Putting the Luna in Lunatic
Going Pony for the first time
Today’s the day, I thought to myself, as I heard the front door shut downstairs. My parents were headed out of town to visit my grandparents for the weekend, and my little sister was across town at her friend’s house for a weekend-long sleepover. The house was all mine, no chance of discovery from family and with the curtains drawn, nobody would know what I was going to do. The only thing that might tip them off is if I was too loud.
I hop off the bed, reaching to slide out the small black box I know is under there. The black plastic shines slightly as the sunlight hits it. A smile forms on my lips as I gently pop it open, revealing thirty red and white pills. They’d cost a pretty penny, and I wasn’t sure if they even worked. /mlp/hadn’t let me down before, so I was willing to take a gamble when a new general had popped up.
“/Pon-E/ General #1” was the title, presumptuous for a general to name itself one without the original thread being a success but what it had promised was incredible. “Pon-E, an illegal drug which can actually transform you into a pony for a short period of time.” The whole thread had been sceptical at best until OP posted a bit.ly link. I wasn’t a believer until I was face to face with a pony streaming from his phone and showing off the fact it was evidently real, or as several anons had pointed out a very cleverly planned scam.
In the end, I was one of many Anons who’d ordered. I was part of the second wave to actually get our Pon-E. The sleek black box that held them was worth waiting for; honestly, it looked just like a glasses case. If my parents found it whilst cleaning, I doubt they’d even realise they were holding nearly $300 worth of drugs.
I’d been thorough in my planning for today; it was going to be perfect. The thread had enough stories of people’s first time on Pon-E to learn from. I looked around my room, double-checking I had everything prepared. An XL hoodie that was definitely too big for a pony; the thread had suggested hoodies to wear if you wanted to, and I figured it’d be pretty damn cute. I’d downloaded the first three seasons onto my PC and my phone, special sing-along versions because, according to the thread, Ponies’ singing voices were absolutely fantastic. Plus, I did like the idea of singing along to This Day Aria or Winter Wrap Up. A simple rope dangled from my doorknob, I had good odds of not being a unicorn, so I didn’t wanna be stuck in my own room.
I had to rummage for the next item, fishing out two slightly oversized earbuds with an almost comedic length of cable for them. They’d popped up in the second thread, earbuds designed for a Ponies’ ears. The sound quality was pretty good when I’d tried to use them before, but now I’d finally be able to use them properly. Finally, I grabbed my Celestia plush and prepared to swallow the red and white pill. The only thing left to do was reread the instructions just to remind me.
“Consume only one dosage, effects last twelve hours, taking two will result in the transformation becoming permanent, leave for twelve hours in between doses. Some side effects may linger after returning to your Human form. Injuries sustained as a Pony will remain when reverting to Human form.”
No turning back now, I swallowed the pill and took a deep breath. A wide grin started to form on my face as I felt a fizz inside my throat. I had no idea what was really going to happen, but I was along for the ride now for sure. A surge of warmth flowed across my body, and my fingers tingled as the change started almost Immediately.
The silence of my room was shattered by a sickening crack, followed by another dozen as if the first one had burst a dam to unleash the rest. It didn’t hurt, which was the most bizarre part. However, it was definitely uncomfortable as I felt my backbone and legs start to change. Darkness ate at the corners of my vision as I slumped forward, the Celestia plush in my arms held tight as I collapsed to the floor. She wasn’t my favourite pony, but the plush had come from secret Santa a few years ago and was my first pony-related merch.
What felt like seconds later, I opened my eyes. My vision was blurred and fuzzy. After a few moments, my vision started to clear, revealing a pair of long dark blue forelegs. I Shuddered in excitement before lifting up a leg to examine. It was covered in short and soft dark blue fur; my excitement continued to build as my tail flicked side to side.
My first attempt at walking resulted in an undignified flop as my forelegs slid out from under me. Resorting to a half crawl, half shuffle, I managed to get in front of my wall mirror. My jaw dropped at what I saw. The mare in it looked back at me, smiling wide enough to put Pinkie to shame. I felt my heartbeat speed up as my brain connected the appearance I’d seen on screen and in art so many times. Beautiful cyan eyes looked back at me from the mirror, a long sharp horn rose from my forehead, its base hidden by a light blue mane. As I watched, it started to float and ripple in an unseen wind. The tips of my mane darkened as stars blinked into existence.
I stood to my hooves, two immense dark blue wings flared out to my sides. Their impressive wingspan knocked my bedside lamp to the floor. The smash of glass jolted my brain back into working. I took in a breath as I reared back, lifting my forelegs in triumph. “Huzzah!”
The voice was definitely Luna’s instead of mine. Before I could fully consider that, my muzzle met the floor again as I was reminded that a pony needed four hooves on the floor to stand instead of two waving in the air. A groan escaped my mouth as I stood to my hooves, taking care to make sure all four were firmly planted on the ground. It occurred to me what I’d actually said. “Twas peculiar, we didst not intend to say that… wait why we art speaking old ponish?”
My voice is more Luna than I’d planned, even using the royal we despite my wishes. Whatever my speech doesn’t matter, I’m wasting time as a pony. Standing on all fours is strange; my hind legs took a moment of thinking about them before they worked. Even just standing still required a bit of thought to maintain. With a shake of my head, I decided that I should probably learn to walk and not just stand in my room thinking. Walking shouldn’t be too hard, all I had to do was put one hoof forward and! I slipped and flopped back onto my stomach again. As I fell, my wings scraped against the wall, eliciting a pained whimper from me.
“Curse thee human rooms,” I growled, planting my hooves and standing again. Only now did I realise why my wings had scraped the wall. I’m not Celestia’s size, but I’m still big for a pony; my wingspan must be almost 15 feet. No wonder they were pressed against the wall like that. After a pause, I fold them in. The soft, warm feathers pressed against my barrel like a biological blanket. I can’t help but shudder; my wings felt so damn weird to control. Definitely new, but they felt right in a strange way?
Well, shit, my phone and earbuds are on my desk behind me. With all the grace of a paraplegic, I take my first step, then have to try again as I’d forgotten to move my hind leg as well. Turning was slow; the room was definitely not big enough for me. Going downstairs was going to be an interesting challenge; after what felt like half an hour of awkwardly shuffling and taking small steps to turn around, I was finally able to see my desk. I looked up at my horn and smiled. Ok, deep breath, remember what /Pon-E/ General had said about magic. Unicorn magic is something natural to your new body, Telekinesis should come instinctively.
Focus on the item in your mind, surround it with your magic, then lift that magic up, and the item will come with it. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, focusing on my phone, on my desk where I left it. Next was to surround it with my magic and lift. I felt my horn pulse, and a warm sensation flowed out from the bony protrusion. It was surreal, cracking open an eye to see my phone surrounded by a cyan aura as it floated up slowly.
“Tis foals play.” I brag to myself just before my magic wavered, sending my phone plummeting to the floor and into my bowl of water. Fuck you, murphy. One panicked scramble later, and my phone is out of the water, seemingly fine. Thank you, armoured phone case. I took a moment to steady my breathing before levelling my focus on the hoodie dumped over my desk chair. Considering my size, it’ll probably just fit me. A moment later and the garment lifts off the desk chair, surrounded in my magic before it gently floated over to me. I released my magical grip to drop it on my face. The opening at the bottom landed right on my face, only to stop immediately. I hadn’t planned for how big my horn is….
Another application of magic and the hoodie was floating before me. Slowly I stepped my forelegs into the arms before carefully wiggling my head through the fabric as delicately as possible to not pierce my horn through it. Finally, I’ve got the hoodie on, and oh sweet Celestia, it’s soft and still warm from washing it earlier. Wait, did I just think that? Why would I? Electing to Ignore my bizarre choice of words, I floated my earbuds over to me and plugged them into my phone. Telekinesis was definitely coming more naturally to me now, perhaps due to using it more? Was magic like a muscle? Leaving those questions for later, I turned my attention to the phone. I had to bump my muzzle against it to get to the lock screen.
“Face not recognised, please try again.” I have to resist the urge to face hoof. I didn’t think about how to unlock it. After a moment of thought, I’m glad I didn’t face hoof; I’d probably have fallen over. Eventually, I started using my nose to enter the passcode, it took a few attempts, but my phone unlocks. Another few taps and I’ve pulled up Spotify. What song would be right?..
Eurobeat Brony?.. Nah
Rush?.. Nah
Pink Floyd?.. Nah
Idea! I have to fight the urge to shout that out like Rarity; I suppose being a pony may have a few side effects. Another gentle tap and David Bowie kicks in as I put my earbuds in. With a dramatic flick of my horn, my hood lifts up and over my head. Magic was surprisingly easy now, maybe because I’m an alicorn?
With another flash from my horn, the door swung open to allow me out. I didn’t even need the rope, I note mentally as my smile widens. My legs wobble as I walk out the door, my good mood sinking as before me lies my next hurdle. The stairs to go downstairs loomed ahead of me, my stomach coiled into knots at the sight. Was it necessary to go downstairs? Well, I was too large for my bedroom, and I wanted to use the lounge’s big TV to watch pony… The reward was worth the challenge, it seemed.
I could try going down face first, but /Pon-E/ had warned about the lethal danger of cracking your horn. Needless to say, I wasn’t excited by the prospect of killing myself due to barely being able to walk. That left me the option of backing down the stairs, which would protect my head, and I’m an alicorn, right? Hopefully, the jokes about Alicorns all having massive flanks were true and should I slip, I’d have some padding.
Turning around only took a few moments. Every step was easier than the last as my brain got used to the new muscles. I hadn’t realised just how flexible my neck was until I looked behind me and ended up turning my head nearly one hundred and eighty degrees. I couldn’t see too far because my damn tail was blocking my view, although I had to admit it did look rather nice if a bit weird to think about how my ass was connected to a field of stars...which was also my tail. With a sigh, I looked forward and flipped my hood up again, no point looking behind me if I couldn’t even see the steps.
It proved surprisingly simple to reverse my divine plot down the stairs. I just had to move one hind leg down, then a foreleg, then the other hind leg and foreleg. Once the rhythm was established, it didn’t take too long to get down the stairs, all the while David Bowie was singing away in my ears. I had to fight the urge to celebrate until I was completely down the stairs. The big flat screen in the lounge beckoned to me, but if I was gonna watch a bunch of MLP, I’d need snacks. I couldn’t hear the clop of my hooves on the wooden floor over Bowie, but I had to imagine it must have sounded weird. Plenty of time to enjoy the clip-clop of my hooves in the future anyway.
My nose guided me across to the kitchen, sniffing the air as I homed in on something that my new pony body wanted to eat. I didn’t realise how hungry I was until my stomach rumbled loud enough I swore it rattled the contents of the kitchen cabinets. I trotted into the kitchen and ignited my horn, swinging open the kitchen fridge as I surveyed its contents. My nose drew me towards the fresher draw, stuffed full of vegetables. I couldn’t help but lick my lips at the bounty of fresh carrots, Celery, Zucchini and even half a watermelon.
A bowl floated over to the fridge before I filled it with a selection of vegetables. With a pulse of magic, I shut the fridge and pulled my earbuds out. It was silly, but I wanted to hear my hooves. Before I could move to leave the kitchen, my nose caught a hint of something else delicious. I let it guide me, eventually settling on the boxes of cereal sitting on the countertop. With the best approximation of a shrug I could manage, I added another bowl to my snack supply, full of sugary cereal. Was it healthy? Maybe, if you considered the vegetables as well.
As I turned to head to the lounge with my bounty, my ears flicked and swivelled to focus. My blood ran cold as I heard the front door unlock, the telltale clunk of the cheap lock getting stuck, confirming it was definitely my front door. I moved as smoothly as I could, depositing my bowls of food on the countertop, before pressing myself into the pantry alcove, cursing my night sky mane for standing out as much as it did.
“I’ll only be a minute, can’t believe I left my phone charger.” My sister’s voice came from the corridor. The sound of her shoes on the floor was almost deafening to my enhanced alicorn hearing. If she’d left her charger, why was she coming to the kitchen? I wondered until my eyes spotted it, plugged into the wall right by the kitchen table and opposite me. The white and pink plastic taunted me as if it had planned to lure my sister right towards me. Her steps drew near, and I screwed my eyes shut. All I could do was pray; she wouldn’t see me. My ears twitched as I heard her unplug the phone charger with a clunk. My hopes rose only to hear a sharp gasp and clatter of her phone charger as it hit the floor.
I cracked open an eye only to find my little sister staring right at me with her jaw practically down by her ankles. The moment stretched on before her brain seemingly kicked back into gear. “Princess Luna? You’re real?... and in my family’s kitchen?”
“Doest thou desire the truthful answer?” She looked at me with utter confusion. With a deep breath, I stood to my hooves and stepped out of the pantry alcove. “We art not Princess Luna, we art thine older brother having taken an experimental drug which temporarily turned us into a pony...How we hath turned into Luna is still a mystery.”
Suzy’s jaw dropped again, her mouth moved as if she was trying to say something, but words refused to come out. Tentatively I took a step closer in the hope that I’d not broken her brain with the reveal. “My brother is a pony princess?”
I nodded in response, unsure what she was thinking. I shuddered as a grin spread across her face. Before I could react, she’d pulled her phone up and started taking photos, giggling as she did. My horn glowed and pulled her phone from her grasp, floating it up and out of her reach. “Wait! You can do magic? That’s so cool!”
“We hath practised our magic a little. However, we do not desire our parents to find out about this.” I said, my eyes fixed in a glare at my sister. Admittedly some of the effect was lost due to me barely being over five foot tall. She looked at me for a moment before frowning.
“I won’t tell mom and dad on two conditions, give me my phone back, and next time they’re out of town for the weekend, I get to go pony as well.” hesitantly, I nodded, floating my sister’s phone back down to her. With a giddy little squeal, she hugged my neck tightly. Before running off towards the door. “See you later... Moonbutt!”
I sighed, unsure what I’d just gotten myself into.
