Twilight Sparkle Does NOT Go On a Date With a Harem of Six Alternate Universe LyraBon Displaced Fusions With a Slight Twist Ending
Twilight Sparkle narrowed her eyes at the strange pony who had accosted her outside the Golden Oaks Library. "Who are YOU supposed to be?"
The pony with a swirled coat pattern of cream and light green smirked. "This is your lucky day!" she said.
Twilight grimaced. "That's not an answer. Unless you're trying to tell me you're Flim and Flam." Twilight pursed her lips. "Which I guess would almost make sense, really."
"No!" the pony said. She moved her head, tossing her charcoal, pink, aqua, and white striped mane in a way that was probably supposed to be sexy. Strands of hair caught on Twilight's horn, and dangled in the unicorn scholar's face.
Twilight stepped backwards and tried to blow the other pony's hair out of her own eyes. She mostly succeeded. "What are you playing at, here? And what kind of pony even ARE you? You look like you were caught by an explosion in a mane-and-tail dye factory." Twilight walked around to the strange mare's flank. "And like you have a bad case of cutie pox." Twilight squinted at the mare's elaborate cutie mark, which combined three pieces of candy, a golden lyre, and a large AK-47 next to an image of the pony herself walking away from an explosion. "Seriously, what happened to you?"
The mare said in a low, throaty voice, "I have more cool and awesome in me than could originally fit into one pony. But with the advantage of new Displaced technology that's brought pony fusion to this world, now all my awesome CAN fit into one pony."
Twilight eyed the mare suspiciously. "So...you're radioactive?"
"No. Not usually. I mean, do you WANT me to be?" She tilted her head slightly. "I would be ANYTHING for you, Twilight."
Twilight snorted. "How about somewhere else? Not directly in my way, I mean."
The mare batted her eyelashes. "But Twilight...you haven't told us anything about your love life. Is there an empty place in your heart just aching to be--"
"Cut it out!" Twilight shouted. "If I want to talk about that with somepony, I'll talk about that with THEM. Not with some random stranger--"
"I'm not some random stranger at all! You know Bon Bon and Lyra, right?"
Twilight said nothing.
"You know, the candy making, musically inclined duo? We can make you VERY happy, all six of us."
Twilight took a step back. "Six of you."
"By merging different Displaced drafts together, we've fit six different versions of Lyradrops into this single universe. And we ALL have the biggest crush on you. We would like to make you very happy...and we know we've got what it takes." The swirly-striped pony held up a forehoof. Her eyes crossed for a moment with concentration. Her hoof changed to a stubby-fingered hand. "Twilight, have you ever experienced the sensual pleasure that HANDS can give you?"
"No comment, and I don't care."
The stranger unlowered her eyelashes. She stopped trying to sexily slink. "Twilight, I know you have more scientific curiosity than just about anypony anywhere. When you have a chance to examine 'fusion ponies' from nearby parallel universes, don't you owe it to yourself to come take a look?" Lyrabon smirked again. "You can bring any scientific apparatus you want, toooo!"
"Hmm. When you put it THAT way, it starts to be tempting."
Lyrabon purred, "That's because I want to cater to YOUR needs, not just mine. Ours. Whatever."
Twilight nodded decisively. "On one condition. You said I can bring anything I want, right?"
"Sure!" Lyrabon said in a tone of exaggerated innocence. "Measuring equipment, hoof massagers, special study tables with straps, five hot marefriends...whatever you want to!"
Twilight snorted. "I want to bring Spike, to keep an eye on you and embarrass you into behaving."
Lyrabon huffed. "You're no fun. But I can't resist your cute little pout--"
"I'm not pouting," Twilight pointed out. "I'm just regular annoyed and exasperated. There's a difference."
"Fine. You AND your little dragon friend can come visit my cottage. Be there at six this evening."
"Okay," Twilight nodded. "I look forward to it."
***
Back inside the library, Twilight said, "Spike? You read a lot of comic books and stuff like that. Have you ever heard of "pony fusion?"
Spike snorted. "Twilight, the Equestrian Comics Code prohibits comic books from featuring the misuse of radioactive substances. It was giving Pony Scouts too many bad ideas, and lowering property values."
"Oh," Twilight said. "What about in bandes dessineigh? Pojinshi? Manwhoa?"
"Man what?" Spike asked. "You know I'm not allowed to read that kind of thing until I'm a little older."
"Well...what kind of comics enthusiast follows all the rules his family and government tell him to? With that kind of attitude, how can you expect to ever be sucked into another world, and have to go through hundreds of volumes of exhausting, tiresome adventures before you can get back home?"
Spike laughed. "Twilight, between you and everything else that happens in my life, I think I get enough adventures as it is. You're being silly."
"That might be. But today I met a strange pony with a swirly-pattern coat and FOUR separate mane and tail colors. She said she was a "fusion pony," with more of her from six different dimensions at home, and she invited me over for some 'science.'"
Spike laughed. "'Science', huh? Sure that wasn't a euphemism?"
"See, that's EXACTLY why I want you to come with me when I go over to see her tonight at six."
"Uh-huh," Spike said skeptically. "And are you sure that's the ONLY reason?"
"Well...I might want somecreature to help carry my scientific study equipment. But this time, we're definitely leaving the chair with the straps at home. I think it might give her the wrong idea. I mean, even MORE of the wrong idea."
Spike snorted. "This should be pretty funny, if nothing else. Ok, it's a date."
Twilight muttered, "That's exactly what I'm afraid of."
"Ok. NOT a date."
Twilight kissed her little brother on the cheek. "Thanks, Spike! You're the best chaperone a girl could ever have. With you around, no hanky panky or funny stuff will ever happen!"
For a moment, Spike thought about his unrequited crush on Rarity. "Yeah. I know."
***
Twilight and Spike walked down the street (or grassy strip, whatever) between assorted cottages and some larger houses. Twilight turned aside to one cottage, and knocked on the door. "It's me!" Twilight said. "And my number one assistant!"
From underneath a slowly moving pile of equipment behind Twilight, a young dragon's voice said, "Help!"
The door opened. A six-colored (if you count mane, tail AND coat) unicorn earth pony hybrid/combination held the door open, and levitated the pile of equipment inside, along with the dragonling who was dragged along with it.
"Wow," Spike said. "No wonder I haven't seen anypony like you in my comic books before. At most, my comics are printed in FOUR color process. A pony like you would be impossible."
The "fusion pony" smiled proudly. "Yes, I AM amazing. Not to mention powerful. And I'm very good at walking away from explosions without even looking back at them."
Twilight whispered to Spike, "A pony who has things exploding behind her all the time as she walks away is suspicious pretty much by definition."
"What?" the swirly-coated pony asked.
"Oh, nothing. Spike and I were just admiring your amazing coat and mane."
"Oh, yes. Would you like me to show you some tricks?"
"Um...let's talk first. How did you even get to this world? And where are your five or six friends?"
Lyrabon said, "They...had to be somewhere else right now. There's a perfectly reasonable explanation, which I'm sure they know even though I don't."
Twilight chuckled. "I'm sure one of you is just fine. Maybe one of you is plenty."
"I'm glad you're ok with just me. That's grrrrreeat!"
Spike whispered to his big sister, "Doesn't she remind you of someone?"
"No kidding," Twilight replied.
"What?" Lyrabon asked.
"Oh, I was just saying how I'd like to admire your amazing cutie mark close up," Twilight said. "May I?"
Lyrabon said in a sultry voice, "Twilight, you can admire my flank from close up ANY TIME."
Twilight sidled up close to the strange comboponie. "Very interesting," Twilight said. "Your mark shows so many talents. Candy, music, unrestrained violence--"
"It's restrained!" Lyrabon insisted. "It's perfectly under control, and only in the service of the Equestrian government, for everypony's protection!"
"As I was saying...violence, more violence...and what's this little bit in the corner?"
"Oh, that's nothing. It's just a side effect of being so magnificent and great. It's a stretch mark from how hard it is to fit so much powerful coolness into one pony."
"Sure. And this little wand with the tiny little star on the end?"
Twilight's horn lit up, and zapped Lyrabon. The strange pony expanded and split into three: Lyra, Bon Bon, and a familiar blowhard.
Lyra hugged Twilight. "Thank you so for much for rescuing us! I didn't know WHAT Trixie was going to make us do next."
Bon Bon nodded suavely. "I was afraid she was going to make me blow something up. That pony has NO self-restraint. Or good judgment. She's missing a lot of things, really."
Trixie got down on the floor and cried. "I AM missing so much. Most of all, I don't have my wonderful marecrush. The most beautiful pony in the world." She turned her head towards Twilight Sparkle. "Twilight, I love you so much. Can't you tell from all this work I did to show you how I feel?"
Spike laughed. "It shows you're as full of nuts as a squirrel's secret stash."
Twilight asked, "Didn't you ever think if you had a crush on me, you should just woo me like a normal pony?"
Trixie stomped the floor. "But for a mare to even have a chance of getting with you...that would take a lesbian! It's marecozy stuff!"
"I suppose it would," Twilight said. "So?"
"So if it's marecozy stuff, it would take a marecozy to win you over. And I could never do that! Because I'm not a marecozy. So I thought, all I have to do is harness the amazing marecozy power of somepony who IS a marecozy! Or better yet, TWO ponies' worth of marecozy. So I ensorcelled Lyra and Bon Bon and made them do my bidding, combining their marecozy energies to try to cancel out my own tragically complete and utter straightness."
Spike and Twilight stared.
"I'm just a little dragonling, not old enough yet to buy adult comic books. But even I am pretty sure, if you're crushing on Twilight Sparkle that hard, you must be a marecozy yourself, or at least bi. I don't think whether you're a MARECOZY is your problem. So instead of doing terrible things to other ponies, why don't you just try being yourself?"
Twilight bit her lip in thought, and gave Spike the sideeye.
"I mean, try being somepony who's LIKE yourself, but isn't evil, and maybe isn't even a total disaster lesbian?" Spike said.
"But somepony who plays naughty little tricks IS myself," Trixie wailed. "I can't be somepony else. And now that I'm no longer combined with Lyra and Bon Bon, I'm not even a lesbian either." Trixie wiped tears from her eyes. "My hopeless love is hopeless. Oh, Twilight, maybe someday I'll discover the spell to show you how I feel. Someday!"
Trixie threw a smoke bomb.
When the smoke cleared, the dramatic unicorn was gone.
"Wow!" Spike said. "That was amazing!"
Bon Bon asked, "WHAT was amazing?"
"One of her tricks really worked. I don't see her anywhere!"
The ponies checked under furniture and inside closets. Finally Twilight said, "I guess you're right. She did something right. Maybe she CAN make some kind of progress. Maybe there IS hope for her."
"Yeah," Lyra remarked. "Now if only she can come out of the closet to herself."
From underneath an untidy pile of dirty laundry in the corner, a voice said, "I HEARD that! And I am NOT inside the closet."
Twilight snorted. "What Lyra means is, you need to tell yourself...you need to admit to yourself...oh, never mind. I guess it's something you need to learn to do on your own."
"Someday!" Trixie said from under the dirty laundry, "I will learn to understand what you just said. I swear it by my great and amazing magical talent!" She continued more quietly, "But in the meantime...could you all go outside for a minute, so I can sneak out from underneath this heap?"
Twilight said, "I hope someday you find a special somepony who really is right for you. And I hope she's right for you too."
Trixie sighed. "In my dreams. That's never going to happen."
Twilight smiled. "If you let yourself just be a nice pony, who knows? It could happen. Also, Bon Bon and Lyra? Could you make some tea? Maybe even a bit of dinner? I think if Trixie thinks she's trapped under that tablecloth until we leave, we should just let her be stuck there for a while."
"I know a special recipe that takes at least two or three hours to make," Lyra said, "and it smells really, really good. It will make anypony who smells it SO HUNGRY."
Bon Bon said, "Before the casserole is ready, I can serve some snacks."
Spike held up a box. "Twilight had me bring over some board games, to experiment with how well six Lyrabons from different universes could play together. She even has a special version of Mareopoly that's almost fireproof. That way, when you get really angry partway through, you can take the game outside and pour kerosene all over it, and I can cough on it so we can watch it burn. It's really very satisfying."
"Really?" a voice said from under the unwashed laundry. The very tip of Trixie's muzzle barely poked out. "Can I play with you? My original plans for tonight have already gone up in smoke, anyway."
"On one condition," Twilight insisted.
"Anything. I am SO hungry. And...it can get lonely, stuck under a tablecloth all by yourself. So what's your condition?"
Twilight said sternly, "It's NOT a date."
Trixie poked her whole head out. "Ok. Tell yourself anything you like, Twilight." She grinned smugly. "It's NOT a date."
Author's Note
That's not really how four color process works.
