The Battle of Carousel Boutique

by Graymane Shadow

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance
Length: 2456

Luna declares war on Twilight's friends. The war is short.

Princess Luna has been agonizing over the best birthday gift for Twilight Sparkle. Running out of time and short on ideas, she turns to Twilight's friends for suggestions.

As it turns out, that was a mistake.

Fortunately, everypony involved will survive the experience (mostly) unscathed.

Now with a reading by StraightToThePoint.

Featured from 3-8-21 to 3-11-21, peaking at #1. Thanks, everypony!

Published 2021-03-08 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-08 17:00:01 UTC

Always Take Your Princess Seriously

The Battle of Carousel Boutique

Princess Luna had faced numerous challenges in her long life. Some had pushed her to the ragged edge, requiring all of her strength, both mental and physical. Others had taken magics that time had forgotten, requiring a pony of her great intellect and skill to overcome them. With a record such as hers, some viewed her as unstoppable.

And yet, she had finally been vanquished. Not by a monster, or another pony, or even a particularly bad night at the local salad bar. No, the Princess of the Night had been defeated by her inability to think of a good birthday gift for her marefriend, Twilight Sparkle.

When Celestia had told her a week ago that Twilight’s birthday was coming up, the Alicorn had been confident. After all, Luna knew Twilight quite well, or so she had imagined, and she had immediately begun thinking of gift ideas.

Just as quickly, she had started discarding those same ideas, with what had seemed to be an easy task turning into a nightmare greater than even the Tantabus itself.

Feeling desperate, and not wanting to admit to Celestia that her earlier confidence had been in error, Luna had traveled to Ponyville, hoping to get some good suggestions from Twilight’s other friends.

As ideas went, it was not one of her best.

“Thank you, all of you, for coming on such short notice.” Luna flashed what she hoped was a reassuring smile, especially since Fluttershy was looking nervous – or at least more nervous than usual.

She had sent messages to each of them - Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy - asking them to meet her in Carousel Boutique for a very special mission. She had also emphasized that they not tell Twilight where they were going, but hadn't elaborated beyond that.

“Not a problem, Princess,” Applejack said, doffing her hat. “We’re happy to help with whatever mission you’ve got in mind. Though I gotta say, I’m surprised you didn’t want Twilight here.”

“That’s because I do need your help,” Luna admitted, “but not with the usual sort of mission. I need birthday gift ideas for Twilight.”

The five other ponies looked at each other, then back at Luna.

“You sure you don’t have, like, a dangerous mission?” Applejack asked.

“Or something less difficult,” Rarity agreed. “Perhaps you’d like me to make you an elegant dress by this evening? That’s at least achievable!”

“I’d rather have to help remove a dragon,” Fluttershy said, gulping loudly.

Luna couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Surely buying for Twilight isn’t that hard? You're all around her every day!"

“Nah, she’s not hard to buy for.” Rainbow Dash said. “I get her a Cloudrest pillow each year. She wears them out pretty fast with the way she sleeps, but she says they’re the only thing that makes her neck not hurt in the morning.” She leaned back in her chair, looking very satisfied with herself. “Yep, my gift is like…20% more awesome than anypony else’s gift.”

“Those pillows shouldn’t count,” Rarity huffed. “You get them for free from your uncle!”

“Hey, nothing says I have to spend bits on a birthday gift!” Dash shot back, before grinning. “In fact, that just makes it more awesome.”

“Regifting is hardly something to brag about!” the dressmaker insisted.

Pinkie Pie cut in. “Twilight is super easy to shop for, Princess Luna! I just buy her a ton of candy, and that way when I come over I have plenty of snacks to munch on! It's the best plan ever!!!" She bounced in place a few times as she giggled, clearly pleased with her genius.

“Okay, these ideas aren’t helping,” Luna said, rubbing her head in annoyance. Then again, she had heard from the two least-serious of the Elements first. The others would likely be more helpful. “Applejack, what do you get her?”

The normally talkative farmer pony suddenly clammed up, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else in that moment.

“Yeah, what do you get her, AJ?” Dash asked, suddenly very interested. “You never bring anything to her party. You always say that it wasn’t ready in time, and you’ll bring it by later.”

“I bet it’s something super special!” Pinkie said. "Maybe a gigantic cake, or a wagon full of pies, or a whole apple tree!"

“It’s nothing,” Applejack protested, making that nervous chuckle she did when she didn't want to answer a question. “Just small stuff, you know!”

Luna was surprised by the farmer’s reticence. “Aren’t you supposed to be the Element of Honesty?” she reminded her. “Nopony will judge you for sharing a gift idea.”

“I…I uh…aw, shoot.” Applejack looked down at the floor, kicking one hoof against the tile. “You had to go and mention the Element bit, didn’t you?” She sighed. “All right, I won’t lie, even if I kinda want to. I give Twi a barrel of Sweet Apple Acres cider for her birthday each year.”

Silence filled the room as the others exchanged various glances.

“A whole barrel?” Rarity finally asked, shocked.

“That’s very generous of you, Applejack,” Fluttershy said, smiling.

“Generous!?” Dash lifted off, hovering in the air over them to glower down at Applejack. “You give her a whole barrel, and the rest of us get nothing?!”

“Now look,” Applejack said, jamming her hat back on her head with a huff, “Twilight does a lot of nice things for me throughout the year, and some of her spells have really helped us out around the farm. Givin’ her a barrel of cider as thanks seems like the least I can do.”

“Okay, yes, there’s dispute over the cider, but I really -” Luna began, before Rainbow Dash cut her off.

“A dispute!? No no, Princess, this isn’t a dispute. This is robbery! It’s about a friend giving special treatment to just one of her friends! And cider! None of us get cider for our birthdays!"

Luna was really beginning to regret having them all meet together, a feeling which intensified as the two continued arguing despite her statement. “Rarity, what do you get Twilight?”

The shopkeeper groaned, falling back onto her couch with the appropriate dramatic flair. “Twilight is impossible to shop for, Princess! I’ve tried so many things, but nothing I think to buy for her works! She doesn’t like dresses, she prefers not to do anything with her mane, and getting her to the spa practically takes an order from Celestia! I’ve finally settled for buying her gift certificates for hayburgers. Gift certificates for hayburgers! The most scandalous gift of all!" She waved her forelegs in the air. "If word of it ever leaked I’d be the laughingstock of Equestria!”

Rarity mock fainted, one leg resting delicately over her eyes. This went largely unnoticed by the others, as Pinkie had pulled several pieces of candy from her mane, which she was now eating, while Rainbow Dash and Applejack were still arguing over why the pegasus didn’t get a barrel of cider for her birthday.

The expression on Luna’s face was one her sister would have recognized, and Celestia would have known to head for the hills in that moment. Twilight’s friends were less experienced in such things, and foolishly did not seek cover.

“Fluttershy,” Luna asked, as she tried not to grind her teeth, “what do you get Twilight?”

“Oh, I just make several floral arrangements for her castle.” The shy mare hung her head. “I know it’s not the best gift, but sometimes bits are tight, and I have to make do with what I have on hoof.” A stray tear formed in the corner of her eye, and she wiped at it with one fetlock. "Sorry if I'm not much help," she added, sniffling as she started to cry.

Luna was touched despite her mounting irritation with the others, and she stepped forward, wrapping a wing around Fluttershy. As the volume of the other ponies increased – with Rarity in particular having engaged in her favorite pastime of dramatic ice cream eating and tear generation, always a raucous affair – she bent down, to make sure the pegasus could hear her.

“I know for a fact that Twilight loves your flowers,” she whispered in her ear. “I also know you’re tenderhearted, so I want you to step outside, as my next words aren’t meant for you.”

Fluttershy’s eyes went wide, but she nodded and quickly made her exit. Behind them, Pinkie Pie gave off an especially loud shriek of joy upon seeing Rainbow Dash and Applejack start hitting each other with some of the numerous pillows Rarity had lying around.

Okay, remember Luna, you want to startle, not scare to death. Nice and easy…

“SILENCE!” she shouted, flaring her wings wide as she used her magic to generate sparks of lightning and the associated thunderclap.

The four other ponies froze in various states of shock and surprise. The pillow Rainbow Dash was holding had snagged on the chandelier during her last swing, and as she stared, feathers began to pour out of the tear in the fabric, raining down on Applejack, who was too frightened to move out of the way.

Pinkie was sitting ramrod straight, her eyes wide, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the bubble of gum she began to blow, while Rarity, looking scandalized, had dropped the spoon on her chest, the ice cream melting into her hair.

Might have overdone it, she thought. Well, no sense stopping now.

“Your Princess of the Night has come to you for advice, and all you can do is engage in petty squabbles and complaining!” Another rumble of thunder shook the boutique. “And you ponies claim-“

"Oh, pul-eeze," Rainbow Dash interrupted, rolling her eyes. "It's a birthday gift, not a life-or-death situation. Just buy her a book or something. Twilight's an egghead, she'll love getting a book."

There was a dangerous glint in Luna's eyes as she stared back at the blue pegasus. "What did you say?" she asked, her voice silky.

"I said Twilight is an egghead. It's not an insult, it's just a fact. She's not just a book horse, she's the book horse." As if beginning to sense she may have gone too far, Dash raised the hoof that wasn't holding the leaking pillow upward in a shrugging motion. "Hey, if you like dating nerds, more power to you. You do both have a talent for being over dramatic. Maybe it's a princess thing?"

Below her, Applejack was starting to look panicked, the farmer having finally looked at Luna's expression. She gulped loudly. "Uh, Rainbow Dash? Maybe you should lay off a little?"

It was then that Luna smiled, a dangerous smile. "You think I'm being over dramatic?"

Rarity, normally the tactful one, nodded. "You are being just a teensie bit...silly?" she said, chuckling nervously as she finished.

"You think I'm being silly," Luna said, starting to step toward them. "You think the Princess of the Night is being silly." She slammed down a hoof again, causing more thunder and lightning to appear. "You foolish ponies, who claim to be -"

Exactly what they claimed was never found out, as Applejack – whether in a fit of madness or desperation, she never did admit – simply bucked a pillow at Luna’s head.

The pillow flew with sufficient force to stick to Luna’s face for several seconds. All of them - Pinkie included - watched nervously, waiting to see how the most mercurial of Equestria’s leaders would take it.

From outside, Fluttershy heard a sudden war cry, followed by screams of terror and breaking glass. Shouts of “Oh no, she’s got all the pillows!”, “Not fair, she can fly and use magic!”, and “Not the drapes!” could be clearly heard, mixed with the not-entirely-sane laughter of a certain princess.

“That explains why Rarity wouldn’t let me in the Boutique this morning,” Twilight said, after Luna had finished telling the events of her visit the prior day. She had one hoof raised to her mouth to cover for the fact that she was giggling. “I caught a peek through the door and thought Sweetie Belle had tried to help out again.”

“Yes, things were rather messy,” Luna admitted. “I’m afraid the stitching on Rarity’s pillows was not prepared to deal with an Alicorn using them as bludgeons.” She shrugged. "I did commit the others to helping her clean things up, once they stopped screaming.” Her ears flicked. "Rarity in particular has a talent for screaming. I was nearly deaf for several hours."

Luna's tone was so wonderfully dry that Twilight finally gave up pretending not to giggle and simply laughed out loud, complete with the cute snort that Luna loved to hear.

The two ponies had flown out to a hill near Sweet Apple Acres, where they had an excellent view of the night sky. It was one of their favorite spots. Luna looked over at Twilight, who was laying on her back next to her, her eyes glassy from the light of the moon.

Still giggling slightly, Twilight continued, “Well, at least somepony had fun, even if it was a bit silly.”

“You sound like my sister. Tia said I shouldn’t be engaging in pillow fights with our subjects. Apparently, it’s bad for the image of the diarchy.”

“Oh no, I’m not talking about the pillow fight. Besides, that kind of silly is good.” Twilight rolled over, giving Luna a peck on the cheek. “I’m talking about the fact that you didn’t just ask me what I might want for my birthday.”

Her cheeks tinting pink with faint embarrassment, Luna nuzzled her marefriend, gently sliding closer. “Gifts are supposed to be a surprise, Twilight.”

“Well, I was definitely surprised to see the mess you made in Rarity’s shop,” she teased. “A little upset I wasn’t invited, but next time, right?”

“Most definitely.”

The pair fell back into silence, Twilight staring into the sky as Luna stared at her, each admiring the beauty on display.

“I love you, Twilight,” Luna finally said, her breath catching in her chest.

Twilight turned her head, her eyes bright. “I love you, Luna.”

As they kissed, Luna’s gift to her marefriend was revealed when stars began to fall from the sky in a beautiful shower of light. And yet, Twilight already had the best gift she could imagine lying next to her.

Compared to Luna, even the stars were merely adequate.

Author's Note

I wanted to write a more romantic fic, but the comedy angle on this one kept slipping its way in, and I finally gave in and ran with it.

Hopefully you enjoyed the story!