Mind's Eyeby MellowSoulChaptersCorridorsExaminationConfigurationContinuationShadow SelfEpilogue: One Day at a TimeCorridorsAuthor's Note Story's rated M for mature subject matter. The last one was meant to be more emotional. This one is on the analytical end. Chapter 2 will delve deeper into the actual details. Corridors During the days when Diamond's friendship with Sunset was developing, the child's mind expanded far beyond the expected range. As her body grew stronger, her brain began to crave something deeper: knowledge. What kind of shape was the world really in? How well or ill-equipped was humanity prepared for the challenges ahead? The further she delved into the answers, the more she became convinced a push in the right direction was necessary. She studied the fields of psychology and psychiatry tirelessly, compiling the information into neatly organized documents. By late November, she was ready to make her case. She posed numerous questions and arguments using a basic text editor. After having Sunset check for grammatical errors and logical inconsistencies, she printed the transcript. Her intention was simple, yet immensely complex. She desired to push the conceptions surrounding mental health to their limits. The waiting room clock ticked back and forth in an unceasing pattern. The sweet scent of Angel Snow air freshener filled the air. Diamond and the others waited patiently for their appointment, eager and anxious to map this new territory. Thirty minutes after arriving, the door to the therapist's office opened. It was a gentle, slow motion, as though it were carefully calculated to avoid frightening someone. A young woman with long brown hair, glasses, and a white lab coat stood against the frame. She held the barrier open for an even younger male: a teenage boy. From Diamond's point of view, he couldn't have been any older than fifteen. He strolled past the group without saying a word. His lack of a reaction further increased the uncertainty of the situation. The doctor veered her gaze in Diamond's direction. "Ms. Tiara?" Diamond rose to her feet, making her presence known. "Please, come in." The woman spoke in a soft, polite tone that put the room at ease. Diamond entered the office. Sunset, Filthy, and Spoiled followed close behind. The woman closed the door and took the seat behind her desk. "Would you like a seat?" she offered. Diamond nodded. She took the left chair on the other side. Sunset took the chair on the right. "My name is Anvil: Anvil Ironheart. It's nice to meet you." Diamond shook her hand. "Diamond. This is my sister, my mom, and my dad." "Is this your first time seeing a counsellor?" "Yeah. You checked my medical background, right? I guess it's not surprising you knew that." "You looked into the process quite thoroughly. I'm impressed." "Having some idea what I'm getting into makes me feel better." "I understand." "How long have you been a therapist?" "Going on three years now." "It must be tough." "I'll admit, some patients are harder to treat than others. It's a process like many things." "I won't take up too much of your time. We came here today because there are some things I would like to discuss with you." "Oh?" "Think of me less as a patient and more as an assistant. I'm here to help you gather data based on I and Sunset's psychological profiles." Anvil raised a brow. "This is quite unusual, I must say. What is it you're hoping to achieve?" "Each form of psychotherapy and medication has its own strengths and weaknesses. We needed someone licensed in both psychology and psychiatry. Possessing both credentials means your opinion will be taken more seriously in the medical world. We're hoping the information we provide will shift the focus on how treatment is handled." "I see. You want my input so I can attempt to push the fields in more effective directions." "Exactly." "I can't make any promises, but I'll certainly listen to your concerns. Why don't you start by telling me a bit about yourself?" "There's not much to tell. I was born into a wealthy family and given everything I ever wanted, but I still ended up here because of an existential crisis." "At such a young age?" "Based on the way things turned out, there's not really a set age limit for this kind of thing." "I suppose not, but I've never seen a case like yours before." "That's okay. That's the reason we're here." "What about you, Ms. Sunset?" "I'm a recovering self-harmer." Sunset admitted. "I see." Sunset rolled up her shirt sleeve to show Anvil the scars. "I used a razorblade to cut across areas that were easy to hide. It was less awkward to control than a knife." "I'm sorry you went through that." "It's fine. It went on for about two years until I met Diamond." "Ah. I had a feeling you were siblings from another marriage." "Actually, no. Filthy and Spoiled legally adopted me a few days after Halloween." "A family friend-turned-member? That's quite unique." "I kept Diamond preoccupied so she wouldn't go down the same road I did. I'll admit, I had my doubts it would actually work. I've never been more relieved to be wrong." "How did you two meet?" "She was going through a rough patch when she sought help from a friend of mine. They directed her to me." "I'm only asking this out of concern: why did neither of you seek help sooner?" "There was no guarantee we would be able to relate to whoever we talked to. Worse still, the medications prescribed for depression are known to cause serious side effects. We were hesitant to entrust our lives to mixed circumstances." Anvil removed her glasses. Her expression was one of defeat. "It's true there have been questionable results. Everyone's situation is different. The same treatment won't always work for the same condition. It's something I've struggled to come to terms with since I started working in this profession." "Out of curiosity, what kind of records do you keep?" "We tend to take notes of the patients' symptoms and mental states. If they're on prescriptions, we also include any changes that might result from those. It lets us know whether we should try something else." "Sounds about right." "In all honesty, I don't blame you for being wary. There was a murder spree in 1999 that was partially tied to Luvox, an anti-depressant used to treat Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. One of the killers was cited as having therapeutic quantities in his bloodstream." "Was the Luvox itself responsible?" "On its own, it doesn't seem likely, but it definitely added fuel to the fire. He reported increased homicidal and suicidal ideation as a result of the drug. They tried another medication, but it was just a different brand with the same effects." "From the sound of it, you were pretty torn up about the whole thing." "I don't know if it was negligence or an honest mistake, but I told myself it wouldn't be repeated under my care. To this day, I've kept that promise." "The fact you opened up to us means we can trust you. We'll help in any way we can." "I still don't know if this is such a good idea. If something goes wrong, I could lose both my licenses." "That's why we're taking precautions." Diamond held up several sheets of paper that were stapled together. "This is a list of questions and other bullet points," the child spoke, "Using what we already know, we can tailor specific treatments depending on the symptoms and severity of each case. Once we find out what works, we can isolate the effects and amplify or reduce them." "Micromanaging every detail...," Anvil uttered, "There may be something to this. Surgeons use the same method for precision purposes. Thanks to technological advances in recent years, we've learned a lot more about the human brain. If I refresh myself on each condition, symptom, and treatment, there's a good chance I'll find something I missed." "What should we do until then?" Sunset asked. "I'll schedule an appointment for next week. In the meantime, do more research of your own. The more hands we have on deck, the more ground we can cover. Comparing our data might increase our odds of success." "Right." Filthy compensated Anvil for the session. He and the others left the office to contemplate their next move. "We should head home." Sunset advised. "Yeah," Diamond agreed, "We have plenty of medical books. If we read through those and look for credible sources online, we might find something." "Our main focuses are brain anatomy and physiology, anti-depressant medication, psychotherapy, and experimental treatments." "Which should we start with?" "Anatomy and physiology. Those are where we'll get the most in-depth explanations about the brain itself. The others are more about altering its chemistry and functionality." "We should hurry. We only have so much time." ExaminationAuthor's Note This chapter's a bit more science-heavy. I tried to break it down into the simplest terms I could think of. Examination Every day after school, Diamond and Sunset studied the workings of the brain. They spent hours constructing a clear picture of its mechanics, often researching well into the evening. They kept notes of critical information regarding the limbic system and the cerebellum. In turn, they were able to update their original transcript to be more precise. "Take a look at this." Sunset said. She handed Diamond her laptop. "Remember what Anvil said about the massacre in '99?" "A school shooting?" Diamond questioned. "Not just any shooting. It was the blueprint for everything that followed." "Woah..." "According to a friend of the shooters, the one who was on Luvox stopped taking the medication at some point during his senior year." "But Anvil said they found it in his system during the autopsy, right? What gives?" "When he was off the meds, he would flip on the turn of a dime. A week before the shooting, though, his demeanor completely changed. He was calm and relaxed." "So he started taking it again?" "She said there were therapeutic quantities. That can only mean..." "...He took it to stay focused..." "Look at his journal entries. The killings were planned extensively a year in advance. He needed to keep enough medication around without wasting time on a refill." "The Luvox aggravated his compromised state, but it kept his behavior stable to avoid suspicion." "Talk about a worst-case scenario. Jesus Christ..." The following week, Diamond, Sunset, Filthy, and Spoiled returned to Anvil's office. Diamond and Sunset revealed what they found about the shooting. "I've been wondering for years how the Luvox actually played into the killings...," Anvil explained, "I guess now I know..." "I'm sorry," Sunset lamented, "I can't begin to imagine how disappointed you must feel." "Don't apologize. We weren't there anyway. Even if I'd known about its effects back then, I couldn't have done anything." "You were what, six at the time?" "Yeah. I doubt anyone would have believed me." "Seems like that's a common problem kids face." "Just makes the times we get through all the more worthwhile." "That's a good way to look at it." "Anyway, we should get down to business." Anvil pulled a diagram of the brain from behind her desk. She placed it on the table. "Let's recap what we already know," she advised, "If we look at the brain from a lateral point of view, we can divide it into ten regions made up of twenty-seven subsections: the precentral sulcus, the superior frontal sulcus, the middle frontal gyrus, the superior frontal gyrus, the precentral gyrus, the inferior frontal sulcus, the frontal pole, the frontal lobe, the inferior frontal gyrus, the temporal pole, the superior temporal gyrus, the temporal lobe, the middle temporal gyrus, the inferior temporal gyrus, the central sulcus, the postcentral gyrus, the postcentral sulcus, the superior parietal lobule, the intraparietal sulcus, the angular gyrus, the parietal lobe, the inferior parietal lobule, the occipital lobe, the occipital pole, the supramarginal gyrus, the superior temporal sulcus, and the inferior temporal sulcus." "I don't envy medical students right now." Sunset joked lightheartedly. "It's a lot to remember, but the general principal is simple. When one or more of these parts malfunctions, it often results in a disorder." "Specifically the areas that regulate emotion, reason, and stimuli." "You got it." "There are a lot of variables that can cause issues, though." Diamond pointed out. "You're right," Anvil confirmed, "Injury, poor diet, lack of exercise, serotonin deficiencies, deformities, less-than-usual gray matter, low vitamin D, and genetic predispositions all play a role. That leads us to one of many problems in the medical field..." "Overmedication..." Sunset finished. Anvil began her explanation. "Anti-depressants belong to a class of psychotropic drugs called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, or SSRIs. Primarily, their function is to increase serotonin levels in the brain. Trouble is, they can inadvertently alter other neurotransmitters too. It gets really dangerous if serotonin levels aren't among the culprits to begin with." "Not to mention the withdrawal symptoms." Sunset added. "A number of experimental treatments have emerged in recent years. Shock therapy and transcranial magnetic stimulation are two examples. Their purpose is to activate the regulatory functions of the brain. These treatments are still in their infancy, though, and like with medication, it won't work for everyone. Our ultimate goal is to rectify this issue." "The question is, how?" "Genetic engineering is one possibility. If we can isolate the genes that factor into illness, we can potentially root it out early, thus preventing it from surfacing later down the road. Still, we can't ignore the moral and ethical concerns. Many would see it as a gateway to eugenics." "What about reverse engineering the medications themselves?" "I don't follow." "If we examine the chemicals in SSRIs more closely, we might find a way to increase serotonin and gray matter without the side effects." "The pharmaceutical companies and the FDA already monitor that. I doubt we'll find anything they don't already know." "Then we'll have to experiment. CBD oil's been getting popular lately. Maybe there's something there." "I suppose you can try it. It might be safer than your typical pill at least." "Now that that's out of the way, we should move on to psychotherapy techniques." "There are seven main types: Psychoanalytic, Psychodynamic, Behavioral, Cognitive, Humanistic, Integrative, and Holistic." "What's humanistic...?" Diamond questioned. "I had a feeling that would catch your interest," Anvil replied, "Humanistic therapy focuses on the patient's maximum potential as a human being. It was developed through the work of existentialist philosophers between the early nineteenth and late twentieth centuries." "So the therapist helps the patient take steps to become who they want to be?" "To simplify things a bit, yes." "So that's how she did it..." "I'm sorry?" Diamond shook her head. "Never mind." "Anyhow, if you're curious which I find the most effective as a general rule, it's integrative. Integrative does exactly what you suggested before. It blends different schools of thought. This allows treatment to be custom-tailored to the patient's needs." Sunset spoke again. "So outside more extreme cases, the right combination of treatments could completely turn someone's life around?" "The potential is there. I recommend you delve deeper into the dialogue aspect. The ability to talk someone down could mean the difference between life and death." "Before we go, can I ask you one more thing?" "Of course." "What are your thoughts on national healthcare?" "I'm disappointed there's not a system in place already." "Thought so." "Putting more strain on those already struggling is just cruel. If I could, I would gladly do my work for free, but that's not how the world works at the moment..." "Don't worry," Diamond interjected, "If we make a breakthrough, the profits are yours." Everyone stared in unanimous shock. "Before all this, I lived a life motivated by greed. I don't intend to make that mistake a second time." Sunset's expression formed into a proud smirk. "Damn, sis. That's deep." ConfigurationAuthor's Note Getting into the psychological aspects. I wouldn't recommend diagnosing anyone unless you're trained to do so and have examined them personally. If you are under psychological care, bring up your concerns with your counsellor. Configuration Before the end of the second session, Anvil requested Diamond and Sunset hold off on experimenting with any substances. "Next time we meet, I'll start building your profiles," she told them, "To do that effectively, I need you to be clear-headed." The sisters agreed. The third session began in early December. Anvil had her notes from their previous conversations on hand. "There are two ways I can analyze you: together or alone," she explained, "Because you're all aware of the situation, I suspect the method won't make much difference. That's why I'm leaving it up to you." "I want to do this alone." Diamond spoke. Sunset stared at her sibling in surprise. "Are you sure?" the teen asked. "It's easier to focus when I'm alone." "...All right. We'll be outside if you need anything." Sunset rubbed her sister's shoulder before leaving the room. Spoiled and Filthy kissed and hugged their daughter before following suit. When they closed the door, the private conversation began. "You seem really close to your family." Anvil noted. "That's the kind of relationship every kid wants, right? People who care enough to keep us out of harm's way?" "No eleven-year-old I've met observes the world around them the way you do. Your intelligence far exceeds most children in your age group." "You can learn a lot in six months, especially if you have the right person encouraging you." "Would you say you have a high openness to experience?" "Yes." "What about conscientiousness?" "I don't know what that means." "Is your behavior consistent over long periods?" "Yes." "Are you extraverted?" "I used to be." "When did that change?" "After I stopped bullying other kids." "Why would you refer to yourself as a bully?" "I used to tease people for being poor and unskilled. Maybe...It was more like taunting." "Why?" "My dad is a very career-oriented person. We didn't really spend much time together until I told him I was at risk for severe depression." "What about your mother?" "She was kind of snooty and looked down on the less fortunate. That might've been where I picked up my callousness." "You say they changed after you spoke to them about your feelings?" "They weren't really aware of their surroundings because of how goal-driven they are, but they're far from stupid." "So you did have some sense of empathy." "Yeah." "Would you describe yourself as agreeable?" "Back then? No. Now? A lot more." "What about Neuroticism?" "I don't know what that means." "Do you find yourself experiencing mood swings or heightened negative emotions?" "My mood is pretty consistent, but I get really anxious when I start thinking about mortality and other existential topics." "Is there anything else you can think of that might influence your personality?" "Actually, yeah. That's the real reason I wanted to talk to you alone." "Is this something you'd like to remain confidential?" "Sunset knows, but mom and dad don't. It's not something I really want to talk about with them." "I understand. Please, continue." "Back in May, I told one of my friends I liked them. They turned me down. It was really painful, but I knew ahead of time it could happen." "How did you know?" "I talked to Sunset about it beforehand. She wanted me to go into it without unrealistic expectations. It softened the blow a little, but I was heartbroken for months." "This must've been someone you really cared about." "She was, and she still is, but lately there's someone else I've been thinking about in a different light. I want to talk to her about it, but I can't." "Would it be okay if I asked why?" "Because she's older than me." "Is she an adult?" "Yeah..." "Perhaps I can help if you don't mind my input." "That's why I'm here, right?" "There are two ways you might be able to go about this. The first option is to wait until you're an adult yourself and pursue a relationship with this person." "What's option two?" "It's similar to option one, but it entails sharing your feelings early. Perhaps if you tell them now, they would be willing to wait until you're of legal age." "That doesn't feel fair to her." "The choice is yours to make. You do what you feel is right, provided it doesn't cross the legal boundaries." "What I feel is right..." "Right." "So...What's your diagnosis?" "There are a few things it could be. Your limbic system seems to be slightly overactive. This can cause heightened emotional intensity and enhanced stimulation." "What can we do?" "Pain relievers like acetaminophen have been shown to help reduce emotional responses, and CBD oil is still on the table as well. In addition, we can try a mix of two specific types of humanistic therapy: Client-Centered and Gestalt." "What do those entail?" "Client-Centered therapy is based on the idea that your expertise in your personal experiences is what's most important. My role would be to listen both as a medical professional and as a friend." "That sounds really comforting, actually. What about Gestalt therapy?" "The Gestalt method emphasizes awareness of the present and personal responsibility, traits you've already displayed with your shift in behavior." Diamond gave an emotional smile. It was the most relieved she'd felt in years. "We made the right call coming to you." Anvil smiled back. Sunset was the next to be examined. Compared to Diamond, she was less open, slightly more conscientious, slightly more introverted, and similar in agreeableness and neuroticism. Anvil recommended the same medication, but suggested Psychodynamic therapy, Client-Centered humanistic therapy, and Existential humanistic therapy. With their analyses complete and their programs prepared, Diamond and Sunset were ready to continue their research. ContinuationFor the fourth session, Diamond once again spoke to Anvil alone. The older woman instantly recognized an unexpected change in the girl's demeanor. "Is everything all right," she questioned, "You look exhausted." "I guess I'm just tired. School and research is taking up most of my time." "Don't run yourself ragged. There's time to figure things out." "It's hard when you know lives are on the line." "I know, but there's a reason it's referred to as the line of control. You're at odds with an insidious enemy you can't see. You need to focus on preserving your energy for the long haul. It won't do us any good if you keel over." "What else can I do?" "You can trust in us." Diamond looked the therapist in the eyes. Anvil nodded. "...Okay. I'll get some sleep when I get home." "Sounds like a plan. Anyhow, is there anything you want to talk about today?" "Yeah. I want to talk about last time." "Please, go on." "You knew I was talking about Sunset, didn't you?" "I had an idea." "...Am I bad person for feeling this way?" "Of course not. Why would you think that?" "There's a lot of stuff out there about adults being attracted to kids: pedophile stories and stuff, but there's not much about when the situation is reversed. From what I could find, everyone just kind of writes it off as cute and innocent." "She was your guide and protector when you were feeling lost. It's completely natural to develop feelings for someone who shows genuine care and concern." "Really?" "Absolutely. There's one thing that does concern me, though?" "What?" "There seems to be a bit of emotional codependence." "Codependence?" "People seeking love often fall into the trap of believing one person can fulfill all of their emotional needs. You need to think about other people: friends and family who've also shown those qualities. Perhaps more importantly, you need to think about how you can show them to yourself." "So I need a healthy balance?" "You nailed it. Codependence can cause relationship strain in the long run. Expanding your social network and taking care of yourself go a long way toward preventing this." "I kind of get it." "One more thing. Should you choose to pursue a relationship in the future, you should know people generally prefer partners who are spontaneous. In other words, they enjoy unexpected surprises. It's not only about the quantity of time spent, but the quality." "I understand." "If it puts your mind at ease, you've already made substantial progress by owning up to your mistakes, and you did it without Sunset or I's help. Your change in behavior is a testament to your true potential." "Yeah. That actually makes me feel a lot better." "Anything else?" "What do I do if she starts cutting again?" "That's a good question, and a profound one. Generally, when a depressed individual self-harms, they're in a great deal of emotional pain. It took some time to figure out the connection, but the blood loss itself turned out to be the key. Blood carries neurotransmitters through the body. Because less chemicals reach the brain the more blood is released, it temporarily reduces emotional pain to more tolerable levels. Sometimes it's not the lack of chemicals causing the issue, but an overabundance. Still, even with that explanation, knowing what to do can be tricky. Getting the weapon away is one option, but this can have unintended consequences. The best thing I can think to do is remain calm and listen: not talk, listen. If she trusts you, she'll tell you how she feels." "Thank you." "Any time." "By the way, we found a connection between physical illness and depression you might find interesting. In the short-term, the body's focus on infection can alleviate psychological symptoms. I don't think this applies to everyone, though, and it doesn't work for terminal conditions.. We made a report for you to read over." "Excellent. I'll read it tonight." "I guess I should get going. Later." "Hold on. Have you tried the Tylenol trick yet?" "Not yet. We're waiting to test it until we really need to try something." "That's probably a good idea. Too much can damage your liver." "Good thing you told us, then." "Thanks for the paper, and Diamond?" "Yeah?" "Good luck." Diamond smiled. She nodded, and left the room. Shadow SelfAuthor's Note I should be clear here as people are getting a bit confused about what I'm advising. The methods of treatment suggested should be researched further and tested before being administered by professionals. Mental health is not a joke and should not be treated as such. I'm attempting to seek answers to prevent suicide statistics from increasing, and the most logical step is to focus on the brain where emotions and stimuli are regulated. I've already gone back and corrected what errors I found while doing my own research for this story. Be safe. be healthy, and if you're struggling with mental health, find what help you can. Shadow Self The following week, Diamond and Sunset spoke to Anvil together. Spoiled and Filthy waited outside, as they had become accustomed to the process and wished to respect their daughter's privacy. "I think we've found about everything we can." Sunset told Anvil. "You've done an excellent job collecting information. We have at least four potential treatments to be looked into now: CBD oil, Tylenol, Blood Reduction Therapy, and Influenza Neurotransmitter Therapy." "I guess we can slow down a bit and rest now." "Looks like it. I'll start putting everything together tonight and corresponding with my colleagues." "It might be better if you don't mention our role in finding this stuff. If they know you've been getting help from patients, they might charge you with malpractice." "I hate stealing credit, but you're right. At least if everything's debunked, they can just brush me off as a quack. Worst-case scenario, they revoke my licenses." "If that happens, let us know," Diamond spoke, "We'll take care of you." "I'm in your hands." Anvil replied with a smile. "There's one more thing I'd like to ask." Sunset voiced. "Of course." Anvil stated. "Where does the shadow play into our profiles?" "Ah, yes. The famed shadow of the mind. It began as a theory that each of our psyches contain subconscious dark impulses, which isn't totally inaccurate. For example, both of you are enamored with horror movies, gritty video games, Gothic apparel, and heavy metal music, correct? These things speak to you on a deep psychological level because you perceive the world in a way that's less than ideal. Heartbreak, pain, disease, war, poverty: all unescapable facts of reality. This is where the shadow comes in. In a psychological context, it's often repressed and ignored in waking life. This is where things branch off. There are two end results: Merging with or Assimilation of the shadow." "What's the difference?" "When you merge with your shadow, your dark impulses consume you and take over. Assimilation, on the other hand, entails awakening to your dark desires and redirecting them towards more constructive, fun outlets. Assimilation is essentially reigning the shadow in and taking control of it. From what I've gathered, both of you have succeeded in the assimilation process." "I'm not so sure about that..." "Why not?" "Diamond and I...Made a suicide pact." "Oh...I see..." "It happened the day we met. We agreed if society collapsed entirely, we would off ourselves to escape." "It sounds as though you're describing a scenario where death is the more desirable option." "Right." "Well, it's true the world is a chaotic place full of hardship and suffering, but I suspect a total collapse is still quite a ways down. Obviously, I can't be sure, but we're a resilient species. We've bounced back from many tragedies before." "Maybe..." "There is a case to be made that your particular pact could also be part of the assimilation process. You've committed to living until such a catastrophe occurs, right? Perhaps what you're describing is a defense mechanism." "How?" "Ending your life in a situation where death is the only option demonstrates your will to control your future. It's an open act of defiance in the face of futility." "I don't know...Some pretty bad guys have done the same thing before." "The difference is, they merged with their shadows. Their downfalls were brought about by their own hands. You've assimilated yours and learned how to use it to your advantage. Someone who can look their darkness in the face and refuse to give in can hardly be called a coward." "..." Anvil smiled at Sunset. "Checkmate." Epilogue: One Day at a TimeThe morning after meeting with Anvil, Diamond awoke to see Sunset gazing fondly in her eyes. "Morning." "Hey..." Diamond rubbed her eyes. She sat up and stretched. "Can we talk?" Sunset asked. "Sure. What's up?" "I heard what you told Anvil: you know...About me." Diamond turned red enough to combust. She felt embarrassed and ashamed. "Sorry..." Sunset shook her head. Her smile never faded. "Don't apologize. To tell you the truth, I'm flattered. The last thing I ever expected in life was to win someone's heart." "Really...?" "Yeah. I like being around you. You make me feel like I'm needed." "I feel the same way, but you're an adult now. We can't do anything..." "Maybe nothing that breaks the law, but there are many more subversive ways that love can be shown." "How?" "Like this, for starters." Sunset slipped Diamond's fingers through her own. The older girl's hands were warm. The sensation was comforting. "Holding hands?" "It's a universal gesture, isn't it?" "True." "When Anvil mentioned the assimilation of the shadow, I started wondering if the same rule could be applied to our situation. How could I show you your feelings were requited without crossing the line? Then it hit me: I had to do what I've always done, just more mindfully and consciously." "What is your shadow saying now?" "It's time for breakfast." Diamond chuckled. "Smartass." "You're getting kind of mouthy, there. Careful. Shadows have an interesting way of remembering things over long periods of time. I might have to pay you back when you get older." "Whatever, weirdo. If you're gonna threaten me with a good time, at least make me breakfast first." "Your wish is my command." Sunset lifted Diamond onto her back and carried her downstairs. "Do you think Anvil will be okay?" the child questioned. "I wouldn't worry too much. Being a shrink, I'm sure there's not a lot she hasn't seen." "She couldn't tell us anything about her other patients." "We have to trust her judgement. That's all we can do." "Yeah..." "Hey, don't look so glum. Tell you what. After school we'll head to the arcade and chill by the lake for a bit." "Are you asking me out on a date?" "Maybe." "I'll have to think about it. My shadow, on the other hand..." "Next time we see Anvil, we should tell her about this. She might be able to give me some insight on how to handle it." "Just walk in and tell the doc you like little girls." "Jesus." Sunset let Diamond onto the tile floor. The teen pulled a pan from the kitchen rack and started breakfast.
CorridorsAuthor's Note Story's rated M for mature subject matter. The last one was meant to be more emotional. This one is on the analytical end. Chapter 2 will delve deeper into the actual details. Corridors During the days when Diamond's friendship with Sunset was developing, the child's mind expanded far beyond the expected range. As her body grew stronger, her brain began to crave something deeper: knowledge. What kind of shape was the world really in? How well or ill-equipped was humanity prepared for the challenges ahead? The further she delved into the answers, the more she became convinced a push in the right direction was necessary. She studied the fields of psychology and psychiatry tirelessly, compiling the information into neatly organized documents. By late November, she was ready to make her case. She posed numerous questions and arguments using a basic text editor. After having Sunset check for grammatical errors and logical inconsistencies, she printed the transcript. Her intention was simple, yet immensely complex. She desired to push the conceptions surrounding mental health to their limits. The waiting room clock ticked back and forth in an unceasing pattern. The sweet scent of Angel Snow air freshener filled the air. Diamond and the others waited patiently for their appointment, eager and anxious to map this new territory. Thirty minutes after arriving, the door to the therapist's office opened. It was a gentle, slow motion, as though it were carefully calculated to avoid frightening someone. A young woman with long brown hair, glasses, and a white lab coat stood against the frame. She held the barrier open for an even younger male: a teenage boy. From Diamond's point of view, he couldn't have been any older than fifteen. He strolled past the group without saying a word. His lack of a reaction further increased the uncertainty of the situation. The doctor veered her gaze in Diamond's direction. "Ms. Tiara?" Diamond rose to her feet, making her presence known. "Please, come in." The woman spoke in a soft, polite tone that put the room at ease. Diamond entered the office. Sunset, Filthy, and Spoiled followed close behind. The woman closed the door and took the seat behind her desk. "Would you like a seat?" she offered. Diamond nodded. She took the left chair on the other side. Sunset took the chair on the right. "My name is Anvil: Anvil Ironheart. It's nice to meet you." Diamond shook her hand. "Diamond. This is my sister, my mom, and my dad." "Is this your first time seeing a counsellor?" "Yeah. You checked my medical background, right? I guess it's not surprising you knew that." "You looked into the process quite thoroughly. I'm impressed." "Having some idea what I'm getting into makes me feel better." "I understand." "How long have you been a therapist?" "Going on three years now." "It must be tough." "I'll admit, some patients are harder to treat than others. It's a process like many things." "I won't take up too much of your time. We came here today because there are some things I would like to discuss with you." "Oh?" "Think of me less as a patient and more as an assistant. I'm here to help you gather data based on I and Sunset's psychological profiles." Anvil raised a brow. "This is quite unusual, I must say. What is it you're hoping to achieve?" "Each form of psychotherapy and medication has its own strengths and weaknesses. We needed someone licensed in both psychology and psychiatry. Possessing both credentials means your opinion will be taken more seriously in the medical world. We're hoping the information we provide will shift the focus on how treatment is handled." "I see. You want my input so I can attempt to push the fields in more effective directions." "Exactly." "I can't make any promises, but I'll certainly listen to your concerns. Why don't you start by telling me a bit about yourself?" "There's not much to tell. I was born into a wealthy family and given everything I ever wanted, but I still ended up here because of an existential crisis." "At such a young age?" "Based on the way things turned out, there's not really a set age limit for this kind of thing." "I suppose not, but I've never seen a case like yours before." "That's okay. That's the reason we're here." "What about you, Ms. Sunset?" "I'm a recovering self-harmer." Sunset admitted. "I see." Sunset rolled up her shirt sleeve to show Anvil the scars. "I used a razorblade to cut across areas that were easy to hide. It was less awkward to control than a knife." "I'm sorry you went through that." "It's fine. It went on for about two years until I met Diamond." "Ah. I had a feeling you were siblings from another marriage." "Actually, no. Filthy and Spoiled legally adopted me a few days after Halloween." "A family friend-turned-member? That's quite unique." "I kept Diamond preoccupied so she wouldn't go down the same road I did. I'll admit, I had my doubts it would actually work. I've never been more relieved to be wrong." "How did you two meet?" "She was going through a rough patch when she sought help from a friend of mine. They directed her to me." "I'm only asking this out of concern: why did neither of you seek help sooner?" "There was no guarantee we would be able to relate to whoever we talked to. Worse still, the medications prescribed for depression are known to cause serious side effects. We were hesitant to entrust our lives to mixed circumstances." Anvil removed her glasses. Her expression was one of defeat. "It's true there have been questionable results. Everyone's situation is different. The same treatment won't always work for the same condition. It's something I've struggled to come to terms with since I started working in this profession." "Out of curiosity, what kind of records do you keep?" "We tend to take notes of the patients' symptoms and mental states. If they're on prescriptions, we also include any changes that might result from those. It lets us know whether we should try something else." "Sounds about right." "In all honesty, I don't blame you for being wary. There was a murder spree in 1999 that was partially tied to Luvox, an anti-depressant used to treat Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. One of the killers was cited as having therapeutic quantities in his bloodstream." "Was the Luvox itself responsible?" "On its own, it doesn't seem likely, but it definitely added fuel to the fire. He reported increased homicidal and suicidal ideation as a result of the drug. They tried another medication, but it was just a different brand with the same effects." "From the sound of it, you were pretty torn up about the whole thing." "I don't know if it was negligence or an honest mistake, but I told myself it wouldn't be repeated under my care. To this day, I've kept that promise." "The fact you opened up to us means we can trust you. We'll help in any way we can." "I still don't know if this is such a good idea. If something goes wrong, I could lose both my licenses." "That's why we're taking precautions." Diamond held up several sheets of paper that were stapled together. "This is a list of questions and other bullet points," the child spoke, "Using what we already know, we can tailor specific treatments depending on the symptoms and severity of each case. Once we find out what works, we can isolate the effects and amplify or reduce them." "Micromanaging every detail...," Anvil uttered, "There may be something to this. Surgeons use the same method for precision purposes. Thanks to technological advances in recent years, we've learned a lot more about the human brain. If I refresh myself on each condition, symptom, and treatment, there's a good chance I'll find something I missed." "What should we do until then?" Sunset asked. "I'll schedule an appointment for next week. In the meantime, do more research of your own. The more hands we have on deck, the more ground we can cover. Comparing our data might increase our odds of success." "Right." Filthy compensated Anvil for the session. He and the others left the office to contemplate their next move. "We should head home." Sunset advised. "Yeah," Diamond agreed, "We have plenty of medical books. If we read through those and look for credible sources online, we might find something." "Our main focuses are brain anatomy and physiology, anti-depressant medication, psychotherapy, and experimental treatments." "Which should we start with?" "Anatomy and physiology. Those are where we'll get the most in-depth explanations about the brain itself. The others are more about altering its chemistry and functionality." "We should hurry. We only have so much time."
ExaminationAuthor's Note This chapter's a bit more science-heavy. I tried to break it down into the simplest terms I could think of. Examination Every day after school, Diamond and Sunset studied the workings of the brain. They spent hours constructing a clear picture of its mechanics, often researching well into the evening. They kept notes of critical information regarding the limbic system and the cerebellum. In turn, they were able to update their original transcript to be more precise. "Take a look at this." Sunset said. She handed Diamond her laptop. "Remember what Anvil said about the massacre in '99?" "A school shooting?" Diamond questioned. "Not just any shooting. It was the blueprint for everything that followed." "Woah..." "According to a friend of the shooters, the one who was on Luvox stopped taking the medication at some point during his senior year." "But Anvil said they found it in his system during the autopsy, right? What gives?" "When he was off the meds, he would flip on the turn of a dime. A week before the shooting, though, his demeanor completely changed. He was calm and relaxed." "So he started taking it again?" "She said there were therapeutic quantities. That can only mean..." "...He took it to stay focused..." "Look at his journal entries. The killings were planned extensively a year in advance. He needed to keep enough medication around without wasting time on a refill." "The Luvox aggravated his compromised state, but it kept his behavior stable to avoid suspicion." "Talk about a worst-case scenario. Jesus Christ..." The following week, Diamond, Sunset, Filthy, and Spoiled returned to Anvil's office. Diamond and Sunset revealed what they found about the shooting. "I've been wondering for years how the Luvox actually played into the killings...," Anvil explained, "I guess now I know..." "I'm sorry," Sunset lamented, "I can't begin to imagine how disappointed you must feel." "Don't apologize. We weren't there anyway. Even if I'd known about its effects back then, I couldn't have done anything." "You were what, six at the time?" "Yeah. I doubt anyone would have believed me." "Seems like that's a common problem kids face." "Just makes the times we get through all the more worthwhile." "That's a good way to look at it." "Anyway, we should get down to business." Anvil pulled a diagram of the brain from behind her desk. She placed it on the table. "Let's recap what we already know," she advised, "If we look at the brain from a lateral point of view, we can divide it into ten regions made up of twenty-seven subsections: the precentral sulcus, the superior frontal sulcus, the middle frontal gyrus, the superior frontal gyrus, the precentral gyrus, the inferior frontal sulcus, the frontal pole, the frontal lobe, the inferior frontal gyrus, the temporal pole, the superior temporal gyrus, the temporal lobe, the middle temporal gyrus, the inferior temporal gyrus, the central sulcus, the postcentral gyrus, the postcentral sulcus, the superior parietal lobule, the intraparietal sulcus, the angular gyrus, the parietal lobe, the inferior parietal lobule, the occipital lobe, the occipital pole, the supramarginal gyrus, the superior temporal sulcus, and the inferior temporal sulcus." "I don't envy medical students right now." Sunset joked lightheartedly. "It's a lot to remember, but the general principal is simple. When one or more of these parts malfunctions, it often results in a disorder." "Specifically the areas that regulate emotion, reason, and stimuli." "You got it." "There are a lot of variables that can cause issues, though." Diamond pointed out. "You're right," Anvil confirmed, "Injury, poor diet, lack of exercise, serotonin deficiencies, deformities, less-than-usual gray matter, low vitamin D, and genetic predispositions all play a role. That leads us to one of many problems in the medical field..." "Overmedication..." Sunset finished. Anvil began her explanation. "Anti-depressants belong to a class of psychotropic drugs called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, or SSRIs. Primarily, their function is to increase serotonin levels in the brain. Trouble is, they can inadvertently alter other neurotransmitters too. It gets really dangerous if serotonin levels aren't among the culprits to begin with." "Not to mention the withdrawal symptoms." Sunset added. "A number of experimental treatments have emerged in recent years. Shock therapy and transcranial magnetic stimulation are two examples. Their purpose is to activate the regulatory functions of the brain. These treatments are still in their infancy, though, and like with medication, it won't work for everyone. Our ultimate goal is to rectify this issue." "The question is, how?" "Genetic engineering is one possibility. If we can isolate the genes that factor into illness, we can potentially root it out early, thus preventing it from surfacing later down the road. Still, we can't ignore the moral and ethical concerns. Many would see it as a gateway to eugenics." "What about reverse engineering the medications themselves?" "I don't follow." "If we examine the chemicals in SSRIs more closely, we might find a way to increase serotonin and gray matter without the side effects." "The pharmaceutical companies and the FDA already monitor that. I doubt we'll find anything they don't already know." "Then we'll have to experiment. CBD oil's been getting popular lately. Maybe there's something there." "I suppose you can try it. It might be safer than your typical pill at least." "Now that that's out of the way, we should move on to psychotherapy techniques." "There are seven main types: Psychoanalytic, Psychodynamic, Behavioral, Cognitive, Humanistic, Integrative, and Holistic." "What's humanistic...?" Diamond questioned. "I had a feeling that would catch your interest," Anvil replied, "Humanistic therapy focuses on the patient's maximum potential as a human being. It was developed through the work of existentialist philosophers between the early nineteenth and late twentieth centuries." "So the therapist helps the patient take steps to become who they want to be?" "To simplify things a bit, yes." "So that's how she did it..." "I'm sorry?" Diamond shook her head. "Never mind." "Anyhow, if you're curious which I find the most effective as a general rule, it's integrative. Integrative does exactly what you suggested before. It blends different schools of thought. This allows treatment to be custom-tailored to the patient's needs." Sunset spoke again. "So outside more extreme cases, the right combination of treatments could completely turn someone's life around?" "The potential is there. I recommend you delve deeper into the dialogue aspect. The ability to talk someone down could mean the difference between life and death." "Before we go, can I ask you one more thing?" "Of course." "What are your thoughts on national healthcare?" "I'm disappointed there's not a system in place already." "Thought so." "Putting more strain on those already struggling is just cruel. If I could, I would gladly do my work for free, but that's not how the world works at the moment..." "Don't worry," Diamond interjected, "If we make a breakthrough, the profits are yours." Everyone stared in unanimous shock. "Before all this, I lived a life motivated by greed. I don't intend to make that mistake a second time." Sunset's expression formed into a proud smirk. "Damn, sis. That's deep."
ConfigurationAuthor's Note Getting into the psychological aspects. I wouldn't recommend diagnosing anyone unless you're trained to do so and have examined them personally. If you are under psychological care, bring up your concerns with your counsellor. Configuration Before the end of the second session, Anvil requested Diamond and Sunset hold off on experimenting with any substances. "Next time we meet, I'll start building your profiles," she told them, "To do that effectively, I need you to be clear-headed." The sisters agreed. The third session began in early December. Anvil had her notes from their previous conversations on hand. "There are two ways I can analyze you: together or alone," she explained, "Because you're all aware of the situation, I suspect the method won't make much difference. That's why I'm leaving it up to you." "I want to do this alone." Diamond spoke. Sunset stared at her sibling in surprise. "Are you sure?" the teen asked. "It's easier to focus when I'm alone." "...All right. We'll be outside if you need anything." Sunset rubbed her sister's shoulder before leaving the room. Spoiled and Filthy kissed and hugged their daughter before following suit. When they closed the door, the private conversation began. "You seem really close to your family." Anvil noted. "That's the kind of relationship every kid wants, right? People who care enough to keep us out of harm's way?" "No eleven-year-old I've met observes the world around them the way you do. Your intelligence far exceeds most children in your age group." "You can learn a lot in six months, especially if you have the right person encouraging you." "Would you say you have a high openness to experience?" "Yes." "What about conscientiousness?" "I don't know what that means." "Is your behavior consistent over long periods?" "Yes." "Are you extraverted?" "I used to be." "When did that change?" "After I stopped bullying other kids." "Why would you refer to yourself as a bully?" "I used to tease people for being poor and unskilled. Maybe...It was more like taunting." "Why?" "My dad is a very career-oriented person. We didn't really spend much time together until I told him I was at risk for severe depression." "What about your mother?" "She was kind of snooty and looked down on the less fortunate. That might've been where I picked up my callousness." "You say they changed after you spoke to them about your feelings?" "They weren't really aware of their surroundings because of how goal-driven they are, but they're far from stupid." "So you did have some sense of empathy." "Yeah." "Would you describe yourself as agreeable?" "Back then? No. Now? A lot more." "What about Neuroticism?" "I don't know what that means." "Do you find yourself experiencing mood swings or heightened negative emotions?" "My mood is pretty consistent, but I get really anxious when I start thinking about mortality and other existential topics." "Is there anything else you can think of that might influence your personality?" "Actually, yeah. That's the real reason I wanted to talk to you alone." "Is this something you'd like to remain confidential?" "Sunset knows, but mom and dad don't. It's not something I really want to talk about with them." "I understand. Please, continue." "Back in May, I told one of my friends I liked them. They turned me down. It was really painful, but I knew ahead of time it could happen." "How did you know?" "I talked to Sunset about it beforehand. She wanted me to go into it without unrealistic expectations. It softened the blow a little, but I was heartbroken for months." "This must've been someone you really cared about." "She was, and she still is, but lately there's someone else I've been thinking about in a different light. I want to talk to her about it, but I can't." "Would it be okay if I asked why?" "Because she's older than me." "Is she an adult?" "Yeah..." "Perhaps I can help if you don't mind my input." "That's why I'm here, right?" "There are two ways you might be able to go about this. The first option is to wait until you're an adult yourself and pursue a relationship with this person." "What's option two?" "It's similar to option one, but it entails sharing your feelings early. Perhaps if you tell them now, they would be willing to wait until you're of legal age." "That doesn't feel fair to her." "The choice is yours to make. You do what you feel is right, provided it doesn't cross the legal boundaries." "What I feel is right..." "Right." "So...What's your diagnosis?" "There are a few things it could be. Your limbic system seems to be slightly overactive. This can cause heightened emotional intensity and enhanced stimulation." "What can we do?" "Pain relievers like acetaminophen have been shown to help reduce emotional responses, and CBD oil is still on the table as well. In addition, we can try a mix of two specific types of humanistic therapy: Client-Centered and Gestalt." "What do those entail?" "Client-Centered therapy is based on the idea that your expertise in your personal experiences is what's most important. My role would be to listen both as a medical professional and as a friend." "That sounds really comforting, actually. What about Gestalt therapy?" "The Gestalt method emphasizes awareness of the present and personal responsibility, traits you've already displayed with your shift in behavior." Diamond gave an emotional smile. It was the most relieved she'd felt in years. "We made the right call coming to you." Anvil smiled back. Sunset was the next to be examined. Compared to Diamond, she was less open, slightly more conscientious, slightly more introverted, and similar in agreeableness and neuroticism. Anvil recommended the same medication, but suggested Psychodynamic therapy, Client-Centered humanistic therapy, and Existential humanistic therapy. With their analyses complete and their programs prepared, Diamond and Sunset were ready to continue their research.
ContinuationFor the fourth session, Diamond once again spoke to Anvil alone. The older woman instantly recognized an unexpected change in the girl's demeanor. "Is everything all right," she questioned, "You look exhausted." "I guess I'm just tired. School and research is taking up most of my time." "Don't run yourself ragged. There's time to figure things out." "It's hard when you know lives are on the line." "I know, but there's a reason it's referred to as the line of control. You're at odds with an insidious enemy you can't see. You need to focus on preserving your energy for the long haul. It won't do us any good if you keel over." "What else can I do?" "You can trust in us." Diamond looked the therapist in the eyes. Anvil nodded. "...Okay. I'll get some sleep when I get home." "Sounds like a plan. Anyhow, is there anything you want to talk about today?" "Yeah. I want to talk about last time." "Please, go on." "You knew I was talking about Sunset, didn't you?" "I had an idea." "...Am I bad person for feeling this way?" "Of course not. Why would you think that?" "There's a lot of stuff out there about adults being attracted to kids: pedophile stories and stuff, but there's not much about when the situation is reversed. From what I could find, everyone just kind of writes it off as cute and innocent." "She was your guide and protector when you were feeling lost. It's completely natural to develop feelings for someone who shows genuine care and concern." "Really?" "Absolutely. There's one thing that does concern me, though?" "What?" "There seems to be a bit of emotional codependence." "Codependence?" "People seeking love often fall into the trap of believing one person can fulfill all of their emotional needs. You need to think about other people: friends and family who've also shown those qualities. Perhaps more importantly, you need to think about how you can show them to yourself." "So I need a healthy balance?" "You nailed it. Codependence can cause relationship strain in the long run. Expanding your social network and taking care of yourself go a long way toward preventing this." "I kind of get it." "One more thing. Should you choose to pursue a relationship in the future, you should know people generally prefer partners who are spontaneous. In other words, they enjoy unexpected surprises. It's not only about the quantity of time spent, but the quality." "I understand." "If it puts your mind at ease, you've already made substantial progress by owning up to your mistakes, and you did it without Sunset or I's help. Your change in behavior is a testament to your true potential." "Yeah. That actually makes me feel a lot better." "Anything else?" "What do I do if she starts cutting again?" "That's a good question, and a profound one. Generally, when a depressed individual self-harms, they're in a great deal of emotional pain. It took some time to figure out the connection, but the blood loss itself turned out to be the key. Blood carries neurotransmitters through the body. Because less chemicals reach the brain the more blood is released, it temporarily reduces emotional pain to more tolerable levels. Sometimes it's not the lack of chemicals causing the issue, but an overabundance. Still, even with that explanation, knowing what to do can be tricky. Getting the weapon away is one option, but this can have unintended consequences. The best thing I can think to do is remain calm and listen: not talk, listen. If she trusts you, she'll tell you how she feels." "Thank you." "Any time." "By the way, we found a connection between physical illness and depression you might find interesting. In the short-term, the body's focus on infection can alleviate psychological symptoms. I don't think this applies to everyone, though, and it doesn't work for terminal conditions.. We made a report for you to read over." "Excellent. I'll read it tonight." "I guess I should get going. Later." "Hold on. Have you tried the Tylenol trick yet?" "Not yet. We're waiting to test it until we really need to try something." "That's probably a good idea. Too much can damage your liver." "Good thing you told us, then." "Thanks for the paper, and Diamond?" "Yeah?" "Good luck." Diamond smiled. She nodded, and left the room.
Shadow SelfAuthor's Note I should be clear here as people are getting a bit confused about what I'm advising. The methods of treatment suggested should be researched further and tested before being administered by professionals. Mental health is not a joke and should not be treated as such. I'm attempting to seek answers to prevent suicide statistics from increasing, and the most logical step is to focus on the brain where emotions and stimuli are regulated. I've already gone back and corrected what errors I found while doing my own research for this story. Be safe. be healthy, and if you're struggling with mental health, find what help you can. Shadow Self The following week, Diamond and Sunset spoke to Anvil together. Spoiled and Filthy waited outside, as they had become accustomed to the process and wished to respect their daughter's privacy. "I think we've found about everything we can." Sunset told Anvil. "You've done an excellent job collecting information. We have at least four potential treatments to be looked into now: CBD oil, Tylenol, Blood Reduction Therapy, and Influenza Neurotransmitter Therapy." "I guess we can slow down a bit and rest now." "Looks like it. I'll start putting everything together tonight and corresponding with my colleagues." "It might be better if you don't mention our role in finding this stuff. If they know you've been getting help from patients, they might charge you with malpractice." "I hate stealing credit, but you're right. At least if everything's debunked, they can just brush me off as a quack. Worst-case scenario, they revoke my licenses." "If that happens, let us know," Diamond spoke, "We'll take care of you." "I'm in your hands." Anvil replied with a smile. "There's one more thing I'd like to ask." Sunset voiced. "Of course." Anvil stated. "Where does the shadow play into our profiles?" "Ah, yes. The famed shadow of the mind. It began as a theory that each of our psyches contain subconscious dark impulses, which isn't totally inaccurate. For example, both of you are enamored with horror movies, gritty video games, Gothic apparel, and heavy metal music, correct? These things speak to you on a deep psychological level because you perceive the world in a way that's less than ideal. Heartbreak, pain, disease, war, poverty: all unescapable facts of reality. This is where the shadow comes in. In a psychological context, it's often repressed and ignored in waking life. This is where things branch off. There are two end results: Merging with or Assimilation of the shadow." "What's the difference?" "When you merge with your shadow, your dark impulses consume you and take over. Assimilation, on the other hand, entails awakening to your dark desires and redirecting them towards more constructive, fun outlets. Assimilation is essentially reigning the shadow in and taking control of it. From what I've gathered, both of you have succeeded in the assimilation process." "I'm not so sure about that..." "Why not?" "Diamond and I...Made a suicide pact." "Oh...I see..." "It happened the day we met. We agreed if society collapsed entirely, we would off ourselves to escape." "It sounds as though you're describing a scenario where death is the more desirable option." "Right." "Well, it's true the world is a chaotic place full of hardship and suffering, but I suspect a total collapse is still quite a ways down. Obviously, I can't be sure, but we're a resilient species. We've bounced back from many tragedies before." "Maybe..." "There is a case to be made that your particular pact could also be part of the assimilation process. You've committed to living until such a catastrophe occurs, right? Perhaps what you're describing is a defense mechanism." "How?" "Ending your life in a situation where death is the only option demonstrates your will to control your future. It's an open act of defiance in the face of futility." "I don't know...Some pretty bad guys have done the same thing before." "The difference is, they merged with their shadows. Their downfalls were brought about by their own hands. You've assimilated yours and learned how to use it to your advantage. Someone who can look their darkness in the face and refuse to give in can hardly be called a coward." "..." Anvil smiled at Sunset. "Checkmate."
Epilogue: One Day at a TimeThe morning after meeting with Anvil, Diamond awoke to see Sunset gazing fondly in her eyes. "Morning." "Hey..." Diamond rubbed her eyes. She sat up and stretched. "Can we talk?" Sunset asked. "Sure. What's up?" "I heard what you told Anvil: you know...About me." Diamond turned red enough to combust. She felt embarrassed and ashamed. "Sorry..." Sunset shook her head. Her smile never faded. "Don't apologize. To tell you the truth, I'm flattered. The last thing I ever expected in life was to win someone's heart." "Really...?" "Yeah. I like being around you. You make me feel like I'm needed." "I feel the same way, but you're an adult now. We can't do anything..." "Maybe nothing that breaks the law, but there are many more subversive ways that love can be shown." "How?" "Like this, for starters." Sunset slipped Diamond's fingers through her own. The older girl's hands were warm. The sensation was comforting. "Holding hands?" "It's a universal gesture, isn't it?" "True." "When Anvil mentioned the assimilation of the shadow, I started wondering if the same rule could be applied to our situation. How could I show you your feelings were requited without crossing the line? Then it hit me: I had to do what I've always done, just more mindfully and consciously." "What is your shadow saying now?" "It's time for breakfast." Diamond chuckled. "Smartass." "You're getting kind of mouthy, there. Careful. Shadows have an interesting way of remembering things over long periods of time. I might have to pay you back when you get older." "Whatever, weirdo. If you're gonna threaten me with a good time, at least make me breakfast first." "Your wish is my command." Sunset lifted Diamond onto her back and carried her downstairs. "Do you think Anvil will be okay?" the child questioned. "I wouldn't worry too much. Being a shrink, I'm sure there's not a lot she hasn't seen." "She couldn't tell us anything about her other patients." "We have to trust her judgement. That's all we can do." "Yeah..." "Hey, don't look so glum. Tell you what. After school we'll head to the arcade and chill by the lake for a bit." "Are you asking me out on a date?" "Maybe." "I'll have to think about it. My shadow, on the other hand..." "Next time we see Anvil, we should tell her about this. She might be able to give me some insight on how to handle it." "Just walk in and tell the doc you like little girls." "Jesus." Sunset let Diamond onto the tile floor. The teen pulled a pan from the kitchen rack and started breakfast.
