A Side Order of Priorities

by Horizon Spark

Rating: everyone
Tags: Queen Chrysalis, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1730

Before Chrysalis can use the Mean 6 to take the Elements of Harmony, she must first go to her local McDapples for some delicious lunch.

Before Chrysalis can use the Mean 6 to take the Elements of Harmony, she must first go to her local McDapples and feed them with deliciously healthy fast-food. It doesn't go very well.

Also dapples are the small spots on horses. I don't know, I thought it was clever.

Published 2021-03-16 21:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-16 21:50:00 UTC

McDapples! McDapples! McDapples!

Chrysalis looked among the six clones she created, and her evil grin couldn’t be any bigger. With these near identical clones of the Element Bearers, she finally has the perfect plan to get back at not only Twilight and her friends, but that accursed Starlight Glimmer who stole her hive. She let out a mad cackle, looking upon her work with sadistic glee. She could see it now; the power of the Elements of Harmony in her hooves, all of Equestria transformed into her own twisted image, and all who stood in her way including those seven, would be reduced to nothing but dust. The very thought made her let out another fiendish cackle, knowing that this was definitely the most brilliant plan ever!

“Now listen up, my servants!” She commanded, getting the clones' attention. “I am your Queen who has given life for the purpose of serving me on my conquest over Equestria, and our first step is to find the Elements of Harmony so we can finally defeat the ponies who wronged me!”

“Can we get some McDapples first?”

Chrysalis stopped right in her tracks. The gears in her head grind to halt as she tried to process exactly what she just heard. She turned around and faced the one who just spoke. “Wh-what did you just say?”

It was the Mean Pinkie Pie who was lying on the floor who spoke up. “I wanna go to McDapples first!”

“Mc...McDapples?” Chrysalis hesitantly asked.

“Yeah!” Mean Rainbow Dash piped up. “If we’re gonna go after some lame magic rocks, I want a Hayburger, in my stomach, right now.”

Chrysalis’s jaw was slacked wide open. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing right now. “...But...we have to go after the Elements. We don’t have time to go for...fast-food…”

“But I wanna go to McDapples, NOW!” Mean Rainbow cried out.

Mean Pinkie was quick to follow up. “Yeah! McDapples, McDapples, McDapples!”

“You can’t be serious…”

“McDapples, McDapples, McDapples!” The two cheered in unison.

Chrysalis glared at them in sheer anger and annoyance. They’d rather go to some family-friendly, grease-filled restaurant than to serve the direct orders of their own queen and creator? These were not the obedient clones she wanted. “We don’t have time to just prance about and eat fast-food! We have to go after the Elements now!”

“Well, I guess we might as well eat some of these berries then,” Mean Fluttershy said, pointing towards a bush full of them, only to immediately throw a giant rock, crushing all of them. “Oh, wait...guess we can’t!”

‘A whole month I spent planning all of this out, and I got stuck with IDIOTS!?’ Chrysalis’s anger started to rise, but taking a moment to breathe, she quickly composed herself. “Look, we are not going to go all the way back to Ponyville just for some food.”

“Isn’t that just a shame,” Mean Rarity spat out sarcastically, “because I’m not going anywhere until all of their Hay Fries are MINE!” She glared at her fellow clones in her sight and pointed an accusing hoof. “You hear me, you gluttons? All of those fries are ALL MINE!”

Chrysalis was just about to tell them all off, right before the Mean Applejack motioned her hoof, asking her to lower her head. “Between you and me, if we were to go to McDapples right this instant, I ain’t gonna order anything from that place. I’m a good mare who eats her fruits and veggies, yes siree ma’am.”

Chrysalis blinked and squinted at the clone. “You’re lying to me, aren't you?”

“Noooooo…” She said with shifty eyes.

Chrysalis growled as her horn started to flare up and her eyes started glowing violently. She was just about to blast a hole through all of these clones for their incessant need for unhealthy food and start anew. But before she got the chance, she felt a hoof touch her leg. She looked down to see the Mean Twilight Sparkle bowing down to her. “If kissing up to me is your way of convincing me to get fast-food, you can stop right now.”

Mean Twilight looked up with a serious frown. “This is not a bow of pleading my Queen, but a bow of respect. It seems that I’m the only one who knows how to properly thank you for giving us life.”

Chrysalis felt a wave of relief wash over her. ‘Finally, one who might actually listen to orders for once. This spell wasn’t a waste of time after all,’ she thought to herself. Giving a nasty grin, she gave the clone the okay to stand up and started making her way through the woods. “Well, in that case, I say we should leave these hungry fools and hurry to the Elements. I don’t want to waste another second listening to them.”

“I’m afraid I must advise against that, your majesty. We mustn't leave these fools behind.”

‘And apparently, this is happening...’ She turned directly towards the fake with a disgruntled look. “Okay then, mind enlightening me on why we need such worthless peons?”

Mean Twilight gave a bow. “With all due respect, the two of us by ourselves are not enough to take the elements. While we can surely make it through the forest without issue, we may run into some problems when it comes to actually grabbing the elements. They may be too powerful for us to handle by ourselves, but with them, we’ll be able to even the odds, seven on seven.”

Chrysalis growled at her logic. “Even if that’s the case, would bringing servants who won’t cooperate really do us any good?”

The faker nodded her head. “All disobedient servants will bend the knee when given what they want. Besides, these idiots will either serve as backup at best, or distractions at worst. Think about it, your majesty, while these grease-filled losers are distracting our enemies, we're taking the Elements for ourselves.

Chrysalis rolls her eyes. “That may be true...but you haven’t even been in a McDapples before. It’s a grease filled death trap. Sure, it lures you in with it’s cheap prices and family-friendly look, but at what costs? Bland hay burgers, over cooked fries, and too much ice in the drinks. If you think I’m the bad guy, wait until you see their policies!”

The fake Twilight raised her eyebrow in response. “So should the evil clones eat at the evil fast food joint or not?”

Chrysalis sighed. “Fine, we’ll go...” She turned towards the clones. “Listen! We will go to McDapples for now, but you will order off of the 5 Bit menu and nothing more!”

The clones gave various reactions of mild happiness and feigned cheering. They all somewhat reluctantly got up and made their way to the forest's exit. Chrysalis rolled her eyes as she slowly led the fakers out of the forest.

As Chrysalis and the clones started leaving the forest, the fake Twilight stood behind and giggled to herself. “What a foolish mare. She really thinks this plan will go well for her? What she doesn't know is that McDapples is the most powerful business in all of Equestria, and their addictive food is the key to controlling the public. Once I get my hooves on those hay tendies, I’ll be able to control the mindless populace by making them my slaves motivated only by tendies. Those peons will destroy Chrysalis, I will harness the Elements, and I rule the world!”

Will you shut up and hurry up!” Chrysalis shouted to the back. “You can save your evil monologuing until after we eat.”

Twilight groaned as she zapped away the final half-eaten hay burger that laid amongst the other empty bags of McDapple meals. “Unbelievable! I can’t believe somepony would be so careless as to litter in the Everfree Forest...in front of the Tree of Harmony no less!”

“You said it, Twi,” Rainbow added, “and the jerk who did this really had a thing for McDapples. I mean, I like fast food as much as the next mare, but this is ridiculous!”

Applejack nodded in agreement. “Well, look on the bright side gals, at least we got some fancy lookin’ firewood to burn the night away.”

“And the important thing is that everything is all cleaned up,” Fluttershy added, “so now the critters won’t have to worry about eating deliciously unhealthy food.”

“And...!” Pinkie Pie suddenly exclaimed. “I finally got all six Smiley Meal™ toys for this month! It feels so good not telling the cashier that I want the boy toys for myself.”

Everypony started to laugh as Pinkie stuffed the cheap toys into her mane. Twilight sighed contently. “Well girls, at the very least we can enjoy our camping trip in peace.”

...

“Aw, dang it,” Rainbow suddenly exclaimed, breaking the peaceful silence, “all that cleaning is making me want a hayburger now.”

“Yeah, same here. Also camping is boring,” Starlight finally said aloud.

“Yes, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking the same thing,” Rarity added.

Twilight sighed to herself. “You know what, this kinda does suck. We should teleport back and get some food.”

“Ooh, ooh!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed in the back. “Can we go get some McDapples?”

The others seemed to grow excited at the idea of getting McDapples, but Twilight was deterred. “Sorry girls, but we already have food at home.”

Everypony gave a collective groan of disappointment.

“Alright, fine...we’ll go to McDapples.”

Everypony now gave a collective cheer of triumph as they all packed their stuff and left the forest for some mouth-watering and greasy fast-food, giving a collective shout as they left. “McDapples! McDapples! McDapples!”

Hours later, at the stroke of midnight, the chime of a McDapples doorbell rang throughout the nearly empty restaurant. A teenager who was totally not sleeping on the job jolted up and readied himself for the customer. “Welcome to McDapples, home of the Smiley Meal™ , can I take your order?”

The now disguised Chrysalis sighed as she placed her order. “One black coffee.”

Author's Note

Remember kids: Eat your chicken tendies before attempting to take magical gems from ancient trees. - This message was brought to you by McDonalds: Have it Your Way

Hope you enjoyed the story. Don't forget to tell me what you thought of it, and I hope you have a good day!