A Night Out With The Sun

by Rated Ponystar

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Comedy, Royal Guard, Princess Celestia, Coriander Cumin, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 9260

A guard saves Princess Celestia's life and then goes out on a date with her

I never expected much to happen to me when I joined the Royal Guard. It's a nice job, don't get me wrong, but all those stories about saving the princess and getting a reward were just stories. Of course, sometimes those stories come true and in the came of myself I happened to have done just that. I saved Princess Celestia and in return I got to go out on a date with her.

Co-written with CrackedInkWell

Published 2021-02-07 16:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-07 16:50:03 UTC

Save the Princess, Get A Reward

Now, a story like this would start with some guy telling you that he hated getting up in the morning, even though he's a member of the Royal Guard and it's his duty to blah blah blah. Well, not this time, I'm afraid. I'm quite the morning pony. I get up around 5:30 every day, no matter how early or late I go to sleep.

I'll admit that I didn't expect that day of all days to be any different. I mean, why shouldn't it? I had been a guard for about three years at that time, and all that fantasy stuff most rookie I had when I joined was well behind me; you can thank boot camp for that.

Many ponies believe that being in the Royal Guard to be a lavish lifestyle. You get a room and three meals without having to pay for it. Sometimes you're sent on missions around Equestria, and, let's face it, ladies love a stallion in uniform. Not to mention you get to hang around the Princesses of Equestria, Celestia, and Luna. Sure there was also Cadance and Twilight Sparkle. However, the former now lives in the Crystal Empire with her Crystal Pony guards. In contrast, the latter still lives in Ponyville without any.

The truth is Royal Guards don't go anywhere but Canterlot, and those that do only go so if one of the Princess's leaves to visit another town or city. Out of the entire guard regiment, only ten percent of them regularly get to be around either Princesses. Those guards are the more experienced and trusted ones, not rookies like me. If a city has a problem, they have their law enforcement take care of it. The only real jurisdiction we have is in Canterlot. And missions? You have more chance of winning the lottery than being sent off to do anything like that. Other groups, such as the Equestrian Monster Hunter Agency, are designed for specific missions and situations. So unless the princesses are around, or if we're in a state of emergency like a war breaking out, don't expect to see us Royal Guards.

Another sad truth you learn is that while it's true that mares do love a guy in uniform, it doesn't help that the armor is enchanted to make each guard look more or less the same. Sure, you get a choice of what color your mane and coat could look like, but it's constrained. Not that it matters to me since my coat is naturally white, but I have a sandy-colored mane instead of a blue one. Why do they do this? I forget. Something about confusing enemies or avoiding bribes or whatnot. I ignored that history lesson.

But I know what you're thinking. Surely I had to meet the princesses at the very least, right? Wrong. Most guards don't even see them for months if you exclude the ceremonies they have to partake. Before that day, I only saw Princess Celestia once during graduation from boot camp. As for Princess Luna? I'm a Solar Guard. You think about that one yourself.

But despite my complaining, I did love my job, and I did take it seriously. In fact, I'm one of only twenty out of a class of two hundred who didn't quit during basic training. Royal Guards take only the best, and I was one of them. I also loved being a guard because I was a patriot. I love my country, and I love my princesses. So even if my job for the last three years had been to stand in one spot, watching everypony else walk for hours, I was willing to stand tall and keep my eyes ever alert. You have to be dedicated to crown and country to work in a job like this.

But that all changed that day.

It was just like any other day. I woke up early and joined my fellow guards for breakfast as the mail was delivered to everypony. I got a letter from my younger sister in Manehatten that she and her coltfriend broke up (which, between you and me, I say good riddance. He was a butthole), and Mom and Dad were still on vacation in Las Pegasus. It's thanks to my sister that I managed to realize that I wanted to be a royal guard, but I'll explain that during the date.

Sorry, I'm skipping ahead a bit. Let's move on.

So after eating my breakfast, we all made our way to our usual positions, and I was right back at the hall as always. We had to stand there for eight hours, excluding lunch and the occasional bathroom break. Some of the guys would complain afterward that they wanted to get real positions like the throne room or outside the bedrooms. I would always roll my eyes on that. It was a position only given to the guards' highest officers, and we were still Privates.

Nothing happens in the hall, just nobles, diplomats, and the occasional tourists passing by. Although there was always this crack in the ceiling that I sometimes looked and every time I did, I would swear it was always getting larger. Back then, I didn't think much of it. So I never said anything about it, and depending on how you view the next part of the story, that could be considered a good thing or a bad thing.

It was around mid-afternoon when I saw one of the higher-ranked guards approach the hall. Looking at us, he cleared his throat. "Look alive, colts. Princess Celestia is making her way here right now. Be sure to salute her when she passes by!"

I almost poked myself with my horn to see if this was happening. A few of the other guards did so, but I couldn't blame them. We were going to have Princess Celestia of all ponies walk down our hall! I tried to remember my training. Keep calm. Breath easy. Show no emotion. And don't pee in your armor.

Okay, that last one they didn't teach us, but I chanted it in my head anyway.

As I heard hoofsteps approach, I saluted along with my fellow hall guards while looking out of the corner of my eye. I knew I had to stare forward and straight, but there was no way I was going to miss a chance to see the princess in all her glory.

And what I saw didn't disappoint me.

With guards and advisors following her from behind, I saw for the second time in my life, yet for the first time clearly, Princess Celestia herself. Many ponies often mistake our rulers as goddesses, but that day I learned why. She wasn't just pretty. She was beautiful. I would argue she's as perfect as a mare could be. Her white snow coat was as pure as the clouds above, her rainbow mane sparkled in the sunlight, and the kind yet radiant eyes she had shown both power and wisdom behind them. But the best was her smile. So warm. So loving. It was a smile that could melt the hearts of wendigos. I felt a bit intimidated by her height — seriously, she was almost twice my size — but as she got closer, I felt safe. Like being just around her was enough to know that there was nothing to worry fear.

I decided that my little sightseeing was enough as it was and resumed staring straight forward. Just as Princess Celestia was about to pass by me, one of her advisors caught her attention, and she stopped just right front of me. I didn't hear the conversation — it wasn't my business — so I looked upward to stare at my crack in the ceiling for a second.

That's when I saw it.

My little crack was starting to slip out dust slowly, and only then had I noticed that there were other cracks alongside this one, smaller and barely seeable. Just as I began to examine this discovery, I saw a large piece of the ceiling, centered around the cracks, begin to loosen. Fear gripped me as I quickly looked down to see that the tiny crack, which seemed harmless, was right underneath Princess Celestia. I looked back up only to see my worst fears come true. The world seemed to suddenly slow down for a moment as a piece of the ceiling, about the size of a melon, came off and started making its rapid descent for Princess Celestia's noggin.

Now I was a unicorn. I could have blasted the rubble with magic, used telekinesis, or even created a small shield around Princess Celestia. However, having been raised as a lover of action films from Applewood, I did the first thing that came into my mind.

I rushed forward and knocked Princess Celestia right off her hooves and across the floor. I only had a brief moment to see the stunned looks on everypony's face before I felt a massive blow to my helmet. In less than a split second, I got knocked out faster than that time I got drunk with my highschool friends in our final year. Only this time, it didn't feature me, a goat, red paint, firecrackers, a stolen painting for a museum, and a disco theater.

Don't ask; I'm still trying to forget that day myself.

***

When I woke up, my first thought was that I got wasted again with the others and somepony spiked my drink. I only realized that wasn't the case when I lifted my foreleg and touched my head, feeling wrapped bandages. Groaning, I opened my eyes and saw that I was in the palace's hospital wing, the only pony there to be exact. As I started to wonder what had happened, the memories of the falling ceiling piece soon came back to me.

A door nearby opened, and in came a grey unicorn with a black mane. I recognized him as the castle's head doctor, Dr. Stethoscope, who looked at me with a wide smile. "Well, good to see you up and about, hero."

"Hero? Oh!" My eyes widen as I realize what he meant. "Is Princess Celestia alright?! I hope I didn't push her too hard."

"Trust me, pushing her was the best thing you could have done. If you didn't react quick enough, I'm afraid we'd be outside the Royal Cemetery and praying our beloved princess a safe trip to the afterlife."

I raised my eyebrow at the doctor as he started checking my pulse. "Isn't that a little over dramatic? I mean, I got hit, and I'm fine."

"That's because you had a tough helmet to absorb most of the blow," he explained while putting his hoof on my bandaged forehead. "If you weren't wearing protective headgear like the princess was, you would have had your entire skull caved in. You, sir, are a lucky colt."

My throat went dry, and I could feel all four of my hooves turn to ice. The room started to get a bit spinny while the doctor kept mumbling on and on about something, but I wasn't paying attention. When you learn that you almost got killed you tend to block out everything else around you. The doctor must have noticed my discomfort as he put a hoof on the shoulder.

"Easy, young man. You're alright except for a small concussion. You should be proud of what you've done. Princess Celestia has even shown concern to you."

"She has?!" I asked rather stupidly. Of course, she would be worried about me; I did save her life after all. Come to think of it; it would be a rather silly way for an all-powerful ruler to go. I could imagine the headlines: Princess Celestia, a survivor of thousands of conflicts and trials, killed by a large rock to the head.

"Yes, she wanted to thank you personally for saving her life," Dr. Stethoscope said as he wrote into his notepad. "I'll go get her right now."

I only nodded before laying down on my bed while he left the vicinity. I still can't believe it. I saved Princess Celestia?! That's something every guard dreams about when they start out working here. I mean, granted, it's kind of near impossible to worry about the princess getting hurt considering that Princess Celestia is a powerful magic-user. The latter has fought in dozens of wars. Seriously, they called her the Lightbringer for a reason. Yet, I saved her?! Holy crab apples, is this going to freak the others back home.

The door opened again, and I got up thinking it was Dr. Stethoscope, only it wasn't. I found myself gasping and saluting as fast as I could upon seeing who it was really. Princess Celestia stood there with a warm smile in all her regal glory as I sat as straight as possible in my hospital bed. "You don't need to salute, Private White Shield. I should be the one saluting you for your actions earlier."

"O-Oh, right," I said as I put my shaking hoof down. "I'm glad to see you're okay, your Majesty."

"Please, call me Celestia," The Princess said, walking over and sitting next to my bed. "It's the least I can offer for saving me."

"W-Well, I was just doing what I was trained to do," I replied, rubbing the back of my head. I could feel my cheeks blushing as she stared at me with those beautiful purple eyes.

"If you don't mind me asking," Princess Celestia stated, tilting her head, "how did you know that piece of the ceiling was going to come down upon me?"

"W-Well, this might sound a bit silly, but when I was posted at that position a while ago, I noticed a large crack above right where you were standing. I didn't think much of it before, and maybe I should have said something, but I always like to look at it to pass the time. When I saw it again, it was just about to bring down that large stone upon your head."

The Princess giggled. "I find that to be such an odd consequence. Perhaps it was fate that I was able to avoid my demise by you being placed there?"

"I'm sure you would have been fine! N-Not that I wanted anything bad to happen to you! Shoot..." I gulped, thinking I was screwing this up, but instead, Princess Celestia shook her head in amusement.

"Perhaps, but I would have hated to have died in such an embarrassing way. I can imagine my sister making a joke at my funeral. Something about how I always had rocks in my head or something," Princess Celestia joked, which made me blink in surprise. "Oh, don't mind me—just a bit of grim humor. So, as the hero of the day, I suppose you know why I am here, yes? Besides checking up on you and give my thanks."

"Um, to let me know that I'm getting a few days off to recover?" I asked.

"Well, that too," Princess Celestia said with a nod. "But I also am here to ask what you would like a reward?"

"R-Reward?" I asked in awe.

"Yes, saving a princess does require you to be rewarded for your efforts. And don't say that the reward is serving me. I get that all the time, and I really would prefer if I were to give you something for your actions," Princess Celestia stated.

I sat there with my jaw wide open before forcing it to close. I didn't think that I would get a reward, but then again, I guess it makes sense. Still, this was so sudden that I had no idea what to ask for as a reward. A promotion? A raise? Vacation? Maybe some enchanted armor or weapon? I knew I couldn't ask for anything outlandish or too big of a reward.

"It can be… anything?" I asked cautiously.

"Well, within reason, of course," Princess Celestia said with a smile. "I can't make you a noble or a general, but I can give you a rank boost if you wish. Then again, I can give you paid time off to spend time with your family. I can even have you reassigned to a better posting. Just name it, and I shall see it-

"Will you go on a date with me?"

I swear I didn't know why. I just blurted that out loud, and I'm pretty sure Princess Celestia was just as shocked as I was when I said it. It took me two minutes to realize that I just asked Princess Celestia, the ruler of my nation and commander of the entire Royal Guard, out on a date with me. I swear I was that close to having a heart attack and was ready to kick my butt for speaking without even thinking. Already I could see myself being dismissed from the guard or quartered for dare requesting such a thing or even executed at this point?! Then again, they might have gelded me on the spot for thinking with my balls instead of my head, to which I'd gladly lose the former if possible.

"You… want to take me… out on a date?" Princess Celestia asked, still surprised by what I was asking.

"I… I take it back! I'm so sorry! That was stupid of me to say! I mean, that isn't to say you aren't a pretty and wonderful looking mare! In fact, I think your eyes are amazing, and that mane of yours is like that of a goddess! Oh, crud, I'm diggin' myself deeper aren't I?" I winced upon holding my head in shame. "L-Look, please don't be mad! I-"

"Alright, I accept."

"And if I need me to be punished for this- wait, what?" I asked in disbelief. I thought for sure I was dreaming as she looked at me with a smirk and nodded her head.

"I said, I accept. I'll go on a date with you."

And that's when I fainted.

***

Days later, I found myself in my bright blue formal uniform, standing in front of the castle's front gates with a dozen roses in my magic. I still couldn't believe that this was happening. Here I was, just your average guard who wanted to serve his country, going out on a date with Princess Celestia of all ponies. I still couldn't believe that this was all real and often wondered if I got killed saving the princess and I was in heaven without realizing it because this all seems like a dream to me.

The two guards at the castle doors looked at me as I paced around nervously. One of them, a pegasus, was staring at me with amusement while the other is grinning and winking at me. Those were pretty much the looks I was getting from all the guards when word spread about my request for a date and how Princess Celestia accepted it. Many of them were calling me the luckiest stallion in the world, while others asked details of what I was planning to do with our date. I honestly didn't know what to do until I decided to do what I always do on first dates with mares: dinner, some fun event, and a walk around the park.

Of course, some wondered if I was planning on bedding the princess as well, to which I said buck no.

Seriously, I was lucky enough to be going on a date with her. I would not press it by trying to get in her flanks. I have to be an idiot for pushing my luck like that.

The door soon opened, and I felt my jaw drop upon seeing Princess Celestia walk forward, with Princess Luna beside her, as the guards saluted in her presence. It almost made me salute until I remembered that I was off duty and technically her date. The Princess wore a simple white silk dress with blue flowers that acted as a sash around her waist. She still had her traditional regalia, but she did tie her mane into a ponytail. That surprised me since I always thought her hair was mist or something.

"Hello, White Shield," Princess Celestia greeted me as she looked at the flowers. "Are those for me?"

"Y-yeah!" I said, presenting them to her. She took them with her magic and gave them a sniff. "I hope you like them."

"Roses happen to be my favorite," Princess Celestia said as she took one of them and put it in her mane. "I'll have one of my servants put it in a vase."

Princess Luna levitated the flowers away and turned to her sister. "Enjoy your date, Sister." She then turned to me while pointing the flowers at me like a sword. "And as for you, Young Guard?"

"Y-Yes?" I asked as I felt my back start to sweat.

"If you do anything to hurt or humiliate my sister, I shall spend the entirety of your life sending you nightmares. Ones so horrible that you never have clean sheets on your bed ever again," Luna warned. Her eyes were glowing white for a moment, which made me feel like I just lost ten years of my life.

I only gulped, "Noted…" I said quietly.

Princess Celestia rolled her eyes and pushed her sister aside with her wing. "Yes, Luna. I'm sure he gets the message. Now please let me enjoy my evening while you handle Night Court?"

Princess Luna nodded and retreated inside, but not before giving me one last soul-piercing glare. Princess Celestia sighed and shook her head in amusement. "Please forgive my younger sister. She's been a bit overprotective since I told her of our date."

"Y-Yeah, it's okay," I said, rubbing the back of my head. "I hope you're still willing to go?"

"Of course I am. To be honest, I haven't gone on a date in over three hundred years," Princess Celestia said with a smile. "I'm looking forward to it." She then stood right next to my side and put her wing around me, which made me blush even harder. "Shall we?"

I nodded before taking a deep breath as I led my date into the city of Canterlot.

***

One thing that I was taught during guard training is that we have to be very good at keeping our emotions hidden. This is something about intimidation if Her Highness comes under attack or that to show we're not easily pushed over - honestly, I can't remember which. Now I bring this up because, on the way down to restaurant row, I was trying my damndest not to show Celestia that I was, in fact, near pissing in my uniform. For a long time, I had no idea what to say or anything in fear that I might royally screw it up somehow.

Which is exactly why this comment from Celestia caught me completely off guard.

"You do know that you don't have to impress me."

"Uh- W-What?!" I didn't mean to shout there, but given how much on edge I was… could you blame me?

"I can tell that you don't want to show it, but you're nervous. And that's okay. Do you know why?"

"Well…," my eyes shifted, "Not…really?"

"The truth is, I'm a bit nervous myself," she playfully laughed.

"You are?"

"Of course, I did say that this is my first real date in three hundred years. So, I guess I should apologize in advance for how rusty I am with this sort of thing. Of course, my niece is more experienced in this field than I am, which should say something."

Princess Cadance. Yes, that djd make a lot of sense.

"However," she added, "since you asked me out, I had to look up a few tips from her to get me back into the ring - as it were. Honestly, I just hope I don't mess it up too bad."

There was something…oddly relieving to hear that. I mean, Celestia, probably the most perfect being out there, just admitted to me that she's nervous about ruining a date. An idea that I would have found laughable before the incident but here… it's strangely comforting.

"So," she chirped, "where are we going for our date?"

"Well…" feeling a touch relieved, I looked up at her, "from what I've heard, Restaurant Row isn't a place I would take anyone out for a date - much less for lunch. I hear that it's a tourist trap with bland food that's overpriced. Except for where we're going."

"Oh, now I'm intrigued. What is it?"

"Have you ever heard of The Tasty Treat?"

"The Mandian restaurant?" She asked, her eyes beaming with excitement behind her eyes. "I've heard of it but never got the chance to go inside it."

"No?"

"Well, when you're surrounded by top chefs that want to feed you and you don't want to hurt their feelings for all the hard work they put in - let's just say that going to a place like this is a treat of its own." She smiled. "Besides, I can't remember when was the last time I had a good curry."

I let out a relieved sigh. Perhaps there was hope to this after all.

So I lead Celestia down the infamous Restaurant Row. On the way, I couldn't help but notice that ponies there were taken entirely aback by us walking down that street. I think I saw a few in the restaurant windows nearly have a panic attack when we were close enough as if they were utterly unprepared for a sudden royal visit. Yet, I can easily imagine the soul-crushing disappointment when we walked on past them.

Then we turned a corner that was so small that you would miss it if you blinked. There, in the very back of an alleyway, with a sign of an elephant on display, was our destination. However, looking through the windows, I was beginning to sense some dread as it was clear that the place was packed full.

"Something wrong?" Celestia asked.

"I… I hope we can get a table. Look, I can't see a spot in there."

The Princess gave a knowing smile, "We'll see." Then proceeded to walk towards the door.

My training instincts suddenly kicked in as I rushed over to the door to open it up.

"Thank you, Mr. Shield," Celestia nodded and proceeded to walk in. Even before I could step inside with her, I heard, "Excuse me, do you have a-"

"EVERYPONY OUT!!" Someone in a Mandian accent screamed, and before I knew it, I was almost trampled over when a stampede of confused customers came rushing out into the alleyway. I came close to being a pancake if it weren't for the door to protect me from the sudden flash mob.

".... table." I heard Celestia finished. She poked her head out, "Well, what do you know? We do have a spot, after all."

I looked between her and the crowd that was pushed outside. "What was that?"

"It's a perk that comes with being royalty. Now come along," Princess Celestia lit up her horn and carried me inside, "let's pick out a table."

Once we were inside, the door was closed and bolted shut. Looking behind me, there was a stallion there, round as an overstuffed pillow, with an antique golden coat, a brown mustache, and curly mane.

"Princess Celestia?" He said, surprised, "My goodness, I didn't know you were coming here."

"Neither did I, mister…?"

"Coriander," he bowed quickly, "Coriander Cumin."

"Mr. Cumin, I'm here because this nice stallion has decided to take me out to eat. I've heard that this would be worthwhile coming here for dinner."

"Oh, but it is!" He smiled, and I swear I saw bit signs in his eyes, "You've come to the right place, Your Majesty. So please, take any seat you like, and I will get a menu."

"Thank you kindly." Celestia scanned over the colorful restaurant. I haven't been here before myself, only heard about it from tourists. But I could see why there was so much talk. The place was so…colorful, both literally and metaphorically. Eye-catching fabrics were hanging from the ceiling. Elaborate lanterns that dangle down in geometric shapes illuminated the area. Instead of chairs, there were padded, embroidered couches by the tables. In a way, it looked and smelled what I thought Mandia would. Yes, I smelled because even in the dining room, I could smell dozens of spices from the kitchen - most to this day, I have no idea what they are.

Celestia chose a spot in the restaurant's corner, the one that had an oversized red couch that can fit both of us - close together. No sooner had we sat down, Mr. Cumin returned with the menus, a couple of glasses of ice water, and told us to take our time.

Once we were left alone and I started to look through the lists of curries, slices of bread, and such, while Celestia started to make some small talk. Now on a date, you might think that someone like her would say something about the restaurant's decor, or maybe talk about the weather, or perhaps the gossip in court politics. But nope. Instead of any of that, and just when I was taking a sip of the water, she asked me at point blank range:

"So, Mr. Shield, in what way are you crazy?"

I spat out my drink.

"Are you alright?" Celestia inquired with concern.

"Sorry but, what?" I checked my ears to be sure I heard that right.

"I didn't mean as an insult," she told me, "but I was asking as a chat-up line that my niece had advised me over."

"In how I'm crazy? No offense, Your Majesty, but that's just rather…blunt, even for you."

"Well, allow me to revise that question then. In what way are you flawed? Such as things that you're not exactly proud of or wish that you were better in."

Yeah, I know that is a bizarre way of starting up a conversation, especially on a date. Still, you got to remember, this is Celestia we're talking about here. Royal Guard 101, if your Princess had asked you a question, you answer.

"Okay, since you put it like that…I…" It took me a minute to come up with something, and even longer to admit it, "I guess I…might have a habit of carrying too much."

"Oh?" Celestia tilted her head, "In what way?"

"Just…Well, I guess that at times I could be a bit overprotective. Not like Princess Luna overprotective, but I suppose you get the idea."

She chuckled, "Oh, I know a thing or two about how Luna worries about me. But why do you say this is a flaw of yours?"

"Well, it's…it's kinda complicated. I think that it's somewhere between a curse and a blessing at the same time. I probably wouldn't be a guard at all if I weren't."

"How so?"

"Just that…" I shifted in my seat. Since the princess and I were so pressed up on that couch, I couldn't exactly move away, even if I wanted to. "Do you know that I'm the oldest sibling in my family?"

"No, I wasn't aware of that. How many are you?"

"Just me and my sister. Now I don't know if it's because I'm the oldest, but I tend to look out for her most of the time. I was usually the go-to foalsitter when our parents went out. At first, this was fine when she was a lot younger. If anything, whenever she wanted to play, she wanted to get me involved. But after she got her cutie mark and became a teenager, she started to be more resentful that I was looking out for her. In fact, when she started dating, I uh…" I uncomfortably tapped my hoof on the table, "tended to spied on her when she went out."

"Oh, I bet she did not like that."

"You have no idea. When I get caught, my sister would yell at me for it. But it was because I was so concerned that she might be taken advantage of. Then on one of these dates, she…almost did. Her coltfriend at the time was pushing her into something she didn't want to. So I had to step in. It was messy - got into a fight with 'em. But in the end, it turned that doing just that was what saved her in the end. The guy had a criminal record, and if I didn't intervene…I don't know what would happen.

"Still, it did change my life. Dad gave me the idea that maybe I should join the police force or the military. Just because of how much I wanted to protect others. So, long story short, I joined the guard."

"And it's because of you being so carrying that you spared me from an embarrassing death." She smiled, "Seriously, Luna was almost disappointed that she wouldn't be able to crack any jokes at my funeral."

"I guess so," I chuckled. "Okay, so… what about you?"

"Hm?"

"I told you a flaw of mine. What about yours? I mean, if I'm honest, I can't figure out how you would be."

"A rule of hoof for you, Mr. Shield, everyone that we considered to be normal, are those that we don't fully know yet. For me…my, where do I start?" She tapped her hoof against her chin, humming in thought. "Let's see… ]for example, despite being how old I am, I am capable of doing some monumentally stupid things."

I blinked. My mind couldn't process that Celestia had used the words "capable" and "stupid" together in the same sentence to describe herself. "I don't follow."

"I could give you a list of decisions I've made out of pride, short-sightedness, or due to overthinking that had led to disastrous consequences. I should have applied more wisdom to such times but didn't see the need in hindsight. Take, for incidence, my former student, Twilight Sparkle. I know she is someone who looks up to me as a mother figure and a role model of sorts. As much as I try, I believe that I had passed along some of those negative traits onto her. Such as the need to complete everything at a certain time. Or everything one must do has to be done to perfection. And getting overly worried if things turn out badly and thereby blow them completely out of proportion. Her friends have a word for this: Twilighting. However, the irony is that I was the one who taught her some of these unhealthy habits."

"I take it that you feel guilty for this?"

She nodded, "That's the thing when you're as old as me, that the longer you live, the more regrets you carry. Some days, it's hard to think of yourself as an idiot, but I have to remind myself that there is still plenty of good with all the bad stuff. The trick is to remember that you have them, regardless of how small it is."

"Wow…" I rubbed the side of my head, "I never thought of it like that."

"Speaking of thinking like that," we looked up to see Mr. Cumin there with a notepad in hoof, "have either of you figured out what you want to eat yet?"

***

After dinner that involved a curry that nearly burned my mouth to ashes and gobbling down the sour cream dip for the bread (much to the Princess's amusement), we started to head out for some entertainment.

After we left the Tasty Treat, I asked the Princess what she wanted to do with the time we got.

Now…I just want you to take a moment and think about what Princess Celestia would like to do for something as entertainment? A movie? Visiting an art gallery? Perhaps visit one of the dance clubs? I thought so too since this was Princess Celestia. Somepony known to be well orderly, diplomatic, calm, tranquil, and rather dull sometimes.

Any ideas where she would want to go for a date?

You do?

Good, well, do me a favor and toss it out, because not only are you wrong, but you've completely missed the target.

That's how I felt when she took me to the lower end of Canterlot for a backstreet race soap-box car derby.

Yes, you read that correctly. Celestia wanted to go to the dangerous, rickety, accident-waiting-to-happen derby for her date. As in rolling down a steep hill with twists and turns in a wooden crate, practically falling straight down while the other is throwing all sorts of stuff at you kind of race.

And oh no, I'm not talking about watching the race.

We were in it.

"Princess, I must protest!" I told her just as we rolled up to the starting line. "I think this is a horrible idea!"

Picture, if you will, one Alicorn princess, still in her white silk dress with race goggles over her face and holding onto a plank of wood that steers a rickety wooden box on wheels. Along with me, squished up behind her, with garbage to pilter at the other car that consists of two other ponies with spiked mohawks. If my commander saw us in this, he would probably faint.

"Oh c'mon, where's your sense of fun?" She asked me with a mile-long smile. "Just wait and see."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about." I then noticed a mare, holding up a checkered flag in her aura, and her hoof on a switch that was holding us back from certain doom. "We can still do something else, Princess!"

"Alright, you suicidal freaks!" The mare called out, holding up the flag high, "On your marks…"

"Seriously, Princess, we should back out of this!"

"Get set…"

"You better hold on to me," was Celestia's reply, facing the deathtrap of a race track in front of us.

Then the mare slammed her hoof on the switch, releasing us from the very top, and gravity made us roll forward. "Go!" She threw down the flag.

When we started to move, you can bet your flank that I held on to Celestia. Not just as a pathetic way of protecting her, but to hang on for dear life. The box we were in rolled straight down into the back alley, over the bumpy cobblestones that shook us so much that I was scared stiff that the flimsy, wooden crate would come apart on the way down.

And on the way down, while Celestia tried to navigate through the twisting, winding road, I may or may not have been screaming like a little filly.

I said maybe.

To this day, I still don't know how she did it. While we were practically falling for miles, she somehow stirred us out of danger every single time. Just when I thought we were about to be splatted against a wall, she turned away before we hit it. When we came close to colliding with a mound of trash cans, we somehow missed it. Even when the other racer was stoning us with whatever they had, it didn't distract Celestia in the slightest.

Of course, that didn't mean that I didn't do anything on the way down. When they threw their garbage at us, I used my magic to do whatever I could so that we wouldn't get derailed, or worse yet - have any of that trash land on Celestia. Just because I found it scary to be rolling down a steep hill at Wonderbolt speed doesn't mean that I didn't want a slimy banana peel to land on her magnificent face. Nor on her flowing silk dress, for that matter.

I would say that it was a miracle we came out of that race alive - but that would be a lie. On the way down, despite all the dangers that came too close for comfort, Celestia always steered us out. Even when I thought we might die for it, she still found a way. And even when we were in a situation that would make the most hardened guard scream like a little filly - she screamed louder. Not out of fear, but out of a thrill, like one would see on a roller coaster.

It was insane, unsafe, and the princess was enjoying something that would get me court-martialed and executed for - gods, I love her.

Somehow, despite all of that, we zoomed past the finish line without a scratch.

"Wait, we won?" I looked back, seeing the other car crossing it a moment later. "We won! We actually-"

"Woah!" Celestia cried out. She spread her wings, and with me still holding on tightly, we were lifted out of the crate. At first, I didn't know why until I saw the box we were in crashed against a brick wall, splintering into a million pieces. Blinking, I suddenly realized that we came very close to dying there.

And Celestia had saved me.

Gently floating down to the ground, Celestia had me slid off her back. She turned to look at me, taking off the goggles. "Are you alright?"

"I…Woah…"

She offered me a hoof, "I believe we're now even."

***

You can imagine that after all of that, I needed a breather. Not so much from finding out firsthoof that Celestia is secretly a thrill-seeker, but for the second time - I nearly died. Mercifully, Celestia thought that we would go somewhere to calm down after all of that.

After all of that, the next part of our date was going into a more secure part of Canterlot. Lunar Park, despite the name, is often almost abandoned at night. Of course, it had lit lamp-posts, but the only time you would see anyone there is in the day. However, I couldn't think of a quieter spot than there.

"Are you sure that you're going to be alright?" Celestia asked me.

"Yeah, just…give me a minute." I nodded. At this point, we were sitting on one of the park's benches. It was quite uncomfortable to sit on, to be honest, since it was one of those designed for looks than comfort. However, given that I nearly turned into paste against a brick wall a few minutes ago, it was the most comfortable place in Equestria.

"I'm sorry that I dragged you into that," she apologized, looking over the mirror-like pond in front of us. It reflected the starry sky with the moon overhead. "I thought that you could handle something like that."

"Do you ever do stuff like that when nopony is looking?" I asked.

"Not always, of course. Given how much demand there is for me and that my day is usually scheduled down to the last second - living like that day to day gets taxing. In a way, it's like living inside a gilded cuckoo clock. Yes, it's pretty to look at, but it gets grueling after a while when you repeat the same action every hour of every day. So I always look forward to anything that sticks out of that norm." She smiled warmly at me, "You included."

"The whole saving your life thing?"

"Of course. And you asking me out on this date really sticks out as unusual. Something that I welcome with open hooves for."

I blinked, "Now that's something I never quite get from you."

"What's that?"

"You said that this is your first date in…what? Three-hundred years or so?" She nodded, "Well, why is that? I mean, I completely understand if you're constantly busy but, for that long? Forgive me for saying this, but for someone as perfect as you, I'd thought you'd have plenty of ponies just lining out the door to do that."

"Hmm…" She hummed thoughtfully, looking out on the pond. "There is a degree of truth in that. But I have many reasons why I haven't found anyone to be…intimate with for a long time."

"Such as?"

She looked directly at me and asked seriously, "Mr. Shield, forget that you are in the guard for a moment. What other reason haven't you asked me out sooner?"

"Well…," I blinked, taking a minute to come up with an answer, "Honestly? With someone as beautiful as you are in body and soul, I'd thought that you already have other lovers."

She nodded, "The irony with that line of thinking is that everyone else has thought of that too. In that, I'm put so high up on a pedestal that many ponies found me intimidating - even when I didn't mean to come out as such. Still, there have been a few brave souls over the years that have become close to me. Honestly, it used to be more common when I was first ruling Equestria."

"What's the difference between then and now?" I asked.

"Well, who would be the most likely to try and woo me over into becoming my husband?" Celestia asked with an amused smile. "Which group of ponies benefits the most, or better yet, seeks the most to raise their status more?"

"Nobles," I said as quickly as she finished. I rolled my eyes for not thinking that. One of the few things I disliked about Canterlot was its nobility. All of them were from famous ponies who once were part of the founding of Equestria or established themselves based on their ancestors' famous deeds. They were all arrogant, snobbish, and scheme behind each other's back to get more power and rise above even further. Sure, there were some good ones, but most I couldn't stand.

"Yes, the idea of becoming connected to the Royal Family is the ideal dream of all the nobility. Even more so if you had a child with that said Royal Family," Celestia stated. "However, that soon died out after the Sombra War."

"Why then?" I asked. I wasn't very good at remembering history.

When I asked this, I saw a solemn look in Celestia's eyes for the first time that night. One of regret, sorrow, and, hidden deep inside, rage. "Sombra…he hurt me during a battle...it was so serious I almost died. But while I survived, I lost something just as precious. I lost the ability to have children."

".... I'm so sorry," I whispered as I slowly reached my foreleg around her waist and gently hugged her. She wrapped a wing, and soon I felt her cheek nuzzle mine. It was warm and soft like that of a pillow.

"Thank you. I've mostly moved on, but sometimes I wish fate was kinder," Celestia said with a heavy sigh. "When it became public knowledge that I could not have foals, they then moved on to my sister, but… well, she has a different taste in… ponies."

"So the rumors of Princess Luna being into mares is true?" I asked in surprise. "Damn, there goes that bet."

Celestia chuckled. "Yes, my sister has always preferred the touch of a female over a male. Few tried to date me after that since there was no point in dating me. Well, at least at first." I tilted my head. "Did you know that I was married three times in my life?"

"W-What?" I asked in disbelief. Wow, I really needed to relook into my history.

"Yes, one was a knight who I fell in love with shortly after the war. I later adopted his brother after he died of an illness a few years after being married. That is why Blueblood is technically a 'Prince,'" Celestia answered. "His ancestor was my first husband. The other two came after Luna was banished. One was one my own apprentices, believe it or not. So talented and yet he became more than just a student, but my lover. The other was a musician that fell in love with me first. One day, he came to court and bravely stated his love for me before playing a song describing it. Most called him a fool, but I was interested and kept him around. A few years later, we wed."

"Did they die too or...?"

"You do realize that non-alicorn ponies live at most to a hundred years old, right?" Celestia teased, much to my embarrassment. "But yes, they died of old age in their sleep. I was there when they breathed their last, heard their final words, and buried them in the gardens. Losing them hurt, but I remember them fondly in my dreams and my memories."

".... So… If something were to really blossom between us?" I asked, nervously rubbing my hooves.

"I am not against such a thing," Celestia stated but looked at me seriously. "But understand this. If this becomes serious between us, you will listen to what I have to say clearly. First, do not expect to have any real political power. You would be a Prince-Consort, much like Prince Shining Armor. Unless I grant the authority upon you, you will have very little power unless you earn it in the military as he did. Second, you will rise in the ranks of your own merit. Not by relying on me or our relationship to do so. Plus, when on duty, we play our roles. Off duty, we can be ourselves. Third, be prepared for others to try to trick you, blackmail you, betray you, use you, or even kill you to get to me."

"S-Seriously?" I asked, wide-eyed.

"I have lost more than one lover from these horrible actions in the past..." Celestia bitterly stated before sighing. "Finally… the moment you cheat on me? I will send you to the sun."

".... Someone cheated on you?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, but I say it anyway just in case," She said with a cheeky smile. "But knowing this, do you still want to go out with me? I can understand if you say no, and I will take no offense."

"Do you want to be with me?" I asked, seriously. "Because it takes two to tango as they say."

"Honestly? I wasn't sure but after tonight? I think I might try a second and third date," Celestia said with a wink. "I cannot promise that it will go anywhere, but I do think that maybe, things may go somewhere. So, what shall it be?"

I looked down at her hoof next to me. Perhaps it was in the moment. Maybe it was fate or whatever you want to call it. I took my hoof and wrapped it around hers. "Call me crazy," I said, "but maybe there's more to this loving thing than I thought. Maybe I have so much I would need to learn about you, and I probably do. But with that said…I do want to know more about you." I smiled. "I don't know if things will turn out beyond this. But I'm hoping that it might be."

She chuckled, "That's good to hear because I can see that you are good enough for me. Maybe more so."

I looked up at her wide-eyed, "You really think I'm-" Whatever I was about to say died on my lips when Celestia kissed it. I wasn't sure which surprised me more, the fact that Celestia, the Celestia, wanted to date me some more or that she was kissing me. It's something I never expect, not even in my wildest of fantasies, would ever happen. Yet, there on that park bench in the moonlight, the most beautiful of Princesses locked lips with mine.

And yes, before you ask, I did kiss back. I mean, how could I not? There was nothing like it in the world. If I was anything of a poet, I might have described that it was like kissing a warm summer's day when everything is going right. It was like being embraced by divinity itself as it wraps around you. Holding you there to be blessed again and again. I could go on, but even all of that doesn't come close to kissing her.

I can't remember how long we kissed, but it must have been a while, as I recall coming out for breath. My face was so warm and red. And Celestia wiped a hoof over those lips, giggling like a school filly.

"Would you believe that was my first kiss in four-hundred-and-fifty years?" She asked slyly.

I didn't care if it was.

***

Well, once you had your first date kiss, what else was there to do afterward? I took the Princess home just as midnight was approaching and escorted her to her bedroom. The Night Guards gave us knowing looks along the way, and a few winked at me in approval. I just smirked and took a little pride that I, indeed, dated the most beautiful and goddess-like mare in the world. I could have some pride, you know?

Arriving at her door, Princess Celestia turned to me and smiled. "I had a wonderful time, White Shield. Thank you."

"Of course, Princess Celestia," I said, bowing to her. "It was an honor. And I really did enjoy it too."

"You can call me Celestia when you're off duty, White Shield," Princess Celestia said with a smile before she rubbed her chin. "Speaking of which, when do you start your shift tomorrow?"

"Oh, I think around ten in the morning?" I answered after thinking about it for a few seconds.

"Good," She said with a wide grin that made me gulp. Suddenly, her horn lit up, and I found myself tugged closer to her as she wrapped one hoof around me and looked at me with a set of loving and hungry eyes. "Because it hasn't just been four-hundred-and-fifty years since I had my first kiss, mind you. I haven't had… midnight company in just as long."

It took my brain two minutes to realize what she was saying, and I felt my soul nearly leave my body as the princess slowly opened her chambers and eyed her bed. The two Night Guards stationed were also equally shocked as Princess Celestia slowly let me go and began to remove her dress. I felt my mouth drop as I saw her shake her hindquarters in mind direction before looking over her shoulder with a wink. "Well, it isn't nice to keep a mare waiting. Especially a princess."

Well, who was I to deny her? I said I didn't plan on bedding her, but I never said I would refuse if she asked first. I slowly got up and had a goofy smile on my face as I slowly walked in as one of the guards whispered, but I was loud enough to hear him.

"Lucky bastard..."

Buck yeah I was.

The doors shut behind me and…well…Some stories need to be private, you know?

*End*

Author's Note

Hey guys, just a one shot me and CrackedInkWell did together when he found himself some free time outside of us working on our other co-write Gallus and Sandbar story were currently working on. He wanted to do a romance comedy story and I remembered and old fic of mine from season 2 that I only started the first 1000 words on and together we worked on it over the course of a two days or so. Hope you enjoyed it.