Snickers: On the Road

“Finally,” Diamond whined as she looked at the town they were approaching. It had been a long and boring four days traveling down the trail through the unnamed woods. No monsters, no bad dreams, not even a big bug problem.

“Trixie has led you from the woods at last, but you needn’t thank her, for she knows of your gratitude,” Trixie said with a flip of her mane.

Gil growled. “I think I’ll-”

“Yes, yes, Gil, you will fly ahead to ‘scout’ the area. You do this more than Trixie cares to hear about. Just go and return, as you do so often.” Trixie said to the gryphon.

Gil snapped his beak and took wing, leaving the others behind as he flew towards the nearby town.

“We need a break from one another, I think,” Snickers said. “It’s been almost two weeks we’ve been together now and I think Trixie is getting on all our nerves.”

Trixie scoffed. “You are following Trixie, don’t forget that, it’s not the other way around. If Trixie wasn’t so kind and generous, she would have left you in the Forest of Woe to die a slow and agonizing death. Remember that when you speak ill of her kindness.”

Silver opened her mouth and was about to snap at the mare, again, but she stopped when Diamond caught her eye. Silver, instead, sighed. “You’re right, Miss Trixie. I apologize and we all appreciate you helping us.”

Trixie flicked her tail side to side and looked back to the foals behind her. “That’s more like it. At least one of you knows how to show Trixie the respect she deserves.”

“Okay, so, like, what’s this Seldem town like? You haven’t, like, told us anything about it besides it’s the last town before Frand and to keep our bits close. Is it dangerous? Are we going to have to keep our stallion safe from dangerous muggers or, like, whatever?” Silver asked.

“Yeah, it would have been great to know Stirge was some deviant town all about sex before we went there and got propositioned,” Diamond added.

Trixie smirked. “You didn’t seem to mind staying up late enjoying what the town was known for, did you?” She winked her eye at Diamond who blushed a little pinker. “Anyway, Seldem is a town known for its goods at the markets and shops. High-quality stuff because it has a very rich lord who owns quarries and gem mines deeper into the continent.

“He sells gems and rocks across the nation and has turned his once little plot of land into a bustling town that may even become a city someday… and Gil returns,” Trixie commented. “What have you discovered, scouting ahead?” She asked sarcastically.

Gil looked at Snickers, ignoring the mare mocking him. “The town looks safe enough, there are two entrances into the wall, front and back, and there’s about a hundred creatures living inside. I was going to go in for a landing to check the place out, but I figured it would be too long a wait for you all to show up.”

“Thanks, I appreciate the help. So, we’ll be in town within two hours, let’s all be on our best behavior,” Snickers advised them all, “the last thing we want is to get into any trouble. First thing I think we need to find is an inn, then get settled before we go shopping and restock our travel supplies.

“Then we can have fun and do whatever until we have to leave. Cress, I need you to find the parks, so we can play. Kiwe,” the unicorn zony nodded, “I need you to find a good place to eat, or two. Laxxie, I want you to come into town with us and work with Silver Spoon to earn some local money.

“I know we have more than enough, but I want some souvenirs and I can’t think of anything better than local currency from the places we travel to. Plus, we can save our gold bits for more important things in the future.”

Gil cleared his throat, gathering the group’s attention. “There’s a restaurant that serves all creatures at the north end of town, there’s only one park with a playground near the center of town by the town hall, and I think I saw an inn just by the front entrance. What? I have eagle vision, you know,” he said proudly.

“Well,” Snickers said dejectedly, “I had a whole plan I’d worked on for the past couple of days, but since it’s all been taken care of by Gil, I guess we can just check into the inn and kill some time until supper.”

Silver Spoon flipped her braid. “Well, I thought it was very inspiring, hearing you take charge like that. You know what I can’t wait to do when we get to the inn?”

Trixie barked a laugh. “Have sex again?”

Silver frowned. “That’s not the only thing I think of! We haven’t even done anything since Stirge, and-”

“Calm down, Silver,” Snickers said firmly, “Trixie was just teasing. What were you going to say?”

Silver clenched her teeth while looking at the back of Trixie’s head for a couple seconds before relaxing her jaw. “As I was saying, I want to take a bath with the ponies I love and then put on my glasses again.”

“Why’d you stop wearing them?” Snickers asked.

“Because,” Silver said, glancing to her right saddlebag, “they get dirty and dusty. I just want to see clearly again, and have a proper bath. I’d even take a shower right now,” she said glumly. “I’m so tired of being dirty. My hooves are so dirty it’s like I’m a farmer,” she said looking at her forehooves as they moved her forward.

“We’re all like that, even Gil,” Diamond said.

“Don’t bring me into your pony problems,” Gil stated and ruffled his wings. “I don’t care about my paws or talons and I don’t think it matters. You’re too pampered and prissy, you should get used to your whole bodies being dirty at this point.”

“I believe it wise to wash at least one a week, lest we each begin to reek,” Kiwe supplied.

Snickers shook his head and mumbled something to himself. “If you don’t like it,” he finally said aloud, “you can always go home. I won’t hold it against you, but I can’t go back until I earn my mark and get off of foal service’s radar.”

“I am not leaving you,” Diamond said, moving to stand beside him while Silver did the same.

“Me, too. I’ll follow you wherever you go, no matter what.” Silver stated.

“Awe, how cute of the little herd,” Trixie stated venomously, “maybe you two can carry his foals while chasing down a dragon to keep him safe. You two don’t understand what it means to be in a real herd, just some filly fantasy of it. Just wait, you’ll get tired of him and move on, or he will. It’s just how it happens.”

“If I wanted your opinion, I’d have asked for it,” Snickers snapped. “I won’t leave them and they won’t leave me, so get over it; what we have is real.”

Trixie stopped and turned halfway to them, slowing them all to a stop. “You’re not even six yet! Most mares wait until they’re in their late teens at least to start a family, for Celestia’s sake!”

“We’re not your average herd,” Diamond said, “and who says we have to do what society says of us? My mother would have me act like a monster to any pony she doesn’t deem worthy, does that make her right?”

Trixie stomped a forehoof. “Trixie is not talking about your parents, bless their souls for putting up with you. A foal your age is too young to start a family, and you should know it.”

Silver narrowed her eyes at Trixie. “A foal can have babies just like any older pony, just because you haven’t found the right stallion doesn’t mean we haven’t.”

“Trixie is done with this nonsense, if you wish to try to carry a foal at your age, you must know the risks and consequences. Enjoy having sex until you’re old enough to become a broodmare for this colt you have fallen for, but mark my words, it won’t end well for any of you if you start too young.” Trixie turned back to the path and began walking again, leaving the foals with new thoughts and some worries to ponder.

…

The walls of Seldem were taller than those around Stirge, and more fortified with ponies walking across ramparts holding spears in their grasps. Snickers noticed nearly every guard looking down on them were unicorns with a few pegasi hovering overhead, keeping an eye on their own fliers. “Halt,” a guard wearing bronze armor said as they approached the entrance, “what’s your business here?”

Trixie stepped forward with a cocky grin. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned to put on a show, do some shopping, and refuel from her journey so far.”

“Trixie, it’s good to see you again. It’s been nearly two years, right?” The guard asked.

“Indeed. Trixie has a meeting with a friend in Frand, and has tagalongs this time,” she gestured to the group behind her. “They are all young and mean no harm, but they carry Equestrian bits of pure gold to trade with.”

The guard moved to look over the group and nodded. “Indeed they are young, are any of them yours?” he teased.

“Trixie’s body is not yet ready to be ruined by foaling, kind sir. Allow us to pass, so we may recover, now,” she stated and lit her horn, pulling a golden bit from under her cloak. She levitated it to the guard, who eagerly took it and slipped it into his armor pockets.

The guard stepped aside and waved his cohorts to do the same. “Have a good time and remember that thievery is dealt with harshly here, and we’re not like Stirge; if you’re caught doing anything indecent you’re liable for the charges and fines levied.”

“Yes, yes, we know,” Trixie said as she led the group into the gated town, “be civil and all that. Come along, foals, I’ll take you to the inn where you can relax and rest your little hooves.”

Trixie led the silent group into town and to the right where the inn was. They checked in and split into their own rooms and relaxed for an hour before curiosity caught up with them. Snickers, his fillies, and Laxxie left to find the park to play while Cress followed at a distance. Gil and Kiwe went to the nearest vendors and began buying supplies for the next leg of their trip, while Trixie went off on her own.

“Wow, is that a wooden pony?”
“What is it, mama?”
“I really like her mane!”

Laxxie stayed close to Snickers, pushing her way between Diamond and him to feel safe from the attention she was getting. “I don’t like towns, father.”

“You have to get used to them, especially when we get to the cities. I’m not going to leave you hiding in the woods or miles away from us while we’re going through a new place. What if we-” Snickers grunted as a stallion ran past them, bumping into Snickers as he hurried past.

“Hey! Rude,” Diamond exclaimed. “Are you okay, sweetie?” She asked, turning his muzzle to face her so she could look at him.

“I’m fine, I’m not a baby,” Snickers said, shaking free of her grip. “I was just saying, what if we went into this city from the north and left from the west after a day? You’d have to spend almost two days catching up… wait,” Snickers said and turned back to his saddlebags. He took them off and rummaged through them for a minute before pulling out a familiar cape.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that,” Silver said. “Your old Cutie Mark Crusader cape, what’re you gonna do with it?”

Snickers used his mouth to flourish it across Laxxie’s back. “There,” he said as he clasped the catch, “it’ll hide most of your features. Maybe we can find a tailor like mom… Rarity, that can make you a hood to go with it.”

“Why are you so upset with Rarity? You keep calling her mom, then Rarity.” Diamond asked.

“Because she never wanted me,” Snickers said, somberly, “she said I should go live with Applejack, and that she never had a son. Never had me in her life. But, I don’t care about her, or Ponyville, or Equestria! That’s why we’re here, exploring new lands and earning me a cutie mark, right?”

Silver nuzzled Snickers. “Right, I was there when she said that and it was awful of her to do it. Like, why did she even bother trying if she didn’t want anything to do with you? And those Cutie Mark Dorksaders are just as much to blame, right Diamond?”

“Yeah, they should get their marks in backstabbing and lying… then they can move in with Rarity and live a happy life making colts miserable,” Diamond said, trying to be supportive.

Snickers tapped Laxxie’s wooden head. “At least I have everypony that matters to me here. Now, let’s see if there’s a spa in this town, a real one, not some massage parlor.”

…

The sun was midway to setting when Snickers found a little spa. He squealed and ran forwards to the door, pushed on it, and met resistance. He looked up to read the sign and was surprised to see two signs in two languages, one he knew from a lifetime ago. “What’s it say, Silvie?” Diamond asked as she caught up with Snickers.

“Closed for the day, come back tomorrow.” Silver read.

“What’s the other one say?” Diamond asked. “Same thing?”

“” Snickers said.

“Wait, isn’t that your human language… English, right?” Diamond asked.

Snickers touched the sign and looked back to the fillies. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Don’t worry, honey, I’m sure there’s a reason your language is written here.” Silver tried to think of a reason but didn’t have any. “Maybe it’s magic?”

“Magic doesn’t bring a language from another reality to a spa’s door, Silver!” Snickers said loudly. “I gotta find out why there’s English in a pony town. Sir? Sir!” He shouted as he galloped to a passing stallion that seemed to be not too busy. “What’s the bottom sign say? On the spa door?”

“Can’t you read? It says they’re closed for the day in Lorde’s Tongue.” The stallion said and continued on.

Snickers felt his blood run cold and he actually shivered. “Lorde? No, it couldn’t be…” He whispered and glanced back to the writing on the door. “It’s just a coincidence, it has to be.”

“What’s wrong, honey? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Diamond asked.

Laxxie spoke up. “President Lorde was a villain from before father came to Equestria, he made him do bad things that--” She went silent as Snickers shouted through their mental link for her to stop talking.

“What? What’d he make Snickers do?” Silver asked Laxxie. The timberpony just kept her muzzle closed and shook her head. “Are you going to be okay, Snickers?”

Snickers shrugged and sat down in the middle of the street, to the annoyance of many passing adults. “It can’t be, he died when I… no, I’m overthinking this, I just need to get myself groomed and pampered a little, maybe have my hooves filed a little…” he looked at the spa and then around the area.

“C’mon, we can’t just sit in the middle of the street. Let’s find the park and play, won’t that be fun! Think of the new friends we can make, then we can get a shake or ice cream. Stirge had ice cream, so this place has to as well right?” Diamond said with growing eagerness.

“Sure… sure! Yeah, that sounds like fun, and we haven’t had fun on a playground for days. Let’s do what you said, Diamond. Cress?” Snickers called to the filly that was standing by the spa door, trying to look nonchalant, “can you fly up and find the park? Please?”

…

While the foals played at the park, Laxxie found a sunny patch of grass to lie on, enjoying the natural snack she was able to partake in. Various creatures approached her, trying to find out what she was, only to be rebuked by Cress and explained off as a magically constructed toy for Snickers.

After the foals played at the park, Laxxie followed closely to her father’s herd. Her cape doing a better job helping her blend in, although not enough to stop adults’ eyes from lingering curiously, or the uncomfortable questions posed from passing foals. Even if they only stated obvious things such as her mane being grass or her body being wooden.

The whole day was awkward for her and as the sun set, she wanted more and more to return to the woods outside of town to root and perhaps hunt some small game to satisfy her truer timberwolf form. Her hope of leaving was dashed when she was led back into the inn and to their room.

“I think I need a bath more than ever,” Silver said as she shed her saddlebags.

“I know, Silvie. Almost a week of walking and then we go right into playing like we were three again, I don’t even want to know what I smell like,” Diamond concurred and sniffed her side once the bags were off her.

Snickers tossed his bags onto the pile and playfully sniffed the air. “I think you both smell fine, let’s go take a bath and get some supper. I heard bits are worth more than local money, which is good because we can get more food that way.”

“And Laxxie could use some water,” Silver said, pointing. “She hasn’t had any all day being in town like this. I think we’re pushing her too hard, she doesn’t look like she’s having fun. Are you having fun, Laxxie?”

Laxxie looked to Snickers and then to her mothers. “No, I don’t like being in town; it’s not natural.”

The fillies awe’d and Snickers moved to the door. Snickers spoke up. “I’ll take you to the wall, then, and you can go wait outside. I didn’t think you would be so uncomfortable, you did fine in Ponyville.”

“Ponyville didn’t have walls or rock roads,” Diamond said. “There was also a stream that went through town and no pony was as curious about Laxxie because Ponyville’s a weird town like that.”

Laxxie nodded, with everything necessary having been said, she moved to the open door. “Thank you for understanding,” she whispered and followed Snickers out of the door.

Diamond rushed to follow them. “I’m not leaving you alone, not until we know you’re not going to panic like you did that one time.”

“I’m not leaving you alone because I love you,” Silver said, rushing to follow.

As a group they briefly left town to let Laxxie into the woods, taking the cape back with them to their room at the inn. “Well,” Silver said once they’d returned. “The sun is going to set soon and we need a bath…”

Snickers was a step ahead of them, gathering their bathing supplies from each of their bags. “Way ahead of you. Let’s get clean, then get supper. I’m getting hungry and I wanna know what the others have been up to.”

…

“Welcome to Seldem’s only restaurant. I’m Blackbook and I’ll be serving you today! What would you like to drink to start?” A server mare offered once they were sat in individual chairs. The fillies of the group ordered wine while the males ordered water. “Fantastic choice, I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

Snickers sighed and pawed at his plate as the others began to talk about their day. “What’s wrong?” Diamond asked when she noticed Snickers wasn’t paying much attention to any conversation.

“Just… I feel like I’m running from my problems and taking you all with me. I’m not dragging you along, am I?” Snickers asked quietly.

Diamond turned and gave him a hug. “We’re with you because we care, not because we’re blindly following you.”

Snickers gave her a halfhearted hug back. “Should we have just stayed in Equestria? Ran from foal services that way?”

Silver stopped her conversation with Cress, noticing Snickers and Diamond’s hug. “What’s going on, Diamond?”

Diamond looked at Silver. “Nothing, just helping our stallion feel better.”

Sitting on individual chairs was inconvenient for the hug, but with a scoot the chairs were close enough for Silver to lean over and briefly wrap her forelegs around Snickers. “We love you and whatever’s going on, we’ll be there for you.”

The hug ended as the drink arrived. “Here you fillies go, and waters for the colts. Any idea what you’d like to eat?”

Snickers’s mind went straight down the gutter and he blushed a little. “Well, what do you have that has hay in it?”

“Haycakes, hay fries, hay burgers, even straight hay from the bale if you’d want. We can also mix it into anything we make, although I don’t think it’d go through a gryphon as well as a pony.” Blackbook offered.

Gil asked for some meat while the others ordered a variety of dishes. Snickers enjoyed talking with Kiwe about their day and Cress joined in to talk about their supplies. The rest of the meal went by quickly and before they knew it they were done eating with distended bellies and content smiles all around.

“Bacon wrapped rodent stuffed with breading? More please,” Gil joked while the others wondered what red meat tasted like. Not wanting to end up on the toilet for hours, they didn’t even try what he’d offered during the meal as a sample, but fish was a nice substitute. The cook knew how to make a tasty fish dish that went well with hay as well.

“That’ll be twelve coins,” Blackbook said when she’d returned. Diamond pulled out a bit and held it in her hoof. “Dear me! Is that real gold?”

“Yes, is that a problem?” Diamond asked.

“Not at all,” Blackbook said, taking the bit in her lips. She dropped it into her apron with a grin. “I don’t have to worry about rent for the rest of the night now, thank ya kindly!”

Diamond smiled cordially. “You’re welcome. Say, how much is an Equestrian bit worth here?”

“You could buy a house in town with about fifty of these, why, got any more?” Blackbook asked, her eyes almost twinkling.

Diamond shook her head. “Sorry, we don’t have any more to spare. We’re on a journey to Frand and can’t spend all our money in one place, as I’m sure you know.”

Blackbook nodded. “I understand, but please, don’t hesitate to meet with the mayor or the treasurer to open a bank account, I’m sure your business would be appreciated and--”

“Waitress, more wine!” A stallion called out.

Blackbook sighed and took her leave quickly with a slight bow of her head.

…

Back at the inn, after the sun had set, and after a thorough bath; Snickers, Diamond, and Silver returned to their room to relax. Kiwe knocked on their door shortly after they’d finished grooming one another with a list of supplies he’d purchased and how cheap it had been.

After sharing the news and returning to the room he shared with Gil and Cress, Snickers flopped onto the bed with a sigh. “I think today went great. We’ve gotta take a day here just to relax and recover from the last few days.”

There was an explosion of fireworks and they knew Trixie was hosting another impromptu show. They talked about going but Silver had an urge she couldn’t deny anymore. Diamond was the first to start and before any of them could talk about seeing Trixie’s show, they were in bed with the candle burning low and the shutters closed for the rest of the night.