Out Of Their Element

by Neotheater

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Sex, Profanity, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 2753

Six particular ponies annoy not only each other, but their creator to no end.

Chrysalis is well respected and known, as well as a personal friend of Celestia. She has been tasked with trying to craft a group of friendly, virtuous individuals to serve Equestria.

Instead, she has to deal with the nightmare she's manifested and can't seem to get rid of.

She's been at it for twenty years, and god it does not get any easier.

Published 2021-02-17 19:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-05 20:13:39 UTC

Le Lancement

Insanity is defined in many ways, often by personal opinion. And it is most famously said that to be insane is to do the same thing repeatedly.

Chrysalis knows that isn't true.

One, because by popular belief, including that of her family, her friends, and several medical professionals, she wasn't completely off her wagon.

And two, because she'd been doing things differently every day for the last two decades, and any stability was long gone.

No, true insanity didn't lie in repetition or individual beliefs.

True insanity is when you've lived with Twilight Sparkle and her five idiot friends (ish) for twenty-one years.

Chrysalis was a woman of science, the best Equestria had, in fact. Celestia herself had selected the changeling to work as the country's official friendship researcher.

She hated her life.

Her experiment, what should have been a lifelong achievement, had become a dreadful daily task she wished she could forget. She'd tried to avoid it by putting herself in a coma. Three times. This morning.

But alas, she was still conscious, and her own creations waited for her patiently in a crystal castle, otherwise known as the testing environment, so that they could make her day (and life) unbearable.

"Good morning, ladies!"

Silence.

"I said—"

"We heard you. We just don't care," Fluttershy mused, dumping a bowl of oatmeal onto Rainbow Dash's head. The rainbow maned pegasus shrugged as if nothing was wrong, wiping the sloppy mess from her face and mane. "Lame. I'm out." She flew towards the exit, only to be stopped by Twilight's forcefield. Rainbow Dash hit the floor with a hard thud, head pounding and eyes full of stars. She did this every morning. How she managed to get blown right back to where she started, over, and over, and over again and still try without fail baffled her creator.

That is not insanity, Chrysalis thought to herself, humming as she took notes. She is simply an idiot.

"So, how's it going, ladies?"

A curly headed mare's face hit the table with a slam.

"You have me locked up in here with the worst ponies to ever grace the earth," Pinkie said in a melancholic tone.

"You are not 'locked up.' This is our daily meeting over breakfast, where we discuss your goal to bring light and magical liberation to your kind. The exits are blocked because Rainbow Dash always tries to leave, and because Rarity tries to steal the doors. And sometimes, Fluttershy beats Rarity with the doors that she's just ripped off their hinges. I'm doing this for everypony's safety! I love and trust you, and one day you'll save the world."

Pinkamena turned her head to face Chrysalis.

"That makes it even worse."

"Of course it does," Chrysalis sighed. "Of course it does."

"Did y'all know that if you dip your face in the oatmeal, it'll get rid of wrinkles, and make ya incredibly wealthy?" An orange mare with a cowboy hat bit the inside of her cheek, attempting to look subtle.

She failed. Miserably. Anyone could tell that she was lying. However, sometimes what you want to hear outweighs blatant dishonesty and common sense. You know, what you know isn't true.

Rarity immediately tuned into the conversation, as she'd previously been staring idly at her hooves, several bowls and pieces of silverware sitting as a mountain in front of her. The hoarder was intrigued. "Did you say wealthy?" She immediately plunged Pinkie's face into the oatmeal to test it.

Nothing.

The purple maned pony pulled Pinkie's face up, knowing that if it were up to the mentally disturbed mare, she'd leave her face in the bowl until she drowned and was given the sweet release of death, something she longed for so desperately.

No no. Pinkie couldn't die. If the others had to suffer through living hell, then so did she. No shortcuts just because she's suicidal.

"Ugh, why do I even bother with you," Rarity glared. She then looked at the pegasus to her left and made eye contact, having a silent conversation. They nodded to each other.

Fluttershy kicked Applejack square in the face, causing her to fall and bleed. Ignoring her comrade's injuries, she picked the Stetson off the floor and tossed it to Rarity with her teeth. Rarity caught it with her hoof, and then placed it on her head, despite it being a terrible shade of brown. When Rarity took something for herself, her warped brain often managed to make it look appealing and suitable to her needs.

Applejack rubbed her muzzle, blood trickling down out of her nostrils. "This here is a magic elixir, and it's red because, uh, it's made out of Big Macintosh's skin."

"I'm sure it is, my dear."

Chrysalis sighed again. She drew the noise cancelling curtain that separated the artificial replication of Equestria from the real one and trotted back through the laboratory door, simply not having the patience to deal with this. Besides, Twilight had no pressing issues to report, such as a mysterious portal to an endless void or Dash giving herself amnesia, and hadn't audibly stated her hatred towards Chrysalis and everything she promoted. It must've been an off day.

As their creator allowed them to rot in their miserable, artificial world that was literally confined to an alternate reality, separated by nothing other than a magical glass tank, the six began to go about their daily routine of ignoring their life's purpose and the ability to save an entire nation.

But enough about that, let's get to the formal introductions!

Rarity, the self obsessed hoarder, was a white unicorn with three diamonds for a cutie mark. She was meant to represent generosity, but emulates the pure textbook definition of greed. She was known for three things: kleptomania, a frightening amount of self adulation, and gossip. She'd managed to start rumors about every creature she knew, creating a web of lies spun so finely that it was like touching silk. And none of them were outlandish, unbelievable lies, either. If you know how to dispense false news sparsely, taking your time, it builds trust, authority, and pure seething hatred. She turned their entire town against each other just by being herself, and used their mindless, petty fighting to rob them blind.

She'd be an amazing capitalist—um, business owner—if she were allowed out of their fish tank.

Then there was Fluttershy, a butter yellow pegasus with kind eyes and pink butterflies as her cutie mark. She should have represented kindness. But wait for it—and this is gonna be a shocker—she was probably the most evil being to ever breathe Equestrian air. She was unnecessarily cruel and unfeeling, and got a kick out of kicking others down. No, literally. She laughs as their knees buckle. It brings her twisted mind an incredible amount of serotonin. While immature, and practical torture is onbrand for her, what brought her the most joy were the convoluted, complicated schemes that no one saw coming.

She's Rarity's best friend.

Though she'll toss a terrible, completely out of line, insult her way, the unicorn tolerates her the most, because they get each other. Fluttershy is mean to people, and Rarity helps her. For a price, of course. Usually, intimidating a stranger into giving her their life savings, so that she could use it as valid payment, sufficed just fine. Plus, Fluttershy could lighten her load and allow her to steal twice as much at once, so long as Fluttershy was allowed to wreak havoc.

Pinkie hates them both. Well, everypony hates them, the entire group as a whole, not just them, but that's neither here nor there.

Speaking of the dismal downer, Pinkie Pie (as nicknamed by this group of degenerates, because they know she'd much rather be called Pinkamena) was the breathing (against her will obviously, but still) counter argument to laughter. She only laughed when she managed to make someone even more miserable than she was. And oh boy, when she broke someone's spirits, she broke them hard. The balloons on her flank were often viewed as a representation of how when she finally passed on, it would be a momentous occasion for both her and everyone around her. Till then, she was stuck in a torture chamber, constantly on the precipice of a terrible, vomit inducing migraine.

Though Pinkie hated everything, she still hung around her peers, got into illegal and stupid situations with them, because she had nothing better to do.

She grumbled insults softly under her breath as Fluttershy called her a plethora of hurtful things.

Fuck my life.

The napkin beneath Pinkie's cheek was pulled out abruptly in order to clean up the mess on Applejack's face, causing her face to slam against the table once more.

The pony with an apple cutie mark was a liar, plain and simple. And more often that not, they were outrageous, completely unnecessary fabrications that held no substance. And it was pretty obvious when she lied too. Her emerald green eyes would dart around the room, and she would hold her breath like she was waiting for her bluff to be called. She only seemed to do this when around the other five, as a fair share of her lies had helped them commit crimes against both nature and humanity without a hitch, so the others had taken to not believing a word she said. Unless it somehow pertained to them or something they care about, i.e. Pinkie's face being smeared with milk and mush.

No one really knew why she lied so much, but it was clear that none of them cared enough to analyze each other and dissect their issues, despite being the most dysfunctional, mentally and morally unsound group of mares Fake-Ponyville had ever seen.

Twilight's horn began to glow as she put a Freezing spell on Rainbow Dash, stopping her from flying into her forcefield again.

"Gonna give me a damn headache," she muttered as she ate her oatmeal, ignoring the chaos that surrounded her.

The stiff pegasus began to pout angrily as her body stayed suspended mid-flight. The perfidious mare was the flakiest pony to date. She was quick to not only place blame, but take off. If something went awry, she was the first to jump ship. She hated everyone almost as much as Pinkie Pie, but never stayed around her long enough to really bond over it. She was constantly dragged around and forced to stay in the castle or help do something outrageous. Sometimes, if she got to beat people up or gained something for herself, she enjoyed the adventure, but couldn't stand to be tied down for too long.

No, really. Thirty seconds was too much sometimes. Ergo, the constant slamming into the forcefield, which was only up for half an hour every morning during breakfast. Right after it wore off, Dash would tire herself out and be too worn down to decline an invitation to go do something reckless, and would obey the restrictions.

She wasn't very good at pattern recognition (probably because Chrysalis dropped her as a foal).

Twilight, on the other hand, was excellent at it.

The purple alicorn (it was an accident Chrysalis made when working on an anti-personality serum to steer this project back on track) was the worst of the six fiends. She was the most competent and intelligent. It gave her a raging superiority complex, and ultimately made her the most evil by far. As soon as Chrysalis created her, she began to study. She listened and observed along with Chrysalis doing the same. Her minorhood was spent training and learning and practicing to grow her power, to overthrow Chrysalis. She still hadn't a solid plan, but she figured that if she could be the smartest and assume the role of leader, commanding the others to do things that contradicted Chrysalis' plan, that would be sufficient.

And for now, it was.

Now, of course none of them really liked each other. The hatred they felt for their roommates was undoubtedly strong, and that became very apparent to Chrysalis when she first introduced them to each other and nearly vomited—their emotions were absolutely horrid, and nearly gave her sensory overload. They lacked nearly any love for their counterparts. However, they had a special bond. Sure they hated each other, but they hated everyone else—including Chrysalis—ESPECIALLY CHRYSALIS—way more. They were often able to come together to laugh at just how ridiculous everyone else seemed compared to them, at how oblivious they were to this virtual reality.

If they could ignore how much they detested each other and unite over the common enemy—everyone—then maybe they were closer than they thought.

When Twilight's spell wore off, Rainbow's body had yet to catch up to her brain, forcing her to slam into the forcefield once more, harder than any time before, and fall, body going limp. The blue, fleshy meatbag dropped directly onto Fluttershy's back, causing her to collapse. The yellow pegasus groaned for a moment before tossing the wounded into a wall. The impact caused a few crystals to come loose from the wall, scattering around the unconscious pony.

"MINE!" Rarity immediately dashed over and collected the fallen gems, completely ignoring the fact that Rainbow Dash may or may not be breathing. In all honesty, she probably hadn't even noticed. She was like a magpie: her brain only recognized potential threats and shiny things. Rainbow was neither at the moment. It was only when she'd collected sixteen gems that she'd realized that Rainbow Dash was on the floor, probably in a coma of some sort.

"Pretty sure none of you care, but Dash is unconscious."

"Fan-fucking-tastic," Twilight breathed, shoving more oatmeal into her mouth.

"No she ain't! She's perfectly fine, right R.D.?" Applejack put on a confident smile.

No response.

"See? Perfectly fine!"

"Uh-huh," Rarity said, poking the prismatic menace with her hoof. "Yeah, no, I think she's gonna have brain damage when she wakes up."

"She'd need to have a brain in order for that to happen," Fluttershy said, putting her hind legs up on the dining table and folding her forelegs behind her head.

"And even if she did have one, it's probably already wrecked beyond repair. She's dumber than a rock," Pinkie added flatly, cheek still squished against the cold crystal.

Rarity gave Dash a final nudge in the face, and then returned to her place at the table, dropping the crystals into the bowl on the peak of Mt. Rarity. They clinked against the porcelain, ringing in everypony's ears.

"Shut the hell up," Twilight and Fluttershy said in unison.

They looked at Rarity, then each other, then at the bowl, and back at each other.

Within seconds, Fluttershy was at Twilight's throat for no real reason at all. She punched her face mercilessly, not letting her get a breath in.

After the seventh punch, Twilight had just gotten annoyed. Using her magic, a giant, translucent and violet flyswatter appeared and smacked the brute repeatedly. The alicorn teleported herself back over to the table and continued to eat as Fluttershy got crushed.

When Fluttershy began to scream in agony, Twilight decided to switch methods. The flyswatter morphed into a giant wet washcloth, hovering in front of the pegasus now. It bitch-slapped her harshly, leaving bruises across her face. The hits were scathingly hot and excruciating, each slap making her face raw and sensitive, as well as wet with boiled water.

"Had enough yet?"

"FUCK OFF, YOU SOCIOPATH. I BET YOU'RE DOING THIS TO GET OFF, YOU SICK BASTARD. YEAH, YOU'RE PROBABLY ENJOYING THIS YOU SADISTIC LITTLE—" SLAP SLAP SLAP!

"So, no! You clearly haven't had enough because you're still fucking talking." Twilight began to sip on the tea she'd brewed for herself, and stroked Pinkie's mane absentmindedly.

Pinkie hated everyone in that room, but spent most of her time watching Twilight formulate plans or run experiments, so this was nothing out of the ordinary.

Her Celestia damned hooves are in my mane. Gross.

A desperate cry escaped Fluttershy's lips.

"Are you done?"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH—!"

Twilight's migraine was worsening, so she did the only logical thing there was to do.

Straining herself a little, Twilight replaced the hot-wet rag with a gigantic hand, which flicked Fluttershy across the room and into the same wall Rarity had just trotted away from. The far corner of the room was now decorated with two unconscious pegasi, gems once again becoming strewn across the floor.

"MINE!"