It's a foggy day at Sweet Apple Cemetary. The sky is a dark green. Putrid, radiation-ridden clouds float along the wasteland that is the sky. Most every pony has evacuated the planet on a space ship, the EQ Star Gazer, in a last-ditch effort to find a new home on another planet. Will they survive? I don't know. I'm just the narrator, why in Celestia's name are you asking me? Now sit down and shut up!
Anyways, like I was saying, most every pony has left Equestria, aside from 2. A tall, purple mare and a small, color-drained earth pony remain on the planet, having made a promise to each other to stick together until the inevitable happens.
Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, sits in front of a tomb, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Sitting beside her is the former pink-party-pony Pinkie Pie, who has developed cataracts. Long gone are the days of throwing parties and bouncing around. Nowadays, Pinkie can't even walk without snapping a limb. Because of this, the poor gal is stuck in a body cast.
As for Twilight Sparkle, the curse of Alicorn immortality has still not left her. She has watched her friends die off, one by one. She has watched her friends' families die off, one by one. She has seen Spike, her own brother, pass away before her eyes, right before the taxidermists came to take his body to the leather factory.
The only two left are Pinkie Pie and Twilight. They sit in front of 4 tomb stones.
"Well, Pinkie, I guess this is it."
"Heh? What?"
"Another element gone. It's just us now."
"Who are you? Where am I?"
"Crap."
"I'm just messing with ya, Twi. Hi five."
She holds up her hoof, but due to her cataract she can't see and she's turned the other way. Suddenly, out of the sky falls some rain. But not just any rain. This rain burns the normal ponies of the world. Alicorns, however, are immune. Just another cruel trick bestowed upon her by the curse that Celestia left her with.
Celestia. The name that Twilight grew to loathe. It was because of Celestia and her equally stupid sister, Luna, that Twilight had to watch as her friends ceased to exist. And when that happened, did Celestia do anything? No. She could have resurrected Twilight's beloved friends, but she didn't. She could have tought Twilight the spell to do so, but she didn't. She just sat there at Applejack's funeral, and did she do anything? No! All she did was loudly eat popcorn during the eulogy, and then throw the kernels at the bottom of the bucket, you know, the ones that end up not popping and just stay as kernels, at the pallbearers as they carried Applejack to her new penthouse six feet under the ground. And where did she and Luna go when the planet was being evacuated? Probably to some stupid planet full of stupid white alicorns who didn't know buck. Not that Twilight cared. Good riddens, she said.
"Oh, no, Pinkie," Twilight begins, snapping back to reality as toxins pour from the sky, "another bout of acid rain! We need to get inside!"
She looks over, and her face morphs into an expression of horror. Pinkie is slowly melting.
"I guess this is it, Twi."
"Pinkie, No!"
"Goodbye, old friend".
Fighting to keep tears out of her immortal eyes, Twilight watches as the acid rain turns her last friend into a mound of strawberry frosting. She pulls out a small plastic cooler, opening it to reveal the contents. Inside, a small box of cookies and a carton of milk lay chilling, alongside a butter knife, which Twilight removes with her magic. As she begins to cry, she lowers the knife into the puddle of frosting that was once her friend. She pulls out a cookie, and using her magic, lathers the pink spread onto the pastry. As she lifts the cookie to her mouth, she hears a croak, followed by scuttling. Looking down, she sees Gummy Jr. VII, the last descendant of Pinkie Pie's pet alligator, standing in the pink puddle. Stopping for a moment to compose herself, Twilight drops the cookie at Gummy Jr. VII's feet.
"Here you go, Gummy Jr. VII", Twilight says, tears straining her throat. "It's what Pinkie Pie would have wanted."
Gummy Jr. VII says nothing, because he is an alligator, and alligators cannot speak. He simply waddles over to the cookie, takes a few quick nibbles off of its edge, and promptly lets out the scream of a banshee.
This elicits a small grin from the corner of Twilight's mouth. As the acid rain continues to pour around them, she looks up at what's left of Celestia's sun. Years of pollution, solar-powered vehicles, and numerous settlements built on the sun have reduced it to nothing but a small, pulsating blue star. Twilight knows in her heart, that the end is nigh.
She picks up the butter knife, slathering it in the puddle of Pinkie-Goo (patent pending), and then spreading it on a raisin oatmeal cookie. Pinkie had eaten all the chocolate chip cookies before she passed. How selfish. Twilight pushes this thought from her mind, allowing her tears to fall as she eats the Pinkie-flavored raisin-oatmeal cookie, following it up with a sip of milk.
Gummy Jr. VII wanders off, probably to kill another rabbit or something, because he's an alligator, and alligators have no souls.
Suddenly, a huge explosion in the sky shakes the ground beneath Twilight's feet. She screams in pain as her ear drums explode, and she looks up.
The sun has gone Party-Nova. It is time.
Twilight rolls around in the puddle that was once her friend, catching one last glimpse of the tombstones of her four friends. (Pinkie doesn't have one, because she's a pile of frosting.) She watches as Gummy Jr. VII explodes in a cloud of green mist, his body having overheated during the explosion.
Once more, under the nonexistent protection of the layer of Pinkie-Goo (still patent pending) Twilight mutters those infamous words:
Friendship is Magic.
And then there is fire.
And then there is nothing.
Author's Note
Well, what were you expecting? For a crack-fic, I don't think this is bad, but it definitely leaves room for improvement. As I sit in front of a snow-covered window writing this story, I can't help but think about the string of decisions I've made in my life that have led me up to this moment. How on earth did it come to me writing this?
I guess I'll never know.
