Atrophy

by OneLonelyPickle

Rating: mature
Tags: Violence, Death, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Sad, Suicide / Self Harm, Horror
Length: 6623

These are select chapters from Rainbow Dash's diary, found after her admittance to Sweet Princess of Grace Medical Facility after the Twilight Sparkle incident.

Delve into the mind of Rainbow Dash through her diary following an experiment with Twilight Sparkle that ends up having unforeseen side-effects.

Equestrian publishers note that these particular passages from Ms. Dash's diary are... hard to read. Be warned.

Published 2021-03-09 15:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-09 15:40:00 UTC

Atrophy

A T R O P H Y

Or, “The Unabridged Passages from Rainbow Dash’s Diary from July 4 1006 ADi to March 17, 1007 ADi”

By: OneLonelyPickle

July 4

Today was a good day! Twilight is helping me write this by the way. We just did an experiment together — well, more like, I let Twilight perform an experiment on me. I’ll let her explain:

The experiment ~~that I performed~~ that Twilight performed was on the immediate effects and the aftereffects of the “Wings for a Day” spell on a pegasus pony. “Wings for a Day” is almost exclusively used, as the name would imply, to give non-flying creatures a set of wings with which they can then fly around for twenty-four hours, or thereabouts.

There are no expected long-term side effects.

In terms of immediate effects, ~~Rainbow said she felt light head~~ I felt lightheaded and woozy. The immediate aftereffects, which is to say how I felt after about thirty minutes, was still more wooziness. After an hour, I felt back to normal! My wings and the area where my wings connected to my body felt a bit stiff, but that was it.

Twilight Sparkle is really quite a genius!

…

Yeah, yeah. That part was all Twilight. Anyway, it was fun besides the experiment thing. I went for a fly later in the day and watched the sunset. Then I hung out with Tank before bedtime. It was a good day.

July 7

Wings felt stiff today. Still. Really weird. Twilight says its interesting, which kind of bugs me, but she keeps sayin its not a big deal so ill believe her.

Fluttershy said she gets stiff wings sometimes just from a busy day around the cottage, and im like, helllloooo Fluttershy, im Rainbow DASh, I fly like crazy ALL THE TIME and my wings never get stiff. So I don’t think its because of overflying or anything.

July 9

I’m gonna see the doctor about my wings. Its starting to get hard to go for evening flies now. I wouldn’t ever tell anypony this, but I LOVE sunsets. Like, seriously, theyre one of my favorite things of all time! I’m worried about my wings. I still trust Twilight but ponyfeathers… this has me spooked. Doctor will know more.

July 11

Doctor took xrays. Showed them to me. He says the xrays don’t show anything funky or whatever, but I will go back next week and he’ll see if there was a change. Gave me some medicine for the stiffness, which is like kind of hurting now, yknow, like if you sprain your hoof or break it and you can’t move it for awhile, it sort of hurts but doesn’t. I don’t know how to explain. Not like anypony will read this anyway.

Trying to stay focused on other things. So, today, Pinkie Pie and I caught like fifty frogs and we threw them all in Rarity’s shop! It was priceless! I mean we helped her catch them all later, but it was all worth it to hear her scream! She’s such a priss, that Rarity. Love her though. I’ve got the best friends. Twilight’s still bugging me. Now she’s really changing her mind about everything and is worried there might be some kind of effect to her experiment that she didn’t foresee. I liked it more when she was telling me not to worry. Now I’m not so sure.

I started talking about it again!

Okay, good place to end for the day. I’m tired. Tank is such a cutie, I love this little turtle.

…

If you are reading this, tell a SOUL about that last part and you’re dead.

July 12
I was able to fly during the sunset, but it really hurt. It took a lot of effort. It's making me start to have these panic attacks but I KNOW Twilight. She said not to worry about it. It will pass. I can't be a worrier like her. I'm not an egghead!

I should go see my parents soon. Some ponies say you should see your folks as much as possible because you never know when it will be the last time.

July 15

THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING NOT RIGHT.

OKAY OKAY SO I’M NOT GOING CRAZY. MY WINGS ARE GETTING SMALLER OR SOMETHING. THEY ARE A HUNDRED PERCENT SMALLER THAN THEY WERE BEFORE THAT STUPID SPELL, I AM SURE OF IT.

I JUST BUCKING TOOK A LOOK IN THE MIRROR. SMALL WINGS. I HAVE SMALL WINGS. I CAN’T FLY LIKE THIS. AND THEY STILL DON’T MOVE WELL. TOMORROW I’M LETTING TWILIGHT HAVE IT AND SHE BETTER REVERSE THIS STUPID SPELL BEFORE… BEFORE…

I LIVE ON A CLOUD! IF I CAN’T FLY I CAN’T EVEN GET TO MY HOME! I CAN’T VISIT MY PARENTS, I CAN’T LIVE OUT MY DREAMS!

I DON’T EVEN WANT TO GO TO BED HONESTLY, I AM SO FLIPPING MAD AND SCARED. TANK HAS NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON AND I DON’T BLAME HIM.

Okay this part I am writing in the middle of the night. I calmed down a bit. Tank’s fast asleep beside me and I’m petting him. I’m still afraid, but I trust Twilight and she’s my good friend. She’ll fix this, I know it.

July 16

So, Twilight said she made finding a reversal spell for my wings her top priority. When I told her, okay I got a bit emotional and, well, if you’re reading this you probably know what I can be like, so maybe I got too excited. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, I may have chewed out Twilight a bit. And I kind of feel bad now. But still! Twilight’s never made a mistake like this before. I’m still shocked…

Well, anyway. What’s good that I can talk about? I just need to get my mind off the whole wings thing.

The Summer Sun Celebration will be starting soon! Normally, I’d be more excited because I’d lead the cloud preparations among the pegasi, but I’m sure Twilight will fix me by then. If not, at least I can enjoy the celebration with everypony else. Pinkie wants to throw this huge parade and I’m not so sure it’s going to turn out the way she wants. Most ponies are already going to be busy with the usual celebrations. Plus, main street in Ponyville is always full of stalls and games and stuff. Where is she gonna hold a parade?

Typical Pinkie. Just thinking about it makes me laugh.

Then there’s AJ. You know her. It’s apples, apples, apples 24/7. I guess the Apple family makes a lot of dough around this time of year, especially from the Celebration, so it makes sense. She works hard. That’s what I like about her. Hard worker, that AJ. Always has been. That’s why she’s the closest thing I have to a rival, outside of flying, where everypony with wings is my rival!

Let’s see. There’s Fluttershy, she’s doing the bird choir as always. I still remember back before Twilight came to Ponyville, how shy Fluttershy was. I mean, you know, the name gives it away. But it’s crazy how much she has changed since then… we all have.

Especially me!

Arggh, no, I won’t keep being upset.

I’m getting tired so I’ll wrap this up. Rarity’s busy with the special robes for this year, I guess the official participants in the Celebration will be wearing them. Something special about this year? I’m not too sure. When I’m around the girls nowadays I’m mostly stuck in my worries about my wings. There it goes again! I can’t help it!

Okay, okay, time for bed. Twilight will fix this. She’s also working on the Celebration, she’s planning it, obviously. But she’s giving my issue all the rest of her attention. I know Twilight!

July 17

Nothing new from Twilight. Day was okay. Feeling down in dumps. Comes and goes but some days worse than others. Today was worse.

Tank’s my buddy. Love this little snugglebug.

…

If you value your life, keep forgetting those mushy bits. Thanks.

Visit with doctor tomorrow. Really scared.

Quick entry. Middle of night. Can't sleep. still really scared. I want to wake up Tank so I'm not alone but I want him to sleep peacefully. I love my little buddy.

July 18

Doctor confirmed it. Wingmass shrank by 20%. I threw up in the hospital bathroom. I have been woozy ever since. I don't even know what to do or think. He has no diagnosis, no idea what to do. I told him the story and he said it's probably best if Twilight figures out how to reverse the spell, as "curses" like this can only be cancelled out by another magic spell.

Again, Twilight isn’t spilling the beans on her progress. Barely get to talk to her about anything, she is so busy with the Celebration. When she’s not, she’s at her castle in the library and she says she needs to be alone to focus on the reversal spell. Starlight Glimmer tells me that she barely sees Twilight either on account of the studying, so I guess I can believe Twilight is doing her best.

But ponyfeathers this is frustrating! I know, I KNOW every day that passes my wings are getting worse. It’s terrible. It makes me feel sick. I felt like puking for half the day. I just want this to be over. Getting to my house takes so much effort, and the Wonderbolts are wondering where I am. I don’t have the nerve to tell anypony, I send letters, that’s it. They can’t SEE me like this.

Pinkie made me laugh pretty hard with a joke earlier, so that was the one highlight of the day. Twilight needs to get a move on.

July 19

Fluttershy asked if I wanted to watch her and the bird choir today. Wanted my opinion about how good they looked and sounded. I had to fake my reaction (happy, good going Fluttershy!) because I felt like dirt. Everypony probably stares at my gross, small wings when I go out. I hate it.

But it was nice to be with Fluttershy. She’s so kind, so quiet. She just made me smile the whole time. We ate lunch and had tea (yeah yeah I like tea sometimes). Very relaxing.

I just wish Twilight would hurry with the spell.

July 21

No entry yesterday, I was just at home moping. But I hate to be like that all the time!

So I went down to Sweet Apple Acres and hung out with AJ. Lots of apple bucking to do, so I helped her with that. Without my wings at tip top shape, though, I felt my balance was off. I kept getting SO mad when I tripped and fell. AJ is too honest, and normally I love that about her, but it made me angry that she couldn’t hide the fact that she was pitying me.

The day wasn’t that much fun. It ended with me crying on my flight home. I hate crying. I wish I never cried. Strong ponies like me shouldn’t cry but I am so scared. I stopped by at Twilight’s to see about the spell but she was too busy.

Tank’s my buddy. We are having cuddles, then bed.

…

I shouldn’t have to say it.

July 22

Tomorrow’s the Celebration.

Cried to sleep last night. Tank’s such a bro, he gets me. Tank’s a real friend. Twilight’s…

I just don’t know anymore.

Sometimes she makes me really mad. I punched my pillow fifty times or something earlier.

That spell needs to come soon.

July 23

Everypony’s out partying. I went to the Celebration, stayed for a bit, then I snuck off. I can’t even leave my home now. I’m afraid I won’t be able to fly back up once I get to Ponyville if I leave anymore, and there is NO WAY I am letting somepony else help me up to my own home! I’m not a cripple or an old pony! Everything about this makes me SICK!

I stared at my wings in the mirror for what must have been hours earlier. Feeling kind of cuckoo, honestly. Every second that went by it seemed like my wings shrunk smaller and smaller. It’s like for those ponies who break their legs and are in wheelchairs for their whole lives, their hooves get thin and weak because they never use them. That’s what’s happening to my wings. I feel like I’m going to puke again. Flying is EVERYTHING to me. If I can’t fly…

[Pages so waterlogged from tears rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

July 25

Pinkie Pie came to my place. I let her in, I guess I figured, why not. We had lots of laughs though. She’s always good at cheering me up. I cried in front of her and I hate myself for it. She hugged me and it felt really good. I wanted to punch the wall when we started talking about Twilight. Sometimes… I don’t know.

I JUST DON’T KNOW BUT SHE ANGERS ME. WHAT IS SHE DOING? WHY ISNT SHE HELPING ME?

Pinkie left with this look on her face and it bugged me A LOT. Like, everypony knows what Pinkie is like. She’s a sweetheart, really, and wants to make everypony laugh. But she looked at me like I was some kind of FREAK. Like I needed her pity. Wow. Pinkie really let me down.

I’m just going to cry and hug Tank and hope, pray, that Twilight fixes me with that spell. I miss sunset flights. I want to go back to the Wonderbolts.

July 27

Been inside for 4 days now. Whatever. Don’t care. Wings are 30% smaller than before the spell. I know it. I’ve been looking A LOT. I know every feather in each of my wings. I have 867 feathers. My left has 442 and my right has 437. Math isn’t my strong suit so that could be wrong. But I counted each of them. What else do I do?

Tank kind of bugs me now too. He wants me to go outside, he wants to fly around. I bet he does. I bet flying around is THE best. Actually, I know it is, because I USED TO FLY ALL THE TIME.

Ponies keep knocking on the door. Not opening unless it’s Twilight Sparkle. She has to come and face me at some point. I’m going to tell her how I feel. She better have that spell ready. At this point it needs to come with a spell to restore my wings.

I’M NEVER, EVER HELPING HER WITH AN EXPERIMENT AGAIN. NO SIR-EE. I CAN’T BELIEVE I AGREED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

July 28

445 feathers actually. 445 on left, 422 on the right. This time I made sure my math was right. I have nothing else to do. I’m writing in the dark. Pretty good at it now. The sun bothers me SO MUCH. I want to be outside, flying with the sun against my wings. But now I can’t stand the thought of the sun on my wings. If anypony saw these DISGUSTING LITTLE FILLY SIZED WINGS coming out of my back, I’d puke. I’d want to scream and shout. I bit my lip until blood came out earlier. Tank keeps bugging me for food. I didn’t eat today or yesterday. Twilight Sparkle better come face me at some point. I’m waiting for her. I’ve planned out everything I am going to say to her.

It’s middle of the night. I’m staring at my ceiling. I can hear Twilight Sparkle laughing. She’s laughing at me. Why? Why did she do this to me? My wings are throbbing. Like that phantom pain that crippled ponies talk about when they lose a hoof. My wings are still there but it’s like I can still feel the parts that have shrunk away still.

I puked twice earlier. I can’t sleep. My eyes have been open for a long time. When I close my eyes, I can see Twilight laughing at me. It’s better if I just hear it. I hate her.

I miss Twilight so much. I want to see her face again, I want her to tell me that she figured out the spell. Twilight please save me. I want my wings back

[Pages so waterlogged from tears rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

August 5

My blood tastes kind of alright. Ponies fuss too much about blood. It tastes pretty good.

I hit Tank earlier. He makes me sick sometimes. He doesn’t get me at all. He should be puking as much as me. My wings are bucking disappearing. I’m becoming a freak. I hate the sun. I hate the sky. I hate clouds SO MUCH. I’m going to go puke again.

I decided to stay beside the toilet for a few hours and just stare at the side of the toilet. I guess I belong in the toilet now? That’s where you put disgusting filth. I’m a pegasus who can’t fly. My wings are half the size that they used to be.

I screamed myself to sleep earlier. It’s the middle of the night. I got some sleep earlier by just screaming at the top of my lungs. Twilight can’t laugh at me if I can’t hear her. But my throat really hurts

[Pages so waterlogged from tears rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

JAugust 8

[Pages so waterlogged from tears rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

August 14

Twilight Sparkle came to see me today.

She’s evil. She’s pure evil and I hate her. She lied to me. She lied to me. SHE LIED TO ME. I HATE HER.

I don’t like her face. I want to hit her like I hit Tank. He’s my best buddy, he lets me do it because I pretend he’s Twilight and I want to hit her so bad. I hit the mirror until it broke. My hoof bled and I licked it. It’s like irony, the flavor. The flavor is like iron. It’s tasty I guess. I don’t eat a lot anymore. I can see my ribcage. I don’t look at those things anymore. When I look all I want to do is tear them off. I’ll tear them off and scream until I die. Maybe I should really do it.

Twilight’s a liar and not a friend. I don’t even think she’s a pony. She’s a nightmare. She’s Nightmare Moon. That’s who she is. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before but it has to be the truth. Maybe I’m still trapped in one of Nightmare Moon’s spells and we never left the Everfree Forest. I really hope that’s the case. This is just a bad dream.

Twilight can’t help me. She came here and told me SHE CAN’T HELP ME. HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT? HOW CAN A FRIEND SAY THAT?

SHE’S NOT MY FRIEND AND I HATE HER. TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS EVIL WHY DID SHE DO THIS TO ME WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

[Pages so waterlogged from tears rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

August 16

Tank left. He’s evil too. He made me cry all afternoon. What friend leaves another friend when they need them most. Everypony hates me. I’m a freak of nature. I should join the circus. Rainbow TRASH, the freak with deformed wings. I can’t even call them wings anymore. I can feel them back there. They’re back there, taking the blood from the rest of my body. I hate my wings. I’m not a pegasus, I’m a freakpony. A freakpony doesn’t have wings just deformities.

I hate my body. I hate my wings. No, not wings. Those.

[Page covered in vomit; unreadable]

August 23

They tried really hard to get inside yesterday. My friends? They’re not my friends though. I don’t even know if it was the real Applejack. Another one of Nightmare Moon’s spells? Maybe it’s the actual Luna and this is her inside my dreams. Maybe it’s a Tanterbus or whatever that thing was called. I hate Luna too. I hate everypony.

They tried to get in yesterday but I screamed at them until my throat bled and then they left. Twilight keeps laughing at me. Why is this happening to me? I just want to fly

[Pages so waterlogged from tears rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

August 25

Ya gotta giggle at the ghostie woop it up with the weepy crack up at the creepy something something. I remember that song. Pinkie sang it once. We went into the Forest and that’s what she sang, there were trees around that looked like DEMONS. I know what real demons look like now so I don’t think that’s what the trees were. I liked that song though. I think I hate it now.

I puked eight times earlier! It feels really good. The burning in my throat reminds me I’m not dead yet. I think I need to keep on living. Twilight is still working on that reversal spell. Any day now! She came back yesterday. She was laughing at me. She was doing that laugh with the fake tears. She doesn’t fool me. She was laughing. I hate her and she’s evil.

I hate Twilight Sparkle. She’s evil like black sludge. I’ll watch her die someday and it will be the HAPPIEST TIME OF MY LIFE.

No that’s just me being crazy. She’s my friend. She’ll think of something.

September 4

[Most of page covered in vomit; unreadable]

Ponies don’t have enough knives. But knives are very useful. Think about it! You can cut yourself very easily with a knife. You can cut evil not-friend ponies with knives. Ponies are really scared of blood and I don’t know why.

I should write stories. Daring Do writes stories because it’s like an escape or something. If I do that, I can escape this life. It’s like I’m in Tartarus. Maybe I am? Maybe the punishment when you’re in Tartarus is living out your worst nightmare like this. But what did I do that was so wrong?

I feel so sick. My teeth are starting to feel weird and gross. I just puke all day. I don’t eat. I’m all bones. I bet those things are just bones now. My feathers are everywhere. I have no mirror to count the feathers still on my those, but there are 743 feathers on the floor. So that means there are still about 100 feathers on my those.

I can’t write stories though and if I read a Daring Do book I’ll just want to die. I can’t even think about life outside my house.

September 11

It was a big day. They got inside. They got my doors open. But I brought my diary with me. They didn’t GET MY DIARY. IT’S MINE. They TOOK ME TO THE DOCTOR, THEY TOOK ME THERE TO MOCK ME. TWILIGHT IS EVIL AND SHE TOOK ME THERE SO THE DOCTOR COULD TELL ME I WAS A LITTLE PUKE A LITTLE FREAK. THEY ALL HATE ME.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BUT NO YOU CAN’T KEEP ME THERE FOREVER. I GOT AWAY. I GOT AWAY AND YOU CAN’T KEEP ME THERE. I’M FREE TO GO WHEREVER I WANT I HATE THEM. I AM FREE TO GO WHEREVER I WANT.

I live in a trash bin somewhere. It smells like home. I’m a freak, I’m garbage, I’m waste. This is my home. Rainbow TRASH lives in a smelly garbage trash bin. I eat from here too. Yum yum I’ll eat whatever comes in here. Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH Rainbow TRASH

September 13

Yesterday was so much fun, I couldn’t spare a minute to write down a diary entry! Let me recap.

I slept for a whole HOUR I think. I puked so much, my throat felt like a million knifes were slicing down it and it was awesome. My eyes can see so much. My heart beats exactly five times every minute. I count each beat. I’m becoming something special. I know it. Trash is my home and my name is RAINBOW TRASH.

There’s this song stuck in my head and it goes something like this

Ah ah ah ah my little pony
I used to wonder what Friendship could be
Until you all shared it’s magic with me

And then my so called friends start to sing the lyrics and I get MAD. I hate them. I hate the garbage pony for trying to take my trash bin yesterday. I would have cut him if I had a knife. I love garbage and trash. I’m RAINBOW TRASH.

That was yesterday. I laughed, then I cried. I puked, then I laughed. I ate somepony’s old moldy sandwich, then I puked it up and ate the puke. I love puke. Everything about it suits me. I’m gross and disgusting. My name is RAINBOW TRASH.

I’m gonna die some day. I hope it’s soon. My those don’t even move anymore. I’m so glad. I hated having those. Now I have these. Yes, these. These are more suitable for freaks like me. I call myself RAINBOW TRASH and I’m garbage. I eat garbage. I smell amazing, just like garbage. Nopony better ever take me away or I will gnaw their ears off. I bet it would taste good. Ponies are garbage and I love garbage so eating them would be really good, I think.

September 15

I write in the dark because I’m like a bat! I’m like a SUPERHERO! Maybe my job is to be a superhero. Superheroes beat up bad guys! Twilight Sparkle is evil and she’s a bad guy. Should I beat her up?

I wonder where she is now. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle. TWILIGHT SPARKLE TWILIGHT SPARKLE TWILIGHT SPARKLE TWILIGHT SPARKLE TWILIGHT SPARKLE TWILIGHT SPARKLE TWILIGHT SPARKLE RIP HER WINGS OFF AND FEED HER HER WINGS MAKE HER EAT HER WINGS THEN MAKE HER EAT YOUR PUKE THEN MAKE HER EAT YOUR SPIT AND THEN MAKE HER WATCH AS SHE PUT A KNIFE IN HER EYE.

I really want to scream so loud. I can’t SCREAM though. If I scream they’ll hear me and then I can’t live in my home anymore. They can’t find me in here because I’m RAINBOW TRASH and they’re still looking for RAINBOW DASH. I’m so smart, they will never know. I want to scream.

I ATE A DIRTY DIAPER AND IT TASTED LIKE HOME. I ATE IT BIT BY BIT IT WASN’T EASY BUT RAINBOW TRASH DOESN’T GIVE UP. IT WAS SO GOOD I LOVE IT. I WANT MORE. I’M A DISGUSTING FREAK. I DON’T HAVE THOSE ANYMORE I HAVE THESE.

September ??

Most of the time I think about writing in my diary instead of actually writing. I write the words in my mind. I can see it vividly. If I had a mirror, how vivid could I see myself? In my mind, I see myself. I have no those, only these, which are small and deformed. And you can’t see any FAT or MEAT on me because I’m all FUR and BONES. I’m like a monster. I’m a monster. No I’m a freak. I’m not a pegasus that’s for sure. I hate pegasus. I hate unicorns. I hate dragons, I hate ponies, I hate Luna, I hate the Everfree Forest, I hate Pinkie’s singing, I hate trash.

I hate myself. No I LOVE trash. I’m RAINBOW TRASH. I eat garbage and I puke a lot. I love to puke. Puke makes my throat hurt. I hate living like this. Twilight is going to be done that reversal spell any day now.

Tomorrow’s the day of the Summer Sun Celebration.

This new mare named Twilight Sparkle came to town. She’s pretty COOL but I hate her. I went on an adventure with her once and some other ponies. Their names were Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, RAINBOW TRASH, Apple Bloom, Princess Celestia, I hate them all. I HATE THEM ALL. Twilight Sparkle is evil and I hate her.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I hate myself.
I’m trash. My name’s RAINBOW TRASH.

October ???

I didn’t write in this thing all this time?

Wow.

HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA

I thought I was writing in here but I was writing in my mind. I moved to a new home! Threw myself a little house warming party with old milk as my dessert and some dirty old apple cores as second dessert. Okay it was all dessert. But parties are about dessert! Whoopie!

My name is PINKIE PIE! I love parties and making friends and being CRAZZZYYY!

Once upon a time, I knew this disgusting freak named RAINBOW DASH. She became RAINBOW TRASH and nopony has seen her since! Oh well! I hate her anyway! She’s not my friend and everypony HATES HER. She’s garbage. Trash trash trash. I hate her. She’s evil. She looks like a skeleton on four hooves EWWWWWW.

When I find Twilight Sparkle, she’ll use that spell and save me. I’ll go back to normal. I think this is Nightmare Moon’s magic though. This is a trick. I found a knife. I FOUND ONE. I’m going to use it.

October ???

I miss my mom and dad so bucking much.

[Pages so waterlogged from tears and vomit that the rest of day’s entry is unreadable]

October ???

My knife works. I used it and it worked.

The garbage pony invaded my home, he LOOKED like a garbage pony, but he was really just one of Twilight Sparkle’s evil henchponies. I’m a SUPERHERO and I have to get rid of evil bad guys. I know just what to do. I brought him into my home, which he was VERY RUDE ABOUT AND DIDN’T THANK ME. I brought him here and offered him a snack and he said NO. He hated me and he thought I was evil and he wanted to take my knife and stick it in my eye.

I did it to him first. He laughed at me, one of those fake laughs where you pretend to scream. I know his tricks. He uses the same tricks as Twilight Sparkle.

When I find her, and I will because the evil henchman told me where I could find her. I didn’t realize I was so far away from where she was. This whole time I needed to be close to her. She has probably been LOOKING FOR ME SO SHE COULD SAVE ME WITH THE SPELL!

It’s only been a day since we first met but this Twilight Sparkle put me in quite a crazy position. I think I’m going to enjoy all of our fun though. Me and the girls, we’re gonna go on adventures! I just need to find Twilight Sparkle first and put a knife in her eye.

November ???

THEYRE AFTER ME THEYRE ON TO ME AND THEY KNOW WHERE I AM

I AM CURRENTLY HIDING IN A DUMP OUTSIDE CANTERLOT. IF YOU SEE THIS, RUN. RUN AWAY. EVERYTHING IS NOT AS IT SEEMS. THEY FIND ME AND ITS OVER. I NEED TO FINISH THIS BEFORE I FADE AWAY. I FEEL LIKE IM FADING. MY BODY IS DISAPPEARING FAST. ITS NOT GOING TO BE LONG NOW.

IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.
IM SKIN AND FUR AND BONES AND I HATE TWILIGHT SPARKLE.

???

KILL TWILIGHT SPARKLE RIP OUT HEART EAT HEART EAT WINGS EAT TWILIGHT SPARKLE KILL RAINBOW TRASH

Mom and dad have to save me. Twilight Sparkle has to save me. Somepony has to save me. All the laughing NEEDS TO STOP.

???

[Page illegible]

???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…

[This continues for several pages.]

???

I just looked at a mirror.

It’s been about five years now I think since I saw myself in a mirror. Maybe it's been a whole decade. I’m in Twilight’s room at her castle.

I am so pale I’m almost white. My eyes are so bloodshot they’re more red than white. I LITERALLY am just bones with fur and skin. I look so cool. I tasted some of Twilight. There was too much to waste. I have red all over my muzzle and it made me laugh for a long time. Then I cried until snot came out of my nose. The these on my back are little disgusting nubs so I cut them off. I’m bleeding and it feels like I'm alive again. I've been dead for years. I don’t have much time

[Page is bloody; some parts unreadable.]

I put my hoof on her mouth and licked her fur. She was real and I tasted her. She was trash so I loved it. I took a bite and she SCREAMED! She took my wings away she was evil and she was trash. I didn’t do anything wrong. She thought I was somepony else because she kept calling me RAINBOW DASH. She doesn’t realize I’m actually RAINBOW TRASH.

I loved how good she tasted. It hurt my jaw so much because biting into garbage that’s shaped like a pony isn’t easy. It doesn’t matter. I put the knife in her eye and she laughed. GUESS WHAT SHE LAUGHED. SHE LAUGHED AGAIN. AND SHE IS STILL LAUGHING. HOW DOES SHE DO IT SHE PRETENDS TO CRY AND SCREAM AND SHES REALLY LAUGHING I HATE HER I HATE HER SO MUCH.

I’m not a pegasus, I’m a freakpony. I’m a trashpony. I’m a bag of bones with hooves. I ate two eyes today. You don't realize how good eyes are until you eat them. They were very tasty. I can barely breath. I need some garbage. I need to go back home. If I ever find Tank I’ll make sure to give him some cuddles, he’s my little buddy. I miss him. He’s going to hibernate for the winter and I’m so scared. I’m so sad. We’ll meet again in the spring though!

I’m just going to keep writing until somepony finds me. I can’t move anymore.

I can’t cry anymore. I used to cry though. Sometimes I would cry and cry. Fillies and babies cry. I hate things that cry. I don’t cry anymore. I cried once when I thought I was going to fail the Best Young Flyers competition. I ended up winning though. I saved Rarity too. I love flying. Someday I’m going to be a Wonderbolt. I hate Twilight Sparkle.

I locked the door which is good because Spike’s trying to get in. Spike and Starlight Glimmer. They’re pretty evil so I can’t open the door. I won’t let them in either, but I can’t move. I’ll bite them if they get close. The knife is still inside Twilight Sparkle. After I removed my these I put it back inside Twilight Sparkle, for safe keeping.

That’s the way she would have liked it.

Twilight Sparkle wants me to help her with an experiment tomorrow. Some weird spell or something. It sounds like a lot of fun! She’s kind of an egghead, but honestly, she’s one of my best friends and I love that about her. Tank’s cuddling up to me now and I’m petting him. I’m so happy.

I’m sad and I hate myself.

They’re going to get inside aren’t they?

Goodbye everypony. If you are reading this, I hope you learned a valuable lesson about friendship. My life was pretty boring but I hope you liked it.

They opened the door. They’re screaming. It’s interesting to watch. I can’t stop giggling though. They’re doing that same old trick, pretending to scream when they’re really laughing. Why are they laughing? I don’t have these anymore, I’m just

March 17

Wow.

It’s been quite a long time since I wrote.

I live in a special home now. The Nice Ponies made me realize that living in garbage bins is not where a pony like me belongs. I have a really warm, comfy bed now. It’s white! White is a very simple color and it doesn’t trigger me. I like that.

I eat three meals a day. I eat breakfast which consists of haystacks and syrup. Then I color for a bit. I color a mare with blue fur and a rainbow mane. I call her Super Mare! She can do anything she wants, but especially I love that she can FLY REALLY FAST and her superpower is she can do a SONIC RAINBOOM!

I eat lunch and that’s five carrots, three celery stalks, a tomato and, if I’m really really good, the Nice Ponies give me a COOKIE! WOO! Cookies are the best. I love cookies. I love myself.

I don’t read the scary things from before. I hid this scary book for a long time. But I wanted to write in it one last time.

When I eat supper the Nice Ponies give me lots of potatoes and creamed corn! It’s the best, that’s my favorite meal. I like to eat just those three meals.

My old friends don’t visit me. I just have the Nice Ponies to keep me company.

That’s a lie. I’m sorry. Pinkie Pie visits sometimes. She understands me, I think. She knows me well. She’s my buddy.

I don’t want to write anymore. I’m going to throw this book away. I don’t want anypony to find it and share it with the world. It’s just my book and I don’t want it anymore so I am going to throw it away.

I’m sorry Twilight. I’m sorry about what happened. Even if it was your fault, I apologize. I hope you will forgive me one day.

Anyway, I have to go. It’s the Summer Sun Celebration tomorrow and I need to get ready! I help the pegasi plan the skies and clouds! Everything has to be just right.

I can’t wait. I love sunsets! Don’t tell ANYPONY I said that, though.