Author's Note

This story is set a few months after My Lil Innuendo and a few days before . . . Pi.

Fluff

Rainbow Dash and Pendragon sat in the Alircorn's Respite, drinking cider and enjoying the music from up on stage, where Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody were jamming with a trio of steam powered robots that had dropped through a protal last month.

A pink mare, who looked to be around twenty or so, and had possibly the wildest, most unkempt mane that Pendragon had ever seen, kept bouncing around the room, asking odd questions and muttering to herself.

However, the two companions, both of whom worked at the Ponyville chapter of the Equestrian FIghter's Guild, had most of their attention on one single thing: An Outsider, as those who fell through the portals were often referred to, who was standing at the bar, loudly talking about not much at all, and somehow drinking a pint of mead, even though he had not yet removed the absolutely massive great helm he wore.

"Why is his armor so . . . chonky?" Pen asked, frowning over the rim of his glass.

"I've got a better question, what the fuck is that thing on his back?!" Dash asked, tilting her head this way and that, and eyeing the massive bar of metal, easily a foot wide a couple of inches thick, attached to a relatively slender, perfectly round handle, that was held to the armored man's(?) back by a series of straps and loops.

"I . . . I hate to say this, but I think that's supposed to be a . . . A sword." Pen said, visibly flinching at having to apply that word to such a thing.

"No!" Dash exclaimed, turning and looking at him.

"There's more." He said, grimacing as he noticed something else about the 'weapon' in question.

"What?!" Dash said, eyes widening and looking back towards the thing at the bar.

"Yeah. See that obtusely spiky thing separating the blade from the . . . handle?" Pen said, and Dash nodded. "I think that's a guard."

"Dear gods, no!" Dash said, turning and looking at the human again, before looking back to the bar. "But . . . But the spikes? Half of them are pointing backwards! You'd . . . You'd just wind up poking yourself with them if you tried to use the fucking thing!"

"Why . . . Just . . .Just why?" Pen begged the air, staring at the unholy thing in aguish.

"Well . . . Only one way to find out." Dash said, knocking back half a pint of Sweet Apple Hard Cider in one go, before standing up, wavering on her feet for a second, then taking off towards the bar, metal wing shifting slightly, boots thumping on the wooden floor.

"Dash!" Pen called out, too late, and wit ha grimace, stood up to follow. . . .

Dash walked up to the big . . . potential human, it was hard to tell, through the massive, oversized armor, but the voice sounded male. Stopping and leaning up against the bar, the mare eyed him up and down, then nodded as he turned and looked down at her.

"Yes, small pony thing?" He asked in a rumbling voice.

"Hey, dude, why's your sword so big?" Rainbow Dash asked the paladin, cocking her eyebrow at the massive, chonky bar of steel he had slung across his back.

"Glad you asked, girly pony person!" The big armored lunk said, grinning broadly, although none could see this as it was hidden behind his great helm. Dash frowned and opened her mouth to say something, but was silenced by the weight of his gauntleted hand coming down on her shoulder in a 'friendly' slap.

While she winced and rubbed her shoulder, the big man continued speaking. "My blade needs such size and mass to succeed at it's given task! For sooth, this is Bonebane! Slayer of Dragons!"

While the paladin stood, somehow managing to look mightily pleased with himself, Dash frowned again, metal wing shifting with a little clicking sound. "Wait, what?"

"Indeed! You may marvel at its glory, if you'd like!" He said, turning to show the foot wide slab of iron ore that was hanging off his armor like a growth. Dash looked at, muzzle scrunching in a way that might be cute, if calling it that wouldn't get me kicked in the balls.

The weapon in question, one 'Bonebane' apparently, had dings and dents all along the edge, if you could call something with all the sharpness of a rusty old chisel an 'edge', and was stained with rust and other things in various places.

The slim pegasus' hand slid down to the cleaned and polished hilt of her saber, and she gave a little cough of air that 'might' have been a laugh, maybe. "Heh . . . Uhh, yeah, about that . . . One of my best friends is a dragon, dude." She said, looking up as the paladin gave a gasp and stepped back.

"For sooth, tis a lie!" He said, and, when the pegasus shook her head, he slumped. "You poor, foolish girl! You've been fooled!"

"I . . . What?" Dash said, a pained expression on her face, while one eyebrow was starting to twitch.

"Sooth! All dragons are vicious tricksters! Demonic forces, for whom the only solution is to slay them quickly, before they can get their vicious claws into your poor, womanly mind!"
Dash looked up at him and tilted her head. "Wha? Who, Spike, a demon?" She thought for a second, then shook her head. "Nah, he fluffy smol boi." She said, making the paladin lean back away from her, somehow looking confused.

She held up her hand, looking as though she'd just realized something important. "He dummy thicc, tho."

"He's . . . what?" The paladin said, clearly confused.

"He's thicc! Ya know, he got that ass? For fuckin' days."

The paladin leaned away, and then forward. "Sooth, tis far too late for you!" He stepped back, reaching over his shoulder. "There is only one solution for one so far gone!" He said, and grabbed his massive sword, pulling it up out of its sheath . . . whereupon it got not even a third of the way out, because it was too long to be drawn over his shoulder.

Dash simply stood, watching him with a hand on her hip and a small smile on her face as he struggled, bending and twisting in his over-sized suit of armor as he attempted to get the weapon free. He finally paused, huffing and puffing, and held up a hand. "Just . . . Just a moment. I swear, this never usually happens."

"It's fine, dude." She said, smirking. "Different worlds have different rules, ya know? Take your time."

The big knight paused once again in his attempts to get the sword off his back, helmet moving in such a way to indicate he was looking up at her. "You are . . . surprisingly polite, to one who is attempting to slay you!" He said, the frown evident in his voice.

"Yeah, well, I think 'Attempting' is the key word there, dude, and, frankly, you're doing a shit poor job of it, so far." She said, smirk turning into a leer as the big, overly armored douche straightened up, glaring down at her.

"What are you saying, femoid?!" He said.

"I said, you're failing pretty fuckin' epicly at the whole 'slaying me' thing, dude. Hel, I think you'd do a better job if you just . . . walked into me, with how fuckin' heavy all that shit your wearing must be!"

"Insolent wench! I shalt teacheth thee!" He exclaimed, once more struggling to try and get the big sword off his back.

"Here, lemme help y'all out with that, pardner." A deep, honeyed voice spoke from behind him, an orange hand reaching out and taking hold of the sword's hilt. The weapon was drawn from its scabbard smoothly, in one clean motion, and with enough force that it caused the knight to spin around on one sabaton-ed foot. He came to a stop, helmet-to-muzzle with an orange pony wearing a simple tunic and breeches, like a peasant or famer might wear, and a large, wide brimmed hat. She had orange fur, a blonde mane and tail, both braided, and big green eyes that looked out of a freckled face.

She was also several inches over six feet tall, her exposed arms corded with muscle, and was currently holding up his foot wide, five foot long 'Bonebane' in one hand as though it weighed no more than a leaf. "This here is one ugly toothpick y'all got."

The knight stood for a moment, balanced precariously on one foot, almost toppling, before a metal wing wrapped around him and, with a small amount of effort, managed to right him. He stood for a moment, slumped at the shoulders, before straightening up and clearing his throat, clearly trying to regain some sort of composure. "Er, m- . . . Ahem. Miss! That is no toothpick! It is a weapon of great power, forged by the finest smiths of my land!"

The orange mare glanced at him, cocking an eyebrow quite high, her face saying she bought exactly none of what he said. "If this is what the finest smiths o' yer land can do, I'd hate to see what the worst ones make." She said, plainly.

"Apparently, it's for 'slaying dragons', AJ." Rainbow Dash said, and the mare, AJ, looked over at her.

"Say what?" She said, deadpan.

"Yep! And, also apparently, this guy thinks Spike's some kinda 'demon' who's trying to 'twist our womanly minds' or some shit."

AJ frowned at her friend, before turning and looking at the knight . . . then bursting into a fit of uncontrolled laughter, putting the point of 'Bonebane' against the stone floor and leaning on it as she nearly bent double. "Spike?! A demon?! Ha! Y'all've clearly never met 'im!"

The paladin stood stiffly, clearly glaring at them both, even through his helmet. "Miss, I demand that you give me back my weapon, so that I may go and slay this foul beast that has clearly befuddled your weak, feminine minds! It is a weapon requiring great skill, and I doubt you could handle it much longer without harming yourself!"

With a rush of wind and noise, 'Bonebane' sweapt through the air, the practically blunt edge catching the paladin behind the legs and tripping him, causing him to fall to the ground with a clatter of steel and iron. The massive blade whipped around and came to rest with the tip just lightly prodding the opening under the man's helmet. All of this, the mare had accomplished without laying a second hand on the weapon.

And now, the paladin found himself staring up from the ground, the wind knocked firmly out of him, at not only one, but several displeased faces. The orange mare, AJ, was holding Bonebane to his neck without a single sign of effort or sweat, her face deadly serious. Beside her, the petite winged mare stood, holding a pistol in her hand, cocked and aimed at him, still smirking, but with a dangerous cast to it. To her side stood a human man with ginger hair, shaved on the side and back, a bastard sword draped over one shoulder, and to the right of the orange mare stood another human, dressed a bit like a fop, with a raiper held firmly in his hand, glaring from out of his goateed face.

"Now, y'all'll be wantin' to think real good and hard about what y'all just said, won't ya boy?" The orange mare, AJ, said, voice cold and hard. "An' y'll be wantin' to think again, next time you wanna insult me an' threaten one o' mah best friends, won't ya?"

The paladin lay there, staring up at them all for a moment, before metal creaked and groaned, as he silently nodded, a gulping sound issuing forth from his throat, seeming to echo from within the huge metal bucket he called a helmet.

"Good boy." She siad, lifting the sword before dropping it onto his chest with a clang. WIth that, the quartet turned away and promptly forgot about the 'knight', who simply lay there, pondering how he was going to clean out his armor later, and if he perhaps should invest in a lighter weapon.

"Damn, Monty, that guy was a bigger douchebag than you are!" Dash said, glancing at the goateed human, who turned a cool blue eye on her with a quirk of an eyebrow.

"That is exactly the sort of thing I would expect from you, ma chair." He said, making Pendragon flinch at his butchered attempt at French. However, the brunette hair Guilder was still talking, as usual. Watching Dash and Montgomery bump egos was like watching two Whales butt heads. EIther hilarious or boring, and sometimes dangerous, depending on the mood. However, right now, things seemed to be on the friendly side, if Monty was still . . . attempting to call her his friend, although poorly.

"Thanks for the assist, AJ. I'd've stepped in, but when I saw you, I knew you'd be able to humble that asshole easier than me."

"Well, y'all know I'll always be around fer mah friends, Pen." The orange farm pony and part time Guilder said, tipping her hat. "Especially if it envolves puttin' annoyin' little turds like him in their places."

"What do you mean by 'Vulgar Lout'?!" Dash exclaimed, slamming her pint mug on the bar and glaring at Monty.

"Exactly what I said, Dash! You are vulgar and you are a lout! What more is there to know?!" Monty shot back, leaning towards the mare, nostrils flaring.

"I dunno what either of those things mean, but you sound like you're fucking insulting me, and I don't fucking like that shit!" Dash snarled.

"Well, shall we separate them?" Pen asked, sipping his fresh pint of cider as he watched the two bristle up and try and stare one another down.

"Nah." AJ said, leaning back against the bar and tipping her hat back. "Been a while, since we had a decent barfight."

"You think it'll last that long?" Pen asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Depends on how drunk RD is." The big mare said, glancing at him.

He smiled, lifting his glass. "This should be fun!"