Those Who Can't Sing

by Draxonos135

Rating: everyone
Tags: Dazzlings, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Vignette Valencia, Adagio Dazzle, Random, Slice of Life, Sonata Dusk, Human
Length: 1306

The Dazzlings get an unlikely bus driver.

The Dazzlings haven't done that good since their defeat at the hands of the Rainbooms. Reduced to doing autotuned tours around the world just to pay for food, things seemed to hit rock bottom when they realized something:

Neither of them knew how to drive.

Luckily, they seemed to catch a lucky, if unexpected, break from it.

Published 2021-02-15 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-15 00:00:00 UTC

#BusDriver

"Okay, so.... does anybody know how to drive this thing?"

Adagio knew for certain how long the Dazzlings had fallen when she heard that.

It was already pretty grating that their gems and singing voices were destroyed by the Rainbooms in the battle of the bands, which would always sting them no matter how much time passed, but now they were stuck with a trailer none of them could drive.

Because, what a shock, a creature who spends most of their time flying would never, ever, bother to learn how to drive anything.

"Okay, so, clearly, we're gonna need to find someone to drive the bus for us," Adagio stated.

"Whoa, wait a second, Adagio, are you serious?" Aria growled. "We're already pretty low on bits or whatever they call them in this world, and you want us to lose what little we have by hiring a driver?"

"The only other option we got is one of us learning how to drive, Aria."

The Purple siren quickly fell silent, but not before folding her arms and pouting.

"Okay, but, who could we ask to be our driver?" Sonata pondered out loud. "After the Battle of the Bands, nobody in Canterlot High will give us the time of day."

"Nobody from Canterlot High could do it anyway, Sonata, they're too young!" Adagio scratched her chin. "At least, judging by what I've observed from this bizarre culture."

"And besides, it's just Canterlot High who knows our true selves," Aria smirked. "If we're going to get a driver, it should be someone who either doesn't know or doesn't care about what happened at the Battle of the Bands."

Adagio hummed. "That's a sound idea. But who could do it?"

Suddenly, the trio heard somebody humming a song. Or a melody. They were humming something, that much was clear.
They turned around, and once they did, they saw a Yellow-skinned woman with Pink and White hair, humming while checking something on her phone.

"How convenient that someone walked by just as we were talking about this, huh?" Sonata remarked. "Oh! Do you think she could be our driver?"

Adagio lowered her eyelids. "There's only one way to find out."

Adagio, Sonata, and a reluctant Aria got in the woman's way, stopping her right on her tracks.

"Uh, hi," she greeted. "C.I.H.Y.?"

Sonata shivered and whispered, "Adagio, she's talking in a language we don't understand!"

"I see that plain as day, Sonata!" Adagio snapped, adopting a calmer, friendlier tone as she faced the woman. "Good evening, miss!"

She looked up, then back at the trio. "Judging by the height of the sun, I'd say we're about close to midday."

"Well, whatever, listen, we're in a bit of a pickle," Adagio sighed and clasped her hands together. "We need a bus driver to... well... drive our bus, yeah, and we were wondering if you knew how to drive, or knew anybody who knew."

"I can drive, yeah," the woman smiled. "But I guess it depends on where exactly you're planning to go. Any place in particular?"

Aria coughed slightly. "I'm sorry, but I feel like we missed an important step."

"Oh, right, introductions," Adagio snapped her fingers. "Sorry about that. I'm Adagio Dazzle, the blue weirdo by my side is Sonata Dusk-"

"Hello!"

"-and the Pink grunkfuss is Aria."

"My bad attitude is my best attribute, ironically enough."

"Hi, nice to meet you three, I'm Vignette Valencia." the woman answered, closing her phone as she asked, "And now that we got that out of the way, back to business: you want me to become your bus driver?"

Adagio smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of her head. "Yeah, or if you can't do it, we'd appreciate it if you could point us to someone else."

Vignette hummed in contemplation, then smiled as soon as she got an idea. She walked away from the trio, dialed a number and called, the trio leaning just close enough to make out what she was saying:

"Yes, hello? Hi, Sapphire Shores, it's Vignette Valencia! Hey, I'm getting a job offer right now, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if you could give my role of the head fashion designer for the Equestrialand parade to someone else... I don't really know how long it'll last, but hey, I do think it's about time my genius got a break... stop cackling like a hyena, it's very annoying! Look, can you replace me or what?... There! Then we're good, thanks Sapphire!"

Vignette hung up, and spun around, startling the trio.

"Okay, I can take the job!" she said cheerfully. "Now, can you show me where the bus is?"

The trio stepped to the side, and pointed at the large bus just casually standing put nearby.

Vignette and the trio promptly headed inside, and Vignette seemed rather... surprised? There wasn't much to the bus, it had just been bought after all, so maybe that's why her reaction wasn't as crazy as it probably should've been.

"Okay, so, before I say my thoughts on this bus," Vignette turned to the trio and tilted her head. "what exactly are you supposed to be?"

"We're... a singing group," Adagio folded her arms and rolled her eyes. "Though admittedly, we haven't been as good as we used to since-"

Suddenly, Aria shoved her hand in Adagio's mouth.

"Would you mind letting us talk in private for a minute?"

"Sure, but do you mind losing your hand?" Vignette frowned. "Your friend looks like she's about to bite it off."

Aria glanced at Adagio, who was baring her fangs while growling like a rabid dog. Aria quickly got the notice and removed her hand, before forming a circle with her and Sonata.

"Should we really tell her about what happened at the Battle of the Bands? We just met her!"

"She's gonna find out anyway, Aria; if she has to find out, then we should be the ones to tell her. Our recollection of events would be the least biased."

"Yeah, besides, you know what Humans say: Honesty's the best policy! Whatever those are!"

"Mind if I make a suggestion?"

The Dazzlings gasped and moved back, taking a defensive stance while Vignette spoke:

"If you're going to be musicians, you're gonna need to customize this thing," Vignette scratched her chin. "I'm thinking buying a couple things that'll make your personality stand out more."

"We don't have much money us," Adagio was quick to point out.

"Well, luckily for you, I just so happen to have cash to burn," Vignette remarked proudly as she sat on the driver's seat. "Now, where should we go next?"

Adagio looked at her fellow bandmates, who shrugged in unison.

"Well... I was thinking that there are these things called "autotune," and we could use it to enhance our performance."

"Autotune... it's a risky move," Vignette raised an eyebrow. "You sure you wanna do it?"

Adagio put her arms behind her head. "Everybody starts somewhere."

Vignette smiled. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

With that said, Adagio looked at Vignette's smile, and sighed as she gained a smile herself.

"So, one more question before we go."

"Go ahead."

"Where's the key?"

Author's Note

I know it's weird to post this on Hearts and Hooves Day, but I thought if I didn't post it now, it'd never be posted ever, and that's something I couldn't live with myself.

Anyway, mixing the Dazzlings and Vignette together is such a no brainer, I'm actually surprised it hasn't been done before. Or maybe it has and I didn't look hard enough for it.

So, yeah, I love the Dazzlings, I love Vignette, making a story featuring them both was the best I could come up with.

Not the only, but the best.

Anyway, that's it from me. Draxonos135, flying off.