Rarity Gives "The Talk"

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Sex, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3884

Spike wanted to know where foals come from. In related news, Rarity had one of her strangest days ever.

Spike learned years ago that he came from an egg. However, he was never told where foals come from.

To find out, he asked the pony that hatched him, Twilight Sparkle, the question of how foals are born.

Long story short: Rarity had to get involved. Not because she wanted to.

Last but far from least, special thanks to TheBrokenBrony for proofreading this story.

EDIT: featured through 3/11/21-3/13/21!!

Published 2021-03-11 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-11 16:50:01 UTC

She should have stayed in bed today

“Fascinating. I never knew Caota and Persuadere could be combined. I should test out that spell combination later.”

On the ground floor of Golden Oaks Library, a lavender unicorn, Twilight Sparkle, stood by a table with her muzzle buried in a good book; the book was held in her magic. Though, for Twilight, all books were “good ones”, and a plate holding half of a lettuce sandwich sat on the table.

The front door cracked opened, and Spike walked inside. “Hey, Twilight? I know you’re reading, but can I ask something?”

Twilight turned her head from her book to look toward Spike, wearing a cheerful smile. “Sure, Spike. What is it?”

Spike crept closer, fiddling his claws. “Uh...I remember you told me that I came from an egg, but what about foals?”

“Foals? They hatch from eggs too,” Twilight answered casually.

“Oh.” Spike tapped his chin in confusion. “Then, where do the eggs come from? I’ve never seen a pony egg.”

“When two ponies want to become parents, they snuggle, and after they snuggle enough, one or more eggs materialize by the mother. The new parents then take the eggs to the hospital and they hatch there. Foals don’t stay in eggs for long, so that’s why you’ve never seen them.” Twilight rolled her eyes upward in thought, lightly pressing a hoof against one of her cheeks. “In fact, I haven’t either. I never tried to talk to other ponies about our eggs.”

“Okay, so that’s how foals are born. Thanks, Twi.”

“Any time, Spike.”

Spike strode back out of the front door; Twilight returned her attention to her book.

Hey, don’t ask me why that book-loving pony told Spike that foals come from eggs. You’ll find out in due time, unless the lazy writer of this story quit before he got that far.

Elsewhere in Ponyville, a white unicorn, Rarity, trotted down the town’s roads, heading toward a huge tree, Golden Oaks Library, in the distance. She wore an orange helmet, adorned with a blue bow in the back, and carried a basket in her magic.

“I hope Spike isn’t busy. I can really use his help.”

Rarity continued her cheerful trotting. A half-minute later, from the direction of the library, Spike came into view.

Rarity called out, “Hello, Spike! Are you busy?”

Spike ran up to Rarity. “Hi, Rarity, and I’m not.” He glanced at Rarity’s bucket. “Are you about to hunt for gems?”

She nodded. “Yes. I was even on my way to ask if you could accompany me and lend me a hoof, or claw. Can you?”

“Sure!” he answered with a big grin.

Rarity’s smile deepened. “You’re a dear as always. I can feel those buried gems calling for me, so let us hurry to the crystal caves.”

The two friends walked in the direction toward the crystal caves, but Spike asked, “Oh, before I forget, can I ask you something?”

“Of course you may!”

“I just asked Twilight where foals come from, and she said they come from eggs, but I didn’t ask how big the eggs are. Do you know?”

Rarity stopped in her tracks. Her eyes blinked twice. “Um, come again?”

Spike stopped walking as well. “The eggs that show up when ponies snuggle.”

“Snuggle? Eggs?” Rarity rubbed her head, but avoided brushing against her mane. “I...am afraid I’m a little confused. I thought you asked Twilight where foals come from.”

“I did, and that's what she told me, and she said the parents take the eggs to the hospital where they later hatch.” Spike cocked his head confusingly. “What’s wrong with that?”

Rarity’s eyes remained locked on Spike’s, her brain torn on what to do. She shouldn’t risk overstepping her boundaries as an unrelated adult and tell Spike the truth, but she couldn’t allow Spike to keep believing this as the origin of foals...right? “I am not sure if I should be the one to say it, but foals do not come from eggs.”

“They don’t?”

“No. I can tell you that with great certainty. Even if they did, the eggs wouldn’t appear from only snuggling.”

“Oh.” Spike gazed toward Golden Oak Library, bearing an understandingly baffled frown. “Then why did Twilight tell me all that stuff about pony eggs? She knows just about everything, and she never lies to me.”

“Hmm.” Rarity, in turn, gazed toward the library and rested a hoof on her cheek. There was only one reason for Twilight, who she knew didn’t have a habit of lying, to do so. “I think I know why. Is Twilight at home?”

“Yeah, she is.”

“Then before we search for gems, we should go see her. I need to have a word with her.”

With Rarity leading the way, the pair hurried toward the library. This was not what Rarity had in her plans for today.

Once she and Spike arrived at the Golden Oaks Library, Rarity swung open its front door with her magic. Twilight was still standing by a table while reading a book held in her magic.

“Twilight? I’m sorry for stopping by unannounced, but do you have a second?” Rarity asked.

“I do.” Twilight looked toward Rarity. Her smile weaned into a worried frown. “Is something wrong?”

“Is it true you told Spike that foals come from eggs?”

“Yes, it is,” Twilight answered nonchalantly.

Rarity (and Spike) walked across the room in Twilight’s direction as she asked, “Twilight? I understand it can be...awkward to give an honest answer to these kinds of questions.” Rarity laid a hoof against her chest. “However, while it may not be my place to say it, I believe Spike is old enough to know the truth.”

“I know,” Twilight answered in the same casual tone as before.

“Then why did you tell him that foals come from eggs?”

“Because they do.”

Rarity tilted her neck to the side, confusion swirling around her. Did Twilight understand the question? “Okay, darling? I know your heart is in the right place, but you can’t keep lying to Spike like this.”

Twilight’s smile darkened into a frown, her eyes scowling. “I’m not lying! Foals do come from eggs!” She pointed at Rarity and asked, “Don’t you know that?!”

Rarity’s mouth widened. The idea of what was going on was unthinkable, yet Twilight’s anger didn’t seem to be from being defensive, but feeling truly offended. “Oh...dear. You really think foals are born from eggs?”

Twilight groaned, flicking her forehooves in the air. In the process, the mare performed potentially the most out-of-character action she may ever do by accidentally knocking her book out of her magic and onto the floor. “Of course! I don’t understand why you are talking as if they don’t! I even have books about the topic!”

Twilight zipped to a bookshelf and levitated a pile of books off in her magic. She pulled the books, one by one, closer to her face. “‘History of Ponyville’...’Truth or False: Can Unicorns Become Alicorns?'...’How to Ask Out a Sta’–er, no, that’s not it...aha, here it is!” Twilight levitated all but one book back to the bookshelf, opened the book, and shoved its pages to Rarity’s face, just barely avoiding contact with her muzzle.

“See? My copy of ‘Your Egg and You’ explains how eggs materialize when a mare and stallion snuggle and that they are taken to the hospital. I have some other books that go into it even further!”

“Let’s see.” Rarity stepped back, grabbed the book with her magic, and skimmed through the book. What she read was indeed what Twilight had claimed. She closed the book and countered, “W-well, you are correct, but this and the other books you were talking about must be fakes! If what they claim is true, I would have had some eggs when I snuggled with my ex-boyfriend!”

“Wait, you had a boyfriend, Rarity?” Spike inched closer to Rarity. “Who, and...how did he win you over? Uh, asking for a friend.”

Rarity blew a regret-filled sigh. “Let’s just say he was a stallion that, when showing his real self, would make Prince Blueblood look like a gentlestallion. He got me with flattery, and falling for his fake charm was NOT one of my finer moments.”

“Oh.” Spike fidgeted his claws. “So, what kind of things did he–”

“Enough about that!” Twilight interjected with a scowl. She took a deep breath, retrieved her book from Rarity’s magic with her own, and closed it. She spotted the book she had inadvertently knocked on the floor previously, gasped, and picked up and levitated the book to her table. She would probably apologize to it later. “Rarity, maybe you just didn't cuddle your ex-boyfriend long enough, but if you think my books about our eggs are fakes, then who told you how foals are born?”

“My parents. They explained it to me when I was about two years older than Sweetie Belle is now.”

“Then where did they say foals came from?” Twilight asked with an annoyed frown, even if it bore some genuine curiosity.

Spike stared at Rarity, his eyes oozing curiosity of his own.

Rarity’s pupils shrank. Her heart skipped a beat. She dreaded the day she would need to hold this conversation with Sweetie Belle. However, she never imagined that she might have to tell a FULL GROWN MARE about the birds and the bees. Rarity knew Twilight wasn’t a social pony prior to moving to Ponyville, but hadn’t Twilight been around a pregnant mare at least once?

“Um...well...when two ponies are ready to have foals, they…” Rarity glanced at Spike, fully aware that he was a minor and wasn’t her little brother or son, and gulped. “I can’t say it out loud! Twilight, come with me, so I can whisper it in your ear.”

Twilight and Rarity ran to a side of the room, near one of the bookshelves. With one of the most puzzled frowns he had ever worn, Spike remained in roughly the room’s center. With Spike a safe distance away, Rarity leaned toward one of Twilight’s ears and whispered away. The latter’s mouth immediately widened as the explanation of ⭐the deed⭐ was given.

“Really?! Stallions can do that? I should have read more about stallion anatomy! It might have helped me learn how to better fli–” Twilight slapped her cheek to shut herself up before her big mouth finally said too much. “Uh...wait, hold on. Even if you’re right about how foals are created, how would the foals come out of the mare? Magic?”

Rarity grimaced and visibly shuddered. She internally cursed her cruel luck with words that a graceful mare of class such as her should never use, then whispered the answer in one of Twilight’s ears.

”WHAT?!” Twilight shouted with pupils the size of pinpricks, possibly turned off from ever having foals. She hopped from Rarity, glanced back toward an...area concealed under her tail, and swung her head back to Rarity. “H-how can a foal pass through–”

Rarity shoved a hoof over Twilight’s mouth. “I-it’s not as impossible as it sounds, but now I have a question. Who gave you those books about the eggs?”

After Rarity removed her hoof from Twilight’s mouth, Twilight calmly answered, “Princess Celestia did. When I was a filly, I tried asking my parents where foals came from, but my mom always said to ask my dad and vice versa, and when I went to Shining Armor, he always said to ask our parents. I even tried asking Cadance, but she said to ask Shining Armor. So, after Princess Celestia accepted me into her school, I asked her, and she told me that foals hatch from eggs. She later gave me my books about it, so I could read about it as much as I wanted.” Twilight’s eyes softened. Were they showing concern? “Rarity, are you sure youaren’t the one who’s wrong? I’m not trying to call your parents liars, but why would Princess Celestia lie to and give me fake books? I’m her personal protégé!”

“Maybe we should go to Canterlot and find out. I want to find out if foals really come from eggs or not!”

“I concur, Spike. Maybe Princess Celestia can clear things up,” Rarity said. “After I take my helmet and bucket home, I can come along with you.”

After Rarity had returned her gem-hunting items to Carousel Boutique AKA her home, she, Twilight, and Spike departed to Canterlot via a train known as the “Friendship Express”. Rarity considered informing Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash of this matter, but she felt, for their sakes, they would be better off not knowing about this inconceivable situation.

In Canterlot Castle’s throne room, Twilight, Spike, and Rarity had requested an audience with Princess Celestia; Princess Luna stood beside her. The two Princesses had just entered the room.

“Hello, Twilight, Spike, Rarity,” Princess Celestia greeted warmly. “The guards informed me that you have a question you need to ask. Is there something wrong?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, Princess Celestia. Well, there’s nothing ‘wrong’, but Rarity claimed foals don’t hatch from eggs like you and your books told me. Is that true?”

Princess Luna glared at Celestia, mouth agape. “Thou told her what?!”

Celestia’s pupils collapsed to a fifth their normal size. “I knew there was something I forgot about.”

Twilight frowned and took some steps forward. Her eyes felt to be somehow larger, to Celestia. “Wait...Princess Celestia, was Rarity right?”

Celestia sighed and hung her head. “Yes. Foals are not born from eggs.”

“W-with all due respect, why did you tell her they do?” Rarity asked.

“Yes, do tell, Sister,” Luna said with a knowing smirk.

Celestia slowly lifted her head; a drop of sweat formed on and ran down her forehead. It is not often that the Princess of Equestria is flustered so badly. “W-well...you see, when Twilight asked me how foals are born when she was still a filly, I wanted to tell her the truth but…” Celestia stared at Twilight, and her frown deepened. It was almost like, at that moment, Celestia was seeing Twilight as she was as a filly. “I couldn’t bring myself to do it! She just looked so innocent!”

Twilight rubbed the top of her head, her innocent nature triggered. “‘Innocent’? I never wanted to hurt anypony even as a filly, but was I that unusual compared to other foals?”

Rarity asked, “And why did you give Twilight books about our eggs?”

“Um…*gulp*...after I told Twilight about the eggs, to ensure she wouldn’t discover the truth on her own for the time being, I cast a spell to create the books and gifted them to her preemptively.” Celestia walked forward to stand right in front of Twilight and laid a hoof under her jaw, gently tilting her head up. “I planned to tell you where foals truly come from once you were a little older, but after a couple of years, I forgot all about the matter. Being over a thousand years old is not good for the memory.”

Celestia delivered short, but nervous chuckles at her joke to try to further lighten the mood. Neither Rarity, Spike, Luna, nor even Twilight smiled even slightly.

This underpaid narrator will give that alicorn a “B” for effort.

Receiving no response, Celestia cleared her throat. “Anyway, Twilight, I know it was wrong of me to lie to you, and I am so sorry. I will completely understand if you wouldn’t want to hear from or see me for a while.”

Luna shook her head disapprovingly, swishing her ethereally flowing mane. “Wow. I am still getting used to modern pony society, but not even I would have fibbed to Twilight about that!”

Celestia moved her hoof off Twilight, eyes oozing shame. “I will openly admit it wasn’t one of my better judgments, regardless of my reasons.”

“Obviously.”

Twilight smiled, looking upwards at her mentor. “It’s okay, Princess Celestia. I’m still not sure why you thought I couldn’t handle the truth even if I was...unusually innocent as a filly, but I know you had my well-interest at heart.” Twilight turned to Rarity briefly, then looked back up at Celestia. “But I’m still confused about something. Rarity said that foals develop in a mare’s body, but how do they come out? The way she mentioned, wouldn’t it tear our–”

Celestia’s face reddened. “U-uh, let’s talk...privately about that. We can move to an empty room right outside the throne room.”

Celestia led Twilight out of the throne room.

Left behind, Rarity scraped the floor with a forehoof, Spike tapped one of his feet, and Luna glanced in one direction after another. Awkwardness performed dances around the trio in the room.

Five seconds of the painful silence later, Spike cleared his throat, stopped tapping his foot, and asked, “So...if you don’t mind me asking, Princess Luna, how was it like on the moon? Is it really made of green cheese?”

Rarity’s nervous frown loosened as she stopped scraping her hoof. “Oh yes. Is that old mare's tale true?”

“I do not remember much of my time at the moon as Nightmare Moon. But from what I can recall, the moon is not made of green cheese, but of the stranger–”

*THUD!*

The floor vibrated, but only for a moment.

“What was that?” Spike asked.

Rarity turned toward the throne room’s entrance. "I think it came from–”

Celestia walked back into the room, but an unconscious Twilight lay limp across Celestia’s back.

Rarity and Spike dashed to Celestia and Twilight with big worried frowns. Luna stayed back and remained calm.

“Princess, what happened to Twilight?!” Rarity asked.

“Don’t be alarmed. She’s fine,” Celestia assured in a calm voice. “I was telling her all about the...birthing process, and she fainted before I could finish.” Celestia looked directly at Rarity and tittered. “I suppose you didn’t go into as much...detail as I did.”

Luna giggled. “Ah, ‘tis brings back memories. I did the same thing when I learned about the origin of foals.”

“I remember, Sister,” Celestia said with another titter. “You were out for over an hour after I told you, and it was a reason why I felt so hesitant to tell Twilight the truth. She reminded me of you a little as a filly.” Celestia’s smile weakened and her ears drooped. She gave a regret-filled sigh and added, “But I am still ashamed for lying, much less to Twilight. However, whenever she faints after receiving that massive a shock, she can remain unconscious for a while. If you two would like to return to Ponyville, I will understand.”

Celestia peeked toward Twilight, who remained lying motionless across her back. “If I know her, she will be a little shaken up from our...long overdue talk at first, but she’ll quickly bounce back. She has grown into a strong pony.”

Rarity leaned closer to Celestia, or more so to Twilight. “Are you certain? I don’t want to just leave her behind.”

“I’m certain,” Celestia answered, her smile screaming reassurance. “But, if you wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving, you can remain with her.”

Rarity tapped her cheek, still staring at Twilight. “Um...if she is fine, Spike and I can return to Ponyville, unless he would prefer to stay.”

“I’ll go back too.” Spike chuckled. “Besides, this is like the 10th time Twilight fainted, so this isn’t new for me. I was supposed to help you find gems, remember?”

“Oh, yes. In that case, let us catch the Friendship Express before it leaves. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, I’m sorry for dropping by like this.” Rarity bowed in courtesy.

“It is quite all right, Rarity. This was all my fault anyway, and I’m sorry you and Spike got caught in this,” Celestia said.

Luna glanced at Twilight and snickered. “And I could have used some amusement. However, Twilight’s parents might not be fond of what was told to her as a filly, if they find out.”

Celestia’s eyes widened and her mane ceased flowing. Her ears flopped sideways. “Sister, just in case I ever become ‘unavailable’, remind me to teach you everything about how to rule Equestria.”

With Twilight remaining in Celestia’s care, Rarity and Spike left the Royal Castle and hurried to catch the Friendship Express.

The Friendship Express had just pulled into Ponyville’s train station. The passengers inside all stepped out its doors in a single line.

After Rarity and Spike broke from the line, Spike asked, “You want to go to look for gems? I'm ready to go when you are!”

Rarity shook her head. “To be truthful, after that mess with Twilight and Princess Celestia, I’m no longer in the mood to search for gems. I know you love to help me find them, and I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.”

Spike waved his hoof dismissively. “It’s okay, but I still don’t get why Princess Celestia told Twilight about pony eggs if they don’t exist.” Spike stared down at his hands. “Did I even come from an egg?”

“Well, I have never seen a dragon egg myself, but I don’t think that it is a lie that you hatched from an egg,” Rarity answered with a reassuring smile.

Spike matched Rarity’s smile with his own. “I trust you. But since whatever you said about foals was true, can I ask something?”

“Of course, Spike. I promise not to lie, no matter what your question is.”

“Good.” Spike stepped closer, his eyes screaming curiosity again. “Twilight mentioned something about foals coming from their mother’s body when you whispered in her ear, but how does it happen? How did they even get into the mother’s body in the first place?”

Rarity gasped deeply. So deep, a wave of lightheadedness struck her. She should have stayed in bed today, and worse, she promised not to lie!

Looking at Spike’s trusting eyes and smile, a sharp sigh deported Rarity’s lips. She’d just have to hope she wouldn’t hate herself in the morning for what she was about to do. “Okay. Follow me to my pla–uh, wait, maybe not there, but we should go somewhere we won’t be overheard.”

The pair trotted away from the train station. As they went, Rarity mentally cursed her luck with very unladylike words again.

About twenty minutes later, Rarity and Spike reached a park in Ponyville and stood near a flowing water fountain.

Rarity took glances to the left and right; nopony was around. With the coast clear, she said, “Now, I shouldn’t be the mare to tell you this. But, I promised I wouldn’t lie, and I wouldn’t want you to hear some other false information anyway.”

Spike leaned closer, face beaming, ready to finally learn the truth.

After a final check to confirm the two truly were alone, Rarity tapped into her inner big sister/mom, sat down, and rested a hoof on one of Spike’s shoulders. “You see, Spikey-wikey, when a mare and stallion love each other and want to have foals, they…”

Author's Note

Annnnnd before Rarity says too much, I'm cutting things here. Sorry/not sorry!

Also, to be fair to Celestia, I wouldn't want to risk the innocence of a filly Twilight either. Just look at her! If this isn't the face of pure innocence, I don't know what is!