Celestia and Midas Have Tea
It was a truly horrifying sight.
Not a few weeks ago he had found a Satyr in his rose garden. That turned out really well and made the palace quite lively for ten days, but then everything went downhill when he got the cursed touch. It was in the past now, thankfully, and his daughter could once more enjoy her not-gold life among the beautiful, blossoming, living, not-gold roses.
And now, there was a horse in his rose garden.
A white horse. Not just any white horse, but it was the Pegasus. Oh, what cruel joke were the gods playing on him this time? Should he try to catch him? Feed him grass? Wine? Golden grass? Grass booze?
He had enough divine interference for a lifetime, and King Midas wasn’t too fond to start a new divine mishap anytime soon. “Excuse me, Pegasus?”
The creature turned around, and thank goodness he wasn’t drunk like the Satyr. “Sorry to interrupt… whatever it is you’re doing, but you’re, uh…” He chuckled nervously. “Can you go away?”
Horses shouldn’t have facial expressions, and Midas was sure the mythical Pegasus wasn’t gifted with one, but this one just raised an eyebrow. “Pardon?” And spoke with a soft, feminine voice.
It was at this moment as well that King Midas noticed that the creature had a horn. A unicorn? Did the Pegasus make children with one? “I am very sorry for my rudeness, but my last encounter with a divine being wasn’t one I’m particularly fond of. I shall grant you hospitality for however long you will be staying, but I ask that you will not mess around the mortal plane too much this time.”
The creature was looking at him intently. “Sorry, but I do not understand.” It leaned forward, breathing on his face now. “Has one of my ponies disturbed you recently?”
“Your ponies?”
The creature leaned back. “I am not aware that anypony from my realm had entered your world before.” The creature bowed. “If they did, and caused misery, I deeply apologize in the name of all the creatures of Equestria.”
That was a lot of words he wasn’t familiar with. At least from Greek mythology. “Equestria?” He coughed. “I am sorry, maybe there’s some misunderstanding on my part. Should we try this again?”
The creature nodded.
“I am King Midas, and you are currently in my rose garden. Some time ago, a Satyr also found himself here, unconscious, and so I treated him hospitably and entertained him for ten days before returning him to a god. In turn, I was granted a wish, and that nearly killed my daughter.” He added quickly, “On top of nearly starving me to death.”
“Oh, my.”
“All is well, now.” He eyed the creature curiously. “But I am not aware of any divine being with both a horn and wings. I suppose you came from different mythology?”
“I came from a land of Equestria.” It spread its wings. “I am what is called an alicorn, and I am one of the Princesses of the realm.”
King Midas clapped his hands. “Great! So it’s just a magical mishap that landed you in my garden and not some joke from the pantheon?”
“I landed here because a—” she coughed “—fairly embarrassing miscalculation of a teleportation spell. How did you know?”
“Ah, those things happen. Anyway, now that I know you’re not a greek goddess or something, would you like to have some tea?”
Acres of his beautiful garden stretched out as far as the eye could see. From the balcony, the two monarchs could see the workers tending to the roses like little ants.
It was only after they went inside that Midas remembered that tea hadn’t been invented yet, so he instead offered wine for their little chatter. Princess Celestia politely declined, as she hadn’t known what alcohol was, and found the smell unsettling, then fished out two pockets of tea from her ever-flowing mane.
He liked the drink. It was refreshing but did not hinder the mind from thinking. “So, how is Equestria like?” King Midas asked.
“It is a beautiful paradise,” Celestia answered. “Ponies there live in peace and harmony. My sister and I rule the land; I rule the day, and my sister rules the night.”
Midas took a sip of his tea. “The night? Wouldn’t that be a little…” He waved his cup. “Less lively than the day?” He remembered how Celestia wasn’t aware of what wine was. The night wouldn’t be as great without them.
Celestia took a sip of her tea and sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. She has been more than upset that our subjects would only sleep during the night she so meticulously wove.” She looked up at the blue sky, where clouds were sparse and the sun shone just enough to remain pleasantly warm to the skin. “The stars are unmatched in beauty, and she is the artist. But nopony sees them because they would be asleep.”
“So, your problem lies in your subjects not staying awake at night?”
Celestia scrunched her eyebrows. “...I suppose. What do you have in mind?”
“Why don’t you make them, then? You’re the queen—I mean princess, after all.”
“I can’t just tell my ponies to stay awake. What horrible princess would I be if everypony should do what I say?”
King Midas took a sip from his cup, then gently put it down. He rubbed his beard. “Ah. You’re one of those good monarchs. Not a tyrant. You need a reason for them to do it, then?”
“Preferably without inducing fear.”
“How about parties?”
“Parties? In the middle of the night?”
“Yes! When else would you party?”
Celestia took a sip and stared into the horizon. “I suppose I can humor the idea for my subjects…” She put her cup down. “But they would be tired after a day of activities. I don’t think it would work.”
King Midas clapped twice, and a servant came to the balcony carrying a golden goblet. He took it and showed it to Celestia. “I give you, wine.”
“Wine?” She took it in her telekinetic grip. “This was the drink you offered to me before, wasn’t it?” She sniffed from the goblet, and she recoiled. “It smells… strange.”
“It is what we call alcohol.” He took the goblet and sipped from it. “It is a drink of the night. It gives you bliss and happiness, while too much will destroy it.”
“Sounds risky.”
Midas put the goblet down and sipped on his tea. “Many would take it.”
“I suppose I could try your suggestion…”
“You can try it tonight. I can hold a feast in your kingdom for you, your sister, and even the nobles!”
King Midas stepped into the portal and was greeted with an announcement from a pony, “King Midas of Earth!”
The ponies and humans alike cheered, and he waved with a smile. He was at the top of the stairs overlooking the grand hall, and Celestia was there to greet him, alongside another alicorn, shorter and with a midnight-blue coat. She was frowning.
Midas bowed to the two princesses. “Good evening, Your Highnesses.”
Princess Celestia bowed back. “Please, call me Celestia.”
Princess Luna followed. “And you may call us Luna.”
Midas nodded and turned toward the guests. The noble ponies looked dead-tired and would dearly love some sleep very soon, while the noble humans looked dead-tired and would really love some drink very soon.
“Let the party began!”
The ponies looked confused, while the humans cheered and went straight to the barrels of wine brought from Midas’ personal storage. The pony bards started playing some elegant music, and a circle was formed around the few ponies attempting to dance.
It was clear that they weren’t in any mental state to do any dancing, and the performance was embarrassing at best. Midas frowned as he saw Luna starting to scowl.
Luckily, at around the same time they finished, the humans had gotten enough lubricant inside them to step into the dance floor without any sense of embarrassment. The human bards took over the tired-looking ponies and started playing happy, cheerful music.
The dance was messy and horrible, and everyone laughed. The performers also laughed and started dragging ponies into the mess. They took goblets and fill them to the brim with wine, and gave them to ponies too sober to dance terribly enough for it to be enjoyable.
Soon enough every living creature was drunk and happy and laughing save for the three monarchs enjoying tea in a discreet corner of the hall.
Midas took a sip of his tea and smiled. “I like these. I should probably have the gods put them into existence back home.”
Celestia put down her cup. “We can give you some of the seeds so you can start your own tea plantation. That way, you don’t need to rely on the gods.”
“That would be lovely!” He laughed and raised his middle finger in the direction of the portal. “You hear that, Zeus? No more messing around with our little world!”
Luna, who had been quietly sipping on her tea, said, “I take it you have problems with your world’s divine beings?”
Midas grumbled. “They’re childish, irresponsible people with nigh-omnipotence, that’s what they are.”
“Would you like us to help you with that?”
Midas raised an eyebrow. “The only solution to this problem would be to kill them, and I am fairly certain it won’t be an easy task.”
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that,” Celestia said as she took a sip. “Luna here is a specialist in killing gods. That’s why we don’t have any in Equestria.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to trouble you.”
“But I insist,” Luna said. She stared out of the nearby window toward the garden, where some ponies were chatting, laughing, and, possibly for the first time in their busy life, truly enjoyed the night sky. The alcohol in their system merely helped them see it more beautifully. “You have made my night more lively and enjoyable, and although I would prefer them to be more… intelligent while in it, this would certainly make more ponies interested in my night.”
Midas laughed. “No doubt. You should also introduce an education system if you truly want your ponies to stay awake all night.”
Luna took a sip and placed it on her mental list.
He took his cup and swirled it around. “It doesn’t exist yet in my world. The gods of Egypt told me once that they’ve had the idea, but because it would make humans not believe in them anymore, they scrapped it.” He took a sip and stared at the distance. “I should have a few philosophers think about that, though. Maybe it’ll teach those bastards to stop playing with us like their toys.” He looked at Luna and smiled. “Or maybe you can kill them first?”
Luna nodded. “It would be my pleasure.”
Two ponies and a human servant came in with their food. Some of the guests had already started feasting from the long table as well.
“Is there anything else I can help you with?”
It was a few days after the feast. Midas heard that Equestria’s first-ever tavern had opened, and ponies had started living most of their lives in the dark of night. Luna had taken off with a very big sword a few minutes ago, and the voices of the gods were curiously absent. Apollo and Pan should’ve been having a musical competition by now, but there was only the elegant music of divine pain and suffering.
“You’ve helped me enough, Celestia. I should be the one helping you.”
Celestia stared at the horizon. “You told me you were at war with some of the nearby kingdoms?”
“Ah, yes. You don’t need to worry about that, though. War will always exist as long as humans are.” Midas shrugged. “We’re at war with that Alexander the Great guy, and they’re also at war with some country called America. Alexander is scared because America has guns, while America is scared because Alexander don’t need guns.”
“And you?”
He laughed. “I have tea! Everyone will soon tremble before my caffeinated army!”
“Well then, would you help me by not waging war?”
Midas stared. “What.”
“Peace. I would very much like to have diplomatic relations with your world, but not with war and destruction. I ask that you convince the other leaders to stop killing each other.”
Midas mumbled.
“Sorry, what was that?”
“It’s impossible. How would you make people stop fighting each other?”
“By being kind and trying to understand one another?”
Midas chuckled. “Like they’re going to do that, yeah. We don’t have magic rainbow lasers like you do.”
Celestia scratched her chin. Then, after some time she said, “How about I grant you the ability to convince everyone to be friends with each other?”
Midas backed away. “Nope. I’ve had enough magic powers this month. Not really looking forward for more.”
“Please, don’t you trust me?”
“You’re a goddess somewhat, so sorry if I’m a bit apprehensive.” Then he mumbled under his breath, “But I suppose you’re a magic horse goddess that helped me kill the other gods, so I guess I trust you.”
Celestia raised her hoof and took off her golden shoe. Then she used it to tap Midas’ nose. “I hereby grant you the power of the Boop. Go talk to Alexander the Great and lightly tap his nose with your forefinger. You’ll know what to do next.”
King Midas entered Alexander’s tent. He hadn’t known that Alexander had prepared an army to attack his kingdom, but now he did. Hopefully Celestia hadn’t given him another curse. “Greetings, Alexander the Great.”
“Greetings, King Midas the… Golden?”
“Just call me King Midas.”
“Alright. What brings you here?”
Midas coughed. “I am here offering peace.”
Alexander stared at him. “What.”
“Peace. No more war. No more trying to kill each other.”
“But why?”
“Because this!” Midas jumped forward and lightly tapped Alexander’s nose.
Alexander went crossed-eyed and stayed silent. Slowly, he sheathed back his sword which nearly decapacitated Midas.
Midas pulled his finger back and stumbled backward.
Alexander blinked.
Midas waited awkwardly. “So uh, peace?”
Alexander nodded. “Yeah, sure.”
They shook hands, and peace was made. Plushies were also invented that day when Alexander rushed home and commanded the royal seamstress to make a piece of cloth resembling a human being.
The next day, Midas came to America and booped George Washington. He asked him to make peace with everyone he’s currently at war with, and Washington agreed. At around the afternoon, just before it’s time to boil soup, Alexander visited America and brought plushies as a sign of peace. Theodore Roosevelt gladly accepted them and improvised the creepy human plushies into huggable teddy bears.
The other countries were a little hard to convince, though, mostly because Midas was lazy.
A thousand years later, after Midas finally got around to booping everyone else and the entire world was finally at peace, Albert Einstein independently discovered the portal to Equestria, and before Midas could intervene, sent Kepler across.
Midas then went to Equestria to find Kepler angrily punching and ramming walls with his head. Midas booped him, and all was well.
Author's Note
Boop
