicorn’s foreleg before trotting over to the booth closest to the kitchen’s entrance. There he carefully sat across from his partner, his bulk sinking into the familiar seat. After giving his butt one final wiggle, Spike smiled, and watched as Rarity tucked her dress out of the way.
“You know I was beginning to miss this,” he exclaimed.
“It has been a quite awhile hasn't it?” Rarity offered.
“Too long,” Spike replied, only for his smile to become strangely wistful. “You know. I wonder what would have happened had I actually gotten the date right and we had ended up at that other place.”
“I don't know,” Rarity murmured. “I think we may have found our way here eventually. The Golden Saucer is nice but can be a bit stuffy.”
“Not exactly the best first date experience huh?” Spike inquired.
“Most mares wouldn't agree with me, but I rather prefer a special place like this,” Rarity remarked.
“Well you are a very special mare,” Spike remarked with a smile.
“Oh Spike you old charmer,” Rarity exclaimed, batting her eyelashes at the dragon. “You know just what to say.”
“Most of the time,” Spike retorted with a self depreciating chuckle.
“In order to succeed one must try,” Rarity replied before clearing her throat. “Now tell me about this dragon summit thing you’ve got coming up. You’ve hardly uttered a peep about it since you first set things into motion all those months ago.”
Spike grinned. “Oh you are going to love this. I finally managed to get Ember to allow some of the friendlier dragons to set up a permanent town at the edge of their territory and I am going to be there for the grand opening festival.”
“Fascinating,” Rarity exclaimed. “But I’m confused as to why the dragon lord would be against this at all.”
Spike winced. “That area is populated mainly by earth ponies who used to be raided by some of the meaner dragons way back when, so there is some bad blood there. No deaths or anything like that mind you. It's just a bit of a sore spot and some dragons are against the very concept of trade or even a permanent settlement.”
“It is a bit of a leap for them,” Rarity added.
Spike nodded. “There have been plenty of dragons that immigrated to Equestria in addition to some of them having enclaves in several major cities but dragons having their own town? That apparently hasn't happened in centuries.”
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything too important,” exclaimed Sunny Smiles who stepped up to their table with a large platter held atop her hoof. “I also hope that I didn't just overhear some sort of state secret and now you need to wipe my brain or something.”
“Don't think of it as a brain wipe. Think of it like a simple cranial cleaning,” Spike replied with a smirk.
Rarity giggled. “That was delightfully dark, darling.”
“Quite,” added Sunny. “Though I don't suppose I could bribe you with food by chance.”
Spike grinned. “That just may work.”
“In that case, here you are,” Sunny Smiles declared before expertly placing their order before them.
“Mmm this looks wonderful,” Rarity exclaimed.
“And quick too,” Spike pointed out.
A second later the table was full and the older unicorn mare had the platter under her hoof.
“Now then. Is there anything else you need?” She asked.
“I don't think so. How about you Spikey Wikey?” Rarity inquired.
The dragon blushed and shook his head. “Were fine here Sunny. Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure,” Sunny declared before shooting Spike a knowing wink and slipping back into the kitchen.
Spike briefly wondered what that had been about, a hand unconsciously reaching for his breast pocket. The dragon stopped himself at the last moment however, and forced his arms to fall slack at his sides. There was no way she knew, and even if she did, the pony seemed to be wishing him luck, in her own way.
Kind of like the driver did. Spike thought. Is it that obvious?
“Is there something wrong, darling?” Rarity inquired.
Spike shook his head. “It's nothing. I was just thinking how they should really get them proper hats.”
“Those paper ones are quite dreadful aren't they,” Rarity muttered before dipping a fry into some ketchup and biting down on it.
Spike nodded and grabbed his burger. “So, I told you about what I have coming up. What is this secret project you’ve barely mentioned?”
“Oh it's only the opportunity of a lifetime,” Rarity gushed enthusiastically, as if she had been barely able to restrain herself until that very moment. “The Canterlot Symphony Orchestra is replacing their old dusty outfits and have asked moi to replace them.”
Spike chewed and swallowed his mouthful of food before responding. “That is quite the project though how many chances of a lifetime have you had already? Six, seven?”
“Oh har har,” Rarity mocked, pointing a fry at the dragon. “I’ll have you know that every chance to prove my designs on a larger scale is a chance of a lifetime.”
“I know what you mean,” Spike began. “I felt the same way about our date two years ago.”
Rarity blushed, and swallowed her food. “I must admit I wasn't sure if it was going to work out. You were so young, and there always seemed to be some calamity coming every few months like clockwork.”
“I’m not that much younger then you,” Spike remarked with a pout.
“I know darling, I know. I just can't help but imagine that Twilight is the same age as me, despite her actually being a few years older,” Rarity explained. “When she first arrived she was just so…”
“Naive, impressionable, antisocial?” Spike offered. “I can keep going you know.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “You needn't bother. You know what I mean.”
“I do,” Spike declared, cleaning his claws on a napkin. “I’m glad we worked past that though.”
“Indeed,” Rarity muttered wistfully. “To think we’ve been living together for six months and haven't even fought yet.”
“What about-” Spike began only to be cut off by a glare.
“That whole business with the milk doesn't count,” Rarity declared.
Spike chuckled and raised his arms defensively. “Alright alright. Fair enough.”
Rarity huffed indignantly before taking a sip of her drink. “It really is something though.”
“What is?” Spike pressed.
“Us,” Rarity exclaimed. “During those first few months I couldn't imagine it lasting longer than a year. No offence darling but my head just wasn't there. I know I always talked about my prince charming but I didn't even know if that's what I truly wanted.”
“I know,” Spike declared firmly.
Rarity sighed. “Yet now I couldn't imagine this ever ending.”
Spike’s eyes went wide and his hand went to his jacket. “Speaking of which…”
Rarity blinked. “What are…”
The unicorn’s jaw hung open in shock as she watched her boyfriend leave the booth and get down on one knee.
“I feel the exact same way about you Rarity,” Spike began, his voice quivering briefly. “Ever since we returned here for our one year aniversery I knew I wanted to marry you. Now that I’ve found the perfect ring I knew it was time.”
“Spike I…” Rarity gasped, and fanned herself with a hoof, tears forming at the edge of her eyes.
“Rarity, would you marry me?” Spike asked, as he pulled out the box and opened it, revealing its contents.
Rarity’s already wide eyes grew wider still, her attention immediately going to the pair of sparkling rings now sitting before her. There was a moment, a single moment where Spike thought he saw hesitation in those large blue orbs. Yet it was gone in an instant, replaced by excitement the likes of which would put Pinkie Pie to shame.
“Of course I’ll marry you!” She shouted shortly before throwing herself at the dragon.
Who only just barely managed to catch her without falling over in the process. Their lips met a moment later, with both passionately leaning into one another. For a precious few seconds there was nothing but the joy they collectively shared, and the heat of the other’s presence.
Then, they parted and quickly realized that the whole staff was standing right there, as well as a curious few students who had wandered over from their table. This action seemed to have broken some unspoken rule for as one the other ponies let out a cheer.
“Congratulations!”
“I knew they would do it!”
“It's so romantic!”
Rarity smiled, and gently took a step away from her lover. “I can't believe you finally did it.”
“Finally?” Spike questioned.
Rarity scoffed. “I was ready to marry you a year ago.”
The dragon chuckled. “Better late than never right?”
“For you darling? I’d wait a thousand years,” Rarity exclaimed, the unicorn planting one final kiss on Spike’s lips.
The crowd dawed in unison, making Spike remember that they werent exactly alone. He was about to ask for some privacy only to realize that streamers now hung from the ceiling as well as a banner that said congratulations on it.
“What the…” Spike muttered.
“I had a sneaking feeling you were going to propose so I grabbed the birthday stuff while you two were eating,” Sunny Smiles explained.
“It's wonderful, thank you,” Rarity added.
Sunny Smiles blushed and rubbed the back of her neck. “It was nothing.”
“Put the ring on her Spike!” Shouted Burn Mark.
A couple other ponies yelled their agreement with this course of action.
“Alright alright. Sheesh, you’d think I was marrying you guys and not Rarity,” Spike muttered as he retreived the ring from its case before looking expectantly down at Rarity. “May I?”
“You may,” Rarity replied, bowing her head slightly.
Spike gently placed the ring at the base of his partner’s horn, and watched as it shrunk ever so slightly to fit. “How does it feel?” He inquired.
“Rather snug, but I think it should be fine,” Rarity replied, testing her magic by lifting her drink and taking a sip.
“Perfect,” Spike declared before reaching for the box.
“Ah ah ah,” Rarity interrupted, grabbing his hand. “Allow me darling.”
Spike blushed, and extended his hand. “Of course.”
Rarity wasted no time in levitating the ring onto his finger, which she then twisted so the stones were pointing upwards. It then grew ever so slightly before Rarity then set it at the base of Spike’s ring finger. Their eyes met, and for a moment they both felt an intense surge of happiness course through them.
A milestone had been crossed, a goal was achieved, and in their heart of hearts they knew that they both felt the same. A second, far stranger surge followed the first however, knocking them both back, and leaving both dragon and Unicorn dizzy. Then they collapsed as all feeling fled their bodies, only for the vertigo to return with a vengeance.
They were both dimly aware of ponies asking if they were okay, as well as a nervous fry cook sprinting to the back in search of a pair of ice packs. Spike and Rarity’s own confusion increased when one of them realized they were taller then they had been a second ago. While the other was far shorter, and was now kneeling for some reason.
As the stars began to clear from his vision, Spike realized that he was no longer looking down on Rarity, but rather up at himself. Rarity meanwhile was just as confused as her partner, mostly due to the fact that she was now standing on two legs. Both had gained, and lost appendages, as well as senses, while also being completely baffled in the process.
“What happened…” muttered the dragon, who immediately gasped in surprise and wrapped their hands around their mouth.
“Why are you in my body?” asked the unicorn.
“Me? Why are you in my body!” shrieked Rarity.
“Wait, what's going on here? Are they doing a bit?” asked one of the students.
“A bit? Do you think I would try to ruin one of the happiest days of my life like this?” yelled Rarity who raised her forearms into the air.
“Hey now. I’m sure this is all just a big, oof,” Spike muttered, the unicorn landing directly onto his face after trying to take a step. “Why are your legs so small?”
“Small? I’ll have you know I have a perfectly proportioned body!” Rarity yelled, jabbing a finger at her partner only to fall forward when she didn't correctly balance her weight.
“Just walk on your hands and feet,” Spike offered. “It's actually a fairly natural position.”
Rarity grumbled as she pushed herself up onto her new appendages. “Thank you darling now could you please explain what in the hay just happened?”
Spike coughed awkwardly. “The rings, they were supposed to let us feel how the other felt but I think something went wrong.”
“An emotional feedback spell shouldn't have done something like that,” remarked a young unicorn mare with a frizzy pink mane.
“Just give me a second to scan it and…” Rarity sighed, and ran a hand down her face. “Right. I don't have a horn anymore.”
“May I?” offered a unicorn stallion with a slim build and bright green eyes.
Rarity nodded. “Yes, and please hurry darling. I don't know how much of this I can take.”
The student closed his eyes and lit his horn. A second later and a soft purple light ran down the body switched being’s bodies.
“Well that solves that,” he remarked. “Your cursed.”
“Cursed?! How could I be cursed on the day of my engagement? This is terrible, this is horrible, this is the worst, possible, thing!” shrieked Rarity before she toppled to the floor like a puppet with their strings cut.
Spike sighed as he gazed down on the fainted Rarity. “Can someone help me hail a cab and get both Rarity and I into it? I have a jeweler to chew out,” he asked.
“Small Fry, grab some ice water for our guest,” Sunny Smiles barked. “Burn Mark. Package up their food. Something tells me our guest is going to be mighty hungry when they wake up.”
“Right!” yelled the staff before sprinting back into the kitchen.
Spike smiled. “Thank you Sunny.”
“Not a problem,” replied the mare. “Though I am curious as to what you plan to do.”
“It's not a matter of what I’m going to do, it's a matter of what I’m going to undue,” Spike replied grimly.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike looked out the window of the cab, his gaze pointedly lingering on the buildings they passed by and not on his own strange reflection. For the countenance he had grown used to was not the one that looked back on him, rather it was the face of his lover’s which he now saw. That fact alone was enough to unnerve the dragon turned pony, and he forced himself to face the slack form of himself.
The adolescent dragon was sprawled out on the seat across from him, her arms and legs spread wide. It was a sight that Spike wouldn't mind others seeing him in, though he doubted Rarity would have appreciated being sprawled out such as she was. Thankfully she had yet to wake up from her rather sudden bout of fainting, leaving Spike alone with his thoughts.
He hoped it wouldn't be long before she woke up, as the former dragon doubted he could carry her without someone’s help. He also couldn't figure out how to use her magic either, so if it came right down to it Spike would have to ask the driver for assistance. Thankfully that didn't seem like it was going to be necessary as the dragon’s still form began to twitch, her eyes slowly opening.
“Ahh good. You’re awake. I was beginning to worry,” Spike exclaimed.
The dragon blinked owlishly and rubbed the corners of her eyes with balled fists. “I had the weirdest dream. You were…” she stopped and looked down. “Oh goodness I haven't woken up yet.”
“You have,” Spike quickly stated. “This is no dream unfortunately.”
“What happened?” asked Rarity as she awkwardly attempted to sit upright.
“I think the rings are cursed,” Spike stated, tapping the fancy band which was bound tight about the base of his horn. “They can't be removed either so don't bother.”
Rarity tugged on the stubborn ring regardless, trying to remove it from her scaled digit for several seconds before giving up. “You werent kidding. At least it's not too tight,” Rarity remarked.
“Thank the stars for small blessings,” Spike murmured.
“So who did this? Chrysalis? Sombra? It was Discord wasn't it?” Rarity inquired.
Spike shook his head slowly, an awkward blush springing to his features. “It may have been well… me.”
Rarity blinked owlishly. “You cursed us? Why?”
“I didn't mean to!” Spike shouted, throwing his hooves in the air. “I just wanted to find a ring that was worthy of you so I went to this place that Trixie suggested which was on Baker street. Or at least I’m pretty sure that's where I ended up.”
“You…” Rarity’s eye twitched and the dragon stopped, placing a hand over her chest.
“Are you okay?” Spike inquired.
Rarity raised a single solitary finger, the dragon focusing solely on her breathing for several seconds.
“Alright then,” Rarity murmured in a cold, vaguely sinister tone. “Now you are going to tell me where you found this ring and how to break this curse right this minute.”
“I don't know!” Spike quickly exclaimed, skidding back in his seat. “We are going to the place right now though. See?”
Rarity looked out the window of the taxi carriage to where the dark buildings of Canterlot slowly flitted past them. Most were empty, and unlit, few stores remaining open this late in the evening. Fewer still had any patrons left, and most seemed to be in the midst of closing down for the night.
They had also neared the mountainside which obscured the moon from sight, leaving them in near complete darkness. All around them ponies walked this way and that, with the odd minotaur or griffon visible in the mixed crowd. Though a rare sight in the pony city, the appearance of immigrants were more common now that they were nearing the poorer area.
After staring out the window for several minutes Rarity frowned, and turned back to the unicorn sitting across from her.
“Okay, so you went to some strange shop Trixie mentioned, then what?” Rarity asked, leaning forward and peering intently at her lover.
“Well it was raining really hard and it was pretty dark so I may have gotten a bit mixed up,” Spike reluctantly admitted. “She said I was supposed to go to the Gilded Hen and to avoid the place that sold cursed stuff.”
Rarity sighed and ran a fist down her face. “Let me guess. You went to the cursed place didn't you?”
“I guess so,” Spike murmured. “It's not my fault. It was really late and he had rings so I assumed I was in the right place.”
Rarity frowned, and rolled her fist in the air. “And what happened after that?”
“Well I went in there and there was a whole bunch of cool stuff like swords and armor and junk,” Spike continued. “But then he brought me to the back of his store where there was this long counter area. That's where I saw the rings and knew they were perfect.”
“They are rather nice,” Rarity admitted, the dragon wiping the edge of her lips where a small trickle of drool had dribbled from. “Surprisingly tasty looking as well.”
“I know right?” Spike replied with a grin. “Apparently the gems grow back after a while too so I really had to resist snacking on one of them after I got it.”
“So…” Rarity murmured, tearing her eyes from the ring. “Did he say anything spooky or ominous while you were there?”
“Why would he do that?” Spike retorted.
“You know how it is Spike. These people always say something vague like ‘you will enjoy this until the end of your days’ right after selling you some gum that lasts a week but will also kill you in six days,” Rarity answered.
Spike blanched, the unicorn glancing nervously up at his horn. “You don't think that's what's going to happen to us do you?”
“I don't know Spike! That's what I’m trying to figure out!” Rarity shouted.
Spike winced. “Sorry. I mean he asked if I wanted it gift wrapped. Oh and he said something about the rings being called the bands of mutual love.”
“Now were getting somewhere,” Rarity murmured with a sigh. “What else did he say?”
“He mentioned that they would allow the wearers to see just how much the wearers cared for one another,” Spike answered, his eyes slowly widening. “Oh now I get it.”
Rarity shook her head. “You’re lucky you’re so damn cute because you can be a real bonehead sometimes.”
“Only when it comes to love,” Spike countered.
Rarity smiled faintly. “True.”
The carriage came to an abrupt stop, prompting both parties to sit upright in their seats and look out the window.
“This looks like the right place,” Spike murmured. “But I can't be certain.”
“Well let's start by looking for this Gilded Hen thing and go from there,” Rarity offered.
Spike nodded. “Right, allow me.”
The unicorn hopped off of his seat and walked over to the door which he tried to open with his hooves, only to fail. “Come on you stupid thing,” he murmured as he tugged on the simple latch. “It wasn't that hard before.”
“Stop thinking about it so much,” Rarity remarked only to sigh when Spike continued to push his hoof against the exit in a futile attempt to open it. “Just let me handle this.”
“Hold on. I almost got it,” Spike murmured even as he continued to fail.
The dragon then stood awkwardly on all fours and reached past her failing partner in order to push open the exit. Though Spike seemed irritated that he couldn't manage it on his own, the unicorn keeped those feelings to himself. Only for those same feelings to return a second after he took his first step outside and tumbled face first down the steps.
“Spike, are you okay?” Asked the dragon, who clumsily followed after her partner and nearly landing on her own face in the process.
Spike groaned. “I forgot how awkward walking on all fours is.”
“You alright back there?” Shouted the masculine voice of the taxi puller.
“Were fine. Just had a bit of an accident!” Rarity called out. “You are fine right?”
“I think so,” murmured Spike, who pushed his way into a stand and gave himself a once over. “Everything feels like it's in the right place.”
“Darling, my- er, your eye!” Rarity exclaimed, pointed a fist at the right side of the unicorn’s face.
Spike blinked, and touched his face only to wince. “Yowch that stings. I guess I hit the ground a little harder then I thought.”
Rarity tsked. “That is going to take so much foundation to cover up. I sure hope it doesn't turn into a black eye.”
“That would suck. Whatever, at least were here right?” Spike asked, gesturing to the open street lined with shops.
“I suppose, though we should pay for our ride,” Rarity retorted. “You did bring my bit bag with us right?”
“Uh yeah I think I left it in the taxi,” Spike replied.
Rarity slipped back inside the carriage and returned a moment later, a brown bag in her mouth. “Gob it,” she exclaimed.
Spike rolled his eyes. “Just use your hands.”
Rarity spat the bag out onto the ground. “But it feels so weird.”
“We have to at least get in the store, which means you’ll need to turn the knob,” Spike pointed out. “Trust me. I ain't enjoying this digitless existence much either.”
Rarity sighed. “Fine, but I shall walk on all fours for now.”
“You look ridiculous,” Spike pointed out. “I know I can get away with that because of my long arms but it's undignified.”
“Well until I’ve grown used to having fingers and you to not having them then I guess we will both seem rather silly now won't we?” Rarity replied.
“Everything alright back there? I got places to be ya know!” Shouted the voice.
“Coming!” Rarity exclaimed before grabbing the bag and trundling away.
Spike watched on as the former unicorn awkwardly did her best to pay the taxi stallion in an expedient manner. Though she accomplished that small feat relatively easily she also dropped all of the bits on the ground. This led to a rather embarrassing but thankfully brief interaction where the stallion unhooked himself and picked up the pieces for a blushing Rarity.
A minute later and the dragon had returned, the bag tied limply around one arm. “You will not say anything.” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike made a zipping motion over his mouth with a hoof.
“Good,” Rarity sighed. “Now then, where are we going?”
“This way, I think,” Spike replied, pointing down the road. “There is a yellow sign up there that looks like the right place.”
“Which means the wrong place is right there as well,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Indeed,” Spike murmured.
The pair turned and walked down the street, making their way towards a sign which Spike found vaguely familiar. It was still a bit of a walk however, and the longer they continued on in silence the more strained things became.
“I’m sorry about blowing up at you back there,” Rarity whispered. “These feelings of yours are so strong and so strange.”
Spike sighed. “It's fine. I’d be pretty pissed at you if you had done something like this.”
“We’ll get through this,” Rarity stated, flashing her lover a brief, sidelong glance. “I know things seem rather unpleasant right now but compared to all of the adventures we've had over the years this is hardly even worthy of freaking out over.”
“Heh, remember our first anniversary?” Spike asked, smirking at the dragon.
Who chuckled. “How could I ever forget? Who would have thought a simple airship ride would turn into a month long excursion through the badlands.”
Spike giggled. “I don't know. It should have been a pretty easy guess since it turned out Trixie was the one providing the entertainment.”
Rarity sighed and shook her head. “That mare just can't seem to resist the urge to grand stand.”
“Well at least the balloon exploding after getting hit by that roman candle looked pretty cool,” Spike pointed out.
“If by cool you mean utterly terrifying!” Rarity countered, grinning all the while.
“Well, were here,” Spike exclaimed, the smile falling away from his face. “The Gilded Hen.”
“And…” Rarity’s eyes narrowed. “Dusty Tome’s Antique Emporium and Pawn Broker.”
“You know I probably should have read that before I walked in,” Spike murmured.
Rarity sighed. “No helping that now. Let's keep moving.”
“Right,” Spike agreed.
Rarity tentatively reached for the handle, stopping just long enough to look around in search of an open sign. When she found none, the dragon tugged at the entrance, which easily swung outwards. The pair shared a look, as well as a shrug before walking inside, Spike in front while Rarity followed close behind.
“This is quite the place,” Rarity murmured as she looked around the cramped, and poorly organized room.
Spike nodded. “It has a unique charm to it though doesn't it? Like something out of a novel.”
“It rather does,” Rarity admitted. “I feel like the hero would likely receive some manner of magical item to aid them on their quest here.”
“Or something that seems amazing on the surface,” Spike added bitterly.
Rarity merely nodded.
Following the flickering line of candles, the pair proceeded towards the back of the store, stepping over piles of armor and stands of books. The walls seemed to close in around them, leaving the pair feeling oddly claustrophobic due to the closeness of the dust covered shelves. Thankfully it didn't take long until they reached the back of the store where a familiar looking stallion was sitting behind the counter.
The pony was idly polishing a breast plate while humming a soft tune to himself. One which quickly faded upon noticing that he was no longer alone.
“Ahh blast it. Did I forget to lock the door again?” He inquired.
“I’m afraid so,” Spike replied.
The stallion raised an eyebrow. “I don't suppose you two are here to deliver that pizza I ordered an hour ago, are you?”
“We are not,” declared Rarity who stepped up to the counter and pointed down to one of her fingers. “We are here because of this.”
The stallion pushed his spectacles further up his nose and peered intently at the dragon. “Ahh it's you and I see the rings fit perfectly. What did I tell you?”
“Yeah that's nice and all but I would have appreciated if you had told me they were going to make us switch bodies,” Spike interrupted, stomping up to the counter.
The elderly pony chuckled. “Oh so that's what they do. Fascinating, and how do you feel?”
“I am absolutely ticked, my good stallion,” Rarity stated. “Though perhaps you could remedy that for us.”
“Oh I’m afraid all sales are final,” he replied simply, leaning on the counter.
“I don't even care about the bits anymore. Just switch us back,” Spike demanded.
“Do I look like an arch mage to you?” the shopkeeper replied, gesturing to his humble clothing.
“You look like your sense of style is as old as half the things in here are,” Rarity retorted.
The stallion frowned, opened his mouth to reply only to close it after he looked down at himself again. “Yeah that's a fair jab but I still can't do anything for you.”
“Then we will be contacting our lawyers,” Rarity exclaimed, nose turned upward.
“Yeah that's not going to work,” stated the stallion.
“And why not?” Asked Spike.
The stallion raised an eyebrow, and then gestured over his shoulder. “Read the sign.”
Spike blinked, and looked up above the rows of items covering the wall behind the shopkeeper. To where a very large sign stood, its words written in bright red upon a background of white.
Everything in this store is cursed in some manner. This warning must be prominently displayed and easily legible. If both conditions are met, then any potential buyer takes on all legal ramifications for their purchase. Refunds may be offered at the seller’s discretion.
“How did we not see that?” Spike murmured.
Rarity sighed, and ran a clawed hand down her face. “Dammit all Spike.”
“You two really are made for one another ya know,” snickered the stallion.
“Alright so we’ve established that I’m fairly oblivious now can we move on?” Spike pleaded. “Perhaps you could tell us where you got the rings?”
“An old unicorn mare sold them to me a few years ago. Didn't ask much either and merely told me that the ring bearer’s would be brought closer together by wearing them,” the stallion explained, pushing himself off the counter.
“What did she look like? Did she give you a name?” Rarity pressed, the dragon placing her balled fists on the counter.
“All my customers are given complete anonymity and no records are kept of their visit,” replied the stallion, who shrugged. “Sorry, but you should probably just keep living your lives as you would normally. These things tend to work themselves out naturally.”
“But I don't want to be my fiance!” Rarity whined.
The stallion chuckled. “Well that's too bad, because it looks like your stuck like that unless you know some super powerful unicorn or are close personal friends with one of the princesses.”
Rarity gasped, and clonked a hand upside her head. “That's it! We can get Twilight to fix it and should that fail I’m sure we could visit Celestia.”
“Tia would definitely make time for us,” Spike exclaimed.
“Wait, you two know princess Celestia personally?” asked the stallion in a shocked tone.
“She helped raise me for most of my life,” Spike declared.
The stallion chuckled awkwardly and tugged at his non-existent collar. “Maybe I could do that refund for ya. Whenever you get those rings off anyway.”
“Not good enough,” Rarity stated.
The shopkeeper wiped the sweat from his brow with a handkerchief. “How about I also give you one of my less cursed items then, for free.”
“We will not-” Rarity began, only to be cut off by Spike who lurched forward.
“What kind of items are we talking about here?” Spike demanded.
Rarity sighed. “Gosh darnit Spike.”
“Hold on Rarity there could be something good here,” Spike turned to the shopkeeper expectantly. “Isn't that right?”
“Oh um, yes! I have many valuable trinkets you may find interesting,” exclaimed the stallion.
“See? And this time I won't pick anything super cursed,” Spike stated confidently.
Rarity threw her arms into the air in exasperation. “Fine! Do whatever you want. I’ll be outside.”
“Sweet,” Spike turned back to the shopkeeper. “Did you have any swords?”
Rarity slowly shook her head as she watched herself fiddle excitedly with a large wood and metal puzzle box. On the top of which were four sets of scrolling numbers which could be turned to create different four digit codes. Each side of the box had numerous pictograms of various events such as a battle, a feast, and even several creatures playing sports.
“I can't believe he bought your loyalty with a puzzle box of all things. You hate puzzles!” Rarity exclaimed, the dragon barely containing the urge to yell.
“Yeah but he didn't know what was in this thing. There could be anything you know!” Spike replied as he peered intently at one side of the box before gasping. “There could even be a set of non cursed rings in here!”
“Or it could be another cursed item he wanted to get rid of,” Rarity muttered as she watched a stallion walk down the train car and to his seat near the end.
“Nah it's gotta be something good. I mean look at this thing, it's like a bajillion years old!” Spike replied, lifting the box proudly.
“Maybe it's where Luna kept all her love letters,” Rarity remarked in a dismissive tone, leaning to the side and staring out the window of the moving train.
“You’re just jealous you haven't gotten a turn yet,” Spike exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at the dragon.
Who sighed. “Just wake me up when we get to Ponyville.”
“Can do,” Spike murmured, already peering intently once more at the strange box.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike dragged his hooves slowly across the dark ground of ponyville, his sweat stained mane falling across his face. “Why are you so out of shape? This is ridiculous,” Spike muttered through gasps of air.
“I am not,” Rarity claimed, only to frown when she gazed down at her body’s matted fur and now thoroughly ruined mane. “Okay so I might have been skipping my usual running routine lately but its not that bad.”
“Rarity I- er you are winded after walking halfway across town!” Spike exclaimed.
The dragon sighed. “I’m sorry dear. I really did mean to keep jogging and avoiding my nightly bowls of ice cream but I’m just so exhausted after a long day.”
“I get it,” Spike murmured. “You do know that if we get stuck like this I will make sure you stick to your routine. One way or another.”
Rarity chuckled as she plodded along on all fours next to her partner. “And maybe I’ll decide to fatten you up back to your old portly self.”
The unicorn blushed furiously. “You wouldn't dare!” He shrieked.
“Relax darling. I would never,” Rarity replied softly.
Spike grumbled, and awkwardly pushed his long mane out of his face. “Your hormones suck you know.”
“The need for drama is my blood darling,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike chuckled as they continued to plod down the dark, empty streets of Ponyville. All around them the usually bustling town were all asleep, their homes dark and seemingly empty. Despite the lateness of the evening neither creature felt unnerved by the dark town as they had both long since grown used to it.
Lit only by the sparse streetlights spaced every block or so, the pair relied upon the bright moon more than the artificial lighting the town had provided. Though quiet, the street wasn't silent, as in the distance crickets could be heard as well as the occasional rustle of leaves, neither of which bothered them. For they knew well the difference between the sounds a racoon made while on the prowl for garbage and that produced by a roaming coyote.
In the quiet that followed the pair silently ruminated over the strange turn of events that had just occurred to them. Neither was happy about the change, but they were also no strangers to magical accidents, ancient curses and random shenanigans. They were ponyvillians after all, it merely came with territory to accept catastrophe and disaster in stride.
Plus they had gone through this particular song and dance of getting cursed more than a few times in the past and they were confident it wouldn't last much longer. After all, they werent doing the cliche thing like trying to hide the change, or pretending like it wasn't happening to them. Though both creatures silently admitted that it would be nice if noone found out about the switch, they werent dumb enough to think they could handle it on their own.
After all, they had wonderful friends like Twilight Sparkle to help them out.
A mare who had become princess Celestia’s protege at an unheard of young age after unleashing more magic than most adult unicorn’s were capable of harnessing over an entire life time. The pony who had brought the elements of harmony together and led them to battle against Nightmare Moon. After emerging victorious from a fight they should not have won, Twilight continued to defeat many more of Equestria’s enemies.
And that was without even mentioning all the schooling she had gone through, the research papers she had published or the magical breakthroughs she had been responsible for. All in all she was perhaps the best pony to have in your corner when dealing with some sort of magical ailment. Save for maybe Celestia herself, though even then, it was a close toss up between the two of them.
The familiar tree library grew closer, and it wasn't long before the pair reached Twilight’s humble abode.
Spike reached for the door only to be stopped by Rarity, who grabbed his wrist.
“Wait a second,” Rarity whispered. “We should talk about what we are going to say before going in there.”
“Why would…” Spike sighed. “Right. Wouldn't want to startle her too bad.”
“Exactly,” Rarity agreed, releasing the unicorn’s hoof and taking a step back. “She may have relaxed significantly over the years but Twilight still has a bit of a habit of overreacting.”
“True. How do you want to do this?” Spike inquired.
Rarity hummed. “I think I should do the talking. I’ll warn her, but quickly tell her what the problem is.”
“Give her no time to worry before giving her a problem to solve, thus occupying her mind. Good thinking,” Spike stated.
“Exactly my thought process,” Rarity stated, smiling slightly. “Ready?”
“Ready,” Spike replied.
Rarity carefully pulled opened the door, and stepped inside. “Twilight! Are you there darling? We need to talk!”
The pair only made it a single step inside before turning towards the couch where they heard a muffled yelp of surprise followed by the thump of a falling pony.
“Ow ow ow I hit my horn,” cursed the familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle.
“Your lucky, Sparkle. You didn't almost get your tongue bitten off,” remarked Trixie who sat up on the couch and glanced over to the new comers. “I know it's Ponyville but you could have at least knocked.”
Twilight popped up a second later, the mare’s eyes wide as she stared from Rarity to Spike. “You werent supposed to be back until tomorrow!” She shrieked.
“Well you see there was-” Spike began only to get cut off by Rarity who all but leapt over to the couch.
The dragon grabbed Twilight Sparkle by the shoulders and hefted her off the ground, forcing their noses to meet. “Tell me everything!” Demanded Rarity.
“I-er… what?” Twilight murmured.
Trixie pulled a cigarette out of somewhere and casually ignited the end before puffing on it. “I think he's asking about us,” Trixie inferred.
“How long have you been together? Where did you meet? Are you special someponys yet? Can I make the dresses for your wedding?” Rarity demanded, her words exiting her mouth so fast that even Pinkie Pie would have been jealous.
“Bwuh?” Twilight muttered in disbelief, her back legs dangling off the floor.
Trixie sighed. “We aren't. We met at one of my shows. Like I said, we aren't and maybe if you give Trixie a deal on a good rental.”
“You aren't together… Oh my goodness!” Rarity shrieked, spinning Twilight around. “This is exactly like this absolutely wonderful book I’ve been reading titled the notebook. Do come to me if you ever have any questions about love!”
“What is happening?” Twilight murmured, her eyeballs rolling loosely inside her skull.
Spike sighed, and ran a hoof down his face. “I really should have done the talking.”
“The great and powerful Trixie will be in her wagon. Good luck dealing with whatever this is,” Trixie remarked flippantly before trotting past Spike and walking outside.
“Could you put me down please?” Twilight asked, flailing her back legs in emphasis.
Rarity blinked. “Oh right. Sorry darling. I’m afraid I got rather carried away.”
“It's okay Spike, but why do you sound like Rarity?” Twilight asked after being placed on her own four hooves once more.
“That's because she is Rarity,” declared Spike.
“Spike! I thought we agreed to warn her before we said that!” Rarity hissed.
The unicorn shrugged. “The cat was already out of the bag.”
“Wait, you two got turned into one another?” Twilight asked, cocking her head. “How is that even possible?”
“Cursed magical rings,” Spike deadpanned, pointing to his horn in emphasis.
Twilight sighed. “Well I suppose that's a relief. I was already preparing this whole speech for Discord about how it's irresponsible to make people switch bodies against their will.”
“I’d file that one away for later because after he gets back from vacation and learns of this he may get some ideas,” Spike added.
“Augh. This is going to be a whole thing isn't it?” Twilight whined.
“It may, but that's not important right now,” Rarity exclaimed, waving a fist in the air. “What we must know is how you and Trixie became entangled with one another.”
“We aren't…” Twilight paused. “That is a good way of putting it, but it's a long story and your guys’ thing is much more important.”
“But Twilight!” Rarity complained.
“We can tease Twilight about her dating life later. We got bigger problems right now dear,” Spike declared.
Rarity sighed, and fell back down to all fours. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Let's start from the top. Tell me everything you know about this curse,” Twilight began, the unicorn settling into an armchair.
Spike sighed, and sat across from the other pony, settling his puzzle box on the table. “Well it all began on a dark and stormy night not even a month ago…”
“And that pretty much gets us here,” Spike concluded, glancing to his left to where Rarity sat next to him. “Isn't that right?”
“Indeed it does darling,” Rarity agreed.
“Vaguely prophetic, slightly irritating and altogether unhelpful. Whomever sold this to our resident curse dealer definitely knew what those rings did,” Twilight murmured.
“That makes sense, but why?” Spike remarked.
Twilight shrugged. “That unfortunately, is anyone’s guess.”
“Well can't you find out who they were? You have the princesses’ ear after all,” Rarity pressed.
Twilight shook her head. “I can't do that. The princess could only intervene if it was a criminal case, or if it was war time.”
“Does the war against my masculinity count?” Spike deadpanned, pushing his ruined mane out of his face.
“I’m afraid not,” Twilight replied with a slight chuckle.
“Damn,” Spike cursed.
“There must be something you can do, surely,” Rarity pleaded.
“There isn't, and don't call me Shirley,” Twilight retorted, giggling at her own joke.
Spike groaned, and ran a hoof down his face. “You really have to stop making references to things you saw in the human world. Noone here gets them.”
“Oh right,” Twilight cleared her throat. “Regardless there really isn't anything the princess or I could do in this situation.”
“Maybe we could hire a private investigator?” Rarity asked.
“Going from what the antique dealer said it's unlikely that they would have anything to go on,” Twilight reasoned. “I mean other then them owning a pair of rings at some point in the last forty years.”
“Which could be several thousand ponies at the minimum,” Rarity murmured, running a clawed hand down her face.
“The previous owner might not even be a pony. Both gryphons and minotaurs utilize rings in their marriage proposals,” Twilight explained, only to blink. “Congratulations by the way. Sorry I didn't mention that sooner.”
“It's fine,” Spike declared, waving a hoof dismissively. “We got rather caught up in the whole curse thing to really focus on that part.”
“So what do we do then?” Rarity asked in a slightly desperate tone. “No offence to you my dear, but I can't live so unfashionably.”
“Speak for yourself. At least my look is low maintenance,” Spike muttered, pushing the mane out of his face again. “I don't even know how to style your hair.”
Rarity winced and gently moved a strip of hair from Spike’s face. “Really darling you simply must treat my, or should I say your hair better.”
“Augh. This is the worst,” Spike muttered as Rarity began to fix his mane for him.
“Well if you want my opinion I would suggest just going about your daily lives as you would otherwise. All the research I’ve done into curses says that living normally usually gets rid of them in time,” Twilight exclaimed.
“Like, normal normal?” Spike muttered, waving a hand over his body. “Because I don't want to get married to Rarity, in her body.”
“The feeling is mutual darling,” Rarity added.
Twilight hummed thoughtfully as she rubbed her chin. “Perhaps that is what the curse wants you to do. Maybe it wants you to get married like this.”
“Why do you say that?” Questioned Spike.
“I keep going back to what he said to you guys. It sounds like the rings want you to know just how much the other cares and what is getting married other than the ultimate symbol of that?” Twilight reasoned.
“I suppose that makes sense,” Spike muttered, only to yelp in pain. “Hey watch the claws!”
“Sorry darling,” murmured Rarity. “I’m still getting used to these things.”
“If you wanna mangle your mane with my claws that's fine by me but I think you should keep your scalp in one peice,” Spike exclaimed with a snort.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “You’ll be fine, now stop slouching so much. Your going to give me a hunch.”
“That's not…” Spike sighed, and straightened his back. “There, are you happy now?”
“Quite,” Rarity replied.
“So…” Twilight began somewhat awkwardly. “Are you guys still going to get married then?”
“Of course,” Rarity stated before Spike even had a chance to open his mouth. “I may be in the body of the person whom I am marrying, but if that's how to get rid of the curse then so be it.”
Spike winced. “Well that's good to hear. You were so angry that I thought for sure you would call things off.”
Rarity sighed. “It may not be perfect but what is this if not another adventure hmm?”
“That's an excellent way of putting it,” Twilight declared. “Do you need any help?”
“Oh yes. I am going to require several additional hooves if we are going to do this soon,” Rarity remarked idly as she continued to do Spike’s mane. “Perhaps if we work quickly we can get it all planned before summer.”
“Oh thats awesome! Summer is only a few weeks away!” Spike declared, grinning excitedly.
“No darling. Next summer,” Rarity explained. “My dream venue needs to be booked over a year in advance and organizing everything else will take several months.”
“Whuh? A year? Rarity I am not being you for a whole year!” Spike screeched.
“Tut tut darling. There is no need for such hysterics. A year is the absolute quickest way we can remedy our current predicament,” Rarity stated.
“Actually. I may be able to help with that,” Twilight interjected. “Where exactly were you thinking?”
“Why the Belmond of course,” Rarity answered. “Sure it may cost several thousand bits for a single night stay but it is simply the most perfect destination in the world.”
Spike’s jaw hung open. “The Belmond? But isn't that halfway across the world?”
“It is in the heart of old Equestria, and built on foundations older than Canterlot itself,” Rarity explained in a wistful tone. “It has everything. Stunning views of both the mountains and beach as well as a five star restaurant.”
Twilight winced. “I don't suppose they have any rooms that cost a little less?”
“Why go all the way to the old country just to stay in a room you could find right here in Ponyville?” Rarity replied.
“It's really expensive, and you know what? This is a discussion for another time,” Spike remarked. “Let's shelve that topic and discuss what else needs to be done.”
“It's all rather simple. We just need to go through twenty more easy steps and we’ll be ready for the big day,” Rarity explained.
“That's a lot of steps,” Twilight murmured. “What else could you possibly need to do?”
Rarity scoffed. “Planning a wedding isn't very hard; we just need to follow lady Haywood’s steps. Like for example step one, setting a budget.”
“That sounds easy enough,” murmured Spike. “How much were you thinking?”
“Oh just thirty, maybe forty thousand bits,” Rarity flippantly replied as she picked at her claws.
“Whuh?” Twilight muttered, mouth agape.
“Rarity that's our entire savings account!” Spike yelled, throwing up his hooves.
“Yes, but it will all be worth it darling. After all we need to pay everyone a fair wage,” Rarity stated.
“We can worry about those kinds of details later,” Spike muttered half to himself, half to Rarity. “What else do we need to do?
“Simple. Next we must get inspired,” Rarity exclaimed in a dramatic fashion. “We must dig deep and think of what emotions we wish to evoke with our wedding then we will be ready to come up with a theme. After that it will be a simple matter to figure out the finer details of doing just that.”
“That sounds like a lot of work,” Twilight whispered.
“It will all be worth it darling. After all you only marry your soul mate once,” Rarity stated.
Spike sniffed. “Aww that's so sweet.”
Rarity grinned, and wiped a stray hair from Spike’s face. “It is worth it for you darling.”
Twilight coughed, lifting a scroll she had teleported to her hooves. “So, what else do you need to do? I’ve got everything you mentioned so far.”
“The wedding registry would need to be set up at a local shop. After that it's a simple matter of booking vendors, finalizing the guest list, sending out the invitations, rehearsals, honeymoon as well as bridal shower, and bachelor party planning,” Rarity stopped to take a breath. “And of course shopping for the dress, suit, acquiring the marriage license, reception seating chart, confirming the other details and of course the big day itself!”
“That is… a lot,” Spike murmured.
Twilight hastily scrawled down every item in the list, a frown crossing her face. “That sure is a good number of things to get done.”
“Can't we just get mayor mare to marry us at city hall?” Spike asked.
Rarity gasped so hard she nearly ran out of air. “And ruin the perfect day I’ve been dreaming of since I was a child? Absolutely not!”
“I hate to side with Rarity on this one but the curse would likely know the difference between a real marriage and something rushed like that” Twilight added.
“Thank you darling… I think,” Rarity murmured.
Spike sighed. “Fine. But there is absolutely no way we are staying this way for an entire year. A few weeks is fine, maybe even a month but anything more is absolutely out of the question.”
“But-” Rarity began, only for a hoof to press against her lips.
“Rarity. I love you dearly but I refuse to be you for that long,” Spike stated. “We have lives to get to and neither of us can put those things on hold for twelve months or more.”
Rarity frowned, but reluctantly nodded her head. “I suppose I will just have to convince someone to give up their spot on the waiting list so we may still have it at the Belmond.”
“That's not what I… you know what. I don't care where we get married. I’ll leave that part to you,” Spike exclaimed.
“As you should darling. I’ve been thinking about this for years,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Would you like to come over tomorrow so we can figure things out together?” Twilight offered.
Spike hummed thoughtfully. “I think we can handle the first part on our own. Seems like a good chunk of it is just doing some basic planning and junk.”
“That is a gross generalization but is more or less correct,” Rarity admitted.
“Alright. I’ll come check in on you on monday then,” Twilight exclaimed, putting down her checklist.
“Excellent. Let's go home Rarity. Any longer without a little TLC and I think your mane is going to end up ruined permanently,” Spike remarked.
“You should make sure to cover that eye by the way,” Twilight pointed out. “It looks like it's going to puff up and get pretty ugly.”
Rarity hummed as she inspected Spike’s eye closely. “It might. Don't worry darling I have more than enough makeup to cover all that.”
Spike groaned. “Please keep it to a minimum. What you put on this morning was already quite a bit.”
“I beg to differ, though I understand why you might think so,” Rarity remarked.
“Excellent. Sorry I couldn't be more help,” Twilight apologized.
“It's no matter darling,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Yeah you at least pointed us in the right direction,” Spike added.
“Very true,” Rarity agreed. “I fear I would have been quite out of sorts had we not had a plan in mind at this point.”
“I’m glad to hear it and don't forget that my offer to assist in planning is still open. The library is pretty quiet until summer, so I have plenty of time,” Twilight offered.
“Thanks. Now come on Rarity. Lets get home and hit the shower,” Spike exclaimed.
“Wait. Twilight didn't enlighten us about her little relationship,” Rarity pointed out.
“I’ll tell you another time,” Twilight murmured, blushing furiously. “I think I need to have a talk with Trixie anyway.”
“Then we must absolutely go to the spa next week,” Rarity declared.
Twilight’s face turned redder still. “Maybe. It depends how the conversation goes.”
“Oh?” Spike prompted.
“Otherwise we may need to go to the bar instead,” Twilight murmured.
Rarity nodded sagely. “I know the feeling. Now come on darling. We musnt terry any longer.”
“Right, just a second,” Spike replied, stepping up to Twilight and opening a forehoof. “Thanks again Twilight. I’ll see you again soon.”
“Try to stay sane,” Twilight offered, accepting the hug and squeezing the pony tightly.
“I’ll try. Though something tells me not being able to eat any gems is going to get to me,” Spike stated with a chuckle.
Twilight pushed her friend back and flashed him a smile. “Very true. You two are going to have a lot to get used to.”
“Even still. Its nothing we can't work on together,” Rarity remarked.
“Very true,” Spike agreed.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike groaned, and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes only to find that he couldn't manage such a simple task. Blinking rapidly, the dragon turned pony looked around to find that he was buried under a familiar reptilian form. One which was snoring loudly, seemingly unbothered by the fact that she had deprived both of Spike’s forelimbs of oxygen, putting them to sleep.
With a long sigh, Spike tried to wiggle out from under Rarity’s slumbering body, but the dragon didn't even seem to notice Spike’s movements. Worse yet she shifted around slightly in her slumber, keeping Spike pinned beneath her at all times. And so with a second, slightly more irritated sigh, Spike tried to light his horn in order to teleport away.
“Come on you stupid horn,” Spike muttered. “You’ve heard enough of Twilight’s lectures, this should be easy.”
The pointed appendage sparked several times before flickering out completely, leaving Spike even more annoyed than he had been a movement ago.
“The hard way it is,” he muttered, clearing his throat. “Hey honey, would you wake up please?”
The dragon snorted, and pulled the ball of blankets, pillows as well as covers further under her chin. She then huffed silently to herself and smiled to herself, remaining blissfully unaware of Spike’s now simmering rage.
“Wake up!” he shouted.
“Bwuh?” the dragon muttered blearily.
“Please wake up dear. My legs are asleep and I’m fairly certain you’re slowly crushing me,” Spike continued.
Rarity’s eyes snapped open and she looked down in shock. “Oh my goodness I am so sorry darling.”
She hastily scrambled off the pony, and looked down to find that everything that had once been on the bed was now under her. Only a single small pillow had been left for Spike to sleep on, and the pony didn't exactly find it very comfortable. Not only that but his eye had indeed puffed up and was turning a dark black, making his already unkempt appearance look that much worse.
“I’m so sorry. I don't know what came over me,” Rarity apologized.
Spike grunted as he hefted his unresponsive limbs onto his chest. “It's fine dear. It's probably just your hoarding instinct kicking in.”
“Hoarding instinct… Is that why you laid on top of me the first time we slept together?” Rarity inquired.
Spike nodded, shaking his forelimbs in an effort to return feeling to them once again. “Yeah. I had never slept with someone before, either metaphorically or otherwise and I hadn't expected that to happen.”
“Me neither,” Rarity replied, only to pause. “Wait, you never slept with Twilight before?”
Spike sputtered. “Of course not! She's like a mother to me.”
“That's not what I meant you goof,” Rarity exclaimed, gently punching the pony’s shoulder.
“Oh uh right,” Spike murmured, shaking his head. “When I was young I used to sleep in the same bed as her but she always wrapped her hooves around me. Hard to hoard when your being held like that.”
“That is adorable,” Rarity exclaimed, squishing her cheeks. “I must find a picture of that for the wedding.”
Spike blushed and waved his still half numb legs in the air. “No please! Anything but that. It's hard enough to make people think of me as an adult and you don't need to make that worse.”
“I’m just teasing you darling. I wouldn't put any pictures you wouldn't approve of,” Rarity replied.
“Good,” Spike murmured. “Right. I think I can feel my legs again.”
“Need a hoof, er claw darling?” Rarity offered.
“Sure,” Spike answered, extending a hoof.
The dragon grabbed the offered limb and tried to gently pull it forward, unfortunately that wasn't what happened. Instead of slowly being pulled up, the pony was all but yanked out of bed and tossed at the dragon. Who instinctively caught him, falling backwards into a heap and returning them right back to square one.
“You are very strong,” Rarity muttered, blushing furiously.
“At least you didn't pull my-er your leg out of its socket,” Spike murmured, standing on twitching legs. “Now let's get some breakfast in us.”
“Wait, what happened to my morning kiss?” Rarity whined, pouting profusely.
“I am not kissing myself,” Spike retorted.
“But it's not really you,” Rarity replied. “It's me darling.”
“Look I know it's you in there but it's me I’m kissing, and I don't want to kiss me,” Spike explained.
Rarity pouted even harder. “But darling we’ve kissed every morning since we started sharing a bed.”
Spike sighed. “Fine, but just a little one okay?”
“Don't worry. I wouldn't know what to do with this tongue anyway,” Rarity remarked.
Spike blushed, a little unsure why that comment made a sudden heat to well from deep down inside of himself. Putting that thought out of his mind, Spike leaned forward, and planted his lips against his lips. The feeling was a strange one, and though their kisses tended to last far longer, he pulled back soon after, a strange sensation turning in his stomach.
Spiked touched a hoof to his lips. “That was…”
“-weird,” Rarity finished.
“Why do you say that?” Spike demanded, his brow furrowing.
Rarity winced. “It's just your lips are so soft and I’m used to yours which are well, not soft.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Spike murmured. “It did feel rather odd. Like kissing a table or something.”
Rarity gasped, and placed a clawed hand over his chest. “Well I never. I would think there would be a bit more passion there.”
Spike rolled his eyes and hopped off his partner, landing on the ground with a thump. “Quit being silly and come on. I’m hungry and you probably are as well.”
“Wait!” Rarity cried.
“What is it now?” Spike whined.
“We need to do my, er your hair,” Rarity exclaimed.
“But it's sunday. Why do we have to go through all the effort?” Spike flicked his mane out of his face. “Though I suppose I wouldn't mind putting it up in a ponytail. It's kind of annoying like this.”
“A ponytail?” Rarity gasped. “You wouldn't dare!”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Oh come on I’ve seen you wearing your hair like that a few times.”
“Still,” Rarity retorted. “It's so uncouth.”
“Fine, a bun then. Just so long as it's out of my face,” Spike exclaimed, blowing a wisp of hair out of his view once again.
Rarity hummed and hawed as she inspected Spike’s mane. “I suppose a bun would be acceptable but if we decide to go out then you must allow me to change it.”
“Whatever, let's just get this over with,” Spike murmured.
Together the pair walked into the attached bathroom, with Spike plunking down in front of the mirror.
“What are you doing?” Rarity asked.
Spike looked up. “What? I don't know how to do your hair.”
“But if I do it then I’ll just ruin it with these big meaty claws,” Rarity complained.
“Well those claws ain't just for attracting mates. They can be quite dexterous if you use them properly,” Spike pointed out.
“Wait, claws are for attracting mates? I thought it was the head fins,” Rarity replied, running a hand over her head in emphasis.
“They both are, now give me you-er my hand,” Spike stated.
Rarity obliged, placing her hand palm up on Spike’s hoof. “Now when you grab things try not to use the tips of your digits. Pinch between your fingers whenever possible, and don't point the ends towards anything you don't want to cut apart.”
“You make it sound so easy,” Rarity murmured.
“It's all about being mindful, trust me,” Spike exclaimed.
“Right well we may as well try right?” Rarity offered somewhat unconvincingly.
“I’m sure whatever damage you may do will be healed by the time you get your body back,” Spike replied.
“Not helping darling,” Rarity retorted.
Spike chuckled. “You’ll do fine dear. Just think of it like doing a fitting for say Rainbow Dash.”
“An excellent metaphor. Though by the end of that particular event, I usually want to poke her at least once or twice out of spite,” Rarity remarked.
“Well try not to. I don't want to end up having to pay alimony to her of all ponies,” Spike announced with a snicker.
Rarity scowled even as she giggled. “That's not what I meant you goof.”
Grabbing one of her hair ties, Rarity made short work of the quick mane styling, tucking and combing until it looked acceptable. Throughout it all she was especially careful not to accidentally poke her subject, or lop off a chunk of mane in the process. Something that was harder then she would have liked, and nearly ended with her losing a section of her lucious bangs.
“There we are. How does it feel?” Rarity asked.
Spike turned his head left and right, noting that pretty much every last hair had been tucked out of the way before nodding slowly. “Kinda reminds me of that alternate universe version of you that worked for Nightmare Moon.”
“Augh don't remind me. I don't even like to think of why I would do such a thing,” Rarity exclaimed with an irritable snort.
“Not bad though. Comfy,” Spike continued.
“Excellent. Now is there anything you need to do in order to ensure that I appear properly dashing?” Rarity asked.
Spike stood up, gave Rarity’s head a brief look and smiled. “Yup, hold still.”
“Style away,” Rarity encouraged, batting her eyelashes.
Spike waited for his partner to sit before spitting into his hoof, and running it over the dragon’s scalp, smoothing out her head fins. “There we go, perfect,” he exclaimed before trotting out the room.
Leaving Rarity to sit on the floor, her right eye twitching madly. “That is the last time I ask for help from him,” she muttered.
Spike hummed to himself as he pursued the contents of the refrigerator, his gaze settling immediately on the cold diamonds he had saved for himself. Upon laying eyes on the gems, the pony’s mouth began to water, and he needed to shake his head in order to stop himself from being tempted. He also reminded himself that they would likely destroy Rarity’s teeth, if not worse if he actually tried to eat them.
With a sigh, he pushed them to the side and found the tub of yogurt waiting for him further back. Grabbing that as well as an apple, the pony pulled both out of the refrigerator and dumped a heaping helping of dairy goodness into a bowl. He then cut up the fruit and was about to sit back down when he noticed that Rarity had also retrieved her breakfast.
“Your only eating a single ruby?” Spike deadpanned.
“Yes well. I didn't want to put on any weight while in your body,” Rarity glanced at Spike’s food and scowled. “A concern you don't seem to have.”
“I do too,” Spike retorted, hefting his meal. “It's just some fruit and yogurt. Both of which are good for you.”
“In moderation yes but look at how much is in there!” Rarity exclaimed, gesturing to the thing.
“What? It's barely half full,” Spike retorted.
“It's at least four hundred callories over my morning limit. Take it back,” Rarity demanded.
“Funny. You can count calories perfectly when your not in your body but when you are, that ability leaves you completely,” Spike exclaimed, sitting down at the table.
“What? I do so pay attention to what I eat,” Rarity declared.
“Unless it comes to ice cream. Or unless those three buckets of fudge brownie blast we have in the freezer have zero calories?” Spike pointed out, dunking his spoon into his meal.
“Those are different,” Rarity murmured.
“Look I intend on going for a run later so trust me when I say I’ll work it off,” Spike stated, gesturing to the dragon’s plate. “And you have to at least have three of the things or you’re going to be hungry again in an hour.”
“I do have some self control you know,” Rarity remarked.
“It's not about self control. It's about getting the caloric intake your new body needs,” Spike gestured to his partner. “Just look at you. Your three times bigger now.”
“Maybe I wouldn't be if you went on a diet,” Rarity retorted.
Spike lifted an eyebrow, staring long and hard at the person sitting across from him.
After several long seconds Rarity let out a deep sigh. “Alright, alright. I guess I’m still having trouble dealing with all this and taking it out on both you and myself isn't helping matters.”
“Thank you Rarity,”
“So,” Rarity began, placing a handful of gems onto her plate. “How exactly do you eat these anyway?”
“Chew and swallow?” Spike replied with a shrug.
“It's that simple? Isn't there a chance you might cut the inside of your mouth or something,” Rarity pressed.
“Not really. A dragon’s mouth is designed to handle temperatures of several hundred degrees. Take a bite and you’ll know understand what I mean,” Spike offered before filling his mouth with food.
“I suppose I have always been curious as to what they tasted like,” Rarity reluctantly admitted, placing a ruby into her mouth.
Slowly, gently, she bit into it, her eyes immediately widening. “Oh wow. This is wonderful.”
“I know eh? Rubies are the best. You don't think the sweet spicy flavor would work but it does,” Spike exclaimed.
“It totally does!” Rarity agreed, chewing and swallowing the ruby with gusto. “I can't even begin to describe an equivalent except maybe… raspberry jam with a drop of habanero hot sauce?”
“That is close,” Spike murmured, rubbing his chin. “Though it doesn't quite capture the full breadth of the flavor.”
“Very true,” Rarity agreed before promptly stuffing her mouth full of gems.
Spike merely watched as his fiance gleefully indulged in one of his favorite foods, chewing noisily and making small, happy moans of pleasure. It reminded him of the first time he had eaten pure rubies by the fistful without having to worry about going overboard. Something it seemed like Rarity was about to do, as the dragon had walked over to the pantry and had returned to the table with a small mountain of the things.
“Woah slow down,” Spike exclaimed. “You can't eat all that at once you’ll get sick.”
Rarity stopped, and looked down at the massive plate she had assembled for herself. “Oh my. I only meant to grab a few more but…”
“That's probably dragon greed. Remember to be aware of your surroundings whenever your eating, or the like. Your brain will try and pull tricks on you,” Spike explained.
“I… yes of course. I’ll try to be more mindful,” Rarity muttered, regretfully dumping her plate back into the bag of rubies, keeping only two more for herself.
Spike shook his head as he ate, wondering silently if he had been this bad the first time he had been allowed to make his own meals. Yeah probably. He thought to himself.
“That was fantastic,” Rarity murmured, the dragon laying across the couch, hand rubbing her belly. “No wonder you are so easy to bribe with gems.”
“Used to be,” Spike corrected.
Rarity lifted an eyebrow.
“Okay so maybe I’m still kind of easy to bribe with gems but I’ve gotten better!” he pointed out, jabbing a hoof at the dragon.
“Quite true,” Rarity sat up and pulled out a pad of paper. “Now then, how about we get started on that budget, inspiration and budget.”
“That should be easy enough,” Spike replied. “Hey maybe after we could go out for some sweets. Pony taste buds are different and I’m really curious as to what apple pie tastes like.”
“I never even thought of that,” Rarity admitted. “We simply must expand our palate while switched.”
“So long as we don't over indulge,” Spike was quick to add.
“Very true, now then, the budget,” Rarity began, grabbing a pen in her fist. “Our savings account should be enough though I was thinking of taking out a small loan in order to ensure we were able to cover all expenses.”
“What kind of loan?” Spike asked hesitantly.
“Oh it shouldn't be more then maybe twenty thousand more bits,” Rarity remarked in a dismissive tone.
“I-” Spike frowned, and glanced down to Rarity’s hand. “I am slightly infuriated by that but first I gotta address the way your holding that pen.”
“What?” Rarity asked, raising her fist. “Is it not effective?”
“Just put your ring finger here, your pointer here, and now relax your grip,” Spike commanded, manipulating the dragon’s claws. “There. Now write something, and remember to keep your hand relatively slack.”
Rarity did as she was asked, and though her penmanship was less than fantastic, it was leagues better than what it had been a minute earlier. “That is quite something. Thank you darling,” Rarity offered.
“No problem,” Spike exclaimed, leaning back on the couch and spreading his forehooves. “Now let's talk about where some of these bits are going.”
Rarity cleared her throat. “An excellent place to start. First is the Belmond itself, which will be the largest expense but after that we will of course have to pay for catering, flowers-”
As Rarity continued to list off items and their estimated prices, Spike felt his spirit slowly contract deeper into his new body. Over the course of mere minutes the former dragon felt as though he had just had his entire hoard stolen out from under him. Though the feeling likely wasn't as profound as it would have been if he was in his original body, it did give him an idea.
“You know Rarity,” Spike began somewhat hesitantly. “If you spent all of that you would hardly even have a bit to your name.”
Rarity opened her mouth to reply, only for no words to initially come out. “Yes. What is your point darling?”
“Well I’m just saying that every last one of your bits would be spent,” Spike emphasized.
“My bits…” Rarity repeated, her gaze becoming distant.
“And if you spent all of your bits you’d have none left. With that in mind perhaps there are some areas we could skimp. I know our friends would love to be involved with this and wouldn't mind helping where they could,” Spike offered with a sly smile.
“That would bring a certain unique charm to the event,” Rarity murmured absently.
“And you do want to make this day of ours special,” Spike pressed.
“That I do,” Rarity agreed, the dragon staring off into the distance only to shake her head suddenly. “Wait a second. What did you just do to me?”
Spike chuckled. “I just used your new draconic instincts to help make you reconsider your options.”
Rarity growled, though the sound came out somewhat muted. “I don't like being played like that darling but I suppose you do have a point.”
“Look, dear,” Spike began, turning and gently placing a hoof on Rarity’s leg. “I know you want this to be the day you’ve always imagined but sacrificing all of our savings and rainy day funds won't be worth it.”
Rarity fidgeted uncomfortably. “I just want this day to be perfect. Like the kind I’ve dreamed of since I was small. Everypony will be there, and will compliment my hair. Though I guess it shouldn't cost all our bits.”
“Your day will indeed be perfect,” Spike continued. “We will have frugal decor, like none have seen before. And yet we’ll ensure it is for you this all befits.”
Rarity stood suddenly, raising an arm, music spilling in from a nearby open window. “For in the end all we need is love. Nothing else can come above. Bits will not get in the way!”
Spike rose with a smile, striking a dramatic pose. “To those desenters I say neigh! We can do it all on the cheap, without losing a wink of sleep.”
They fell together, hands clasped around hooves. “Oh the wedding that we’ll throw, will be the best, I just know. And it will be all, ours.”
The pair stared lovingly into one another’s eyes for several long second before the mysterious music finally faded away and they realized what had just happened.
Spike stumbled back onto the couch, the pony losing their balance the second Rarity released his hooves. “Well that was something,” he muttered.
“I never thought I’d sing a heart song about being frugal on my wedding day,” Rarity remarked, falling into the couch next to her partner.
“On that we agree,” Spike added.
“So…” Rarity began. “Now that we are on the same page, perhaps we can move onto the inspiration thing and then finish the afternoon by arguing over where the in laws will sit.”
Spike chuckled. “I don't think that will be much of an issue, though I’ll complain anyway if that would make you feel better.”
Rarity smiled. “Sometimes I wonder how I survived without you.”
“I feel the sameway to be honest,” Spike added, grinning right back. “If it were up to me I probably would have done the whole thing at Applejack’s farm and called it done.”
“As nice as that might have been,” Rarity murmured somewhat reluctantly. “I’m glad we agreed on the Belmond.”
“Provided we get someone to give up their spot, and locate alternative arrangements for those who don't have the bits to spend on a room at such an expensive place,” Spike countered.
“Yes yes,” Rarity dismissed. “We will find all that in time. Of that I am sure.”
“I’d like to come up with a few alternatives just in case. You don't want to plan everything else only for your plans to fall apart when the Belmond doesn't come through,” Spike replied.
Rarity scoffed. “The second they hear of our predicament I’m sure some kind couple will give up their date.”
“You know not everyone is as generous as you Rarity,” Spike pointed out.
“That may be, but there are plenty of good folk out there. Now then,” Rarity exclaimed, grabbing her pen and paper once more. “Let us start with the theme. I was thinking of a prominent sunrise motif to encapsulate the new beginning that our marriage will symbolize. What do you think darling?”
Spike smiled and nodded. “Sounds lovely dear. Just lovely.”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“This was an excellent suggestion Rarity,” Spike complemented. “I’ve always wondered how you ponies stomached eating hay bacon, flowers and stuff like that.”
Rarity smiled as she set down a plate of sandwiches for the pair, half of which were far more rocky than the other. “And I am glad you told me about using ground up gems as a spread. I would have never thought to do that if you hadn't mentioned it.”
“You’ll totally have to try the chocolate diamond crumble that Pinkie Pie makes for me on occasion,” Spike replied.
Rarity nodded slowly. “You know that sounds quite nice. Perhaps you’ll even understand why I just adore the lavender grass cake she makes.”
“I don't know about that one. It sounds like a bit of a weird mix, though I’ve been wrong before,” Spike admitted.
“Now then, what would you like to drink?” Rarity offered, walking over to a cupboard and retrieving a pair of cups. “I think we have plenty of orange juice left, provided Sweetie Belle didn't drink it all when she was over on wednesday.”
“Just some water, thanks,” Spike replied, grabbing himself a sandwich.
“Just a moment, we don't have any cold stuff,” Rarity exclaimed, placing the cup under the tap.
“Take your time,” Spike remarked.
The dragon was about to turn back to his sandwich when he saw cool water emerge from the tap and flow into his cup. Something about the way the crisp blue water fell into the waiting receptacle and sloshing from one side to the other gripped him. Even the sound of it flowing through the metal pipes enticed something within him, and within moments Spike realized just what that feeling was as well as where it came from.
“I really need to use the washroom,” Spike muttered.
“What was that darling?” Rarity replied, turning to the pony.
“I need to use the washroom in the worst way,” Spike declared, slipping out of his chair.
“Didn't you go last night?” Rarity inquired.
Spike shook his head. “I thought about it but it was so awkward, and I was so tired that I must have forgotten about it.”
“So you haven't…” Rarity murmured, pointing between her legs.
“No,” Spike admitted.
“Would you like some help?” Rarity offered.
“No I don't need any help,” Spike retorted. “I’m a grown man, er mare? Whatever I am, I’m an adult and I don't need to be supervised like I’m not potty trained.”
“Well it is the first time you would be going in that body, and I don't want you to make a mess,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike’s face immediately turned a shade of deep red. “I will not make a mess!” He shrieked.
“If you need me to wipe for you just ask and I’ll-” Rarity began only to be cut off by an irate looking pony shoving his hoof into her mouth.
“Not another word out of you, got it?” Spike declared in a low tone.
Rarity nodded in agreement before she even realized what the pony had said to her.
“Good, now stay here,” Spike commanded before turning and awkwardly penguin walking away.
Rarity watched him go, her body only relaxing when the pony was gone. “No wonder he's so scared of me when I’m like that. I’m downright terrifying,” she murmured to herself.
Rarity shifted uncomfortably in her chair, suddenly not quite as hungry as she had been a minute ago. “So…. How did it go?” She asked.
Spike’s frown deepened. “It was fine,” he replied.
“That's good. You know it was surprisingly easy when I went. Even if I accidentally made confetti out of the toilet paper,” Rarity exclaimed, waving her razor sharp claws in emphasis.
“Rarity. I love you but please stop talking and eat your sandwich,” Spike commanded in a stern tone.
“Yes ma’am,” Rarity replied, only for her eyes to go wide when Spike’s glare settled on her. “I meant sir!”
“Not another word,” Spike muttered before biting into his sandwich like it was his most hated enemy.
“Ahh this is nice,” Rarity exclaimed as she lounged out on her thinking couch. “Isn't that right darling?”
Spike grunted as he shifted uncomfortably upon the wooden chair he had pulled up across from the dragon. “It's fine I suppose. Though I’d prefer it if we started discussing the next thing on the list sometime soon.”
“Quite right darling,” Rarity replied, retrieving her list and pen. “The next thing I think we should discuss are the reception, bachelor and bachelorette parties as well our honeymoon.”
“Well that last thing can be wiped from the list,” Spike stated simply.
“Why do you say that darling?” Rarity inquired.
“Well my plans on what I want to do will change dramatically if I’m still in your body,” Spike began.
“What exactly do you mean? Wouldn't you want to take me somewhere nice and enjoy the first night as a married couple?” Rarity asked, tears beginning to form at the edges of her eyes.
“I mean maybe?” Spike answered, scratching his head with a hoof. “But if I’m still you at that point I’d have to start looking into sex change spells, species alteration magic on top of changing careers.”
“I suppose it would be rather hard to still be the dragon ambassador to Equestria if you werent actually a dragon,” Rarity murmured. “Though I don't see why we couldn't enjoy an evening together before you started all that.”
Spike sighed. “An extra day wouldn't be that bad. Though I’d still like it if we came up with an alternate plan in case we are still stuck like this.”
“I suppose that could be arranged though don't you think that the curse will know the difference?” Rarity implored.
“It might,” Spike admitted. “Okay so we’ll book the honeymoon, and have everything to go, but if we don't get switched back then we can just change plans after the fact.”
Rarity hummed. “I suppose that's acceptable. Though I still feel like we shouldn't even discuss these possible changes until after. Otherwise it may ruin my chances of getting my glorious mane back.”
“And my ability to eat gems as well as stand while taking a piss,” Spike added.
“How uncouth darling,” Rarity exclaimed with a slight smirk.
“Uncouth or not, it's true,” Spike retorted. “Either way, let us continue with the parties. Namely the fun ones.”
“Ahh the bachelor slash bachelorette parties,” Rarity remarked. “I suppose those must be considered though it is tradition to let the best man and maid of honor handle all that.”
“Look I love Shining Armor like a brother but the guy needs at least one suggestion otherwise we’ll end up playing O and O all night,,” Spike declared.
“Oh so you’ve already decided on choosing Shining Armor then?” Rarity exclaimed. “And here I thought you’d choose Twilight.”
Spike smirked. “I would, but aren't you already considering her for the maid of honor position?”
“I am,” Rarity admitted, the dragon caressing her jaw with a pair of claws. “Though I am also thinking that Sweetie Belle would do an excellent job.”
“Are you sure that's the best idea?” Spike asked hesitantly. “I love Sweetie Belle but her idea of fun is quite different than yours.”
Rarity chuckled. “Very true.”
“Maybe you could make Sweetie your maid of honor and ask her to confer with Twilight about the party?” Spike offered.
“And we can have Pinkie Pie oversee the fine details of both such events,” Rarity added. “After all I don't think it would be right not to include her.”
“She is the premier party pony for a reason,” Spike agreed.
“Exactly,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Alright then, so how about we come up with a few ideas then let our respective maid and man figure out the rest. Then at least it's still somewhat of a surprise,” Spike suggested.
“That is a most excellent idea darling,” Rarity replied, only to frown. “Though I fear we are losing some of the meaning behind letting them handle it.”
“You don't think it would ruin our chances of breaking the curse do you?” Spike muttered fearfully.
“I don't think so,” Rarity quickly declared. “After all it's not like we are telling them what to do exactly.”
“Right,” Spike remarked in a slightly more optimistic tone. “Were just providing suggestions. It's not like they have to follow them.”
“Though if I don't get the chance to relax in a sauna before the big day I am going to be livid,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike chuckled. “You may be a little disappointed then because it isn't nearly as nice for dragons.”
“Oh? Well that is unfortunate…” Rarity murmured.
“Though going for a lava bath feels apparently quite similar only like a million times better,” Spike continued, the pony pressing his hooves against his cheeks. “Just thinking about it makes me jealous of you.”
“Then we simply must do that before the wedding date, along with getting you into a sauna,” Rarity exclaimed. “Oh I must say this is rather nice that we each get to see how the other lives so to speak.”
“It is kind of interesting,” Spike admitted.
“Onto our lists!” Rarity remarked.
“Right, time to learn how to write with my mouth,” Spike muttered bitterly.
“I’ll give you some lessons on telekeneisis tonight darling,” Rarity offered.
“You’d think I would have heard enough magical lectures that I wouldn't need help,” Spike exclaimed.
Rarity chuckled. “There is a difference between hearing about it and actually doing it.”
“Quite true,” Spike replied. “Now then, let us begin.”
“Done!” Rarity announced.
Spike lurched off the couch, blinking rapidly. “Bwuh?”
“I said I was done,” Rarity replied.
Spike rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “How long was I out for?”
“Only about an hour,” Rarity answered.
“An hour? How much did you plan?” Spike asked.
“Oh I just came up with a rather detailed set of suggestions is all,” Rarity retorted, lifting her sheet of paper. “See?”
Spike blinked, his gaze narrowing on the long list unfolding before him. “Rarity this is… not a bunch of suggestions.”
“No they are there,” Rarity pointed to one spot on the page. “Like here where I allowed for a change of locations.”
“It just says Aja Malibu in Whinnypeg or Canterlot,” Spike deadpanned.
“Well I wanted to give them options of course,” Rarity replied.
“Isn't that just the same place but different locations?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, so?” Rarity answered.
Spike sighed. “I feel like you missed the spirit of this little exercise.”
“Well what did you write?” Rarity demanded.
“See for yourself,” Spike offered.
Rarity swiped his own sheet of paper from the coffee table and frowned immediately. “It just says get drunk and do awesome stuff.”
“Simple. Elegant, and with plenty of options for changing it up,” Spike replied with a nod. “Seems perfect.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “More like silly. You know you could do that any old time. A bachelor party is supposed to be unique, and filled with new experiences!”
“Like with strippers and stuff?” Spike pointedly asked.
Rarity hesitated. “I suppose you could attend one of those types of establishments. I wouldn't say that you couldn't.”
“You could too ya know,” Spike pointed out.
Rarity blushed. “I suppose that is a possibility. Perhaps I could pencil it in somewhere between the pedicure, and the mimosas.”
Spike chuckled, slapping Rarity lightly on the shoulder. “Atta girl. Get a little crazy.”
“It would be rather nice to cut loose,” Rarity admitted. “Maybe a little more wiggle room in my suggestions is needed. Though you need a few more on yours.”
Spike hummed, and scratched his chin. “You make a good point. Alright, I’ve got a few more. What do we have left to do after this?”
“Today, or for the wedding?” Rarity replied, the dragon scratching out a few lines and adding several more.
“Wedding,” Spike answered.
“Well we have the budget more or less done,” Rarity began, retrieving a second list from nearby. “We’ve got inspired, and mostly completed the guest list.”
“Well see if Discord is back from his vacation by then, and if we can track down a few of our more distant relatives,” Spike added.
Rarity nodded. “We’ve also got the date planned out as well as most of the reception, in addition to the other parties.”
“So we just need to complete some of our planning, book the venue, vendors, send out the wedding invites and then actually do all that stuff?” Spike inquired.
“Plus we must get the marriage license, buy the dress as well as a tuxedo, and then complete the wedding registry,” Rarity stated.
“That shouldn't be too hard,” Spike exclaimed, throwing a forehoof around Rarity’s shoulder. “You know what? I think we can do this. With a little elbow grease we’ll be married and back in our own bodies in no time!”
Rarity giggled excitedly. “Oh isn't this just lovely? If I was in my own body then it truly would be perfect.”
“You know this is the perfect excuse to have more then one wedding? Only the second time it could be somewhere much closer and less opulent,” Spike offered.
“Now wouldn't that be something?” Rarity mused. “Maybe in a year or two we could plan another event like this. Give us enough time to save up.”
“And let everyone else as well,” Spike added.
Rarity chuckled, and laid her head on Spike’s shoulder. “Very true darling.”
Spike smiled. “So do you have any plans for this evening?”
“I think I’ll try to get used to these digits of yours and hopefully teach you a thing about your magic,” Rarity replied.
“Good plan,” Spike agreed. “After that I think I’ll need a little time by myself. Might go for that jog.”
“Wonderful,” Rarity purred.
Spike smiled. “We’ll survive this.”
“You know when this first happened I thought things would end up a lot worse,” Rarity remarked, the dragon slipping under the covers.
Spike stretched his forehooves before cracking his neck. “Very true. I thought there would be a lot more tomb raiding and hair raising adventures centered around finding something to break the curse.”
“You’ve been reading too many Daring Do books,” Rarity teased.
“The story time kids at the library love hearing them,” Spike replied, running a hoof through his mane before slipping into bed next to his fiance. “And who am I to say no to such a cute bunch of kiddos.”
Rarity smiled, and tugged the chain on her lamp, turning off one of the two remaining sources of light in the room. “Quite true. Those little darlings are quite adorable aren't they?” Rarity mused.
“Maybe once this over we could talk to Twilight about having kids of our own,” Spike remarked somewhat hesitantly.
“You know it's impossible darling,” Rarity replied, turning on her side. “Magic and science simply haven't caught up yet.”
“That was a few years ago. Maybe it's changed,” Spike murmured.
“Maybe,” Rarity reluctantly agreed. “Either way now is not the time to think of such things.”
“True,” Spike agreed, lighting his horn and turning off his lamp, allowing the darkness to envelope the room. “Oof, that feels weird.”
“I’m proud of you by the way,” Rarity whispered, planting a small kiss on the pony’s cheek. “You really picked that up quickly.”
“Well like I said I’ve certainly got enough theory already up here,” Spike replied, tapping his head. “And I’m proud of you too. You haven't broken anything expensive.”
Rarity chuckled. “Remind me never to tease you about being clumsy again.”
“Noted,” Spike replied, turning onto his back and letting out a sigh.
A move Rarity quickly mimicked, the pair staring up at the pitch black ceiling as the day’s events flicked through their minds. The changes, plans, and everything betwixt continued to plague them, but neither were so stressed that they couldn't relax. In fact they were so relaxed that Rarity couldn't help but wonder what they could have forgotten.
“Hey Spike,” Rarity murmured.
“Yes dear?” Spike replied.
“What day was it again?” Rarity asked.
“Sunday, why?” Spike answered.
Rarity blanched. “Didn't you have a bunch of dragon ambassador duties to complete tomorrow?”
“And didn't you have a show you were judging?” Spike inquired, the color leaving his face in an instant.
“Yes, yes I did,” Rarity murmured.
“We are boned aren't we?” Spike whispered.
“Very boned,” Rarity replied.
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
“Did you get any sleep?” Spike asked as he laid on his back, staring absently at the ceiling.
“I think I passed out for a bit somewhere around midnight,” Rarity replied, the dragon mimicking her partner’s unseemly position.
“Oh good. I wasn't the only one then,” Spike murmured.
“So…” Rarity began. “What are we going to do?”
“I know we said that we were going to go through this whole thing like adults and not try to hide the switch but maybe we could pretend just for today,” Spike offered.
Rarity hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose that's a possibility. After all, we do know each other very well.”
“Yeah exactly,” Spike replied, rolling onto his side. “I’ve known you for like what, ten years now?”
“Thirteen darling,” Rarity corrected.
“Right, yeah,” Spike muttered.
Rarity cleared her throat. “Are you sure about this? I know judging a fashion show for young up-and-coming earth pony artists wouldn't exactly be your cup of tea.”
“It wouldn't, but I totally memorized all the buzzwords already. Like frow, haute couture, and the B.O.T,” Spike continued, doing his best interpretation of Rarity’s voice.
Who chuckled. “Well, you certainly nailed the nonsense words they like to throw out to make themselves seem more important.”
“And isn't that half of fashion?” Spike asked with a smirk.
Rarity rolled her eyes and gently punched the pony’s shoulder. “Maybe in the big runways of Manehatten but here in Ponyville the only thing that will get you is a weird look.”
Spike chuckled. “Very true.”
“But are you sure you want to do this?” Rarity pressed, gripping the pony’s forehoof. “We would both be gambling our careers on one another.”
“I know we can do it,” Spike declared. “And after we get these responsibilities out of the way we can clear out our schedule for the next month, so it won't be necessary to pretend again.”
“Everything else I have to get done this month isn't exactly pressing either,” Rarity murmured.
“Yeah and everything else I need to do can either be rescheduled or completed via letter,” Spike explained. “I just can't go back on this meeting with Grumble and his wife.”
“And I couldn't back out of this show. The only reason this event is even happening is that I used my connections in the industry to get some big-shot executives to show up after the judging,” Rarity added.
“I can't just back out on meeting Grumble either, he and his wife are some of the first dragons who have expressed interest in moving to the area,” Spike added. “If they can be convinced to stay it may mean that real immigration might happen.”
Rarity nodded her scaly head. “An event I would gladly look forward to. You deserve to have more dragon friends after all.”
Spike blushed. “Daw thanks Rarity.”
“Not a problem my dear,” Rarity replied.
“So are we decided then?” Spike inquired.
Rarity nodded. “That we are darling. Today we will pretend to be each other, and tonight we will reschedule the entire rest of the month so that nothing gets in the way of the wedding.”
“Great!” Spike exclaimed, hopping off the bed and landing on the floor with a thump. “Then we just gotta eat and get ready.”
“Excellent idea darling,” Rarity declared, following after partner a second later. “I simply must ensure that your mane is up to my standards.”
Spike sighed. “Oh right, I have to sit through that again.”
“Oh come now, it isn't that bad,” Rarity admonished.
“It's agonizing and I am half tempted to shave it all off,” Spike remarked.
The dragon continued walking only to realize that his fiance wasn't following him. Turning around Spike immediately gulped as his gaze settled on two blazing pools of fire that bore into his very soul.
“Don't. Even. Joke,” Rarity whispered dangerously.
Spike gulped. “R-right. Though perhaps a hat would be acceptable?”
Rarity’s eyes widened slightly and she nodded. “I suppose that can be arranged.”
“Oh thank goodness. I thought you were going to bite my head off,” Spike muttered.
“What was that darling?”
“Nothing dear,” Spike quickly replied.
Rarity strode as confidently as she could manage on two legs, and only stopping occasionally to flail her arms in a desperate bid to stay vertical. Her efforts, though inelegant, bore fruit, and soon she was walking calmly up to the home of Spike’s assistant. The small squat building itself was a far cry from the once wild house she used to have, though Rarity thought it had more character.
The space obviously appeared lived in, and despite no longer having any children living with them the Lyra and Sweetie Drops abode still had toys sitting outside. Rarity thought it was likely due to the sheer number of grandchildren they had, though it was possible that Lyra was starting a daycare. Either way, it made a small bit of jealousy begin to climb up Rarity’s spine, though that feeling was quickly banished.
Knocking twice on the door, the dragon took an awkward step back, and nearly tumbled down the three stairs she had just walked up. Thankfully for Rarity’s self-esteem, she was able to right herself before the sound of hooves was audible from the other side of the entrance.
“Coming!” Shouted a familiar voice.
“Take all the time you-” Rarity stopped, lowered her voice, and reminded herself of how Spike talked. “No rush.”
While Rarity was silently congratulating herself for mimicking her beloved’s speech patterns so well, the door opened. Revealing Sweetie Drops the earth pony who had curlers in her hair, and a confused expression on her face.
“Spike. You’re here early,” she muttered.
“Yes well. This is a very important matter,” Rarity remarked in her best Spike impression.
“I er yes it is. Still, I didn't expect you for another half hour at the earliest,” Sweetie Drops remarked.
“Is it one of the kids?” Shouted Lyra from somewhere inside the home.
“No, it's just Spike!” Sweetie Drops yelled back.
“Daww and I got all the stuff out too,” Lyra muttered, emerging from around the corner in full clown makeup and wielding a banana cream pie.
“What, exactly is going on?” Rarity asked.
Sweetie Drops sighed. “Lyra here is expecting a few kids to be dropped off today and thinks that it would be a good idea to dress up as a clown in order to greet them.”
“Hey, kids love clowns!” Lyra exclaimed.
“They did when our grandparents were kids,” Sweetie Drops retorted.
“Daww…” Lyra muttered, giving her large red nose the saddest honk ever heard.
Rarity cleared her throat. “Be that as it may. I was hoping to review what we knew about Grumble and his wife.”
“Grace,” Sweetie Drops added.
“Excuse me?” Rarity asked.
“Her name is Grace,” Sweetie Drops pointed out.
“Oh. Well, it's a good thing I came here early to review things with you,” Rarity replied.
Sweetie Drops sighed. “I suppose so. Come on in. I have the file on the kitchen table. You can review it while I freshen up.”
“I’m sure that won't take long. You already look ravishing dear,” Rarity replied before walking past the stunned earth pony.
“Err what?” Sweetie Drops muttered.
“Well hello darling ,” Spike greeted to a closed door. “No that was too forward.”
“Greetings dahling,” Spike exclaimed, only to frown. “No that was too flamboyant.”
“Good morning darling,” Spike once again stated. “Oh, that was good.”
The unicorn stopped to give himself a brief once over in the reflective surface of the metal entrance, and upon noting that his hair was still immaculate, reached for the handle. Pulling it open Spike strode confidently into the backroom of the small boutique located in the newly developed area of Ponyville. Though Spike knew he was allowed to be there, immediately upon stepping inside the unicorn felt an odd nervousness crawl up his spine.
Ignoring that feeling, Spike strode past the various boxes, and mannequins stacked about before entering into a room filled with activity. Ponies of all shapes and sizes were trotting this way and that, some ferrying cloth, while others carried aloft completed pieces of clothing. Spike awkwardly stumbled back a step, dodging out of the way of a nervous young earth pony stallion with a colorful turquoise stetson.
Spike watched him rush over to a box of cloth and frantically begin rummaging through it, tossing aside scraps while muttering to himself. He wasn't the only one that seemed nervous though, as a young earth pony mare with a long wavy mane was cursing at her sewing machine. A broken needle was frantically being removed, the piece of metal having snapped after it had attempted to go through a dress made entirely out of denim.
That also wasn't the only strange outfit in the midst of being put together, as a buck-toothed young earth pony mare was tearing strips off a roll of toilet paper. She then narrowed her bushy purple eyebrows, and carefully attached the torn piece to a dress made entirely of the same white strips.
The only dress which didn't seem ridiculous in Spike’s opinion was the one that was bleach white and covered in rhinestones. The small mostly see-through bits of rock were delicious though the piece of clothing was marred by far too many tassels in Spike’s opinion. The unicorn was about to inspect the dresses and the ponies making them a little closer when a teal furred, and orange maned unicorn poked her head in the room.
“Oh, there you are Rarity. I’ve been looking all over for you,” exclaimed Sassy Saddles.
Spike blinked. “You have?”
“Yes indeed, and let me tell you picked quite the time to start arriving fashionably late,” Sassy Saddles exclaimed.
“I’m sorry. I just had to stop for a coffee on the way here,” Spike replied.
The other unicorn waved a dismissive hoof. “Think nothing of it, dear. Simply join me at the front so we may leave the artists to their work.”
“Err okay,” Spike muttered as he quietly left the room.
“So Grace and Grumble are seeking to construct not just a house, but an apartment building for dragons?” Rarity asked.
Sweetie Drops raised an eyebrow. “Yes, we just went over this.”
“I know, but it's just such a shock,” Rarity muttered.
“Well they are quite wealthy if our intelligence is anything to go by,” Sweetie Drops pointed out.
“And quite demanding,” Rarity added.
“True,” admitted the earth pony.
“Right so where are we meeting them again?” asked the dragon.
Sweetie Drops sighed and ran a hoof down her face. “On the east side of town remember? Near old man Jenkins farm.”
“The minotaur,” Rarity remarked.
“Yes, the minotaur. He was also one of the first immigrants that came in ten years ago when Ponyville began to accept more foreign investment,” Sweetie Drops explained.
“I remember that. The town was quite in a fuss over the whole matter though it quickly blew over once people actually started moving in,” Rarity stated.
“Which is what I will hope happens here,” Sweetie Drops exclaimed as they trotted over a small bridge.
Rarity hummed absently as she looked around the countryside, her analytical gaze studying the relatively unused bit of land. Though a good chunk of it was indeed farmed, so much of it was too rocky to support agriculture. Save of course for the beautiful red and gold flowers which bloomed between the many large stones which littered the area. It was also a good bit out of town, and closer to the everfree than most would like, though Rarity assumed those things wouldn't be a problem for an adult dragon.
Her train of thought was interrupted when the sound of powerful wings broke the silence, alerting Rarity to the imminent arrival of her guests. Turning her gaze skyward, Rarity saw an enormous, and somewhat familiar red and orange dragon flying next to a small purple speck. As they descended Rarity recalled the short adventure which had ended with meeting the dragon that now flew above her head.
“No way. His name was Grumble?” she muttered.
With a dull boom, the great creature came to a rest in front of them, landing with enough force to nearly knock Rarity from her feet. Thankfully she recovered quickly, and immediately put on the most charming smile she could muster.
“Greetings Grumble, my name is Spike, and this is my assistant, Sweetie Drops,” Rarity announced.
The red dragon blinked and looked down at the much smaller creature in confusion.
Sweetie Drops leaned in and whispered. “That isn't Grumble. That's his wife, Grace. Grumble is-”
“Right here,” proclaimed the former speck which had just landed.
This time it was Rarity’s turn to blink in confusion while she stared at the odd looking male. Easily a hundred years the other dragon’s junior, the dragon was barely taller than Rarity was, and had an underbite so severe it was a marvel he could even speak. Not only that but he sported a pronounced gut, short stubby wings, and an overall triangle shaped body that Rarity struggled to think of as anything but ugly.
The red dragon who stood beside him promptly ignored Spike as well as Sweetie Drops and began to survey the rocky, slightly hilly lands behind him. His mate followed the other dragon’s gaze, though was clearly disinterested in the entire matter. Rarity meanwhile, had overcome her bout of embarrassment and cleared her throat as she approached the purple dragon.
“My apologies Grumble. Your description simply didn't do you justice,” Rarity began. “Now then, what do you think of the land? Though not arable I think it will-”
“It's mine,” he stated.
Rarity exchanged a brief, and confused look with Sweetie Drops. “Well, that's wonderful to hear. I’m sure old man Jenkins will be happy to sell it to you for a decent price.”
“No you misunderstand,” Grumble began, jabbing a clawed finger into Rarity’s chest. “This land is mine now.”
Rarity opened her mouth to retort only to find that Grace had lowered her massive head down to the former unicorn’s level. Eyes nearly as big as a pony narrowed at Rarity, fixing the other dragon with a firm glare.
“Oh my,” Rarity muttered.
Spike was awkwardly hurried into the forefront of the shop, where a stage had been assembled, in front of which sat a judge’s table. There were three chairs waiting for him, one of which was occupied by someone the unicorn hadn't seen in a very long time.
“Inky Rose? Is that you… uh, darling?” Spike awkwardly greeted.
The pegasus pony had longer braids, as well as slightly shorter bangs, but other than that she looked exactly as how Spike remembered her. The pegasus wore a mixture of black and grey fabric that covered nearly her entire body while framing her face with a very prominent V-shaped collar. In Spike’s opinion, she looked like a vampire with all her deep purple makeup and matching lipstick, but the pony couldn't deny that Inky Rose rocked the look.
“Ah, Rarity. How nice to see you again,” Inky Rose exclaimed.
“A pleasure,” Spike replied. “Say Sassy who is our third… and she is gone.”
“The train that was supposed to be bringing our contestant’s dresses was delayed in Canterlot,” Inky Rose exclaimed in a deadpan tone. “Sassy has been helping them make new ones at the last minute.”
“That explains all of the hubbub I saw back there,” Spike remarked, glancing back through the door just in time to see someone with a flaming mane run past. “Yeesh.”
“And to make matters worse,” Inky Rose began. “Our third judge, miss Photo Finish has called in sick with the laser measles.”
“Laser measles? Is it serious?” Spike murmured.
Inky Rose nodded slowly. “They say her face lights up like a nightclub whenever she coughs.”
Spike blinked. “That sounds… terrible?”
“Quite,” Inky Rose agreed.
“So, who is our replacement then?” Spike inquired.
“I do not know,” Inky Rose exclaimed with a shrug. “Though I was told that someone with a history of judging these events was called in at the last minutes.”
“That is uh, most excellent! I would hate for this event to be canceled especially since it is the poor dear’s big chance and all,” Spike declared.
“Yes, it would be terrible to see them sent home without gaining valuable experience from both the judging and later showing their creations off to the public,” Inky Rose agreed, turning to Spike. “Speaking of which. I must commend your generosity in setting up this event. Too many earth pony designers go without the chance to show their stripes.”
“Yes well sometimes the industry needs a gentle nudge,” Spike exclaimed.
Inky Rose nodded. “Very true indeed, Miss Rarity. I just hope they find an earth pony to replace Photo Finish as I believe having all three tribes on the judge's panel will aid our young artists greatly.”
Spike blinked. “But we don't have-” Spike bit his tongue before he could declare that he was a dragon. “Yes let us hope that they find someone suitable in such short notice.”
“I found her!” Shouted the voice of an assistant from across the room.
Rarity turned towards the entrance, only for her eyes to go wide. “Applejack?”
The farm pony strode confidently into the room, and looked around, a wide smile on her face.
“Well ain't this a bit of a change of pace?” She exclaimed, trotting up to the lone empty seat and sitting down with a thump. “When I woke up this morning I didn't think I’d be judgin no contest.”
“It is a pleasure to see you again miss Applejack,” Inky Rose greeted.
The farm pony blinked, a blush crossing her face. “Well dunk me in a barrel of sugar and call me a candy apple if it ain't Inky Rose. It's been what…”
“A year and six months,” Inky Rose answered.
“Yer not still mad about-” Applejack began.
“I am not,” Inky Rose declared.
Applejack tugged at her non-existent collar with a hoof. “You don't suppose we could talk after the whole contest is over, do ya?”
Inky Rose raised an eyebrow and watched as Applejack silently squirmed on the seat next to her for several seconds. “I may be convinced to do so. If you take me somewhere nice.”
Applejack bobbed her head eagerly. “You got it Inky. After this, I’ll run right back to the farm and grab my savings.”
Oh good. They haven't noticed me. Spike thought to himself.
“Well hey, there Rarity. Sorry I didn't say hi earlier,” Applejack greeted, extending a hoof. “How's it going?”
“Great, just great. Everything’s peachy,” he declared, his voice rising to an uncomfortably high pitch.
Applejack rubbed her ear with a hoof. “Well, it sure don't sound like it.”
“I-” was all Spike could utter before the dull boom of a door interrupting Spike’s train of thought.
“They are ready!” Sassy Saddles exclaimed, the unicorn now wearing a suspiciously large sunhat.
“Excellent,” Inky Rose declared.
“Well I’m ready when you are,” Applejack announced.
Sassy Saddles turned an expectant eye to Spike. “And what about you Rarity?”
Spike grinned a bit too wide. “Oh uh yeah. Ready when you are… darling.”
“Okay then. Let the show begin!” Sassy Saddles exclaimed.
“Let us all take a breath hmm?” Rarity offered. “We are rational adults aren't we?”
“Trust me, lady, you don't want Gracey here to take a too firm of a breath,” Grumble remarked with a snicker.
The enormous red dragon snorted a ring of smoke at the pair, causing Sweetie Drops to begin coughing.
Rarity waved a hand and dismissed the smog. “That was perhaps a bit of a poor choice of words though I think you know what I meant.”
“I know. I just don't care,” declared Grumble, who crossed his arms over his chest.
“Well, you can't just take the land. It is owned by a mister Jenkins,” Rarity began. “Bits need to be exchanged, signatures taken. One cannot simply declare ownership of someone else’s property.”
Grumble snorted. “Back in the dragonlands if someone wasn't using part of their territory it was free reign for a younger, smaller dragon to claim. Way I figure it, this is about the same kind of situation.”
Sweetie Drops glanced expectantly at Rarity.
“This is not the dragonlands,” Rarity stated. “Here we must follow the letter of the law whether we like it or not.”
“Fine. Then I will construct my apartment block here, and then sue for squatter’s rights,” Grumble retorted.
Rarity raised a finger only to stop and turn to her assistant. “Can he do that?”
“I mean it's possible,” Sweetie Drops murmured. “But we can't just let him do that.”
“And why not?” Grumble retorted. “The land is not being used. I want to use it. Seems like a fairly simple transaction.”
Rarity shook her head. “Mr. Jenkins is a very nice if sometimes crotchety old fellow who needs the bits that the sale of this land will give him. You should simply purchase it off of him so we may conclude this arrangement amicably.”
Grumble laughed, and poked a clawed finger into Rarity’s chest. “And what are you and your dumb little pony slave going to do about it huh?”
Grace snorted in unspoken agreement.
“Hey, I’m no slave. I’m his assistant,” Sweetie Drops declared.
“Slave, assistant, I see no difference,” Grumble retorted, leaning down to the earth pony’s height. “Way I see it yer still takin orders at the end of the day.”
Both of the other dragons shared a cruel laugh.
Rarity’s right eye twitched. “Now you listen here you overgrown salamander. I will not allow you to speak to my friend in such a matter.”
The pair stopped, and looked down at Rarity, with Grumble raising an eyebrow.
“I don't like repeating myself but I guess I’ll say it again,” he began, prodding Rarity’s chest with a finger again. “What are you going to do about it, huh?”
“I will summon my friends, and send your wife packing for a second time!” Rarity declared.
“What?” Grumble muttered.
Grace blinked.
“I happen to remember not long ago when she came to Equestria and covered up the sky with all that dreadful smug. I also remember making her leave, and apologize for causing everyone such a headache!” Rarity declared, jabbing a finger right back into Grumble’s chest.
“Is that true babe?” Grumble asked.
The great red dragon blushed and shrugged meekly.
“Well damn, I always knew you were a sleep smogger. Either way, it's a good thing I’m here now cus I won't let anyone push you around ever again,” Grumble declared, patting his wife’s ginormous foot in a loving manner.
Grace smiled and blew a heart-shaped smoke ring at the other dragon.
“Ahem,” Rarity announced. “I think we were getting to the part where you apologized and began negotiating for the land you wanted.
Grumble chuckled. “Look youngling. I appreciate the cojones you got to stand up to me and my wife like this but at the end of the day, you can't do squat. Your pathetic pony police couldn't stop a shoplifter. Nevermind us.”
“Yes that may be true,” Rarity began. “But I have something much more powerful on my side.”
“Uh, where are you going with this Spike?” Sweetie Drops whispered.
“Just trust me,” Rarity whispered back.
“Oh, and what would that be?” Grumble asked smugly.
Grace chuckled.
“Friendship!” Rarity declared.
Both of the other dragons broke out into a full-blown belly laugh.
Rarity smirked. “And all four princesses on speed dial.”
Grumble coughed. “What was that last part?”
“You heard me, darling,” Rarity began, reaching into her assistant’s bag and producing a random scroll. “With one exhale I could summon four alicorns to our position.”
“Yer kiddin me,” Grumble dared.
“Oh I am not, in fact, kidding you,” Rarity retorted. “I am Spike the dragon and I was raised by Celestia as well as Twilight Sparkle. Not only that but I count Luna and Cadance as close personal friends.”
Grumble and Grace exchanged a confused, hesitant look. “You’re bluffing.”
Rarity breathed in deep and held the scroll up to her lips, silently daring the other party to make the first move.
Sweetie Drops watched the exchange curiously from a relatively safe distance, ready to jump in and help should her assistance be required.
After several quiet seconds, Grumble’s sour frown turned into a bright smile and he pulled Rarity into an unexpected hug. “Ha, you were right after all dear. These ponies are tough!” He proclaimed.
Grace nodded knowingly.
Rarity, however, merely blinked. “Come again?”
Grumble took a step back and grinned. “This was all a test to see if you were a worthy leader of this here community I wanna start. One which you passed with flying colors by the way.”
“And Sweetie Drops?” Rarity remarked.
“Right, sorry about the whole slave comment. I could tell this one was real protective of ya and I wanted to push his buttons,” Grumble announced, jerking a thumb towards Rarity.
Sweetie Drops nodded. “Apology accepted. Though the next time you make such a remark I’ll mount your horns over my mantle.”
Grumble erupted with laughter and elbowed his wife. “This one’s got fire too! Oh this is going to be a great place to settle down.”
Grace smiled and nodded.
“Well uh… alright then,” Rarity declared. “Now why don't we go speak to old man Jenkins hmm?”
“Capital idea, lead on!” Grumble exclaimed.
Spike shifted uncomfortably on the plastic chair, his gaze fixed on the curtains that had yet to open. He also pointedly ignored the curious looks Applejack shot his way. Thankfully he didn't have to wait long for something to happen as a second later the lights began to dim.
“Ladies, and well I guess just ladies,” began the familiar voice of Sassy Saddles. “Our first presenter this afternoon is Canterlot’s own Plaid Stripes and she comes to you today with something bold, original, and above all, thought-provoking.”
Spike watched as a spotlight focused on the curtains.
“Made entirely from recycled materials, and carefully crafted by her own hooves. May I present to you Plaid Stripes, and the memory of Manehatten!” Sassy Saddles announced, sweeping a hoof to the curtains.
Which opened to reveal the orange furred, and bright purple maned mare herself. Who was now wearing a dress made entirely of toilet paper that covered her from head to hoof. The sight merely confused Spike, though Inky Rose let out a small gasp of awe as the paperclad mare strode onto the stage.
Her steps were long, bold, and confident, and as she neared the judge's booth she struck several poses in rapid succession. First, she lifted her left forehoof high, as if claiming ownership of all she saw, then she put on a sad mournful expression before staring forlornly at the ground. Then, just as quickly as it began, it was over. The spotlight dimmed, the lights came back up and the young mare smiled excitedly down at the judges.
“Now then. Would our esteemed judges please offer their thoughts?” Sassy Saddles offered.
“Bold. Provocative, with a hidden environmental message,” Inky Rose claimed. “Plaid Stripes, you have perfectly captured your vision. Bravo.”
Damn. I was going to say something like that. Though probably not quite so eloquently. Spike thought to himself. Now what?
“Rarity, what do you have to say?” Sassy Saddles offered.
Spike coughed. “Why don't we go to Applejack for the moment? I’m still thinking.”
“Very well. Applejack?” Sassy Saddles inquired.
Well at least whatever I say will sound good coming after what Applejack says. She doesn't know anything about fashion. Spike triumphantly thought to himself.
“Hmmm,” Applejack rubbed her chin with a hoof. “It is definitely bold, though I think we should mention how beautiful the dress itself is. Provided you recreated it with more durable materials I could see someone actually wearing it. You have a balanced both style and intent quite masterfully.”
Plaid Stripes gasped and fanned herself with a hoof. “Oh my gosh that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!”
“You said you didn't know anything about fashion,” Inky Rose deadpanned.
“You were right back then. I wasn't takin an interest in any of your hobbies despite you doing the same for me. So I’ve been studying and it turns out I kinda like the whole high fashion thing,” Applejack proclaimed.
“Oh Applejack,” Inky Rose murmured.
“And Rarity, what do you think?” Sassy Saddles asked.
Spike blinked. “I think it's… really nice. You definitely did all the things the other judges said and I really like how it… flows?”
“Flows?” Plaid Stripes asked.
“Yes, I suppose it does have a unique move to it doesn't it?” Inky Rose added.
“You know what it kinda does,” Applejack agreed.
Spike released a long sigh of relief and watched his fellow jurors continue to pepper the girl with compliments as well as constructive criticism. Until at long last the girl was crying tears of joy, tearfully trotting back behind the curtain after blowing her nose on her dress.
“Next up we have Paleo Petunia, who hails from none other than Ponyville,” Sassy Saddles announced as the lights dimmed once more. “With a knack for reviving styles the fashion industry considers out of date, this daring young fashionista takes a bold new direction compared to her contemporaries.”
The curtains parted to reveal a young earth pony mare adorned entirely in blue denim. Spike wasn't sure how but the girl had somehow managed to pull off puffed shoulders and a bright blue monotone color pallet. The entire thing looked like it had jumped off the pages of some eighties magazine, only less gauche somehow.
“But will our judges agree? We will soon see,” Sassy Saddles added.
The young teal furred and greyish blue maned mare hesitated for a moment before gulping down her fears. She then strode down the runway with all the confidence and grace of a professional, stopping right before the judge's box. There she struck several equally as bold poses as if demanding she be observed and loved. Right after her routine was over, however, the girl wilted slightly and flashed the judges a slightly awkward smile.
“Bold seems to be the word of the day,” Inky Rose announced. “And although I usually devote myself to a single color I think you would have benefited from a greater exploration of the palate.”
“Now I don't think that's quite fair,” Applejack interjected. “The subtle differences in the shade and wear of the jeans give it a unique look that I quite like.”
The young girl’s frown immediately turned upside down.
Inky Rose hummed thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it I didn't initially notice the shading work done below the knees.”
“Th-thanks,” stuttered Paleo. “I nearly wore down my favorite rock but it was worth it.”
“I’d say so,” Applejack proclaimed. “That's one nice lookin dress there Paleo.”
Inky Rose nodded. “It is indeed. Though I don't think we needed to point out such small details to Rarity of all ponies. Especially given her keen eye for detail.”
Spike cleared his throat and adopted his best Rarity voice. “Oh of course darling. Though I wouldn't want to interrupt the wonderful little back and forth you two had going.”
The effect was immediate, with both Inky Rose and Applejack blushing, and casting one another furtive glances out of the corner of their eye.
Round two is mine. Spike thought to himself.
With everyone distracted from the fact that he hadn't actually given any criticism, Spike was able to sit back and observe. After a minute or so of constructive criticism, the now grinning young earth pony trotted back down the stage. Stopping at the midpoint to click her heels excitedly before slipping out of sight once more.
“Well that has been quite the showing so far,” Sassy Saddles exclaimed. “Let us see if our last artist can match the same levels of boldness that his colleagues have set for us.”
Before Sassy Saddles could launch into her usual introduction, or even bring about the spotlight, the curtains were pulled aside. To reveal an earth pony stallion with a brown coat who had a perfectly coiffed bright green mane and tail. Upon his head rested the turquoise stetson Spike had seen earlier, though he had also put on a brown ascot and one of the most gem studded pieces of clothing Spike had ever seen.
Spike was vaguely aware of Sassy Saddles hastily introducing the next contestant, but Spike didn't hear a word of it. For his mouth had already begun to salivate, as his gaze fixated completely on the stunning suit young Pistachio was wearing.
The first thing Spike thought of was an Elvis impersonator he saw at las pegasus, though the comparison wasn't perfect. For although Pistachio wore a pure white suit with bell bottom pants, there were far more rhinestones than even the impersonator had. Nearly every surface sparkled brilliantly with the many white gems, each of which had been perfectly placed to make it appear as though the suit was covered with literal stars.
The effect was immediate and pronounced, with Spike staring with wide eyes as the stallion took long loping steps towards him. Spike was only vaguely aware of the poses Pistachio was making, or the words his fellow judges were speaking. For the former dragon was already imagining just how delicious the dress would taste if only he could take a nibble.
“Rarity, hey Rarity. Y'all right?” Applejack inquired.
Spike blinked. “Bwuh?”
“I asked what you thought of the suit,” Applejack declared, gesturing toward the runway.
And the slightly confused stallion standing there expectantly.
“Oh uh…” Spike tried to recall what the other two had said, but nothing came to mind.
With all eyes on him, Spike felt the pressure begin to build and a small nugget of panic to take root in his chest.
“It looks… delicious?” Spike muttered only to immediately wince in embarrassment.
“I mean he is cute, though delicious wouldn't be my choice in adjective,” Inky Rose remarked.
“That kinda sounds like something Spike would say,” Applejack added.
Spike awkwardly cleared his throat. “Well that's silly. Because I am Rarity… darling.”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “Did you and Rarity switch places somehow?”
“Yes, er no?” Spike scratched his head. “We did not switch places.”
Applejack snorted. “Now that's a lie if ever I heard one.”
Sassy Saddles quickly stepped up. “That will be all Pistachio. The judges will convene to discuss the verdict and we will get back to you very soon.”
“Thanks again… I think,” Pistachio muttered before trotting away.
Now alone under the scrutinizing glares of three mares, Spike wilted like a leaf in a november snow.
“So uh. That was quite bold wasn't it?” Spike offered.
Applejack sighed. “What kind of magical experiment of Twi’s did you two walk in on this time?”
“None actually,” Spike muttered, tapping his horn. “I proposed to Rarity with cursed rings.”
Sassy Saddles gasped and grabbed the other unicorn by the shoulders. “What did she say?”
Spike blinked. “She said yes. Thus why she slash me is wearing the ring.”
The saddled mare let out an excited screech and pulled Spike into a tight hug. “Oh that is so wonderful. Well not the body swapping part or the fact that you cursed your fiance but the marriage part.”
“Yeah I kinda figured that's what you meant,” Spike muttered.
Applejack shook her head and sighed. “I’m right proud of you both, but what were ya thinkin?”
“I would also like to congratulate you and Rarity. Before Applejack begins browbeating you,” Inky Rose added.
Spike smoothed out his mane and gave the dour mare an appreciative nod. “Thank you Inky, and to answer your question Applejack we may have been a bit sleep deprived when we came up with this little plan.”
“Let me guess. You two spent all night gettin wound up over nothin without thinkin of a real solution,” Applejack deadpanned.
Spike chuckled nervously. “We might have got a little panicky.”
“You know if you had just told us that you had gotten swapped we would have been fine with it,” Inky Rose added. “This is Ponyville after all. Magical nonsense is quite common.”
“So… you aren't mad?” Spike asked.
Applejack shrugged. “It's a bit annoying to know that Rarity sort of flaked on us but other than Pistachio’s suit you did make some good points.”
“I think Applejack and I could carry this event by ourselves,” Inky Rose exclaimed.
“You most certainly could,” Sassy Saddles gushed. “The banter, and differing perspectives were entertaining to watch and enlightening to our artists.”
“Well I can at least help run everything if we were still going with the public viewing part of the event,” Spike offered.
Sassy Saddles gasped. “Oh that's right. I almost forgot about the other half of this little competition. I should let our young competitors know that they have a mere two hours before they reveal their creations to the world.”
“That's an excellent idea Spike. I’m sure Sassy Saddles could use the help,” complemented Applejack.
“It's no problem at all,” Spike replied.
Spike trotted into his bedroom and flopped down next to Rarity who was already sprawled out across the sheets.
“That was exhausting,” declared Spike.
Rarity rolled onto her side and stared at her fiance. “Did you have to wrestle a dragon, a minotaur, and the municipal land codes?”
“Er no,” Spike muttered.
“Then I don't want to hear a word about being exhausted,” Rarity declared.
“I mean I did coordinate a fashion show, line up potential buyers and take down a runway,” Spike replied.
Rarity blinked. “You managed to help one of the young artist’s sell a dress?”
“Actually it was two dresses and a suit, but yes. We sold them all,” Spike replied with a smile.
“That is… quite impressive dear. So I take it things went well?” Rarity inquired.
“They did. Though I may have revealed the fact that we got switched,” Spike admitted somewhat reluctantly.
Rarity sighed. “That's fine I suppose. So long as you didn't mention our engagement. I had a whole big reveal party planned later this week.”
Spike coughed. “So uh speaking purely in hypotheticals here but what if I did?”
“I would say…” Rarity frowned. “That this is tomorrow Rarity’s problem.”
Spike grinned awkwardly. “Yay? I think. Screw it, I’m going to sleep.”
“A wise decision dear, as am I,” Rarity declared.
“Goodnight,”
“Goodnight darling,”
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
“Aaand there,” Rarity declared triumphantly, setting down the quill she had been using. “That's the last of my appearances canceled. Now all I need to do is drop everything off at the post office and we are good to go for the next month or so.”
“Would you mind running my letters down there as well?” Spike asked, the unicorn gesturing to the small mountain that sat next to him.
Rarity blinked, her gaze sweeping across the table they had both been using and the several empty pots of ink at its edge. Broken quills, scrapped pieces of paper, and a half eaten daisy sandwich sat amongst the detritus that cluttered the space. Having been at it for the majority of the afternoon it made sense that it would be a bit messy, and Rarity made a note of cleaning it up soon.
“Oh absolutely dear. Did you get all the letters ready that you wanted?” Rarity inquired.
Spike nodded, the unicorn gently touching the tip of his aching horn. “Yeah and I felt like I damn near expended every bit of magic I can use in the process.”
“Still, it was worth it right?” Rarity half stated, half asked.
Spike smiled, as he grabbed his sandwich. “Quite so. After this is all sent, we’ll be able to relax and focus totally on the wedding.”
“Wonderful, absolutely wonderful,” Rarity exclaimed. “I’m so glad we didn't keep pretending to be each other. One shenanigan filled day was quite enough for me.”
The unicorn chewed hastily, and swallowed his food before speaking. “No kidding. Its a good thing neither of us are professional actors.”
“I don't know. I think I could handle the glitz and glamour of Hollywood,” Rarity exclaimed, striking a pose that looked ridiculous given that she was a dragon at the moment.
Spike chuckled. “I mean the paparazzi, pressure, and public would be nothing to you. Though there is a reason neither of us got invited back to help for the hearth's warming play.”
“Oh pisha. We were merely making way for the younger generation to have their turn in the spotlight,” Rarity declared in a faux haughty tone.
“You know now that you mention it. We were pretty awesome. It's probably a good thing we never got that second invite,” Spike remarked with a smirk.
“We must protect our perfect track record,” Rarity stated.
“Exactly,” Spike replied. “It's just like how I’ll never golf with Night Light ever again.”
Rarity giggled politely into her hand. “You know I’m still a little amazed that you won that little competition in the first place. From everything you’ve told me Night Light is quite the golf nut.”
“If anyone asks just tell them I got lucky. Between me and you there might have been a very good sale on his favorite beer that day,” Spike whispered conspiratorily.
“If there is one thing that family can't resist, it's a sale,” Rarity remarked with a small smile. “Even puts me to shame.”
“That and used book stores,” Spike added.
“Heaven forbid the book store is having a sale. Didn't Twilight clean out her bank account buying books?” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike chuckled. “That's nothing. This one place Twilight visited a lot when we were younger was going out of business and the silly mare took out a loan so she could buy books.”
Rarity smiled. “Say, how is she doing nowadays? I regret that I haven't had the chance to truly sit down and talk to her in a little while. Without their being some manner of catastrophe of course.”
Spike shrugged. “Not bad. Twilight offered to spread the word about our curse after I told her about our little impersonation incident.”
“That's… good. I really should find the time to have tea with the dear again,” Rarity muttered. “Though it makes me wonder what the girls will think of our little situation.”
“I don't know what the others may do, but I can already hear the jabs Rainbow Dash is going to make,” Spike groaned.
“I know Rainbow can be a bit uncouth, but surely she won't be too cruel,” Rarity offered in a tone that made it clear that she didn't quite believe her own words.
Spike shrugged his shoulders as he hopped off his chair. “It's okay, I'm sure she will be respectful.”
Rarity blinked. “Are you certain of that darling?”
“No,” Spike muttered. “Lets just make some lunch and get started on the other preparations. I’ve had my eye on that cake all morning.”
“Excellent suggestion,” Rarity replied, following after her partner. “Though may I recommend a light salad with a sugarless lemonade to drink instead?”
“Only if you go on that run you promised,” Spike retorted.
Rarity sighed. “Cake it is.”
“Is anyone here?” called the familiar voice of Twilight Sparkle from the entrance to the boutique. “The sign says you’re closed.”
“Come in darling!” Rarity exclaimed, the dragon trotting excitedly from the back of the shop. “It should be unlocked.”
Twilight pushed her way inside, wiping her hooves on the welcome mat. “Thanks Rarity. It's really starting to come down out there.”
The dragon peered over her guest’s shoulder, glancing curiously at the wall of rain waiting just outside the door. “Oh my goodness. I didn't know we were in for a shower,” Rarity remarked.
“We werent,” Twilight explained, using a spell to quickly dry her fur. “Apparently the Everfree threw this our way at the last minute and there was nothing the weather team could do about it.”
“I would have expected Rainbow Dash would be quite irritated by the whole affair,” Rarity posited.
Twilight chuckled. “Not in the slightest. We were in for a rain this weekend so Rainbow decided to take the day off and move the weather schedule around a bit.”
“Oh so you saw her?” Rarity offered, extending an arm towards the back of the boutique. “Would you like some tea dear?”
“Sure,” Twilight muttered, following after the mare. “You know it's still a little weird hearing your voice come out of Spike’s mouth.”
“Well hopefully we can get this entire thing wrapped up before you can get used to it,” Rarity replied.
Twilight nodded. “Lets hope, and yes I met Rainbow Dash at Sugarcube Corner earlier today.”
“That's nice. I’m glad that no one will get us mixed up before we can get this whole thing settled,” Rarity exclaimed, the dragon pulling open a drawer. “Still drink earl grey?”
“Actually if you have any raspberry tea I’d appreciate it,” Twilight replied.
“Oh branching out I see,” Rarity commented.
“Yes, well. I figured it was about time I stopped pretending to like the stuff,” Twilight stated somewhat hesitantly.
“Let me guess. Earl grey is Celestia’s favorite?” Rarity inquired.
“Yes...” Twilight shrugged awkwardly.
Rarity giggled. “Well I’m proud of you darling.”
“Thank you Rarity. Say, where is Spike off to?” Twilight inquired.
“Oh he’s just upstairs. Said something about lifting weights,” Rarity replied.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “He knows it won't exactly carry over right?”
“It's his happy place,” Rarity exclaimed simply.
Twilight nodded knowingly. “Well I hope he enjoys his time alone, because Rainbow Dash should be done with her paperwork right about now.”
As if on cue, there was a sudden crash followed by a feminine screech that echoed from the second story. The sound of a certain speedster’s unique laugh wasn't far behind, which preceded an angry shout from Spike.
“They are probably fine right?” Twilight asked, tapping her forehooves together.
“I’m sure they are just-” Rarity began.
“You jerk!” Spike shrieked.
“So… Cake?” Rarity offered, gesturing to the fridge.
“You can't just sneak up on people like that!” Spike shouted, a hot blush crossing his face. “I could have dropped that weight on my head.”
“Oh no not the two pounder,” Rainbow Dash remarked between bouts of cackling.
“It still would have hurt,” Spike muttered bitterly, crossing his forehooves over his chest.
Rainbow Dash chuckled. “And you wouldn't even have the benefit of that thick skull of yours to help out.”
“Hey, Rarity’s head is plenty thick,” Spike retorted.
The pair exchanged a laugh as Rainbow Dash sat down on the bed, with Spike plunking down next to her a second later.
“Very true. I remember when I tried to ask her out that one time and it took like a half hour to get my point across,” Rainbow Dash wistfully exclaimed.
“You were also very drunk from what I recall and Rarity might have been a bit too polite with her denial,” Spike pointed out.
“True. Soo… were you drunk when you bought those things or what’s your excuse?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, gesturing towards Spike’s horn.
The unicorn shook his head. “Nah. I was just a bit too… taken by the price tag.”
“Oh you’re as bad as Twilight. One time I saw her buy a book on griffon parenting just because it was ninety percent off,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “It was like fifty years old too, and missing half its pages.”
“Yes well. Twilight can be a bit over eager when it comes to her desire to preserve history,” Spike replied.
“Speaking of history. What's it like to be the first guy to ever become his own girlfriend?” Rainbow Dash asked with a smirk, leaning in close to the other pony. “I bet you miss pissing standing up dontcha?”
Spike coughed into his hoof. “I might.”
“Ya know when I suggested you get to know her a little better I didn't mean wear her skin ya know,” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Augh you make it sound like I skinned her or something weird. I may be a dragon but I’m not from the book Red Dragon ,” Spike retorted, crossing his hooves over his chest.
“Oh come on this is totally like that, just with more metaphor and less fake blood,” Rainbow Dash argued, the mare hopping off the bed. “And speaking of blood, have you gotten to that time yet?”
Spike blanched and shook his head. “N-no,” he stuttered.
Rainbow Dash laughed. “Oh that's going to be so funny. Oh and you have heat to look forward to as well. That's gotta be coming up soon.”
“I never thought of that,” Spike muttered to himself.
“Oh the unbearable, constant itch, the insatiable desire to chase down the nearest stallion and just do him right there in the street,” Rainbow Dash chuckled. “If anything can scramble your delicate hetrosexuality it's gonna be that.”
Spike rolled over onto his side and stuck his hoof into his mouth.
Rainbow Dash didn't notice and merely continued to pace while she talked. “We’ll have to lock you up or something, lest you end up with some random dude’s baby or something and…”
The pegasus paused and glanced over to the now catatonic unicorn sucking on his hoof. “Woah dude you know I was just joshing ya. Aww jeese I bet Rarity’s emotions got that brain of yours all jumbled up.”
“Oh stars above I’m going to ruin everything,” Spike muttered to himself. “My marriage, Rarity’s body, everything! She’d never marry me if I-”
Rainbow Dash’s hoof stopped that train of thought dead in its thoughts after it impacted the former dragon’s face. Now blinking in confusion, Spike looked up to see a sheepish looking pegasus standing over him.
“Hey sorry for teasing ya like that. I kinda expected you to jab back like usual ya know,” Rainbow Dash apologized, offering the unicorn a weak shrug.
“I…” Spike paused to rub his cheek. “Accept your apology.”
“Great now make some kind of joke about me or whatever. So its fair,” Rainbow Dash offered, opening her hooves wide.
Spike paused and rubbed his chin before suddenly sitting upright a few seconds later. “I have no idea how you managed to pack all that arrogance, sense of worth, and self entitlement into that head of yours. All I can say is that you should have been a professional tetris player. Or mover.”
“Dude,” Rainbow Dash muttered, mouth agape. “That was the harshest razzing I’ve ever received. You’ve really come a long way from calling me a house head.”
“I was twelve!” Spike shouted.
Rainbow Dash snickered and fell back onto the bed, throwing a hoof around the unicorn’s shoulders. “Feel better now, man?”
Spike nodded. “Yeah. I guess all these weird hormones are messing with me still.”
“Nah,” Rainbow Dash quickly dismissed. “I shoulda been more cognizant of your mental state and not jumped right into our usual jabs.”
“Cognizant, that's a big one for you,” Spike retorted, poking a hoof into the pegasus’s side.
“Yeah it was on that word calendar that Twilight got me a few years back. Finally started using the thing a week ago,” Rainbow Dash replied with a shrug.
“So,” Spike began. “Why did you come over, or was it just to bother me?”
“Well that was one part of it,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “The other half was to congratulate you on finally getting Rarity to marry you. I thought you both would be stuck in this state of constant proposal limbo because you were both too chicken to actually propose.”
“I just needed to find Rarity, the perfect ring is all,” Spike muttered.
“Well maybe you should've settled for less than perfect,” Rainbow Dash retorted.
“Like you did with Spitfire?” Spike replied.
“Hey, that was a whole weird thing. Besides, what happens in Las Pegasus, stays in Las Pegasus,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
Spike chuckled. “Well I appreciate it. We think that by going through with the ceremony that the curse will be lifted so hopefully I never have to go through any of… well that.”
“Ahh you'll be fine,” Rainbow Dash stated confidently, reclining onto the bed. “Twilight would move the heavens themselves if it meant helping you, and Rarity would probably lend a hoof-er claw as well.”
“Very true. I just hope our finances can take the blow,” Spike muttered.
“Oh? Rarity wants something fancy does she?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Spike shuddered. “You don't know the half of it. We’ll be lucky if we even have a savings account after this whole thing is over.”
“Oof, well maybe I can save you a few bits and offer up the wonderbolts to do a flyover on the house,” Rainbow Dash offered.
“You’d do that?” Spike replied, eyes wide.
“Of course I would buddy,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Besides, Spits still owes me a favor and she keeps trying to get me to call it in whenever we hang out. She hates that I keep lording it over her.”
Spike nodded. “Well that would be great. I’ll have to clear it with Rarity but I’m sure it won't be a problem.”
“Hey no problem dude. You know I’ve always got your back,” Rainbow Dash stated.
“Like how you had my back in Manehatten?” Spike replied.
Rainbow Dash blanched and held up her hooves. “Hey that mess was all Twilight’s fault and the business on Cato Samoia doesn't… doesn't count.”
This time it was Spike’s turn to chuckle and he gently elbowed the mare in the side. “So are you going to be arranging the bachelor party? Or should I leave that to Pinkie Pie?”
“I think Pinkie would kill me if I planned that for her,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Though the real question is if it's even a bachelor party at all at this point.”
“What do you mean?” Spike replied, tilting his head slightly.
“Well shouldn't it be a bachelorette party?” Rainbow Dash answered. “Heck I’m sure Pinkie could give ya the whole experience, complete with a full spa day, and maybe even a few male strippers at the end of it.”
Spike stuck out his tongue in disgust. “You are the worst. There is no way I’m going to that kind of strip club.”
“Hey don't knock it till you try it,” Rainbow Dash replied, leaning in close to the unicorn. “Speaking of knocking it till you try it. Are you going to do the do before you exchange your I dos?”
“What do you…” Spike hastily rose from the bed, pushing Rainbow Dash out of the way in the process. “I think I hear Rarity calling me. You better leave.”
Rainbow Dash snickered as she trotted over to the window. “I’m just saying man, this is your one chance to enjoy how it feels to have a va-”
The rest of what Rainbow Dash was about to say was cut off as the mare herself was thrown quite unceremoniously out of the house. After the pegasus’s sudden defenestration, Spike flipped the lock, pulled the shades, and shuddered in disgust.
“Ew, just… ew,” he muttered to himself.
“So how did your little visit go?” Rarity asked as Spike trotted into the kitchen with a sour look on his face. “That bad huh?”
“Rainbow Dash likely spent all day thinking of ways to tease me,” Spike replied, the unicorn only now noticing that they were alone in the house. “I thought Twilight would still be here.”
Rarity shook her head. “The darling got so flustered after I mentioned our chosen location that she took off in order to warn her family that they’ll need to start saving.”
“It is going to be really expensive,” Spike admitted.
“Pish posh. It's nothing compared to an unforgettable weekend and the ceremony of a lifetime!” Rarity proclaimed.
Spike sighed and simply shrugged. “So what are we going to do now?”
“Well, we had some other minor considerations to address when it comes to the decorations and guest list so I figured we could maybe work on that?” Rarity offered.
“Oooh we gotta get some pizza later. I’ve been dying to see why you love plain cheese so much,” Spike replied.
Rarity chuckled. “Absolutely darling, but we really should get a few of these little problems out of the way. I would hate to have to resort to standard card stock for our invitations.”
“What's wrong with regular old paper?” Spike asked.
Rarity gasped, placing a clawed hand over her heart. “What's wrong with paper? Why it would be more astute to ask what isn't wrong with such a pedestrian method of delivery. We have important information to convey! This isn't our grocery list you know.”
“I uh…” Spike muttered.
“Furthermore, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. It shouldn't be skimped on,” Rarity continued, now pacing back and forth. “This is an event, neigh a coming together of considerable magnitude. We must treat it with all the gravatas one might give the grand galloping gala!”
Spike closed his mouth, falling back on the time honored tradition of smiling and nodding as Rarity continued to talk.
Something tells me this is going to be a long one. Spike thought to himself.
Spike chewed languidly on his pizza, the unicorn’s attention fixated on some random section of the wall.
Beside him, Rarity continued to gesticulate wildly with her pizza, inadvertently sending cheese all over the table.
“Which leads me to my final point on the importance of the appropriate font size we must use for invitations. It must be-” The dragon blinked. “I’m sorry darling. I seemed to have gone on a bit of a tangent.”
“Don't worry. It was only a good forty five minutes or so,” Spike dully remarked.
Rarity blushed. “Oh my that is quite a long time.”
“Another fifteen minutes and you would have beat your record,” Spike deadpanned.
Rarity opened her mouth to speak, but thought better of it and merely sat down, stuffing her face with food.
Spike chuckled to himself before grabbing another slice of pizza and enjoying himself right alongside his partner. For a while they remained silent, merely eating, and silently thinking to themselves. Worries, concerns, plans and other idle considerations flitted through their minds as they quietly ate their food.
That was until the door opened and the sound of frantically sprinting hooves could be heard from the other room. Spike rose to see who it was, but hardly made it more than a step from the table when the face of Sweetie Belle appeared in the entrance. Her mane was wild, hey eyes wide, and her back was weighed down by a pair of heavy saddle bags.
“Stop right there!” she shouted, jabbing a hoof at the pair.
Spike paused, and looked down. “Uh okay. Now what?”
“What has gotten into you darling?” Rarity asked as she rose from her chair.
“I said stop!” exclaimed the frantic young unicorn. “Just sit right there, you changeling!”
Spike chuckled as he sat back down. “Changeling, now that's not quite the response I had expected. Anger sure but getting accused of being a shapeshifter? I didn't take you for being the freakout type.”
“You remember what happened on her last day of highschool don't you?” Rarity replied.
The former dragon shuddered. “I'll take that back.”
“Quit poking holes in my theories and just sit down okay?” Sweetie Belle retorted.
Rarity sighed. “If you insist, darling, but you simply must explain yourself.”
“I didn't want to believe it,” Sweetie Belle began, taking position between the pair on one side of the table. “But Apple Bloom pointed out that it would be the perfect cover for a pair of changelings.”
“How exactly, would that be the perfect cover?” Spike exclaimed. “I mean they would have to pretend to be one of us pretending to being the other. That's like, two disguises at once.”
“And we told everyone about this little debacle of ours so the scrutiny would be intense,” Rarity added.
Sweetie Belle’s eyes narrowed. “Spoken like a pair of changelings. You didn't even try to claim you were innocent.”
Spike sighed. “Just ask us something only we would know.”
“That's too easy,” Sweetie Belle hastily replied. “You could have tortured the real Rarity and Spike for that kind of information.”
“So we can't prove that we are us then?” Spike asked.
“That's where this comes in,” Sweetie Belle declared, pulling forth a notebook from one of her saddle bags. “First question. Where was your first kiss?”
“The bridge leading east out of town towards the Everfree,” Rarity replied without missing a beat. “It was a wonderful evening. Why I can still taste the cotton candy.”
“I was going to ask the fake Spike that question,” Sweetie Belle shot back, crossing her hooves over her chest.
“Go ahead and ask me another then,” Spike encouraged.
“In a second,” Sweetie Belle retorted, turning to Rarity. “What is Spike’s favorite comic book?”
“I uh… power ponies?” Rarity replied after a short pause.
“Issue number?” Sweetie Belle pressed.
Rarity shrugged, and glanced expectantly over at Spike, who was trying to mouth something at his partner, only to have his face covered with a tablecloth.
“No helping,” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Now what issue, or at least arc was it?”
“Blackest night?” Rarity replied with a shrug.
“Wrong. It was Heir to Darkness. Starting at issue number fifty two and running until issue sixty nine,” Sweetie Belle answered, scribbling something in her notebook. “Now for your turn, whoever you are.”
Spike removed the table cloth from his head, and frowned. “You know I’m terrible at these kinds of pop quizzes. I don't have the best memory for these things.”
“Surely the real Spike would at least remember Rarity’s favorite color,” Sweetie Belle half asked half stated, leaning in close.
“Purple. Obviously,” Spike answered immediately.
“But what shade of purple?” Sweetie Belle pressed.
“Light purple?” Spike replied.
Rarity groaned and ran a clawed hand down her face. “It's orchid. I’ve told you this like a million times.”
“It's not my fault all those weird shades look the same,” Spike quickly retorted.
“They are so different!” Rarity stated firmly. “Orchid is more of a soft pink color.”
“Whatever,” Spike muttered, crossing his hooves over his chest.
Sweetie Belle cleared her throat. “I have two last questions for you.”
“You better not ask me what Rarity’s favorite type of thread is or something dumb like that,” Spike murmured.
“That is not dumb. Thread is very important to what I do, and you should at least pretend to have a passing interest in my career,” Rarity declared.
“And you should at least know my favorite comic book! You told me you read it, remember?” Spike jabbed.
“I may have skimmed it,” Rarity sheepishly admitted. “It's not my fault it was dull and childish.”
“Here we go again with the childish comments. This is exactly like that time you tried to play ogres and oubliettes but kept deriding the game without even giving it a chance,” Spike shouted.
“Darling I love you but that game simply isn't for me,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Just like every other hobby of mine I try to interest you in!” Spike yelled, throwing his hooves over his head. “You don't respect any of my interests and you just pass them off as childish so you don't have to feel bad for not trying them.”
“At least I don't fake having a bad memory just so I don't have to feel bad about constantly forgetting my partner’s birthday!” Rarity shot back.
“Hey I do so have a bad memory!” Spike exclaimed.
“When did the first issue of power ponies come out?” Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Five years ago on february twenty sixth,” Spike proudly declared, only to stop and blink. “Wait, thats different.”
“How is that different from remembering my birthday? It's in the same month!” Rarity shrieked.
“The fourth right?” Spike muttered.
“You’re not even close!” Rarity yelled.
“Mom and dad are coming back from their vacation at the end of the week,” Sweetie Belle suddenly declared.
Rarity paused, and turned to her sister, an odd look on her face. “So you believe it's us?”
“Err yeah. I always did,” Sweetie Belle replied with a shrug. “I just wanted to spring this little couple’s test thing on you guys as a joke. Scootaloo thought it would be funny, but this is just sad.”
“Good to see your putting those acting classes to work,” Spike muttered.
Rarity sighed, and ran a hand down her face. “Would you give us some space darling? I really need to speak to Spike. Alone, preferably.”
“Err yeah. Sorry about this by the way,” Sweetie Belle murmured to herself as she gathered up her things and walked out the door.
“So… Now what?” Spike asked.
“We will have a long talk, and then go to bed probably,” Rarity answered.
“I’ll uh, get the wine,” Spike offered.
“Grab the big glasses please. Something tells me we might be here for a while,” Rarity replied.
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike and Rarity trod silently down the cobblestone street, neither uttering a word to one another as they did so. The atmosphere was tense, and neither dragon nor unicorn seemed overly willing to start a conversation. Despite this they walked close to one another, with Spike taking the lead and directing them towards the distant shape of Sugarcube Corner.
Behind them hung the morning sun, its subdued illumination casting long shadows down the street. Which was itself darkened by seldom few ponies or other creatures, save for the earliest of risers. Some were jogging, others were trotting to their job, most didn't acknowledge the pair but a few said hello or gave a solemn nod in passing.
A good thing too, as neither Spike nor Rarity were feeling particularly sociable this morning. The fight the night before still weighed heavily on the pair, despite how well they had managed to patch things up. The tense air continued to hover over them until at long last they drew close to the bakery and could smell the freshly made bread.
Spike reached for the door, but his hoof stopped midway to the handle, his attention fixed on his reflection. His black eye had gotten worse since the day before, becoming an angry swollen mass that didn't seem to be going away any time soon. The sight made Spike wince, and want to head back to the boutique in order to cover it, though he thought better of it.
His shade hat would have to be enough.
“Is everything alright darling?” Rarity inquired.
“I’m getting quite the shiner is all,” Spike remarked, turning his head to the side.
“Oh yes, would you look at that,” Rarity winced. “Are you sure you don't want me to apply some concealer or something?”
“It's a little late for that. Besides its just Pinkie Pie,” Spike replied.
“I suppose,” Rarity admitted. “I would hate for someone to think that I had done that.”
“But you did do this,” Spike retorted.
Rarity sighed. “You know what I mean.”
“I think so, but either way let's go talk to Pinkie Pie before she gets busy with customers,” Spike offered.
“Of course,” Rarity exclaimed, grabbing the door handle and pulling it open.
Spike strode into the bakery and immediately filled his nostrils with the delicious scents waiting for him. Donuts, fresh pie, bread, cinnamon buns, he wanted it all, though the unicorn resisted his urges for the moment. He would have time to indulge later, when Rarity wasn't watching him like a hawk and counting every calorie he ate.
“Oh hey you two, congratulations,” Pumpkin Cake exclaimed.
The young mare leaned against the cash register with a smile on her face and an eager glint in her eyes. Now old enough to vote and drink, Pumpkin Cake seemed every bit the competent baker that her parents had hoped for. A few patches of her voluminous pumpkin orange mane were covered with flour, though for the most part her appearance was perfectly orderly.
“Yeah what she said,” Pound Cake muttered.
Unlike his sister, Pound Cake barely appeared alive at first glance, the male laying half on the table with his head to the side. His long brown mane was a mess, and likely hadn't seen a brush in days or even weeks at that point. The rest of his appearance wasn't much better however and he began to snore loudly only a few seconds after greeting the pair.
“Don't mind him. My brother’s not much of a morning pony,” Pumpkin Cake offered, leaning in close. “Oh and are you alright Spike? Looks like you got a bit of a black eye coming along.”
“It's nothing. Rarity just punched me,” Spike remarked with a shrug.
Rarity sputtered. “I didn't- it was an accident. We were just-”
“Woah there. This seems like a simple misunderstanding, right Spike?” Pumpkin replied.
Spike nodded. “It's a long story, but it's no one's fault.”
Rarity sighed and gently bumped her hips against Spike’s side. “Don't tease me like that,” she warned.
“So, I assume you’ve heard of our predicament then?” Spike offered.
Pumpkin Cake nodded. “I have, that and your engagement. Congrats again by the way. Let me guess, it was Spike who finally popped the question?”
“With his cursed rings,” Rarity declared.
“Augh how was I supposed to know?” Spike shouted, throwing his forehooves in the air.
“Because you were in a bad area of town, there were several warnings placed around the store indicating that his stock was mostly cursed and-” Rarity’s tired was abruptly stopped when Spike stuffed his sun hat into her mouth.
“That's enough out of you,” Spike muttered.
Pumpkin Cake cleared her throat and flashed the pair an uneasy smile. “Well I don't mean to rush you guys but if I heard about it that means Pinkie Pie has as well and she’s probably pretty excited to talk to you.”
“An excellent idea Pumpkin, thank you,” Rarity replied after pulling the hat from her mouth and dropping it back on Spike’s head.
“She’s upstairs I presume?” Spike asked.
“Yup. You know where your going,” Pumpkin Cake answered.
“Lead the way,” Spike offered, extending a hoof.
“Your just saying that because you want to look at my butt,” Rarity retorted, wagging her tail as she walked over to the stairs.
“Augh I am not gay,” Spike muttered bitterly.
“Its not gay, darling. It's masturbation,” Rarity shot back.
Spike groaned. “We are not having this argument again.”
Rarity giggled. “Have it your way dear.”
The pair walked up the stairs and over to the entrance of Pinkie Pie’s room, with Spike raising a hoof and knocking twice.
“Just a minuuuute!” Pinkie Pie yelled from within.
“Strange. I would have thought Pinkie Pie would have been with one of her partners, rather than here,” Spike remarked.
“If there's one thing Pinkie Pie takes more seriously than parties, it's baking,” Rarity reasoned.
The door burst open and a grinning Pinkie Pie emerged, quickly wrapping the couple in her hooves.
“Oh my gosh, it's so good to see you guys!” exclaimed the earth pony while attempting to squish the pair into a single mass of pulped muscle and crushed bone.
“Need. Air!” Spike wheezed.
“Oopsie daisy. Sorry about that,” Pinkie Pie replied after dropping the couple.
“It's fine,” Spike replied between breaths.
Rarity smiled. “And it is wonderful to see you too Pinkie Pie. Have you been busy?”
“Like you wouldn't believe!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, falling backwards onto a desk and backflipping into her office chair. “I’ve thrown more parties this year than I can count. Well I could count them all but that would be boooring.”
“No kidding. You’d be here all day,” Spike remarked, tapping the desk sitting in the middle of the room. “This is new.”
“Well my parties are a business, so I have to have a business desk, and a business chair,” Pinkie Pie replied. “It even spins, look!”
The pair watched as the eternally youthful Pinkie Pie spun her chair in a circle a dozen times before stopping on a dime.
“Speaking of business. Have you hired a party planner because I know one that's freeee,” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
The mare looked away as she pulled out a calendar and flipped it onto the first page, displaying it to the pair.
Nothing, nothing, oh and more nothing! Seriously, I’ve got nothing going on. Please please please let me organize your party! Declared the first three pages, with the words written across numerous days and weeks.
“Of course you’ve got the job Pinkie,” Spike declared. “In fact we were hoping to hear what ideas you had in mind for everything.”
“First I have to ask you a few questions,” Pinkie Pie began.
“Ask away darling,” Rarity replied.
Pinkie Pie pulled a large notebook from a drawer, inhaled deeply then suddenly stopped herself.
“Actually before we get to that would you two like some snacks? I did a little baking this morning,” Pinkie Pie offered, already skipping away from the desk.
“That would be great. Breakfast was light,” Spike remarked while clutching his empty stomach.
“I must regretfully agree with Spike on this one. Porridge just doesn't do it for me anymore,” Rarity added. “You don't have to feed us though darling. I’m sure we can find something later.”
“Nonsense! I had a feeling you were feeling a bit peckish and had not been turned into a chicken,” Pinkie Pie shouted from across the room.
“Chiken?” Spike whispered.
“Pekish, chicken,” Rarity replied, miming the action of pecking at the ground.
“Ooooh,” Spike muttered.
“Here we are. A bear claw with honey for our not dragon, and one with ground up quartz for our resident fire breather,” Pinkie Pie stated while depositing two small plates in front of the couple.
“This is exactly what I was hungry for,” Spike stated.
Rarity chuckled. “You’ve gotten pretty good with that Pinkie sense of yours.”
“It's a gift,” Pinkie Pie replied with a shrug.
The two immediately began to dig in while Pinkie Pie silently drew up a contract, pulled a file from a nearby cabinet, and retreived a pair of pens for the couple.
“Now I was initially going to ask you like a bajillion questions, but then I remembered that I already planned out your wedding party in case of any magical body swapping shenanigans,” PInkie Pie declared, tapping the folder.
“Contingency plan number thirty seven for Sparity,” Rarity read aloud. “You had thirty seven plans? What were they for?”
“Oh I had way more than thirty seven,” Pinkie exclaimed. “And to answer your second question, lots of things. One or both of you spontaneously becoming alicorns. Rarity turned out to be a changengeling queen or if Spike was secretly a demon. Tons of stuff!”
“Wait, so were those all wedding plans for if those things happened?” Spike asked.
Pinkie Pie bobbed her head. “Yupperoni! Who am I to get in the way of love?”
“I mean, I guess,” Spike muttered.
“Well I think it's adorable,” Rarity interrupted. “Thank you darling.”
“Oh gosh, it's no trouble at all. I haven't been able to plan a party of this kind since that whole debacle in Las Pegasus,” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“And didn't you plan all the divorce parties too?” Spike inquired.
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Yuppers! That was kinda fun though.”
“I suppose you’d at least get a second party out of it,” Rarity mused.
“Yeah but that's not happening with you guys,” Pinkie Pie declared, pushing the folder across the table. “But enough chatting. I gotta hear what you think of my plan.”
“Very well darling. Let's see here and… oh my. How did you know which venue we had chosen?” Rarity asked, pointing to the place name written at the top of the page.
“Oh I didn't know for sure. I just had a feeling. I also made a couple other sub plans in which case you chose something else,” Pinkie Pie explained, pulling out a dozen thinner vanilla folders stuffed with paper.
“That's intense. You really are ready for anything,” Spike muttered.
“All but a false vacuum event. That one’s been puzzling me,” Pinkie Pie replied.
“Err okay then… Well, let us review what she has for us, hmm?” Rarity offered, leaning in close to the unicorn and opening the folder a little wider.
“Yes let's start with… oh wow that's a good itinerary,” Spike muttered.
“Very safe, yet still experimental,” Rarity added.
“Thanks!” Pinkie Pie happily chirped.
“And this restaurant choice,” Spike murmured.
“Inspired,” Rarity exclaimed.
The couple offered several monosylibic remarks on Pinkie Pie’s plan while remaining mostly quiet. Occupied by reading, and muching on their baked goods, Rarity as well as Spike found themselves transfixed by what they beheld.
“You’ve covered everything,” Spike declared after they had reached the final page.
“Yes, quite. Including me spontaneously turning into a cucumber five minutes before the ceremony,” Rarity added.
“Whoops, wrong one,” Pinkie Pie muttered, switching out the folder for another near identical one that was only missing two paragraphs at the very end.
“Well I don't know about you darling. But that seems just about perfect,” Rarity remarked, turning to Spike.
Who nodded. “I agree. The entire thing is just so us , ya know?”
“Quite,” Rarity agreed.
“Soo does that sound like a plan or what?” Pinkie Pie offered.
“Where do we sign?” Spike asked, looking around the table.
“Just right here, oh and that's just a standard waiver. Covers you under my insurance plan in case something goes wrong during the party such as, but not limited to,” Pinkie Pie paused long enough to take a breath. “Eating too much cheese cake. Eating too little cheesecake. Tripping on the dance floor and breaking your spine. Drinking so much you pass out while inspecting your priceless antique vase and accidentally smashing it. Among other things.”
“Those are… oddly specific and there are so many of them,” Rarity remarked.
“Have you ever had anyone cash in due to one of those clauses?”
“A few. My insurance agent didn't know about Pinkie sense when we first drew up the contract,” Pinkie Pie whispered conspiratorily.
“No wonder they allowed you so many specific events,” Rarity replied.
Spike turned the contract over and read a few lines, whistling to himself. “Once more you have impressed me Pinkie Pie. You’re the only mare I know who's prepared for the possibility of a velociraptor related incident.”
“It pays to be prepared,” PInkie Pie remarked with a shrug.
“Indeed. So,” Rarity clapped her hands together. “Is there anything else you need from us?”
“Noper doper!” Pinkie Pie answered.
“Then we had best sign this then,” Spike declared as he did just that, with Rarity swiftly following his example. “There we go.”
“Thanks guys! I won’t let you down!” Pinkie Pie heartily promised, giving the couple a quick salute.
“We know you won't,” Rarity replied.
“You are the best in the bizz after all,” Spike added.
“Daww thanks! Now, I got a feeling that you got a bunch more stuff to do so why don't you guys take a doggy bag and go be productive!” Pinkie Pie half asked, half ordered, the mare shoving a pair of small brown bags into their hands/forehooves.
“If you’re sure there isn't anything else we need to know…” Spike muttered.
“Nope!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “You two just have a wonderful afternoon, alright?”
“Excellent thinking Pinkie Pie. Spike must work on the registry while I finish up a few orders I nearly forgot about,” Rarity stated, taking the bag and standing up from her seat.
“Are you sure that's a good idea given your new digits?” Spike pointedly asked.
“I will have to go slow, but I don't mind. It's good experience,” Rarity answered.
Spike shrugged, and stuffed his mouth with sugary goodness. “If you shay sho.”
“Don't talk with your mouthful darling,” Rarity admonished.
Spike merely rolled his eyes and continued to walk away.
Leaving a smiling Pinkie Pie standing at her desk, waving to Rarity and Spike as they walked away. The pair returned the gesture upon reaching the entrance to her room before heading off towards the main floor. With no one around, Pinkie Pie slowly reclined in her chair, a wide smile on her face as she stared up at the ceiling.
“Oh this is just perfect. If Spike and Rarity are pulling out all the stops for a fancy ceremony that means we aren't in the universe where they break up before the ceremony,” Pinkie Pie told the empty room, the mare pausing and scratching her chin. “Though that doesn't mean we aren't in the universe where they break up immediately after. Hmmm… I’ll have to reveiw my notes again.”
Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Ahh well. I was meaning to review the odds I had on Twilight and Trixie bumping uglies.”
“There. All done,” Spike stated, clicking the pen he had been using with a satisfying clack.
“What was that dear?” Rarity asked, stopping the constant thump of her sewing machine and glancing over its bulk.
“The registry is all done,” Spike replied, rising up from his desk and waving the sheet of paper over his head. “All I need to do now is deliver it to that retailer you like, and we should be all set.”
“Great. Would you mind grabbing a few things while you’re out?” Rarity asked, fishing out a list as well as a heaping pile of bits from her bag.
“I suppose I could do that much at least. You don't need much though, right?” Spike countered.
“No, not a lot. Just a few things for dinner is all,” Rarity answered, depositing a hefty bag in Spike’s hoof.
“Well as long as it isn't a lot. You know I’m not a fan of being you in public,” Spike replied.
Rarity waved a dismissive hand without looking away from her sewing machine. “It won't be much darling. I’ll see you soon!”
Spike sighed as the machine began to slowly whir into motion, cutting off his reply before he could utter it. Whatever. It can't be that bad, right?
“This is horrible,” Spike muttered as he slowly pushed an absolutely packed cart of food and stationary down the aisle. “I really should have read the list before I got to the store.”
Sweat poured down the unicorn’s face, inadvertently ruining the minimal makeup Rarity had applied on him after returning from the bakery. The most notible thing to be marred by sweat was the eyeshadow which ran in long thin rivers, making it look like Spike had been crying recently. It also caused his shiner to be even more apparent, the conceler which had been hiding it having melted away.
Unaware of any of this, Spike continued to push his cart down the aisle, stopping in front of a large display of flour. He had never really looked at all the brands before, at least in detail anyway, so he wasn't sure what to get.
“Arrowhead mills, White Lily? King Arthur’s unbleached all purpose? What's the difference?” Spike muttered to himself as he looked from one brand to another.
“Would you like a hoof finding something, miss?” asked a young male voice.
Spike sighed, and decided not to correct the male, as by then he was too impatient to even be annoyed.
“Yeah, could you tell me which one of these flours is best for cookies?” Spike asked, turning to the colt staring down at him. “My fiance is planning on making some but the bag we had got left out on the table for so long that it was all black and blue.”
“Oh absolutely. I think you’ll find that…” The colt stared intently at Spike’s eye. “Are you alright ma’am?”
“Just dandy,” Spike dismissed. “Now I noticed you guys don't have any larger containers of eggs in the other aisle. Do you think there are some in the back? Cus my fiance really enjoys whipping a few eggs in the morning.”
“Oh really?” the colt muttered dumly.
“Totally,” Spike replied. “They really lay on that beater, tells me it's therapeutic. I really should try it as well sometime, but I always seem to mess things up whenever I cook.”
“Uh huh, ma’am are you sure you’re okay?” inquired the other male.
“Well I did trip down the stairs a few hours ago, but I’ve taken harder knocks then that,” Spike exclaimed, clopping a hoof against the side of his head.
The colt paused, filled his chest with air and then shouted “Security!” At the top of his lungs.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike sighed and ran a hoof down his face. “For the last time I am not the victim of domestic abuse!”
“Yet you said your partner hit you, and caused that black eye. Curious,” replied the towering police officer hovering over the former dragon.
As tall as Big Macintosh but as scrawny as a teenage Fluttershy, the earth pony simulteosly loomed over Spike while also appearing completely non threatening. The male wore a black custodian helmet with the Ponyville Police badge emblazoned prominently in its center. He also wore a black vest loaded with various gizmos, over a white undershirt that seemed two sizes too big for him. His mane was a mix of white and grey while his fur was a bright neon yellow that was difficult to look directly at for more than a few seconds.
“Yeah. Isn't that like the defamation of abuse?” offered his partner, a wide, sluglike unicorn with mangled teeth.
Standing at only half of the other male’s height, the second stallion was even less intimidating than the first. This fatter officer was only made even less intimidating by the unkempt nature of his appearance, which irritated Spike to look at for some reason. Though he wore the same outfit as the taller male, the unicorn hadn't tucked in his clothes, nor had he made any attempt to tame the tangled orange mess that was his mane. Worse still was his brownish red fur, which was matted at some sections, visibly sticky on others, and all round pretty gross.
“Definition,” corrected the taller of the two officers.
“That's wut I said,” remarked the shorter of the two.
Spike sighed. “Look, before we get into that can I at least have your names? I haven't seen you around town before.”
“Thats ‘cus we just got ‘ere,” retorted the short, fat one.
“The name’s Last Peg, badge number zero two one four two zero zero seven,” stated the earth pony.
“My name’s Frost Willow, and my badge number is whatever he said plus one,” added the other.
“We recently transferred from Glascow,” explained Last Peg.
“Great, now my name is Spike, the dragon,” Spike began, planting a hoof on his chest. “And I-”
“You don't look like a dragon,” Frost Willow remarked.
“You look more like a unicorn to me,” Last Peg added.
Spike sighed. “That is because I have switched bodies with my fiance Rarity Belle. You see we bought these cursed-”
“If you swapped bodies with ‘er then why aren't you a bloke?” asked Frost Willow.
“Wouldn't that mean you swapped minds?” Last Peg inquired.
Spike sighed for a second time. “Look, I don't care about the technicalities. What I’m trying to say is-”
“Well you should care about technicalities,” Last Peg interrupted. “It's very important to have everything correct for my report.”
“Psh, it's just paperwork. Who cares if it ain't all on the up and up?” Frost Willow remarked.
“Would you two please let me tell the story?” Spike stressed.
“Dame looks a bit uppity. Should we break out the clubs?” Frost Willow asked, leaning close to his partner.
“Nah she's a girl, and look, she's white,” Last Peg replied.
“What does that ‘ave to do with anything?” Frost retorted.
“That's the color of them noble ponies. Can't be messin with them,” Last Peg whispered.
“Roight, don't wanna get canned again, now do we?” Frost added.
“You know I can hear you right?” Spike asked.
Last Peg cleared his throat, pulled out a small pad of paper and clicked his pen. “Righto then. Whenever you’re ready.”
“Like I was trying to tell you,” Spike stressed. “My name is Spike, and I bought a pair of cursed rings.”
Spike tapped the ring attached to his horn in emphasis.
“They swapped our minds and in the ensuing chaos I sort of fell down,” Spike finished.
“I thought you said she hit you?” Frost replied.
“Technically that happened too, but that was an accident,” Spike retorted.
“Riiiight,” Peg muttered. “You do know that's exactly what ever domestic abuse survior says right?”
“Like all of 'em,” Frost added.
Spike sighed. “It's true. You can just ask her yourself.”
“Wait, him, her, aren't you a girl?” Frost asked, scratching his head with an unsheered hoof.
“This body is, but I am not,” Spike explained.
Last Peg clopped a hoof upside his partner’s head. “Don't be so disrespectful ya dolt. Can't you see she's one of them transes?”
“You mean like megatron?” Frost replied.
“I’m not-” Spike tried to interrupt.
“Kinda, only instead of changing into a T rex she's changing from a mare to a stallion,” Peg explained.
“Ahhhh, right. Sorry mister,” Frost muttered, clearly still not grasping the situation.
Spike sighed. “Whatever. Just can you let me go? I got a lot of stuff to do.”
The unicorn hefted her bags of purchased food stuffs in emphasis.
“I can't let you do that. Protocol dictates that we take you into protective custody until such time as a therapist can be arranged, and your safe release ascertained,” Peg declared.
“Yeah we can't have that nasty partner of yours bustin your pretty chops,” Frost added.
Spike’s eye twitched, and not for the first time he wished he could breathe fire. Instead his horn merely sputtered, tiny embers raining down around him. Thankfully the tiny flames were too small to be harmful, nor had they landed in any of Spike’s bags.
“Look here you two dolts. I have had it up to here with your weird chauvinstic bullcrap. I can make my own gosh darn decisions and I do not appreciate you undermining me!” Spike shouted.
Last Peg glanced nervously at the crowd growing around them, the officer tugging at his collar. “Well I can see that you are quite strong willed, though I must reiterate that it is police policy to take you in until we have had a chance to discuss things with your partner,” declared the male.
“Are you sure that's a good decision, she seems pretty abstinent,” Frost Willow murmured.
“You mean obstinate?” Peg replied.
“That's what I said,” Frost retorted.
Spike snorted, his anger building until his face contorted in rage and his horn began to glow so hot that his hat began to smoke. Before the unicorn’s emotions could boil over, a teal shape clad in a bright purple hat and cape appeared in front of him. Emerging from a puff of multicolored smoke, the unicorn mare smiled at the gathered crowd before focusing on the officers.
“Good evening gentlestallions. I see you have had a bit of a mix up with my assistant here,” Trixie declared.
“Your assistant?” The two stallions and Spike all exclaimed.
“Yes. You see the bruise is actually a prank pulled by myself. One that I had forgotten to dismiss,” Trixie turned and bowed low at Spike. “My deepest apologies Spike. If I had known this would happen I would have never pulled such a prank on you.”
“I err… apology accepted?” Spike murmured in shock.
“That story is all well and good but can you prove it?” Last Peg inquired.
“But of course. Observe!” Trixie exclaimed, lighting her horn, standing on her back hooves and opening her cape.
Now partially hidden from the sight of the two officers, Trixie then gave Spike a wink before casting her spell.
“Huzzah! And it is gone!” Trixie declared, landing back on all four hooves once more.
Last Peg and Frost Willow both blinked in shock.
“Well would ya look at that. She was telling the truth,” murmured the taller of the two.
“I dunno. That big flash looked a lot like minor illusion spell which could hide the-”
“Oh look, it's the ice cream man and he's selling all three brands of Cornetto ice cream!” Trixie pointed out.
“Forget this, it's time for a break!” Frost declared, all but draggin Last Peg away from the scene.
“Wait, we should get a final statement before we leave!” shouted the other male as he was hauled bodily away from the crowd.
Which immediately began to disperse now that there was no more drama to observe, leaving behind only Trixie, Spike, and one other mare. Who emerged from the dispersing mob with a smile on her face, trotting up next to the showmare. Wrapping a hoof around the show pony’s shoulders, Twilight couldn't help but chuckle at the antics she had just observed.
“That certainly was some quick thinking Trixie,” Twilight remarked.
“Yes. Though I may have underestimated that one fellow’s intellect,” Trixie replied with a frown.
“Either way I appreciate the assistance,” Spike offered, extending a hoof.
Trixie scoffed, but bumped her hoof against Spike’s all the same. “It was nothing. The great and powerful Trixie merely wished to show off for my beloved fan.”
“Oh you love me now, do you?” Twilight teased.
“I err.. Didn't mean it quite like that, though I shouldn't say I’m opposed to the idea,” Trixie muttered.
“I’m teasing you,” Twilight replied, gently squeezing the mare’s shoulders.
Trixie huffed indignantly. “Trixie knew that. Trixie was just surprised.”
“Need a hoof?” Twilight asked, turning to Spike, and releasing Trixie from her embrace.
“That would be wonderful, thank you. This entire debacle has left me feeling weirdly burnt out for some reason,” Spike replied.
“We saw that. The family resemblance was especially apparent when you nearly burst into flames,” Trixie remarked.
“I don't know what happened there,” Spike muttered.
Twilight bumped her hip against the dragon turned pony. “Don't worry about it Spike. Magic is weird, and strongly affected by emotions. I’m sure it was just a miniature flare and nothing to worry about.”
“I sure hope so. I don't want to mess up Rarity’s magic somehow,” Spike whispered.
“You will be fine,” Trixie stressed, clopping a hoof against the ground. “Now then. Let us return this fair maiden to her residence so we may continue our day. Trixie was very much looking forward to our lessons on transmogrification.”
“I’m not…” Spike sighed. “Whatever.”
“Ignore her, she's just spicy because she’s flustered,” Twilight whispered as she grabbed Spike’s groceries in her magic.
“Trixie can hear you ya know!” Trixie shouted, the unicorn having walked ahead of them and turned around in order to glare at the now giggling pair.
“Who said we were trying to hide?” Twilight replied.
The librarian bumped her hip against Trixie’s side as she passed, taking the lead and leaving Trixie sputtering.
“The nerve of that mare,” Trixie muttered.
“I think you're rubbing off on her,” Spike remarked with a snicker.
“Trixie might be, though Trixie does not kiss and tell,” retorted the showmare, who flashed Spike a mischievous wink before walking away.
“Augh, I do not need that image in my head. Great now I’m thinking about it,” Spike complained, mostly to himself.
“See ya Spike! Don't hesitate to ask for help in the future!” Twilight shouted while waving at the dragon turned pony.
“And do try to avoid requiring saving next time,” Trixie added rather smugly.
“Yeah whatever. Thanks Twi, Trixie,” Spike replied, giving the showmare an appreciative nod before turning around and walking into the boutique.
“Well that was an… interesting diversion,” Twilight muttered.
“Yes, though Trixie didn't mind it at all. Really spiced up our little coffee date,” Trixie declared.
“I suppose it added a bit of action, even if none of it was planned,” Twilight replied.
“Very fair,” Trixie admitted, turning in the direction of the library. “So, shall we continue home?”
“Oh so now it's our home? I didn't know you moved in with me,” Twilight replied.
Trixie scoffed, and flipped her mane to the side. “Fool me once Twilight. No, I meant our homes, or did you forget that I had my cart parked beside the library?”
“Oh no I remembered. I also remembered that you haven't slept anywhere but my bed for several weeks. Didn't you even move your toothbrush to my bathroom?” Twilight exclaimed, leaning in close.
“I err…” Trixie gulped. “Trixie may have done that. Should she not have?”
Twilight shrugged as the pair began walking towards their distant destination.
“I don't mind. In fact that brings up a point that I had been hoping to talk to you about for a while now,” Twilight pressed.
“Oh? Is that why you have been teasing Trixie so ruthlessly today?” Trixie retorted.
“Maybe,” Twilight muttered.
“Well do go on. Trixie is all ears,” Trixie offered.
Twilight cleared her throat and stood a little straighter. “Well I was hoping that we could talk about us and about our relationship.”
“Trixie likes it, Trixie likes us. What's there to talk about?” Trixie inquired, raising an eyebrow.
“Well it's just I was hoping to take things to the next level, you know? Maybe meet your parents?” Twilight tentatively asked.
Trixie froze up for a moment, a deep frown crossing her face only to be wiped away by the showmare’s usual bravado. “Of course Trixie does not fear commitment, nor her family. She would be thrilled to meet your parents and vice versa I suppose.”
“Oh that's great,” Twilight gushed. “Because I was really nervous about asking you that. You always avoid talking about your family, and I couldn't help but think that was because you didn't want me to meet them.”
Trixie snorted. “For once you are wrong. Trixie merely does not get along very well with her father is all. Trixie is sure you know what she means.”
“Not really,” Twilight muttered. “I have a great relationship with my dad.”
“Really? Trixie merely assumed that everyone was like her,” Trixie muttered, her voice falling to the point that it was barely above a whisper.
Twilight shook her head. “It isn't that bad though, is it?”
Trixie laughed loudly. “No of course not! Trixie does not fear anything, certainly not the codgering old stallion she calls her father.”
“That's great. I know you met my parents briefly already but I’d love to introduce you guys in a more formal setting sometime,” Twilight continued, oblivious to the distress hiding on the edges of Trixie’s face. “Perhaps we could work something out for next weekend?”
Trixie said nothing, merely walking in silence as she stared off into space.
“What do you think of next weekend?” Twilight asked, raising her voice slightly.
“Oh um, that sounds great. What were we doing again?” Trixie murmured.
“We were going to my parents,” Twilight answered.
“Sounds great,” Trixie lied.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“I’m still kind of shocked that your parents even invited us for dinner,” Spike remarked as he peered into the mirror, a curling iron held aloft in his magic. “How long has it been since you’ve seen them again? Four, maybe five months?”
Rarity sighed as she ran a steel comb across her scaled head. “Six months. It was one of the longest to date, though at least they’ve nearly completed their bucket list.”
“Didn't they say that last time?” Spike retorted, wincing as he removed the iron and set it aside.
“They did,” Rarity admitted. “Though I think they mean it this time. Sweetie Belle seemed quite certain that they would be staying in town for a few months at least.”
“Let's hope so,” Spike muttered. “I’d hate to have to move the ceremony back because your parents decided to fly to Cancun for the third time.”
Rarity sighed. “I would hate to have to choose between the wedding and them, though at this point I think I’d choose you.”
Spike blinked, and looked from Rarity’s reflection to the dragon herself. “Woah, that's quite a change. Are you sure you don't have some unspoken issues with them?” Spike inquired.
“You know very well how irritating their constant traveling was when I was younger. Why I was forced to practically raise Sweetie Belle by myself given how frequently they were out of town,” Rarity began, a frown crossing her face. “I suppose the news that they are here for good this time has riled up old emotions.”
“No kidding. You’re positively fuming,” Spike stated.
“I suppose I am getting a bit hot under the collar,” Rarity murmured, releasing a small puff of smoke. “It is times like these I need to remind myself that they were the ones who bankrolled my first shop, and believed in my dream.”
“Does that really negate how absent they were and are?” Spike inquired.
“Yes, totally,” Rarity muttered through gritted teeth.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Spike offered.
Rarity snorted twin rings of smoke into the bathroom mirror. “I have long since come to terms with their behavior. I just hope they don't cause any additional problems, is all.”
“Well alright, but if you want to chat you know I’m here,” Spike replied.
“Thank you darling,” Rarity whispered, planting a kiss on the unicorn’s cheek.
Spike cleared his throat and unplugged the curler. “So is that everything then, are we ready?”
“We just need to lock up and walk over there,” Rarity answered, the dragon awkwardly walking over to the door on two feet. “At least I think that's all.”
Spike nodded. “It is- but wait a sec. Did Sweetie Belle mention whether or not she filled them in on everything?”
“I think so,” Rarity answered. “She did say that she gave my parents the talk, though she was vague on the details.”
“I’m sure she wouldn't miss something as important as us swapping bodies,” Spike remarked.
“Quite right darling. Sweetie Belle may be a bit absent minded at times, but she is one of the smartest ponies I know,” Rarity declared.
“I’m surprised they didn't renovate the entire house again like last time,” Spike remarked as he stared up at the house standing before him.
Taller than most in town, the structure was away from the main bulk of town, allowing it to have a much more expansive yard then the vast majority of homes. Though at one point it had been surrounded on three sides by fields, the slow encroachment of civilization had welcomed the property into its embrace. Now small town houses and a few apartments stood sentinel around the high fence which encapsulated the Belle estate.
The building itself had three stories, with a rounded tower-like structure on its north eastern half. A wrap-around porch extended around almost the entire building’s first floor, and though massive, only a few windows actually had lights in them. Most notable of which was the kitchen, living room and dining room which occupied the majority of the first floor.
“I think they finally fell in love with a style they can live with,” Rarity remarked.
“Do you think yer dad is finally using that wood shop?” Spike asked, pointing to a structure set apart from the main building.
“I sure hope so. He's let it sit unused for years,” Rarity replied.
“Well uh, are you ready to head inside or are we going to keep staring at it from the street?” Spike asked, kicking the heavy iron gate in emphasis.
“Just one more minute. I think your testosterone is getting the better of me,” Rarity muttered.
“Take a deep, long breath through your mouth, then exhale through your nose,” Spike offered.
Rarity did as Spike instructed, filling the air with a pungent cloud of smog that lingered for several seconds before being carried away by the wind.
“Thank you Spike,” Rarity whispered, glancing down to her partner.
“Twilight always told me that males, and dragons in particular had much more intense feelings of aggression but I never really believed her. Well… until now anyway,” Spike remarked with a shrug.
“I certainly have a better appreciation for those long ‘cool off’ walks you sometimes take before bed,” Rarity exclaimed, adding air quotes around cool and off.
“Yeah well. Sometimes those feelings can get bottled up and you gotta let 'em out or something bad will happen,” Spike replied.
“Quite right darling,” Rarity replied, extending a hand. “Shall we?”
“We shall,” Spike answered, taking the offered limb with his hoof.
“Is anyone home?” shouted Spike.
The unicorn paused and rubbed his hooves against the matte welcoming them inside. There he paused, and looked around, sharing an odd look with Rarity who was busy ensuring she didn't track any mud inside. Once they were both certain that they werent about to make a mess, and had not received a response, they walked inside.
“Odd,” Spike muttered.
“Usually they pay more attention than this,” Rarity remarked.
As one, the couple made their way from the entrance, into the living room, and after finding that space empty as well, moved to the kitchen. Where they found a bright pink mare humming loudly to herself as she moved about the area, a flurry of pans floating above her head. Stuffing, corn on the cob, and a half dozen other dishes were in the process of creation, their component parts laying sprawled across nearly every surface.
“Hello?” Spike called tentatively.
“Eep!” Shrieked the other mare, her towering pillar of purple hair quaking almost as much as her rather pudgy body did.
Spinning around, the older unicorn seemed about to panic, only for her gaze to land on Spike and immediately soften.
“Oh it's just you two. Sorry about that dear,” Cookie Crumbles remarked, a hoof placed over her heart.
“It's no trouble at all. I hope you don't mind we let ourselves in,” Spike replied.
“You sure are busy,” Rarity began, glancing over all the various ingredients laying all over the place. “Since when have you been a cook?”
“Only a few months I’m afraid,” Cookie Crumbles answered, placing the various cookware down and wiping a hoof across her face. “That stallion of mine and I attended an absolutely wonderful seminar in the Neighterlands. Now I can't help but want to make everything myself!”
“That’s commendable,” Spike muttered as he sniffed a half completed shepherd's pie.
“Speaking of that old stallion, where is he anyway?” asked Rarity while glancing around the space.
“Oh he should be in at any moment,” Cookie Crumbles answered, wiping her hooves on a dish rag. “He's finally put that shack of his to use and has been making me plenty of adorable little birds, among other things.”
The couple looked around the room to find that there were nearly two dozen waterfowl hiding on top of nearly everything. Cupboards, the fridge, the wooden birds were everywhere, with one even sitting sentinel on the window sill, as if they were overlooking the yard beyond.
“Creepy,” Spike muttered.
“I think they are adorable,” Cookie Crumbles exclaimed, running a hoof down a rather large green mallard near the sink.
“Would you look at that? They're here early for a change!” declared a boisterous masculine voice.
Turning towards the back entrance, the couple watched as a tall, if slightly rounded unicorn stallion entered. His brown mane was carefully coiffed, and cut incredibly short, unlike his bushy moutstache and vulimous eyebrows. Fur which had at one point been as white as snow had darkened to a dirty grey, though his piercing teal eyes were as bright as ever.
“What, and you didn't even bring dessert?” Hondo Flanks mockingly asked.
“That seems a bit redundant given the spread already here,” Spike replied, gesturing to all the food arrayed around them.
“Oh my, you sure have gone all out dear,” Hondo remarked, leaning over and planting a chaste kiss on his wife’s cheek.
“It's not everyday our sweet little filly gets married,” Cookie Crumbles replied.
Rarity stepped forward. “Speaking of which. Have you been filled in with our… situation?”
“Oh yes. Sweetie Belle told us everything,” Hondo exclaimed.
“She found the entire situation unusually funny, which I don't understand,” Cookie Crumbles muttered.
“It's not everyday you get cursed,” Spike replied.
“Oh come on. Getting married ain't that bad!” Hondo Flanks joked, the stallion laughing aloud at his attempt at humour.
The older couple shared a hearty laugh, clasping one another around the shoulder. Spike and Rarity reluctantly joined as well, their embarrassment slowly dissipating as time passed.
“On that note,” Hondo Flanks began, taking a step away from his partner. “I was hoping to get some help in the wood shed if you don't mind lending me your claws for a little bit.”
“And would you mind assisting me with a few of the dishes? I could use an extra pair of hooves,” Cookie Crumbles inquired, turning to Spike.
“Oh sure. Though I’m not much of a chef,” Spike replied.
The older mare waved a hoof in the air. “Nonsense. I know you will prove an excellent sou chef.”
“Well I am pretty good at making soup,” Spike muttered.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “That's not what she meant.”
Spike snorted as his partner leaned in and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I knew that,” he murmured to himself.
“Sure you did,” Rarity whispered before walking off.
“You guys have fun, and try not to forget about dinner out there!” Cookie Crumbles exclaimed as Rarity and her father walked away.
“You don't have to worry about that. I doubt I could forget about your cooking!” Hondo shouted back.
Spike grumbled to himself as he watched the two depart, turning to the mare after they were alone. “So what exactly did you need a hoof with?” Spike asked.
“Oh not much actually,” Cookie Crumbles replied, opening the oven and placing a casserole inside. “I was actually hoping I could talk to you about something and after that assist me in a little baking. I was hoping to make a pan of buns for dinner.”
“What did you want to speak to me about?” Spike asked, leaning against the fridge.
“Well I was just wondering what your plans were for…” Cookie Crumbles muttered, suddenly apparing rather uncomfortable with the entire conversation that she herself brought up. “Kids.”
“Well we can't have any of our own, so the question is rather moot,” Spike replied.
“You could adopt!” Cookie Crumbles quickly replied, the mare adjusting several temperature settings before turning to the other unicorn. “I’m not so backwards as to think that adopted children are not ‘real’ kids. They could even be a dragon or another creature of some kind like a gryphon or whatever.”
Spike sighed. “We aren't wholly convinced adopting is the right fit for us. We both want a child of our own flesh and blood. Plus Twilight has been working hard to make that possible.”
“Are you sure she isn't wasting her time?” Cookie Crumbles asked, raising a defensive hoof up. “Not that I am saying she is dumb or anything. Far from it but there's a chance it's impossible you know.”
“We know,” Spike muttered, an uncomfortable feeling worming its way into his chest. “But we are determined to keep trying for at least a little bit longer. Our biological clocks aren't exactly running out quite yet.”
“Yes, but these are your prime years you know,” Cookie Crumbles replied, waving a sauce covered spoon at the former dragon. “If you have kids when you are old there is a chance they won't turn out quite right. Plus you still want to be young enough to keep up with them ya know.”
“That's all well and good in concept, but the fact of the matter is that we simply aren't ready for that,” Spike answered.
Cookie Crumbles sighed, placed her mixing spoon on the lip of the pot and walked over to the other pony. “I would urge you to reconsider. You are both incredibly responsible people, even if one of you is a little more responsible than the other.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Spike countered.
Cookie Crumbles rolled her eyes. “We both know that your the one keeping that house of yours together. Why it's you who has the most responsibility on your plate what with your important job.”
“I suppose it is rather prestigious,” Spike agreed.
“Exactly, and think of how great of a childhood you could give to some lucky foal, or whatever else you might adopt,” Cookie Crumbles finished, raising her eyebrows hopefully.
Spike shook his head. “We still aren't ready for that. Especially with the wedding coming up.”
“You could do it after the wedding!” Cookie Crumbles offered. “It would be a great thing to look forward to and talk about while on your honeymoon.”
“Maybe in a few years,” Spike conceded.
“But don't you want to experience the joy of parenthood?” Cookie Crumbles shot back. “You could always… bring in a third? To help with well… you know.”
“Bring in a…” Spike gagged. “No! We are not into that.”
“It's a completely normal practice you know,” Cookie Crumbles began. “In fact the practice is common up north. It can also be quite...enthralling. Why just the other week when we were on our way to-”
“I do not need to know that!” Spike shouted.
“Don't knock it until you’ve tried it. Besides, it seems like a perfectly good way to fix your little… problem,” Cookie Crumbles muttered.
Spike raised an eyebrow, the unicorn only now realizing just how intense the other pony’s gaze had become. Not only that but the older mare seemed incredibly tightly wound, so much so that her right eye twitched every few seconds. Spike wanted to offer some kind of retort against her offer to bring in a third party, but found himself changing topics at the last second.
“Are you okay? You look a little… out of sorts,” Spike gently inquired.
“I’m just trying to look out for you is all!” Cookie Crumbles asserted, her hoof squeezing Spike’s shoulder. “You aren't getting any younger, and if this is something you want then you should go for it sooner rather than later.”
Spike brushed off the mare’s foreleg, before fixing her with a firm look. “No offence, but it seems like this is something you want,” Spike stated.
Cookie Crumbles stumbled backwards as if struck. “Now why in Equestria would say that? I am just looking out for you, like I said.”
“If you were just looking out for me then you would respect our decisions,” Spike retorted. “Now spill. Why is this such a big deal all of a sudden?”
The older mare seemed ready to argue for several seconds, and even opened her mouth to respond, only to stop herself. She then sighed, and put out a hoof, steadying herself against the counter before finally looking back at Spike with a small smile.
“I really want to be a grandmother,” Cookie Crumbles admitted. “And you two are my best chance at that!”
“What about Sweetie Belle and her herd? They mentioned they wanted a large family,” Spike offered.
Cookie Crumbles scoffed. “They are eager, but they are young. They need time to find themselves before having children. I should know.”
“What do you mean?” Spike pressed.
“As you already know we started having kids a little early,” Cookie Crumbles admitted, her gaze falling to the floor. “After a few years of parenthood Hondo and I realized that we werent ready to settle down yet.”
“And that's why you dumped Sweetie Belle at the Boutique,” Spike remarked, forelegs crossed over his chest.
“We never meant to do it for as long as we did. The plan was to go until the savings ran out but then our little travel column in the Canterlot weekly took off, and we won that limbo contest down in the Caribbean…” Cookie Crumbles sighed. “We got a bit… lost in being big shot writers and globe trotters.”
Spike raised a hoof, cutting the mare off before she could continue. “This is all well and good, but I think Rarity would appreciate being present for this conversation.”
Cookie Crumbles blinked.
“What do you mean? You’re right here. Don't tell me you’re doing that talking in the third person thing again. I thought those classes we sent you to when you were ten fixed that issue right up,” Cookie Crumbles exclaimed.
“What? I’m not Rarity. I’m Spike. Didn't Sweetie Belle explain?” Spike replied.
Cookie Crumbles scoffed. “I think I know my own daughter.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “I know that's what it looks like but we switched bodies.”
“Don't you mean minds?” Cookie Crumbles interrupted.
“Not you too!” Spike groaned. “Look, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that it this whole thing started when I went out looking for the perfect ring and-”
Rarity whistled to herself as she strode into the wood shop, her gaze drifting over the many creations lying within. Though the vast majority of them were not of very high quality, or exceptionally unique, there were at least a lot of them. From more waterfowl to bowls, plates, and chairs, the shop had certainly seen its fair share of use over the last little while.
“You certainly have become prolific since your trip,” Rarity remarked.
“Its meditative,” Hondo Flanks replied, sitting down in front of a mchine. “I never really grasped just how important it is to sit down and really enjoy the moment until recently.”
“That's a surprise, I thought you’d want to be busy,” Rarity pointed out.
“The old me would have agreed with you, but things have changed,” Hondo Flanks retorted as he flicked a lever and activated the device, causing the bit of wood clamped at either end to begin spinning rapidly. “This particular change is rather late in my life, but you know what they say. Better late than never.”
“Oh, and what do you mean by that?” Rarity inquired, plunking down on a seat next to the stallion.
“I wasn't the best father around, as you probably already knew,” Hondo began, whittling the rough hunk of wood into a vaguely tubelike shape. “Cookie and I were a bit too focused on our travels ya see.”
“What brought this realization on?” Rarity inquired.
Hondo Flanks chuckled. “A lot of things. But what really pushed it all over the edge was meeting this old mare traveling alone in the Caribieghan.”
Rarity settled in, watching closely as her father continued to work away at the wood while still speaking to her.
“She was a rather rich, and well known globe trotter, one that we saw as a potential rival to our little column,” Hondo Flanks explained. “Anyway, there she was, taking in one of the most stunning veiws I had ever seen in my life and yet she didn't even smile.”
“Not even a little bit?” Rarity pressed.
“Not one teensy tiny bit,” Hondo Flanks exclaimed, jabbing a chisel at the dragon. “Yet when we read about her experience a few days she described it in such a way as to make it seem like the experience was trancendent as Cookie would say.”
Hondo Flanks switched out his tools, removing more of the small bumps and other imperfections in the wood. Until it was an almost perfect tube, smooth on all sides save for the now flat ends on either side.
“Ya see, she had lost the joy of traveling, yet she continued on out of what I can only assume is momentum,” Hondo Flanks continued.
“Are you sure you’re not reading into that particular moment a bit too much?” Rarity questioned. “Some people just don't display emotion.”
The stallion shook his head. “No, we were certain. If you could have seen her face there would be no doubt in your mind.”
He then moved back to his newest peice, continuing to shave down its center.
“After witnessing what had become of our quote unquote rival, Cookie and I couldn't help but think about our own future,” Hondo Flanks remarked, waving his chisel around. “And what we came to realize was that we hadn't been the best parents.”
“You were always generous,” Rarity interrupted.
“Oh we may have showered our daughters in gifts whenever we got the chance but you know what would have been an even better present?” Hondo Flanks asked.
“What?” Rarity replied.
“Us,” Hondo Flanks answered, opening his hooves. “Our presence at all those important moments in our kids' lives. Sure money, and things are good but that isn't enough to replace what a foal needs most, their parents.”
Rarity sniffed silently as her father moved to work on whatever strange peice he was in the midst of creating.
“We should have done better, and now were doing our best to change that,” Hondo Flanks exclaimed, stopping the device and retrieving the rather phallic object he had just brought into existence. “Which starts with our daughters, or in this case daughter.”
“What do you mean?” Rarity inquired curiously.
The male placed the oddly realistic penis statue on the table, then retrieved a small hatchet from a nearby drawer.
“You see, Rarity is very special to us. Though I trust her choice in partners I can't help but worry about her,” Hondo exclaimed, placing the axe along the shaft of the wooden dick. “I would do anything to protect her, do you understand?”
Rarity didn't even notice the oddly threatening manner of which her father had positioned the weapon over his penisy statue. She merely nodded eagerly, tears building at the edges of her eyes. Tears which she refused to shed until her father had said absolutely everything he intended on saying.
“That's good, because I know how males can be rather rude, and aggressive. We can't help it though, it's in our nature,” Hondo Flanks continued, drawing back his hoof and delivering a firm chop with his hatchet. “We used to fight and protect our families against vicious monsters. Now the most violent thing in our lives are the radio plays Cookie seems to enjoy so much.”
“All that pent up testosterone can be difficult to control sometimes,” Rarity reasoned.
“Exactly!” Hondo Flanks exclaimed, jabbing the hatchet at his daughter. “We gotta contain it, grapple with it and ultimately deal with it in a productive manner.”
“It can be hard though. Dragons have a strong urge to hoard, and take what's not theirs,” Rarity offered, hoping to help her father along to whatever conclusion he was attempting to draw.
The stallion merely nodded in response, eying Rarity closely. “You can handle that though, right? You’re strong. Stronger than most, that's for sure.”
“I am,” Rarity whispered, the tears returning with full force.
“And I don't need to tell you what will happen if that changes,” Hondo Flanks drew back his hoof and delivered a powerful chop of the hatchet, cutting the tip of the wooden dick clean off. “Do I?”
Rarity didn't even flinch at the strange display, her gaze never leaving her father’s tense, frowning face.
“Oh of course not,” Rarity blubbered.
“Good!” Hondo Flanks exclaimed, tossing the small weapon aside. “Because I don't know what I would do if someone hurt either of my little girls. Though I got a feeling one way or the other I’d be confined to a bed. Be it a hospital, or a prison.”
“Oh Daddy dearest! I didn't know you cared!” Rarity shouted, leaping from her seat and throwing her arms around the male’s shoulders. “I mean sure that whole speach of yours was weirdly violent, but I can tell that your heart is in the right place.”
“W-what?” Hondo Flanks stuttered, awkwardly pushing Rarity away. “Why are you hugging me? I'm trying to tell you I’ll chop your dick off if you hurt Rarity.”
“Why would I hurt myself? I know I can get rather manic at times, but I’ve never even considered self harm before,” Rarity retorted.
“Wait what? Are you saying that you are my daughter?” Hondo Flanks demanded, head cocked.
“Yes, didn't Sweetie Belle explain? It's the rings, they are cursed and swapped our bodies,” Rarity explained, gesturing to the ring bound tight about her finger.
Hondo Flanks opened his mouth, uttered a sound that was close to a word, stopped himself and then merely stood there in silence for several seconds.
“That explains so much,” Hondo Flanks muttered. “So… what exactly happened?”
Rarity sighed. “Well you see it all started when Spike decided to go to the wrong shop when searching for a ring. Then he ignored all the warning signs and-”
Rarity and her father Hondo walked through the backdoor to find that their partners were standing there waiting for them.
“Did you know-” two of them began.
“Rarity and Spike are-” the other two interrupted.
A moment of silence passed before Spike raised a hoof, silencing the others.
“I think we are all on the same page now, right?” Spike asked.
“I think so. You guys know that Spike and Rarity swapped bodies, right?” Hondo Flanks replied.
Cookie Crumbles nodded. “We also had a very awkward conversation about grandchildren.”
“It couldn't have been half as awkward as me threatening our daughter with genital mutilation,” Hondo Flanks muttered.
“How about we all just pretend like we just got here, huh?” Rarity offered.
“That sounds great,” Cookie Crumbles exclaimed.
“So wonderful to see you mister and missus Belle. How have you been?” Spike greated with a smile.
“Just peachy, we were about to break into the wine. Would you two like a very tall glass of some?” Hondo Flanks replied.
“Yes!” both Rarity and Spike shouted.
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
Rarity hummed contentedly as she reclined in the chair, eyes fluttering closed as a wave of relaxation washed over her. To her left, kneeled at the edge of her seat was the spa pony, Aloe, who was busy running a file over the claws on Rarity’s hands. Another attendant was doing the same for the claws on Rarity’s feet, though they swiftly gave up and had pulled out an angle grinder.
To Rarity’s right sat Fluttershy who was in a similar state, though the pony didn't require power tools in order to tame her nails. A simple file, and a bit of careful attention accomplished that just fine. The pegasus, like Rarity, wore a comfortable white bathrobe which covered her from neck to knee, hanging loosely over her frame.
“What were we talking about again?” Rarity asked.
“Oh um, I was just wondering how you convinced Spike to let you well… do all this,” Fluttershy replied, waving an unoccupied hoof at the full body spa experience Rarity was in the middle of.
“Spike is nothing if not logical. Thus all I had to do was inform him that this would have all grown out by the time he got his body back,” Rarity answered.
“Even the claw polish?” Fluttershy inquired.
Rarity shrugged. “If it doesn't come off by then I can simply remove it.”
“Speaking of which. You’re all done here ladies,” Aloe remarked.
“Oh that was just lovely,” Rarity exclaimed, sitting up in her chair. “I am rather surprised that you are able to cater so well to your draconic customers.”
“As Ponyville expands, so must our services,” Lotus answered. “Speaking of which. Would you like to try a scented lava bath? All of our scaled patrons claim it's to die for.”
“How can I say no to that?” Rarity declared with a smile. “You don't mind, do you Fluttershy?”
“Not at all. While you enjoy your bath, I’ll read a little while letting my hooves dry,” Fluttershy remarked, waving a freshly painted dull gold hoof in the air.
“Excellent,” Rarity clapped her hands together, and got up out of her seat. “Lead the way darlings.”
“Right over here, if you please,” Aloe exclaimed, extending a hoof towards the exit.
Together Aloe and Lotus left the room with their guests in tow while the other two attendants remained behind to clean up. Once in the hall, the pair turned to the right, then to left before leading their customers down a long hallway lit by magical torches and not the electric lamps like everywhere else. As they walked the temperature slowly rose until it reached the level of a sauna, though Rarity hardly even noticed this.
“And here we are,” Aloe declared, extending a hoof towards their final destination.
Rarity eagerly followed the two ponies into a mostly stone room which at its center had a deep recess. At its center the bathing area was taller than two Rarities stacked on top of each other, though there were mutlilayered steps not unlike those found in a hot tub. All it needed was the water and the jets and it would have looked exactly like a very large, solid stone hot tub, albiet one that had several glowing runes carved into it.
“The magic keeps the heat inside the tub, though it isn't perfect so you may wish to take a step back, miss Fluttershy,” Lotus explained.
Fluttershy nodded and stepped a good distance away from the empty pool. “Is here okay?” she asked.
“That should be just fine. Now Rarity, you may get in after it's already filled, though our customers have mentioned enjoying getting in beforehand,” Aloe remarked.
Rarity cocked her head. “What's the difference?”
“Well the lava comes from a spout in the ceiling which falls down into the middle,” Lotus stated, pointing up to the stone tube which lay directly above the center of the tub. “Feeling the stone flow over you is apparently quite soothing. So much so that some have fallen asleep shortly after.”
“When in Rome,” Rarity muttered before shedding her bathrobe and stepping into the tub.
“Now don't panic, as a dragon it won't harm you,” Aloe warned.
“In fact it will feel like swimming in really warm pudding. Or so we’ve been told anyway,” Lotus added.
“That isn't exactly the most enticing image,” Rarity muttered.
“Trust me, it's better than it sounds. Now, are you ready?” Aloe inquired.
When Rarity nodded in response, Lotus pulled a lever on the wall, causing a series of heavy clunks to emanate from all around them. This was followed by the sound of large gears, and finally something slowly gurgling down the pipe above Rarity’s head. Several seconds later and bright red lava began to pour from the ceiling, sputtering and popping as it hit the relatively cool air.
A little surprised by this, Rarity’s first instinct was to run, yet she stifled that urge, instead simply closing her eyes. There she stood, arms outstretched as the liquid rock rained down around her, immediately reminding her of boiling hot pudding. Already the metaphor felt apt, and it only became more so when the lava began to pool around her feet, crawling up her legs.
To say it was soothing would be to do the word itself a diservice, as Rarity felt so completely and utterly relaxed that time itself faded away. The former pony only came to when she felt the liquid rock begin to press in around her neck, prompting her to move for the first time in minutes. She didn't go far though, ensuring that she kept her head just barely above the bubbling rock.
It was, in Rarity’s opinion, better than a hot tub. Leagues better in fact.
The way the heavy stone pressed in around her felt almost like she was being held tight in the loving arms of her lover, Spike. The lava also churned in a slow, yet powerful motion, massaging nearly every inch of her body at once. Not only that but the heat was just barely enough to soothe her muscles without becoming unpleasantly warm in the process.
“Pretty good, huh?” Aloe asked.
“This is… divine,” Rarity muttered, her eyelids fluttering open to find that Fluttershy was now reclining on a chair a few feet from the pool’s edge. “I hope I am not boring you darling.”
“Oh it's fine, Rarity. They brought me a magazine in case you wanted some quiet,” Fluttershy answered, waving an entertainment weekly in emphasis.
“Ahh, well I think I’ve gotten over the initial shock of it all,” Rarity reasoned. “Were we... talking about something important?”
“Not really,” Fluttershy replied with a shrug. “Though you did mention visiting your parents without going into detail. Did it go well?”
“Oh yeah just…” Rarity yawned as she slowly swam across the pool. “Great, even if it was a little weird at first.”
“Weird? How so? They werent against your marriage were they?” Fluttershy whispered.
Rarity waved a dismissive hand in the air. “No, nothing of the sort. They have always approved of my relationship with… Spike.”
The dragon paused to yawn once more, her chin settling against the lip of the tub while the rest of her floated on the top of the lava.
“So, what exactly made it weird?” Fluttershy questioned.
“Made, what weird?” Rarity blinked. “Oh right, the evening. Well mother wanted grandkids and then… Spike put a few buns in her oven… the meal was good though.”
Fluttershy blinked in shock. “Spike did that?”
“I was shocked too,” Rarity paused to yawn and turn onto her back. “It's so unlike him to do something like that but… after father threatened to cut his unmentionables off but I… and then we had dinner.”
“That's serious,” Fluttershy muttered. “Are you saying Spike knocked up your mother and got threatened by your dad?”
“Sort of,” Rarity replied. “It was just a slight bump, and father… overprotective.”
“You keep trailing off Rarity, are you sure you’re okay?” Fluttershy whispered.
“Oh yes… peachy,” Rarity murmured.
“I think I should talk to Twilight,” Fluttershy exclaimed as she rose up from her seat.
“Have fun,” Rarity slurred, waving a lazy hand at her friend before sitting down and spreading her arms wide. “I sure will.”
“I’m sorry what did you say Spike? I was thinking about that lava bath I just had, which you really must try,” Rarity murmured dreamily, her head held up by a clawed hand.
Spike snorted, and jabbed a fork at her. “I was trying to get you to reconsider our venue, the Belmond.”
“What's there to reconsider about it? The location is simply… perfect,” Rarity replied, the dragon casually tossing a few grape sized sapphires into her mouth and chewing languidly.
“It is very nice, but think of our savings,” Spike implored. “We could buy a second boutique for the cost of the wedding.”
“Who needs a second boutique when you’ve had a wedding ceremony that would make even the wealthiest of nobles blush?” Rarity shot back, a wide smile remaining on her face.
“But we aren't nobles!” Spike hissed. “Well you aren't, and I am only due to a technicality, but that's not the point.”
“Spike, we've been over this. I’ve been dreaming of having my big day at that venue ever since I was a foal. I will not compromise when it comes to Belmond,” Rarity stated.
Spike sighed. “Look, can we at least compromise on a few other things? Like… music, and… decorations?”
“I can handle the former while Fluttershy can take care of the latter,” Rarity dismissed.
“It doesn't feel like you’re taking this very seriously,” Spike pointed out. “Those bits represent nearly three years of diligent saving and you want to blow it all so you can look at the sea instead of me.”
Rarity snorted, blowing smoke rings across the table and into her partner’s face. “It's not just that,” she declared. “It's the perfect venue. Its elegant, yet charming in its remote location and rustic accommodations. It is where anyone who is anyone goes to get married.”
“But were nobodies!” Spike shot back. “I may be an ambassador of sorts, but that really just makes me a glorified beurocrat. And no offence Rarity, but your brand never really reached quite reached the same level as some of your contemporaries.”
Rarity shrugged. “I’ve made dresses for royalty, and I’ve got more business than I can handle. Sure I may not have millions in the bank but we aren't exactly hard done by.”
“I guess,” Spike muttered, forelegs crossed over his chest. “But this still feels… wasteful.”
“How about this?” Rarity began, sitting straighter in her chair. “In three years time when the savings account has recovered you can decide what to spend it on.”
“And if I want to spend it all on rare comic books? What then?” Spike retorted.
Rarity merely shrugged. “That's fine.”
Spike sat there in silence, watching as Rarity causally popped a handful of gems into her mouth and chewed slowly. The sheer enormity of such a statement was not lost on the unicorn, and he couldn't help but feel slightly confused. Though tempted to push his luck, Spike merely took the W and decided not to question things.
“So…” Spike muttered. “When we were done with lunch did you want to talk to Fluttershy about the music and perhaps get a list going for all the things you’ll need for decorating?”
“Sure,” Rarity replied.
Once again Spike considered asking for something more, like permission to buy a pinball machine or something. Like last time, he dismissed this urge, and merely considered himself lucky. Instead he focused on cleaning up the small plate of greens in front of him, pouring another heaping helping of dressing atop the pile.
The rest of the meal continued in silence, with neither Spiek nor Rarity uttering a word, though for vastly different reasons. Spike was still grappling with the enormity of Rarity’s promise, and was pricing out all the first edition comics he wanted to buy. Rarity meanwhile, was still so relaxed that she barely even noticed the world continuing to spin on without her.
Only when her hand hit the bottom of the bowl did she perk up, glancing down at the thing with minor irritation. That feeling, like all others, swiftly left the dragon, and she simply got up in order to dispose of the dishes. In only a few minutes the table was clear, the dishes were away, and the couple were sitting down once more.
“I was thinking we could go see Fluttershy first,” Spike began. “She will need a headsup if she is going to gather the apropriatly sized choir, and transport them halfway across the country.”
“It will be well worth it though. Fluttershy’s little flock has turned out to be quite skilled,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike bobbed his head in agreement. “That is true. And the range of those birds is quite impressive. Did you hear that salsa number they sang for Snowflake’s birthday?”
“I couldn't stop dancing. You should have joined me,” Rarity remarked.
Spike winced, and rubbed the front of a forehoof with the back of the other. “You know I have two left feet, Rarity,” he muttered.
“But if you got out there and tried more often then you wouldn't be so disorganized,” Rarity pointed out, flashing her partner a wide smile. “Or you could come to a few dancing classes with me.”
“No way,” Spike immediately replied. “It's bad enough I learned how to slow dance with you. Those old mares in your class can be so mean.”
“Yes I suppose Mildred, and Back Bob can be rather cruel at times,” Rarity murmured.
Spike shook his head. “So, are we ready to go see Fluttershy now?”
“We are,” Rarity answered. “Can we take the long way though? I want to see the Everfree.”
“Err sure,” Spike cocked his head. “Are you sure you’re okay though? You almost sound lke you’re high. I’m getting flashbacks to that time you tried pipe weed with uncle Shadow Fax.”
Rarity chuckled. “I’m just relaxed for the fist time since this whole debacle began. That's all.”
“Alright,” Spike muttered. “If you say so.”
The pair silently made their way through their home and to the front door, neither uttering a sound until they were about to leave.
“Hey uh Rarity. Are you sure you don't want a glass of cold water or something before we go?” Spike offered.
“No, why?” Rarity replied.
“Well it's just you are like… really relaxed. To the point that you keep fading in and out of the conversation. Might cause confusion if you’re talking to someone, is all,” Spike pointed out.
Rarity shrugged. “I’m sure a bit of fresh air will perk me right up.”
“If you say so,” Spike muttered.
“I do,” Rarity asserted.
Spike led the way as they walked out into the street, with Rarity taking up the rear and locking the door behind them. With that done, they turned to the left, ready to make their way towards Fluttershy’s distant cottage. The rapid clop of approaching hooves grabbed their attention before they could go far however, and they looked back to find an odd sight.
A small group of ponies with a flustered Twilight at their head was making its way down the street. Running at Twilight’s right was a scared looking Fluttershy while on the other side was an exasperated police pony. Wearing minimal armor, and bearing no visible weapons, the final member of their little group seemed more annoyed than fearful like the others.
“I wonder what's going on,” Rarity muttered.
“I think we are about to find out,” Spike replied.
Twilight skidded to a stop a few feet away from the couple, kicking up a small cloud of dust in the process. The rest of her cadre followed suit with Fluttershy appearing rather winded while the officer was unbothered by the exercise.
“Oh thank goodness we caught you,” Twilight exclaimed. “You aren't hurt are you?”
Spike was about to respond, but was interrupted when Twilight lifted him into the air and began inspecting him like a doll. Held aloft like some hunk of meat, Spike felt weirdly naked, quite confused and quickly became rather miffed at the whole situation.
“Twilight Sparkle. What have I told you about using your magic on others without permission?” Spike barked.
“Oh uh sorry,” Twilight muttered, unceremoniously dropping the other unicorn.
“Good, now what is this all about?” Spike demanded.
“We received a report that you may have had your life threatened by a member of your partner’s family due to… an extramaerital circumstance,” explained the guard, who suddenly looked rather embarrassed.
“Wait, you cheated on me?” Rarity shouted.
“What? No! I would never,” Spike retorted.
“Then why is this stallion saying otherwise?” Rarity shot back.
“Um excuse me, but it was you who said Spike had an affair with your mother,” Fluttershy remarked.
“I…” Rarity looked from Spike to Fluttershy and back again. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“At the spa, remember? You said Spike put an um… Several buns in your mother’s oven,” Fluttershy whispered in a low tone.
“I’m so disappointed in you, Spike,” Twilight added.
“But I didn't do anything!” Spike shouted, throwing his forehooves in the air.
“Buns? What are you…” Rarity trailed off, suddenly looking very confused. “Are you talking about last night?”
Fluttershy bobbed her head. “Then you said your dad threatened Spike and told him he was going to cut his you know what off.”
The officer winced in sympathy.
“As disappointed as I am, Hondo will have to get through me first,” Twilight exclaimed.
“What in the heck have you been telling people?” Spike shouted, turning to Rarity.
“I don't know. I was just really relaxed and may have misspoke a tiny, itsy bitsy bit,” Rarity muttered, the dragon squirming silently on the spot.
The police pony sighed and ran a hoof down his face. “Alright, Miss Rarity. Please, for the record. Explain exactly what happened the other night.”
“The bun thing happened, but I meant that literally,” Rarity began. “Neither my mother nor Spike are particularly good bakers, no offence Spike.”
“None taken,” muttered Spike, somewhat bitterly.
“Okay so Spike didn't do you know what with your mom?” Twilight asked, scratching her head.
“Not as far as I’m aware,” Rarity replied.
Spike groaned. “Why do you have to say it like that!? I’m not interested in your mother!”
“But what about the threatening thing? I don't think that could have been a metaphor,” Fluttershy inquired.
“Oh that happened, but it was me who was threatened though my father thought I was Spike at the time,” Rarity began. “He was being a bit overprotective and had not received the news about us getting switched.”
“Still, a threat like that is still a fineable offence, provided you wish to pursue charges,” offered the officer.
Spike shrugged. “Nah. We talked it out afterward. He was just compensating for feeling guilty.”
“Then it looks like my work is done here. Next time talk it out first, and then if someone actually broke the law, fetch me,” exclaimed the guard before walking away.
“Sorry,” muttered Fluttershy. “This whole debacle is all my fault.”
“It's alright Fluttershy. This whole thing is actually my fault,” Rarity interrupted. “If I had been more cognizant of what I was saying this wouldn't have happened.”
Fluttershy sniffed. “But I should have talked to you before getting Twilight.”
“Nah I’m pretty sure this one’s on Rarity,” Spike countered.
“I must unfortunately agree with Spike here. None of this was your fault Fluttershy. You were just being a good friend,” Twilight offered.
Rarity frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re not supposed to agree with me, you know.”
“Then stop being right,” Spike shot back.
Twilight stepped forward, putting herself between the couple and Fluttershy. “Why don't we all pretend this never happened and go down to Sugarcube Corner for a snack, hmm?”
“That sounds like a great idea. We wanted to see you about potentially providing the music for our wedding anyway,” Spike declared, turning to Fluttershy.
Who gasped in shock, her embarrassment gone in an instant. “Really? Me? Are you sure?” Fluttershy exclaimed.
“Of course. Your unique choir is quite skilled, and I would love it if you were able to perform for us,” Rarity added.
“Oh my,” Fluttershy whispered. “This is quite a shock. Mister Blue Jay and Missus Raven are going to be very pleased.”
“That's great to hear, now why don't we get a move on huh? I really need a strong irish coffee, though I left my bits inside,” Spike asked.
“Don't worry Spike, it's on me,” Twilight replied.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“So what's next?” Spike asked, sprawling out on the fainting couch and glancing over to Rarity who sat across from him on a plush red chair.
“Contacting Applejack so we can order the refreshments,” Rarity answered, turning a peice of paper around to reveal the still rather lengthy list of things they had yet to do.
“Ahh yes, number twenty of two hundred,” Spike muttered.
“Oh it's not that long, you’re just being silly. It's only a hundred and eighty seven things,” Rarity replied, sitting back in her chair and pushing the reading glasses further up her nose.
“You know you don't actually need those, right?” Spike replied. “I have perfect vision.”
“Yes but it's a force of habit,” Rarity replied, tapping the side of her glasses. “Plus, these aren't even prescription, though they are quite cute.”
Spike groaned. “Augh. I don't think my manliness will ever recover from such a beating.”
“Well your manliness is a silly thing to care about in the first place so I don't think you’ll lose anything when it's gone,” Rarity retorted.
“Aw come on. Now that's just mean. You don't see me constantly bothering you about being overly feminine,” Spike shot back.
“I suppose it has been a while since you’ve chided me for being delicate, but that doesn't mean I’m not still right you know,” Rarity exclaimed. “Your urge to be all rough and manly is simple barbaric silliness.”
“It is not,” Spike retorted. “You like it when I get all masculine and protective. Heck it's one of the reasons you agreed to go out with me in the first place.”
“Yes well, now that I’ve been living with you it's become quite a chore. Furthermore I wish you had used my nail kit more often. It's taken me days to get them just right,” Rarity exclaimed, raising her hand up to reveal that she had flattened, and painted her nails.
“What? But you said I wasn't allowed to do anything to you!” Spike shouted.
“Oh don't be ridiculous. The second we get switched back you can just as easily get it removed,” Rarity replied.
Spike snorted, and stood up from the couch. “You will be going to Applejack’s by yourself. And I would throw the extra blanket through the wash if I were you.”
“Wait, why is that?” Rarity demanded.
“Because you’re going to need it when your sleeping on the couch tonight,” Spike finished, the male turning up his nose and trotting out the room.
“Spike, wait! Come back, you’re being ridiculous,” Rarity called. “Come now, even you must admit that a little nail polish isn't that big of a deal.”
The room was quiet, and the dragon’s call was left unanswered.
Rarity sighed. “Fine. I suppose I’ll go to Applejack’s alone then. It's not like you were the one that insisted on having an open bar and getting the Apples to fill said bar in the first place.”
The dragon stood up from her seat, deposited her glasses and list on the table before turning towards the exit. She didn't make it to the door however, as she stopped and glanced back to where Spike had disappeared a minute earlier. Her mind whirrled with possibilities, and for a moment she considered seeking him out and apologizing.
“That's silly. I’ve done nothing to warrant apologizing,” Rarity muttered to herself before walking away.
Rarity walked through the orchard at a quick, yet unhurried pace, her gaze wandering across the many trees. A walk through the Apple family farm was always a relaxing one, and this time was no different. Why even just being here was enough to make Rarity’s shoulders fall slack and for her worries begin to leave her. They never left completely however, and a small voice at the back of her mind reminded Rarity of how upset Spike had been.
“Hmmph, he's just being ridiculous,” Rarity muttered.
The dragon paused, and walked around a small puddle, giving it a wide berth before getting back onto the path. She then pressed on to the apple family farm house, where Applejack sat outside, a pair of reading glasses dangling on the end of her nose. In her grip was a large manilla envelope filled with papers, important ones too judging from how focused the earth pony was.
“Good afternoon Applejack,” Rarity greeted as she approached the porch.
“Oh hey Spike- I mean Rarity,” Applejack replied, closing the folder and letting her glasses hang around her neck by a thin bronze chain. “What can I do for ya today?”
“Can I not just come to see adear old friend?” Rarity teased.
Applejack chuckled. “Well shoot. If I knew you were coming over for tea I woulda put the kettle on.”
“Maybe later, dear. For the moment I was hoping to talk business,” Rarity exclaimed.
Applejack leaned forward and raised an eyebrow. “Does this have to do with your wedding with Spike?”
“It does indeed,” Rarity answered. “Spike and I, though mostly Spike. Were hoping you could provide the refreshments for the reception.”
“Refreshments for the…” Applejack’s eyes went wide. “Oh you mean booze. Ya I suppose we could do that. We just finished bottling all the cider from last season so the cellar is stuffed to the gills.”
“That would be wonderful,” Rarity exclaimed. “I was hoping you could provide us with a wide array of ciders, and a cask or two of your famous Apple whiskey.”
“Oh you really want it all don't ya?” Applejack pushed her hat further up her head and rubbed her scalp with a hoof. “I suppose we could do that for ya. We got plenty down in the basement just waitin to be used after all.”
“Oh and I was curious if you had made any of that apple wine you had us a try a year or so ago,” Rarity inquired.
“We could whip some up in time. I thought you said you didn't like it though,” Applejack asked.
“Oh I enjoyed it. I’m just a little stuck in my ways, is all. You drink cab sauv for as long as I have and nothing quite tastes right,” Rarity explained.
“No kidding. You probably ain't got no taste buds left, what with how dry that junk is,” Applejack remarked, sticking her tongue out in disgust.
“It's not that bad,” Rarity retorted. “It's merely… an acquired taste.”
“Acquired like a bad rash maybe,” Applejack chuckled. “But I’m a bit busy so I’m going to have to cut the teasing off here if that's alright with you.”
“What, and deny me the chance of a witty retort?” Rarity exclaimed in an exaggerated fashion, hand spread across her chest.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Well go on then. Let's hear it.”
Rarity hummed thoughtfully. “Something something uncultured something.”
“Yer losin yer edge,” Applejack remarked. “Don't worry though, I wont tell Spike you’re gettin senile already.”
Rarity giggled. “Why thank you darling.”
“Now then, like I said. I’m a might bit busy, but I know for certain that Big Macintosh will need a bit of help with all the stuff your askin for,” Applejack began, standing up and stretching, causing her back to pop. “Most of it is down in the cellar like I mentioned, and we’ll need to stage it in the barn so we can load it into the cart. After that we cna easily send it off to wherever your big fancy wedding is.”
“I’ll let Spike know that he should come help…” Rarity caught herself. “I suppose that is off the table for the moment.”
“I mean you can still lend a claw,” Applejack offered.
“I suppose…” Rarity muttered. “Though I’d really prefer not to. I just got a mani pedi and I don't want to ruin it.”
“Well then I’m not sure if we can give ya what ya want,” Applejack replied with a shrug. “Mac ain't as tough as he used to, and the doc would kill me if he found out I’m helping to lift those big things so soon after blowing out my back.”
Rarity briefly wondered if there was a way she could get Twilight to do it, as the unicorn was likely powerful enough to lift them all. She was busy with Trixie however, nevermind the fact that the unicorn had also volunteered to help send out some of the invitations. Asking anything more of her would be rude, Rarity realized, leaving the dragon with only two real options.
Abandoning the entire thing, or lending a hand herself.
“I suppose it's not like I had anything else planned today,” Rarity muttered.
“Atta girl,” Applejack exclaimed. “I’ll go fetch Mac, you just sit tight for a sec.”
Rarity waved a dismissive hand at the earth pony, her gaze swiftly becoming distant as she stared off into space. She really didn't want to do anything so degrading, but she also couldn't stand to go home and tell Spike that she was the reason they wouldn't have an open bar. With that thought firmly in mind, Rarity set her shoulders and stood patiently at the front of the porch.
A few minutes later a slightly greying Big Macintosh appeared from the orchard, his yoke having been replaced with clothing. The simple white undershirt and brown vest complemented his short, and rather neatly combed mane of wheat colored hair. He was also not quite as large as he had been when he was younger, though he was still a mountain of a stallion.
“Right then, y'all know what to do. Bring up two casks of the good stuff, and I’d say a full four cases of the cider,” Applejack exclaimed. “We can tuck em in Mable’s pen at the end there since she’s going to be stayin at the vet’s for a while longer.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh declared.
“Now Rares, all you gotta do is carry the other end of the barrel while Mac has the front,” Applejack exclaimed. “Normally I’d just tell ya to sling one under each arm but I doubt y'all quite got the hang of having arms yet.”
“I am rather clumsy at the moment,” Rarity admitted somewhat reluctantly.
“Don't you worry, none. Mac here will do most of the heavy lifting. You just make sure he ain't doing all of it and you’ll be just fine,” Applejack exclaimed.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed.
“Why exactly must this be done right now?” Rarity pressed.
“Cus yer wedding is real far away, and we’ll have to send things out sooner rather than later,” Applejack replied. “‘Sides, Mac’s gonna be busy soon, what with his kid comin, and you’re here right now.”
Rarity sighed. “I suppose I can't argue with that logic.”
“You could sure try,” Applejack trotted back to her chair and plunked back down. “Now then. Y'all give me a holler if you need a hand holding a door or something. I’m gonna get back to figuring out this mess.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh exclaimed.
The stallion gestured towards the back of the farm house, and continued on in that direction without waiting for Rarity. Who was quick to follow after the male, dodging around the puddles which frequently littered the pathway. In only a few seconds the pair had traveled around to the other side, and were standing before the cellar entrance.
Big Macintosh leaned down and reached for the handle, but paused, wincing in pain.
“Allow me darling,” Rarity swiftly offered.
The male grunted, and took a step off to the side, saying nothing as Rarity pulled aside the simple lock. With a heave of her newfound muscles, the dragon pulled open the heavy oak door, flipping it up against the building. She then took a step back and gestured to the stairs leading down, a wide smile crossing her face.
“After you,” Rarity offered.
Big Macintush nodded his thanks to the dragon before trotting down into the dimly lit cellar. Lit only by what meagre light that managed to pierce a trio of basement windows, Rarity found that she could see clear as day. While Big Macintosh didn't quite have the same advantage, he did have experience, which was enough to guide him through it with ease.
Around barrels, past a rack of jarred apples floating in some manner of opaque liquid, Big Macintosh continued on into the dark. Rarity lagged behind somewhat, taking a moment to appreciate just how much food the Apples had stored away. There was easily enough to support a family of considerable size through the winter, and to eat well no less.
Even if it was rather musty, slightly dusty, and altogether quite unpleasant down in the old rocky cellar.
“Where exactly are these… oh there they are,” Rarity exclaimed.
Big Macintosh grunted as he dragged a large keg out from under the stairs leading up to the first floor of the Apple family home. Once out in the open, the stallion wiped the sweat from his brow and took position near the end pointing back the way they came.
“Ahh thank you darling. I don't think I’d be able to do the whole backwards thing at the moment,” Rarity remarked.
Big Macintosh nodded, and leaned down, a hoof ready to reach under the barrel. Rarity walked around the other end and mimicked the action, hefting the barrel as Big Macintosh did the same thing. Rarity expected it to be heavy, and though it was, Rarity had managed to lift it rather easily. The feeling of power was nearly overwhelmiung, and in an instant the former pony realized why Spike enjoyed weight lifting so much.
Big Macintosh snorted.
“Oh um, right. Sorry about that darling. Lead the way,” Rarity replied, quickly escaping the haze which had overcome her.
Together they began to walk, or trot, towards the stairs, their pace slow and deliberate.
“So,” Big Macintosh began. “You and Spike eh? How's that goin.”
“The wedding has been a bit hit or miss in the planning,” Rarity replied, pausing to give a rack of jarred fruit a wide berth. “I admit this whole situation has left me a little rattled but I think we’ll come out the other side a stronger couple.”
“That's good,” Big Macintosh remarked. “How's Spike takin it all?”
“Fine,” Rarity quickly replied. “He doesn't much appreciate being in a less athletic body, but it could be worse. At least I jog and do my stretches.”
“Sounds like a big change,” Big Macintosh offered, angling the barrel towards the stairs.
“Oh it was, and though this entire debacle is his fault I don't think it's all bad. At least now Spike will come to appreciate all the effort it takes to maintain a lady’s appearance,” Rarity exclaimed.
Big Macintosh silently raised an eyebrow as he began to back slowly up the stairs.
Rarity followed suit, allowing most of the weight to be angled back against her. The sudden increase was enough to make her almost panic for a moment, only for her muscles to save her once again. It took a bit of extra effort but like before, she found herself more than able to support the extra liquid which sloshed to the back of the barrel.
“I fear Spike has never truly grappled with all it takes to keep one’s appearance presentable,” Rarity explained as she waddled up the stairs, careful not to drop the cask. “Why the other day I thought he was going to leap out the window and all I had done was his mane.”
Upon reaching the top of the stairs, the cask, as well as the weight, levelled out and Rarity trotted out onto flat ground.
“Why? Ain't it his body for the moment?” Big Macintosh pressed.
Rarity scoffed. “You don't understand darling. I have an image to uphold, and expectation placed upon me. I know it isn't very fair, but that's simply how it is. Society expects me to look a certain way even if it isn't really my body anymore.”
The pair ambled out around the corner, with Big Macintosh stopping just long enough to adjust his one hooved grip before continuing on.
“I know it may sound silly to you but I’m unfortunately something of a public figure. If I, or my body didn't look their best the tabloids would eat me alive darling,” Rarity continued, releasing a soft, exasperated sigh. “Opinion of me would fall, as would business and I can't have that happening.”
Big Macintosh glanced down at Rarity’s hands expectantly.
“Oh this? Just a minor touch up to bring out Spike’s eyes,” Rarity replied. “He wasn't a fan of it but honestly his look could use a mare’s touch if you know what I mean.”
BIg Macintosh shook his head and snorted.
“Come now darling, even you must admit it was somewhat lacking,” Rarity pressed. “Why, he barely wore anything more than that ratty vest of his.”
That didn't seem to dissuade the stallion’s disappointment however and as they rounded a corner Rarity noticed the frown on his face.
“Like I said. I know it isn't exactly fair, but I explained this all to him, and he said he was perfectly okay with it all,” Rarity continued.
Big Macintosh shook his head as they rounded the final corner and began to make their way towards the barn in the distance.
“I really think you are blowing this out of proportion,” Rarity stressed. “It isn't for long, and it's not like I’m doing anything against Spike’s will.”
“It seems to me like you ain't-” Big Macintosh’s hoof splashed through a puddle, and a second later three things happened one after another.
Big Macintosh kept walking straight, Rarity leapt to the side in order to avoid the puddle, and the barrel sloshed due to the sudden movement. In an instant Big Macintosh found that the person who was supposed to be helping him was no longer doing so. Worse still, he was left overcompensated with his face over a large mud puddle.
One he became intimately familiar with a moment later when he fell directly into it.
The barrel landed first, causing a great wave of dirty water to shoot up into the air, and narrowly avoided Rarity. Who swiftly backpedaled out of the splash zone, returning a few seconds later to find the barrel undamaged. She also found Big Macintosh laying face down in the mud, his forehooves splayed and his clothes soaked.
“Oh goodness. I’m so sorry about that dear. Allow me to help you,” Rarity quickly exclaimed.
The former unicorn reflexively attempted to use her magic, but upon failing to lift the earth pony out using a spell, reached down. Gripping the back of his shirt, Rarity hoisted Big Macintosh out of the mud, allowing her to see his intensely frowning face. Though perhaps frown wasn't strong enough of a word, as he wore more of a scowl, the stallion’s forehead deeply wrinkled by his expression.
“Would you like a towel?” Rarity asked weakly.
Big Macintosh placed his hoove back under him, took a step back, and after wiping the mud from his face, walked forward. Then before Rarity had the chance to utter another question, the stallion rose up onto his back hooves and stared the dragon in the face.
“What I want is for you to get your head out of your keister,” Big Macintosh stated.
“What in Equestria are you talking about?” Rarity retorted.
“You know damn well what I’m talking about,” Big Macintosh replied. “You're real dang smart, and plenty kind, but it seems to me like your getting a bit too wrapped up in all that junk.”
“I don't know what it is your referring to,” Rarity muttered.
“You do,” Big Macintosh stated. “You know that makin the poor guy dress and act a certain way ain't right, and you know that not havin the same set of rules for yourself ain't right either. But I’ll tell ya something only I know.”
He leaned in close.
“If you don't start playing as a team, you’re not going to have a team,” Big Macintosh exclaimed. “Got it?”
“I…” Rarity frowned. “I think I understand.”
“Well think a little harder then,” Big Macintosh demanded, clopping a hoof upside the dragon’s head. “Yes us guys can be a might bit silly, but being a goof ain't sex specific. A fact you’ve proved right here today.”
“B-but,” Rarity began, only to be interrupted.
“But nothing,” Big Macintosh declared. “You’ve gotten a bit wrapped up in the job, and the wedding, and what you think it means to be a lady. Furthermore, you fear the loss of your femininity and are overcompensating. I mean pink? Come on, that doesn't work with Spike’s colors at all.”
Rarity sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Damn straight I am,” Big Macintosh exclaimed. “Your business has survived plenty of other things. Do you really think this is going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back?”
“No,” Rarity admitted, shoulders slumping.
“Right, so here's what's going to happen,” Big Macintosh stated. “Yer going to stop trying so hard to act all prim and proper. Then yer going to carry those barrels to the barn yourself. And when yer done yer going to go home and apologize to Spike.”
“You are absolutely right,” Rarity murmured. “I suppose the stress of it all has made me fall back on habits I thought I kicked years ago.”
“It's alright to fall, just so long as we get back up again,” Big Macintosh finished.
Rarity smiled faintly. “Thank you Big Macintosh.”
“No problem,” replied the stallion.
“Though something tells me I am going to need a shower when I get home,” Rarity murmured, glancing at the mud covering her shoulder and dripping down her chest. “Not a problem. It's just mud.”
Big Macintosh smiled. “Eeyup.”
Rarity stepped out of the barn, and placed her hands onto her lower back, pushing just enough to make it pop. Wincing briefly, Rarity’s pained expression quickly turned into one of utter satisfaction. That was despite the fact that she was covered in sweat, grime, and more than a little bit of dried mud.
The door to the large outbuilding closed with a thunk, Big Macintosh giving it a jiggle before walking over to Rarity.
“How ya feelin?” asked the stallion.
“Like a million bits,” Rarity exclaimed. “I think I understand Spike a little better now, and not only his love of the gym.”
Big Macintosh nodded slowly.
“I don't suppose you have anything else you need moved by chance do you?” Rarity inquired.
Big Macintosh blinked, and glanced briefly to the setting sun then back down to the dragon.
“Err right. I suppose I should be getting home. It has been a few hours since I left,” Rarity exclaimed.
The stallion chuckled.
“Either way before I go I must thank you for your help,” Rarity exclaimed, extending a hand. “I really needed someone to kick me out of the funk I’ve been in. It feels like I’m seeing clearly for the first time since this entire debacle began.”
Big Macintosh nodded, and placed his hoof in the dragon’s grip, shaking the offered limb vigorously.
“Perhaps I’ll even keep up with Spike’s routine,” Rarity mused.
“One thing at a time,” Big Macintosh warned.
Rarity chuckled and took a step away, dropping the stallion’s hoof. “Quite right darling. And that first thing is to find some nail polish remover.”
Big Macintosh smiled.
“Though perhaps a shower is in order first,” Rarity murmured, lifting an arm. “I never knew dragons could even get this stinky.”
The stallion rolled his eyes.
“Well enough dragging my heels. Thank you again darling, and have a wonderful rest of your day,” Rarity exclaimed.
“You too,” Big Macintosh replied, watching as Rarity began to walk away.
After the dragon was out of sight, Big Macintosh trotted over to the front porch, where Applejack sat quietly. After plunking down in the available seat, Big Macintosh took the extra mug and sipped the warm cider.
“Ya get through to her?” Applejack asked, though it was clear she already knew the answer.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh replied.
“Think they’ll make it?” Applejack pressed.
Big Macintosh shrugged. “Maybe.”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Rarity emerged from the bathroom with a triumphant look on her face, only to pause and glance down at her nails. Now devoid of paint, or polish, they were a bit cleaner than normal, but other than that, they looked like how Spike kept them. Not only that but Rarity had also removed the slight eyeshadow she had applied this morning, though she kept the perfume. That at least could be washed off with a quick shower, and was the one thing Rarity refused to go without.
“Much better,” Rarity muttered to herself as she trotted towards the stairs leading to her bedroom.
Slightly tired from her day assisting Big Macintosh with his chores, Rarity still felt surprisingly alive. Not only that but she had also begun to feel an odd heat blooming near her nether regions, though she tried to ignore that sensation. The urge to become intimate was pressing, but she had more immediate concerns, such as locating Spike and apologizing to him.
“Spike are you up there?” Rarity shouted. “I was hoping to talk to you!”
“I'm up here,” Spike replied, his voice barely audible from Rarity’s position halfway up the stairs.
Picking up her pace slightly, Rarity made her way up the last few steps, and quickly walked over to the door to their room. There she stopped, and extended a hand, knocking twice on the oaken barrier.
“May I come in?” she asked.
“Sure whatever. It's your bedroom too,” Spike replied in a flippant manner.
Rarity sighed, and pushed her way inside, glancing about the room. Nothing seemed amiss at first glance, but it wasn't long for Rarity to find something out of place. Namely the blankets were bunched up around Spike’s neck, barely allowing the unicorn to read the book he was holding aloft in his magic. Not only that but there were numerous used tissues next to the bed, but there was no smell of sweat or arousal in the air.
“Are you alright dear?” Rarity asked, stepping gently over to the bed and seating herself near the end.
“I’m fine,” Spike replied. “Just a little worried about you since you didn't come home right away.”
“Ahh I’m sorry about that. I went a little overboard helping the Apples after I discovered how strong you are,” Rarity explained. “I’m very impressed by the way. I always knew you hit the gym frequently, but this was something else.”
Spike sat up a little straighter and wiped a few stray strands of hair from his face. “I'm glad you enjoyed it. Though I’m surprised you aren't calling my dedication to physical fitness either barbaric, or silly.”
Rarity nodded slowly, taking the jab on the chin without complaint. “Very fair. I was rather rude earlier, but thankfully Big Macintosh was able to set me straight once more.”
Spike blinked. “Oh really?” He asked.
“Yes, he pointed out how I was getting a little too wrapped up in the wedding and everything. It was making old bad habits of mine return,” Rarity continued.
“Well I’m glad he was the one to say it,” Spike remarked.
“Yes, it was a much needed conversation. And speaking of much needed conversation…” Rarity cleared her throat. “You may of course do whatever it is you like with my body while you have it. Provided it's not permanent, and we talk it out together.”
Spike blinked. “Really?”
Rarity nodded. “Really. I see now how demanding I’ve been and I’m sorry.”
“So are we still having the wedding at that super expensive place?” Spike replied.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yes were still holding it at my dream location. That is one thing I will not give up on I’m afraid.”
“Damn,” Spike cursed. “Can't blame me for trying.”
“Not at all,” Rarity exclaimed. “Now, if you don't mind. I was hoping to sleep with you tonight.”
“I suppose you’ve earned your way out of the dog house,” Spike replied, shifting over to the left side of the bed and pulling back the covers.
Rarity quickly slipped under the blanket, and laid on her side facing Spike. “I don't think you quite understood what I meant darling. I want to sleep with you tonight.”
“Ha ha very funny,” Spike replied, only to blink. “Wait, you’re serious.”
“Come on. I know that first attempt was a little awkward, but I think we can make it work this time,” Rarity pressed. “We just need to talk to each other more, and go a little slower.”
Spike groaned. “I don't know how to tell you this but I am not attracted to myself, or males for that matter. I ain't gay Rarity and I know you’re a little more flexible, but that ain't me.”
“Oh its not gay. I’m a mare, or female at least. I just so happen to have a more masculine body at the moment,” Rarity replied.
“One which I ain't a big fan of,” Spike exclaimed, pushing himself off the bed so he could look Rarity in the eye. “If I ain't doing the pushin, then I ain't interested.”
“I mean you could still very well be on top,” Rarity offered. “I don't mind being on the bottom as per usual. You know how much I enjoy being held.”
“I don't even think I could do that at this point,” Spike waved his forehooves around in emphasis. “I mean look at these things. It's like I got a pair of marshmallows tied to toothpicks for legs.”
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Oh come now. I know I’m not as beefy as you, but I am not some delicate little flower completely devoid of muscle.”
“I mean compared to me? Yeah you kind of are,” Spike retorted.
Rarity sighed and raised a hand. “Look. How about we back up a little here. Do you remember that spell I used on you during international mare’s day a couple years ago.”
Spike immediately blushed so hard that his face turned beet red. “I thought we promised to never speak of that again,” he muttered.
“I’m not talking about how much you enjoyed… that,” Rarity exclaimed. “I’m saying that you could use it on yourself to give you…. Well, you know.”
Spike paused. “Huh, well that certainly would change things, but I’m still not on board with this whole thing. I’d still be doing myself even if I had my er, usual equipment.”
“Well Twilight did say that she had mastered that temporary disguise spell. We could use that to turn me back into my old self for an hour or so while we both… work out our desires,” Rarity cointnued.
“That's not a terrible idea. The thought of me being under it would be a bit of a buzz kill, but I might be willing to try it,” Spike remarked. “So how do I cast that spell anyway?”
“It's very simple actually,” Rarity began. “All you have to do is-”
“I don't know how to feel about that,” Spike muttered, his body laying flat under the covers as he stared up at the ceiling.
Rarity shrugged, and exhaled a plume of smoke. “It may not have been the best ever, but I’d say we worked out our desires in a healthy manner.”
“But the spell failed for a bit there and I was you looking down on me, and the…” Spike trailed off. “I’m not sure if that was a wet dream, or an utter nightmare.”
“A question for the therapist I suppose,” Rarity replied, inhaling another lungful of cigarette smoke.
The sudden snap pop of a telportation spell made both sit bolt upright in the bed. Rarity was coughing as she struggled to breath and overcome her panic while Spike was much more relaxed. He at least remembered the sound of Twilight's favored method of arrival and sure enough his hunch proved true.
As Twilight Sparkle threw herself at the bed, tears streaming down her face.
“Oh Spike it was horrible!” she cried, grabbing onto the other unicorn and burying her face in the other pony’s chest.
“What was horrible? Who hurt you?” Spike exclaimed, pulling Twilight close to his breast.
“She just kept talking and I couldn't take it,” Twilight babbled. “I don't know what I did wrong, what I could have done better. It just doesn't make any sense.”
“Woah there darling. Take a breath,” Rarity encouraged, a scaled hand touching the distraught unicorn’s shoulder. “You’re safe here, just relax.”
“I… I…” Twilight closed her eyes and took a long, slow breath.
“Feeling better?” Spike asked, a hoof rubbing gentle circles into Twilight's back. “Not hyperventilating now?”
Twilight Sparkle shook her head and sniffed, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“That's good, now what exactly happened with Trixie?” Rarity pressed.
“She didn't cheat on you did she?” Spike demanded, his hooves squeezing Twilight's cheeks. “I knew it. She did, didn't she? That lying skank!”
“I don't think that's what-” Rarity tried to interrupt.
“I knew you were too good for her. I should have told her off the second I saw that show boating jerk wandering around town looking for you,” Spike continued, the unicorn audibly grinding his teeth. “Why when I get my hands-er hooves on her I’m going to pound that smug look right off her ugly face.”
“Let's dial it back for a second,” Rarity interrupted. “Why don't you ask Twilight what happened?”
Spike blinked, and looked at Twilight's tear strewn face. “Err of course. Sorry Twilight. Go ahead.”
Now free from Spike’s grip, Twilight rubbed her cheeks absently. “Well we went to my parents and I thought it was all going fine. All the books I read on the subject said that this was a good time to introduce them to one another. Maybe I should have waited a little longer…”
“What happened?” Rarity pressed.
“Well it started when we were walking to my parents,” Twilight began, rolling onto her back and using her magic to conjure two illisionary ponies, illustrating what she was describing with her magic. “Trixie refused to hold my hoof, and kept avoiding any discussion on our relationship.”
“That's… odd,” Spike muttered. “She was acting rather proud of ‘bagging you’ as she put it.”
“I know!” Twilight gushed. “She even told me that I was the prettiest mare she's ever dated!”
“I’m fairly certain you’re the only mare she’s ever dated,” Rarity whispered, only to receive an elbow to the side from Spike.
“So we go inside,” Twilight continued, moving her tiny floating copies of herself and her girlfriend. “And then things are normal again. She’s chatty, she's a little bratty, but she's her usual, charismatic self.”
“What went wrong?” Spike urged.
“That question came up,” Twilight muttered.
“What question?” Spike asked.
“The question,” Rarity whispered.
Spike threw up his hooves. “What are you two talking about?”
“The most important question of all. Are you getting married?” Rarity answered, glancing at Twilight expectantly. “Either that or your mother still wants grandchildren.”
“That desire of hers has waned… slightly,” Twilight replied with a shrug.
“It was satiated with Flurry Heart, but I doubt her baby lust would be satisfied for long,” Spike remarked.
“That's… partially it,” Twilight admitted. “Mom is still holding out hope that you and Rarity end up having kids eventually since she knows you want more than one.”
Rarity winced. “I don't think that's really in the cards dear.”
“I wouldn't rule it out! My research has come very far in the last few years,” Twilight interjected.
“I think were geting a little off topic,” Spike remarked. “Last I checked mom was asking you and Trixie the marriage question.”
“That's where it all went wrong,” Twilight muttered sadly. “Trixie said she would never get married, not even to princess Celestia herself. When pressed she said that we werent even dating, and that we were just roommates!”
“Well that doesn't make any sense,” Spike murmured. “You two don't even live together… sorta.”
“Why would she say all of that? Did she apologize after?” Rarity asked.
“She did,” Twilight whispered. “But I don't know if she was being one hundred percent honest with me. Heck, I’m not sure what is true and what’s a lie anymore.”
“It seems to me as though this question startled the poor dear. Have you two talked about it?” Rarity inquired.
Twilight opened her mouth to respond only for her jaw to slam shut. “No. We didn't now that I’m thinking about it. The closest we got was my mention that I was rather envious of you two getting married.”
“How did she react to that?” Rarity pressed.
“She seemed… afraid,” Twilight whispered. “She changed the subject almost immediately. How did I not notice that?”
“You werent thinking about it, is all,” Spike reasoned. “Its okay.”
“It's not okay,” Twilight replied, her illusions falling apart. “I know we haven't been dating as long as you two have but I want to get married. I want to feel secure knowing that she’ll be there at the end of every long day for the rest of our days.”
“That feeling of security would be important especially considering,” Rarity winced. “Forget I said anything darling. A slip of the tongue.”
“It's fine. I know I’m on the spectrum and that it makes certain things difficult, but I thought this was different, that she was different,” Twilight muttered.
“Did she ever say it was because of that?” Spike inquired.
Twilight sunk into the bed. “No.”
“I thought she was rather accepting. In that regard,” Rarity offered.
“She is,” Twilight agreed. “But if it's not because of that then why is she so scared of getting married to me?”
“Maybe it's not necessarily about you,” Spike posited.
“How can it not be about her? That seems rather important to the whole marriage thing, dear,” Rarity replied.
Spike shook his head. “Maybe she's against the concept, not getting married to Twilight in particular.”
“That is… possible,” Twilight reluctantly admitted.
“Would you like to maybe join me and Fluttershy for some emergency girl time at the spa tomorrow?” Rarity offered.
“Or maybe you’d like to play a board game or something to take your mind off things? I can get the guys together,” Spike added.
“No,” Twilight stated, shaking her head. “I shouldn't have come here. Especially not unannounced like I did.”
“I wasn't going to say anything but you really should knock first darling,” Rarity guiltily exclaimed.
“Well at least you guys werent doing it this time,” Twilight declared, hopping off the bed and turning around. “You guys werent doing it… right?”
“Oh uh, yeah no totally!” Spike exclaimed, his voice rising higher than it ever had before.
“Don't be ridiculous darling. We’re each other. Of course we’d never do that when we were like this!” Rarity answered.
“Rrrrright,” Twilight muttered. “I’m just going to go now. Let me know if you need any help planning the wedding.”
“Thank you again darling!” Rarity called.
Twilight vanished in a snap hiss of air.
Spike immediately relaxed, falling into the bed with an exasperated sigh. “I can't believe that girl’s timing.”
“It's uncanny,” Rarity added. “You’d think she was spying on us or something.”
The pair looked around the room silently.
“Err maybe we should clean up and go to bed,” Spike offered.
“And never speak of this again?” Rarity added.
“Speak of what again?” Spike replied.
“That's the spirit,” Rarity declared before gathering up the bedding and walking out the door.
“Wait, no! I wasn't being witty. I don't know what we were talking about!” Spike called.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike tossed aside the last of the invitations and dropped his head to the table with an audible thunk. He then groaned, and turned over to look at Rarity as she assembled the ones he had discarded along with the others into a giant tower of card stock.
“Please tell me that's the last of them,” Spike groaned. “My horn feels like it's going to fall off.”
“Oh it will not…” Rarity glanced at the unicorn’s slightly glowing appendage and winced. “On second thought it might. Why don't you get some ice and lay off the magic for a while?”
“Gladly,” Spike replied.
The pony trotted off into the kitchen and returned not long after with both a bag of ice as well as a sandwich. Plunking back down into his seat, Spike bit into his snack and chewed slowly, his gaze focused on the writing utensils arrayed before him.
“Is that all of 'em?” Spike asked between bites.
“Yes,” Rarity replied with a frown. “What are you eating?”
“Peanut butter and banana, see?” Spike opened his sandwich to reveal that was indeed what he was eating. “Got a problem?”
“No, no. You’ve been quite adamant about your morning runs so I have little doubt that won't all end up on my flanks,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Damn right,” Spike declared. “Now what do we gotta do, other than add the actual date of the wedding to these like… nine hundred invitations?”
“Pinkie Pie and Applejack were handling catering, correct?” Rarity asked.
Spike nodded enthusiastically while he munched noisily on his sandwich.
“Then I believe it's just a matter of arranging our honeymoon, getting the wedding license, and finally securing our reservation,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike swallowed hard. “Is it really going to be that difficult to get a date? I know this place is prestigious, and that we want to get in relatively quickly, but surely it wouldn't be that hard.”
“Trust me darling. We are going to be very, very lucky to get in within the time frame you’ve set out for us,” Rarity declared.
“Alright then,” Spike glanced at the clock. “We got an hour before dinner. Wanna head to the town hall and get that license?”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Rarity replied, rising from her chair. “I’d very much like to get everything squared away before we leave to get our reservation.”
“Wait, leave?” Spike interjected. “Why can't we just send a letter?”
Rarity scoffed. “The owner will want to meet us in order to see if we are a good fit for their establishment. Something he cannot do if we do not show up in person as it were.”
“I mean I guess. But they're a business right? Why’d they turn us away?” Spike continued.
“Because they are a prestigious business that has held the ceremonies of kings, queens, and heads of state the world over!” Rarity gushed, sweeping her partner into a sudden hug, stars shining behind her eyes. “This is no average venue, this is the Belmont! To have our service there is to join the most elite of the elite!”
“Help,” Spike wheezed. “Crushing me.”
“Oh, sorry darling,” Rarity muttered, unceremoinsly dropping Spike to the ground. “I guess I’m still not quite used to how strong you are.”
“Well get a grip on that quick. Cus I don't know if your ribs can take much more,” Spike murmured.
“Right, err sorry about that,” Rarity blinked. “Where did your sandwich go?”
“Look down,” Spike replied.
Rarity followed her lover’s suggestion and sighed when she laid eyes on the peanut butter covered bread pressed against her chest.
“I suppose I was thinking of having a shower anyway…” Rarity murmured.
“Great. You go do that while I enjoy another sandwich,” Spike replied.
Rarity sighed. “Yes dear.”
Rarity strode up to the door and pulled it open. “After you darling.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “You know this whole chivalry thing is far more annoying then I would have anticipated.”
“Really? But it's so endearing,” Rarity replied, following after her partner as he entered the building.
“I can open it myself though ya know?” Spike retorted. “It kind of feels like I’m being told that I’m too weak and pathetic to manage the incredible feat that is simply opening a door.”
“Pish posh darling. Don't think of it as an attack, but a compliment! You are beautiful, and others wish for you to know this fact,” Rarity explained.
“Augh, that just makes it worse,” Spike groaned.
“Chin up darling. You’re going to give me wrinkles,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike groaned even louder, and pouted as hard as he was physically able to do so.
“Well now you’re just being childish,” Rarity muttered.
“Whatever,” Spike remarked, walking past the dragon and up to the desk. “Hi. We’re here to apply for a marriage license.”
The earth pony sitting behind the desk raised her scarlet hoof for a moment before going back to reading her book. Confused, and slightly annoyed, Spike stood there silently while the young mare read until she found a spot to stop. Then she slowly placed a bookmark between the pages and closed them, setting aside the thin hard cover.
“What did you want?” she asked in a bored, apathetic tone.
“We wish to apply for a marriage license,” Rarity interrupted before Spike could say a word. “It's rathter urgent by the way.”
“Sure,” muttered the mare. “Just a sec.”
The earth pony slipped off her seat and walked into the back at a slow, plodding pace.
“Hmm. The help only seems to get worse around here,” Spike remarked. “Did you catch her name by chance?”
“Stupid Law,” Rarity replied.
“Now that's just rude. Why would you call her that?” Spike retorted.
Rarity pointed to the small name plaque sitting on the desk. “I’m serious. That's what it says.”
“No wonder she's so irritable. I’d be a dick too if I had a name like that,” Spike muttered.
A moment later and they were joined by both Stupid Law, Mayor Mare, and a third pony they didn't recognize. Shorter then both of the other mares, she stood a full head below even Spike, though it was clear that she was older than the former dragon. The newly arrived unicorn had a tightly cropped black mane, sharp gold eyes, and rust colored fur that was slightly fluffier than the average.
“Oh it's you two. Good thing you grabbed us,” Mayor Mare exclaimed.
“No kidding. This could be quite the problem,” remarked the mystery mare.
“Wait, who are you? And why would this be a problem for anyone?” Spike declared.
“I’m Shirley Temple, and I specialize in the laws which surround curses,” explained the unicorn mare.
“What are you talking about? My family didn't make any of those stupid rules,” muttered Stupid Law. “It was this mare over here.”
“Actually it was my predecessor, Overly Cautious who put that law on the book,” Mayor Mare answered.
“You wish you were the one to recommend me that book,” Stupid Rule muttered.
Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. “What I’m trying to say is that we may be facing a bit of an issue surrounding your application as there is a good chance it will be rejected.”
“What, why?” Spike exclaimed, throwing up his hooves.
“Because the mayor before me established that no parties could wed one another while under the effects of a curse,” Mayor Mare exclaimed.
“Well thats a stupid law,” Spike muttered.
“No, I’m Stupid Law. Shes Mayor Mare,” Stupid Law replied.
Spike groaned. “That's not what I meant.”
Rarity cleared her throat and stepped forward. “Surely there must be some way around this.”
“There is, and Shirly was my mother’s name. Please just call me Temple,” Shirly declared.
“Err right,” Rarity muttered.
“So how do we get around this stupid-” Spike bit his tongue. “How do we bypass this ridiculous injunction?”
“Well we’d need a few assurances before we could grant you a license,” Mayor Mare declared. “Starting with a note from a medical professional declaring that you are both of sound mind.”
“But the curse didn't make us stupid, it made us switch bodies,” Spike exclaimed.
“Pfft, obviously it didn't make you Stupid. You’re not me,” remarked Stupid Law.
Spike groaned. “I meant that the curse didn't affect our mental capacity, or alter our minds in any such way. We just got swapped around. And go read or something, you’re not helping anyone!”
“Pfft whatever. I don't need this,” Stupid Law exclaimed, flopping back into her chair and flipping open her book.
“So, this whole thing is like freeky friday?” Shirly Temple asked.
“Exactly!” Spike shouted.
“Regardless,” Mayor Mare interrupted. “We can't continue unless we have some guarantee that you aren't being coerced into this in any way. Which is why we’ll need some kind of curse expert to discern the nature of the curse itself.”
“Wait, you could do that, right?” Rarity asked, gesturing down to Shirly expectantly.
“Yeah, you’re just the mare for the job!” Spike exclaimed.
“Were not actually related,” Mayor Mare interrupted.
“That's not what I meant!” Spike yelled.
“Surely there is no need to yell darling,” Rarity whispered.
“I wasn't yelling,” Shirly exclaimed.
Spike groaned loudly. “Just anylize the curse already!”
“Right you are lad,” Shirly exclaimed, her horn burning brightly as she cast a spell. “Well that was easier than expected.”
“Good news, I hope?” Mayor Mare inquired.
Shirly Temple nodded. “Indeed there is. This curse is rather simple after all, and does exactly what they said it does. There is one small, teensy little thing which strikes me as odd however.”
“Oh and what is that?” Rarity pressed.
“The trigger to dismiss the spell. It's not as clear cut as the others. Was there a cryptic warning or perhaps some silly riddle that came with the rings?” Shirly Temple inquired.
“Only that it would allow us to see how much the other cares for us,” Spike explained.
“The guy who sold it to Spike indicated that getting married could indeed break it,” Rarity added.
“Good news then!” Shirly Temple exclaimed. “We wouldn't need to worry about that pesky regulation at all.”
“Great! The less I have to deal with that stupid law the better,” Spike exclaimed.
“Aww come on man. Now thats just rude,” Stupid Law exclaimed.
Spike groaned. “I think I’m going to burst a blood vessel.”
“Please don't darling. I would hate to have to hire an illisionist on such short notice,” Rarity whispered.
“Just deal with them, why don't you?” Spike whispered back.
“Right,” Rarity stood straight. “So if we werent dealing with that… roadblock. Is there anything else holding us back from getting the marriage license?”
“Oh no. The process of applying for a marriage license for the purpose of breaking a curse is actually quite expedient as one might expect,” Shirly Temple remarked.
“Huh. Whoever must have put that law into the books must have been cautious,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Actually that one was me,” Mayor Mare exclaimed.
Rarity sighed. “That's not what I… you know what? It doesn't matter. How do I apply for it and how long will it take? Surely it wouldn't take that long as it's supposed to be for emergencies.”
“Please, call me Temple,” Shirly Temple offered.
“That isn't…” Rarity squeezed her eyes shut and took several slow breaths before opening them again. “What do I have to do?”
“Just fill out the application like usual, then simply indicate in the field at the bottom that you both are currently cursed,” Mayor Mare explained.
“But make sure you cross out the box that says you are applying for the purpose of breaking that curse, not that you are currently cursed and are a hostage of some kind,” Shirly Temple added.
“Ahh right. I always forget about that one. I really should move those two sections so they aren't on top of each other but Overly Cautious made so many copies of everything that it would be a waste to throw them all out,” Mayor Mare remarked.
“What, but they look identical!” Rarity exclaimed. “Which one is the right one?”
“Oh, you can tell because the addendums are different,” Mayor Mare exclaimed, flipping over several sheets of paper and pointing to the bottom of the page. “See, this one indicates that the top box is for any manner of cursed based cooresion while the other is not.”
“But that's several pages over! Whoever made this thing is stupid,” Rarity muttered.
“Actually it was Overly Cautious who made it. I just started this week,” Stupid Law explained.
Rarity’s eye twitched.
“I can see this whole thing is stressful, why don't you take the documentation home and bring it back once you’re done?” Shirly Temple offered.
“That would be great,” Spike interrupted, swiping the small stack of papers from the desk. “Thanks for your help everyone.”
“It is no problem at all,” Shirly Temple exclaimed.
“Congratulations by the way,” Mayor Mare offered.
“Thank you mayor,” Rarity murmured.
“I still say this is ridiculous,” Stupid Law remarked. “A happy marriage is such a rarity these days that you’d have to do something crazy like spike his coffee every morning just to stay married.”
Spike inhaled deeply, only to have his muzzle clamped shut by Rarity.
“I am not doing this for even a moment longer,” Rarity muttered. “Come along darling.”
Spike grumbled, but reluctantly followed after his partner, muttering to himself the entire way out of the building.
“Well then. That's over with,” Rarity muttered.
“Wanna grab a bottle of wine, and of those premaid salads from the grocery store for dinner?” Spike asked.
“Better make those two bottles,” Rarity replied.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Twilight knocked firmly on the door to carousel boutique before taking a step back and glancing to her partner. Like her, Trixie wore a bulging set of saddle bags upon her back, though unlike Twilight, the other pony was smiling blissfully. Seemingly unbothered by their relationships recent rough patch, Trixie stared up at the sky, watching the clouds.
“What a wonderful day for a trip,” Trixie remarked. “Thanks for including me on your little expedition Twilight.”
“I… yes of course,” Twilight muttered. “I thought a getaway would do us all good.”
“That and we gotta make sure Rarity and Spike stay organized, right?” Trixie added, bumping her hip against her partner’s.
Twilight chuckled. “Yes. I’m fairly certain they’ll be okay but a little extra assistance wouldn't hurt.”
“Trixie is just glad we get to see the town Rarity has selected and find more affordable accommodations,” Trixie continued. “I doubt either one of us will be able to afford a room at such a fancy place.”
“I might,” Twilight muttered. “So long as my stipend check comes in before then.”
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “You’re still getting those?”
“I am still Celestia’s number one student, you know,” Twilight proudly replied.
“That you are. Also the hottest too,” Trixie exclaimed, wiggling her eyebrows at the other mare.
“Well you don't know that…” Twilight muttered. “You haven't even seen the others.”
“I don't need to,” Trixie declared. “None can stand against the beautiful and kind Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh my,” Twilight murmured. “You’re laying it on a little thick today, huh?”
“Well I was just thinking that while Rarity and Spike are doing their business we could see a few sights,” Trixie reasoned. “It wouldn't be a true vacation, but it could at least be an afternoon away from it all.”
“That would be nice,” Twilight admitted. “And so long as the others don't need our help I don't see a reason why we couldn't take a few hours to walk around.”
“Exactly,” Trixie stated, wrapping a hoof around Twilight's shoulders and pulling her in close. “This could be exactly what we need.”
“Okay, but what about-” Twilight's worries were cut short when the door opened and a rather frazzled pair of creatures stood before her.
Rarity had a backpack over her chest, and half of a donut sticking out of the side of her mouth. Spike wasn't much better off, and had one of the worst cases of bed head either mare had ever seen. On top of all that neither Rarity nor Spike seemed as though they had slept the night before and had deep circles under their eyes.
“What happened to you two?” Trixie inquired.
“Just a… minor tiff, darling. Nothing to worry yourself over,” Rarity replied, taking off her backpack before putting it on correctly.
“I’m not a fan of losing our savings,” Spike exclaimed.
“Here we go again,” Rarity muttered before eating the rest of her donut..
Spike sighed. “No, it's fine. Your hormones are just… a lot.”
“On that we agree,” Rarity declared.
“Soo… are we still going?” Trixie asked.
“Of course. Twilight, would you mind leading the way? I don't know if I could make it to the train station without running into something,” Spike mumbled.
“Err sure,” Twilight muttered.
“Good, that gives Trixie time to finally figure out this stupid box,” Trixie declared, the mare using her magic to retrieve a familiar cube shaped puzzle from one of her bags.
“You still have that thing?” Rarity asked. “I thought you would have thrown it out.”
“But think about it. There could be anything in there,” Trixie retorted. “Maybe even a powerful artifact of some kind.”
“Or some cursed thingamajig that stupid old jerk couldn't sell,” Spike pointed out.
“I hate to be a stick in the mud but it's probably that last one,” Twilight added.
“You all are going to be jealous when the great and intelligent Trixie figures out this puzzle and is rewarded for her efforts,” Trixie declared while turning the box around in her magic.
“Well let us know when you get it open. I wanna be ready to deliver an epic I told you so,” Spike exclaimed.
“You all are just jealous of Trixie,” stated the show mare. “Trixie will show you all.”
“Annnd there,” Rarity declared. “Your hair is perfect.”
The dragon placed the rest of her hair care supplies back into her bag and tucked them under the seat. With that done she sat back down, and was about to add something to her statement when she heard Trixie curse under her breath. Glancing across the cabin Rarity watched as the showmare continued to twist and pull at the puzzle box which so confounded her.
“You didn't do it all the way up like last time, right?” Spike replied.
“See for yourself,” Rarity exclaimed, pulling a mirror from her bag.
Spike took it in his magic and inspected himself closely, a smile immediately springing to his tired features. Sure enough, Rarity had not given him the usual hair style, but rather something much less labor intensive to manage. Two small strands of hair hung down either side of his face while the rest was tied back into a tight ponytail.
“Not bad,” Spike murmured. “You should wear your mane this way some time.”
“I admit, it is rather nice,” Rarity remarked, the dragon tapping her chin curiously. “There is a unique charm there, and it would take such little maintenance.”
“I think it looks good on you, Spike,” Twilight offered.
“Yes yes I bet it's beautiful,” Trixie muttered from the seat across from them.
“Are you going to fiddle with that thing the entire way there?” Twilight inquired in a slightly exasperated tone of voice.
“Trixie shall work until the work is done,” declared the show pony.
“Eh it's fine. This is going to be one long train ride anyway,” Spike remarked with a shrug.
“Speaking of which. Did you have a hotel in mind for tonight?” Rarity asked, glancing at Twilight. “I thought that it would be best to call it an early night and pick it up in the morning.”
Twilight nodded. “Of course. There is a nice, but still affordable hotel down near the docks which I thought you’d like. I think it's called ‘the view’ or something.”
“I think I remember seeing a brochure from them. That's the one that overlooks the beach, correct?” Rarity inquired.
Twilight nodded. “It is.”
“That sounds kinda nice,” Spike muttered. “Any plans on how to spend what little evening we’ll get?”
“Well I was thinking we could get some food, but-” Twilight began, only to be interrupted.
“Aha, I’ve got it!” proclaimed the show mare. “And you doubted Trixie’s brilliance.”
“So what's in it?” Spike pressed. “Is it something cool?”
“I don't know,” Trixie pulled back the lid of the box and peered inside. “How disappointing. It's only a fancy necklace.”
“Show us, show us,” Rarity urged.
Trixie replied by pulling the peice of jewelry out and displaying it for everyone to see. Resulting in a chorus of oohs and awws while the small group stared intently at the expensive looking necklace. A rather long, well crafted length of gold chain dangled from Trixie’s hoof, the bright emerald stone spinning gently, captured the light.
This green orb was encapsulated by a section of gold that resembled a clawed hand reaching down from the top. The back of which sprouted a thin loop that in turn bound it securely to the length of chain. Though slightly garish in appearance the orb more than made up for it in eye-catching brilliance and nearly everyone who looked at it found themselves mesmerized by it.
“That is so cool,” Spike gushed.
“Don't put it on yet,” Twilight cautioned. “We need to check if it's cursed.”
“Why would it be cursed?” Trixie exclaimed. “It's a gift for tricking someone into getting cursed. That seller may be a grifter, but even he wouldn't be so foolish as to try the same trick twice.”
“We don't know that for certain,” Twilight replied.
“If it isn't cursed…” Rarity began, licking her lips. “Maybe we should talk about who's going to get it.”
“What do you mean who's going to get it? You said Trixie could have it,” Trixie proclaimed, hugging the necklace against her chest.
“That's before we knew what was inside. This changes things,” Rarity retorted.
“You can't do any take backsies, it's mine!” Trixie yelled.
“Everyone calm down,” Twilight interrupted. “Just give me the necklace so I can run a few tests.”
“No,” Trixie stated. “Youre just going to give it to Rarity once you’re done.”
“I mean, it was a gift to us,” Spike added.
Trixie, Spike, and Rarity all engaged in a lengthy staring contest, one which Twilight was too annoyed to care about. The peace was broken when Rarity leapt at Trixie, her hands reaching towards the necklace. Spike wasn't far behind, and Trixie had to scramble to escape their prying hooves or hands.
“Get off Trixie you thieves!” Trixie shouted. “It's mine!”
“You’re the thief here, it's mine!” Rarity bellowed.
“Actually I think it's mine,” Spike added.
“You guys are being ridiculous,” Twilight deadpanned.
Despite the cutting remark Spike, Rarity and Trixie continued to scramble amongst each other. Trixie tried to escape, but her attackers were quick to hold her down while the one tried to grab the necklace. In desperation, Trixie threw the gold chain over her neck in order to better hold on to it.
A flash of light stopped all three of them dead in their tracks and they stared down at the strange peice of jewelry. Which after it finished glowing, shrunk rapidly, contracting until it was tight against Trixie’s neck.
“Ach, it's choking Trixie!” Trixie shouted.
“It is not,” Spike retorted. “It's not even that tight.”
“Trixie hates things being on her neck. It makes her feel icky,” Trixie retorted.
“Wait, why were we fighting again?” Rarity muttered, scratching the side of her head. “I can't even remember.”
“I think we wanted the necklace,” Spike answered.
“You were under a minor want it need it spell and now that Trixie’s wearing it she won't be able to tell a lie,” Twilight explained. “Now the necklace has bound itself to you and can't be removed until the wearer utters their deepest truth aloud.”
“Wait, how did you learn all that?” Spike asked.
Twilight waved a thin white sheet of paper. “There was a note on the bottom of the box. See? It explains everything.”
“So it does,” Rarity murmured, her eyes flicking over the note.
“Why didn't it affect you?” Spike inquired.
“Because I have experience with that particular spell,” Twilight muttered, clearing her throat. “But that doesn't matter now.”
“Right, so all I have to do is tell a truth and this thing will stop choking me?” Trixie inquired while tugging at the chain binding her neck.
“It has to be your deepest truth. Or at least that's what it says on the paper I found” Twilight responded.
“So think about it for a minute. Really contemplate what your deepest, darkest truth is,” Spike offered.
“Deepest truth, deepest truth,” Trixie muttered while scratching her chin.
The cabin was quiet for nearly a minute, with the only sound being the soft click clack of the train.
“Okay I got it,” Trixie proclaimed.
“Great, what is it?” Twilight replied.
“It's… a bit embarrassing so you must promise not to tell anyone else,” Trixie stressed.
“Of course. It wont leave this room, right Spike?” Rarity exclaimed.
“Yeah sure, whatever,” Spike flippantly replied.
“Alright, then here goes,” Trixie took a deep breath. “Trixie peed the bed until she was eleven years old.”
Once more the cabin was quiet, though not nearly for as long as before, due to Spike erupting with laughter after a few seconds.
“Bwahahaha. The great and powerful Trixie was a great and powerful bedwetter? Oh that's too funny,” Spike exclaimed.
“It is not funny,” Trixie hissed while blushing hard enough to turn her entire face red. “Trixie had a bladder prob- anxiety.”
“That's okay, you don't have to lie,” Twilight offered, patting the other pony on the back.
“Trixie is not lying. She really did have a- fear of separation that manifested as an uncontrollable bladder,” Trixie exclaimed only to slam her hooves over her mouth.
“Oh dear,” Rarity murmured.
“I think you should stop talking hun,” Twilight whispered.
“For once, Trixie thinks less is more,” Trixie murmured.
“So I guess that didn't work,” Spike exclaimed, wiping a tear from one of his eyes. “Got any other dark secrets we should know about? Did you perhaps believe in Santa Claws for a strangely long time?”
“Trixie… has nothing to say on that topic,” Trixie exclaimed, turning her nose up in disgust.
“You totally did, didn't you?” Spike continued to tease. “Was it thirteen, no it has to be longer. Sixteen?”
“No, you are- correct,” Trixie growled and hopped up from her seat. “Stop messing with Trixie, this is a very traumatic moment for her and you are not helping.”
“I’m sorry,” Spike immediately replied, raising his hooves. “I’ll dial it back now.”
“You better,” Trixie muttered.
“Maybe we could order some refreshments from the cart when it comes through again?” Rarity offered.
“That sounds great. Trixie would really like- to be held,” Trixie declared, only to immediately begin sobbing tiredly. “I just wanted something to drink- and be held.”
“There there. We’ll order something for you,” Twilight placated, wrapping a hoof around her girlfriend's shoulder. “In the meantime would you like to lay your head on my lap?”
Trixie nodded mutely.
“It's going to be okay,” Twilight whispered as Trixie laid down andplaced her head on Twilight's thighs. “Tonight we’ll brainstorm a way out of this silly curse and things can go back to normal. You’ll see.”
Spike leaned in close and whispered in Rarity’s ear. “Something tells me this isn't going to be fixed anytime soon.”
“I don't think even Trixie knows what her deepest truth is,” Rarity replied in a low tone.
“It would be funnier if it wasn't so sad,” Spike remarked.
“Don't tease the poor girl too much,” Rarity cuationed.
“I won’t. As far as I’m concerned were even now,” Spike stated.
Rarity hummed. “She did have a few rather biting remarks about our own situation.”
“That she did,” Spike agreed.
“Maybe just a little more teasing,” Rarity offered.
Spike chuckled. “I’m way ahead of you.”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“You know I barely noticed it on the ride into town last night but this place is truly beautiful,” Spike exclaimed.
“It really is, isn't it?” Rarity mused aloud.
Together the pair looked out over the sleepy seaside village where they were staying. Behind them lay vineyards a plenty, a few poorly maintained roads and the odd farm. In front of them was the majority of the town which was itself perched atop the side of a cliff that overlooked a long beach and a vast expanse of water.
The buildings were old, and had been painted either a bright white, a soft teal or a light yellow color akin to gold. True roads were few and far between due to how steep the town was, meaning stairs were common. Winding around the many stone homes, these narrow paths followed the same color scheme as the rest of the village.
“I can see why you wanted to have our wedding here,” Spike declared.
“That's nothing, direct your attention southward for a truly stunning vista,” Rarity stated confidently.
Spike followed her gaze, and immediately felt himself nod in agreement. “That sure is something,” he agreed.
Sitting at the edge of town, on a rocky outcropping jutting from the clifftop, was a very large and very old building. Constructed almost like a small keep, the expansive structure was unlike anything Spike had seen before. One part mansion, one part castle, it was stunning, yet strangely intimate in a way that he couldn't quite explain.
“Looks a little different from the post card you had,” Spike remarked after several seconds of silence.
“Nothing can truly compare to the beauty of the Belmond,” Rarity declared.
“Are you two gonna stand around and gawk all day or what?” Trixie shouted from further down the street. “Trixie wants to go sightseeing with her girlfriend!”
“We’ll have plenty of time to do that after we help these two secure their reservation,” Twilight pressed.
Trixie huffed. “Trixie doesn't know why you are so intent on being there. Rarity has proven to be an excellent public speaker, and quite convincing.”
“Well you never know,” Twilight cautioned. “I can be rather persuasive when I need to be.”
“As much as I appreciate your presence, Twilight. I don't think we’ll need you to pull any royal favours for us,” Spike offered.
“You never know, Spike! Sometimes the presence of Celestia’s student can help sway things,” Twilight retorted.
“If anything it will be Trixie’s sterling personality that will- probably make things worse,” Trixie proudly exclaimed only to curse under her breath.
“Lets just go see, hmm?” Rarity offered, extending a hand. “We may not need any conniving, or convincing.”
“Yes, let's,” Spike declared.
“This place reminds me of mother’s vacation home near Manehatten,” Trixie exclaimed, reaching out to touch a suit of armor standing next to the entrance.
Twilight was quickly to take her hoof before it reached the finely polished steel. “I think this place is a bit more luxurious than that.”
“It's close,” Trixie replied. “Mother always was a fan of this sort of mixing styles and ages.”
“As if anyone’s private home could match the decadent yet quiet majesty of the Belmond ,” Rarity declared, stopping to do a spin with her arms astretch in the middle of a room.
Which was itself rather impressive, with a pair of sweeping sets of stairs travelling up to the second floor. On either side were hallways leading off to different wings of the grand estate while straight ahead lay an enormous set of double doors that went deeper. Everywhere the small group looked there history was on display next to more modern sculptures, paintings and decorative additions.
Ponies were everywhere, though none gave the small group a second glance or looked away from their destination. Too enraptured with their own private discussions, and plans, it resembled Canterlot Castle in a lot of ways. The only thing that was different was the complete lack of guards, or visiting dignitaries from far off lands.
“Does anyone notice something off about this place?” Twilight whispered.
Trixie blinked and glanced around. “You mean other then it being snootier then an anteater convention?”
“Now that you mention it there are a lot of ponies around here,” Spike exclaimed.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “It's near a pony village, and in a land of ponies. Of course there are going to be more ponies here.”
“Quite right my dear,” exclaimed the posh voice of a unicorn who approached the group. “I’m afraid it's simply a matter of price, and personal bearing that bars most others from our most hallowed halls.”
The small posse turned to the new arrival curiously, and were mostly forced to look up at the towering unicorn. Standing nearly as tall as an alicorn, the stallion was so wiry thin he would have appeared malnourished if he wasn't so muscular. Wearing the traditional outfit of a butler complete with white bowtie, the male had a bearing that was far from servile.
His grey fur was immaculately groomed, as was the narrow pencil moustache that rested atop his upper lip. A well coiffed mane of sterling silver curled over the left side of his face, framing his polite, yet restricted smile well. Most poignant of his appearance were perhaps his bright lavender eyes, either that or the scar which ran over his partially hidden eye.
“You however, have the right air about you to fit our establishment. But where are my manners? I am Sterling Silver, at your service,” he greeted, bowing slightly.
“It's nice to meet y-” Spike began, only to be interrupted when Rarity cut in front of him.
“Rarity, Rarity Belle,” exclaimed the fashionista.
“The designer, yes?” Sterling inquired. “I would have thought you’d be a bit… shorter.”
“Yes, well. We’ve had certain… issues which have complicated matters,” Rarity murmured.
“We got cursed and forced to swap bodies,” Spike deadpanned, extending his hoof. “Spike, the dragon. I’m Rarity’s fiance.”
“Ahh yes. I’ve heard so much about you, mister the dragon,” Sterling exclaimed, brushing Rarity aside to shake Spike’s offered limb. “You must tell me all about what it was like to grow up in Canterlot Castle. Why I bet you have quite the selection of salacious stories.”
“Well I don't mean to brag,” Spike began.
“Hold that thought my friend, the introductions have not quite concluded,” Sterling Silver exclaimed, turning to Twilight. “Welcome to you as well Twilight Sparkle, and… company.”
“I am the great and powerful Trixie,” Trixie proclaimed in a dramatic fashion.
“I can't say I’m acquainted,” Sterling replied.
Trixie frowned. “I’m Twilight's girlfriend.”
“Ahh then I must congratulate you, and admit my disappointment,” Sterling declared. “My cousin had quite the crush on your beau back in the day.”
“Cousin… you mean you’re related to those Silver’s?” Twilight asked.
“Silver Hammer, Sparkling Silver, and Silver Sliver, yes,” Sterling Silver exclaimed with a disgusted look. “I may not agree with them but you can't choose family.”
“Ain't that the truth,” Trixie muttered.
“Now before I end up bothering you endlessly with my burning curiosity I must ask what brings you here today?” Sterling Silver asked, taking a step back and eyeing the group curiously.
“As my darling Spike mentioned, we are to be wed, and this is the Belmond ,” Rarity exclaimed.
Sterling Silver’s eyes lit up. “How wonderful! I had a budding suspicion but you know what they say about assumptions.”
“Very true,” Rarity agreed.
“Come. Let us discuss this somewhere more private,” Sterling Silver offered.
“Lead away,” Spike replied.
“There we are. All settled? Would you like me to fetch a fourth chair for you, miss?” Sterling asked.
Trixie waved a hoof dismissively. “Don't worry about me. I like standing.”
“Very well,” Sterling adjusted himself in his faux leather seat and set his forehooves up on the expensive looking mahogany desk. “Now then. Normally I’d ask about your financial situation, and go through all the rigamaroll but I think we can confidently skip all that.”
“That would be most kind of you,” Rarity exclaimed, the dragon wincing as she shifted uncomfortably in her too small seat.
“Perhaps we should launch right into the dates you have available?” Twilight offered, glancing equally to the stallion as she did her companions. “I believe they were hoping to expedite this a little.”
“We don't do shotgun weddings here, miss,” Sterling exclaimed.
“Nor would we want that!” Rarity quickly interjected. “We plan on experiencing the full breadth of the Belmond’s offerings as it were.”
“It's just a condition of breaking the curse, and I’d rather do it sooner rather than later,” Spike exclaimed, leaning forward. “For obvious reasons.”
Sterling Silver nodded gravely, and knowingly. “I understand completely, sir Spike.”
Spike tapped his nose and nodded.
“So if you could perhaps let us know the earliest possible date that would be great,” Rarity added.
“Well I’d temper your expectations if I were you. I don't mind giving it a look but I can't promise anything,” Sterling Silver warned.
“We’d appreciate it regardless,” Twilight exclaimed.
Sterling Silver nodded, then leaned to his right, pulling open a drawer and reaching deep inside. A second later he returned with a large manilla envelope and set it down on the table with a heavy thump. He then licked his hoof and began to leaf through the contents at a rapid pace.
“This month is right out, as is the next, and the one after that but four months from now is…. Booked,” Sterling Silver murmured.
“Lady Lillybelle the third?” Trixie muttered.
Sterling Silver immediately pulled the envelope a little higher. “I’m terribly sorry but please avoid looking at the contents. I wouldn't wish to accidentally leak the list of our clients or their addresses.”
“Sorry, just curious,” Trixie replied.
“Now then, as for five months from now, that is… also booked,” Sterling Silver continued, flipping through page after page with minimal pause. “It seems as though we are booked completely for the next thirteen months. I could possibly get you in on… June thirteenth.”
“Of this year?” Spike asked in a hopeful tone.
“What do you think?” Sterling Silver replied.
Spike sighed. “Can't blame a guy for hoping.”
“Well this isn't… unexpected,” Rarity muttered. “Perhaps we should take this reservation?”
“I am not being you for over a year,” Spike deadpanned.
“Are you sure there isn't some other solution?” Twilight offered, intejecting herself between the couple. “Maybe I could chat with Celestia and have her RSVP to the event.”
“Not even the princesses themself could order you a reservation,” Sterling Silver stated camly. “We take our clients incredibly seriously and I’m afraid that nothing short of a cancellation from another guest will change our status as booked solid.”
Trixie got up, and lit her horn, though no one noticed her move.
“Maybe we could do something to help along the way?” Rarity offered. “Like say a series of illusions or perhaps a polymorph spell? That could help you tide yourself over until next year.”
“That's not feasible,” Twilight explained. “Polymorphing someone only lasts for a few hours, so I’d have to reapply the spell multiple times a day, every day for the next year.”
“The strain would be immeasurable. We can't take this reservation,” Spike stated.
Rarity raised her hands defensively. “Lets not jump to conclusions. We should talk about this more.”
“May I suggest that you do so outside of my office? Perhaps a walk through the gardens will help clear the air as it were,” Sterling Silver interjected.
“Oh uh, right,” Twilight muttered. “Lets not occupy the good stallion’s time any longer.”
Though there was some grumbling, the group exited the office, with Trixie leading them out. Once they had exited the structure, and were no longer surrounded by other ponies, they paused.
“Now I know what you’re going to say,” Rarity preempted. “But we should talk about this and really discuss this whole thing.”
“No,” Spike stated clearly. “I am not being you for over a year and that's final.”
“I don't think there is a solution other than simply taking your business elsewhere,” Twilight offered.
“I don't know about that,” Trixie interjected, waving a large folder in the air. “It seems as though there is another option right here.”
“Wait, is that the list?” Spike muttered.
Trixie grinned. “That old codger didn't even notice me swiping it out from under his nose. Not exactly difficult given how high in the air he holds that thing.”
“Trixie that's stealing,” Twilight whispered in a low tone. “We can't do that.”
“It's not stealing if we return it,” Trixie retorted. “All we need to do is politely ask a few people on here and maybe if we’ll get lucky one of these couples can be convinced to reschedule.”
“I don't know…” Spike murmured.
“We’ll do it!” Rarity exclaimed, swiping the folder from Trixie’s magic.
“Augh. You can't be serious!” Spike groaned.
“I am most definitely serious,” Rarity exclaimed, her nose already deep into the folder. “There are even a few ponies in town so we might even be able to return it by tonight!”
“At least someone appreciate’s Trixie’s selfless actions,” Trixie exclaimed.
“Well you two have fun with the questionable ethics of your actions. I am going to give Trixie here a lesson in said ethics,” Twilight exclaimed while pulling Trixie away by the hoof.
“What? Why? Trixie has been nothing but kind and magnanimous,” Trixie declared.
“Don't worry Trixie. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll understand,” Twilight replied.
“Trixie is scared and- aroused!” Trixie shouted, only to immediately cover her mouth with both hooves.
Spike rolled his eyes and turned to Rarity expectantly. “You can't seriously be thinking of following through with this insanity.”
“What? It's already stolen, it's not like us keeping it for a few hours would make things worse,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Yeah, it kinda would,” Spike deadpanned.
Rarity sighed. “How about this? We’ll borrow it for the day and if no one in the surrounding area is willing to give up their reservation we will deliver it back to Silver safe and sound by the time they close tonight.”
Spike nodded. “Deal.”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“So… This is the first place, eh?” Spike remarked.
Together the pair looked up at the enormous, weirdly foreboding mansion built atop a large hill. The wall which surrounded it was tall, made mostly of stone and topped with black iron spikes that were fancy, but still quite effective. The gate itself was flanked by two enormous statues of deer with their hooves raised high into the air.
The building beyond was also rather imposing, and a bit out of place given the close proximity to the ocean. Tall, made primarily from wood, with the primary colors being a mix of green and brown, it looked like it would be at home in a more wooded area.
“It almost looks like a hunting lodge only, like really big and really fancy,” Spike exclaimed.
“The Northwest family apparently lives here,” Rarity replied, flipping through a sheet of paper. “There aren't many notes in here, just that they want everything to be quote unqoute, exactly as it was last time.”
“Huh. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained,” Spike declared before pressing the button next to the gate.
In the distance they heard the distant din of a very large bell that announced their arrival loud enough for half the town to hear.
“Ominous,” Spike muttered.
“Did you need something, sir and madam?” asked a male voice.
“Bwah, where did you come from?” Spike exclaimed, stumbling back from the aged stallion who had appeared out of nowehre.
“The gardens, sir,” answered the butler in a slightly exasperated tone.
“Err yes,” Rarity declared. “We were hoping to discuss mister and missus Northwest’s reservation at the Belmond.”
“I’ll fetch the lord and lady,” declared the stallion.
He then turned and departed, trotting at a quick yet leisurely pace back towards the mansion. Leaving Rarity and Spike to look around the rather grand interior of the majestic home.
“Expensive, yet rather gauche,” Rarity remarked. “Talk about flaunting their wealth.”
“At least everything isn't gold plated,” Spike added.
“True,” Rarity agreed.
“Oh good, the help has arrived in order to confirm our reservation,” declared a tall, thin earth pony stallion with a prominent moustache.
“Wonderful darling. I was so looking forward to our third wedding later this year,” added a unicorn mare whose nose seemed permanently raised upwards.
The male had a brown mane which was parted to the left, and his white fur could barely be seen under a well pressed black suit. He also wore a white undershirt, a tie the shade of an evergreen’s quills and sharp onyx shoes on his hooves. The mare he was joined by had a similar fur color mostly rendered invisible due to the purple dress she had on. Her ears were adorned by diamond studs, and her face was caked in makeup intent on making her eyes more visible.
“Strange. I’ve never seen you two working at the Belmond,” remarked the stallion.
“We don't work there,” Spike explained. “Were actually here to talk you into giving up your reservation.”
“You see we’ve been cursed,” Rarity continued. “He's in my body, and i'm in his but if we get married we’ll switch back, but we need a reservation.”
“Your reservation,” Spike finished.
For a moment there was silence, then both of the other ponies erupted with laughter so loud that Spike stumbled back a step. The stallion stomped his hoof and cackled, joining his partner who giggled like she had just been told the funniest joke ever uttered. They continued to guffaw until the point that both Rarity and Spike began to feel slightly ashamed, as well as a little annoyed.
“Oh that is a good one,” exclaimed the stallion as he wiped a tear from his eye. “I don't think I’ve ever laughed that hard in my life.”
“Not since that cart full of orphans fell off the pier,” added the mare.
“Oh that was quite amusing,” replied her partner.
“We are not joking,” declared Spike. “We need this to-”
“What you need is a mane stylist dear,” offered the mare. “In fact, why don't you take this down to the corner of third and main. There is a wonderful little peasant boutique that could spruce up that mop of yours.”
The other unicorn then tossed a pair of bits at Spike, who stood there indignantly and let them bounce off his chest.
“We don't want your money. We just want your reservation,” Rarity reiterated.
“Oh and the jokes don't stop!” shouted the stallion.
“We aren't joking,” Spike stressed.
“Tch, how disappointing,” muttered Mrs Northwest.
“Yes, quite. I’m afraid we are all out of charity at the moment so if you wouldn't mind taking your poorness elsewhere that would be just great,” exclaimed Mr Northwest.
“Now listen here,” Rarity began, gripping the fence tight in her claws. “We’re trying to be nice, and I don't know why you are being so rude.”
“And I don't know why you are still here,” exclaimed the snooty unicorn. “Perhaps they should be escorted off the premises, hmm?”
“Good idea. Barnaby! Release the hounds!” shouted the earth pony.
“Come on Rarity, let's get out of here,” Spike whispered, tugging at his partner’s tail.
“No. I am not leaving until I have that reservation,” Rarity declared.
“Oh good. It's been so long since I’ve purchased the dogs a new chew toy,” remarked Mr Northwest in a disinterested tone.
The distant sound of barking could be heard echoing over the hills and quickly coming closer.
“Let's get out of here. There are more on the list,” Spike hissed.
“No,” Rarity replied. “These people have been quite rude and I will not-”
“Hold on a second,” Spike remarked. “One of my bandages came off.”
The unicorn paused to use his magic and reapply the thick band of gauze and medical tape that bound his right foreleg. He then paused and looked over the rest of his bandages, as well as other coverings to ensure he hadn't bled through any of them. With that done, he looked up to find that Rarity was standing there with a bitter look on her face, one arm scratching at her covered chest.
“Don't pick at it,” Spike hissed.
“But it's so hard,” Rarity whined. “How did those mere dogs even bite through my scales anyway?”
“Well you haven't exactly been keeping proper nutrition so your scales are probably a bit weak,” Spike pointed out.
Rarity sighed. “I can't help it. Gems taste good but they aren't something I think about when I’m hungry.”
“Just be glad they didn't get anything vital,” Spike muttered. “Now then. Who's next?”
“A mister Corleone,” Rarity replied. “What a fascinating last name. Do you think he is from the old country?”
“I don't care if he's from the moon. Lets just go ask him about his reservation so we can get this over with,” Spike muttered.
“No need to rush darling,” Rarity warned. “His house is just up ahead.”
Again the pair found themselves in front of another mansion, only this one overlooked a mighty vineyard. Though empty of workers at the moment, such an establishment would likely command an entire army of staff to properly man. An army which likely could have all stayed within the sprawling, white walled villa which lay at the end of the long driveway.
“Nice place,” Spike remarked. “Real cultured. Unlike that last one.”
“It is quite pleasant, but do you get the feeling you’re being watched?” Rarity whispered.
Spike looked around and shrugged. “Not really, why?”
“No reason I guess,” Rarity murmured.
The pair trotted up to the entrance, but were stopped before they could reach the door, a tall stallion stepping in front of them.
“What is your business here?” he asked, the mustachioed male peering intently at the pair.
“I’ll handle this, darling,” Rarity offered. “My name is Rarity Belle, and this is my fiance Spike. We are here to discuss the reservation at the Belmond with a mister Corleone.”
“Rarity, I don't think this is a good idea,” Spike whispered.
“Hush darling. It will be fine,” Rarity whispered back.
“Hmm, that sounds important. I’ll bring ya right to the boss,” declared the stallion.
“Thank you very much,” Rarity exclaimed, glancing down at Spike in a slightly gloating manner, to which Spike merely rolled his eyes.
Together they were led into the large home, their burly guide leading them further and further into the house. Revealing more wealth, and historical artifacts then most small museums could boast.
“There sure are a lot of knives,” Spike muttered.
“The boss likes his relics,” replied their guard.
“Well he seems like quite the collector, and with such wonderful taste,” Rarity added.
“Yeah if you like the macabre,” Spike whispered to himself as he passed by a rather gruesome painting of a pony eating someone else.
“Wait here,” commanded the stallion in a firm tone.
“Err okay,” Spike murmured.
The pair stood patiently outside of a small circular room at the edge of the mansion. Through the glass door they could see what looked like a smoking room, one which prominently featured a large oak desk. Behind it sat an earth pony stallion with black fur, gold eyes, and a short mane of silvery hair.
Together he and the other stallion spoke for several seconds before the first male appeared once more.
“You may enter,” he exclaimed, pulling open the door and beckoning into the room.
“Why thank you,” Rarity replied.
“Err ya,” muttered Spike.
Rarity and Spike strode inside, coming to a stop on the other side of the desk. Now standing before the other stallion, the dou were surprised to find that he was stroking a cat in a slow, loving manner.
“I’m told you’re from the Belmond. Is there a problem with my reservation?” asked the mystery stallion in a calm, low tone. “It was my understanding that my message was received.”
“Oh uh. I’m not sure about that but were actually here to ask a favor of you,” Rarity began.
“You come here, talking about the day of my daughter’s wedding. Asking for a favor?” replied the stallion, an eyebrow raised.
Spike gulped. “Well we don't want to inconvenience you so if you’re busy here then we can just-”
“Nonsense,” Rarity interrupted, flashing the stallion a smile. “I’m sure if mister Corleone here is a reasonable stallion.”
“I have been told as much on occasion,” murmured Mr Corleone absently.
“Well you see, my fiance and I have been body swapped by a curse,” Rarity began, gesturing from herself to Spike and back again. “In order to break that curse we need to get married and I’ve always wanted to get married at the Belmond.”
The earth pony raised a hoof suddenly, cutting off Rarity’s speech. “I’ve heard enough.”
Rarity’s eyes lit up. “Oh, really? Well that's quite generous of you-”
“You want someone removed from the list as it were,” he continued, tapping a hoof against the desk. “Yet you are a stranger, I don't know you.”
“I’m Rarity Belle, and this is Spike,” Rarity replied.
Spike waved awkwardly. “Hi.”
“What I’m trying to say is that you’re not a part of the family,” Mr Corleone explained. “We may know one another’s names but that does make us kin and I only do favors like this for blood.”
“Oh I totally understand,” Rarity replied. “We came here in hopes of convincing you to give up your reservation but if it is for your daughter’s wedding I simply couldn't get in the way of young love.”
The earth pony nodded slowly. “You have made a wise decision this day, Miss Rarity. Now, I’d appreciate it if you saw yourself out.”
“Of course, of course. Thank you for your time,” Rarity exclaimed, bowing slightly.
With a nod, the stallion at the door opened it once more, and the pair were ushered through the house again. This time their trip ended at the entrance to the home, where their guide stood impassively with a neutral expression. Spike only gave him one last glance before pulling Rarity away at a quick, yet unhurried pace.
“Great work back there Rarity,” Spike whispered. “I wasn't sure how we were going to get out of that one.”
“What are you talking about? Mister Corleone was an absolute gentlecolt,” Rarity replied.
“Hes a gangster Rarity,” Spike retorted. “You know, a real mafioso type.”
“I mean sure he has a nice house, and has a bunch of burly stallions waiting around his property who all call him some kind of variation of boss- but…” Rarity trailed off for a moment. “I think I see what you mean.”
“Let's just keep going,” offered Spike.
“Yes, let's,” Rarity agreed.
“Are you sure this is the place?” Spike asked. “It's already getting late and I don't want to wander around town any longer than I have to. My hooves are killing me.”
The unicorn gazed down at the small, single storied structure sitting away from the rest of the town. Squat, and with a slanted roof, it wasn't quite run down, but neither did it seem like it was in good shape. An eaves trough drooped, a few shingles were beginning to come loose, and though clean there were clear repairs left to do.
“Lady Gaval, and Fine Line, three hundred fifteenth street,” Rarity read aloud. “This is the place.”
“Lead on then I guess,” Spike offered.
Rarity nodded mutely and strode forward, making her way up to the door with a hand raised. After knocking twice, the dragon stepped away. They didn't have to wait long for an earth pony mare with a two toned orange mane reminiscent of a creamsicle answered the door.
Standing slightly shorter than even Spike, she had bright purple eyes beneath which were deep bags. She also wore the simple, yet professional collar that some office workers or clerical staff usually sported. The earth pony was slightly on the thin side, though her bright green fur remained lustrous.
“Good evening,” greeted the mare in a slightly masculine tone. “How can I help you?”
“Good evening to you as well. My name is-” Rarity began.
“My name’s Spike, this is Rarity, we got cursed and forced to swap bodies. To break the curse we need to get married, and we want to get married at the Belmond,” Spike interjected. “They are booked however. Would you be willing to part with your reservation?”
“Spike, have some tact,” Rarity whispered.
“I’ve heard you give that spiel a dozen times today. I don't have the patience to sit through it again,” Spike retorted.
“Still,” Rarity replied.
The other mare merely sighed, and stepped inside, extending a hoof. “I’d prefer to talk about this inside. Would you like some coffee, or perhaps tea?”
“Some green tea would be lovely right about now. Thank you,” Rarity answered, bowing slightly as she entered the low room.
“Coffee, black,” Spike added.
“Sure, take a seat,” offered the earth pony, who gestured to an empty table in the center of a rather small, cramped dining room.
Again, like the exterior of the home, everything was relatively well maintained and clean but in slight disrepair. It made both Rarity and Spike think that the ponies who lived there were poor, but not definitely not lazy. There were also a few pictures hung against one of the walls, ones which showed off two mares with forelegs hooked together. In addition there were two sets of family portraits, one with what looked like a noble family and the other a more rural group of mostly earth poneis.
Spike seated himself at the table, while Rarity took one look at the chair and decided to seat herself on the floor next to it. Before either of them could open their mouths to inquire about their new hosts, a new pony appeared from a hallway. Wearing a very old, but well cared for and rather fancy green dress, the unicorn’s face immediately lit up the second they landed on Rarity and Spike.
“We have guests. Why didn't you tell me we were entertaining?” exclaimed the newcomer in an excited tone.
“They just arrived and were not expected,” answered the first mare.
“Then go sit, talk. I’ll fetch the refreshments,” replied the second mare.
“Green tea and black coffee,” offered their original host.
“Good choice. I’ll see if I can't find a few of those crumpets from this morning in the fridge,” added the other unicorn.
The first mare merely nodded and seated herself across from the new arrivals.
“So,” she began. “You want our reservation.”
“If you would be so kind. Though if it's too much trouble then don't worry about it,” Rarity quickly replied.
“The truth of the matter is I can't afford the down payment so the reservation is yours. I just haven't had the heart to finally cancel it. I admit I’m a bit curious about your situation though,” inquired the mare.
“Oh thank the stars,” Spike muttered, sinking into his chair with an exasperated sigh. “You have no idea what a relief it is to hear you say that.”
“Well, it's as Spike said,” Rarity began. “We are cursed, and forced to swap bodies. I am usually a unicorn while my fiance is a dragon.”
“But how exactly did that happen?” pressed the mare.
“I bought some rings I shouldn't have,” Spike replied, reaching up to tap the band around the base of his horn.
Rarity displayed the finger which bore its twin. “Though beautiful, Spike forgot to read the fine print as it were.”
“I was just too happy I found something that beffitted her beauty,” Spike added.
“And I do love them,” Rarity declared.
“Huh. You know I dealt with a bunch of cases that involved curses of that magnitude in the past, but I never really sat down and talk to the afflicted before,” remarked the cream haired pony.
“Oh, are you a lawyer?” Rarity inquired.
“Judge,” replied the mare, turning to the side to reveal the gavel that was emblazoned upon her flank. “Just don't get the chance to work much since my fiance’s health began deteroriating.”
“What happened?” Spike asked rather bluntly.
“If you don't want to say that's okay,” Rarity hastily added, shooting Spike a quick glare.
“No its-” the earth pony turned to the hall just as the other mare returned with a rather fancy silver platter loaded with goods.
“I found a few biscuits and a bit of jam at the back of the cupboard. I hope you like strawberries,” she exclaimed.
The other unicorn’s magic fluctuated just as she was about to set the platter down on the table. Thankfully her partner was swift to catch it, and deftly put it down before anything could spill.
“Oh I’m terribly sorry about that my dear. It seems as though my horn is a bit on the fritz today,” muttered the unicorn rather guiltily.
“It's no problem, my love. Now before we get any further I believe introductions are in order. This is my amazing fiance, Fine Line,” offered the cream colored mare.
Fine Line bowed low, and did an exaggerated curtsy the kind Rarity had only ever seen old nobles do.
“Tis a pleasure,” Fine Line offered.
“And my name is Lady Gavel, as you are no doubt already aware of. Given that you knew of the reservation,” added Lady Gaval.
“My name is Rarity Belle, and this is my fiance, Spike,” Rarity replied, gesturing from herself to Spike.
“Howdy,” Spike greeted.
“Rarity Belle! Like, the designer?” exclaimed Fine Line in shock.
“Yes, that's me,” Rarity answered. “I got cursed and swapped bodies with my draconic partner.”
“Oh I do hope you get swapped back, or that you keep making dresses,” Fine Line gushed, shakily pouring a cup of tea for Rarity and pushing it towards her. “I have been such a fan of your work.”
“Fine Line keeps up with all the latest fashion and she’s always wanted to get something custom from you,” added Lady Gaval.
“I just wish I had the extra funds to purchase one of your masterpieces. Oh well, I’m sure mother will send me my stipend any day. For now I’m just happy to spend my days with you, my dear,” Fine Line declared, nuzzling Lady Gaval’s cheek affectionately.
“And I enjoy every second I spend with you, love,” Lady Gaval replied in a low tone.
“Oh but where are my manners? I did not get you two plates!” Fine Line exclaimed in shock.
“Why don't you get the fine china from our room,” Lady Gaval offered.
“Good thinking. Fine company deserves fine china,” Fine Line replied with a giggle before trotting away.
After the other mare left, Spike put down his cup of coffee and leaned across the table. “So what exactly does she have?”
“Spike,” Rarity hissed. “I know you are tired but do be a bit less forward.”
“Its fine,” Lady Gaval replied with a shrug. “And to answer your question, it's complicated. Fine Line came from a very old family of blue blooded ex royals who were none too happy when they found out we were dating.”
“You don't mean they put her through conversion therapy?” Spike whispered.
Lady Gaval nodded slowly.
“What in Equestria is that?” Rarity asked.
“They tried to make her straight,” Spike answered.
“It wasn't technically illegal back then, only extremely frowned upon,” Lady Gaval remarked. “Thankfully that changed, but unfortunately it wasn't dealt with soon enough. Now she struggles to remember where she lives some days and believes she is still a princess.”
“One of Twilight's classmates was put through the same thing. Not because he was gay but just because they thought he was,” Spike added. “Poor guy just really enjoyed theatre.”
“The process wasn't a pleasant one, and though she never stopped loving me, the mind magic they used threw a wrench in things,” Lady Gaval explained.
“That's horrible,” Rarity whispered.
“It was,” Lady Gaval agreed. “Worse still is the fact that she can't remember any of it so she still thinks her family loves her and hasn't disowned her.”
“Dear! Could you lend me a hoof please? I seem to be having some trouble,” shouted the voice of Fine Line.
“Sorry, just a second,” remarked Lady Gaval before she stood up and walked away.
Once alone, Spike released a sigh. “Well that's a sad story. At least we got our reservation though. Now we can return the ledger thingy before they close and get out of here without having to spend a second night. I’m sure there's a night train we can grab”
“Yeah, that's great,” Rarity muttered, her gaze lingering on the hallway.
“Don't worry. I’m sure once we get back to Ponyville we can do something nice for them. Maybe send them a dress or maybe I can talk to Twilight about any research into helping Fine Line,” Spike offered.
“I have a few ideas myself,” Rarity added.
“Sorry about that,” offered Fine Line as she was helped into the room by Lady Gaval. “My hooves get a little achey sometimes and it's hard to get around without a little help.”
Lady Gaval gently placed the china down on the table using her mouth.
“It's no trouble at all,” offered the judge.
“Now then. I hate to be a nosy Nelly, but I simply must ask about your fall line,” Fine Line exclaimed, her hoof twitching as she grabbed a biscuit for herself.
“Oh of course. Ask away,” Rarity encouraged.
Spike gave his partner a sidelong glance, and shrugged, mentally readying himself for a long, and probably boring discussion he wouldn't likely have much of a part in.
“Well you see it's about the length of the dresses,” Fine Line continued. “Now I know the more voluminous kinds were in style, but some of yours nearly went all the way to the ground. How is a mare supposed to walk around when-”
“Thanks again for all your hospitality!” Rarity called, waving back at the two mares standing in the entrance to the home.
“It was lovely,” Spike added.
“No thank you. Your company was as unexpected as it was welcome,” Fine Line replied.
“Feel free to stop by anytime you find yourself out this way,” offered Lady Gaval.
“Now hurry along, you two. It's getting late!” Fine Line shouted.
“We will, good night,” Rarity yelled back.
Spike and Rarity exchanged one last series of waves with the two mares before walking away. In front of them, on the horizon, rested the setting sun, its pale rays covering the world in a dull orange glow. Beyond that there was a long dirt road before them, one which at the end, lay their hotel and most likely, Twilight and Trixie.
“Well that worked out well. If a bit sad,” Spike remarked. “I sure hope there is something we can do for them.”
“I have something in mind,” Rarity replied.
“Oh, what's that? A dress, maybe a new wardrobe? Donations?” Spike inquired.
“No. I…” Rarity hesitated a moment before taking a deep breath. “I want to pay for their wedding, and to make their wedding dresses. I’m sure a talk with Twilight will help their financial and medical situation.”
Spike nodded slowly. “I half expected you to say something like that. Fine Line would certainly appreciate living out her dream of being treated like a princess.”
“They are both so kind, and loving,” Rarity whispered. “If anyone deserves a big fancy wedding it's those two.”
“You’re saying we don't deserve something like that?” Spike replied, smirking up at his partner.
Who chuckled. “We deserve something that we would both be happy with. Like a ceremony on Applejack’s farm, with all of our friends.”
“Settling again eh?” Spike teased.
“Settling would be if I chose Blueblood or one of his ilk,” Rarity retorted. “I’ve already got my knight in shining armor and my happily ever after.”
“Well you don't have that last thing,” Spike pointed out.
“Not yet anyway,” Rarity replied.
Spike nodded. “So what's the plan then?”
“We return the folder, apologize to the coordinator, pay for their wedding and then go find Twilight before she starts worrying,” Rarity answered.
“Before she worries anymore you mean,” Spike retorted.
Rarity giggled. “True.”
“And then what? We go home and send them a letter informing them of what we did?” Spike pressed.
“Yes,” Rarity stated. “I don't want to make this about us, so something impersonal like a letter will allow them to have this moment all to themselves.”
“You really are the most generous pony around,” Spike remarked.
“No,” Rarity replied with a smile. “I try to be though.”
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
“That certainly was an… interesting trip,” Twilight muttered as she stepped off the train and onto the platform.
In the distance, just above the horizon, sat the morning sun, its rays beginning to warm Ponyville and its inhabitants. Which now included Trixie, Rarity, and Spike who were quick to join Twilight on the platform, their luggage clutched tight in their grasp. A few fellow travelers darkened the small, poorly lit platform, but none gave the small group a second glance.
“Trixie is glad we were able to get such an early train,” Trixie exclaimed, stretching upon exiting the train. “That hotel room was warm, cramped and smelled vaguely like fish.”
Twilight sighed. “I told you we should have put the AC on sooner, and closed that window.”
“Why stay near the ocean if you are not going to enjoy the sound of the waves?” Trixie retorted, the group walking into town together.
Rarity smiled. “Well you two may not have had a good sleep, but Spike and I sure did, isn't that right darling?”
“You could say that,” Spike agreed. “I was out like a light last night. Thank goodness we ordered room service because I don't think anything but the smell of food could have woken me up.”
Rarity chuckled. “No kidding. That bed may not have been perfect, but everything else was just… immaculate.”
“Yes, things did turn out quite well didn't they?” Twilight mused, flashing Spike and Rarity a smile. “All thanks to you two and your incredible generosity.”
“Oh we just did what anyone in our circumstance would,” Rarity dismissed.
“Trixie would not do that, she is far too poor,” Trixie offered, only to wince. “Trixie did not mean to offer that out loud.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Just remember to let everyone know about the change of plans, okay? I don't want anyone going all the way out there only to find out that's not where the wedding is.”
“We should probably go see Pinkie Pie first,” Spike offered. “I’d hate for her to plan everything only to have to change it immediately.”
“A good point,” Rarity agreed. “We should deposit our overnight bags at home, and seek out an early lunch. What do you think Twilight, would you like to join us?”
“I think we’ll pass,” Twilight replied. “I have a lot of restocking to do at the library, and I was hoping to get a bit more time with Trixie.”
“Trixie agrees. She would very much enjoy spending her afternoon with her favorite book worm,” Trixie added, bumping her hip against Twilight.
Rarity chuckled. “Then we will leave you two love birds to find your own.”
“Don't do anything I wouldn't,” Spike added.
“I’ll try not to,” Twilight replied while rolling her eyes.
With that the group split in two, with Twilight and Trixie heading towards the library while the other pair of lovers headed in another direction. They quickly lost sight of one another, with Twilight and Trixie disappearing behind a large house not long after they went their separate ways. The dou were silent for a few moments, both quietly enjoying the fact that they were home, and that they had concluded their business.
That lasted until they had deposited their bags at home, and nearly arrived at sugarcube corner.
“Do you think she will be upset with us?” Spike asked somewhat nervously. “I know it's Pinkie Pie we are talking about here, but we might be asking her to throw out a lot of work.”
“I am sure she somehow saw this all coming and will be totally unsurprised by this sudden change,” Rarity replied.
Spike nodded quietly as he pushed open the bakery door and stepped inside. “Very true, though I suppose there is only one way to find out?”
“Oh find out what? If there really is a teapot orbiting the planet?” Pinkie Pie asked from behind the counter.
“I mean, it's possible,” Spike replied.
“But can you prove it? That's the question,” Pinkie Pie retorted.
The dragon turned pony scratched his chin, while his partner merely rolled her eyes and walked the rest of the way up to the pink mare.
“We come bearing bad news,” Rarity began. “I’m afraid that our situation has changed and that we will be having the wedding here in Ponyville. Likely at Applejack’s farm, provided she allows us use of the premises.”
“Wait, why is that bad news?” Pinkie Pie remarked, scratching her head. “Doesn't that mean you save like a whole bunch of money, and don't have to go anywhere?”
“Well we thought it would be bad news because you might have had to throw out a bunch of work you’ve already done,” Spike explained.
“Nah. I had a feeling that you were undecided about something so I decided to hold off until that feeling went away,” Pinkie Pie declared.
“That's wonderful!” Rarity exclaimed. “We were worried that you’d have to start all over again.”
“Like our retirement fund,” Spike added with a grim chuckle.
“Noper doper!” Pinkie Pie began, only to stop suddenly. “Wait a second. Why would you have to start saving all over again? I thought you werent going to have your wedding at that frou frou place?”
“We paid for someone more worthy to have their wedding there,” Spike explained.
“You really should meet them, they are wonderful ponies,” Rarity added. “They really have been dealt a bad hand so to speak.”
“Wait a second!” Pinkie Pie shouted, leaping atop the counter. “Are you telling me that in a fit of guilt you paid for someone else's wedding using your retirement fund?”
“Uh, yeah,” Spike replied with a shrug.
“Stay right there. I’ll be right back!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed before sprinting up the stairs so fast she left behind a cloud of pink smoke that vaguely resembled her.
“So uh, what do you think that was about?” Spike asked, turning to Rarity.
“Probably something to do with her Pinkie sense, you know how it is,” Rarity answered.
Spike hummed to himself. “It is rather amazing how good she's gotten at predicting things. I know not to think about it too hard but it makes me wonder if we really do have free will.”
“Best not wander too far down that particular road, for there lies madness,” Rarity sagely declared.
“Too true. I still get nightmares about that time that Twilight tried to prove that the future was pre written using Pinkie Pie’s predictions,” Spike muttered, shuddering fearfully to himself.
“You would have thought she would have learned from the first time,” Rarity added.
“No kidding. She probably earned more than a few gray hairs from that one,” Spike exclaimed.
“Aaaand here it is!” Pinkie Pie shouted, the speedy pink blur reappearing a second later with a stack of papers in hoof. “Exactly what the doctor ordered!”
“Another biopsy then?” Spike joked.
Pinkie Pie giggled and shook her head. “Nothing quite so invasive. Unless you count the invasion of bits that are going to be deposited into your account.”
Rarity blinked owlishly. “Explain.”
“Gladly,” Pinkie Pie opened the stack to a seemingly random page and pointed to a large block of words. “Part ninety three subsection four of my super party insurance plan states thusly.”
Pinkie Pie cleared her throat. “Those covered by this plan will be able to claim up to ninety percent of the cost of their wedding should it fall under any of these three parameters. One, they find out their partner is actually queen Chrysalis herself.”
“Oh yeah I remember that one coming in handy with Luna,” Rarity remarked.
Spike shook his head. “It's a shame how that ended up.”
“Or two,” Pinkie Pie continued. “One or more of the betrothed is hit by a meteor and cannot attend the wedding ceremony. Or finally, three. They agree to pay for the wedding of a stranger out of their own pocket due in large part to a feeling of guilt. This is only applicable if that money was intended to be someone’s retirement fund.”
Pinkie Pie grinned at the two shocked faces of her friends. “Pretty cool huh? You don't have to spend much at all.”
“That's amazing,” Spike muttered.
“Pinkie Pie you are a genius!” Rarity proclaimed. “How on earth did you know that was going to be useful?”
“Oh, just a feeling,” Pinkie Pie replied.
Spike turned and grabbed Rarity’s face in his hooves. “Do you know what this means Rarity?”
“We can still retire before we turn eighty?” Rarity answered.
“That too, but also, we can afford to go all out,” Spike exclaimed. “We can do all the fancy stuff you wanted without blowing the budget. This can be the wedding of your dreams after all.”
“I’ll be marrying you, so it will already be the wedding of my dreams,” Rarity replied with a soft smile.
“Daww, that's adorable,” Cooed Pinkie Pie.
“Yeah it's real cute, now could you order something already?” demanded a white unicorn stallion standing behind the pair.
“Oh uh, right,” Spike cleared his throat. “I’ll get a black coffee and a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese, please.”
“I’ll have the same but with crushed rubies on my bagel,” Rarity added.
Pinkie Pie giggled. “Two orders, and one awesome party, coming right up!”
“That was actually really nice,” Trixie exclaimed. “A little short, but still fun. We’ll have to go back again sometime and really see the sights.”
“Yes I’m quite glad we got the chance to go, even if we didn't really get the chance to help Rarity and Spike,” Twilight added.
Trixie scoffed. “Those two don't need nearly as much help as you seem to think they do.”
“I suppose,” Twilight reluctantly admitted. “It's just hard to think of Spike as anything but that young dragon I hatched all those years ago back in Canterlot. Now he's as old as I was when I arrived in Ponyville, and has a whole life.”
“And a soon to be wife,” Trixie declared.
Twilight nodded slowly. “I suppose so.”
The pair were quiet as they walked back to the Ponyville library, with Trixie staring off into space while Twilight looked down. Both were deep in thought, though Trixie was considering what she was going to have for lunch while Twilight wasn't quite so focused on the present. Rather she was considering her future, as well as the future of her partner, Trixie.
“Hey Trixie,” Twilight nervously began. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course. You may ask Trixie anything you desire,” Trixie replied.
“Well it's just that all this talk about getting married has gotten me thinking,” Twilight continued, nervously looking away from the other pony. “I’ve personally always wanted to get married, and I know you haven't exactly been open to talking about it but I want to know.”
“What I think about Spike and Rarity getting married?” Trixie replied, the mare grinning a bit too wide. “I think it's great, even if the age difference is a little wide, they are both adults and Spike is very mature.”
Twilight frowned. “That's not what I was going to say. I wanted to ask if you could ever see yourself marrying-”
“A dog? No way. That would be crazy!” Trixie all but shouted, laughing aproproriasly at her own unfunny joke.
“I want to get married!” Twilight yelled. “Why won't you at least talk to me about it?”
“Because Trixie is scared,” Trixie admitted. “And Trixie- I. Don't know what to do.”
Twilight stopped at the entrance to the library and turned to the other unicorn, fixing her with a knowing look.
“Trixie. I know your parents had some relationship issues, but it doesn't mean we will. That doesn't mean we will end up like them,” Twilight pleaded.
“I know,” Trixie muttered, her gaze falling to the ground. “It's just difficult not to worry about it. They rushed into it so quickly, and tried to make it work so hard that when it finally collapsed everything exploded.”
Trixie sighed. “I don't want that to be us.”
“It wont,” Twilight declared, touching a hoof to the other mare’s shoulder. “Because we won't rush, and we genuinely care for each other.”
“True,” Trixie admitted.
“I love you Trixie Lulamoon,” Twilight whispered.
“I-” Trixie bit her tongue, and winced. “I know.”
For a moment hurt and confusion warred on Twilight's face, before all at once, hurt won. Tears sprang to her face, and with a cry she ran inside, leaving Trixie alone, standing just outside the library. Left with only her regrets, and a sense of dread that burned like cold fire in her chest, Trixie stared down at the ground.
“Even with this stupid curse you still can't say it, can you Trixie?” asked the unicorn to herself. “How is it that you can stand in front of a crowd of hundreds without batting an eye but can't stop fidgeting the second she looks at you.”
The unicorn sighed bitterly to herself and began to trot back towards her wagon which was parked nearby.
“You are so stupid,” she muttered.
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
Spike hummed to himself as he worked in the kitchen, his magic levitating a half dozen things in the air at once. A feat that would have been impossible for him only a week ago was now second nature for the ex dragon. Delicate instruments, plates, cups, utensils and food all flowed around him, landing in their designated positions.
Coffee was brewed, while snacks were assembled, and in no time at all the young male had created quite a banquet. With his job all but done, he was free to go back into the main area of the Ponyville library, but he hesitated to do so. There was some strange nostalgia from working in the cramped, somewhat claustrophobic kitchen he had grown used to.
All the old marks were still there, including the cabinet hinge that squeaked like a mouse getting stepped on. It was comforting to return here, though the male certainly didn't need to be comforted at the moment as he felt wonderful. With nearly everything on track, and little up to chance, he felt like it was just a matter of time before he got his life back.
Then he could get back onto the important task of just living again.
“Alright, let's get the girls fed and watered,” Spike remarked aloud.
Trotting out of the kitchen with his floating pots of coffee or tea and several plates of tiny sandwiches, Spike made his way back into the living room. Where he saw the majority of the others were already assembled, though Rainbow Dash was still not present. A glance out the window revealed that there were no multi hued contrails visible so the pegasus wasn't about to arrive.
Spike didn't mind, as despite the speedster’s predilection to being fashionably late, she rarely forgot about previous engagements. So Spike continued on, trotting over to the large circular table, around which sat three long, well loved couches. With a small application of magic, everything was arrayed before the various guests all seated comfortably in the aged furniture.
“There you are,” Spike exclaimed. “Did anyone need anything else?”
“This looks wonderful. Thank you Spike,” Fluttershy exclaimed, eagerly grabbing a cucumber sandwich for herself.
“Nah, looks good to me,” Applejack added while pouring herself some coffee.
“Thank you again Spike,” Twilight whispered.
“Oh I really hope Rainbow Dash comes soon,” Pinkie Pie whispered, the pony adding several heaping spoonfuls of sugar to her coffee. “I can only stay excited for so long.”
“Yes, you didn't have to do all this,” Rarity declared.
Spike shrugged. “It's fine. You know I’m not much a planner anyway.”
“Err speakin of which,” Applejack began. “Why exactly did y'all invite us all down here anyway? You’ve been a might bit cagey about how your little trip went and what's happening with your whole wedding deal.”
“I don't suppose you could push the date back on that, could you?” Fluttershy whispered. “Old Mister Bear is going to need an operation soon and I don't know if I’ll have enough bits.”
“Don't worry about that,” Rarity replied. “We’ve taken care of that little detail.”
“How did-” Applejack started to say, only to be interrupted when the front door flew open and Rainbow Dash flew inside.
The pegasus skidded to a stop, kicked the door closed behind her and trotted up to the couches. “Sorry about that. A couple rogue clouds were rolling in from the Everfree so I had to bust 'em right quick,” Rainbow Dash explained, flopping down into the couch.
“Oh thank goodness you’re here. I don't know if I can hold onto this secret for even a second longer!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“Wait, what secret?” Rainbow Dash muttered through a mouthful of sandwich.
“They chose to have their wedding somewhere closer,” Twilight replied.
“Very close, actually,” Rarity added, glancing expectantly at Applejack. “Provided your offer to host is still on the table.”
The farmer gently put her coffee cup back down and laughed aloud. “Of course it's still on the table, but I never thought I’d see the day you took me up on that.”
“Why the change of heart?” Fluttershy inquired, looking directly at Rarity. “Last I heard you were quite dead set on having the ceremony out at the fancy place.”
“They found a couple who had a reservation, but couldn't afford to actually have their wedding there so Rarity and Spike paid for the whole thing,” Pinkie Pie blurted out. “But don't worry, my insurance covered them so not only do they get to do a nice thing for some deserving ponies but they also aren't broke.”
“That pretty much sums it up,” Spike remarked. “Rarity realized that it wasn't about where we were having it, and I didn't learn anything.”
“Nice,” Applejack exclaimed, exchanging a hoof bump with Spike before they both bit into a sandwich.
Rarity merely rolled her eyes. “Even though the majority of the self discovery was done by myself I still feel as though this is one journey we took as a couple.”
“I do feel a lot closer to you,” Spike admitted.
“Well that sounds wonderful,” Fluttershy gushed, only to wince. “Oh my. Does that mean you have to redo all of your planning again Pinkie Pie?”
The party pony shrugged. “Nah. I can just use the back up plan I wrote up in case Applejack and Rainbow dash got married. It doesn't take much adjustment to make it fit for Rarity and Spike.”
Rainbow Dash spat out her coffee, a blush crossing her face. “What?”
“Err that doesn't seem too likely,” Applejack muttered, her hat pulled down nearly over her eyes. “Not like I’m saying that would never happen or nothing.”
Twilight giggled. “Don't think about it too hard. Pinkie Pie has a lot of plans.”
“Oh yeah, hundreds,” Pinkie Pie declared, waving her sandwich around like she was showing off her many file cabinets full of party ideas. “I’m ready for anything. Even a good majority of the XK class end of the world scenarios.”
“XK whatsits?” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“That's just one of Pinkie Pie’s classifications,” Twilight dismissed. “And also not the point.”
“Right, y'all were wanting to have yer wedding at the farm,” Applejack murmured while scratching her chin. “What day were ya thinking? Cus as soon as we take care of the harvest it should be just about perfect.”
“Oh that would be so pretty,” exclaimed Fluttershy. “With all the leaves turning color, it would be a wonderful time for a wedding.”
“We were thinking of another month,” Rarity answered, glancing at Spike. “We are both eager to get back into our own bodies, but we also didn't want to get in Applejack’s way.”
“Or make people cancel plans,” Spike added. “This is a big, and sudden change after all.”
“Well I’m in whenever,” Rainbow Dash declared. “I get to make the schedule and the only big thing I got coming up is another convention in Canterlot, but that is in like a week or so.”
“I’ll be there,” Fluttershy stated. “I don't have anything important other than mister Bear’s surgery and that wont be for a while.”
“We’ll iron out more details in the coming days, but I think we were thinking of the twenty-seventh, right?” Twilight prompted.
Rarity nodded. “Indeed it is.”
“Oh I’m so excited!” Pinkie Pie all but shouted, the mare vibrating in her seat. “I liked the challenge of planning a party halfway across the world, but this is definitely going to be even more awesomer.”
“No kidding. The less train rides and bits wasted the better,” Rainbow Dash added. “Now I don't have to pick up those extra shifts for the Cloudsdale weather team.”
“You were going to do that for us?” Spike asked.
Rainbow Dash snorted. “Of course. What do you take me for, a flake?”
“I don't think anyone assumed Rainbow Loyalty Dash was about to bail on anyone,” Rarity stated.
“Damn straight!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed before biting into another sandwich.
“Oh this is just so wonderful,” Fluttershy repeated, the mare giggling excitedly. “I was already excited but now I am absolutely thrilled. Though I am curious about this other group of ponies Pinkie Pie mentioned.”
“Oh yeah,” Rainbow Dash added, clopping her hoof on the table. “What made you change your mind? Please for the love of the stars tell me it was because Spike talked Rarity out of it.”
“Not exactly,” Spike replied.
“Oh? Do tell?” Applejack urged.
Rarity smiled. “We found a wonderful couple who had fallen on hard times. There were some… medical issues that they were struggling with and suffice it to say, they deserve something nice.”
“So we paid for their whole wedding,” Spike declared. “Which was kind of convenient, not going to lie.”
“It is the premier wedding destination in the world you know,” Rarity replied.
The couple exchanged a look followed by a peel of laughter.
“Oh that's funny,” Spike murmured while wiping a tear from his eye.
A sudden knock on the door turned everyone’s attention to the entrance of the library, their conversation falling away. Replaced by curiosity the second Trixie poked her head inside.
“Hey Twilight have you seen my…” Trixie began, only to stop. “Woah. What are you all doing here?”
“We were discussing the recent change in venue,” Rarity explained.
“Oh uh, cool,” Trixie murmured. “Did any of you happen to see a thick red book by chance? I wanted to practice some spells.”
“It's on the nightstand up stairs,” Twilight all but whispered. “I’ll get it.”
“You don't have…” Trixie frowned as Twilight trotted hastily up the stairs.
Leaving everyone else to sit in a long, awkward silence that was broken by a confused Pinkie PIe.
“Wait, why does it feel so tense all of a sudden?” asked the party pony.
“Me and Twilight had a… talk,” Trixie muttered.
“Didn't seem like a good one,” Applejack pointed out.
Rainbow Dash glared at the illusionist openly. “You didn't break our book worm’s heart did you?”
“Yes- no,” Trixie winced. “It's complicated.”
“Well uncomplicate it,” Applejack demanded.
“Now Applejack. We shouldn't pry,” Fluttershy cautioned.
“Here it is,” Twilight declared, trotting down the stairs and hoofing over the heavy red tome. “Is there anything else you need?”
“Err I just wanted to speak to Rarity for a second,” Trixie replied, avoiding Twilight's gaze. “Alone, if possible.”
Rarity blinked owlishly. “Err okay. Whatever is it about?”
“It's private, just trust me,” Trixie replied, the unicorn physically struggling to not spit out the truth without thinking.
“Well alright then,” Rarity murmured.
Together the dragon and the pony walked outside, leaving the others to sit and snack in relative silence. Conversation wasn't even attempted, everyone was either too curious or otherwise distracted to try. That was until Rarity returned a minute later with a confused smile on her face, and without Trixie.
“What was that?” Spike asked.
“I’ll tell you later darling,” Rarity answered. “It's just something to do with the wedding.”
“She isn't trying to wreck nothin is she?” Rainbow Dash inquired.
Rarity shook her head firmly. “Quite the opposite darling, quite the opposite.”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“Do you think Spike would like this one?” Rarity asked.
The dragon held a long flowing dress over her draconic body, its many frills and lacy accents highlighting her large muscles. The almost maid-like outfit looked a bit ridiculous on the form of the well-built dragon. Made even sillier by the fact that her arms likely wouldn't even fit into the narrow openings the dress provided.
“I’m not sure that one would work without… extensive alterations,” Coco Pommel politely exclaimed.
“Right, of course. Spike wouldn't want to look back at his wedding and see himself wearing something so girly anyway,” Rarity muttered.
She placed the dress back on the rack and reluctantly walked over to the tuxedos and began flipping through them. Coco Pommel couldn't ignore the frown that came to Rarity’s face, though the pony was too polite to say something. Instead, she simply began searching out for something a bit more feminine that may belay a bit of Rarity’s disappointment.
“Aha, this looks nice,” Coco Pommel offered, pulling out a black and white suit. “It has a bit more of a slim build to it, and the open-faced front is a bit more dresslike in appearance.”
Rarity hummed, hand on hip and head cocked to the side. “It's not bad. Just a bit, plain you know? Black and white is the standard, yes but add some accents or something.”
“Are you sure you want a tuxedo then? I don't know how many you are going to find that have the color you want,” Coco Pommel remarked.
“I…” Rarity sighed. “Let's keep looking. I know that there is something out there. Something that I’ll be happy wearing and Spike will be happy seeing on his body.”
The pair were distracted by the audible thump of two dozen dresses getting dropped on the floor next to them. The diminutive store clerk stood up, wiped his brow, and straightened his back.
“Here are all of the dresses you want to see, miss,” he offered.
“Oh, we’ve moved on from dresses. Now I’d like to see the most colorful tuxedos you have,” Rarity replied.
The male sighed. “Right away madam.”
“So, why isn't Rarity making your clothes?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Spike didn't pause his search through the rack of dresses while responding to his friend’s question. “It's simple. She would go insane. You remember how she got when it came to outfitting Celestia’s wedding right?”
Rainbow Dash blinked and glanced over at the unicorn. “You're telling me it would be even more pressure than making the dresses for the bloody princess?”
“Yes, actually,” Spike replied. “It's a different kind of pressure and one we’ve both realized would hamper her enjoyment of her big day. At least this way she doesn't have to think about it and can just let someone else handle it.”
“I mean I guess. Rarity’s quite the perfectionist though,” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“Oh she’ll probably end up altering them a bunch but I get to okay every change before she does them,” Spike explained. “Ooh, this one is perfect. I think Rarity will love it.”
Rainbow Dash looked down at the dress Spike had chosen and immediately frowned. “Are you sure? It's huge, like something out of an eighteenth-century costume ball.”
“It's perfect,” Spike exclaimed, levitating the dress in a lazy circle, allowing him to see it from all sides. “It's royal, it matches her fur and mane. It's got all the accents she likes, it's immaculate.”
“It's also got a corset, a tail bind, and enough straps to make it look like a damn straight jacket,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
Spike rolled his eyes. “That hardly matters. It's what Rarity would want, thus it is what she will get.”
“Alright dude, but when this goes sideways I’m gonna say I told you so,” Rainbow Dash declared.
“Just help me with this bodice already,” Spike snapped.
“What do you think is taking them?” Coco Pommel asked.
Rarity released the hold she had on her nails and paused mid-pace to stare back at her assistant. For a moment the words didn't even register in her mind, then all at once, the dragon realized what had been said.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted. “Perhaps he is having second thoughts.”
“Maybe we should take this time to find something a bit more… you,” Coco Pommel offered.
Rarity blinked and looked down at the tuxedo she was currently wearing. Masculine to a fault, and fitted perfectly for a male of her size and stature, it was the absolute picture of the word standard. It wouldn't draw the eye of everyone present, but it was also nice enough that no one would remark negatively on its quality.
“What? Do you think this is something Spike wouldn't want to be seen in?” Rarity asked, turning this way and that. “I thought for sure I picked something that he would enjoy looking back on.”
“Well you did change your mind a few times,” Coco Pommel warned.
“I know I was a bit wishy-washy, but I had to do what Spike would have wanted. This is ultimately his body after all,” Rarity explained.
“Still. Maybe this whole seeing the dress thing early is a bad idea,” Coco Pommel offered.
“Nonesness,” Rarity dismissed. “I know it's bad luck, but given all, we’ve gone through it's best if we chose something together. As a couple.”
“Then why didn't you two do that?” Coco Pommel asked.
“But we are right now,” Rarity muttered, head cocked to the side.
Coco Pommel sighed. “Nevermind.”
“Oh look, I think they are coming,” Rarity remarked.
The pair looked over to the entrance to the small private fitting room at the back of the clothing store. The door to which opened and revealed a frowning, blue-faced unicorn trotting inside wearing the largest dress Rarity had ever seen. Puffing out at the hips it was so big in fact that it very nearly didn't make it through the doorway.
A grunt and a tug were enough to dislodge the thing, however, allowing Spike to enter the room fully. Which let Rarity see the full extravagance of the flowing multi-hued dress that her betrothed now wore. The topmost layer was a deep purple, while the one beneath was a very light gray, contrasting with Spike’s fur.
Voluminous, extravagant, and for lack of a better word, extra. It didn't look like something that had been made this century. Rainbow Dash appeared a second later, the pegasus carrying what extra cloth hung from the back of the ensemble. Once inside, the rainbow-maned mare threw the mess aside and kicked the door shut with an angry grunt.
“I sure hope Twilight gets over Trixie soon because I am not doing that again on your wedding night,” Rainbow Dash muttered resentfully.
“It's fine,” Spike wheezed. “I’m sure someone else can help.”
“Uh, are you alright?” Rarity gently inquired.
“I’m fine, how do I look?” Spike asked.
Rarity winced. “Like a princess.”
“Oh good I was-”
“You didn't let me finish,” Rarity interrupted.
“Uh, go ahead,” Spike offered.
“You look like a princess who is both incredibly uncomfortable, and who is about to pass out,” Rarity finished.
“I may have tightened it a bit too much,” Spike admitted.
Rarity walked over to her partner, and with a few swift tugs, loosened the tightly bound bodice. “Better?” she offered.
“Better,” Spike breathed.
“So. This is awkward,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“It uh, kind of is,” Coco Pommel agreed.
“I don't think either of us is happy with our choices,” Spike reasoned.
“No. I believe we were both thinking a bit too much about what the other wanted and not enough about what we want,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike nodded. “I think so.”
“Oh, that was quick. I thought for sure this whole thing would take a lot longer and that you two would argue a bunch,” Rainbow Dash remarked.
“Nah,” Spike replied with a shrug. “I think we’re kind of past that whole thing.”
“Besides. Just seeing Spike wear that ridiculous outfit was enough to make me realize that we both had the wrong idea about this whole thing,” Rarity added.
“Oh what a relief,” Coco Pommel muttered.
“Yeah, we should probably just wear what we feel like wearing,” Spike offered, glancing expectantly at Rarity.
Who nodded. “I agree wholeheartedly darling. Seeing you uncomfortable makes me feel terrible, and I want you to feel as handsome as I know you to be.”
“And I want you to feel radiant. Something that stuffy old suit can't really do,” Spike replied.
“But aren't you both in the other person’s body? Isn't that a bit awkward?” Rainbow Dash muttered while scratching her head.
“A little,” Spike admitted. “But not nearly as awkward as knowing that neither of us are comfortable.”
“I’m so glad we figured this out quickly,” Rarity exclaimed. “I think I’m finally about ready for all this drama to be over with.”
“Ha, me too,” Spike added.
“Don't you think that's a bit like tempting fate?” Rainbow Dash asked, leaning against a nearby clothes rack. “I mean you two don't exactly have a good track record with that kind of thing.”
“Err right. Let's just finish up here and get on with things,” Rarity murmured.
“What's next again, the rehearsal?” Spike asked.
Rarity sighed and shuddered, arms wrapped around her torso like she was hugging herself. “Oh I can't believe our wedding is only a week away. It feels like just yesterday we were coming back from our little trip and agonizing over what we should do instead.”
“No kidding,” Spike muttered, tugging at the straps under his dress. “Time is really flying by.”
“And thank the stars for that. Hopefully, once this is over you two won't be so gosh darned mushy all the time,” Rainbow Dash complained.
“What, scared of a little public display of affection?” Spike teased.
“Please, I don't- ugh yuck,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, sticking out her tongue.
Spike had leaped up and locked lips with his soon-to-be wife. Who took him in her arms, and carried him as they continued to passionately make out in broad view of everyone.
“You know they wouldn't do this so often if it didn't bother you,” Coco Pommel whispered.
“It just makes me a little jealous, okay?” Rainbow Dash replied in a low tone.
“Come on. Let's go get some lunch. I don't think those two are even listening to us anymore,” Coco Pommel exclaimed.
Indeed the dragon and the unicorn didn't seem aware of anything, the pair continuing to make out as they giggled like school children.
Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. “I need a drink.”
Author's Note
If you want to read the next updates for my biggest stories at the begining of the month rather at the end, or want to get a commission from me as well as access to patreon exclusive content, and the chance to submit story requests every month, head over to my patreon! patreon and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out! Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.
This update was made possible by the wonderful support of readers like you: Ech, Tailsic, Chrisb32, Nightwing, Tonoz, CoreyPeters, Thane, Renegade, Sunset Flash, Kyokimute, Monsterkittie, Louts Petals, Tacocat, Tom, MestreJ, Aang Slyver, Canary in the Coal Mine, Ceepert, Starless, Vi Watch, Facinus, M, Nfreak, Venerable Ro, Blade Tech, Cryil Shadeclaw, John Gonzales, Nightwing, Peter Coulthard, Srgtartman, Thane Kull, Victor, Dale, Dragons' Sheppard, Egery007, Gear change the earth pony, Ivar, James, Kali, Lich Lord Krosis, Menthol Qtip, Midnight Serenade, Mop Hop, Nathan Brown, Octavia Lowbar, Pacsik, Soundtea, Hannibal, Fiamgoku, Grub, Matias Duran, and Steven.
Swapping Scales For Suave
“No, no no,” Rarity muttered, tearing down a hanging vase. “These are supposed to be roses, the carnations go further in the back.”
“Alright, alright, sheesh,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Relax already.”
“I’ll relax when you listen to the simple instructions I laid out for you! This is My wedding rehearsal and I will not let anything ruin it,” Rarity bellowed, chest heaving.
Rainbow Dash sprinted away, leaving the angry dragon to glare daggers at her.
“Woah there girl. What's gotten into you?” Applejack asked.
“Its nothing,” Rarity barked, only to stop, breathe and repeat herself. “Its nothing.”
“Alright then. I think I’m gonna go give Spike a hoof lookin for that center peice thingy of yours. You sure your alright here?” Applejack pressed.
“I’m okay, just a bit of greed I think,” Rarity murmured. “I’ll be okay now. I promise.”
“Alright then. Try not to blow a gasket,” Applejack warned.
Rarity scoffed, and ran a hand over her scaled head. “I’ll be perfectly alright darling. Now go help my poor Spikey Wikey find that heart gem. It means ever so much to the both of us.”
“On it,” Applejack replied with a nod.
The farm pony trotted away, but stopped at the edge of the wedding area, her gaze lingering on the many decorations. It was beautiful, with vases hanging from the trees via ornate white ropes tied to the branches high above. Red flowers of several varieties dominated the area closest to the front, where an archway had been set up.
It was similarly decorated with more beautiful plants, the many budding flowers growing on the white slats of the arch. It followed the general theme of the wedding perfectly, complimenting the largely scarlet, purple, and white that could be seen everywhere. Everything from the table clothes, to the napkins were similarly color coded, and matched perfectly.
It was beautiful, to say the least, though still incomplete, with a few chairs having yet to be added to Spike’s side. Even the reception area was quickly coming together, with a number of ponies from town assembling the many folding tables. Volunteers were easy to come by, especially when word of the couple’s most recent act of generosity made the rounds.
All their friends were there, with hooves in motion, eager to assist Rarity and Spike with their big day. All save for Trixie, and Twilight. Oh sure the demure librarian had shown up, but she was currently staring back to town with a wistful expression on her face. The look made Applejack want to punch Trixie and comfort Twilight, but the farm pony did neither of those things.
Trotting away from the main group, she quickly found the pony she was looking for. Spike, still inhabiting Rarity’s body, was peering into the pig pen, a pensive look on his face.
“Ya find it?” Applejack offered.
“Not yet. I think it might be in the pig pen, but I’m trying to decide if it will be worth Rarity yelling at me,” Spike replied.
Applejack chuckled. “Yeah she was getting a bit bridezilla back there.”
“She’ll handle it. She’s helped me through enough of my greed moments over the years,” Spike replied, waving a dismissive hoof in the air.
“I suppose. You do have a might bit more experience when it comes to actually feelin those things though,” Applejack pointed out.
“And you know what would assuage her worries and help her get over the jitters?” Spike asked rehetoricly. “Finding the gem.”
“Yeah yeah. Now where did ya leave it anyway?” Applejack asked.
“It was supposed to be in one of those boxes along with the fine china but I found that it had been torn open,” Spike answered, gesturing to a pile of cardboard squares sitting nearby.
Walking over to it, and leaning down in front of one which had been chewed open, Applejack sighed. “Yup, thats Winona Junior,” Applejack declared. “I don't know what has gotten into that dog but she’s been hoarding every sparkling thing she can get her paws on.”
“Are ya sure your new dog isn't part dragon?” Spike asked with a smirk.
Applejack snorted. “At this point I wouldn't be surprised. Come on, I know most of her hiding spots. It shouldn't be hard to find out where shes got it stashed.”
“Lead the way,” Spike offered.
“Look, just stop fidgeting for a second,” Rarity demanded. “I need to put this pin on you.”
“But your making me nervous Rarity, and when I’m nervous I fidget,” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“Well hold still for just a little bit longer and… augh!” Rarity growled.
The dragon Gripped Pinkie Pie by the shoulder with a powerful clawed hand and held her in place. With her free hand, Rarity clipped the pin to the pony’s chest and released the hold she had on her friend.
“There,” Rarity declared. “Now you can run around all you want.”
“Well now I don't want to,” Pinkie Pie muttered.
Rarity sighed as she walked away, only to stop almost immediately. “No no no. Not like that, the chairs have to be further apart on Spike’s side. His dragon friends wont be able to sit comfortably if they are shoulder to shoulder like that.”
“What?” muttered Apple Bloom in confusion. “But this is how wide you said they should be.” she paused, pulled out a measuring tape and proved it. “See, three and a half inches.”
“Well I changed my mind. I thought the chairs were wider,” Rarity exclaimed.
“Well alright then. I’ll separate em a bit more,” Apple Bloom muttered.
“Good, and make it quick. The rehearsal is starting in an hour and everything must be set in place by then,” Rarity stated.
“Alright alright, sheesh,” Apple Bloom whispered to herself.
Rarity growled under her breathe, and stomped over to a nearby tree. Plucking a armload of decorations from the box sitting near the base of the plant, Rarity began arranging them. Vases were carefully slung from tree branches, and long streamers were strung between the trunks. She was about to move on to the next one when she heard the sound of arguing from nearby.
“Look I can handle it, okay? Just lemme go,” the distinct voice of Rainbow Dash declared.
“But Rainbow,” whined Fluttershy. “You don't need to rush. We have plenty of time and thats too many boxes.”
“The sooner we get this done the sooner we can get out of here now let… go!” Rainbow Dash demanded.
Rarity turned around to find that Rainbow Dash had piled her back high with boxes, each one of which was packed with brittle decorations. Ornaments intended to be hung from branches, candle holders to be lit once things started to get late. All that and more were sitting atop the perilous tower atop Rainbow Dash’s back.
Worse yet, she was trying to put another box atop the mountain, only Fluttershy was holding onto it. Rainbow Dash wasn't about to give up however, so the pair were tugging back and forth at the box with neither giving ground. As Rarity watched, the pillar of boxes wagggled this way and that, nearly falling over with every tug.
“Wait, don't move!” Rarity called.
“What?” Rainbow Dash asked, turning suddenly.
The quick movement was enough to send the entire mountain of boxes toppling to the ground. Rarity was faster still however, managing to catch almost all of them before they could break. One however, was not so lucky, and with a clunk, it landed atop the dragon’s head before falling to the ground.
Now lying belly first on the earth, Rarity breathed slowly, a vein in her forehead bulging visibly.
“Oh uh, hey Rares. Nice save there,” Rainbow Dash awkwardly complimented.
Rarity gently placed the boxes on the ground, stood up, dusted off her shoulders and then breathed deeply.
“There she is,” Applejack muttered.
Spike turned around to find Applejack’s butt sticking up from under the back porch of the apple family homestead. Crouching down beside the farm pony, Spike peered intently into the dark, searching for what Applejack had already located. Sure enough, there at the back was the furry face of a young puppy, her hoard of stolen treasures tucked under her tiny bulk.
Brown fur stuck straight up, the diminutive creature growling with all the might its impish form could muster. Spike was about to ask where Applejack had seen the gem, only to spot the thing near the back. Besmirched by mud, and a couple of teeth marks it was relatively undamaged, though it would require a thorough cleaning.
“Darn it. I can't get under there,” Applejack muttered, her hoof reaching out but not getting anywhere close to the defensive dog. “Come over here you varmint. You got plenty of toys inside.”
The dog merely growled, backing up until its butt hit the house.
“Just distract it. I’ll grab the gem with my magic,” Spike offered.
“Oh good. I thought for sure we’d have to get Apple Bloom to crawl under there again,” Applejack muttered.
“We should be fine. Just keep her attention for a minute,” Spike replied.
“On it,” Applejack declared.
The apple farmer then leaned down even further, a stick in her outstretched hoof.
“Come on Winona Junior, you did so good at your obedience lessons. What is going on here?” Applejack gently whispered, waving the stick around. “Have you been feeling left out or ignored, hmm?”
The coaxing distracted the puppy just enough for Spike to grab the gem with his magic. Then, before the furry critter even knew what was happening, her treasure was gone. Whisked away by Spike, who was now clutching the large heart shaped gem in his forelegs.
“Oh thank goodness. If I didn't come back with you Rarity would have killed me,” Spike murmured.
Winona Junior immediately went on the offensive, barking and sprinting at the thief who had plundered her spoils. Applejack was faster still however and scooped the puppy up into a tight hug before she had a chance to bite Spike’s ankle.
“Oop, there we go,” Applejack exclaimed, hoof rubbing the puppy’s back. “Now thats quite enough out of you missy. I didn't want to have to do this but I’m going to have to put you back inside until this is all over and done with.”
“Thanks Applejack,” Spike offered. “You really saved my bacon.”
“Just uh, don't tell tell anyone it was Winona Junior here. I don't want anyone to think shes a bad dog. Just a bit needy is all, ain't that right?” Applejack murmured, scritching the furry critter’s belly and causing it to forget completely why it had even been angry in the first place.
“Alright, we better get back now before-” Spike began.
He was interrupted by a loud, earth shaking roar.
“Oh no,” Spike muttered.
Applejack trotted back down the steps, the door closing behind her, sealing the sad puppy inside. “What was that?” Applejack asked.
“Greed growth. Something’s gone wrong,” Spike replied.
“Well we better get moving!” Applejack declared.
Spike nodded. “Right. Lets go.”
“This is my wedding!” Rarity bellowed.
The titanic dragon loomed over the entire area, her hulking frame eclipsing even the tallest of apple trees. Her spines had grown far longer, and she sported a tail nearly a block long. Not only was she enormous, easily larger then the apple family farm house, but flames constantly erupted from her nostrils.
“Mine, mine, mine!” she shouted.
Spike emerged from the treeline a moment later, immediately taking stock of the situation. Ponies cowered under the shade of the apple trees, save for Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Who were all standing before the towering form of Rarity, each one shouting something they hoped would calm the dragon down. Unfortunately all the yelling did was further confuse and anger the enormous lizard.
“Tiny things need to fix chairs!” Rarity yelled, her voice so powerful that it nearly knocked all three of her friends off their hooves.
“Wait here,” Spike ordered.
He didn't look back to see if his command had been heeded however, and merely trotted right up to his fiance. Who didn't initially notice his approach, and continued to berate the three ponies standing before her.
“You not do nothing the whole time!” Rarity shouted at Twilight, before turning to Rainbow Dash. “You do things to fast and mess up.”
“I was just trying to-” Rainbow Dash tried to interject.
“Not good enough!” Rarity screamed. “These are not clouds, they are teeny tiny things that take time.”
“Err okay, so maybe you have a point there,” Rainbow Dash murmured.
“And you-” Rarity spun and pointed at Fluttershy.
“M-m-me?” Fluttershy murmured.
“You did good job. No complaints,” Rarity declared.
“Oh uh, thanks,” Fluttershy muttered to herself.
“But the rest of you messed up my wedding!” Rarity continued, pounding the ground with a fist. “You can't do that to my wedding!”
“Alright thats enough of that!” Spike interjected, stepping in front of the three other ponies. “Get down here right this instant young lady!”
Rarity blinked, staring quizzically down at the unicorn who was screaming up at her.
“I said now!” Spike screeched.
Rarity lurched downward, her belly hitting the ground a second before her jaw landed a few feet in front of Spike. Who was unbothered by the brief localized earthquake that threatened to knock him off his hooves. Once it was gone, he walked up to the dragon’s snout and stood straight up, nose raised high.
“Now I know I did not just hear you say this is your wedding,” Spike declared.
“Well I mean,” Rarity murmured.
“So what, am I not involved?” Spike pressed.
Rarity winced. “You are.”
“Then its our wedding,” Spike corrected.
“Its our wedding,” Rarity admitted, her body shrinking down by a good third.
“Good, but its also their wedding,” Spike added, gesturing to the other ponies.
“Where are you going with this, Spike?” Twilight whispered.
“Just trust me,” Spike shot back before standing tall once more. “Its our wedding, but its also in a small part theirs as well.”
Rarity growled. “How?” she demanded.
“You taught me that when someone puts a bit of their work into something, no matter how small that they deserve thanks for their contribution,” Spike explained. “And that by helping with something, it becomes in part, theirs.”
“But that for clothes,” Rarity replied.
“What is the difference?” Spike retorted, turning to Fluttershy. “Our dear friend Fluttershy has done a fine job decorating, and isn't that like adding accents to a dress?”
Before Rarity could reply, Spike trotted over to Apple Bloom and gripped the young mare by the shoulders. “And Apple Bloom’s help setting things up is a lot like doing the base stitching to put it all together. Twilight's plans are like the design, Applejack’s help is critical and is akin to cutting the cloth.”
“I guess,” Rarity rumbled, her body shrinking once more, nearly returning to its normal size.
Spike trotted up to the still towering dragon and ran a hoof across her cheek. “You’ve been stressed out, and dealing with a lot recently. New weird emotions, strange hormones, its okay to be a bit flustered.”
“But I got so…” Rarity growled, and flexed, imitating her larger self.
“Thats okay,” Spike whispered. “We all expected you to get a bit bridezilla, none of us thought it would be quite so literal though.”
A couple ponies chuckled while Rarity merely blushed and looked away, rapidly returning to her normal size. Spike was quick to pull her into a tight hug, whispering into the dragon’s ear.
“Do you remember when I spent all night crying and eating ice cream the other week?” Spike asked.
Rarity sniffed and nodded.
“All these new emotions, and weird hormones really got to me and I thought for sure that things were ruined but here we are,” Spike continued.
“Here we are,” Rarity echoed.
Spike planted a kiss on his lover’s cheek and took a step back, falling down onto his own four hooves. “Better?” he asked.
Rarity bobbed her head. “Better.”
“Good,” Spike declared.
“Well good, because now we are going to have to add cleanin up the orchard to the list of things to do,” Applejack interjected.
Rarity glanced back at the long strip of ground she had accidentally tore up during her greed growth.
“At least I didn't wreck any trees,” Rarity offered.
“Thats bout your only saving’s grace here missy,” Applejack muttered. “Whelp. Ain't no reason to stand here blowin hot air. We got work to do.”
“Oh um, thank you… everyone,” Rarity murmured. “You guys have done a great job, truly. I just… lost sight of it all.”
“We forgive you,” Twilight replied. “Isn't that right everyone?”
“Of course,” Fluttershy immediately added.
“Uh yeah, totally,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.
Rarity sniffed, and pulled the three ponies into a tight hug. “You girls are the best. What would I ever do without you?”
“I don't know, but something tells me you’d sure be cryin a heck of a lot more,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.
“Probably,” Rarity admitted.
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
Pinkie Pie paced outside the enormous castle-like hotel in upper Canterlot. Within the pony’s grasp was a clipboard that held a surprising number of papers. Around her was the usual hustle and bustle of Canterlot, though muted somewhat as it was only afternoon. The crowds would emerge as noon came, and ponies rushed to their favorite spot in search of food.
Even still, the flow of traffic was steady, with many catching a cab in one of the many carriages that waited at the curb. All of that passed by with little note from Pinkie Pie, who continued to glance from her watch to the doors of the hotel and then back down to her clipboard. Though not usually an anxious pony, Pinkie Pie was beginning to grow tense, a line of worry creasing her forehead.
“I know it's the day before your wedding, but come on,” Pinkie Pie muttered to herself.
As if summoned by her irritation, Rarity and Spike emerged, both looking slightly disheveled but also very well rested.
“Sorry darling,” called the dragon. “I’m afraid we both overslept.”
“And didn't check the time before we went for breakfast,” Spike added.
“Or when we had a shower,” Rarity murmured.
“Look, I’m happy your sex life is still intact, but we gotta get moving our tushies here. The others went on ahead in case you didn't show up and now I gotta stay behind to manage a few things,” Pinkie Pie replied.
“Oh uh, right. Just point us in the right direction,” Spike offered.
Pinkie Pie jabbed a hoof to her left. “Head that way until you find Derpy. I left her in charge of finding you a pair of cabs. She should have already told them where to go.”
“Sorry again darling. See you soon?” Rarity apologized and inquired.
“I’ll be joining Spike halfway through minigolf,” Pinkie Pie replied, only to pause. “Oooh, I hope they have those colorful balls. It's so lame that regular golf only uses the one color.”
“Quite, well I’ll catch ya later Pinkie. Thanks again!” Spike called as he and Rarity walked away.
Leaving Pinkie Pie to contemplate if painting the balls changed the aerodynamics of the golf ball.
The pair didn't have to go far before they found the unique, wall-eyed mare standing on the curb in front of two taxis. The burly ponies that pulled said cart didn't seem too enthused that they were forced to wait and watch as potential riders passed them by. Thankfully Derpy seemed to be a good job at assuaging their worries, at least for the moment.
“Oh please wait just a moment longer, Rarity and Spike should be here soon!” Derpy professed.
“Yes, we’re here, sorry to make you wait!” Rarity called.
Derpy spun around and looked at Spike. “Oh good, your here Rarity. You go on that one, while your partner uses the other taxi.”
Rarity and Spike both hurried into their respective taxis, neither giving too much thought to Derpy’s unique mannerisms. If they had been paying attention, they would have realized that there had been a mix-up already. The taxi drivers, already annoyed at having to wait, didn't say a word, merely hooking themselves back up to their respective carts and taking off.
Derpy herself remained behind, confident that she had done an adequate job and sent the right people to the right destination.
“Maybe I should be a party planner,” Derpy mused.
“We're here,” stated a gruff voice.
Rarity perked up, and pulled the shade on the window, revealing not the spa, but a wide open area. Filled with green blobs of fake grass, brightly colored obstacles, and several smiling mascots, it clearly wasn't the upper Canterlot establishment she had been expecting.
“Are you sure this is the correct address?” Rarity asked.
“Three fifty-seven Oakridge drive Canterlot. Just like that crazy-eyed mare said,” retorted the buff female unicorn that had pulled the taxi.
“Oh my. I’m supposed to be at twenty-five fifty-third street upper Canterlot,” Rarity replied.
“Look. I got paid to go this far, so unless you got the money then I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” shot the driver.
“Well no. Pinkie Pie handled all the payment,” Rarity sighed and pushed open the door. “Either way I shall not keep you any longer. Thank you very much.”
The large pony merely grunted before taking off down the street, immediately getting lost in the traffic. Not like Rarity was bothering to watch, as she had already found several familiar shapes waiting nearby. Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh were all waiting at the other end of the parking lot, none of them having noticed her. That changed when she walked over to the group, who turned and grimaced upon seeing the dragon.
“Lemme guess. Derpy messed something up?” Rainbow Dash half asked, half stated.
“It does indeed seem that way,” Rarity replied.
“Well, that's too bad. Tea time is in two minutes and if we miss that then we lose our spot,” Applejack added.
“Would be a shame too. This place has a hella long waiting list and looks super fun,” Rainbow Dash whined.
“Eeyup,” agreed Big Macintosh.
Rarity glanced over at the course, and all the variety of surprisingly well-detailed set pieces there were. An entire medieval castle in the middle of a siege served as the green for holes one through four. There were also warring pirate ships that served as part of the course, and even what looked like a rather spooky mansion area.
“Well I suppose it would be a waste to leave now and forfeit our spot,” Rarity muttered.
“Oh. I thought you said you wouldn't be caught dead at someplace so uh… what did you call it? Gauche?” Applejack remarked.
“Ever since this debacle began I have learned to be more open to new things. Now then, we better get our clubs if we want to make our tea time,” Rarity encouraged.
“You guys go on ahead, I’ll go get the beers and meet ya on the green,” Rainbow Dash offered.
“Are you sure that’s wise darling? It's not even noon,” Rarity replied.
“Oh come on. It's a bachelor-er bachelorette party. Drinking is like mandatory,” Rainbow Dash retorted.
“It's just one or two. Nothing to worry about Rares,” Applejack added.
“Well alright then, onward!” Rarity declared.
“Eeyup!” Big Macintosh declared, rearing back and pumping a hoof in the air.
“We are here, sir,” exclaimed a voice.
Spike jerked upward in his seat, the unicorn suddenly aware of how he had been staring off into space for the last ten minutes. His head empty, and a blissful smile on his face, he hadn't been aware of his surroundings for so long that he didn't even know where he was. Peering out the window revealed that they were not, in fact, at the edge of Canterlot but were in the heart of downtown.
“Uh is this the right place? I thought I was going mini golfing,” Spike muttered as he stepped out of the taxi.
“I’m afraid your valet had told me the wrong information as this is indeed your final destination,” remarked the earth pony male. “Now, unless you have more bits I really must get going.”
“Oh yeah go on or whatever. I’ll figure it out from here,” Spike dismissed.
The unicorn walked up to the entrance, and pushed his way inside, only to immediately get hit with a blast of sweet-scented air. The aroma of flowers and a dozen other pleasant smells tickled his nose in a strangely relaxing way.
“Don't look now, but I think someone is a bit lost,” Sassy Saddles remarked.
Spike turned to see Fluttershy, Twilight, Coco Pommel, and Sassy Saddles were all standing nearby. The group had been seated in the waiting area, reading magazines and sitting patiently. Save for Twilight, whose mane seemed ready to turn into a ball of frizz.
“Oh no! How did this happen?” Twilight exclaimed. “You were supposed to be at minigolf. Rarity is going to be so disappointed.”
“Ahh, she’ll get over it. Besides, I got a feeling she’s probably taking this opportunity to take up the putter,” Spike dismissed.
“Well what about you, Spike? I don't think you’d much enjoy a spa date,” Coco Pommel offered.
Spike shrugged. “Could be worse. Besides, I didn't get a chance to do my mane or anything so this is a good excuse to have someone else do it for me.”
“Oh thank goodness,” Fluttershy murmured. “I didn't want to sound rude but this is the nicest establishment I’ve ever set hoof in and I would hate to leave before getting to try it out.”
“Ahh don't worry about it,” Spike replied, waving a dismissive hoof in the air. “Let's go get pampered or whatever.”
“Are you sure?” Twilight stressed. “I think if I really pushed it I could teleport you to mini golf.”
“I don't want you burnt out for the wedding. Besides, so long as they got a sauna in here I’ll be happy,” Spike exclaimed.
Sassy Saddles clapped her hooves. “Right then. Let us get moving before they decide to give our appointment away to someone else.”
Spike nodded and followed after the others as they walked up to the counter. “Ooh they serve mimosas,” he pointed out.
“I suppose a drink may be nice,” Twilight added.
“Oh their wines are to die for, their champagne especially,” Sassy Saddles declared.
“And Pinkie Pie did say everything was included,” Coco Pommel informed.
“Then Champagne it is!” Spike stated.
“It all comes down to this folks,” Rainbow Dash whispered, the mare holding the end of her club up to her mouth like it was a microphone. “Rarity and Applejack have been neck and neck the entire game but it's time to settle who is the put put champion.”
“Eeyup,” agreed Big Macintosh.
“Applejack may have had a good showing at this hole, but she also used two hits in order to bypass the triple windmill gambit entirely rather than go right through,” Rainbow Dash continued. “Meaning if Rarity manages to go straight through the all three, she might take it. Leaving my cohost and I tied for third place.”
“Would you two quiet down over there? It's Rare’s turn,” Applejack barked.
“Thank you, darling,” Rarity remarked.
The dragon then stepped onto the green, threw back the last of her beer, and tossed it into a nearby recycling can. She then hefted her club, cracked her neck, and set her hips. With her shoulders spaced evenly, and her arms extended downward, she began to line up her shot.
In front of her, the three windmills continued to spin lazily, their long wooden blades zipping mere millimeters over the green. Shirking the safer side route that went around the structures, Rarity was intent on going straight through. The shot seemed impossible, at least in Rainbow Dash’s eyes, as the timing never quite lined up perfectly.
“Now,” Rarity whispered to herself.
She swung, the movement short, swift, and with a fair amount of power behind it. At least as far as putting goes anyway. On the sidelines her friends stood in rapt attention, watching as Rarity’s ball flew down the tiny fake road running under the windmills.
“It's through the first, the second, the third!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “And it's on to the final test, will it end up in the hole?”
The small group ran over to the other side and waited, watching the three holes that extended out of the hill. Only one pointed towards the hole, while the other two aimed off to either side. The answer as to where it would emerge was answered a moment later when Rarity’s ball flew from the center and landed in the hole.
“Booyeah!” Rarity cried, pumping a clawed fist in the air.
“Gosh darn it,” Applejack cursed, the mare taking off her hat, throwing it on the ground, and stomping on it.
“Damn Rares. I never knew you were an accomplished golfer. Maybe next time we’ll have to play real golf,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, only to pause. “On second thought that sounds boring as heck.”
“And quite wasteful,” Rarity added. “All that land and water used just for wacking around some balls. This is much better.”
“Cooler too,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
Big Macintosh nodded. “Eeyup.”
“So, what's next? Paintball?” Rarity asked.
“Why you need to get your ultra deluxe drink of course,” Rainbow Dash stated, pointing to a post nearby. “That's if you think you're tough enough to handle the cider island challenge.”
Following her friend’s hoof, Rarity saw that a notice advising that whoever got a hole-in-one could return to the clubhouse for a free beverage. A beverage that looked like a bucket full of cider with a floating mass of ice cream complete with sprinkles and fudge on top. It was the most ridiculous thing Rarity had ever seen but for reasons she couldn't comprehend, she wanted it, bad.
“To the clubhouse!” Rarity proclaimed.
“Whoo doggie, let's get to it!” Applejack added.
“Eeyup!” Big Macintosh agreed.
“You know when I first heard about aroma therapy I thought it was pseudoscience, like chiropractics,” Twilight murmured, pausing to sniff the air. “Yet I stand corrected.”
Fluttershy hummed her approval, the mare reclining into the deep cushions sprawled around the central burner. Coco Pommel nodded her own agreement while continuing to lay on her back, a content expression on her face. Sassy Saddles was the only one not wholly taken by the purple vapors spilling out of the bronze container in the middle of the room.
“It's not bad, though I can't stop thinking about poor Spike,” Sassy Saddles remarked.
“Oh I’m sure he's fine,” Twilight dismissed.
“He did seem rather into getting the makeover rather than joining us for aromatherapy,” Fluttershy muttered.
“I’m sure he just wanted an excuse to get out of doing another girly thing,” Coco Pomell retorted.
“I’m not so certain of that,” Sassy Saddles began. “He embraced the mud bath, the massage, and even the pedicure without much of a fuss.”
“He has gotten in touch with his feminine side recently. Maybe he really did get the full…” Twilight paused, her gaze drawn to the now open door.
Or more specifically the individual standing in it, one who was now unrecognizable from only a half hour earlier. Spike the unicorn had become what appeared to be a villain out of a stage play, complete with a brand new mane style. Now sporting a black streak, his now straight locks hung down over one side of his face, obscuring one eye.
The one that was visible had a deep black shadow surrounding it, while the brow had been trimmed until it was sharp, almost pointed. Lips as dark as midnight, eyelashes extended, and darkened, Spike, looked like he had tripped into a hot topic. As pale as death, with a large ankh earring dangling from one ear, the look was dark, yet his confidence sold it.
“Wow, Spike… That certainly isn't what I expected,” Twilight muttered.
Spike smirked as he strode into the room. “You expected that I was ducking this aroma therapy thing but you were only half right. I don't care much for this but I also wanted to get dolled up.”
Sassy Saddles laughed aloud, slapping her knee. “Oh, this is rich.”
Coco Pommel giggled. “Rarity is going to kill you.”
“That's fine, because I’m already dead,” Spike deadpanned.
“Is there a joke that I’m missing?” Fluttershy inquired.
“Rarity hates the goth look. It's the one style she's never indulged in. Thus,” Spike gestured to himself with a smirk.
“Oh, I get it,” Fluttershy chuckled. “That's kinda funny.”
“I’m assuming the dye is temporary?” Twilight asked.
Spike nodded. “Of course. Though I was tempted to use a spell to make it last a few days.”
“Hey maybe seeing you like this will finally sell her on it,” Sassy Saddles offered.
“Let's hope. Now,” Spike turned to the door. “I believe our time is nearly up and I vote to grab another mimosa for the road before we head out on this vineyard tour.”
“So you're joining us for the whole day? You aren't going to try and switch with Rarity?” Twilight asked.
“Of course. Now come on. We don't want to be late now do we darlings?” Spike teased.
“They’re heading up the east side. Someone get over there!” shouted a voice.
Rarity ducked out of the window, hefted her paintball gun, and ran over to the other side of the wooden castle. As she made her way to the undefended segment, she saw Big Macintosh lean a bit too far out the door and get peppered with blue orbs of paint. Pinkie Pie was swift to take his place while Rarity crouched down next to a large window guarded by a similarly red-garbed pony she had never met before.
“Where are they?” Rarity asked.
“They are coming from the trebuchet but watch your head. One of them is a real crack shot,” warned the young male in a nasally tone.
Rarity nodded, and peeked out, quickly scanning the battlefield before her. Constructed to look like a real battle complete with fake trebuchets, siege towers, a few trenches, and further back a couple of tents. Everywhere she looked there were ponies, or other creatures moving from cover to cover and firing up at them whenever they had the chance.
Everywhere but the spot the rather nerdy-looking unicorn had indicated, that was completely empty. That was until Rarity saw a prismatic tail duck behind a battering ram, one that she only noticed at the last second was moving. Her gaze narrowed from behind her mask, and she saw a half dozen ponies hiding beneath the cover of the siege weapon.
“They are using the battering ram as cover, they are almost here!” Rarity shouted.
She raised her gun and unleashed a flurry of shots down at the attackers, but it was too little too late. Realizing that their ruse was up, they sprinted out from cover, and right up to the castle’s exterior. With the elusive and dexterous Rainbow Dash at their head, they made short work of the distance. Rarity’s backup arrived just in time for the victorious attackers to leap through an unguarded window. In a flurry, every defender was painted blue.
“Yes, victory!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
Rarity shook her head and brushed off the paint that stained her scaled chest. “I thought you weren't allowed to pick up any of the cover,” Rarity muttered.
“Actually we didn't pick it up at all. The wheels work,” Rainbow Dash retorted.
A referee shrugged. “Technically there are no rules against that,” she remarked.
Rarity smiled and extended a hand. “Good job Rainbow, that was some real out-of-the-box thinking.”
“No kidding, I only got the tingles when you guys were already inside the keep!” Pinkie Pie added with a giggle.
“Well I don't know about you all, but I am ready for supper. Where are we going?” Rarity asked.
“The press box is a sports bar. But if you want to change it up we totally can,” Pinkie Pie hastily exclaimed.
“And mess this up? No way,” Rarity retorted. “To the sports bar!”
“Why didn't anyone ever tell me wine was so good?” Spike exclaimed, the unicorn sipping at a deep red cabernet sauvignon.
“I’m pretty sure Rarity has. Multiple times,” Twilight replied with a smirk.
“Let me try that again. Why hasn't anyone told me, in a way that I could respect, that wine was this good?” Spike declared.
“It is kinda hard to sell,” Sassy Saddles admitted. “Cab sauv especially since its dry, tart, and if done poorly can taste like your drinking dirt.”
“But if done can have a deep blackcurrant flavor with some refreshing spice, and a hint of vanilla at the very end,” Coco Pommels murmured.
“Plus wood. I kinda like the wood taste,” Fluttershy added, the pegasus hiccuping.
“Maybe you’ve had enough for now,” Twilight declared.
“No way. I haven't even drunk like a regular cup’s worth!” Fluttershy declared, raising the tiny tasting cup that she had been given at the start of the tour.
“Well you have had nearly twenty of those smaller ones dear,” Sassy Saddles added.
Spike ignored the ensuing argument and merely gazed out over the vineyard, taking in the sights. Build on a section of the Canterhorn that was flatter than most, it stretched on for nearly a mile. Rows of well-cared-for bushes extended all the way to the edge of the property, the occasional worker moving amongst them.
The porch he was sitting on was nice, covered, and large enough to fit several parties of mostly affluent tourists. Behind him was the large, yet still rustic house, and the wine bunker as the elderly tour guide had called it. Build into the mountain wall, it was the location of the actual operation including the press, as well as the bottling.
It was an incredible sight, the small farm sitting next to a cliff, and allowing anyone to gaze out over Equestria. Or at least the eastern sections of which, like Manehatten as well as the small dot sitting on the horizon that he was informed was Vanhoover. He was content, yet there was still an intense desire to keep moving, to see more that was hard to ignore.
“Equestria to Spike, come in Spike,” Twilight called.
Spike shook his head, dismissing the idle musings that plagued his mind. “Yeah, what do you need Twi?” Spike asked.
“Was just wondering if you wanted to get moving to the mask and cask or if you’d like to go somewhere more to your liking,” Twilight replied.
Spike hummed to himself. “That's that new restaurant that hosts multiple plays right? I think I remember Rarity talking about it. Something about how they were showing the prince there.”
“We don't have to go if you don't want to though,” Coco Pommel added.
“Though I would really appreciate it,” Sassy Saddles declared.
Spike smiled. “Today has been wonderful so far. I think it would be best to continue with the plan.”
“In that case, we should probably a cab. The next showing is in a half hour,” Twilight declared.
“Oooh, do they have a bar there?” Fluttershy asked, her eyes a little wide for comfort.
“I don't think so,” Twilight replied.
Spike leaned in close. “Do they really?”
“They actually do but let's not tell Fluttershy that until she’s had a chance to sober up,” Twilight answered.
Spike watched as Fluttershy had a very animated discussion with a wooden squirrel. “Probably for the best,” Spike agreed.
“They assemble at the line of scrimmage in a classic hail mary position with their wide receivers way out there,” announced a masculine voice over the radio.
“Is that good, I thought ‘throwing a hail mary’ was a bad thing,” Rarity muttered, the dragon pausing to take a bite of her burger, then a sip of her beer.
“Oh, it is. They need to make up way too many yards so they are just throwing caution to the wind here,” Rainbow Dash replied.
“Eeyup,” agreed a solemn Big Macintosh.
“I still think they shoulda run it. The Broncos got such a weak offensive line,” Applejack remarked before shoveling a hoofful of fries into her mouth.
“Your not wrong, but that would be a risky move,” Rainbow Dash retorted.
Rarity popped the last of her meal into her mouth and sat back, swirling the beer around in its glass while listening to the game.
“Here's the snap, and oh it looks like it came out wrong as it is nearly fumbled,” exclaimed the announcer.
“Come on get your grip, let's go!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“He manages to get ahold of the ball but it's too late, he is completely surrounded,” the second, slightly more feminine announcer continued. “It looks like this might be a sack wait he's throwing it but there's noone- wait is that Laces Out the linebacker?”
“Oh shit if she gets this she could run it the whole way there, she's a goshdarn fridge,” Applejack whispered.
“Yes, Laces Out has managed to snag the ball before it could hit the ground and is making a run for it!” declared the voice over the radio. “At over three hundred and twenty pounds this is not a mare you wanna try and tackle.”
“Even still, she’s got nearly seventy yards ahead of her and almost the entire Eagles offensive line on her,” added the other announcer.
“Oh damn if she does this they could actually win it,” Applejack muttered.
“If they hit the field goal,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“She's got three ponies hanging off her, but Laces Out is powering through it. She's at the forty, at the thirty, but here comes Green Packer for the tackle,” announced the first voice.
“This is gonna hurt,” Rainbow Dash muttered, the pegasus already wincing.
Rarity glanced briefly over the bar, noting that nearly everyone had fallen silent in an effort to listen to the game.
“And she dodges? My word folks. I’ve never seen someone that big move that well before. Laces Out has the grace of a dancer and the physique of a brick outhouse!” shouted the more masculine of the two announcers.
“She just might pull this off folks!” added his co-announcer.
Rarity couldn't help but notice that even the servers and bar staff had stopped, and were now staring intently at the radios. The rowdy, and almost deafeningly loud bar had come to a complete and utter halt as they all collectively held their breath.
“She's at the twenty.”
“She's nearly there but oh Laces Out has taken another hit!”
“Even with four fully grown ponies hanging off her, she's still moving, the end is in sight folks!”
“She's at the ten, the five, and is crawling her way to the goal line at a snail’s pace.”
“But Laces ain't out yet, she's still up, and… its good! Laces Out has collapsed but she has carried that ball a full seventy yards!” yelled the announcer.
Rarity expected the bar to erupt with excitement, yet the tension remained, with more than a few patrons chewing on their hooves. The dragon was about to ask why they hadn't begun celebrating, only for the former pony to bite her tongue. Instead, she merely took another swig of her beer and waited alongside the rest of the bar.
“And the nurse is saying she’s good. Laces Out is already back on her hooves and is moving to- no wait she is being picked up by her team and carried to the sidelines!”
“After the extraordinary bit of athleticism, we’ve seen today it's the least she deserves.”
“I think she deserves a bit more than that my friend.”
“Very true.”
“This is surprisingly intense,” Rarity muttered. “Does it all come down to this?”
“There's only fifteen seconds on the clock. So yeah pretty much. The other team might attempt a run but they wouldn't be able to do anything with it,” Rainbow Dash answered.
“They are back on the field folks and the silence is deafening!”
“The crowd here at the stadium can feel how important this kick is.”
“Yes, they can and speaking of kick. Here's the snap, the kick, and it's good!”
Just as predicted, the bar went wild, with glasses being clinked, hoofs pounded against one another and a cry of joy being had by all present. Even Rarity couldn't help but join the cheers as the rest of her companions tapped their glasses and then threw back their contents. The dragon chugged the rest of her drink and sat back down, silently marveling at the atmosphere change.
“I can't believe I’m saying this but that was exhilarating,” Rarity admitted.
“Hold that thought Rares, they should be lining up now,” Rainbow Dash retorted.
The bar went silent once more.
“Broncos have lined up, and there's the kick. But what's this? The Eagles have taken a knee folks! It seems like they know when they have been beaten and want to show respect to the broncos!”
“That is the finest bit of showmanship I’ve seen in years. Truly there were no losers tonight.”
“Wow,” Rarity muttered.
“Wahoo, no one lost!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh agreed.
“So, now what?” Rainbow Dash muttered. “We did everything we originally planned on doing. Maybe we should change it up.”
Rarity smirked. “Oh, we’ll change it up alright. Change it right to a strip club.”
“Like, no way. I know I included that as a possible option to end the night but I never thought you’d actually go for it,” Pinkie Pie murmured.
“Heh, eeyup,” Big Macintosh rumbled.
“I’m ready for a bit of adventure. Now Pinkie, where is a good location?” Rarity inquired.
“Come on Everypony, to the Pink Rope!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.
“And where to for you ladies?” asked the taxi operator.
The stallion glanced over his shoulder to the five feminine, and slightly drunk, ponies that had hopped into his carriage.
“Maybe just back to the hotel?” offered Coco Pommel.
“No way let's go to a bar. A dirty bar!” Fluttershy shouted.
“Or maybe a movie?” Twilight added.
“No I got this,” Spike interrupted, leaning forward. “Do you know where the Pink Rope is?”
The taxi puller smirked. “Do I know where the Pink Rope is? Ha! I spent my eighteenth birthday there, and every birthday after!”
“Then take us away my good gentle stallion!” Spike exclaimed.
“Wait isn't that a strip club,” Twilight whispered.
“Woooo boobies!” Fluttershy shouted.
“Are you sure about this Spike? Don't get me wrong I am certainly feeling adventurous but don't you think you should talk about this with Rarity?” Sassy Saddles inquired.
Spike snorted. “Pfft, don't worry about it. We trust each other. Besides, I bet she’s doing something equally as crazy as us right now.”
The conversation halted briefly as the taxi lurched forward, joining the flow of traffic and speeding off down the street. In the distance, a street light ignited, banishing the gloom that had begun to gather ever since the sun had neared the horizon.
“Well I have always been curious,” Coco Pommel whispered.
“What about you Twilight? Aren't you hyped?” Fluttershy asked, hooves shaking the unicorn’s shoulders.
“Yeah totally,” Twilight replied while gently pushing Fluttershy back into her own seat. “Besides. Spike is the man of the hour, and this is his night.”
“Damn right it is. Now come on girls. Let's get ready for a crazy night!” Spike proclaimed.
Author's Note
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Swapping Scales For Suave
“You know I think I’ve finally kicked the hangover I got at the Pink Rope,” Spike remarked, the unicorn pausing to take a bite out of a piece of jam-covered toast. “Sheriously. That headache didn't go away for daysh.”
“Don't chew with your mouth open dear,” Rarity interrupted. “And yes. I don't know how but I drank enough that even your dragon heartiness couldn't handle it.”
The dragon then went back to brushing her teeth, pausing after a few scrubs to grab a new brush due to her current one losing the last of its bristles.
Spike gulped. “I’m just amazed that you wanted to go to a place like that. I never would have thought you’d go there, not in a million years.”
“Well, I was with the boys as you call them, and that is what one does for their bachelor party,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. I’m just happy we arrived at like, the same time. As soon as I got there I started feeling bad and wondering what you may think.”
“You have a bit too much of Twilight in you sometimes, dear,” Rarity opened her mouth, revealing her sharp pearly whites. “I have always said that you may go to such places if you wish. I trust you after all.”
“I mean yeah, but it's one thing to say you trust me and another for you to actually go to such a place yourself,” Spike replied.
Rarity hummed thoughtfully to herself, her gaze sweeping over the bathroom, a list forming in her mind. Teeth cleaned, mouth washed, scales scrubbed… Rarity nodded to herself, and turned back around, tucking the towel tight around her waist.
The dragon then stepped out into their hotel room, the luxurious but not overly large space lit only by a pair of lamps, and the moonlight. The gentle glow of that distant orb filtered in through the three large floor-to-ceiling windows that allowed them to look out over Canterlot. The view was stunning and could be seen even better from their attached balcony, though Rarity ignored it for the moment. Instead of gawking at the scenery, she looked down at Spike, who was lying on their bed, a sandwich levitating in front of his face and a book in his hooves.
“How many times have I told you not to eat your nightly peanut butter and crystalberry jam sandwich on the bed?” Rarity asked hands on her hips.
“Oh, it's fine, see? Twilight taught me this spell to keep the crumbs off the sheets,” Spike replied.
Rarity watched as her partner shook his snack, dislodging a few bits of bread, which were caught by teal glow and deposited on the plate sitting on the nightstand closest to him.
“That is… genuinely convenient,” Rarity admitted.
“Anywho,” Spike began, placing his book aside. “How crazy was that night, eh?”
Rarity fell into the bed next to her partner, a smile coming to her face. “It was quite something. I never thought I’d see Fluttershy drink so much in one night,” Rarity exclaimed.
Spike erupted with laughter. “She was hilarious! You’d think that she would have only asked one pony to marry her that night.”
“I’m so glad she didn't remember asking Pinkie Pie and Big Macintosh to marry her,” Rarity murmured. “I don't think the poor dear could take such embarrassment.”
“They did seem a bit disappointed though,” Spike pointed out.
“I’m sure those three will figure it out,” Rarity declared.
“Or how about how Twilight actually got up on stage and totally busted out that crazy routine? I never would have expected something like that from her,” Spike added. “Huh. I feel like I’m saying that a lot lately.”
“How did she even know how to pole dance in the first place? The poor dear isn't exactly the type to learn such things,” Rarity inquired.
Spike smirked. “She only told me this after, but apparently Trixie said something about how she used to go to a strip club so Twilight taught herself in secret.”
“That poor dear. I really do hope Trixie gets her metaphorical act together. It's obvious they are crazy for one another,” Rarity remarked.
“I know right?” Spike shot back. “I thought for sure Twilight would be the one to make Trixie finally let go of her irrational fear of marriage.”
“And it is irrational,” Rarity stated. “I mean, if you already love someone that much it's only natural that you’ll want to get married.”
“Totally,” Spike replied.
The unicorn stuffed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and chewed noisily. Next to him, Rarity stared off into the distance, barely aware of how uncouth her partner was acting. Once his snack was done, and its remnants swallowed, Spike hopped off the bed suddenly, producing a small box from the end table.
“Whelp, I’m gonna have another of these clove cigars that Big Macintosh gave me,” Spike announced.
“Again? Didn't you just have one?” Rarity asked.
“That was like, five hours ago. Besides, these aren't habit-forming. They just smell good and give me a chance to hang out on the roof,” Spike replied.
“If you’re going to do that I may stop by the lounge for a nightcap before bed,” Rarity exclaimed, rising from the bed and casting aside the towel around her waist.
“Got a taste for the suds now, huh?” Spike teased.
“I must admit that nothing relaxes quite like a sweet white beer,” Rarity admitted.
“I’ll see you in a bit then,” Spike remarked before slipping out the door and heading to the left.
Rarity wasn't far behind, though she went right, heading for the elevators. While his partner headed down to the main floor, Spike propped open the fire escape door and slipped outside. A short clamber up to the top of the building later and the unicorn was on the roof, though he wasn't alone. Among the pipes, vents, fans, and the building’s water tower was an older earth pony stallion wearing the garb of a janitor.
“Dammit, why is someone up here,” Spike murmured, the unicorn turning back around.
“Don't worry, I ain't about to report you or anything,” remarked the older stallion. “Why don't you come sit with me.”
Spike looked from the kindly older male, to the door and back again.
“Aww what the heck. Sure I’ll join ya old timer,” Spike agreed.
The stallion patted the top of the metal box he was sitting on.
“Then, pull up a chair,” he offered.
Rarity reached the lounge and settled in at one of the many empty seats present near the bar. The place was almost completely empty, without any wait staff visible. The dragon glanced down the long bar, and then back the other way, searching for someone to serve her.
When she looked back the other way a young dark-furred mare with a long, straight mane appeared only a few feet away.
“How may I-”
“What the hay! You just about scared the pants off me,” Rarity muttered, a hand clutching at her chest.
“Apologies. I am quite stealthy,” replied the mare. “So, what may I get for you, ma’am?”
“Whatever white beer you got on tap,” Rarity stated.
The strange dark-haired mare nodded and produced a cup from nowhere. She then deftly filled it up and placed it before Rarity with a slick, smooth motion.
“There you are, madam. Is there anything else I may help you with?” she asked.
“No, that's quite alright,” Rarity declared.
“Perhaps just a bit of company then? You seem to have a lot on your mind,” inquired the bar operator.
“I…” Rarity sighed. “Am I that obvious?”
“Its like you’ve got a giant red sign saying ‘Ask me about my day’ hanging above your head,” the bar staff member answered.
“I get married tomorrow,” Rarity began.
“A bit of the jitters then?” inquired the mare.
“I suppose. My concerns feel so small though,” Rarity admitted.
“My sister once told me to keep a keen eye on those small problems lest they turn into mountains while you aren't watching,” offered the mare.
“Your sister sounds very wise,” Rarity added.
The mare smiled. “She is.”
Spike sat down with a thunk and produced his cigar. “You mind if I smoke this? It's just cloves.”
“By all means, though only if you don't mind that I join you,” replied the old stallion.
Spike looked over to see that he had produced a pipe from seemingly nowhere.
“Sure thing old timer, go right ahead,” Spike answered.
Together the pair sparked their smokables, took a pull, and began to relax, or at least tried to in Spike’s case.
“You’re tense,” stated the stallion. “What's wrong?”
“Well, it's just…” Spike hesitated a moment. “I get married tomorrow.”
“The cold hooves. It’ll get anyone,” the stallion remarked.
“Have you been married before?” Spike asked.
“More than a few times unfortunately, I’ve been a bit blessed in that department, though the universe seems quick to take them from me,” the stallion muttered, though there was no bitterness in his voice.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Spike remarked.
“Don't be,” interrupted the stallion. “That's old news. Tell me what's bothering you.”
“Well. It may seem kind of silly but I can't stop thinking about… What if… what if she's not the one?” Spike asked.
“Do you think she is?” inquired the stallion.
“Of course I am. I’ve never even loved anyone like I’ve loved her,” Spike professed.
The stallion nodded slowly, pausing to take a puff of his pipe, slowly exhaling a large ring of smoke that floated off into the night sky.
“It seems to me as though you’re real concern is that you don't have experience loving anyone other than her,” he remarked.
“I mean…” Spike frowned. “I guess?”
“You think to yourself, what if she's not it, what if this is just puppy love or something like it,” continued the janitor. “Since you don't have more experience you wonder if you can even know for sure if she is the one.”
“Wow, I never thought about it but yeah that's exactly what I was thinking. How did you know that?” Spike inquired.
“I’ve had those thoughts myself before. I married a handsome stallion after only a few months of dating and worried endlessly on the night before the ceremony. And you know how long we were wedded? Eleven blissful years,” the stallion exclaimed.
“Huh,” Spike muttered.
“But enough about her. What's on your mind, ma’am?” inquired the waitress.
“Just… jitters I guess,” Rarity murmured, clutching her drink tightly. “Everyone has them, I think.”
“True, though not everyone comes down to the bar to commiserate on the night before their wedding,” retorted the mare.
Rarity winced. “Fair point.”
“So, do tell. What is really on your mind?” she pressed.
“I am concerned that marriage may change me,” Rarity remarked. “What if I lose my muse and can no longer create?”
“Why would that happen?” pressed the waitress.
“I don't know. Maybe it just saps the joy from me, or maybe it just makes me into a different person,” Rarity replied.
“Do you think your partner would make you miserable?” she pressed.
“No,” Rarity admitted.
“Do you really fear change that much?” inquired the waitress.
“No, not really,” Rarity repeated.
“Then what is your true concern here?” asked the mare.
“I guess… I guess it really has to do with my parents,” Rarity admitted. “I’m worried I may end up like them.”
“And what are they like?” asked the waitress.
Rarity paused, and took a long swig from her glass, enjoying the cold sensation as it cascaded down her throat. She then placed it back down on the bar with a soft tink.
“They hate each other,” Rarity finally announced.
The waitress nodded. “So that is what you are truly worried about.”
“So you see young sir. You can never really know that kind of thing for certain, no matter how many relationships you’ve had as even after my second marriage I had the exact same concerns,” the stallion declared.
“Huh, I guess but like, what if we fall out of love?” Spike declared, throwing up his hooves. “Our lives would be ruined, we’d have to move, we’d never be able to see our friends again because that would just be way too awkward.”
“Hold on,” interrupted the stallion. “Why do you think you will fall out of love?”
“I mean, I don't think we will but what if we do?” Spike pressed.
“And what if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits you square in the face right now?” asked the stallion, pointing up at the night sky.
“I…” Spike frowned. “I don't get it.”
“What if in six seconds from now a huge gust of wind blows you off the building, and you break all your legs and have to spend ten months in a body cast?” he continued.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Spike demanded.
“What if Discord comes back from vacation, snaps his fingers, and makes your legs into rocket ships?” asked the stallion.
Spike recoiled. “What are you talking about? None of that would ever happen.”
“But it could. Why not worry about it?” asked the stallion.
“Because it's impossible. Sure it could happen but it doesn't mean it's likely and…” Spike paused. “Oh, I get it now.”
The stallion nodded slowly. “No one truly knows the future, not even the princesses or our resident god of chaos. My mother told me that worry was the foulest ingredient in any relationship.”
“Your mother sounds very smart,” Spike remarked.
“She was,” agreed the stallion.
Spike took a long drag off his smoke, and then crushed it against the roof, snuffing it out.
“Thanks, old timer. I think that was exactly what I needed to hear,” Spike declared.
“Happy to be of help, you little whippersnapper,” he retorted.
Spike chuckled. “Well, I’m gonna get back to her now. Have a good night.”
“You as well, sonny,” replied the janitor.
“And I don't mean like they want to kill each other or that either of them are abusive,” Rarity hastily explained. “It's just that there is a reason they’ve had a dozen honeymoons and were barely a part of Sweetie Belle’s life.”
“Your sister, I presume?” prompted the mare.
“Yeah,” Rarity answered. “They learned while raising me that they hated one another, and had little skill when it came to child-rearing. Sure they love us unconditionally, and would likely give us the world if we asked but the moment they slowed down was the moment they started arguing.”
“Busyness is often employed as a distraction. In a relationship, work, or just interpersonally,” added the waitress.
“And they took it to a whole new level. I seriously haven't seen them slow down since I was twelve,” Rarity continued.
“Why do you think you’ll end up like them?” asked the waitress.
“Because I’m my mother’s daughter,” Rarity admitted, sipping her drink. “I don't know what I’d do with myself if I didn't have some project, design, or plan in mind twenty-four seven. If I stop moving, if I stop doing stuff I feel like I’m going to explode.”
“But he doesn't have that same problem,” prompted the mare.
“Well, no,” Rarity muttered. “He is actually quite, zen as they say. I don't think he's ever had such a worry before in his life.”
“So, then already you two are not like your parents,” added the waitress.
“I mean I am, but he isn't. What if that's enough?” Rarity asked.
“Ma’am would you be okay if I told you something that may be a bit upsetting?” asked the dark-haired mare.
“I suppose,” Rarity murmured.
“That belief is irrational,” she declared quite matter-of-factly. “But that's just who we are. People no matter who they may be, have irrational beliefs and worries.”
“I mean it's not that irrational,” Rarity whispered absently, the dragon staring down into her drink.
“Do you think that any of your friends would end up like that?” pressed the pony.
“Well no-”
“Then it is only because of your connection to your parents that you believe it's a possibility that you will end up like them. Yet last I checked I didn't think there was a gene for hating your partner,” declared the waitress.
Rarity chuckled. “I suppose you’re right.”
“There is always the chance that you end up like your parents, but it's never guaranteed or even likely,” concluded the waitress.
Rarity tossed back the last of her drink and stood up. “You know what, you are right. I think I’m going to go back and enjoy the night with my fiance.”
“Enjoy,” the waitress replied.
The old stallion waited patiently atop the roof, listening to Spike walk back the way he came, the door clanging shut behind him. Once gone, the stallion stood up straight and trotted over to the edge of the building, tensing his muscles briefly before jumping off. He hit the stone ground a moment later with a powerful thud, though the impact barely seemed to phase him despite his apparent age.
He then trotted out of the alley, and onto the street, where he was joined by a long-haired mare. Neither said a word to one another, though they walked next to eachother for nearly a block. Only when the hotel was out of sight did the old stallion break the silence, chuckling softly.
“You were right Lulu. They did need a bit of a push,” he remarked.
“I told you, dear sister. Their dreams told of strange, irrational fears. Ones that a steady hoof could banish,” retorted the mare.
“And here I thought you just wanted to break out our old disguise spells from when we were kids,” he exclaimed.
“That part is always fun,” admitted the mare.
“True. Though next time you’re the old man, and I’m the young, hot-looking mare,” he declared.
“I suppose it's only fair. But that is for another time, come, let us go mess with our night guard. They have been acting too formal around me,” exclaimed the mare.
The stallion chuckled. “Lead the way Lulu.”
Author's Note
Thank you Airy Words for commissioning more of this story!
