Research Purposes

by KingdaKa

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Sex, Human, Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Romance, Equestria Girls
Length: 8378

Twilight tries to get a date using the scientific methods.

"Dating is hard, science is not."

Twilight Sparkle is hardly one for the emotional, illogical side of life. She reasons, processes, and reaches sensible conclusions. Emotions are fuzzy weirdness that are difficult to understand.

But hey, it's almost Valentine's Day. It'd be nice to not spend it alone, and it'd be even nicer to spend it with someone she likes. But who does she like best?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Published 2021-02-14 17:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-14 17:10:00 UTC

And It Wasn't the Slightest Bit Romantic

She set the camera at its place on her desk, a small screw attaching it to the tripod that kept it mounted and pointing at her face. Everything was as the way it was supposed to be whenever she began an experiment, right down to the placement of her pens and pencils alongside her notebooks that would contain her numerous scribbles and notes from whatever sort of reason or madness would result. Seeing as she had the wisdom to purchase several spiral books this time around, it was obvious she knew herself better than the poor woman would like to admit. The odds that she would ramble or simply make a fool of herself with these tests was a little more than likely.

Twilight Sparkle smoothed away the wrinkles on her skirt, wanting to present her very best for whatever afterthought would be given to these, though she suspected the results of this long-running experiment would likely be kept private. This wasn’t exactly in her normal routine, nor was the subject material; if she decided to be honest with herself, it was likely that she would never, ever speak of these tests ever again and try very hard to forget they ever existed. But did she want to back out? Not quite enough to convince her against the alternative.

“The date is February 1st,” she proclaimed to the unblinking camera face, and she trying not to blush as the thought of what she was attempting started to take root. Oh heaven help me. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and the purpose of the following experiment is to conduct a scientific application of selecting a potential romantic partner.”

That sounded bad, even worse than it did in her head. Why had she thought this was a good idea? Quite literally nothing about this was actually a good idea. Why not just admit that she had no social sense at all, her skills in romanticism were brain-dead and just eat chocolate all 14th-long? Why was this her means of defiance?

“Utilizing a list of standard questions,” Twilight said as she shook a clipboard for emphasis, “I will conduct a survey of potential partners and identify which partner is most suitable as a potential member of interest on the holiday known as Valentine’s Day, an annual tradition that arrives every February the 14th. Seeing as this specified holiday is less than two weeks away, there are potential ramifications for delaying beginning the tests themselves.”

She could do this. Even if she thought it was stupid. “The first potential issue that could arise is, of course, that all potential partners refuse to take part in the aforementioned tests, which automatically preclude them… us- from progressing further. The second potential issue is that someone else can have- umm, made their move, I guess- and selected any of the potential partners as a romantic interest of their own and therefore prevent them from being a potential partner to- to- oh my lord, I can’t believe myself,” Twilight said, faltering from her professionalism and beginning to groan. “If any or all potential partners are found to already be romantically attached to someone else that is not myself, they are therefore off the list and not part of final results even if all starting hypotheses state that they would be a suitable match. Therefore, it is entirely possible, if not probable, that the most suitable partner will not actually be available and the results of this experiment will be flawed no matter what attempts are made to prevent such an outcome.”

She was quite wrong; Twilight actually couldn’t do this and felt more idiotic than she knew was humanly possible. Why, of all stupid decisions, did she choose to record this nonsense? She’d turned into a manifestation of power and darkness and already that was nowhere near as cringey as this nightmarish bout of stupidity. What is actually wrong with me? Am I autistic? Stupid? Deliriously egotistical and somehow thinking that what I’m doing is significant- oh hell, what if it’s all three? How would I even begin to live with myself knowing that I’m a willful idiot after all?

Such thoughts weren’t helpful to any sort of process at all, but they appeared quite often. Twilight wished she could simply shake them away but struggled to do so, finding herself lost in the quagmire that arose from what future decisions she was trying to make.

“The likelihood of success,” Twilight continued, “is minimal. Romantic attraction is, to use the phrase, a two-way street. It is common for affection to not be mutual, as well as suitability to not equate to attraction. Therefore it is the guess of this researcher… and subject… that the results will found to be a failure. However, hopes remain high and we will begin immediately so as not to allow any further potential interference. All test subjects have been arranged in order according to availability of time as well as hypothesized compatibility. As to how this all goes- it is truly anyone’s guess, because I simply don’t know anymore.”

A red-faced, viciously unhappy Twilight rushed for her camera to end the recording and hope that she’d never have to look at it again. This was all a horrible, horrible idea. Why had she even wanted to do this at all? Was having a date for Valentine’s Day really that big an issue? She wasn’t lonely, she had good friends- friends who she possibly considered for potential romantic partnership and oh just say girlfriend you thoroughgoing IDIOT!

Twilight gave a groan and collapsed on the bed, looking over her list of names and questions that made her want to curl up into a little ball and die, never to actually say any of this and be allowed to forget it actually existed- but then came the problem that she’d have never burned the evidence away and someone would find such incriminating stupidity on her rotted corpse, which was a fate just as unappealing to her mind. Maybe I could come back as a ghost and destroy it. Do ghosts exist? Maybe that should have been my experiment instead.

She didn’t give that an answer. All she knew was that anything was better than this.

The camera was well-placed in the corner, inconspicuous and out of primary view so as not to catch attention. It would be able to record both of their expressions, something she would need to analyze in order to make a more complete analysis of all potential partners; nonverbal cues were almost as indicative as tone, the both of which more valuable than words said. Twilight had the social prowess of a dying slug, but she had the brains to know this, at least.

It was in her nature to declare all potential factors in the experiment before it took place, but with her subject –partner? Potential girlfriend?- in the room alongside her, Twilight decided that such an idea was likely to be more considered as something insulting. She’d simply have to add the notes to each recording later.

“OK,” Twilight said, settling into the chair opposite her subject. “Comfortable? Ready to begin?”

“I mean… I guess,” Sunset answered, peering over to the corner of the room and eyeing the camera with some degree of uncertainty. “Umm, Twilight, what is this-?”

“Ignore the camera,” Twilight said, trying to regain the focus of the pretty-faced girl before her. Sunset had been the logical guess right from the start, seeing as they could be so similar. Both were academically inclined, for one, though Sunset was more confident than she. It was a good potential match. “Now, are you ready to begin or do you need a minute?”

“Umm… sure, I guess,” Sunset said, a smile on her lips that suggested mild awkwardness. “So what were you wanting to talk to me about, Twilight?”

“Just a list of some basic questions,” she said evasively; try as she might, the likelihood that Sunset would figure this out before too long was high. The sooner she got this finished the better, lest Twilight lose her nerve. “If anything makes you uncomfortable or you need a break, please let me know so we can bring things to a halt.”

“Alright, then,” Sunset said, settling in her chair in the hopes of relaxing. “What did you want to know?”

Twilight may be entirely unfamiliar to the realms of dating, but she wasn’t hopelessly stupid on how to get to know a romantic partner- even a potential one. Knowledge on the person themselves and knowing how they operated- actually, behaved was a better word for this. Anyway, she would start small and simple, with questions she even knew the answer to. With tiered groups of questions in case subjects were deemed more likely, she would… instigate further. But enough of that now. “Can you tell me where you’re from?”

Sunset pulled a face. “Twilight, I think you know that.”

“Answer the question, please.” Wait, that was too abrupt. Be nice!

Thankfully, Sunset only laughed. “Alright. I was born in Equestria and was raised in the capital city, spending most of my youth as a protégé to the Princess Celestia.”

A small note scribbled. But she’s right, I do know this. “OK. And what would you say you like to do in your free time?”

“Help people, I guess. And maybe play a little music,” Sunset answered. “I don’t like to be bored, so it’s nice to spend my time doing something worthwhile.”

Definitely agree, and this is not a good use of my time. “What would you say your greatest weakness is?”

“Oh, I’m impatient, definitely,” Sunset answered swiftly. “I guess that falls under anger, though, right? Still…”

“Alright. What about your greatest strength?” Twilight asked.

“Umm…” Sunset pondered the thought. “I don’t really know all that well, I guess. I’ve got so many people who help me do the right thing that I don’t even think about it!”

Humility, Twilight scribbled onto her notes. Not a bad quality to have. “What are qualities of personality you tend to admire in people?”

“Hmm…” Sunset puzzled herself on that one for a bit. “Oh, I’d say… I like seeing confidence in people, for a start. And just a- happiness, too. Like when they’re really happy, from the inside. Those stand out to me a lot, I think.”

Twilight felt her stomach start to sink. This was already a waste of time in regards to Sunset, if she were honest. Maybe not, don’t be so judgmental. “What are some physical traits you admire in others?”

Something about the question must have set Sunset off, for her face suddenly became scrunched in confusion. “Umm… why?”

Time to start backtracking. “No reason,” Twilight answered all too quickly as she clutched her notes.

Sunset was of course not one so easily fooled and suddenly rose from her seat to peer at the clipboard of papers, scrutinizing its contents before a furiously embarrassed Twilight could hide them from sight. She definitely caught the headline that was on the questionnaire, her gaze flickering away from the paperwork to that of her interviewer.

“Twilight?”

“Please don’t laugh,” the flushed woman begged.

“Are you trying to ask me out for a Valentine’s date?” Sunset asked, her face already beginning to glow with a smile.

“Umm.” The blushing face couldn’t have been a more obvious answer and even the socially clueless Twilight knew it. This was such a bad idea, stupid, stupid, stupid-

Sunset laughed, a sound that made poor Twilight want to disappear beneath the floor even if it was gentle. “Oh my gosh,” Sunset said, her smile just as warm as it had been before even as she struggled to contain her mirth. “Twilight, I’m gonna say no but- oh my gosh, I love you so much. You are just too pure, I swear.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t want to bother you, or- or anything-”

“Bother me? I’m not bothered at all, don’t worry!” Sunset said pleasantly. “Oh Twilight, you are adorable, even if you’re absolutely clueless. Are you sure this is how you want to get a Valentine’s Day date? Really?”

“I don’t have any better ideas,” she said quietly.

“OK, so- so, umm, how many people have you- are you seriously interviewing them?” Sunset asked. “Like for a job position and everything?”

“… Just you.”

“OK. Look, Twilight, we all love you to death and-” the red-haired girl forced herself to regain some self-control, each new syllable threatening to destabilize her into a fit of giggles. “OK, OK! I’m good now, I promise! I promise, alright…”

Twilight stood there with a face three shades more red than her friend and wishing she was dead. This was such a bad idea-

“OK! So Twilight,” Sunset tried again. “I will neither persuade nor dissuade you from this at all. You can do this however you wish, in whatever way you think is best. But I’ll tell you right now that I am not available, but I am truly flattered anyway. Honestly, you’re sweet. You’re definitely someone I’d consider if I were single, but-” she twirled a ruby jeweled necklace that hung about her neck to flaunt the attachment- “I’m occupied elsewhere. So don’t feel bad when I say no.”

“Alright.” Well, it was a logical conclusion, anyway. No experiment ever started out perfectly, particularly when it concerned the social sciences. She’d see something eventually come about- right?

“I’m gonna let you be for a bit,” Sunset said as she gave her friend a hug. “But- oh my gosh, Twilight, you are too cute. Please, if this works, I want to know everything. Tell me the whole story of how it all goes- I want to know everything!”

Another day, another test subject. Twilight had struggled to decide between Applejack and Rarity, considering how highly she thought of the both of them. Applejack was a classic sort of pretty, slender and strong; Rarity was the personification of grace and elegance more commonly seen in days gone by. Though she wasn’t sure if she held any sort of romantic attachment to either of them, it certainly wouldn’t be a bad result if she found herself compatible with one or the other.

“Are you sure you want me for your… erm, experiment, darling?” Rarity asked uncertainly, eyeing Twilight’s camera just as Sunset had two days prior. “I- if it’s alright to ask, this won’t require any sort of… physical exertion, will it?”

“No! I promise, Rarity, just a series of questions,” Twilight answered as she settled herself. “Depending on how things go, this could go by quickly or take a little while. It’s all u to how you answer.”

“Alright, then,” Rarity said pleasantly, her most charming smile a sight of beauty to behold. “What did you wish to know, dear?”

Twilight began her work through the opening questions again, Rarity smoothly answering with a known-by-heart sort of swiftness that made her interviewer take pause. The knowing smile when Rarity was asked any question wasn’t exactly a comforting sight- had Sunset forewarned her, even when promising to keep out of it? That would interfere with more honest results and the young scientist knew it; she wanted genuine answers, not what her tickling ears wanted to hear.

“So… what do you look for in a romantic partner?” Twilight inquired. Surely this question would give her away by now.

Rarity continued to smile just as she had since the interview had begun, saying, “Well… do you refer to physical attributes or to traits of character, Twilight?”

“Umm…” How had she missed that? Couldn’t she have differentiated that herself without someone else pointing it out? Some researcher you are! “Let’s go with character traits for now,” she said.

“Very well,” Rarity said. “First off, I do love someone who invests into the romance as much as I do. And someone who can be just as romantic and, oh, I guess as silly as I am is something I admire. I do appreciate physical affection from a significant other.”

“Al- alright,” Twilight continued, “how about p-physical traits?”

Rarity’s smile was excessively smug. “Freckles and blonde hair, for starters.”

“Freckles and bl-” Twilight gave a start as she realized she knew those attributes in someone else quite well. “Oh heaven help me.”

As if on cue, the door to the emptied classroom opened and Applejack walked in to break up the interview, a bouquet of flowers in her hand as she strode forth with Rarity in her sights. “Hey, darling,” she said warmly, “I know it’s a bit early but you said you wanted Valentine’s for your own plans so I decided we’d-” Her greetings came to a halt as she caught sight of the occupied pair before her, Rarity sniggering madly and Twilight so deep in her palms that she looked as though she might not come out again. “Uh… did I interrupt something?”

“On the contrary, my sweet,” Rarity said through her giggles, “I believe you came at the perfect time and oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, Twilight! I didn’t think that would actually happen, I promise I didn’t plan it!”

Twilight didn’t respond, save for a solitary shudder that ran through her petite body. Her friends could have sworn they heard a rather wet sniff.

“Twilight, darling,” Rarity said softly, motioning for Applejack to lay the bouquet aside as they tended to their poor friend’s rather battered emotions. “Twilight, please don’t cry! We’re not making fun of you, I truly promise it! It’s alright, we’re not laughing at you!”

“I feel like an idiot,” Twilight said thickly, pulling away her glasses to dab at the growing droplets that were forming about her eyes. “This is so stupid, why did I think this was a good idea?”

“Uh, what were you even doing?” Applejack asked, more thoroughly confused than anyone else in the room could possibly hope to be.

“Sweet Twilight is looking for love, it would seem,” Rarity answered. “I do not believe, however, that she knew you and I were together. We should be flattered, really, such a lovely woman considered me –and you, I’m guessing- for a Valentine’s date! I almost envy the lucky girl who wins her heart.”

“Oh shuttup,” Twilight said unhappily. “This was so stupid and such a waste of time. I’m sorry to make you go through this, this was just idiotic. Why would I even think anyone would want to-”

“Don’t you even finish that sentence, Twilight!” Rarity commanded, her normally lilted voice suddenly becoming as sharp as iron, a fiery light in her eyes. “I will not hear such a lovely, wonderful person as yourself go about disparaging your good name with a bunch of slanderous lies. Not even for the smallest second, do you hear me? You are both beautiful and kind, and there is not a sensible soul on this earth that would not be delighted to have you by their side, I will not hear anything else on the matter.”

“And if anyone’s telling you otherwise, let me know,” Applejack added. “Ain’t no friend of mine gonna hear a bunch of nonsense like that from some blame fool who don’t know rabbit turds from rice krispies.”

Rarity pulled a face at the remark, but ignored it as she reached out to give Twilight a hug, trying to ensure no further tears found their form. “Now,” she said warmly. “Twilight, why don’t you tell me why you’re trying to find a date like this? Don’t you like anyone? Anyone special?”

“I- I don’t know, really,” Twilight admitted. “You’re all so nice and lovely, I just- I couldn’t really figure out what I thought. Or what was a good idea, so I just sort of tried to figure it all out the best way I know. I’m- I’m sorry…”

“Twilight, it’s perfectly alright! Goodness, I’m flattered that you’d be willing to take such a risk!” Rarity replied. “Applejack and I are- we’re both touched, truly. If we were not together… please don’t sell yourself short, Twilight. Or go after someone simply because you don’t wish to be alone, because you are truly worth much more than that.”

Twilight couldn’t really see very well, and even her glasses wouldn’t have helped. At least she had good friends who loved her, too.

Twilight had decided almost the moment she had begun that this was unlikely, but her fascination with Rainbow Dash’s answers was stronger than her embarrassment.

She had to have some for the both of them, really.

“Yeah, so I gotta thank you for introducing me to your old Crystal Prep friends, Twilight,” Rainbow said as she continued to drift into her succulent daydreams. “I mean, damn. It’s been awesome to have them around, and especially for shit like this! Just, holy fuck! Sugarcoat’s got such big, fat titties and everything! And Indigo is crazy, I mean crazy!”

Twilight hadn’t spoken in about five minutes. She’d almost entirely forgotten the question she’d last asked, and was wondering how she’d even gotten to this point. Part of her desperately wanted to not keep hearing a further explanation from her (quite obviously) sexually charged friend, but another part of her couldn’t stop listening.

“So I mean, there I am: Sugarcoat’s titties just grinding into me, I mean full on grinding!” Rainbow said. “And I love watching them bounce around, but I can’t see anything cause I’m so deep in Indigo’s pussy that I feel like I’m at a waterfall. She’s moaning and crying, I’m trying to not cum from where Indigo’s fingering me and we’re all just soaked at this point- hey, where are you going? I wasn’t finished!”

Twilight wasn’t finished either, but she didn’t quite yet know in what way. At least she didn’t need to continue the interview anymore.

The camera again found its place on the desk in Twilight’s bedroom, the bright red eye just off-center glowing brightly as it stared into the face of its owner.

“So…” Twilight said faintly, “umm… common sense has prevailed in regards to this particular candidate rather than continuing on.” Her face was still pale, amazed that she had actually considered this in the first place. “The original intent was to request a meeting in Principal Celestia’s office and attempt an interview there. However, I realized that even though I am a legal adult, there were potential ramifications for approaching a member of educational staff with romantic intent.”

She would burn this tape, more likely than not. She certainly wouldn’t want to remember its contents. “Note to self,” Twilight added. “If still single once graduation comes around, re-attempt experiment after three months of separation from Canterlot High. Otherwise, never speak of this again.

No more formal interviews, Twilight commanded. For the love of god.

“Order eighteen!” The hefty bag of pastries was stuffed to the brim yet still sealed with a sticker to hold its contents down, the pink-haired mistress of all things sugary in her usual form of service with a smile as she helped her last customer walk away satisfied, the delicious treats within crafted by her own hand. Pinkie’s off-time was usually spent in some manner of busyness, whether it be for her own enjoyment or for that of her job. Today, her career kept her occupied as even the mid-afternoon crowd still continued to pour in and grab whatever pastries still remained fresh on the trays.

“Thanks so much, you have a super-duper day! Sorry Twilight, what were you wanting to ask me?” Pinkie’s usual vibrancy could be overwhelming if one wasn’t used to it, but Twilight found it appealing. The frizz-haired woman she called friend was a joy to be around, making even thoughts of a bad mood disappear. Even if they ended up not being all that compatible, like Twilight was predicting, a date with Pinkie Pie would still be a good time.

“Oh, not anything big, Pinkie,” Twilight said as she followed her friend about, the busy baker keeping herself hard at work even as she listened. “I was just curious about knowing a few things.”

“Oh, neat! But why ask me, though? I’m not super bookish and scary-smart like you and Sunset are, I just like making people happy!”

“And you do that really well, too!” Twilight added, earning a fresh, glowing beam from Pinkie. “But why do you like making people happy, Pinkie? Why do it at all?”

“Because it’s fun, silly!” Pinkie replied. “I know what it’s like to feel all icky and sad and I don’t ever want anyone else to feel like that, so I work super hard to make people smile and feel good right in their heart!”

Twilight wouldn’t have even wished away the smile. Pinkie was pure, in a way. A goodness that didn’t really seem to have any self-interest within it at all, a dedication that was genuinely admirable. How else could she think of it? “Don’t you ever think of having more than just friends, though?”

Pinkie pondered the thought for a few seconds before giving a violent shake of her head. “Nah! Not right now, at least! I like where I am and what I do, so I don’t really want to stop yet! Besides, if I started dating then I wouldn’t be able to help other people and be nice to them as much because I’d be having to look after somebody special instead! If I started dating they’d have to want to be nice and happy to everyone they meet just as much as I do! Oh, could you give me a hand, Twilight? These trays are full of bear claws and are actually super heavy!”

Twilight spent the rest of her day in Pinkie’s company, all thoughts of interviews and questions put aside. Pinkie’s joy was infectious, a delight to behold, and better left to be given to all rather than just one. Out of all the people she’d met in the world, Twilight concluded that Pinkie was too much joy for one person to keep to themselves. Too selfish a thought.

The morning of the 12th came along Twilight found herself going down her list of candidates again, a somewhat wistful sigh on her lips as she considered the numerous bouts of red ink across names and faces. To say things hadn’t gone well wouldn’t exactly be true, but she hadn’t gotten a date yet, either. She was happy for her friends and the way their lives had unfolded- truly, she was. Twilight didn’t want to be a jealous grump and try to dampen their happiness, or wistful and wishing for a daydream that would never come to pass.

“I… am considering that perhaps the experiment was destined to be unsuccessful from the beginning,” Twilight said to her camera. “There has been no positive reception, as either all parties are currently engaged elsewhere or are not receptive. I am trying to make sure I don’t become vengeful or jealous in return, as these people are my friends and I really am glad they’re happy. Perhaps this endeavor wasn’t the best idea in the first place. It is beginning to come to mind that I should instead be following in Pinkie Pie’s footsteps rather than focusing on my own satisfaction. She mentioned she wants to distribute candy and pastries to people in school, and I might join her in that effort. Besides… it’s likely a better use of my time than the alternative.”

The alternative was the most fearful, timid, and decisively unromantic person Twilight knew: Fluttershy. Why had she even considered talking to Fluttershy in the first place? She knew what the result would be from this well before she’d even started, this was stupid. Fluttershy could barely stomach getting gifts from her friends, and last Valentine’s Day she’d disappeared completely! Yes, she was extremely kind, beautiful, sweet-faced, soft-voice and gentle- but none of those equated to success that would overcome her extreme timidity.

Twilight’s logical mind had come to two conclusions regarding Fluttershy, one far more likely than the other. Either Fluttershy would be unreceptive, avoid any and all romantic advances from all sources she would encounter, or someone else would have already beaten Twilight to the punch and captured the beautiful woman’s heart. It wasn’t like Fluttershy didn’t have a fairly long list of suitors, what with being so lovely and kind-hearted; Rarity often said the gentle beauty would be the most desirable woman in school if she’d just be less shy.

No matter what, she didn’t have a chance. It was honestly a pity, Fluttershy was a wonderful person.

Her first problem was finding Fluttershy in the first place. Having more or less cancelled all ‘formal’ interviews had seen her schedule made free, and she hadn’t exactly gotten Fluttershy to agree in the first place. It wasn’t the most shocking thing to not see her around school, but Twilight wanted to at least try and see this done rather than keeping her hopes up. A quick word from Rarity was enough to explain it all. “She… is taking a moment to herself,” the elegant woman reported. “She had a bit of a fright today.”

“Is she alright?” Twilight felt her heart sink; she didn’t want to compound problems on the poor girl.

“Yes, she’s fine! But… well, a nice young man tried to ask her out on a date for Valentine’s and he was a bit, erm, enthusiastic about it,” Rarity replied. “He didn’t mean anything by it, but I guess he thought poor Fluttershy wanted to be swept off her feet.”

The idea was preposterous. The quietest person Twilight had ever known wasn’t one to enjoy a grand spectacle in regards to just about anything, much less in a love life that she barely tended to herself. “Oh, so… shoot, I guess I should leave her alone,” Twilight realized. “I was- well…”

Rarity paused from cleaning her nails and glanced at her friend. “Were you planning to talk to her as well?” She guessed.

“I- yeah, I was,” Twilight answered, feeling a small flush and smile come to her face. “I know it’s not likely or anything.”

The would-be fashionista considered the thought for a moment. “I don’t think she wants to be overwhelmed,” she remarked, “but I doubt she’d mind your company for a little while. You are a quieter soul than most.”

“Oh! Well, where- do you know where she is?”

It wasn’t much of a surprise when the answer turned out to be the soccer field bleachers, well-wrapped in a warm coat as she watched Rainbow continue practicing even in the off-season. The two had been close for nearly as long as they’d been alive, the prismatic athlete more like the timid girl’s sister and protector than mere friend. As she approached the near-empty field, the soft-faced woman was tending to a small notebook and occasionally glancing up as Rainbow raced across the field in a smattering of maneuvers and drills against a shadowy opposition.

The sound of footsteps on tin metal alerted the quiet girl to her impending company, she turning from her notes to see a hesitant Twilight approaching. “Oh, hello, Twilight,” she greeted, her signature sweet smile on her face. “You’re not cold, are you? I know it’s a little chilly out here right now.”

“I’m… a bit, actually,” Twilight answered as she made to sit beside her friend. The jacket she wore was made for slightly warmer weather than this, not enough to stifle the breeze.

“Then here, come sit with me!” Fluttershy said, motioning for the chilled girl to sit close. “I’m not very big but you might feel better if we huddle close together.”

“Oh! Thanks.” The two women held one another close as they tried to endure the cold weather of mid-February, a slight tinge of thin rain intermixed within the occasional gusts of wind. Their sedentary place upon the bleachers did little to help them endure it, watching as Rainbow powered through by a combination of body heat and constant movement. “So… I heard you got a bit of a scare today.”

Fluttershy became somewhat shame-faced. “I hope I didn’t make him feel bad when I said no,” she said. “It was just… a lot. At least he was only trying to be nice.”

“You OK?”

“Mm? Uh-huh, I am,” Fluttershy answered. “Thank you for asking.”

They watched as Rainbow suddenly rushed forward to deliver a meteor of a kick, the ball tearing through ice and air to make a goal, its deliverer pretending to celebrate some imagined scenario.

“Did Rainbow ask you to come out here with her while she practiced?”

“Mhm. I’m about to leave, though,” the sweet-faced girl said. “I volunteer at a rescue shelter after school on Fridays.”

“Really? What do you do there?” Twilight inquired.

“Oh, nothing very big,” Fluttershy answered. “Mostly it’s just feeding animals, walking some of the dogs, or just cleaning up after them. It’s not much, but I like to go. When I get a chance to relax with them for a bit, it’s nice to simply spend time with them and let them feel loved for a while- at least until they get their forever home.”

So sweet. “It sounds just like something you’d do,” Twilight remarked. “I almost want to give it a try myself.”

Fluttershy gave a small look of surprise. “Really? Would you like to come with me today?”

“I- I mean, could I even go without signing up?”

“I think it would be alright, at least just this once. I’ll tell them that you were interested in volunteering and came along to see what it was like.”

It was an idea, a spur-of-the-moment thing that suddenly had Twilight glowing. “Yeah! I’d love to go, it sounds like a lot of fun!”

“OK. Then I guess we could go now,” the gentle-hearted girl said, tossing her notebook in her bag and tossing it across her shoulders. “Rainbow Dash! Twilight and I are leaving now. Please don’t stay out here too long and catch cold!”

The so-called yell was soft and thin against the elements, but apparently Rainbow was well-tuned to hear it; a thumbs-up and a wave of goodbye signaled that she had heard.

The drive over was pleasantly quiet, Twilight finding herself regarding her soft-spoken friend with a measure of curiosity. It was of immense surprise to her that Fluttershy had never dated, no matter how fearful she was; someone this lovely of form wasn’t the kind to stay available for long, and she had the sweetness to match. Surely there was someone who adored her enough to make the effort, to really get on Fluttershy’s level and try to woo her in a way that would feel comfortable. I mean, look at her! She’s so pretty and she doesn’t even really think about it, how could you not love her?

“Thank you for coming with me, Twilight,” Fluttershy said suddenly as they drove along. “I don’t usually have someone with me when I volunteer, so it’s- nice to have some company.”

“Glad to be here,” Twilight said warmly. “But why do people not take the offer?”

“Everybody is a little busy in their own way, I guess,” Fluttershy answered. “Applejack has to help out her family business, Rainbow is always training, Pinkie Pie has to work… Sunset sometimes came with me, but ever since she started dating she’s been spending more time at the music studio so she’s gotten busier, too. And Rarity…”

That was an easy guess. “Doesn’t like getting dirty?”

Fluttershy grinned. “I think she’d prefer to just donate money instead.”

“Well, I’m glad I get to come with you, then,” Twilight remarked. “It’s nice to spend time with you, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy, to her surprise, beamed. “I’m glad you’re spending time with me, too, Twilight.”

Well, how about that. At least she’d be among pleasant company today, even if nothing really amounted to this.

The shelter itself was little more than a brightly-painted building of heavy brick with a dark-grey roof, the sound of dogs barking coming from somewhere behind a wire fence. The place seemed lively, active- a thought confirmed when the two walked inside and were greeted by a cacophony of noise that was the intermingling of barks and meows and chirps and trills of all kinds of creatures. It was a vibrant, near-deafening clamor of sound that took Twilight by surprise and made her regard her friend with surprise. For someone so quiet and tranquil, this place seemed the exact opposite. “It’s loud!” Twilight laughed.

Fluttershy smiled. “It’s getting close to playtime for a lot of the dogs,” she said. “And some animals get very excited when they hear the front doors open, because it might mean a new friend- and today it does!”

“OK, so… where do- where do I go?”

“Oh, sorry! Come with me,” Fluttershy said, taking her companion by the hand and guiding them further back into the depths of the facility to whatever destination that awaited them.

Twilight didn’t want to blush, but found herself turning red anyway. Her hand is really soft and warm.

Their destination ended up being the director of the shelter, greeting Fluttershy as she would an old friend. Delighted to have an extra hand willing to help about the place, the two girls were assigned to the dog’s side of the shelter for whatever tasks needed to be done. As soon as the door opened, Twilight found her senses struck by sound and smell of animal life that seemed nigh-overwhelming. She was surprised when Fluttershy seemed to barely notice.

“Over here,” Fluttershy said as she gestured to the first row of kennels. “We’ll make sure everybody has some water and that they’re doing OK. There’s a few I’d like you to meet, they’re so sweet and I know they’d love to see you…”

It had all been an unexpected adventure, but one that Twilight found herself thoroughly enjoying. The work she performed alongside Fluttershy was occasionally grimy and gross, more urine and feces than she had expected to deal with that day, and the sounds of powerful barks and yips snapped in her ears. But for every icky moment there was a canine smile, a happy wag of a tail that spoke to the unfettered happiness that only dogs could possess, more than a few long stops made in the kennels as the pair paused to play and enjoy their furry company, not one animal unwilling to accept the outpouring of affection. Some were rambunctious, exuberant to almost a fault; others were gentle and patient, a calm in them that would make a peaceful home feel even more so. Some of the more timid dogs wrenched at Twilight’s heart, one in particular missing a rear limb and bearing marks that could only be scars. It was a struggle to get it to approach her, and under Fluttershy’s patient lead, the two were able to see the poor creature relax and accept some well-earned affection to counter its past history of neglect.

“Oh, he’s so sweet,” Twilight murmured as the fearful Pittie closed his eyes and rested underneath their loving touch. “Goodness, how could you ever want to hurt such a sweet dog like this?”

“Mr. Wiggles has been here for a while now,” Fluttershy said as she gave his ears a good scratching. “He was so scared when he first got here, the poor thing would start screaming if you so much as put a finger on him. I just know he’ll be the bestest friend in the whole world as soon as the right person comes along.”

“Oh gosh, if I could take him right now I would,” Twilight added. “What a good boy, aren’t you? Aren’t you?”

Fluttershy smiled as the once-abused canine continued to melt at the feeling of Twilight’s touch. “He must like you very much, Twilight, he’s almost never let anyone pet him this long.”

“Only because he knows I’m your friend,” Twilight replied happily. She’d been thoroughly enjoying herself here, particularly in Fluttershy’s company. The lovely woman possessed a quiet, serene sort of vibrancy that reminded Twilight of Pinkie Pie- yet softer, gentler in nature. Twilight had tried to come up with a reasonable, logical explanation for this but instead found herself thinking of the beautiful woman she was with more deeply: to be with Fluttershy was to see a song in form, a peaceful melody that would both calm and spur the soul. She was the sound of nature, unfettered and allowed to be beautiful without any hint of human element to muddy the waters. Unscientific as it was, Twilight realized she was rather smitten.

I’ve got to ask her.

But what if we’re not a good match?

Do I even care? Not really.

But she’s Fluttershy! She’s already been asked out once today, leave her alone!

But she’s so PRETTY. Oh my gosh, why did I try to talk to Fluttershy last?!

The argument in her head overflowed, both sides intermingling as she spoke. “Fluttershy, can- can I ask you something?”

Fluttershy paused in their sweeping of the floors, the tune she was humming coming to an abrupt halt. “Of course,” she said.

Twilight desperately wanted to ask and not ask. “Fluttershy, why… why have you never dated? So many people at school have asked you out just since I’ve met you.”

Fluttershy considered the question with a slight tinge of pink on her cheeks. “I… umm, well,” she began, “I just- I guess cause I don’t want them to feel bad.”

“To feel bad?”

Fluttershy nodded. “The boy that asked me out today… he said he wanted to take me to a fancy dinner- and then go dancing. I know he meant to be nice, but- but I guess that sort of thing is just too loud.”

Twilight knew it had been a personal question ask, watching as Fluttershy’s composure was slowly changing; she was tensing, uncomfortable. “I didn’t mean to be too personal,” she said.

“Oh, it’s alright. I think you understand,” Fluttershy said quickly. “I’m not very… romantic. Everybody wants to do something super exciting and fun, but I’d just rather curl up under a blanket and have a cup of tea. Or read a book, or- do something like this. I don’t like to do very loud things.”

“That makes sense,” Twilight replied. “I don’t think I’d be very good at stuff like that, either, so I know how you feel. I like reading and learning and looking at stars, but it never sounds like a good idea for a date.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No, they all sound lovely,” she said. “I bet a lot of people think so, too, but you’re just super smart and pretty and so you’re a little scary.”

“Scary?” Twilight echoed. “Me? But I’m… Fluttershy, you and Rarity are the really pretty ones, I’m just a nerd with glasses! I guess I just look… well, normal, I guess!”

Fluttershy smiled and gave another shake of her head. “I know a lot of people think you’re very pretty,” she affirmed, “and you are really, really smart, Twilight. You’re a little intimidating because of how smart you are, and so I think that’s why a lot of people are scared to ask you out.”

Twilight laughed, not sure of what reaction to give in the slightest to such a revalation. “Well, I- I don’t really see a line,” she remarked.

“I know Trixie was wanting to ask you out,” Fluttershy reported. “And there was a girl at Crystal Prep who was talking to Rainbow about you… Fleur? I think there are others, too.”

Twilight could not have blushed a deeper shade of red even if she’d tried. Trixie, who only seemed to love herself? Fleur? She was a supermodel, for heaven’s sake! “I- I never knew!”

“There are a lot of people that like you very much, Twilight,” Fluttershy said. “You’d be a very nice girlfriend. And you really try to make the other person feel happy.” A pause, her eyes glancing away from contact. “I like being with you. Like this.”

“I- I do, too,” Twilight said meekly. Ask her, you drip.

Silence reigned as the two red-faced girls continued in their chores, sweeping and cleaning after their time of fun with their furry companions. Spills were mopped up, last goodbyes were said materials were either tossed into the trash or put away in closets or corners for later use. The two washed themselves up so as not to continue holding to the scent of their tasks and said their goodbyes to the staff, leaving the still-lively building behind and heading to the car.

“That was fun,” Twilight said.

“It was,” Fluttershy agreed. “I… if you’d like to come with me again, I’d- I would like that very much. I like spending time with just you, Twilight.”

“I would-” Twilight felt her nerve starting to fracture and she knew she’d need to ask now or let the thought die forever. “Fluttershy, would you like to go out with me this weekend? We- we can- I don’t really have an idea for what we can do, but I’d like to do it with you.”

Fluttershy couldn’t look Twilight in the eye, but she smiled and gave a nod. “I’d like that,” she said. “The zoo is still open. We can go in the afternoon when it’ll be a little warmer- and then maybe go get an early dinner together.”

“I’d like that.” Twilight felt herself glow, even if there was a palpable sense of awkwardness. She’d actually gotten a date for Valentine’s Day, even if she’d made herself look silly doing so. There was the urge to do a number of things, but all she could convince herself to do was give Fluttershy a hug- a gesture that was well-received and met in equal measure.

“Umm… Twilight?” Fluttershy asked.

“Mhm?”

The sweet-faced girl loosened her embrace and looked directly at Twilight, a soft gaze meeting those darkened eyes. “Could- is it alright if I kiss you? I really want to right now.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide. It was the boldest, most daring thing she’d ever heard Fluttershy say. This girl was timidity incarnate, shyness and possessing not even a droplet of boldness in her beautiful body-! Fluttershy could barely answer a question in a classroom, and now she wanted to kiss her?

How could Twilight hope to say no?

“I- yes, that’s alright,” Twilight whispered a little breathlessly. “I- I mean, if you want to-”

“I do,” Fluttershy said softly, leaning in and placing her lips against Twilight’s.

If either one was honest with themselves, it was not the best kiss they could have shared. With zero experience in the realms of romanticism between them, their first kiss was little more than lips pressed against one another with a mismatched amount of force and tenderness, no skill or finesse to sweeten the gesture. But to call it unenjoyable would also have been a lie, Twilight melting as she felt the willfulness behind Fluttershy’s effort, and her lips were extremely soft. She rather liked the feeling of Fluttershy’s lips; by instinct, her hand caressed the sweet girl’s face in response to the tenderness. When they broke apart, the two young women were flush-faced and smiling from embarrassment, not at all sure of what to make of this rush of emotion yet they still remained close together. Fluttershy had even put her arms around Twilight’s waist.

“That was nice,” Fluttershy said. “You… I like your lip gloss.”

Twilight had put it on as an afterthought, for her own enjoyment. “You felt nice, too.”

“Is it- can I kiss you again, please?”

“Uh-huh.”

Their second kiss was far sweeter, the awkwardness that had permeated their first embrace now evaporated in the wake of desire, the longing to feel and taste each other once again. Twilight leaned in against Fluttershy all the more, her hands weaving their way through Fluttershy’s hair and holding the gentle woman closely to her, the act returned as Fluttershy’s grasp about her own waist deepened; their lips melted against once another, a longing gesture made right in sweetness even if experience had yet to blossom. But the act was wanted, needed, and enjoyed immensely by both. It was a shame they had to end it, necessity of breath halting an act they had both cherished.

“Ooh.” Twilight was disappointed the kiss had been forced to end, not at all displeased with having Fluttershy against her. “I- Fluttershy, can we- you know, spend some time together- like, right now, maybe?”

Fluttershy’s nod was remarkably swift, her breaths now coming in at a fiercer pace and her expression charged. “My- umm- my parents are gone. For the weekend,” she said. “If we go to my house, we can keep, umm- keep kissing, and stuff. For as long as we want.”

“I’d like that.”

“Me- me too. Hurry.”

Twilight didn’t know if she would ever be able to explain her search history to anyone. Her frantic desire for knowledge that night had seen all forethought go out the window, whatever incognito mode she should have used entirely forgotten. But then again, you can have it for next time. In case you don’t remember.

The bed wasn’t exactly a large one, but she didn’t mind the close company. As the sun filtered through the nearby window, Fluttershy remained fast asleep and dreaming contentedly after their night’s adventure. Twilight couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her- friend? I guess girlfriend now, she realized, and placed a kiss on her cheek. And it’s not even Valentine’s Day yet.

She wanted to turn to her phone again, jot down a few notes to finalize the experiment she had attempted to conduct. But the results were a little better than she’d hoped for -or expected- and maybe didn’t need to be written down. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t remember them. I'll have to see if I can replicate the results tonight. And maybe tomorrow, too.
For research.

Author's Note

This was saccharine and stupid. Of course I loved it.

Happy Valentine's Day. Enjoy, I guess.