Sukidakara (Because I Like You)
Some things just aren't meant to be.
Author's Note
Hello! This fic is the first of a little challenge I've assigned myself to combat writer's block, in which I shuffle through my liked songs on Spotify, and write a fic inspired by either title, the lyrics, or my interpretation of what either of those things could be. I'll try to do one of these every week (and hopefully they won't be so sad...this physically hurt to write) and post the results! For anyone wondering, this took me 12 hours, 13 minutes and six seconds to write, editing included! Again, sorry for the angsty twipie, but thank you for reading regardless (I hope you cried less than I did 
) !!
Some things just aren't meant to be.
Twilight Sparkle sat in her most comfortable chair in front of her desk, lost in a reality that only existed between two paperback covers, words weaving a captivating story and holding the alicorn's attention, despite romance being her least favorite genre.
Though the princess often read fiction, this was a genre she had avoided in particular, and if it weren't for more recent events, one she would've ignored altogether.
Unfortunately, something that had been brought to her attention, something that she really, really wished hadn't been, was plaguing every inch of her brain, gnawing at every thought and infecting every crevice.
Pinkie Pie had a significant other. And it bothered her.
Not that Pinkie didn't deserve to have someone who cared for her romantically, that is. Twilight was beyond happy for her, seeing as her friend's happiness automatically became her own. However, everything about it rubbed her the wrong way, and for once in her life, she had zero idea why it perturbed her so much.
Now, after three weeks, four days, thirteen hours, and six minutes of stressing, Twilight had come to the conclusion that it only bothered her because it was a new type of friendship she had yet to learn about, Shining Armor and Cadance being the only couple she was really close to.
So here she sat, sipping at a hot cup of tea, digesting the first of several romance novels, ranging from best-selling and critically acclaimed to laughable and ridiculously trashy. Personally she had no preference as she was more of a historical/realistic/adventurous fiction junky, so she would just have to hope whichever book she cracked opened first wasn't so unbearable that it discouraged her 'research' altogether.
Usually when the mare was faced with a friendship related question, she would turn to a breathing, tangible source for advice and analysis. Unfortunately, this wasn't much of an option.
Twilight's brother and sister-in-law were both quite far away, and she couldn't see herself justifying a whole trip to the Crystal Empire to learn more about Shining and Cadance's flourishing romance. Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were all just as single as she was, so they couldn't be of much help, as they wouldn't understand what the princess was feeling, and why it was in an abundant heap of flaming foreign ardor that piled on and on and on, caking itself into a solidified heart-gunk that made her chest physically heave–
You're getting off topic.
Right. Anyway, she couldn't ask any of them because they wouldn't get it.
And it wasn't logical to try to analyze Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich's relationship either. For one thing, they were the entire reason that this little project had transpired, therefore defeating the purpose.
And also, because a teeny tiny part of Twilight didn't really want to.
Okay, a huge part.
Okay, Twilight hated the idea of hanging around the couple for more than twenty minutes voluntarily with every fiber of her being, as even a minute longer would have the alicorn tossing her guts in the Sugar Cube Corner bathroom. And she'd rather not lay around in her own sick, as the scent was thick and the taste bitter and disgusting, no matter what pastries she shoved in her mouth to keep from simply snapping Cheese's spine like a wishbone on pure instinct.
So yes, Twilight was alone on a Friday evening, reading a love story narrated by a mare named Serenity Falls who lived a sheltered, quiet life until an energetic, excitable pony named Nature Sprite moved across the way. The book was entitled Ser & Nat, which Twilight would usually fuss over due to incorrect alphabetization, but managed to overlook because it was cute and flowed oddly. It was mismatched, but in a good way; Nat & Ser didn't feel quite right.
Twilight found comfort in Serenity's character, the protagonist being a bit of a bookworm herself, and sharing some of Twilight's tendencies. She was relatable and likeable (though it is entirely possible that that was purely self projection), even when she did something that some would describe as undesirable. And despite Nature being a very loud, talkative, and rambunctious pony, she liked seeing how the two contrasted and formed a bond, via playful banter, long walks by lakes, and late nights following cookbook recipes to negate the midnight munchies.
Nat was an exceptional chef and Serenity was more than happy to sample anything new she had in mind. It reminded the lavender pony of someone, but she couldn't quite place her hoof on it, so she decided to push the slowly forming revelation towards the back of her brain, and continued to allow herself to slip into a state of bliss as the character's relationship developed.
As the book carried on, Serenity found herself growing flustered and at times even anxious around Nature, but still craving her attention and touch nonetheless, as Nat was a very affectionate and touchy pony, giving hugs and tickles and whatever she felt like at the immediate moment. Twilight sipped on her tea and stifled a small chuckle. What was she acting so ridiculously for? Whatever was bugging her could easily be resolved lest she just open up! No emotion was worth hiding, especially not from someone who knows you just about as well as you know yourself if not better, someone who could make your heart melt into a steady drip of liquid passion, a molten mess that muddled your senses and tickled your muzzle, making you almost reluctant to clean it up.
Surely whatever Ser held in her heart, words hostage to the cage of her mind, confined to her inner dialogue, destined to rot and writhe in vain, would be best said out loud.
Twilight nearly choked as she read the next page.
Oh. That's why.
Serenity had begun to pine after her sprightly best friend, her heart betraying any good sense she'd had left. The alicorn could feel her own heart beat faster, perhaps in tandem with Ser, as the book escalated to its zenith.
I watched in hushed awe as Nature danced in the crunchy, colorful leaves, gold and orange and red brushing against her coat and even sticking in her hair. She giggled as she twirled and jumped through the pile, allowing the autumn air to wash over her, a delighted shiver running through her body. She looked so free and overjoyed to simply be alive, just as I was to be sentient, basking in the radiance she provided just by allowing a sweet chorus of laughter out into the world. Her beauty is so overwhelming that sometimes when she catches my breath, I let her hold onto it, dispelling air from my lungs and leaving me in a state of wonder—iminent longing.
When Nat's legs tired, she flopped into the leaves, right in front of me, smile unwavering and gorgeous. She hummed contentedly, expecting me to say something probably. But I couldn't—her very being was ineffable, so profound and unique that I found myself tongue-tied and at a loss for words, which I must admit, has become a more familiar feeling despite my constant return to my thesaurus. She stared, but didn't change her facial expression. "What? Do I have a leaf in my mane?"
She had several, but they didn't diminish how pretty she was, instead they highlighted just how incredible she was, even with leaves donning her head. I didn't respond, and a nervous giggle racked through her body. "Seriously, what is it?"
My words were failing me, my mind for once, completely blank. There had to be a way that I could show her just what she'd done to me, no confession could genuinely encapsulate the fact that there's a wave of heat that passes over me when we talk, or when we hug, or when I burn a cake and Nat consoles me, only to make a delicious replacement in half the time. Without thinking, I allowed my body to lean forward, eliminating any space left between us. Our chests pressed together, fur rubbing on fur. Our mouths were centimeters apart. Before I could let my brain, catch up, before I could let it deter me or overthink, I closed the distance between our lips and—
"TWILIGHT!"
The Princess of Friendship fell backwards, feeling as though her soul may have ascended to a better place from the scare. Rainbow Dash and Rarity stood at her side, annoyance and concern (guess who's who) written across their faces.
"FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! You can't just sneak up on somepony like that!"
"But you see, darling, we didn't sneak up on you. We've been here for twenty minutes, trying to get your attention," Rarity explained, raising a hoof as she spoke.
"Wha–but how did you get in?"
"Spike let us in after we started screaming, you know, seeing as it's raining and forty degrees outside," Rainbow sneered.
Oh. I guess I wasn't alone after all.
"Sorry about that," Twilight apologized sheepishly, an embarrassed smile forming on her face. "Did you girls need something?"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time in the few minutes they'd been interacting. "It's book club, remember? We were all supposed to read Pearl Jade and The Olympians, the book about the demigod pony? Any of this ringing a bell, or, whatever alarm system you've got in that head of yours?"
Twilight blinked a few times before a series of alarms rang in her brain, signifying her remembrance. "Shoot! Weren't we supposed to have that at eight? It's only–" She turned her head towards the nearest clock. "—Eight-thirty. Jeez, sorry girls. I got so wrapped up in this book…"
"It's fine. Just try not to leave us outside in a storm again."
"I promise I won't. Let me grab PJO and we can get started," Twilight said, flying into the air to scan her shelves.
"Say dear, what managed to capture your attention so aggressively? It was almost as if you were in the book itself," Rarity asked, walking over to her desk to get a closer look.
Twilight was about to answer when a pang of embarrassment flooded her body. She dropped her copy of Pearl Jade and flew back to her previous spot, landing with a ground-shaking thump as she blocked her friends' path and line of sight. Thank Celestia for this royal growth spurt (literally).
"Um, Twi? Can we see the book?"
"NO!"
The pegasus and unicorn shared a look filled with a mixture of confusion and intrigue. "No?" Rarity questioned, stepping closer to the alicorn.
"I-I mean, what book? I don't know about any book!"
"You just said you were reading one."
"And you live in a library."
Twilight was becoming rather jittery, and it was no question to either of her friends that she was being deceitful.
Without warning, Rainbow Dash attempted to fly past her, but Twilight's panic made her insanely reflexive and quick, as she blocked her with the smack of her hoof. The cyan pony fell to the ground.
She was surprised for a moment, but quickly recovered. Rarity tried to levitate the book up from its place on the desk, but Twilight forced it back down with her own magical pull. She then grabbed a trash can from the kitchen in her magical grasp and levitated the book into the bin. Satisfied, she stepped away from the desk. "See? No book here!"
Rainbow Dash and Rarity stilled for a moment, then looked at each other, then at the trashcan, and then Twilight. Rarity turned towards the waste container, looking as though she were about to charge. But she quickly faked out the alicorn, turned and lunged at her, catching the alicorn off guard as Rainbow Dash rifled through the near-empty can. Twilight teleported out from the pinned position the white unicorn had restricted her to and directly in front of Rainbow.
"Rainbow, give me the book."
"No."
"Rainbow. Give. Me. The. Book."
"No. Not until you stop acting like a maniac!"
"What were you reading that could possibly cause you to lie right to our faces–" Rarity started, opening the book the summary within it.
"Oh."
"Oh?" Rainbow squished her face against Rarity's, reading the summary and stopping halfway through. "This is a romance novel," she stated. "Why would you read that? You never read romance."
Twilight sighed and hung her head, cornered by questions. It would be really nice if she were in a grassy meadow as autumnal leaves rustled in the wind around her, taking her mind off of the subject at hand.
"Sit down."
"And then you showed up," Twilight finished, now done explaining her erratic and violent behavior.
"Twilight," Rarity said, a serious look on her face. "Do you have feelings for Pinkie Pie?"
Twilight blinked. "What? Of course I do."
The other two pony's eyes grew wide before she spoke her next sentence.
"She's one of my best friends, and lately the closest. Of course I do."
Both Rainbow and Rarity deadpanned, unsure if Twilight was being intentionally obtuse or just incredibly dense. "Okay, let me rephrase. Do you have romantic feelings for Pinkie Pie," she tried again.
Apparently the smartest pony in town was indeed dense, as she seemed floored by the question.
"Um, no?"
That came out as a question. It shouldn't have come out as a question.
She tried to answer again, but her vocal inflection didn't get any better. If anything, she'd sounded less sure of herself than her original attempt to deny any attraction she had to the mare.
"Are you sure about that?" Rainbow Dash hadn't spoken in a while, but her comment was definitely jarring and thought provoking.
"I-I mean...I'm pretty sure I can read my own emotions."
Another question. What the hell?
"Twilight, when you're around Pinkie, what do you feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean, darling."
Twilight swallowed and tried to answer honestly.
"It's—well—blissful. I feel...sound. Grounded. Even when she's doing something so...insanely Pinkie Pie-like, I'm not worried or stressed. I can feel any burdens I had before seeing her crumble and fall away. She brings me peace and happiness. So much happiness. Have you ever listened to her laugh? It's like a siren's song, enticing and so light and musical. And her sense of humor is unparalleled. And I love it when she lets me read to her because I get her undivided attention, which is really hard to come by since her attention span is so short. She just sits and listens, and sometimes even falls asleep, which doesn't even bother me because she looks so peaceful when she sleeps. I-I guess what I'm trying to say is good. Whenever I'm near her, I know everything's gonna be okay."
"Twilight, that is so ridiculously ga–" Rarity slapped a hoof over Rainbow Dash's mouth, muffling her comment.
"Thank you, Twilight. Now please describe how you feel when she's affectionate with Cheese Sandwich and gives him her undivided attention instead of you."
Twilight visibly cringed at the sound of Cheese's name. Sure, she liked him as an individual, but the idea of him and Pinkie seeing each other in a romantic capacity made her stomach churn.
"Absolutely awful. Their PDA is revolting. I know I should feel bad for saying so, but I can't bring myself to. Whenever I see them I feel sick and my head hurts and my blood boils and I'm suddenly angry over a cheek kiss that has nothing to do with me. I'd rather get hit by a compound truck once every hour than be in the same room as them for half of one. They make me want to run into oncoming traffic. It's like watching someone crack an egg, get shells in the yolk, and leave them in as they whisk an omelette. You know it's not right, and in the end it suffocates you as you choke on something that should make you happy, but doesn't. I should be happy that Pinkie has found someone that understands her, but I'm not. What's so great about him anyway? Does he know what her favorite flower is? Trick question: she loves them all! Does he know that she's fluent in thirty-eight different languages so that she can communicate with foreigners easily? DID HE ORDER AN ENTIRE TWELVE BOOK SERIES SO THAT HE'D HAVE AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HER? WHAT HAS HE DONE THAT I HAVEN'T? WHY DID SHE CHOOSE HIM AND NOT ME?" The princess' voice had jumped in volume, her rant finishing in a yell. When she processed not only what, she'd said, but how loudly she'd said it, Twilight placed a hoof over her mouth.
Oh my fucking—
"Can I say it now?" Rainbow asked desperately.
Rarity glared at her and turned back to Twilight.
"Well, did that give you the clarity you required?"
Twilight went limp, allowing her rump to hit the floor.
"I'm in love with Pinkie," she said blankly.
"Yes."
"And I'm jealous of her relationship."
"Uh huh."
"And you two knew?"
Rainbow Dash chuckled. "Our entire friend group knows. Except Pinkie, apparently."
"How long have you…"
Rainbow put a hoof to her chin. "Hm. How long have you lived in Ponyville?"
This caused Twilight to wince and curl into herself, lying down and burying her face in her forelegs.
"Listen, Twi, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sorry."
The purple pony looked up at the pair of ponies before her.
"It's... it's fine. It's just new. For me, at least."
"Would you like some alone time to process this?"
"Yes, please."
The unicorn and pegasus who had induced an earth shattering epiphany exited the library after saying their goodbyes.
Spike was asleep despite the princess' insane volume earlier. Twilight found herself back at her desk, reading about a sweet and tender love she could only ever dream of herself—a fictional, and unattainable love.
She cried her way through the rest of the book. And the sequel. And the film adaptation.
And she cried in the bathroom at their anniversary parties.
And had she been insanely drunk, she would've bawled at the engagement party.
She was on her third glass of wine, world still stagnant and vision still stable. She wasn't drunk enough to say anything stupid, but apparently Pinkie was.
The guests and couple sat in the dining room of Twilight's castle, because like an idiot, a true nimrod, the alicorn had offered her living space as a venue.
They were in the middle of a game called Confessions and Cake, where you were asked a question and either chose to tell the truth, or got a piece of cake smashed in your face. The end result was determined by Starlight's lie detector spell.
Fluttershy, drunk and slurring her words, had been uncharacteristically bold, and the only logical explanation was the (???)th cup of rosé that sat in front of her. "Okay, okaYy, queschun for the mithes," she said loudly, standing on her hindlegs.
"Have you everrrr—hic—had a crush on—hic—anypony in our fwend group—hic—?"
Twilight nearly sputtered, trying to keep her resolve.
"Oh, that's easy! Of course I have! I actually had a crush on—"
"Ya don't have ta say who, Sugarcube," Apple Jack interrupted.
"No, I don't mind! Twilight! I had the hugest crush on you for years and you never seemed to notice," Pinkie giggled, turning to her left to address her former love interest. "I could've sworn I picked up on a few signals from you, but you never made an effort to reinforce the idea, so I guess it must've just been wishful thinking. In fact, I'd only gotten over my crush fully—what—three weeks, four days, thirteen hours, and six minutes into Cheese and I's relationship!"
A handful of giggles were procured from the group due to solely alcohol, as Twilight's misery was nothing to laugh at. Though even if they weren't drunk they wouldn't see the problem, as Twilight had claimed to be over her 'infatuation' years ago.
Though every cell in her body screamed with the pain of the news she's just received, the princess offered a fake laugh before excusing herself.
Twilight felt like her life was a joke. A big, fat, incredibly unfunny joke. She should be happy. She was a princess, with her own castle, her own school. She was an aunt, a sister, a close friend to many. She had everything she wanted.
All but one thing.
And that one thing was ripping her heart to shreds without even realizing it.
Pain coursed through her chest as Twilight tried to steady her breathing, then as she splashed water on her face.
If Twilight weren't the most oblivious pony to ever walk the face of this earth, if she had acted a few months, or three weeks, or even a day sooner, she might've had a chance. But she was too late.
Way too late.
A soft knock pulled her out of her thoughts.
"Twilight?"
You are the last pony I want to talk to right now.
Twilight reluctantly opened the door with her magic, her forelegs weak and threatening to give way.
She tried for a fake smile, which she was surprisingly good at. Smiling and nodding was a huge part of her role as a royal figure, so it wasn't all that hard.
Cheese Sandwich stood before the doorway, a small smile on his face.
"Are you alright?"
"Mmm," she hummed in response. "I'm fine! I just drank a little too much, that's all."
He nodded wordlessly, still smiling.
"You don't have to pretend, you know. Not with me at least."
The alicorn raised a brow.
"I'm not sure what—"
"You're in love with my fianceé."
Any walls that Twilight had up were bulldozed by that sentence alone, a lie that she'd been rehearsing so often that it was practically true was left watered down and evaporating before her eyes.
She didn't confirm or deny his statement, so Cheese took this as an invitation to keep speaking.
"I know it must be hard for you. But thank you for being such a good sport, time and time again. Thank you for allowing me to have a chance with the love of my life...against you there'd be no question of who Pinkie would pick."
Twilight felt sick, and it was completely unrelated to her wine consumption.
She held a hoof up to stop his declaration of gratitude, shoving down her urge to sob at this very moment.
"Stop. Please. You don't have to thank me, I'm just...trying to be a good friend. To both of you."
He nodded. He came in for a hug, but Twilight stepped back. He took the hint and gave her another smile before trotting back to the dining room.
The princess didn't return until everyone but the pegasi had left, both opting to stay the night as they were too hammered to navigate the streets or skies.
She sat on her throne, the loneliest and saddest princess known to ponykind.
The wedding wasn't any better, but at least there were clover and chocolate cupcakes, that made the alicorn delightfully numb. The service was still barely bearable, as mushy and sentimental as one was supposed to be. Twilight would argue that their vows were overdoing it, but she would also admit that she was completely biased.
It took more restraint than she realized to not object to this legally and romantically binding event. Cheese didn't spare a glance at her. He knew she wouldn't ruin their wedding for her own selfish, unfulfillable desires.
She clapped as they kissed, even though she wanted to rocket out of the ceiling so quickly that she could perform a sonic rainboom. She congratulated them, even though her mouth threatened to unleash a disgusting shrew of worst wishes and painful comments. But she didn't. Because the smile on Pinkie's face was worth more than anything she could've said. She just wished that smile was for her, instead.
Pinkamena sat on the floor of her new home, unwrapping wedding gifts. She'd gotten through the bulk of things, from blenders to his & hers bathrobes. Her close friends had all given both halves of the couple personalized gifts as well, so Pinkie had those to sort through. She was on her last one, a pristinely wrapped square with a beautiful bow.
The pink pony tore the wrapping paper off of her gift from Twilight. The pony smiled widely at a paperback book entitled Ser & Nat. "I'm surprised she didn't knock this because of incorrect alphabetization," Pinkie whispered before turning to the first page. Beneath the author's note was a beautiful cursive line of writing from none other than the gift giver herself.
Sukidakara (好きだから). Enjoy this book as much as I did, I think Nat's character is a real gem.
- Twilight
Pinkie giggled, glad to have such a thoughtful gift from a good friend. She even remembered that Pinkie was fluent in equinenese!
The pink mare allowed herself to unravel in a beautiful world strung together and only existent between two paperback covers, words weaving a captivating story and holding the earth pony's attention, as romance was her favorite genre.
