Author's Note
Looking In
I stepped out onto the porch. Spring had just begun, and I was already tired of insects. The shade under the awning prevented me from being burned by the sun. Still, I couldn't complain too much. It was nice to see the sky after a dreary winter. I turned to begin my trek to the convenience store. That's when I saw them. Pinkie, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, and Sunset all stood just beyond the railing. Despite everything that happened before, I held no ill will towards them. How could I? They were only trying to help.
"You shaved." Sunset noted.
"Yeah," I replied, "Have to help Leah clean her apartment later. Figured I may as well look somewhat decent."
"You look good."
"Thanks."
"How've you been holdin' up?"
"Still breathing. That's a plus, I guess. Still crazy, though."
"So I hear."
"It's weird having you guys poke around in my head."
"Just consider it a necessary evil."
"Don't get me wrong. It's not unwelcome."
"You have faith, limited as it may be."
"I just wish faith wasn't blind..."
"Maybe it doesn't have to be."
I gave the redhead an inquisitive gaze.
"What do you mean?"
"You're gonna pick something up from the store, right? We may or may not have something waiting for you there."
"Keeping things cryptic, I see."
"You're just gonna have to trust us."
"I take it you guys are taggin' along?"
"Obviously."
"Hope you've got your own money. I've only got enough for a couple small things right now."
"Twilight's got us covered."
"Course she does."
"Smartass."
I began walking with the girls. They could tell I was distressed by my expression.
"What's on your mind?" Sunset asked.
"I think you know."
"I wanna hear you say it."
"How do you tell someone about the pain your family's endured? Is there ever a right time?"
"Maybe with a shrink. Other than that, I'm not sure."
"That's not really an option."
"I know, but it's the best I can come up with."
"I don't like feeling obligated to stick around when life doesn't seem to hold much for me anymore. After a certain point, everything just kind of fell apart. All I've got left are memories."
"I wouldn't be so sure."
"Why's that?"
"Something in the back of your mind's been evolving; growing for nearly a decade. I know you've felt it. We were just the foundation so she could be nurtured."
"'She'?"
"See for yourself."
On the concrete slab that led to the shop's exterior, a young woman stood alone. The wind blew through her chocolate locks. Behind her bangs, I caught a glimpse of her soft brown eyes. The cross around her neck told me all I needed to know.
"What are you waiting for," Sunset questioned, "Go!"
I ran to Atmospheric as fast as my legs would carry me and hugged her tightly.
"You scared me." she said with a chuckle. I closed my eyes in response. She wrapped her arms around me.
When I composed myself enough to release Atmospheric from my grasp, I noticed something was missing.
"Where are your wings?" I asked her.
She held a finger over her lips.
"I'll show you later." she uttered.
"Aren't you curious how we found her?" Sunset pointed out.
"Well...Yeah!" I admitted.
"You kept her sealed up pretty tight. It took all our strength to break the door down, though I guess it makes sense. She is the embodiment of your conscience after all."
"She's very beautiful." Fluttershy complimented.
"Thank you," Atmospheric replied, "You're not so bad yourself."
Fluttershy blushed.
"I'd say it's time for a celebration, but I know you don't have much time." Pinkie realized.
"We'll mosh soon," I assured, "It's a promise."
"You're on!"
We headed inside.
Compared to the usual number of customers, we were a fairly large group. With the covid vaccine being distributed, slowly but surely, the infection rate was beginning to taper off. My own injections were scheduled for the middle of summer. In the meantime, I continued to wear a mask. It may have only helped so much, but it was better than nothing. We separated into small groups so we could find what we wanted easier. Atmospheric held my head against her shoulder.
"I've been worried about you." she stated quietly.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. As long as you're still kicking, that's all that matters."
"It's funny. I never thought I'd see you here in front of me. These days I find myself wondering if I'm as crazy as my old man was."
"You're nothing like him."
"I try not to be."
"Trust me: no matter how deranged people think you are, their frame of reference is only so broad. They'd take you over someone like him any day."
"I appreciate it, but like Sunset said, you're my conscience. You have to be kind because that's how I designed you."
"I'm still part of you. I wouldn't exist if you were truly devoid of humanity. I can list off so many good things you've done during your lifetime."
"Nothing that's not expected."
"Is that why you kept up with Mitch's progress?"
"I'm not unique in that regard. Besides, most people are too busy to worry 24/7 about someone they've never met."
"I want you to really think about what you're saying. Yes, human beings have a lot on their plates, but to claim they can't spare a passing thought is ludicrous. You've done it plenty of times."
"For all I know, they do. They just don't talk about it because they've already said their piece. How often can someone talk about the same thing before there's nothing left to say?"
"My point is, you recognize other people have had it way worse than you. Your body's still functional, your record's clean, and you have food and a roof over your head. All things considered, you've had it pretty good."
"Both the best and the worst parts of my life are behind me. I don't have much left to look forward to. Without you, I may as well have nothing..."
"The boy who dreamed me up when he was fifteen wouldn't waste his life wallowing in self-pity. Should you lose your mind for whatever reason, at least do it with the same vitality you channeled when you created me."
"Well, when you're right, you're right."
"Of course I am."
She kissed my temple. We reconvened with the others and purchased our food. I offered Atmospheric my share.
"That's really sweet. Thank you."
"You know, when I saw the way Kyle thought about you, it reminded me of Shining and Cadance," Twilight mentioned, "but there's something else; a darker, more animalistic quality."
"Part of it might have stemmed from John," I explained, "He was really into the whole vampirism and mall goth thing when I was a kid. I probably picked it up from him. Plus, ya know, native humans are different from magical talking horses. We are still kind of primitive in some respects."
"That's true."
"Come to think of it, how come you change forms when you're here in our world?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Right, right."
"I have enough for lunch if you're hungry."
"I don't know. I probably shouldn't leave Theo alone for too long."
"We'll have some time if we hurry."
"Can I take a rain check?"
"Sure."
"I'll have some time this weekend. Why don't you take Atmospheric for a bit, see the sights?"
"Sounds like a plan."
We gathered in a group hug before I sprinted home.
Atmospheric approached the local theater a few blocks away. She stopped in front of the ticket booth.
"His mother used to work here," she informed the others, "When he was little, he played a supporting role in a production of Peter Pan."
"I didn't know that." Sunset said.
"This is where he met Zach."
"The guy that passed away?"
"Zach was only twenty-seven when he died. Kyle was devastated."
"I'd imagine. They seemed pretty close."
"Heartache seems to follow him around everywhere he goes. I think...That's why he created me."
"What are you, exactly? I know he's been consistently improving your story and design, but where does that stem from?"
"It's sort of a yin-yang concept."
"If he's supposed to be the negative, that would make you the positive, right?"
"Right, and the same way he experiences small bursts of joy, I can feel sadness."
"It's all starting to come together. Your personality was meant to resemble a real human being."
"Reality is complex and nuanced. He was always looking for small ways to differentiate us."
"Like how?"
"Like...The color of our hair and clothes for example."
"You were originally designed as a normal Pegasus, weren't you?"
"I was. He only recently altered me to be a seraph."
"I wonder why."
"In mythology, there are references to divine beings developing relationships with mortals. The deeper he sinks into despair, the more powerful I become."
"Are you saying he's making you stronger to keep himself going!?"
"I guess you could call it the opposite of mutually assured destruction."
"Unbelievable..."
"In an ideal world, that's what relationships would be, right? Connections that bring peace of mind?"
"One can only hope."
I didn't see Atmospheric or the others again until Saturday. After lunch, we hung out at the park for a while. Atmospheric and I read my copy of Stephen King's novel Cell while the rest of the girls did their own thing. It was one of his lesser-known works from what I recalled.
"I remember when you read this at the church while your mom was cooking."
"I was drifting in and out of sleep that day. We were still going through a lot at the time, ya know?"
"I know. You stopped thinking about me for a while. I was scared you'd forgotten about me."
"At the time, I thought you'd reached your limits. There was nothing more I could think to do with you other than...Ya know..."
"There's nothing wrong with finding me attractive. How many people fantasize about similar things?"
"When you're constantly ruminating over bad shit, the rest seems pointless; even repulsive on some level. I was angry at myself and the world around me. It drained all my energy."
"What about now?"
"I feel better just knowing you're here."
"I've always been here. I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon."
She placed her hand on my cheek. It was warm and comforting. I did the same. We shared our first kiss. In the distance, Rainbow nudged Applejack.
"Yo, check it out."
"Well, I'll be..."