The Muffin Mare

by Dragonfire2lm

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Dinky Hooves
Length: 3367

The CMC go to unravel the mystery of Ponyville's secret baker- the muffin mare!

As the trio known throughout Ponyville as the Cutie Mark Crusaders discuss there next meeting at Sugarcube corner an argument takes place, which is better, the cupcakes made by Pinkie Pie? or the muffins made from the recipies invented by the mysterious 'muffin mare' of ponyville?

As cries of "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MUFFIN MARE FINDERS YAY!" explode through the streets, everypony knows that comedy, failed plans and more tree sap are abound in the CMC's latest adventure.

Cover by Pinkamena666

Published 2012-09-07 22:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-13 06:44:43 UTC

New Tactics (edited)

When the trio reached Ponyville's famous farm they were met with a slightly annoyed Applejack.

"Ya'll tried getting your cutie marks again didn't you?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah..." all three fillies replied in unison.

"Well, Ah suppose there's no stoppin ya'll, just be careful now alright?" the farm pony asked as she went over to get the hose.

"Of course we'll be careful sis!" Applebloom chimed happily, Sweetie and Scootaloo nodding to support the statement.

A blast of cold water was their reply as Applejack turned on the hose, the girls shrieked in laughter as the spray of water quickly doused them while Applejack chuckled at their antics. It wasn't long before the three fillies began running around avoiding the stream of water and chasing one another in a short burst of simple fun, and after drying off and nearly turning the hose on Applejack, the Cutie Mark Crusaders headed back to Sugarcube Corner to plan their next step in finding the mysterious muffin mare.

"Hay girls!" Pinkie greeted them cheerfully as they entered the bakery. "Any luck with finding the muffin mare?".

"No.." Scootaloo replied, sounding disappointed.

"We tried following Derpy to see if she knew anything but she flew into a cloud and we lost her" Sweetie explained.

"It was like this hole in the cloud, she went through it and poof she was gone!" Applebloom elaborated and waved her forelegs around in emphasis at the right times.

"Oh you girls don't know about Derpy's special talent do you?" Pinkie asked.

"Ya mean the disappearin' act was because of her special talent?" the yellow earth pony filly asked in surprise.

"Yup! Her special talent is cloud portals!" The party pony chirped.

The three fillies looked skeptical and confused at the previous statement.

"Cloud...portals?" they asked simultaneously.

"Yuppers!" Pinkie replied. "Cloud portals, Derpy can make a path between clouds to go anywhere in Equestria, it's not as fun as my portal gun mind you, but still really useful!".

"Huh?"

"Never mind, so what are you girls going to do now?" Pinkie asked, cheerful as ever and oblivious to their confusion.

"That's the thing, we don't know...Ah mean we could try to track her down or do some...what'd Twilight call them test thingies?" Applebloom asked her friends.

"Um..experiments..I think," Sweetie replied.

"Yeah them, so since we can't really do them we don't know what else we could do to find out which is better.." Applebloom explained.

"Oh girls! The war between cupcakes and muffins has been going on since they were invented," Pinkie stated, a smile on her face.

"There's a war?" the three fillies said at the same time.

Pinke put a hoof to her chin in thought as she explained.

"Well, it's not really a war, more like a bunch of grumpy-mac-grumpypants arguing over which is better"

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked at each other.

"You mean kinda like how we were fighting this morning?" the young unicorn filly asked.

"Exactly!" Pinkie replied, but upon seeing the upset faces of the three fillies, she had an idea. "Lighten up girls, you said you wanted to find the muffin mare right? Weeell,l it just so happens I know where she lives!"

"Really?!" Scootaloo exclaimed, her face lit up with the prospect of finding the most elusive mare in Equestria.

"Yup! Come on everypony! To the Pinkie Mobile!"

"Um, Pinkie you don't have a Pinkie Mobile,"

"Oh whoopsie! I guess we'll just walk then" the pink mare chuckled.

Pinkie led the way down the streets of Ponyville with the three well-known trouble making fillies marching comically behind her as she sang an army chant. The ponies doing their daily business out on the streets threw a few confused glances their way, but all in all, the majority of the citizens chalked it up to Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie.

The element of laughter led the Cutie Mark Crusaders to a small home amongst a clearing of pine trees on the border of the city. The tall trees gave the property a sense of privacy and the small cottage almost would have gone unnoticed by the three fillies if Pinkie didn't point it out.

"It's weird, like I know the house is there but I don't wanna know.." Scootaloo said as the group looked at the small abode.

"That's because of the perception filter silly filly! The muffin mare can't have everypony on her doorstep now can she!" Pinkie explained.

"A per-cep-ton what now?" Applebloom asked.

"It's just a magic doo-hickey that makes stuff unnoticeable by other ponies," Pinkie replied.

"Oooh" came the reply.

"Ok then, let's go say hi to the muffin mare shall we?" Pinkie asked and almost immediately began knocking on the front door.

Three pairs of eyes widened in anticipation as the door creaked open, Scootaloo just barely surpressed a fan-girl-like squeal of excitement as the highly elusive baker of Ponyville stepped out into the doorway...

Friendship is Muffins! (edited)

The door opened and out stepped a brown Earth pony stallion with a dark brown mane and tail, blue eyes and an hour glass cutie mark. He stared at the four ponies at his front door before another pony popped up into view; a light grey pegasus mare with a scruffy, sandy blonde mane and tail and amber coloured, criss-crossed eyes.

"Hiya Doc! Hiya Derpy!" Pinkie greeted cheerfully, having not registered the looks of confusion on the faces of the two ponies standing in the doorway.

"Um Pinkie?" Scootaloo asked in mild confusion, the pink mare looked down at her briefly before remembering the reason they were there.

"Oh right! Hey Derpy, is Dinky home? These three fillies wanted to see her in action"

"Did somepony wanna see my new recipes?" a squeaky voice chirped as a mass of purple-grey fur barreled past the adults and stood before the cutie mark crusaders.

It was a purple-grey unicorn filly with a dusty yellow mane and tail similar in fashion to Derpy's. Her eyes were yellow and her cutie mark was an open scroll with a chef's hat on it.

"What in tarnation? You're the Muffin Mare?" Applebloom asked.

"Yep!" the other filly replied. "My name's Dinky! And-and I like to bake stuff...though, my big sister likes muffins so I make new recipes for muffins!"

The group was led inside the small cottage, the Doctor and Pinkie discussing temporal anomalies near the coffee table, while Derpy kept a watchful eye on the fillies as they talked.

"Wow really!?" Scootaloo exclaimed. "That's so cool!"

"Yeah! But.." Sweetie began.

"Oh right...." Applebloom realised and all three members of the cutie mark crusaders wilted slightly.

Dinky walked up to them with confusion displayed clearly on her face.

"What's wrong?" the young baker asked.

"Oh its nothin', it's just that we ended up here 'cause Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were fightin' over whether cupcakes or muffins are better," Applebloom explained. "An' even though we met the muffin mare an' all, we still don't know the answer!"

Dinky visibly brightened and recognition shone in her eyes.

"Oh that again? Gee wiz I thought ponies would be over it by now"

"Huh?"Aplebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked at Dinky in surprise and confusion.

"Ever since I got my cutie mark, for as long as I can remember ponies have been asking that question and you know what my answer to that is?" Dinky said.

The other fillies leaned in expectantly.

"Neither"

"WHAT!" Scootaloo and Sweetie yelled in outrage. "Why not?"

Derpy walked over to them and chuckled slightly at the sight of the bewildered fillies. She placed a hoof on Dinky's shoulder and smiled knowingly.

"Our mother once told us that everypony has their own tastes in food just as they have their own taste for clothes, books and other stuff, so in fairness neither muffins or cupcakes are better than the other, everypony likes one or the other" Dinky explained and shared a grin with her sister.

"Or both 'cause you know I like both chewy muffins and super sweet cupcakes, but I like all baked goods and Oh! I even like Applejack's baked goods and the super-duper-tasty stuff Mr and Mrs Cake make, and even the weird tasty sugary mash-up of desserts that-" Pinkie rattled on until the cutie mark crusaders rushed up and placed their front hooves over her mouth to silence her.

"Heh heh, well thanks for clearing that up Dinky, we better get going..okseeyoubye!" Applebloom said and with friends (and Pinkie) in tow, she left before any further embarrassment could happen due to the chattering of one pink party pony.

"Well that was...odd," the Doctor declared. "But Derpy, thanks for letting me stay while the TARDIS repairs itself from that collision with a Time Walker*, I'll see you next time i suppose?"

"You're welcome in Equestria anytime Doctor, say hi to Rose for me would you?" the mail mare replied.

"Will do, bye Dinky!"

"Bye bye Mr Timepony!" Dinky and her older sister waved farewell to the traveling earth pony as he walked down the path to his beloved time machine.

As Pinkie bounced ahead of them, the cutie mark crusaders walked side by side in the middle of a conversation.

"I guess we were wrong to start that fight huh?' Scootaloo asked.

"I suppose.." Sweetie trailed off looking apologetic.

"Ah still can't believe you two almost had a war over whether muffins or cupcakes were better when everypony knows mah family apple pies are the best!" Applebloom chirped.

The other two stared at her.

"...What?" they said at the same time as the yellow filly burst into a fit of giggles.

"Ah'm just messing with ya'll, I know everypony likes different stuff"

All three fillies burst into laughter as they walked down the street, making their way to Sugarcube Corner to make more plans for their next crusade.

Pinkie stopped outside the door to the bakery and watched as the flllies went in, their voices sounding eager as they discussed their next idea. The fun loving earth pony turned around and checked both sides of the street to see if anypony was watching her. Upon seeing that she went largely ignored by the few that wandered the streets of Ponyville, she pulled out a thin rectangular black device from thin air and pulled to the top open, revealing a clear glass surface on the underside of the lid, while inside the device was a number of square buttons with letters and numbers on them.

"Ok laptop, let's see if that new fic is up yet," Pinkie muttered to the screen, scanning the page hopefully.

"Aw the ramblings of Pinkamena aren't up yet...I thought Dragonfire was gonna do that after she finished the one for discord. Oh whoops I wasn't supposed to know about that one yet.."

*facepalm* Pinkie....that was supposed to be kept under wraps,

"Oops, sorry Dragonfire, I guess I was too excited, I mean when does the chance to have an author put a unique spin on an overused fanon plot device come everyday?"

Considering the size of the fandom...a lot.

"Not in this universe."

...And now you bring up my head canon....Great, look just go inside and make sure the CMC don't destroy the place ok?

"Okie Dokie Lokie," Pinkie chirped, put the laptop back into hammerspace and trotted inside to find everything normal, as normal as it could be anyway, and started taking orders from behind the counter.

"I wonder what the readers will make of this?" she asked nopony in particular....DAMN IT PINKIE!

END

*A time walker is a creature of any species, from any world that has been chosen by an elder Time walker to govern time in the area they are in, should a time machine ever collide withone, the machine would absord too much temporal energy and would need a week to disperse it into the atmosphere before taking flight.

Time walkers are an original creation from Dragonfire2lm.

Author's Note

For those of you wondering about the ramblings o Pinkamena see "The Rock Farm: Pinkamena's Tale".

AKA Cupcakes VS Muffins (edited)

"Ok girls! Another day, another chance to earn our- What in tarnation?"

Applebloom had walked into Sugarcube Corner, the new meeting place for The Cutie Mark Crusaders ever since Rainbow Dash crashed their headquaters after another failed stunt (Applejack was repairing it). She was smiling and optimistic until she saw her two best friends and their latest in a long series of arguments.

"Cupcakes are better!" the white unicorn filly, Sweetie Belle argued.

"No way, everypony knows muffins are better!" the orange pegasus called Scootaloo, replied just as strongly.

"Cupcakes!"

"Muffins!"

"Cupcakes!"

"Muffins!"

"CUPCAKES!"

"MUFFINS!"

"CUP-"

"That's enough!" Applebloom shouted, finally having lost her patience with her friends. The other two looked a bit sheepish when they looked over at her but as soon as they caught eye contact with each other the two arguing fillies huffed and turned away from each other.

"Now what in Equestria is goin' on here?" the yellow earth pony asked her comrades.

"Well Sweetie said Pinkie's cupcakes are better than the muffins made by the muffin mare! When everypony knows they're not!" the orange filly explained.

"No way!" Sweetie began.

"What's a Muffin mare?" Applebloom asked.

"You don't know?" Scootaloo exclaimed as Sweetie rolled her eyes. "The muffin mare is the best muffin maker in ALL of Equestria, and the best thing is no pony knows who she is! She could be anypony, nopony has come close to finding out who she is! Not even Derpy the mailmare, and she knows more ponies than Pinkie," the small pegasus rambled on excitedly.

That is until a certain pink pony with a talent for parties and fourth wall breaking popped up next to her.

"Oh Scootaloo, Derpy may know more ponies than me, but that doesn't mean she's friends with all those ponies. Right Dragonfire2lm?" Pinkie asked while staring at the ceiling.

Oh crap not again....First Discord now her..Please excuse me readers while I go fix the fourth wall.

Some timey-whimey stuff later

"Ok girls, so you two are fightin' about whether cupcakes are better than muffins?" Applebloom asked, somewhat confused by her friends latest disagreement. "Did Discord put yah up to this or somethin'? 'Cause this is crazy, even for you two"

"Um no," her friends replied.

The three fillies quickly glanced around, wary that the reformed prank loving draconeqqus could pop up any minute. Satisfied that the spirit of chaos was nowhere to be found they sighed in relief.

"Ok..So if you two wanna stop fightin' then...maybe we could find the muffin mare?" Applebloom suggested.

"But how will that help?" Scootaloo asked.

"Well, if we find the muffin mare we could ask her how she makes her muffins and uh..Oh! Then we could ask Pinkie the same thing and see which one is better or something," the earth pony replied.

"I don't know..." Sweetie said, unsure of her friends idea.

"Yeah!" Scootaloo agreed "We could be Cutie Mark Crusaders Muffin Mare finders!"

At the mention of yet another way to find their cutie marks, all three fillies yelled in a voice that could rival the fabled 'Royal We'...

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MUFFIN MARE FINDERS YAY!"

And after blowing out the eardrums of all ponies in the vicinity, they rushed out of the bakery and into the streets of Ponyville. Applebloom and Sweetie hopped into the wagon as Scootaloo jumped onto her signature scooter and with her wings flapping like a hummingbird's, the CMC's were soon whizzing down the street.

"So what do we do first?" Sweetie asked.

"Do you think we should go and ask somepony to see if they know anything?" Applebloom suggested.

"Uh, I did say nopony knows who the muffin mare is, so who would we ask?" Scotaloo replied.

"I know! How about her?" Applebloom pointed skyward and the others looked up to see Equestria's greatest Mailmare, Derpy Ditzy Doo, flying above the street on her morning mail route.

"But-" the orange pegasus that powered their mode of transportation began, but was cut off by Sweetie Belle.

"Yeah! She delivers mail to all parts of Equestria! She might not know who the muffin mare is, but maybe we could get some clues!" the unicorn filly suggested.

"But we gotta catch her to ask her first, let's hurry Scootaloo!" Applebllom stated.

"On it!" the orange filly grumbled.

Ponies side-stepped and jumped out of the way of the group as they zipped through town, chasing after the grey pegasus, keeping their eyes on the sky. Applebloom and Sweetie called out directions that Scootaloo hastily followed.

"Left!"

"Right! No My right!"

"Hurry up we're losing her!"

"I'm flapping as fast as I can!" their driver yelled in frustration as they narrowly avoided colliding into a pedestrian. They continued on, reaching the outskirts of town and as they passed a water fountain, the two fillies in the wagon watched as Derpy punched a hole through a cloud, flew through it, but to their amazement did not appear on the other side.

"Huh?" Applebloom and Sweetie looked at each other, Scootaloo heard their confusion and looked up as well.

"Hey where is she?" she asked.

"She went through the cloud...So where is she?" Applebloom asked as she looked up at the sky again.

"Uh girls...who's watching where we're going?" Sweetie asked.

All three had realised that they were still moving, they looked ahead of them to see that they were moments away from going off a small cliff into a patch of forest. Scootaloo slammed both back hooves onto the ground to try to slow down, but with the sudden decrease in speed, both the scooter and the wagon lurched forward and caused their respective occupants to go flying over into the forest below.

Luckily, the drop wasn't high and all three landed on the ground with a few minor cuts with tree sap and pine needles stuck to their coats.

"Ew.....I thought we were done with tree sap after we tried zip lining," Scootaloo remarked and eyed the sticky substance with annoyance.

"Tell me about it, Rarity is going to be so mad if I come home looking like this again" Sweetie complained.

"Cheer up girls, we can just go to my place and use the hose to wash of, come on everypony!" Applebloom cheerfully declared and led the way to Sweet Apple Acres.

Author's Note

EDIT- fixed up a few errors and stuff, enjoy.

Dear Princess Celestia (edited)

We learned that all ponies have a different opinion and that it shouldn't get in the way of friendship. Just because one pony has a different view on something doesn't mean you should argue about it.

We also learned that the best way to stop a fight is to hear all sides of the argument and try to get everypony to understand one another.

And finally, we found out that just because somepony is really good at something, doesn't mean they want the attention for it and that we should be respectful of other ponies and their right to privacy,

"Huh? Why write that?" Scootaloo asked.

"Well, when you think about it, maybe Dinky wanted her special talent to stay a secret, so she can have fun like a normal filly," Sweetie replied.

"But that sounds so...So lame" the pegasus said.

"It is not!" the young unicorn exclaimed defensively.

"Is too!" Scootaloo shot back.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Applebloom sighed from where she stood next to Spike. The dragon beside her held the quill and parchment limply in his claws as he watched the other two crusaders argue.

"Does this happen often?" he asked.

"Most of the time," Applebloom replied sadly.

"Um...ok," Spike replied, unsure on how to reply to the comment and equally unsure on how to difuse the slowly escalting argument.

"Ah think we should just leave 'em be and send the letter anyways, maybe if they fight until they lose their voices, they won't think about arguing as much," the yellow filly suggested.

From Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, The Cutie Mark Crusaders

Author's Note

Once again I thank TimeLord_Whooves for editing this.