Hail to the REAL Queen.

by Hotel_Chicken

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2055

We’ve all heard the tale of Nightmare Moon and her plot to cover the land in darkness for eternity, but is history as accurate as we know it?

Celestia and Luna, sisters, diarchs of Equestria, have ruled over the land for 500 years. In that time, the sisters have been the backbone of their kingdom. But, does Equestria really need two princesses when it could be ruled by a single queen? The alicorn sisters both believe that only one of them should sit on the throne, and they're willing to fight for something bigger than their kingdom; their freedom.

Published 2021-02-22 18:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-02-22 18:40:00 UTC

One Will Rise and One Shall Run.

Deep within the dark forest of the Everfree, there was a camp of ponies who were loyal to the true princess of Equestria, the one who cursed the tyrant of the sun and promised them a sense of freedom that Celestia would never allow.

Nightmare Moon basked in the praise of her followers, trotting past the cultists and sycophants that made up her dark army. She moved with the grace of a true immortal, gracing her followers with her benign presence as she trotted to her podium.

Her subjects gathered eagerly, awaiting for her impassioned speech before they trotted to the gates of the tyrant’s castle.

“My subjects, today shall mark the end of all days. No longer shall we be beholden to my twisted sister’s tyranny, basking in the warmth of daylight or be burdened by the joy of frolicking through a field on a warm spring day! After tonight, we shall live in eternal darkness, a winter that shall challenge the great destruction of the Wendigos! Our eternal night shall mark the end of all other nations and kingdoms, allowing us to prosper in the darkness as those unfortunate enough to live on the other side of the world are burned by an eternal day!

“And before any of you asks, no, the world is not flat, so shut up!” She ordered, seeing the few hooves that shot up slowly crawl back to the sides of their hosts as she prematurely stopped the debate. “We shall end the reign of my tyrant sister once and for all! Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to turn around and admire my night sky. It would sure be a shame if one of you snuck out to warn my sister’s troops, and tell them about my wicked plan,” the dark empress said as she slowly counted the seconds and listened for any movement.

When she turned back to see her loyal army, she saw that not a single soldier was out of place, each one staring up at the night sky to worship the random stars that she flung around haphazardly.

Luna’s smile strained under the pressure of a scowl that threatened to break her mask, internally cursing the loyalty of her insane army.

“Mother, give me strength,” Luna muttered as she prepared her invasion on her old castle. After tonight, only one alicorn would rule over Equestria, and Luna would make sure that it wasn’t her.

Celestia, the Princess of the Sun, watched as her sister’s dark minions clashed against the royal guards of their castle, slapping each other silly with their hooves as both sides refused to draw their blades. Her attention on the fight was stolen by a flash of magic that erupted behind her, revealing the dark persona that her sister adopted, the “evil” Nightmare Moon.

“Celestia,” her sister greeted cordially.

“Luna,” Celestia replied. “Congratulations on amassing your army, it’s impressive that you could bring together so many likeminded ponies, it’s clearly a sign of your great ability to lead.”

“Nay, I simply gathered those who are unable to think properly, while you have the royal guards fighting for you. History will clearly paint you as the better princess in this battle.”

“We both know I didn’t train the guards, that was all your doing, Luna, and it shows. Why, without your ability to lead, Equestria would have fallen long ago.”

“It stands because of your ability to uphold strong relationships with other kingdoms.”

“Except for when I insulted the Griffon ambassador and nearly caused a war, one which you prevented with your diplomacy.”

“My diplomacy was to hold him over a volcano and threaten him. If you had more time, you would have ended any dispute in a day.”

“And yet you were faster than I was.”

“Only because you were bogged down by paperwork to keep the kingdom afloat.”

“Mother damnit, just take the stupid throne already!” Celestia argued as she turned to glare at her younger sister.

“Buck no! You’re the better leader, so just admit it already and sit your fat flank down on the throne already!” Luna shot back with an equal force of anger.

“You have the ability to appeal to others and lead a revolution, you’re clearly better suited to lead.”

“I’m leading an army of psychopaths! My mere presence attracts ponies who are the definition of insane! You have all of nobility on your side, so you should be the leader!”

“You and I both know how corrupt those nobles are! If I’m the queen then they’ll just find clever ways to take advantage of me, but you can see past all of their bullshit! You’d make the better queen.”

“Better queen? I just paraded the fact that I want to bring about an eternal night! I can’t hold a good relationship with any kingdom outside of Equestria because an eternal night in the west, means an eternal daylight in the east! You should be queen!”

“I’m sure your plan would lead to a better relationship with the dragons then, since they love the heat!”

“I’d end up killing everything else that lives on the other side of the world!”

“Well… Okay, yes, that is terrible but… No, no, I can’t argue against that. But my point still stands, you should be queen!”

“Over my dead body! I won’t sit for another second on that damned throne just to listen to some whinny brat bitch about a stupid fence or some other inane idiocy! I’ll probably end up ripping off one of their heads, so you’re the only rightful candidate!”

“Just because I’m patient doesn’t mean I won’t rip off their heads either!… Okay, I wouldn’t, but I could! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to announce my immediate surrender,” Celestia said as she tried to walk out of the throne room before Luna blocked her path.

“There will be no surrender tonight, sister! I had hoped that you would see to reason, my dear sister. But, if I must use force to make you the queen, then I shall. Behold, my ultimate plan!” Luna gloated as her horn began to illuminate.

Celestia tensed as she prepared for whatever spell her sister had casted, waiting for the anxious seconds to pass as Luna finished her spell. With a wave of her horn, the magic that flowed through it was dispelled and she looked at her sister with a wicked grin.

“You lose, sister. Equestria shall be under your reign forever!” Luna gloated one more as Celestia looked around the room.

“um… How? What did you do, exactly?”

“Why don’t you look at my moon and see?” Luna replied as she stifled a giggle.

Celestia followed her sister’s words, trotting closer to the window to see the jewel of her sister’s night decorated with a dark silhouette of an alicorn.

“… You put a portrait of yourself on the moon?..” Celestia asked as a light laugh began to weave between her words. “Dear sister, how does that stop me from abdicating the throne to you?”

“Simple! You can’t abdicate the throne to somepony who’s exiled!”

“…What?”

“Yes, while you and I know that I pelted stars at the moon to paint an image of myself, our subjects are too gullible and stupid to believe that. Instead, all they’ll hear is that Celestia banished the greatest evil in all of Equestria to the moon!

“They’ll sings songs about how you single hoofidly saved them, how you pushed against the darkness that rallied against you, and that you have enough power to defeat another alicorn! Nopony will ever question your legitimacy to reign over these lands!” Luna gloated with a maniacal cackle as she teleported far, far away.

For the next thousand years, Equestria would grow under the reign of their monarch, elevating their princess to a goddess that defended them in their time of need, all while the “banished” evil princess enjoyed her early retirement on a secluded island on the other side of the planet.

Of course, her peaceful life would all crumble away in a thousand years…

The princess of absolutely nothing in the world leaned back in her comfortable lounge chair, enjoying a gentle breeze that wafted by as she sipped from her martini. The waves that gently crashed into the beach retreated back to the ocean as they prepared to ram itself into the island once more. She felt the warmth of her sister’s sun kiss her fur as she looked enjoyed the darkness of her eye lids, before a shadow crawled over her face.

Luna, somewhat annoyed and confused, opened her eyes to see a sight that she hadn’t expected in well over seven hundred years.

“Ah, Celestia, it’s good to see you again? How has ruling Equestria been?” Luna asked as she sipped on her martini.

“Oh, you know… Tartarus,” her sister growled. “I can’t believe you would leave everything to me for a thousand years!”

“I can’t believe you haven’t found a true heir in a thousand years,” Luna retorted. “Don’t you have that alicorn, what’s her name…. Candy! Why haven’t you just given the throne to her yet?”

“Do you think I haven’t tried?!” Her sister exploded as she began to pace on the sandy beach. “She’s hiding with those damnable changelings somewhere, plotting to build a crystal kingdom from scratch and pretend like it was always there! If I could find her, I’d hand the throne over to her in a heartbeat, but she and Sunset realized what I was doing… Sunset… Damnit! I can’t believe she would run away to another dimension to avoid me!” Celestia screamed as she stomped her hoof in anger. “At this point, my best option is a socially inept unicorn that only talks to me and her pet dragon! Do you have any idea how much I’ve suffered because of you?!”

“Not really, though I could guess,” Luna mused as Celestia ripped her martini from her hooves with a powerful display of magic. The tasty beverage was flung into the ocean, melting into the waves that swallowed it whole. “… And I’m guessing you’re mad,” Luna stated as she easily summoned another martini and began sipping it.

“Yes, but thankfully, I have a plan~. I’ll make Twilight the princess. First, I need to get ponies to like her, and what better way than defeating a certain evil mare?” Celestia asked as she glanced at her sister.

“I presume you mean myself?”

“Yes. We turn the moon around, hide the creators you used to make that hideous silhouette, and then you and I rule for, I don’t know, a decade? And then I’ll slap a pair of wings on Twilight and we gallop for the hills!”

“I see…” Luna said as she nodded absently, barely giving the plan a moment of thought before she replied. “And, pray tell, what makes you believe I’d help you?”

“Because you don’t have a choice, I’ve already set my plan in motion,” Celestia replied with a dreadfully sincere smile as her horn quickly ignited.

A thousand years of relaxation, and five hours of drinking prior to Celestia’s unexpected visit, failed to prepare Luna for Celestia’s sudden spell. Her attempts to pry herself out of her lounge chair were nor naught, as she found herself sitting in their old throne room with a forced illusion spell sticking to her coat.

“I’ve had a thousand years to prepare this spell. It’s an illusion that can only be dispelled by three things; myself, Discord, and the Elements of Harmony. Now, if you need me, don’t,” Celestia happily chirped as she teleported away.

Luna, or more appropriately, Nightmare Moon, could only look at the spot Celestia left with scorn as she tried to pry her old, and admittedly snug, armor off of her body.

“… Buck!.. Bucking bitch! Buck! Buck! Mother-Bucker!... I can already tell this will end poorly,” Nightmare Moon lamented as she prepared for her grand debut. “Let’s get this shit over with so I can go back to my island. Damn you Celestia and your stupid plans... Hmmm. Maybe I could find a concubine or two while I'm here,” she mused as she flew through one of the many holes that littered the abandoned castle.