A Huge Mistake That Could Have Been Easily Avoided
It was another sunny day as I sat in my wooden study, which had gotten damp and developed a mild mould problem because of the sodding weather in my hometown of Bales, and I stared at the blank parchment on my desk. Ever since Twilight’s coronation as sovereign over all of Equestria, including its sun, moon and even the dream realm, I have been very busy with my writing. I have written many tales ranging from my service in S.M.I.L.E, which I had changed to the Bureau of Oddly-Behaving Spies in my stories lest I get sued by my former colleagues, to the ever-so-charming Prince Donut Steel sticking his nose in other ponies’ business. Sounds familiar, don’t you think?
But that wasn’t what I was going to do today, especially since the dank smell was distracting me from any potential ideas. Instead of wasting today in the room that (along with old age) might have contributed to my declining health, I decided to go outside and engage in a tradition I had long since abandoned. I closed my eyes and pictured the outside of the Canterlot Castle. With its white walls and green grass, I had to get every detail right lest I get stuck in one of the windows like last time. That was not fun to explain to my superiors at S.M.I.L.E, I assure you. Even got suspended for a month for my troubles. After getting a clear picture of Canterlot Castle in my mind, I charged up my magic and teleported straight where I wanted to be.
Except there was a new stained glass window that spoiled my view. And a pegasus royal guard saw me teleporting.
“Oi, what do you think you’re doing?!” the guard shouted.
“Uh…” I stammered as I tried to think of a good excuse.
As I was hauled over to the throne room, I looked at the walls and windows of the castle. It looked different from the last time I’ve been here, which was when I was pardoned for my piracy but forced into working for S.M.I.L.E lest Celestia told my mother on me. Last thing I ever wanted was for my mum to know about my extralegal activities and...other...private habits. The walls had more of a bluish hue and there were definitely more stained glass windows depicting recent historic events, including that time the new element bearers defeated the fearsome Infernukeras. Speaking of the new element bearers, Captain Gallus was one of the guards taking me to the princess. Heh, ‘Captain Gallus’. Sounded like a superhero name. And considering he saved Equestria with his buddies a few times, he might as well be a superhero.
“I found this guy snooping around the castle, your Majesty,” Gallus said as he announced my presence.
I looked up at the princess. She had grown taller, Her mane and tail were longer too and had more of a celestial appearance. I’d ask her why the long face but, since she was looking at me with a stern expression, I have enough common sense to know a joke like that would be a very bad idea.
“Oh, you’ve changed your look!” I said jovially, “I don’t like it.”
“Remember when we had that talk about invading other ponies’ privacy?” Twilight asked.
“To...not do it?” I sheepishly replied, “But in my defence, I didn’t come here to stalk you, your Majesty.”
“Then what were you doing here?” Twilight asked.
“I was...uh...trying to teleport to the Crystal Empire,” I lied, “You know, for a holiday.”
Buying my lie, the princess teleported me to the Crystal Empire.
“Cheers,” I thanked the princess.
After a very lengthy climb up the Crystal Castle, hoping I didn’t pierce anything on the crystalline edges, I took a peek through one of the windows. In a very fortunate twist of events, the window I looked through just so happened to be the one in the shower room. I didn’t even know the castle had a shower room. And in the shower, I saw the Princess of Love herself. Her fine and slender proportions, her beautiful purple eyes, and her long and slightly curly mane, all capped off by the water in the shower making her really shiny. It was like fate for me to feast my eyes on this image on Hearts and Hooves Day. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m precariously balancing myself on one of the pointy bits on the castle, I would have tried my luck at dominating her mind.
“Hey!” I heard somepony shout, causing me to lose my balance and fall flat on my backside.
As I rubbed my rump in pain, I looked up at the stallion that shouted at me. Going by the white coat and slightly messy blue mane, I could tell it Twilight’s brother, Shining Armor. And judging by his expression, he was not too pleased about me perving on his wife.
“Hello there,” I said as I waved to him.
“You’re that guy who’s been stalking my sister, aren’t you?” Shining Armor asked.
“It was on...official spy business,” I unconvincingly lied, “You know, just so Celestia knows she made the right choice in her successor. Hehe.”
“Likely story,” he said sternly, even though it was very obvious it wasn’t a likely story, “What are you doing here?”
“Uh...I was sightseeing?” I sheepishly said to the not-so-happy Shining Armor.
Shining Armor cracked the joints in his hooves as he prepared to beat the living snot out of me. Foreseeing the world of pain I’m about to be thrown into, I tried to leg it. But then I remembered I fell on my flank and would have extreme difficulty running away unless I had medical attention or a really good chiropractor.
“Mummy,” I said quietly to myself.
And before I could pray that there was a being more powerful but hopefully just as benevolent as the alicorn princesses so I could pray to that being to save my hide, Shining Armor slugged me right across the face. Given today’s events, I totally deserved that. But what I didn’t deserve were the flurry of kicks and punches across the rest of my body, including my unmentionables, that he delivered to me.
Never mess with a former captain of the royal guard, folks.
Author's Note
If you have read When Flurry Met Lussy beforehand, you probably knew how this was going to end.
Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, everypony. 
PS: This is also my first first-person story. Another milestone I have achieved this year.
