Ahoy, Me Hotties! [RGRE]

by NovaShoxx

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Adventure, Sex, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5987

Man struggles to assert his dominance in a mare's world. His solution? Become a pirate.

What's a man like Robin Crow to do when he's suddenly whisked away from his home to another world populated by magical talking ponies? What's he to do when all the ponies of said world don't take him seriously simply because of what he's packing downstairs? Resort to a life of piracy? Well it's a start. So go ahead and join Robin as he steals from the rich, runs from the law, and "befriends" a plethora of colorful characters in this totally original tale of piracy, ponies, and p-adventure.

Well...nobody asked for this, but here I am making it anyway. A pirate fic inspired by the Pirates of the Caribbean series and one or two other RGRE pirate fics I've read.

Contains: References, a cast of "original" characters, plot?, human-pony antics

Cover art’s also a little redraw I did.

Published 2021-03-24 02:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-05-14 14:38:02 UTC

Chapter 1: And thus, a pirate was born!

"Robin, wait!"

"No Sparkle! Fuck you, I'm going to my room!" Robin yelled as he stomped angrily down the crystal hall, his quote unquote 'guardian' finding it ever so difficult to keep pace with the human as his two tall legs left her four grape-colored stumps in the proverbial, and pretty much literal, dust.

"But Robin, we're not done discussing this matter!"

"Oh yes we most certainly fucking are!" Robin responded, taking a sharp turn down a hallway and leaving the little short-ass lass behind him scampering to catch up. "In fact, last time I checked, we've BEEN done with discussing this a hell of a long time ago! But a certain someone has been constantly bringing it back up!"

"That's because a certain some-pony cares!"

"Well it would certainly do my sanity some good if you cared just a little less."

There was a audible gasp from behind but was apparently left on deaf ears as Robin came to a stop outside his bedroom door.

"Robin!" Twi gaped, seemingly appalled by what had just been spoken. "Why would you say something like that?!"

With a firm grip on the doorknob, Robin turned his head sharply and stared absolute daggers at the now slightly quivering and slightly teary-eyed equine princess.

"Why? WHY?!" He opened the small, at least for him, door with a flare of anger. "Maybe if you actually listened to me for once, You'd know exactly why!" And with that the human stepped into the room, turned, and slammed the door before marching over to the not-so human-sized bed and fell upon its comfy sheets with an exhausted-exasperated sigh.

"Damn over-protective book horse." Robin muttered as he closed his eyes for a much needed nap

...

Several minutes to an hour later and Robin was brought back to the land of the living by a trio of knocks on his front bedroom door. Hoping that his door's assailant would leave him, and it, be if ignored them, Robin was sadly proven wrong when the knocking persisted, leaving the man with only one other option. And that was to tiredly sigh as he got up, walked over to his door, opened it, and was about to give a certain purple, pint-sized pain in his ass a real-

"Hey Robin. What's up?"

"...Oh. Hey Spike."

Seeing the tiny dragon standing before him, Robin's rising anger was immediately cooled to only simmering irritation as he allowed a relieved smile to betray his manly features. Seeing the dwarf drake also in possession of a tray of grilled cheese and a side soup of the tomato variety was simply water on the fire as the man stood aside to allow his dragon friend entry.

"Man spike, am I glad it's just you." Robin said as he closed the door and proceeded over to the bed, his scaly bro in tow.

"Oh yeah?" Spike said, raising an inquisitive brow. "We're you and Twilight at it again?"

Giving the dragon a look, Robin ultimately sighed with emphasis on the exaggeration.

"Oh I don't know, what tipped you off?"

Putting the tray down on the bed, Spike hummed thoughtfully.

"Weeeelll, If I had to guess...the yelling definitely did it."

Sighing once again, Robin picked up a sandwich and began to dig in, all the while his guy friend, one of only a few actually, hopped up onto the bed and made himself comfy.

"Wanna talk about it?" Spike asked, to which Robbin readily accepted. And after ten minutes of intense discussion, mostly one-sided mind you, grilled cheese eating and soup sipping, Robin had finally arrived at the root of the problem.

"And yes. Despite her technically saving me from the Everfree, that doesn't give her the right treat me like a damn child. I mean look at me, I'm a grown-ass man god dammit!' Robin exclaimed, with a wave of his arm.

And all the while listening as intently as one could to his interdimensional buddy's woes, Spike nodded once and placed a little claw on said bro's leg.

"Hey bro. I feel ya. Sometimes I wish that Twilight and the others girls would treat me like an adult too." He then sighed. "But In the end, I'm still Spikey-Wikey to them. No matter what I do."

Understanding this shared moment of guy troubles, Robin simply nodded and patted the drake on his spiked back.

"Don't worry Spike, it'll happen one day, you'll see."

Nodding, Spike smiled in reassuring understanding before raising a balled up claw and presenting it to him, a gesture which Robin accepted with a fist of his own and coolly bumped them together.

"Thanks bro, that helped calm me down a lot. Really appreciated it."

"Anytime bro."

There was a moment of silence before Spike suddenly asked.

"So Robin, what are you going to do now?"

There was then a moment of pause before Robin suddenly replied.

"I don't know. Guess I'll be leaving then."

"Oh. Okay then...wait, WHAT?!"

Spike jumped to his claws in shock, then as fast as he could, he clambered up onto the Robin's lap and grabbed at his shirt.

"GO?! Wh-Wha-What do you mean go?!"

Robin shrugged.

"I mean, I'm going to pack up my stuff and head out." He then picked the little dragon up and placed him back on the bed.

"But...where will you go?" Spike continued, still bewildered by this alien-like independence. The human again shrugged.

"Not sure. Don't give a damn really, I just won't be staying here much longer, that's for sure." He then stood up and and walked over to a wooden trunk beside the wall, opened it, and soon began rummaging around in it. taking out clothes and other personal items along with a large sack, for some reason. "In fact, I'm leaving tonight."

"Tonight?!" Spike all but yelled before covering his mouth and resuming in a hushed voice. "Tonight?" But...where to?"

"as far away from here as I can, buddy." Robin said before pausing a moment. "Maybe...maybe to the sea? Always wanted to anyways. But could never find the time back home." Having finished taking out all his junk, he then brought the sack close and began filling it. He chuckled.

"Always dreamed of sailing, you know? Heh, and now? I think I'll actually try that out." He chuckled again. "Maybe with enough time and effort I'll even be a captain one day, or something ."

Blinking, at the human's choice of future affairs, Spike couldn't help but imagine his friend at the wooden wheel of a grand vessel, sailing across the open seas, being the one who gave orders rather than the other way around. And for just the briefest of moments, A thought had suddenly crossed Spike's mind, one so utterly ridiculous that it just needed to be mentioned, and mentioned it was.

"Hehe, yeah. Or heck, maybe even a pirate captain."

"..."

Robin paused in his packing at the utterance of those words. Words, that seemed to almost repeat in his head like a broken record player. Words that had seemingly ignited within himself a light that, for a time, had most likely been left merely flickering off in the corner of his mind up until suddenly blossoming to life at the mentioning of and pairing of two certain words.

"You know Spike," Robin finally said. "That's not a bad idea."

"Uh...What?"

That was all that Spike could say in response to that response before the human suddenly stood up, picked up his stuffed sack, and stepped over to the nearby window, whereupon he stood gazing dramatically at the burning red horizon.

"Pirate Captain Robin Crow...boy, do I like the sound of that."

...

The next morning, Twilight stood before Robin's closed bedroom door. It had kept her up almost all night the fight they had had and the topic on which was fought over. And after much thought, consideration, and a bit of self-perspective, Twi had finally made up her mind.

Knock Knock Knock

"Robin? Are you awake?"

"..."

"L-Look, I'm...sigh. Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? I shouldn't have let the norms of our world dictate the way I treat somepo- someone, especially when they're not only of an entirely different species, but from an entirely different universe."

"..."

"So...co-could you open the door? So we can just talk about all of this like big mar- hmm, l-like adults? Ro-Robi-?

Upon opening the unlocked door, Twilight was greeted with an empty room. Oh boy.

"Robin?!"

Looking about frantically, her fears were only heightened and confirmed when she noticed a single piece of parchment on the nightstand. Levitating it over, It read as such...

Dear Twilight.
I'm leaving. Going to go become a pirate now. Have fun with life, I guess. I know I fucking will. Also, don't come looking for me.
From Robin

-P.S. I took Spike.

"..."

"..."

"ROBIN!"

Author's Note

Well...here's a fic no one asked for and yet I'm making it cause I gotta free up some headspace. Yup, seems legit.

What do you folks think?

Chapter 2: The three-step plan

"Sooooo, Robin, how exactly are you going to become a pirate?"

"Well...I'll be honest Spike. I'm not entirely sure."

Blinking, Spike came to a screeching halt as he stared absolutely dumbfounded at the human who also stopped to adjust the sack on his back. Once that was situated, he turned to smirk at the little dragon and continued.

"Now, I don't have ALL the details together. BUT I do have something, a three-step plan actually."

Intrigued by this, Spike raised a brow.

"O-Oh?" Well, what're the steps?"

Chuckling, Robin leaned back in the back of the wooden wagon they were riding on and began.

"Well, step one is first finding a ship and a crew. Step two is sailing the seas, pillaging and plundering until I make a name for myself or, at the very least, get my face plastered on every bounty board across Equestria. Annnd step three is uh...profit."

After he finished, Robin looked down at his traveling buddy, who in turn looked at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"What. Dude...that's it?"

Robin blinked.

"Well I'm still working it. But yeah, that's the gist of it."

"Well..." Spike looked down for a moment in thought before returning his gaze back at Robin. "I...sigh...I guess it's a start."

Smirking, Robin extended an arm and brought the drake into a close hug.

"That's the spirit, Spike! And don't worry, if push comes to shove. just leave everything to me." He then presented Spike with a clenched fist, quirked brow included. "Pirate pals?"

After a moment of looking between Robin and his awaiting hand, Spike sighed, then smirked, then coolly bumped the fist with his own, repeating Robin's words.

"Heh, yeah. Pirate pals."

"Aww. Isn't that just sweet."

Blinking, Both Spike and Robin turned to regard the the wagon's owner, a mare of coffee-colored mane and light tan coat glancing at them from over her shoulder with a very prominent smile on her snoot. Seeing though that her cover was blown, the mare blushed before uttering the bubbliest of giggles.

"Oops, hehe sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt." She turned back to face the road ahead. "Just couldn't help but overhear you two." She tilted her head. "Pirates, huh? Sounds like fun! A little dangerous for colts though, buuuut who am I to tell you two how to live your lives."

Smiling, Robin raised a brow.

"Oh yeah? Figured you'd be against the idea of two boys braving the world for themselves?"

"Eh. Maybe my mother would've been, but not me! I'm a progressive mare you see. Open-minded and all that. If some colts want to do something marely, I say let them."

Robin smirked.

"Really?" The mare nodded, causing Robin to chuckle. "Well I'll be, thanks miss."

"No problem."

Yawning, Robin looked over to his scaly buddy and as he was about to ponder a question, the lack of consciousness on his friend's end was proof enough that he had already beaten him to the finish line. Chuckling tiredly, Robin then paused as the wagon came to a sudden stop and only upon glancing at his surroundings did he find that they had stopped in a grassy field beside the road. And upon seeing the mare unhitch herself from the wagon and come around the side to the back did things become just a bit more clearer.

"Taking a break?" He asked the pony as he picked his purple friend up and deposited him onto a nearby sack of coffee beans, an alternative to the drake's usual basket bed and a preferred one at that if the content sigh and smile from the dragon was anything to go off of. He then patted the open space beside him.

Smiling at the invitation, the mare happily hopped up onto the wagonbed and sat down.

"Yup. Gotta rest up for the trip ahead."

"Oh?" Robin said, raising a brow. "And how long do you reckon until we reach our destination?"

rubbing her chin with a hoof, she pondered aloud.

"Hmm. With the progress we're making, I'd wager one, no, two days until we hit the sea? That is...as long as we don't pick up any other stallions along the way."

Hearing that, Robin scratched at the back of his head, chuckling nervously all the while.

"Heh. Yeah. I'm still real sorry for that by the way."

The mare raised a brow of her own.

"Oh? You mean jumping out of the bushes and scaring the absolute daylights out of me? Demanding that I give you and your friend a lift or you'd 'rub the absolute shit' out of my belly?"

"Hehah...yeah." Robin nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry."

"Again, it's quite alright." She said, smiling sweetly and innocently before suddenly standing up and redepositing her hindquarters on his lap "Besides..." She said, sounding just a tad less innocent as she then rolled onto her back, hooves tucked, eyes half-lidded, and belly brought bare before Robin's slightly-widened eyes. "Who said I didn't still want a belly rub?"

Blinking, Robin silently stared down at the mare, looking as expectant as she did, and you know what? Who was Robin if not a soon-to-be pirate captain as well as a man of his word? And who could say this also wasn't a warning to prove just that?

Yeah. That sounds about right.

And so with that being enough of a believable excu-ahem, substantially concrete reasoning, Robin slyly smirked as he raised an arm, hand looming menacingly over the mare's bare barrel for a moment before suddenly descending the next.

The moan to follow woke Spike up.

Chapter 3: Let's get to work

"What do you mean he just left?"

Twilight, in her hurry and franticness, paused only for a moment to respond ever worriedly.

"I mean he just left!"

"But why would he leave outta the blue like that, sugarcube?"

"Well..." Twilight blushed a bit. "I...think it was because of our fight yesterday. But I didn't think that'd be reason enough to just leave like that! And take Spike no less!" She seemed to tear up at the up at the end. "Because of me, he-..."

A white hoof rested itself upon her shoulder.

"Now darling, it wasn't your fault."

"Sniff. R-Really?"

"Absolutely. This sort of drama is normal for growing colts and stallions." She paused. "Though, for what reason he'd steal away Spikey-wikey I just don't know."

"Maybe Spikey was worried that Robby-wobby would be scared by himself and went along with him."

"Be that as it may Pinkie, Spike is still a baby dragon." Sure enough, Twilight soon began to do the thing she was known for, and that was overthink and overreact. "Oh, what if they got lost on the Everfree? Or fell off a ship in the middle of the ocean? Or took a left when they should have gone right and are now being sold off by slavers as we speak?!"

"Twilight." Rainbow said, standing in front of the now hyperventilating mare. "Chill. The buck. Out. If there's any stallion I know that can take care of themselves, and that's a big if, it's him, so just relax, aight?"

"And how do you know that?!" Twilight all but shouted, to which Rainbow, suddenly growing a tad red, slowly responded.

"Well...let's just say he...helped me...with some stuff a while ago. Seeing their looks, she was quick to follow up. "Look, he's not like other stallions, alright! He's...cool, I guess. He isn't into all that prissy, sissy, stallion stuff like all stallions are so..." Damn she was blushing super hard now. And those wings...were not doing her any favors either . "So just stop worrying so much okay?!"

Waiting for Rainbow to gather herself, Twilight spoke up once again.

"Whatever the case may be, Rainbow." She started. "Robin and Spike are out there, alone and without a clue as to what they should do. As their caretaker-, no, as their friend, it is my responsibility to see to it that they are brought back here. Safe and sound." She then began to pack up a nearby saddlebag. "And I'm not just going to sit around here and wait."

"Where are you going, darling?"

"Out to go look for them." She then turned to the others. "You girls stay here in case they come back.

"But Twilight-"

"NO. I've already made up my mind. As their caretaker and friend, it's my responsibility to-"

Applejack stopped her with a hoof.

"We get it sugarcube, you're worried about them." She waved a hoof at herself and the others. "We are too, and...that's why we're all coming along too."

Twilight blinked incredulously.

"Wha-, but Applejack I said-"

"But nothing. You're worried for those two something fierce, we get that." She smirked. "And it's plain obvious that you'll just be running yourself hog wild if you're the only one searching for them. So that's why we're all going to be looking for them. Together! Ain't that right girls?"

A chorus of agreement rung clear, even if some were more hesitant than others.

"Really?" Twilight said, rubbing at her eyes. "You girls would really do something like that for me?"

"Of but of course darling." Rarity said, poofing her hair a bit. "Isn't that what friends do afterall? Help them chase after their crazy coltfriends?"

Jokes aside, Twilight was absolutely touched.

"Oh girls!"

And with classic friendship style, the girls all embraced eachother in a group hug.

Several heartfelt moments of fur-rubbing later and the girls finally separated with Twilight filled with a renewed sense of purpose and drive.

"Thanks girls, I...I needed that. Now come on! We can still catch up with them if we hurry!"

And with that, the girls headed out and off to their own places, hoping to gather whatever they thought would be needed for the inevitable journey ahead. But before she left for her cottage, Fluttershy, who hadn't said much during the whole conversation, suddenly turned to Twi with a determined look on her cute little face.

"Don't you worry one bit Twilight, I'm sure we'll find them soon enough."

"You really think so, Fluttershy?"

She nodded.

"Of course." then she smiled. "And besides, I'm sure they're thinking of coming back right now."

...Two days later...

"And so the man says to the nurse, 'Miss, I think that heart monitor there is broken.' And of course she asks why, and he says to her 'Because miss, how's it still beeping if I sure as shit know I'm seeing an angel right now?'

"Wow."

"Heh, yeah yeah, cheesy as all hell. Buuut she apparently liked it because two years after that, I was born."

"No way."

"I'm living proof, aren't I?"

Taking a sip from his milkshake, Spike sat back in his chair in awe as Robin simply stretched from his spot on the floor, a choice made all his own in defiance of tiny-ass chairs and to put at ease over-apologetic restaurant staff. But lack of playset furniture aside, that still didn't stop Robin from needing to tilt his head down a bit in order to properly address the dragon on the other side of the table. But at least they were somewhat eye-level with one another.

"So your dad was a sailor?"

"Yup. And so was his dad, and his dad, annnd his dad before him too." Robin said, continuing this little jaunt through his family line as far back as he could remember before needing to take a swig from his second milkshake. He chuckled. "Basically it was tradition. If you were the man of the house, then that meant you were already a man of the sea."
Downing the last of his shake, Robin peered into the empty glass before looking back up at one very mystified Spike.

"Woah." Was all that the little dragon could say.

"Eh." Robin replied, shrugging away the awe. "Not much else to it, really. Just came natural to us, I guess."

"That's..." Spike paused, fumbling for a word that could properly portray his amazement at hearing his friend's seemingly legendary family history. "So wicked." Nailed it.

"Heh. I guess it is."

"So wait a minute." Spike suddenly said, a question just as suddenly finding itself at the forefront of his racing thoughts. "If all the guys in your family were 'men of the seas'...does that mean that at one point, one of them was an actual pirate?"

At that, Robin found himself momentarily befuddled as he thought it over and, after thinking as far back as he could recall the oldest stories his dad, grandfather, and various uncles had told him while either sober or drowned in hooch, he had come to the sudden conclusion that that very question could've held some actual truth to it. A potential reality within a definite possibility.

"I...I don't actually know Spike." Robin finally said, genuine wonder and curiosity dripping from his words like the drops of strawberry milky goodness that cornered his lips. "I mean, as far back as I can actually remember, nearly every one of my forefathers severed as a seaman." He then looked at his hand, counting off three fingers. "Midway, Hampton Roads, Lake Erie." He blinked, then smiled. "...For every century since the founding of my nation back home and even well before that, there was always a Crow." He hummed thoughtfully. "But a pirate Crow?"

Shaking his head, Robin was now more sure than he'd ever been before. This, this was his chosen path. Maturity and other adult responsibilities be damned, this was fate.

"Come on, Spike." Robin said while digging into his pockets and slapping onto the table's top a number of bits he borrowed from Twilight before standing up and stretching, much to the surprise of the waitress and cafe's other outdoor patrons. "Time to go." And without waiting for Spike to chug the rest of his milkshake, Robin walked off. leaving the dragon to jog after, up to, and behind the striding human.

"Where are we going now?" Spike asked curiously.

And without stopping, Robin simply responded in kind.

"Where are we going?" He repeated before chuckling. "Why, to go work on step one, obviously."

Chapter 4: An ingenious plan

"That one?"

"No."

"That one."

"Naw."

"Well how about that one?"

"Nope."

Spike hummed irritably as he dragged himself along after his friend, who moved at a somewhat leisurely pace along the long wooden pier of the harbor that the two found themselves marching across. To their left spanning from one end of the boardwalk to the other was a sizeable fleet of docked vessels of varying sizes separated only by the smaller piers that flanked their bobbing sides. A collection of whom proved in the variety department of species and purpose alike as ponies tended to sails, griffons brought up large fishing nets, and even a few yaks acted as the pulleys to a large crane that brought cargo from a nearby vessel to the awaiting dockhooves waiting patiently beside them. Overall, the dock was a hive of seagoing activity and the choices of a vessel and adjacent crew were honestly ripe for the picking.

That is at least what a certain dragon was thinking as he continued to pass by the abundance of options floating next to him. However, it also seemed to a certain dragon that a certain human was turning a blind eye to all of them due to either a lack of specification or an abundance of indecisiveness.

"Sigh. Well then which one DO you want, Robin?" Spike asked, hoping that the tinge in his voice would indicate to his friend that as the crossed more of the pier, and there was only maybe a quarter of pier left, there were only a clawful of ships left. That thought process was halted however when said friend abruptly stopped, leaving the little drake to clumsily bump into the back of his leg with only the gruffest of oofs.

Looking up at him, Spike was about to ask why'd he stopped when he noticed that Robin was looking at something to his left, a something that most notably had caught his eye. Following it, Spike turned to see the second to last ship on the line and oh what a ship it was. Double decks, three masts, and armed with what looked to be a sizeable array of cannons.

Oh yeah. She was a galleon all right. And she was the one.

How so?

Well for Robin...it was pretty obvious. See for him, the ship seemed to almost call out to him, beckoning him forth like some kinda siren of the sea, and boy did he welcome it with open arms and dropped pants.

And Spike? Well maybe not so much. Because where Robin had his mind set on just the ship, Spike was seeing just about everything else. And that included not only the Equestrian royal navy flag flying high above her foremast, but also the very prominent presence of guardsmares and sailors alike that either marched or worked on her deck or on the piers she was tied to.

"Um, Robin?" Spike asked, tugging at the human's pants leg. "I-I don't think-"

"That's her, Spike." Robin suddenly said, smirked from ear to ear. "That's our ship."

Blinking, Spike turned to give the human the most dumbfounded look he could currently muster at that point but found himself briefly forgotten as Robin was already heading towards the dock. Quick to act, Spike dashed forward and managed to just barely overtake the human before spinning about and shoving both claws forward, effectively halting the man just short of tripping him over and momentarily snapping the man out of his apparent trance.

"Whoawhoawhoa! Hold on!"

Blinking, Robin looked down at his scaly friend and raised a brow.

"What's wrong Spike?"

Again, looking incredulously up at the man, Spike could only fumble with several different reasons just why things were wrong, but instead settled on the most obvious.

"I know I shouldn't have to ask this...but were you really just about to go over there and expect them to just give the ship to you?"

Blinking, Robin's brow remained raised.

"They weren't?"

"..."

"I'm joking, Spike! I'm joking!" Robin laughed, trying to reassure the literally fuming dragon before him. Probably shouldn't piss something off that could smoke your ass in a second. "I'm not an idiot, I swear. Well...not mostly anyway."

Spike wasn't amused. And now he's doing that little foot-tapping thing.

"Okay, okay. I'm done, alright? Besides. I've already got a plan in place on getting us onto that boat."

Hearing that, Spike ceased his tapping. And instead crossed his little arms as he wasn't totally buying what Robin was selling. But it seemed that all Robin had to do in turn was to hit Spike with one of his infamous winning smiles, causing the drake to inevitably brake.

"Alright, fine." Spike said after finally caving from his own curiosity. "What's your plan?"

Chuckling, Robin crouched low and gave his friend a pat of his spiked head before standing back up and walking off, all the while responding coolly.

"Oh it's simple really, Spike. We're just gonna hitch another ride."

...Several hours later...

"Sigh. I'm soooo buuuuuucking borrrrreeed."

"Oh? You don't say."

"I am. And I'll say it again. I'm bored."

"Tsk. And who's fault is that, I wonder?"

"Huh?! What's that supposed to mean?"

Sighing loudly, the guard mare turned to her obnoxious friend.

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe if a certain somepony didn't do a certain something to a certain stallion in a certain castle, we both wouldn't be here guarding this dock."

The other guard was flabbergasted.

"Wha-?! ME?! You think this is my fault?!"

The other guard nodded shortly.

"Yes."

"Wha-, well-...well he deserved it, didn't he!? No prissy stallion's gonna think they're entitled to any mare they please just because they're rich."

"Does that also include royalty? Hmm?"

"So what if he was a Celestia-damned prince?! A prick with a dick is still a prick who deserves to get kicked in the dick."

"The fact that he WAS Celestia's damned nephew IS the reason, you idiot!"

"Whatever. What I did was a service to innocent mares everywhere."

"No, it wasn't."

"Was so! Didn't I stop him from lulling his soon-to-be victim into a false sense of comfort and sensibility?"

The other guard facehoofed.

"Okay FIRST, I was not going to be his 'victim.' And secondly, he was-"

"Ahem."

Suddenly made aware of a another pony in their immediate presence, both the guardsmare correcting her friend and the guardsmare being corrected cutely yelped in unison before drawing their spears on the wagon-drawing mare who also cutely yelped as a result.

"Whoa! Whoa! Sorry! Didn't mean to sneak up you two like that. Just uh...didn't want to bump into either of you with this here wagon."

Blinking, both guardsmares glanced at eachother before quickly reassuming standard guard posture.

"Y-You didn't sneak up on us!" The second guard said, trying her best to look professional despite the slight blush on her cheeks. "Just uh...surprised us is all."

"Yeah!" The other one said. "W-What she said."

"Right! Well, again I'm real sorry about that!" The tan mare said, throwing the two an apologetic smile as she attempted to casually pass by them, big ass wagon and all. "I'll just uhhh, be on my way then."

she did manage to get five steps in before the guards were back in front of her.

"Now wait just a minute." The first one said, raising a brow at the mare. "Who said we'd just let you pass us by like that?"

"Oh! Well I just assumed that since the two of you seemed quite busy with guarding this here pier, I'd just save you misses the hassle of another boring cargo check."

"They ARE a real pain." The first guard agreed with a nod.

"Right." The other one simply said. "And just what exactly ARE you hauling in, if I might ask?

"Oh, you know." The mare coolly responded. "Rations, alcohol, extra sailor hats..."

"So just the usual stuff then?"

"You...betcha."

"Uh-huh." The other guard said, still not completely convinced. "And what about the crate?"

"Crate?"

"Yeah." The guard nodded, pointing behind the mare. "That big one there. What's inside it?"

Blinking, the mare actually glanced over her shoulder at the wooden crate currently taking up a half of her wagon's length and almost all of its width.

"An...animal."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you heard me." The mare said, suddenly sounding very confident. "A beast, really. Or so I've been told." She then hunched down, speaking in a hushed tone. "It's actually asleep right now. Took a dozen mares to do it too."

They aren't seriously believing this, are they?

"Really?!" The first guard quietly shouted, clearly abuzz with interest. The wagon mare simply nodded.

"I still find that hard to believe."

"Well they DID say it was originally from the Everfree."

The two guards immediately ah'd in unison before stepping aside and allowing the mare to pass.

"Now THAT makes sense." The second mare said while her companion only nodded. "You can go right along then. Stay safe, alright?"

"I will!" The mare said with a smile as she trotted passed the pair and headed towards the vessel on the other end of the pier. "Thank you for understanding!"

Seeing the mare go, the two guards then turned and returned to their previous posts. A moment later, the second guardsmare suddenly spoke up.

"Now where was I? Oh yeah. As I was saying, he was JUST complimenting my manestyle!"

"EXACTLY!" The first mare all but yelled. "That's how it always goes! First he's complimenting your mane, then your eyes, and then, soon enough...BOOM! He's overpowered you with his slutty stallion ways and reduced you to a weeping, begging, dripping me-!"

"This is all because he told you that you weren't his type, wasn't it?"

"..."

"..."

"Sniff. Yes."

...

Knock Knock Knock

"Alright. I think we're in the clear now."

"...You sure?"

"Yup. Told the sailors that they'd missed one last bit of cargo and so you two will be loaded onboard last. Shouldn't be a few more hours before you're both out to sea."

Hearing that, Robin sighed happily from within the cramped crate. At least, it was cramped for him, Spike was just fine sitting crossed-legged opposite the hutched human.

"I still can't thank you enough for doing this for us."

"Think nothing of it!" The mare happily exclaimed as she took a seat beside the box's exterior. "I'm just glad I could help you two get to where you're going one last time!" She giggled. "Besides. It was really fun, exciting even. That's payment enough."

"Well, if you say so." Robin said, before a thought suddenly came to mind. Chuckling, the human popped open the lid of the box and, with his hand snaking out and practically hissing above the mare's head, suddenly struck.

"Wha-?! O-Oh. Ohhh. Oooooooooohohoho."

Smirking from within the crate, Robin had only himself to thank for his ingenious idea of a reward as he patted, rubbed, and scratched the good little pony's head. Cause honestly, only good ponies deserved head pats, rubs, and ear scratches.

"There we go. Should be a fitting enough reward, eh?"

The mare only continued to happily groan as she all but shoved her head into the man's palm with gusto. Sadly however, all good things must come to an end, and more so for the mare than for the man, that meant the petting had to stop, immediate whimpering aside.

"Well...guess that's that then." Robin said as he retracted his hand, much to the pony's dismay. "Again, miss. it's been a real pleasure. Until we meet again!"

"R-Right." The mare said, hanging her head.

"Oh right! Almost forgot."

"Y-Yes?!" The mare exclaimed, her hope renewed.

"Yup. Spike! Would you kindly thank the good mare?"

"Oh yeah!" Spike said, popping his head out of the crate. "Thanks a lot, miss!"

"Ye-Yeah." The mare said, her head returning to its hanging. "No problem."

And with that, the mare turned her cart around and headed back, a hoof still idly petting the spot where a hand had once been.

Robin and Spike meanwhile remained seated within the crate. That's is...

"So Robin." Spike said, crossing his claws. "How long are we going to have to wait in here?"

After readjusting himself for a more comfortable position, Robin hummed thoughtfully.

"Not sure, Spike. Might be a few hours though."

The dragon sighed.

"Well...what do we do now?"

Hearing his buddy's woes, the human simply smirked before reaching for his pack and, after a bit of rummaging around inside, brought out a deck of playing cards.

"Go fish?"

Chapter 5: Second thoughts?

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Chapter 6: Till we meet again

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Chapter 7: Trial & error (Part 1)

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Chapter 8: Trial & error (Part 2)

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Chapter 9: Trial & error (Part 3)

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