Anon and Zecora together? In one room? What could possibly go wrong?
It was a fairly sunny day in ponyville,pegasi were preparing to make it rain today to clean out some cotton candy off the roofs as well as anywhere else that doesn't have a ceiling to cover it,as for some reason a certain earth pony thought it was a good idea to launch it while on a hot air balloon being high literally and…...ketaminely??
Anon still had no idea how she had access to his phone to see his recipe for “cocaine” (to be fair he had to give himself credit for remembering that recipe from Breaking Bad but at the same time not remember enough of the ingredients but then again that pink horse got high or the closest thing to being high and now he’s probably gonna be hunted down for poisoning a national hero of sorts) and assumed it was an alternative for sugar….yeah,incidents have occurred and Anon's gotta fix this before they find out it's his fault for making the mess.
"Look after this we're gonna break pinkie out of jail and by that I mean I'm gonna try and find the cash to bribe the cops into getting her out."
The sun shone on his emerald skinned dome of a noggin as Fluttershy squinted her eyes at the sight of something so bright and smooth yet fleshy,metal things were usually like that so maybe Anon is probably a highly advanced fleshy robot.
"I'm just fine helping you out Anon,you're helping us out so I'm returning the favor! Your robot arms are very helpful at taking care of the animals and doing the heavy lifting."
"Fluttershy for the last goddamn time I'm not a robot and I'm broke so that's the main reason why I help you guys in the first place….jesus you guys use gold like it's play money and honestly you guys would be richer than Jeff Bezos...at least before you guys get murdered to death before everyone steals it for themselves."
"What?!"
"Nothing and anyways we're here,Yo zebra horse you there?"
As the green bipedal monstrosity of a monkey without hair showed up along with a timid pegasus who followed behind,Anon had something he wanted to do today and for whatever reason he needed fluttershy for said something as he practically pleaded for her to come even though she said yes for about four times already and making him realize his own ignorance…..oh and Zecora is there with a casted leg on a sling and she scowled at the sight of him.
"Ah it is you,the creature with the weird anatomy who is now wearing a shirt colored of blue."
"Hey so uh….can I…..borrow one of your hair growth potions?"
"What for? I do not trust you with even a bottle as you might drop it on the floor."
"Oh c'mon I said I was sorry! Look that was like a…..month ago….okay fine that was about….a few more months and that was when I got here okay? I'm still new here and all this freaky shit is still freaking me out but atleast I'm giving the chance to warm up….it's not so bad."
He gave a smile to fluttershy before scratching behind her ear making her smile as well,they had a nice chemistry as Anon had a thing for shy girls but with the circumstances he's conflicted about it.
Thinking of dating one? Hell yeah.
Thinking of dating a horse? Hell…..maybe? He's practically stuck here so why not but at the same time the biology of everything might make weird fucked up centaur babies or worse.
"Freaking out at the sight of me that I can forgive, that was when you arrived with the ponies being frightful and naive,however last month you were so drunk you gave my leg a cleave, i do not understand alcohol and yet you stabbed me with a shiv!
She promptly gave a short "hmph!" before closing her eyes and crossing her arms as Anon is still embarrassed at the time he got flat out drunk and got violent at the fact that he can't go back even if it was shitty.
"Zecora! Maybe,uhm…..give him a chance! He's a nice pon- person! He's been helping pay back the damages he'd done in one way or another!"
"Spare me your woe! The answer is no!"
“I guess i have to use my final weapon...PREPARE TO HAVE A RAP BATTLE!!”
“Don’t push your- Wait? What the-”
“HIT IT MUSTARD HORSE!”
Fluttershy didn’t know what to do so she just awkwardly sat there like the lonesome mustard horse she is.
“Alright fine, I guess i’ll do it myself….so just imagine there’s some funky beats alright. AIGHT”
Once he cleared his throat he began to spit out crimes that are made up of rhymes…..and it…...was epic.
“Now, this is a story all about how,
My life went full on bat shit crazy,
Honestly it's all a bit hazy,
So if you could please listen if you will,
I'll tell you how I became the local asshole of a town called Ponyville”
After a full three minutes and fifty seconds Zecora has felt bliss and enlightenment through the duration of the music.
“That song! So majestic! Brings me memories like a young fawn..It’s the notes he didn’t play! I do not want to say hooray!”
Or atleast the closest thing (far from it) to enlightenment had it not been for Anon’s very accurately described by Fluttershy
“DEAR CELESTIA WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”
Which definitely means shitty and Anon’s terrible sarcasm detector from Zecora's remark.
“Welp there is one more final weapon that i have.”
Anon then promptly slumped his knees to the ground as he then pathetically begged like the loser he was back at his old life and an hour ago at Fluttershy's abode.
"Ah c'mon I need it! Just one teensy weensy drop of that shit?"
"You stabbed my hoof! Deep you doof! You are quick to anger and selfish to any matter! You shall remain bald for the end of days,You do not deserve any says!"
"Hey I'm not that bald!.....am I?"
"Uhm……"
"Look how about I make a deal with you? I found out dollars don't have any value here aside from making kindling and a tasty salad."
He deadpanned the last part as fluttershy munches on his tasty dollar,he only had two hundred dollars left after he got fired from his accounting firm….those bastards will see him become a king once he got the drug trade coming up…..well what would've been a drug trade since he had the idea while he was drunk.
"Hm….collecting rare ingredients during this condition and into the woods is rather life risking,tell you what give me a very convincing sentence and that finger will be put on a metaphorical ring."
"Ah jeez are you serious?! It's gonna rain hard as hell today and I just- Look could you just give me the damn thing? It's important really!"
"Hmmm not convincing enough! That will not give you a drop of a cough!"
"Fluttershy help! C'mon the skies are getting darker and we're running out of time!"
"Oh dear! Uhm….Zecora what Anon is doing is really important! He's trying to help Pinkie pie! She got in jail for smelling a weird sugar and he needs that potion to try and bribe the guards…..wait why not just give the bail money instead of bribing?"
"Wait, bail money? That's the thing you pay to cops so they let go of people in jail?"
"Yes….sort of"
"Why a hair potion? You could have asked for bits on that notion."
"Yeah but I have a plan alright! C'mon I'll help you go explore those ingredients or something!"
"Hmm alright….but first I must give this to you with all my might!"
She then suddenly shoves a fork into the being's hand and it gets there deep before Anon screams in pain before pulling it out.
"OW! STABBING DOES NOT FEEL GOOD!!"
"It surely does not! I was hoping it would indeed, hurt a lot"
"Yeah….fair point"
She gives him some bandages before Anon gives back a scowl and they promptly hurried back with the potion to…..Rarity's place? There was wailing inside and it got louder when they hurried in as the rain poured in and….the wailing felt sad and also screamy as Anon approached the bedroom door.
"Rarity….I'm here….you okay?"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M HIDEOUS!"
"Oh dear...what happened to her?"
"You ever wonder what Pinkie did after landing face first onto the ground?.....that."
He points to a barber's razor still on power and bits of dark and light purple hair as well as pink strewn across the floor like an explosion and Fluttershy looked with worry and concern and Zecora felt 'well dang alright'
"Rarity I have something for your hair! C'mon just let me in-"
"NO! DON'T GO IN! JUST GIVE ME THE THING!"
"C'mon Zebra horse give her the thing."
Zecora then gave the thing and said thing was the potion Anon was hassling for which is enough for several drops and Rarity grabs it with her magic hastily and slammed the door.
“Welp...guess we wait.”
After about two hours of mustard and zebra horses munching on useless green currency Rarity and Sweetie belle opened the door with smiles on their faces as they showed off their manes and Anon felt happy helping them out and gave the filly a hug.
"You two feel better?"
"Yes mister! Pinkie was scary and she had flour on her face!"
"You're not doing this to get the bail money? I still do not forgive you for what happened to my knee"
"What? No? For once I'm doing something nice,can't people like me do that without reason? C'mon who wouldn't wanna help this cutie"
Anon then carries Rarity like she's a cat and boops her on the nose.
"How uncouth! Hand me down and oh that is nice!"
"Scratching is your downfall Celestia hehe"
"What?"
"Nothing."
"So…..are we going to help Pinkie?"
"Ah yes…...that….I'm still mad at her so she better have a good explanation for what she did being a maniac!"
"Yeah c'mon we gotta go get her….who knows how she's doing."
They then grab a few umbrellas before going to the station and see what looks to be a keyboard spam visualized as Pinkie convulsed while on a straightjacket and Rarity annoyingly gave the cops the bits and released Pinkie as Anon tried to hide his guilt on his face as Zecora gave a questioning look.
"You better have a good explanation for what you just did to me and Sweetie belle!"
"Amwbskakkwnsdujsksoainw"
"Hmm…..that's decent enough."
"I can see the color of the reader's underwear."
"Wait what?"
"Mwnsoenskaoqowmsmbdiena"
"Phew! Glad that's over!"
"You know….you still have to help me back at the forest, remember you're the one who got yourself into this mess!"
"Aww."
Author's Note
Ah yes
w r i t i n g
