Genealogy - (or the Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)

by Georg

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bat Pony, Comedy, Rarity, Romance, Slice of Life
Length: 83375

A trip to Ponyville turns into adventures in fashion, love, and romance that unfold like a kick to the head with the two most hapless Night Pegasi ever to work for Princess Luna.

When Rarity receives a commission from Princess Luna to design a new “Look” for the Night Court, she didn’t expect the job to include Luna’s own Hoofmaiden and one of her Night Guards for protection. Could Luna have an ulterior motive in sending two big city Nocturne pegasi to small town Ponyville, and would it have anything to do with Celestia’s new hybrid rosebush “Cupid’s Delight” or Luna’s new interest in genetics?

Adventures in fashion, love, and romance that unfold like a kick to the head with the two most hapless Night Pegasi ever to work for Princess Luna.

A stand alone story that can be easily read without the previous appearances of Laminia and Pumpernickel (in chronological order below):
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
Two Unicorns Walk Into a Village
Genealogy (or the Mating Habits of nocturnes pegasi)
Diplomacy by Other Means
The Empty Crib

I would like to extend my thanks to AlicornPriest, an amazing editor who edited this story while being up to his neck in fanfics and overloaded, AND carrying on a full time college workload in the Real World too.

The source document for this story is stored here if you would like to comment directly on certain spots or point out grammar misteaks/tpypos in my otherwise perfect writing (Ha!). We’re glad to have you over and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Published 2012-09-03 01:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-10-20 01:25:23 UTC

Chap. 3 - Repercussions, Concussions and Regret

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Repercussions, Concussions and Regret

“I’m sorry.” To Luna’s sight, Pumpernickel appeared as a miserable huddled mass of charcoal-grey in the darkness of the dimly lit boutique hallway, still curled up in a pile of broken plaster and wallpaper next to the hole he had made with his head. After he had smashed open the front door straight into her face, and leapt onto the ‘intruder’ to finish subduing her, Luna had—reacted badly. He was extremely lucky she had not put him straight through the wall and into the morgue; as it was, the enchantments on his Night Guard armor had soaked up most of the damage. Well, the physical damage at least. The mental damage she was still evaluating on both of their regards.

At least he was not crying. It was not proper for a Royal Guard to cry. Even this one. Luna’s heart fell as she spotted a tiny drop fall from the crumpled guard’s face onto the pristine boutique floor.

Oh horseapples!

He was not the only one seemingly suffering from mental damage: Her disguised Royal Guard, Redoubtable, was sitting in the middle of the floor, barely conscious, with an icepack on his head. Rarity had gone nearly catatonic with worry. Twilight Sparkle was almost frantic with… frantic and had magically materialized so many icepacks that even Rarity was holding one to her head. And Laminia was—inscrutable, in a pose where Luna could not tell if she was laughing or crying. Or maybe both.

The Princess of the Night, Diarch of Equestria, and Complete Goat of the Doorway held her own icepack to her swollen face gingerly. The silence between the ponies that gathered around her in the hallway in various states of health was nerve-wracking. As their Princess, she had to say something to them. They all were waiting on her. At least the flying door had caught her on the side of the face and not on the mouth. Trying to put ponies at ease while lisping from a fat lip would have been much harder.

“I’m sorry,” repeated Pumpernickel yet again. The guard had managed to turn away from Luna and was now facing his impact crater in the wall, as if he were unwilling to face the object of his shame.

“My loyal Night Guard,” she started quietly. “I must admit when I first came to see what my patronage had wrought, I was quite disappointed in you. For a minute, I even considered the possibility that you had abandoned your post. For that, I apologize.”

“I’m sorr—Huh?” The battered guard looked up from the floor only long enough to see the icepack Luna was holding, then turned away. His voice was very cold and distant, as if he were miles away. “I accept your apology, Princess Luna, although the affront I have done to you is far greater. I have struck my liege.” His head drooped to the floor. “There can be no forgiveness for my terrible crime.”

“Yes there is.” Luna waited deliberately until Pumpernickel looked up. “What hypocrisy wouldst thou accuse me of, when mine own sister did forgive me of a crime far greater than thine. Should I condemn you for this act, and accept forgiveness from her? Nay, t’would be perfidy most foul! Instead I have a fate far worse in store that you shall accept in its stead, or I shall be most wroth.”

The miserable Night Guard turned around and prostrated himself in front of Luna, still covered in plaster dust and splinters of wood as he lay before the hooves of his princess awaiting judgement. He twitched ever so slightly as she touched her horn to one armored shoulder, seemingly expecting the touch of that royal horn between his shoulder blades as an execution for his crime of lèse-majesté. With a touch of her horn upon his other shoulder, Luna stepped back and carefully attempted to control her voice to conceal the shame she felt.
“Royal Guard Pumpernickel, faithful servant of the Crown and sworn vassal to the Diarchy. Your diligence in defense of your charge has earned you a well-deserved promotion. You henceforth shall wear the name and title of Pumpernickel, Optio of the Royal Guard.”

“Optio?” Redoubtable shifted from his sprawled out position in the middle of the floor to roll over and look cross-eyed at Luna. “What rank is an Optio?”

Twilight Sparkle turned back from where she had been trying to fix the door by reassembling the shattered puzzle pieces the newly-promoted guard had converted it into. “Princess, are you sure that is a current rank in the Royal Guard? I’ve never heard of it either.”

“Why certes it is! I say so(*). ‘Tis a noble and respectable rank, and if it has fallen from favor, then it shall be reinstated. Hoofmaiden, attend me.”

Laminia glided over to stand beside Luna. “Tend to the wounds of thy and my guardians while I speak with the others. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity, please walk this way.” Luna glided regally out of the hallway and into Rarity’s creativity room, followed uncertainly by the two unicorns.

* * *

“Idiot.” Laminia pulled the icepack away from Pumpernickel’s face briefly before putting it back on a bit too forcefully. “You’re hardly even scratched. I thought you were going to be uglier than you were before.” She glanced contemptuously at the white pegasus who had quit trying to sit up and was just blinking rapidly instead. “How are you doing down there, blondie?”

“Ow. Just freaking wonderful. I think the top of my head got caved in by your coltfriend there.”

“He’s not my coltfriend!” Laminia chucked another icepack at the groaning stallion, who landed back on the floor with a thud.

“Redoubtable? Is that you? I thought you were—more orange.” Pumpernickel shifted his icepack to a more comfortable position and stared at the white pegasus on the floor.

“The glory of graduation day bleaching. Lumpy? Oh Celestia, it is Lumpy! Damnation, I’ll never live this one down.” The white pegasus heaped all the icepacks he could find on top of his head and groaned.

“Lumpy?” Laminia poked Pumpernickel in the ribs with one sharp hoof. “Lumpy? Your name is really Lumpy? Is that Traditional?”

“No,” mumbled Redoubtable from under his icepacks. “Lumpy is a nickname from his combat classes. Lumpy there holds the rather dubious record of being the only one in our whole graduating class to have a perfect record in sparring.”

“Really?” Laminia jabbed him with a hoof again. “And I thought you were a generalized screwup.”

“Yeah,” said Redoubtable with a pained chuckle. “Ouch. Not one win. All ties, or losses. We called him Lumpy because of how long it took to get him knocked down for good. Stubborn ass wouldn’t stay down.” One blue eye looked out from under the ice. “How about a rematch sometime, in a week or twelve after my head quits hurting.”

“I’m not sure, I think I bruised a hoof on your hard head.”

Redoubtable chuckled and retrieved his brown slouch hat. The little burns all over the outside had quit smoldering, each scorch marking the placement of a burned-out protection rune on the steel cap beneath. It made a dull metallic sound when he struck it against the boutique floor, indicating fractures in the steel as well as the demise of the protective enchantments that had protected his skull from the same fate.

“Steel-lined and enchanted, although I’m going to want to get those replaced before any other idiots drop on my head. Being a Royal Courier makes a good cover for escorting the Princess when she doesn't want to gather attention, but I got too used to armor in the Academy. The vest is armored and enchanted a bit too. Keeps me from feeling naked. I didn’t realize the job was this difficult when I volunteered. Although if I were smart enough to look up when I’m on guard duty, it would have helped. I’m just glad I had enchanted steel in my hat, or you’d be trying to figure out what to do with my body.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Now stop that, you over-muscled idiot!” The white pegasus winced and put the ice pack back on top his head, balanced on his stubby mane. “Don’t make me yell, it hurts. You did exactly the right thing. The only thing you did wrong, from what I can tell, is you didn’t knock her the rest of the way out.”

“What?” Pumpernickel sat up. “I hit Her Highn— ”

“Yeah, but you didn’t hit her hard enough. Don’t you remember illusions from Cadet training? You should have known anypony powerful enough to be invisible could be good enough to change their appearance too.”

“I know far too much about illusion spells. Even a soft punch is able to break one.”

“Shut up, you two,” snapped Laminia, looking into Redoubtable’s eyes. “Come on, Lumpy. Let’s get your ugly friend over to Ponyville General. That hat of his wasn’t as hard as your head. His pupils are different sizes.”

It took a little under an hour to finish getting the Royal ‘Courier’ checked into the hospital. Various and sundry medical ponies were right on top of Redoubtable’s injuries as soon as they staggered in the door with one of his wings draped over each of them for support, but the paperwork lasted long after he had been properly treated and bedded down. The doctor’s diagnosis of “Normal Pegasus Impact Syndrome” would probably result in about three days in the hospital until the guard would be released, none the worse for wear.

“I still think we should have put ‘running into a door’ on the form,” groused Pumpernickel on the way back to the boutique.

“But ‘injury sustained during a fight’ is much more accurate. Besides, that nice police mare seemed to enjoy talking to you so much, and if you had written that down, she would have thought the two of you had some sort of lover’s spat. We wouldn’t want one of Princess Luna’s guards arrested for spousal abuse.” Laminia giggled. She seemed to enjoy the whole trip to the hospital far too much. Maybe she just likes seeing others in pain.

When they returned to the boutique, Twilight Sparkle was waiting for them, and redirected their path to the library with a solid stream of conversation. To Laminia’s apparent disappointment, the original purpose of the Royal Visit had already been accomplished: Rarity had shown the injured Royal Princess their incomplete sketches and outlines, as well as the fragmentary bits of clothing they had developed. And she had forcefully rejected them all before returning to Canterlot.

Before her departure, the Princess had ordered both Twilight and Rarity to go straight to bed and not speak of the event to anypony else. Pumpernickel thought that would be a horrible punishment for the hyperactive librarian, because he was willing to bet she even talked in her sleep. She certainly talked when she walked, not stopping for more than the occasional breath as they made their way back to the library.

“…and she made me Pinkie Promise not to tell her sister until she had a chance herself, and I don’t know when she’s going to do it so I can’t tell Princess Celestia, and Rarity was just so upset about the whole thing, even though Princess Luna kept telling her to calm down and finally ordered her to go to bed. I mean… You hit her!” The last few words were uttered in a tiny squeak, as if the unicorn was afraid of being overheard. Or just afraid.

“Let me get this straight,” said Lamina as they entered the library. “You’re upset that Lumpy there not only assaulted the Princess’s personal Royal Guard, but managed to clobber Princess Luna with the door and jumped on top of her like she was a shoplifter? And in return—she promotes him. No torture, no imprisonment, no ‘To-The-Moon’, not even making him into a horrible example of What-Not-To-Do. Not even a pike!”

“Disappointed?” asked Pumpernickel bitterly.

“No,” said Laminia tenderly. In retrospect, that should have clued Pumpernickel to the horrible fate which was about to fall upon him. The Nocturne mare laid a gentle kiss on the Royal Guard’s cheek. “That is for being so sweet and galloping to my rescue when you thought I was in trouble.”

“Well, I— ” Whatever Pumpernickel was about to say was interrupted as Lamina whirled around and lashed out with both back hooves, catching him in the helmet with a crashing noise much like a ringing bell and a spray of sparks from the activated protective enchantments.

“And that’s for hitting the Princess!” she shouted. She turned her back on the stunned Night Guard, smacking him with her tail as she trotted upstairs to the balcony. “I’m going out flying until moonset. I’m too stressed to work. As my assigned guard and protector, you are going to fly with me tonight, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Pumpernickel said, staggering to his hooves and shaking his head to get rid of the persistent ringing in his ears. Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder as he passed.

“Is that sort of behavior Traditional for the Nocturne?”

The Night Guard blinked a couple of times and took a deep breath. “I hope not.”

The air high above the village felt clean and crisp, a far cry from flying over the busy city of Canterlot. Ahead of him, his charge flapped laboriously through the air in the general direction of the reservoir, giving Pumpernickel a chance to think. Unfortunately, since he had clocked the Princess in the face, the only thought that came to mind was about his inevitable horrible fate once his actions were made known. After all, Princess Luna had a sister, and his own sisters were a bunch of devious vengeful creatures that made him wish the Nocturne clans still kept mares locked up in the house at night instead of letting them run loose.

He had to admit, Laminia was getting better at her flying since she no longer put so much effort into a wild flailing of the wings like feathered pegasi. Night Pegasi wings were more dragon-like than bat; long slow strokes and gliding on thermals were the rule. Without the ability to soar through the night, his charge would never be able to properly attract a mate. He shook his head at the mental image and returned to flying.

* * *

“Do you think we’re too early?”

Pumpernickel looked across the sleeping city at the moonlit clock tower and shook his head. “No, Pinkie Pie said our party was at 2:00, and it’s just a few minutes until. I’m just glad she decided to have it during our regular waking hours. Can you imagine having to stay up until the afternoon for a party? We’d probably both be sound asleep before the cake was cut.” The two Night Pegasi descended in a spiral down through the night air to the very dark Sugarcube Corner, and stopped at the front door.

“It seems awfully quiet,” said Laminia. “I thought you said we wanted a regular party. I just hate it when ponies try to jump out of the dark at you. Try not to bop any of them on the nose, okay?”

Pumpernickel frowned at her giggling and tried the door, which opened silently at his touch. “Hello?” he whispered. “You can all jump out now.” The inside of the bakery seemed well-lit to their Night Pegasus eyes even though regular ponies would be blundering around in the dark. As much as they looked around, there were no ponies hiding anywhere.

“You don’t think she’s having the party in her room?” It took checking a few doors before they found the perky pink party pony, sound asleep in her bed and snoring like a saw.

“Oh,” said Pumpernickel as realization finally crashed in. “She did mean 2:00 in the afternoon.”

“Whaaa? Imma wakie, wakie.” Pinkie Pie sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide open, and yawned. “Oh goods, yere here. I’ll jush get the balloons aired up and wer good.” She picked up her blanket and began breathing heavily into it.

Laminia paused and tapped the sleepwalking pink pony on the shoulder. “Pinkie Pie, I’m sorry but we… I mean my idiot bodyguard thought the party was at night. We can come back this afternoon.”

“nonononooo. Im all reddy, lemmie stat the musik and get cooookie.” The pink pony began fumbling with objects on her nightstand, finally turning an empty plate over and laying a pencil on it. “There, moose sticks. Awful quiet, I’ll fixit.”

Pumpernickel sighed. “Pinkie Pie, why don’t you just lie down. It’s a game. You lie down under your covers and count to… a hundred thousand. When you’re done, you can come out and find us. How does that sound?”

“Oh wunnerful, imma best hidnseeker. One… two… two… four… Zzzz” The two Night Pegasi gently tiphooved out of the room, remaining quiet as mice with fuzzy slippers until they both were back into the sky above the town.

“You get to explain that one to her when she wakes up tomorrow,” said Pumpernickel blearily. “Right now though I just want to land somewhere. I’m bushed.”

“How about we go see the library at Twilight,” suggested Laminia with a yawn. “No, I take it back. Luna told her to go to bed. I mean the Twilight at the library. That tree.” She shook her head to stay awake and took a deep breath. “I’ll make coffee.”

“The tree with the light shining out from behind the shades?” The two Night Pegasi landed quietly on the balcony and tiphooved down the stairs. Neither of them were surprised to find the nervous purple unicorn buried in a pile of research books, trying to flip through several of them at the same time.

“Boo!” said Laminia from behind Twilight Sparkle.

Pumpernickel promptly clopped his charge gently upside the head and scolded, “Hey, be nice! Didn’t you learn anything from my… Oh never mind,” He rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Go ahead, scare Princess Celestia’s star pupil, the most powerful unicorn in the country. Boo Twilight, we’re scary Night Pegasi and you’re not in bed like Luna—Princess Luna said, so you’re supposed to be scared and jump up or something. We’re so scary. Whoo-hoo. Yeah.” He finished with an enormous yawn and a polite cough.

“Can you two wait just a minute?” said Twilight Sparkle as she lifted another book and flipped through it. “I’m almost done.” Several minutes passed as she flipped through more books, making an uneven pile. Finally she put them to one side with a shudder.

“That was just—wrong. What was it you wanted to tell me?”

“Nothing,” grumbled Laminia with a yawn. “You sucked all the fun out of it. Find anything interesting?”

“Oh, nothing really.” The purple aura of her horn enveloped the books as they flew back to their slots in the bookshelves. Pumpernickel barely caught a glimpse of one named “Heinous Criminals of Ancient Equestria and their Executions”, which only brought up the nauseating memory of how Luna’s face looked when he smashed the door into it and jumped on top of—

“I need to use the bathroom!” Pumpernickel darted from the room.

Laminia snickered and called out after him, “Clean up when you’re done!”

Twilight Sparkle watched as he dashed away, waiting until the Night Guard had slammed the door to the bathroom and was busy being sick before she turned to Laminia with a frown. “Just what are you doing with that poor stallion?”

“What? Me?” Laminia laid a hoof innocently across her chest. “I’m just a fashion designer, he’s just my guardian. That’s all.”

“I can’t help but notice you have been—” Twilight stopped and groped for a word.

“Horrid? Awful? Rude?” She kicked viciously at a bookcase and scowled. “It’s worse when I’m short on sleep. I can’t help my own special talent.”

“You mean you won’t help it.” Twilight Sparkle stared down the Nocturne mare. “Rarity told me about the story you told on the train. I don’t think it is even possible for somepony’s cutie mark to be as hurtful and nasty as you made it sound. Cuties marks are positive and special gifts we have that make us better, not turn us into bad ponies.” Laminia’s lips drew back into a thin line as the unicorn continued, “Yours is fairly unique, and I’ve done some reading. Although I’ve never heard of you before a few days ago— ”

“Don’t you lie to me! You know all about me already!” shouted Laminia abruptly, reddening with anger. “You’re Princess Celestia’s private little pet. She’s already told you all about me, how I almost drove her sister crazy by hiding in the room under her bedroom and whispering things to her when she was sleeping. Terrible, hurtful things.

“I was ashamed of the way Luna was after being shorn of the power of Nightmare Moon, ashamed how weak and powerless she looked. So what if I tried to make her change back, to grasp the power she once held? I knew in my heart she could control it this time, she could be the powerful Queen of our legends once again. I knew it, and I never once even considered it was tearing her apart. All because I loved her, and wanted her to be the imaginary creature that never existed except in my dreams and that damnable Book of Tradition!”

The Night Pegasus viciously kicked a library table across the room. Her voice dropped and she sat down abruptly. “I hurt everybody I love. And even after what I did to Princess Luna, even after Princess Celestia and every single Night Guard in the castle caught me red-hoofed in the room under her bedroom whispering. Even then, Princess Celestia forgave me, and healed my wing that had been crippled since birth. She gave me to her sister Luna so that I might serve restitution. HA! Like what I did could ever be forgiven no matter what punishment I’m given.”

“I-I didn’t know,” said Twilight Sparkle. “Princess Celestia never told me what happened. Luna just dropped by the town a few weeks ago in a disguise, spent the day here, and left. We all thought it was a little strange and that something was bothering her, but she didn’t seem to want us to know it was her, and we didn’t pry. Much. We’re kind of used to strange things happening around town. It wasn’t until after the visit that we heard how depressed she had gotten, and by then she was feeling so much better. I’ve never heard anypony say anything about you or anypony trying to—do that to her.”

“You didn’t know about me?” Laminia blinked away tears.

“I didn’t either.” Pumpernickel stood in the bathroom doorway holding a towel. “Not until now.”

Laminia’s lip curled up and the tears vanished. “Oh, a likely—”

Pumpernickel interrupted angrily. “I was the one up in Princess Luna’s bedroom wearing an illusion spell to draw off any watchers while the rest of the Night Guard were with Princess Celestia talking to you, it seems.” His voice took on an acidic tone. “None of them would tell me what was going on then or even afterwards. Not even my own family! None of the Night Guard trusts me since I talked them into making that damned fool offer to Princess Luna.”

“What offer?” asked Twilight innocently.

“I talked the rest of the Night Guard into offering to betray our oaths to Princess Celestia and to swear exclusive loyalty to Princess Luna.” Pumpernickel stopped cold, blinking at the astonished looks the two mares were giving him. “But you already knew that. Right?”

“That’s treason,” gasped Twilight Sparkle.

“That’s outright stupidity,” snapped Laminia. “You would have to be crazy to even think of it.”

“Well if you hadn’t driven Princess Luna half-crazy in the first place, we wouldn’t have been so desperate to do something to help her. Being around Princess Celestia was driving her crazier every night! She was constantly being compared to her sister by everypony in the castle, including herself. No matter what she did, she was looking in this perfect mirror all the time and all she could see was her own flaws.”

Laminia snarled, “I know what she was going through! I was a cripple myself, and every day I saw Celestia in the castle, all perfect and radiant, it made me feel like some horrid insect that should be crushed beneath her hoof!”

“You didn’t have to stay! Why didn’t you just leave!”

“It was my job! My family lives there! I couldn’t leave!”

“Well Luna could! If the Night Guard had sworn to her, we could have gotten her to leave the castle and go somewhere. Anywhere! As long as it was far away so she could recover without having that perfect sister rubbed in her face every day.”

“Oh, brilliant! You thought the best way to get Luna to recover from her stress was to attempt to recreate the Exodus? That’s the first step of Nightmare Moon!”

“I wasn’t thinking! We were all worried! We only wanted what was good for her!”

“Well so did I.”

A sleepy young draconic voice rasped from the other room, “Could you two pipe down? This is supposed to be a library.”

While the two dark figures glared at each other, Twilight Sparkle stayed quietly out of the way with only the tiny scratching noises of a pen showing she was even there.

“You disgust me,” whispered Laminia. “I will be writing to Princess Luna to have you taken from my security detail and replaced by a proper Night Guard.”

“Fine,” whispered Pumpernickel. “Redoubtable should be out of the hospital in three nights. Will he be acceptable? He was an admirable cadet during our training, and Princess Luna obviously trusts him with her own protection. He is a very loyal and brave Night Guard.”

“And just as brainless as the rest of them,” she quietly snarled. The silent clock on the back wall of the library slowly counted out the seconds as their anger cooled. “Fine.”

“Fine.” Pumpernickel looked away with a glower that turned into a subdued yawn. “At least he’s getting some sleep in the hospital.”

“What, you can’t sleep either?” After a worried glance at the back of the library where the baby dragon was sleeping, Laminia lowered her voice and acidly remarked, “Rarity hums while she works.”

“The hotel maids keep knocking on my door.”

“Pervert. So that’s what has been keeping you up. At least they aren’t running a sewing machine at all hours of the day.”

Pumpernickel scoffed quietly. “You want something really noisy? Whatever unicorn designed the vacuum cleaner should be tied to one of them every day for the rest of his life.”

“Oh don’t get me started,” muttered Laminia. “She’s such a hyperactive neat nut. Sweeping, vacuuming, snipping, unrolling rolls of cloth, all day! And she breaks out in song while working! Can you believe that?”

“You wouldn't be able to sleep in the hotel either then. Afternoon is check-in time: foals screaming down the hallways, maids knocking on doors, and luggage carts rumbling by until moonrise. But no singing.” Pumpernickel paused with a curious look. “Does she really break out into song?”

“Oh, everypony does,” said Twilight Sparkle absently as she scribbled away, stopping only when she became aware of the two pegasi looking at her quizzically. “Why don’t you just wear earplugs?”

“Sensitive ears.”

“Ooooh.” Twilight thought for a moment while chewing on the back of her quill. “I could cast a silence spell on your bedrooms. Would that help?”

There was a very long pause as both Night Pegasi recognized the answer to their problem had been staring them in the face, but neither of them wanted to admit the oversight, shuffling their hooves and looking in every direction except the librarian much like small foals caught raiding the cookie jar. Finally, Pumpernickel muttered, “You first.”

“No, you’re the big bad Night Guard. You tell her.”

“Well, you’re the… never mind.” Pumpernickel smoothed his tangled mane and cleared his throat. “Yes. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Thank you from both of us. I’m sorry we did not ask you sooner.”

“Well… Okay then. I’ll just need a nice quiet area to link half of the spell to, like my storeroom upstairs. Then I’ll link the other half of the spell to your sleeping area. Oh, I don’t think the hotel will let me do that, but Rarity’s boutique should not be a problem.”

Lamina shook her head until her mane flew around. “That is unacceptable. My guard needs his rest too, so he does not bop any more princesses on the nose.”

Pumpernickel cringed and seemingly sank in on himself. “I could sleep outside your door, if Miss Twilight can expand the spell enough to cover me. It’s only for three nights.”

It was Twilight Sparkle’s turn to shake her head. “You didn’t talk to Rarity. She was absolutely terrified of you after your—Princess incident. I don’t think she will want you inside her boutique anymore. Would you be able to sleep in my basement?”

Pumpernickel shuddered. “Underground?”

“Twilight,” said Laminia quietly. “That storeroom you have. How large is it?”

Emptied of a few boxes of books, the windowless storeroom was just barely large enough to turn around in. With the addition of a few cushions, the two Nocturne declared it to be a perfect bedroom for Pumpernickel to sleep away the day: Dark, quiet, windowless, quiet, well-aired, quiet, secluded away from lonely mares, and above all, quiet.

“I’ll go get my things from the hotel in the evening and finish moving in if this works out today. Thank you again, Twilight Sparkle. I promise to be a very quiet nocturnal houseguest. Not as useful as Owlowiscious, but quiet.” Pumpernickel looked at the tiny room and sighed. “It almost makes me feel like home.”

Twilight laughed quietly and asked, “What, was your bedroom this small at home too?”

“Oh, stars no. My whole family sleeps in one room. Aunts, uncles, cousins, foals. It’s about thirty of us, packed in hoof to flank, very Traditional. How about you, Laminia?”

The Night Pegasus mare replied coldly, “The Pins provide me with my own quarters.” Her face softened slightly and she continued, “But my old family used to sleep in one big heap too. It was the only time when I was accepted for what I was. Warm.”

“Yes, I know what you mean.” Pumpernickel patted her on the shoulder. “When I was away from my family at the Academy, I had a very difficult time sleeping. I was the only Night Pegasus in my class, but a heap of one is just not a heap. That first night back home after graduation I slept like a boulder. I miss that.”

Laminia stood for a long time in the small room with Pumpernickel before blurting out, “Do you need any company?”

“Wait a minute,” interrupted Twilight Sparkle. “I thought you d—” She coughed gently. “Didn’t like him?”

“I believe I used the word… Well, that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean I can’t sleep with him.” Both Nocturne were looking at her with such matter-of-fact faces that Twilight just had to keep digging.

“But… I thought only stallions and mares slept alone in the same bed if they were—” Twilight’s voice dropped to a whisper “—intimate.”

Laminia and Pumpernickel looked at each other with matching ‘No, You Tell Her’ expressions. “Twilight,” began Pumpernickel patiently. “It’s just for sleeping. Nocturne mate in the clouds among the stars.”

“That’s why my family was so upset that I had a crippled wing,” continued Laminia. “With no honorable mating prospects, I was about as welcome in the family as a caterpillar in a salad. I would have been a drain on their resources until the day I died, unless I went out and got a—” Laminia shuddered dramatically “—job. Oh woe is it that one of our poor, defenseless mares would wish to work outside the home, how un-Traditional. Oh, the shame unto our clan!”

“Oh.” Twilight looked uncomfortable. “I was just wondering. You know there is a baby dragon in the library and—well, I didn’t want to get any difficult questions about nighttime noises.”

* * *

Princess Celestia worried slightly as she nibbled a piece of toast, stalling for time while waiting for her sister to make her traditional appearance at the private breakfast that they had begun to share again over the last few weeks. Luna always had been a bit loose on punctuality for most informal things, but breakfast was normally another matter entirely. Finally she heard the door behind her open and close to the familiar sounds of her sister’s shoes on the tile floor. Smiling inside as well as out, she spooned out a bit of delightful fruit salad and called over her shoulder. “Oh sister, I was beginning to worry. Have you completed those books on cross-pollination you borr—Oh, good heavens!”

The dark indigo alicorn fairly drooped from tail to face, and sported a black eye that even managed to shine through her dark coat in lumpy bruises from the base of her horn down to the top of her jaw. Futile attempts to cover the injury with various shades of makeup lay scattered about the facial battlefield, their abandoned assaults upon the radiant bruising heaped to the side and tangled in her delicate coat like dried paint. Celestia cleared her throat and tried to think of something caring and sisterly to say, but the only thing that came out was, “Luna, you look terrible. What happened?”

“Nothing.” She buttered a piece of toast with fierce intensity.

“I heard from the Night Steward that you left to visit your designer in Ponyville last night, and he said you returned without your guard. Were you attacked? Why did you not tell me?!”

“I said nothing happened.” Luna bit down fiercely on her toast with a sharp crunch.

“Luna!” Princess Celestia sharply addressed her sister with a frown. “Tell me what happened to your face. As your sister I deserve to know.”

“I ran into a door.”

Dear Princess Celestia,

The Nocturne that your sister has sent to town constantly talk about something called a “Book of Tradition.” I’ve searched the library here and sent inquiries to the Canterlot Archives with no success. Would you happen to know where a copy is so I can borrow it?

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

The Nocturne “Book of Tradition” is a collection of family history, genealogy, stories, deeds and such that is kept by each of the individual Night Pegasus families in various towns across Equestria. From what I understand, on the rare occasion when an individual decides to strike out and create their own family group, he or she manually copies their families entire book, so they may have a copy for their own family. Their families tend to be clannish types, with multiple relatives all living under the same roof in a large extended family, so I would presume each family book is quite large and unique.

I apologize for being somewhat imprecise on the details of the book. I’ve never actually seen a copy from any of the families. I will ask Luna to have one of the families send you a copy on brief loan as soon as possible.

By the way, during her last visit to your town, my sister appeared to have run into a bit of trouble. Would you know what happened?

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

Dear Princess Celestia,

Please don’t be angry. I can’t tell you what happened, I promised.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I have instructed my Nocturne to send you copies of their Book of Tradition. I have never actually seen one myself, so I would appreciate it if you could make me a copy of my own that I may peruse at leisure.

Thank you for keeping the events of my trip to your town in confidence.

Sincerely,
Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria, Princess of the Moon and Night, Keeper of the Stars and Planets, Matriarch of Dreams and Ruler of Shadows

Flying was an excellent way to burn off Cloud Cakes, but Princess Celestia could not concentrate on the healthy exercise or the beauty of the countryside as she soared regally above the ground in the mid-morning sun, skimming a few wayward clouds. A wedge of strongly-flapping Royal Guard pegasi spread out behind her, their wings barely able to keep up with their princess despite the distraction that slowed her wingbeats. Trailing far behind them were several sky chariots, each with a burly unicorn or earth pony Royal Guard that Celestia was only peripherally aware of as she flew, her concerns for Luna taking up most of her conscious thought.

Better to err on the side of caution. Whatever in Equestria had hurt Luna might still be in Ponyville, and an overwhelming display of force… would scare the everloving bejeebers out of her ordinary ponies in the little town.

She frowned and slowed her flight to allow Commander Swift Wings to catch up. “Commander. Spread one squad around the area. I want your two best at my side when I talk to my faithful student. The rest of you are to stay above the overcast and hold position as a reserve. If you see Pumpernickel or Redoubtable, they are to be detained without injury.”

“What if they resist?” The panting armored pegasus was too far back to see Celestia’s face, but he could easily recognize the anger in her next words.

“Then you will detain them without injury.”

To say Twilight Sparkle was a late sleeper who reacted badly to sudden morning events would be like saying Soarin’ liked pie, or Cloud Kicker liked… ahem. In any event, the sudden unannounced arrival of the Princess of the Sun at the Golden Oaks Library front door propelled the suddenly awakened purple unicorn into such a state of frenzy that Spike decided to cling to the second better part of valor: Concealment.

Books flung themselves around the library bound in purple auras, hunting for random empty spots on the shelves. Tables scooted across the floor, notes bundled themselves up and threw themselves into desk drawers. A broom and mop darted out of the closet and made a trip around the library with such speed that the Wonderbolts would have hired them on the spot. In the kitchenette, the coffee percolator perked, the toaster toasted, the frying pan fried, and after a few minutes, the front door to the library popped open.

“HelloPrincesswelcometothelibrarywhatareyoudoinginPonyvilledoesthishaveanythingtodowithyoursisternoIcan’tsayanythingaboutthatyetwouldyoulikeapieceoftoast?” Twilight Sparkle stood nervously grinning in the kitchenette doorway. Behind her a faint curl of burnt toast smoke began to drift upwards, indicating a toaster which had just turned into a burner.

The two emotionless Royal Guard pegasi who preceded Princess Celestia into the room spread out to either side of Her Highness, taking up their stoic guard positions as if nothing were wrong. It would take a very astute observer to notice their sharp gaze darting about the room, or the razor-edged tension they carried. It would take a powerful unicorn to notice the faint shimmers at the edges of their sweaty wings where enchanted wingblades were placed, making them fully ready for lethal combat at a moment’s notice.

Twilight Sparkle was both astute and powerful.

Princess Celestia strode forward into the library, a stern and unforgiving expression on her face. It was not a face the cringing Twilight had often seen. “Twilight Sparkle. What happened to my sister on her visit to your town?”

* * *

Pumpernickel squinted across the long expanse of overcast clouds that stretched nearly across the Ponyville valley. Nearly, because somewhere around town there was some sort of gathering of the Royal Guard, which was an enormous inconvenience to the local weather team’s plan for a long afternoon shower.

“I don’t have any idea what’s going on over there,” said Pumpernickel with a wince from his headache. Night Pegasi had very good night vision, but the bright sunlight reflecting from the white fluffy clouds made them almost as blind as regular ponies were in the dark. “Maybe they’ll go away by the time we have to be back for the party.”

Laminia yawned. “I hope Pinkie Pie doesn’t make too big a deal out of the party. I’m about dead on my hooves. I normally don’t stay up this late.”

The group of pegasi from the weather team who had taken a break from putting together an afternoon storm remained clustered together on the nearby cloud layer for company. Despite having introduced themselves and shared their own guesses about the purpose of the gathering of Royal Guard parked above Ponyville, they still seemed to share a little skepticism about the pair of dark bat-winged ponies parked on ‘their’ work.

“So. Laminia, right?” The powder-blue pegasus with the rainbow mane had been in constant motion since the becalmed weather team had decided to take a break next to the Night Pegasi. Rainbow Dash seemed less worried about what the Royal Guard was doing over her town, than about the delay this was going to cause in the rain schedule. She had even gone so far as to mention the unmentionable word: Overtime.

“Yes, Rainbow Dash?” Laminia was being unusually quiet and respectful this morning despite, or perhaps because of the interruption in her training schedule. Pumpernickel was torn between wishing the sun was making her eyes hurt as bad as his were, or the forlorn hope that perhaps she was going to be somewhat civil for his remaining three nights.

“Why don’t ‘cha send your buddy there over and see if he can get any more info from his fellow Royal Guards? They didn’t want to talk to us at all, just kicked our flanks out of our airspace and won’t say when they’re leaving or nothing.”

“No,” said Pumpernickel before his charge could even open her mouth. “I’m not leaving her unguarded. And no,” he continued, “I’m not going to take her over there with me and ask. If there is something dangerous happening, I would be negligent in my duties to take her into harm’s way.” Pumpernickel shifted a bit nervously. Every one of the colorful pegasi in the weather team were female, and every time he opened his leathery wings, he felt three pairs of eyes on them. Four if you counted Laminia.

“Well there’s gotta be something going on,” grumbled a glossy yellow pegasus with an attractive blue-green mane. “My cousin Redoubtable is in Ponyville General with his head all bandaged up. I hadn’t seen him since he went off to Basic Training, and I didn’t think my first view of him since he became a Royal Guard would have been in a hospital bed. He sounds pissed too, but he wouldn’t talk about what happened no matter how much I threatened him.”

“Ooo Raindrops, is that your hot, orange-flavored cousin? I’d bang him in a minute. Maybe I should drop by the hospital later, offer a little bit of compassion, if you know what I mean.”

“Cloud Kicker! Raindrops!” blurted out Rainbow Dash. “Cut that out!” She smiled at Laminia and gave an insecure chuckle. “Sorry about that ma’am. They’re a bit high-strung without some work to keep ‘em busy. So what’cha doing up here anyway. Kind of bright out for ba—” She bit off the word with a sudden glance at an apparently fascinating cloud some distance away.

“Bats,” said Laminia tonelessly. Pumpernickel braced himself for another outburst, but the Night Pegasus mare simply waved one hoof as if dispersing some small fluffy cloud. “We are used to the word. We have heard worse.” She took a theatrical deep breath and looked away. “My guard is attempting to train me in the proper use of my wings. I was born with a crippled wing—” All three pegasi mares gasped in horror; losing a wing was an almost unthinkable infirmity among the sky-dwelling ponies “—and only recently had it healed. See?” She extended both wings out as far as they could reach, gathering an appreciative “Ooo” from her audience and one whistle from Cloud Kicker.

Rainbow Dash popped up into the air and hovered. “Well then, we’d be happy to help out! We’re not doing anything until the Royal Guard clears out anyway. Come on girls! It’ll be just like Flight Camp!”

The two tired Night Pegasi spiraled down to the ground outside Ponyville accompanied by the weather team, making a gentle landing on the other side of the bridge outside of the Royal Guard no-fly zone over the city. It had been a very nice impromptu flying lesson for Laminia from her fellow female fliers, and Pumpernickel gave serious thought to seeing about adding some early-rising pegasi to assist with her training. Although none of them had paid a bit of attention to his request to wait on coming into town until the Royal Guard had left, Laminia had actually listened to their flying advice and followed it instead of constantly sniping at them and trying to make them angry. He had to admit, Laminia was very unlike herself this afternoon. She had been calm. Well-spoken. Polite. Until they met the Royal Guards on the bridge into town.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. Your guard is being detained.” The grey unicorn Royal Guard officer gestured at where Pumpernickel was flanked by two other stern earth pony guards.

“No!” Laminia stomped one hoof into the dust of the road and glared at the obstructive officer. “I will not stand for this. He’s MINE, and you can’t take him away.” Her yellow eyes narrowed as she stalked towards the suddenly hesitant unicorn. “He was assigned to me by Luna herself. Your Princess! You don’t have the authority to remove him.”

The unicorn guard had backed up to the edge of the bridge; one more step and his flank would wind up in the river. It was strangely cathartic to see her unload her anger on a different stallion, but after a few moments, Pumpernickel took mercy on his fellow Royal Guard and cleared his throat.

“Actually, he does.”

“What?” Laminia turned on her fellow Night Pegasus with a murderous look in her eyes.

“From the manual, Section 5, subsection C, paragraph 4. ‘The elements of a protective detail are subject to removal upon the determination of an officer of higher rank, to be replaced with units of similar rank and function at the discretion of the protective detail’s assignee.’ Um… That’s you.”

“Fine!” She fairly crackled with rage as she turned back on the hapless officer. “Find me a replacement of similar rank for—” Laminia’s lips turned back in a snarl “—Optio Pumpernickel.”

“They’re here! They’re here!” Pinkie Pie bounced around the ground floor of Sugarcube Corner like an overinflated pink ball, making one last check of the punch bowl, the streamers, the confetti, and best of all, the cake! She peeked carefully under the serving tray, taking a gentle swat at a white hoof that tried to sneak a piece of cake while she was peeking. “Nope! No cake until the party guests arrive, that’s Rule #58!”

Princess Celestia gently rubbed her hoof. “Not even just one little piece?”

“Nope! Not even for Gummy. Those are the Rules!” Pinkie bounced to the entrance and welcomed the two charcoal-grey pegasi, escorted into the bakery by a quartet of Royal Guards. They both looked tired and drawn from being up this late in the day, but Princess Celestia got a twinge of anxiety when she saw the stressed look on her sister’s Hoofmaiden.

“Good afternoon, Laminia and Pumpernickel,” the Princess said. “Welcome to your party.”

Princess Celestia had many normal lifetimes to recognize the emotions that mortals tried to hide. In even her worst days, she easily could have fleeced the sharpest poker players and con artists in Equestria, but thankfully for the gaming industry, she restricted herself to confounding diplomats and courtiers for much higher stakes. As Laminia walked up and bowed respectfully to her, the surface emotions of the charcoal-grey pony appeared to be calm and collected. The rage that radiated through her skin, however, made Celestia quite glad to have so many of her guards about.

Strangely enough, the anger she harbored appeared to be generalized, with no one individual present who seemed to be the focus for all that ire. Only Celestia was spared her anger. Whenever Laminia looked at her, a cloud of sorrow and regret seemed to swallow the anger up, leaving nothing but ashes.

On the other hoof, Pumpernickel was acting much more formally than any time Celestia had seen him before, except that one time he had gotten his tail stuck in Luna’s door. From his expression, he had retreated into his Royal Guard ‘face’ with the intensity of a cadet on a parade ground. He certainly seemed to have what Luna would call ‘a stick up his rear’ and quite deeply indeed today. It saddened her to see that all of the blunt honesty and compassion she had grown to appreciate in the young Nocturne guard was now buried so deeply.

She gave a little mental sigh, allowing the party to continue until the cake was being served before gesturing Laminia over. “We need to talk. Privately.”

Sugarcube Corner’s back room provided a momentary respite from the noise of the party, as Princess Celestia guided the two Night Pegasi back to their quick private meeting. Commander Swift Wings was already in the room and took his proper place inside the room, guarding the door while his liege spoke privately and firmly to her subjects.

“Laminia. Tell me what happened to my sister last night. I know she was injured, and for some reason she has convinced Twilight Sparkle and Rarity to keep secret just what happened.” The chocolate cake hovering at Celestia’s side had a fork embedded in it, but no bites, showing just how upset she was. “Please. I am very concerned.”

The Night Pegasus mare looked down at the ground, apparently deep in thought. “Your Highness. I am truly sorry. No.”

“No?” Celestia took a step forward and looked at the Night Guard, standing in perfect parade attention at the side of Laminia as if he were about to be inspected. “Pumpernickel, at least you—”

“No!” Laminia snapped a look at her guard. “Say nothing.”

A faint haze of ozone seemed to gather in the room as Celestia glared down upon her sister’s Hoofmaiden. “You dare to command my Royal Guard?”

“Only when he was about to say something stupid!” Laminia met her gaze solidly, without blinking. “Something that would hurt both of the princesses we care about.”

Princess Celestia took a step back and nodded sternly, even as her emotions churned. “Explain yourself.”

The Night Pegasus mare bowed flat before Celestia and closed both eyes. “Please, Your Highness. Do not be angry with us. When Luna and—yourself clashed back before the time of Nightmare Moon, your disagreements did not just start overnight, correct?”

“Yes,” Celestia nodded hesitantly. “They began very small, and grew.”

“Small lies of omission such as your sister not telling you how she was wounded in our town, and you going to investigate without telling her. Correct?”

“Corre—” Princess Celestia blinked. “Wait. That’s not quite how it started.”

“But that’s how it is starting now,” said the Nocturne mare quietly. “If someone other than your own sister tells you what happened last night, a seed of distrust and doubt will be planted in both of you. It may take many years, but if it takes root and grows…”

“The Nightmare could return?” completed Princess Celestia skeptically. “But this is a fairly minor matter.”

“Yet you brought the Royal Guard.”

“Only as a precaution. She is my little sister, she needs protected from whatever danger is here.”

“So you weakened the Royal Guard protecting her in Canterlot, so they could protect you here?”

“That’s not…” Princess Celestia trailed off with an angry look. “I thought there may be a threat here.”

“There is.” Laminia looked up at Princess Celestia’s, her golden eyes reminding the Princess eerily of the sorrowful look Nightmare Moon gave her in the moment before the Elements of Harmony sent her to the moon. “The two of you are a family. Before Nightmare Moon tore you apart, there was nothing that separated you. There was only the Royal Pony Sisters of Day and Night, the Elements of Harmony in word and deed. You had an absolute bond of trust and love that nothing could break. The spirit of chaos who took the name ‘Discord’ was unable to break that bond, because he attacked it directly. Nightmare Moon did with subtlety what Discord could not do with force. She tore your family apart bit by bit until there was nothing left. One. Little. Lie. At. A time.”

Laminia dropped her head and looked at the floor, thankfully breaking eye contact before Celestia had to blink away a tear. “I know all about lies. The little ones are easy. They can destroy far faster than anything can heal. I urge you, return to your sister. Talk to her. Tell her what you have done, and do not let this come between you. Neither of us want to lose her again.”

“My Princess!” Commander Swift Wing scowled at the two Night Pegasi. “This is just silly! Your sister was injured in this town, and it is our responsibility to—”

“Prepare my guards to leave.” Celestia fixed him with a firm gaze. “We will return to Canterlot at once. And you will not speak of this. Go.” Once the pegasus Commander had left the room, Princess Celestia looked down on Laminia with a warm sigh. “Child, get up. This was supposed to be your party.”

The charcoal-grey Night Pegasus got up onto her hooves, but held her head down until the Princess lifted it up with one wingtip and gazed into her yellow eyes. “There is something I must confess to you. I was a bit hesitant about having you assigned to my sister as her Hoofmaiden, due to your—history. Perhaps it is wise to have one who has seen the darkness, and knows what is within, to guide you in dangerous times. It is good to see my trust in both of you was apparently warranted.”

Laminia lifted her head proudly with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “I serve the Princesses.”

“Good.” Princess Celestia tapped her gently on the chest with one hoof. “Do not lose yourself while you strive to serve others. It is far too easy to do.” She nodded at the Night Guard to her side. “Keep up the good work, Pumpernickel. You’re doing a fine job.”

After a long period of unresponsive silence, Laminia said, “Your Highness? I think you broke him.” The Night Guard continued to stared at the far wall, unblinking, with only his breathing indicating he was alive.

Celestia chuckled, “Oh, it happens to the guards once in a while. They just need to be reset. Luna has a very low sense of humor, but since he’s one of yours, I’ll tell you how she does it.” She whispered in Laminia’s ear.

“Oh that’s just… How in the world…” Laminia lowered her voice. “Does she really do that?”

“Oh, yes. She says it ‘takes the stick out’. Just wait until we’re out of the building; I don’t want to alarm my own guard.

The Princess of the Sun trotted out of the room, leaving her untouched piece of cake sitting forgotten on the table. Laminia waited until the noises from the other room had died out, and the sound of wings ascending into the afternoon sky had begun to fade, before carrying out Princess Celestia’s suggestion. She leaned over to the Night Guard, bent one of his ears down, and after a moment of consideration as where to apply her tongue for best results, gave it a good wet lick.

“YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!”

High in the sky above Ponyville, Princess Celestia granted herself a brief moment to smile before returning to the serious business of flying back to the castle to speak with her sister. Behind her, the untouched piece of cake sat unnoticed among the party decorations. Briefly.

“Hey, leftover cake!”

(*) Quia ego sic dico, the basis for the Alicorn Princess’ Right of Rule for many centuries.

Chap. 4 - Not-So Random Selection

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Not-So Random Selection

The Nocturne had a secret which was only guessed at by the other races of ponies. It was also a closely-held secret for Luna since her return, and she preferred not to advertise it around either. After all, it was her spell, with Nightmare Moon’s power, that had turned her winged followers into the race of dragon-winged dark ponies known as the Nocturne. The forbidden powers that lurked beneath the surface of the Everfree Forest may have been channeled by Nightmare Moon, but the spell they powered was originally created by Luna. That spell had a teeny, tiny flaw that would have irked Nightmare Moon to no end, and would have ultimately caused the collapse of Night Eternal. Luna did not think of it so much as a flaw, but as a feature.

Night Pegasi could not easily sleep while the moon was up.

Princess Celestia had known of the spell her sister had crafted even before the times of Nightmare Moon. After all, her and Luna were sisters, and the most powerful source of magic in the entire country. She had contributed little to her sister’s spell designs other than constructive criticism, and a great deal of grammar and spellchecking, but the spell was still only a theory at that time. The concept might have been valid, but Celestia viewed the idea of a pony who not only was forced to a preference between night and day, but enforced by their very self to remain awake during that preference to be—distasteful. And so had Luna, at that time. Until Nightmare Moon.

Over the years, Celestia had given serious thought to transforming the remaining Night Pegasi who had survived Nightmare Moon’s banishment back into regular pegasi. It would have been dangerous, true, but giving the transformed pegasi back their original form would have been a victory of free will. Or at least so she thought, until she had asked for their opinion. To a pony, they had declined her offer. And not just once, but for several generations as she asked the question to each new wave of adults. She had finally quit asking when one of her Night Guard responded rather gently, “My Princess, dost thou really wish to eliminate the remnants of thy sister’s memory? For as long as we live, Luna will live in us.”

So technically, what was about to happen to Pumpernickel was not really his fault.

Pumpernickel knew none of this. He only knew that since he had been a foal, the setting of the sun corresponded directly with the need to get up and out of bed, untangling limbs and tails from the communal family bed and heading out to greet the dawning moon.

This evening as he sensed the setting of the sun and began to stagger up into wakefulness, he felt something different. One of his forelegs seemed pinned underneath a fuzzy, heavy, weight. Still short on sleep, he gave a gentle poke to the warm body pinning his foreleg.

“Princess Luna, it is nearly dark,” he mumbled. “You need to get up and raise the moo—” With a sudden dawning of terror, the warm body next to him came into sharp focus as a very dark and very angry Night Pegasus mare. Pumpernickel blanched. “I’m sorry, I was just—”

“Princess?!” The two malevolent yellow orbs boring holes in his head made it impossible to think.

“Well when she was having trouble sleeping, I wound up— ”

“Princess!!” One of Laminia’s eyelids had begun to twitch and Pumpernickel panicked.

“It was just a few times when she was having nightmares when she needed something to hold when she was asleep and she got a hold of my hoof and I told her it was embarrassing but she’s the Princess after all and—”

“YOU SLEPT WITH PRINCESS LUNA?!” Laminia screamed right into his face and ground her teeth in rage.

“No!” blurted out Pumpernickel. “I mean… I was asleep and she was asleep but I was on the floor and she was on the bed!”

“Oh.” Lamina’s rage began to calm almost instantly, and after a few minutes she started to chuckle, but remained lying solidly on top of her guard’s hoof. “Well, well, well. That’s a Hoofmaiden task I never had to… I’m glad she never asked me…” She finally burst out in joyful laughter. “You must have been so embarrassed!”

He scratched his head with the one hoof that was not trapped under Laminia, and actually managed to chuckle along despite his blush. “Well, I never told anypony, and she promised not to tell anypony. I’m just glad I’m not on her personal detail anymore. That was not very fun.” He chuckled along some more with the Night Pegasus mare, but was still unable to retrieve his pinned foreleg. “You say she’s not sleeping like that anymore. Did she get a fuzzy stuffed animal or something else to sleep with like I suggested?”

Laminia chuckled harder and poked Pumpernickel in the ribs, which was much easier since his armor was resting on a dressmaker dummy in the other room. “Yes, she has a stuffed Celestia doll.”

Pumpernickel doubled over with suppressed laughter. “Oh my. I had no idea telling her I had a Celestia doll as a colt—

“YOU SLEPT WITH CELESTIA TOO?”

As they came down the library stairs that evening, Twilight Sparkle looked up at them with an inscrutable expression. “I’m so glad the two of you are finally up. Tonight’s weekly Book Club meeting just got over and… You two really should keep your voices down. This is a library.”

“They didn’t hear us, did they,” asked Pumpernickel painfully.

“Um. Maybe a little.”

Laminia bolted for the door in a streak of blush. “I’mlateforRaritiesI’llseeyoulaterbye!”

Pumpernickel just sat on the stairs and stared blankly into the distance.

Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow and put a bookmark in her book. “Aren’t you going to follow her?”

“I think — I may just fly off to the Griffon lands. Change my name. Live off fish. Take up knitting.” He turned around and climbed back up to the balcony, presumably taking his previous observation position from the thumping noises that filtered down through the tree. Or perhaps he was just beating his head against the tree.

Eventually the noises died down and Twilight returned to her studying. “I’m just glad I left a sound dampening spell outside their room this evening. I wonder why they were yelling about Celestia and Luna?”

* * *

Whatever those two fashion fanatics were working on must have gone fairly well, thought Pumpernickel as Laminia fairly bounced out of the boutique after midnight, and actually flew towards his library perch. Happiness seemed to flow from the excited Night Pegasus as she made a quick circle around the balcony and landed with a delicate pirotte, only spoiled by the grating noise of her shoes on the balcony tile. “Darned shoes. Once we get back to Canterlot, I’m getting them taken off. I feel like I could just fly.”

Her good mood was contagious, and he could not help but chuckle along. “Silly filly. Of course you can fly. Tonight for your training, I’d like to—”

“Nope!” Laminia dropped backwards off the balcony and popped open her wings, gliding off in in the direction of the boutique. “First things first. Come on in, I need to show you something. Rarity left me a note saying she was going to Canterlot for a whole day shopping, so I had all evening to myself to play.”

* * *

Only two dressmaker dummies in the boutique were occupied, the few others that remained were either empty or covered with sheets. A faint smell of smoke still lingered about the room, indicating just exactly how displeased with the designer’s previous attempts Princess Luna was, and just exactly how she expressed her displeasure at the offensive designs. Laminia stood proudly at the occupied dummies, chattering on about the design and such while Pumpernickel just stared.

It was horrible. It was repulsive. It went against everything he had ever been taught while growing up.

But he had to admit, it didn’t look bad.

“Laminia,” he said when the mare finally took a breath. “What in Celestia’s name were you thinking?”

The designer’s mood flipped from bubbling to bristling. “You inbred idiot. Just because there are no Royal Guard mares now, does not mean there never will be any.” She waved at the dummy, fully dressed in a sleek, modified version of the Night Guard’s armor, but in cloth, not steel. And shaped—he had to concentrate to wrap his mind around the idea—female. Admittedly it looked good, but there were no mares in the Guard. None. Never had been. Never would be. Never. It was more than Traditional, it was Historical.

He very carefully picked up that idea and turned it around inside his head, poking it carefully. It did not blow up. It did not warp into some strange mind-eating monster. It took some concentration, but if he squinted really hard while looking at the armor, he could see a Nocturne mare wearing it in defense of Princess Luna as part of the—he concentrated—Royal Guard. And if he squinted really hard—he could see every Nocturne elder chasing Laminia and himself out of Canterlot with flaming torches, declaring them no longer part of the families and striking their names from the Book of Tradition. He did not think Laminia would mind, but…

“Actually,” he slowly started, “Princess Luna gave me strict instructions to not to interfere with, or offer any help with your tasks. And—I think I better take that escape hatch.” He wrenched his eyes away from the armor and looked at the other dressmaker’s dummy. It took a few minutes for his brain to stop thinking of the armor, but when it finally did, he could not help but give out a low whistle.

“You like what you see?” Laminia leaned up against the dressmaker’s dummy and ran one hoof over the outfit draped around it. A wave of shimmering, deep purple cloth swept across the shoulders of a stallion’s long-sleeved jacket, with high collar and silver piping across the chest highlighted by a pair of crossed black shoulder straps. Shining black shoes rose just high enough to provide ankle support, but not as high as the steel shinguards of real armor. Topping it all was a sharp peaked cloth cap, with a rank marker on the side. It looked razor-sharp and glossy in the dim lighting of the boutique, something that just dared a Night Pegasus stallion to slip into it for a formal dinner or late-night Royal dance.

“Now that, is impressive,” he sighed. Tapping the blank space where the shoulder straps crossed, he frowned. “What goes there?”

Laminia’s smile vanished instantly. “I don’t know. Nothing Rarity or I have thought up seemed to meet the Princess’ qualifications for a good symbol. Besides, we are just making suggestions, nothing set in steel yet.” She caressed the lines of the dark formal suit as if it were a lover, giving Pumpernickel a rippling chill up his flank. “Don’t you think this would look nice on the Night Guard in formal situations? Like dates?”

It suddenly seemed to be uncomfortably warm in the boutique, and Pumpernickel swallowed. “The Night Guard always wears armor when on duty. When off duty—” Pumpernickel shrugged with false nonchalance and a faint click of his own armor “—nopony has ever cared.”

“Oh, I’m certain Princess Luna has… ideas in that regard.” She chuckled softly and trotted for the door. “Come on lovercolt. We’ve still got flying to do tonight.”

By the time he made it to the door, he could hear his charge climbing up into the cloud layer, singing softly, “Pumpernickel and Luna, sittin’ in a tree…”

* * *

Mere minutes after raising the sun, Princess Celestia waited nervously in the small breakfast nook for her sister. Luna had not shirked her Royal Responsibility overnight. The Night Steward had reported to Celestia that the Night Court had been conducted with every possible bit of fanfare and tradition, and her sister had performed flawlessly. There was no mention of her injuries from last night, so in all probability she had worn an illusionary disguise for the entire evening.

Finally when Celestia had about given up hope, the door opened and Luna’s tired hoofsteps could be heard coming up behind her. “Good morning, my sister. I hear this night went well.”

There was a shimmer of dissipating indigo magic across the Night Princess’s face as she sat down wearily at the table and grabbed a piece of toast. If anything, the bruises the fading spell revealed were even worse, having been given a day to properly purple up and change colors. She mumbled something incoherent and began to spread jam across her cooling toast with fierce intensity.

“I still think you should have your injuries healed, my sister.” The dark alicorn bent over her task of toast with greater intensity, ignoring Celestia. “I’m certain we could have you looking your usual beautiful self quite easily.”

“No.” Luna crunched into the piece of toast as if it had done something unspeakable to her. “It is my shame. I’m letting it pass on its own.”

“Very well, I shall accept your decision.” Celestia continued buttering a roll until she realized how long she had been applying the spread; there was more butter than bread below her knife. She sat it to one side and focused on the task at hoof. “My little sister, I must confess something to you. I was going to speak with you last night, but there was the diplomatic dinner, and the reception.” She sighed. “Actually I lost my nerve.”

Luna quit chewing and looked at her sister. “You?”

“Yes. You see, when you showed up at breakfast last morning with your—injuries, and would not speak of them to me. I was concerned. Upset.” Celestia picked up another roll, then set it back down before drowning it in butter too. “I went to Ponyville yesterday.”

“Yes, I know.” Luna took another vengeful bite from her toast. “Your Day Steward told me.”

“Oh.” Celestia was briefly flummoxed, she had forgotten the stream of information from the Office of the Steward was two-way.

“I suppose your—” Luna seemed to bite off a profanity “—student told you all about my shame?”

“Actually no.” Luna looked up at her older sister’s face with a start.

Celestia shook her head. “She said you had made her ‘Pinkie Promise’ not to talk to me about it until you had discussed it with me. And Rarity too. She said that losing a friend’s trust, was the fastest way to lose a friend.”

A far-off voice seemed to echo down the halls of the castle. “…forever…”

Both princesses looked puzzled for a moment, before Luna sat down her last bit of toast. “My dearest sister, I apologize. I am truly sorry for not revealing to you the circumstances of my visit to your student’s town, but my actions there did shame me. As such, I did not wish to reveal them to you, my closest and dearest friend. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course, don’t be silly. I’m your sister.” Celestia nuzzled her little sister, and licked a bit of jam off her nose with a giggle. “Now what happened to drive my silly filly into such a panic fit?”

“Celly!” Luna squirmed, but her big sister had one foreleg over her shoulder and was holding her tightly. “‘Twas embarrassing.”

“As embarrassing as the time I got you to tie up your mane and tail in those little white ribbons?”

“Worse!” An expression of disgust washed over Luna’s face. “I wish you would quit telling others about that incident. I continue to receive the most peculiar of gifts from our subjects in the form of mane and tail retaining products.”

“And have they sent you any new socks?” The Princess of the Night, Diarch of Equestria, and Keeper of the Stars and Planets squirmed mightily, but was unable to escape the grip of her white tormentor.

“Tia! I surrender! I shall tell you, but thou mustn't laugh.”

“Of course, my little sister.” The Princess of the Day, Diarch of Equestria, and Judge of the Yearly Canterlot Cheesecake Festival gave her sister a quick noogie before sitting back to listen. She managed to keep her mouth shut (with the assistance of some mango-flavored preserves and a moist flaky croissant) throughout Luna’s description of invisibly landing in Ponyville, and subsequent entrance into the boutique where her fashion designers were working. However when she described the attack of her Night Guard, and blasting him away, she was overcome with the need to say something.

“Oh, my dear sister. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“What?” Luna’s bruises made her puzzled face look angry. “I didst not smite him into death. My blow was quite restrained, given the circumstances, and the enchantments of his armor did absorb nearly all of it. Redoubtable did take the greater injury, and he shall be released in a few days from the hospital for proper recognition for his actions in my defense. Nay, all the physical injuries received by our loyal guard was to be stuck into a nearby wall so that all that showed was his cute plot and his tail.”

A relieved giggle tried desperately to force its way to the surface of the Royal Solar Princess, fighting its way through more than a thousand years of fierce mental discipline. “You said his plot was cute.”

“I most certainly did no— ” Luna smiled shyly. “Oh. Well. Can I be blamed for selecting my personal guards on certain criteria? Since I follow behind them a considerable portion of my time in the castle, selecting for a favorable view is quite rational. Besides, what of thy Day Guard? I seem to recall you saying more than a few times something about ‘quick march’ being your favorit—”

The barriers broke down with a mighty guffaw, followed by a wave of belly laughs, a tide of titters, and ending in the two Princesses leaning against each other by the breakfast table. Finally Luna looked up into her sister’s eyes and wiped away a tear of laughter.

“Tia. I’m sorry. I let my own fears of embarrassment get in the way of talking with you. Oh, and hold still.” Luna lunged forward and licked Celestia’s nose. “You had some preserves stuck there.”

When she had quit giggling, Princess Celestia looked down with a loving smile. “I forgive you too, my little sister. And I’m sorry I tried to strong-hoof your Hoofmaiden into telling me what you thought so important as to bind my faithful student to silence.”

“Wait a minute, Celly. You spoke with Laminia too? And she didn’t tell either?”

“Yes, she is coming along nicely. You are doing quite well with her training. In fact, both of your designers have sent you letters this morning. The Day Steward informed me that Rarity dropped hers off in person this morning before taking off on a purchasing trip about town. The one from your Hoofmaiden arrived by regular mail.”

Luna wasted no time opening and reading the letters, her face falling with each line. “They both want my guard replaced.”

“That’s too bad,” nodded Celestia respectfully. “I do believe that young stallion has potential, although a bit immature. He reminds me greatly of his grandfather.”

“He stood up to me.” Luna blinked and threw the letters back on the table. “A few months ago when I was having my—trying time. Do you remember when I took my entire Night Guard and flew out of the castle that night?”

“Yes, of course.” Princess Celestia nuzzled her little sister. “Your guards were so frantic with worry over your state of mind, that they were willing to abandon their oaths to me and swear exclusively to you. I admit I was partially to blame, I was just so glad to have you back that I did not give you any space to be yourself. I was forcing you into a mould not of your own choosing out of fear of losing you again. Hearing you leave with your Night Guard that night… All I could think of was that dark and terrible night so many years ago when I lost you. When you returned, it felt as if the entire moon were lifted off my shoulders.”

Luna sighed. “I cannot help but think their plan to take me away from you so that I would be able to find my inner self would have worked, were it not for the fact that you and I are so close. What I did not tell you of that night was this. After I had rebuked my faithful Night Guard for their foolish and treasonous actions, I ordered them to return to Canterlot. Without me.”

“Without you? But—why, my little sister?”

Luna leaned into her sister’s warm neck and nuzzled her ethereal mane. “I was a fool to take them to the ruined Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters in order to properly reprimand them. That cursed place contained powerful memories too overwhelming for me in my weakened state. So many died there for my foolish pride, and I was… willing to add one more to make restitution. Myself.”

“Oh, Luna.” Celestia held her sister closely and stroked her mane.

“That infernal idiot of a guard defied me. He refused a direct order, he stood up to me. For me. I could see it in his eyes; he knew what I had planned.” Luna sniffed. “And I nearly repaid his loyalty by accidently killing him last night, just because I wanted to surprise my designers.”

Celestia continued to stroke Luna’s mane, finally speaking in a very far-away voice. “The years after you were first imprisoned in the moon were not kind to me. My heart was broken, ripped in half by my actions, and I felt myself slowly bleeding to death on the inside. I built the garden outside with one intent; to leave something so you would be remembered favorably, even after I was gone. Every night I would go to the garden, thinking this would be my last night. Every night I would look at it and see one thing that I could make better, one flower that needed improved, one feature that needed to be built. I would perform the ritual of Moonrise and think of you, my little sister. I wanted so much to end the pain.

“I knew that if I were to build a wall around your memories and pretend you never existed, that I might survive, but to live with that kind of lie was unthinkable. It took years, but by then my nightly trips to the garden ceased to be a time of pain. They became a visit of renewal, a time of hope. I knew then if you were to return, and I were not there for you, the same emotions that I was going through would be yours. And I could not bear to hurt you in that way.

“I passed very near that same decision you were faced with, my sister. You were the one who saved me. I wish I could have been there to save you.”

Luna nuzzled her sister and wiped away a tear on her cheek. “In a way, you were. The guard’s loyalty to you is what kept them there for me.”

An emerald-green unicorn with a stack of paper for a cutie mark tapped his hoof while waiting outside the Royal Breakfast Nook, and glared at the broad-shouldered Royal Guardponies blocking his path. To his misfortune, he was neither astute enough to recognize the air of tension in the room, or powerful enough to see the enchanted wingblades on the pegasi Guards, or even sensible enough to realize a Guard Commander was never on sentry duty except in very special circumstances.

“I do not understand. Why can’t you simply knock on the door? I’m certain Their Highnesses simply lost track of time, and will be most pleased that you reminded Princess Celestia of her busy schedule. Breakfast was scheduled to be over an hour ago.”

“I have my orders.”

Papercut scowled. “Orders? There is a schedule to be followed. Her Highness has missed three appointments already, and there is less than an hour before Court starts. Do you have any idea what will happen if Princess Celestia is not present at Court?”

The taciturn pegasus Guard Commander blinked his bloodshot eyes once. “It won’t start.”

“Right!” Papercut arranged his thin bowtie and nodded. “So allow me to pass.”

“No.”

“What?” The house servant seemed to gain two shades of green as he raised himself on the tips of his hooves and scowled up at the guard. “This is uncalled for! Open that door this instant you insolent cur or I will—” The faintest whisper of air was the only warning Papercut got before the edge of a very sharp wingblade rested against the hollow of his throat. He froze in place against the wall, the sensation of feathers tickling the fine line of pressure caused him itch, and he could not tell if the thin trickle down his neck was sweat or blood.

“Commander,” said a gentle voice from the doorway. Princess Luna delicately stepped out of the breakfast nook and trotted down the hallway. “Please do not get blood on the carpet.”

Princess Celestia followed her sister more slowly, and paused to look at the frozen tableau with a look of icy concern. “Commander Swift Wings. Please move your security to outside the Royal Gardens. Now.” The gaze of the Solar Princess transferred to the released unicorn servant before he could regain his bluster, and pinned him to the floor like an insect. “Papercut. Please inform the Day Steward that I will be taking the rest of the day off to be with my sister, and make such other arrangements as need to be made.”

“Bu—” The words of protest froze in his mouth as he stared into the implacable eyes of his Princess, which suddenly looked very much like the pegasus Guard Commander. “Yes! Yes, Your Highness.”

By daylight, the Royal Gardens transformed into a blaze of color and scents such that the castle servants took any excuse to pass by downwind, or to stop and gaze out a window down into the brilliant patch of color. Roses and Irises spread about both the inner and outer gardens in shades of colors not seen elsewhere in Equestria, Daylilies and Daffodils contributed their radiant daytime glory to the colorful mix, with Morning Glories and Evening Primrose making Dawn and Dusk entirely different displays.

It was said more than one ambassador or representative of a foreign state had gone home with naught to show for their trip but a leaf cutting or bulb, and been perfectly happy about it. Certain foreign rulers had even been rumored to threaten their neighbors just so Celestia would invite them to Canterlot for a peace summit during a particularly brilliant flowering season. The rumors were completely untrue, of course.(*)

As the sun rose, the flowers of Night would fold their petals in a delicate dance of color with the opening Day flowers, forming a line of colors which would dart back and forth across the garden during both the morning and evening hours of twilight. Servants in the castle had taken to calling it the “Royal Dance,” and actual discussions were seriously held as to if they were in the pattern of a waltz, or a tango. The fact that these discussions just happened to keep the idle discuss-ers close to the beautiful gardens (and preferably downwind) was completely coincidental.

The relaxing beauty of the garden was not unnoticed by the two Princesses gently landing in the center of the garden; Celestia resting on a pleasant grassy patch(1) and Luna kicking off her shoes to rest her sore hooves in the gently gurgling stream.

“Oh, Tia. I don’t think I will ever get used to Court again. The practice of proper manners and deference to our station has gone so far down the hill since—you know. Although we are pleased that your Guard Commander has the proper attitude for his position. I may just try to tempt him away from your service and into mine. Our Night Guard contingent is so small.”

Princess Celestia shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Oh sister. What good is it for you to have Guards, if you never take them with you? Instead of taking your own Night Guard to Ponyville, you took one of my best young recruits, Redoubtable.”

“His young wings were best suited to keep up with mine. He did score top in his class in long-distance flight, right above Pumpernickel. I confess I did think of assigning them both to my personal detachment simply for that reason.” She paused to smirk at Celestia. “They both have very cute flanks.”

Princess Celestia smiled, “Is that why you sent Pumpernickel with your lovely young Hoofmaiden to Ponyville?”

“Celly! How dare you insinuate that?” Luna splashed out of the pool and took a deep sniff of a nearby dark rosebush, the roses just starting to open in the morning sunlight. “And how did you ever get such a lovely shade of blue on this rose?”

“It’s called ‘Cupid’s Delight,’ little sister. If you had actually read those books you borrowed, instead of just skimming through them, you would know about the cross-pollination process I created over the process of several centuries to make that delightful flower. Oh, don’t—”

Luna took a bite of the blue rose and chewed, promptly sticking out her tongue. “Bleah. Celly! ‘Tis flavored like that disgusting plant! What type of monster did you create that looks so pretty but tastes like alfalfa?”

Princess Celestia giggled. “If you had read the book you borrowed, you would know it takes a long time to to breed out negative genes. I’ve got a lot of projects in the process and I’m not quite done with this rosebush. Just as it took me well over a century just to get all the toxins bred out of the common daisy, this rose still has several negative genes that need work, including flavor.”

“I didth too wead,” said Luna, still trying to scrape blue off her tongue. “‘Tis like math. You cross it with several other plants with similar negative characteristics, and the negatives cancel each other out.”

Celestia snorted with laughter. “Oh, Woona, you silly filly. That’s not how it works. If you crossbreed plants with negative characteristics, you wind up with twice as many of them. You crossbreed plants and creatures with characteristics you want to keep.” A look of realization swept across Princess Celestia’s face. “Oh, no. Luna, you didn’t! Not Laminia and Pumpernickel?”

Luna froze with her blue tongue still stuck half-way out. “Oops?”

(*) Or at least the rumours were denied
(1) Midnight Zoysia, tender and tasty with just a hint of mint

Chap. 5 - Raindrops Keep Pounding On My Head

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Raindrops Keep Pounding On My Head

The pair of sweaty Nocturne swept down to a landing in the city marketplace just as Celestia’s brilliant morning sun peeked over the horizon, spilling a brilliant red and orange light across the stalls and booths where breakfast could be found. It had only been a few days since the charcoal-colored, bat-winged ponies had arrived in town, but after that initial disturbance, things had finally settled down into a fair but grudging acceptance among most of the populace.

Having never been exposed to ponies unfamiliar with the Nocturne, Pumpernickel had simply considered that first early-morning of remarkable bargains in the marketplace was something normal to the small town, not the result of unwarranted fear of the unusual. Out of a sense of responsibility (and in hopes of not messing things up for any future Night Pegasi visits), he had taken great pains to re-visit all the farmers stalls he had purchased items from that first visit, and made sure to reimburse them up to a fair market value. Or in some cases of lingering resentment, a few bits more out of his own pocket, although the backlash at their strange appearance was substantially muted once several of the more curious mares had offered a more accepting response to his apology than he was expecting. It made a change in their diet to avoid the less (and more) accepting shop owners, but Pumpernickel was willing to accept that restriction in order to also avoid distractions from his job.

“Good morning, Applejack. Apple Bloom. Mind if I lighten your wagon a bit this morning? I’m restocking Rarity’s kitchen so my replacement won’t have to shop for a while.”

The orange farmpony nodded tersely as she busied herself with the wagon. “Yer welcome to the inventory, Pumpernickel. Same prices as last time. Just gimme a minute to finish getting set up. Apple Bloom, you got those fritters?”

“I ain’t coming out.” The tip of a pink bow peeked out of the top of the wagon between two large bushels of apples. “I ain’t gettin’ my brain sucked out like they did to Scootaloo!”

“Scootaloo?” Applejack scowled. “What in tarnation are you talking about?”

“Silver Spoon said that Twist said that Archer saw Scootaloo get carried away by them critters to the hive they’re buildin’ in the library so they can spread over the country and—”

“Hi Pumpernickel!” There was a screech of wheels and a scooter bearing an orange pegasus filly screeched to a halt, almost running over the guard’s armored hoof. “Where’s Apple Bloom? I can hear her around here somewhere.”

“She’s hiding in the wagon.” Laminia rolled her eyes. “Apparently we stole you away last night and sucked out your brains so we can—it has something to do with our nest, is that right Apple Bloom?”

“Yeah! Silver Spoon said—” The little yellow filly popped her head up out of the wagon. “Hey Scootaloo! You ain’t brain-sucked.”

“Well duh! Where’d you get a dumb idea like that?”

“Silver Spoon said… Grrr!! I’m gonna clobber that little—”

“Apple Bloom!” The blonde farmpony frowned at her little sister. “You tain’t doin no such thing. Now come on and help me get the cart set up so you can get to school. And ifn I catch you fighting again, Granny’s gonna tan yer hide good, ya hear?”

“I hear ya.” The droopy yellow filly trudged about the cart while Pumpernickel picked out supplies from the surrounding vendors, hoofing over bits to the various farmers until his saddlebags were stuffed.

“There you go. And you. Thank you all. Applejack, if you could throw those bags on my back please.” He looked around. “Where did Laminia go?”

“She took off when you started shopping. Said she was going to walk Apple Bloom up to school and pick up a few things, and meet you back at Rarity’s.”

“Stars take it!” Pumpernickel stomped one hoof and growled. “I’m supposed to be guarding her! She’s not supposed to run off!” He scooped up an apple that had fallen to the ground with his stomp and took a vengeful bite. “At least nothing dangerous ever happens around this town. The one threat I thought I saw last night…” He trailed off when he noticed Applejack looking at him with a smile. “What?”

The farm pony’s broad grin grew, “Oh don’t be so modest. We heard all about that burglar you scared off at the boutique, the one that beat up the Royal Courier and broke up Rarity’s door. It was the most excitement we’ve had round here since Nightmare Moon returned right inside town hall.”

“Oh?” Pumpernickel had vaguely remembered hearing that the return of Nightmare Moon and her subsequent restoration to Princess Luna had occurred in some small town close to Canterlot, but right here? It explained a number of things. “Well—”

“Or the Ursa Minor back a while ago.”

“What?”

“It came with Trixie. Oh, and then there was the Parasprite invasion.”

“What are—”

“But that weren’t nuttin compared to the rampaging dragon.”

“Dragon?”

“Yep, turned out it was just little Spike, who grew about eighty feet tall, but he did destroy a bunch of buildings.”

“The little dragon? Lives in the library? Wears an apron? Sends letters to Princess Celestia?”

“Yep. But Rarity stopped him cold.”

“The fashion designer who panics if you track mud into her store?”

“Oh, and then there was Discord. All six of us had a hoof in that one with the Elements of Harmony. Turned him back into stone right over there.” She pointed with a hoof.

“Oh.” Pumpernickel stared off into the distance. “So what you’re saying is there are no real threats to Laminia in Ponyville other than ones that I couldn’t stop anyway. Right?”

Applejack thought for a moment. “Ayup. Lessin’ she gets tangled up in one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders little plans.”

A small white unicorn filly came galloping up at full speed and in full panic mode. “Applejack! Have you seen my sister? I’m going to be late for school and she was supposed to make lunch for me!”

“Whoa there Sweetie Belle. I got yer lunch right here, and if you hustle up right quick you can catch your little friends before they reach the schoolhouse. Your sister’s pardner is walking ‘em up there now.” She scooped a couple apples and a fritter into the filly’s saddle bag and gave her a pat on the head as she scurried off to catch her friends.

“I don’t want to know,” mumbled Pumpernickel. “Oh wait. Those are the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” He shook his head and turned to plod listlessly back to the boutique with his overstuffed bags. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

* * *

Laminia came trotting into the library about the same time Pumpernickel started walking down the library stairs from their sleeping room. He was still dressed in his Night Guard armor, but he had a number of things in his saddlebags and a peculiar looking device across his back. Laminia ignored him like he was not even there, carefully extracting a grey ball about the size of a hoofball from her saddlebags as she trotted past. The color matched her coat almost exactly, and the faint smell of drying paint made his curiosity itch.

He resisted the urge to scratch.

He really did.

No, not really.

“Laminia, what in Luna’s name is that… thing?” he whispered, looking upstairs to see if the librarian was up yet.

No, not yet. That means there would be no witnesses at the trial if… No, that’s a bad idea. Tempting, but bad.

“It’s a secret.” She patted the little grey ball and vanished into the storeroom, emerging with a huge grin. “Ooo, this is going to be so much fun.”

The Nocturne mare looked so smug he just wanted to slap her.

No. Think about the Night Guard. Honor. Duty. Think two more nights. Think about going back to Canterlot and facing Luna. NO! Think about something else!

“I’m going out. Go ahead and take a nap. I’ve restocked the boutique and library kitchens if you’re hungry.” He trotted out the door, closely followed by his unwelcome shadow.

“How am I supposed to sleep without something warm and fuzzy to curl up with?” She bumped him from the side. “Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“What ‘cha doing?”

“Stuff.” He stretched out his wings and shot up into the busy morning sky, passing a number of the weather team busily gathering clouds for the scheduled afternoon rainstorm. Below and behind him, Laminia flapped laboriously along until he landed near a babbling brook well outside of town.

“Whew!” The Night Pegasus mare landed next to the guard and panted. “How can you fly so fast like that with so much crap on your back.”

He glanced back at her, while getting out the contents of his saddlebags. “How can you fly that badly without carrying a single thing.” He sat down by the side of the stream and began to rummage through a box, pulling out several tiny feathered objects and trying to manipulate them with clumsy hooves.

“Look, Pumpernickel. I had a perfectly good reason for running off.” She scowled as he continued to ignore her. “Well, be that way then. See if I name it after you when our egg hatches.”

He stopped. “Egg?”

Laminia kicked a pebble into the water with a ‘bloop.’ “Yeah. Look, I didn’t have much of a foalhood, the family didn’t want me out in the moonlight of night. I’m mostly self-educated, with only a few years of elementary school morning classes outside the family. My teachers called me ‘Lamb’ because of my color, and they didn’t want to call me what my family did. But the bullies around school didn’t have that kind of restraint. I think I know every sheep joke there ever was. That Silver Spoon that Apple Bloom was talking about just—she made me so mad inside!”

“Do you want me to go rough the vicious little beast up for you?” he remarked sarcastically. “I think I may be able to win that fight, unless she has a friend.”

“No. I’d hate to see my loyal and faithful guard be beaten up by a school filly. The Royal Guard has a reputation to uphold.”

“Uh-huh.” Pumpernickel tried to ignore her while trying to poke a tiny string through the tiny little metal hole on a tiny little hook with very little luck. “Stupid hook.” Eventually the itch came back. “So what’s with the ‘egg’ then?”

“Oh. Nothing you have to worry about.”

“Great.” The guard continued trying to poke the string into the hole until Laminia took it away from him.

“Gimmie that. The bunny goes through the hole, around the tree, and presto! Your… what is this?” Laminia looked at the strange device and frowned. “Looks Griffon.”

“Yep. Got it from one of the Griffon ambassadors a few weeks ago. It’s called a ‘fishing stick.’ Some of the other Night Guard told me when they were stationed with the Griffons, they were invited to eat with them and discovered just how tasty fish are. So I asked the ambassador about it, and he found me one of these. Cost a pretty pile of bits too. It’s supposed to be fairly easy. You put the bait on this hook, put it in the water, and when the fish bites it, you pull it in and eat it.” He carefully threaded a noodle on the hook and dropped it into the nearby water with a splash.

“Now hush. You’re supposed to be quiet so you don’t scare the fish.”

That darned itch!

“Look, I’m supposed to be guarding you. That means if you know something is about to happen, you should tell me. That’s not an ostrich egg you put in the library, is it?”

Laminia broke out in fish-terrifying laughter, loud enough to certainly frighten any fish with ears in the vicinity. “Oh, no. It’s a watermelon, painted grey. See, we worked it out while I was walking them to school. Apple Bloom is going to tell that little pain-in-the-flank that she snuck into the library and saw some big grey eggs in our room. You just know where it will go from there, right?”

“Straight to Tartarus.” Pumpernickel reeled in his line and looked forlornly at the empty hook. “Must have fallen off.” This time he stuck as many noodles on the hook as would fit before tossing it back into the water. “That should be better.” In the background of his mind, small wheels turned until a tiny little bell went ‘ding.’

“No bully would risk their own skin sneaking into the library to see for themselves, when they can get some poor victim to do it for them. So Apple Bloom lets herself be ‘convinced’ to sneak in and steal an egg—”

“And they hide the painted watermelon in Silver Spoon’s house.” Laminia giggled like a little foal. “I hope they can convince her to sit on it to try to hatch it.”

He chuckled at the thought. “Ponies laying eggs. Foals believe the strangest things.” Reeling in his line again, he scowled at the empty hook. This time he stuck a chunk of bread on it before tossing it back into the water. “I can’t believe they could be foolish enough to believe we lay eggs.”

Pumpernickel’s frustration level climbed as Laminia viewed his attempts to ‘fish’ as great entertainment. Every noodle or bread lump that vanished under the water, never to be seen again, was worth a giggle. Worms, a laugh. Delicate feathered lures snagged in the trees overhead were worth rolling around on the grassy bank, laughing hysterically. And when he managed to catch a hook in his own flank, she nearly rolled into the stream with laughter.

Finally on his last bit of noodle, the Night Pegasus gave a giant yank on the fishing stick and brought out a small fish, barely two hooves long, although he planned on exaggerating that slightly if he were ever asked about it.

“Ha! Got one!” He held the flopping fish up and looked closely at it, wondering just where the ‘filet’ was supposed to be located. Close examination turned out to be a bad idea, as the slippery little beast smacked him solidly in the face. “Yech. Okay, now I think we’re supposed to clean it.”

“We?” asked Laminia with a giggle.

Pumpernickel pitched his voice up. “Well, be that way then,” causing Laminia to roll off the log she had been sitting on and roll about in the grass laughing again. “I don’t know,” he continued. “It looks pretty clean to me. How could something that swims under the water all day be dirty?”

“Maybe washing it gets the fishy smell off. You’re gonna need a bath! Maybe you two can bathe together?”

“Well, if you’re not going to help clean it, why don’t you fry it?” Pumpernickel brought out the frying pan he had packed along and examined it with a growing sense of dismay. The devilish tool seemed to have an amazing lack of instructions, or any kind of manual. In Night Pegasi families, the mares did all of the cooking. Pumpernickel was barely able to make a sandwich, and what he did to coffee could easily be considered a crime. “Is there an oven around here somewhere?”

A rustling in the bushes preceded the arrival of a small white bunny, who looked at him with a glare of hatred and vengeance. And gracefully following the bunny was a delicate young pegasus mare, with the most beautiful yellow coat, the most delicate pink mane and tail, and the deepest looking eyes.

She looked right past him at the fish and gasped. “Oh Angel! You were right, that poor baby fishie has a nasty iron hook caught in its mouth.” Her beautiful teal eyes swung to look at Pumpernickel, who had frozen in place in fear.

“You didn’t do this… on purpose?” Did you?”

“Yes! I mean…” He dropped the frying pan in a panic.

“You were going to EAT him?!”

* * *

The pair of Night Pegasi that staggered back into the library bore little resemblance to the pair that had left so few hours ago. Laminia was a happy ball of joy, bubbling with laughter and willing to share their experiences with anypony who would ask. The Night Guard looked as if his best friend, his mother, his grandmother, twelve cousins and an aunt had all passed away in rapid succession, leaving him with nothing but bills. The saddlebags on his back were nearly empty, and his ‘fishing stick’ was nowhere to be seen. Fortunately for Pumpernickel’s remaining shreds of ego, nopony had actually asked them about what happened on their way through town.

To Pumpernickel’s eternal shame, Twilight Sparkle greeted them at the door even though she did not take her nose out of the book she was studying. “Hello Pumpernickel. Did you and Laminia have a good time out this morning?”

“Oh wonderful, Twilight Sparkle,” chirped Laminia. “My guard showed me an aspect of Night Pegasi behavior I had never before experienced. Did you know the Night Guard in the Griffon lands actually eat fish?”

“Uh-huh. That’s nice.” The purple unicorn turned a page and scribbled a note.

“I can’t believe she put a tiny little bandage on the fish,” mumbled Pumpernickel while stumbling to the bathroom for a shower.

“And called it by name, don’t forget.” The Night Pegasus mare just could not quit giggling. “Finneus.”

“Oh, please don’t tell anypony.” Pumpernickel turned back from the bathroom doorway and looked mournful.

“Oh, you softie! All she did was look at you, and you folded up like a box.”

Twilight Sparkle made a noncommittal noise and carefully underlined a passage in her book while mumbling, “I’ve got some boxes in the basement if you need them.”

“That was no ordinary look. That was every look of disappointment I’ve ever seen, all squished into one giant Look. And I’ve had looks of disappointment, I can tell you that for certain.”

“Well.” Laminia looked coy and batted her eyelashes. “What do I get in return for staying quiet? Can we go flying again this morning? We’ve got a little time before bed.”

“Bed’s upstairs,” mumbled Twilight, turning her book sideways and squinting at a diagram that seemed to shift on the page.

“Anything you want,” groaned the Guard as he closed the bathroom door and began to shed armor in preparation for his shower. “I’ll walk your dog, I’ll paint your house…”

* * *

It was amazing the difference a few gallons of hot water and some soap could make in somepony’s attitude. That plus a good thick layer of clouds between him and any possible fish made Pumpernickel a much more cheerful guard.

The view from on top of the overcast layer presently dumping a few inches of rain across Ponyville was amazing. Celestia’s mid-morning sun reflected off the tops of the clouds in a dazzling white display, reduced to a tolerable glare by a set of tinted goggles Rainbow Dash had given the two Night Pegasi. It really did seem to make the difference between Night and Day; the sunlight was so much more tolerable when brought down a few notches, and far better than slogging through the long, slow rain that had just started ‘downstairs.’ The whole experience was so much nicer out here in the country than his training and flying in the crowded skies over Canterlot.

“Thank you girls, for setting up the obstacle course. Are you sure this isn’t cutting into your weather team time?”

“Naaa,” scoffed Rainbow Dash. “Now that we got the clouds pulled over the city and started them raining, there’s really nothing really to do for a couple hours until its time to clean up. So we’re good. Besides, this is fun!” She gave a little flip in midair and landed on the observation cloud with the rest of the weather team. The team had grown by a few members since the last time, and was still all mares, even though one of them seemed to be sitting a bit away from the rest. Some small portion of his mind could not help trying to figure out just which ones may have left their window open last night, hoping for a little companionship. At least he only had two more days of this to go; the daily crowd of over-observant mares could not grow too much in that short amount of time.

Pumpernickel looked up at the obstacle course the beautiful young mares had built above the thick overcast cloud layer, admiring the fine piece— He broke off from the thought and took a deep breath of cool air. It was excellent work.

“Okay, Laminia. You have four big cloud-rings up there, from left to right. This cloud here is the starting line. All you need to do is to fly up, through all four rings and back here. Sounds easy, right?”

“Right.” She eyed the guard skeptically, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Did I mention the name of this game is called ‘Wolf and Rabbit and Dog’?”

“Oh,” she sighed and fluttered her eyelashes at Pumpernickel, a gesture thankfully made much less effective by the tinted lenses of her goggles. “I wanna be the wolf. Grr-rough!”

“Well, too bad. You’re the rabbit.” He flew over and tied a long red ribbon to her tail. “I hope Rarity will forgive me for borrowing that from the boutique. Now the rabbit runs through the rings, and the wolf chases you and tries to pull the ribbon off. Why don’t you go fly once through the rings to see how it works and I’ll see if I can find a wolf down he—”

“I’ll do it!” A female pegasus with a glossy jasmine-yellow coat and blue-green mane darted forward out of the observation cloud, even beating Rainbow Dash in her rush. It seemed a little strange that she had been sitting off to one side, away from the other mares, but Pumpernickel brushed it aside as unimportant and went on.

“Okay, we have a volunteer. Now when I say ‘Go,’ Laminia will start flying through the rings, and I’ll be escorting her. You try to snag the ribbon in whatever way you want, and I’ll body-check you away when you get close. Does that sound acceptable, Miss? Raindrops, right?”

“Yep.” The yellow pegasus cracked her neck, first right, then left. A thin smile appeared on her face and her eyes sparkled with glee. “Are those the only rules? You can body-check and I do about anything to you to get the ribbon?”

“Don’t do it, Mister!” called out one of the weather team. “She’ll plow you under!” Pumpernickel took a deep breath and shook his head, before catching a glimpse of something shiny that made him suddenly wary: Raindrops was wearing steel Guard shoes.

“Okay, if we need to have more rules spelled out, how about this? You can do anything you want to me, but you can’t touch Laminia in any way other than the ribbon. One hair, you lose. And I will do everything I possibly can to not harm you. Permanently, that is. How does that sound?”

“Perfect.” The mare laid her ears down and glared at Pumpernickel. “Grr. This wolf smells a rabbit.”

“Very well.” Pumpernickel crouched down. “Laminia. Go!”

The yellow pegasus unwound in a spinning wing kick that snapped her forward, passing just under Pumpernickel with her hind hoof catching him on the breastplate and skidding downwards in a shower of sparks from the protective enchantments. If the guard had not flung himself skyward at the first sign of motion, the steel-shod kick would have caught him on the forehead and knocked him loopy, if not unconscious. Without his helmet and the enchantments woven into it, he might have died.

He dropped his own snap-kick at her as she zipped by, only managing to part her blue-green mane. Without pausing to reorient, Raindrops reversed her course and shot a forehoof-blow at his knee as she passed again. The guard’s unicorn-forged shinguard stopped the blow in a spray of sparks, but unbalanced Pumpernickel momentarily. In an eyeblink, the yellow pegasus was in his face and all he could think of was block, counter, block, block, block- -parry-counterblow! Raindrops spun away, her face still twisted to one side from the forehoof strike but curving her descent into an upwards charge. Pumpernickel brought both forelegs together as the mare drove straight up and sparks shot into the sky again as they smashed together and ricocheted away in different directions.

Raindrops hovered out of reach and deliberately spat to one side, making a stream of saliva mixed with blood splatter into the clouds. “Not so easy when you can’t hit from behind, is it?”

Pumpernickel brushed a bit of yellow hair from his armor and smiled. “Lady, I can do this all day. Did you steal those shoes from your cousin?”

There was a martial scream from the yellow pegasus as she flung herself forward, Pumpernickel deflecting the blow upwards with a foreleg while driving a knee into her torso as she passed, but catching the edge of a hoof down a section of unarmored flank in return. Raindrops slammed into a turn to dive back down on the guard while Pumpernickel accelerated straight up with powerful beats of his strong, membranous wings.

“You’re a lousy wolf, Raindrops. The rabbit’s getting away.” A jaw like an iron trap clamped down on his tail and the yellow pegasus heaved herself around, coming up on him from below with hind legs first. He instinctually curled into a ball, bringing all four shinguards together against Raindrops double-buck which sprayed sparks across both of them and knocked him farther up into the air.

Raindrops darted for altitude, spitting out a mouthful of dark tail hair. “Nopony beats up on my cousin but me. I’m going to pound you into the ground and plant you like a fence post.”

“Gotta catch me first.” Pumpernickel hammered the air in his climb, his lungs burning, his wings screaming in pain. Delayed aches and pains coursed through his chest and legs from the impacts on his armor, and his tail felt like it was on fire. He had never felt so happy in his entire life. A glance to his right showed Laminia still flapping through the cloud-hoops, and to the left, Raindrops had quit her attempt to gain altitude on him and was coming around too fast to block.

*impact*

The world spun around him as they fell, filled with angry yellow pegasi covering him with a mix of hoof-fu blows and kicks. Block, block, block-parry-block, trap! He brought his right hoof inside, up, twisted, felt tendons straining—and released before breaking her foreleg. That earned him a spinning twist-kick, a wing chu maneuver that he countered underneath by bringing his left wing up and under to sweep her legs and send them both tumbling into the cloud layer.

They both struggled to the surface of the clouds at the same time; Pumpernickel to check on Laminia’s progress through the cloud-rings, and Raindrops to fling herself in a screaming kick at the Guard. Once again his world descended into defense. Block, block, parry, trap-and-throw. The spinning yellow pegasus flew through the air and Pumpernickel could not help but burst out laughing at the sight.

“Stop it! You lost.” He pointed up in the air where Laminia was sitting on the fourth cloud-ring, watching the fight. “You need to—” A giant yellow hammer seemed to smash him in the face and Raindrops was right back on top of him, hooves first.

“You hit! My cousin! From behind!” Each outburst accompanied a blur of punching, making sparks fly as the protective enchantments on his armor kicked in over and over. The electric tingle of pain that wrapped around his body was a familiar sensation, almost like his days in the sparring ring at the Academy. His limbs slowed under the onslaught, feeling more blows get around the armor and smack into his body without triggering the protective enchantments. One iron-shod hoof crashed into his belly, scraping across a piece of armor that mares would never need, a crushing blow to his collarbone grazed off his pauldron.

Raindrops had lost whatever fragments of control she still held, flinging her entire body into undisciplined blows that left herself wide open to counterattack. With each parry he had to catch himself before his Royal Guard training unleashed a counterblow that would have snapped bones or torn tendons, leaving the weatherpony a cripple. It was like fighting a ball of elemental yellow fury, armed with steel and protected only by fragile flesh.

A faint trickle of blood down her yellow cheek seemed to draw a web of tightness across his chest, making him gasp for air. The enchantments on the armor protected his body from the blows, but the memories of his sister lying bleeding on the floor seemed to paralyze his mind. Never. He would never do that again. He would die first.

Another kick came smashing in to be caught on crossed forelegs that drove him backwards, staggering him back as his mental paralysis allowed the follow up combos to crash through his blocks and parries almost unabated.

A splatter of wetness crossed his muzzle, while off in the distance he could hear the shouts of the weather team. The blood seemed to be cold, and now was splattering all over his body with a monstrous roar—

Oh wait. That’s rain. No, it’s a deluge.

Raindrops stopped punching and looked up through the pouring rain with a giggle, one torrent of rain rolling down her face and spouting off the end of her nose like a river. “Oh—my.” She cocked back one hoof, and hit him gently on the shoulder before shouting to be heard over the roar of the heavy rain. “Sorry about that. I got carried away.”

Pumpernickel coughed and spat a bloody stream of saliva to one side before shouting back, “So you’re the reason Redoubtable was such a cast-iron bear to fight in the Academy. Oh stars, I think you broke one of my ears.” He rubbed the painful extremity and squinted up at the bottom of a small, dark, and very active raincloud overhead. “Your team knows how to get you to calm down, I see.”

The yellow pegasus had her wings wide open and was luxuriating in the downpour with an intensity that bordered on mildly disturbing. “Oh yeah. No kidding.”

Pumpernickel spread his own battered wings out in the rain to cool off also, but it just did not seem to have the same appeal as it did to Raindrops. He glanced over in the direction of the weather team, all of whom seemed to be jumping up and down and pointing up at their raincloud, which picked that time to give an ominous rumble. “The whole team is still over there. Who’s jumping on the cloud?”

Pumpernickel’s eyes got really big. “She’s wearing SHOES! LAMINIA, STOP JUMPING ON—”

Chap. 6 - The Afterlife

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
The Afterlife

Pumpernickel was dying. If there was one thing he was quite positive of in his entire life, this was it. He had read several books that described the floating feeling, the flutter of nearby wings, the light up ahead, and the sound of heavenly music. If he had really thought about it when reading the books, he may have wondered just how an author would know so much about dying but still manage to return and write a book. And why the music sounded like birds.

“I think he’s coming around.”

Yes, his wounds had most definitely been fatal. The Academy had been very detailed about the effects of lightning on Royal Guard armor. Although the armor and its enchantments protected well against most other forms of kinetic and energy attacks, lightning just flowed through it like… well, lightning. At least he did not have a great number of possessions that would need to be distributed among his surviving relatives. His expensive fishing stick had been his highest priced possession, but after what that timid yellow pegasus did to it, his family could give a piece to each and every relative he ever had, with a few dozen pieces left over.

“Yeah, I saw him twitch. Get up you lazy, tin-plated turkey.”

Laminia must have died too. Wearing steel shoes around a lightning bolt could ground the bolt in many fatal ways. He felt a little disappointed at his treatment so far. There had always been a forlorn hope in his mind that either Luna or the Pale Pony of Death would escort him to Elysian Fields when he died. Now it seemed he had gone to the Other Place, and had missed both of them. Typical.

“Can somepony hold him up just a bit please? He has a nasty burn around this leg, and I want to make sure the bandage is nice and tight. But not too tight. I don’t want him in pain.”

Maybe Luna had taken mercy on him after all. That angelic voice could only be from the Good Place. Somehow it was familiar, in a musical sort of way, all delicate, soft, and belonging to the pony who was gently wrapping his hind leg in what seemed to be a long soft bandage with the most careful of touches. Perhaps bandages were all that was worn in Elysian Fields. He could feel the breeze blowing across his naked coat where his armor normally rested. At least he would not be completely naked, the family Book of Tradition had a drawing where all of the ponies wore shining white robes and halos, although now that he thought about it, the artist had to have been guessing.

“There you go. You can get up now, Mister Pumpernickel. Rise and shine. Angel Bunny! No!” A faint wetness trickled down one leg, and a fuzzy ball of fur used his bare flank as a springboard to make his escape. Pumpernickel rolled to his chest, sticking his muzzle into the ground and taking a deep breath of the rain-damp, rich-smelling grass. Elysian Fields. Most definitely, robes or no robes.

He opened his eyes. No, it was the Other Place. All he could see was a soft buttery-yellow coat and a pair of teal-colored eyes. Big eyes. Only they were not filled with disappointment and anger, now they seemed to radiate kindness and sympathy. They were eyes he could stare into for a very, very long—

“Hey Pumpernickel! Get up and stop loafing on the job, I need to get back to the library and lie down.” Laminia wandered into his field of view and tapped him not-so gently on top of his bare head. “Hello? You in there?” She waved a hoof in front of his face and shrugged. “Good thing Princess Celestia taught me how to reset the guards when they get this way.”

“I’m up!” Pumpernickel blinked and stumbled to his hooves, feeling almost as if he were going to blow away in the slightest breeze. All of his armor including his tinted goggles had been efficiently stripped from him and was piled nearby in the grass. A back part of his mind unconsciously inventoried the armor’s numerous bubbled streaks where the lightning had left signs of its passing and far too many charred marks that showed the scattered areas where he used to have more mane. Even swishing his tail felt different, due to the lightning-induced trim that left the shortened ends a stubby ball of frizzled hair.

“Oh, thank goodness!” The delicate little yellow pegasus that he had last seen hopping up and down on his expensive fishing stick fluttered up and laid a careful hoof on his forehead. “I was starting to worry. I’ve never treated somepony with electrical burns before. Are you going to be okay? Do you have anyplace that hurts where we didn’t bandage?”

It hurt to stand, but Pumpernickel gave up trying to figure out which of his hooves felt less-burned than others and blushed at being naked in front of the two mares. His internal inventory of painful places had only one place with pain that did not also have a bandage wrapped around it, and that one place was very private to him.

That’s one injury that stays unbandaged for now.

A quick glance around the grassy damp meadow showed not only had the entire weather team stayed with him, but somehow even more mares from the vicinity had showed up too. Having a Royal Guard struck by lightning must have been one of the most interesting things to happen in this town for—well, since the last town-destroying disaster rolled through. Maybe a week?

“No, I’m fine!” He blushed and looked away from those dangerous blue eyes that seemed to see the inner depths of his soul. “I’m afraid we did not get officially introduced. Thank you for helping. I’m Pumpernickel.”

The buttery-yellow pegasus blushed and looked away. “I’m…” Her voice trailed off into a quiet squeak.

“She’s Fluttershy,” said Laminia loudly. “Bearer of the Element of Kindness, and friend to all woodland creatures. Including innocent little fishies.”

“I’m sorry,” said Pumpernickel reflexively. “I really didn’t know, and I promise I’ll never do it again.”

The shy yellow pegasus peeked back at him and was about to speak when Laminia cut in. “Hey, where did Raindrops go?”

“She went to take her hot cousin’s shoes back to the hospital and get checked out for a few minor scorch marks,” said Cloud Kicker, nudging a little closer and looking the Night Pegasus Guard over with a calculating eye. “I volunteered to fly them back for her, but she said no. You don’t say ‘no’, do you big fellow?” The purple pegasus coyly blinked her eyes at him.

“Yes. I mean No. I mean—”

“He means, ‘Please help carry my armor back to the library, I feel like I need to lie down for a while,’ doesn’t he?” Laminia glared at her reluctant guard. “He’s just been lightly toasted, he doesn’t need a blonde bit of cloud candy. He need to go… lie… down.” Each pause was emphasised by a sharp poke in the ribs. She must have been feeling better, because she avoided poking him in the bandages.

“Oh!” Pumpernickel scooped up his helmet and tinted goggles from the grass and put them on, very carefully. “No, I can get it myself. I’m… oh, now that won’t fit.” He fumbled with the neck brace, unable to fit it over the bandages, and looked at the rest of the armor. Shinguards, breast-and-back, pauldrons; they all covered areas that now had extra padding in the form of bandages. “I suppose I could use a little help flying this back to town.”

The weather team and Laminia scooped up Pumpernickel’s gear, each pegasus picking up one piece of armor. It took a bit of juggling for them to get their awkward loads airborne, and he decided to fly behind the gaggle of mares to make sure nothing dropped on an unwary citizen on the way back into town. After all, it was a quiet, peaceful day now that the screaming and fighting was all over, and the cool morning air felt good over his bruised and battered body. Despite the burns, it felt good to be alive. He had just gotten settled into a solid flying rhythm when Laminia called back over her shoulder.

“What are you doing back there, pokey?”

“Admiring the fantastic scenery,” he replied absently, as the damp grassy green hills of the beautiful Ponyville valley flowed past. He always enjoyed flying after a rainstorm, feeling the soft damp air against his face and the faint smell of ozone brought back memories of his early years when he had first started flying. His sisters would take him out after a good rain to playfully buck apart the small scudding clouds that remained in the city’s night sky, or to jump on them and surprise some late-night traveler through the Canterlot streets with a sudden shower. All that had changed when he was fitted for his first set of shoes. It was just too dangerous to buck clouds with steel-grounded hooves, as his recent experience most painfully demonstrated.

“Just a minute.” Laminia led the armor-carrying mares to a soft landing on a nearby hill on the outskirts of town, and Pumpernickel landed cautiously next to them. “I just wanted to check something before we went any farther. Your head didn’t get hurt by the lightning, right?”

“I don’t think so. No burns at least, and the helmet is still intact.” Pumpernickel took the helmet off to examine it, turning it over several times and checking the protective runes before strapping it back on carefully. It felt a little weird to only wear one piece of armor, but it still let him feel like a Night Guard. “Nope, it’s just fine.”

“And that yellow, bloodthirsty bint didn’t hit you in the head, did she?” Laminia stood still, tapping one hoof.

“No,” he said coldly. “And don’t call her a—”

Laminia whirled in place and put both rear hooves upside his head with a noise much like a large bell being rung by a sledgehammer.

As he picked himself up out of the grass, he shouted, “What was that for!”

“For calling my flank scenery! I wondered what you were doing behind me when you were following me around on our flying lessons! And now I know!”

“I wasn’t talking about your flank,” yelled Pumpernickel. “I was talking about scenery! It’s beautiful out here with all the green trees and the damp hills! In Canterlot, all I saw all night was buildings.”

“Oh.” Laminia’s ears drooped and she turned away with a scowl. “I’m sorry. It must be a real inconvenience to you, with all your training to have to follow me around.”

He shrugged painfully and scowled back. “It’s my assigned duty. Besides, it’s not all that bad following you around, looking up your—”

This time she managed to whirl around and plant both hind hooves upside his helmet before his stunned reflexes could do more than blink. The burst of sparks in his vision from the enchantments activating made him grateful there had at least been no damage to the steel container around his head, but the contents were feeling a little scrambled. His rump fell into the grass almost exactly where it had landed last time, only this time he decided to stay there for a bit until she calmed down and the bells quit ringing in his head. And then maybe just a little longer.

“Nice shot,” said Rainbow Dash.

Laminia spluttered, “Well, he deserved it!”

“Oh yeah,” Rainbow hopped up into the air and hovered. “You can tell he doesn’t get out much, that pickup line really stunk. Hey Pumpernickel, would you like to go out partying with my weather team tonight? We can hit a few bars, and maybe Cloud Kicker can teach you the right way to pick up mares.”

Pumpernickel took a moment to evaluate Laminia’s pensive stance and the range she had gotten from him before responding. “No kicks to the head?”

“Nope. Not unless you upset Ditzy, and then we’ll just tap you real gentle, if that’s what you like.”

“Sounds sane enough for a change,” he groaned as he got up, completely missing the sudden glare from Laminia. “What time are we go—”

*Clong!*

He woke to the cold rain of a small cloud being wrung out over his head by the weather team, with Laminia nowhere in sight. “You know,” said Rainbow Dash as soon as he opened his eyes. “I think she likes you a little.”

“A little?” He gingerly prodded his head to make sure all his parts were still attached. “I hope it doesn’t get any worse. The armory doesn’t make these helms any thicker.

* * *

Source: The Unseen

“Daddy! Daddy!” A cascade of tiny hooves came clattering through the bedroom door and five little fillies flung themselves on Pumpernickel like he was a trampoline. “Wake up! Wake up! Luna’s got the moon up and you should be up too!” The Night Pegasus guard staggered awake under the tiny assault group and laughed. They were just such cute little fillies, his own Night Pegasi invasion force, taking Canterlot by storm. He had gotten used to their little multi-colored eyes, even if they were not very Traditional for Night Pegasi, and loved each and every one of their little trouble-making hooves.

“About time you got up, husband of mine.” Laminia stood in the bedroom doorway, smiling at the way the little fillies were holding down their father. “I’ve got some very good news.”

He smiled at his beautiful wife, “As if anything could make me happier.”

She passed one hoof across her round belly and smiled at him. “We’re going to have some new baby brothers and sisters for our little family. And you know what that means?”

“We all love Daddy!” shouted the little fillies, jumping on top of Pumpernickel and holding him down.

“Wow, you little ones have gotten really strong. What has your mother been feeding you?”

“Fish! Fish! Fish!” they chanted. “We love fish! We love Daddy!”

“W-wait. What?” Pumpernickel struggled hopelessly under the grip of the tiny fillies, each of which had bared their sharp, white teeth and began to drool.

“Now that we have a second set of children on the way,” said Laminia, baring her own teeth and moving to Pumpernickel’s foreleg, “we don’t need a Daddy any more. Dig in kids.” Laminia brought her jaws down on his foreleg, severing it cleanly. He screamed in pain as the rest of the little fillies bit down on various parts of his body and ripped out bloody goblets of flesh. Blood spurted in all directions to a thumping noise as his heart pumped out the last few spurts—

*Thump* *thump* *thump*

“AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Credit : The Unseen.

Chap. 7 - Alone Again, Naturally

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Alone Again, Naturally

Pumpernickel woke up screaming, fighting his way out of tangled blankets which pinned him down and scraped agonizingly against his bandages. “No! No! Get away!”

The close confines of the library storeroom where he and Laminia had been sleeping the last two nights came into focus very slowly. The worried Night Pegasus mare was no more than a hoofslength away from his face, which did not help his recovery from the nightmare one bit.

“What was it?” she asked in a panicked voice, her eyes wide with concern. “Are you alright?” Laminia had obviously been caught unaware; her mane was knotted up like a rope and a look of genuine sympathy flooded her face.

“Oh it was terrible, the worst nightmare I’ve ever had,” he said, sucking in air in great gulps. “We were married, and we had five little fillies, and you were pregnant again…” His voice trailed off as he watched the look of concern on Laminia’s face slowly fade into a cold, emotionless mask. “And—”

Twilight Sparkle stopped knocking on the door and frowned. The Night Pegasi she had permitted to sleep in her storeroom had a number of strange Traditions she was still getting accustomed to, but hopefully waking up screaming was not one of them. She considered knocking some more, but certainly they knew she was outside, and there was no way anypony was still sleeping after that kind of noise. Just as her concern peaked and she was about to force the door open, it opened by itself and a very bedraggled Pumpernickel came dragging out, with a fresh hoofmark over one eye.

“Good afternoon?” she started, nearly jumping off the stairs as the door slammed closed behind the Guard, narrowly missing catching his truncated tail. “Is there anything—”

“No.” The Guard plodded over to his armor which was carefully hung on a dressmaker’s dummy by their door. The helm went on first, only making it half-way over his new blackened eye before he gave up and put it back on the dummy, after which he made no effort to finish dressing. Pumpernickel just stood in place with his back to the door much like the dummy, immobile with his eyes closed.

“Ahem,” Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat and looked guilty. “I”m sorry to have disturbed you, but Spike just got a letter from Princess Luna. It’s addressed to you. I’m afraid I opened it by mistake. I’m not used to getting mail for others.“

“Can you read it please?” His voice was an emotionless monotone, and his eyes remained closed.

“Oh. Well. If you insist.” Twilight nervously unrolled the scroll.

To: Pumpernickel, Optio of the Royal Guard
From: Her Highness, Princess Luna
Re: Assignment

As of Moonrise tonight, you will be replaced as protective detail for my Hoofmaiden, Laminia. Be assured this is not in response to any action of yours, but is a routine procedure. Due to an increase in crime in Ponyville, Laminia’s security detail is being increased to Class 1 status, and since you have never completed training for a Class 1 security detail, you are being transferred back to Canterlot for reassignment.

It is your responsibility to see to the transfer of my Hoofmaiden to your replacements in a timely and secure manner.

Signed this day,
Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria, Princess of the Moon and Night, Keeper of the Stars and Planets

“Huh,” said Twilight absently. “She left off ‘Matriarch of Dreams and Ruler of Shadows’ this time. I guess they don’t fit on her signature.” She rolled the scroll up and awkwardly stuck it in with Pumpernickel’s charred armor and the rest of his things. “I guess this means you’ll be going back to the Princess’s personal guard in Canterlot, right?”

“I serve the Princesses.”

“Oh.” Twilight glanced away from the impassive Guard, not quite sure why his emotionless look was making her more nervous than the night she had found him smashed into a wall by Princess Luna. He did not look sad, or angry, or even dangerous, he just looked as if everything in his life that made him keep going had been yanked out from underneath him.

“Well. Look at the time. Your replacements will be here fairly soon. I suppose you’ll want to take a shower and get ready to—”

“No. I’m staying right here.” Pumpernickel backed up until his flank was touching the door.

“Right, then. I’ll just send them up when they arrive. Right? Heh.” She backed carefully down the stairs and out of his sight.

* * *

Eyes front. Shoulders straight. Expression stoic. Heart… broken. Well, it was her special talent. He wanted to look back at his flank, to see if perhaps a giant mouth had suddenly taken refuge there. For just one brief, shining moment, Laminia had looked like she cared. And then he had to open his big mouth and wreck it all. The mask had finally come off and he had seen the true heart of a terribly frightened and vulnerable young mare, who had been given such a hard and pain-filled time during her life. And his response? Smash her right in the ego by saying his worst possible nightmare was to be joined to her in marriage and have children. During his training as a cadet in the Academy, they had repeatedly warned him not to get involved in whoever he was guarding, from the most to least important charge. And what had he done? First gotten involved with Princess Luna, and once she had sent him away, gotten involved with her very own emotionally vulnerable Hoofmaiden.

Well it was going to stop right now. Without the comforting weight of armor it was difficult to settle into a guard position, but he set his steel-shod hooves onto the library’s wooden floor and braced. Eyes front. Shoulders straight. Expression stoic.

Only in the very back of his mind could he still hear the faintest sound of crying.

The tall Night Pegasus that politely knocked on the library door braced himself to attention as it opened. “Buttercup of the Royal Guard, Commander of the Night Division, requesting permission to enter!”

If Pumpernickel was a prime example of youthful vigor in the Guard, this pony was a foretaste of what he would look like after a half-century of service. Frosted white tipped nearly every remaining hair on the Commander’s body, with the exception of eyebrows and a glorious moustache which fairly glowed a moonlit white through and through. One ear tip was stubbed off from some unknown injury in the past, and a gold tooth glittered ominously from his square jaw.

Twilight Sparkle smiled up at the Night Pegasus Commander. “Come on in. We’ve been expecting you.” She glanced out the door at the dozen Royal Guard arrayed in strict rows outside and her smile got a bit strained. “I really don’t think I have room for all of you though.”

“Of course not, Ma’am. We understand the exigency of the circumstance that forced Princess Luna’s Hoofmaiden to reside within your domicile, and we have taken steps to eliminate the issue. We have reserved an entire floor of the hotel, and a team of specialists are soundproofing several of the rooms now. We appreciate the service which you have provided to the Crown, and I am assured that proper repayment is even now being procured. May we see Her Highness’s Hoofmaiden now?”

During the trip up the staircase, Twilight Sparkle tried not to worry. It worked about as well as water trying not to be wet, but she tried.

Oh I hope he doesn’t think putting the Princess’s Hoofmaiden in a closet to sleep is an insult. But Pumpernickel said it was Traditional for Night Pegasi to sleep together, do the guards sleep in a big heap too? If Princess Luna travels with her Night Guards overnight, or would that be overday somewhere, does she sleep with them in one big NO DON’T THINK ABOUT IT!

“Halt! Who goes there?” Pumpernickel’s voice sounded crisp and sharp from his rigid position in front of the storeroom door.

“Buttercup, Commander of the Royal Guard. I bring your relief.”

“Advance and be recognized.”

Buttercup stepped up onto the top step of the stairs and saluted, getting a razor-sharp salute in return from the battered guard. “Pumpernickel of the Royal Guard, Optio of the Night Division, reporting for duty sir! Twilight Sparkle! Please scan the Commander and myself for illusion magic.”

“Oh, I really don’t—” Twilight cut off abruptly as Pumpernickel looked at her with an iron sincerity of purpose she had not seen in the young stallion before. “Oh. Okay.” A ripple of purple magic waved across both pegasi, and she nodded. “No illusion magic, just the enchantments on the armor.”

“Very well. Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Please go out and examine the rest of the Royal Guard contingent.” Pumpernickel waited until the sounds of hoofsteps had faded before turning to the Commander. “Am I relieved?”

“Yes, you are relieved.” Commander Buttercup seemed to slump a bit and shook his head as he looked over Pumpernickel and his damaged gear. “Sheesh, Lumpy. What in heck did you get into to blow the enchantments off your armor like that? Are those electrical burns?”

“Minor injuries sustained in a ‘Wolf, Dog and Rabbit’ training exercise conducted with the Royal Hoofmaiden. You will need to alert my replacement protective detail that the town is very safe, but they should not allow Raindrops to play ‘Wolf’ should they decide to repeat the exercise. Also there is a shy yellow pegasus in the town named ‘Fluttershy’; they should take great care not to injure any animal in her vicinity. In particular, fish.” Pumpernickel’s expression and posture remained razor-straight, and did not change a bit during his response.

The old Night Pegasus grinned. “Did you get suckered into that too? On my first assignment in the Griffon lands, the little bastards managed to convince me to eat fish. I was throwing up for a week, and I swear the dammed things were trying to swim back out.” His grin faded as Pumpernickel simply remained standing in his rigid guard pose. “Well, I suppose it really wasn’t that funny.” He rapped gently on the ‘bedroom’ door. “Hoofmaiden Laminia, your new guard contingent is here.”

The door clicked open almost instantly, as if she had been listening behind it. “Commander,” she said quietly, nodding but not changing her expression at all. “I will be traveling to the boutique in a few minutes. Please inform the guards to remain outside the building, as not to disturb our work.” The door clicked closed.

“Cold fish,” muttered Buttercup quietly before turning back to his stoic subordinate. “Optio Pumpernickel, you are hereby given five days leave. Take some time off, go back and be with your family.” He eyed Pumpernickel’s extensive collection of bruises and bandages. “Rest up. I’ll have your gear shipped back and replaced. A couple of the chariots are returning to Canterlot empty, so get on one. You may consider that an order. Dismissed.”

* * *

Pumpernickel felt nothing. The shell of Guard duty that he had drawn over himself for protection was shattered, he felt as if he had invested his entire being into a mask which had been snatched away into nothingness. It was all he could do to bring that nothingness down, wrap it around his body in the false shell of duty, and march out the door to the chariot ride home. Even after the chariot landed and he limped back to his family house, he kept the ethereal nothingness wrapped around his heart. He felt nothing as an Aunt changed the bandages on his limbs, chuckling at the memory of having changed his diaper as a foal. Polite queries at the breakfast table about his recent activities were either ignored, or batted away with monosyllabic responses.

Even in sleep, he denied himself the pain of feeling, but curled up at the edge of the heap of sleeping relatives and stared emptily into the darkness until Luna’s moon rose and the family went about the next night’s business. All about him, each Nocturne relative seemed to wear their own mask; the Aunts and Uncles, his vast collection of Sisters. Only the foals were free from the confines of their own masks, their scattered yellow eyes making him think of his nightmare.

What would it be like to be linked forever to another? To raise children, small bits of himself and his… wife. He had been forever besieged by sisters, both older and younger, and the attraction of becoming married to one of those was almost nonexistent. They lived and breathed to make his life miserable, so it seemed. Laminia had been so much like them at the start, or even more so. But as he grew to know her, it seemed she also wore a mask. A glass facade of strength hiding a fragile beautiful soul, topped with thorns to prevent anypony from getting close enough to see behind the mask. Perhaps it would be better for her to remain hidden as she desired, behind a hard shell to protect her fragile self from the ravages of the cruel world. If so, the last thing she would need would be somepony to try to bring her out of her safe shell, out where the world could destroy her. Still, he could not help but think of the way she looked, rolling around in the grass and laughing her hooves off as he attempted to catch fish. Hiding that kind of joy from the world would be like creating a garden with the most beautiful of flowers, then putting a fence around it so none could see the beauty inside.

He paid little attention to the family meeting that night, called on account of Princess Luna’s request that the family send their Book of Tradition in to the Element of Magic for examination. The official announcement did not stir his emotions; the newly renamed Office of the Diarch sent a few hundred of these notifications out every day to all corners of Equestria. An entire room in the Canterlot castle filled with unicorns using the Copy spell worked constantly at almost all hours, even besieging the Night Guards with the infernal papers. He touched the announcement’s slick surface while the family elders argued and wondered just how many copies of Luna’s order had been sent. Could Laminia’s own family be meeting this same way even now? Would they even care that her name was not entered in their own Book of Tradition despite being so trusted by the Diarch as to be Luna’s own Hoofmaiden? It seemed a terrible waste.

The argument between the elders continued unabated by his thoughts; there was a split between those who believed the command from Princess Luna made it right and correct to send the family Book of Tradition to the Element of Magic, and a small vocal minority who suspected trickery. Behind their words was a great unspoken concern about giving up the family history to a unicorn who was the direct protégé of Celestia; they called it a travesty, a mortal affront to the memory of Luna. It irritated him that they spoke of Princess Luna in that fashion, as if she were the powerful Princess of Legend, unable to make mistakes or show earthly flaws. They probably even thought she did not need to use the bathroom, or that she was unaffected by anger or regret. A simple mention of the Princess’s beloved fuzzy pink towel with bunnies embroidered on it would probably send the whole cluster of them into a fit of disbelief, clucking around the room like chickens whose nest had been invaded by a fox. He wanted so much to stand up, to throw their hypocrisy in their face and condemn them all before storming away. But where would he go?

Finally the vote was over, and the family unanimously determined that their Book of Tradition was to be conveyed to Ponyville at earliest opportunity as Princess Luna had commanded. The arrangements were to be carried out tomorrow night, thus giving enough time for Luna to come to her senses and cancel the request. As if that were ever going to happen.

The night passed, and Celestia’s sun returned to the sky. Pumpernickel did not care, he remained in the house, his bandages changed by the same Aunt as before, his sleeping spot the same as before, his thoughts the same. When Moonrise happened again, he offered no resistance to drawing the family carriage which would take the family Book of Tradition to Ponyville. It did not matter. The elders would bring the Book into the library, and he would remain in harness at the wagon. He would not even have to see Laminia, and she would not see him. It would be better that way.

Chap. 8 - Meet the Families

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Meet the Families

The Rich family mansion was more a symbol than an actual residence in Ponyville. To Filthy Rich, it said “I am a Rich and Powerful Pony in this small town.”

To the other relatively wealthy inhabitants of the town it said “Phhhtttt!! I’ve got more toys than you!”, and drove them into a futile race to install just one more room, or fountain, or gabled window. Futile, because no matter what addition they constructed, or exotic garden fountain they installed, the Rich’s always regained their lead within a few weeks.

To the various plumbers, roofers, framers, bricklayers, and other practitioners of the construction trades in town, it simply said, “Ka-CHING! Money, money, money. Keep that race a running.”

To Filthy Rich’s daughter, Diamond Tiara, the house neither spoke nor was a symbol; it merely was a place to store her ever-expanding collection of stuff, and to play with her best and only friend Silver Spoon in the music room, bowling alley, arcade, sunroom, library, tennis court, greenhouse, ballroom or the pool.

Which explains why Diamond Tiara was so startled when she was returning from her evening walk and her house suddenly said, “Psst! DT! Over here!”

Diamond Tiara looked suspiciously around the sidewalk for the source of the voice. Without Silver Spoon at school today or afterwards, it had been a very long and trying day, so she had gone out for a brisk evening stroll and quick round of tennis with Ace before bedtime to settle her nerves. The evening sun was making sharp shadows out of the imported yellow forsythia bushes, highlighting the expensive stonework of her father’s huge mansion. Shadows seemed to lurk nearby, awaiting their emergence into the upcoming night, and one bush in particular trembled as if it were being shaken.

“Silver Spoon? Is that you? I thought you were sick. Your father sent a servant with a note to school today saying you had the flu.”

“It’s an emergency! You gotta sneak me in. It’s almost night, and...” Silver Spoon trailed off, only to poke her trembling nose up over the bush and scan the sky. “They will wake up from their lair, and seek the blood of one who has stolen their offspring. You gotta hide me!”

“Well, sheesh. What a drama queen. You know the school play is still a few months away, right?” She trotted through the front door and hoofed the intercom, “Hey Dad! Silver Spoon and I are going to be up in my room!”

A grey blur streaked through the door and zipped up the stairs behind Diamond Tiara, who yawned and made a detour to the kitchen to get a drink of water. After all, it had been a long walk, and there was nothing interesting going on anyway other than Silver’s weekly panic fit.

By the time Diamond Tiara walked to her bedroom, all of the windows had their curtains pulled and there was a quivering lump in the middle of her four-poster bed. “Okay, Silver. What gives? I mean you’re acting like there are monsters attacking the town.” Diamond Tiara paused by the window and took a peek outside, just in case. “There aren’t really monsters attacking the town again, are there?”

“Yes!” The lump in the middle of the bed shivered even more.

“Oh, plu-eeze. If there were monsters out in the town, we would have heard someth— ” Diamond Tiara peeked out the window again. “What was that? I thought I saw something fly by.”

“It’s probably the Evil Spawn of the Dark Ponies, out searching the city for their Stolen Child,” wailed Silver Spoon from under the covers.

“Oh right!” scoffed Diamond Tiara, while still peeking out the window. “That’s just a story we made up to scare the blank flanks. You don’t really—” She cut off in amazement as Silver Spoon pulled the covers back to reveal a dull grey egg about the size of a newborn foal. “It’s real?”

“Apple Bloom snuck back into the library and stole one of their eggs, right out from the nest! She said she was too frightened to take it back to her home, and stuck it in my house. I’ve been trying to keep it warm until I can sneak it back into the library, so the Evil Spawns don’t track me down and turn me into one of them!”

“Why can’t we just throw it away or something?” Diamond Tiara looked around and opened her window. “Here, we can just throw it out into the street and—”

“Nooo!! Scootaloo says if the baby inside dies, its death cry will bring the parents! They’ll sting us and stick eggs inside our bodies just like wasps and we’ll bloat up and the little baby Evil Spawns will eat their way out from our insides!”

“How does Scootaloo know—”

“Her parents fought the creatures once, and they were never the same again.”

Diamond Tiara scoffed, “That’s just stupid. Her parents are— What was that? I saw something outside again.” She pasted herself to the window and peered out into the moonlit darkness. “It looked like a pegasus carriage, but its dark out. Nopony drives around in the nigh—” A second carriage drawn by two batwinged ponies flew by, one of them turning to look in their window with his golden eyes as they passed.

“Aaahhh!!” Diamond Tiara shrieked, and joined Silver Spoon under the covers. “They brought reinforcements!”

The two little fillies peeked out from under the coverers with the monstrous egg between them and asked each other in a whisper. “What are we going to do?”

* * *

The heavily-loaded carriage gave a hefty thump as they descended through the natural updraft surrounding Ponyville, setting up for a simple landing next to the library. Pumpernickel grudgingly admitted that the town did seem to be a bit more lively after dark now that there were more Night Guards on duty. There was even a light on in the largest mansion on the hill, although it went out almost immediately after the carriage passed. He pulled the carriage around in an arc as they descended to land, having to land a distance away from the library because of the other half-dozen carriages scattered around the giant tree. From the looks of things, they had all been sitting in one place for quite awhile already this evening, and the line was not proceeding forward at all.

A thin, whiny voice spoke up from the inside of their carriage, “What’s goin’ on up there? Why have we stopped?”

His fellow driver called back over his shoulder, “Grandma, we’re here. But there’s a line.”

“Well send Popinjay or Potpourri or whatever his name is up to find out what’s holding up the line. It’s cold out here. Bring me a blanket.”

“Go on,” murmured his cousin as they unhitched themselves, “I’ll deal with the old biddy.”

He forced himself to relax as he plodded through the grass, walking quietly besides the other Night Pegasi wagons and carriages lined up patiently in front of the library.

Why am I worried? She must know my family will be bringing their Book to Twilight Sparkle. If she’s uncomfortable with me being here, she can just step out of the room for a minute and never has to even look at me. Besides, I’m just going to look in the door to see what is holding up the line. I don’t have to see her. I don’t want to see her.

The allure of wrapping himself up in pity had begun to pale during the flight. The pain of exercise had always made him feel better, but his partially-healed bruises and burns made him more than happy to step away from the pressure of the harness for a few minutes. So why was he walking so slowly?

His steps slowed even more as he passed through the last of the waiting Night Pegasus families with their wagons and carriages, each with their own copy of the family Book of Tradition securely tucked inside. The chill that permeated his coat and brought painful goose pimples across the bandages on his back had nothing to do with the temperature of the air. Each wagon held a number of family elders, varying in age and general crankiness depending on the family. Each elder was looking at the Golden Oaks Library with different degrees of hostility; some seemed willing to chop it down, some seemed to be thinking of a match.

Outside the library door were two of Laminia’s Night Guard detail, a white pegasus and a grey unicorn, both wearing Luna’s colors and standing perfectly still in their proper guard pose, but somehow managing to radiate an aura of wishing they were somewhere else. And when he heard the strident voice coming from inside the library, he understood why.

“...don’t understand why Princess Luna would ever select you as her Hoofmaiden. You never knew your proper place when you were growing up, always whining and complaining. Limping around our house like some crippled duck, you were the shame of our entire family! Now you expect us to come to you, groveling on our bellies because you somehow have managed to trick Princess Luna into giving a crippled failure some meaningless job! I will not stand for this, and neither will any other proper family! The insult to the Night Pegasus honor will not stand, Princess Luna should know better than to have us turn over our precious Books of Tradition to a unicorn and a crip—”

It was strange how he first noticed the middle-aged Night Pegasus who was berating Laminia had a faint streak of blue down his mane; it shimmered in the library lighting as if it were metallic. He had never really noticed until now that Laminia had a faint echo of that same streak. He could see it through her entire mane and tail as she stood emotionlessly in front of her relative, probably an Uncle or Cousin. Slipstream, that was his name. Pumpernickel had seen his picture in the Academy long-distance flight record holder’s book; that little streak of blue was as distinctive on a Night Pegasus as if his whole body had been covered in a rainbow mane. The stallion’s voice was not strong and powerful as he had imagined it. Slipstream squeaked when he was excited, and when he made a splintering crash into the back wall of the library with Pumpernickel’s hooves at his throat, he made a very loud squeak indeed.

Books rained down on both of their heads, along with more than a few fragments of broken shelves and Pumpernickel heard his own rasping voice snarl with deadly intent, “Excuse me, I don’t think I quite heard you quite right. What did you just call Princess Luna’s personally selected Hoofmaiden? Because if you were to insult my Princess, I might just get a little angry. I might lose my temper, and crush your head like a tick. So, would you care to rephrase your words?”

The arrogant stallion that was berating Laminia seemed to crumple in on himself, or maybe that was just the aftereffect of being slammed backwards into the library bookshelf. He licked his lips nervously, and glanced behind Pumpernickel’s broad shoulders, looking futilely for some assistance from the rest of the family who had begun to back cautiously for the door about the same time Slipstream had been sent crashing into the bookshelf. “W-who are you?”

Pumpernickel released his hold on the frightened Night Pegasus and let him slump to the floor. “Stay there,” he commanded. “I’ll be right back.” He turned his back and stalked out of the library, across the open plaza and in the direction of the boutique.

The thump, thump, thump of his steel-shod hooves on the dirt path kept him focused, he had to keep his focus, he absolutely had to keep his focus before he did something he most probably would regret. The flutter of feathered wings from above did not even make him look until Redoubtable landed right beside him and fell into lockstep, his newly re-shod hooves falling in perfect rhythm just as they had done so many times walking punishment drills together back on the Academy parade ground.

“Hey, Lumpy. I was sorta hanging out in the window. You were holding out on us at the Academy. I thought you were going to break that jerk in half.”

“The night is young,” he rasped before wrestling his emotions back under control. “That was her family, right?”

step, step, breathe, step

“Yep. They’d been going after her for about a half-hour in rotation when you showed. I kept expecting her to melt into the floor or explode. Pinfeathers, I would have clocked him after the first sentence. You going to beat ‘em up?”

“Yeah.” step, step, breathe, step

He stopped at the door to the Carousel Boutique and took one last deep breath to firm his nerves. “I’m going to beat his tiny little fossilized head in with something he has to respect. Authority. Come on, you’re invited.”

“Cool breezes. What are we doing?”

“First we’re going to get both of us dressed for the part.”

Five minutes later, the two mismatched Royal Guards left the boutique. Pumpernickel was resplendent in the dark purple formal uniform Laminia had created, every button gleaming, his cuffs tucked back with shining amethyst cufflinks and his silver rank bars on the sharp peaked cap carefully aligned.

Beside him strode Redoubtable with head held high, in a matching uniform that should have been impossible. Pumpernickel had watched it being made, and he still thought it was impossible. But Rarity had done it, by herself, in less than five minutes, including an entire two minutes worth of ranting and railing about how impossible it was going to be.

It was not simply a reversed image of the Night Pegasus uniform. Where Laminia’s design had softened for the dark, Rarity’s design fairly blazed with light. Instead of the delicate, understated silver piping across the chest, the creamy white uniform worn by the white pegasus had a thick gold braid; instead of the pebbly silver buttons of Luna’s Guard, this uniform had shiny, smooth golden buttons the size and shape of bits(*). Only the cream-colored cap maintained the same exact shape, with golden rank bars and just the slightest rakish tilt.

“Lumpy! What in Celestia’s name are we doing?” whispered Redoubtable out of the side of his mouth as they left the boutique and fell into lockstep on their way back to the library.

“Exactly,” he whispered back. “You are representing Celestia, and I’m representing Luna, and between the two of us, we’re—”

“Going to get court-martialed. These aren’t even uniforms.”

“Yes they are. They are made at the direct orders of Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria, and therefore uniforms. Now put on your Royal Guard face and play along.”

Redoubtable spared a sideways glance at Pumpernickel’s stony face as they marched. “This really isn’t just for your marefriend, is it?”

“No,” said Pumpernickel with a growl. “This is a matter of honor. Her honor.”

“Ten-HUT!”

Pumpernickel had intentionally waited until just the right moment as the two pegasi had marched up to the line outside the library; the right moment being defined as the moment one of the waiting Night Pegasi had opened his mouth and stepped forward with a question. It was satisfying to see just how spinal a reflex the Royal Guard training was. All up and down the waiting line, Night Pegasi braced into stiff attention as if their Princess were about to appear, not just a couple of wounded guards on sick leave.

He strode into the library and right up to Slipstream, who had used his five minutes of time to get properly prepared for Pumpernickel’s return. However, the appearance of two uniformed Royal Guards, one dark, one light, threw his mind for a loop from which neither Royal Guard had any intent of letting him recover.

Pumpernickel saluted, a crisp knife-like movement in his dark uniform which he was pleased to see triggered the same visceral response in both of the other male Night Pegasi in the room. “Pumpernickel of the Royal Guard, Optio of the Night Division, Personal Guard of the Princess, reporting for duty at the command of Princess Luna’s Hoofmaiden!”

Beside him, Redoubtable snapped a perfectly identical salute in his shining white uniform and barked out as prompted, “Redoubtable of the Royal Guard, Specialist of the Day Division, Personal Guard of the Princess, reporting for duty at the command of Princess Luna’s Hoofmaiden!”

The befuddled pony saluted rather poorly, “Slipstream, Sergeant of the Royal Guard, Retired. I don’t know what—”

“Have you brought your family’s Book of Tradition, as commanded by Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria?”

“Well, yes. But—”

“Have your bearers bring it in and place it in the back of the library. Twilight Sparkle, personal protégé of Princess Celestia, will document the Book, and provide you a receipt. Next!”

At that moment, a cold lump formed in his gut as he realized the bluff was going to fail. Slipstream paused, his eyes darting back and forth between the two mismatched guards. All it would take was for the upset stallion to turn around and leave, and the whole thing would collapse. The Academy had been quite direct on that subject: Never give an order that you knew was going to be disobeyed. The Princess had given an order, and the families of the Nocturne were about to throw it back in her face. It would be a horrible mess, with screaming and charges, but the easiest way to bury the whole thing and save face would be to dump it on the backs of two overzealous young fools.

Then Slipstream looked back over Pumpernickel’s shoulder at where Laminia was standing. It only took him a moment, but for that moment Pumpernickel could feel the cold chill begin to creep through the rest of his body, only to warm back up as the older guard saluted. This was not the sloppily salute of just a few moments ago, but a razor-sharp salute every bit suited for the presence of both Princesses.

“Do as he says. We serve the Princess.” A pair of young Night Pegasi brought in the rather large chest where their family Book was stored. They carefully moved the wooden chest to the back of the library room, and Twilight Sparkle marked them off a checklist as they picked up their receipt and departed coldly without a backwards glance.

As the night wore on, one Nocturne family after another brought their Book of Tradition into the library, were properly greeted, and left with a receipt. The pile of chests grew, eventually covering the entirety of the first floor and part of the second before there was a pause in the line of families, and Redoubtable poked his head outside.

“All done, I guess. Nopony is out there, as far as I can see.”

“Not yet, but take a quick breather. We’re well over half-way done according to my checklist.” Twilight Sparkle plunked down on the floor and rubbed her horn. “I never thought I’d say this, but I almost wish that were all of the books. The preservation spell on the chests must be Traditional too. Anything inside should be nearly as fresh as the day it was written.” She glanced over at Laminia. “So how are you doing?”

Pumpernickel did not dare to look. He had positioned himself so his back was to the Night Pegasus mare all night, and kept his Royal Guard face on constantly. Some portion of his mind wanted to turn around and look at her beautiful face, while the intelligent portion held him back and kept him pointed away. She was broken, there was no use breaking her any more.

“I’m fine,” was the only thing Laminia said. It was the only thing he had heard her say all night, and it lit a fire in his soul that took great effort to extinguish. She doesn’t need this. She doesn’t need me. Then another Night Pegasus family arrived outside the library and he thankfully returned to the protective embrace of his duty.

Luna’s moon had passed and Celestia’s sun had risen high in the sky by the time the last Night Pegasus family arrived, a full set of warm winter furs set to one side of their open sled showing the great distance they had traveled. He had started redirecting the arriving families to the town hotel quite a few hours ago, assuming a nice, quiet days rest in a magically silenced room was much preferable to having an older Night Pegasus die of exposure or over-work on their long return trips back to their families.

He had no idea where Twilight Sparkle had found the comprehensive listing of families, or how she had managed to keep track of which Book went where, but after the last Night Pegasus family went out to their sled, she announced with a giant smile, “Done! Everypony out, I’m locking the door and sleeping ‘til tonight.”

Redoubtable gave a sleepy salute and left by the library window, but as Pumpernickel turned to leave, there was a sharp tug on his sleeve.

“Hey Lumpy. You gave away my room at the hotel, didn’t you?”

It took a lot of willpower, but he managed to not look at Laminia. He settled for nodding carefully.

“Probably. I sent a few families up there.” A glance around the library showed chests with Books stacked up to three deep in places. “Quite a few, I think.”

“Well, I’m not sleeping upstairs without some company. Come on, lets get you out of that outfit before you wrinkle it.” She grabbed Pumpernickel by the collar and began to lead him up the stairs.

(*) The buttons were exactly the size and weight of bits to be precise, except for the holes for the thread. Later versions of the uniform were supposed to be made with actual buttons instead of drilling holes in bits, but once a tradition starts, it becomes very difficult to stop.

Chap. 9 - I Had a Dream Last Night

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
I Had a Dream Last Night

“Miss Diamond Tiara! Time to get up.” The maid poked her nose into the bedroom of Filthy Rich’s spoiled daughter and looked around. Normally the bratty little snipe had a full dozen or more catty comebacks before she would even set hoof outside her comfortable bed, and it made every morning a time where the maid really regretted not being born a unicorn. The idea of dragging the screaming little brat out of bed by the tail and bouncing her down the stairs into the kitchen was a constant temptation, and while she probably could do the same job with her teeth, the prospect of getting kicked in the face repeatedly while engaged in job-ending wish-fulfillment was just not appealing. Unfortunately, not one, but two little faces poked themselves out from under the covers this morning and the maid groaned to herself.

Silver Spoon. Why did it have to be her?

A weak, fake coughing came from the bed, and Diamond Tiara whined, “I don’t feel good. And neither does Silver Spoon. Can we stay home from school today?”

Ah, payback. “Of course, young Miss. Your father has already left for work. Shall I contact Dr. Stable for a house visit?”

“No! I mean, no, I don’t think that’s needed.” She gave another little fake cough. “I’m sure we just have a little bug. A germ! I mean a germ!”

“Very well, young Miss. I will notify the school and bring up a breakfast for you and your guest. Will haycon and eggs be acceptable?”

“No eggs!” screeched Silver Spoon, burrowing under the covers.

“Bring some blankets! Yes, we need more blankets,” snapped Diamond Tiara.

The maid left and the two little fillies scurried out of the bed to closely examine their little grey egg. “It still feels cold.”

Diamond Tiara bit her bottom lip and threw a blanket over the egg. “We need to sneak it back into its mother’s nest before she realizes it’s missing.”

“They know it’s missing! Didn’t you see all those evil pegasuses flying around last night?” Silver Spoon lowered her voice. “I’ll bet this is a special egg. Maybe even a Queen?”

Diamond Tiara glanced around the room as if there were fierce Night Pegasus Ninja hiding in the corners. “Don’t worry. I have a foolproof plan.”

* * *

The Everfree forest seemed more like a tropical jungle, but at least the thick canopy made the lighting at ground level more to Pumpernickel’s liking. Thick vines hung from the trees, overgrown with leprous-looking moss and swarms of small, pesky insects. No flowers graced the heavy forest, just the occasional flicker of color as a bird dashed from cover in the distance. The stench of rotting vegetation surrounded them both with an intensity that seemed to force itself into the lungs and throat while the hot fetid air made sweat pour down the inside of his oven-like armor.

“So why are we slugging through the weeds down here instead of just flying over?” groused Pumpernickel as he raised a hoof from the gummy black mud that made up most of the ‘path.’

“Quiet.” Laminia glared back at the guard before continuing to slog down the vine-enshrouded path. “I swear you make more noise than an elephant.”

“Like you know what an elephant sounds like,” grumbled Pumpernickel, brushing aside a vine which coiled around him and began to constrict. “Hey!”

“I told you to be quiet,” said Laminia, glaring back at him with a complete lack of sympathy. “Now I don’t have anypony to protect me.” Vines came curling out from the woods, wrapping completely around her and dragging her from sight. Her voice continued to filter out of the forest even as he struggled against more vines that began to wrap around his own body. “You’ve failed. You should have just gone away and let a real Royal Guard protect me.”

“Laminia!” The vines began to wrap around his neck, blotting out his attempt to see where the ball of vines surrounding her had already vanished into the dark forest. “Oh Luna, why does—”

She left off ‘Matriarch of Dreams and Ruler of Shadows’. I guess they don’t fit on her signature.

“Luna.” He ripped a hoof free from the vines and tore at the ground. “LUNA! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Vines seemed to fly away from him as he thrashed, bringing his wings up and smashing them forward repeatedly regardless of the pain. He tore himself free of the clinging vegetation and plunged into the dark woods, finding himself alone in a darkened clearing.

“LUNA!” he screamed, his voice shaking with rage. “Stop this right now!”

“What makes you think Luna is involved,” purred a soft, velvety voice that brought a cold chill up his back. The dark alicorn that slipped out of the shadows was much taller than Princess Luna, and wore the armor of Nightmare Moon. Cat-like yellow eyes looked back into his own as she purred, “Why so surprised? You’re the one who called for me.”

“Buck you,” he snarled. “Get out of Laminia’s head right now! She’s got enough guilt right now to deal with, this isn’t going to help.” Pumpernickel face twisted as he attempted to think. “Please.”

“Please? What makes you think your Queen of the Night cares for your trivial little problems?” Nightmare Moon turned into a cloud of blue sparks and flowed through the humid forest air, rematerializing beside Pumpernickel with a brush of wings up his bare flank. “Yum, tasty.”

The guard took a deep breath to calm his racing heart, and slowly knelt down into the clinging mud. “Princess Luna, I beg of you, please stop. I will do anything you ask, just please. Leave her alone.”

“Anything?” The dark alicorn brushed up alongside him and whispered into his ear. “Anything at all? Do you care for this foolish creature then? Do you even know what she did?”

“Yes. Yes, I do know what she did. But she did it out of love for you. She cared for you, and wanted you to be… better than you were. She never wished for you to be consumed by Nightmare Moon. Neither of us did. If you need to take your anger out on anypony, take it out on me. Please. Before this form you are taking now becomes comfortable to you.”

“What! You dare to beg favors from me?” A crash of thunder illuminated Nightmare Moon from the back, flattening leaves around him as the very sky seemed to open up with rain. He was soaked to the bone in seconds, but he remained frozen in place, his head between his forehooves in a posture of supplication. Hailstones began to smash to earth around him and the wind picked up into a fierce gale. Pumpernickel did not move.

Finally, a dark figure slipped up to his side and gave his ear a good, solid, wet lick.

“Yeach! Ewww!” The Guard shook his head and sneezed, and when he opened his eyes again, he was resting on a grassy hill with the open star-filled sky above. No wind. No clouds. No Nightmare Moon. Just stars. And completely dry except for a wet ear.

“Dost thou have one speck of brains in that rattling skull, my trusted guard?” The night sky in front of Pumpernickel seemed to part like a curtain and Luna looked down on Pumpernickel’s prone form. “What would make you think that a dream I hast placed within your mind alone would affect my Hoofmaiden? Art thou truly this ignorant of our powers?”

For one moment he wanted to jump to his hooves, but he stayed where he was, face down, prone on the dry grass. “I’m sorry, Princess Luna. I have little experience with dreams. It was never covered in the Academy curriculum.”

“Perhaps I shall have it added. For now, we have a different fish to fry. What?” she asked at Pumpernickel’s terrified shudder. “‘Tis a valid modern euphemism, I did hear it from the Griffon Ambassador.” She sighed as the guard remained in his subservient position.

“We did expend a great deal of effort to ensure the removal of thyself from the presence of my Royal Hoofmaiden, and here you are not a single night later, wrapped up in her passionate embrace. What must I do to separate you two?”

“I did not intend to return, but my family duties brought me here.” A change seemed to sweep over Pumpernickel’s body, when he looked up, he was no longer in the grass but on the floor of the library. Princess Luna stood by his side and looked over the neatly stacked collection of chests with a degree of puzzlement.

“Verily, I did not expect this kind of response to mine correspondence. Perhaps it was a transcription error.” She trotted up the stairs, passing Twilight Sparkle with a giant-sized cup of coffee floating by her side as she went about organizing checklists and charts around her newest treasures. The purple unicorn paid no attention to the Princess of the Night as she passed, although Pumpernickel was not sure if that was because he and the Princess were in some strange dream world, or she was just concentrating on her work.

Luna paused at the dressmaker’s dummy outside their storeroom/bedroom to look over his carefully arranged uniform where Laminia had placed it before bedtime. He hoped for some sort of approval for Laminia’s work, but she merely made the smallest of sniffing noises before turning to the storeroom and opening the door. He felt almost certain that the images he was seeing now were just a dream, because the sunlight streaming into the storeroom did nothing but illuminate the features of the two Night Pegasi who were wrapped up in each other’s embrace, sound asleep.

“What am I to do with you two? I feel responsible, for I was the one who brought you together, and I the one who attempted to separate you.”

She looks so peaceful. So unlike when she is awake. Pumpernickel turned from the scene and looked away. “She deserves better. I hurt her whenever I’m around. Send me away, far away.” A cold shiver went up his flank again and he swished his stubby tail in discomfort. “She should meet somepony who will bring happiness to her instead of pain.”

“Strange,” said Luna distantly. “She looks happy now. And yet as much as you say you wish only her well-being, can you name anyone who brought her joy before you?” A wordless pause stretched between them. “I thought not.”

There was something there, he could feel it. Some tiny little hint of warmth that stayed just tantalizingly out of his reach. There was an answer he was not seeing, if only he could bring it out into the moonlight.

Luna gave a sigh of regret. “If happiness were something I could merely command, do you not think I would have it myself? I lost all of the joy in my heart when Nightmare Moon stole me away from my sister, and am only now ever so slowly regaining it. Time is something my immortal sister and I have in great quantity, but our bond could take centuries to return to what it once was. For foolish mortals...”

The dream began to fade away as the library became indistinct in his vision. “I give you no orders, my faithful guard, but one. Live.”

The darkness seemed to recede slightly, and the interior of the library storeroom swam slowly into focus as he woke for real. It felt strange to be waking up here, stranger too to feel Laminia’s legs securely locked around him. But not as strange as the feeling of her muzzle in his sore ear, and the occasional mumbled word ‘ice cream.’ Accompanied by a lick.

It was still at least an hour until moonrise. It would have been difficult to work his way free of the crushing embrace of the dark mare, but not impossible. He actually considered it several times, in particular whenever Laminia would snuggle in tight, or lick his ear again like an ice cream cone.

The closer the relationship, the more pain resulted when when it was ripped in half. His own experience with sisters notwithstanding, Luna must have loved her sister so much. It must have been like being torn in half for both of them when Celestia had used the Elements of Harmony to seal Luna in the moon.

Perhaps Laminia’s explanation for her cutie mark was accurate after all. Love just seemed like a rigged game, and the only way not to lose, was not to play. So why didn’t he get out of bed? After all, his bandages itched, it was stuffy in the room, and he needed to get going back to Canterlot because he never had actually checked back in with the Guard so it was vaguely possible he was considered missing despite Luna knowing where he was. Even while on leave, it was a violation of his Royal Guard’s oath not to have left word where he could be found. So it was really important for him to get going. Soon. When the moon rose, perhaps.

Chap. 10 - The Best Laid Plans

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
The Best Laid Plans

It was just a bush. An ordinary leafy green bush sitting out in the moonlight. Nothing out of the ordinary at all.

If bushes grew in the middle of the road.

“DT, this will never work!” Silver Spoon panted as the grey ‘egg’ shifted on her back and her skin crawled at its alien presence. It felt unusually warm, and smelled a little funny. She was terrified the Evil Spawn would break out from its rubbery skin before they got it back into the nest in the library. When it hatched, it would most certainly be hungry and begin to feed upon the nearest sweet, tender flesh of the living.

“Oh, stop your whining. It’s a brilliant plan.” The bush suddenly exhibited an un-bushlike behavior by raising up on eight tiny hooves and scurrying across the road, lining up carefully next to the library with the rest of its fellow bushes.

“Okay, now all we need to do is wait for the signal.”

“I still don’t see why those three blank flanks can’t do this instead of us.” A tiny grey filly head with glasses poked out of the top of the bush, looking at the two fierce purple-clad guards in front of the library. Silver Spoon ducked back into the bush and whined, “They’re still there!”

“Oh, relax. They’ll hear you. Now help me with my disguise. I think my wings are sliding off.” Diamond Tiara wriggled the grey jogging suit she was wearing around and tried to tighten up the cord holding a pair of cardboard wings on her back. Silver Spoon was spared the indignity of wearing a sweatsuit due to her beautiful grey coat, and her own cardboard wings were tied very securely. Perhaps a little too secure. “There,” she gasped. “Nice and tight.”

“Just in time.” The fluttering of wings passed overhead and something seemed to be happening on the other side of the library. Diamond Tiara smirked and elbowed her friend. “Now when the guards go running off to see what’s going on, we sneak in, slip the egg back into the nest, and run like heck. If we get separated, we meet up behind Rarity’s and stuff our disguises in her trash can so those three pests get the blame. It’s a perfect plan. Nothing can go wrong.”

Fate played chess with Destiny. Normal mortals played a game they called chess, but it compared to Fate’s game much like a candle can be compared to the sun. Several wealthy or noble ponies had giant chessboards in their gardens with life-sized pieces for entertainment; Fate preferred to play with larger-than-life pieces, preferably nobles with giant chessboards in their gardens. Their games tended to blur together; Destiny was a strong but fickle opponent with a powerful ground game and grand long-reaching strategy, but Fate had an unpredictable streak that tended to make Destiny throw the board and scatter the pieces in frustration.

“...Nothing can go wrong.”

Both immortal entities turned their attentions to a remote corner of their board in contemplation.

“Again? Is that one of your pieces this time?” asked Destiny.

“No,” said Fate with a frown. “Would you terribly mind if I were to...” She paused over the board and glanced back at her opponent.

“Go ahead. They tempted you after all.”

“Thanks, I owe you one.” Fate reached down and made a minor change to a piece before sitting back with Destiny to watch the fireworks.

“Much better,” said Destiny. “Care for some popcorn?”

An occupied Royal Chariot being pulled by two Nocturne descended in front of the Carousel Boutique, with four Night Guard pegasi in close attendance. Princess Luna’s unannounced arrival in Ponyville was being accomplished with slightly more fanfare than her last trip, with the forlorn hope that this would be an uneventful trip.

As the Princess vanished into the Carousel Boutique, one Night Guard visited the library to retrieve the Princess’s Hoofmaiden, returning to the boutique with her obediently trotting along behind. The rapid grey dash of a small pair of Night Pegasi foals into the library door behind them went totally unnoticed by mortal eyes.

“Miss Sparkle, please! It’s not necessary -ouch- for you to -ow- do this.”

Twilight Sparkle had taken it upon herself to change the bandages on the wounded Royal Guard this evening, although it would be more accurate to say ‘drafted Pumpernickel into being an involuntary anatomy lesson tentatively entitled — Comparative Anatomy of the Night Pegasus and Their Healing Response to Electrical Stimuli Under Laboratory Conditions.’ Upon his unsuspecting emergence from his library sleeping quarters, he had been rather solidly ambushed by the scientifically oriented unicorn who had no idea why anypony would not wish to participate in her scheme. After all, it was for science.

After many uncomfortable minutes with her checklists, bandages, splints (just in case a sprain were to show up), burn ointment, and a copy of Brady Books: Emergency Care, she carefully wrapped a last bandage around the Night Guard’s foreleg while turning the page.

“...making sure not to cut off blood circulation in the affected limb. Okay, I got it. Now just let me tie a knot in the bandage and — Perfect! There we go, all nice and neat, just like the book says.”

“Did the book say to tie my legs together?”

“Oops. Here, let me get that.” Twilight busied herself with the bandages while holding the book in front of her face and flipping pages back and forth. “I just don’t know what I did wrong. I did this… then this… and around here. How’s that?”

“Mmmumph!” Pumpernickel glared from behind the array of white bandages around his muzzle.

“Oops. I got it now, don’t worry.” This time Twilight unwound the the bandages rapidly, and as she very carefully wrapped them back up, she murmured, “The rabbit goes around the tree, and into the hole...”

As she worked, Pumpernickel plotted his escape. He had neither wish nor desire to remain in the small town, despite yesterday’s confusing bedtime antics from Laminia. She had shown her true feelings upon being awakened by Princess Luna’s security detail by wordlessly leaving the library storeroom and walking over to the boutique, where she was still sequestered with the Princess at the moment. He still had three days leave to spend with his family, and the farther from her, the better for the both of them. Twilight Sparkle had performed quite well bandaging up his rapidly-healing physical wounds, but his heart still felt shattered, and the farther he could get from here, the better. For Laminia too.

He mustered his courage and masked his emotions again, trying not to show the turmoil that churned in his gut. He forced them away, still feeling horribly naked without his real armor, and once again drew upon his sense of duty to shield his heart. It felt tissue-thin against the world, but it would have to do for the next three days until he could return to work and once again conceal it behind enchanted steel.

“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. I’m afraid I must take my leave of you now and return to Canterlot. I wish you luck with our Books of Tradition, and please pass my regrets to your houseguest.”

“Wait!” Twilight gave a worried look to the rather full-looking library. “Could I get you to help? I mean, two hundred and thirty five chests full of thousand year-old documents. It’s an archivist’s dream job, but...” She shrugged. “I don’t know where to start, or how to organize them. I’m certain the families will want them back fairly soon, but even if I only took a week on each Book, that would still take over four years! Since you still have three days leave, could you stay around until then? Please?”

Pumpernickel carefully flexed, to make sure his bandages were going to stay attached on the long flight back to Canterlot. “I would be happy to stay and help, Twilight Sparkle, on one condition.” She found herself meeting his intense golden gaze. “Tell me how you know I still have three days leave left.”

“I-I... Um. Overheard. Your Commander?”

“You used a spell to eavesdrop on me when I was ordered on leave, didn’t you?”

She looked down and scuffed one hoof against the wood floor. “Yes.”

“Good. It was nice to know you cared about at least one of us. Goodby, Twilight Sparkle.”

He carefully brushed a fleck of lint off the majestic, deep-purple uniform on the dressmaker’s dummy still outside his former room and gave it a nod of approval before heading down the stairs.

He had hoped to make his escape from the town while Princess Luna was still visiting the boutique, but his timing was atrocious, as usual, as he nearly ran headlong into Laminia on the library doorstep while he was leaving. They made awkward little shuffling motions with their hooves while trying to get past each other, first left, then right, before Luna’s strong voice behind Laminia blasted, “Optio Pumpernickel, you are out of uniform.”

Pumpernickel bowed into the position of respect, trying not to get his bandages dirty. “Princess Luna, I am off duty.”

The Royal Princess sniffed. “Very well then. I understand my Royal Hoofmaiden has a prospective design in the library which will help differentiate between the common ponies and members of my Royal Guard while they are off duty. I will see it now, and I will speak with you later tonight.”

“If you all will walk this way please, Your Highness.” Laminia turned her back on Pumpernickel coldly and strode past him into the library with only a light flick of her tail against his bare side, and then she was gone.

Pumpernickel gave a sigh at the briefness of his escape attempt, and looked for a resting spot around the open area surrounding the library. ‘Later’ from a Princess to a Royal Guard was easily translated into ‘Stand around here and wait, don’t go anywhere.’ There was also a subtext that meant ‘And not right where you are standing now, go stand over there somewhere and try to stay out of the way.’ There was really an art to translating Princess to Guard, but fortunately for the less artfully inclined, a short unofficial Guard manual on the subject had been worked up and was passed from hoof to hoof with the understanding that the contents were never to be released to anypony not actually in the Royal Guard.(*)

With that in mind, he decided to loiter near the companionship of his own kind; the two Night Pegasi who had been pulling Princess Luna’s chariot and were still parked on the library lawn.

He really did not expect a response because the still-harnessed Night Guard were supposed to be ready for immediate takeoff and ignoring interruptions, especially when their charge was so close. However, one of the older drivers gave him an inquisitive glance as he stopped nearby.

“Hey. Lumpy, right?”

“Yeah.” Pumpernickel had quit even frowning at the hated nickname, he just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Look. Kid. Don’t get me wrong or anything.” The driver looked around and lowered his voice. “Uncle Slipstream is a jerk.”

“Really?” The word fairly dripped with sarcasm, and the driver flinched.

“No, I mean it. Lamby was part of my extended family before she left for the Pins. She was a pretty pathetic kid as I remember, but that’s no excuse for Slipshod to ride all over her face like I heard he was doing last night.”

“Yeah?” A flicker of interest stirred in his heart. He carefully tucked it to one side so it would not get crushed. “Fat lot of good it did her. None of her family stood up for her one tiny bit.”

“Yeah. I know. I wish I had been here. She’s got a real talent for pissing ponies off. My name’s Sunny Meadows, by the way.”

“Pumpernickel. But you knew that.”

“Yeah. Look, kid. I just wanted you to know that not everypony blames you for… that Luna thing.”

“Strange thing to call Treason,” he said bitterly. “I convince all of the clan heads to betray our oaths to Princess Celestia for the first time in a thousand years, and everypony treats me like I stole a cookie.”

“It was a very tasty cookie,” put in Sunny Meadows. “And offering to swear loyalty to Princess Luna seemed to snap her out of depression better than anything we could come up with. If you had really done anything seriously wrong, she wouldn’t have promoted you a few days ago, right?”

Pumpernickel was grateful that the cool night hid his embarrassed blush. “I don’t know why you’re even talking to me, my own family treats me like...” He thought back for a moment. “Actually, when I was home, they treated me fairly well.”

“Well, of course. You’re family. We stick together no matter what.” Sunny nodded towards the library and snorted. “Even her. Heck, for a while there our family had just about torn itself apart, but after she left, we managed to start putting things back together.”

“Yeah, she has a way of ripping things up.”

“Oh, not that. We did most of it all by ourselves. Still, she had a pretty impressive part near the end. In the middle of our biggest family argument, she decided to go off and flaunt our family Traditions so dramatically, I think even Luna must have heard about it from the moon. It made Slipstream and the rest of his ilk bound and determined to get Lamby removed from the family, but we fought them tooth and hoof all the way. When that letter from the Pins showed up asking to adopt her, I thought they were going to pop a seam. Everything flipped tail over crop at that point. We were in favor of her leaving, and they went from trying to kick her out to refusing to let her go in the blink of an eye.” Sunny Meadows hacked and spit to one side. “Tradition! Phooey. Wouldn’t bug me a bit if somepony threw a match in that library and the whole place went up.”

Pumpernickel wanted to object, to say just what positive experiences with the Book of Tradition had shaped his life. It was probably not a good idea. He contented himself with a knowing masculine grunt and staring at the upper library windows.

Even though his angle was poor, he could see two dark shapes at the top of the library staircase. Laminia would be showing the Princess her work on the Night Guard uniform, there would be an examination, she would probably accept the design after demanding certain changes. At least smoke had not billowed out from the boutique after Luna’s examination there, so she was finding some positive attributes to their designs. His introspection came to an abrupt end as several pegasi Night Guards trotted out the front door of the library and took to the starlit sky, darting away at high speed and fanning out, while Twilight Sparkle and her dragon were sent to wait nervously outside the front door.

“Trouble?” Pumpernickel tensed somewhat, but there did not seem to be any immediate threat. Both Luna and Laminia remained at the top of the staircase from what he could see through the window. It was like they had chased out everypony from the library except....

“Category Four(2),” he said with forced calm to the chariot drivers. “Kick out of harness and position yourselves at the front door with the Element of Magic. Expect a couple of earth ponies fillies to try running out at high speed, but do NOT hurt them. Consider that an order, by the way. Princess Luna will have your hide if they’re harmed. They’re just little fillies.”

“As you command, Optio.” The Night Guards had already shucked out of their harness and trotted at Pumpernickel’s side as they approached the library front door. “So what’s happening?”

“Operation Just Deserts is about to start, I think. Try to keep a straight face, and don’t laugh.”

—-

There were four things the two little fillies in the library should have known to save themselves a great deal of embarrassment: The library storeroom door was actually quite thin, Twilight Sparkle had let the sound-muffling spell on it expire once the sun had set, and Princess Luna had both exceptional hearing and a prankster sense of humor.(3) It probably would have helped if they did not think Night Pegasi were born from eggs too, but then they never would have been in this situation anyway.

“Oh heavens,” gasped Diamond Tiara. “They’re coming up the stairs!”

She closed the door to the library storeroom as quietly as she could and trembled in the inky blackness with her friend and that damnable egg. She had been certain they could sneak into the library, up the stairs and slip the egg back into the creature’s nest before they got back, the giant collection of chests scattered around the library had provided almost perfect cover for her and Silver Spoon. Big ponies almost never saw little fillies, and their disguises as little Night Pegasi monsters were perfect, or at least as good as it got in the night. A cold shudder went up her spine despite the warm grey tracksuit she was wearing; who knew what horrible things lurked in those chests?

“We’re doomed,” moaned Silver Spoon as she huddled next to her best friend in the darkness, awaiting their imminent deaths. “The Evil Spawn are going to catch us in here and eat us and feed us to their babies and suck out our brains!”

“Keep your voice down! And stay calm! You’ve got to stay calm! We can’t panic!”

“I’m already panicking! Why can’t we panic?”

“Because!” Diamond Tiara groped around in the darkness. “You still have the egg?”

“Yeah. It smells funny and feels a little soft, like it’s hatching. What are we going to do if it hatches? It’ll eat us up!”

“Maybe we can use it as a hostage?”

“Diamond Tiara!” gasped Silver Spoon. “It’s a baby! How could you!”

“Well, its a baby one of whatever those bat-winged things are that guard the Princess... Yeah, right. I suppose, it’s still a baby.”

“Shhh!! They’re right outside the door by that funny-looking suit.”

“Maybe they’ll go away if we’re really quiet.”

“Then shut up!”

“No, you shut up!”

* * *

The library stairs creaked only slightly as Pumpernickel climbed up to the storeroom. Outside the door and close to the stairs, Princess Luna and Laminia stood with their heads very close together, whispering and giggling as if they were his sisters, trying to keep a secret. Laminia’s eyes glittered maliciously in the library lights as she motioned Pumpernickel over and whispered.

“We think Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are both in there with our little ‘egg.’ We’re just trying to figure out what to do next. I thought I should kick in the door and scream at them.”

Luna whispered, “Nay, ‘tis too simple a scheme. Casting an illusion into the room of eggs breaking open and creatures emerging to devour the little bullies would be far more satisfactory. I have sent for the little ones who have been maltreated by these fiends so they may witness the downfall and abrupt panic-stricken emergence of their tormentors.“

“We could just leave and let them escape, but that won’t teach the little monsters a lesson. Or I could just lay in front of the door and scream like I’m being devoured by cannibal ponies, that seems to do it for me lately,” muttered Pumpernickel with a resentful glance at Luna. “Whatever we do, they’re going to be in therapy for months. I can hear them whimper from here.”

“No. Lumpy’s right for once,” said Laminia abruptly with a worried frown and a sudden reversal in her jubilant attitude. “They may be bullies, but they’re little fillies who are just going to be crushed by all this. Even if we just open the door and explain the situation to them quietly, they’re going to have to live with the humiliation hanging over them for the rest of their lives. Therapy will be the least of their worries.”

Luna frowned and sighed in regret, her eyes still lit with memory of pranks done centuries ago. “Verily, ‘tis regretfully true. The situation is much as that mellon you hath pawned off on the little fiends; it doth look one way on the surface, but be substantially different beneath the skin. ‘Twill be an excellent jest ‘gainst one of the overstuffed poltroons who doth infest our court, but against mere foals, even as nasty as you said, ‘twould be more cruel than humorous for the damage it would do.”

“I wish there were some way we could make them look like idiots and heroes at the same time,” whispered Pumpernickel.

All three of them remained silent for several minutes, listening to the fierce whispered conversation behind the storeroom door before Laminia looked up with a grin. “I’ve got it.”

(*) Of course Princess Celestia had a copy(1), and kept it updated every year as new translations became available. She was particularly proud of her contribution to the definition for ‘In a moment’, as it now contained three different situational variants and encompassed nearly two hundred and forty words.

(1) Princess Luna had a copy too, but some of the definitions had minor changes that radically changed their meanings in a humorous (according to Celestia) manner.

(2) Category Four indicated a security breach where non-lethal force was necessitated. The Guard scale went from Category Zero (Lethal force authorized and preferred) down to Category Eight (Small child with stick attempting to make Guard on duty react. Don’t move or you buy beer for the whole shift.)

(3) Princess Celestia had explained Luna’s sense of practical joking to Twilight once as “Think of Rainbow Dash, immortal, with centuries to learn new tricks, and the resources of an entire kingdom. Now throw in a thousand years of boredom.” It took her a full hour to coax her student out from under the throne and she still shuddered whenever she went past a joke shop in Canterlot.

Chap. 12 - Love Hurts

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Love Hurts

“I’m sorry.”

“Now cut that out, right now.” Laminia tucked in the wing-slot of Pumpernickel’s jacket and stood back to admire her design. The rest of the various fillies and ponies had all left the library fairly quickly after Luna’s dismissal, allowing her to show Princess Luna her best work. Unfortunately, as she explained repeatedly, it had to be displayed on Lumpy, because it probably would have hung like a tent over one of her other thinner Night Guards.

“Fit for a—whatever you are. As you can see, Your Highness, I’ve taken several steps to ensure an ease of dressing, although any final design would incorporate more measures. Hopefully even the least coordinated of the Night Guard will have no problems with dressing and undressing; even Lumpy here managed everything but the cufflinks.” Ignoring her organic dressmaker dummy’s grumbling, she turned him to face the library lighting. “What do you think?”

“I think I may just be tempted to join the Guard,” said Spike. “That shade of purple would look really nice on me, don’t you think?”

“Well, I think he looks very handsome and refined,” said Twilight Sparkle in a guarded voice. “Not at all the way he looked when he threw that pony against the wall last night and broke up my shelves.”

“Bill us,” said Laminia a bit too sharply.

“You threw a pony against the wall last night?” asked Princess Luna in a very dry voice. “Might I ask why?”

Pumpernickel paused with his mouth open to reply, until Laminia cut him off. “One of my family members was being disrespectful. Your loyal guard simply asked him to rephrase his statement.”

“While holding him two hooves off the ground,” added Twilight. “Although he seemed less concerned about the insults to your Hoofmaiden, than to your honor, Princess Luna.”

“Oh really?” Luna looked at the Pumpernickel with one raised eyebrow. “I am given to believe that duels over matters of honor had been made illegal several centuries ago. Did you think to renew this ancient and noble tradition that had caused so many injuries to our guardsponies over those years?”

“No.” Pumpernickel glowered at all of them. “I don’t like to hurt others. That’s why I put on this costume over at the boutique before I came back. It’s a lot like my Royal Guard armor. While I’m wearing it, I represent something. Without it, I’m just me. As a guard, I could resist the urge to beat...” He trailed off and glanced at Laminia before turning his back. “I’m sorry.”

Laminia carefully patted him on the flank. “You are forgiven, my brave and fearless guardian. Besides, Dad’s kind of a jerk anyway.”

“Dad?” Pumpernickel tensed up like a steel beam. “I almost—”

“Adoptive father, remember?” She smacked him on the bare flank, and then rubbed her sore hoof. “Besides, he really deserved it. Heck, I was just about ready to kick him in the head when you showed up. Best thing the Pins ever did when they adopted me: steel shoes for the stone floors in the castle, and self-defense lessons. You probably saved him a concussion.”

“Somehow I don’t think he’ll thank me for that,” Pumpernickel remarked bitterly. “Can we please get on with it? I’d like to get working on whatever Twilight Sparkle would like to get started on tonight. I need the distraction.”

“Hm.” Princess Luna appeared deep in thought, and bent her head from side to side to get a better look at Pumpernickel in his uniform. “Yes, I can see. By the end of the week, I would like you to begin work on making a final version of this uniform, plus an informal off-duty version. Something light, on the order of a vest with the same cap. Perhaps you can find inspiration while you are reviewing your history. Ten centuries of creativity should be able to produce something useful. You are all dismissed.”

The Princess of the Night turned to leave without another word, passing out the door and to her waiting chariot which lifted off into the night air in a flurry of dragon-like wings.

Pumpernickel sagged down into a sitting position and blew out a long-held breath. “Whew. I’m glad that’s over.” The glare that Twilight Sparkle poured in his direction finally began to soak in. “It’s not over, is it?”

“No it isn’t.” The purple unicorn’s intense gaze did not let up for a moment. “Spike. There’s a job I need you to do over at Rarity’s for a few minutes. Go do it, please.”

“Sure, Twilight. Um. What is it?” The little dragon sat patiently, waiting for an answer. Then began to fidget. “Oh yeah, that. Well, I better be getting to it. Whatever it is. I’ll just leave you two alone. Three. Later!” The pitter-patter of little draconic feet vanished off into the distance and the library door slammed behind him.

“That was awfully cruel, Twilight,” said Laminia. “The little guy—”

“Hush. You’re next.” She blinked a bit and sat back, but never took her penetrating eyes off Pumpernickel. “There’s something I have to hear from you, if you are going to be helping me for the next week. Can I get your word that you will be honest with me? If not, I can’t trust you, and you can leave, right now.”

“You have my word as a Royal Guard, that I shall speak truthfully to you. I hereby swear by Luna and my family it shall be so.” He looked around. “My family’s Book of Tradition is around here somewhere if you need me to swear on it too.”

“Good enough. Last night after you came into my library, and smashed Laminia’s father into the wall—“

“Adopted father,” mumbled Laminia.

“—you seemed to change into an entirely different pony just a few minutes later when you returned. Now I’ve done some talking around town. Raindrops seems to think you were holding back a lot during your fight, even though I don’t agree with why the two of you were fighting anyway.”

“Well, I didn’t want to hurt her—”

“But Redoubtable says you did exactly the same thing at the Academy, and it almost got you kicked out. He says you never, and that’s the exact word he used, never, fought to win. They tried every underhanded trick in the book on you, put you up against every different skill level of opponent, day after day, and you always just barely lost. Do you remember Cadet Hammerlock?”

“Yes, every time the weather changes. I think he cracked a bone in my shoulder.”

“Do you remember how long you lasted in the ring with him? Seven minutes.”

“Six and a half. It felt more like seven hours.” Pumpernickel frowned. “Although after he beat me up, the combat instructors eased up on me until after graduation.”

“That’s because nopony lasted as much as five minutes against Special Operations Combat Sergeant Hammerlock before. They slipped you a ringer. The Princess told me so today.” She tapped a scroll with one hoof. “The instructors at the Academy wrote her five different times, requesting permission to kick you out. They never had a Night Pegasus fail the Academy without dying, and they looked back in the archives all the way back to Luna. She suggested setting you against him… well, as much as she ever just suggests anything. What I’m saying, is you’re holding back something, and have been holding it since before you put on the armor and took your oath. It changes your sometimes violent behavior, and unless you tell me what it is, I can’t trust you any more around either myself or my baby dragon. So would you mind telling me what that is, please?”

Pumpernickel sat down with a thump and picked at the silver piping on his uniform while carefully not looking at either of the two mares in the room. “I-I hit my sister. When I was very young, I was all hooves and knees. I had just been adopted and still didn’t quite know my own strength, I’ve always been a little strong for my size. We were playing, and they were holding me down and tickling me and… I kicked her.”

He fidgeted with the piping some more, finally dropping his hoof to the floor and laying down. “It took weeks for Brook to come back from the hospital, and nopony ever really told me what happened there. They Named me Pumpernickel at that point. They said it was an honor, but I knew better. I was so young I can’t even remember what my old name was.

From then on, it was always ‘Be careful playing with Pumpernickel, he’s clumsy’ or ‘Now don’t hurt anypony, Pumpernickel.’ I really didn’t want to go through Royal Guard training at first, but it’s Traditional. At the time, I wished I had never gone to the Academy, but now...”

He stood up and brushed off the uniform with a sense of pride, “When I’m wearing my armor, I’m somepony else. I’m Pumpernickel of the Royal Guard, not the nameless colt who almost killed his sister. That pony doesn’t exist any more. He was a bad pony.”

The Night Guard cringed and looked away, his voice almost inaudible. “I had almost forgotten about him until I felt Slipstream’s neck under my hooves. I was so filled with cold anger I could have killed him. It would have been so easy. Like breaking a twig.”

“But you didn’t.” Twilight Sparkle looked at him compassionately. “It doesn’t quite sound like a little bit of a split-personality, more like—“

“A guilty conscience, making him a glutton for punishment.” Laminia got up and stretched, rubbing up against Pumpernickel as she began to circle around him. “You never dodged or blocked my kicks, not even once. You never even tried. I thought it was just incompetence until I saw you and Raindrops fighting. Now I see you just like getting beaten up by mares. You think it makes up for the mistakes you made when you were just a pup. You’re trapped in shackles you created yourself.”

“Not entirely.” Twilight Sparkle nodded at the two of them. “I’ve seen him unleash himself twice, not just once. Most recently when he busted your father up against my library shelves, but I was watching when he hammered Redoubtable into the ground and broke open Rarity’s front door. Both were times when he was protecting you.”

Laminia froze as Twilight’s cool violet eyes met hers, looking so much like Princess Celestia’s compassionate gaze. “The first time, you kicked him in the head as a thank you for his actions. From what Rainbow Dash has been telling me, you did it again, multiple times after he was wounded protecting you in that stupid little cloud game. She says you were both acting screwy after you nearly killed him with a lightning bolt, that you never apologized and he never got mad at you for it. I don’t even pretend to understand why you would kick him in the head, but you always seemed to be careful that his helmet was on, and always seemed to do it when he was getting too close to you.

“I think that’s the key. You get evasive when anypony gets close to you, and when anypony starts to show signs that they might like you, you react by doing anything you possibly can to drive them away. You seem so determined to keep everypony at a distance. How many friends do you have?”

“I have lots of friends! I have the Pins, and...” Lamina trailed off.

“Me,” muttered Pumpernickel.

“Friends don’t kick other friends in the head,” snapped Twilight.

“No, friends have more painful ways to hurt you,” snarled Laminia. “Friends take the trust you give them, and twist it into hurtful weapons. I’ve tried to give trust before, and every time I’ve been kicked in the teeth. Well, I’ve found a way to fix that. If you don’t give them any trust, they are powerless against you. I don’t need friends! I’ve done just fine without them!”

“That’s not true!” Twilight jumped up and began pacing back and forth. “Friends are the most precious gift of all. It isn’t just giving some trust and getting some back like bits at the bank, it’s far more. It grows and fills your heart until you want to make friends with everypony, even those too stubborn to admit they need friends. Don’t you understand?”

“Yes, I think I do.” Laminia got up and started walking towards the front door. “You’re going to keep bugging me with this stupid friendship thing until I give in, and let you get my mind all twisted up. Then the next time I trust somepony again, they’ll rip my heart out and it will hurt ten times as much.”

“Now that’s—”

“Hold on, Miss Sparkle,” interrupted Pumpernickel. “Just let her go. She’s having some issues and just needs some space.”

“You!” Laminia whirled around in front of the door and stalked back towards Pumpernickel who stood his ground solidly. “You just keep out of this! You think you’re so fragile and guilty, grow a pair and stick up for yourself! I don’t need your help either, you just screw up anything you get your hooves on, you just stay away from me! Do you hear me! STAY AWAY FROM ME! I don’t need anything from you, I don’t need your trust and I certainly don’t need your lo—” She choked up, turned and dashed out the library door, slamming it as she fled.

Chap. 13 - Getting Lucky

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Getting Lucky

The dream was the same dream she had almost every night. She sat at the same seat at the same seedy bar, drinking the same drink while the evening rush of business ponies and trade workers crowded into the bar drank their drinks and told the same stories they told every night. Somewhere in the back of the bar, an argument over a card game threatened to spill over into a group arguing hoofball statistics, while a group of posturing business ponies discussed the rise and fall of the market with increasing volume as their bar tab grew. The muffled clink of bits and glasses punctuated the low susurrus of voices until a stallion slid onto the seat next to hers. They always used the same line:

“Pardon me miss, but are you old enough to be in here?”

She would giggle, and explain how Night Pegasi aged differently than other ponies, how they maintained their youthful appearance until they had their first foal. It was a load of used hay, but they always bought it, and bought a drink for her also. They would admire her hooded cloak that she always wore to hide her crippled wing and lack of a cutie mark, and remark at the little ribbons she had tied in her mane. They would talk about little things, make little jokes, drink. And in the end, she would stumble off with him to a nearby hotel, where they would—

Laminia wrenched her head away from the bar, nearly knocking over her drink in the process. The green-coated business pony with the four-leaf clover cutie mark looked no different than he had any other night’s dream, but now her heart was pounding in fear. He continued to rattle on about derivatives and margin calls while she trembled on the seat. Whatever air the ceiling fans were pushing around seemed to deflect away from her flanks as if it could not stand to be around her and the feeling of cold sweat began to drip down her cloak in frozen little rivulets. Something was wrong.

The stallion would always be a perfect gentlecolt while in the bar; nodding and smiling at her little jokes while repeating the same jokes she had heard over and over. Sometimes they would be nervous, buying her more drinks than she could possibly choke down, but mostly they just kept to a schedule like some finely crafted timepiece. She could always tell when the first hour had gone by, because they always used the same line:

“It’s awfully hot in here. Can we step out and get some air?”

She would stumble and fall slightly on the way out of the bar, he would nobly catch her and help her back to her hooves. They would laugh, and it would be an excuse to remain leaning against each other for support all the way out of the bar and to whatever hotel or room the stallion had. It never was a five-star hotel with golden fixtures; it always seemed to be a Econostall or Best Stables on good nights, some pest-infested sleazy hotel without a name on bad nights. So many of them were bad nights. They would stumble up to the room. He would fumble with the keys.

The hotel hallway seemed to swim around Laminia as the green-coated businesspony finally managed to unlock the room door. He pushed the door open and leaned in the doorway, gently coaxing her into a room that was in desperate need of a whole fleet of maids, armed with the latest in disinfectants and with a week or more to work. She had never fainted in a hotel room from the smell before. Passed out, yes, fainted, no. The taste of lime water and carrot juice rose in her throat as she bolted for the tiny apartment bathroom and began to vomit into the filthy toilet.

“Can I get you anything?” The voice from outside the bathroom door was plaintive and thready, undercut with the expectation that perhaps the very small bathroom that she was monopolizing was also needed for a second pony in the apartment who had drank entirely more than he should have. Spasms shook her to the very core of her being, and she tried to vomit away every feeling of inferiority and resentment that infested the dark corners of her heart. Unfortunately, it was only a toilet.

She stood after a while, avoiding whatever clung to the grey towels by wiping her face on the back of her foreleg. Noises from the other room had ceased. If she was lucky, the drunk stallion would have passed out already in a pile of his own vomit and urine. The faint ripping noises when she moved her hooves on the sticky bathroom floor made her mane stand up on end and she shuddered at the thought of finding out she was wrong, that he was eagerly awaiting her emergence from the small bathroom.

“Why am I doing this again? This part of my life is over. I don’t want to be here any more.” She lifted her eyes from the grossly adhesive floor, past the stained and hairy sink, to look into the mirror.

And screamed.

It was not her reflection in the spotty and distorted bathroom mirror, but Princess Luna, looking very upset.

“We need to talk.”

The bathroom door fairly exploded open as Laminia bolted away, dashing through the apartment like a shot and out the door only to come to a skidding halt as she galloped at full speed back into the crowded bar. All of the stallions sat at their same tables, drinking their same drinks, and totally ignoring the frantic Nocturne mare who had just dashed into the front door of the bar at full speed.

“What the...” She went back to the front door of the bar, cautiously cracking it open to peek outside, only to slam it closed again after a brief and panic-filled look.

“This isn’t happening to me.”

“I’m afraid it is. I’m sorry, but it’s the only way I can get through to you.”

Luna’s voice was soft but persistent in the back of Laminia’s head, and the Night Pegasus glanced frantically around the bar, looking for the Princess. Only the green-coated business pony at the bar seemed to recognize her existence, raising his glass to her in a salute before she darted back out the bar’s front door at high speed. Shock caused her to come to a screeching halt as she bolted into the dingy apartment again, the same sleeping green pony sprawled out across the leporously-spotted bed like some sort of murder victim who still gurgled and drooled on the sheets.

“Why are you forcing me to be here!” she cried, looking up at the ceiling. “Why do you hate me this much? Just let me go, leave me alone!”

“Your mind controls your own dream. I tried to move you several times, but the dream always returns here. On some level, you want to be here. Why?”

Luna’s voice surrounded her as if she were standing right behind Laminia. The distraught Night Pegasus flung herself out of the apartment door, trying to leave the sleeping stallion and the soft voice behind, only to wind up standing in the bar again. This time there was no business pony drinking at the bar, only a rusty-red earth pony with a flowing coppery mane that swirled and curled like an untamed river. Laminia collapsed on the sticky bar floor in tears and hid her eyes behind a foreleg.

“No. Oh, please no! Not him!”

“Your adoptive father, Rusty Pin,” said Luna from behind her. “This would be where you first met. In this bar. Did you lift your tail to him also?”

“NO!” Laminia lashed out behind her with both hind hooves and whipped around with a snarl to scream at the empty air of the bar. “It’s not like that!”

No voice replied to her outcry. No Princess appeared, nothing changed in the bar, her words had no effect.

“Pardon me, young Miss. Does your mother know you’re here?”

Those were the exact words Rusty Pin had said to her years ago in this very bar. It even sounded like him. She looked up at Rusty, or at least the image of Rusty in her dream and wanted to snap at him. Wanted to, but was unable to muster the venom at the image of the proud stallion who had taken her into his own family and workplace.

She settled for muttering, “Princess, this won’t work. Go away.”

“That’s not what you said that night. You told me that your mother knew just exactly where you were and was perfectly happy with it.” She looked up into his twinkling amber eyes with a hiccup in her heart. “And, if I recall correctly, you asked me politely to vacate the seat and let you go back to drinking.”

“No.” Laminia had stopped breathing as she looked at Rusty Pin. The Royal Seamstress looked just exactly as he had the night he and Safety Pin had seen them off at the Canterlot train station, dressed in an immaculate royal blue vest with a white chrysanthemum in his lapel that contrasted perfectly with his dark rusty-red coat and greying mane. He must have had a dozen outfits just like that in his closet, together with a bowler hat for walking outdoors and a set of spats to cover his hooves for wet weather. They were as much a uniform for him as the steel back-and-breast of the Royal Guard.

“I never did ask why you were so determined to drink your young life away. I just knew when I saw you at that bar that you looked so much like a wounded bird that I could not live with myself if I abandoned you to your fate. After all, there were so many young cats in that place.” A serious expression briefly chased away the broad grin that always seemed to occupy Rusty’s face. “Now, young lady. I believe Princess Luna asked you a question.”

A pile of darkness seemed to drop onto Laminia’s heart, and she spread her crippled wing out onto the damp bar floor. From the wing joint to the elbow it was as thick and leathery as all Night Pegasi wings, but from there to the wingtips it was a tangled hash of membranes and feathers, a defect from birth and obviously unable to bear her weight in the sky. “I was a cripple. My family said my wing was made that way at birth to show I was defective, and not to be trusted. I don’t deserve to be in my own family. Even after Celestia healed my wing, my soul is still just as corrupt and twisted as before. I hate myself, that’s why I’m here. At least here, I can be loved for just a little while for what I am. I never told you before. All the times when we talked, and after you adopted me I was lying to you through omission. You deserved to have known you were getting damaged goods. You deserve better than me.”

Rusty scoffed and hooked a foreleg around her neck for a warm hug. He always gave the best hugs, perhaps it was the extensive amount of practicing that he did to anypony in his vicinity. “Oh, stuff and nonsense. Safety and I love you for who you are, and that has nothing to do with wings. You’re a beautiful young mare with a beautiful heart and a magnificent talent. We feel so privileged to have you in our family and we dread the day when some handsome young stallion will sweep you off your hooves and take you away from us.” He paused with a twinkle in his eye. “Although grandfoals would be nice.”

“Father!” Laminia pushed him away and stood up with a scowl. “I am not in love with Pumpernickel! He’s just a stupid lout who’s too stubborn to give up!” She broke off at the sudden look of hope in her adoptive father’s eyes. “Oh no. No-no-no-no!”

“You found a new coltfriend? Hopefully somepony you haven’t been kicking in the head, right? I can hardly wait to tell Safety Pin! Oh, this calls for a celebration!” He trotted to the bar with happy hooves, pausing only to dance a short jig before calling out to the bartender, “Oh barkeep! Three alfalfa juice smoothies please.”

“Bleah!” Luna’s disgusted voice seemed to come from everywhere. “A chocolate malted for myself instead. How can you stand to drink that horrid stuff?”

A ripple of irritation ran down Laminia’s flanks, and both wings retracted back under her cloak. “Luna? This is low. Stealing the image of my father for a dream. You used his image to get inside my head.”

“I wanted to understand why your pain felt so much like mine,” said the voice in a quiet whisper. “Now I do. Your disability made you feel broken and hurt, betrayed by your family. You hated yourself so much that you tried to punish both yourself and them in this place. When I returned from the moon, you saw an opportunity to redeem yourself for your past transgressions and your dark feelings. You would bring back all my glory by sacrificing all that you had gained: your new loving family, your career. And when you failed, it tore open a hole in your heart that my sister merely healing your wing could not fix. And here you are again, trying to punish yourself inside your own mind.”

“How can you say you understand?! You have no idea the pain — Oh.” Lamina looked around the bar with tears in her eyes. “I guess we each had our own methods of coping with feelings of rejection; I tried to sleep with every stallion in Canterlot, and you—”

“Tried to destroy the world in eternal darkness. Yes, I know my flaws far too well. I also know how difficult it is to accept forgiveness for your actions without going through the restitution process. I have decided that my restitution shall be my eternal service to our subjects. I was hoping that you would consider yours to be your service to me. I can see I was mistaken.”

Luna’s voice in the air sighed. “Does your guilt weigh upon your soul so heavily that you cannot function without physical punishment? For although I thought serving at my side was a trying chore indeed, it seems you desire even greater torture to assuage your guilt. Your mind has returned you to this place of great pain and sorrow, a dark memory of where you acted against the desires of your family in an attempt to both punish yourself and them. Why? Now you have a family who loves you, a position where you can show your true skill to the whole world, and a rather rock-headed idiot who seems to have fallen for you.

“I am beginning to miss the day when we could simply assign marriages between ponies. I fail to see why my sister seems to have developed this strange urge to encourage ‘free will’ and banned the practice between non-noble ponies some centuries ago. Otherwise we could just throw the two of you in a box, lock the door, and open it up in two weeks. You would either come out as a couple, or you would kill each other; either way it would solve my problem.”

“Princess!” Laminia was scandalized, but for one brief moment she could not decide if it was because the idea was tempting or outrageous.

“I shall be brief. Are you quite done attempting to destroy yourself?”

She took a look around the bar as it slowly faded from view. “I suppose. I mean, yes, Your Highness.”

“You have not been acting very much as if I am your sworn liege and Princess. As I recall, I gave you some very simple instructions in Canterlot. Do you remember what they were?”

Her surroundings seemed to shimmer, turning into the moonlit Royal Gardens complete with the soft sounds and delicate scents that almost overcame the tension of standing in front of Princess Luna. To her side were not only Pumpernickel and Rarity, but also Rusty Pin, looking around the garden with a great deal of pleasure.

The garden breeze blew Luna’s celestial mane slightly to one side as she looked straight at her and said in a stern tone, “I expect you to learn the arts of grace, beauty, and court behavior, so that you may better perform your duties when you return to the castle and resume your position at my side. Have you been following my orders?”

Her head sagged and she could not look the Princess in the eye. “No,” she said in a very small voice.

The surroundings shifted again, and she was in the library next to Pumpernickel with Luna looking straight at her again. “And in addition, the seven of you little foals shall labor for the next week at the behalf of Twilight Sparkle in her task of studying the history of the Night Pegasi. Have you been following my orders in this regard?”

“No.” Her voice had gotten very small, and Rusty Pin moved up beside her to put a foreleg around her in a hug.

“Did it ever occur to you that I would give you these tasks in this tiny village for more than punishment? Twilight Sparkle and the other Elements have a gift that even exceeds Twilight’s nearly limitless potential in magical endeavors: They make friends.

“I have felt their gift on more than one occasion when I needed it most. It was somewhat difficult at first, but they taught me that I could be both a respected ruler and a respected friend. I had hopes that the same magic of friendship would change your heart, as it changed mine. Perhaps it has, more so than either of us would admit.”

“I doubt it.”

“You consider your heart to be changed this little?” Luna’s words floated out as if they were feathers, but hit her ears like bricks. “You had the unmitigated gall to stop my sister in the middle of her little invasion, and sent her scurrying back to Canterlot to confess her actions to me like some chastised little foal. While I am both shocked and pleased at your loyalty to me, I must admit you were also quite correct in your instincts. We had been holding back from each other much more than we realized. How were you so aware of our issues?”

Laminia glowered and tried futilely to pull away from Rusty Pin, who had her in an unbreakable hug. “Don’t give me credit for that one. I was just trying to divert attention from Pumpernickel and said the first thing that came to mind.”

“You told me once that you design your dresses the same way, that you try to act without thinking, and the design just seems to flow from your soul. If you are as corrupt as you say, how does your soul produce such beauty? If you spoke without thinking in an attempt to protect one whom you claim no affection, how did your words hold such wisdom?”

The library faded out, to be replaced by the interior of the Carousel Boutique, as several workponies moved in new dressmaker dummies, and others swept the ashes of failed designs out the door. In the background were a few covered dressmaker dummies being jealously guarded by Rarity to keep away any dust or flying debris.

Luna’s voice spoke from above, “By the end of the week, I would like you to begin work on making a final version of this uniform, plus an informal off-duty version. Something light, on the order of a vest with the same cap. Have you been following my orders in this regard?”

“Yes!” Laminia raised her head defiantly, then slowly began to slump as she looked at her adoptive father’s disappointed face. “Not really. I have not been able to concentrate at work. I’ve been making things, but...”

“Things,” scoffed Rusty. “An accurate summation. However, the Princess really liked the uniform and the Night Guard armor plans.”

“Yes, it will be good to see mares once again in the ranks of my Guard. They were the majority in my time. I was quite vexed to find them absent when I returned. Still, your work over the last week has been most childish and crude, and your reluctance to following orders even more so.”

“Are you dismissing me?” Laminia’s voice was very soft inside the dream boutique, and Rusty gave her an extra reassuring squeeze.

“No. Even with your antics as of late, I will not dismiss you from our service. Your care for our injured Night Guards was quite exemplary; Redoubtable praised you at length on both your reaction to his physical injuries and the mental injuries of Pumpernickel. He seems to think quite highly of you and his partner, although I do not understand his phrase about the two of you ‘Getting along like a house on fire.’ I trust you have not lit any dwellings on fire. It would be a great scandal for my Royal Hoofmaiden to be imprisoned for arson.” If it were possible for a disembodied voice to smile, Luna’s voice would have been grinning from ear to ear.

“No I— Why did Redoubtable think I treated that lout well? I thought I was horribly rude to him.”

“Do you not know his talent? His cutie mark is a magnifying glass, and his special talent is evaluation. If he did not make such a good guard, I would employ him in my personal staff. He claims you treated that ‘lout’ exactly the way he needed to be treated, for Pumpernickel has a near infinite capacity for self-pity, and if left to his own devices, will wallow in it for an unhealthy amount of time. Strangely enough, he said the same about you.”

“Me?! I do not wallow in—” She broke off and looked up at Rusty Pin, who had not quit hugging her yet. “Father, tell her she’s wrong!”

“Shush dear,” he said, not stopping in his warm hug one moment. “Don’t contradict your Princess.”

“Father!”

“In addition, she wallows so badly. My faithful Royal Seamstress, have you never taught your adopted child the proper feminine art of self-pity?”

“I apologize, Your Highness. It is a deficiency in our parenting that Safety Pin and I were woefully prepared to properly deal with. After all, there are so many variants: Walking the floors with a single flower and sighing, gazing out a window into the rain, sitting beneath a tree and watching the sunset...”

The voice of Luna stifled a giggle. “We consider those all very proper behaviors for a Royal Hoofmaiden, designed over many years to attract other members of the court into taking you into their confidence. Foolish courtiers who think to gain influence in my eyes and young maidens who fear to meet with me are supposed to use you as a secondary source to the throne. Hiding inside the boutique and away from everpony else just will not do. Hm...”

Laminia squirmed free from Rusty Pin’s warm embrace and laid down flat on the floor with her head between her forehooves. “Your Highness, I am prepared to accept your punishment, whatever it is.”

“It would have to be something she really does not like to do,” said Rusty helpfully. “Like eat her alfalfa, or socialize, or even sing in public.”

“Father! Stop trying to help!” Laminia squirmed in embarrassment and mumbled, “Besides, alfalfa isn’t that bad with enough ice cream.”

“Well, I know what we will start with,” said Luna’s voice above her. “Your father insisted on traveling to Ponyville with me to see your designs, and we’re both sitting inside your room at the hotel right now, watching you snore. I’m not leaving until you treat us both to some ice cream.” She felt a hoof nudge her in the side and began to awaken. “And no alfalfa flavors!”

Chap. 14 - Duplicating Problems

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Duplicating Problems

The week seemed to pass as if in a dream for Pumpernickel. The task of copying each of the Books of Tradition from the two hundred and thirty five Nocturne families would have been a frightening thought without the unicorn Copy spell. Even to just copy one of them would involve over a year of hard work for a Night Pegasi who wanted to Traditionally set off on his own and start a family with their own Book of Tradition. That was probably the reason it had become Tradition so early after the Creation, so that families would stay together instead disintegrating into the rest of the population.

Pumpernickel had thought about leaving the family himself during his disquieted teenaged years but by the time he had dug down a few inches into the Book, that urge to escape had quickly been overwhelmed by hoof-cramps and teenaged lethargy. The idea that a unicorn with a spell could accomplish in minutes what would have taken him months was a little daunting, but he would be willing to bet the aftermath of copying every single Book of Tradition would result in more than one dissatisfied Night Pegasus saving up his or her bits to simply buy their own copy. Luna probably did not realize just how much of the tree of Tradition she was bucking, and just what fruit was going to come raining down, but in his growing opinion, that tree had needed to be harvested and pruned for some time now.

True to Luna’s word, at dawn the next day a pair of large carriages dropped down onto the library lawn and disgorged what seemed to be half of the unicorns in the castle’s Office of Correspondence, or as the Royal Guard liked to refer to it ‘The Office of Eternal Paperwork.’ A second set of wagons filled with supplies dropped in behind them, and as if that were a signal, one hyperactive purple unicorn armed with a draconic assistant and a checklist appeared and took charge.

Five little fillies, four Royal Guards, three Elements of Harmony, two grouchy rich parents, and one Pumpernickel were all promptly drafted into Twilight Sparkle’s Army of Knowledge, a rather exotic and small brigade of stalwart soldiers acting as fire support for Princess Luna’s draftees. While the OoC set up in the only building in the city large enough for them all to work at the same time, Ponyville Town Hall, a steady stream of orders flowed from General Sparkle to her troops. Carts were hired, chests containing Books of Tradition were loaded, supplies flowed, checklists were checked, copies were made and doublechecked, and Pumpernickel was amazed. His assigned position seemed to be ‘Supervisor Responsible For Making Sure Nopony Disrespected The Books’ while his entire job turned out to be wandering among the ant-like organized chaos, nodding and looking suitably important.

The Office of Correspondence routinely handled treaties and Very Important Ponies with Very Important Papers. He could find no flaw in the exacting way they conducted their workplace in the town hall: carefully laying out the contents of each chest, examining every paper before and after their copy spell, making certain the piles of copies that were being boxed up and sent to the Canterlot archives were indeed both accurate and had not accidently gotten any of the originals mixed with the copies. Even their lunch had a checklist: carrot juice, apple slices, salad, and a slice of apple pie with a mint sprig for dessert.

When the first carriage filled with copies of Books took off for the Canterlot Archives, he used his new ‘authority’ to shoulder one of the drivers out of his harness and take his place. It felt good to get back up into the air with some weight across his shoulders, but not so good that he did not carefully ration his strength and overfly his fellow drivers. The Archives were an eye-opening sight, because what seemed to be such a huge task with massive piles of paper in the Golden Oaks Library turned into a tiny corner of boxes stored along a single shelf labeled ‘History: Night Pegasi’ wedged between ‘History: Night’ and ‘History: Northern Pony Tribes, Crystal Kingdom.’ If it were not for an exhaustive labeling system of the Archive’s shelves, he could have trotted right past the section and been lost for years among the towering well-organized piles.

With a while to go before the return trip, he took to wandering the aisles of the history section and thinking. Books and papers on all sapient races throughout Equestria were packed and stacked on tall shelves throughout several large buildings. How much could one learn from them if you did nothing but read? Would you ever be able to recreate the feeling of a good daytime family sleeping heap, the joy of lining up with your fellow Royal Guard Cadets at graduation, or the chilling shock of separation as every other graduate went through the traditional bleaching except yourself? Did the Griffons ever have issues with older siblings, since they hatched out a half-dozen at a time? Did Minotaurs ever fall in love with broken females, or did they just cast them aside as they pursued suitable mates more able to swing a hammer and shield?

The flight back only added to the questions crowding his mind. Was this how Princess Celestia felt when her sister returned from exile on the moon? To see someone you cared about in pain, and only able to add to that pain by comforting them was a cruelty beyond any reason. He carried his questions with him as he laid down to sleep in his lonely bed, but even the oblivion of slumber only added to their weight.

As the week wore on and the busy process of archiving continued, his body recovered while his mind languished. His mane had just barely started to grow back in little frizzled patches, so at the suggestion of Rarity he made a quick trip to a little styling shop she frequented. One quick trim later, he felt as if he were in the Academy again, with the cold breeze on the back of his neck as a welcome reminder of his duty. Once cadets had graduated they were permitted to grow their manes back as long as they wished, but the Night Pegasi still in the active duty Guards Traditionally kept it all a half-hoof long, only letting it go once they retired.

In addition, several of the weather team dropped by over the week to chat with Rainbow Dash and coincidently just happened to talk to Pumpernickel. Raindrops briefly apologized again for her uncontrolled assault and made some sort of mumbled offer, it was either an offer to spar in full pads, or something a little more bedroom oriented. The offer from Cloud Kicker was most certainly not an offer to spar. Fluttershy had even stopped by to check his healing progress, and to drop off a small bag filled with fishing stick splinters. The visit was a little strange; her experience with taking care of small creatures must have been why she kept patting him gently on the head while she checked his bandages, but being given a food pellet afterwards bordered on the plain weird. Although the pellet was tasty.

His four fellow disgraced guards had taken to the week with entirely too much enthusiasm, and an entirely too literal view of Princess Luna’s commands. It had all started when Diamond Tiara had complained about the fetching and carrying she had been doing, and Silver Spoon had joined in. Before the two fillies knew what was going on, the guards had designated them ‘Princesses for the Week’, gave Silver Spoon a paper tiara, and began their ‘Princess Training Academy’. When the Cutie Mark Crusaders objected, they found themselves drafted as ‘Royal Steward’, ‘Appointment Secretary’, and ‘Guard Trainee’ while the Guards then proceeded to recreate the pageantry of Canterlot in small scale. He had to admit even he found it a little funny at times, as one or another of the ‘Princesses’ would scurry by with an assistant in tow, late for another ‘Royal Appointment.’ The two little brats had started quite enthusiastic about their new-found artifical status, but by the end of the week they had started to flag as the novelty wore off and their fictional responsibilities grew.

It was a little frightening how well Scootaloo had plunged into the role of ‘Guard Trainee’ during the week. She darted about the Book duplication area just as sincere as the most ardent trainee, wearing a smaller version of the formal uniform he was wearing himself. It still looked wrong to have a uniform on her, but she was just a little filly. Maybe she would go on to someday join one of the various town guards, after all, he had heard they had female members. Not the Royal Guard. He very carefully placed the idea of armored mares on top of a pile of anxiety and pressed down firmly. This was one idea that he wanted to be nowhere near when Luna dropped it into the very tradition-bound Royal Guard.

Nope, not my idea. No idea where Laminia or Princess Luna dug it up. I’m as surprised by it as you all are. Repeat and try to look sincere.

As Pumpernickel continued their ‘Night Pegasus History School’ project at breakfast and lunch, he found himself warming to the little fillies bright energetic little faces, all filled with joy and curiosity about the history of the Nocturne. Their questions seemed to rotate around different facets of their personality: Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon preferred questions on fashion and status, their fathers seemed to have an unerring thirst for the details of the families millennia-old investments, several of which had attained legendary size. Apple Bloom asked about food, Sweetie Belle about music, and Scootaloo… Well, she seemed to have the idea that Night Guards fought dragons at dusk, titans at midnight, and trolls until the break of dawn. Whatever trolls were.

The three Elements of Harmony reacted to ‘School’ differently than he expected. Rarity was ever the charming hostess, ensuring that the breakfast and lunch meetings were properly conducted. She had no end of questions about the Night Pegasi families involving the normal state of dress (nothing), their food preferences (anything on sale except fish products) and their status in the various communities (low). Applejack seemed remarkably uninterested in a career where most of the activity involved inactivity, i.e. standing around looking impressive. And Rainbow Dash… The less said about the hyperactive pegasus in a controlled environment filled with loose paper the better, except she seemed to be the source for all of the wild ideas from Scootaloo.

The bustling activity helped keep his mind off Laminia, or at least he only looked at the Carousel Boutique a few dozen times a day, wondering just how well she was handling her work for Princess Luna. She had made it abundantly clear that she wanted nothing to do with him. If he was working with the Books, she would not come out of the boutique. He held out hopes that perhaps if he were to stay within the library, she would only hide in the boutique for a night or two, but soon came to the realization that she was perhaps serious this time.

The resulting urge to wrap himself in his dark thoughts and retreat into the library for the whole week would have been very tempting, if not for his job as ‘teacher’ and an unexpected responsibility that kept him constantly on his hooves: Twilight Sparkle

At first the hustle and bustle of the Night Pegasus Books of Tradition being bundled out of the library to the town hall, copied, and carefully stored was enough to keep the purple unicorn busy. But as the process ironed out into a well-oiled machine by the second day, a sense of ownership seemed to be bothering Twilight as ‘her’ Books streamed out of the library. She became moody at about the same time as Spike, and often he would catch them with exactly the same possessive look on their face as his fellow guards would pick up a chest and carry it away. She began to spot-check some of the Books before duplication, and leave a growing trail of little pieces of paper marked ‘make extra copy for library’ or ‘two copies please.’

And then one evening, he caught her reading through one of the foal’s stories in the Books.

It was more instinct than Royal Guard training that made him grab the bucket of water when he smelled smoke, and a wild guess at the sound of grinding teeth that made him dump part of it on top of her smoldering head. After a brief discussion about the differences between youth literature and reality, and a sincere promise not to read any more ‘historical’ parts of the Books unsupervised, he let her return to her studies. After a few moments thought about the reaction of Princess Celstia’s personal protégé to the story, he added a note that the Royal Guard should have a rather large tub of ice water close at hoof when the Princess of the Sun were to read that particular story. Preferably swimming pool sized.

Curiosity piqued, he waited until Twilight had gone to bed and carefully read through the story himself, comparing the differences with the same story he had read in his own family Book. It made for quite a… different approach to the subject, and encouraged him to spend the rest of the night checking every available Book containing that particular story. And that led him to make another trip around the Books, trying to figure out just which other stories had changed, vanished, or twisted themselves completely out of shape. More than one time as he checked stories, the desire arose for a slip of paper marked ‘erase from existence.’ He made a special point to apologize again to Twilight Sparkle at breakfast, as well as impress on Spike the importance of keeping his mentor calm and non-flammable while in a wooden tree filled with paper books that also included a sleeping Night Pegasus upstairs, who would prefer to live a long and miserable life instead of dying in an inferno like the heroine of the story.

That story, Memiri and the Blazing Inferno, became a private obsession with him. As the various Books that went out to be copied, they all accumulated one or more ‘copy for Pumpernickel’ notes in that story. He reached the point where he could quote large sections of it by memory along with differences introduced as various family lines diverged, making their own copies of the Book along with their own little edits and typos. It was only as they reached the last twenty or so chests and the library floor started to seem almost empty by comparison that he realized his week was about over.

Tomorrow he would go back to Canterlot, put on his armor, and return to his duty. The thought should have filled him with joy, but his mind kept going back to the story he had made up out of thin air in front of the Princess. He was indeed a Very Lonely Pegasus, even standing in the middle of the most important city in the world and surrounded by other ponies, he would still be completely alone. His hooves carried him numbly to the last chest, very first chest the library had received and began to sort through the contents.

He marked the story for extra copies, and idly leafed through the rest of the papers on the very top of the chest before it finally soaked through his head that this was Laminia’s family Book. His own Rye family had a very cavalier attitude to the monthly family meeting notes, often just referenced as the date and a few words. Out of curiosity, he had looked himself up in his own family meeting minutes, and was only a little disappointed to find five entries: “Adopted colt.” “Brook sent to hospital with broken ribs.” “Named Pumpernickel on unanimous vote.” “Brook released from hospital, home.” “Pumpernickel graduated.”

The Stratus family seemed to treat their weekly minutes as an exercise in novel writing. A hoof-thick sheaf of paper barely held the last ten years of of meetings, and they had even written on both sides of the paper, in a very small and tidy script. He flipped through the pages, looking in vain for Laminia’s name until a solid lump of ice seemed to form in his belly.

I grew up my entire life known only as ‘the cripple’ to my family.

A few pages flipped back and some more intensive examination later he found her. Or more accurately, found the rather exhaustive reports her family had on her activities. There were pages of reports from the private investigator, a few photos of her inside a series of seedy bars, receipts, and testimony. Apparently the family had confronted her at their meetings on a regular basis, her diatribe in return was almost unprintable. Despite his best interests, he found himself skimming through the reports until his stomach churned in disgust. The invective she sprayed at her adoptive father alone—his thoughts came to a crashing halt as he thought about the thin streak of blue in their manes that they shared, much as a real parent could pass on their colors to their own foals.

He swallowed uncomfortably and flipped back farther until he found the entry for her adoption. Determining parentage was often more than a little strange, due to the way different pony types tended to just ‘pop’ up depending on ancestors several generations back. Generally the families in a city would make an attempt to find out if an existing family member had fathered a new Night Pegasus foal and discuss things back and forth before deciding which family should adopt them. It was one of the reasons he was glad he had not gone ‘window shopping’ the way many of the stallions in the family were rumoured to have spent a great deal of their youthful nighttime. He would have expected more discussion after an undesirable crippled filly had been brought in for adoption, but Slipstream from the Stratus family had almost immediately and without any discussion in the weekly minutes extended an invitation. It was almost a demand. No mention of her was made for years in the minutes, so he flipped forward through the pages, reading through the normal minutia of life one week at a time, trying to determine the reason for her pain and fearing he already knew.

“Twilight Sparkle, your presence is requested and required at Princess Luna’s side.” The words slid off his back like water. He ignored the Guards who entered the library and made the announcement. They were of no consequence. He would feel better about his guilty research without the probability of a curious purple unicorn popping up over his shoulder at any moment anyway. Twilight made her exit with the Guards out of the library door and away from his perception without a fuss, leaving him to peruse the thick stack of minutes at his leisure.

“Hey. Lumpy. Wake up. I’m pretty sure the Princess wants you over there too.” Pumpernickel looked up blearily through the bright afternoon sunlight blazing through the library windows nearly horizontally and glowered at the two Guards who remained standing by the library entrance with their tinted goggles pushed up on their foreheads.

“I’m busy.” He leafed through a few more pages as if he were actually reading them while waiting for them to leave.

Redoubtable scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Good grief, Lumpy. You’ve spent so much time in here, you’re going to get mistaken for one of the Day Guard. Isn’t that right, Sunny?”

“Yep,” agreed Sunny Meadows happily. “Not enough time out in the moonlight, and we Nocturne get all cranky and pale. Doesn’t he look cranky and pale to you, Red?”

“Oh yeah. You know, I hear if a pegasi spends too much time around books, they can start to moult.” Redoubtable held out his brilliant white wings and gave them a gentle flap, causing a few loose papers to go flying around the room and Pumpernickel to flatten down on top of the minutes and glower at him. “You bats don’t moult though, do you Sunny?”

“Oh no.” Sunny Meadows spread out his own dark bat-like wings and gave them one slow flap, knocking a few more papers onto the floor. “We don’t moult. We get these little flaky patches of skin, they look a little like paper.” He peered with exaggerated intent at his own wings as if the mere presence of so much paper would cause them to suddenly flake.

“Oh knock it off, you two. Go colt-cuddle somewhere if you’re that much in love with yourselves,” Pumpernickel snapped, turning his attention to the minutes with such intent they should have burst into flames at his gaze.

“What’s wrong with him?” asked Sunny Meadows in a falsely-sympathetic voice.

“He’s in love with your cousin, Laminia. You know, the one with the big—”

“Ego. Yeah, I know that, I’m not blind, you know. It’s not that bright out, and I’ve got my shades. Hey, you’re looking through my family Book, aren’t you?”

“It’s research,” mumbled Pumpernickel, slowly beginning to redden with embarrassment.

“Find anything good about your marefriend?” asked Redoubtable. “I heard she got kicked out of her family and adopted by the Royal Seamstress.” He poked his head over Pumpernickel’s shoulder, causing him to move the minutes to the other side.

“No! Now will you please just go—“

“Hey, I remember this part.” Sunny Meadows poked his head over Pumpernickel’s other shoulder and put a hoof down on the page. “It’s back when we were talking about moving the family to Fillydelphia.”

“What?” Pumpernickel moved his hoof and glanced through the minutes. “Why’s that?”

“Space. The old home just wasn’t big enough any more. We had young ones hanging out of every window, caused a lot of stress. Nopony wanted to sell us a house nearby, and we didn’t want to give up the old house. It’s—”

“Traditional, yeah I could guess,” said Redoubtable. “So why Fillydelphia?”

“A very nice offer from their city guard. We didn’t have many family in the Royal Guard at the time, and those that were had just about completed their first hitch. There was another family who was an offshoot from a few hundred years back willing to move into the old house, lots smaller, no more than a dozen with their kids. It seemed about the optimal time for us to move.”

Sunny flipped a few pages forward. “Eventually the idea kind of faded when Lamby started to act up. She split the family up the middle so instead of two factions, we had four. Or five, or six, I kind of lost track on which groups wanted to do what with her. This was a couple years before Luna returned, and we even had one faction that wanted to—never mind.”

Pumpernickel glanced down at the minutes and blurted out, “Our transformation is reversible?”

“What?” Redoubtable craned his neck to look over Pumpernickel’s shoulder and read with wide eyes. “Can the Princess do that? I mean… why would you want to do that? Not that feathers are bad for wings I mean, but turn one of your into… one of us?”

“It’s not really reversible,” said Sunny Meadows with an embarrassed frown as he traced down the page. “More like a full transformation going the other way. If it was just a spell, it could be dispelled. Princess Luna didn’t just cast a spell on the pegasi on the Night of Creation, she created three new races of ponies.”

“Three?” asked Redoubtable as both Night Pegasi looked away from him. “What happened to the other—”

“We don’t like to talk about it,” interrupted Sunny Meadows forcefully. “Please don’t spread it around.”

The three guards read for a while before Pumpernickel spoke up. “They never told her. See, right here. Unanimous vote, and they didn’t even ask the Princess. I wonder if she would have been happier with feathers instead of…” He trailed off and wiped away a bit of facial moisture that could never be called a tear in present masculine company.

“Naa. You ever look at her when she’s around Luna?” asked Redoubtable with a sniff, as if manly tears had somehow treacherously snuck into his nose. “She loves the Princesses more than anypony has a right to. Black or white or pink with purple stripes, doesn’t matter, her face would be right there next to the Princess.”

“Oh yeah,” said Sunny Meadows. “You should have seen her face when the Pins adopted her. They were crying, she was crying, my family was crying. Well, most of them. Some were cheering. I think I may have had a bit of water in my eyes too. Probably allergies.”

“So did your family go back to arguing about going to Fillydelphia then?”

“Nope.” Sunny Meadows grinned. “By amazing coincidence, the owner of the house right next to ours got a tailoring job in Manehattan and our family bought the house outright a few days later. Took about a day to connect the two houses. Some of the family are still a little resentful about staying in Canterlot, but they’re coming around ever since Luna returned. Oh, and that reminds me. My cousin is buying ice cream for Princess Luna and some of the project workers. If we get there in time, we may just be able to get a few scoops ourselves. Provided you can still haul your plump rump into the air, after sitting around here like a lump.”

“I don’t know,” said Redoubtable, interposing himself in the conversation and placing one hoof under his chin in a show of false consideration for the older Night Pegasus. “We young kids may just kick your old cart-hauling carcass around the sky. You may act all pretty waving your flank around in front of the Princess, but when it comes down to actual flying…”

Pumpernickel tried to ignore them as he stuck a few ‘copy for Pumpernickel please’ notes into the minutes and letters before closing the chest lid with a thump.

“How about the three of us, over to the reservoir, around Sweet Apple Acre’s lightning rod. Last one to touch Lickety Split’s front steps, buys.”

Chap. 15 - Love is Ice Cream

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Love is Ice Cream

Lickety Split’s Olde Fashioned Ice Cream. It was a nice sign over the front door. Lickety had spent over three hundred bits to purchase a custom paint job that was enchanted to light up and sparkle, guaranteed to bring in customers for miles.

Guaranteed by the Flim-Flam Sign Company, of course.

After the first coat of sparkly paint had worn off in a light spring shower, giving a fine coat of sparkles to his doorstep, and the illuminating enchantment had proven to only work in direct sunlight, Lickety Split had defied the fates and thrown open the doors to his shop, awaiting the hordes of customers all thirsty for his delicious ice-cream. It was his special talent, after all.

After the first week, he began to wish his special talent was advertising.

After the first month, Income and Expenses were conducting daily battles across his accounting ledgers. Equal amounts of red and black ink were spilled, casualties were dragged off to the recycling box, wounded ledger sheets were carefully placed in binders to recover from their horrible wounds.

Income was losing.

The last battle lines were drawn, the final golden soldiers had been thrown into the fray, but the outcome was inevitable. He might as well—

“Proprietor! You there, are you the owner of this frozen iced creme establishment?” The tall indigo mare who strode boldly through the front door of his shop held a fractured portion of his sign in a solid indigo magical field. She placed it with a solid thump on the counter and frowned in a fierce and unyielding manner. Before she could say anything else, Twilight Sparkle came galloping through the door and shouted.

“Princess Luna, you can’t just break off a chunk of his sign because of his spelling!”

“It is an affront to the Equestrian tongue! My studies have shown the spelling of this word has been changed several centuries ago, but yet it...”

Lickety Split was not listening, as the sudden entry of Princess Luna, Diarch of Equestria, Princess of the Moon and Night, Keeper of the Stars and Planets, Matriarch of Dreams and Ruler of Shadows into his humble ice cream shop had engaged what could loosely be called a circuit breaker in his brain.

Sudden Exposure to Royalty Syndrome was a more common reaction than not among ponies. The ancient tradition of announcing the entry of the Princesses with great fanfare (and trumpets, if available) had been developed less for the sheer pageantry of the event, and more a warning for ponies of lesser constitutions to brace themselves or flee the room. Princess Luna held to the tradition while in Canterlot with no small amount of internalized humor, but for this visit she had left her Royal Guard Herald(*) behind, for various reasons.

Still, the Princess of the Night had experienced the behavior before, and had a foolproof method of dealing with it.

“I do believe he is stuck. Do not fret, for my sister has shown me a quite reliable method of restoring him to normal function.”

“NowaitpleasePrincess!” Laminia darted forward over the top of the growing crowd of Office of Correspondence unicorns and associated ponies who had begun to file into the ice cream shop behind their Princess. Landing behind the counter with a sharp ringing of steel shoes on tile, she hooked one foreleg over the semi-comatose pony and dragged him into the back room.

The awkward silence that filled the store was broken by a few muffled slapping noises as well as what could have been “oh for the love of Celestia put your tongue back in your mouth” coming from the back room, but after a few tense minutes, both ponies returned. The blonde-maned pony stumbled up to stand wide-eyed behind the ice cream counter and looked at Princess Luna with somewhat less terror, or at least with it diluted by being spread around two targets.

“Now what do we say?” asked Laminia quietly, while standing next to him on the side farthest from Luna, as if to brace him against a strong wind or prevent a panic-induced flight.

“Ask her nicely what kind of ice cream she wants and you’ll let me live? I mean—” Lickety Split straightened up and his eyes got really large. “Welcome to my store would you like some ice cream we have all the flavors listed on the sign behind me in cones and cups we’re very glad you visited and hope you have a pleasant day in Ponyville.”

“Very good,” said Laminia with a smile as she released her hold on something the customers could not see, but which made Lickety look suddenly less pained.

“What a large number of alfalfa flavors you have,” mused Princess Luna as she studied the ice cream tubs behind the counter. “The Chocolate Chip Mocha Fudge Ripple, does it have any alfalfa in it?”

“No Ma’am! I mean no, Your Highness!” corrected Lickety Split with a sideways glance at the Royal Hoofmaiden.

“Good. Two scoops in a dish will suffice, I believe. Laminia, are you going to join us.” By Luna’s tone, it was not a question.

“Yes, Your Highness. I just need to wash my hooves first.”

Leaning close to Lickety Split, she whispered, “I’ll pay for all of their ice cream this evening after the Princess goes home.” She eyed the Office of Correspondence unicorns starting to line up in front of the counter and added, “All of them.”

After all, if she was going to accept this as punishment, she might as well go for broke, in more ways than one.

* * *

Lickety Split had originally thought his ice cream shop had been optimistically large. Certainly his balance sheet had told him so, many times, and in large red numbers. Now he found himself in the happy situation of looking out into the packed room filled with happy ponies each with a minimum of two scoops, and the extras who spilled out into the street and who were even taking up seats from the fancy next-door Prench restaurant. The Princess of the Night, along with her terrifying Hoofmaiden and some other ponies were quite comfortably mashed into his largest booth, chatting back and forth while armed with all kinds of his most exotic ice cream creations, although he thought it a bit strange that all rest of the formal-looking unicorns had stuck quite firmly to variations of vanilla. Now that the rush was over, his three little self-volunteered ‘Cutie Mark Crusader Scoopers’ plus dragon had all migrated themselves (thankfully) away to a booth with their friends and strangely enough a few unarmored Royal Guards, giving him a blessed moment just to catch his breath and mentally count bits. Even a faint little tune seemed to be coming from nowhere, making his hooves dance just a bit behind the counter and—Oh no.

* * *

While wedged into a booth at the ice cream shop, Laminia could not help but think of her times sleeping in a heap in her family’s overcramped bedroom. It seemed as if every pony who had ever been associated with the Book project was either packed into the ice cream shop, or lounging around outside in the evening sun, certainly all together a heap far larger than even her family’s epic size. She took an absent-minded bite of her Alfalfa Caramel Crunch and chewed vigorously, attempting to drown out the discussion ongoing between Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rusty and Princess Luna. It worked about as well as one of Pumpernickel’s ideas, because the Princess could have made herself heard in the middle of a thunderstorm.

“No, Twilight Sparkle, I do not think my sister would approve.”

*crunch* *crunch* *crunch*

“I am not certain, Twilight Sparkle. You shall have to ask her.”

*crunch* *crunch* *crunch*

“Nay, there is no stallion who catches my eye except—“

*CRUNCH* *CRUNCH*

“I said Twilight Sparkle has a question for you, my loyal Hoofmaiden!”

“What?” Without the determined crunching, the ice cream shop sounded curiously quiet. Suspiciously quiet even.

“Do you think Pumpernickel is in love with you?” The purple unicorn had an intense look, as if there were a great many questions stacked up behind those eyes just waiting to explode out into the world.

“Well. I think. Well.” She stopped and tried not to think of the times she had kicked him in the head, or when she had accidently almost electrocuted him with the thundercloud. “He’s just dumb enough to think so. Maybe.”

Twilight stood up from the table with a little twirl, spinning in place and holding one foreleg against her chest as music began to build somewhere behind her.

“How do you know, he loves you?” (1) she sang, in a beautiful soft voice that somehow brought the entire ice cream shop to total silence. With a sudden shock, Laminia realized several of the unicorns from the Office of Correspondence were holding little paper cards which appeared to have lyrics written on them. She quickly turned to her father and stopped in shock as Rusty, Rarity and Luna all quickly concealed their own cards behind a hoof.

“How do you know, he cares?” sang Twilight as the music began to swell behind her.

A loud knocking at the shop door broke through the music as a thin grey pony in a three-piece suit and narrow glasses leaned inside and cleared his throat. “Miss Sparkle? I’m sorry to interrupt your number, but I have an injunction here.”

“Drat!” Twilight Sparkle lifted the arm on a concealed record player with a quick burst of magic, cutting the music off abruptly. “Sorry everypony. Just let me get this cleared up first.” The purple unicorn hustled over to the front door and held a fiercely whispered conversation with the legal pony of which only snippets could be heard back at the table.

“...but it’s just an interlude...”
“...can’t I just pay the license fee after...”
“...a montage is not an interlude, they’re completely....”

Laminia turned back to Luna and huffed in exasperation. “She was going to set me up for a musical number?”

“Oh, darling! Please,” said Rarity with a dismissive wave. “It’s the least we can do for you and your coltfriend. Pinkie Pie argued for a full parade complete with synchronized dancing and fireworks, but we managed to talk her down to a romantic musical interlude.”

“Oh.” The Night Pegasus sat quietly in stunned silence.

“She should have known to pay the license fees for the song first,” said Princess Luna with a note of regret. “I was so looking forward to one of your town’s traditional entertainments. Also her timing was considerably off, because Pumpernickel was supposed to be here before it started. I wonder what is keeping him.”

A deep respect for his remaining sanity.

Laminia coughed and got up from the table. “Excuse me, Your Highness. I will make a quick trip over to the library and get him. He probably just has his tail stuck in a door again.”

The Nocturne mare scurried out of the shop as Twilight trudged back to the table and plunked back down into her seat. She buried her nose in her Alfalfa Mint ice cream cone and took a giant bite before grumbling, “No luck.”

Oh, Twilight,” said Rarity with a sigh and a small lady-like nibble of her own Vanilla White Chocolate Chip. “You really should have let Pinkie Pie handle it this time. She is the expert, after all.”

For Laminia, her attempt at escape from the ice cream shop quickly became a nightmare. First the lawyer met her at the doorway with an apology for disrupting her ‘treat,’ but she quickly managed to divert him to the counter with the offer of free ice cream. Then Pinkie Pie and three other ponies carrying trumpets and guitars and wearing giant sombreros caught her before she could get down the steps. An offer of free ice cream worked to get them to go away also. Finally as she reached the bottom step, she almost ran directly into a pony that caught her completely by surprise.

“Hello there, young mare,” said the female zebra with a smile.

Laminia was set back on her hooves with shock. She had heard of Zebras before, and even seen one at a distance in the castle a year ago, but that was a far cry from having one inches away from her nose. The zebra bore herself almost as regally as Luna, with thick golden rings about her neck and one ankle, and a single large golden hoop earring in each ear that seemed somehow to balance the effect. Gold made a very good contrast with her dark coat and white stripes, making Lamina toy briefly with the mental image of Luna in gold before shaking her head. The moon’s silver fit the Princess of the Night much better.

Laminia opened her mouth to excuse herself and start running. After all, the zebra probably had other business, and she wanted to get to the library. “Please ex—“

”I expect you to learn the arts of grace, beauty, and court behavior...”

“—cuse me, my name is Laminia. Might I help you this afternoon?” Laminia set her face in the most helpful smile she could manage and tried not to look like she wanted to be elsewhere, thinking of Princess Luna just inside the shop.

“I am named Zecora, from the forest Everfree
It is potions I make, from leaf, bark and tree
You are the dark pony, designer of dress
Twilight Sparkle has spoken of skills you possess
It is she that I seek, the town’s trusted librarian.”

The zebra looked behind her at the ice cream shop and the crowd of curious unicorns looking out the window. “May I ask what the Princess and all those are carrying?”

Laminia looked back into the store and could see how the Office of Correspondence unicorns had all shied out of line of sight between her and Princess Luna, who looked at them both with a patient royal smile. Setup! , said some small portion of her mind, and she turned back to the conversation with sadistic glee.

“It is my punishment, I fear, for behavior most bad
My actions and words have made many mad
They are all eating ice cream, for which I have paid
Please join them, my treat! While I go and get—Pumpernickel from the library.”

A sparkle seemed to dance in the Zebra’s eyes and a broad grin covered her face.

“Thank you, fine pony with coat made of night
I accept your offer, it seems very right
Hurry off on your task, to the library fly
I’ll await your return, while this ice cream I try.”

Zecora turned away and trotted through the doors of the ice cream shop, parting the unicorns in her path. Laminia turned and trotted in the other direction as fast as she could, while muttering to herself about her treacherous mind and just where that darned last verse had almost gone.

(*) Both the title and the name of Herald currently belonged to a fairly old unicorn in the Royal Guard, whose special talent was the loud and distinct projection of his voice. Unfortunately that talent did not extend to making his voice pleasant, which was one of the reasons Princess Luna had left him back in Canterlot with the rest of the Royal Presentation Office. Plus the trumpets always gave her a headache.

(1) That’s How You Know from the movie “Enchanted”, Copyright Walt Disney Corporation, please don’t sue me.

Chap. 16 - Of Cones, Dashes and Decisions

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Of Cones, Dashes and Decisions

Being without armor gave Pumpernickel a significant speed advantage over his fellow Royal Guards, pulling out ahead of Sunny Meadows and Redoubtable by several lengths as they rounded the reservoir, and by the time they approached Sweet Apple Acres, he was just hitting his stride.

“You having fun back there, slowpokes?” He grinned as he looked back. Redoubtable had a matching grin that just filled his entire face and a thin layer of lather that had started to foam out from the leading edges of his armor and tip his snow-white feathers, while the older Nocturne guard had settled for a grim, tooth-baring snarl and large droplets of sweaty foam flying backwards from his mane and armor. An errant gust of wind caught Pumpernickel’s uniform cap and swept it off his head as he turned to look forward, and he promptly tucked his wings up to dive on the fluttering piece of cloth. The rumbling slipstream of the two other guards flowed over his head as he snapped his teeth at the falling cap. Once. Twice. The third time he caught it by the brim, and flung himself back up and into the race. Night Pegasi were not built for short range sprints with their long dragon-like wings, but Pumpernickel had been almost unbeatable in endurance flying. The only Academy Cadet able to beat him was ahead now, and he leaned into his wingstrokes with a vengeance.

“Hope you brought your money,” shouted Redoubtable as he rounded the farmer’s lightning rod and streaked back to town, passing Pumpernickel on the way by. The guard could only grin around the cap clenched firmly in his teeth as he launched into his own sharp turn, leaning into his wingstrokes and gobbling up the distance between them. Altitude was the key here, causing the first pegasus to start his descent to arrive at the destination with less angular momentum, but holding the descent until the last moment would allow the flier to keep their groundspeed higher and arrive earlier. The Royal Guard had a well-tested but highly dangerous solution to that, and all three pegasi pitched down nearly vertically with their wings tucked in as they passed almost directly above the ice cream shop.

“I don’t think she’s coming back, Princess Luna.” Twilight Sparkle had been looking at the front door of the ice cream shop for over five minutes since Zecora had left their table, the librarian’s mood deteriorating almost as rapidly as the sun was approaching the horizon. A second Alfalfa Peppermint Crunch cone was hovering in front of her nose, but she only had the energy to give it the occasional lick, barely keeping ahead of thermal degradation of the frozen matrix.

“Have patience, Twilight,” said Rarity, who had splurged for a second dip of Prench Vanilla. “The two of them are most probably exchanging a romantic interlude of their own making. Just the two of them, alone, in the library.” She looked off into the distance and sighed. “No, probably not. A library is just not a place for romance(*).”

“I had hoped for their return before I was to tend to the raising of my moon,” said Princess Luna with a troubled look outside at the orange sunset. “Their time window is getting quite short.”

“I’ll get them,” offered Twilight, hopping up out of her seat and heading for the door. “I’ll be right back.”

Much of the blame for what happened next should be properly placed on the shoulders of Rainbow Dash. Experienced citizens of Ponyville had quickly learned over time to recognize the faint but distinctive sounds of a sky-blue pegasus in a high-speed descent which more often than not ended in a sudden impact. Twilight was no exception to the rule, and after the first dozen or so collisions had developed a special spell she had used frequently to good effect. Until now.

As she approached the ice cream store’s door, the abrupt scattering of ponies away from the impact zone along with a faint whistling sound from above triggered an well-practiced instinctual response in Twilight Sparkle: Her hooves planted solidly, and her horn instantly generated a powerful kinetic aura that both would hold her still in the event of collision, but also absorb most of the impact safely and spread it around the immediate vicinity.

Unfortunately the spell tended to distract her from whatever she was doing at the moment.

When the three Night Guards plummeted to a near simultaneous impact on the front steps of the ice cream shop, cushioning their impact by using their wings to generate a last-moment burst of air, that same wall of compacted air swept across her unmoving body and caught a loosely-held frozen object, propelling it across the room like a guided missile. Straight into the face of Princess Luna.

* * *

“Nice shot,” said Fate. “Right between the eyes.”

“I was aiming for the horn,” grumbled Destiny.

* * *

It probably would not have been that bad if Luna had not opened her mouth at just the wrong time. Streams of lumpy alfalfa-flavored substance flowed down multiple sides of the Princess’ face from the great lump of Alfalfa Peppermint Crunch resting on the bridge of her nose like a second horn. All throughout the ice cream shop, ponies were frozen in fear, looking at their Princess and the soon to be avenged assault upon her face. An intense kind of quiet occupied the air, the kind that normally precedes world-shattering events or executions.

Four exceptional cases of fear stood in terrified array at the front of the shop: Twilight Sparkle had a look of introspective terror, as if she were mentally looking up the current punishment for lèse majesté , Sunny Meadows had the look of sudden terrified realization that the powerful ruler that he pulled around the sky for hours at a time had just been disgraced by her own guard, Redoubtable and Pumpernickel had almost identical youthful prank-gone-wrong frightened faces. Somehow the Royal Guard’s oath had not included ‘And thou shalt not cause ice cream of disagreeable flavours to be flung into thy Princess’s face’, but they all three looked like they expected that oversight would most certainly be rectified soon. Violently.

…until Pumpernickel snorted in laughter.

It would figure the one guard who hit me in the face with a shattered door, would look at hitting me with ice cream as some sort of humorous occasion. She snorted in a matching outburst of laughter despite herself, which triggered a cascade of similar snorts, nervous laughs, and eventually the entire shop filled with the joyful noise of laughing ponies.

“My Royal Guard,” started Princess Luna firmly, her strong voice cutting through the laughter with a broad smile on her own lips. “We must commend thee for thy rapid approach to Your Princess. However, We have noticed that you do not possess the same quantity of refreshment enjoyed by the rest of Our subjects. But fear not, I believe this oversight is easily corrected with Our assistance and that of Our loyal subjects.” The lump of ice cream on the Royal Forehead separated to hover nearby, surrounded in a indigo glow as Luna’s smile became predatory.

“Ready?” All around the ice cream shop, unicorns levitated up their own leftover ice cream, pegasi and earth ponies hefted dishes and cones, and everypony reflected their Princess’s smile. The Princess had not been the only one in the shop to get an unexpected ice cream bath.

“Aim…” Twilight Sparkle backed out of the ice cream shop door, tripping over the guards while trying frantically to get some distance. In the ensuing chaos, all four of the ponies wound up fairly stationary and in a confusing unable-to-dodge pile at the bottom of the shallow steps.

“Fire!”

A wave of ice cream streaked out the store door, hitting the four ponies like a multicolored arctic avalanche, sweeping them across the street and pinning them to the far building in a frozen wave. Princess Luna strode to the ice cream shop door, and in a last insult to injury, added the greenish alfalfa-flavored blob from her own face to her Royal Guards’ arctic entombment.

She turned back to the laughing ponies inside the ice cream shop and gave a regal nod of her head. “My apologies, my loyal subjects. All shall be purchased replacement frozen concoctions twice the volume of your recent purchase at my own expense.”

Pinkie Pie gasped, clutching her guitar to her chest with a grin and breaking into a quick dramatic strum. “You don’t mean…”

“Yes!” declared the Princess of the Night. “THE ICE CREAM HAS BEEN DOUBLED!”

“Hello? Hey Lunkhead, are you in here?” The muffled echoes around the empty library drew a shiver down Laminia’s flank all the way down to her cold hooves. There was just something creepy about a room filled with books and no ponies. Some unseen force always seemed to pull at her from all directions as if the books had a need to be read, and wanted to draw her to them. It was worse with the dozen or so Books of Tradition that remained on the library main floor, each secure in their wooden chests of various sizes and design. They pulled at her will as if they wanted to suck her back inside their wooden coffin-like containers and reshape her back into a good little Nocturne mare, one who would obey and serve the family as mindlessly as the rest.

She scowled at the litter surrounding Pumpernickel’s obvious workspace, made up of dozens of copies of the same story with little colored notes peeking up through the pages. He was a Royal Guard, for Celestia’s sake, not a librarian or a researcher. The story he was researching was even that horrible mish-mash of idiocy and typos that disgraced her own family Book. Thankfully, every time she had seen it during storytime as a foal, her aunt would dismiss it with a scoff and they wound up reading ‘The Ugly Alicorn.’

A few pages of the story just happened to flip over as she passed, and she smiled when she saw the copy was lacking in the horrid typos her family copy possessed. Although it had… illustrations. Her smile vanished while she stared in secret horror at the drawings, then firmly closed the cover. Whatever budding artist had drawn an illustration of a Night Pegasus filly being consumed by flames had hopefully passed away centuries ago, because his skill and his imagination were entirely too vivid.

Pumpernickel’s family Book of Tradition sat solidly on the library floor, encased in a beautiful walnut chest that just called out for her to open. Who knew what secrets it held about the handsome stallion: the records in his family history, his deeds growing up, what honors he held at graduation from the Academy. It would be an unconscionable invasion of his privacy to look, she turned firmly from the temptation and looked at her own family chest. Well, it could not properly be called her family any more, although it still contained her own biological father. Her feelings of disgust at his window hopping behavior seemed weak, in retrospect, drawn thin by the passage of time.

She lifted the lid on the hefty Stratus family chest and looked inside, hoping to just flip through the family records and smile a bit at the recollection of father’s incandescent fury during the meetings. When the investigator’s report was read and he railed against her ‘immorality,’ how she would throw his arguments back into his own face. When letters were received from angry wives, how he would shout with reddened face, only to cringe when she suggested he go ‘deal’ with them at night while their cheating husbands were otherwise occupied. Her mind shut down and a cold lump of ice seemed to fill her belly as she stared down into the chest at the signs of her betrayal.

‘copy for Pumpernickel’

The insulting little notes were not only stuck in the storybook, but several of them poked out of various spots in the family meeting records. The lid of the chest slid through her hooves with a thump and she staggered back out into the library floor.

It was his fault she felt this way, it was him. All him. He had gotten her to open up, to feel something that had lit her up inside until she felt like she was glowing. And tomorrow he was going back to his happy family, sleep in a giant heap with the rest of his warm relatives, and laugh at the burning pain he had ignited in her heart. It was not fair! He was worse than all the other stallions, he was just as rock-headed and insensitive to the pain he caused as—

She broke off and kicked the chest that contained Pumpernickel’s family Book of Tradition. Book of Lies more like it. She kicked it again, striking her hoof right under the “Rye” carving, then threw herself against the chest, wrestling it up on one edge before flinging it upside down against the wall with a crash of abused wood.

“Stupid!” Despite her screaming tendons and an agonizing white-hot wire that seemed to be wrapped around her spine, something hurt even worse in her heart. She flung herself down over the spilled papers and began beating her head against the chest and screaming.

“Why! whump did I… whump have to fall… whump in…”

She stopped with her head pressed against the cool wood of the chest. That was it. She had given away her trust. She had promised never to do that again, and here she was. Her unseeing eyes stared at the pile of papers that had spilled out of the inverted chest. A thousand years of history, culminating in that idiot. What a waste of time and effort. She nudged the top of the pile at a well-worn book with “Rye” embroidered into the front. It had to have started there. If she could travel back in time a thousand years and pound his ancestor idiot into the dust, he would never exist. He never would have been able to break her heart. She idly flipped open the front page of the book and froze in sudden fear at what was written.

To Rye, the best little brother anypony could have.
From your big brother, Pumpernickel

Her heart seemed to stutter to a stop, and even the dust motes suspended in the evening light froze in their endless dance. She flipped over the next page, which was covered in foalish scrawls, diary entries from what she could tell. Flipping through the pages showed the erratic attention a young colt would pay to a diary, as months or even years tended to separate the scribbled entries. She paused at one dated a few months before the Creation.

Pumpenrkl and mom and dad and me wnt to the party today. Princes luna is all radient and beautifl. She sayd soon there is a big nite. Ifell sleep in party, luna say soon we sleep none it be dark all the time.

She flipped farther a little more through the diary, until the night before Luna gathered her followers and began the Exodus on the Night of Creation.

My brother says we are going with princes luna tonight. im scared but he say it going to be ok, he watch me. says there going to be big new city bilt, we all live there in the dark, play all the time. big changes to us, not sleep, just play. I think it funny i like to sleep in sunbeam but he say ok so must be.

The faint noise of a tear hitting the paper jerked Laminia back to reality. Traditionally the ancestors of the Night Pegasus families had all been spoken of as quite old. This one had been only a colt when he was transformed into their dark form on the Night of Creation, and had his Princess taken away that same night. It must have shaken his young soul to the core, and somehow affected his great-to-however-many-degrees grandson with his own case of stupidity. She flipped forward another page and was surprised by the sudden increase in legibility.

Dear big brother. I know you cannot read this, but I am going to write to you anyway. Where are you now? The princess said you died on that night, and saved our lives. In a way I lost my big brother but gained about fourty new little brothers and sisters. she says they all wold have been kill if you had not pushed ther cloud away but you died doing it and I shoud be proud. but your dead so how am I supposd to be proud. Since im oldest all the other young kids look at me like i’m some sort of leadr but i donot knwo what to do. princess put us with a bunch of other familis but i never will forget you. you best big brother. Rye.

She sniffed and twitched at a noise from outside, but after a moment she put it down as a noisy shutter somewhere in town and returned to the book.

Dear Pumpernickel, best big brother ever. Its been a few years since I’ve wrote to you. We all still are in canterlot with families, but we meet every year to talk about Luna and the long night, and about our families. They all still think of me as a leader, so I try to think to say things like you would say. I asked Princess Celestia about a bunch of stuff but she kept crying whenever I talked about Luna, so I tried to stay away from that. She made this big garden, you would really like it, she almost never crys in there. She says Luna should return someday and we should all be ready, but i don’t know. Id rather have you and mom and dad back.

Her lips thinned as she thought of the young colt, long turned to dust by time. His brotherly bond had not broken even with death. It hurt too much to read any more, she flipped farther ahead to find something that would not remind her of her own families.

Dear Pumpernickel, best big brother ever. It’s hard for me to still think of you as a big brother, because tomorrow I’m the first one of our kind to go into the Royal Guard Academy. I’m frightened, but I’ll keep on a strong face. I know if you were with me, you would say something to make me feel better. The other kids are all starting families of their own, but I keep thinking what would Luna say to her creations if we scatter all over. There has to be a way for us to stay ready when she returns.

She read through the pages as if they were memories, captured on paper for ages and only now and flowing across her mind. They were too strong to absorb in one reading. She kept having to flip farther and farther ahead in the diary to keep tears from blocking her vision. Finally she reached the last page. While the writing had gotten thin and wispy as it progressed through the last few pages of the diary, this last page was strong and thick, the mark of a younger writer.

Dear Pumpernickel, my best big brother. I have opened every reference in this diary this way, and I’m not about to change just because some snot-nosed kid is writing this down for me so write. Now! Where was I?

The doctors say I’m about done, but I wanted to make one last entry. Only have one page left anyway. I think you would be proud of us, big brother. There are over forty growing families of Nocturne in Canterlot and other towns, all awaiting the return of Luna. I fear if it takes too long, they will lose hope and just dissolve into the rest of ponydom. Some of the other families have strayed a bit, but so far the rules we have set up are keeping us together.

Princess Celestia has a spell that will turn us back into ordinary pegasi, but we turned her down flat when she asked us if we wanted it. I sincerely hope my descendants show the same courage, and do not give in to this temptation out of our loneliness. As long as we live, Princess Luna will live in our very bodies and blood.

I worry about Princess Celestia. Ever since she banished Luna to the moon, she has become so sorrowful and cold. All of the joy was taken out of her life with the loss of her sister, and now even the sight of armored Night Guard mares cause her pain. We discussed it with the Commander of the Day Guard quite a few years ago, and now only stallions guard our Princess. It seems to have helped her attitude, particularly when we started bleaching their coats to a uniform white or grey. Several of us tried bleaching too, but it was a horrible disaster. Thank the stars our coats and manes grew back.

There are still ponies who hate us for what we did on Nightmare Night, even though the Princess has been very forgiving. That outside hostility probably has held our families together more than anything I’ve done. There have been incidents, quickly hushed up, but I have been very determined to avoid any attempt at retribution on our part. Let our service to the Crown be our attempt at redemption.

We’ve been naming the foals in the memory of anypony who stayed loyal to Princess Luna during the Exodus, be they unicorn, pegasus or earth pony. There have been some of our kind born into other families, so I have made certain that they are welcomed into the families and given proper names, with certain exceptions. I thought it best if we did not name anypony after the original kids who survived to avoid confusion.

I kept them from naming anypony Pumpernickel, but I have been thinking lately. Maybe I was wrong. You were such a good brother I didn’t want any little snot-nosed brat wandering around and changing my memory of you. So here’s what I decided. After I die, the family is only going to give your name to colts we think are the most deserving. They would have to be strong, and loyal, and willing to sacrifice themselves to save others like you did for us. I’ll see you in a few days, because I’m feeling very tired. Yeah. Close it up there and put my name at the bottom. And send it to Celestia. Why? Don’t argue with me you little snit. Why’s she still writing?
Rye

(*) Twilight Sparkle’s parents would disagree, having met in the Rare Books and Manuscript section of the Canterlot Archives, become engaged in the Incunabula section, and nearly thrown out of the Archives permanently for an incident that took place eleven months before her birth.

Chap. 17 - In Stitches and Glue

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
In Stitches and Glue

“Oh, good. You’re still here.” Twilight Sparkle’s voice echoed around the library in a cheery fashion, as if the library knew and approved of her, glad to see its owner return to evict the unwelcome guest. The near-horizontal rays from the setting sun illuminated Laminia in shades of fire making her charcoal-grey coat appear as a colorful pegasi with orange coat and blazing hair sitting sullenly in front of the overturned chest.

“Princess Luna wants you over at the ice cream shop right away. Pumpernickel dropped in—literally—and she wanted to talk to the both of you. I need to take a quick shower, so just let yourself out and I’ll pick up the… mess.” The librarian could not help but look at the overturned chest with the heap of disorganized papers, but the squelching noise of sticky hoofprints in her wake forced her into the bathroom for that promised quick shower. Forty-one and a half seconds of hot water later,(*) she emerged back into the library to find the Nocturne mare had seeming not moved a muscle.

“Laminia? Are you feeling all right?” Twilight approached the mare with a great deal of trepidation, and considerable thought about her relatively volatile temperament. The Book of Tradition in this chest had been dumped onto the floor and the chest showed signs of damage, but all the papers seemed to be intact. If she had gone unhinged, it seemed to be the ‘lightly’ variety. For a long moment Twilight thought about making a quick trip up to her room to grab the copy of The Publication Manual of the Equestrian Psychological Association she had tagged with various Nocturne observed behaviors before throwing the thought forcefully away. Laminia did not need a chapter out of a book, she needed a friend.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” The mare stood abruptly and moved for the library door, her motions becoming slower and slower until she stopped completely. “Yes. A little.” She moved back to the inverted pile and picked the book off the top, shoving it at Twilight Sparkle with an abruptness not appropriate for a thousand year old diary. “Copy this.”

“If it’s part of the Book of Tradition for this family, so it’s going to get copied anyway.”

“No. I mean I want a copy of this to go into every single Book that the families pick back up. All of them. And one for Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. And Cadence. And a copy for me. And Lumpy. Make his copy first. Make him read it, even if you have to sit on him.”

“What about you?”

She turned back to the library front door like a prisoner facing her execution. “The Princess wanted to see me. We serve the Princesses. I’m going.”

“Then I’m going with you.” The librarian caught up with Laminia even as she opened the door to leave, the upended chest and stack of papers reassembling themselves in a violet aura that was complete by the time the door closed behind them.

* * *

Twilight talked all the way back to the ice cream shop while Laminia put on her listening face. It was amazing how much the librarian talked. It was like every time she exhaled without a book in front of her face, words came out. It came as no surprise to Laminia that during the week she had been sequestered in the boutique with Rarity, accomplishing zip, the big knucklehead had been obediently plowing away with the task Luna had ordered. Twilight had no end of praise of how good he was with the little fillies, or his concern for every step of the duplication and archival process, or even his latest interest in the variations between stories in the Books. The librarian’s praise irked her in some primal fashion. Deep within her heart, a tiny fanged monster wanted to leap out upon her competition for the affection of the handsome stallion and destroy her in a bloody swath. It felt like Jealousy, but why would it hold a place in her heart? She did not like the nut, his flaws were too numerous to mention and his positive attributes were nearly nonexistent. After all, he was just handsome, strong, caring, warm, honest in a stupid kind of way, good with foals—

She cut off the thought abruptly and turned her mind back to the goal she had been studiously avoiding for the whole last week: Fashion. The moon had begun to peek over the horizon and the stars started to emerge as they trotted, side by side on their trip. It made her think of the way Twilight Sparkle could be seen as the Sun and Moon together: Private protege of the Sun Princess and the pony who freed Princess Luna from her insanity, she walked a line between the two Princesses that was blurry and indistinct. Even her name drew from the contest between Dark and Light, making it unthinkable for her to be totally one or the other. In a similar way, all members of the Courts, both Day and Night held their own loyalty to both Princesses, not simply one. As much as the Nocturne clans made of their loyalty to Luna, they had a loyalty to Celestia that fairly crackled in their bones from a thousand years of service. Lines from the Day or Night court dress could merge and flow, each showing just which Princess they served, but the end result had to tie back into one unbreakable block. One key that fit one lock… no, that would not do.

They turned the corner next to the ice cream shop to see the entire street filled with ponies, all looking entranced at the sky. Silhouetted against the rising moon was Princess Luna, resplendent in her regalia and surrounded by her magical aura. Laminia’s breath caught in her chest. She had watched Celestia raise the sun many times, but this was as if she had never seen Luna before. A chord seemed to chime in her heart, the moment frozen in time impressed over her whole consciousness. If she could impress that feeling onto cloth and thread, the entire world would know of her majesty and power. Lunar light flooded the street to the awestruck gasps of the ponies, and finally the Princess glided down to a landing at the far end of the street.

“I never get tired of that,” said a deep voice somewhere to her left. “Hey, Lumpy. Your marefriend is here.”

“She’s not my… Look, she’s… Well. It’s complicated,” said a voice that her mind absently managed to identify as Pumpernickel. She turned to look at the three Guards, all sticky and covered in multicolored stains when something on one of their chests managed to catch the moonlight just right. It was like being hit by lightning all over again; a surge seemed to flow up her legs and hammer into her heart, she opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“Laminia, are you feeling alright?” Pumpernickel’s deep voice barely penetrated her mind. Her entire being was consumed by the pattern of darkness and light on the Night Guard’s armor.

”rarity.”

“Heh, looks like she needs reset. Hey Lumpy, you want to do the honors?”

“Oh shut up. Can’t you see something is wrong? Laminia, do you—” Something moved to block the moonlight over the pattern, forcing her hoof to raise up without thinking and shove. The pattern was still there. She called out again. “Rarity!”

The deep voice chuckled, “No, I’m Sunny Meadows. Rarity is a bit lighter in color with a horn. Why don’t you—”

The Night Guard shifted position and the pattern vanished. She grabbed him by the pauldrons of his armor and shoved him back into the moonlight. ”DON’T MOVE! RARITY! COME HERE NOW!”

The crowd noises around her stopped, and the delicate sounds of hoofsteps approached behind her. “Laminia, darling. Why do you have that nice Royal Guard pinned up against the building?”

“Look right there.” Laminia pointed with a trembling hoof.

“Oh, what a sticky mess. What do— Oh! I think I see.” A faint image of a white unicorn impinged on her peripheral vision as Rarity leaned forward.

“Now tilt your head to the right and look again.”

“OH! Yes! White satin for there.”

“Purple silk for there. And there. It will need a background.” Images whirled in Laminia’s head, threads and fabric combining in patterns that blinded her to the street and the rather nervous looks from the crowd.

“I found a darling bolt of fabric in Canterlot that may just work.”

“Let’s go!” Laminia bolted down the street, only to come to an almost immediate skidding halt. She dashed back to the three stunned guards and gave a quick kiss on the cheek to Pumpernickel, almost a brushing of the lips before blurting out, “I need to borrow him, I’ll bring him back!” Using her teeth, she grabbed Sunny Meadows by the ear and dragged him down the street at almost a gallop, the Royal Guard stumbling along in her wake and clearly unwilling to risk the loss of an ear by trying to stop.

“I’ll need a model too,” shouted Rarity, and a light-blue aura grabbed Redoubtable by one ear before the two of them went galloping down the street after Laminia in the direction of the boutique, making one of the strangest parades to be seen on Ponyville’s streets in ages(1).

Pumpernickel remained just standing there on the street in stunned silence when Princess Luna trotted up, the look of Royal Calm on her face nonplussed by the view of two of her Royal Guards being abducted for purposes unknown.

“My trusted Royal Guard. Would you care to explain what just happened?”

“She kissed me.”

The Royal Gaze traveled from a rather distracted and sticky Pumpernickel down to Twilight Sparkle, who promptly added, “And she didn’t kick him in the head this time.” The gaze continued until Twilight added, “I think inspiration struck your designers.”

“Indeed,” said Luna with a dry tone. “If it struck that hard, it should have left a crater. Rusty Pin, please attend to my Hoofservant and ensure they are not lacking for any materials or assistance.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” said the rust-red pony, looking entirely too pleased with himself as he trotted off happily down the street after his adopted daughter.

“Guard Commander Buttercup. Please move your security perimeter to the outside of the boutique and ensure my designers are not disturbed. Any more than they already seem to be, that is.”

The elderly Commander seemed to just appear out of the shadows and bow, his yellow eyes glittering in the moonlight. “Of course, My Princess. I have a detachment already in position prepared for this eventuality. I do not anticipate any difficulties.”

“Good,” said the Princess with a nod. “Go with them. Pumpernickel, Twilight Sparkle, please attend us. We wish to have a private conversation with you.”

The white-haired Guard Commander hesitated before departing. “If it pleases Your Highness, I shall detach a security contingent for your personal protection while I am—”

“All right now, you heard the Princess,” came a small voice in the crowd. “Members of the Office of Correspondence and drivers, please report back to the carriages. We will be sending you back to Canterlot once the seating checklist is complete. Don’t forget, we have a party scheduled for tomorrow after the last Book is copied. Be prepared to stay late.” The small pegasus filly buzzed around the back of the crowd much like a terrier herding cattle as the unicorns of the OoC began to filter back to their transportation. “And the rest of you citizens, go home and give Princess Luna some privacy please.” Turning to the Commander, Scootaloo saluted sharply and announced, “The perimeter is secure, sir!”

The Night Pegasus Guard Commander stood, seemingly frozen. “Thank you—” He broke off and glanced wide-eyed at his Princess for help.

“She’s a Guard Trainee,” whispered Twilight.

“She?” The elderly Night Pegasus remained nearly as frozen in place as Pumpernickel, while a square-peg idea rattled around in his round-peg mind.

Thank you, Guard Trainee Scootaloo. That will be all, Commander.” Luna watched as the citizens dispersed to their nighttime residences and the Canterlot unicorns all trotted off to their transportation while the stunned Guard Commander staggered on his way to the boutique, supported by two of his (male) guards. In a remarkably few minutes, the street was empty except for one Alicorn, one unicorn, and one very sticky Night Pegasus.

“Ahem.” Princess Luna gave her best Royal Stare at Pumpernickel. “Did you have something to say, my most trusted Night Guard?”

“She kissed me.”

“Eww,” muttered Scootaloo. “That’s disgusting.” Dead silence(2) filled the street until the little pegasus filly cleared her throat. “Sorry, Your Princessness. I’ll just… wait over here.”

“It’s not my fault,” said Pumpernickel, slowly coming up out of his daze. “Oh, the Commander’s gone. That’s good, I thought—” He came to a slow halt as Princess Luna’s presence soaked into his awareness. “I’m sorry?”

“Twilight Sparkle, has my guard served his sentence to your satisfaction?” asked Princess Luna, looking very stern.

“Yes. Um, no? I mean yes he’s been very helpful around the library and teaching the others about his family history but we still have a day’s worth of work. Pinkie Pie will be throwing a party tomorrow after the last book is copied, maybe after then?”

Princess Luna nodded. “Very well, Twilight Sparkle. You may have the use of Our Guard for an additional day and night, after which he will be returned to his duties in Canterlot.”

“What about Laminia?” The question seemed to hang in the night air as Pumpernickel wondered just who asked it. Oh. That was my voice.

“What of her?” The Princess turned, a sheen of moonlight glinting down her horn and face as she favored the guard with a piercing look. “She shall remain here with Lady Rarity to work on the task which she has been assigned, a task which she has neglected for an unconscionable amount of time. Do you have any objections?”

He started to open his mouth, pausing in the moonlight at the impassive look on Luna’s face. Everything she said was true, Laminia had disobeyed Luna’s Royal command, she could be rightfully banished or punished to a far greater degree than to be told to remain at her task. “We serve the Princesses,” mumbled Pumpernickel with head bowed low and ears flat.

“Very well then. Twilight Sparkle, once you have completed your task of copying the Books of Tradition and the copies have been properly archived, I will release you from Our service back into the exclusive care of my sister. I will find another member of the Royal Court to remain in Ponyville and supervise the Night Pegasi families as they return to pick up their Books. We see no need for you to be troubled.”

“You’re not going to meet with the families when they return?” There was that voice again. He was certain it was not his, but it sounded just like him and emerged while his jaw was moving, so it must have been.

“We said we see no need.”

“I agree,” said Twilight with a shudder. “They all seemed so cold when they were dropping off their books. Present company excepted. Although present company did break some bookshelves.”

“No,” said Pumpernickel somewhat distantly. “You can’t do that, Princess.”

A chill breeze seemed to blow down the street as Luna turned to her guard. “I fail to see any reason why my presence is needed to accomplish this simple task.”

“Are you blind?” There was that voice again. Is that me? If the voice did not belong to Pumpernickel, certainly the anger that Princess Luna generated certainly did.

“What did you say, Guard?”

Pumpernickel had never done well in front of crowds. The hardest speech he had ever given was when he spoke in favor of the Night Guard swearing exclusive loyalty to Princess Luna in order to help her with the troubled time she was going through. And that turned out so well.

Now it seemed that not only was he the focal point of an angry alicorn princess, but that every single star in the sky was looking down on him with barely-leashed rage. He dropped to the ground on the cobblestoned street with a squishy, ice cream saturated thud and put both forehooves over his head in supplication. He felt a faint crackling across his back as the sticky ice cream dried almost instantly under the Lunar Diarch’s gaze.

“Speak. We command it.”

His tongue had frozen to the top of his mouth in self-defense of his mind and all of his attempts to free it were in vain. The warmth of the sun still infused the cobblestones beneath him while above him the icy stare of Princess Luna held his top half in its arctic embrace. He gave a valiant swallow and managed to rasp out, “Twilight.”

“What?” The purple unicorn looked back and forth between the flattened guard and the angry alicorn. “I don’t have the answer. Oh, is this a test? Like, ‘List three reasons why Princess Luna should be in Ponyville when the Nocturne families return for their Books?’ Well, you are their Princess, and the Nocturne clans take a great deal of pride in their history, their Books of Tradition go all the way back to the night they were… made.”

Twilight Sparkle gave an introspective look at the suddenly uncomfortable Princess of the Night. “Is that it? You’re embarrassed about—”

“NO” Luna turned abruptly from Twilight and came face to face with a suddenly petrified Lickety Split, holding what looked suspiciously like an itemized bill. Without a single nerve impulse from his brain, the earth pony reversed his forward motion, climbing backwards up his front steps and vanishing inside the ice cream shop with a faint ‘click’ of the closing door.(3)

“No,” continued the Princess in a much lower tone of voice, sounding more like ground glass. “I am not embarrassed about my creations. I am quite proud of them.” She glanced down at Pumpernickel. “Most of the time. Is that not correct, my loyal guard?”

“That is true, my Princess,” came his somewhat muffled response. “You are not embarrassed, you’re afraid.”

“WHAT?” The glare from above intensified and Pumpernickel could swear he smelled burning hair from his suddenly warm coat. “Why, pray tell, would I be afraid of my loyal Nocturne, who have waited over a thousand years for my return?”

He could not say it. She was his Princess. Even when she was wrong, he could not rub her nose in it like some disobedient puppy.

“I-I think I understand,” said Twilight hesitantly. “Princess Luna, I think I understand now why all the Nocturne were acting so peculiar when they brought their Books of Tradition into the library. And I understand why you don’t want to meet with them. And I understand now why he wants you to meet them so badly.”

“Enlighten us, Twilight Sparkle. Your Princess commands it.” Princess Luna’s voice was flat and devoid of any emotion at all, making Pumpernickel shiver and sweat at the same time.

“Well.” Twilight looked conflicted as if it were a verbal exam conducted in a foreign language. “Consider this. Suppose it had been Princess Celestia who had been possessed by Nightmare and banished to… the sun a thousand years ago, and freed last year. What would you think if your sister merely sent you a letter, requesting that you mail your diary to her? What if she did not want to meet with you at all, after you had spent a thousand years away from her?”

“Why! That is…” Luna spluttered in frustration. “It’s wrong! Celly would never do that!”

“Two hundred and thirty five families,” said Pumpernickel quietly from the ground. “They waited for you for a thousand years. I’ve seen what they wrote in their histories this last week, as the centuries passed and you went from their Princess, to their legend, to their myth. They stayed steadfast in their oaths to your sister, and remained intact to wait for you. Would you cast that loyalty aside?”

“No!” snapped Luna. “Very well then, your argument is sound. I admit my failure in judgement, and will meet with your families as they pick up their Books. Will that make you happy?”

Pumpernickel shook his head and remained face-down on the ice cream shop bottom step. “That’s not good enough. Even the Night Pegasi within the Royal Guard had doubts about your return. They saw you every day, but could only think of you as Princess Celestia’s sister, a long-lost Princess, not the creator of our race. I might have too, until you did something that brought it home to me. I’m sorry.”

“No.” Luna had slowly paled as her Guard spoke until she was forced to turn her head aside. When she did speak, her voice was barely audible. “I cannot. Let it die, let that part of my history fade away and be forgotten.”

“As long as we live, we bear witness to your power,” Pumpernickel recited as if repeating a well-memorized text. “Our very flesh and blood were made by you, we but reflect your glory as the moon doth reflect the sun. None would dare call you mother to our race, but it was by your actions we were born, it was for your sins we shall serve the Crown in the hope of redemption until the last star goes out and the sun gutters into darkness.”

The guard looked up with tears flowing down his face. “Can’t you see? None of the Nocturne expected you to return as mere mortal flesh if at all after all these years. There must be hundreds of Laminia’s out there, each one expecting you to descend from the sky wreathed in glory and set right whatever wrongs they imagine. And you sent them a note.”

The Princess of the Night had turned her head away from the painful words, but a ripple of shame flowed through her on that last frigid syllable. “I-I cannot. You do not understand. Don’t make me do this.”

Pumpernickel laid his head back down on his hooves. “Of all the Night Guard that followed us to the ruins of the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters that damnable night, none cary doubt in their hearts. If there was only one good thing that emerged from that night, it is this: Your Night Guard believes in you, and knows you are truly our creator. Our loyalty to you has never been in question, but now we know. There is no doubt in our hearts.

“I am sorry for causing you this pain. I only ask that you look into your own heart and see the truth. With your sister, you are the rulers of the entire nation, but by yourself, you are also… I don’t know.” All the energy seemed to flow away from Pumpernickel and he slumped until a light weight touched his shoulder. It patted gently, making little sticky noises in the leftover ice cream residue until he looked up.

“Part of your family?” asked Twilight Sparkle with a sniff.

“Yes,” he replied, still prone on the ground. “One that they have not seen in many, many years.”

The moonlight was blotted out over Pumpernickel as Princess Luna moved forward to touch him on the other shoulder. A sense of power and purpose seemed to flow through her, and the ethereal breeze that flowed through her mane made it stream behind her like a banner.

“It must be done in that cursed place. Not all of the families at once, no. It would feel too much like that first night. I shall speak with your families as they return for their Books of Tradition in small groups with my Night Guard at my side. I shall speak with them at the place of their ancestor’s creation, and of the pain I caused from my fall to weakness and corruption. They shall know all of it, and they shall know the joy their loyalty has brought to us. It shall be… Traditional.”

Twilight Sparkle spoke softly, “I know Princess Celestia would be more than willing to stand with you for support. It will be difficult, but I know how much she loves you. In a way, they are her family too.”

The three of them remained in the moonlight, listening to the distant noises of the night until Princess Luna sighed. “I must apologize, my loyal guard. Your heart was in the right place, although your words were lacking. We must schedule your time among some of our diplomats, so that your—” Luna paused as if she had bitten into a lemon “—advice may be better phrased.”

“Apology accepted, My Princess, although the slight was minor and does not warrant an apology. Um… Just one thing.” The Night Guard seemed to wriggle about on the ground for a moment before looking up. “Two things actually. It is Traditional to ask the eldest mare in the family for permission to pursue a romantic engagement with a young mare in their family. Might I have your blessing to… um… well…”

“Pursue my Hoofmaiden, I presume?” Luna sighed with a slight giggle of released tension. “This Tradition should remain within the family of the mare, but since she is my own Hoofmaiden and without a Traditional family, I suppose we can make an exception in this case. Yes, you have my permission. I will no longer attempt to separate you two with dreams. It was a very frustrating experience anyway. What was the second thing which you wished to ask of me?”

The Night Guard struggled for a moment but remained with his chest firmly against the bottom step of the ice cream store. “Could you help me up? I’m stuck.”

(*) Source: The Lost Dissertation - On Water Conservation and Equestria. The result of several months worth of difficult research showed how reductions in showering time for ponies (41 seconds) and baby dragons (105 seconds) would result in great savings for the government in water treatment and heating costs. Unfortunately the presentation to Princess Celestia in the Royal West Bathroom and Tub Complex was spoiled when Twilight Sparkle slipped on some soap and fell into the Princess Bubble Bath and Backstroke Tub. Luckily she was promptly fished out by a well-trained team of bath attendants, but at the regrettable loss of the only copy of the dissertation amid the acres of suds.

(1) Excepting the Great Onion Festival Parade of 4 A.P. (After Pinkie)

(2) Both Princesses could generate a silence measured at a negative decibel rating, but only Luna was able to make one that would stick with a pony for up to eight hours.

(3) When a Royal Courier dropped by to pay the bill later, a substantial (with a comma) tip was included from Princess Luna’s personal funds with a notation of ‘Apology fee.’

Chap. 18 - Muse on the Loose

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Muse on the Loose

Lilac Breeze stood stoically outside the door he had been commanded to guard, wings tucked back along his Guard armor, armored hooves planted firmly, eyes tracked straight forward, and ears… trying not to hear the anguished cries of his partner who had been dragged inside that terrible door. The cries had been getting weaker, and the Night Pegasus guard gave a quick prayer to the stars that he was not feeling any pain.

It could have easily been a door leading to some hideous alternate dimension where blood flowed in rivers, and eldritch abominations flew through the night, seeking the souls of the living. Lilac Breeze kind-of wished it was. His normal evening Night Guard assignment was a nice, quiet archway in the south wing of the castle, standing in front of a locked door that never opened.

His heart nearly exploded in fear as the horrible door opened with a bang and the discarded armor of the poor wretch came tumbling out, much as a cruel predator would discard a lobster shell after consuming the delicate flesh inside. The heartless bastard of an officer who had assigned him this hellish post came strolling over to casually nudge the discarded armor with one hoof, tapping gently at a latch which had been bent nearly in half when the fearsome beasts had peeled the poor Royal Guard. Labored breathing sounded behind Lilac, a raspy troubled wheeze of the terminally ill or mortally mangled, accompanied by a low, dragging sound of hooves across floorboards. Closer and closer it came behind him, until his former guard partner emerged back into the soft moonlight.

The naked guard collapsed into a quivering heap with his membranous wings wrapped around himself after he crossed the threshold, as if that were some invisible line across which the monsters inside could not cross. “Oh stars above! The horror, the HORROR!”

“She get you with the measuring tape too?” asked Pumpernickel with a roll of his eyes.

“YES! They measured… everything!” The stalwart Royal Guard, who was pledged to protect the Diarchy to his dying breath, curled up into a ball like a newborn foal. “So cold…”

Hoof warmers, thought Pumpernickel, as he marked another entry onto the theoretical wedding gift registry. His entire collection of sisters had vanished into the boutique several hours ago and still he had not heard a word from them. It was as if—he shuddered in fear—they were collaborating with Laminia. The Rye family had a very Traditional family investment plan. Whenever a wedding approached, the entire family investment portfolio would become ‘tied up in long term investments,’ leaving any prospective couple who had foolishly planned on the family buying a giant room-sized cake, eating day-old doughnuts instead. Pumpernickel had been very frugal with his own income in much the same way. Once the Traditional percentage had been given to his family, the remainder had been unceremoniously thrown into a well-managed mutual fund and ignored. His recent withdrawal had been the first, and although there was still a surprisingly substantial amount remaining to throw a wedding, his sisters would look at the remaining bits as a goal to be reached, not avoided.

“P-permission to be relieved,” gasped Lieutenant Pansy, feebly attempting to grab onto Pumpernickel’s armored leg.

It felt good to be wrapped in steel again. The first order he had given when he was placed in command of the boutique’s security cordon was to send back to Canterlot for his replacement armor, and in a fit of possible insanity (or inspiration, only time would tell) he requested several of his own sisters along with a certain number of other personnel. In particular he had sent an immediate request within the ranks of the Royal Guard, Night Division for all of the ‘est’ that could be found. Fattest, skinniest, thinnest, strongest, longest, tallest, every body type that could be found among Princess Luna’s subjects. Lt. Pansy was, of course, the lightest, in more ways than one.

“Just a moment, Lieutenant. Your relief should be along in just— ah, there he is now.”

Both door guards stiffened, Lt. Pansy leaping to his hooves and standing bolt upright next to his partner with a look of abject terror replacing his look of shocked horror. Striding out of the chariot parking area was a powerful-looking earth pony whose chestnut coat and stark-white mane overlaid a body which could only be described as ‘big’ if mountains could be described as ‘somewhat large.’ Whole generations of Royal Academy Cadets had passed under his flinty gaze while being driven through forced marches, calisthenics, close order drill, formations, and obstacle courses with him trotting backwards at their side, never missing a step or shout. Rumors of his origin ranged from a rather practical ‘Forged out of discarded weapons and broken dreams by Princess Celestia in an ancient forge at the bottom of a volcano’ to the outlandish ‘Son of the Royal Canterlot Archive Librarian, Miss Pince-Nez(*).’ There had even been a short-lived tendency of the Academy Cadets to make ‘Drill Sgt. Chert’ jokes, followed by a long-lived tendency of jokers carrying heavy rocks around the camp in their idle hours.

“Alright, maggot,” snarled Sergeant Chert as he walked(1) up to Pumpernickel. “I hope this is worth losing a couple hours of beauty sleep, or some worthless piece of slime is going to be clipping the assembly yard with a pair of tweezers. Again.”

“Good to see you, Drill Sergeant,” said Pumpernickel with a nod and a smile. “The Royal Hoofmaiden is currently engaged in a very important project that I have been delegated to assist. They are designing the new uniform for the Night Guard, and I have been providing them with—” Pumpernickel glanced back at the two frightened Guards “—volunteers.”

“What do you think you are doing, maggot!” snapped Chert as he dropped an iron gaze upon a shaking Lt. Pansy. “Just why are you out of uniform? You have until I finish talking with this pathetic waste of perfectly good skin to get properly dressed and ready for inspection or there will be Tartarus to pay. Move it! Move it!”

Turning back Pumpernickel with a snarl, he snapped, “How did an incompetent piece of trash like you get assigned to a job of this importance?”

“The Princess told the Commander, the Commander told me.” He sighed. “What I really need is somepony with organizational skills to supervise the Royal Guard volunteers who are being measured for the designer. There seems to be some reluctance among the ranks.”

The door to the boutique popped open and a cheerful voice called out, “Next!” Lilac Breeze froze in wide-eyed terror. Trapped between the Drill Sergeant in front, and the unknown horror behind, his mind was suddenly made up by a familiar gravelly bellow.

“Ten-HUT! About face, maggot ! Forward march! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Not you, maggot! Dress, now!” The half-dressed Lt. Pansy stopped trying to edge away and resumed donning his armor in a panic, watching his partner march helplessly into the boutique.

“Oooo. Look at him, girls! Now that’s a stallion!” In a matter of moments, the entire doorway was filled with Night Pegasus mares, all with the same hungry look.

“Hey big brother, who’s your hunky friend?”
“Somepony tell me he’s next.”
“Pinch me, I must be in Elysian Fields.”
“I just love redheads.”
“Look at the size of his hooves!”

“Ladies!” said Sergeant Chert with an expression Pumpernickel had never seen on his face before. At one time in the Academy, it had been rumored that if Sgt. Chert were to smile, an angel somewhere would burst into flames and die. If so, there were at least a half-dozen on fire now from the smile that lit his face. “Is there anything I can do for you tonight?”

Pumpernickel instinctively cringed, turning away and trying not to listen to the suggestions his sisters promptly produced(2).

Never going to introduce them to Cloud Kicker, never, ever, no!

“Oh, girls?” Laminia’s dulcet tones coming out of the boutique made Pumpernickel’s grin return. In the last few hours, it had become obvious that she was having the time of her life, and he was starting to get a little nervous that the attitude might rub off on his sisters in the process. “A little help back here? He’s trying to get out the window!”

His sisters vanished from the doorway in their normal disorganized gaggle, and the door slammed shut. The sergeant’s smile vanished just as fast, his face snapping back into its normal scowl like underlying springs were under terrific tension. “What are you grinning at, maggot!”

Pumpernickel just sighed and shook his head, the short bristles of his mane making a familiar and friendly brushing noise against his armor. “Sergeant, I would like to ask you for a favor. Could I get you to stay with my sisters for this evening and keep the lads under control? I promise, I’ll pay you back.”

“Well, rookie…” The burly earth pony scratched his own short-cropped mane. “Since you seem so far over your head, I suppose somepony has to keep them in line. Accepted. Now if you will excuse me.”

Sergeant Chert shouldered his way into the boutique like a minotaur through a china shop, bellowing before the door had even closed. “GET DOWN OFF THAT WINDOW, SOLDIER AND ACT LIKE A STALLION! THAT’S RIGHT MAGGOT! INSPECTION TIME, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! Ten-HUT” Then in a much softer voice after the clattering of panic-stricken hooves had died down, “Okay ladies, he’s all yours.”

Pumpernickel tried in vain not to smile at the piercing shriek that emerged from the boutique. “Lieutenant Pansy, do you recall if the sergeant is married?”

“Three times, sir! Never for more than two months, sir!” The thin Night Guard fairly ‘twanged’ at attention like a tightly-wound lute string wrapped perfectly in his steel armor.

The part of Pumpernickel’s mind which had brought up the concept of ‘My brother-in-law, Chert’ was quietly dragged into the mental shadows and gently coerced into shutting up by his remaining wits. With a razor-sharp salute, he bid the lieutenant farewell before heading off to check on the delivery of military supplies, in particular, taupe and twill.

* * *

It felt good to be back in armor, it felt good to be doing something, even if it was mostly overseeing a constant stream of notes and fabric swatches headed for Canterlot destined to uproot poor shopowners from their nice, warm beds and make them ship bolts of specific cloth to Ponyville. Once the requested cargo had landed, it was hustled into the boutique by a squad of Night Pegasi under a delighted Drill Sergeant Chert, who also seemed to be enjoying himself. Either that, or he had decided to apply a little bit of lipstick to his own neck.

Even as the guards worked their organizational magic, he split his attention between the library and the boutique. One had Princess Luna in it, the other Laminia, and if an anguished cry came from both of them at the same time, he was not quite certain which direction he would run first. It gave him a nice warm feeling in the chest and he hummed to himself as he worked, sending replacement guards to their positions or arranging schedules. There was so much to do, but his mind had never felt more free and even his hooves tended to tap out a happy melody when he was not paying them any attention.

Luna had come outside the library exactly once; early during the evening when the alicorn, the unicorn and the dragon had all three walked outside, looked at him for a while, and then all three went back inside without saying a word. The library never lost all of its illumination, even as the lights went off in the upper residential floor. The main floor continued to be illuminated all through the night until shortly before dawn when Princess Luna emerged.

“Attend me,” was all she said as she walked by him in the pre-dawn gloom, eventually leading a procession of a half-dozen Night Guards in various states of alertness into Sugarcube Corner.

They were the first ponies in the building, other than the owners. With Royal grace, Princess Luna promptly turned down the attentions of Mister and Missus Cake when they scurried over, instead placing a bulk order so they could return to their morning baking. Fresh coffee and donuts still sizzling from the frier quickly appeared on their tables, along with a sampling of every possible delicacy the bakery had to offer before the Cake’s retreated back to the kitchen at Luna’s gesture for privacy.

“I read your family Book.”

Despite his normal fear of crowds, suddenly Pumpernickel felt a burning desire to be in an area filled with his family. Anything to divert the focus of those cool blue eyes away from him as Luna met his uncomfortable gaze. It explained what she had been doing all evening. Luna had always been an extremely fast and accurate reader, as hundreds of court sycophants who thought to slip something into a hundred-page proposal might testify, if they had not been dead and dust for centuries. Recent unsuccessful attempts by certain nobles who attempted to slip things through the sparsely-attended Night Court showed she had not lost one bit of her skills. Regrettably, he was the only one at her table to draw attention, because the rest of his fellow guards had wisely spread out around the shop and were doing their best to appear both deaf and blind to Luna’s actions as she continued to look at him.

“You were right. You are right.” Luna’s face did not change, but one ear twitched as she turned ever so slowly to look at four Night Guards occupying a nearby table. “Downpour, did you have an insight you would like to add to my evaluation?”

To his credit, the older Nocturne at the nearby table only flinched slightly. “No, My Princess.”

Luna sighed and rolled her eyes. “By some measure, I am not only your Princess, but also the oldest mare in your family. As such, I’m ordering you to repeat what you said, only louder.”

By the look on Downpour’s face, his mind had skidded sideways into a concept that it was not equipped to handle: Great-Grandmother Luna. The discipline of the Royal Guard may have penetrated the Night Pegasi to the bone, but the respect they had for their elder mares went straight to their youthful backsides, normally applied with a willow switch.

“I-I said…” The guard swallowed hard and took a breath. “I said ‘Like that would ever happen.’”

Luna cut Pumpernickel off before he could respond, “Do you not know the decision of which I spoke? You knew I had made the decision to pass the responsibility of returning the Books of Tradition to one of the Night Court nobles, while I remained in Canterlot. Do you think that was a good decision?”

A war of emotions seemed to pass over Downpour, eventually settling into his normal guard expression. He attempted to answer several times, twisting in his seat and even picking up a doughnut at one point before he finally gritted out, “No.”

“Good.” Luna lifted her chin as she glared. “Why did you not speak of my error sooner?”

Downpour grimaced, unable to meet her eyes and looking down at the floor like the rest of the Guard. “We all… Well, the decision was above our station. We’re supposed to be your guards, not your advisers. You know more than we do, and we thought you saw something we didn’t.”

“But still, you said nothing. This is not a battle, we are not in combat. I have been away for a very long time and will need all of your help I can get. As my loyal Night Guard, when you see a danger or a simple misinterpretation, I expect you to inform me of such, even if it is merely embarrassing myself in front of our subjects.”

“Like when Laminia kept you from licking that poor ice cream pony’s ear?” suggested Downpour.

“Exactly,” said Luna with only the most infinitesimal hesitation. “We did not consider the consequences of our actions in regard to our reputation. She performed your task flawlessly, which is one reason I gave her the position of Hoofmaiden.”

She paused for a moment, her brow creased in thought before continuing somewhat slower. “Cast your thoughts back to that trying time when I was having nightmares, and was nearly out of my mind with guilt. What did you think when Pumpernickel suggested that the Night Guard swear to me exclusively, so that my mental duress would be lessened? Speak honestly.”

“Honestly?” Downpour looked for support among his fellow Guards, all of which seemed to have found something fascinating to examine on the floorboards. “Honestly, right. Well. I thought he was crazy. Straight off the rails, loopy as a tornado, one domino short of a stack, all that. If it wasn’t for his name, we would have laughed him out of the meeting. He just kept talking and talking and eventually it sorta was the only option we could think of. Not that it made sense at that time. We all had our doubts about you, and frankly, we thought you were just as crazy as he was.”

The guard swallowed dryly and looked at the floor, trying to avoid Luna’s piercing gaze. “When you had us follow you out to the old ruined castle in the Everfree Forest, I was so frightened I just about pissed myself. All I could think of was our dead ancestors, following behind you a thousand years ago. Stars above, even all of our names were the same as your followers on the Night of Exodus. It must have been pure agony for you that night. Stupid Tradition.”

Downpour looked up, blinking hard. “Then you gave us that speech. Standing in the stones of your old home, talking about what had happened to you and our ancestors. I’m not sure if I was terrified or relieved, probably a bit of each. Any doubt we had about you was gone, just like that.”

“I see. And afterwards?” Luna looked serene, but her chest moved rapidly in short breaths.

“After we came back to the castle with you? I threw up. Lots of us did. We felt like a bunch of scared foals.” Downpour looked Pumpernickel straight in the eyes. “I still think it was a crazy idea. Not bad, just crazy. What did you see in him that we didn’t, Princess?”

“I see somepony who is willing to speak up and act when one he cares about is hurting. It can take a great deal of courage to speak that which needs to be spoken to one who wishes not to hear. Even when his words are stupid. Stupid or wise cannot be determined if they are not spoken. Sometimes not even then, until long after the decision has been made.”

Luna picked up a doughnut and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully and slowly before taking a drink of juice. It was a plain motion, but somehow every Night Pegasus in the room found themselves looking at her in anticipation.

Without looking up from the table, she said, “As each of the families of Nocturne return to retrieve their Books of Tradition, Pumpernickel has convinced me to return to the place of your race’s creation with them, and to tell them what I told you. I will speak of my pride in their loyalty over these many years of my exile, the honor of their service, and of the true facts of my descent into madness. Would you say this is a good decision?”

Every Night Guard in the room visibly relaxed, and Downpour looked up at Princess Luna. “Yes.” The tension edged microscopically back into the older Night Pegasus as he frowned at Pumpernickel. “He suggested that? You know we have a betting pool on when his next major mistake happens, right?”

“We all make mistakes. I have made far more than my share, of a magnitude that make yours look small and petty. The one for which I bear the most shame is my fall, not your loyalty.”

Princess Luna looked up at her guards scattered around the tables. “When your families return to pick up their Books of Tradition, I shall not abandon them. I am proud of you all, and wish to express my gratitude, as well as my regrets. It shall be difficult for all of us. I do not wish to relive these memories which are still so painfully fresh in my mind, but I owe it to your families.”

“We will be honored to stand with you, Your Highness,” said Downpour with his head held high, promptly followed by the rest of the Night Pegasi in the room.

* * *

As the doughnuts wore thin and the early-rising inhabitants of the small town began to filter into the bakery, the Royal Breakfast Club and Night Guard Staff Meeting adjourned to the outside of the building. It was just too distracting for a ordinary pony to come trotting into the bakery like they had done a hundred times before, only to come face-to-paralyzed-face with a Princess. As they began to walk back to the library in preparation for Luna’s departure back to Canterlot, she stopped and motioned the rest of the guards for a little space so she could talk to Pumpernickel next to the building.

“You look troubled, my loyal guard. Did you have another epiphany of wisdom to share?”

His eyes grew large and he blurted out, “No! I mean… I was thinking about Laminia. How do I know I’m going to be good for her? How do I make her happy? How do I know—”

A voice from above interrupted “Don’t start! I haven’t paid for that song license yet, although you’re next to royalty, so that should be fine, but they get all picky about that kind of thing.”

“Pinkie Pie,” said Luna with a muffled chuckle, looking up at where the pink pony was hanging precariously out of the second floor window by her rear hooves. “You are the bearer of the Element of Laughter, so perhaps you can answer my guard’s question. But not in song,” she hurriedly finished as Pinkie managed to pull out a guitar and poised to strum it even while hanging by her hindquarters out of the window.

“Awww. Okie dokie.” The guitar went away as quickly as it had appeared, and Pumpernickel was shocked as Pinkie Pie frowned as hard as she could (although since she was upside-down, it could be argued she was smiling). “You can’t make somepony happy. The best you can do is to give them the opportunity to be happy, and if they want to be unhappy—” Pinkie’s frown grew and her foofy pink hair slumped even more “—even if you try really, really hard, they stay unhappy. Even the coolest party with songs and dancing and chocolate cloud cake didn’t make Princess Celestia happy, but it was your party so I suppose—”

“Excuse me, Pinkie,” said Princess Luna, looking suspiciously as if she had been attempting to slip away while Pumpernickel was busy listening to the pink pony. “Chocolate cloud cake? That’s impossible.”

“Not it’s not,” said Pinkie Pie indignantly. “It’s just really, really, really hard to make. What’s impossible is forcing somepony to be happy when they don’t want—”

“No!” said Luna with a little stomp of her hoof that caused a faint rumble of thunder overhead. “It is quite impossible. We have even tried ourselves many times, but the chocolate clumps together and settles out into a gooey mess, and makes the wings of the pegasus mixing the batter all… sticky. But tasty,” she added with a thoughtful look.

“Could we get back to happ—” started Pumpernickel before Pinkie Pie interrupted with a giggle.

“No, silly. I made the cloud cake chocolate by accident when the Cutie Mark Crusaders were helping at the bakery and we were making cloud cakes for Pumpernickel’s party and Scootaloo was trying to mix up the batter with her wings like the instructions said but her wings are awfully short and she fell in and knocked a box of chocolate powder in with her and really really buzzed around the tub trying to get out and by the time we got her pulled out, all the batter had been mixed up really well so we said Hay! why don’t we just bake it anyway and see what happens but after we got the first cake pulled out there was a teensie weensie fire and the fire extinguisher powder got on all the other cakes and it tastes just AWFUL! so we had to throw them out but we saved the first one and I got it iced for the party and everypony just loved it except Princess Celestia who didn’t even take a bite but maybe that is because it didn’t look like a cloud cake so if we use white chocolate next time—”

“White chocolate is not really chocolate,” said Princess Luna dismissively as Pinkie Pie gasped for air. “I am somewhat short of time at the moment, for my schedule is such that I should be back in Canterlot even now. Please attempt to duplicate your experiment, without the fire extinguisher, and I shall see you well rewarded. We shall send one of our couriers with payment. For now, please see to Optio Pumpernickel’s question.”

The Princess of the Night turned and departed, leaving a thoughtful Pumpernickel in her wake. He glanced back and forth between the departing Princess and the perky party pony, waiting until Luna’s chariot had taken to the morning sky and was well out of eavesdropping range before he dared speak.

“I think I see your point about not being able to force somepony into being happy. She’s the most powerful ruler in Equestria, and sometimes she just seems so sad.”

“Oh, don’t let that make you all droopy-woopy! She’s a Princess, and Princesses have really big sads and happies and gloomies and voices and castles and the biggest, bestest big sister in the whole world! She really wants other ponies to be happy, because that’s why she turned all Black Snooty in the first place but that was a mistake and even Princesses make mistakes and now that she’s back, she’s trying to make other ponies happy in a much better way. I think it’s a good thing Princesses can’t just make ponies happy, because they care so much they would just go around blasting everypony with happy and nopony can be happy all the time because it would drive them crazy—”

She cut off at a worried look from Pumpernickel, and continued much slower. “When I first saw you and Laminia, it made me so sad inside. I mean, you both were so miserable, and looked like you were happy being sad. But after a while, I saw you were both sad that you were sad, but when you were together, you were happy, but you were unhappy that you weren’t sad, which made you sad that you were happy but I think that if you both learned to be happy being happy you wouldn’t want to be sad any more and then we could have a PARTY!”

Confusion and comprehension warred throughout Pumpernickel’s mind. It made sense, well, as much as anything Pinkie Pie ever said. He had once been very comfortable in his misery, but now when he looked back, it did not look like a very nice place to spend the rest of his life. It looked lonely. One hoof unconsciously raised to touch the side of his cheek where Laminia had kissed him. Stretching in front of him seemed to be a gaping chasm with sharp rocks at the bottom, and it felt like both of his wings were tied back with chains. He stepped forward.

“Pinkie, can I hire you to set up that party?”

Swift Wings, Commander of the Day Guard, had just arrived at the boutique with the Office of Correspondence commuters, settling into an observation role as the Day Guard took over from the Night. He accepted Pumpernickel’s summary of the night’s activities with aplomb, declining the party invitation and confirming that the next night’s duties were still in his capable hooves. After being dismissed, Pumpernickel beat a rapid retreat to do some early-morning shopping before slipping back to the hotel to sleep with his fellow Night Guards.

It felt comforting but a little weird to be back in a barracks sleeping heap after spending so much time with Laminia. Thankfully his sleep was dreamless and solid, awakening only when the afternoon alarm went off and the rest of his fellow guards woke up to get prepared for the evening’s assignment.

“Good afternoon, Optio Pumpernickel,” said Commander Swift Wings jovially as Pumpernickel strode up to him outside the boutique. “I trust you had an enjoyable day of rest while the rest of us were out in the blazing sun, slaving away under our merciless taskmaster.”

“I heard that,” came Twilight Sparkle’s voice, wafting out of the library window. “I’ve got an extra broom in here, so keep it down or I’ll have you help Spike finish sweeping.”

Swift Wings chuckled, shaking his head so his short-cropped silvering mane glimmered in the sun. “I swear, she’s as bad as the wife. Good news here, young lad. The duplication process is completed, all the duplicates have been shipped to the archives, and that delightful young pink mare has been quite busy with preparations for tonight’s celebratory festivities. She moves so fast you could swear there are more than one of her. Lady Rarity and your young marefriend have moved their entire operations to Canterlot, so you’ll be in charge of shutting down operations here just as soon as Laminia is finished sleeping and ready to head for home.”

A nervous glance by Pumpernickel into the open front door of the boutique showed a much emptier building, and no activity. “They gave up?”

The Commander chuckled again. “Oh, heavens no. Amazingly successful, if you ask me. The whole operation is moving to the Royal Seamstress’ office to shorten the line of supply now that they are in their production phase. We packed the whole project up and stuck it on the train a couple hours ago, along with most of the guards for security. The lads were none too happy about missing the party, but they got a chocolate cake delivered to them just before leaving.

“Anyway, it sounds like your first independent command went off without any major hitches. Do you know what my Commander said to me after I completed my first command?”

“Good job?”

“Nope, he looked me straight in the face and bellowed, ‘I didn’t say you were at fault, I said I was going to blame you!’ Wonderful leader. I went to his funeral just to make sure he wasn’t coming back. So, Optio Pumpernickel, are you pleased with your performance at this assigned task now that it is nearly complete?”

“It’s not complete yet, sir. There still needs to be an honor guard assigned to the Town Hall to provide security for the Books until they are picked up. Probably six to eight guards between the two divisions for a few weeks.” Pumpernickel looked around before lowering his voice. “Friendly unmarried ones, if possible.”

“Ah, yes. I noticed the gender disparity around the town.” The Commander’s white mustache(3) twitched with amusement. “Probably best not to put temptation in front of the married lads. Will there be anything else, Optio? There still are several hours before your shift is scheduled to begin.”

“No. I need some time to think, and I think best standing. Thank you, sir. I am prepared to relieve you now.”

“You have command.” Commander Swift Wings hesitated before leaving, glancing just once at the boutique where Laminia was still sleeping. “Good luck.”

Pumpernickel stood next to Downpour as they watched the Day Commander climb up into the overcast evening air with his few remaining guards. All around them, the village had begun its evening routine as the market started to close down and ponies prepared to return to their homes.

“Hey Downpour,” he started, once the Commander had vanished from sight. “You still running that betting pool on the chances of me making a dramatically bad decision in the future?”

“O-Optio. I-I don’t…” The Night Guard trailed off until he saw the hint of a smile at the corner of Pumpernickel’s face. “Oh! Currently the pool is about 4:1 over the next week, going down to 2:1 for the month. Did you want to get in?”

“Put me down for twelve bits on ‘No bad decisions for a year.’ I expect good odds on that bet, my fellow guard who would not be caught dead cheating.”

“Does getting engaged to Laminia count as a bad decision?” asked Downpour with an unabated grin. “That’s a different pool, I can give you 3:1 for ‘within a year’ or 22:1 for ‘within six months’”

“Put me down for a hundred bits on ‘within a week,’” said Pumpernickel with a matching grin. “If I win, you can call it a wedding gift and it should wipe out the pool, and if I lose, I’ll just call it the price of experience.”

(*) Completely untrue. Twilight Sparkle would be willing to testify that Miss Pince-Nez would never have permitted such a loud pony within her house.

(1) Actually Sgt. Chert remained stationary as the world rotated under his hooves.

(2) Hoofwritten comment by Princess Celestia appended to Statute 925, Subsection S (Noise Abatement) on requiring all occupied clouds over Canterlot at night to be above 2000 ft: “You can not take the romance out of the pegasus, even if you give them bat-wings and yellow eyes. Make it 4000 ft. please.”

(3) The Night and Day Guard Commanders had an ongoing informal contest about who had the most impressive mustache. The Night Commander’s mother-in-law was currently winning.

Chap. 19 - Happily Ever After

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Happily Ever After

“Come on, girls. Just a few clouds to clean up and we can all head off to the party.” Rainbow Dash looked around the nearly empty evening sky, her lip curled in annoyance. “Where’s Flitter?”

“Right here, boss.” The giggling pegasus in question dropped down onto the cloud Rainbow was using for her impromptu staff meeting of the weather team. “You’ll never believe it. Guess who Pumpernickel’s sharing a cloud with?”

“Cloud Kicker?” guessed Rainbow Dash with a smirk.

“What is it, boss?” asked the perky pegasus with a grin, popping out from around the staff meeting cloud. “You found out about my cloning project so I can bang two ponies at once?”

“No! I thought you and Pumpernickel were up on that cloud.” Rainbow waved at a small cloud at higher altitude, far above the town.

“Oh no, not me. I don’t bang hot stallions with crazy marefriends. So are the two of them up there?”

“Oh yeah,” snickered Flitter with a toss of her blue-green mane. “I heard it from Cloudchaser who heard it from Derpy who heard it from Sparkler that Pumpernickel’s going to pop the question at sunset. Isn’t it exciting!”

“Oooo,” sounded the voices of a half-dozen female pegasi.

“Now cut that out,” snapped Rainbow Dash to the weather team, who had quit breaking up the last scattered puffs of the evening drizzle residue and were crowded around Flitter exchanging gossip. “Ladies! We have a job to do before we can go to Pinkie’s party tonight. Just a few more clouds to go, and we should have a clear sky.”

Raindrops looked thoughtfully up at the high-altitude cloud, highlit in red from the sunset. “I don’t see any lightning yet. You don’t think she’ll kick him over the edge, do you?”

“Err. No. Of course not.” Rainbow glanced upwards, as if expecting to see an unconscious dark shape hurtling down from the evening sky. “You don’t think we should… check on them, do you?”

“For safety, if nothing else,” said Flitter with a nod and a badly-concealed smile.

“And to see if they want to make it a threesome,” said Cloud Kicker.

“Oh!” Flitter gave a happy squeal and turned a quick cartwheel. “We could float our own cloud up and serenade them. That poor stallion needs all the help he can get. What’s wrong?”

All of the weather team looked down at the mouth.

“My guitar is down at the party for tonight,” said Rainbow. “Anyway we don’t have a thundercloud up here to plug it in.”

“I haven’t been studying the song sheets,” groused Raindrops.

“I’ve got a sore throat,” rasped Cloudchaser.

“Well, if you didn’t keep the window open all night trying to lure in a Night Guard, you wouldn’t have a sore throat,” said her sister Flitter, with an impish grin.

“Ladies,” chastised Rainbow Dash. “Mash a couple of those little cumulous together for cover and let’s go take a look. If Pumpernickel looks like he’s having problems, we can always do one of the classics everybody remembers.

“Fat-Bottomed Mares?” asked Raindrops.
“Gimmie All Yer Lovin’?” asked Cloud Kicker.
“Marechiare?” asked Flitter. “I just love Istallian Opera.”

“No, I was thinking more along the lines of ‘Kiss the Girl.’ Now hurry up with those clouds or we’ll miss it.”

* * *

“I still can’t believe you lugged that stupid thing up here.” Laminia glared at the pink box sitting next to Pumpernickel and sighed in resignation. The cloud’s fluffy surface had been stomped pretty flat and solid to hold it, but there was always the hopeful possibility of it slipping through anyway and smashing itself on the ground.

The big guard had hardly said a dozen words since she woke up in the boutique and went outside to meet him with a kiss to the cheek. She had not planned on the kiss, it just snuck up on her. He had barely twitched, but a smile seemed to have sprouted at her touch, and refused to leave his face, even as he gathered up the box and flew with her into the damp late evening sky. The cloud seemed suspiciously placed to provide both a magnificent view of the Ponyville valley, and of the setting sun which was lighting the whole place in beautiful shades of orange and red.

“Nut,” she grumbled, trying to hide her smile.

“Nut,” he replied affectionately. “Look, I just wanted to spend some time with you before we head back to Canterlot tonight.” Pumpernickel carefully did not look behind her as he spoke, or use the word ‘alone’ for good reason. “There’s just this one thing for the weather team. They really worked on your training, and they should be rewarded.”

“What about me?” Laminia bumped the Guard with one hip without getting up. Both of them remained laying chest-down on the slightly-flattened cloud looking at the sunset. Far beneath them the town of Ponyville spread out like a glistening jewel in the ruddy sunset; buildings still damp from the short evening shower sparkled as brightly as anything in Canterlot. It was a beautiful sight, but Pumpernickel had not taken his eyes off her since they had reorganized the cloud into a viewing platform, and she kind-of liked it. Only without the kind-of.

“I want to be with you and make you happy too. Forever and ever.”

“Sounds a little like a proposal,” said Laminia, with another flank-bump. “You sure this isn’t one of your stupid ideas? I mean, being stuck with me that long. It could be very unpleasant.”

“Not as unpleasant as spending any time away from you.” They both sat on the cloud in silence, looking at the far-away sun hover on the horizon like a blazing torch on its way to the other side of the world. “Do you feel the same way?” he said in a rush.

She sat without speaking for a long while before bumping him with a hip again. “I’m cold.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll go back and get a blanket.”

Laminia put a hoof on him before he could get up. “I didn’t say I wanted a blanket. I said I’m cold. But whenever I’m around you, I can feel myself melting inside. I think you make me afraid that if you stay, I’ll just melt away and dissolve into nothing. I don’t know if it’s love. All I know is I never want you to leave again, or it might go away.”

Pumpernickel lifted one wing and hesitated, finally stretching it over the Night Pegasus mare who shuddered and scooted a little closer. “That’s better.”

They contemplated the sunset some more, intentionally ignoring the lumpy cloud that had floated up behind them and was currently remaining stationary, although with little jiggles as concealed pegasi struggled for spots to peek out.

“I-I trust you,” blurted out Laminia. “The Princess told me something once that kind of stuck out. ‘There are no end of ponies you can trust with your life, but very few you can trust with your honor.’ I think… your family named you correctly.”

“Not likely,” he muttered, his smile fading.

“Shut up for once and let me talk. Your family founder was named Rye, and his big brother was named Pumpernickel. I found his diary in the bottom of your family’s Book. Nevermind how I found it, just I did. He made a rule that only colts that were worthy of his big brother’s name could be Named after him. Twilight made a copy of the diary for me… for us now. The original Pumpernickel died on the Night of Creation while saving a bunch of foals; he sacrificed his life to save others. I think they both would be proud of you, and would approve of your name. I would be proud to have you as my husband, if you could tolerate me as your wife.”

Pumpernickel laid his head down on the cloud and made a troubled grunt. “I snooped in your family Book too. I know about your real father, and how you tried to hurt him. I can’t blame him. It’s been Tradition for the Night Pegasi stallions to be… popular so the race doesn’t die out. And I can’t blame you for being angry about your own father not caring about his own child, just in the window and out like—”

“Like hundreds of generations before him,” continued Laminia with only a trace of past bitterness. “So why do you want to blame him for me being angry? Are you trying to divert blame from me to make me seem like something I’m not? I’m not very pleasant to be around, you know. It’s my talent.”

“No.” Pumpernickel tightened his grip with one powerful wing as Laminia made a futile attempt to get up. “Sit down. I want to get through this in one try. Just because your cutie mark looks like a heart torn in half, doesn’t mean your special talent is tearing your loved one’s hearts in half. Your talent is healing their hearts.”

“Oh, now that’s one of your stupid ideas. My family—”

“Your family,” he pressed onwards, “was about to break up. Half of them wanted to go to Fillydelphia, half of them wanted to stay in Canterlot. There were a lot of angry arguments in the meeting minutes you didn’t see. You managed to break them up into small squabbling groups long enough to let them expand the family into a newly purchased home. Your actions kept your family together, and brought Rusty Pin and Safety Pin back together. I read their letter to your family about adopting you. He made little smiley faces over all the I’s and o’s.”

“He does that all the time,” mumbled Laminia. “And he pulled some strings for our old neighbor to get a job elsewhere so the family could buy the house.”

“His own idea, or yours?”

Laminia started to reply and hesitated. “Well. What about Princess Luna? I almost drove her crazy. I whispered to her when she was trying to sleep and tried to get her to draw on the same source of magic that caused her to become Nightmare Moon.”

Pumpernickel shook his head. “You couldn’t have done it if Luna had not been keeping all those doubts and fears bottled up inside since she returned. She had to get them out and deal with her sister or they were going to make her explode with crazy all over again. Admittedly, you could have done it differently, but it worked.”

She snorted. “Thank you, Mister Understatement. I wasn’t planning on becoming a therapist.”

“Thank the stars. But you knew exactly how to treat Raindrops when she went a little crazy on my face.”

“Right up until I almost electrocuted you. I’m sorry, by the way.”

“You’re forgiven. But there is one last thing that finally convinced me. My heart.”

She raised one eyebrow. “You?”

“Yes. Me. You did something to me. Well, other than nearly electrocute me and give me a concussion. I’ve always been terrified of females since that accident with my sister. It makes me all kinked up inside and speak without thinking. With you… I’m kinked up inside and speaking without thinking, but different. I don’t know. I’ve never been in love before either.”

“So you’re not afraid of me? You don’t hate me?”

“No. Do you think you can keep from kicking me and calling me names?”

“Do I have to? Hey, some of those names are—”

“Sheep-like?”

Laminia’s complexion darkened and she turned partially, only to stop when she saw Pumpernickel’s silly grin had returned. “Point taken. Can I keep ‘Lumpy’?”

“Can I keep ‘Snoogie Sugar Honey Bun’?”

“Yes!” She grinned back in the brilliant near-horizontal light from the setting sun, before snuggling in a little closer. “I think it’s a fair deal. I accept. Did you get me a ring?”

“Waiting down by the library. There’s just one catch.” He passed her a cardboard card and began to set up the pink record player.

Laminia looked at the card with suspicion. “I don’t like to sing.” She winced as Pumpernickel paused, and began to put the record back. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it, I just said I didn’t like it.”

He grinned and put the record back on. “I’m going to pay for this, aren’t I?”

“For years, and years, and years if I have anything to say about it. Now come up here and kiss me before the sun finishes setting.” She eyed the sunset with suspicion. “Seems like it’s been like that for an awfully long time.”

“Song first,” he grinned as the music started. They both drew together, looking into each other’s eyes and began to loudly sing, as if for an audience hiding in a nearby cloud.

♫I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss(*)
And a Prince I'm hoping comes with this♫

“Oh, come here,” she muttered and leaned into a deep, passionate kiss that seemed to last the two young lovers forever.

* * *

In Canterlot, far above the city and castle, the Royal Observatory was home to one of the most powerful telescopes in the entire country. From its rarified heights, the precision-built machine of steel and glass could be turned in any direction for a rather intense look at the stars ranging from straight up to all the way down to the horizon. Or things slightly below the horizon if some rocks were wedged under a few strategic parts.

Two Royal Guards stood outside the observatory door this night with strict orders to prevent interruptions while the telescope was being used by both of the Royal Princesses. Although it was not quite the use for which it had been constructed.

“Sister! Your sun has been in the sky far past the scheduled time, so get out here and put it away! Besides, it’s my turn to look through the telescope now.”

“Just a minute, Luna,” said Princess Celestia, making a minor adjustment to the eyepiece. “They’re still kissing.”

“CELLY!”

“All right, all right.” The Princess of the Sun relinquished her spot next to the telescope and moved to the edge of the tower roof to finish the sunset she had been delaying.

Luna wasted no time dashing to the telescope eyepiece and readjusting the focus. “Awww. They make such a cute couple.” Princess Luna glanced up at her big sister, who was regarding her with a critical look now that the sun had been tucked under the horizon where it belonged. “And I promise never to do it again?”

“Actually I was going to remind you about the moon.”

“Oh!” Luna’s horn glowed as the moon fairly shot up into the sky. “Better?”

“Yes, my silly little filly.” Princess Celestia put one foreleg over her little sister and gave her a warm hug. “Now move, please. I want another look at those two.”

“No! She’s my Hoofmaiden.”

“But it’s my telescope.”

“Our telescope! You said so.” Luna pouted and stuck out her bottom lip. “Let me look first and I’ll buy you ice cream.”

“Oh… All right. You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Of course not!” Luna giggled as she looked through the eyepiece with a smile. “Just like you will never let me live down those socks.”

Princess Celestia giggled back. “They were rather silly. Just like you, Woona.”

“I love you too, Tia.” Luna adjusted the eyepiece minutely and moved aside. “Quick, my sister, it is your turn. They doth have fireworks!”

“Ooo,” said Celestia as she peeked through the telescope. “Very nice.” After a brief pause and a brief licking of the lips, she asked, “Were you serious about getting some ice cream?”

“Yes, my sister. Of course. I was going to get some cake for us too.”

* * *

The two Night Pegasi broke from their kiss in the glittering moonlight, still wrapped in each other’s embrace and each unwilling to move the record player needle off the end of the record. The -psst- -hiss- -pstt- -hiss- of the record’s end played for some time until finally Pumpernickel reached over with one hind hoof and nudged the ‘off’ button.

“Better?” he asked.

“Perfect,” breathed Laminia with a grin. “Did the weather team leave yet?”

“Yep,” he said, looking over her shoulder at the departing odd-shaped cloud.

“Good. I’ll let them live.” She leaned against Pumpernickel’s warm chest and took a deep breath. “You smell nicer without all this iron. Can we do that again?”

“As many times as you want. Although there’s just one more thing before you get your ring.”

“If I must to keep your trust, I’ll say ‘Yes Dear’ to keep you near.” She coughed in embarrassment at his astonished look. “Sorry, I met the local zebra and she rubbed off a bit.”

“Okay,” he said, breaking into a broad smile of his own. “If you want proses instead of roses, just turn to your left and wave.”

She gave him a skeptical look, before turning left and looking down into the dew-glittering town. Even though the sun had set mere moments ago, it was nearly pitch black except for a glow around the distant town library. Far away on the balcony were two telescopes with what looked like two ponies behind them. She hesitantly raised her left hoof and waved as Pumpernickel raised his right. A pink dot seemed to levitate straight up from behind one of the telescopes with a cry of joy that they could hear even on their distant cloud and then it darted off into the darkness.

“What in the world? Lumpy, what are—”

“Just wait,” he said with an enigmatic smile. “It was expensive, but well worth it.”

A series of sparkles broke out on the ground, spreading out across the library yard in a growing series of brilliant sparks until the words “Happy Engagement Laminia and Pumpernickel” were spelled out in brilliant lines. Trails of sparks darted across the yard to the lampposts around the area, and suddenly what looked like half the ponies in Ponyville and the Office of Correspondence were illuminated, all looking up into the night sky and more than one of them concealing sheet music behind a hoof.

A set of speakers at the edge of the choir blared and they all burst into song(1)

♫Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away♫

“Let’s get this party started!” bellowed a voice from below, and the music abruptly changed to a raucous dance beat, with strobes and flashes lighting a night filled with dancing ponies. Columns of fireworks streamed up into the night sky, erupting into brilliant red and blue bursts, one of which looked suspiciously like Laminia’s cutie mark.

“So,” said Pumpernickel loudly above the noise of the fireworks. “Are you happy?”

“Yes,” she said with a grin. “But not as happy as you’re going to be in a minute. Look at your flank.”

“No,” he said firmly, taking her into his embrace and laying down with her at the edge of the cloud to look down at the ongoing party. “I felt it when you kissed me. It will be there tomorrow, and for the rest of our lives.”

She sighed and snuggled in closer. “Sounds good to me. When do I get my ring?”

“When we show up at the party.”

“You’re going to make me dance, aren’t you?”

“Yup. You’re going to make me tell your father, aren’t you?”

“Both of them. And I want to be there.”

“Always. Nut.” He grinned in the moonlight, leaning against her.

“Nut. Come here, I’m cold.”

The two Night Pegasi lay in each other’s embrace for the few minutes they had before having to rejoin the world, looking down into the party under the cool light of the silent stars. Pumpernickel’s flank fairly glowed in the moonlight, his new heart-shaped cutie mark appearing slate-grey as if made out of moonsteel. Pressed together next to Laminia, it matched her cutie mark as if to make one unbroken heart, for two broken hearts now joined.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

(*) True Love’s Kiss, © Walt Disney Corp, please don’t sue me
(1) Ever Ever After © Walt Disney Corporation, as above

Epilogue

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Epilogue

Night spread her wings across the land, a deep blackness broken only by the brilliant pinpoints of stars and a silver moon that lit the streets of Ponyville with soft-edged shadows. The rural town tended to roll the streets up at night, but this night there were still a few lights challenging the darkness, including a soft glow around the ice cream store. A few young couples still occupied the tables, the ice cream only a secondary reason to their late-night activities. The owner of the store would normally have chased the young lovers out into the night so he could close up and go home, except for a very profitable order he had been waiting to deliver.

Lickety Split lugged the last tub of ice cream over to the Royal Courier’s wagon and carefully deposited it into the cooler that occupied most of the wagon bed.

“There you go, Courier Zircon. Five tubs, Chocolate Chip, Mocha, Double-Fudge Ripple, Chocolate Fudge, and FBC⁽*⁾, and two tubs of Diet Low-Fat Alfalfa Peppermint Crunch, as requested.”

“Very well, very well indeed.” The grey-coated unicorn in the Royal Equestrian Courier’s cap levitated over a hefty bag of bits to Lickety Split and gave a brief bow. “Well son, it was a pleasure doing the Princess’ business with you this fine evening. I see you got your sign fixed.”

“Oh, yes!” Lickety nodded at the brilliant sign over the shop door that eagerly proclaimed into the night “Lickety Split’s Fine Ice Cream” and in smaller letters at the bottom “Princess Approved.”

“It just showed up yesterday with a half-dozen workponies to install it. They wouldn’t tell me a thing, just that it had been prepaid and was guaranteed never to dim or fade. They said ‘never’ in a funny way, but I don’t care. It’s fantastic!”

“Good, very good.” The old Royal Courier tipped his cap to the happy ice cream store owner and began to shrug into the cart harness. “Well, we probably should be getting along to pick up that cake before we catch the midnight train back to Canterlot.” The grey courier stopped at the faint sound of a throat clearing and looked back at his companion. “Yes?”

The young unicorn mare in the matching Royal Courier outfit smiled as she swished her ribbon-covered tail. “Certainly we have enough time to pick up a quick cone or two before we leave, Senior Courier Zircon. I’ll even buy.”

“Well, that’s a different story then. Young lad, one scoop of Alfalfa Maple Crunch please. Same for you, Junior Courier Blaze?” Zircon looked impishly at the mare, who tended to blend into the darkness due to her coal-black coat.

“Zapapple Double-Fudge Ripple please. Two scoops. Oh, and here’s a little extra for the colts. They’ll be along in just a bit.” The coal-black unicorn levitated over a tidy bag of bits for Lickety, which he wasted no time in exchanging for a pair of ice-cream cones. A few moments later, the happy Royal Couriers were trotting off into the dark town with their precious frozen cargo trailing along behind.

“Must be nice to be able to walk and eat ice cream at the same time,” sighed Lickety Split. Looking up into the night sky, he called out, “What did you two want?”

“Raspberry Nut please,” drifted down a deep baritone voice.

“Diet Lemon Sherbert,” came a second, slightly deeper voice. “What? I’m watching my weight. How much do we owe you?”

“The Princess already got it,” called Lickety Split as he trotted back into his store, emerging in a few minutes with two ice cream cones. “Feel free to drop in anytime. Figuratively. Although if she’s not wearing her disguise, I’d appreciate a little warning.”

Two Royal Night Guards dropped almost silently out of the dark sky and lit softly to either side of the storepony. “Thanks.”

They ate their ice cream silently, watching through the darkness as the Royal Courier and his ‘Assistant’ towed their cart through the dark village in the direction of Sugarcube Corner for the promised cake, then the distant train station which would take them back to Canterlot.

“So, Pumpernickel,” said Sunny Meadows thoughtfully. “Are you and Laminia going to get married here and settle down? Seems like a nice place to raise foals.”

“No!” said Pumpernickel forcefully. “All we want are nice peaceful careers in Canterlot, where we can work until retirement.”

Fate and Destiny lifted their attention from their eternal chess game and looked at the remote corner of their board.

“Again?” muttered Fate. “He doesn’t learn very well, does he?”

“Well, it’s my turn now,” said Destiny with a smile as she reached across the board and moved a feathered piece in a mountainous region. “I see great things in this one.”

“As you may,” said Fate quietly as she pondered her next move. “But I see the terrible things that he carries within. Death, destruction, and rage are in his blood. He is a construct of War, not of Peace.”

“Possibly.” Destiny looked mournfully into an empty box of candy before tossing it into the trash. “If there were no War, we would not know what Peace was. If one is but the shadow of the other, who can say which real, and which is the shadow?”

“War is real, perhaps more real than we are.” Fate reached down to touch a piece, but withdrew without moving it. In a tavern half-way across the world, a gambler won a massive fortune on a roll of his dice only to fall over dead the next moment from shock.

“So is Peace. These ponies prepare for War, they wage War, they carry War with them, but wherever they go, Peace follows. Here is where I will send him.” Destiny waved across a mountainous region of the board and Fate frowned in recognition.

“You have made this attempt before.”

“And I will again, and again, until one of them succeeds. It shall be so.”

Fate studied the board intensely. “There is a player in this game who has been away for far too long. It shall be interesting to see how she plays after such a long absence.”

Destiny laughed. “She has never been gone, not even a moment. Here, watch and you shall see.”

(*) Friendship By Chocolate. Lickety Split claimed it took ten pounds of chocolate for every nine pounds of ice cream made. Nopony ever finished a double-scoop without the assistance of at least one friend. If they were not a friend by the time they started, they were when you were done.

Sneak Peeks:

The adventures of the two most mismatched batponies in Luna’s service continue in “Diplomacy by Other Means,” where Princess Luna sends a diplomatic mission to the griffons in the hopes of preventing a deadly war, with Pumpernickel and Laminia caught in the middle as the mission turns into a lethal race for survival and a fight to the death.

A guide to the Nocturne Saga (as it has grown) may be found at A Very Short Guide To Batponies As Seen By Georg. I hope you enjoy reading about them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

See you later…

Birth of a New Generation

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
Birth of a New Generation

Fate and Destiny looked over their gaming table, each deep in thought as they examined the various playing pieces scattered about in what looked to be a chaotic mess covered in chocolate milk and cotton candy.

“It’s your fault, you know,” groused Destiny, trying to wipe chocolate milk off the purple wings of a new game piece. “There’s a reason I don’t like to have food at our games. I haven’t even gotten to play this one yet. Why did you move those little fillies on your last turn?”

Fate did not immediately reply, being busy trying to dig a few loose milk duds off the bottom of the board with a paper towel. Finally, with a soggy ‘splurp,’ the last bit of sticky candy was dumped into the trash. “Well, I’m not the one who let those three mobile disaster areas run loose either. Lock up one evil god of chaos for a few centuries and they can be so spiteful when they get out. I mean, what were the odds against that again?”

“I don’t believe in odds,” came a third voice, soft and rich with potential as their gaming table became slightly more occupied. Fate and Destiny looked away in an attempt not to become ensnared by those haunting green eyes as Luck picked up three of their small playing pieces and examined them, before placing them carefully to one side to save for later. “I understand you two are having a disagreement about… griffons and ponies.”

“Not a disagreement,” said Destiny. “Conflict.”

“It is too a disagreement,” disagreed Fate. “I say it’s impossible for them to coexist.”

“It’s quite possible.” Destiny cleaned off another playing piece and placed it inside a large castle on a mountain next to a smaller piece. “Look at that. Right where they both belong.”

“Perhaps you two are lacking in scope.” The playing surface twisted, a crystalline city rising up to one side as the playing pieces scattered around the remaining table. On the revealed sparkling playing surface, dozens of new pieces glittered in the light.

“Oooh, pretty,” said Fate, the chocolate milk soaked towel in her grasp falling unnoticed to knock over a small rock formation in the Badlands that nopony would visit for years.

“Hey, wait a cotton-harvesting minute.” Destiny pulled out a well-worn rulebook and flipped a few pages forward. “Here we go. Section 104.7a ‘Revealing a previously concealed portion of the map requires the player to sacrifice a piece.’ You’re not a player, and you don’t have any pieces.”

“I’ve always been a player, and it doesn’t specify the sacrificed piece has to be one of mine. I’ll choose…this one.” A very small piece was selected and placed on the mountain fortress, and both other players gasped.

“That’s just… vile,” said Fate, looking a little green.

“You can’t do that. It has to say you can’t do that somewhere in here,” muttered Destiny with a serious amount of flipping through the rulebook.

“My move is over,” said the green-eyed player, sitting down after sweeping some popcorn out of her chair. “Your turn.”

“Pass,” said Fate almost instantly, looking over the board with a bitter expression.

“I think…” Destiny hesitated before reaching out to touch a pair of figures and move them slightly onto a different path. “Your sacrifice should not be in vain.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” asked Fate, looking over a shoulder while chewing on an antacid pill. “Could get messy.”

“It’s already messy,” grumbled Destiny. “I just hope it’s worth it.”

Luck merely leaned forward and watched as their moves began to take effect.

“Likewise.”

The game continues in Diplomacy by Other Means where Pumpernickel and Laminia go on a diplomatic mission to a northern griffon tribe which is threatening war, only to find something in the mountains far worse than they could imagine, and their only chance for survival becomes a race to escape in a battle to the death.

Chap. 1 - The Beauty of the Night

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
The Beauty of the Night

The Royal Gardens seemed to shimmer with subdued power in the starlight, a wilderness of natural beauty tucked into a corner of the royal castle. Two Luna Moths floated by on a gust of nighttime air and ascended over the heads of three white unicorns, their ghostlike figures striding confidently through the courtyard surrounding the gardens. Even with the nearby Guards, Rarity still felt ill at ease walking outside of the castle for her meeting with Princess Luna. As of late, the Princess of the Night was known for strict formality in meetings, either at the lightly-attended Night Court, or private dinners conducted at the castle. It was quite a contrast against her sister, Princess Celestia, who had always preferred inviting ponies to tea, sometimes taking tea a dozen times a day.

The Royal Guards matched her shining white coat and pace exactly, three ghostlike white bodies moving through the shadowed courtyard until they stopped at the private vine-covered entrance to the Private Royal Gardens. The black entryway made out of two intertwined yew trees seemed to beckon to her, the faint sounds of nighttime animals lending a surreal air to a myriad of soft floral scents borne out on the light breeze.

“This is as far as we go Ma’am.”

“What?” Rarity squinted into the darkness. “Where’s Her Highness?”

“Inside the Royal Garden at the Pavillion of the Moon. We were ordered to wait out here while you go in alone.”

Not without some degree of hesitancy, Rarity trod gingerly down the narrow pathway into the fragrant darkness of the gardens. Still dressed for a much more formal meeting, Rarity’s delicate shoes crunched on the gravel walk while she carefully levitated her flowing skirt away from the vegetation. As the path continued under the vine-covered trestles and hedges, the stygian darkness seemed to swallow her up. Only the gentle scents of the surrounding flowers and the gentle breeze allowed her to continue to pick her way forward, one dainty hoof placed in front of another while trying to stay on the pathway.

A Proper Lady does not mutter beneath her breath. A Proper Lady can treat this type of meeting with Dignity and Respect. A Proper Lady— She cut off as she walked through a spiderweb. “Yech! I need a pith helmet and a machete!”

A faint chuckle came out of the darkness, sounding horribly like Nightmare Moon for a moment. “We beg pardon for our oversight, Lady Rarity. Not all of our subjects can see in the dark as we do.” A faint glow began to arise, showing her to be in a large open area with a dozen dim lanterns shedding a soft lunar glow about the gardens. And that glow revealed a sight that stunned her to the core of her being.

Radiating from the open-sided building in the center of the clearing were a series of low hedges in an open star-shaped pattern, each totally surrounded by a myriad of blooming flowers of every color and type. An errant breeze brought her the scent of evening primroses, asphodelus and columbine, mixed with an overtone of moon flowers that spread into a tapestry of white shimmering blooms surrounding the clearing with reflected moonlight. Dark shrubs of jasmine and lilac opened their petals to the moonlit sky, and the flittering shapes of moths and bats darted from one bountiful bush to another. Off to one side of the pavillion was an obsidian fountain gurgling and bubbling cheerfully, the water shining like purest silver in the waning moonlight as it traced its way through the moss-covered rocks of an artificial stream into a small pool with golden ripples below the surface.

The delicate webs of spiders made a light tracery of silken threads across every bush, a glittering dew-laden veil across the face of the sparkling garden which seemed to draw the light of far-off stars all the way down from the sky and across the glittering quartz chips scattered throughout the gravel paths. Rarity felt like she was standing in the middle of Luna’s night sky, surrounded by stars. She could not help but step forward a few paces to get a better look, placing her hooves on a smooth flat rock that fit perfectly into the pathway, with only four widely-spaced dents around the outside edge to hint at its purpose.

“It’s… beautiful. Princess Luna… is this all yours?”

The shadows of the pavillion momentarily parted as Princess Luna stepped out, her smile growing as the oblivious white unicorn continued to gaze about the garden, lost in its beauty.

“Our garden is beautiful indeed. My sister hath spent many centuries seeking out the most beautiful of flowers, those that bloom both in day and night. Over the years of my banishment, she has crossbred and improved all of the species that you see here tonight, even this one.” She indicated a relatively plain-looking plant topped with a huge dried bloom fully the size of a small pony.

“This flower is called Queen Of The Night. It blooms but one night a year, on the night of the Gala, and on that night its beauty outshines all others.”

Luna caressed the dry flower softly and blinked away a tear. “My sister did create this garden upon my banishment centuries ago, and tended to its upkeep since. She never gave up hope that I might one day be freed from my imprisonment and return to her side. Until this night, no commoner but the gardeners—and your yellow pegasus friend—have set hoof inside.”

Shaken out of her reverie, Rarity looked around nervously with one hoof over her pristine white hat. “The animals that live here are not...”

Luna smiled and waved a hoof in dismissal. “Fear not for thine raiment, Lady Rarity. My sister hath trained the animals to avoid elaborately dressed ponies in her gardens.”

“Thank you, Princess. I had actually expected to meet you in more formal circumstances, but this—” She waved about the garden with an expression of stunned fascination. “This is far more beautiful than any room in the castle. I am honored beyond all my expectations.”

“Thank you, kind Rarity. Although it feels most strange. Standing here, seeing you stand upon the very stone where my sister did raise the moon in my absence, makes me look back in time to the nights she stood there in your place.” A gentle breeze seemingly came out of nowhere, making Rarity’s lace scarf flutter behind her as if it were an ethereal mane. An icy chill went up her back at the thought of standing where Princess Celestia raised the moon for a thousand years, the same moon that imprisoned her sister Luna and the creature known as Nightmare Moon. Luna simply looked at Rarity with an unfathomable expression in her immortal blue eyes.

“She speaks little of that dark and lonely time. I have spent a thousand years away from this world, but to immortals such as us, centuries can seem as short as the blink of an eye. And now, having been back in the presence of my sister for nearly a full year, the time seems to crawl. My sister believes it is time for me to be brought fully back into ruling at her side as Diarch, much as it was before. However, given the events of the past, many others believe it would be unwise indeed to allow the Court of the Night to be brought back to equal status with Day. Our advisors caution us against this idea as a hasty thing, most fearful of their status. Or perhaps they honestly doubt my ability to hold this power without slipping back into… old habits.” The Princess looked up in the sky at the waning moon with a look of sorrow and regret.

“They wish me to hold an inferior office instead, subordinate to the Day in all regards. In their words, when I have grown to meet their expectations of trust, I would be grudgingly given slightly more power. But they would never see my power to be equal with my own sister. To be honest, I can see their concerns. However, my sister and I are united in our opposition. If I were to bow to their demands now, there would never be a time when I would meet their expectations. It would always be later, and I would never again be considered an equal with my sister. You have a sister, yes?”

“Oh yes, a darling little filly. I believe you met her on Nightmare Night. Um. Briefly.” Rarity tried not to look nervous, but Luna seemed to be placing a great deal of confidence in her. She was just a designer from Ponyville, not some Royal Advisor. True, she was a fantastic designer as well as the bearer of the Element of Generosity. But still, it made her uneasy for the Princess of the Night to be baring her soul to her in this way.

“What would you say,” began Luna quietly, “if others demanded that your little sister were never to exceed you in any regard? That she must be kept suppressed, held back at all times lest she become a danger, perhaps even imprisoned away from all who she loved?”

Anger stirred in her chest. The faintest echo of Nightmare Moon’s shadow seemed to live again in the garden, and Rarity spoke from the heart of her whirling emotions. “Never! Nopony will ever do that to my darling sis—” She took a breath to calm down and regain her poise. “Ah… I would certainly discuss things with these poor misguided ponies and correct their misconceptions.”

Luna chuckled. “You even sound like her when angry. Truly, it is for your appreciation of beauty and nearness to the heart of my sister that I summoned you. I have a task that I believe worthy of your finest effort. First, allow me to introduce Laminia, my Royal Hoofmaiden and a fellow dress designer of quality.”

It seemed as if the darkness beside Luna simply unfolded into a sleek charcoal-grey pony with large golden eyes and a pair of leathery wings tucked back along her flanks. The dark apparition stared emotionlessly at the white unicorn from her place at Luna’s side where it was almost impossible to tell her apart from the shadows.

Rarity, to her credit, only froze up momentarily upon seeing the sleek Night Pegasus before bowing her head with proper respect for the Diarch’s personal Hoofmaiden. She had only seen any of the Nocturne race once before, for a brief glimpse during Nightmare Night, and even Twilight Sparkle seemed woefully uninformed on their history or proper place in the social order.

“Laminia, this is Rarity. She is a friend of my sister’s and, as the bearer of the Element of Generosity, one to whom I owe my very existence.” The dark mare’s eyes seemed to glow in the darkness as she returned the respectful bow.

The Princess of the Night turned her glittering blue gaze back onto Rarity with a look of remorse. “For freeing me from the grip of Nightmare, I truly owe you a debt that can never be repaid, but I fear now I must add to that debt. We have been absent from the Court of the Night for a thousand years, and although many things go out of style and back in over time, a thousand years is just a bit... much for fashion.”

Rarity’s mouth made a little “o” of delight and her eyes lit up.

“You do see,” continued Luna. “The Court of the Night must convey the true power of not just myself, but both Royal Sisters. My sister has the very cream of the elite jumping through hoops for her in the design of the daytime servants and staff clothing. But once they begin to design for me they suddenly become… stupid. Worse than stupid, I believe some of them are intentionally producing designs to make our Court look like a laughing stock in hopes that perhaps I will simply withdraw from their sight.”

“That’s dreadful,” blurted out the horrified fashionista. “If that’s not a crime against fashion, it most certainly should be!”

Luna smiled thinly. “That is the attitude I desired. I wish to offer you a Royal Patronage for a limited time so that my Night Court might be attired in clothing suitable for our newly reacquired place in the Diarchy. Would you accept?”

Rarity’s gasp of delight could not be blocked, even with her delicately placed hoof. “Would I? Of course I would! But... Your Night Court must have hundreds of members, from servants all the way up to guards, and courtiers, and lesser nobility, and… it would be an impossible task for just one, even if I were to work forever!”

“True, that is why we are not asking you to design for each and every member of the Night Court, but instead to produce a broad theme. An idea, a basis for the rest of the designers to work from. Something so glorious and powerful—” Luna’s thin smile became predatory “—that they will be forced to incorporate portions of it into my sister’s Court Dress. And thus in the dance, the Moon will lead the Sun for a change.

“And as for only one of you, I was hoping to rectify that with a gift.” Luna made a gesture and Laminia seemed to flow out of the shadows to the white unicorn, as if she were merely a shadow changing her host. “I hereby offer to you my personal assistant, sworn to me by blood and oath, to assist you in whatever way possible while you are at my assigned task.”

“A s—” The word ‘slave’ caught in Rarity’s throat. The practices of ponies a millennia ago was not one of her strong points. Could the Princess have restored practices that had died out hundreds of years ago? Rarity cleared her throat with a bit of theatrical coughing before continuing with a question that was also partially a plea. “A servant?”

“I would prefer you to think of her as an apprentice. There are still apprentices in this day, are there not?” At Rarity’s rapid nod, the Princess continued, “Her talent is strong, very strong. I was within a hairs-breadth of wearing a most magnificent gown of her design to the Grand Galloping Gala until I lost my nerve due to an uncultured lout spreading scurrilous slander. And as an example of how the circle turns back upon itself, I understand you avenged my lost honor upon the worthless carcass of that detestable stallion, by splattering his pristine hide with cake and calling him names such that the courtiers still talk of it.”

“Blueblood?”

Luna laughed, an open and relaxed full-bodied laugh that echoed around the garden without even a trace of Nightmare Moon, merely the expression of complete joy. “The proper form of address for my nephew is ‘Prince Blueblood, Duke of Canterlot,’ although I understand one of his peers addressed him as ‘Duke of Cakealot’ a few days ago. It was most humorous. And now I may both acquire raiment suitable for my court while heaping ashes upon the pride of a fool. It is a ‘two-for’ as I have been told. Most pleasurable indeed.”

The Princess of the Night took on a solemn expression and turned to her servant. “This important task shall not be without sacrifice on your part. You are not to treat this as a demotion, only a brief time away from me at a task which I would only entrust to my most faithful of followers. I am trusting you, as my sister does place her trust in me. In addition, while at the side of Lady Rarity, I expect you to learn the arts of grace, beauty, and court behavior, so that you may better perform your duties when you return to the castle and resume your position at my side.

“And, you are hereby ordered to expand your personal horizons and not simply hide in her house while in the care of your new...” Luna paused, apparently attempting to find a proper substitute for ‘Mistress.’

“Friend,” interrupted Rarity with a smile. “I absolutely refuse to take her as some form of subordinate. I insist on working with her as an equal. I wouldn’t have it any other way and you should not either!”

Laminia spoke for the first time, a soft and velvety voice that seemed well-matched with the dark and mysterious looking Nocturne. “It is only right that I serve Her Highness’ will. It was She who made our race on the Night of Creation, and—” Her voice hesitated “—her sister who ensured we were not destroyed upon her fall, so that we might serve her again now that she has returned. Whatever the Princesses command, I will do.”

“That reminds me,” said Luna gesturing to one side where a large, armored Night Pegasus seemed to just materialize out of the darkness, leaving Rarity to wonder just how many other dark ponies there were in the garden.

“Since Laminia is a member of the Royal Household as my Hoofmaiden, it would be appropriate for us to provide some sort of protection for her while she is away from Canterlot. This is Pumpernickel, the youngest of my Night Guard. He will be your protective detail while my Hoofmaiden is in your employ. Or partnership. Or however you decide to arrange things.” Luna cleared her throat. “He will also be responsible for a certain amount of physical therapy for my Hoofmaiden. She has only recently regained the use of one wing and will need daily exercise, and preferably a certain amount of self-defense training. It is our opinion there are entirely too many ponies who just run around like idiots whenever anything disastrous is happening. Some proper training should alleviate this concern. As for the rest, he has already been fully briefed on what to expect and how you are to be treated.”

Pumpernickel stood silently quaking in his armor, facing the Royal Princess of the Night alone in her private audience chamber. “In a little less than an hour, we expect to be speaking with Rarity in the Garden of the Moon. You will be quiet, and not say a word during… all of it. Do you understand?”

*nod*

“Very well. We will be sending you with my Hoofmaiden, Laminia, to Ponyville on a set number of tasks, which you will not interfere with, or offer any of your advice to either of them regarding their tasks. Instead you will obey their orders in these tasks as if they were my own. Do I make myself clear?”

*nod* *nod*

“While in Ponyville, it will be your exclusive duty to keep my servant safe, exercised, and in good spirits. I do not wish any repeat of the behavior she exhibited during my… recent breakdown. In the event of any problems sufficient to warrant a return to Canterlot, you have my full authority to bring her home however you can. I do not expect any trouble. It is a fairly quiet and peaceful small town—” Luna looked directly at Pumpernickel with a gaze that seemed to go straight through his eyes to burn holes in the back of his skull “—but in the event she is killed or injured, your dead body had better be in front of her. Or it will be. Do I make myself clear?”

*nod* *nod* *nod* *nod*

“Good. Now return to your place and… try not to say anything stupid. Try very hard.”

Chap. 2 - Midnight Train to Ponyville

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
On a Midnight Train to Ponyville

Rarity decided the only thing more impenetrable than the night which surrounded their private car during the return trip to Ponyville was the uncomfortable silence surrounding her two dark traveling companions. She had attempted to break the silence by talking about the history of her family, the wonderful work she had done at the Carousel Boutique, her friends, a constant stream of questions about Canterlot’s night life, and finally gave up with a frustrated sigh.

“I just don’t understand you two! You act like you’re going to your own funeral or being thrown out of Equestria!”

Laminia looked up at Rarity with her glowing golden eyes and nodded. “More like exile.”

Pumpernickel nodded sadly in agreement.

“Exile?” exclaimed Rarity. “Why, in all the world would you think that? I know Ponyville is a bit small and rustic, but it’s simply filled with the absolutely nicest ponies you could imagine. What could make you possibly think Princess Luna was sending you off into exile?”

Laminia turned to look out the dark window at the distant moon. “I… don’t want to talk about it.”

The white unicorn sighed and shook her head. “Oh don’t be silly, you can’t say you’re being sent into exile and honestly not say why. It’s simply not done.” She turned her sultry gaze to the uncomfortable Night Guard sitting beside them and gazed deeply into his golden eyes. “Certainly you don’t think you’re being sent into exile too? What horrible crime could a handsome young stallion in Princess Luna’s loyal Night Guard have committed to be sentenced to the cruel fate of sharing a private car with two beautiful young mares?”

Night Guard Pumpernickel swallowed nervously before speaking in a deep tenor that raised little tingles all up and down Rarity’s spine. “I… had better not want to talk about it either.”

“Oh, pish posh. You have such a nice deep voice, why hide it the way you do? Is the Princess sending you to my lovely little town just because you have such a beautiful voice?” Rarity decided that even with his dark coat, he blushed well. And easily too.

“No ma’am.” He hesitated. “Do I really have that nice a voice?”

“Oh, it’s simply marvelous! You’ll have the mares in town lined up to meet you, with your exotic looks and the mystique of your background. A stallion in uniform is just sooo chic. Although…” She ran a hoof down his dark purple armor and frowned. “I’m not really in love with the lines of this… thing. Laminia, darling, we should be able to do something with the way this falls off the chest, it’s just so… antique. What do you think?”

The Nocturne mare turned briefly from her brooding to look, before returning to staring out of the train window at the dark landscape. “It looks fine.”

“Hm. I have never actually worked in metal. I suppose most of the protective quality of the armor would be in the enchantments though. Pumpernickel, do you think you could… actually that’s a rather novel name. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anypony named Pumpernickel before.”

The Night Guard seemed to sit a little straighter. “It’s Traditional.”

“Oh, you mean you were named after your father, and his father before him, and so on?”

“No, I mean all Night Pegasi in the clans receive their names from our Book of Tradition, where the names of all of the Nocturne in the Exodus were recorded. I am the fourth to carry the Name.” The handsome guard’s wings and ears drooped. “And probably the last.”

“My name,” said Laminia suddenly with an undertone of venom, “is not in the Book of Tradition. When I was adopted into my family, they saw my crippled wing and refused to Name me. I grew up my entire life in my family known only as ‘the cripple.’ It made me burn with anger, and gave me purpose. As soon as I was able, I left my clan and abandoned my family. The Royal Dressmaker took me into his own home and gave me an apprenticeship, and I wear the name I took proudly. Laminia. It means ‘The Lame One.’”

The Night Pegasus mare reared back on her hooves and extended her wings, a strong-looking set of rippled dark membranes that stretched across the train car, showing no flaw from root to tip. “The sister of my Princess, the one referred to in the noble Nocturne ‘Tradition’ as Tyrant and Cruel, Sunbinder and Incinerator, she was the one who laid her horn upon me and healed me, both body and spirit. I am unworthy to look upon her shadow, and she healed me. After all I did to her younger sister, she healed me, and forgave me.” The Nocturne mare tucked her wings back up and looked out the window into the darkness. “Do not speak to me of shame.”

Rarity sighed and turned to the Night Guard, who had seemingly frozen in place. “Do you think—”

Pumpernickel finally blinked. “I WASN’T LOOKING AT HER WINGS!”

* * *

Dawn was breaking as the train pulled into Ponyville Station, Celestia’s golden sun giving off a cheerful yellow light that brightly illuminated the early-rising ponies who crowded the streets. Rarity had managed to catch a few minutes of sleep on the train, but still moved much slower than her normal brisk pace. After a brief stop at the Golden Oaks Library to pick up Opalescence (and a few encouraging words for the brave little dragon that had been willing to cat-sit at short notice), the three of them arrived at Carousel Boutique. And promptly hit the first problem of the trip.

“Oh, but I insist Laminia stay here. I have a spare room that my sister Sweetie Belle normally uses when she is here, and it will allow us to talk about girl-things at all hours. If she stays at the hotel, you both will have to constantly make the long trek back and forth every time you forget a curler or need to change shoes. It just would not be right to treat you that way.”

“Ma’am, the Princess made it very clear that I should protect her Hoofmaiden at all times and at all costs. I’m going to need to have her housed in a secure location, like—”

“Like a prison,” exclaimed Laminia.

“Like a hotel!” shouted Pumpernickel right back.

“So you can lock me up?”

“No, so I can protect you!”

Rarity tried to ignore the ‘discussion’ while she traveled to the kitchen to prepare a proper breakfast the way a good host should. It was difficult, very difficult indeed to ignore the shouting from the other room, and although it was impolite to interrupt guests, after a long time she finally gave up and called out to them.

“Do… um… Pegasi of your type drink orange juice?”

“Yes!”
“No!”

She sighed and finished arranging the the breakfast things in the kitchen before going back to make up the spare room, leaving her guests to their disconcerting activity.

Later, when she came back to the kitchen, both Night Pegasi were arranged in opposite corners of the room, each with their own breakfast plate but wearing nearly identical glowers.

“I’ve put Sweetie Belle’s things into the closet, and the room should be all ready for you, Laminia, dear. Has your valiant and handsome companion given up yet?”

“No,” they both grudgingly said at once.

“He’s not handsome, he’s a pigheaded fool with rocks for brains and a helmet two sizes too small,” snapped Laminia, taking her vengeance on a piece of fried haycon.

“Well you’re a… something else,” replied the Night Guard weakly, carrying his dishes over to the sink.

“Well, I know what will get us started.” Rarity walked over to Pumpernickel and began looking his armor over with a calculating eye. “I think the main theme of our… theme should really start with the Night Guard, since they are the most widely-seen of Princess Luna’s representatives. If you would be so kind as to step out of those things and hang them on one of the dummies in my creativity room, we can get some proper measurements from both of you.”

Pumpernickel held a hoof to his breastplate. “You mean get undressed?”

“Well, in your case it would be unarmored, but yes.”

The Night Guard mumbled a bit, casting a nervous glance around the room in a futile search for an excuse before suddenly perking up with a look of relief.

“No, I can’t do that. I’m on duty.”

Rarity simply lowered her eyebrows and looked him straight in the eye.

Later, the three of them gathered in Rarity’s creativity room where the unicorn examined her newly armored dressmaker dummy. “Yes, I can see now why they kept that dreadful seam, it would be so much more difficult to remove if they made it in one piece. How are you coming with the measurements, dear?”

“Just… fine… hold still!” Laminia wrapped the measuring tape around the now-naked Guard’s hind leg and struggled to hold it immobile.

“That tickles! Hey!” There was a ‘whomp’ as Pumpernickel’s membranous wings opened up to full extension inside the room, and Rarity gasped.

“No!” she cried, and darted over to help Laminia with her unwilling subject. “Don’t use the tape like that, you’ll stretch it! Here, let me. Actually, can you hold your wings open like that for just a bit, I need to measure… oh pegasus wings are so similar but you can see the differences here… and here. Oooo, and these are so soft and warm too. You know, I’ve never seen a Night Pegasus before, other than the two who brought Luna’s chariot here on Nightmare Night. I always just thought your appearance was an illusion from enchantments on the armor.”

“No. They’re real. Eep! Careful.” The Guardpony seemed to be taking an abnormal interest in a point on the wall far away from the two fashion ponies measuring his wings. “Luna made our… ancestors on the original… Nightmare Night, about… a hundred… survived.” snort “Careful, I’m ticklish. We just don’t mix well with other ponies.”

“But darling, a thousand years? With such a small population, you could have died out.”

Laminia snorted and waved one hoof. “I think they mix a little too well with other ponies. The stallions seem to think it’s their job to play stud to every kinky and twisted mare in Equestria. It gets a bit complex when more than one generation passes between their little nighttime visits and the birth, but the Nocturne families are willing to adopt any of their by-blows no matter where they are born.” She extended a flawless wing and regarded it bitterly. “Or whatever condition they are born into.”

Whatever Rarity was going to say in response was lost as the front door of the boutique banged open and a cascade of fillies burst into the shop.

“Rarity, tell Scootaloo that—”
“Don’t listen to her, I didn’t—”
“I still think we need to—”

All three fillies froze in place, looking at Rarity and the two exotic golden-eyed Nocturne. For a brief moment, Pumpernickel thought it seemed as if the foals were considering setting up a ticket booth and selling admittance to a petting zoo.

See the naked Night Pegasi in their natural habitat. Pegasi chow 3bits

He blushed and looked around for something to hide behind, settling on shifting positions to hide behind Laminia while looking back at the fillies. The uncomfortable silence was broken as the small orange pegasus filly broke out of the group and charged forward at him with a happy shout.

“Awesome! Rarity, where did you find them! They’re so cool! I’ve heard about them and saw ‘em at Nightmare Night, but Silver Spoon said they were just illusions over the normal Guard armor for that one night but I knew they were real because they didn’t flap like normal pegasi because their wings are jointed differently so they can fly stronger than pegasi but they don’t have the stamina for long trips and they can fly through wetter weather than pegasi because their feathers don’t get wet and stick together but—”

Laminia put one hoof on top of the hyperactive pegasus filly. “Breathe, little one. Breathe. What is your name?”

“I’m Scootaloo and those are AppleBloomandSweetie and is that real Royal Guard armor?! The filly buzzed over to the armored dressmaker dummy and zipped around it a couple of times like a bumblebee around a flower. “Ohcoolohcoolohcool! CanIwearit, ohpleasepleaseplease??”

Pumpernickel managed to keep Laminia between him and the over-enthusiastic young pegasus as he backed for the door. Unluckily for him, he had forgotten that there were two other young fillies in the boutique.

“Hey mister! Are you out crusading for a cutie mark too?” One small hoof poked him in his blank flank from behind, and he recoiled across the hallway. In less than one step he managed to trip over the last filly and tumble, winding up in a pile on the floor.

“Luna’s finest,” sighed Laminia. “True models of grace, beauty, and bravery.”

“Sorry about that, Mister,” came a muffled voice from under Pumpernickel as he stumbled to his feet. A small white unicorn stood up from where she had been squished against the wall and shook her head. “I’ve never seen anypony like you two before. Are you two married?”

Laminia broke out in laughter while Pumpernickel blushed and mumbled, “No. I’m not…” His voice dropped into an unintelligible bass mumble and he looked away.

“Oh!” the small yellow earth pony with the big bow in her mane hopped up and down. “I know! He’s one of Luna’s Night Guard! That’s his armor! Is Luna here again? She’s cool!!” She stopped her bouncing and eyed Pumpernickel carefully. “Are you sure yer’ a Night Guard? You ain’t got no cutie mark.”

“Girls!” scolded Rarity. “That’s a simply horrible thing to say about somepony. He is indeed a Royal Guard for Princess Luna, sent here personally to protect her Royal Hoofmaiden, Laminia.”

“Why did you make him take his armor off then, sis?”

Laminia made a point to look at the guard through lowered lashes and lick her lips before uncurling her wings and giving them a lazy flap. Pumpernickel blushed an even deeper shade of red and backed up into the wall.

Unfortunately for Laminia, the action also drew the attention of several small fillies.

“Oooo.”
“I love your wings! They’re so cool!”
“Hey Miss, you have a funny-lookin’ cutie mark. I ain’t never seen one like that before.”

The Nocturne mare shifted her wings to cover her cutie mark and looked away. An experienced pegasus would recognize the motion as an indication of embarrassment. The earth pony filly Apple Bloom plowed onward.

“We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders! We’re going to keep crusading all around and try everything we can think of until we can find our cutie marks. How did you get your cutie mark?”

Pumpernickel hurried forward and patted the cute filly on the head. “Please don’t bother her about that. She probably doesn’t want to talk about it. Some of the Nocturne don’t have cutie marks until we get older, and occasionally they aren’t exactly nice stories.” He indicated his own blank flank. “Take me for example. I still haven’t gotten my cutie mark because I have never found out just what my special talent is.” He mumbled, “Either that, or the ‘Originator of Bad Ideas’ cutie mark is invisible.”

Laminia shot the Night Guard a spiteful look, then defiantly pulled her wings forward to reveal the mark on her flank to the fillies, showing what appeared to be part of a deep red Hearts and Hooves day heart, brutally ripped in half.

“You three all have families who love you, right?” All three little heads nodded. “Well, the family I grew up with didn’t. I was despised by them, and angry about it all the time. When I left my family and moved in with the Royal Dressmakers, it was the happiest day I had ever had to that point. Yet it felt as if my heart was being ripped in half. So that’s my special talent. Tearing others’ hearts in half.”

It was a considerably less active and cheerful group of Crusaders who trotted out the boutique a few minutes later. Rarity barely let the door close behind them with a tinkle of the bell before turning on Laminia with outrage.

“I have never! Ever in my life! Been so angry at the way somepony has treated my sister!” The Night Pegasus mare stared coldly back without a word while Pumpernickel considered just how many minutes of vicious bloodshed he had left before the inevitable end of his career in the Royal Guard.

“My own sister! Her and her little friends have been so traumatized over their lack of cutie marks that they have just run rampant all over town, trying every imaginable thing. They even baked—” Rarity’s voice almost cracked with terror “—cookies.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Laminia said in a bitter voice that contained no remorse. “That’s my special talent; making people I care about feel horrible. My original parents who were just expecting a ‘normal’ pegasus, my adopted family who saw me as some defective freak, and my second adoptive family, the Pins.”

Pumpernickel frowned in frustration. “When we left Canterlot, Rusty and Safety were crying and carrying on like you had been born into their family. That certainly doesn’t seem like they want you to leave.”

“They don’t know about… Luna,” mumbled Laminia. “I’ve never told them.”

“Oh,” said Pumpernickel with a puzzled look. “Does that explain it?”

“Explain what?” asked Rarity.

“Well,” started Pumpernickel, until he glanced over at the thunderous expression on Laminia’s face. “I had better not want to talk about it,” he finished weakly.

“Well, if you’re not going to tell,” pouted Rarity, turning on Pumpernickel as a convenient place to vent her rage, “and you’re just going to upset my friend, you can just go outside then! Shoo!”

“Fine!” snorted Pumpernickel as he trotted to the door.

“Fine!” said Laminia with a sniff. “Be that way.”

Pumpernickel stomped out the boutique door and slammed it behind him. It made a nice solid slamming noise, even with the little ‘tinkle’ of the bell on the other side. “See if I care,” he grumbled.

Then he looked up.

Ponyville was a fairly small town. Like most small towns, news traveled fast, even faster than the fastest pegasus in Equestria. And ‘news’ in this case could be boiled down into two words: Night Pegasi. Apparently a sub-category was: Handsome Exotic Young Stallion Night Pegasi Royal Guard, Single, Seeks Beautiful Mare. Check Out His Wings At The Carousel Boutique.

All he could see was mares. There were mares out walking, mares out talking, mares out admiring the flowers, mares delivering letters, exchanging letters, exchanging gossip, watching butterflies or clouds, and even a number of mares just… out. And once the door had slammed, they all turned to look at him.

It was Traditional for all male Night Pegasi to go into the Guard Academy. It was also Tradition that no Night Pegasus who survived training had ever failed to pass. Pumpernickel had come as close as anyone. Closer. The trainee armor that all Academy recruits wore day in and day out was not simply plain steel armor; unbeknownst to the recruit, it carried a special enchantment that made it heavier whenever the wearer was shouted at. Punishment marches had put real muscles in Pumpernickel’s strong flanks, sentry detail had rounded out his forelegs and neck, and combat training had built his wingpower up. But somehow, instead of the overweight armor making him feel dejected and drop out, the additional weight had become a comfort to him. As he progressed through training, the pinching and pressure was the comfort of a welcome friend. And by graduation, two or three friends. He had only panicked once during training, and that was in the middle of a nightmare after a very long march. In the nightmare he had been racing into a classroom, but when he flung open the door, he found himself standing naked in front of all of his armored classmates.

This was far worse.

Rarity levitated the latch closed on the front door and flipped the sign over to ‘Closed’ as soon as the guard left. “Really!” she huffed. “Slamming my door like that. The nerve! I had thought the Royal Guard of all ponies was trained in proper manners.”

She turned back to Laminia with a forced smile. “Now that we’re alone, dearie, I have to tell you I’m still upset. You say your old family was simply ghastly, but you must consider those around you before you talk. Childhood is such a traumatic time of life, and trying to dump your feelings on little children is just not done.”

Laminia drooped. “You’re right. I was just feeling—spiteful.”

She looked up as a white unicorn hoof patted her on the shoulder. “I assure you, everything will turn out fine. But only if you apologize to my sister’s little friends. I’m certain they will probably just try to turn it into some sort of dangerously insane plan to get their cutie marks.” Rarity glanced over at the front door which had begun to rattle as somepony was trying the handle rather enthusiastically. “You would think Princess Luna would have assigned a more competent guard for your visit.”

“Oh he’s not that bad,” said Laminia with a pause. “He has—a cute flank.”

“But a Royal Guard, and no cutie mark yet? I know all about late bloomers, but really! I’m afraid he may be a bad role model for my sister and her little friends. Imagine if it takes as long for them to get their cutie marks as him?” She shuddered. “Ponyville might be nothing more than a smoking crater.”

Rarity looked over the armored dressmaker dummy and got out her chalk. “At least he’s proportioned well for our project. Do you think a Royal Guard’s armor should be cut far enough forward to show their cutie mark, or back far enough to protect that cute flank of hi—” The unicorn had a brief coughing fit and went to get a glass of water, oblivious to the frantic pounding on the strong front door of her shop.

Luna’s moon had climbed into the sky by the time a ruffled and irritated Pumpernickel returned to the Carousel Boutique. It took almost a half-hour of gentle tapping at the door before his counterpart finally unlatched the door and let him in.

“I hope you’re happy,” growled Pumpernickel as Laminia latched the door behind him. “How is your project with Miss Rarity coming along? Oh, wait. Don’t answer that, I’m not supposed to ask.”

Laminia flicked her wings open and closed before looking away from him. “She fell asleep a few hours after you left, got back up, took another nap, got back up, and she’s back in bed now. Our project is a horrid mess like most projects at this point. We must have a dozen drawings of things that should never see the light of the moon.”

She sighed and looked over Pumpernickel’s sagging eyes. “At least I got a nap. What’s wrong with you, stay out all day in the neighborhood bedrooms?”

“I wish. I mean…” He blushed and moved to the dressmaker dummy to begin yanking his armor from it. “There must have been dozens of them! I’ve never felt so outnumbered. I felt like a… winged goat in a petting zoo. Oh heavens above, they all wanted to see my wings. I could have just died of embarrassment right there. And this purple unicorn kept trying to… I don’t want to talk about it.”

A faint chuckle escaped from Laminia. “I’m sorry.”

“No you aren’t.” Pumpernickel slammed his helm on viciously, then blinked in pain. “Ouch.” The rest of his armor was donned much more carefully. “How much flying training do you have? With your new wings, that is.”

“A little.” She extended her wings and gave a gentle flap, while Pumpernickel looked away. “Princess Luna arranged me to have a few sessions with the foal trainers. My adoptive family are earth ponies, so they were not much help.”

“Well, then,” he said while opening the door. “Looks like we can start your flying practice by taking in the night life in town.”

Five minutes later, they landed on the top of the giant hollow tree that served as a library and looked down into the dark streets. “Well, that didn’t take long,” panted Laminia. “If the mayor hadn’t left her porch light on, the library would be the only light in town.”

A voice filtered up through the tree branches. “Hey, can you keep it down up there? Some of us are trying to—oh, it’s you.” A light purple unicorn trotted up the library stairs and looked at the Night Pegasi perched on her balcony with bright, happy eyes. “I was hoping you would stop by, we didn’t get much of a chance to talk today—”

“Yes we did,” mumbled Pumpernickel.

“—and I have a few more questions. Oh, and this must be your lady friend you were talking about.”

Despite her fatigue, Laminia’s wings popped up. “No! I mean—”

“She means I’m her guard, nothing more,” said Pumpernickel quickly. “I’m assigned to her as long as she’s working for…” He trailed off and looked at Laminia. “Princess Luna didn’t say anything about your job with Miss Rarity being a secret, correct?”

“Oh everybody knows about that,” bubbled Twilight Sparkle. “Princess Luna wants to redesign her court’s look, and she hired Rarity for the project. And she is working with a designer from Canterlot, all hush-hush and secret. So, who’s your friend? Is she the designer?”

“Pardon me,” said Pumpernickel apologetically. “I thought you two knew each other already. Laminia, I would like you to meet—”

“Twilight Sparkle, bearer of the Element of Magic and Princess Celestia’s private student,” said Laminia with no small measure of awe. “I thought you would be older. I mean—I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Oh, it’s really nothing.” Twilight blushed. “I mean—would you like to come downstairs and have some tea? I was just up doing a little late-night studying.”

“Thank you, but—” started Pumpernickel, only to be interrupted by Laminia.

“Yes, we would be glad to. Wouldn’t we?”

She has far too sharp elbows, and entirely too much knowledge of where the Night Guard armor does not cover, thought Pumpernickel. “Well, I suppose we can complete our exercises later. Yes, we would be honored.”

Laminia gave a little gasp of pleasure when they descended the staircase and she caught a look at the books scattered about the library tables. “Where did you get these?” She waved a hoof at the pictures of family crests and emblems of ancient empires that graced the pages of many books in their disordered piles.

“Oh, I was researching just what symbols had been used on royal seals and such for the last few centuries. There are all kinds of examples using the sun, but very few with lunar—”

Pumpernickel resigned himself to being a fifth hoof while the two mares were vigorously chatting and leafing through books. After gathering up a cup of tea, he settled down in front of the entranceway to the library to read a book he had randomly selected from the shelves. At least he did not have to stand at attention and stare off into space like so many of his compatriots.

* * *

“That’s one blueberry muffin, one raspberry Bismarck, and a sunflower seed cake, coming up!” A brilliant pink pony trotted back to Sugarcube Corner’s kitchen with their order while Twilight Sparkle took a deep drink of coffee.

“Wow, I haven’t pulled very many all-nighters since Canterlot. Do you think we found enough drawings to help with the design?”

Laminia nodded and patted the bulging purple saddlebag she had borrowed. “Oh yes, I think we can get a good start with this. I can’t thank you enough, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Ooo!” The pink pony seemed to just pop up at the end of the table with a huge grin. “Does that mean we can have a Thank You Party? We can have cake, and ice cream, and soda, and games! We just can’t have Thank You cards because Thank You cards for a Thank You Party is too meta. Who are your new friends, Twilight?”

“You must be Pinkie Pie,” said Laminia. “Bearer of the Element of Laughter, famous baker, and winner of the Least-Likely-To-Assassinate-Princess-Celestia award.”

“Ooo, you’re good.”

Twilight coughed gently. “Pinkie Pie, this is Laminia, daughter of the Royal Dressmaker Rusty Pin. She’s helping Rarity with Princess Luna’s wardrobe update. And her Royal Guard, Pumpernickel.”

The pink pony’s blue eyes grew large. “Oooo!! You two haven’t had your Welcome to Ponyville Party yet! We can have it right here at Sugarcube Corner, and have cake, and ice cream, and soda, and—”

Twilight stuck a hoof in Pinkie Pie’s mouth before levitating her coffee cup up for another drink of coffee. “Can we get breakfast first? We’ve been up all night doing research.”

“Right!” Pinkie pulled a plate with plentiful pastries from the posterior position of the table top and tipped them towards the purple placemats by the tired ponies. “That’s three tasty pastries for Twilight and her two perky pony pals. That’s ten bits plus tip.”

Pinkie scooped up the bits and grinned at the two Night Pegasi as they all started eating. “So do you want a surprise party, or a planned party, or a spontaneous party that just explodes all over without any planning at all?”

Pumpernickel spotted a slight motion near the floor and traced it from a long string tied to one pink leg, leading all the way back behind the shop counter to a suspiciously large cannon-like object under a colorful tablecloth. “I think—perhaps a planned party.”

“Cool!” Pinkie whipped out a notebook and a pencil. “Foalsitting, party, party, party, foalsitting, party, party, party, party, party, foalsitting, party, party, got it! Two o’clock, the day after tomorrow?”

Pumpernickel looked at Laminia, who nodded. “Yes, honored Element Bearer. We should be free and awake at that time.”

* * *

Pumpernickel dropped off his charge at the door to the Carousel Boutique, hopeful for a morning of non-eventful standing around outside the building and doing nothing. He was already starting to droop. Although it was only midmorning, his sleeping experience at the hotel last night had been more of a ‘brief napping with periodic bursts of aggravation’ time. Again. At least guard duty this time did not involve having his tail stuck in the door. That was a career experience he had no desire to repeat.

By the time noon rolled around, Pumpernickel had begun to yearn for the nights of just standing in front of a door in the castle. The sun was hot, the village was noisy, and every few minutes it seemed as if another random mare found some excuse to stop by and talk. On the positive side, he had collected no end of recipes and gossip; on the negative side he had collected no end of recipes and gossip. Plus a few not-so-subtle hints on just what windows might be open in town late at night if a certain somepony might be flying by. He was not sure if he should be resentful that he had Laminia to guard at night, or if he should be kissing her hooves in appreciation for the excuse to avoid endless window-hopping.

Under normal circumstances, he would have taken a break or two during the morning to get a drink, but that would mean leaving his charge unguarded, since he had nopony to relieve him. And the concept of relief was beginning to make itself quite known, even without a drink that morning. Still he remained on guard, ever alert, ever vigilant, serving Princess Luna’s will by—

“Hi Pumpernickel!” Twilight Sparkle smiled cheerfully as she trotted up to the startled stallion, a number of items wrapped in her violet levitation aura trailing in her wake. “I brought you some lemonade. You were starting to look a bit faded in the sun. Rarity and I are going out for lunch at Gustav’s. Would you like to come along?”

Nearly half of the lemonade was gone by the time Pumpernickel took a breath to respond. “Ahh. I would love to, but I’m on duty. Thank you for the lemonade, though.”

The young violet unicorn trotted inside, and was back out within minutes with her fellow unicorn mare, who wasted no time before apologizing. “Oh Pumpernickel, I’m so sorry. I simply did not realize you were outside, dear. Standing out here in the sun like this, you must have been dreadfully parched.”

He put down the empty lemonade container, resisting the urge to try and lick out the last few drops of the delectable beverage. “Oh, don’t worry about me. We do this kind of thing for a living.” He glanced back into the building as Rarity latched the door. “Is Laminia not going with you?”

“Oh heavens no, the poor dear staggered off to the bedroom an hour ago. She was simply exhausted from all the flying around last night and her research with Twilight here.” The white unicorn paused, one hoof held halfway to her mouth. “Oh, I suppose your sleeping schedules do not quite mesh up with our little town just yet. Why don’t you go get some sleep, and you can come back to guard here tonight after sundown,” she said as he gave a look of concern and started to shake his head. “You can’t expect to just sit out here on the doorstep all day and night.”

She got a thoughtful look that sent a chill up Pumpernickel’s spine. “Although I suppose we could build you a cute little guardhouse outside my door, but to do that, we would need a changing of the guard ceremony, and a few more handsome young guards such as yourself. You simply must know Luna could not possibly expect you to be here all of the time.”

“But in the event she is killed or injured, your dead body had better be in front of her. Or it will be. Do I make myself clear?”

He swallowed. “I think she does.”

After giving in to the inevitable and returning to the hotel, Pumpernickel spent another uncomfortable afternoon trying to sleep. He tossed and turned for what seemed like hours before sheepishly opening his luggage and removing a small rag-stuffed bundle, but even the doll he had slept with for years as a foal did little to alleviate his sleeplessness.

“Oh, come on in, Pumpernickel,” said Rarity when he knocked on the boutique door that evening. “Laminia is still out cold, the poor dear. I haven’t heard a peep from her all afternoon.”

“Peep,” sounded a frazzled voice from the back room, followed by the slow arrival of said bedraggled Night Pegasus mare.

“Oh my! Forgive me for saying this darling, but you look simply awful. Have you been sleeping well?”

A smothered grunt was her only response as the groggy Laminia shuffled across the floor and vanished into the kitchen. Before long, the rich smell of coffee filled the workroom, and soon afterwards a much more active designer made her appearance. Sensing his cue, and not wanting to be a volunteer dressmaker’s dummy again, Pumpernickel casually wandered back to a more shaded and comfortable spot inside the boutique front door and settled down with a book.

* * *

“Tonight I wanted to work on your flying endurance. I had a couple clouds up here for markers—” Pumpernickel looked around the empty night sky “—but somepony must have put them away.” The two of them hovered above a low hill outside of town above the gurgling river. It had been a relatively short flight, and Laminia seemed to be getting a better sense of her wings. At least she was not flailing through the air like a foal anymore.

“Good,” panted Laminia as she hovered in place next to him. “I didn’t feel like flying anyway.”

“Hey!” The guard threw out his chest and frowned. “Princess Luna assigned me a task, and I intend on doing it to the best of my abilities.”

“Not much there,” grumbled Laminia.

“What? Look, the Night Pegasi in the Royal Guard have been considered almost ceremonial token members for centuries. Princess Celestia almost never went anywhere at night, so all we did was stand around the castle and look ominous in the dark. Now we have a chance to show the world that we are… Luna is… I don’t know.” He drooped. “Don’t call us useless.”

“Useless,” whispered Laminia. “Useless, useless, useless.”

‘Shut. Up,” muttered Pumpernickel from between gritted teeth.

“I know why Princess Luna can’t stand to see my face. So why did she pick you to accompany me? Blank flank.”

“Don’t call me that. Just… don’t.”

“Youngest Night Guard in the force stuck out in the middle of nowhere guarding a nopony. Did you bang somepony you shouldn't have? Somepony important?”

“Since we don’t have any clouds for markers,” growled Pumpernickel through clenched teeth. “We’re just going to have to fly laps. From the reservoir over to the library and back a few times should do it.”

“Maybe you even tried to make it with—Her?”

“Shut. Up.”

“Ooo, touchy. Sounds like I hit a nerve.”

“Just. Get flying!”

Laminia flapped laboriously in the direction of the Ponyville reservoir, closely followed by her armored Night Guard. Despite her lack of breath, the mare continued to taunt her guard in between wheezing pants and gasps.

“Pumper…pant nickel…pant and…pant Celestia…pant sitting…”

“You’re the useless one,” growled Pumpernickel. “You can’t even fly across town without panting for breath. Some pegasus you are.”

“Inna… pant tree… pant pant Oh, stars!” Laminia angled downwards and glided to a clumsy landing on the top of a hill that sloped down in the direction of the glittering river. Pumpernickel wordlessly touched down next to her and waited while the other Nocturne was noisily sick into the bushes. Once she was done, she glared at her torturer. “How can you fly like that with all that steel wrapped around you?”

He shrugged his broad shoulders. “Practice.”

It took four more stops before the pair of pegasi made it to the reservoir. Laminia dropped like a stone onto the water’s edge, greedily sucking in the cool water and seriously considering just diving in.

“No,” said Pumpernickel emotionlessly as if he could read her mind. “You’ll cramp up. We nearly lost two Academy Cadets during our first forced flight because of that.”

“Oh joy. Look, my wings are bushed. Can we just walk back? See?” Laminia spread her wings out and held them at full extension. To her vast disappointment, the guard looked them over without his previous shyness.

“No trembling, no shaking. You are stronger than you think you are. And still you complain constantly like a foal.” He shook his head. “You make so much of Princess Celestia healing your wing, but you refuse to fully make use of the gift which you were so generously given.” The guard looked away and extended his own wings. “Now, we shall return to the city.”

The return trip was made in silence, other than the strenuous panting of the Nocturne mare and a few subvocalized curses. Once they made it to the library, Laminia glided to the window and vanished inside with a petulant flick of her tail, showing no inclination to returning to her flying lessons for the night.

It’s probably for the best, thought Pumpernickel. If I have to put up with that kind of abuse all night long, I may just drop her in the water and watch her drown.

He remained out on the balcony for the rest of the night, grateful for the relative quiet. This small town was so different from Canterlot. In the city there were always noises in the night. The throbbing noise of dance clubs. Wagons clattering through the well-lit streets. Late night revelers wandering in search of a place to throw up. Here there was none of that. Only the sounds of insects, and the far-away mating calls of a hydra.

As Celestia’s sun made its appearance and the town began to show signs of life, he decided to remain on his shaded perch. He had to admit, daylight guard duty was a lot more tolerable under the leafy branches of the library. It gave him a nice view of the area and allowed him to remain concealed in the shadows from any hostile who might want to assault his charge. And protection from lonely mares too. He watched Laminia trot across the street to the boutique and vanish in the door with a sense of relief. Another successful night. No more insults. No stress. If the rest of his sentence in this small town continued this way, exile might not be so bad after all.

The noise of the library window opening brought him to a tense alert state until he heard an unfamiliar young voice proclaim, “Twilight! You have a visitor!” He turned to look, blinking in the bright sunlight as he came face to face with a very young purple dragon with a soft, green ridge down his back.

“You aren’t Twilight,” Pumpernickel said in a perplexed tone.

“No, I’m Spike, her Number One Assistant. Pleased to meet you.” The little dragon stuck out a claw and shook his hoof with more respect than any fully adult noblepony he had met in Canterlot. “I take it you’re one of the Guardsponies who are protecting Princess Luna’s fashion designer?”

He frowned and waved in the general direction of the boutique. “The only one. I think the Princess is trying to limit the number of guards her ‘designer’ drives insane. Mares!“ Pumpernickel gave a sigh of frustration. “Are they all like that?”

Spike chuckled. “Welcome to Ponyville.”

The morning passed uneventfully while Pumpernickel watched the boutique from the library balcony, with lemonade and snacks close at hoof courtesy of Spike. He was beginning to think the key to guard-ing was not to ever actually talk to the annoying guard-ee. If he could find a telescope large enough, he might even be able to carry out his duties from Canterlot. The ‘Closed’ sign on the latched boutique door kept away anypony who might pose a threat, and since he had been ordered not to interfere with the creative process, this was about the best spot to not-do that from.

At noon, he took it upon himself to escort Twilight Sparkle to her appointment at the boutique, remaining carefully outside while she retrieved Rarity and left for their lunch date. However, his plans for making an escape to the hotel for some more attempted sleep were thwarted by a yawning female Night Pegasus who accompanied the two other mares to Gustav’s.

By all the normal rules of protective service, it would be his job to accompany them to the public restaurant and stand close to the table while doing his ‘Guard thing’: Stand, look suspiciously at anypony who approached closely, try not to look like you were listening. Oh, and fling yourself at anypony who became a threat.

It soon became apparent this was anything but a normal situation.

For starters, by amazing coincidence, the table they had reserved seated four. Not four comfortably, but four closely packed together with a flowery centerpiece and romantic music playing in the background. Then there was the food. Four orders of ‘la spéciale‘ had been sent to the kitchen before the mares had even been seated. And last, a bottle of fine apple wine, which he at least was able to turn down, being as he was on the job. It took very little time to realize the two unicorns were not only ‘In’ on the sappy romantic scheme to get the two Nocturne together, but were the instigators behind it.

While the entire episode seemed horribly scripted for the two unicorn mares, he and Laminia were stuck with flailing along improvisational style. It probably would have been easier if the two unicorns had not giggled like little fillies every time he had to speak with his charge or pass the butter. Pumpernickel was sorely tempted to take the leftover wine back to the hotel for immediate consumption, if not for the absolute certainty that the decision would come back and bite him in the flank about five minutes after the cork had popped. Although when he had finally escorted Laminia back to the boutique and returned to the hotel to turn in for the day, he had some very serious second thoughts about that decision.

Sleep evaded him yet again, the little afternoon noises of the hotel continuing to constantly grate along his ears and up his spine. If somepony was not running a vacuum cleaner, then some other pony was pushing a creaky cart, or little foals were running screaming through the halls. The maids had at least quit knocking on the door and popping in for any little excuse; there were so many towels in his bathroom there was almost no space to take a shower.

Pumpernickel settled back down on “his” library balcony as the sun had just reached the horizon, mildly upset that the town librarian was already there and setting up her things next to a well-worn telescope. He chided himself firmly.

She isn’t the librarian, she’s the sole student Princess Celestia has taken since… ever. She’s not only the bearer of the Element of Magic, but has a direct line of communication back to both Princesses. Screw up here and Luna will… that is Princess Luna will know before you could drop off the balcony dead. So focus!

“Good evening, Twilight Sparkle. I apologize for interrupting your nighttime celestial observations. I will relocate elsewhere.”

“Wait,” she called out as he spread his wings. “Just… You’re fine here. I have some more questions for you, if you don’t mind. If you want to answer them. Please?”

Sucker! his inside voice taunted him. This won’t end well.

Reluctantly, he plunked down on the balcony and tried to split his attention between the inquisitive unicorn and the door to the boutique: Both seemed to be items that could prove life-threatening at any moment, plus it kept the one portion of his anatomy the curious young unicorn had not examined carefully pressed against the cool balcony floor and out of sight.

“The Royal Guard is always happy to assist with Her Highness’ personal servants. Friends. Yes, friends,” he corrected.

“Well, I’m a little worried about your marefriend, Laminia.” Pumpernickel almost lunged to his hooves, but he converted the lurch into a general shuffling of limbs as if getting more comfortable on the hard floor.

“She’s not my marefriend. She’s an assignment. A very difficult assignment. When this is all over, she will go back to serving at the right hoof of Princess Luna, and I will get a new assignment.” Probably counting penguins.

“Oh. Well. At the restaurant yesterday, I couldn’t tell if she liked you or hated you. I know she constantly tries to get under your skin when you’re around, but she never even talks about you when you’re not in the room. Do you know how she was selected for this honor?”

Now that one he could answer honestly. “No. The Princess does not inform her Guards of the reasoning behind her decisions. Ours is not to wonder why…”

“Ours is but to do and die,” completed Twilight Sparkle. “I didn’t know you were a fan of Alfred Lord Whinnyson’s poetry.”

Seeing an opportunity to move the conversation away from his crazy charge, Pumpernickel grabbed the thread of discussion firmly and began to drag. “Yes, I read a lot when I was growing up. At one point, I even memorized every foals’s story in our entire Book of Tradition. That was a few years ago when I was frustrated with my family and briefly considering moving out.” He sighed. “I miss my family.”

“Well, I’m sorry about what happened at the restaurant. Rarity got some crazy idea that you and Laminia were—a pair.”

Nitro and Glycerine. Powder and Fire. Glass and Minotaurs. “No, just a guard and his assignment. I don’t think she likes me very well. I don’t think she likes herself very well either. The only thing I think she likes is Luna, and she’s a little… scary there.” Pumpernickel blinked as he realized what he had just said. “Don’t spread that around please. We are not supposed to have opinions about our charges.” Or depressing feelings that match theirs so well.

“She’s a little high-strung for a Royal Hoofmaiden, isn’t she?”

Think cool. Calm. Royal Guard. “I couldn’t say that, Ma’am.”

“Well, you know I spent quite a few years with the Princess, and I’ve dealt with a lot of Royal Guards, including some of the Night Guard. You seem to be fairly competent, but a little emotionally immature to be out on your own without supervision. So why were you assigned here?”

A faint trickle of sweat began to drip down Pumpernickel’s face. “You’d have to ask Princess Luna, ma’am.”

“Another Appeal to Authority fallacy in your argument. Now we’re getting somewhere.” Twilight settled back with a contented look. “I really could just ask her, you know.”

“Yes, why don’t you,” he said bitterly, looking back to the boutique. “Please tell me when you find out. I would just love to know myself.”

At least that shut her up. There were a few hundred ideas he had developed about just why he wound up here, most of them involving a horrible conspiracy among the Fates and some horrid insult he had inadvertently made to them. None of them made any more sense than just plain bad luck, though.

If she just wanted him out of her sight, Princess Luna might have sent him out of Canterlot on any number of other simple tasks compatible with his limited skills. There were always embassies and trade delegations that needed guards in far-off sections of Equestria, some of which even had penguins to count. If she had considered the simple task of guarding Laminia in this peaceful town as unscrew-upable, he certainly was proving her wrong. If she had really thought there was a threat here, she would have sent more than just one guard, and if there were no threat here, why send him at all?

There was no way Laminia had requested him specially for this assignment. She was a rude and annoying mare who seemingly not only hated him, but everypony. Well, except Luna. Princess Luna! Oh buck it, not worth worrying about.

As the night darkened to a proper shade and the moon rose to bathe the town in a soft silvery glow, Pumpernickel found himself facing some uncomfortable thoughts. If Laminia hated him so much, why did she not simply ask Luna to assign another Guard? Or several. Even the lowest assignments inside Canterlot always came in pairs, at a bare minimum. He most certainly was not the equivalent of two experienced Guardsponies, probably closer to a quarter, if that. And there was no way he was going to actually ask Princess Luna. The entire Night Guard had gained an unofficial motto after Luna returned: Don’t Poke the Ursa.

A sudden movement in the town caught his eye, a single snow-white pegasus dropping gently from the sky to land next to the boutique door. At first he thought it was a Day Guard due to his short cropped orange mane, but he wore no armor except a rather new-looking brown vest and a floppy brown hat that concealed his eyes. The white pegasus just stood there in the middle of the street, with his back to the boutique door as if he were waiting on something. Then the door opened by itself. And closed.

“Twilight. Call the guards. Now.”

“What?” The purple unicorn turned from her telescope to find the balcony empty, with only a few scraps of paper blowing in the breeze of the Night Guard’s abrupt takeoff.

Princess Luna closed the door to the Carousel Boutique with a quiet click, allowing the invisibility spell to fall from her like a heavy load being set down. It was quite a strain to carry for any length of time, but she did not want her unexpected appearance in town to unduly disturb her subjects. It had been days since she had set her designers off on their little task, and not one word.(*) Not even a note, or even a doodle. Quite discouraging, and a bit of surprise Royal Legtwisting was most definitely in order. After all, she was the one paying for the work.

A fairly loud thump sounded from behind her, outside the door where her disguised Royal Guard, Redoubtable, was supposedly standing watch. She turned back to the sturdy front door of the boutique, intending to crack it open just a bit to see what was going on, when it suddenly exploded off its hinges and smashed her into the wall.

(*) Luna never had very much luck gardening. She was constantly digging up the seeds to see if they had started to sprout yet.

Chap. 11 - A Hero of Legend and History

Genealogy - (or The Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi)
A Hero of Legend and History

“It’s getting quiet out there.” Silver Spoon remained with her trembling head carefully against the library storeroom door, listening intently to the tiny squeaks and rustling noises that indicated somepony still out in the main library room. “Do you think they’re going to leave?”

“No,” whispered back Diamond Tiara despite her chattering teeth. “Something keeps moving around. And I hear voices.” She shifted positions in the dark library storeroom and tried to press her ear closer to the door. “Do you think being eaten hurts? I don’t—”

“Thank you for coming to the library, Princess Luna, and leaving all of your guards and witnesses outside.

“That’s the Evil Spawn that’s been nesting here,” hissed Diamond Tiara. “She’s captured the Princess?”

“We’re doomed,” moaned Silver Spoon.

“As your Princess of the Night, I demand to know why you have lured… invited me up to this room, and caused me to send my Guards away, including Twilight Sparkle who is no longer in the library.”

“It is the Princess,” whispered Diamond Tiara in a panic. “What’s she doing here? Doesn’t she know that thing is an Evil Spawn?”

“Look into my eyes, Princess, and you will find your answer there. Deeper. Deeper. You are now under my control, I am your master now!”

“Oh no. Your will is so much stronger than mine. I am at your mercy. Help. Help. Can somepony save me?”

“Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh!” Silver Spoon danced from one hoof to another, the little clicks of her hooves echoing around the pitch-black library storeroom. “The Spawn has the Princess! We’ve got to do something! We have to save her!”

“How? We’re just little fillies, she’s an Evil Spawn!”

“Yes, Princess. I’m holding you helpless in my mental grasp. It is too bad you did not keep one of your faithful guards about, for if I were distracted by even the smallest attack, I would be unable to control you. Now I will feed you to my horde of Evil Spawn children and they will take over the world! Bwahahahaha!”

“Oh help! Help!”

“We’ll save you, Princess!” Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon came bursting out of the library storeroom with fake cardboard wings from their disguise flapping in their wake, flinging themselves headlong at the charcoal-grey mare threatening Princess Luna. Silver Spoon wrapped herself around one foreleg and began to viciously bite, putting many thousand bits worth of costly orthodontic work at risk, while Diamond Tiara charged forward at full speed, proving that expensive jewelry, when impacting into the chest area, hurts like a (censored) for both parties of the collision.

“Run, Princess! Run!” Diamond Tiara bucked viciously at the unoccupied foreleg of Lamina, catching her painfully right above the knee.

“Ouch! You little pest! Grab them! Grab them NOW!”

“I don’t know,” said Pumpernickel, dressed in the formal Night Guard uniform and standing casually off to one side of the fight by the dressmaker’s dummy. He could not help but smile, watching the struggle with no small amount of pleasure. “Are you sure they’ve learned their lesson yet?”

“Get them off me you IDIOT!! Yaaahhh!!” Laminia gave off a piercing scream as Silver Spoon sank her expensive teeth solidly into a soft spot on her leg.

“Very well,” said Pumpernickel, sweeping down on where the two fillies had tackled Luna’s Hoofmaiden and tucking one under each powerful wing.

“Aaaahhh! Help! They’re gonna eat us! Twilight, do something!” Diamond Tiara blinked as she looked down into the library. “Twilight? Apple Bloom? Scootaloo? What are all of you doing here?”

Arrayed in a stunned circle at the bottom of the stairs and looking up at the Night Pegasi and Luna were all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Each of them had an uncomfortable, responsible-looking pony standing behind them, although none seemed to be a parent. Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were flanked by Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and a very sleepy looking Rarity, who still had parts of a mud mask on her face. In addition, there were an extremely irate looking Filthy Rich and Sterling Silver, both of whom were wearing an indigo-colored magical zipper across their mouths as they looked on their captured children with identical When-We-Get-Home expressions of impending doom.

Off to one side, Twilight Sparkle was silently scribbling notes, and Spike was gazing up at Princess Luna with a look of awestruck wonder. Rounding up the collection were several of the Royal Guard, all with their most serious faces on (even if they did look just the slightest bit amused). With all the chests holding the various Books of Tradition crowding the library main floor, it was just a little crowded.

Diamond Tiara stammered at the sight of her audience. “You mean—we aren’t going to be eaten? But what about the egg, Princess? Princess Luna!” The filly’s eyes got really big and she promptly pointed downstairs. “They made me do it!”

The Princess of the Night chuckled in a dark and very Spawn-like way. “Oh, how things never change. Little foals, what did you think…” She slowed to a halt and glared at Pumpernickel. “My trustworthy and loyal guard. Do you think I would like to speak to these little foals faces, instead of their other ends?”

“Oh! Sorry, Your Highness.” Pumpernickel turned around so the foals trapped under his wings pointed in the proper Royal direction.

“As I was saying, did you honestly think my trusted Nocturne actually hatched from eggs?” This set off a chaotic exchange of denunciations, accusations, charges and counter-charges between the five foals, culminating in Princess Luna getting in the last word. “SILENCE”

The Princess glared at Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, trembling under Pumpernickel’s wings.

“You two little fools hath made us most vexed. First, you did spread the most malicious of rumours about my beloved creations. You then did lie to your friends, and did encourage them to take unneeded risks.

“Still, there are extenuating circumstances. You did take great care of the ‘egg’ when you found yourself in its possession, and even in your darkest hour and confronted with your greatest fear, you did not wish it to come to harm. In addition, the both of you placed yourselves at personal risk to save your Princess from what you perceived as a deadly threat.”

“Well, I—”

“SILENCE! The mercy you have earned from your honorable acts shall only reduce the punishment you so justly deserve. I hereby sentence you to—School.”

“Nooo!!” screamed Diamond Tiara, and paused. “What?”

Princess Luna smiled thinly. “We are fully aware of the need for an apology and forgiveness after transgressing against somepony. You may be assured forgiveness for these actions in my eyes, but only after you have served my punishment. You must permit my Hoofmaiden to educate you in what it means to be one of my Nocturne, and the Traditions of their clans.”

“No,” screamed Silver Spoon. “She’s gonna lay eggs in our bodies and we’re going to have Evil Spawns hatch out of—” The filly’s tirade cut off with a sudden Ooof as Pumpernickel tightened his wing around the frightened earth pony.

“That is not quite what I meant.” Luna sat down and gestured at the fillies. “You spread these debasing and degrading rumours about my Nocturne out of ignorance. Part of your punishment shall be for my loyal Night Guard and my Hoofmaiden to teach you about their history.” A subtle side-glance passed the intent for the lesson not to be personal history, but family history. “And in addition, the seven of you little foals shall labor for the next week at the behalf of Twilight Sparkle in her task of studying the history of the Night Pegasi.”

The faint scratching sounds of Twilight’s pen suddenly stopped. “Princess Luna? There’s only five little fillies here.”

“No, Twilight Sparkle. I am entirely correct.” The icy teal eyes of Princess Luna tracked to stare relentlessly at Laminia and Pumpernickel. “Of all ponies, these two little foals should have known better that to spread such rumours about their own kind.

Pumpernickel gave a nervous swallow, only relaxing microscopically when Luna turned her cold gaze to look down in the library at the four suddenly nervous Royal Guards. “And you four. Am I to believe my trusted Royal Guard have gotten so slipshod in their work that not only one, but two vicious assailants penetrated your security screen and assaulted my Hoofmaiden in front of my nose? For your punishment, you too shall be placed on leave for the next week, and shall labor at the sides of the two foals who did make you to look as such fools. Perhaps you can learn from them. Pumpernickel, release them please.”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon hit the floorboards with a thump, and scurried off to rejoin their fathers, trailing the battered remains of their battered Night Pegasi disguises. The wires of Diamond Tiara’s signature tiara stuck out in all directions and were lightly stained red with the glory of combat, while Silver Spoon nervously paused by Laminia to spit out a hefty chunk of grey fur and futilely attempted to patch it back onto the bare spot on her leg.

“Now,” said Luna. “Since the five of you adults accept responsibility for the actions of your little troublemaking charges, it seems only appropriate for you to labor at their side this week, does it not?” Both Filthy Rich and Sterling Silver nodded, followed reluctantly by Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and lastly Rarity (although it might have just been her dozing off).

“Good.” Princess Luna nodded firmly. “I shall make arrangements for a support staff to arrive tomorrow morning, bright and early, to assist Twilight Sparkle with making copies of the Books. I anticipate it to take slightly less than a week. We expect all of you here at that time to begin serving your sentence. But first—” She turned to the stunned Night Pegasi. “I would like a sample of what you plan on teaching the young ones. The both of you are well-versed in your history. Please regale us with a story.”

“Now?” Pumpernickel tried his best to hold a stoic guard face while his mind paged through the foals stories he had memorized as a colt.

Memri and the Blazing Inferno? No. The Frog and the Moonwell? No. The Sleeping Princess? No. The Princess and the Bean? Oh Heavens no, far too embarrassing. The Prince of Winds? How would she react?

“Princess, allow me.” Laminia stepped forward and bowed. “This was always one of my favorites when I was a foal, even if it is wrong.”

The Cycle of Day and Night

Once upon a time, there were two regal sisters who ruled Equestria together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this, the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the warm sun at dawn, while the younger brought out her beautiful moon to begin the night. Thus, the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies.

But as time went on, the younger sister grew sad. The ponies relished and played in the rather plain day her elder sister brought forth, but were too tired to appreciate her beautiful night.

One fateful day, the younger unicorn decided to keep her beautiful stars and moon in the sky so that all the ponies would be able to see and appreciate their glory. When the little ponies woke up and went outside, they were amazed at what they had missed. Many of the ponies went to the younger Princess and asked her how they could stay awake at night to appreciate her beautiful sky. In her joy, the younger unicorn blessed these ponies with many gifts: Glowing golden eyes so they could see in the dark nights, strong wings so they could play among her beautiful stars, and soft silken coats the same color as her own.

The elder sister grew jealous of the attention her ponies were paying to her sister, and their newfound joy for her beautiful night. She tried to force her blazing sun into the sky and drive the beautiful moon and stars of her sister away before all ponies could appreciate and grow to love them. The younger sister fought, but the older sister was too strong for her. In desperation, she drew upon the powers that both sisters were supposed to share, but even there her elder sibling struck first, using their powers to imprison the younger sister forever in her beloved moon.

Realizing what she had done, and being deep in grief for her beloved younger sister, the elder sister took on responsibility for both sun and moon, and has ruled Equestria ever since. The ponies that loved her sister all went their separate ways; The Earth ponies passed into the ground and caused the most beautiful of flowers to blossom during the nights, the Unicorns dissolved into magic itself, causing the fireflies and stars to sparkle, and the moon to glow at night, but the Pegasi felt sorry for the elder sister, and pledged themselves to her protection.

From that time on, we Night Pegasi have shouldered the responsibility of guarding Princess Celestia and protecting all of Equestria from danger, until Princess Luna returns from her exile and resumes her proper place as our Queen.

“I… see,” said Princess Luna, blinking a bit. “Your history seems to be… slanted somewhat in my favor.”

Laminia jerked her chin up to meet Princess Luna’s hesitant gaze. “It is as I was taught, as a foal, from the very Book of Tradition that lies within this room.”

“Very well. Pumpernickel, do you have a story you were taught that you may share?”

There was a shade of carefully hidden desperation in the look the Princess cast at him. He swallowed, looking down into a sea of attentive eyes (and Rarity) and nervously began:

The Very Lonely Pegasus

Once upon a time there was a loving pegasus family who were expecting a foal. The mother pegasus had a beautiful light blue coat with flowing yellow mane and eyes of the deepest violet, and she hoped her little foal would look like her. The father pegasus was a light creamy white with sky-blue mane and eyes of sapphire-blue, and he also hoped the foal would look like him.

“Hey Scootaloo, that sounds like--”

“Shh! I’m trying to listen.”

When the foal arrived, both parents were shocked. Instead of their colorful coats and manes, the little colt had a coat of charcoal-grey, and a mane of deepest violet; instead of their feathered wings, he had membranous wings much like a dragon. But that was not the worst of their surprise, for when his parents looked into his tiny little eyes, they were the deep golden color of freshly-minted bits, and slanted as if they belonged to a cat.

Well, the parents loved their little one deeply and tried to raise him as best they could, but they always knew he belonged elsewhere. And the colt knew it too, from the questions he asked. Why don’t I have colorful coats like the other pegasi? Why don’t I have feathered wings? Why am I so sleepy in the day and awake at night? Why do they all look at me that way? Did I do something wrong?

He was so very lonely, and had no friends. So when his parents heard of a family of pegasi just like him in the city of Canterlot, they brought him to meet them, and oh, what fun they had. He played with the other dark-colored pegasi all night long, and when the night was over, they all cuddled together to sleep away the day. His parents loved him very much, but when they saw how well he fit with the other pegasus family, they agreed to let him stay there.

His new family taught him all about his history, how a beautiful and mysterious Princess named Luna created the Night Pegasi many centuries ago, and entrusted them to guard the kingdom while all the rest of the ponies slept. She gave them their beautiful golden eyes so they could see any dangers in the dark, their strong dragon wings so they would be able to fly faster and farther than any feathered pegasus, and last she gave them a bit of her beautiful dark coat and mane, so they all would reflect her beauty to any who saw them.

The lonely pegasus wanted to show just how much he appreciated the gifts he had been given, so when he grew up, he applied to become a Royal Guard, so he too could guard the kingdom. Guard training was rough, for there were many ponies who wanted to join, but only a few positions opened up every year. He worked very, very hard, and before he knew it, he had graduated and was appointed to guard Princess Celestia herself.

But something still troubled him.

Now he had many new friends in both the Day and Night Guard, so he was not lonely. He had a new family who loved him and appreciated him, so that was not it. He had a purpose in his life where he contributed to the safety and security of all ponies, but that was not it either.

Then one day, something wonderful happened. Princess Luna, who had created the Nocturne so many centuries ago, returned. All of the Night Pegasi were excited, and more than a little shocked. She had only existed in stories and legend for so long that many of them were not happy. They said, ‘Our Luna was Princess Celestia’s sister? Why did she not tell us? Did she not trust us?’

The Guard was very happy, and did not question the Princess, but went straight to her and begged to become one of Princess Luna’s Royal Guards. And to his great joy, Princess Celestia granted his request.

Now he was finally happy, because he was able to thank Princess Luna for the wonderful gifts she had given her children so many centuries ago.

“Is that it?” asked Scootaloo?

“Yeah, didn’t he find a very special somepony?” Sweetie Belle looked sad, and suddenly perked up. “Maybe we could find a very special somepony for him.”

“Yeah, that’s a great — Ouch!” Apple Bloom rubbed the top of her head and glared at her sister. “What’d ya go and do that for?”

“‘Cause we’re still paying off that ring from the last time you three decided to play Cupid,” snapped Applejack.

Link: Foals Tales from the Book of Tradition - A History of the Night Pegasus