Survival Begins at Home

Shining Armor bolted upright with a scream. He was gasping for breath. Tears streamed down his cheeks and mixed with his cold sweat. He couldn't wipe the image from his head. It was so clear every single time.

Cadance stepped into the room. She'd been in the restroom, but now she rushed to his side and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. "Do you want to try talking about it?" He shook his head. "Come on, Shiny. I know it hurts, but you can't just keep going like this. You won't go to see a therapist, you won't talk to anypony about it, and it's eating you alive from the inside. Just talk to me."

Shining rubbed his hands all over his face. "Talking about it won't change anything. My sister is going to stay dead no matter what I say or do. Every time I close my eyes, I see her, bleeding everywhere. I was right there by her side, and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"Exactly," said Cadance, grabbing him by the wrist. "There was nothing you could do. You did everything right. It was all by the book, and you provided all of the protection you could. You called for a medic right away and used your own body to shield her from any more blows. She could not have had a better protector, Shiny."

"Some protector," he scoffed. "If I was any good at this, she'd still be alive. I'm a shitty protector. I don't eve--"

Cadance slapped him across the face. "Don't you dare say such horrible things about my husband! He's the most selfless, caring and protective pony in the world. He's the greatest guardian Equestria has ever seen, and you can quote me on that."

Shining lowered his head. Cadance had been hoping he would crack a smile, but this wasn't quite enough. All she wanted was for him to be happy; to move on from Twilight's death and focus on keeping the rest of Equestria from succumbing to the same fate. She knew it wasn't going to be easy to lift his spirits, but she was trying her best.

"Thanks."

"What?"

"Thank you," said Shining, his expression unchanging. "I needed that."

"Oh. Well, good. I'm glad I could help you." She leaned forward and hugged him. "I just wish I could help you more."

Shining embraced his wife, wrapping his chin around her neck. "I love you, Cadance."

"I love you, too, Shiny."

After a few minutes of Cadance rubbing Shining's back while he choked out a handful of tears, they separated. "Okay," he said, climbing to his feet. "I think it would be best if I had a shower, before I start my day."

"I think that's a splendid idea," said Cadance. "Would you like me to join you? I can help you reach your back."

"No, I... I'd rather do this on my own. Just for a bit, okay?"

Cadance slowly nodded. Shining's depression had been very strong, and the therapist he refused to speak to had told her that, for a few months, he shouldn't be left completely alone. It was almost three months since the incident, and during all of that time, she'd either joined him, sat next to the tub and had a conversation with him, or had her ear pressed to the door. She'd been devastated when Twilight died, too, but she had to stay strong for her husband. He needed her love more than anypony.

As she heard the shower head kick on, she walked away from the door. She wanted to make him feel as if she trusted him again. She felt as though he had earned some time alone in the shower. Besides, she had something else she wanted to do.

Shining leaned against the wall and let the cold water run down his chest. He hadn't had a good night's sleep since the incident, and it was showing. His eyes had sunk down further into their sockets, giving them a dark, weary look. His hands were trembling all the time unless he had something to steady them. He hadn't spoken to a therapist, other than telling him to go fuck himself. He hadn't even spoken to his parents about it. He'd promised their father that Twilight would be safe at this event, but he had failed. He couldn't bear the guilt that he would feel if this were all brought before him.

It took him quite awhile to scrub up and exit the shower, on account of the fact that he'd scrubbed his mane multiple times. It wasn't because he thought it was unclean, it was a veiled attempt to scrub the thoughts from his mind. As he looked at the stallion in the restroom mirror, he narrowed his eyes. The stallion staring back at him was responsible for Twilight's death, and he knew he would never forgive him.

Patting himself dry, he stepped out of the restroom and into the bedroom. Cadance wasn't there. Usually, she was waiting by the door anymore, but this time, she was nowhere to be seen. "Cadance?" He moved to the main living area of the suite. There she was, standing in her underwear while a serving pony looked wide-eyed at Shining's completely nude body.

"I ordered us some breakfast," she said, lifting one of the cloches. "I thought you might like to eat something before you left."

Shining picked up one of the sofa cushions and covered his loins. "How thoughtful."

The stallion who had been pushing the cart of food hadn't moved. His eyes were still glued to what little of Shining's shaft was still visible. Cadance took note of his nametag before physically pushing him out of the room. If everything worked out just right, and she could be sure that it would help Shining, she might invite him back later for some fun with the prince, but now was not the time for it. She closed the door behind him and returned to her husband. "Sit. Eat."

Shining moved one of the plates to the small dining table and sat down in front of it. He wasn't really hungry, and hadn't been for quite some time. He'd lost over forty pounds in the past three months. Still, he tried to eat something. Scraping off the smiling face made of whipped cream with strawberry dimples, he ate his pancakes in relative silence. A few bites in, he looked up at his wife, who was watching his fork's movements. He knew she was trying to help him, and that she wanted him to feel better. He cursed himself for being a total arse to her in his current state. A part of him wanted to be a better husband to her. Deep down, he truly wished he could tell her how much he appreciated this. He wanted to just suck it up, take her into the bedroom, and show her just how much she meant to him. A voice in his head was screaming "Do it for her, arsehole! She's going to leave you if you don't let her in!" Sadly, it was drowned out by all the other screaming voices.

He managed to make it about a third of the way through his pancakes, and about halfway through a banana. Before this incident, he could eat two full servings, with an extra side, but not so much anymore. He stood up, walked over to the window, and flung open the drapes. Looking out over the canyon, he took a deep breath. "Let's see if I can protect San Palomino."