The Cat's Meow

by gimmick68

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Cheerilee, Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 4487

Cheerilee is a cat for some reason. Despite her inclination to not be a cat, she still has a job to do.

Cheerilee wakes up as a cat. While not the worst thing that could have happened, it's not ideal. However, she decides to go to work anyway and remedy the feline situation later. Of course, that means dealing with the tendencies of a cat as well as a classroom of foals who don't quite know how to handle their teacher being a cat.

Cover art by me.

Published 2021-02-14 20:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-14 20:10:00 UTC

In which Cheerilee experiences the feline lifestyle

Cheerilee woke up. This was a very standard and typical thing for her to do in the morning. It was one of those mornings that she just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Especially since the pillow felt so much more comfortable than usual. And so much bigger. And the comforter felt similar: as though it had increased in size during the night. She snuggled in, reveling in the absolute bliss of the coziness. She felt so happy and content she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this good. She purred.

Her eyes shot wide open. That was wrong. That was not something she did on a regular basis. Or at all. She sat up quickly but found it difficult to do so. Her body didn’t seem to have the same shape. She rolled over but was still in bed. She rolled over again and finally fell out of bed, her hooves taking a bit longer to find the floor than usual. And instead of one hoof at a time, she landed on all four simultaneously. And very quietly.

Goodness, her nightstand was a lot taller than she remembered. And so was her bed. And it was a lot farther to the bathroom. Everything in her bedroom was so much bigger than when she went to bed last night. She quickly understood the situation: she’d shrunk.

Of all the absurd and zany things to happen to Ponyville and its residents, this was hardly the worst. Besides, everypony knew the story of how Applejack turned tiny that one time. So, while Cheerilee was certainly miffed, even perturbed, she wasn’t overly upset. There was always an explanation and remedy for this kind of thing- she’d just go see Twilight or Zecora. Still, it was a surprisingly daunting task to reorient herself in her own home. She trotted across the floor to the bathroom.

Despite her best efforts, curiosity had gotten the better of her and she needed to see her new size. She approached the vanity and grimaced. It was a long way up – nearly three times her own height. At first intimidated by the distance, she quickly gain confidence that she could easily make the jump. With a little wiggle of her backside, she hopped up and came face-to-face with her reflection and immediately fell off. Well, she screeched, hissed, arched her back and then fell off. Fortunately, she landed on her hooves again. She looked down – nope, not hooves. Paws. A shiver shot down her spine and her tail got all bushy.

If what she had seen in the mirror was true, then this was a situation that was a bit more serious than she initially believed. After a few deep breaths she hopped back up on the vanity and looked back in the mirror. She flinched.

There was a cat in the mirror. A cerise-colored cat with olive green eyes. It had white socks on all four paws and a white belly. It had cute fluffy ears and the most precious set of nose and whiskers. And a scruffy version of Cheerilee’s mane. If it hadn’t been herself she would have found it quite adorable. As it was: unpleasant.

Her nose and whiskers wiggled in ponderance. It was a distressing situation but by no means the worst she could conceive. She debated whether or not it was worth concerning herself over such a development. Well, yes, it was concerning but she couldn’t quite convince herself to get help immediately. She still had to go to work and it seemed far more work to arrange a substitute while she was made pony again than to just go to school and get through the day. With a quick little cat sigh she took one last look in the mirror and then hopped down. She gave no thought to how lightly she landed but pursued the thought of how, once the day was done, to fix herself. Well, not that kind of fix.

Softly padding into the kitchen she looked up and the table and counter and cabinets. She was quick to deduce that her normal breakfast was out of the question. Well, shoot, oatmeal with brown sugar and raisins were a go-to for her morning meal. She looked around the kitchen for an alternative. There was nothing that a cat could easily access. Even if there was she realized that very little of it seemed appetizing. Just then a whiff of something caught her attention.

It wasn’t a breakfast smell but it was a food smell, which confused her because this was a new smell for her. Nevertheless, it was food and she wanted it. Her little cat nostrils flared as she picked up the scent and followed it. Out of the kitchen and into the living room she softly slinked about, her nose to the floor and in the air. Around the edge of the room she went, closing in on whatever was making this smell. Suddenly she stopped and her ears perked up. One ear twitched and turned toward the davenport. Her attention was solely on the sound.

There was something under the couch. She fixated on it. Her pupils dilated, she crouched and her butt wiggled. She moved far quicker than she ever had before. In an instant she was swiping her paws at the thing under the sofa and she connected, digging her claws into it. Pulling the thing out she found a mouse squirming about. Briefly disgusted, she shook it off her claws, sending it sailing through the air. It landed on the floor about five feet away, where it wriggled some more before righting itself.

Cheerilee stared at it, unsure what to do. Typically, she would shoo the rodent out with a broom, fighting a small phobia of small furry things. Now, her initial disdain for the thing evaporated and hunger took over. That was breakfast in front of her. The mouse tried to scurry away but was quickly pounced upon. The mouse did not scurry after that.

Looking at her achievement, Cheerilee couldn’t help but feel the need to paw at the deceased mouse. Paw at it she did. Soon she was batting it all across the floor, repeatedly pouncing on it as though it was still alive. After a good ten minutes of playing with the dead rodent, she finally had her meal. She licked her chops, completely satisfied and full. After some bathing of her paws, she decided it was time to go to work.

Scooting back into her bedroom she habitually went for her saddlebags. She knew they would be too heavy and cumbersome but she tried putting them on regardless. After a few failed attempts she resigned herself to the fact that those bags were staying put. Annoyed and anxious, Cheerilee decided she couldn’t delay any longer and she’d better get to work.

The front door was an obstacle. A minute passed by as she considered the thing. She sat in front of it and just stared. Eventually, she looked around and let out a few plaintive meows. Nopony came to open the door for her. Well, this was weird and unacceptable. When a cat meows at the door, somepony is supposed to come and open said door. That was the natural order of things. She stalked away and found an open window to hop through. As she was leaving she made a mental note to lodge a complaint with the resident of the house for not opening the door.

Ponyville bustled with its usual morning vigor, with ponies moving about, going about their business like nothing was out of the ordinary. A new cerise cat roaming around didn’t seem to give them much pause. Cheerilee was actually glad to be so invisible. The last thing she needed was to be inundated with questions about her current condition. Still, even though she went largely unnoticed, she stuck close to the buildings and skittered quickly across any open space.

About half way to the schoolhouse, as she emerged from an alley and prepared to scoot behind some vendor stalls in the town square, she abruptly paused. A feeling hit her. It was a familiar feeling but this time with an urge to find a patch of dirt instead of the proper facilities used by normal ponies. While the whole town would have been an okay spot, decorum remained a primary concern. Gaining her bearings, she hustled her way to a house she knew well.

This time of the day Roseluck wouldn’t be home but that didn’t matter because Cheerilee had no need to go inside. She sprung up and over the picket fence and landed in the soft soil of Roseluck’s personal flower garden. Yes, this would do nicely.

A minute later she hopped back over the fence and hurried on. She slinked about, keeping her body low and head lower, absolutely ashamed of what she’d done. At the time it seemed perfectly natural but now it certainly landed in the Top 10 most embarrassing moments of her life. At least she covered it up with dirt. Still. Still. She was glad cats couldn’t blush, or that at least the blush couldn’t be seen.

The chime from the clocktower told her that she was now late for school and she broke into a run. As her paws patted against the ground she noticed that she felt like she wasn’t running as fast as she could. With a little extra effort she shot forward at a speed she did not recognize. Never in her pony life had she moved with such speed in relation to her size. With ears pinned back she zipped over the remaining distance in record time. As she approached the door to the schoolhouse, she slowed to a trot, then a nonchalant walk.

When she entered the schoolhouse she was greeted by the typical cacophony of foal-ish banter and squeals. None of the foals noticed her enter. It wasn’t until she hopped on her desk, sitting squarely in the front and center of it, did she garner any attention.

“Hey,” chirped Sweetie Belle, “there’s a cat on Miss Cheerilee’s desk!”

“Whoa!” added Scootaloo, “Are we gonna have a cat for a teacher today?”

“Cat’s don’t teach school,” huffed Diamond Tiara.

“Anyway, I don’t think that’s a cat,” said Snails.

“How?!” cried Apple Bloom. “It looks like a cat, don’t it?”

“Cats aren’t that color,” added Snips.

“And ponies ain’t s’posed to be all sort of colors, yet here we sit!”

“Felineth don’t have thothe kindth of colorth,” stated Twist.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” agreed Sweetie Belle.

“Well, if it’s not a cat, then what is it?” pouted Apple Bloom.

“A platypus?” wondered Silver Spoon.

“A ferret?” offered Diamond Tiara.

“A macaroon?” asked Snails.

“Maybe it’s a cat that’s been dyed,” said Sweetie Belle.

“If it was dead it wouldn’t be sitting there,” scoffed Scootaloo.

“Is it a ghost?!” squeaked Silver Spoon.

“Demon cat!” cried Snails.

“ENOUGH!” came a command from the front of the room.

All eyes went to the teacher’s desk and the room fell silent. The Cheerilee-colored cat cleared its throat and sat up as straight as possible. “Good morning, class.”

Silence.

“As you have absurdly noticed there is something different about me today.”

Silence.

“Despite my altered appearance I will still be conducting the lessons as normal. Understood?”

Silence.

She sighed. “Alright. I’m sure there are questions.”

“Miss Cheerilee…you’re a cat.”

“Yes, I am. Very astute observation, Apple Bloom.” The sarcasm was dripping off her voice.

“You’re not supposed to be a cat,” added Diamond Tiara.

“No, I am not. It seems education has not been wasted on any of you.”

“Why are you a cat?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Thank you, Sweetie Belle, for voicing a pertinent inquiry. I do not know why I’m a cat. I woke up like this and despite my severe inclination to find an answer and remedy, I still have a job to do. I am here to do it.”

“Cats don’t have jobs,” stated Snails.

“Hey, yeah,” realized Apple Bloom. “Why are you here?”

“I’m a teacher. I’m doing my job.”

“But you’re a cat,” retorted Diamond Tiara.

“Cats don’t have jobs,” contributed Snails.

“I’m not a cat!”

“You just said you were,” countered Scootaloo.

“Then let me amend my previous statement: I am a pony in a cat’s body. Okay?” She was desperately fighting the impatience welling up. “May we please all try to get past this and get on with the day? Please.”

“Ith thith the firtht time you’ve been turned into a cat?” asked Twist.

“No, Twist, I do this every weekend.” Her patience had run out.

“No you don’t!” cried Applebloom. “I’ve seen ya around town on the weekends and you ain’t look like a cat then.”

Cheerilee let out a very audible sigh. “I was being sarcastic.”

“Ooo, I think my sister has that, that sarcastic thing,” Sweetie Belle offered. “She has it a lot when I’m around her. Is that a disease or something?”

Cheerilee face-pawed. “Oh, Sweetie, I had such high hopes for you,” she muttered to herself. “Sarcasm is a tone you have when you’re being disingenuous.”

“Is that like being from somewhere else, like Zecora?” asked Silver Spoon.

“No, silly, that’s disindigenous,” corrected Scootaloo.

“Isn’t that your sister’s Element of Harmony?” asked Snips to Sweetie Belle.

“What?! No! She’s indigenerous. Super indigenerous.”

Cheerilee sat in stunned awe, watching with increasing disappointment as her students persisted in their asinine conversation. Second by second the sentences became exponentially more absurd. She face-pawed again and mumbled to herself: “This can’t be real. This can’t be my legacy.” Momentarily she tuned out the students while she thought of a way to get control. By the time she turned her attention back to the students, they’d gone completely off the rails.

“And that’s why Spitfire would never bite Rarity’s neck, even if she was a vampire dragon!” defiantly squeaked Sweetie Belle.

RRRREEOOOWWW!!!

The class shut up instantly and Cheerilee coughed a little and rubbed her throat. “Sorry. But now that I have your attention, I ask that you kindly to refrain from anymore conversation so we can get on with the day. We have a lot to get to.”

“Can cats teach?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Again, I’m still a pony, just in a cat’s body.”

“But…you’re still a cat. Right?” asked Scootaloo.

“No.”

“You look like a cat,” chimed Snails.

“Yes, I do. But I’m not one. Look can we just drop this? Seriously.”

“So, we get to be taught by a cat?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Again, not a cat. Just drop it. Please.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s very proper to take lessons from a cat,” stated Diamond Tiara snobbishly.

The Cheericat lightly hopped down from her desk and trotted over to her student’s desk, where upon she sprang. Sitting fully upright she spoke in a saccharine voice. “My dear, sweet, affluent, tiresome Diamond Tiara. What did I just say? Drop. It.” She nearly hissed the final few words. Her claws sliced across the desk, leaving gouges in the wood. The filly stared in fear at the threat. “Understand?” Diamond Tiara said nothing. “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” She hopped off the student’s desk and totted back to her own. With a leap she was back on her vantage point in front of the class. “Now, shall we?” she asked sweetly. “Firstly, spelling. Who can tell me how to spell soliloquy?”

“OOO! OOO!” Scootaloo enthusiastically waved her hoof in the air. The cat called on her. “S-O. L-I-L-Y. K-E-Y. So-lily-key. Nailed it.” The filly leaned back in her chair and wore a smug expression.

“How did this go so wrong so quickly?” the teacher asked herself. “Wrong, Scootaloo. Depressingly wrong. Anypony else?” Fortunately, Silver Spoon stepped in to spell it correctly. “Great, now how about ineffable?” There was a long pause before Twist finally spoke up and got it right. Cheerilee breathed a sigh of relief. “Good, now how about perpetual?” Sweetie Belle stuck the landing on this one and Cheerilee was feeling better about her class. Unfortunately, she caught sight of Diamond Tiara rolling her eyes. “Another one: can anypony spell authority? Diamond Tiara?”

“Not c-a-t,” mumbled the filly.

“What was that?”

“I’m thinking.”

“No, I think you said something. What was it?” The voice coming from the cat was nothing short of accusatory.

“Shouldn’t have to answer to a cat,” the filly pouted under her breath.

“Diamond Tiara, may I see you outside for a moment?” Cheerilee asked sweetly, not even looking at her student and walking to the door.

Diamond Tiara gulped and slid out of seat with all the enthusiasm of Princess Luna going to the beach on a cloudless day. She slinked her way through the classroom and out the door, finding the cerise cat sitting patiently by the swings.

Cheerilee spoke gently. “I understand this is a unique experience for all of you. It is for me as well. However, whatever qualms you have, whatever concerns you possess, whatever cries of moral outrage you feel like voicing, please keep those to yourself for the remainder of the day. We’re all trying to get through this as best we can and we can’t do that if we’re not all on the same page. Understand?”

The filly kicked at the ground. “I guess. Still don’t like being taught by a cat.”

The cat took a long, deep, patience-inducing, claw-retracting breath. “Yes. I’ve heard that complaint. But it doesn’t matter what you want. All that matters now is what you have. And what you have is a teacher that looks like a cat but isn’t one. I am still your teacher, no matter what I look like. Okay?”

“Hmph!”

“Very well, since you seem unable to get around this and you insist on seeing me as a cat, let me put it to you another way: I currently have nine lives, you have one. Do not tempt me to make that number even more lopsided.”

By the time Diamond Tiara reentered the schoolhouse the gravity of her teacher’s words had sunk in. Her classmates saw the once haughty and defiant filly look ashen and as though her soul was desperate to escape an inevitable fate. She slid quietly into her seat and kept her head down.

With that obstacle behind her, the teacher proceeded to get on with the day. Unfortunately, a geography lesson about Southern Equestria sidetracked into the legend of the Sphinx, which ultimately led to a question about whether or not cats – specifically Cheerilee – had any special powers or mythological attributes. Once she quelled that poor excuse for academic discourse, she moved on to basic geometry. Of course, discussion took an inevitable turn when it was brought up that cats’ ears are basically triangles. The nose as well. Despite her best efforts to regain some semblance of a cohesive lesson, it was too late. By midmorning she decided that she needed to get control, which was difficult in her diminutive and furry state. The best way to get that control was to cease any sort of discussion. A test was in order. Fortunately for her, she had on planned for the following day so it wasn’t much of an inconvenience to move it up.

After a unified protest from the students the test commenced and they got to work. There was a heavy silence in the room, only periodically interrupted by frantic erasing and huffs of frustration. About seventeen and a half minutes in, a new noise shattered the tension. It was a small, steady, consistent sound. A wet sound. Some of the fillies looked to the ceiling for a drip. Nothing. Attention soon fell on the front of the room, from where the noise was coming.

Cheerilee was still seated in the middle of her desk, but now with one back leg raised high next to her, and she licked it vigorously. With a few nibbles and gnaws thrown in, she worked up and down, cleaning the fur. The foals watched in a mixture awe and disgust as their teacher bathed herself in front of them.

There was a general confusion about whether they should interrupt her or just continue with the test. After all the foals had exchanged glances with each other they turned back to their teacher just in time to see her move from cleaning her leg to cleaning her butt. A collective groan of disgust filled the room.

Cheerilee’s head popped up in response. “What?” she asked genuinely.

“Umm…you’re…cleaning…your…yourself,” stumbled Sweetie Belle.

“I’m what?” She looked over and saw her leg sticking straight up. Fortunately, any blush she may have been sporting was hidden under her fur. “Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Yes, well, on with the test.” She hopped down to her chair and finished her bath quickly and away from prying eyes.

Once done – and done with chastising herself for such a display – she climbed back up to the desk and looked over her students. She couldn’t be sure but she felt there may have been some cheating while she was occupied. A pass through the aisles usually sets things right so that’s what she decided to do.

A little over a minute after she saw the cat jump off the desk Silver Spoon was writing away at her test when she felt something soft and fluffy brush against her leg. She looked under the desk to see the cerise teacher-cat rubbing against her. She blushed profusely and froze in place.

“Uhh…” was all the poor filly could manage.

The teacher-cat didn’t hear her student initially, due to the volume of her purr. After a few brushes against the filly she suddenly stopped. She looked up at the reddening face of Silver Spoon and then over her shoulder, seeing her side pressed against the filly’s leg. She stepped away.

“Yes, well, as you were,” she managed with a quick clearing of her throat.

“O-okay,” squeaked Silver Spoon, clearly shaken.

Cheerilee managed to finish her rounds without another incident and took her place back on the desk. In another fifteen minutes the test was over and the foals turned in their papers, some of them a bit skittishly when they neared the cat. Both Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon refused to make eye contact with their teacher. She didn’t blame them.

“Very good, class, I hope the results are evince of your dedicated studying,” she chimed hopefully. Some foals wore proud looks, others exchanged dubious and worried glances. Cheerilee knew full well these tests would likely have a lower average due to the events of the day. Which brought her back to the problem of the awful distraction that she’d become.

Now that the test was over she’d have to return to her normal lesson plans. However, if the morning was any indication, she’d have to struggle against her students’ asinine inquiries. After a few moments’ ponderance, she considered just letting class out for the day.

“CHEERILEE!” The door to the schoolhouse burst open and Twilight burst in. Cheerilee jumped two feet high and her fur stood on end. “Cheerilee!” Twilight panted, “Good, you’re here.” There was a cacophony of oos and ahhs from the class at the intrusion of the purple alicorn.

“Oh, hello, Twilight,” Cheerilee droned, immediately knowing the reason for the intrusion.

“Oh, dear. I’m sorry.” Twilight scanned over the cat.

“For what?” Cheerilee fought rolling her eyes but could not hide the eye roll in her voice.

“Interrupting your class,” the princess said sheepishly. She received an elbow to the side from Spike, who followed her in, along with Starlight. “Oh! And turning you into a cat. Yeah, heh, that too.”

“Kinda surprised you’re here,” stated Starlight.

“Why?” inquired the cat.

“Because you’re a cat. Cats don’t teach.” Starlight had never been intimidated by a pet before but the way this cat glared at her was enough to induce a phobia.

“Anyway, I’ve had a tiny mishap last night,” Twilight admitted. “A little spell went awry.”

“No no, Twilight, don’t be so modest,” grumbled Spike.

“It was a pretty spectacular fail,” added Starlight.

“Ahh hahaha…you two…” the princess sarcastically retorted. “SHHHH!”

“I don’t care,” stated Cheerilee. “Twilight, if you can fix this then that’s all I need to know.”

“Yeah…I can. Now just to be sure, do you want to do this now? You still have a class. I can wait for the end of the day.”

“Twilight, I’ve had a rather humiliating day so far. I’ve eaten a mouse, I used Roseluck’s garden as a litterbox, and cleaned myself in front of my class, among other things. I would very much appreciate it if we could move this along.”

“You pooped in Roseluck’s garden?!” cried Apple Bloom. “Winona did that last week. Was it still there? Did you see it?”

“So, cats can’t have jobs but can poop in gardens?” asked Snails. “Seems like a double standard.”

“Double-edged sword, doofus,” corrected Snips, smacking his friend.

“Wrong, flunkus,” scoffed Silver Spoon.

“It’s elitist,” complained Diamond Tiara. “Why should cats poop where they want and yet go unpunished? Ponies don’t get that luxury.”

“HA!” squeaked Sweetie Belle gleefully, “shows what you know! My sister is all sorts of elitist and not once has she ever gone to the bathroom in somepony’s garden.”

Twilight, Starlight and Spike stared in shock at the fillies asinine arguments.

“What in the name a Celestia’s golden bloomers is going on?” breathed Starlight.

“It’s been like this all day,” Cheerilee sighed. “Normally they aren’t this…detached from reality. I guess having a cat for a teacher throws them off a bit.”

“More than a bit,” Spike muttered.

“So, Twilight,” spoke the cat pony, “Back to my previous inquiry: I’m assuming you have some sort of remedy for this…mistake. I’m hoping you do.”

“Yeah. Anyway, if it’s okay, we’ll need to go to my castle to reverse it. Starlight can take over for the rest of the day.”

Cheerilee chuckled. “Good luck,” she said flatly and hopped off the desk. “Starlight, don’t take any guff from any of them. Any.”

“Sure thing, kitty.”

Cheerilee glared death at Starlight and flashed her claws. Starlight clamped shut and sat at Cheerilee’s desk, twiddling her hooves and staring intently at the back wall.

When Cheerilee, Twilight and Spike left the building the thing Cheerilee was dreading finally happened. “D’aww, the wittle kitty so cutesy wootsie!” Twilight giggled, reaching to pet the cat. A stern paw swatted away the incoming hoof.

“With all due respect, Princess Twilight, if you so much as pet me even once I will demote you back to a unicorn.” She displayed her claws. “Do you understand?”

“Uhh…heh heh,” Twilight nervously laughed. “Of course. Sorry. Come on, let’s get you fixed.”

“Get me what?!”

“Oops.”