Malady and Freeloader

"Celestia damned teats, i reek,"

I grunt as i walk away from the docks. I'm glad that my ex-colleagues managed to hook me up with a job close to the port, but hauling fish isn't the most fulfilling of jobs i'd think i would end up with. Not to mention the smell.

Thankfully no pony's here to sense the stank, at this hour of the night the streets are all empty, aside from a few stray cats eating litter on the ground. My old neighborhood, while not a paragon of cleanliness, it may as well be one compared to this one. Half-eaten fruits thrown on the sidewalk, some fish heads no doubt from some feather brain who doesn't know how to work the trash, somepony puked on the entrance to an alleyway, and i'm pretty sure i stepped on cat piss earlier too. Earlier today, i'd cringe from the idea, but now, it merely adds to my stench.

I have the address of my new residence in hoof, trying to remember the route i took yesterday from there to work so that i wouldn't get lost. I'm not too worried for burglary, i doubt some street punk is going to try anything funny with somepony my size, but i am sick of this smell.

"That's what i get for buying the cheapest place known to ponykind."

Finally arriving at the place, i pause for what i think may be the third time as i look at it. Sure, this isn't the best part of town, the trash-ponies could visit the place more often, but the flat looks ok. The paint's chipped, the place is small and the neighboring houses are glued to my walls, but from what i could check on my visit, there were no major problems to be wary of.

I smell bullshit. And it ain't coming from me.

"Can't wait to get to bed and find out that the house is fucking infested or something."

I open the door, and with great willpower i refrain from slamming it shut, the neighboring lights are out and no one wants to wake up at 3 in the morning because of a smelly sailor. Going straight to the bathroom, i fear i'll have to invest more of my savings on towels if i don't want to have to wash them everyday.

After cleaning my fur, i go upstairs to my room to get some Celestia-damned deserved shuteye.

"What kind of mule puts the bathroom on a different floor from the bedrooms. I bet this ain't the only reason why this place's cheap, and i swear that when i find out i'll let that dirtbag who sold it to me regret not telling me about it."

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"Harder Ollie, oh do it harder on my ass!"

"I'm gonna wreck your tailhole you slut! I bet you were looking forward to this when you jerked off on the bathroom of the train you filthy whore!"

"Yes! Yes! I'm a filthy whore! Put me in my place! Break the bed!

"IT'S 7 IN THE FUCKING MORNING! SOME PONIES NEED TO SLEEP!"

I knew there was a catch to all of this. All i wanted was to rest.

"Ugh, time to get up, i guess. Because SOME FUCKERS DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUCK QUIETLY IN THE MORNING!"

"You hear that, Load? You can't keep your filthy voice down, now the entire neighborhood knows you're a bitch!"

"Yes! I'm a bitch! I'm a biiiitch!"

"I need some coffee."

Tossing the bed sheets to the ground, i groan and grumble. Great, i try to avoid giving a bad impression, and i get this in return. Didn't knew that the walls were this thin, should've checked.

Going down the stairs, i enter the kitchen, loaded with some basic stuff i brought over before going to work. Space's ok, not big but not tiny either, i open the cupboards and look around. No signs of roaches, nor rats or any woodland creature trying to be a cheeky freeloader. Good, at least this seems fine, for now, but i can still smell the bullshit in the air.

Speaking of which, maybe i should clean this floor later today, my hoofs left a mess on the wooden floor. Ignore that for now, i barely slept and i need something to fill my belly, i'll go outside, the deviants noises are as loud outside as it is inside.

Trotting out with a mug of cappuccino, i notice that the other neighbor's already there, an older looking donkey from the looks of it, brown fur and black mane held on a bun, wearing a silk scarf on her neck. She's sitting on a rocking chair and knitting something. She notices me as soon as i'm at the door and calls me over. Hopefully this one isn't annoying as the other two.

"¡Buenos dias! Ustedes son mi nuevos vecinos, ¿no?"

What the fuck did she just say to me, did she insult my mother?

"Hahahaha! Oh, the reactions never get old! Pardon me dear, where are my manners. I'm Maria, and i'm assuming you're our new neighbor, yes? It's been a while since we got a new one, and i was getting worried i'd have no one else to share these two perverts with!"

"Oh, um, nice to meet you, i guess. Name's... wait, what do you mean another? And i'm not getting my hoofs anywhere near those two!"

"Don't worry about that dear, it's just that this house gets sold very often, so i'm used to getting new ponies every once in a while. I'm also not keen on them, but with how loud and, well, quirky they are, you end up in the middle of their hijinks one way or another. Now you on the other hand, my, you're such a don juan..."

"I ain't interested in aging ladies, and what do you mean it gets sold often? Shit, i knew that the price was too good to be true, and- wait, what do you mean quirky?!"

"Oof, to the point aren't you? Te atraparé algún día. Oil Pump and Loadsamoney like to get intimate in interesting ways. I'm not one to gossip, but since you're the new resident, i'll fill you in. They say that they're rich noblemen from Canterlot, and they come here some days to take off steam."

"Some days? If they're so rich, then why don't they get a motel or something in Canterlot where there's actual noise dampening and not bother anyone with their fucking?"

"Why, to escape from their families dear, not everyone can handle the married life, so they come here to sort their 'businesses' away from prying eyes. Especially those of their wives. So they bought the place some years ago!"

"Great. On one side i have two adulterers, the other some aunt who can't stop giving me bedroom eyes. Now what's up with the ponies on this house moving out?"

"How about you invite me in and we can show those two how to really break the bed, hombre?"

"Goodbye."

I get back inside and lock the door, just to be sure. Now i can see why the house's cheap. No one wants to get sexually harassed by them, no wonder that sleazy son of a whore sold it for cheap. Well, fuck him, because the money's tight and i'm not going to hunt for another place and lose the rest of the bits that I've got. I'll just bear with it, and then i'll look for someplace else before i pop a vein.

Going to my room, i groan as i flop onto the bed. If i have to take a guess, the noises outside aren't going to stop anytime soon because Celestia hates me, so i grab my pillow and press it against my ears. What a great day off, i meet the ponies who i'm going to live around with and they can't keep it in their pants. I should be taking care of the house, but i'm too tired, i'll just sleep today off and organize everything next time.

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* Ring ring*

* Ring ring*

* Riiiiiiiiiiiing riiiiiiiiiing*

"Oh for the love of-"

Throwing the pillow on the wall, i look around. The light coming from the window's dim, so at least it seems like i slept for a good amount. The doorbell ringing's getting on my nerves, so i rush downstairs to take care of it, bedmane be damned.

Throwing the door open, i glare at the offender. Oh great, its one of my trashy cousins. I know exactly what's going to go down, and my patience for the day has already been depleted.

"Heeeeeey cuz, how're you doing? Auntie told me you moved here! Say, I've been around the block, there are some cool clubs nearby, and i thought that i could crash in-"

"No, not in a thousand years no, go away."

"No no no no man, this ain't it, listen to -"

"No, go away, now."

"You can't just do this man! Every time one of us come to you and you do this!"

"Not only i can, but i am doing this right now. Go away before i call the authorities on you."

I hate these guys. I have to keep my voice stern, but i don't want to yell at them, it wouldn't help me to aggravate them further. Now, if only he wasn't so loud, the neighbors wouldn't have noticed. Shit, they're looking through the windows, this dumbass just had to raise his damn voice, didn't he.

"Oh screw that, i know you got kicked from the navy! The ponice won't come to help you! I bet they hate your guts!"

That's it, I've had enough. I get closer to this idiot and look down on him.

"Look here, 'cuz'. I'm going to say this only once, so tell this to your sisters too. If you come here again looking for a free place, i won't be so gentle on you. The ponice will come, not for me, but to try and find out who beat you up bloody red, now do i make myself clear or will we have a problem here?"

"Hey, hey now cuz... sorry for sayin' that, no need to get violent, i'm- i'mna just go alright, and maybe when you've chilled out i can-"

"If you come back here you will be going back home in a cast."

"K thanks bye!"

Whimpering and with his tail between his legs, he runs away. Good, i hope he pass the message to his sisters, i am so tired of having to deal with them, no matter how many times i say no they come back. Celestia, the neighbors were watching, Maria's at the porch and two unicorns have their heads popping out of the window, i guess they must be Ollie and Load. The donkey raises a mug, offering me something to eat, but i'm just not in the mood. I go back inside and to my room.

I don't feel like doing anything anymore for today, i just lay there, looking at the ceiling, thinking of what my life has come to. Lost my job, got another one that pays half of what i used to make, had to move out to this circus, i can still feel the smell of fish on my coat and my family won't stop pestering me. I hate this, it's better to not dwell on it, i have to be prepared for my shift tomorrow.

Before i notice, sweet sleep takes over me.

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It's cold, too goddamn cold. Shit, don't tell me that the walls are this thin, i remember closing the windows to keep the noise away, it shouldn't be this cold. This day can't get any better can it.

Shuffling in bed, i open my eyes to look at the window and-

Two black eyes with white irises peer at me. A little horn, parting the white mane into two bangs to the sides, coat as white as a sheet of paper and little hoofsies standing on my barrel.

What. What's happening? What is a filly doing in my room? Why is she here, at whatever hours of the night it is right now, looking down at me and how long has she been there?

I think this is the point where ponies would freak the fuck out and piss their pants while screaming bloody murder at the creepy child watching them sleep. However i'm a blue-collar worker who has to go out to a boat in a few hours and my sleep was interrupted by whomever this is after a stressful day.

"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my house?!"

"My house."

"What? This isn't your house little girl, now get outta here before i-"

In my rage i try to grab the filly to push her away from me, only to feel my hoof getting colder and see it going straight through this foal and out of her back, her eyes trailing my hoof then going back to stare directly into my eyes.

No only can i smell bullshit, now i can see it too, looking back at me.