Luna Does Something Average

by Twilightclopple

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1271

There's only one thing to do after a thousand years away.

Because sometimes, you get just a little tired of seeing the same kind of story time and time again. Sometimes, there are healthy ways to deal with not liking something. Some of us don't deal with things in healthy ways.

Sometimes, however, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, but make fun of them a little in the process.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-03 02:34:01 UTC

...And has a really hard time with it.

        "Dear sister!"

     The melodic, charmed voice of the elder princess rang in Princess Luna's ears as it drew her back to earth. She blinked once, twice, and turned -her own ethereal starry blue mane sweeping with her in almost slow motion- to face her counterpart, the towering sovereign ruler of the sun. Celestia looked down to appraise her younger sister, smiling in welcome.

     "It is your first time returning to our home, Luna, I thought perhaps you may desire some guidance." Celestia offered, folding her wings back against her sides.

     It was true. After a millenium in lunar isolation, now would mark the night princess's first return to Canterlot Castle, her house of birth, her position in the throne, her reunion with her family, and her subjects.

     Luna cleared her throat, straightening her head, thrusting her chest outwards slightly in a subconscious display of proud dominance. "Thank you, sister." She spoke icily; Celestia's smile had begun to wane, sliding off her face like melting cream. "But first, there is something we must absolutely attend to."

     Luna broke into a stride, lifting her hooves regally high as she closed the distance between her and the colossal, ornate doors of the castle. The white princess, while bewildered, followed, gliding much more smoothly over the paving than her pompously-stepping sister.

     "What is that, Lulu?"

     Luna shot her sister a glare that pierced her like a poison dart. She hated that nickname.

     "Well, sister dear, we must-"

     She was interrupted by the giant golden doors opening, heavily and slowly. Two stallions flanked the foyer, armor-clad and stony-faced. They nodded curtly to the entering princess.

     "Your Highness, we rejoice at your return." One guard greeting. Luna strode clear past him, before turning back over her shoulder to fire an order. It was, after all, in her royal place to do so.

     "Thank you. We are terribly hungry after the tiring voyage, please send an order to the chef." Luna turned to Celestia, one brow cocked. "We still have a chef, correct?"

    She nodded, following her sister in.

     The guard spoke up. "And what would your Highness prefer?"

    Luna halted for a moment; she hadn't considered the question. What could she possibly find on a 1000-years ahead menu? Would she look perhaps ridiculous ordering something that predated the stallion by 500 years? The princess, not one to take chances, especially not regarding meals, played it safe. "What would you recommend, guard?"

     "Personally, my princess, I do enjoy the creme-sandwich cookies."

     Luna licked her lips as thoughts of crisp wafer and creme danced in her head, and tastebuds. "Perfect, we will have-"

      Once again, she was interrupted. "Though, I must warn, Princess, the confection may be slightly unfamiliar to you, after such a long absence."

    Luna scoffed, laughing once in cold mirth. "Please, guard, call me fool were I unable to figure how to consume a sandwich-cookie. One order please."

    The stallion nodded, before retreating through an archway branching from the main hall, leaving Luna to laugh once more under her breath and mutter, "Difficulty consuming a cookie, preposterous indeed. Ha!"

     Celestia approached her, and Luna jumped slightly; she had forgotten about her sister's presence. "Are you ready to proceed, sister?"

     Luna began to advance further into the castle again, furrowing her brows and speaking over her shoulder to Celestia, who followed. "Yes, we are ready, though there really is something most important we much accomplish-"

     For the third time that day, she was cut short, and so was her patience. Another stallion trotted down the grand staircase, meeting the two princesses at the foot.

      "Your highnesshesh," He bowed respectfully before the blue princess, then the white, who nodded warmly back. The stallion, adjusting his spectacles, removed the scroll from his mouth with a flick of magic, floating it before him. He smacked his lips before beginning, earthy parchment flavor still on his lips.

     "My dear Princess Luna, I speak on behalf of the sovereign nation of Equestria when I say, we have joyously awaited your return to Canterlot Castle." He bowed low again, glasses sliding back down his snout. Luna smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. The quirky stallion continued, unfurling the scroll. "In light of your Highness's long absence, we at the Canterlot Legislative Council have created revised laws, better fitting of a dual-monarchy."

     He turned to scroll to Luna, who saw line after line of very important-looking legislature. She looked up, and the stallion cleared his throat again before answered her unasked question. "We require but your signature, and that is all."

     Luna swept back her mane again, thrusting her nose in the air. "We do not have such time, there is something of utmost importance we must do-"

     "My dear princess, these laws could revolutionize Canterlot for the better, not the mention that they have a time clock!" The stallion reasoned, voice rising in agitation. Luna remained firm.

     "Perhaps later, but we really must-"

     She strode on, dismissing the legislator, who looked heartbroken. He stood agape as the princess passed him, then the other princess, who paused. Celestia smiled sympathetically, though confusion was apparent in her eyes. The stallion's glasses slipped back down the bridge of his snout.

     "Come sister!" Luna called from halfway up the stairs. Celestia heeded, marching up to meet the shorter princess. "We must get to-"

     A mare hurled down the stairs to the both, her mane frizzy and her face looking drawn and frenzied. She magically toted an abacus behind her and a saddlebag bursting with scrolls.

     "Your majesties." The hectic mare greeted both alicorns. Luna grinned a little; she much preferred 'majesty' to 'highness'.

     "Princess, dismal news from the Resource Balance and Distribution Department." The mare began, wheeling to face back to Luna, her brows crinkled. "Cloudsdale has reported a water shortage, and we are unsure of whether there is enough water remaining in the cities' reservoirs!"

     A scroll slipped from the mare's overstuffed bags, but was quickly snatched back up and stuffed back in. Luna said nothing.

     So the mare continued. "We require your regal approval, as needed by the new dual-monarchy regime, to conjure more water for the Cloudsdale cloud fabrication."

     Luna sighed heavily. "We do not have time, we really, really must-"

     The mare spoke again, her pitch cracking and her hooves flapping through the air. "It is of great importance, your Majesty, that we may have water for the upcoming harvest!"

     Luna could not stand any more. When, if EVER, would she be able to do her own thing, the very thing for which she came, that consumed all her attention?!

     "We cannot, we absolutely must-!" Her voice edged slightly to Royal Canterlot in volume; Luna couldn't help it anyway, she was growing far too frustrated with this 'official business' and 'important city ruling'.

     "Luna." Celestia's voice came clear, but stern. She advanced, facing her sister with flared wings, beautiful, yet intimidating. "You have been in exile for one thousand years, this is your first return. What, what I ask you, could be placed at higher regard than doing your share in the well-being of our subjects and the rule of the nation after such a long absence?"

      The lunar princess, finally offered a chance to speak, began in complete and irrefutable seriousness.

     "My dear sister, where might I find this 'toothbrush' I have heard so much tell of?."