Catharsis

by Lynser

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Drama, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Nightmare Moon, Comedy, Profanity
Length: 12120

Anon brings Nightmare Moon out one night to talk about life's problems.

After living with Nightmare Moon for a while (due to extenuating circumstances), Anon starts to notice a few oddities in her behaviour. Ones he understands all too well, and ones that are fresh on the mind.

In an effort to help her before it gets any worse, he drags her out of Ponyville for a night to talk about life's problems. And maybe cuss out her sister once or twice.

Published 2021-03-06 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-23 06:52:24 UTC

Catharsis

“Anon, wake up!”

As you’ve gotten rather used to not testing the equivalent of a nightmare-demon to a contest of ‘how long can you stay asleep’ you very quickly snap your eyes open.

Right on time, actually, as you see her horn glowing a rather malevolent blue, through the ring on it. Dodged a bullet harder than grandad did when he dodged the draft.

“Whad’you want?” you manage to groan, spying the time on the wall. 10pm.

“What do you mean, ‘what do you want’? You told me to wake you up, you absolute-”

You do the mental equivalent of covering your ears from her colourful thousand-year-old insults, and slide up to your couch’s arm-rest, a blanket falling down to your waist.

After about the first month of struggling to find somewhere for an alicorn to sleep, you eventually gave up and let her take your rather human-sized bed, which is apparently also alicorn-sized. It felt pretty shitty to see her curled up by the fire, or on the couch.

Of course, she acted super smug about it. But in the few months you’d spent with her so far, you figured something out pretty quickly. She may be the ‘angry-villain’ type, but yeah, she was still a pony, and definitely related to Celestia.

Didn’t mean her insults lacked a sting, though. Or that colder nights weren’t noticeably colder. Or the fact that your back hurt like hell every morning.

But she… she showed she cared, in her own way. Not to mention the fact that when she found out you were a night-person in general, and heavily disliked working during the day, even though you didn’t really have a choice, you’re pretty sure you spotted actual hurt in her eyes for how she acted the first few weeks here.

… Still can’t get that light kink out of your arm. Why the hell did they collar her anyways? And how come she can make her teeth go all fang-y on command? C’mon, the ‘magic-limiting’ ring thing was enough.

Wait, what were you doing again?

The blank look Nightmare was giving you didn’t help.

Shit, right… you had something planned tonight. You tried to steal a nap earlier, yeah. That’s why she’s waking you up.

10 o’clock… Which means you have plenty of time. Alright, sweet, just need to take a quick shower and then you can head out-

Wait…

Looking over at Luna 2.0, you couldn’t help but notice the distinct presence of one of your pairs of pants, an undershirt, and a t-shirt on her. Ones that had gone missing a few days ago.

Blinking a few times, you just look at them. She’d apparently tailored them to be pony-fitting. Herself. She hadn’t left the house the past few days- you would’ve known, you have a bracelet that’d glow and buzz if she did it without you.

Your look is very judgmental.

She follows your gaze downwards, to the offending pieces of clothing.

She doesn’t seem to realize what’s wrong for a spare minute, before she looks back up at you, a slight blush showing as she obviously tries to come up with an excuse.

“It’s… it’s cold outside!”

“You’re the pony who spent a thousand years on the moon. Cold should hold literally no meaning to you.”

“I… I still don’t like the cold!”

Probably not untrue, judging by the fact that she’d personally hacked up a tree every month for firewood, since late august.

“I’m…” you have to physically hold back a sigh, “I have access to the treasury to cover for your expenses. You could’ve asked for me to get Rarity to make you a sweater or something!”

“Y-you know she does not like me!”

“Yeah, she’s a bit spooked by you, maybe, but she’s a businessmare! And a freaking element! Hell, I could’ve even done the measurements myself, if you really wanted to get something warm! Give it a month and those’ll barely work, anyways!”

“Th-this is for the inside!”

“Doesn’t change my argument, does it?!”

… Wait. She’s gone silent.

“You stole one of my coats too, didn’t you?”

She looks embarrassed, and you can tell she’s trying to think of something mean to say to deflect.

“Please tell me it wasn’t the faux-fur one.”

That? That expression? That’s shame.

Swinging your legs over the side of the couch, into a sitting position, you take a moment to bury your head in your hands and scream internally.

Which, funnily enough, is exactly the kind of mood you needed tonight. So, simultaneously, this is perfect, and AAAAAAAA-

It’s a warm night. Ish. Somehow.

Nightmare’s already got a fair few dirty looks for that one.

You’ll never let that go. The faux-fur coat was mainly a peace offering from Celestia for dumping her on you, since she knew you couldn’t get anything like that anywhere else in Equestria without the seamstress giving you a dirty look or twenty. Before then throwing you out of their store. And calling the ponice. For a hate-crime. You could pass on the other clothes- for now- those you can get in bulk from Rarity, since the materials themselves are pretty cheap, and she’d patterned them a while ago.

Like. It may have been your fault for following Twilight into the Everfree, and then proceeding to judo the hell out of Nightmare Moon, proving you were capable of countering her perfectly, but still.

Somehow you’re not too sure that was meant to happen. And judging by how Celestia popped into the room out of nowhere, pure laughter in her eyes, and proceeded to help Twilight unlock the elements with her friends while you struggled to keep your friend over here in a pin long enough for the guards to storm in…

This was either supreme levels of “just-as-planned” or “oh god I don’t care if that wasn’t part of the plan, this is great, I can work with this.”

So yeah. It’s been like… well, if it happened in June for the summer solstice, and it was like… mid November now, probably? Eh, you can round that to half-a-year, sure.

Still, it’s a weirdly warm day for November. Not to mention a weirdly warm night.

You send a glance in the direction of Canterlot. You’re blaming Celestia for this.

“How much longer must we walk?” Nightmare’s voice starts gently from your side, still quite a bit of shame in it.

“Ten minutes, maybe?”

“You’ve yet to explain, then, why we are talking a half-hour walk out of Ponyville in the middle of the night.”

“You’ll see, you’ll see…”

“Saying things like that, and I can’t help but feel slightly concerned…”

“Can’t blame you,” you look over and give her a toothy smile, “been a while since I’ve tasted horse, needed to be sure there aren’t any witnesses.”

She’s the one pony who can throw you a deadpan look for that one. And smile back, very fang-y.

Damnit. That’s the fifth time you’ve tried, and this one even has context!

You can’t help but grumble about it. And if you were still new to living with her, you’d probably not have noticed the small smile you’d managed to steal from her, too.

They’re small, and kinda hard to see on her dark coat, especially in her element out here… but you’d gotten used to it.

Celestia ain’t got shit on you and your plans.

A little kindness goes a long way, and you knew she’d been having a hard time… well, for the past thousand years, actually, but more so recently. Ish.

It’s kinda hard to be judo’d by an alien you’re then forced to live with, along with the fact that your sister, who you hate, silently laughs at you for it, while being subtly intimidated by the people who wield the weapons that can utterly curb-stomp you living nearby, and are kinda friends with said alien you live with.

Plus, it’d probably be hard when your magic is essentially limited to weak telekineses that can’t hold heavy objects (though somehow she can still give you nightmares, screw you Celestia!), despite the fact that you’re basically a demigod, and even if you have a distinct strength and flight advantage, said alien can both completely outplay you physically, and zap you out of the sky with said magic-limiter, connected to the wristband that physically can’t be removed from his body, or broken, and will automatically go full-blast if there’s any attempt on your part to remove or break it.

And to tie it all up with the fact that you’re everyone’s definition of a boogeyman, and you’re even more socially isolated than before your exile…

Yeah, it would suck. And she’s been clearly depressed for a while.

It’s why you haven’t done much complaining about it all, honestly. It’s why you let her steal your bed, and get away with the insults and it all. She can process it however she likes, so long as she isn’t actively sabotaging herself.

But nights like tonight? You were going to help her a bit. Try and make her that little bit happier.

It’s the least you can do. After all, you’re not the only one completely out of place around here.

You came out to a place outside of Ponyville that could be best described as a subtle, isolated valley. Just a dip in the hills and plains outside the town, that tended to keep itself separated enough from the rest of the chaos around it. It did definitely help that it was away from the Everfree, Canterlot railway, and any other nearby settlement, landmark, or path. Probably the hilly aspect- building, farming, and anything else wouldn’t turn out well, and the soil here was a bit too soft and deep for any serious quarrying.

But beyond anything- it was green, with a few trees (even if they were barren at this time of year), and a small river that ran through it. It was tranquil.

And why exactly did you choose this place? Simple.

You couldn’t even hear the river until you got over the last hill. The place was bloody soundproof. You could even feel the air change somewhat, it getting a bit colder as you entered it. A separate air mass, and everything.

Perfect for your little plan.

Making your way to one of the riverbanks, you stop at a small sandy area you picked out when scouting this area out beforehand. The same place you let down the classic, cliched picnic basket you borrowed from AJ for this purpose.

“Hey, could you get the blanket set down? We’re here.”

You got a slight bit of amusement out of seeing your companion pull herself out of the ‘walk-trance’ you were more than familiar with, and almost trip over her own legs coming to a stop right before the water.

You make sure to act like you weren’t watching her, and look up at the moon. It was probably around 11 by now, with preparation factored into the trip.

You’re never really sure if she notices that you do your best to not embarrass her too much, or really force her to act out, but it’s nice to think she does.

The small things...

You hear the usual sparkle of magic starting, and without a response, you can hear her dig around in the basket for a moment before pulling a blanket or two out to set it down.

“What, not going to ask what we’re doing here?”

“I was considering it, but one of my working conclusions is ‘you are making an attempt to seduce me’ and I planned to completely turn that one around on you, if I must.”

Alright, she got a laugh out of you, you’re not afraid to admit that. But your attempts to not embarrass her end the moment she tries to catch you off guard.

“I’d like to mention, for the record, you’re the one who brought that up- I at no point implied anything of the sort.”

Turning that around on her managed to work beautifully, and she was stuck with another one of her embarrassed blushes, with the tiniest bit of stammering.

You gave her a moment, mostly because you got another laugh out of it.

She was way too easy.

Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t hit back with an insult or anything. After a moment of her mouth just opening and closing, not quite finding the words she needs, she just sighs and gives up, head hanging slightly.

One of those nights, huh?

Stretching out the last of your walk, you gesture her over towards the basic setup. If she was going to be in one of those moods, you had contingencies.

Mainly one of the fluffier blankets she was wise enough to not lay down. While she silently follows your lead, you make sure to reach over and grab it from the bottom of the basket.

She gives off one of her own stretches, though a lot more subdued than yours, before settling down without question. You often wondered where the odd trust came from at times, but you weren’t one to question it today.

Instead, you give the blanket a little toss to air it out, and then quickly hoist it over her, before she can question you on it.

She still does, of course. Just afterwards.

“What is…?”

“I’ve been noticing something recently,” you start, settling down next to her, “you’re very, very bad with the cold. Like, fear-levels of bad with it.”

She looks away at that.

“Kinda thought about it for the past few months. Noticed’ your habits of staying near anything warm, and occasionally wearing clothes, which is something not precisely normal for ponies outside of like… dead-winter. Or Rarity. Brings back bad memories, I’m guessing?”

She doesn’t look back.

You decide to take a moment to tuck the blanket in, at least a bit. A lack of resistance is all the answer you need.

She’s really not her usual prickly self tonight… you’re not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad one.

There’s a way to check this, at least. You just pray for your poor fingers, when you do it.

You poke her cheek.

“Hey, no moodiness. I took you out here so you wouldn’t be cooped up and sad, c’mon.”

You poke her cheek again, and her eyes flick over to you, more annoyed than anything.

You try your luck, and do it again. Then again. Then again.

Her patience is immeasurable, and her day is not yet ruined, but you can feel the lack of amusement coming from her.

“Anonymous, stop.”

“Pulling the full name, huh? Well, ‘Nightmare Moon,’ I shan’t stop until you stop being moody, and there will be no argument.”

*Poke. Poke.*

“Or should I pull out the big guns, ‘Luna’?”

*Poooke.*

Her lack of amusement quickly turns to frustration, and she starts to show a small, innocent smile. With fangs. Lots of them.

Goodbye, poor index finger. But you will die for a good cause.

*Poke.*

The frustration isn’t vanishing, or being turned to any kind of humour. So, it’s a really bad mood she’s hiding.

*Poke.*

Now here comes the part where you risk life and limb to know how bad of a mood she’s in. By persisting.

“Stop.”

“Nope.”

*Poke.*

“I won’t repeat it again, stop.”

“I won’t repeat it again, nope.”

*Poke.*

Sheer reflex and gut instinct gets you to pull your hand back right before she snaps at the air where your finger used to be.

It’s at least a code four- feeling lonely and/or isolated, and in need of a distraction, or, preferably, a way to blow off steam.

… Wow, you really had some of this down to a science by now, huh?

Alright, that was an absolute lie, you were just bullshitting, but still. You’d felt she’d been suffering from a lot of pent-up everything recently, and that was why you were here.

After all- her insults when you woke up earlier were a bit more drawn-out than usual.

And, if you knew anything, it’s that you were definitely going to pick at her brain about this.

“Alright, alright, sorry,” you finally back down, nudging yourself away from her, “just wanted to help.”

“Well, you were doing a very fine job at ‘helping,’” she snarls at you, giving every indication that she was… a lot angrier than you thought.

Though she pauses afterwards, and does something you hadn’t seen from her since… well, the first few weeks. “W-wait, no that isn’t…” She visibly recoils back a moment, before her gaze drops to the floor, “That isn’t fair to you.”

Yeah, that’s... That’s not something you’re used to from her.

You look back at her, trying to figure out exactly the kind of mood she’s in.

Even when she’s obviously off-put by something, she’s still an expert at hiding the majority of what she’s feeling from anyone.

A wall of stone, this one.

Luckily, you still has some experience on this matter.

The slight way she seemed to be lowering herself to the ground, how her ears were lightly flicked backwards, almost as if she was afraid you’d yell, the smallest of frowns, almost hidden by her coat, but still noticeable by how she clenched her jaw...

She was... she was more afraid of your own reaction than anything. That wasn’t normal, at least as far as you noticed.

... Right?

Granted, despite how you played up your understanding of others, you could be as dense as the blackest of holes at times.

After taking a few seconds longer than you probably should’ve, you reach over and give her a small pat on her withers, trying to reassure her that smallest bit that you weren’t mad or anything. “Don’t worry too much, I was being an idiot. Probably deserved that brush with fingerless-ness.”

She flinches slightly, but otherwise doesn’t react, other than laying her head onto the blanket in front of her.

“Still. You went through the trouble of bringing me out somewhere tonight, and already I’ve soured it with a poor mood,” she says after a pause, closing her eyes and turning away from you, hiding her expression.

“Actually,” you start, rubbing the back of your neck with your free hand, “that’s a bit of-uh, the reason we’re here.”

You can feel her back tense through her extra blanket, but she doesn’t react otherwise. She’s gone completely silent.

Sighing, you get to your feet, trying not to feel the slightest amount of defeat already. This was certainly going to be a challenge.

Luckily, being an idiot might actually work out this time.

Dusting off your knees of any sand that might’ve trailed with you onto the safe-haven of the blanket, you make your way over to the riverside, and dip your hand into it.

It’s cold as all hell, just enough to jolt you awake, and a bit out of your own mood.

Shaking it clear of any water and impending frostbite, giving the river another glance you pray that your earlier assumption about this little valley was true.

Now to just psyche yourself up a bit, too.

Which involves pacing. A whole lot of it along the riverside.

Pacing is a terrible habit, but it’s a better nervous tic than some.

Nightmare’s still laying on the blanket, and due to a few clouds intruding on your moonlight, you can’t exactly tell what kind of mood she’s in anymore, at least by looks.

You can make assumptions, yes, but those suck.

It’s been a few minutes of less-than-mindless pacing. You almost feel ready to get a move on with your plan tonight, but just to be sure, you make your way back over to the blanket, being careful to dust yourself off preemptively this time before settling down again.

“Done digging a trench?” You heard her ask, but just barely.

“Just about,” you answer simply.

Flopping onto your back without warning, you hear the mare next to you shuffle slightly.

“Do you enjoy startling me like that?”

“Just a bit,” you chuckle, eyes trailing to the sky.

As usual, Celestia kept the night sky as consistent as she ever did. Not particularly outstanding, but the stars were the same, and the moon was doing it’s job, passing through the sky as usual.

It... sparked memories. But in a different way.

You miss the cottage. You miss the lack of artificial light, when the skies opened up so wide you could swear you saw the galaxy, like those photos on the internet you thought were impossible. The canopy of trees, too, and the light flickering through with the rustling of the wind to complete the feeling.

A feeling of loss, in a way, was unavoidable.

You still do wonder from time to time what Nightmare would do if she had control of the night sky again. Hopefully other than trying to conquer the land, of course.

Taking a deep breath through your nose, and letting it go through your mouth, you continue to lie there for a moment.

Does the sky change on other parts of the globe here, you wonder. Are there places where it opens up more? And are the stars out there real, or are the ponies here not crazy when they say they’re artificial? And if they are, is there anything beyond them?

A million questions, and a lack of answers would follow the lot of it.

“Are you... alright?”

Her voice pulls you out of the small trance you were in, and you shake your head to make sure you’re out of it. At least for the moment.

“Yeah, just thinking about a few things,” you answer.

“Like...?”

Propping yourself up on your elbows, you raise an eyebrow in her direction. She usually doesn’t ask too much about what goes on with you.

The few clouds that had been blocking your light had long since passed, but she didn’t make it any easier by looking away again.

“I’m simply curious,” she says, rather reservedly, giving about as much as you had before. Probably in an attempt to think of something else, you’d wager.

“Well, I’m not gonna stifle any curiosity, certainly,” you relent, slumping back into your spot.

“Just wondering about a few things, when it comes to how Equestria’s sky works. Like, I get it’s supposed to be like that technically, but the stars never change during the night. Like, up there-” you point towards Equestria’s equivalent to a North Star “-I’ve always seen that star by itself. No matter where I go, whether it’s the brightest centres of Ponyville, or the most pitch-black places in the Everfree, there’s never anything close to it. It’s like there’s a respectful few feet between it and all the other stars.”

You pause a moment, before pointing out a few constellations in the sky, “not to mention how your constellations have the same thing going on. I’m not particularly sure why, but it’s like they’re shy or something. Keeping away from the other stars.”

“And, generally,” you start again after taking a few fresh breaths of air, “it’s kinda like the sky here, in general, is pretty shy. No matter where I go, it’s always the same stars, even when I was dragged to Manehattan for a day. There’s never more or less of them, even if light pollution is a factor. I get that ponies say they’re magical or something, but it’s a bit weird. I still stand by everything I say about the night, but it doesn’t help matters when Equestria is a bit... consistent. If a bit bland at times.”

You sigh, thoughts drifting back to the old cottage... your old home... as you come to a stop.

And, then there’s the slight realization you had a small rant about the night sky to, well, the prior princess of said night.

You made it a point to never really touch on that if you could, but you were a bit more distracted than usual, and didn’t catch yourself in time. Damn.

...

“Are you... really that curious about it?” She asks, voice unwaveringly neutral.

That was... her usual danger tone.

“Yeah, I-uh, tend to think about it a lot. Sky’s just so different from back home. Just never thought to ask anyone, I guess,” you say, lying through your teeth.

“You could have asked,” she says, voice moving to a tone that was a lot softer than you expected it to be.

Honesty is the best policy...

“Didn’t know if I should’ve, though. I know you’re going through some things, and, well, I thought that...” you gesture ‘up,’ “would be a bit of a sensitive point.”

“I... can see why you would be worried,” she started, her voice dropping to a whisper, “I haven’t exactly been the kindest to you. Even when you seem to make these exceptions for me practically every day.”

So, she did notice.

She continues to throw you through a bit of a loop, as she lets out a small, self-deprecating chuckle. “I am quite good at being thankless, it seems. At least I have one thing over my sister now...”

Her voice cracks as she finishes, and you can hear her bury her head in her hooves.

“It must be an art, seeing how easily I’ve driven away any of those who said they appreciated my night. To the point that even one of the few creatures who had the least assumptions...” She drifts off, shifting in place again. The most you can hear is her breathing getting slightly more ragged.

Okay, so maybe you should’ve used that incessant pacing earlier to move ahead with your plan. This was, most certainly, not a part of it. In fact, you could probably label this pretty far up there in the ‘not intentional’ bracket.

Propping yourself up on your elbows again, you quickly glance over at her. She’s cocooned herself completely underneath the fluffier blanket.

Well, there’s not much else to do here... except maybe for something dumb. Again.

Being dumb got you into this mess, so maybe it can get you out of it. Even if that made very little sense.

With a deep breath, you prop yourself up fully, crawling around to get next to her, head-to-head.

You reach over and test the waters slightly, resting a hand on her neck. She tenses up again, but otherwise, doesn’t react.

Alright...

Preparing yourself ever so slightly, you tug lightly at the edge of the blanket, just beyond her muzzle. You don’t hear an exertion of magic, and she doesn’t resist at all.

Soon enough, you’ve pulled it back to the base of her neck.

As usual, she doesn’t give off very much. Her eyes are closed- tensely, you might add- her ears are pinned against her head, and she’s doing her best to hide her face with her hooves.

But otherwise, despite her breathing being rougher than usual, she’s showing nothing.

Bottling it all up, maybe. Either that or having a panic attack.

With a sigh, you decide to move onto only-created-at-this-moment-Plan-B. It’ll tie back into Plan A, just with extra steps.

“C’mon,” you start, lightly grasping onto a hoof of hers, “walk with me for a moment.”

She freezes again, but doesn’t respond. Again.

With a sigh, you give the hoof a light tug while slowly making your way to your feet.

She’s eventually faced with the uncomfortable feeling of having a fourth of her body lightly tugged upwards, and- weakly- tries to pull the hoof back.

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way, c’mon,” you press, still trying to keep your voice gentle, and give her hoof another light tug.

You can spot her eyes for a brief moment- looking with the tiniest panic at the band around your wrist.

You’d never go that far though. Seriously, that’d just be cruel. You haven’t even used the damn thing once, and you certainly never intend to.

After all- this experiment was to get her out and stop bottling things up anyways. A controlled shock would probably be counter-productive to that.

Despite her fears though, she still doesn’t move much.

“Last chance,” you press again, firming your grasp.

You could spot the slightest tremble on her lips, and she tries to pull her hoof back with increased force.

“Alright, alright,” you sigh, bracing yourself for the dumb thing you were about to do, “we can do this the hard way, then.”

Before she can react, after making the slightest prayers that you wouldn’t get bit or something, you leaned down, scooped your arms underneath her, and proceeded to hoist her into the air like you were carrying a cat, accentuated by the smallest exclamation of surprise on her part.

You probably should’ve been praying to the gods of carrying-capacity though, because Jesus Christ she’s heavy, even for a pony with pegasus in them!

Okay, she’s an alternate-reality horse, compared to the alternate-reality ponies, and you were fully expecting this, but still!

...

The movement itself was actually easy enough, made simpler by her laying position- even if the blanket was somehow lost in translation, crumpling down onto its brother laid out on the ground- and due to the fact that you surprised her with it.

Oh yeah, her reaction.

Whatever mood she was in before was immediately overridden by the feeling of weightlessness she suddenly felt- made even more surprising by the fact that you’re managing to hold it easily enough, despite her weight. Her eyes have narrowed to pin-picks- something you’d never get used to- and her hooves have instinctively curled close to her body, hind-legs grasping her tail between them. Her wings at one point had tried to extend, but being scooped underneath a human’s grasp made it seem like the wiser choice was to keep them close.

Her expression, though? It’s the part that told you that you’d chosen your stupid action well.

It had started, as expected, in complete shock- coming down from whatever fear she’d felt towards the band, made worse by her... incorrect assumption on how you felt about her, and wholly intensified by, y’know, getting suddenly picked up.

It was immediately followed by embarrassment, something you understood completely, especially for a prior princess.

And, finally, it morphed to confusion, her eyes asking you many, many questions, as she did her best to not get herself suddenly dropped to the floor by centring her weight and not freaking out.

Being completely unequipped to preemptively answer the torrent of questions that had yet to be posed, you simply smirked and started to leisurely walk towards the stream.

The silence, though quite awkward as you walked, was comforting in a way. It was easier to not think about a lot of the mess you’d made when you just had a pony in your arms, especially when the both of you were content to not focus on that part too much.

For completely different reasons, yes, but that doesn’t change a thing.

After taking your time to move from your small campsite to the side of the river, you slowly, deliberately, put her down next to it. You don’t dawdle too much, and plop yourself down next to her, hands around your knees as you pull them closer, feeling the cold coming off the river in front of you.

She’s visibly disappointed about where you ended up, but still seems a bit too shaken to muster any response.

So, it’s up to you to lead again.

And back to Plan A...

“So,” you start, giving the edge of the terrain around you a confirming look, “you know why I brought you out here?”

She doesn’t respond as you send a glance towards Canterlot, your eyes narrowing slightly as you caught the city’s light glow in the distance.

“Well, did you notice anything when we got here?” You asked almost rhetorically, not expecting a response.

And she doesn’t give one.

“It’s fine if you didn’t notice. But I decided to drag you out here for a specific reason, actually: this place is pretty close to being soundproof.”

She does react this time, sending you another questioning glance. She’s gone back to doing her best impression of a classical statue again, though.

“And, well, I felt like you weren’t really... doing too well, around Ponyville. You didn’t really have an outlet or anything, and I know personally how that can mess with someone. I was lucky, I got hoisted to the world where being the weird foreign alien monkey meant that at least the weird xenophiles in the bunch were attracted to me,” you start rambling, essentially, giving off a little chuckle as you went, “not to mention I rolled luckily enough to get the dimension of naturally-nice people.”

You sigh at that last part, head dropping onto your knees.

“Of course, that doesn’t mean everything is solved. Being out of your element, no matter how kind people try and be, it never really is the same. And trying to cling onto what I had only really made things worse- learned that pretty damned quick. And when you do only attract the weird ones... I’m just gonna sum it up with ‘it doesn’t really work out that well.’”

“I didn’t really have something to alleviate the stress for the longest time. Ended up making everything all blur together, almost like I was on auto-pilot. Checked out, let life go as it may, kinda became a massive dick for a while, and generally, things weren’t kind for that start there. Ended up feeling like I went nuts. And honestly, with the weird shit I was doing- like just spouting references left and right, I probably would’ve gotten away with temporary insanity in court. Honestly, a bad habit I’m sure most people back home would’ve picked up, but still...”

Taking a deep breath, you open your eyes. You didn’t really notice you’d closed them before, the darkness feeling almost the same in a way. But seeing the light sparkle of stars in your companion’s mane was enough to realize you had.

She was... watching you closely. Listening intently. She seemed to almost recoil away when you noticed her, head snapping in another direction entirely.

You’d find that a bit amusing, if you didn’t feel pressed to continue, at least personally.

You’d close your eyes again. This time to just give her that much.

“I’m not sure when it was, really. But I know it was after I’d been stuck with you, at first. I’d opened up a bit at the time with you, but I was beyond the boiling point by then, the ‘fog’ from before really showing itself as a ‘steam’ this time. It was probably a few weeks after, actually, that I just... took off one night. I started walking in one random direction, not really caring where I’d end up. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I broke right then. In some way. Things built up way too much, and the added pressure of everything new I was dealing with was the breaking point.”

“I’m-”

“Shush.”

It was a simple command, and you didn’t even open your eyes to deliver it. She went dead-silent.

“At some point, during that walk, I just... collapsed. I think. It was about as much of a blur as the rest, honestly. But I remember just... curling into myself, feeling completely sick to my stomach. I was pretty sure I was about to like... die or something. It sounds kinda dumb, but I know what stress does to people, so I was honestly this close to being sure about that.”

“But something... different happened. I remember being just... so damned tired. Of everything. I struggled my way to my feet, and I ended up just yelling. It wasn’t anything in particular at the time- at least I don’t really remember that much. It was just complete, absolute catharsis, and nothing else. I just yelled my lungs out until my throat hurt- pretty sure I scared off everything within a mile, actually- until I’d just collapsed down again, clutching my stomach for a completely different reason.”

“It hadn’t actually solved anything. But it was a start. A jump-off point that made me realize just... just how much everything had taken a toll on me. That I could just be pushed into this odd daze, only to, at the end, scream my lungs out about literally nothing, in some desperate attempt to alleviate the pressure.”

“So you know what I did? I got back up, lungs burning, raised my hands to the sky in a rather crude gesture none of you really understand, and started yelling about my actual problems.”

You chuckle at that, thinking back to the moment. It was so stupid.

“I remember just... cussing out several of the ponies who treated me like absolute shit. Whether it was because of weird, completely unnatural alien fascination, or just because ‘unicorns are the best, bow before me alien monkey.’ I remember finally crying out in pain about how I’d just been tossed into an alien world, and was expected to just deal with it. Not helped by the interrogations with purple-smart.I remember taking my time to just, yell about the fact that I couldn’t even work a schedule I wanted, or get a job even remotely close to something I could actually enjoy. An irony here, I’m sure. The list kept going on for a while, but when it came down to a lot more recent stuff...”

“I just started to get perspective on which of my problems were small and could be dealt with, which were big and needed honest work to get over, and which of my problems were non-problems.”

You turn over to her, finally opening your eyes again. You reach over, and very simply, lay your hand on her head, scratching at her mane lightly. It wasn’t something you did often, and it felt almost like the stars in it were pricking at you slightly, while the rest of the ethereal mess was... soft. Unnaturally so.

“So, after having my really, really self-indulgent moment, I decided to tackle things as I could. It started pretty slow, with focusing down on the little things that light up the day. Eating better, trying to sleep more... regardless of bed quality... but not going overboard. Walking a lot more, trying to get some exercise. The default things you think of when you need to fix your problems.”

“Then, I started tackling my ‘ponies’ problem. Suffice to say, I’m pretty sure I’ve weaponized those six to do my bidding. Long story, won’t get into it tonight.”

You have to chuckle again, thinking back to the... odd musical that spontaneously started mid-way through your ‘I’m a sapient being, stop being weird, please, and if you try and act superior to me, I will judo the fuck out of you in an honourable duel, try me, I did it to the age-old nightmare demon’ speech.

“Job’s still on the list, and so is the schedule. But I’m managing anyways,” this one was a bit more of a white-lie, but you could deal with that later.

Her eyes are still focused on you, even as you just continue to ramble. But you didn’t quite want to stop yet. Especially since you were still coming to an important point.

“And then... there’s the whole, well... I’m never going to think of a subtle way to put this, honestly, so I’ll be blunt about it: the ex-princess of the night who’d been hoisted onto me because I was capable of restraining her.”

That’s about when she starts shrinking down again.

You quickly make to scoop her head back up to visual-range with the hand having a bit too much fun scratching at her mane.

“So. I decided to work on that piecemeal, if I could, because said ‘ex-princess’ was going through some really, really tough times, and I couldn’t just blitz into the issue expecting it to get solved overnight. Especially since I understood a lot of the things she’d been going through. Maybe not exactly, but pretty damn close. And I wasn’t going to give up, because I’m pretty sure I’m one of the few people who can deal with this at least somewhat healthily instead of just throwing magic rainbows at you, lobotomize you, and expect the problem to be solved forever. No seriously, I looked it up: that’s basically what they were going to do.”

Her expression is... as unreadable as ever. But you decide to press on, keeping your grasp firm.

“I was pretty lucky, though. I’d already started to work on it, even if I didn’t quite realize it at the time. Retroactive justification, and all... or maybe something subconscious. But I’ll never know, I guess.”

“I’d already gotten you settled in a better bed. I’d already given you the space you’d need. I’d already been lenient on you, at least so far as what I was willing to let you do that wasn’t self-destructive. I made sure to spend time with you when I could, even when you were being the stereotypical villain as a defence mechanism. Or a jerk. I started to open up to you...”

As you talked, you started to slowly realize just... how much you were doing for her before it became an ‘official’ issue.

... Kindred spirits, maybe?

You’re not quite sure. Either way, you’d just... let it melt together. Not separate between what you were doing before and now- mostly as a way to save yourself from her catching onto that, if she did...

“And let’s just say, I went out of my way a lot. Smaller things, even if you didn’t notice them. Because I just wanted to see you improve. Because I’m one of the few people here who really understands what it feels like to be completely out of my element. Because I saw the hurt in your eyes when I mentioned what I thought about the night-”

That statement. Even as you continued, that statement visibly got to her. She stopped being this perfect image of a princess in trying times- stoic and giving nothing, even despite her earlier crack- She couldn’t bear to look in your direction anymore. Even with her interest in what you were saying. Her ears even pinned backwards, though their light turn in your direction told you she was still completely attentive.

“-And because I realized, people don’t just... start bad. It’s usually a whole lot of nurture, or something specific that sets them off. I mean, the entire criminal justice system would tell you that. And, without growing up learning to fear you here, I decided to dig into the books, go back, and really figure out what gnawed at you. Use that ‘outsider’s view’ to my advantage.”

“And I figured out the best thing I could’ve done for you- all from that reason. I figured you needed someone on your side, someone willing to be kind to you, talk to you, try to be your friend, and just... notice you exist. The books even admitted to it. You’re alone. You lost everyone back then, over the millennia, even your own sister- and that’s why you broke.”

“And, respectfully, ‘dark magic’ is complete bullshit and justification for doing something shitty to you. Like, y’know, banishing you to the moon for a millennia, bright ideas there!”

You pause, momentarily not sure where to go with your rambling. You’d hit a sort of crescendo there, and it was... rather hard to continue beyond it.

It took about 5 long seconds of struggling to start up again before you found a way to continue.

“So, yeah. As I said earlier- I brought you out here tonight. Because I felt that, like, you haven’t really had an opportunity to figure things out. You haven’t had a night to cry, or a night to yell your heart out about something- you’ve just been stuck in a kind of ‘haze.’ One I knew well. Something that a bit of a shock to the system might help with.”

“And while I might not be... the most subtle, or even the greatest at starting things like this off, I thought at least I’d let you know I’m here if you need to do one of those things. Originally, if you were a bit more... as usual, I was going to push you to have a little yell, but I’m a bit less sure now. Whatever you’re comfortable with, I guess.”

Finishing your, well, monologue, you stop to look in her direction again. She’s still like she is before, head turned completely away.

You can’t help but give out an awkward chuckle. You weren’t exactly a professional at any of this, and it showed.

But you’d give her a moment. Time to process things often helped. And while putting things off forever didn’t solve the issue, a little bit of time with a little bit of push often went a long way.

So, you were going to wait. You were going to watch her, and see if she wanted to say anything, if she had any reaction to give.

And if she didn’t? That was fine. You’d head home, and give her time to mull over it.

And then you’d come out here again, at the next opportunity. And keep working on it.

You weren’t going to abandon someone who needed honest-to-god help.

That was a promise. To you, and to her.

“I...”

You pull in a breath of air, eyes opening slowly. It had been a decent while. Minutes, at least. Maybe double-digits. Probably several. Hell, you weren’t even sure when you’d closed them again.

But as she struggled for her words, you gave her your full attention.

Even if a cloud was passing by, covering the area in dark. But maybe that’s why she spoke up, too. For that bit of privacy, so you couldn’t spot her expressions.

Seems like something she’d do, shy as she can be at times.

“I know you said... ‘why,’ but... why?”

Giving the slightest chuckle, you lean back onto your hands.

“You sure you want me to follow up a monologue with a monologue? Because I could go a while on that one.”

She was silent for a moment, but in the dark, you could spot her eyes again. You forgot how they almost glowed in the dark at times.

They were asking you to keep going.

Sighing, you gather your thoughts before continuing on.

“I’ll... try to sum it up. But, honestly? It’s because I know what it feels like to not be happy. I don’t mean happy in the ‘oh I just don’t feel terrible,’ or the ‘I’m distracted so I feel ‘good’’ way, I mean the ‘I don’t feel satisfied whatsoever’ kind of unhappiness. And working slowly, for the past few months, to find that? It’s given me perspective.”

“Like. It’s hard to be happy. It takes work. It has mechanics, too, that are damned near consistent. Hell, it’s almost like... almost like building a house, I guess. You don’t just ‘build a house,’ you have to work on each individual part, until at the end, you actually have like. A house.”

You pause, struggling to find a better analogy, as you scratch at your head.

“You have to start somewhere. A foundation. Something that you can work on- something that makes it feel possible. Just... putting up a wall isn’t going to do much. It’ll topple immediately. And even when you’re done- like most things in life- you’ll love it for a while, but then you’ll want more. Extend it. Or something like that. Get a more satisfying project going... and if you manage to like. Lose it. It falls down. Because these things don’t last forever, or something happens. You have to start all over again, and...”

“That’s... I’m not entirely sure if I’m making sense right now.”

A self-deprecating chuckle escapes you, and you shake your head.

“It’s... I’m not too good at the analogy part, I’ll be honest. I’m just winging it here. Still figuring all this shit out. But, for your ‘why,’ I’ve just gotta say ‘because I want to.’ And I’ll leave it at that. I just want you to have whatever foundation you need, and help you build up what you can. And because of the time I’ve spent with you, when I felt like you were being open with me, I think it’s worth the effort. As... hard as it is.”

You struggle for a few more moments, trying to find something else to say, but you honestly can’t. So you stop struggling for it, take a deep breath, and return comfortably to silence, letting your sight darken again.

Don’t force things. It never really helps. Just do what feels right at the moment. You might have to train it first, or get a little older for it, but your gut usually doesn’t fail you.

...

Focusing on your breath was a good choice. You can sort of feel the relief in just bleching out words like that after the fact, the weird kind of relief that makes breathing harder, though.

Nothing is ever simple in life, is it?

...

Utterly failing to resist temptation, you crack an eye open just long enough to return a hand to her mane, scratching at it softly.

Seriously, this amount of soft is unfair. The stars may be really weird-feeling, but it was entirely secondary to the softness.
And you got used to the pricks at some point. It felt kinda nice, actually. Like shrimp, as weird as that sounds.

Who don’t you do this more often?

You were interrupted before you could enjoy the feeling too much, though, by a weight pushing back against your hand.

“What if I don’t agree with you?”

You pull in a deep breath, before giving your response:

“Then I’ll kick your ass! I don’t get to go through all this effort, and open up like this, just for you to throw it away because ‘woe is me’!”

There was a small snort at that, one that kicked off your own.

“I... I would admonish you for that being inappropriate, but it was effective.”

“I know, I’m pretty great, aren’t I?”

The snort was louder this time.

“Don’t push it.”

While she started with a chuckle, you could tell it was more of a truthful statement as well, so you let a comfortable silence set in between the both of you again.

... Which meant you got to scratch away at her mane without consequence. Victory!

“You brought me here for... exactly what again?”

You were brought back from the brink of unconsciousness by Nightmare, who fixed you with an expectant gaze.

“Huh?”

She let out a small chuckle, an ear flicking against your still-present hand, before she repeated:

“You... mentioned something specific you wanted to do out here?”

You pause, your thoughts slowly dribbling back into your consciousness.

“Uh... Oh! Right! the yelling thing!”

You pause again, eyes narrowing in thought.

“I’m not... quite sure it’d be appropriate, though-” You fail completely at stifling a yawn mid-sentence “-The-uh, night went a bit differently than planned.”

She shakes her head lightly, eyes closing for a moment as an amused expression comes over her.

“Still, if you did... enjoy that experience. I’d... like to at least understand what it was like.”

“I’m not quite sure ‘enjoy’ is the right word, it feels a bit like salting a wound at first, but...”

You pull back your hand as your brain returns to a mostly-functioning state, yawning again as you stumble to your feet.

“If you insist. I already kinda knew how I was going to start it, at least.”

As Nightmare gets to her hooves next to you, you can’t help but notice how her expression has shifted.

She looks a lot... calmer now. And she’s smiling, at least. You like her smile.

Her eyes are pretty much locked onto you, though.

She, once again, seems to notice you catching onto that, and looks away again.

... Damn moon-horse and her stonewalling...

You pat away any particles of sand that’s stuck onto you during your sit-down, and lead her away, back to the picnic setup.

Mostly so you can offer her a more comfortable seat, and once again tuck the fluffy blanket around her. It was noticeably warmer away from the stream, too, which was nice.

It may have made you yawn again.

... She’s still being as open as your average jar of pickles, though. You really needed to figure out how to switch this off.

A job for another day, maybe.

“You remember what I said at the start? About why I chose this place?”

She pauses for a moment, and, honestly, shakes her head.

“I had... other things to think about, I ap... I’m sorry.”

You chuckle for a moment, and wave it off.

“I’m surprised I remembered to bring it up again, you’re not alone.”

You start to stretch yourself out a bit, and focus on your breathing. You’d need it.

“Well, when we walked in here, you might’ve felt the air change a bit. I’ve probed the area out a bit, and I figured’ that this place is pretty soundproof, at least to the outside world. And...” you fix her a cautionary look, “I’ve heard tales about alicorns and them raising their voices.”

She pauses, and matches your gaze... before cracking again, looking away with a clear, barely-hidden smile.

“I... will neither confirm nor deny these allegations.”

“What, not incriminating yourself before you blow my eardrums?”

“Perhaps.”

Sighing dramatically, shaking your head as you went, you shuffle yourself back onto your feet.

“Well, now I’m not even going to warn you about what I’m about to d-”

You pull in a breath, turn towards Canterlot in the distance, raise your middle finger to the sky, and yell out, clear as day:

“FUCK YOU CELESTIA!”

As expected, despite your assurance that the area is soundproof...

“A-are you mad?!”

“Absolutely, but that’s not important right now!”

“Wh-what if she comes down here and-”

“Well then, fuck her! I’ll do to her what I did to you, she doesn’t get to say what I say, or what I do with the pony she threw at me! I don’t even know if freedom of speech is a right here, but, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, I SAY WHAT I WANT! I’M NOT CAUSING A PUBLIC DISTURBANCE, I’M NOWHERE NEAR ANYWHERE PUBLIC!”

You’re just laughing as you look down, seeing your partner stammer as her eyes dart between you and the direction of Canterlot.

When a decent thirty seconds pass with nothing happening, she seems to finally understand what you were getting at.

... And her expression goes blank for a moment.

Before, well...

“I... wouldn’t be against seeing that, I think...”

A reserved, though mischievous expression found its way onto her.

You give off another laugh, and gesture for her to join you standing up again.

“No time like the present, then.”

She hesitates for a moment, but, along with the blanket, rises to her hooves.

... Before you can mention that it would be a wise thing to do too, she does stretch somewhat.

“H-how would I start? I don’t even know what to...”

“I won’t sue for plagiarism.”

The look she gives you is a bit more panicked this time.

“Don’t worry about it too much- I was only half-kidding back there. I highly doubt anyone’ll hear you, and if she does somehow, I’m not letting her start anything,” you give her a reassuring pat on the withers, “consider that a promise.”

She’s still looks hesitant, but you can tell that she wants to do it.

Maybe it was the nervous trotting-in-place she thought you wouldn’t notice underneath the layers of fabric.

Predator senses are truly the best senses.

Still, the trust she was showing you here was... really flattering.

She could take her time. That was fi-

“SISTER, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, I WANT YOU TO KNOW SOMETHING SIMPLE: I WISH ONLY THE WORST NIGHTMARES IN THE COLDEST PITS OF TARTARUS UPON YOU, AND ALL YOUR KIN. IF I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY- YOUR SUFFERING WOULD BE EQUAL TO BOTH THE HUMILIATION I SUFFERED UNDERNEATH YOU FOR ALL THOSE YEARS, ALONG WITH THE THOUSAND YEARS OF COLD TORMENT YOU FORCED UPON ME FOR NOT FOLLOWING YOUR ORTHODOX TEACHINGS OF ‘HARMONY’ THAT BETRAYED ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I AIDED YOU IN PUTTING THEM IN PLACE! NO, IN FACT, PERHAPS I’LL MAKE IT WORSE- BECOMING A LAUGHING STOCK TO PONYVILLE, WHENEVER THEY’RE NOT COWERING IN FEAR FROM YOUR TEACHINGS, IS NO WORSE THAN THE REST!”

There was a dark tone that came into her voice as she went on...

“I REMEMBER SOME ARCHAIC PUNISHMETS THAT WOULD SUIT YOU- AFTER ALL, IT’S ONLY FAIR YOU FACE THE SAME LAWS YOU USED TO INDICT ME ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. EXTENDED ‘PUBLIC SERVICE’ PERHAPS? A TERM OF TORTURE? OR MAYBE I WOULD SIMPLY BANISH YOU TO YOUR PRECIOUS SUN- AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND RETRIBUTION IS HELD FOR THE TWO NOW HALF-BLIND. I’M SURE THE BURNING IS NO LESS PAINFUL THAN YOUR LUNGS SUDDENLY FACING THE LACK OF ATMOSPHERE, BEING FROZEN TO YOUR DEEPEST PLACES, AND THE FEELING THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO EVEN WISH YOURSELF DEATH IN THE PAIN! IMMORTALITY IS SUCH A GIFT, ISN’T IT, SISTER? AT LEAST YOU GET YOUR WORSHIP- I IMAGINE YOU SIMPLY SAT THERE IN WOE, PROCLAIMING TO YOURSELF ‘I WAS FORCED TO DO IT’ WHILE CONSORT AFTER CONSORT WENT THROUGH YOUR CHAMBERS TO CURRY YOUR FAVOR! MEANWHILE- I’M SUFFERING UNDER YOUR ‘GLORIOUS’ AND ‘GRATEFUL’ WATCH IN PRACTICAL HELL!”

H-holy shit! Your ears!

OW.

You’re fucking outclassed! The rumours were true!

OW!

Now if only the ringing would stop!

It took a decent moment to recover from that.

Nightmare too. Her chest was heaving as she struggled for air.

“D-did I do alright?”

When she finally got a few words out, you had to pause in disbelief.

“D-did you do alright?! Firstly, OW! Secondly, OW! And thirdly, I’m pretty sure the entire guard would be storming here right now if Celestia heard you!”

She stammers again, while you manage to finally get the ringing out of your ears.

“So, to put it short- Holy shit that was great! I didn’t even have to pressure you to elaborate!”

You give off a hearty laugh, and collapse down onto the ground beneath you.

“Now I’ve gotta figure out if it’s worth the ear-damage to get you to complain about anything else in your life, Jesus!”

Your laughter picked up for a moment, but it cooled down quickly as you gathered your thoughts.

Nightmare, for her part, settles down next to you, seeming somewhat troubled.

“I won’t condone the whole ‘punishment’ part in there, but for the record, you can keep my coat. Christ, I didn’t know it was that bad. I thought it would be like... stasis, or some other magical thing while you were up there. Assumptions’ll get you, I guess.”

Now you sorta understood why everyone freaked out about ‘banishment’ instead of life imprisonment, or the death penalty, or something. Banishment was the permanent penalty.

She was just... ‘lucky’ to be an immortal.

...

On the moon, would she have seen?...

...

You let your experience with ponies completely take over here, even if you knew she was a special case.

She deserved a hug after opening something like that.

“Vacations on the equator: Got it.”

She tenses up, as you honestly expected her to, but her pressing back into your arms?

You were getting used to things like that, too.

“I would appreciate that, yes,” she chuckled. “But you’re right. It feels terrible at first, like you’re rubbing salt into a wound that’s yet to heal, but after you realize ‘I got that out’, it feels almost... euphoric.”

“Pure Catharsis: Told ya’. Now here comes the part where I have to slowly pressure you to use that euphoria for productive purposes.”

She hums an affirmative, and to your (very little) surprise, you feel magic tugging your hand back to it’s earlier place by her ear.

Very subtle, moon-horse. Very subtle.

This is the point where all the stops are pulled again.

You give off your second dramatic sigh of the day, and while you acquiesce, you weren’t going to let her get away with it without you poking fun at her.

“Jeez, if I had tried this yesterday, I’dve lost an arm.”

“Yesterday you didn’t spend hours earning it.”

You give off a snort, “yeah, ‘earning it’, says the pony who’s totally not enjoying it right now.”

“What was that saying you use? ‘I plead the fifth.’”

“Little did you know, the country that applies to, I wasn’t even living in back home.”

“Hmm... ‘the legal rights guaranteed to me underneath the charter of rights and freedoms’?”

... Holy shit, you only used that to disarm her once.

You’re just starting to realize just how much this pony might’ve noticed. Not only the small things you tried to do- but those too, definitely!- but passing remarks and stuff.

How much were you saying earlier that she’d remember word-for-word?

On top of that- she admitted to forgetting the soundproof thing.

You literally have no clue what she’s going to remember or not, and that’s terrifying.

“... What’s that look of dread for?”

“I wish to adhere to my legal rights-”

She nudges you with her horn, from her position nuzzled into you.

“I want a lawyer, I feel threatened.”

“Hmm, there doesn’t seem to be any available- I suppose the most qualified here would be the ‘ex-princess’ as you put it, hmm?”

“I want a different lawyer, I know my rights.”

You both laugh.

...

“Enjoying the shell-less experience?”

“Perhaps.”

“Well, good thing you didn’t give me a straight answer- because I’m not letting you go until you let me know some smaller things that don’t involve toppling or engaging in a civil suit against the head-of-government. Or you yell about them. I need something to work with.”

“You already spoke about one that bothers me, and you’re already-”

“One person who wants to get close to you isn’t enough, and I’m already trying to think of solutions. You know what I mean.”

She sits there in silence for some time, letting you continue to scratch away at her mane as she thinks.

“I think I need to get out more. It’s... warmer at home, but it’s... suffocating at times.”

“Definitely doable. I can bring you on my walks, if you like. I try and explore around during them, so things will shake up a lot. Fresher the air, the better.”

She silently nudged her way closer, and you couldn’t help but notice that she seemed to be getting comfortable.

“I suppose until my... ‘sentence’ is over, that’s the best that can be done.”

You nod, “Ponyville may be a large area, but yeah, we’re still stuck here for the time-being. I still owe you that time away at the equator, though. Somewhere sunny and warm. Like pony-Hawaii, if that exists.”

She chuckled under her breath, rolling her shoulders forwards in a way to ‘hide’ her nudging further forwards.

“That sounds... nice.”

...

“Anything else pressing? If nothing comes to mind, you can tell me anytime, by the way. I’m sure the walks will get the mind going.”

“... Nothing particular, to be honest.”

“That pause frightens me.”

She goes silent again.

“I thought we unofficially opened up about things- c’mon, it can be dumb. If it’s the shower, I’ve noticed how small it is too. I need an excuse to get a new one in, anyways.”

She fails to be silent this time, stifling a laugh at your joke.

It was only half-a-joke, though. Not to mention the physical pain that is clearing that damned drain every week. How the hell does astral-hair even work?

Some questions are better left unanswered.

“I’ll... tell you some other time.”

“How is it any worse than cussing out and wishing hell on your sister?”

“... Shush.”

Throwing your words back at you, eh?

“I can and will revoke your hug-privileg-”

“I don’t want you on the couch anymore.”

You can’t stop the guffaw that followed- that was a quick response.

“So you’re telling me, one of your big problems right now... is that I sleep on the couch? You know how that happened, right? I’m not trading back.”

...

“Oh goddammit, don’t tell me you-”

“It’s your fault for making this appealing!”

“And what happens if I roll over in my sleep? I lose a finger?”

“N-No, I understand your motives aren’t malicious now!”

“How do you know that- this could all be a setup by miss ‘shines-a-lot’ up in Canterlot anyways! Or hell, you could’ve been right earlier- maybe I’m an extremely elaborate seducer!”

“I know a genuine pony when I see one!”

“Oh yeah, and that translates to ‘genuine human’, huh?”

And an argument, perhaps a bit different than it usually would be, but quite familiar to those involved, drifted off into the night...

... And How To Use It.

You sigh as you see the crack of dawn in the distance. Well, work was going to suck today.

Better to see if you can steal a nap at least.

On the couch.

“Don’t...”

You glance back at the alicorn on your back- clearly talking in her sleep.

Or, you assumed. You couldn’t really turn your neck- you could only really see her mane drifting softly next to you.

Considering the hooves curled around your neck, and them being as limp as ever, you could make a solid guess though.

It took... some time to get her there without waking her up.

And even if it was a pain at times, especially to your poor back as you leaned forwards to keep her from slipping off, it was worth it. You hadn’t seen her sleeping this peacefully, well, ever.

For Equestria’s ‘Demon of the Night’, she was pretty bad at fighting off her own terrors, it seemed.

... It was another reason why you made sure she got to sleep properly, and dealt with the couch for so long.

But not tonight, apparently. Tonight she gets some peace.

She’s earned it.

So while it was a pain to eventually get everything back in the basket, and gently nudge her into grasping onto your back, all without waking her up through it all...

Totally worth it.

...

Well. Starting tomorrow, things’d definitely be a bit different at home.

You were going to extend your daily-regimen of ‘be healthy’ on her, and just, work on things.

It was going to take a while, definitely, but it was probably going to be a lot easier than it was for you at first. Not relying on motivation or- god forbid- discipline, would help, for sure. And having a friend to help you through it would help.

Because seeing her smile tonight? Seeing her get happy like that? Seeing her get out of that damned fog, and finally get a good day?

It’s absolutely worth it.

...

“Mmmf...”

She shuffled on your back again, hooves curling a bit closer to your neck.

... You could straighten your back a bit. The god of carrying capacity was on your side this time.

She, of course, took that moment to react to the movement, prompting you to stop.

Only for her to rest her head on your shoulder, and tighten the grip further.

Which... meant you could stand properly now.

“Thank you,” you mumble under your breath, leaning back into the walk.

“No, I want...” she nuzzled into the side of your neck more, “... be happy... don’t...”

“I-”

‘I think you’ve got the roles reversed there, moonie. But the thought’s appreciated.’

You reach up your only free hand, and give her neck a few small scratches.

If her happy little sigh mid-dream told you anything, she appreciated it.

‘I hope the dream’s nice. And dream-me, if you do anything weird, you’re accountable.’

You crested the final hill on the way back to town, and as you saw your house on the edge of Ponyville, you couldn’t help but smile.

No matter what, everything was going to be okay.

Author's Note

And thus, every night started and ended like this:

And a bit of an edit here- I've seen that a lot of people have enjoyed the story, and maybe even learned something from it. I'm super glad- this was written after a few months of personal struggle, and I really wanted to share it in some way.
Thanks for reading, all of you!

Bonus: Filling a Hole

"You haven't been eating very much."

You raise your head from your desk, sniffling slightly as you paw at your nose. The thing had been shoved against the table...

"What time is it?"

"Late. I saw how much you put in the fridge, and..."

You sigh, rubbing your face clear of fatigue as you press yourself up. Feeling your breath hitch a moment as your eyes fell to the letter under you.

You grab it, and slip it into a drawer, casually pressing it closed before you get up with a stretch.

"I just wasn't hungry," You mumble, twisting around to find Nightmare staring directly at you.

The look of concern cuts deep, you had to admit.

"You never seem hungry..." A hoof of her's scuffs the floor for a moment as she finally looks away the moment your eyes met her's.

"It's just- it's a lot..."

It's been months since your talk. Almost six, in fact. Things had gotten better. A lot better.

She started to smile, she invited your touch. She didn't even seem upset nearly as often; her coat even seemed brighter...

Until tonight.

There was something you forgot.

This was a 'sentence.'

She wasn't going to be here forever.

In fact, she wasn't going to be here soon.

"I simply... Care. You have been working constantly, and the few times I do see you, you..." Her head drops for a moment, before she lets out a sigh. "You don't seem well."

"You don't need to worry, silly mare," You approach her slowly, giving her mane a small tussle. Hoping to disarm her, at least.

"I do care, though!" She protests, practically throwing your hand off of her as she snaps her gaze up to yours, glaring daggers deep into your eyes. "All of this is a blessing- even being able to eat, and with all your talk about being healthy, it-"

She catches herself, stopping mid-sentence and taking a step backwards. "It... It's important that you don't neglect it." She recovers slowly, pausing with a small stuttered breath, before she pushed forwards and pressed her head into you. Careful to avoid her horn, but nuzzling in nonetheless.

"You're important to me, I just..."

"I'm okaaay, Night..." You gently move a hand to pet at her mane- being intercepted by her cheek instead as she rolls into it. It lasted all of a second, before she turned, retreating with that signature moody switch she always seemed to show as her tail flicked anxiously behind her.

"I just don't want to see you fade away, into a memory..." She turns her head back, as she pauses just before the door. "So please... get some food, and come to bed. It's... it's cold, for a summer night."

Your breath catches a bit, as your thoughts snap back to that night again...

... Maybe getting something to eat would be wise. You didn't need her being any more upset than she already was.

You might've filled a hole, but that didn't mean life wouldn't dig any new ones for you to drag yourself out of...

For now, though, you could fill the one that was rumbling, your appetite finally returning with the disappearance of her starry tail.

Author's Note

A small teaser. I'm working on the sequel to this, called 'Aftershock' for now.

To all of you who've read this fic and left kind words: thank you. Catharsis is the most personally important fic I've ever written, it means the most to me.

Thank you for being on this wild ride with me. With my return to writing, of course this is getting love too.

Also, check out Banishment. As it is canonical to this story.