“Okay, now that we’re all here, let’s begin,” Twilight starts, folding her hooves across her lap.
“Hey, uh, Twahlight? Before we begin, we’ve been talkin’...” Applejack begins, her eyes lingering over the friendship map. “Ah think it’s time we discuss-”
“Him!” Rainbow Dash spits. “He needs to stop! It’s getting ridiculous!”
“What are you talking about?” Twilight asks.
“Oh darling please, you know exactly who and what we are talking about!” Rarity spits. “Him! His...his touching is getting in the way of my work!”
“It’s gross!” howls Rainbow Dash.
“It’s...um...a little excessive. Sometimes…” Fluttershy whimpers.
“Ah.” Twilight chews the side of her cheek for a moment. “Well… I certainly see where you’re coming from. Still, I think we should approach this topic carefully, and with tact. After all, we-”
You kick the door to the castle’s map room open. “How are my girls!?”
Rainbow Dash groans audibly.
You skid up beside Fluttershy. “Flutters!” you coo, scooping the little pegasus up in your arms. “How is the softest pony in Equestria?”
Fluttershy whimpers, her body trembling as you roughly pet her soft coat.
You suddenly drop Fluttershy, a loud thump echoing through the room as her body crunches against the crystal floor. “Rarity!”
“No, no! Not the mane, darling, not the mane!” Rarity shrieks, cringing as you kiss her horn and run your fingers through her previously well-styled mane. “And now, the fastest pony in Equestria needs a big hug, doesn’t she!?”
“Gross! Stay away!” Rainbow Dash leaps up from her chair and spreads her wings, but you’re able to snag her tail and pull her back toward you. You wrap your arms around her from behind and snuggle into her, nuzzling her mane as her limbs flail around fruitlessly.
“AJ!” you coo, releasing Rainbow Dash, whose wing beats careen the pegasus into a pillar. “Workin hard at the farm, or hardly working?”
“H-how ‘bout just a hardy hoofshake, sugarcube?” she bargains as you approach.
“How about some hoof holding?” you counter, nabbing her hoof in your hand and petting it gently with your thumb.
Seated on her crystal throne, Twilight sighs. “Listen, we all need to talk to you about something.”
You release Applejack’s hoof and scurry over to Twilight. “Sure, just as soon as the Princess of Friendship gets her daily back rub!” You bury your fingers into Twilight’s coat, pressing down on her back muscles between her wings.
“No, I really think we should talk...Oh, that feels rather nice, actually,” Twilight sighs. “Just be ca-” Her body suddenly writhes as if struck by electricity, and she leaps into the air. “AAAHHH! My sciatica!” she wails.
“Oh! Oh! Me next!” Pinkie Pie announces, hopping up and down on her throne as she holds a hoof high in the air.
“I could never forget about you, Pinkie!” You coo, your arms held wide open as you approach her.
Snorting and giggling, Pinkie Pie leaps into your arms. Holding her tight, you take a seat on her throne and let her snuggle into your chest.
“Now Twilight, what was it you wanted to talk about?”
“Stop cuddling us!” Rainbow Dash cries, a trickle of blood seeping from a small cut in her forehead. “It’s disgusting!”
“Disgusting!?” you gasp in surprise. “It’s not disgusting! It’s emotionally supportive, and super cool!”
“Be that as it may, darling, it’s simply too much to deal with,” Rarity responds, frantically running a brush through her now un-coiffed mane.
“Ah agree,” Applejack responds. “Ah’m just not used to all this...touching, sugarcube.”
You frown deeply. “I...I had no idea you all felt this way. Fluttershy?”
She hides behind her pink mane in an effort to avoid eye contact.
“Twilight?”
“I think it would be for the best to adopt a ‘no extraneous touching’ policy. I’m sorry.”
Your lower lip quivering, you look down at Pinkie Pie snuggled up in your arms. “What about you, Pinkie?”
“I love cuddling with you! It’s super duper fun!” Her smile fades. “Buuuuut, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being the friendliest pony in Equestria, it’s that peer pressure always wins!” Righting herself next to you on her throne, she slowly pushes you off of the chair and onto the floor.
Sniffing once, you stand up and brush off your shirt. “Well. I see.” Pointing your chin up high, you turn your back on the assembled ponies. “I shall take my leave, then.”
“...Are you going to be okay?” Twilight asks as you place your hand on the doors.
You turn around. “Okay? Of course I’ll be okay! I mean, all that you ponies did was rip my heart out and take a steaming dump in each of the ventricles. I’ll be fine.”
You exit and Rainbow Dash sighs in relief. “Finally. Now we can get to business.”
“Not quite,” Twilight interjects. “Before we talk about the map’s assignment, I have a didactic for you all!”
Rainbow Dash groans again.
“Hey, champ,” Starlight Glimmer comforts as she enters your room. “You doing alright?”
You are lying face down on the floor of your bedroom in Twilight’s castle, covered in a heavy comforter. “Mmmh,” you huff, not removing your head from the darkness.
You hear the clopping of hooves as Starlight approaches. “Uh oh, I know that tone. Sorry about the girls. How can I make you feel better? Can I make you a grilled cheese?”
“...No, I don’t want a grilled cheese…”
“You want some therapy cocoa?”
“Noooo,” you hum, starting to get annoyed.
“You want to cuddle a little bit?”
You stop for a few moments to think about it. “Well...no...Pity cuddling doesn’t count…”
“It doesn’t, but it feels good!” she urges, patting the top of your comforter with a hoof.
“Yeah...Maybe later.”
“Okay, well, you know where to find me,” Starlight relents. She casts a worried glance back at you as she exits.
Twilight Sparkle hops happily into the castle’s map room, carrying a stack of books on her back. “Girls, I just found some really fascinating books!”
Rarity shuts her powder mirror. “Darling, I have a huge order I’m trying to fill. Did you call us here just to talk about books?”
“Well...no. Just mostly to talk about books.” Twilight dumps them on the table and picks one up in her magic. “This one is particularly fascinating! It’s all about friendship languages.”
“Friendship languages?” asks Fluttershy.
“Yes! Ponies have different ways to show friendship that the author calls languages. For instance, some ponies like Rarity like to show affection by giving gifts!”
“It’s true,” she replies smugly. “I do some of my best work when making dresses for gifting.”
“Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy like to spend quality time with their friends, although the difference between Fluttershy’s tea parties and Pinkie’s parties is rather sharp.”
“I call them ‘bangers’!” Pinkie announces with pride.
“There are some other languages too. For instance, some ponies show affection and appreciation for their friends through verbal praise! Others, through physical touch. Examples include hugging, kissing, hoof-holding…” Twilight slows down. “...Cuddling…”
Silence falls over the room like a curtain. Some of the girls squirm uncomfortably.
“Oh...my.” Fluttershy finally speaks.
“Twahlight…” Applejack begins, then stops.
“Are we bad ponies?” Pinkie Pie asks in a chipper tone.
“N-no! We’re not bad ponies!” Twilight objects. “We’re good ponies!”
“Why is everyone acting so weird?” Rainbow Dash asks, her ears perked up in curiosity.
“Come now, dear, surely you recognize this has to do with our human friend?” Rarity chastises. “Perhaps we acted...in haste.”
“Oh no,” Rainbow protests. “We totally did the right thing. It’s so great not being petted and nuzzled all the time.”
“Ah’ll put it this way, sugarcube. Ya like yer fans, right?” Applejack patiently explains.
Rainbow Dash nods.
“Well, he’s your fan. ‘Cept instead of autographs, he wants to hug you. Yer not in the business of disappointing your fans, are ya?”
Rainbow Dash’s scowl slowly morphs into a scrunchy, confused curl.
Twilight lets out a whine. “Alright...let’s go apologize.”
Suddenly, there is a knock at your door.
You lift your head out from under your comforter and stare curiously at the source of the noise.
Twilight calls your name and knocks again. “It’s me and the girls! Let us in, we need to talk.”
“No, I don’t want to. I’m fine! I promise.”
The knock comes again. “I’m respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as Princess of Equestria by coming in anyway!”
A loud, magical thump accompanies the appearance of smoke from your doors as they slowly swing open and Twilight and her close friends enter. “We need to have a discussion.”
You sit up, curling your comforter around your body and leaving only your face exposed. “N-no-no! Discussions are bad. Feelings should be left alone, I-”
“Please,” Twilight begs, approaching you. “I found some books on friendship languages. They’re really fascinating, by the way, perhaps I could lend-” Twilight shuts her eyes and sighs deeply, centering herself. “Nevermind, it’s not important. What is important is that you’re so...cuddly because that’s the way you show friendship to us! ...And we spat on that by telling you to stop.”
Twilight takes several steps forward as she continues. “I’m sorry. I should have never asked you to stop the daily backrubs.” She smiles broadly and wraps her wings around you.
You let the comforter fall to the side as Twilight nestles herself against you. You bring up your hands to rest on her back.
“So, you forgive me?” she asks, her hooves now resting on your shoulders.
“O-of course,” you tell her.
Smiling, she releases you and steps backward. Applejack approaches, holding her hat mournfully against her barrel with a hoof. “Ah’m mahty sorry, sugarcube. Can I have a hug? I hope that’ll make up for how I acted…”
You kick the comforter to the side and wobble up to Applejack on your knees, pulling her into a soft hug.
A trembling Fluttershy approaches next. “I-I never...I-” she starts, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks.
You sit on the floor as Fluttershy clambers onto your lap. You wrap your arms around the downy pegasus and stoke her pink mane gently as she sobs into you. “Shh… It’s okay Fluttershy. It’s okay...I know you’d never be mean on purpose…”
Fluttershy’s cries turn into soft sniffles. Suddenly she yelps, however, and is pushed away from you, and you find a new pony in your arms.
“Oh darling,” Rarity whines, lying in your arms as if she’d just fainted into you. She presses the back of her hoof against her forehead in lamentation. “I can’t believe how absolutely dreadful I was. So unladylike! Could you ever possibly forgive me!?”
You keep yourself from rolling your eyes. “Yes, Rarity. Of course.”
Rarity pecks you on the cheek and hops up from your arms, brushing her coat and coiffing her mane. “What a gentleman you are.”
Nopony approaches next, until Twilight pushes Rainbow Dash forward with a hoof.
“Ugh, fine!” she says, sneering back at Twilight. She turns her attention to you. “Look, I….Ugh!” Her face turns red as she looks at the floor and scuffs it with her hoof. “Cuddling is still lame, okay? But...you’re not lame. So if hugging and stuff makes you feel better, then it’s okay with me.” Before you have a chance to respond, she darts up to you for the briefest of hugs, then darts away.
Pinkie Pie bounces up to you, the last of the group. “I don’t really have anything to apologize for since it was all my friends’ fault, but I’m glad we get to snuggle again!” she coos, nuzzling your cheek and then tackling you onto your back for a big hug.
When you extricate yourself, you stand up. “Thank you girls,” you tell them earnestly, smiling. “Truly. It was so kind of you. I promise not to be such a bother from now on.”
“Never worry about being a bother to us ever again!” Twilight states with great conviction. “And, you’re wrong if you think you’re getting away that easy.”
“Huh?” you ask. Immediately after, Twilight’s magic lifts you up and plops you down on your bed. She hops on the bed and lies comfortably on your torso. A few seconds later, you feel each of your limbs tighten up as one pony each embraces them.
“Aww, you guys…” you state. Several giggles echo from your friends as they nuzzle up against your body. Finally, Fluttershy uses her wings to gently lower herself from above and rests her fluffy barrel against the side of your face. She hugs your head close with a forehoof.
“Mmmm…” you hum comfortably.
“I have a very important message to deliver today,” Twilight announces proudly from her crystal throne in the map room.
“Aw, come on Twilight! It’s a perfect day for flying outside! Do we really have to be here?”
“Yes, we do! As I was saying, it’s important! So important, in fact, that I m-”
You kick the door to the castle’s map room open. “How are my girls!?”
The assembled ponies greet you joyously.
“My dearest Fluttershy, how are your animals doing?” you ask.
“Good!” she declares, clopping her hooves together. “The birds are back from the winter migration and nestled into all new houses!”
“You’re so caring,” you praise, opening up your arms for a hug. Fluttershy gladly leans into you for it and giggles softly.
“Thank you for the compliment,” she coos, nuzzling your chest before letting go.
“And Rarity? How is the most beautiful pony in Equestria?” you ask, sidling up to sit on the hoof rest of her throne.
“Oh, what a cha-ha-harmer~” She chuckles. “Come here! Mwah, Mwah, Mwah,” she kisses you on the cheeks in a very cultured greeting. “I’m doing quite well, thank you.”
“What’s happening, Dash?” you extend a fist, which she hoof-bumps. Then, she charges into your chest for a quick hug. You ruffle her mane before letting her go and waltzing over to Applejack.
“AJ,” you nod solemnly in recognition.
“Sugarcube.” She nods back. “Ya’ll gonna come squaredance with me and cuddle at the hoedown tonight?”
“Y’know it,” you agree, heading over to Twilight.
“Your Highness,” you flourish with a bow.
Twilight giggles. “Hi, friend.” She walks over to you and wraps her forehooves around your midsection. “I still owe you your backrub today, we’ll have it right after this!”
You squeeze her tightly. “Thanks, Twilight.”
You approach the final pony in the room, who is absolutely vibrating with excitement. You say nothing and merely open your arms, beckoning her toward you.
“No, wait!” Pinkie cries, stopping you in your tracks for a moment. “Come here.”
You walk forward to within hugging distance, and Pinkie Pie reaches forward to pull you into the throne. Now seated on the small pony’s lap, you do your best to get comfortable as she nuzzles into your side and sighs.
“Well,” Twilight begins, taking a moment to clear her throat. “Now that we’re all here, let’s begin.”
