Just Around the Corner

by KorenCZ11

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, Drama, Original Character, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Romance, Sex, Suicide / Self Harm, Big Macintosh, Alternate Universe, Granny Smith
Length: 22458

Applejack has had a rough year. As much as she wishes it wouldn't, things are only bound to get a lot worse.

A year has passed since that ugly crystal tree-castle grew up in the middle of Ponyville. Nopony can convince me otherwise, and I've made my opinion known to Twilight. We had our adventures, we had our fun, but now, it's back to normal. Things have settled, some for the better, but most for... the worst.

The Orchard is in bad shape. Granny is in bad shape. And since January, I haven't had so much as a day off. Too much work, not enough ponies to do it, and no extra money to get help, it all seems to be swirling around the drain. Course, that's just the status quo. Now that a mare has walked into my brother's life, things are only bound to get a lot worse.

Set in my 'Bright Future' universe which diverges from canon after season 4.

Edited by the lovely Comma typer.

Published 2021-03-22 15:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-26 18:22:27 UTC

I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear

“Applejack?”

A big hoof shaking me out of my trance, I found Mac in my face. “Huh?”

He sighed then wiped the sweat off his brow. “It’s about damn time ya paid attention. Ah called ya at least three times, ya know.”

Did he really? Of all the places I could get lost, my own orchard shouldn’t be one of them. Where did the time go? “Sorry. What’s up?”

Frowning, he raised his eyebrow in the trademark family fashion. He hasn’t said anything yet, but he’s been looking at me suspiciously these past few weeks. The day will come. It will come soon, and when it does, I’ll probably go find that old cross bow from Pappy’s war days.

“Are ya alright? Ya don’t look too good.”

An out. Not suspicion, but concern. That’s nice at least. I’d look less suspicious if I just told the truth.

I’m drowning, Mac. I don’t think I can be saved. It feels like the world is ending around me and I don’t know what to do about it. You’re the only one I can turn to, but I know if I do, the farm’s lost. If I put my faith in you, you’ll throw everything away and escape our home rather than trying to save it because you know just as well as I do that raising a foal in these conditions will leave us starving in a winter or two.

I didn’t voice any of that, though. “Maybe Ah’m a little under the weather.”

Frowning harder, Mac put a foreleg up to my forehead. “Geez, Applejack, you’re burnin’ up! Get back inside and go lie down!”

Rather than fight it, I let him walk me back to the house. He wasn’t wrong, I probably did have a higher temperature than normal right now. Working up a sweat on top of being pregnant would easily make somepony think that. Lack of sleep, overwork, exhaustion. Maybe I had a summer cold. Wasn’t that uncommon, and my immune system’s compromised right now anyways. It’s all just part of the process.

“Tell Granny she’s too old and frail to work one day, then come out here another with a damn fever. Maybe she’s crazy, but y’all are two of a kind, ya know that?”

“Sure, Mac.” Though I doubt what I’m thinking about has ever crossed Granny’s mind. This, too, would be simple, an easy way out. Draw the string, load a bolt, pull a trigger—nice and simple.

“Geez. You’re in more danger between Applejack and a plate of food than ya are on a battlefield.”

“Sis, ain’t that a little much? You’re really startin’ ta… pack it on, don’t’cha think?”

“Oh, Applejack, are you alright? You’re not sick, are you?”

“So, uh… Butter- no, Applejack. Did ya meet a stallion recently?”

How much longer before they all put it together? How much longer can I hold out? I can’t take the waiting. Somepony needs to put a stop to all this so the anticipation finally ends. Anypony. Even me.

If it comes out, ponies will think the worst of us. Ponies will think Mac and I… they’ll talk and gossip, and our family name will be ruined! It won’t be a matter of saving the orchard; it’ll die with our name. This mistake I made, that irreversible decision I couldn’t choose, will destroy everypony and everything we have, and it’ll all be my fault.

I can’t let it happen, they still have lives ahead of them; I’m the one who ruined mine! I can… I can pay for it, can’t I? If it falls to my shoulders, all I have to do is accept the consequences. It wouldn’t be so bad if… if we went out together, would it? Nopony would really know what happened. Sure, it’s been a couple months now, and the wedding is just around the corner, but he shouldn’t be big enough for anypony to really tell what I’d done at this point, right?

Especially if I make it impossible for them to find me. There’s a swamp in the Everfree. If I just… jumped in…

I’d been feeling better lately.

The wedding was in a week. I wouldn’t be there to see it, but that would be fine. Nopony would have to suffer like this. He’ll never see the light of day, but he’ll still be with me. I could never bring myself to let him go just to save my own skin. Honestly, it’s better this way. We’ll always be together. Forever after. My little boy.

It was Sunday morning, my day off. My last day off. At breakfast, I told them that I really thought I had been eating too much, and maybe it was nerves, but I was getting fat, and I’d decided to go on a diet. It was strange; it was never this easy to lie before. Perhaps I’ve had too much practice as of late. Oh well, it doesn’t matter. The letter should explain everything. Granny won’t remember me. Maybe Mac will blame himself for not realizing it; maybe Applebloom will curse Granny for taking up all her time and not being able to look at me.

It won’t matter. I’ll never know about it. He and I will be long gone before they can damn anything. The emergency fund should be enough to support them till Mac can make a deal. I wrote down all the names of ponies who’d inquired about the farm before; maybe it’ll live on under another name. With all the construction Twilight’s planning, I just hope it won’t be flattened into some cookie-cutter neighborhood. She was also all about finding a way to manufacture ‘automobiles’ here now that she’s seen how they work. Won’t be long before that becomes commonplace in Equestria too.

But I won’t see it.

Last week, I found the swamp. I found a good-sized rock, and I stole an old rope from the barn. We have so many of them, Mac wouldn’t notice one missing. All the pieces are hidden away under a bush; nopony casually walking by, if for some reason anypony ever went to that goddess-forsaken place, would see them.

All that was left was to act it out.

Again, it was a clear morning. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, the first train of the day would be in any minute now, and the birds were just beginning to chirp. Dew glistening on the grass, leaves, and flowers, a weave of colors not unlike Celestia’s mane in the sky, an orange-pink shine on the new street lamps along the road. Picturesque, this quiet little growing Ponyville. If this had to be my last view of it, it was nice that it looked like this. Even that gaudy crystal castle of hers didn’t look too bad in this light. A soft yellow glow filtering out from a window on one of the upper branches told me she was already at work. It was nice knowing ya, Twi.

To my left passed by Sugarcube corner, still closed this early in the morning. They’d be up and around not long after the train came in to catch those early riders, even if Pinkie wouldn’t be there to help. If anypony isn’t a restless sleeper, it’s her.

Fluttershy’s doubtless up and feeding all her animals. Discord too, probably. Strange as they are together at this point, it’d be weird to see her without him. Well, I’ll pray that their future is better than mine. Longer lived if nothing else.

What have you been up to Rarity? Is it everything you wanted? Did you ever meet that Prince Charming you always dreamed about? How does it feel to have a life like yours, I wonder?

I’d bet Dash is sleeping in too, the lazy Wonderbolt. It’ll be noon before she wakes up. I wonder… what does her future look like? Ever since she moved back to Cloudsdale to take up that Wonderbolt position, I haven’t seen much of her. ‘Course, with Granny’s mind the way it is, I haven’t seen much of anypony lately.

The last pony I saw that wasn’t part of my immediate family was… the mystery stallion, I suppose. I hope he enjoyed that night we spent together. Maybe I’d never admit it to anypony, but I know I did. The first time—the last time. I never knew my body could feel like that. How sad; everything now is just so numb.

In the distance, the train sounded. A long loud whistle, pleasant to the ears, a reminder of the time. If I keep meandering around like this, I’ll never make it to the swamp. I need to go. To put an end to this. I’m just so… tired of it all, really.

Dragging my hooves, I started off toward the path to the Everfree on the south-east side of town. Past Zecora, left at the twisted tree, following along the babbling brook, all the way to the swamp. Dig up the rock and the rope, tie it around my hooves, and let it fly. Down, down, down, the air escapes me. An instinct should make me fight, but I won’t. The cold will seep in, the light will fade away, and all at once, it will be over.

So long as somepony doesn’t see me leaving, that is. Checking my surroundings and seeing nopony, I gained a sense of urgency. Hurrying to the path now, I was just about to exit town—

“Hey! Hey you!”

I froze in place. Whose voice is that? They couldn’t be calling to me. If I just start walking again, they won’t say anything if they aren’t calling to me. And so, I took another few steps forward, but the voice, coming closer, called again.

“Wait! Stop! I need to talk to you!”

I swallowed. My pulse had picked up. Now that I’d heard more of it, the voice did sound familiar, but I couldn’t figure out who it belonged to. It wasn’t a mare’s voice. But who could be calling after me this early in the morning?

Heavy hooves hurried after me in a gallop, going so far as to kick up the dirt when he stopped. “Holy Goddess, it really is you! I can’t believe my luck! I thought I was gonna spend days here looking for you again.”

I couldn’t ignore him any longer with him so near to me, so I finally turned to look.

My heart was twisting to pieces. Nopony was supposed to see me. Nopony was supposed to know I was here. Anypony who’d known me wouldn’t have said anything but a friendly, ‘morning, Applejack.’ This guy was probably one of the only ponies in town who didn’t know my name.

And I didn’t know his either.

Somehow, everything I’d been planning to do that morning was shattered in an instant. If I couldn’t do it then, would I ever have the wherewithal to do it later? Probably not. Certainly not with his father right in front of me.

But I can’t help but wonder how he found me. Or, why, either. What kind of stallion comes back looking for a one-night stand? For all of Rarity’s stories, I was led to believe that things like this didn’t happen, ever. Does he know somehow? Can he tell what’s going through my head? This can’t just be coincidence, can it?

“So, do you want to order something? I’ll buy, of course,” he offered.

Flabbergasted. That’s the word. The only word that describes how I felt right then. Eventually, I couldn’t take the stare of those orange eyes, and I turned my head toward the menu. “Ah… Ah’m not all that hungry right now. Uh… w-water is fine.”

The green stallion said, “Alright,” then got up and went to talk to Carrot Cake. A booth in Sugarcube Corner was about as private as it got in Ponyville, and unlike the mares of this town, the stallions were never all that big on gossip. Even if Carrot heard something, it probably wouldn’t get out. But why bother? He’ll just go away like he did last time and all this will repeat. I’ve got to take care of this before the wedding or else everything would get worse! Why did he have to show up now?

“One water for the lady, and a coffee and a few doughnuts for me.” He said, coming back to the table. “Ya know, I only spent a few days here last time, but I’ve gotta say, this place has some of the best pastries I’ve ever tried. Do you… come here often?”

Without thinking much about it, I frowned. Come here often? What kinda question is that? Seeing him blink made me realize he was waiting on an answer. “Well, a friend of mine works here. She ain’t usually up this early though. Ma was friends with the owners while she was alive.”

He clammed up. “Oh. Uh…”

Crap. “Ah mean…! S-she died when Ah was a filly, it’s not like Ah’m still… mournin’ or anythin’!” I covered my face with my hooves. “Oh, Goddess, this is so awkward, Ah’m sorry. Ah should go…”

I went to get out of my chair, but he held his hooves out. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, please don’t. I…” He slapped a hoof to his head and looked away. “Idiot! Maybe introduce yourself!” Turning back with his hooves clasped, he nodded. “Let’s start over.” He stuck a hoof out for a shake. “Hi. I’m Fin Sharp, a petty officer in the Equestrian army. You may remember me from that bar a few months ago. Or the motel the next morning.”

I swallowed then shook his hoof. Strong grip, to be expected from a soldier I suppose, but that does explain why I called his… turning red like a beet, I coughed into my hoof. “Applejack. Ah… Ah remember ya, alright.”

He seemed to take that well and smiled. It was… a nice smile. “Well, at least I made an impression! You’re one of a kind, ya know that?”

Not sure what that meant, I raised a brow. “Ah am?”

“For sure! I mean, I’m used to outdrinking the guys at the base, but I’ve never been out drunk by a mare before, ya know?”

Oh. Was… was it really that much? Maybe he’s just bloviating and he’s really a lightweight. I know I… don’t much remember what happened before the motel, but it can’t—

“I saved the receipt that night because I’d hoped that your name was on it somewhere so I could remember—” his hoof dipped into the shirt he was wearing, “—but all it really tells me is that we put away enough to kill a manticore or something.”

Out of his pocket, he took a very long slip of paper with a massive four-digit total at the bottom. “Good Goddess!”

He laughed short and sharp. “You’re telling me! Who knows how many bottles we emptied that night? But that was just the beginning. I don’t know what you remember, but what happened next has been stuck in my head since that night. Do you know what you said to me?”

I scratched at my cheek. Drunk off my ass, lonely, envious of my newly engaged brother? “Ah… could imagine.”

He wagged his hoof. “Well, I could never forget! ‘Ya lost, now you get ta take me home. Where are ya stayin’?’ Evidence the next morning told me you were definitely new at this, but you sure did know how to hook me.”

Ignoring the embarrassing words, I asked, “Hook ya? What’s that mean?”

He took a bite out of his doughnut and washed it down with some coffee. “Well, what else can it mean? Like a fish on a line, miss Applejack!”

Throwing away some of that bubbly air, he took a serious tone and took hold of one of my hooves. “Look. Like I told you, I’m a soldier. I’ve spent twenty-one years on this earth, and the last three of them were spent touring different places all over the world and Equestria. My mom ran out on us when I was little, and I never really believed in that ‘soulmate’ stuff ponies talk about. I’ve had mares before you and I’ve thought I’d felt love before, but if you were to ask me honestly, I don’t even remember their names. You, on the other hoof, have been dancing around my head for two months, and it wasn’t until now that I finally had the chance to come look for you.”

I had to laugh. What a smooth talker. Is this the kinda thing Rarity puts up with? “Ya can’t be serious, can ya? Ah have a friend, ya know, and she gets around. Ah’ve heard about this rodeo before.”

He shook his head and kept hold of my hoof. For whatever reason, I didn’t feel like taking it away from him. “No, no, no, Miss Applejack, I—”

“Cut the ‘miss,’ please. Between that and the white mane, it hardly makes ya sound like somepony a year older than me.”

He blushed a little. Right then and there, another memory of that night came back to me.

“Hey there, soldier boy. Ah didn’t know they let ponies in the service look so gloomy in uniform. What’cha got ta be so sad about? Your life ain’t fallin’ apart too, is it?”

He did it then, and just like now, it made my heart stir.

Taking a hoof back to scratch at his little goatee, he said, “Well… it’s not all white, ya know? There’s some black in there too. Dad and his stupid white mane.” He clicked his tongue, annoyed. “My schoolyard nickname was ‘old man.’ All the while growing up, ponies would tease me for it. Even Dad. ‘That’s just how it is, Son. Doesn’t matter whether or not ya like it; you might as well get used to it because it won’t go away.’ I can’t tell you how many times I tried to dye it. Never lasted more than a few weeks. ‘Oh look, Fin is getting old again,’ they’d say as soon as the roots started to show up.”

I let out a breath and leaned back. “Well, Ah wouldn’t say Ah don’t like it. Only real dependable ponies Ah know have white manes. Maybe you’re just lookin’ at it the wrong way?”

He tapped his hoof on the table. “See? This is what I’m talking about. You say what you think, and you mean it.”

“Talking about what? Is this part of yer confession ta me? Some random mare from some backwater town ya met and slept with once? Ah can’t be that special. Ah ain’t that good of a pony, ya know?”

“Oh, don’t say that! Nopony who isn’t worth anything would say something like that. That’s another point in your favor, Applejack.”

I raised a brow. “Oh, is that right? So smitten that ya had ta drop everythin’ and come find me, did ya?”

To my surprise, he blushed again.

Wait. Ponies don’t do that on command. Does… does he really mean it?

“Well… It’s not like I don’t realize that this is a little weird.”

Hold on. This ain’t right. What’s happening right now? He came here to look for me? How… “How did you find me, anyways?”

Fin rolled his eyes. “Talk about a long story.” He took a swallow of his coffee, “So, for the first time, it was just happenstance. I’m almost up for the year, but despite that, they decided to send me to Appleloosa to help train some new recruits out there. That base is basically brand new, so all the equipment is foreign to the older trainers. You know how that new princess keeps coming out with this new tech, right?”

I stifled a laugh. “Well, course Ah do. She happens ta live down the street. Ah knew her before she was a princess.”

Fin frowned. “Huh. Wait. Is she the one who lives in that ugly castle tree thingy?”

This guy was new to me, but it’s about damn time somepony agreed with me about it. “Finally, somepony who’s willin’ ta say it! Damn gaudy thing just popped up outta nowhere one day. Ruined the landscape. Not that it was gonna stay that way anyways with all her city plannin’ and what not.”

He nodded, then continued the story, “Well, anyways, I know how all that gear works, and I was going to ‘train the trainers,’ so to speak. Nine times out of ten, my sense of direction is better than most ponies. I was getting on the train from Canterlot to Appleloosa, and I thought I was on the right platform, but as it turns out, I wasn’t. After I got here, somepony told me this wasn’t Appleloosa and naturally, I was a little concerned. The train I came on was headed west to Las Pegasus, and the next train to Canterlot wouldn’t be in for another two days.”

“Mmhmm. Three times a week: Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday. It takes almost that much time ta walk ta Canterlot, so you’re better off waitin’ fer a train.” I paused. Then it occurred to me, “So, wait, weren’t we at the bar on Sunday?”

“We were. I found out that there was a train going from here to Appleloosa on Monday, so I figured it would be better to wait for that one than go back to Canterlot just to wait however long it would be for the next train to Appleloosa. This way, I’d only be three days late instead of gambling on getting to Canterlot at the right time.”

“Ah suppose the traffic here ain’t enough ta get trains to and from every day of the week.” Okay, so that explains why he was at the bar, but doesn’t answer my original question. “But uh… why did ya come back now?”

“This is my first day off in, like, two months.”

I frowned. “Really?”

“Really! I took the overnight as soon as I was clocked out yesterday.” He looked to his right and scratched at his chin. “Even if I had time off earlier, It still wouldn’t have happened till now anyways. Coordinating the train ride aside, hard to find a mare if you don’t know her name, ya know? I’m bad with names, so I definitely forgot what this place was called after a while. It was actually that receipt that saved me.”

“How’s that?”

He pointed at the bottom to the bar’s name. “A guy I know from the base comes here every now and again to visit family. He knew the bar and told me where to go. From there, I figured I could find you based on what I remembered of you. Golden mane and tail, bright green emerald eyes, that big—er, the apples on your flanks. Those cute little freckles under your eyes, that forward to-the-point attitude of yours. Blitzed out of my mind as I was, you were burned into my memory. So, maybe I come off as insincere, maybe—no, surely you’ve heard a line like that before, but I really mean it. You’re one of a kind, somepony special. Maybe I can’t pinpoint why that is with these little moments we’ve shared…”

He leaned over the table and kissed the hoof that neither of us had ever decided to let go of. Soft and tender lips, a little coarse with that short goatee of his at either end. “I’d love to find out. If you’ll let me.”

And then it was my turn to blush. This cannot be real. He can’t be real. This can’t be happening. Nopony has ever… It just doesn’t make any sense! A stallion like him should’ve been satisfied with what he got from me. He can’t really…? Can he? No, no, no, this is too convenient! It can’t be true!

Well, maybe it’s less convenient than I think. I was wasted when we met. If it wasn’t a unique encounter, I wouldn’t have ever seen him again. Especially not now, not today of all days. Maybe he’s really a coward. If anypony should know the truth, it’s him, I suppose. He’ll run away if I tell him, I bet. He’s not really so… nopony is this noble.

I started tapping my hoof on the floor. “So, let’s say Ah believe ya. Ya mean every word and ya really are just so taken with me that ya’d use all yer free time ta see me.”

His ears perked up. “Sure! I mean, it would get expensive to stay here all the time, but if you just wanted me to prove it—”

Holding a hoof in front of his face, I stopped him. “That’s right. Ah do want proof.”

He was eager now, but I was still a skeptic. Ponies aren’t, as a general rule, this good. We’ve all got faults. Nopony is really righteous, nopony can really live out their values all the time. I knew that beforehoof; I just… hadn’t had my turn yet. He can’t be true.

“Okay, yeah. Whatever, you name it, I’m on it, Applejack. What do you want to see?”

“A reaction.”

At this, Fin lowered his brows. If I had to guess, he’d suddenly come to the conclusion that I was up to something. That I already had something in mind. “To… what, exactly?”

My mouth was dry. My heart was pounding; my pulse was throbbing. The only pony in the world I was willing to tell it was about to hear the truth. All I had to do was give voice to it and see what he’d do.

I took a breath.

“In nine months, you and I are gonna be parents.”

He didn’t move. He didn’t stir. He didn’t even breathe as far as I could tell.

Fin just looked deep into my eyes and held still there. Yet, even now, our hooves were still together on the table. He never did let go.

“So… that night, you were—”

“Ah was. A few weeks later, my little sister pointed out that she’d already started hers. Mares who live in the same house tend ta sync up, and Ah realized that Ah hadn’t bled yet.”

Time caught up to him and he had to breathe. Calmly, he inhaled and exhaled. “And you’ve taken a test, right?”

I nodded. “Confirmed it the next day. Course, ya could just look at me at this point and figure that out.”

He turned his head and brought his free hoof to his mouth. “Well, I did think you were wider than I remembered, but I wasn’t sure how trustworthy that memory was…”

Fin scanned the Corner, taking note of a few other ponies who’d come in since we sat down. “You live here, don’t you? Can we go somewhere more private?”

I snorted. He sure does have my number pegged, doesn’t he? “Why not? Already took ya ta bed once; might as well take ya home too.”

Drop a heart, break a name

In a strange way, I really did feel better now. Not better like earlier, but better in the sense that the weight had truly lessened a little instead of becoming so heavy that it’d crushed me already. Course, I’d never walked through town with a stallion at my side before either. Maybe, just maybe, that had a little to do with putting me in a better mood.

In the back of my head, I still expected him to break with me and run for the train station, but considering my earlier surprise, it’s possible Rarity has warped my view of stallions. ‘Nopony ever stays, nopony comes back for more, nopony really loves you. They just use those sweet words to get what they want from you then run back home.’

If nothing else, Fin is two for three.

It was about eight thirty, and ponies were milling about the morning in Ponyville. The Farmer’s Market would open in half an hour so fruit and vegetable carts were being wheeled to and fro, shops were starting to turn their signs around, all the coffee serving cafe’s had opened their umbrellas and had ponies sitting out in the morning air. The sun had risen enough to make the castle shine, scattering blues and violets all over the place like a disco ball.

“You know, I remember the castle being bad in the middle of the day, but I can’t help but think this is even worse than I remember,” Fin commented, blocking some reflected light out of his eyes.

“Oh, yes, it’s always this bad. Always. The morning here hasn’t been the same in a year, and frankly, it never will be. Nice on the inside, but an eyesore, literally, fer the better part of the day. Course, the town loves Twilight and Twilight loves Ponyville even if she didn’t when she first got here, so there’s nothin’ ta be done about it. Maybe she’ll come up with somethin' next time we talk. Ah’m not alone in my opinion about it anymore, or, rather, more than just me is willin’ ta say it.”

Casually, Fin smiled and moved a little closer. “Well, I can’t say I’m always open about my opinions, especially in front of my superiors. Speaking freely without permission can get you in trouble… but you really do know her, eh? The Princess, I mean.”

“Know her? Ah know all of ‘em! The kinda shit we got inta felt like the world was endin’ every other week! It’s as if, for some reason, every bad thing Celestia ever stopped decided to wake up and throw shit inta chaos just because the girls and I were suddenly involved.”

Fin stroked his goatee. “‘Celestia,’ huh? No title beforehoof?”

I sighed. “At this point, that would be more rude ta her than usin’ it. Enough meetin’s and gatherin’s with her and ya stop seein’ the princess and start seein’ the pony. Couldn’t ever call Twi ‘princess’ after that happened; Ah’d known her so long. You ever see ‘em?”

“Nah,” Fin began. “Well, not up close and personal anyways. She’ll give us a speech before we’re sent off from the academy, but unless a war breaks out or there’s a disaster somewhere, a soldier won’t make contact with a princess until they can get promoted to the Royal Guard.”

“Huh.” I wonder if she ever met Pappy. Granny has a picture with her and Pa somewhere, back when she was young and he was just a foal. “Ah suppose that makes sense. Ah’m the one with an unusual relationship, after all.”

Fin huffed. “No kidding. I thought I picked well that night, but I had no idea you had connections too.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. Mmhmm. That’s what you’re really like, ain’t it?

As if he’d read my thoughts, “Wait, that came out wrong. You don’t seem like the kind of pony who would know royalty.”

I rolled my eyes. “Uh-huh. What ya mean ta say is, ‘Ya act too much like a hick ta be a snob,’ right?”

He held a hoof up in defense. “Okay, hostile much?”

I was silent for a moment then looked away. Maybe I am moody. “Sorry. Ah shouldn’t be lookin’ fer the worst in ya.”

He chuckled. “Is that all? Let me tell ya: if I can keep it that way, you’ll never see the worst in me. I don’t think I’m a bad guy, but I get it. You’re cautious. There were… a lot of firsts that night, huh?”

I let out a breath, and with it, nearly all of my hostility. I didn’t know why, but the way he carried himself so easily put me at ease. “Gracious, ain’t’cha?” He shrugged, I continued, “Yes, there certainly were. It’s not like me ta go ta a bar. It’s not like me ta hit on ponies, it’s not like me ta… be the pony Ah was that night.”

He frowned. “Bad week?”

“Bad week? Bad week!? More like a bad year!”

I was about ta blow up on him when I noticed the eyes. I kept my mouth shut and grabbed his hoof. “Let’s hurry on ta the barn.”

Fin bowed and held out a hoof. “Take the lead and I’ll follow.”

And with that, we hurried on, hoof in hoof. Practically galloped through the rest of town and down the road to the Orchard.

We passed the bar and I cursed it.

We made it to the gates and I checked to see if anypony would notice us. Mac was nowhere near, Sugarbelle was in the kitchen away from the window, so Applebloom was probably out in the fields with Mac.

Running to the opposite side of the house, we quickly hid in the barn. At nine and with just the two of them working, nopony would need anything in here for a few hours at the minimum.

Clearing a spot beside where I used to drink myself to sleep, we sat down. Fin took a moment to look around. When something caught his eye, he got up and walked over to one of the walls.

“Ah. You have been having it rough recently, haven’t you?” From a pile of hay, he picked up the broken neck of an empty bottle.

And here I thought nopony would ever find that thing. “It’s not been great.”

He put the bottleneck back down and came to sit beside me. “Tell me about it.”

I did not know this stallion. I had a few inclinations, made a note that he had sharp eyes, a handsome face, and a quick wit, but I really didn’t understand what he was like.

Despite that, I told him everything like it’d all been building up inside waiting to pour out at the first opportunity. From the wedding next weekend to Granny’s Alzhimer’s that set in last year, the struggling to make ends meet, the sparse winter, the low rain, the alcohol dependency, the jealousy and anger, Mac’s decision to try and sell the farm, that awful idea to have the baby killed… the suicide note hopefully still hidden under my mattress.

I don’t know when I started crying or when he took hold of me, but by the time I was done, I didn’t particularly care.

“Ah was gonna do it, too, ya know? If ya hadn’t stopped me when ya did, Ah—” I sniffed “—Ah was ready ta go through with it. Ah was so… so numb ta everythin’, Ah figured it’d be better if we just went off together. Ah grew up without parents; Ah didn’t want ta do that ta him! He didn’t deserve it! It wasn’t his fault; it was mine! Conceived with the bad luck of me as his mother!”

Fin held me tighter. In a way, it was nostalgic. The last time a stallion held me like this was years and years ago. Before the fire… “Hey, come on now. Nopony said you’d end up a bad mother.”

But I pushed away. “How could Ah have ever been a good mother ta bring somepony inta the world with a broken family and no way ta feed ‘em?”

Fin straightened his lips. “Look. Maybe this is just me being outside of what you’re going through here, but have you really thought about it? What it would be like?”

That, for a moment, had a calming effect. I wiped at my eyes and was still.

Have I thought about what it would be like? Well, it’d be just like tryin’ ta raise Applebloom all over again, wouldn’t it? But without Pa or Granny ta help. Fer what few years we still had him, anyways.

I shook my head. “Oh, no, Ah know how this goes down. Mac goes off with his new wife ta somewhere else, Ah have ta raise the foal, take care of Granny, and work the orchard all at the same time, and Ah couldn’t even do all the work on my own before! Ah—”

Fin put a hoof on my lips. With the way it was positioned, it forced me to look at his face and focus on his eyes. Sunset orange, clear, concerned, calm. “Stop. Breathe. Take a minute.”

Begrudgingly, I did take a breath. Again, calmed down a little.

“So, I’m beginning to see that you tend to look at things in the worst possible way they could go,” Fin began. “You like your caution, you like to game out your scenarios before they happen. That’s fine. But, there’s one thing you mentioned earlier that you haven’t talked about at all when it comes to your future with our baby. Do you… see what I’m getting at?”

I didn’t, really. Out of all that, all I heard was, ‘our baby,’ which, if I’m honest, probably made my day. A stallion who didn’t care wouldn’t say that, which said a lot more about him than anything else thus far.

Trying to fight the fluttering in my stomach, I said, “Well, no, Ah don’t think Ah do.”

He nodded. “When we were walking here you said you had ‘a friend’ no less than three times within half an hour, and you told me you had a personal relationship with all the princesses. I have a question for you; have you told anypony else what you told me just now?”

I bit my lip. “Well…”

“Right. Have you attempted to go to anypony else about any of this?”

“…Ah had my reasons not ta.”

Fin brought his hooves together and held them in front of his snout, taking in a sharp breath. “You were suicidal and thought there were reasons left to not talk to anypony about this?”

I looked away from him. Even if Pinkie was the only pony left, Ah should’ve at least tried ta talk ta somepony. How many times do I have to learn this lesson?

“So… my head hasn’t been clear. Not thinkin’ straight about anythin’, gettin’ worked up over everythin’.”

“Oh, I know. You think yourself in circles when you see no hope, and you spiral around like a coin in a funnel until you hit the lowest point, and bam! You turn it all off. That one attempt to reach out didn’t work, so what hope left is there? None, that’s what.”

Fin sighed and leaned back. He was silent for a moment as he looked up to the window at the top of the barn. Well, come on now. Don’t just leave me hangin’ here.

Finally, he looked back my way and relief washed over me. “So, what’s the plan? Do you have a plan?”

Nothing came to mind. “Ah don’t know. Ah thought Ah was gonna be dead by now. Tomorrow is beyond me.”

“As it is for everypony.” Fin looked up at the roof, and Ah could see the gears turning in that head of his.

For my part, I really should tell somepony. If he’s still serving, I know he can’t just get out of it to come help me. I suppose I could legally make demands of him, but that’s… He’s not a bad guy. That just doesn’t feel right. What is right is that I have friends and I can get help. I know I need it, but I was… being stubborn again. I don’t have it in me to let go of control, to give somepony else my burdens, to ask for help. How many times, Applejack? You let it go too far this time. Will it be the last time? The first time we needed extra help when Mac went and hurt himself, you worked yourself half to death before you asked for it. Ya knew who to go to and where to get it the second time. You relied on them, then they relied on you, so now you can’t ask anymore? Is this the last time, are you really so set in your ways?

“I was sent overseas on my first deployment.”

I wasn’t quite sure what he was on about now, but figured I didn’t have any reason to not listen. He hadn’t turned his head back to me, he was still lost up there in the roof. Whatever this was, it was important to him, so I leaned in.

“Some places aren’t as nice as Equestria. Not so civilized, not so peaceful. There’s certainly been a chaotic streak in the last few years, but that’s unusual for us. It’s not so unusual elsewhere. Away from Equestria, ponies are sometimes considered a commodity. Less than other creatures. Inferior.

“Under Princess Celestia’s sun, there’s much that we don’t have to see, much that we don’t have to deal with. Outside of it, the world is a much crueler place. We try to help creatures who have common cause with us, other herbivore types who believe in life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

“We try, anyways.”

Finally free of the ceiling’s grip, Fin’s eyes sank deep into the hay. “I had my own friend. We met in the academy since I wasn’t worth much in school and because my cutiemark isn’t exactly pleasant when ponies know what it means. Have you looked at it?”

He turned to show it to me, but I couldn’t quite make it out. It almost looked like a smiling mouth with silver in the middle.

“What is it?”

He looked away and sat back against the barn wall. “The silver tongue.”

That… doesn’t sound honest. “Like—”

“Yes.” Fin picked up some straw and started to fiddle with it. “If I really wanted to, I could tell anypony what they wanted to hear. Got me into a lot of trouble in school, did some things I’m not proud of back in my teens. My dad had to bail me out of juvie because I talked the jewels off a rich old mare. In my defense, she did give them to me, but I lied through my teeth, knowing she’d believe it and I could make a quick bit off her stuff.

“That was the day he decided my career path. ‘Rotten little motherless shits like you need to be beaten into shape! So that’s what you’re getting: a one-way ticket to Fort Cantermore Academy.’ Out of high school and into high water, so to speak.”

“Oh… Are ya still in the service because, back home—”

He waved it away. “No, no. Dad and I are on good terms now. He was right; that was what I needed. However, what I got was much, much more than anypony needs.”

He paused, let his eyes wander back to the ceiling, seeing a far-off memory up there. “His name was Black Streak. A talent that made him good at hiding. If he wanted to disappear, you wouldn’t find him. A short fuse, but an honorable guy. I used to make fun of him for being so ‘righteous’ about everything.: No play-pony mags, no alcohol, no cigars, and, certainly, no fun. An absolute stick in the mud. He could have easily ended up like me. A kid with the ability to take advantage of his talents to steal and cheat others. But he wasn’t. It was just that temper, ya see. He’d defend anypony’s honor for ‘em, which often got him in fights. Noble idiot, that’s what he was. Getting beat up or beating the piss out of somepony just because of an offhoof comment.”

He laughed, though it was strained compared to how he’d done it before. “That was how we met, actually. He picked a fight with me because I said something about his mane. True to his name, his mane had a dark spot that ran down the middle. With the flat top cut, he looked like a dirty paintbrush, and I told him that to his face. We fought, I didn’t win, but we were both put into confinement with each other for it. ‘You are soldiers! Brothers in arms! Get it together or go home! We don’t need boys in the army,’ the Sergeant said. And so we did. I talked to him, got enough information to figure out how to behave around him, and we got along after that. I didn’t really start enjoying his company till I realized that he was easy to fool, but I was… naïve back then.

“I didn’t understand what it was that changed how I looked at Black Streak. He went from the fool to the hero in my eyes, but I didn’t know why. He became less of a pony for me to use and more of a real friend. Somepony I could truly put my trust in. Before I knew it, he understood me better than I him.”

I nodded. “Mmhmm. Ah’ve made that mistake with a certain fashionista Ah know.”

He sighed, a deep, sorrowful sigh. “You should treasure the relationship you have with her. You never know when you’ll see her for the last time.”

That cuts a little deeper than it needs to. Good Goddess, today, I almost…

“We were in the deep jungle of the south-eastern continent,” he continued. “Trees as far as you could see, a canopy so high that you might find a cloud city or two underneath it. Ponies and zebras have a stable relationship, but the zebras don’t have the same kind of magic we do, and ours is easier to defend ourselves with.”

Fin grabbed a few more straws and held them up together. “In exchange for goods and raw materials, Equestria provides medicine and soldiers. Zebras are targets for the Abyssinians that live over there with them. Slave labor, fresh meat. It’s not an easy life, living next to a people who want to consume you.” He took all the straws in both hooves and ripped them in half.

“Oh no…” I figured out where the story was going.

“Oh yes. Everypony else in my regiment. Nopony came home but me. Including Black Streak.”

“Good Goddess… Ah had no idea…”

He shrugged. “Course you didn’t. That’s why we exist. Between us and the Princesses, there’s little in the world that could stand a chance. The worst you have to deal with on our continent are the diamond dogs, and they’re so reliant on Equestria that they might as well be a satellite state. But that’s at home. It’s a big world out there, and there’s more in it than just ponies and creatures like us. Not all of them are herbivores, either.”

He leaned forward, crossed his hindlegs, put his elbows on his knees, and clasped his forehooves in front of his snout.

“At any point in the day in the borders of Zebra territory, it can be very dark. Canopy cover, fog, steam—anything can stop sunlight in the right place, and it can be random when it’s there too. Abyssinians have a keener sense of smell than we do, and they’re better at hiding. They come in more natural colors; none of them are lime green or bright pink. They blend well into the forest.

“They don’t need weapons to kill you, either. They are weapons.”

He shuddered, his forelegs crossed his chest and his hooves found his shoulders, really lost somewhere else now. “Claws that rip the hide clean off a stallion with a well-placed swipe, teeth that dig into your neck and jaws that crush your bones. Dense, stone-like muscle, strength to tear through trees. They’re giants, monsters twice our size. You thank the Goddess every day that they aren’t magical species too.

“We were warned. Too many of us were young and dumb and cocky. My infectious talk of pride and Black Streak’s call for vengeance for the village’s lost stallions. Honor was his thing, remember? Equestria defends this place for its bananas and wood more than the zebra population there. That just so happens to be in our mutual interest. It isn’t that noble, it isn’t that justified, and with the way… with the way they attack, it just isn’t worth it.”

I could swear he was practically shaking now. “We went too far beyond the border into Abyssinia. A hunting party had us spotted immediately, and all they did was lead us deeper into the lion’s den, quite literally. Surrounded by a larger force, on their turf, with a bunch of stupid young stallions just itching to put that thirst for blood to work. Good Goddess, did we get it. They came at us from all sides, taking swipes and potshots at our formation. One pony gets too far out, he’s dead the next instant. Stallions lose their cool, go off and do something stupid, only to be the next victim. Death after death, we’d only manage to scratch them before somepony else was ripped to pieces. I was still alive because Black Streak was a unicorn. He…”

Fin paused. Swallowed. “He’d been protecting me the whole time. He wasn’t Shining Armor; he couldn’t make a shield that could fend these things off like they were nothing. All he was really good for was hiding, and you know what? He hated that. He used his personal spell on me and told me to run. He could only keep it up for so long. We’d lost most of our group now, but somepony had to go back and report. Somepony had to live to tell the tale. He wasn’t going to last much longer and our commander agreed with him. I was good at running. Fastest in the group, especially since we’d lost all our pegasi by then.”

Hooves shaking, eyes glossing over, Fin continued, “I didn’t hesitate. I left them for dead. I ran as fast as I could, told the pony in charge what had happened, and in a week, that part of the jungle was burned to cinders. Not even the bones were left. We’re her little ponies. The price for blood is blood. And if you offend the Princess of the sun like that…”

The muscles in his forelegs tightened. “The invoice will be paid.”

I’d… never truly seen Celestia angry. She always seemed to be in control, even if we didn’t realize it. I remember Twilight told me something about the history we know to not be quite as clean or as accurate as it’d actually happened, but…

“I was sent home after that. I wouldn’t, couldn’t sleep for days. They were still there, waiting in the dark, you see. If I closed my eyes, they’d get me. If I dreamed, they start pulling me apart just like everypony else. Skin me alive just for the fun of it.

“I’d wake up in the middle of the night in pools of my own sweat, screaming about the trees and the blood and the cats. After a while, they decided that I wasn’t fit to sleep in barracks, so they made a room out of one of the cells just so I wouldn’t disturb the other soldiers. Day after day after day, night after night after sleepless night, I was hardly even sentient half the time. The mental and physical exhaustion would take its toll on me eventually and force my body to shut down, to go without entering my nightmares again, but it never lasted more than a day.

“Eventually, it got so bad that they started giving me drugs. I couldn’t sleep if I dreamed, so all I needed was dreamless sleep. It didn’t always work though. And when I couldn’t get the drugs while traveling to different facilities across the nation, I found that heavy drinking had a similar effect. I… wouldn’t be too surprised if I was a bit of an alcoholic too, these days.”

Oh, Goddess. No wonder he looked so miserable at the bar. How long has he been dealing with this? Weeks, months, years, even?

Without thinking, I reached out and put my hoof on his back. “Ya poor thing…”

He wasn’t a small stallion. The opposite, in fact. If he were taller, he could probably give Mac a run for his money. But in all this time, he looked to me like a colt in desperate need of a mother. Somepony. Anypony. Even me.

Fin stopped trembling, gave me a slight smile, but he was in the memory’s clutches and went right back in. “In an effort to help me recover, they had me spend my days working in the training room. Exercising with new equipment, used as a body to see how well it performed. Anything to take the nightmares away, to forget.”

He shivered again. “I was only on the south east continent for a year, but I never really left until recently.”

I furrowed my brows. A pony who tells a story like that isn’t, but I hesitated to ask, “Ya… are ya okay now?”

Fin looked at me long and hard. Then, he relaxed. Muscles disengaged, the rigidity in his legs loosened, his shoulders dropped. It might’ve been a twitch, but even his lips curled up a bit. “I mean, I am talking about it, right? I haven’t screamed, I haven’t curled up and hid thus far, so I think so.” A pained laugh followed by a hard smile. “No, but really, I think I have recovered. At least, more so than I had in the past year.”

Fin leaned back and put his forelegs behind his head. “I tried to do it too, ya know.” He turned his eyes at me, mutual sincerity and dark regret deep in them. “Kill myself.”

Emotionless breath left me. “Ah suppose Ah could imagine why.” The survivor’s guilt must’ve been unbearable. It would’ve been more surprising if he didn’t, really.

“You’d be right. When they did find me screaming, it was often ‘Black Streak.’ I’d run through the names of all the ponies I’d lost, wake up in empty rooms searching for long dead brothers in arms, ask why I had to be the one to live. Why me? Why was it only me? Couldn’t he have run instead? Logically, they could’ve found him through smell even if he hid with his spell, but my frantic mind didn’t care about that.

“Eventually, I got the idea that I could end the nightmares myself. They couldn’t get me if I got me, right? No more bad dreams, no more jumping at shadows, no more waking up in the night, screaming about the cats tearing me apart. I got caught with a crossbow once and was not allowed out of my therapist’s sight from then on.”

When we get done here, I’m gonna go find that thing and lock it in a chest then throw it in the storm cellar, never to be seen again.

“I was… on the brink. At the edge, very willing to jump off, but held onto by a watchful pair of hooves. Somepony must’ve made a complaint, though, because, one night, I was visited by Princess Luna. Do you know what she said to me?”

Save for that Nightmare Night she visited, I hadn’t had many dealings with Luna since her reform. “Ah… really couldn’t guess.”

This time, he smiled, and it was real. Easy, genuine. Almost nostalgic. “‘If this is what you were going to do with it, what did your friends give up their lives for? If you will not use it, why did they die instead of you? Is that how you repay a debt? You survived for a reason, so find it, Mr. Sharp. Do not solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution. You never know what you might find just around the corner.’”

Bitterness filled my heart. Good Goddess, Applejack. What have you been doing?

“For the longest time, I didn’t know what to do with myself. But her words, the image of Black Streak telling me that he didn’t die for me just so I could throw my life away kept me sane. The nightmares became less frequent, I didn’t need aides to sleep, and I was almost a functioning pony. Almost.

“See, I’d gotten pretty strong working with all the equipment, and I still jumped at shadows. Ponies learned quick not to sneak up on me.” Fin laughed, for real this time. “My poor therapist, you can’t count how many times I accidentally bucked him across a room before he got the message. He’s a good guy, that Calm Mind, but he’s not so quick on the uptake, ya know? However, that’s not what truly got me out of the jungle.”

I raised a brow. “It… didn’t?”

He shook his head. “Nope. Something else entirely did. Something that took me by surprise harder than any cat in the dark corners of my mind ever could.”

Again, I picked up where he was going with this. He did tell me what that cutiemark of his means. Of all the ponies in the world, he may be one of the few that could get away with lying to the Element of Honesty. I didn’t have any reason to think he was, but the thought was in my head. Buried deep, deep under another feeling that heated my cheeks and took me all the way up from the depths I’d been drowning in to sitting on cloud nine.

“…Ah bet Ah can guess what that was.”

Nodding, he smiled at me, putting a new warmth in my chest. “And again, you’d be right. I really did try dating. Calm Mind told me it could help ease my nerves, being with somepony else. Hooked up a few times, met some good mares with promising futures, but none of them ever scared the cats away. They couldn’t handle how skittish I was at night, and I hurt a few of them too. It wouldn’t last. I never thought anypony would. I was doomed to this life of solitude. I was still so afraid of not being alone in the dark that nopony could ever stay with me.

“Of course…” He tilted his chin. “That was until somepony asked me what I had to be so sad about. Told me that drunk ponies happy were better than sad ponies sober. A good cider in hoof; what’s there to cry about? It ‘ain’t’ so bad when you’re not drinking alone.”

Now I was almost embarrassed. Talk about cheesy pickup lines. And here I thought what he opened with this morning was bad.

“And then, suddenly, there was little else on my mind but her. I couldn’t see phantoms in the shadows anymore. I didn’t have trouble sleeping, and as a matter of fact, I started to dream about the night I met the mare with the golden hair and the emerald eyes.”

Fin stood up, brushed the hay off himself, then offered me a hoof. If this was an act, he was one hell of an actor.

I took the hoof, he helped me stand, then brought me close, less than an inch between my snout and his.

“I think—and this is just conjecture, of course—that maybe it wasn’t happenstance that brought us together that night. Fate, destiny, divine intervention, what have you, I survived for a reason, and I think that reason was that night two months ago and finding you again this morning. You, the baby you’re carrying. Those are my reasons.”

Now it was my turn to have the glossy eyes. This isn’t real, is it? This isn’t happening, is it? He couldn’t be about to say what I think he is, is he? But of course, that’s what he said he came here for this morning, and he didn’t know then what he does now.

Fin Sharp, the stallion I met two months ago, the stallion I have only really known for a day, went down on one knee. This isn’t how it was supposed to happen. This isn’t how I imagined it’d be, but really, I wasn’t sure this moment would ever come me. Maybe it could’ve been different, or better, or fancier, but… I doubt there was anything else in the world that could’ve made me feel like this.

“Miss Applejack,” Fin began, “will you be my reason to live?”

I sniffed. Wiped at my eyes. Tried my damndest to fight down the sheer joy that was bubbling up in my heart. This doesn’t happen to ponies. This doesn’t happen in anything outside a fairytale. But… if this is real… how could I ever turn down a stallion like this? This is what it feels like, ain’t it? Those raunchy stories that Rarity reads, when those stallions finally say the words the protagonists want to hear. Can I be so certain that this is right? That this is it, that this is the future, for all three of us?

“Are ya sure this is what ya want? Ya’d have ta be an Apple. It’s hard work, this life. We ain’t doin’ well right now, and Ah… Ah don’t know if it’ll ever get better, especially with him on the way.”

His forward gaze was unphased, his hoof only tightened on mine. “My dear Applejack, did you know that I am the lone survivor of the 11th Regiment of Light Dragoons? A foal to raise and an orchard to work is hardly being sent back into the jungle. With you at my side, I can’t see how anything won’t get better.”

Snuffing the tears and letting the joy out at least a little, I shook my head. “Ah’ve said it once, Ah’ll say it again: ya sure are a smooth-talker, Ah tell ya what. Ah need two things before Ah tell ya what ya want ta hear, alright?”

“Anything you ask, anything at all.”

I took a shuddering breath and swallowed. As much as I want to let this be, he has to know what he’s getting into. We can’t end up like Mac and Cheerilee. This has to work, if only for his sake.

“The first is just a simple promise. No matter what happens, we go down with the orchard if it comes ta pass. Ah’m not sure Ah communicated it well, but this is my home, and it’s been my family’s home fer generations goin’ all the way back ta the foundin’ of this country. This land belongs ta the Apple family, and it stays that way, forever if we can help it.”

“I’ll swear my life on it!”

I stomped a hoof, “No, ya won’t!”

He jerked back a bit but didn’t let go.

“That’s the other thing, Fin; nopony dies over somethin’ stupid! We’re still young, and the foals that come from us are gonna be just as stubborn, reckless, hot-blooded, and stupid as we are. We’ll tell each other about anythin’ and everythin’, and we always stay together. No more depressive episodes, no more spiralin’ down ta that dark place, and never, ever, are ya allowed ta leave me!”

Then I thought better of it. “Well, that last part was in the heat of the moment, it ain’t realistic fer me ta—”

“I said anything, didn’t I?”

He stood up and closed the distance. Before I knew it, I could feel the heat of his breath. “I can’t make that promise right now but once things settle down and I’m here to stay? I’ll make it. Seal it with a kiss, maybe even an ‘I do,’ and I’ll have it framed in gold around your neck. How does… that sound?”

I giggled but didn’t look away from those sunset eyes of his. “Ah remember somethin’ about tellin’ ponies exactly what they wanted ta hear. Don’t’cha know Ah only wanted a one-word answer?”

Fin laughed deep and sweet, something closer to how it would sound if he really meant it.

“Yes,”

And then he leaned in.

Sugarcube, we're going down swingin'

“M-married!?”

Rarity’s voice was a kind of ‘scratchy’ over the wire, but I think that’s just how the payphone works. Twilight said that cellular is actually like a kind of magic in the air that ya can’t really see, which is what Rarity is using. It’s not quite up to the level of what it’s based on, but in a few years, it’ll feel like she’s right next to me.

“When!? Who? What? How? Why? Ap-ple-jack! You… you can’t just call out of the blue and—”

“Ah-ah-ah, Rarity. Five times, five different days. Ya were busy every time. Ah tried ta talk ta ya, but that never happened.” I couldn’t help the shit-eating grin on my face. I’d missed this. Talking to her, hearing her voice. Knowing that she’s going to drop everything for a day or a week, even a month just to come see me given away gnawed at my conscience, but I figure that’s the price of being friends like we are. If I can’t impose on her, who can I? Well… one pony, now at least.

“…I suppose I did see missed calls, but I didn’t realize this was the Ponyville payphone’s number! Has Twilight not given you a cellphone yet? She must! We must! Goddess. I didn’t think being away for a few months would have so much change, but—”

“Oh, don’t’cha know it. Time flies, after all. A life changes with a wrong turn sometimes. In hindsight, this might just be fer the better.”

“Kah! It had better be for the better! Married. Married! Who is this stallion, anyways? Do I know him? When did you meet him? You always said you didn’t have time for stallions, I can’t imagine how…”

She coughed. “Ah-hem. I will be in Ponyville…”

“It’s on the eighteenth.”

“On the eleventh and from that week on while I can be, and you and I are going to have a long discussion about this! Why, the nerve of you, going off and finding a stallion on your own and taking him home already! Without even telling me! I can’t believe I missed such an important call. You must get a phone, Applejack, this simply cannot happen anymore. I will arrange it. Prepare to visit Twilight in the near future.”

I shook my head, taking some twisted pleasure in hearing her ramble like she does. So busy since January that I haven’t hardly seen any of my friends this year, and it’s almost over now. It only took that long to start choking on water.

“Ah’ll count on it. Fin needs a suit, by the way.”

“And what, you don’t need a dress? Surely that’s not what you mean.”

In truth, I’d planned on using Ma’s dress. I was going to have Rarity resize it to accommodate my baby bump, but that isn’t an option now that I’ve gone and opened my mouth. “Ah suppose not.”

“Excellent. Has your size changed? No, with the way you work, you’ve probably—”

“A little, actually. Ah’ve… had some bad days.”

For once in her life, Rarity was silent for a moment. “You mean to tell me that you’ve gained weight?”

“Well, yes.”

Rarity gasped. “Good Goddess, what is the world coming to? Perhaps, I should just leave now… Yes, I could work from home for a month or so. I’ll have to size up this ‘Fin’ character of yours too! Can’t let just anypony marry my best friend!”

“Oh, don’t’cha—”

“Up-pup-pup! None of that! I won’t have it, Applejack or whatever your name will be within the month. I simply will not have it.”

I don’t know why I bothered. Of all the ponies who would drop everything and come running, it would be her, wouldn’t it?

“Alright, alright, Ah get the picture. Ah’ll see ya when ya get here Ah guess.”

“You certainly will. Ta-ta for now, darling, I have preparations to make. I will see you tomorrow! Expect it!”

And with that, the line went dead. Sighing, I put the receiver back in its place. “And that is Rarity. Hope you’re ready. She’s a little much.”

Fin, after telling his superiors what had happened, was discharged early. What was supposed to be a month of waiting for him to come home turned into a week. Whether or not that was due to a talk I had with a certain purple pony princess was up in the air, but I wasn’t all that concerned about it.

He stared at the bar’s payphone receiver, letting the conversation I just had sink in, then turned his eyes on me. “How in the world are you friends with her?”

I shook my head. “If Ah knew, Sugarcube, Ah’d tell ya.”

He brought a hoof to feel at his recently shaved face and shook his head. “Before this, I thought Pinkie was your strangest friend. At least, trying to fit your personalities together, anyways.”

I frowned. “Not Discord?”

Fin was about to speak, but—

“Oh, by the Goddess, she said it! Fluttershy, did you hear that? That’s everypony! Six for six, Discord wins!”

Fin frowned. “I rescind my statement.”

A finger snap later, the draconequus himself and his mistress appeared before us in a flash of confetti, to all the bar’s inhabitants dismay. “Smart boy. I have high hopes for you, you know! I figured most of these ponies would end up spinsters.”

Fluttershy tugged on his tail. “Discord, please.”

“Ah, we are in public, aren’t we? My apologies.”

Discord snapped again, and now we were in Twilight’s chambers. The mare in question was sitting at her desk with some kind of earmuff looking things on her head, drawing up blueprints with the faint sound of music somewhere.

Fin blinked, took note of the new surroundings, then turned to me. “Is this a regular thing?”

In unison, Fluttershy, Twilight and I said, “Ya get used ta it.”

Twi looked up at a clock above her desk then took the ear-thingies off and joined our little intrusion. “You’re early, but I had a few contingency plans drafted for this exact situation. You… must be Fin.”

Fin went to bow, but Twilight stopped him and just grabbed his hoof for a shake. “Oh! Please, don’t do that. I understand that you were a petty officer only a week ago, but we’re friends here. I thought I might have some more time before I ever said this, but…”

Twi brushed her mane aside and made sure to look Fin in the eyes. Resolute and certain, she gripped his hoof tight. “Spouses of my friends are my friends too.”

Fin made a quick nod and shook the hoof properly. “Uh, sure. Ma’am.” Freeing himself of her, he scratched at his mane. “It’s just a little surreal, is all. I thought I understood what I was getting into here, but Applejack didn’t exactly tell me she had more than one family…”

Within the month, Fin had met and even become accustomed to all the oddities in my life. I was getting used to him too. Early riser, sweet talker, dependable and strong. If we’d met the normal way, I somehow think we would’ve ended up here regardless, but that’s just not how the story got wrote.

When he referred to all my friends (Discord included since he seems to need the affirmation) as my ‘other family,’ it really did make me think. I’ve always thought of them as like sisters, but that wasn’t quite on the mark. I met them under strange circumstances too. We were brought together because something bigger than all of us was moving in our lives, and I never once considered how… fairytale-like those friendships are.

Sure, it gets hard sometimes. Life ain’t always fair, and more often than not, it’s usually cruel. But, there are those little moments. Those chance encounters, those accidents that leave with a happy ending. To get so self-absorbed to think that suicide is the only way out is a sad, ungrateful way to be, I tell ya what.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I wasn’t capable of looking at life like that: giving up, losing hope with the knowledge of all my fairytale encounters. That couldn’t happen to a pony like me. But the truth is far from it. Despair has a tight grip, and if you let it take hold once, you’ll let it take hold again. It takes somepony else to keep you free of that tight grip.

It doesn’t happen like this. It shouldn’t happen like this. I wanted to believe that, but it just ain’t true. What I do believe is that things turned out the way they did, and I too survived for a reason. Perhaps it’s him. Maybe it’s them. Friends, family, or even this little one I’ve yet to meet. Who will he be? How will he live? What should I look forward to in his life? Time will tell, but this time, I’ll make sure to be there, even if the cats in the dark come for me again.

It’d been eleven months since I met Fin for the first time. It was a hard year.

We lost Granny.

But as it happens, that too might’ve been for the best.

She must’ve had a few clear days in all that time because my fight with Mac over the Orchard ended without a word from either of us. He didn’t want it; he wanted to be free of this place, to not have the burden of his blood, to start off on his own and take his roots somewhere else, and she let him have it.

Ah don’t know what the letter she wrote him said, but when he cried at her bedside, I knew it wasn’t out of grief. She loved us with all her heart down to her last breath, and she gave us her all. She was there from the day I was born. She took care of us when Ma started gettin’ sick, she took over for her when she finally passed. She practically raised Applebloom by herself after the fire took Pa, and she did it all while running the orchard and keeping us alive. A mare with a talent for everything in her life who did it better than anypony ever could.

My letter said,

“It’s up to y’all now, Applejack. Ah don’t know when he put that baby in ya, but Ah sure am glad he came back fer ya. With new fruit ta come, you’re the one ta carry on the name. With what Ah can recall of Fin, he seems like a good one. Take care of him, take care of your home, and don’t forget ta keep on the road.

“If ya see what looks like a dead end at the end of your road, just remember, ya might be short-sighted. If ya keep going down that road, you never know when there’s a corner ta turn right when it looks like you’re at the edge. I love ya, Applejack. Keep on keepin’ on.”

I’ve read it and read it and read it again since that day. It was… impossible. It couldn’t happen, it didn’t happen like that; my Granny couldn’t have been a mare like this. But, she was, and the letter proved it to me every single time. There was a lot of proof in my life, that year. I pray that she’s being rewarded for everything she’s done where she is now, maybe even back with Ma and Pa, taking the time to recover all those lost years. If I could be half the mare she was one day, I’d say I lived a good life.

Finally, the day came. My water broke in the morning, and before I knew what to do with myself, my soldier had picked me up and rushed me off to the hospital on his back. I never thought Fin was as strong as my brother, but that moment made me wonder. Not just anypony can carry a mare and a half across town in ten minutes, but then again, this was a special case.

We arrived, I was checked in, and then, one after the other, all my friends arrived. Only for Dash, Rarity, and Discord to head out the moment they saw what was happening. Not the biggest fans of ‘nature’s miracle,’ I suppose.

Pain, screaming, pushing, and more pain, and it was done. I was told that they didn’t need to cut me since my body was apparently made for this, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Even through all the drugs and the numbing agents, I still felt myself pulling apart like pieces of cloth being ripped to shreds. Fin had made the mistake of holding my hoof through it all which left him with a poor broken foreleg, even as strong as he was.

Suppose he’ll know better next time.

Because, with how I felt looking at that beautiful little boy, I knew for certain that there would be a next time. When all was said and done, the more squeamish of my ‘other family’ were allowed in to see us.

“Aww!” Pinkie cooed. “Look at how cute he is! The little freckles, his daddy’s white mane, his mommy’s orange coat! Cheese, Cheese, is ours going to look like that?” She tugged on her husband’s shirt.

“With our genes? Maybe. But why ruin the surprise? It’ll only be a few months now.” I hadn’t known Cheese long, but I imagine he’s the only pony in the world who could be her match. You’d think being pregnant would make her crazy like it did me for these last couple months, but the opposite has happened instead, getting a little more mellow than she used to be.

“Yeah, I don’t know about this one, chief.” Dash said. She turned to Fin, taking note of the new angle I’d put his foreleg at. “You should be in the next room over, dude. That’s totally broken.” The poor guy hadn’t moved much since it happened. He did say we were in this together on the way here. Dash turned back to me, “Did… did it really hurt that bad? I mean, I’m not scared of it or anything, but you uh… you don’t really scream like that…”

I had some stuff in my system at that point, but I was still in my head enough to give Dash the look. “Not scared, huh? Y’all could probably take it. Course, ya’d have ta sit still long enough ta let it happen.”

I could see the frown form on Dash’s face, and the sigh of the stallion she’d brought with her. Soarin, if nothing else, was a devoted pony. “Look, I’m in the peak of my career, alright? I don’t need—” Dash motioned between Pinkie and I “—this.” She caught Soarin’s eye then looked anywhere but at a pony. “I-I mean, maybe someday, but not now. You guys are getting into this crap too early.”

I rolled my eyes. “Mmhmm.”

“I’m with Applejack here, Dash,” Twilight commented. For some reason, I’d consented to letting her record and study this ‘event’ as she called it. She’d been taking notes and swapping little green sticks around in her cameras to get the whole thing down. Somewhere, in some university, somepony trying to be a nurse is gonna end up watching this as a recording, and I cannot believe I thought that would be okay.

She continued, “Mares have a time limit for this sort of thing. Sure, ponies are typically good to go once every two cycles or about once every two years, but you don’t have all the time in the world to start a family. If it’s what you want, that’s what you should do. You at least…” she lamented, “are capable of it.”

That put a damper on things.

However, it wasn’t long before it livened up again because my baby opened his eyes. With speed unlike anything I’ve ever seen from her, Fluttershy appeared at the bedside. “Oh my goodness, look at his precious wittle eyes! Oh, Applejack, can I hold him?”

I hadn’t expected this, but something deep in me wanted to take the baby and hide away. I caught it just in time to not act on it. “Uh, sure. Might as well. Fin can’t.”

My husband was standing quietly beside me trying his hardest to be stoic. “Nope,” he said in a high-pitched strain. The doctor and I both warned him, at least.

“Look at you! Welcome to Equesrtia, little guy!” Shy cooed. Discord was hiding in the corner, stroking his little beard; he and Twilight had their curse in common, that immortality and power that truly removes one from the cycle of life. But if I had half a mind to guess, his gears had already started turning on a way to break it. I’m sure seeing Shy with a newborn foal was a picture he’d never imagined.

“Oh, Goddess, what kind of Apple-Mac have you wrought on the world, Applejack?” Rarity began. “Do you see his little facial features? When he gets older, you’ll have to fight the mares off him!” She had squeezed her way next to Fluttershy, and in some strange slight of hoof, managed to steal the baby from her. Shy wasn’t happy about it.

I giggled, but I wasn’t sure at what. Probably the morphine. “Geez, Rares, it’s a little too early ta start robbin’ cradles!”

Rarity was horrified, Dash cackled, the stallions did their best not to break character, and the other girls covered their mouths. It wasn’t my proudest moment.

Rarity held the baby a little closer and covered her mouth with a hoof, a mixture of horror, rage and embarrassment in her eyes. “Goodness! You… you contain yourself, please! Decency, the nerve…”

She used her magic to put her mane back in place, then went back to inspecting my boy. It was a strange sight, to be honest. Rarity ain’t the type to get married. She’s not a motherly character like Shy or even Pinkie when she wants to be. Maybe one day, Dash’ll give into the mare in her and let that side of herself free since I can tell this is having an effect on her, but Rarity? I just couldn’t say. It was an odd picture, her with a newborn.

The moment sank in as she tenderly rocked my new baby, until something occurred to her and she turned back to me. “Well, come on then. You’ve kept us waiting long enough. Who is this that has graced the world today?”

Oh, did I never tell them? Seeing all the expectant eyes, save Fin who really did need to see a doctor right about now, I supposed I didn’t. Taking him back from Rarity and locking with those big-little amber-sunset eyes, I smiled. And he smiled right back.

I nuzzled my little boy and held him tight. I’d been so lost. I should’ve realized all that time that those little moments of joy were just contained glimpses of the life full of joy to come. The life he’ll live, the way he’ll grow, the pony he’ll become. We’ll be there together for as long as we can to see those moments blossom into something new, something treasured, something blessed.

How could I have even thought of giving up before getting the chance to meet you? It’s been a long journey, but now that you’re finally here, we can begin.

And it all started with a little glass of…

“Whiskey. His name is Whiskey Apple.”

Am I more than you've bargained for yet?

Applejack

“Bright, Sugarcube, Ah told ya not ta bring that Pear mare over anymore. Ah thought we had this conversation once already,” Granny called from her chair. Her living room was framed somewhere on the wall in the hallway, but the one we were in was in the real world, the present.

Ah took a sharp breath and shook my head. “Granny, that’s Mac, not Pa.”

She took a minute ta look at me as confusion washed over her face. These days, it was always a coin flip. It came up heads today since she understood. “Oh! My stars, Ah’m sorry Mac. Git’en old and rattly up there! The, uh… the memory ain’t what it used ta be.”

Mac sighed and trotted ‘round to put a hoof on Granny’s shoulder. “It’s alright, Granny, Ah know. Sugarbelle, ya almost done in there?”

The unicorn in question trotted through the door with Ma’s old apron on and a tray of steamin’ pies in her magic. “Sure am! Come on, let’s eat.”

The days have grown long and hot. As Twilight brings more and more of that other world’s technology into Equestria, it seems like our world changes more and more, too. And the more the world changes, the more Granny forgets.

Radio towers and telephone poles, automobiles and engines—yes, the world sure is changing, but even as things get more advanced, it’s my world, the world at home, that I can’t figure out. Ever since Mac ran into that Sugarbelle mare, he can’t keep his hooves off her. The reverse is true too, and more than anything, it makes my life harder.

Granny has to be kept under constant supervision which leaves Applebloom with little more to do than keep up with her. Mac seems to be home only every other day now, and where does that leave me? With the entire orchard ta work by myself. It’s a miracle if I get done before the sun sets, and I always watch it rise in the morning.

What makes him think he can just up and abandon me for some mare he hardly knows? Aren’t we his family? Aren’t we important, too? Maybe. I can never tell. He just looks so damn happy when he’s with her, it makes me sick. He never used to smile like that, not after the fire. He never used to talk so much, never used ta sing or pick up the guitar like he does for her.

I know damn well that things are changing, but I wish they weren’t.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that life was fine?

Breathing heavy, I kicked the last tree for harvest today and watched as all the bright red apples fell into their baskets. I looked back up to check and see if any had managed to hold on to their branches; sure enough, there was one. A single red apple with green streaks on its skin. It’s one of the more tart varieties that we have on the farm, and with as many kinds of apples as we grow here, it’s not unusual for cross pollination to happen when we plant new ones, but it shouldn’t be on this tree. This tree was older than I am. It shouldn’t have anything but red delicious on it. So why is it here?

Ah stood on my front hooves, reared my hind legs back, and slammed ‘em into the apple tree again. Nothing but leaves.

Again. More leaves. Again.

The apple stayed on its branch.

“Little bastard. Fine! Ah’ll come up there and get ya, see how long ya fight me when my hooves are on ya!”

There weren’t many low branches to climb onto, and this stubborn apple was far away from the trunk on a branch high in the center growing north, opposite the barn. I managed to get my way up the tree just enough to reach the apple, but now there were no more thick branches to stand on. Damn it. If Ah were just a little taller… I could touch it with the tip of my hoof. Just a little closer. Just a little closer and—

“Shit!”

Hoof slipped; down to the earth I crashed. A shadow passed over me—something heavy hit the tree. An apple came flying down and stopped just short of hitting me right in the snout, caught in time by a big red legged yellow hoof.

“Ya okay?”

I guess he got home. I let out a breath, rolled over to stand. Tired as I was, it was like trying to stack pies on top of jello, but I wasn’t about to make a show of it to him of all ponies. “Ah’m fine, thank ya.”

Mac put the apple in the basket with the others and loaded one up on his back. “Well, good. What are ya still doin’ out here anyways? It’s almost dark.”

A vein bubbled up on my forehead. “Yes, Mac, it is almost dark. Ah hadn’t noticed! Thanks fer pointin’ it out ta me!”

He frowned. “Geez, don’t get yer tail in a twist. Did ya not get done?”

“No, Mac, Ah’m just out here fer the fun of it! Course Ah didn’t get done.”

His eye twitched. “Well, don’t yell at me about it! Why not? Ya said ya could do it.”

I let the air seep out of me and picked up the other basket. “Ah know what Ah said.” Rather than follow that up, I made my way to the storage barn, and Mac shortly followed.

Once we’d set the baskets down with the rest of today’s harvest, again he frowned. “So… is that it?”

Ah turned my head. “Well… yeah.” I had the exact number in my head of what was all here, and it was well below what it needed to be. Moreover, it was impressive that I got this much done alone, but that just doesn’t add up.

He let out a breath and shook his head. “Applejack, if ya knew ya couldn’t get everythin’ done on yer own, why didn’t ya tell me?”

I ground my teeth together. “Because you…!” but I thought better of it and turned away. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just go inside. Ah’m tired and hungry, and Ah still have ta get back up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow.”

“Whatever.”

I couldn’t sleep.

It didn’t matter how much I’d tossed and turned. It didn’t matter how much I tried to think about something else. It always came back to them and how easy today would’ve been if he were here with me instead of out having the time of his life with her. It’s not fair, damn it!

Tangled emotions passed out my lungs as I stared at the ceiling. There was… an old trick Pa used when we couldn’t get to sleep back when we were kids. Just a… little swallow, and we’d be right off to sleep…

I found my way down to the living room in the dark farmhouse. Everypony slept soundly in their rooms like usual, not a sound in the house save for the creaking old wood of the floor under my hooves.

When Ma passed just after Applebloom was born, Pa made a special cabinet to hold favors. We’d always pour a glass for Ma and Pappy and leave it on the headstones every year, but we also always had more liquor than we’d ever need.

Nopony would notice if a bottle or two went missing.

Once I’d secured my prize, I figured it’d be easier if I could see what I was doing, so I went out to the barn. The crickets chirped, the stars lit the sky, and the moon was bright over the orchard. Once inside, I lit an oil lamp and found myself a comfortable seat in the hay. I took one of the cider tasting cups we keep near the casks in here and went to filling it with the amber liquid.

Just a little swallow, and I’d be right to sleep.

“Applejack, we need ta talk.”

I knew what he wanted to say. I didn’t wanna hear it. I hate this feeling in my stomach, this burning pit of jealous anger I shouldn’t feel. I shouldn’t be upset; I should be happy.

“Okay, Mac. About what?”

“Ah…”

Mac stammered to find the words, the words to tell me he was gonna abandon us.

“Ah can’t see a future here… not fer me, not fer y’all, and um… not fer her.”

It would’ve hurt less if he’d actually hit me in the chest with all his weight behind it. “What do ya mean? Ya can’t see a… are ya crazy Mac? We’ve been here fer generations! We were here last year, this year is lookin’ fine, and next year shouldn’t be any different!”

He looks at me with cold, stern eyes. “We had Granny last year.”

I bit my lip. “We have Granny this year!”

“Applejack, ya know that ain’t true.”

I did know it. I’d never admit it.

“Ah want a life. Ah want my own life. Ah’m nearly twenty-four and Ah want ta… Ah wanna have my own family. This orchard… it ain’t gonna last the way things are. We don’t make enough money ta take care of an old mare who ain’t there anymore.”

“We can hire help! We can… we can get somepony ta work fer us, we don’t have ta…”

He puts his hoof on my shoulder trying to bring me back to reason. “Ya know we can’t afford that either. Ah don’t wanna try ta struggle here fer the rest of my life. Ah have a mare in mind, and Ah know where I can get some cheap land. It ain’t the best, but it’s good enough ta grow in, and Ah… Ah think it’s about time Ah set down my own roots.”

Something burns at the corner of my eyes. I promised myself I wouldn’t, not after the fire, but right now… it feels like my world is being upended all over again.

“And then what!? You’re just gonna leave us ta fend fer ourselves? A couple of teenagers takin’ care of an old mare who’s lost her mind and this old orchard alone!?”

“No! Ah’m not heartless, damn it; Ah’m not about ta abandon my family!” He lets out a deep breath. “Ah think it’s about time that we all tried ta move on.”

I know exactly what he means.

I’ll never accept it. I won’t leave. I won’t get rid of it. I won’t abandon my lineage just for something easier. This is my home. This is our home.

He should know better than to suggest such a thing to me.

I punched him in the face.

“Ah will die before Ah sell the farm! Ah’ll make it work! Ah’ll do it on my own, damn it! You go off and set yer roots down with that bitch ya like so much, and we’ll do it all without ya! Goddess damn it Mac, how could ya…”

When I woke up, morning light streamed in through the barn windows. The tasting cup was on the ground, the wood had a stain on it, and the bottle of whiskey I’d taken was empty. The throbbing in my head told me where it all went, while the stabbing pain in my heart told me it was a memory and not a dream.

My aching muscles put to work, I sat up and tried to nurse my head. These summer days in southern Equestria were enough to kill a mare at the peak of the day, and already, I was losing time and dehydrated. What happened to a swallow? What happened to making it work? Why can’t I do anything right anymore?

The pink violet of the sky I could see through the window told me daylight was burning. That thought had me remember how I lost my father, and just right next to me, the lamp I lit the night before was still burning.

I wish the bottle wasn’t empty. I wish the sun had never risen. I wish it wasn’t all so screwed up.

“Granny? Are ya with me?”

Mac had gathered all of us in the living room on a rare day home. Smiley piece of shit. Ah knew what he wanted. Knew what he was doing here. At least he wasn’t about to go off and do it without us, I suppose.

If she was here right now, it was hard to tell. The old mare smiled and waved at him, “Yes, yes, Sugarcube, Ah’m here. Now spit it out! What’d ya bring an ol’ bag of bones like me in here for, hmm?”

I clicked my tongue. ‘Sugarcube.’ An endearing term. An easy word to remember. An excuse to not use specific names.

Mac nodded and stepped back to face all of us: Granny in her chair, Applebloom and I on the couch.

“Well, um…” He coughed into his hoof, looking each of us in the eyes with uncertainty. “Here in a little while, maybe tomorrow or next week sometime, Ah uh…” He swallowed. “Ah’m gonna propose.”

“Oh wow, are ya really, Mac!?” Applebloom exclaimed. She was excited, but maybe she thinks she’s about ta get an extra pair of hooves ta help deal with Granny. Doubt she knows what this really means for us.

Mac nodded. “Ah am. But part of the reason Ah brought ya here, Granny, is because Ah…” He paused, losing whatever steam he had, then breathed in to pick it up again. “Ah wanted ta get that pendant from ya. Ya know. Ma’s old pendant.”

In my shock that he would dare ask for Ma’s wedding pendant in one breath while abandoning the farm in the other, I choked on my own spit before I could say anything.

And as it turns out, Granny wasn’t here after all.

“But, S-Sugarcube, didn’t ya say ya were gonna make one fer her yerself?” and she went to feel for her neck, thinking that Pa was asking her for her pendant, one she hadn’t worn in decades, at least not since I was born.

A strained breath in, Mac went and kneeled in front of Granny to get her to focus on him. “Granny, it’s me, Macintosh. Do ya remember?”

I hated to watch this. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to look it in the face.

Clarity struck foggy eyes. “Oh! Oh, goodness, Ah’m so sorry Mac. Why, Ah…” She shook her head, used Mac to help her out of her rocking chair. “Ya know, when Bright came ta me tellin’ what he’d planned to do with yer mother, Ah was so furious with him that Ah just about slapped the apple off his flanks, but that boy had yer Pappy’s eyes, and he wasn’t about ta bend on the issue, so he told me he’d do it one way or another. Ah couldn’t talk him out of it, and Ah knew deep down that Buttercup wasn’t a bad mare…”

I should be happy.

“Will you marry me?”

I shouldn’t be this upset.

“Oh, of course Mac!”

I shouldn’t be this angry.

But I can’t help it. That was the last nail. The coffin’s sealed, and by the end of the fall, it’ll be buried, planted in, and out of sight. Is it bitterness? Jealousy? Despair? Maybe this is how Cheerilee felt back in January when he finally told her it wasn’t working out, before he met the mare of his dreams, before I realized I’d lost him forever, before the weight of my own words crushed me.

The kissing, the singing, the dancing, the love, the merriment—I couldn’t stand any of it. In front of the apple-pear tree deep in the acres, Ma and Pa watched everything happened, seeing the end of the apple family as he dances on their graves.

I should be happy. Instead, I feel sick. Lost. Like this hat on my head should be in his hooves instead of mine because he’ll be the one to carry on the name, and I’ll be the one to drown here in a sea of red and green before it all rots away with Granny’s mind and my will to go on.

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it all!

Who do you think you aren’t!? Generations after generations of your ancestors worked this land with everything they had, putting everything they could into this orchard, and you think you have the right to throw away everything they gave you because it’s too hard!? You don’t deserve to be happy!

“Applejack?” Granny asked. I froze at her touch. Stared at her like I didn’t know who she was. When did she get over here? Has she been standing there this whole time?

“Y-yes, Granny?”

Smiling sweetly, knowingly, she patted my back. “Things will be alright, Sugarcube.” Is this the same mare I had to remind who was proposing to whom this morning?

“Don’t’cha worry none. Ya never know what’s around the corner. Good or bad, Apples have strong roots. Keep vigil, and you’ll always weather the storm.”

I didn’t have the words to respond. Before I got control of my body again, she’d wandered off and asked ‘Pear’ how she felt about being part of the apples. I could hardly hold back the tears. It’s not fair, damn it…

By the time I’d drained the rest of the cider cup, I was losing hold of my balance. Not gone completely, but I could feel the swaying, the numbness in my lips, the pleasant slowing of those thoughts I hate to think. I was alone in the barn like usual, but even without me in it, the farmhouse had the same number of occupants tonight.

You proposed, you didn’t seal the deal, don’t go getting ahead of yourself. He knows better after the last time, but even if he did let that sparkle in her eyes get the best of him, I don’t want to hear it.

I went to fill my cup back up, but found myself with yet another empty bottle.

“Damn it!”

I grabbed it by the neck and threw it at the wall.

The glass shattered, the bottle fell in shards to the ground. Nopony would be the wiser; it’s too far away from the house to be heard, in a part of a barn that never gets used. That bottle would be left there in a broken heap, and nopony would know but me.

Nopony… but me.

A tremble in my lips had me get back on my hooves and head to the farmhouse again. I needed more. This continued practice had me getting better at holding it down, like I was getting used to being this drunk. It wasn’t enough. I can’t think the way I do, but I can’t look at them either. Their smiles make me bitter, their laughter makes me angry—what right do I have to get in the way of their happiness?

Life isn’t fair. It never was, it never has been, and I’d known that ever since the day we lost Ma. It’s still not the worst day I’ve ever had. This still isn’t the worst it’s been, but even so, why does it feel so hard to tread water?

As I approached the back door, I noticed a lamp was on in the kitchen. Both of them. In front of the fridge, looking at each other the way they do, nuzzling the way they do, kissing the way they do. Love.

Burning in the pit of my stomach made me turn the other way. They reminded me of something I hadn’t seen in years now: a happy young couple. A big apple stallion and his curly maned mare. A vision of promise, a sign for the future, a new family breathing new life into this old, rotting tree.

A family that didn’t include me.

I wouldn’t go in that room. Not with them there, not while I feel like this and they look like that. I was still good enough to walk straight right now, and that’s not where I need to be. The bar ain’t far from here. I’ve got enough bits on me to finish the job.

Anything to bury this feeling.

Anything to look the other way.

Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum

This morning, the headache didn’t feel so bad. As a matter of fact, I’d even say I felt nice night about now. Soft and warm. Real warm, for that matter. Maybe even a little sweaty. Yawning, I sat up from bed and looked toward the window but noticed that the curtains were drawn. I don’t typically do that. If the sunlight can’t come in during the morning, I usually won’t wake up on time. I blinked and rubbed at my eyes, and suddenly, I realized that those were… not my curtains. And this wasn’t my room.

Awareness coming back, I swallowed, only to be met with an unfamiliar taste. My ear turned up, and that’s when I noticed the breathing. Not my breathing.

I turned my head to the other side of the bed, and horror set in. A stallion. Lime green coat, white and black two-tone mane that looked like somepony’s hooves had been all over it. Somepony I didn’t even recognize! Oh, good Goddess, please tell me, I didn’t…

I pulled back the bed sheet, only to be met with my worst fear. His little soldier was ready for round two, and I was sitting on a stain, still slightly wet to the touch. No, no, no, no, no! This did not happen! I’m not the kinda pony who does this! We were raised better! This is something Rarity would do, not me! Who even is this guy!? I’ve never seen him around Ponyville; does he even live here!? Where am I!?

I checked the room again, saw the carelessly discarded uniform, then found my hat. Carefully, I crept out of the bed, praying with all my might that I didn’t wake this guy up. Luckily, he didn’t stir much. I grabbed my hat, found the door, and got out of that room as quickly and quietly as I could.

Blinded by the outside light, I realized it wasn’t even close to morning right now. Once my vision cleared, I recognized the building as a motel close to the train station. My head starting to clear, a memory crept back in:

“Pretty? Me? Well, ain’t y’all a smoo -hic- smooth talker. You’re pretty cute yourself, soldier boy~”

My hooves slowly moved to cover my face. I didn’t even make him work for it! I just… I just…! I just gave it away! Plastered, desperate, and lonely, what else was I gonna do!? Oh, for fuck’s sake, why in the hell did I go to that bar!?

The next week, I felt sick every morning. A phantom feeling of somepony I don’t know missing beside me, a new craving for touch in places I shouldn’t have it, a dark bitter hatred for anything that might take my faculties away from me. How could I do that? Me, of all ponies?

I haven’t had time for stallions since I was a teenager. I hadn’t thought about ‘em since I was a filly fantasizing about the day I met somepony like Pa. One bad night of drunken anger, and suddenly I lose one more precious thing that was supposed to be special and mine alone to give away? What in the world is happening to me?

Of course, it was never as if things would just suddenly be different now that everypony’s bore witness to making vows. Gone even more now, talking to her parents about land prices and negotiating deals behind our backs with his family’s best interests at heart. Uh-huh. Don’t discuss it with me, the other pony who’s kept us alive all these years, but take it up with all these new ponies you’re turning into family instead. Because that’s how it is.

Naturally, this is all just fine and dandy, because on top of everything, Granny’s developed a cough and is now bedridden. Applebloom picked up an unsolicited job in nursing, and Mac has decided to put his grand schemes on hold till she’s back on her hooves.

Buried in work, full to the brim with all consuming dread and anxiety, hope dying on an altar and stabbed through with ‘I do,’ this had to be the bottom, right? Course not. Anypony of my political persuasion knows, ‘this is only your worst day, so far.’

It’d been a few weeks since Granny went down, and finally, it looked like whatever sickness she had was fading away. She actually managed to get out of bed this morning and was in the kitchen making breakfast before anypony was any wiser to it.

I, on the other hoof, felt like I was the one coming down with whatever instead. Gotta hit the bathroom at random hours of the night, eat like a damn pig, and for all of that eating, I can’t seem to keep it down either. And yet, no fever, no weakness; just a few cold sweats and a near routine need ta vomit.

I’d gotten up that morning to take care of this strange new business when I heard the sound of something frying in the kitchen. The sun wasn’t up yet, so I doubted it was Sugarbelle, and the others aren’t real restless in their sleep like I am. Wondering what was going on, I tramped on down the stairs to find out.

“Ooh, good morning Ap-ple-jack!” Granny said in some cheery singsong tone like nothing was ever wrong.

Dumbfounded, I checked the clock over the entrance to the kitchen, only to be met with four thirty AM. This was early, even for her.

“Uh… mornin’, Granny.” I didn’t exactly know how to react to this.

But Granny sure did. “Well? What’re ya standin’ round fer? Help me out and put a pot on fer everypony! Y’all’ve been workin’ so hard fer me these past few weeks, Ah thought Ah ought ta feed ya at least. Ya don’t know when Mac and Sugarbelle will be up, do ya?”

Using specific names? Memory of being sick? What in the world? Trying to find the words, I stammered. “Uh… ya know, five thirty, at least. Are ya… are ya feelin’ alright, Granny?”

She frowned as if I’d asked her a question in a language she didn’t know. “Am Ah feelin’ alright? Course Ah am! Now get yer tail movin’ and start on that coffee! Can’t focus on the haybacon if Ah’m tryin’ ta get coffee started, ya know?”

Old instincts had me heed Granny despite the pure wonder of it all. How long has it been since the last real clear day? I know she has a habit of acting like she remembers things, feinting knowledge like a child under a teacher’s glare, but this wasn’t anything she could know unless she did know.

I got to work filling the pot and throwing it on a burner then putting the coffee in the filter. She’d cut apples with skill and ease, mix a bowl of batter like somepony in good health, she timed everything perfectly. I haven’t seen this mare in over a year.

I’d sat down with a fresh coffee as the morning went on, and ponies started ta filter down-stairs slowly.

“So,” Applebloom began, a strange curiosity between us as she sat down at the table beside me, “do ya have any idea what’s goin’ on here?”

Taking another sip of my coffee, I shook my head. “Sugracube, Ah’ve been watchin’ all morning, and Ah haven’t had a clue.”

Her brows furrowed. “All mornin’? How long has she been at this?”

I shrugged. “Hell if Ah know. It was four thirty when Ah looked the first time.”

A puff of air hit my face. “Four thirty? Granny aside, what were you doin’ up at four thirty?”

I pressed my lips together. I hadn’t told anypony about whatever sickness had me; for the most part, I’d gotten away without anypony seeing. I didn’t know if she suspected me of anything, but I’d like to keep it that way. “Oh, ya know. Bathroom. One of those times, Ah guess.”

“Hmm,” and she squinted at me. “Y’all uh… ya know. Bleedin’?”

I blinked. “Wha—” Then, it hit me. “Oh, no. Sorry, Ah guess Ah didn’t choose my words all that careful.”

Applebloom nodded and leaned back in her chair. “Okay. Ah, uh… A few weeks ago, ya know. We usually have these things around the same time, so Ah figured…”

I shook my head and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Nah. Just hadn’t thought of that. If yer cycle already started, Ah should get mine soon. Not that Ah’m lookin’ forward to it, anyways. It’s June after all.”

Sighing, Applebloom rested her head on the table. “Ya think Sugarbelle’s gonna be on hers soon?”

I snorted. “Ah hope so. There’d be an awful lot more noise around this time next year if she ain’t. Frankly, Ah don’t know when she might go through that. Just pray that she does and that Mac kept his promise this time around. All this crap, then a foal on top? Everypony’d drown.”

A shiver shook through Applebloom and she crossed her forelegs. “Oh, Goddess. What a nightmare that’d be. Granny drives me crazy as it is; it’d be up ta me help Sugarbelle too, wouldn’t it?”

Ah laughed and nodded. “Oh, sure. He and Ah would have ta work twice as hard at that point, so you’re certainly just as screwed as we’d be. Better keep an eye on her; make sure she’s not gettin’ up at night ta—”

Everything went cold. As far as I knew, the clock stopped ticking. What was I describing symptoms of? Why, oh, good Goddess, why, does that sound so horrifyingly familiar? Was… was I? That night, if… but! No! It’s not possible! I was a virgin before then, there’s no way I…

“Applejack? Are ya… ya alright?”

Remembering to breathe, I swallowed. “Yeah, sure.” A hoof found its way to my temple and the air seeped out of me. “Ah, uh. Ah just remembered that Ah need ta run ta the store. We’re almost out of toilet paper. Would ya mind takin’ over fer me this afternoon while Ah take care of it?”

The lie came as naturally to me as anything would, but I suppose that was because only half the truth was coming out. We did need it, but it wasn’t because of the extra pony in the house; I’d been using it abnormally. There was something wrong with me. It’s been four weeks since that night, if… if I really…

No, no, that just can’t be. Not like this.

“Sure, Ah guess. Ah mean, if it’s that big a deal, Ah could just go—”

“No!” I stopped her. “Ah’ll… Ah’ll take care of it.”

More confused than anything, Applebloom slowly let her eyes drift away from me apprehensively. “Oh-kay then…”

At what point did I cross over into the dream realm? There was no way this wasn’t somepony’s nightmare, possibly even mine. It just couldn’t be reality. Not truth. An illusion. A movie about somepony else’s life. Not my life.

I was an upright mare. I was the mare other ponies looked up to and said, ‘Now that’s a pony who knows what she believes and lives like a pony true to her values.’ I was honesty, I was integrity, I was the one who was unwilling to fall into temptation and keep focused, keep hold of my emotions and give nothing away to anypony who didn’t deserve it.

Then again, I also remember being called humble at one point, and a humble pony wouldn’t point out how good she was. If I were a good pony, a righteous mare like my parents taught me to be, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I wouldn’t have lost my temper and drowned my sorrows in whiskey, I wouldn’t have wandered to that bar half-intoxicated, and I wouldn’t be… I wouldn’t be…

I threw that thing in the trash. “Damn it!”

I slammed my hoof into the bathroom stall door, only to put a dent in it. My lip quivered, shame crept up my spine, and I covered my eyes as I leaned back on the toilet.

“Why me? What did Ah do ta deserve this? Things were fine before; how…? How did it come ta this?”

Do I even know his name? I don’t know who he is, or what he does, or why he was in town that night, or if he’s still here, or anything! Oh, Goddess among us, what am I gonna do? How am I supposed to tell anypony about this? They’ll find out soon enough, one way or another. I knew it looked like I was starting to put on some weight, but…

Oh, Goddess, why me?

Ever so slowly, the days crept by. It wouldn’t be long before June turned to July and I’d be through the first month. I could feel him growing all the while. I don’t know what made me decide on ‘he,’ but nonetheless, that’s what I called him. There must be a wire crossed somewhere because, even through all the wallowing and despair, every time I’d feel him move around in there, it’d make my heart flutter. A lost instant in time where the idea of a new Apple growing in what we thought was dead soil gave me hope that things weren’t quite so bad.

Was it instinct that gave me these little bright moments? Perhaps, but it was without question intellect that brought the all-consuming wave of horror that’d always follow. My baby’s kicking. What if somepony notices? What if they just so happen to bump into me right when he decides to move? They’ll find out! They’ll know what I did; I’ll have no way to hide him anymore.

‘Applejack, how could you!’

‘Applejack, for all the shit ya gave me fer Cheerilee, ya go off and do somethin’ like this.’

And then, the worst thing anypony could possibly say, ‘Well, perhaps the circumstances aren’t great, but isn’t this wonderful? You’re having a—’

She’d say it. She wants one; she really does. Chomping at the bit ta be a real Apple, impatiently waiting every day fer that wedding ta come closer so she can be fertile soil fer her beloved planter. The mare’s got foal fever like a fish outta water.

Another thing she has that I didn’t is the will to wait. Being around her is just Goddess damned sickening, I tell ya what. A perfect little angle sent from the Goddess herself to save Mac from ruin and take him away from this dying orchard to give him the life he’s always dreamed of. A homemaker like no other, a mare who loves him more than anything else, a perfect little wife-to-be that swooped in and brought him out of his darkest abyss.

Goddess, damn her!

I know better than to think like this. I know it’s my fault and not hers. I know she hasn’t done anything wrong and there’s no reason for me to be angry at her, but what else am I supposed to do with all of these emotions? It’s like I’ve lost my self-control. I can hardly restrain myself from throwing a fit, I hit apple trees like they’ve got her face taped on ‘em, and even the littlest thing is enough to set me off. You can’t leave unclean pans on the counter, you iron the dress shirts, you don’t just hang ‘em out to dry, why do you have to leave makeup on my sink!? I haven’t blown up yet, but it’s just a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off.

Worse than the anger, though, was the crying. Holing up in my room, hiding under the covers and sobbing in the dark with the door locked. Fall asleep with a wet face, the damn pillow needs to be washed every other day from all the snot and gunk that comes out, and it just won’t stop. How disgusting can I be?

I can’t tell them; I can’t. I can’t confide in anypony. Pinkie can’t keep a secret to save her life; Twilight’s too busy to get a hold of; Dash has a real job, her dream job no less, so I can’t put this on her shoulders. I’d be willing to talk to Fluttershy, but not with Discord hanging around her like he does. He’d shout it to the world; he’d probably go find the father and tell him if he got wind of it.

Rarity…

She… she would understand. She’d know what to say. This is her nightmare too, but she’d actually deserve it if it happened to her.

Not that… not that this isn’t my fault in the first place. Not that I don’t deserve it for going out to a bar half-drunk and in heat. Why did I do something so Goddess damned stupid!?

The wedding is set for mid-August. It was July first, and I was slowing down. Ponies, even outside the ones I lived with, began to notice I was breathing hard and not getting as much done in a day. I was sleeping longer, going to the bathroom more frequently, feeling pains in my belly that I’d never felt before.

I never did get a hold of Rarity. Alongside the slow march of new concrete sidewalks appearing all around town, telephone poles and radio towers multiplied up and down the main roads. As I understand it, the way these things work is that you change your voice into some kinda energy, which is then sent away via… more energy, then turned back into voice when it hits the other end of a wire. Course, Rarity has what Twi called ‘cellular,’ which might as well be magic as far as I’m concerned.

I tried to use the payphone, which was ironically installed beside the bar, five times. Five days, five different times, every single call left unanswered.

I gave up.

I was giving up on that hot afternoon of July first when I heard a word. An evil word to be sure, but a very sweet-sounding word that took me by surprise. My ears turned; my head twisted to look at the mares as they gossiped. I listened intently.

“…ya know? Rich ponies have it easy, I swear.”

She had an accent like she belonged up north.

“Really? That just sounds a little… I don’t know. Don’t you think she’ll regret it?”

Neither of these mares stood out too much. I recognized one that I’d seen around town as Aromatice, who runs a cafe a little ways away, but I didn’t know the other.

“Regret? Who cares? She’s loaded now! And it’s not like she can’t do it again later when she’s, like, actually in love or something. Look, she was poor before. Ponies like her with lots like that, they always get screwed, and usually, they end up raising some stallion’s foal without even knowing him.”

Now didn’t that sound familiar.

“I… guess. How old is she?”

“Prune? Oh, uh… sixteen, I think.”

Aromatice gasped. “Oh, Goddess! What a creep!”

“Sure, but a loaded creep, remember? I can’t give his name since that’s part of the contract, but one night of fun gone wrong sets her up for life, and she isn’t stuck with the kid.”

My ears twitched. Isn’t stuck with… the kid. It’d still be hard to dig us out of this hole we’re in right now, but if I weren’t expecting, maybe…

“Well, did it hurt?”

“Nope. The Doc shot her up full of anesthesia, and she didn’t feel a thing. Water weight was gone a few weeks after. It was like she never got knocked up in the first place.”

Like it never happened?

“Did her mom know?”

The mare telling the story waved the question away like it was buzzing around her head. “Forget about it. This guy totally made sure to keep things tight between them, ya know?”

“Why do you know?”

“I mean, I’m the owner, right? Anything goes wrong in the bar, I’m the one the girls come to first. She got a bad hoof in life, grew up without a father and a deadbeat mom, and there was an opportunity here. I just made the arrangements.”

Aromatice giggled. “Geez, Daiquiri, you’re kind of a bitch, ya know?”

Shrugging, Daiquiri smiled. “Yeah, comes with the territory. Look, next time you’re in Manehattan…”

I’d stopped paying attention at that point. A way out of all of this

Like it never happened.

It’d been a week after that awful, sweet-sounding word had been planted in my head. Every time he moved, I felt it. Every time he was silent, I wondered how it would be if he weren’t there. I might not be happy, but would I still be miserable? Every time somepony said something about my frequent bathroom visits or my near constant eating, that evil idea’s roots burrowed deeper into my heart.

One morning, Granny had been lost in her sea of memories more so than usual, and we were having trouble getting her ashore in the present instead of heading out to the orchard like a healthy young sailor.

“Buttercup, Ah know ya mean well, but Ah assure ya, Ah’m right as rain! If Ah don’t work, who’s gonna take up the torch in my place? Ya know Spruce ain’t been alive fer years now, and Bright can’t handle everythin’ on his own!”

“Granny, Ah’m not Ma, and ya ain’t fifty anymore. Yer son died a decade ago, and ya broke yer hip two years ago; ya cannot go out there buckin’ apple trees!”

Still trying to push past me and get to the door, I grabbed Granny by the shoulders and forced her back into the living room. Shockingly, she just about growled at me.

“Buttercup, look, Ah know ya’ve been eatin’ too much, but don’t’cha get all moody on me, Missy! Ah’ve been where you are before! Just because Ah only had one don’t mean Ah don’t know what planted fields look like!”

Ice filled my veins. “G-Granny! Ah am not Buttercup! Buttercup was my Ma; Ah am Applejack! Ap-ple-jack! Don’t’cha remember? C-come on, Granny, ya don’t mean it!”

Finally, thankfully, familiar confusion washed over Granny’s face. She stopped fighting with me and looked me in the eyes long and hard.

“Apple… jack…” she repeated, slowly. She nodded once. Nodded twice. Then tilted her head and looked at my side. “Applejack, my grandbaby. Ah remember, Ah do.” For a minute there, I was relieved that she said my name like that. However, then, she looked me up and down again. “Ah don’t remember ya bein’ this big though. Maybe Ah’m confused, Sugarcube, but ya have been eatin’ a bundle, haven’t’cha?”

It wasn’t hot in the house, I shouldn’t be sweating like this. A nervous laugh escaped me. “Ha-ha! N-no, Granny, you’re probably thinkin’ of Ma again. Ah… Ah’ve always been like this! Yer memory ain’t what it used ta be, ya called me Buttercup twice just now, don’t’cha know? Just, please go sit down, will ya? It’s hard enough as it is ta get everythin’ done in a day without you fightin’ me ta come do work ya aren’t fit ta do anymore.”

Thoughtful, wistful, even a little ashamed, Granny’s head bowed, then her shoulders slumped. “Oh…” She turned away. “Ah’m sorry, Sugarcube. Ah’ll… Ah’ll go sit down.”

Dragging her hooves as if she were a filly reprimanded by her mother, she sat down in her rocking chair and slowly began to rock.

She must’ve thought I didn’t feel bad enough, because that...? That was a bolt stabbing through my heart. Pain welling up inside, I couldn’t just stand there and watch her, so I went out the door. I never would’ve said something like that to Granny before.

Maybe… I am moody.

Granny equating me to Ma is one thing; it’s a normal part of my day most days. Granny clearing up and taking note of my size is another. Eating too much, ‘planted fields.’ If she had any consistent sanity, she could’ve caught me right then and there. If nothing else, she would’ve become suspicious, and it wouldn’t be long till she found out the truth.

Something had to be done. If even Granny‘s starting to notice, I’m running out of time. I can’t do this. I can’t tell them. I can’t raise a kid and save the farm. I couldn’t, no, I wouldn’t give up my baby to live an orphan’s life like we did.

But… there was one option. It could all be avoided if there was no baby, right? No admission of guilt, no drowning in work, no failure to be a mother, and the orchard could still be saved. It’d be simple. Painless, even, if that Daquiri mare is to be believed. Nopony would get hurt. It would all be over.

The next morning, I told everypony I needed to run an errand, and then I went out. A hot day to be sure, but a pleasant morning. The sun was just over the horizon, the sky was a lovely cyan, no clouds to be seen, and there was a breeze that was a little cooler than it had any right to be. There couldn’t have been a better morning to feel all that weight lifted off my shoulders, to be freed of something I didn’t need, to have a challenge I knew I wasn’t capable of overcoming taken away from me.

Ponyville General Hospital had seen significant renovations in the past year. Of the technology Twilight prioritized, medical equipment was number one, followed by cellular and then that uh… computer stuff, that’s right. Medicine in Equestria was already good with the unicorn doctors we had, but now, anypony can perform a surgery that only unicorns could before. In just that, Twi has probably saved more lives this year than we had avoiding all those disasters in the years before. Humans knew a thing or two about creatures like us, and boy howdy, was she quick to learn it all. Something as trivial as… that wouldn’t take but a minute or two now. Just a few minutes and it’d all be over.

And here I was, walking around in circles just outside the hospital, repeating that phrase. Just a few minutes; a month and a half of agony would all just disappear. No more waiting, no more worrying. The biggest obstacle on my plate would be gone. All I have to do is walk on in.

“Don’t you think she’ll regret it?”

“No! What’s there to regret!?” This stupid tree is spitting words at me, ain’t it!? Why do you sound so panicked? Why’s there a tremble in your voice? This is the only way forward! The last option! “It’s not my fault this happened! It was that damn stallion! He did this to me!” I punched that damned tree right in the face. Spit at me again, I dare ya! Sweat ran down my forehead and curled along my snout. What am I sweating for? It was cool out with a nice breeze. I didn’t walk far; why do I feel like I‘ve worked a day just getting here?

“It was like she never got knocked up in the first place.”

Growling at the tree, I shot back, “But that’s not how I’ll remember it, and ya know it! Ma died because she didn’t take this option! If Ah don’t do this, Ah’ll end up like her, won’t Ah? Ah’ll get buried under everythin’ and drown in my own blood, just like her!” The damned tree didn’t do anything but shape its bark into crooked teeth. It needed to be taught a lesson, smashed into treating a mare right! A grunt of effort, I threw another hoof at it, burning with hatred. The bark shattered, the leaves shook, but it didn’t shut the tree up.

“It’d be up ta me ta help her too, wouldn’t it?”

“You wouldn’t exist! You would’ve died in her place! Ah could’ve grown up with two parents and no little sister if it weren’t fer you!” More sweat rolled down my face in a steady stream, almost like it was from my eyes. Why won’t it stop? Why can’t this damn tree just mind it’s own business and let me be!? I just want it to end, I can do it right now, just let me be, damn you, let me be!

My hooves were starting to get tired. The bark was mostly gone now, but I couldn’t make it stop.

“Sugarcube, promise me you’ll love yer little sister like Ah love y’all, wont’cha?”

I ground my teeth together and let sear away the exhaustion. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!”

Why, why, why!? I know what it is! I know what this is, I’ve always known—why couldn’t you just let me go!? The sweat was more than I could bear now. Hot and stinging, it’d washed over my eyes and nothing was clear anymore. This damn tree, this damn tree! Take that, and that, and that! Let me go! Stop reminding me! I know what it is, I know what it is, damn it!

Finally, I landed my last assault on that horrible, horrible tree, and collapsed. Gasping for breath, forelegs seething in pain, stupid, stupid sweat still draining from my eyes. When I caught my breath, I rolled over. My empty gaze found the clear blue sky. Endless and unyielding. I’d lost.

It wasn’t sweat. It never was. The tree wasn’t talking to me; this wasn’t one of Discord’s pranks. It was all me. Even Aromatice could see what this was. How that Prune girl will come to regret what she’s done once she realizes what it is. We know not what we do. But I do. And… so did she.

Wiping at my eyes and catching my breath, I stood up. This poor tree had taken all of my abuse in stride. Beaten, dented, missing leaves all over, no bark to be seen. A little speckle of blood here and there. As time goes by, this dent will probably never heal. It will always be there, keeping the pain right on its face and showing it off to the rest of the world. This damned tree will never forget what I said to it. Neither will I.

I smoothed my mane down, picked my hat back up, and turned back toward home. A righteous mare wouldn’t consider this option. A truly good pony didn’t take it.

Not even to save her own life.