Me, a king? Bah! (1)

The fall of a tyrant can happen in one or two ways.

The first is through the people’s will. Revolts, rebellions, revolutions- all those assemblies that are meant to create a massive direct opposition to a terrible ruler and lead to their incarceration, trial, and possibly defeat.

The second, and perhaps the one that was closest to what I decided to pull in my newest conditions, was that a single individual, a hero, decides to take it upon themselves to kill the evildoer on their own or with a party.

The thing is that, while I was smiling eye-to-eye when I used the heart-shaped crystal onto King Sombra before he had the chance to blast me to the next century, I didn’t exactly woke up this morning with plans to usurp a throne and being forced to attain the crown for myself.

John Bukharin, 26, I happily survived some tough bits of my existenced after concluding a mostly flawless set of years wasted at Uni and got myself a degree in Economics. Current Occupation: Librarian at the local library at home. Not my best job's prospect, but still enough to bring back home bread and pizza every Saturday. Future: Bleak at times, neutral at best. I was a realist with a penchant of being optimistic through maddening circumstances and I was far from sane myself. This isn’t the kind of person anyone would want as a King, especially when I was cranky due to lack of sleep and breakfast.

Now, where did it all begin? How did I end up going through that insane situation and… why?

White. I woke up with a purely white layer of snow covering my freezing body. It didn’t take me long to shake myself up and free myself of the chilling substance that had been resting onto my clothes for an unknown amount of time. I was shivering despite the fact my clothes weren’t exactly light and… those were the things I was wearing before going to sleep. A dark-blue jacket, a black shirt, a pair of black trousers, a pair of heavy socks and some sport shoes. I reached for my head, checking for any injuries only to be greeted with the fluff of my smooth and curly brow hair. My chocolate-brown eyes tried to gain focus over the situation I was in and I paused just a moment, noticing that there was a small envelope resting atop my chest. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t wet despite having been under the snow for a long while, which made this detail awfully suspicious. I picked it up, opening it and reading the content quietly.

I owe you a favor for this funny idea,

D.

Who the heck is ‘D’?!

My skin was a little paler than usual, and that was a surprise considering how unusually pale I was on a normal basis. It was unhealthy and… my first instinct was to find a warm shelter. The last thing I needed was to be killed by Hypothermia, and so I quickly scouted around to try and understand where I was.

This wasn’t home. This was far from home. I could see a single settlement in my proximity and… it was encircled by small dark-colored walls. Medieval walls from a closer look. I blinked, glancing distractedly at the large crystal-structure that stretched in height and looked to be a castle of sorts.

…

Am I in Dark Disneyland?

I mean, was there even a Dark Disneyland to begin with? Or maybe I was going insane for some crazy dinner I had the day before and I just couldn’t remember at that very moment. I was perplexed but… also confused at the fact that I felt like I had seen that palace before in the past. I just couldn’t remember where and when.

Knowing that pondering for hours would do little good to me, mostly because of the chilling temperature I was still subjected to, I decided that the best way for me to receive some answers was to approach the city and… see what was up inside there.

I really needed answers, and so I didn’t hesitate in picking up the pace around the wall and through the partly-open entrance. The gates were down but the openings were just enough to allow me inside, giving me the chance of dodging any risky attempts to climb the walls to infiltrate the place.

It took me one minuscule moment to realize where I was and… how screwed I really was. I might not be feeling completely awake due to the cold and the fact I had just woken up, but I could see that the ponies wandering around with chains connecting them all in lines were not figments of my imagination. Creative as I might be, I wasn’t that creative to come up with such a bizarre and absurd dream. Nor that insane to believe it if it wasn’t true.

This was the Crystal Empire. From the lack of the light barrier that protected it from Sombra and the cold… I woke up before the bastard had been vanquished. This was far from idyllic and… I needed to move. Because, as the realization struck me and kept me in a single place, a small group of three armored ponies with green scleras began to approach me. Their pace was slow, unsure- this wasn’t something they were prepared to handle and… that gave me an opportunity.

I needed to find a hideout, and then contemplate my next few steps. Even if I managed to find a shelter, I doubted my safety would be completely guaranteed until Sombra was around and checking for any abnormal intrusion. But first…I bolted.

I felt adrenaline giving me the extra kick needed to exploit the headstart as much as possible. It’s been a long time since I ran this fast and this determinedly. I could feel the burn after just a few minutes within the chase. What really made me push beyond the limits was that I wasn’t faster than my pursuers.

Despite being smaller than me, with their head reaching just a little above my stomach, they were rushing with four limbs and that was a two-legs advantage that I really didn’t know how to overcome. I started to turn through the alleys and the streets on the side, the sharp turns slowing just briefly the guards and giving me just a small window of opportunities to think up about my next steps.

Eventually, as the strain started to get too much, I took a gambit and put my entire stamina into finding a place where to hide. An alley with a dead-end became my haven as I swiftly launched myself behind a few boxes full of trash that had been stored there. I crouched down, allowing the boxes to completely hide my frame, my ears attentive as I listened for any hints of this plan having failed miserably.

I patiently waited, my heart drumming like mad as I waited for something, anything, to reveal how screwed I really was and if I needed to resume my chase at once. I expected them to catch on my scent, or some crazy like that, but I swiftly remembered that I had been resting under a tiny layer of snow and some bits of it were still latching onto my clothes. Could that actually hide away my scent? I was no Bear Grylls, but I really hoped this was indeed the case.

…

Silence. I heard their hooves clopping fast and then growing lighter and lighter, until I was left alone with the quiet to enjoy the fact I truly got away with it. Relief washed over my tired body, but it was a brief reprieve before the entire ordeal I was still trying to deal with.

Without pressure urging me to do something else beyond thinking, I began to plan out how I was supposed to get out of this mess without dying or, worse, being brainwashed and mind-controlled by a megalomaniac pony.

Two scenarios came up, but both were equally risky and equally rewarding.

1) I sneak out of the Crystal Empire, I somehow find a way to survive on my own in the cold for long enough for Sombra to be beaten and for me to approach the individuals that could help me get back home;

2) Be bold, recover the Crystal Heart where Sombra had kept it hidden and… kill the bastard myself;

Evaluating the first option, I couldn’t help but feel reluctant that this one was going to end in my favor. Not only did I lack survival skills that were needed to survive out in the wild without food and other important items, but I also doubted I would have been able to convince anyone with enough magic to get me home that I wasn’t dangerous or some monster that needs to be sealed away for… reasons.

Like, I wasn’t exactly leaning towards the chances of this being the truth, but I was really frightened in that moment, threatened even, and I just knew that my instincts were screaming at me to drop the panic and embrace Plan B for the sake of dodging some unpleasant circumstances. Maybe it was the adrenaline influencing my thoughts or… or maybe I knew this was actually the best idea between the two.

Also what were the chances that their best bet at a human world was the EG-verse? That wasn't even close to what was home and...

I'm stuck here, am I? The only individuals I can think of that can help are... well, not individuals I would want to approach due to their predisposition. Chaos is a finicky thing I didn't want to tango with.

Which set me in a very complicated situation. The Crystal Heart’s hideout wasn’t something that could be reached with ease. While Sombra didn’t exactly have to worry about any of the Crystal Ponies trying anything that could endanger him after enslaving them for so long, the tyrant deviously decided to leave the Heart in the highest chamber of the palace.

Entering the castle was actually simpler than I had expected. Sure, I had to tip-toe my way across a couple of unused hallways, and I had to pause more than once the rare times I found some ponies wandering around either cleaning or patrolling the area. They didn’t seem keen to check if there was something off about the halls, like sudden noise of my steps or the genuine sight of some shadows flickering caused by my frame being hit by the illumination of the candles. I was silent, careful... and terribly panicking as I knew one wrong step and I was going to perish a ugly death.

Five minutes of quickly running around the place and going through a couple staircases ended with me finally seeing my current target floating in the middle of a 'mostly innocuous circle' I couldn’t step into without getting captured in the process by the spell applied to it. A trap that I was only aware about by a few clips I have seen when I was younger. The thing activated the moment one stepped inside the circle, creating crystals that reached out from the ground and arched all at once to capture the intruder that had foolishly stepped into the circle.

A scowl appeared on my face just as I realized that, if I wanted to get the Crystal Heart AND leave this place without getting ensnared by the trap, I needed to think up a brilliant plan. One of those plans that only a genius could think about.

…

Nothing came up after a solid minute of thinking. Next up was… trying dumber options.

There was one that actually felt more appropriate, but I doubted I could somehow wrap some rope around the crystal and pull it close to me without being pulled into the circle. No, I had to think deviously and even dumber.

And so, the dumbest but most successful idea I could think of was… taking a running start and tackling the Crystal Heart. I had the size, I had the stamina, and I knew that it was the only viable way to victory. So I took just enough distance to make a jump and then... I started to run. I run as if my life depended on it, like it was back when I faced these three guards. And with just that, I jumped and used my hands to push the crystal away from its previous position out on the ground. I shielded its fall with my arms, slamming onto the cold floor with a quiet thud. No pain, only… relief.

I got the Crystal Heart, there was no second trap activating and…

…

And it didn't do anything. Like I stared at it, pondering if only a being with Magic and, perhaps, a connection with Love Magic could actually do something with it.

What do I do with this thing now!?

“CREATURE!”

Oh.

I turned around, ducking just in time to dodge a dark-green beam of light rushing towards my head. My eyes widened in panic at that immediate attack, but my attention was quickly shifting as I turned at the origin of that sneak blast, and I was greeted with the very prick I was trying to obliterate.

Here he was, ‘floating’ in a dark cloud of hatred, despair and… he was charging up another attack again.

No monologue, no classic villain speech. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved he wasn’t going for clichés or not since he was directly putting me in an awkward situation with his no-nonsense attitude about the matter. Maybe it was tied to the fact I was currently holding the only thing that could seriously kill him right now. The second he released his spell, another powerful beam of light rushed towards me, this one faster that the first one. Panic rushed to my brain and I did the first thing I could think of by bringing the crystal between me and the attack, allowing for the spell to hit the blueish heart-shaped tool of Love.

Now, I didn’t exactly know how to activate the powerful tool that emitted Love beams of Death for Hate-Type jerks, but the dumb decision that I thought was planning to doom my entire plan turned into the victorious step I needed to take all along.

It was all planned. I swear- I’m smart!

The blast collided with the Crystal Heart, the gem glowing and emitting a warm aura as the beam was suddenly pushed back by a thicker and bigger beam. Light-blue against dark-green. Sombra’s jaws dropped as he saw his attack swiftly pushed back at him, damage inflicted upon his body as the Crystal Heart did its job. He started to glow, the blinding light forcing me to shield my eyes from the intensity of it and… then there was a loud boom-like noise that came out at the end of that unpleasant sight.

No real explosion, just Sombra… imploding onto himself. With his real body shattered, his dark and cloudy form was sent soaring well away from the borders of the city, and… I was left alone with a still active Crystal Heart in my hands.

“You really are a flashy prop, aren’t you?” I muttered quietly, still surprised by the pure power it was emitting. To make things even more confusing, I could feel it ‘hum’ in agreement with what I just said. It shouldn’t be able to understand what I was saying.

Still, as I contemplated the possible sentience of the medium-sized heart-shaped gem in my hold, I noticed two heads peeking by the doorstep. Both ponies were garbed with armored pieces, the mind-control spell broken now that their scleras were back to normal.

“Uh… is King Sombra-”

“Kind of dead,” I replied flatly, nodding their way in a gesture to allow them to approach. They did so, tentatively. I didn’t blame them to be uneasy before a bipedal creature with no fur or other elements similar to ponies. Despite their nervousness, the fact their former ruler, the tyrants that had them enslaved and controlled for a long time, now was gone seemed to take a bigger priority.

“You- You've slain the king?”

I could argue about technicalities, like the fact it was the Heart’s counter that killed him and all of that. But… I doubted that was going to be taken as a serious answer, so I nodded.

“Yep.”

Okay, they were trying to react to this. A shocked look, a confused frown, a perplexed blink of an eye, then a twich of lips as they knew that with the Crystal Heart in my possession and the sudden lack of the prick influencing them my words were genuine. Finally, the realization struck them, their wide eyes showing me that.

And now it was time for me to claim my reward in the form of some shelter, some food and-

“What is your name, creature?”

That was sudden, but I suppose they are just interested in knowing what name to put on a statue or something like that.

“John, John Bukharin.”

Simple, curt, and smooth. Like my previous relationships.

…

Why are they bowing down?

“Your highness,” One of the guards muttered, and I shook my head.

No…

“A new king! King John,” The other added excitedly and I tensed up even more.

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!

But at this point, the ‘damage’ was done. Before I knew it, other guards approached and more agreed that, by right of conquest, I had claimed the Kingdom for myself.

While many would have been enjoyed by this situation, two things made the sudden ascension quite awkward and bad on my part. I was supposed to get back home, and not be tied to a throne of all places.

The second issue?

It was the scourge of all humans, the bane of mankind as a whole…

Paperwork!

And now as a king of a newly-freed ‘Empire’ I was supposed to tackle the documentation behind the reconstruction on my own.

And thus the lengthy reign of King John I began.

Author's Note

AN

I consider this a small experiment. I’ve been thinking about writing a MLP story for a while. Due to a tight schedule for other stories I’m writing beyond FIMFiction, updates might take a while. Of course, feedback and comments calling out for grammar errors are much appreciated. I’m not a perfect writer, and I know I leave mistakes around while I’m writing. Kudos in advance about that.

P.S. Yes, this is the first time I write about FIMfiction and about MLP in general.