The League of Extraordinary Alicorns

by Signas

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna, Philomena
Length: 9387

Celestia invites Applejack and Rarity to her super secret club, leaving four very salty ponies.

In a surprise meeting, Princess Celestia reveals the truth behind the friendship letters that Twilight and her friends have been writing. It seems that the maturity and stability of the Elements of Harmony were being judged, in order to determine their suitability as initiates into a secret organization with a grim purpose. Their mission is to defeat an impending "darkness" that hasn't actually been proven to exist at all. But Celestia knows it's coming, so it must be true!

But when only two of the six friends are initiated into the club, what effects will it have on the Elements' friendship? Two unsuspecting mares must adapt to a new lifestyle while still handling their mortal duties, while the remaining four ponies deal with their rejection like mature adults.

Published 2012-09-04 00:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-04 20:59:52 UTC

Ch. 1 - The New Alicorn Thing

“I’m sure you are all eager to learn why I have summoned you to Canterlot on such short notice.”

Six mares stood side by side in the spacious throne room of Canterlot Castle. Not a word was spoken between them, and tension ran thick in the air. This may have been due to the eerie silence of the nearly empty room, which normally buzzed with royal audiences and attentive guards. Perhaps it was the pressure of being called in to face the two most powerful ponies in Equestria, possibly the entire world, for an unknown reason that rendered the ponies speechless. From experience, they knew that Princess Celestia was not about to bare good news.

“Now now, no need to look so grim,” Celestia continued, now aware that her subjects had no intention of replying. Her trademark serenity showed itself in a calm smile on her face as she spoke. “I promise that there is nothing to worry about.”

“…Yet,” the dark-coated alicorn standing at Celestia’s side muttered.

“Luna, please!”

“Er, yer highnesses…” Applejack, still holding her old stetson hat to her chest, stepped cautiously forward to address the quarrelling sisters. “Ah mean no disrespect, but, uh… Ah got a lot of buckin’ to do today, so…”

Twilight Sparkle turned her head to her simple friend, a look of shock painting her face. “Applejack! I think this is a little more important than bucking apples!”

“Sugarcube, ain’t NOTHIN’ more important than buckin’ apples this close to Appleloosa’s Applepalooza.”

Twilight prepared a retort, but was interrupted by her beloved mentor. “She’s right, Twilight. I’ll try to be more punctual about this.” She shifted her gaze to the orange farm pony, her serene appearance suddenly showing a hint of urgency. “However, what we have to tell you is incredibly important. Moreso to some of you than the others.”

“I suppose I will start by coming clean about something.” The six tense mares shared a look of surprise at the very idea that their flawless ruler had ever been dishonest. “It’s about the friendship letters you have been sending for the past two years.”

“You see, I had originally told Twilight that they were meant to document her lessons on the importance of friendship.” Celestia was now pacing in front of the line of ponies, six pairs of eyes not once diverting their attention from her. “Well, while I certainly enjoyed hearing about your newfound knowledge, I must admit… that was not the primary purpose for those letters.”

A collective gasp was heard from the mares. “B-But if that wasn’t the point,” Twilight nervously spat, “then what was?”

“Have patience, Twilight Sparkle.” Luna shot a look at her sister’s shaken student that could frighten stone. “Please continue, dear sister.”

“As I was about to explain, the information you have gathered provides some very useful insight for Luna and myself.” Celestia’s calmness remained constant, yet her voice gradually transitioned to a serious tone. “Insight that could help to prevent a terrible darkness from destroying Equestria.”

Luna slapped a hoof to her face as yet another gasp echoed throughout the room. This time, Rainbow Dash rocketed into the air, having been fed up with the building tension. “Where’s that darkness at?!” The pegasus pumped her hooves in the air, fighting an invisible foe. “We’ll just hit him with a Harmony laser and-“

“I’m afraid the Elements of Harmony cannot solve every problem,” Celestia stated, cutting off Dash’s rant.

“The Elements are useful for undoing chaos and healing troubled hearts.” Luna lowered her head silently, having been reminded of her own inner demons from the past. “They cannot, however, outright defeat or even destroy evil. Against a foe that does not thrive solely on chaos, the Elements would be nothing more than a light show.”

“Well, with both you and Luna around, I’m sure this ‘darkness’ shouldn’t cause too much trouble.” Twilight’s voice carried a false air of confidence. “…Right?”

Celestia merely closed her eyes, confirming Twilight’s fears. “Do you remember the changeling invasion? Queen Chrysalis was able to single-hoofedly overpower me without breaking a sweat. And… well, I didn’t get a chance to tell you before you took off for the Elements, but they would have been completely useless against such a foe.”

Three, two, one, and… Luna sighed as a third gasp resounded from the overdramatic mares.

“The changelings function using a hivemind mentality,” Celestia continued, ignoring the shocked reaction from her listeners. “That is the pinnacle of harmony itself. If you had succeeded in gathering the Elements, they wouldn’t have even scratched Chrysalis. In fact, they likely would have made her stronger. And although I cannot say for certain what the impending evil is that we face, I can feel that it holds a power far beyond what the changelings possess.”

“So the Elements can’t stop ‘em, and two princesses alone can’t stop ‘em…” The cogs of Applejack’s mind slowly grinded, striving to reach some far-off solution. “So… what ya’ll need are… more princesses?”

Twilight glared at Applejack, who was wearing a goofy grin suggesting some sort of pride for her ridiculous conclusion. “Applejack, that’s absolutely-“

“Absolutely what we need!” Turning her head, Celestia addressed her sister with an excited grin. “Ready, Luna?”

“As I shall ever be, sister.”

Without warning, the sisters produced magical surges from their horns that swirled through the room. The dancing lights bounced from wall to wall, mesmerizing the six confused mares. Finally, the two magic essences collided, emitting a blinding light that would make the sun itself proud.

Twilight rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the abrupt brightness shift. At the collision point of the magical energy, she could just barely make out a long, rectangular shape. What is that, she pondered. It appeared to be hanging from the ceiling, and there was something written on the front. She squinted in an attempt to make out the words written on the mysterious object.

“The… New Ultimate Elements of Harmony… Super Alicorn Edition?”

Celestia and Luna stood beneath the banner, huge grins spread across their faces. The floor beneath their hooves was now littered with colorful confetti. Luna tossed her flowing mane to the side, a look of smugness on her normally dark complexion. “Is it not superb? I provided the moniker myself!”

The ponies looked awkwardly at each other, not sure whether to be surprised or horrified. Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, began bouncing wildly around her friends. Confetti took to the air with each of her joyful landings.

“See, you silly fillies? I TOLD you it was going to be a party!”

“But this just doesn’t make sense!” Twilight’s frustration had reached its peak, allowing her to question even her idol’s actions. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, you plan to turn us into alicorns to fight this mysterious ‘darkness’. But Pony Taxonomy: An Abridged History claimed that alicorns can’t just be made, since they’re born like any other pony. And that’s the leading authority on pony subgroups!”

“Well, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna began, “thine book of ponies is labeled ‘abridged’ for a reason.”

“Okay, but what about the ‘mysterious darkness’ that is apparently threatening Equestria? How come nopony has ever heard of it if it’s so powerful?”

“Art thou suggesting that we terrify our subjects without physical proof of said ‘darkness’? For shame, Twilight Sparkle!”

“Then what does any of this have to do with our friendship letters?!”

Celestia gave a motherly gaze to her rustled student, helping the unicorn to calm down. “I understand your confusion Twilight, and I intend to tell you everything. You see, we cannot simply grant immortal power to any pony. Such immense power should only be wielded by a pony with a good head on her shoulders.

“When I said your letters provided useful insight to me, I meant it. You see, I’ve been using them to determine how capable the six of you are of inheriting the power of an alicorn. Every letter gave me more information about your maturity levels, mental stability, ability to handle pressure… every bit of insight helped me to come to a final decision.”

“So, you just wanted to make sure we were ready?” Twilight had finally come to grips with what was happening. She decided it was best to place her trust in Celestia; after all, the princess would never do something that could potentially hurt them, right?

“That’s absolutely right, Twilight.” Celestia’s warm smile seemed to lift everypony’s mood, despite the unusual circumstances.

“So… does that mean we’re all going to be alicorns now?”

Without breaking her expression, Celestia provided a curt but surprisingly warm response.

“Nope.”

“W-What?!” Twilight was shocked; what was Celestia even trying to tell them? “But you just said you were going to-“

“I said I used your letters to make a decision.” Celestia, still smiling, stared down at the confused group of ponies. “And my decision is that some of you just aren’t up to the task.”

Twilight’s heart sunk lower than she thought was possible. Celestia, one of the kindest ponies in Equestria, had called them there just to tell them that they weren’t good enough? That she wasn’t good enough? The dejected mare opened her mouth, only to be cut off by her mentor.

“Your’re probably wondering why I called all of you here if only a few of you will be joining Luna and myself as alicorns. You see, knowing what good friends you are, I thought you should at least know what is going on so you can support them in the trials to come.” A small notepad appeared in front of the sun princess, which she shifted her attention towards. “Now then… Rainbow Dash, it pains me to say this, but you did not make the cut. You are free to leave if you’d like.”

“Now wait just a minute!... Uh, your highness.” Rainbow Dash couldn’t contain herself; she, of all ponies, was being rejected? From doing something awesome? She simply couldn’t keep herself from calling out such a bogus decision. “I’d make a great alicorn! The fastest, coolest alicorn around! Why can’t I join the New Alicorn thing?!”

“I’m sorry Dash, but I don’t think telling you would help any. I ask that you place your trust in my final decision.”

“Come on, I gotta know!”

This time, Luna stepped up to the group. Her face displayed an expression of frustration that sent shivers down their spines. “Dost thou truly wish to know why thine qualities were deficient?”

The mares’ heads nervously bobbed up and down; despite their fear of what the answer could be, they were genuinely curious about what the princesses truly thought of them. The quivering mess that was Fluttershy, however, simply gazed fearfully at Luna’s dark form. Rainbow Dash performed a completely unnecessary midair loop, stopping mere inches from the princess of the moon. “I mean, what could you possibly find wrong with me? I’m perfect super team material!”

Luna stepped forward, until her muzzle was nearly touching the haughty pegasus’. “That, Rainbow Dash, is exactly why dear Celestia has deemed thee unworthy.” The cold tone of her voice floored Dash, who could do nothing but look up at her immortal critic. “Thine letters suggest a persisting desire to grandstand. Thou thrive on attention, which is not what Equestria needs from its vanguard. For success, we must function as a single unit, yet thine past antics make it painfully clear that thou lack the proper attitude for teamwork.”

Rainbow Dash tried desperately to say something, yet the words would not come out. Swallowing a massive lump in her throat, the normally courageous pegasus slowly backed away towards the throne room exit. She lowered her haunches to the floor, staring pale-faced at the remaining contenders.

Luna’s rampage, on the other hand, was only beginning. She slowly walked amongst the line of mares before stopping at the end, where Fluttershy sat in a shaking heap. “U-Um, it’s alright, I know I’m n-not cut out for this so I’ll just-“

“Why, dear Fluttershy, surely thou art not afraid amongst such familiar company? After all, thine letters claim that thou art more capable of standing up for thineself!”

“W-Well, I’m getting a little better…” Fluttershy’s mumbling was barely audible from behind her veil of pink hair. “…I think?”

A cold smile crept onto Luna’s face as she observed the quivering yellow form before her. “As I see thee now, the supposed lessons thou hast gained over the past years have not stuck. Such a lack of development would be a detriment to our glorious league of justice.”

“Um, Luna…” Without being noticed by anypony in the room, Celestia had crept up to her sister’s side. “I thought we agreed it was because she lacks confidence.”

“But character development is the most important aspect of all superponies!” Luna stamped her hooves in utter defiance. “A pony who lacks gradual improvement becomes stale and boring! ‘Tis the reason Batmare Begins is undoubtedly superior to the likes of-“

“Alright, alright! No need to get excited.” Celestia, realizing how futile it was to argue this particular subject with Luna, chose to end the discussion before it could begin.

Luna snorted briefly before enveloping Fluttershy in a blue glow. The cowering mare was gently lifted to Rainbow Dash’s position and plopped onto the floor, which she was trying desperately to become a part of. Before Luna could address her next victim, a loud cacophony startled the group.

Pinkie Pie fired another blast of confetti from the colorful… something strapped to her back. “Come on everypony, what kind of party is this!” The pink blur hopped excitedly around a very humorless Luna. “Stop making those frowny-wowny faces!”

Luna brushed the rainbow of paper out of her mane before seizing the clueless mare in a prison of blue magic. “I feel as though an explanation is not necessary for thee, good Pinkie Pie.” Without another word, the pink pony was dropped on her side in the loser’s corner. She continued pumping her energetic legs, not quite realizing what angle she was at until her cannon fired another blast, sending her spinning wildly on the floor.

Only three of the six friends remained. Twilight looked to her right at Applejack, who seemed unusually calm for such a tense situation. The farmpony’s typical level-headedness even remained when Luna stopped in front of her, staring her down with palpable scrutiny.

“So uh, Ah reckon Ah didn’t make the cut, so Ah’ll just head on home if it’s all the same to you, yer highness.” Applejack scratched the back of her mane, smiling calmly at the leering princess. “Granny’s gonna be awful sore if Ah’m late, an’ Big Mac ain’t gonna finish the buckin’ himself so-“

“Hold, good Applejack.” To Twilight’s surprise, Luna’s expression changed to that of a friendly grin. “Thou art stubborn and lacking the good sense to rely on thine closest associates. However-“

“Wait! Please, Luna, we’ve heard enough.” Twilight couldn’t stand to hear her friends be criticized so harshly. Even if it was from the sister of her beloved teacher and esteemed princess. And Applejack was one of the most dependable ponies in Equestria; to hear anypony belittle such qualities due to minor flaws was simply unacceptable.

“However,” Luna continued, ignoring the indignant unicorn, “thine strength, honesty, and dependability is nigh incomparable. Thou also seem to have produced far fewer letters, suggesting an established understanding of friendship and of thineself.

“Although, I must admit some concern regarding a certain letter pertaining to apple cider…” The moon princess cocked an eyebrow, recalling Applejack’s questionable “lesson” from the Flim-Flam Brothers incident. “Nevertheless, Celestia and myself are proud to declare thee the first new member of… The New! Ultimate Elements of Harmony: Super Alicorn Edition!”

“What.” Applejack’s eyes went wide as she tried to make sense of Luna’s words. So intense was her perplexity that she didn’t even notice Celestia’s party popper launching colorful streams at her face, nor the sound of Twilight’s jaw colliding with the floor.

“WHAT?!” Rainbow Dash snapped out of her funk in order to call out this horrible injustice.

“Woohoo! Congratulations, AJ!” Pinkie, still spinning, seemed to take the news quite well comparatively speaking.

“Well shucks. That’s mighty fine of you, yer highnesses.” Applejack fidgeted, a nervous grin adorning her face. “But Ah reckon Twilight would make a better choice, bein’ magical and whatnot.”

“Be not hasty, Applejack! There still remains one new member to be initiated.” Luna placed herself in front of the two remaining mares, using her magic to lift Twilight’s fallen jaw.

“Now then, I believe I shall begin with… thou!” An imposing hoof pointed itself directly at the white unicorn to the left of Twilight. To her surprise, however, the mare did not stir. In fact, it was as though she hadn’t even heard the princess, which any pony would attest was an impressive feat.

“Um, Rarity,” Twilight whispered, nudging the motionless mare. “The princess is talking to… wait, are you sleeping?”

Sure enough, a light wisp of breath escaped from Rarity’s slightly opened lips. Her baggy eyes fluttered periodically, choosing to stay closed more often than not. Luna cocked an eyebrow, unsure of how to approach the situation.

Twilight, on the other hand, was in no mood to wait for Rarity to wake up on her own. “Come on Rarity, she’s going to get angry!” Lavender hooves pushed aggressively at the slumbering mare’s well-groomed face. After a moment of awkward face-hoofing, the white unicorn let loose a yawn that would have made Rainbow Dash proud.

“Uh… oh, my sincerest, um, apologies your highness.” Rarity gazed up at Luna through half-opened eyes, a contented smile on her weary face. “I’ll… ahh… have those dresses finished in two days tops.” Her attention wandered to the banner hanging above their heads, eliciting a slight grimace. “Oh my, what is that tacky thing?”

“R-Rarity!” Twilight’s face turned beet red at her friend’s insolence. She swiftly turned to face the looming princess, bowing humbly before her. “Please forgive her, Luna, she probably just hasn’t gotten much sleep. Listen, you don’t have to keep doing this; I’ll accept initiation into the team, just please let her off this time.”

“Honestly, Twilight Sparkle, thine arrogance is shocking. I expected better of thee, at the very least.” Luna’s response sent Twilight into yet another state of shock. “Since thou art so lacking in patience, I shall tarry no longer.”

Turning her head to face Rarity, Luna gave another warm grin. “Good Rarity, it pleases me to declare thee the second newest member of The New! Ultimate Elements of Harmony: Super Alicorn Edition!”

“Oh… oh my, how delightful.” Rarity turned clumsily to Twilight, losing her balance and resting her head on the stunned unicorn’s side. “Isn’t it just delightful, darling?”

“Oh you have GOT to be bucking kidding me!”

All heads turned towards Rainbow Dash; however, they were surprised to find that the outburst had not come from her. Twilight’s mouth still hung open, trying desperately to form something else to say. However, her mind was reeling with a volatile combination of shock, confusion, rage, and betrayal.

“I… I just don’t understand!” Struggling to maintain her composure, the dejected mare stared straight at her supposedly “beloved” mentor. “Haven’t I always been a good student? I’m well-organized, well-educated, and have the most potent magical ability in Equestria aside from you!” She looked at Rarity, who was still leaning against her and most likely dozing off again. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with Rarity, but… come on, it’s Rarity!”

“I’m sorry, Twilight,” Celestia calmly stated to her enraged student. “But after observing you for the past two years, and knowing you for even longer than that, I just feel that Rarity is a more suitable candidate for this specific task.”

“She possesses a higher level of maturity,” Luna claimed, taking over for her sister. “Her most prominent ‘sins’ appear to be communication issues with her sister. Being a sister myself, even I am guilty of this at times.”

“But… but I’m mature! I’m usually the one fixing all of these problems!”

“Well, as painful as this is to say, I’m still a little concerned about the “Smarty Pants” incident a while back.” Celestia looked almost shamefully at the ground. “It made it clear that you may be a bit… um…”

“Unstable.” Luna wasted no time in saying what was on her sister’s mind.

Unstable? They think I’m unstable?! White hot fury burned in Twilight’s eyes. It didn’t even matter that the criticism was coming from the object of her greatest affections; she had never been so wronged in her life. This was the moment she had been waiting for her whole life – to stand at Celestia’s side as her immortal companion, which until now had seemed impossible – and it was being stolen away by Applejack and Rarity.

“Now now, no need to be so upset.” Celestia once again wore a comforting smile as she addressed the four rejected mares. “You may still write friendship letters to me if it will make you feel better; I always enjoy reading them. Oh! I almost forgot… Philomena!”

In an instant, a blazing orange streak flew gracefully into the room, perching on Celestia’s back. The cheerful princess summoned four sets of what appeared to be hoof-crafted saddles and baseball caps, each emblazoned with a red alicorn-esque shape on black fabric. “We have some lovely parting gifts for you, made by Luna herself! Philomena, be a dear and hand them out please!”

Twilight’s eyes followed the radiant phoenix as she flew to each her friends one after the other, the tacky clothing levitating along behind her. Each set dropped unceremoniously in front of each of the shocked ponies, although Pinkie seemed quite satisfied with her gift. Finally, Philomena stopped in front of Twilight herself, staring her straight in the eyes. The unicorn could swear she saw something in those brilliant yellow eyes. Something… playful? Loving?

No, there was no mistaking it. It was a look of pity.

Mockery. That bucking bird is mocking me.

The saddle landed in front of Twilight, yet she paid it no heed. Her stare remained permanently glued to the miserable bird as she flew back to her master.

“Well, I am very glad that you girls took the time to come out here.” Celestia’s joviality didn’t fade for an instant. She acted as though nothing had happened at all. “I look forward to seeing you all again soon. Now then, Applejack and Rarity, if you could stay here for a moment…”

Twilight suddenly felt herself being herded towards the exit where the other three losers stood. Luna proceeded to escort them out the door, as well as prying Fluttershy off the floor she had became almost literally attached to. Before shutting the large doors behind them, Luna offered one last farewell.

“I apologize if I seemed too… blunt. For what it’s worth, thou art all lovely ponies. Enjoy the gifts!” And with that, the doors slammed shut, separating the four mares from whatever secret goings-on they were excluded from.

Luna returned to her sister and the two clueless mares waiting for any sort of information on what they were being involved in. Silence hung in the air for nearly a minute as the four members of The New! Ultimate Elements of Harmony: Super Alicorn Edition looked awkwardly around. Finally, an orange hoof was raised into the air.

“Yes, Applejack?” Celestia was more than willing to answer any question her new initiate had.

“Yeah, Ah’ve got a question. What the heck’s an alicorn?”

Four mares sat on the train heading towards Ponyville. For the entirety of the ride, not a word was spoken between them. The humiliation they had experienced was incomparable, and all they had to show for it were tacky red and black alicorn paraphernalia. Twilight looked down at the hideous cap under her hoof, the red vaguely pony-shaped stitching staring up at her. This cap represented the unthinkable betrayal her own teacher and princess had committed. The betrayal of Luna, and the two despicable mares she had called friends. And that bucking bird.

This isn’t over. Twilight seethed, the heat practically emanating from her lavender coat. This isn’t over by a long shot.

Ch. 2 - On Wings of Cardboard

“Lemme see if Ah’ve got this figured out.” Applejack stroked her chin, deep in thought. “Yer gonna turn me an’ Rarity here into magic god-ponies like you.”

“That’s correct, Applejack.” Celestia had managed to remain calm, despite Applejack’s obvious cluelessness regarding the situation.

“That way, we can help you an’ Luna beat some mysterious evil.”

“That’s right.”

“That you don’t actually know what it looks like, or how strong it is.”

“You got it.”

The earth pony shifted awkwardly until a goofy smile spread on her face. “Well, sounds alright to me!” Her enthusiasm soon turned to concern, however. “Wait a minute, if Ah’m spending all mah time fightin’ evil, how am Ah gonna help around the farm?”

“You have nothing to worry about, Applejack,” Celestia stated in reassurement. “No matter what happens, you’ll still be able to go about your life like normal.”

“Thine life will just be... much longer, is all.”

“Oh, not that much longer, Luna.” Celestia chuckled nervously before giving a look of reflective discomfort. She shook her head to clear it of thousands of years of painful memories before addressing the two mares before her. “Well then, are you ready to begin?”

“Ready as rain, yer highness.” Applejack looked at her sleeping companion, and nudged her gently with an orange hoof. “Come on Rarity, we don’t got all day.”

“Huh? Oh... darling, I do hope you washed those hooves.”

Luna cleared her throat loudly before Applejack could give a witty retort. “Now then, give all thine attention to us as we perform the sacred ceremony of membership.” Without another word, she turned to her sister. Both princesses held a single hoof in the air as Applejack and Rarity prepared to witness a miracle itself.

In the span of merely five seconds, Celestia and Luna performed what was easily the most convoluted hoofshake ever witnessed by ponykind. Legs twisted in ways that would make even the most hardened dragon cringe. Rarity was almost certain that Luna had all four hooves up at one point, but it could very well be her sleep deprivation playing tricks on her. The unimaginable force emitted from the whirlwind of delicate hoof maneuvers knocked Applejack’s stetson clean off her head.

“Did you girls catch all that?” Celestia said with a smile.

“Uh... what in the heck was that just now?” Applejack still couldn’t come to grips with what she just saw.

Luna rolled her eyes, stamping an impatient hoof. “That was the super secret hoofshake for the league of justice! Thou art expected to know such things as members!”

“Oh, uh... yeah, Ah got it. Sorta.”

“Excellent.” Celestia’s horn began glowing with a blinding light; Luna’s soon followed suit. “Then I believe it is time to begin. We shall start with Rarity, since she only needs wings.”

For the first time that day, Rarity’s eyes shot wide open as the twin lights enveloped her. A comfortable warmth filled her body, draining the fatigue like juice through a straw. The sensation did not last long, and soon the seamstress found herself standing back in the throne room. Her tiredness no longer plagued her, but she felt otherwise unchanged.

“Whoa nelly!” Applejack stared wide-eyed at Rarity. “Rarity, yer a pegasus!”

Rarity turned her head to glance at her back. Sure enough, two beautiful white wings lay at her sides, waiting to carry her to far-away places.

“Hahaha... HAHAHAHA!” Rarity let out a maniacal laugh as she reared up on her hind legs. Her wings unfurled, releasing a powerful gust of wind that nearly knocked Applejack to the floor. “This... is... fantastic! I feel absolutely fabulous!”

“Er, yeah, that’s really somethin’ Rare.” Applejack crept nervously away from the elated mare. She turned her attention to the two princesses who, on the other hand, did not appear to be feeling “fabulous”. Both of the alicorns stood on shaking legs, with their gasping faces hanging low.

“Um, yer highnesses,” Applejack began, wearing an innocent face as she stood before the exhausted princesses. “Ah know Ah’ve said it a few times already, but Ah really do need to get home soon so-”

“Yes, I heard you the first hundred times! Gawd!” Celestia’s sudden outburst nearly sent Applejack to the floor. The alicorn looked over towards her sister, who looked to be in no better condition. “Luna, I am soooo never doing that again.”

“Thou hast taken the words straight from my mouth, dear sister.” Luna, unable to support her own weight, fell on her haunches with a painful thud.

Celestia looked back to Applejack, who appeared to be doing her best Fluttershy impression. With a heavy sigh, she used the remainder of her strength to give her trademark smile. “I apologize for my rudeness, Applejack. You see, this is the first time we’ve ever done this, so we weren’t expecting it to be so... taxing.”

“O-Oh, no, it’s alright,” Applejack stuttered, grinning nervously. “We don’t have to do this if it’s too much.”

“Don’t be silly. I said you would be gaining alicorn powers, and that is what I intend to give you.” Celestia suddenly found herself short on a solution to this issue. She pulled Luna’s head towards her, and the two began having a private conversation.

After nearly a minute of conversing, the sisters seemed to reach a conclusion. “Alright Applejack, I’m going to begin now.” Celestia strained with all her might to produce a spell. Veins began to pop, and a torrent of sweat fell from her brow as she focused intently, almost murderously on the quivering earth pony. Eventually, several small sparks shot from the tip of Celestia’s horn; shortly after, Applejack felt an unusual tingling sensation on her back and forehead.

Applejack looked at her back, only to find two cheaply assembled cardboard wings taped in place. She brushed a hoof over her forehead, almost knocking off the cone-esque board stuck there. “Uh... thanks?”

“Think nothing of it, Applejack.” Celestia smiled warmly, as though she had not just granted the confused mare a boon of cardboard. Luna and Rarity tried their hardest to stifle their giggles. “Well, there’s no need to take up any more of your time. Come back tomorrow for your first formal training session.”

“Training session?” Applejack cocked an eyebrow at the princess’ request. “Ah thought you said this wouldn’t take up too much of our time?”

“Did I say that?” Celestia looked at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Well, it doesn’t matter. See you tomorrow!”

“Come along now, darling.” Rarity walked with even more of a strut than usual, flaunting her new wings. “I’ll have us home in a jiffy with my improved magical abilities!”

“Hold on, just one more thing.” The other new “alicorn” turned back to face the two sisters. “Twilight seemed awful salty earlier. Y’all think she’ll be okay, right?”

“Don’t worry, Applejack. If I know my student, she’ll be back to her old self in no time. She just needs a little time to adjust.”

“Well... alright then.” Without another word, the two ponies vanished in a dazzling light. The second they were alone, Celestia dropped the smile from her face.

“Luna.”

“Yes, dear sister?”

“I need some bucking cake.”

Carousel Boutique remained as Rarity had left it earlier during the day: orderly and quiet. Quiet, that is, except for the sound of one very bored filly scooting laps around the main room. Sweetie Belle grunted for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, waiting anxiously for her sister to return.

Why can’t she just hurry up? The mumbling filly came to a full stop, allowing her haunches to hit the ground. At that moment, a muffled ringing made itself present in Sweetie Belle’s ears, growing louder each second. She sat up with great curiosity, waiting for something to happen.

What actually ended up happening was nothing like Sweetie had anticipated. At the peak of the ringing sound’s volume, an enormous burst of energy exploded in the center of the room. The filly sat up straight, never once taking her eyes off of the cloud of smoke, magic, and...

Glitter?

As the glamorous veil cleared, Sweetie could make out two familiar shapes. One of the figures wore a hat, and the other had a mane style that nopony wouldn’t recognize.

“Tarnation, Rarity!” Applejack coughed up ashes and glitter. “You could kill a pony doin’ that without knowin’ how!”

“Not knowing how? We made it in one piece, didn’t we?” Rarity looked around at the familiar room, now decorated with a fresh coat of glitter. “Sweetie Belle! What did you do?!”

“Hey, I didn’t do that! You did!” The angry filly hopped up to her sister. As soon as she noticed the dramatic change in her appearance, she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Rarity, where’d you get those wings?” Suddenly, Sweetie’s eyes went wide as she came to a “reasonable” conclusion. “Oh my gosh! Are you... A PRINCESS?!”

“What? Of course not, don’t be silly!” Despite her denial of Sweetie’s claims, Rarity couldn’t help but imagine herself as the mare she’d always dreamed of being. “Although... I suppose I might see how you would come to that conclusion.”

As Sweetie Belle hopped excitedly around exclaiming that her sister was a “princess”, Applejack looked out one of the windows. It was still light out, luckily, but it was only a matter of time before the sun set. “Well, thank you kindly for the ride, Rarity, but Ah gotta get home like, right now.”

Before the farmpony could leave, Rarity stopped her. Not with a hoof, but with a magic wall. “Nonsense, darling. I’ll take you home myself!”

“Er, that’s alright. Ah’ll just walk myself home, if it’s all the same to you.” Applejack nervously edged her way around the barrier, desperate to make her way out the door before her fashionista friend could cover her with glitter again. Just as it seemed like she was in the clear, she collided with yet another obstacle.

“Gosh darnit, what in the heck did Ah-” Applejack cut off her rant upon seeing what the “obstacle” was. Suddenly, an awkward feeling welled up in her stomach. “Oh, uh... sorry Fluttershy, Ah didn’t see ya there.”

To Applejack’s surprise, Fluttershy didn’t seem particularly upset despite what transpired in Canterlot. In fact, she appeared to be pleasantly surprised to see the cowpony.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m alright. I just wasn’t expecting you back so soon since you didn’t take the same train as us.” Fluttershy seemed to be speaking to Applejack, but her eyes were passing glances past her and towards the interior of the boutique.

Applejack grinned nervously. “We, uh, didn’t take the train actually... wait, what am Ah doin’? Sorry Fluttershy, but Ah really gotta get home. See ya later!” Before Fluttershy could answer, the earth pony took off at full speed, periodically looking back to make sure her cardboard wings were still in place.

Fluttershy barely shot the fleeing mare a glance before anxiously walking into the building. “Um, Rarity, are you in here?” Her question was answered, however, as she spotted her best friend standing amidst what looked like the aftermath of an arts and crafts disaster.

Rarity spotted her dear friend and gave her a wide smile. “Fluttershy, darling, I’m surprised to see you here!”

“You are? But today’s our spa day, unless... I mean, unless you don’t feel like going.”

“Whatever would give you the idea I wouldn’t want to visit the spa? It’s like my home away from home!” Rarity chuckled before continuing. “Actually, I was more curious about how you made it home before us. Teleportation is much more efficient than a train... maybe that meeting with the princesses lasted longer than I thought?”

“Teleportation?” Fluttershy thought for a moment before noticing the wings on Rarity’s back. For some reason, seeing what her friend had become caused her fragile heart to sink. “O-Oh... right.”

“Fluttershy,” Rarity softly spoke, placing a friendly hoof around her friend’s shoulder, “you aren’t upset about today, are you? I’m not sure exactly what transpired while I was... catching up on my beauty sleep.”

“It’s nothing to worry about. After all, everything Princess Luna said was true.” Fluttershy looked down at the floor, a red glow appearing on her cheeks. “I’m just a coward and... I lack development.”

Rarity’s eyebrow raised in response to the last statement. “Development?”

“Um, nevermind... just forget I said anything.”

“Very well, darling.” Rarity stepped away from Fluttershy, looking at her various fabrics and sewing equipment. “Unfortunately, while I certainly would love to go to the spa, I still have so many orders to fill. I simply don’t have the time.”

“B-But you said you were going to teach me how to make cookies today!” Sweetie Belle’s squeaky voice fell on deaf ears, as Rarity had already become absorbed in her work. Fluttershy, feeling slightly dejected that her dearest friend couldn’t spend time with her, looked up at the overencumbered alicorn.

“If it’s alright with you, I-I’d be willing to help...” Fluttershy walked up to Rarity’s side, hoping that she had been able to hear her dainty voice.

“That’s quite alright.” Rarity didn’t take her eyes off of the levitating fabrics for even a second. “I couldn’t possibly impose.”

As much as she would have loved to accept help, it wouldn’t do to make poor Fluttershy take time out of her day to do such thankless work. As sheet after sheet of fabric flew by, Rarity become ever more focussed on her efforts. If she was to fulfill those orders on time, she needed to use every spare opportunity afforded to her.

It seemed that the transformation from earlier had not completely drained the tiredness from Rarity, however. The seamstress began seeing the backs of her eyelids as they slowly lowered in protest of prolonged wakefulness. Despite her greatest efforts, the past few sleepless days finally caught up to her, and she allowed her weary lids to fully close. Upon doing so, she was treated to an unusual sight. Unnaturally clear visions of her dress designs presented themselves in an orderly fashion. It was as though each and every step of the design process for each was outlined for her, with minimal effort required on her part. Her mind had become a designer’s paradise, and she had no idea why.

Rarity opened her eyes, only to find that everything was blurry. Furthermore, her ears refused to pick up sounds. What in Equestria is happening to me? She began to worry that her fatigue had finally caused unhealthy aftereffects, and this was her punishment for lack of rest. Her eyes slowly shifted to her right. Sweetie Belle was hopping in place, her brow furrowed. Her mouth was moving, but nothing was coming out. Not even a squeak. The confounded seamstress attempted to say something, only to find that she couldn’t even hear her own words. Yet Sweetie Belle must have heard them, as her hopping stopped, and her mouth ceased to move. Her look of indignation was replaced by one of confusion. What did I just say to her?

Rarity’s eyes shifted to her far left. Fluttershy was standing close to her side; like Sweetie Belle, she appeared to be saying something. Her large blue eyes stared directly into Rarity’s, and seemed to reflect concern, but also something else she could not recognize. Her mouth continued to move, and seemed to do so for an unusually long time. What is she trying to tell me? Sweat started to fall down Rarity’s face. I hope it isn’t too important, the poor dear never talks this much! Without warning, tears started to form in Fluttershy’s eyes, yet she continued to speak unhindered. W-Why is she crying?! Oh Celestia, what’s going on?!

The alicorn could no longer bear to look at her friend in that state. She focussed her attention once again on the levitating sheets of fabric in front of her. What she saw nearly caused her jaw to fall completely off her face. What appeared to be one impossibly long sheet of fabric was actually several sheets moving at breakneck speeds. It occurred to Rarity that she had not been paying attention to where the fabric was going; almost afraid to see the damages her inattention caused, she slowly followed the stream of colors with her eyes. This time, she nearly fell to the floor from shock.

Almost as quickly as the sheets arrived at their destination, they were cut and sewed at impossible speeds. Within seconds, dress after dress was fashioned with incredible finesse and accuracy. Suddenly, the fabric river came to a halt; all that was left of the miracle was a line of over twenty gorgeous Rarity originals, each one matching the designs she saw in her mind. The sight of several hours worth of work being performed in a matter of minutes was simply too much for the seamstress to comprehend. She hadn’t even realized that her eyesight was slowly becoming clear again.

“-hope that even though you’re an alicorn and have a lot of responsibilities, you’ll still be my best friend. I’m worried about you, Rarity, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, that’s all.”

Rarity just sat on the floor of the boutique, staring at the pile of dresses she had apparently crafted during her state of half-consciousness. Fluttershy, having finished the heartfelt speech she had been practicing for weeks, turned her head to see what her best friend was so enamored with. Upon seeing the aftermath, she covered her mouth with a hoof to stifle a nervous squeak.

“Sooooo...” Sweetie Belle decided to take responsibility for breaking the silence. “Does this mean we can make cookies now?”

Rarity shook her head; she still couldn’t believe what was happening. How had she performed such an incredible feat out of nowhere. Suddenly, she realized that this was not the first miracle she had produced that day. If her ability to teleport was due to her being an almighty god-pony...

“Rarity?”

“Y-Yes, Sweetie,” Rarity stammered. She managed to stand herself up, a wide grin spreading across her face. “Yes, we have time for cookies. We have PLENTY of time for cookies. We have time for everything.”

Sweetie Belle’s face beamed at her sister’s response. “Yay! I’m finally gonna get my baking cutie mark!”

Fluttershy, recovering from perhaps the longest talking streak of her life, was taken aback by Rarity’s newfound energy. “If you have some time, does that mean you can go to the spa today? I mean, you don’t have to, but-”

Two white legs wrapped themselves around Fluttershy’s neck; the sudden embrace caused her face to turn beet red. “Yes Fluttershy!” Rarity was practically yelling in the yellow mare’s ear. “We shall make cookies, and THEN, we shall go to the spa!”

Rarity released Fluttershy from her grasp and proceeded to hop around the room like an excited filly. “AND THEN, we shall do it all again, for I have so much free time! Haha! Hahahaha!”

As the seamstress bounced around the boutique in jovial madness, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle looked at each other with expressions mixing joy and terror.

“So... what yer tellin’ me is that the princess turned you into some sort of flyin’ unicorn.”

Applejack nodded at her brother from across the dinner table with a mouthful of apple crisp.

Big Mac glanced between the dangling wings and the silly cardboard cone his sister chose to adorn herself with. “And... she wants you to fight a monster nopony has ever seen.”

“Mmhmph.”

The massive red stallion paused for a moment before continuing. “And... you don’t see nothin’ wrong with that.”

Applejack forced the rest of the dessert down her throat, as her response couldn’t be comprised of just mumbles.

“Heck nah Ah don’t! The princess wouldn’t lie about somethin’ like this!” She looked back at her new set of wings with a proud expression on her face. “An’ with these babies, ah can do just about anythin’ I want! Y’all shoulda’ seen Rarity earlier, teleportin’ like it ain’t no thing.”

“Does Rarity have fake wings too?” Applebloom gave a sly smirk to her older sister.

“Fake?! These ain’t fake, Celestia gave ‘em to me herself!” As Applejack pounded the table, her left wing fell to the floor. Winona, hearing the soft thud of cardboard meeting wood, ran cheerfully over to the “authentic” wing. Sinking her teeth into the soft material, she took off out the house and into the apple orchard.

“You darn mutt, give that back!” Applejack abruptly got up from the table and chased after the thieving dog. “You don’t know what power yer messin’ with!”

Granny Smith shot a critical glance towards her fleeing granddaughter. “Goshdarn flyin’ unicorns an’ their fancy magic tricks! It’s a crime against nature is what it is!”

“Eeyup”. Shaking his head in exasperation, Big Macintosh reached over to take the rest of his “immortal” sister’s apple crisp.

The night had recently fallen over Equestria. Not that Spike had noticed. Twilight, for whatever reason, hadn’t returned to the library. What that meant, of course, was that the baby dragon had the whole tree to himself. And there was only one logical course of action for him to take when he had some quality alone time.

“Looking good, Spike.” The pint-sized dragon flexed his muscles in front Twilight’s favorite mirror. “Looking real good!”

He adjusted the purple sock adorning his head. He had found it in the drawer near Twilight’s bed. The same drawer she had told him never to look in, no matter what. The drawer with her socks and all those weird drawings of Celestia, and some other stuff he didn’t recognize. Normally he wouldn’t invade the librarian’s privacy like this, but those sorts of rules only apply when she’s around, right?

“Is that a new hat, Spike?” He posed for his reflected audience, swinging the dangling sock side to side. “Gotta say, that color looks hot with your scales!”

A crackling sound interrupted Spike’s private show, causing him to turn his head towards the bedroom door. Smoke was rising from the sides as flames slowly consumed the wood.

“Okay, that’s way too hot!” The dragon’s eyes went wide as he realized his unmatched sexiness was burning down his home. “A-Alright, don’t panic Spike. What did Twilight say to do in case this happened?... Oh, that’s right!” Spike quickly fell to the floor, rolling in a small circle. After a few seconds, he looked back up at the door... which was still burning.

“Oh geez... what am I gonna tell-”

Before he could finish, the slow burning became an all-consuming inferno. Within seconds, the entire helpless door was incinerated. Yet after the door’s demise, the flames completely vanished as well.

Spike looked up at the figure standing in the charred entrance. “Oh thank goodness it’s you, Twi... light?”

The mare entering the room was indeed Twilight Sparkle. However, something about her seemed off to the dragon. Like how her hair was a complete mess, as opposed to its usual clean-cut style. Or how her eyes stared straight ahead, hateful and unloving. Or how she had just burned a door down by standing near it.

“Hey, are you okay? Where have you been all day? The train got back hours ago!” Spike, noticing the pilfered sock lying on the ground, reached to pick it up discreetly. However, as the unicorn callously stepped on the poor clothing article, it burned into nothing but a pile of ash.

“Taking a walk.” Twilight stopped in front of her window and stared at her own reflection.

“So,” Spike asked nervously, “how did everything go at Canterlot?”

Twilight’s neck slowly turned until she faced the inquisitive dragon. In an instant her coldness was replaced by overdramatic enthusiasm, the type of happiness that wouldn’t fool a rock.

“Oh, it was just wonderful, Spike!” Twilight waved her front legs in the air, feigning excitement. “We all had such a lovely conversation with the princesses! We talked about the weather, and our lessons in friendship... you know, fun stuff like that.”

“Well, that sounds pretty ni-”

“Oh, and guess what else? Turns out Celestia and Luna have some secret society where they’re going to turn us into alicorns and we’ll live forever and protect the world!”

“Oh... well, that’s kinda-”

“But it turns out that I’m not good enough!” Twilight’s grinning slowly became more and more demented as she spoke. “What was the reason they gave again? Oh right; apparently I’m unstable. Can you believe that, Spike? Me, unstable! It’s crazy!”

“Twilight, I think you need to calm down a bit.”

“What are you talking about, Spike? I’m perfectly calm.” The shaking unicorn collapsed onto her bed which, despite providing cottony warmth, could not offer the sensation she desired. “I’m the most level-headed pony in Ponyville. It’s not like I solve everypony’s problems on a weekly basis, or learned magic from the most powerful pony in Equestria. I’m pretty much as balanced as you get!”

“Um, Twilight, do you need your apple juice?” Spike tried to be comforting, while still keeping a safe distance from the troubled mare. “I can go get some for you if you think it would help.”

That word. Apple. Twilight’s pupils narrowed as she stared at the baby dragon with murderous rage. Applejack used to like apples. Before she stabbed me in the back.

“Okay, I’m gonna go get some apple juice,” Spike said, backing slowly out of the hate-filled room. “You just... sit tight for a second.”

Suddenly she was alone again. To Twilight, it seemed as if that was the theme of the day. The dejected unicorn looked at her harrowed reflection in the window. What she saw was not the fun-loving, studious librarian that everypony loved; all that stared back was a shambling wreck of a mare, a pony who’s love and happiness had been torn out of her in the blink of an eye.

How had everything gone so wrong? When she woke up that fateful morning, she had five loyal friends. Friends who would do anything for her, and whom she would never even consider hurting. She had a loving mentor, a mother figure, a princess she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. A princess she would do anything to stay with for the rest of eternity itself.

Yet all of that had been taken from her. Two of her friends had viciously taken the one thing she had been dreaming of ever since laying eyes on Celestia. That one chance to become a being who could stay by her side for thousands of years to come. Rarity and Applejack... they were no better than thieves, stealing the only thing that kept her going.

No... they were murderers. They didn’t even want to be immortal; they just wanted to kill Twilight’s chance at achieving true happiness. Those mules, those... worthless hussies. They were probably in their homes, laughing at Twilight’s misery and enjoying the fruits of her labor. Where would they be without her to guide them? Ungrateful horses.

And Celestia... for years, Twilight had tried to become the student she always wanted her to be. All of those years studying, every second of her life... everything was devoted to pleasing the princess. In the end, what was the result of this backbreaking effort? To be rejected in favor of two ponies who wouldn’t even understand Ponethagoras’ Theorem.

Why? Twilight couldn’t help but ask this simple question. Why did this happen?

Twilight’s train of thought was shattered by an offensive peeping coming from Spike’s corner of the room. She slowly raised her head, staring daggers at the source of the wretched noise. There, in a soft orange bundle amongst the baby dragon’s belongings, was the baby phoenix she had all but forgotten about.

Of course! A maniacal grin spread across the disturbed unicorn’s face. The enemy has been living amongst us this whole time! How could I have been so naive?

A shiny gem from one of Spike and Rarity’s mountain excursions slowly levitated dangerously close to the chick’s head. Before Twilight could do something she probably wouldn’t regret, Spike came to the rescue with apple juice in hand.

“Twilight, no!” He ran in and grabbed the gem with his free hand, shielding the phoenix with his body. “Leave Peewee alone, he didn’t do anything!”

“He’s the enemy, Spike!” An accusatory hoof pointed directly at the clueless bird. “He’s been in cahoots with Philomena this whole time, trying to destroy my reputation!”

“Okay, now you’re just acting crazy!”

“I. AM NOT. CRAZY.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the air, before Spike finally made the first move.

“Look, I’m just gonna put this right here.” Spike placed the glass of delicious apple juice on the bed stand next to Twilight. “Now I’m gonna go get some of the leftover cookies. And I’m taking Peewee with me, so don’t try anything funny.” The baby dragon gathered the orange feathery bundle and cautiously left Twilight to herself again.

Twilight tried her best to calm down at least a little bit. Maybe I am overthinking things. She lowered her head back onto her pillow, closing her eyes and trying to release some of her rage. Yet all she could see, practically engraved on the back of her eyelids, was Luna’s disapproving face as she said that word. Unstable.

“I’m not unstable...” Twilight muttered to herself. She could feel hot tears forming in her eyes as the events of that afternoon replayed repeatedly in her head. “I’m not unstable...”

Her throat was dry. Turning her head to the bed stand, she saw orange liquid refreshment waiting for her. Weak magic enveloped the glass, bringing it to Twilight’s weary muzzle. Her eyes simply stared down at the delicious substance, which was usually able to calm her nerves on a particularly difficult day. A single tear fell into the glass, creating a ripple that was almost captivating in its simplicity.

Except the ripple wouldn’t stop. It just kept creating wave after wave of apple juice. Twilight peered closer at the unusual shapes being created by that one tear. Her eyes widened as she suddenly saw a familiar face staring back up at her. Applejack’s face.

“It’s okay, Twi. Ah’ll take good care of the princess for ya!” The face was friendly, yet at the same time, mocking.

“No...” Tears began to fall with more frequency as Twilight pleaded to the delicious phantom.

“I’m sorry darling, but you’re simply too... uncouth to associate with the likes of us.” Rarity’s face appeared this time, carrying that same mocking tone.

“No no no no...”

Luna’s face was next to appear. “Uncouth. T’would be more accurate to say that thou art... unstable.”

“No no no no no no no”

“Twiliiiiiight...”

Twilight gasped as the juice addressed her with a sickeningly familiar voice. “C-Celestia...?”

Sure enough, the object of her affection’s glorious visage appeared on the surface of the rippling beverage.

“You’ve always been a good student, Twilight.”

“I... I have?”

“Yes. But I’m afraid you just weren’t good enough.”

“NO!” Twilight desperately pleaded to the beloved image. “Please don’t leave me! I’ll do better!”

“I’m sorry, but it is too late for that. I have new students now who are far more capable than you.” Celestia’s voice lingered as the rippling finally began to cease. “Farewell, Twilight Sparkle. Forever.”

“NO! CELESTIA!” The tears were flowing at full force now as Twilight practically begged for the glass’ affection. “I love you Celestia! Please don’t leave me! DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEEE!”

“Alright, Twilight, I got some cookies. Let’s just have a nice snack and try to-”

“COME BACK, PLEASE! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! CELESTIAAAAAA!”

Spike stared blankly as Twilight desperately inhaled the apple juice, only occasionally stopping to scream Celestia’s name. He slowly backed out of the room, a single bead of sweat creeping down his face.