Figuratively Speaking, Of Course
"Why do you like flying?"
Before that, I said, "I like flying."
Even before that, Fluttershy sat beside me and looked at me. I looked away before she did that, and I had just landed. I was flying, but I wasn't anymore. I sat there, having landed, beside her, as she asked me that question, after I flew, but when I flew, that was when I knew, and what I knew was that I could have a view, a perfect view, of everything I saw when I flew, so this is the deal.
Flying is the greatest thing ever, somehow, and why? I don't care why, and it was, and it is, and I feel it to my core, but I guess that if she wanted the answer, I should give it to her, so. This is what happened. This is the deal. I was flying along, going into the sky, one day, just a normal day, any day. It was this day, and it was right before the conversation with Fluttershy. I had just felt the wind hit my face. It sounds so simple, when you just say it like that, but it isn't. It's not.
It was another day, another normal day, and that's something I would expect, wouldn't you? I expected it, and it was, except for one small detail. I had just finished flying, and there's something about flying, now that I think about it. What is it? What's it? It is, I don't know, the wind, and something like that. It's something more than the wind. It's a feeling that goes beyond other feelings, and I think it's the feeling of pushing yourself. You know what? I think so.
It's something that very few get to experience, as few ponies really do reach those heights, where they get to push themselves so far, and I'm happy to be one of those ponies. It's about speed. It's about athleticism. Okay, here's what it's really about. It's about feeling free, in a way, and how? Through just doing what you want to do, up there, so here's the thing I want to get to.
Again, it was a normal day, and I had just finished flying, like I said. That's normal. And then, I took to the air again, feeling the breeze, feeling something strongly against my face. What was it? A bug? It was stronger than what I was used to, and I felt it throughout my body, and I really did feel it. It felt great, and really, truly, I'm not even sure what it was. It was a kind of sensation, a special kind, that I liked.
I kept on flying, and then, something hit me. I think it was a tree-branch. Just kidding. It was a thought. Nay, it was a realization. It was great. I just kept flying, and something else hit me, and then, I went higher and higher, going up into the sky as far as I could, until I got dizzy.
It was a new feeling, and that feeling was truly freedom, and truly a break, and maybe I was in danger. No, I was in danger. I could feel it, but that's what made me want to push. I want everyone to understand that. That's what made me want to push. I flapped my wings as hard as I could against the sky, and the sky responded, and I went higher, and that felt great. Why? Why did it? I can explain it now, I think.
I felt pain in my wings, but I understood that pain didn't come from getting beat, or hurt, or something like that, you know. It came from me. It came from my flying, like duh. Of course it did, yeah. Yeah. I know it's obvious, but what isn't obvious? I'm just feeling. I'm just feeling free. Everything is obvious. The more I push, the more pain I feel in my wings, but no, that doesn't stop me from pushing, and flying higher, and isn't that interesting?
Then, my vision got blurry, and I fell down, and I kept on falling down, down, and down, going toward the ground. Hey, that almost rhymed. And then, I saw the ground, and I didn't hit myself. I just landed. What the heck? Thunderlane came and asked me if I was all right, but I was more than all right, way more. I had just experienced something. Call it a learning experience or something. I had experienced wanting to push just to push, I think, or maybe, it was the wind that had given me some sort of vision in my head, like when you're out of air, and you start seeing things.
Still, I'm sure I know what I saw. I just pushed. That's all I did, and it felt like I was getting weaker and weaker physically, but that didn't stop me from just doing what I wanted to do, and whatever it is, I now feel like I can do what I want to do.
"Okay, that's great," Spike said. "It still doesn't explain anything."
"Okay," I said. "You wrote it down?"
"Yes," Spike said. "Why do you like flying?"
"Oh, I don't know," I said. "I don't know, but I just know I do. I don't need to be able to explain everything. I mean, it's not as if you're going to grade me on this, are you?"
"No," Spike said. "Cheerilee will."
I looked at Rumble. He smiled back at me.
"Did you get everything?" he said.
"Yes," I said.
"Did you get the conversation with Spike too?"
I thought about everything he had said. "Why write that down?"
"It's part of the story."
"No," she said. "Why any of it down?"
"It's part of the story," he said, smiling.
Well, that was what it was. I gave him a passing grade.
Dear diary. Yes, I have a diary. Don't get on my case. Dear diary, today I was talking with Fluttershy, Spike, and Cheerilee, and I realized something. They don't get it, but you know, that's fine. I didn't get it either, first.
Sometimes, that happens when you're just thinking about things, thinking and thinking, and, um. What was I saying? Anyway, yeah, that's right. I was talking about flying. Have you ever flown before? For the ponies two-hundred years into the future, when everyone has a flying wagon, drawn not by ponies, but by magic, I ask you this question. Flying is just like anything else, but you can do a lot of things with it. You can fly a little bit, and you can fly a lot, and I think, in a way, that's what freedom is, is being able to choose the way you want to fly.
No, wait. No, is that right? I don't even know. I just like flying. Whatever. It is what it is, or something, but I want to fly some more today. That's what I feel. I want to feel the wind, and I want to do more than feel the wind. I want to just do something that no one will stop me from doing, because when I'm up in the air, I can do what I want, and I don't have to listen to anyone, and to me, that's pretty neat. That's how I feel, and tell me I'm wrong.
Hehe. What does it mean to like something anyway? If you have to say you like it, is that really liking it? You just do it. I will keep doing, I think. We'll see what the future holds, because I want to do the things I want to do, the way I want to do them, inside the air, where I'm alone, I think. I think I'm alone up there. I think so. Up there, I can flap my wings as hard as I like. Is that what freedom is? I can push against not other ponies, because that's something I could already do. I can push against, myself? Yes, I think. I think that's it. I can push against myself, when I'm flying. And if I do it right, then I fly higher, and I think that's what life is all about.
Okay, I should probably stop now. I won't write anything that I think is deeper than that.
I showed Thunderlane the diary. I smiled. I was happy.
"Okay," he said, "but you don't want to risk your life, do you?"
I had included the part Spike wrote and also, the part Cheerilee wrote, helping me finish my project, for school.
"I don't know," I said. "I just like it. Maybe I do want to risk my life just a little bit, so that I understand what risking your life means."
Thunderlane shook his head, looking really serious all of a sudden. "No, that's not what flying is about, and you don't want to die, do you?"
"Of course not," I said. "I don't want to die, but that doesn't mean I should be afraid of it all the time, like when I'm flying. Maybe I could risk my life."
"No," he said.
"I don't know," I said. "I really don't know. Maybe when you fly, you can risk your life just a little bit, so that you understand what it means to be afraid, and push through that fear, so that it doesn't control you anymore."
"Some fears," he said, "are good."
"Yeah, okay."
I looked around. I was sitting beside Fluttershy. What had just happened?
"Hm," Fluttershy said. "That's very interesting. So what did you say then?"
I saw that she was there. I hadn't seen her a second ago. "You know," I said. "That felt like flying."
"What?" she said.
"Telling my story." I looked down into my book, that I had read from. "Maybe that's what flying is all about, being lost in the moment, and stuff, you know. You ever think about that?"
"I don't know," Fluttershy said. "I don't really know why I like the things I like myself. I just do."
"Yeah," I said. "Isn't it weird?"
"No," Fluttershy said. "I know that I care about things. That doesn't mean I have to explain it."
"No," I said. "No, not at all. I just mean, that you can't explain it."
"So why do you like flying?" she said.
Sometimes, memories can speak louder than words. I had just landed, after flying, which I did, in the air, and all the things that I think about when I think about flying, like pushing, and angling, and rising, and floating, going higher, and feeling the freedom of whatever it is you feel when you feel the wind. I had landed, going down, from up the air, and up the sky, where the clouds are. I was with the clouds, and clouds are nature. Clouds are way up there. Clouds are what they are. What is a cloud even? It's sort of wet, and it feels soft against the skin, and it does so because that's what clouds do, and flying, before I had landed, had made me feel sort of weird in my stomach.
I had done things, and the clouds came after those things, and landing came after the clouds. I had done things, like flying as fast as I can up in the air, and then going down, not really pushing, and just feeling my skin, and everything, snap, and bite, against the air, against the wind? Yes, I think so. That's what I really felt. That's fine. I think everything has been great, and fine, and good, and I liked flying this day too.
Doing tricks in the air is something normal, and stupid. It's like jumping over puddles when you're walking, but I had braved the currents, and I had been brave, I hope. That's how it felt, anyway, and that was a little time before I tried going up and down, and the clouds, and Fluttershy, landing beside her, but what was it even, and what does it mean? I think it's sort of, just taking off. I like taking off, because it means just doing something that I care about. Okay.
"You know, Fluttershy," I said.
"Yes, Rumble?"
I laughed. "I like flying."
It's, um, something. It's, you know, a thing that I like to do. Don't judge. It's like. It's not everything I like to do, I mean. It's a single thing. I like feeling certain feelings, but I don't like it in my brain. It's not even about how I think about it. It's about just doing it. How's that?
I closed my diary. That felt, like, I don't know, I thought to myself, all in my lonesome. Then, I wrote a poem.