SuperTrampoline Made Me Do It. That is all. It's also a HORRIBLE first story. Teach them mods to fail my first submitted. That one was actually decent. PTHTHTHTH!

by Latrans

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Tragedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Narcotics
Length: 1190

SuperTrampoline needed some colab offers. I word-vomited at him until this thing emerged like the Golgothan demon from a toilet in Dogma. If you haven't seen that movie, wtf are you doing here, go watch it!

SuperTrampoline needed some colab offers. I wordvomited at him until this thing emerged like the Golgothan demon from a toilet in Dogma. If you haven't seen that movie, wtf are you doing here, go watch it! Anyways, it turns out circumstances got the better of him and this abomination got long enough for me to just post. So here. Enjoy? Maybe just survive. Possibly run screaming. And remember: be careful what you put into your mind, you're not getting it back out.

Published 2021-06-28 14:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-06-28 14:50:00 UTC

The One! The Only! The Golgothan Demon!

Applejack was beating up Nazis again. This was equal parts depressing and annoying in it's regularity. Nopony could figure out where these jack-booted apes kept coming from, but the general consensus was that they lacked any kind of equine dignity, intelligence or even empathy. After one too many comments about pigs, zebras or pigs and zebras, and FAR too many attempts to reason with the dense dullards, it was generally agreed upon that they were simply deserving of any hoof prints they received. Rainbow Dash found their cries of "Muh Freedumbs!" and "Ahm bean cansuled!" entertaining for only a few moments before it got repetitive, so she left AJ to her impromptu workout and turned her attention back to the street.

"Behold! The master of all, jack of none! Marvel at his will! Such amaze! Much wow!!"

Rainbow Dash gave the... the... She drew a blank. "Hey, Twilight? What the name for carnies who call out about their attraction in an attempt to draw a crowd or at least an easy mark?"

Twilight didn't respond. She was distracted by the carnie who was calling out about their attraction in an attempt to draw a crowd or at least an easy mark. Fortunately for this particular carnie who was calling out about their attraction in an attempt to draw a crowd or at least an easy mark, there was both a crowd, and an amazingly easy mark. Unfortunately for Twilight, she was that mark.

It was at this point that the reader realized this story didn't really have a point. It was a pointless string of words strung together to resemble sentences that hoped to give the suggestion of forming an idea. But it all failed. It was horrible. The author was horrible. The people who upvoted it and recommended it were horrible. They had seen the inarticulate abomination that was this story and decided that they would NOT suffer alone. No. They would share it. They had seen the unfathomable horrors that were this text and decided the they only course of action that should follow would be to spread it around more.

And then Dash exploded.

Everything exploded. The walls were melting. Why? Why did this have to be? Was this what anxiety is like? Was it not? How would she ever know? She couldn't because she was busy exploding again. Nothing made sense as she flew through the sky. No, the sky flew around her. The world performed a sonic rainboom and was gone. So she was back in the square again.

Twilight seemed to notice her now. Sort of. Maybe. It was hard to tell. Her face had started to drag and stretch as she moved but didn't move. Everything was doing that. Changing but staying the same. Where did the eyes come from? But there were no eyes. Not even where they should be. Eyeless ponies watching an eyeless carnie shout about his eyeless jack partner.

What was he called again? Dash couldn't remember. She wanted to ask Twilight, but Twilight wasn't there. Nothing was there. It was all imploding in on itself as the rainboom performed a sonic world around her.

Fluttershy gasped as loud as Fluttershy could gasp. Which is to say that because this is a parody work and by fannon law Fluttershy is absurdly quiet, Fluttershy made an antisound gasp. This antisound gasp played backwards through time and the temporal vortexes erased existence from the universe. The universe was still there, it just didn't have any more existence to it. All that was left was those things that didn't exist. This annoyed Discord because fannon law says that when things go wrong you just throw Discord at it and because something something FriendshipTM he would fix it for no reason at all. So, of course, he fixed it and existence returned to the universe and all those things that didn't exist suddenly existed along with all those things that used to exist. Burdened with an overabundance of Stuff(c), the universe moved to a bigger house so it would have more space to keep it's Stuff(c). Reality continued on unaware that it had just failed to exist for an antisecond.

If some drugs are your foundation,
And you're unsure of creation,
There's a simple explanation,
It's that you are tripping balls!

And whichever way the world tilts,
Or however much your face wilts,
Know that friendship never lays guilt,
So you pop another tab!

When you were a little filly,
Rainboom through the sky, the colors were so pretty!
They pointed you at the Wonderbolts,
Said, "Train real hard or they won't take note!"

So you flew ten thousand laps,
And hung around some awesome chaps!
Now memories are blurred,
And reasons obscured,
But you still love the rush that it brings!

When you've failed at all your practice,
And your prospects are now fractious,
You turned to a crystal lattice.
Tell me, who are they to judge?

'Cause the color's hypnotizing,
And the Rainboom's harmonizing,
There's no more use in trying,
So just fly along, be free.

After Pinkie finished the song, Rarity looked positively scandalized on Rainbow's behalf. "Pinkie. Dear. As true as that may or may not be, some things are just not meant to be made into a public spectacle. And even if they were, 'Rub Rainbow's Nose in Her Moral and Life Failures Day' was yesterday."

Pinkie paused mid-pronk. "What? Really? But that would mean today is..." She did some quick calculations on a mechanical adding machine then tore off the receipt and examined it. "Flying Banana Peel Day." She then finished her pronk.

Twilight grabbed the receipt. The final line simply read '∞-1, Flying Banana Peel Day'. "What? How did you- But that's not-"

And then a flying banana peel landed on Twilight's face. Because it was apparently flying banana peel day. Twilight gave her head a small shake to dislodge the errant fruit skin. It was fresh, with a not-quite-ripe tinge of green still on the stem and she found herself caught in the impermanence of existence as the peel slid down her muzzle. In a few hours it will have gone from greenish yellow and firm-almost-crunchy to brownish black and slimy-pile-of-goo. The entirety of its existence gone in days. The mayflies of the fruit world. She was an alicorn now. Would this be her life? Destined to watch the world and everything in it grow old and be ground to dust by the inexorable march of time? How long until her friends became just another memory? How long until all those around her became a wash of fleeting faces against the millennia of existence? But Twilight grounded herself. Her teacher and surrogate mother was there. Had always been there. Would always be there. She was an alicorn too and as long as they could be together it would be alright. Twilight gave a smile to Princess Celestia. The princess, serene, wise and beautiful, smiled back then promptly exploded. Twice.

Author's Note

WTF are you still doing here!? Go! Scram! It's over! THE END! YOU LOSE!