Survival Begins at Home

Shining woke to the sound of a bird twittering on the balcony railing. It was a pleasant morning in Canterlot. If one was asked if the country was at war right here and right now, the one being asked might be unable to tell. Shops were open, ponies walked around the streets with smiles, and the guards were rather sparse. Still, Shining knew it was folly to walk around pretending that everything was alright. He slipped into his armour, just in case there was an attack today, and made his way to the castle barracks.

"Captain Shining Armor reporting in," he said, saluting the receptionist. "Awaiting orders from the princesses."

"Good morning, captain," saluted the mare with a smile. "I've only just received orders for you. They're considering you for a mission, and they want you to stay close. In the meantime, you're free to walk around Canterlot today. We'll send a note when they're ready. Enjoy your day off."

Shining dropped his salute. He had a day to himself. Part of him wanted to go back to bed, but Cadance wasn't there, so that would do him very little good. Without her, it was just an empty room. He was unlikely to be able to join her, either, as she was meant to be in meetings all day with the other princesses.

So, with nothing better to do, he made his way into Canterlot proper. It would be nice to see the ponies of Canterlot not needing to be heavily shielded. Perhaps he could even buy something nice for his wife. Canterlot was, after all, a fashion capitol.

His time among the citizens was a pleasant one. They would wave, he would smile at them, some of them would come up and talk to him. It was mostly mares telling him that he looked very strapping in his uniform. A part of him knew that he could have any of them he wanted, or even all of them. Cadance had never minded before, as long as he always came back to her at the end of the day. Likewise, she could bring home anypony she wanted, and everything would be okay with him.

He gathered up a small group, two mares and a very flamboyant stallion, and he spent the morning looking around at the many shops throughout the city with their commentary to aid him. He was very interested in hearing their opinions on what would look good on Cadance. The stallion was actually the same dress size and shoe size as Cadance, so with a couple of grapefruits to fill out the bust, he was able to model the outfits they chose. At the end of the trip, Shining had three new outfits for his wife purchased, with new shoes to match. It was important that the shoes not only look good, but were comfortable to wear. Cadance deserved the very best, after all.

After paying for the new clothes, he went to lunch. His group had other plans for lunch, so they all split and went their separate ways. Shining decided to go to an outdoor café, one that he'd gone to several times while growing up. This was actually the same place he'd taken Cadance on their third date. Their first had been at a fancy restaurant, to which Cadance said he was trying too hard, and that she wanted to talk to him, not watch him fidget nervously about the bill, which she ended up paying for anyway. Their second had been at a coffee shop, and was rather unplanned. This had been the first really good date they'd had, and a part of him wished she was here now.

"Do you mind if I sit?" came a voice from behind him a few minutes after his food came. He turned around to see a violet alicorn with a somber smirk. "We need to have a word, Shiny."

Shining immediately leapt from his chair, looking around him, horrified that some foul being would kill her suddenly.

"Calm down," ushered Twilight, gently placing a hoof on his shoulder. "We're completely safe here."

As Shining took a deep breath, he heard the twang of a bowstring and the whistle of an arrow. Before it could hit Twilight, though, it shattered into millions of tiny pieces and dissolved into dust, blowing away in the wind. "H-how?"

"Sit down," said Twilight, bringing up a chair. Shining did as he was told, but in the back of his mind, he was horrified. "I know you feel guilty about what happened to me. I know it was unexpected, and that you blame yourself for not protecting me. I'm here to tell you that you did everything you could, and you need not blame yourself. I've had a lot of time to think about what happened, and I can say with absolute certainty that there was no avoiding this. It was destined to happen, Shiny."

"But it wasn't," reasoned Shining, his voice cracking as he held back his tears. "If I hadn't turned away in that one moment, you'd still be--"

"You can't think like that, BBBFF," scolded Twilight. "You cannot account for everything that could possibly happen. You can only protect against what is reasonably foreseeable."

Another arrow was fired and burst into ash. "Well, what am I supposed to do?" asked Shining. "I want to move on from this nightmare, but it just keeps coming back. I don't know how to stop it."

"Don't you?" asked Twilight, raising an eyebrow. "I can help you with that. I can help you resolve this nightmare, and end this cycle of misery. Don't you want that? Don't you want Cadance to have a good night's sleep for once?"

"Of course I do," said Shining. "I just don't know how to do that. Please, Twilight, help me." He fell to his knees, clasped his hands together, and begged to her. He was in tears. "I just want all of this to end. Please."

Twilight nodded. "On the table there is a set of binoculars. Grab them."

Shining did as he was told, not knowing where his food had gone, but now knowing that this was a dream.

"Now I want you to look at the roof of that building." Twilight pointed to a multi-story building just across the street. "Up there is the pony who keeps firing arrows at me."

Shining looked up, and sure enough, a stallion was just over the railing, his bow drawn and an arrow nocked. He looked through the binoculars, and he couldn't believe who it was. The pony who fired his arrow as Twilight looked just like him.

"Do you see what the problem is?" asked Twilight. "Your own self-loathing is what's trying to destroy you. You don't need to forgive the Zebrican Empire for invading Equestria, that's something you are more than allowed to lash out against. That's why your mind feels so clear when you're fighting them. That's why bringing them to heel makes you feel better about yourself. Cadance loves that side of you. When you're protecting the ponies of Equestria, she could not be more proud of you. But when you attack Equestrian citizens, namely yourself, she doesn't like what she sees."

Twilight stepped forward and placed a hand on her brother's shoulder. "And neither do I. You're my BBBFF, Shiny. I have always loved you, and I forgive you for what happened. It wasn't your fault. If you want this nightmare to end, you have to give up this hatred you have for yourself. Forgive yourself for this behaviour. It's the only way." Another arrow shattered against her shield. "This is it, Shiny. Forgive yourself, or I die here again."

Shining closed his eyes tight. He didn't know what to do. He wanted all of this to be over, but could he really just forgive himself? For three and a half months, he'd convinced himself that his inability to protect Twilight was his greatest failure. He'd watched her die over a hundred times, and he'd given up on sleeping well ever again. Twilight said he just had to forgive himself, but could he really do that? He heard the twang of the bowstring, the zip of the arrow, and then...

Nothing.

He opened his eyes and looked down. From his chest protruded an arrow's shaft. He looked behind him, where Twilight was standing. She had a hollow look on her face, as she sometimes did when she was focusing on something very intently. After a moment, her eyes returned to him. "Is that really the path you've chosen?"

"I don't know what else I can do," sighed Shining. "I couldn't just watch it happen again, and I don't think I'm ready to forgive myself just yet. Instead, I think I should focus on something I know I can do. Something that will push me toward respecting myself again. I may not be able to forgive my own actions, but I can protect the ponies of Equestria. If I do well enough there, I may be able to forgive myself someday. But not today."

"If that is what you wish to do, I can't stop you," said Twilight, shaking her head. "I do wish you would find love for yourself in your heart, but if you cannot, I suppose you must build it back up." Slowly the dream faded away, and Twilight with it. Shining found himself in complete darkness, utterly alone.

Shining woke to the sound of a bird twittering on the balcony railing. It was a pleasant morning in Canterlot.