Anon’s A Villain Because Of A Bet

by Yellowtail

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Profanity
Length: 12638

Because Celestia thought he was kidding, she made a bet. Anon decided that conquering the world is a sensible bet to fulfill.

Well, I believe the title says it all. It’s been a couple years since his last conquest, and Anon decides to conquer the world because he made a bet with Celestia. This time, he ain’t McCluckin’ around. Welcome, to the finale of this trilogy.

Featured on March 17th, 2021

Author’s note: Y’all, I’m sorry this didn’t come out exactly when the last one reached 500 likes, but I didn’t think it’d come this fast, Jesus.

Published 2021-03-17 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-04-20 15:12:27 UTC

Day 1: The Bet.

I sigh as I sit in my massager. No worries, no concerns, and no reason to do anything! This is what I call a high life! I look over to see Bones is almost done fixing the television on the throne table. “My lord, I know you’re not a villain or anything anymore, but might I ask a question?” He says, looking over as he finally manages to get the television working, making it buzz to life as I grab the remote from the arm of my massager. I hum in response. “What exactly are we doing now?” He asks. I stop as a news channel comes on.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well, Erm, don’t take this as disrespect my lord, but uh, we’re bored,” Bones says, turning to me. “You haven’t given an order since... well... two years ago.”

“Has it been two years? Could’ve sworn all that was yesterday,” I mutter, flipping through channels.

“My lord, is it that... are you okay?” He asks. I pause.

“Uh, yeah, why?” I ask.

“You know, if there’s something that’s happened to you-“

“I don’t have cancer you dolt,” I say. “I just don’t have any motivation to do anything. I mean, y’all are free to go if you want. I don’t even pay you guys anymore.”

“Well, true, but we are loyal to you sir. After all we’ve done and been through, we would do anything for you!” He says. I give him a sincere smile.

“Aw, thanks. Y’know, I’ve never told any of you how much I appreciate your loyalty,” I say. He gives a smile and salutes in return.

“No need my lord, we are fully aware,” he says. Suddenly, the throne room’s doors open, and in comes Celestia, carrying a bowl of ice cream.

“Is the TV ready?” She asks tiredly. I look at her with a quirked brow before looking at Bones.

“Round up whoever’s on break. Tell them it’s movie night,” I say. Bones salutes and runs off excitedly as Celestia pulls up a chair next to me, sits down and summons a spoon.

“So, what are we watching?” She asks. I look at her in confusion.

“Hold up, why are you still coming around here?” I ask. “I didn’t do anything if that’s your concern.”

“Well, despite what you may think Anon, I’m not always visiting you because I think you did something,” she grumbles, taking a spoonful of the frozen treat and shoving it into her mouth. “Sometimes, you’re even less annoying than nobles, and I’d prefer dealing with you instead,” she says, muffled.”

“... Did you ditch a Royal meeting or something?” I ask. She nods, nonplussed. “... Nice, welcome to the dark side.” With that, I settle on a channel that focuses on Sci-Fi movies. Soon, I look around to see that there is a crowd of Diamond dogs around us, all happily watching the movie. I smile and lean back, turning on the massager. Celestia laughs as she watches something unfold on screen. I myself am just enjoying the company, honestly. This feels... complete. Like, this is how it’s all supposed to be... it’s nice...

“... Hey Anon, think you could conquer the world like these aliens?” Celestia jokingly asks.

“Of course I could,” I say seriously. Celestia stops and laughs.

“Right, right,” she says.

“No, I could,” I reaffirm. Celestia looks at me, tired. She stares me in the eyes for a moment before snickering.

“Anon, if you conquer the world, I will personally give you a date,” she says.

“No, I’ll conquer the world just because you thought I couldn’t,” I say, genuinely getting mad.

“No no, try,” she says. “But you’ll have to reconquer Equestria lastly, alright?” I scoff and look around to see all the Diamond dogs staring at me, excitement in their eyes.

“Alright then, shake?” I ask her. She rolls her eyes and holds out a hoof. I shake it, nodding. “Now, get out,” I say. She blinks.

“Wait, what?” She asks, suddenly realizing I’m not laughing. “No, Anon, I was joking-“

“I wasn’t. We’re doing this,” I say. All the dogs give a bark of enthusiasm, before running out to tell the others. Celestia looks around wildly, realizing the mistake she just made.

“Oh for the love of-“

“Don’t touch my castle or I’m conquering Equestria immediately,” I say, getting up. “We’ve got a base of operations in Zebrica already. Bones!” I yell. Bones rushes up, happy. “We’re moving out! All operations going to Zebrica!”

“Yes my lord!” He exclaims. He rushes out as Celestia face hooves.

“Anon, please, I don’t- I was just joking, please don’t bucking-“

“I’m fucking conquering the world! AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!!” I yell, running out the room to go pack some things. Celestia slams her head onto the table. “Oh, and if you try to say this deal never happened, it’s on camera!” I yell into the room. Celestia sits upright, looks towards the ceiling, and sees a camera recording.

“Oh for the love of-“ she stops to whimper as she realizes what she’s just done. She knows damn well she can’t stop him, since world domination isn’t really against the law, funnily enough. She briefly wonders if she can still try to arrest him, but she knows everyone’s afraid of trying to stop him with legalities, since that didn’t work last time. No, she’s just gonna have to prepare defenses and hope for the best.

It’s bright and early in Zebrica, as the king Zeal looks through some complaints. He has to admit, it’s nice to have a United country. It’s lowered some prices, brought an increase in tax revenue, and the zebras are getting along well, surprisingly. He sighs as he thinks back about the past two years. It has been so peaceful, it’s almost boring... until I kick open the door.

“Knock knock Zeeeeeal!” I yell, cheerfully. His eyes shrink to pin pricks.

“No,” he says.

“Yep! I’m gonna conquer the world!” I say. He narrows his eyes and clicks a button. I step back, just in time for a volley of arrows to crash down from above. “Nope, can’t catch me with my own tricks!” I say, sauntering up. “I need a bit of a favor-“

“The answer is no! Guards!” He yells. Zebra guards rush in, freezing once they see me.

“Tsk tsk tsk, iron armor? I thought you were smarter,” I note, sending electricity into the guards, knocking them out.

“Why can’t you leave us alone!?” Zeal asks.

“Well, I got some good news, and some bad news,” I say. “Bad news, your country is practically a punching bag for me, but the good news is-“ I grin as I get within arms’ reach of Zeal, and place a hand on his crown. “You don’t need to wear such a heavy crown anymore!” I yank it off, throwing him onto the floor as more guards rush in. They all freeze, seeing me, and sigh before bowing. Zeal looks up at me, terror on his face as I grin down at him. “Call me Mr Bones, cause y’all ain’t stepping off of my wild ride!” With that, I start maniacally laughing, feeling extremely energized for the first time in years.

Celestia glares at Discord, who whistles innocently. They’re in the throne room in Canterlot’s Castle “Tell me, throughout all the times you’ve realized he existed, why have you never stepped in to help!?” She yells. Discord winces, before sighing.

“I made a promise Celestia, simple as that,” he says.

“What promise?” She asks. Discord conjures up a cup of tea, and swirls it with a finger.

“He promised that he’d give me a cake!” He says, pulling out his finger to see the bones are left. He smiles and sips the tea.

“A cake?” Celestia asks. “... Why, in all of Equestria, is a cake stopping you?” She asks.

“It’s a special cake! Whenever Fluttershy’s birthday is coming up, I always forget to get a normal cake. I promised I wouldn’t step in if he promises to give me a cake to bring to Fluttershy every year!” He says. “And I checked him, he’s serious. He’s given me a cake every single year since he first conquered Equestria.” Celestia face hooves.

“I could give hundreds of cakes a hundred times over Discord!” She yells.

“Well, yes, but I like seeing you get mad,” Discord says, grinning as he chomps off a bit of the cup. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to set up a chair. Anon just took over Zebrica, and he’s shooting for Griffon Stone next!” He says excitedly. With that, he dissappears, to the astonishment of Celestia.

“...” she sighs, and trudges out. She’s going to be busy, setting up defenses to actually counter Anon’s inevitable invasion.

Day 44: Warp Speed Babyyy!

I smile wickedly as the tank I ride rumbles and sputters. The minotaurs were a force to be reckoned with, but no amount of muscle can take on a tank. Although we did lose a tank in the siege, due to how steep this god forsaken mountain is, we succeeded with flying colors, taking down the kingdom within a month. Well, we’re currently still taking it down, but all that’s left is the king.

We roll to a stop from a good distance in front of a fortress. The stone structure silently stands, looming over my army and tanks at the end of a long valley on top of the mountain. “Alright, show time,” I mutter, opening the hatch on top of the tank’s turret. I come out about halfway and cross my arms. “HEY!!! KING TAURON!!!” I yell. The Diamond dogs around me tense up as I snicker. “I’M HERE TO TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY!!!” Silence reigns before a head peeps over the top of the wall.

“What?!” A voice echoes.

“I’M HERE TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!” I yell.

“... What!?” The minotaur yells back.

“God dammit-“ I climb down the hatch and look at Bones. “Do you still, have the microphone I enchanted?” He hands me the device without looking, to which I nod in thanks. I poke my head out again. “I SAID- WE’RE TAKING OVER THE COUNTRY YOU TUB OF STEROIDS!!!” This time, the Minotaur hears me.

“Oh, sorry! Uh, we’re not surrendering! You’ll have to take this country from our cold dead hands!” The distant minotaur yells.

“If you say so!” I yell back. I duck back into the tank, and look at the main gunner. “Fire when ready.” The dog salutes and quickly fires off a shell. To our surprise, the walls crumbled, and a domino affect occurs as the rest of the walls start crashing down. In the rubble, various minotaurs can be seen sticking out, dazed. “... Shit, that was effective,” I mutter. “Uh, let’s move on then-“ Before we could continue, a sound of thunder stops us. We shield our eyes and look down to see Luna, clad in- “Fire!” I yell, before the tank I ride on jolts back and a shell is shot. It hits Luna directly, sending her backwards as her armor shatters to a million pieces, and creating a large smoke cloud from where she lands. Silence reigns as we stare after the lunar princess. She stumbles into view, past the cloud, and coughs, before falling down.

“Did... did they win?” A minotaur asks, poking Luna with his hoof. He looks at me, to which I wave with a smile. “U-uh- w-we surrender!” He yells, throwing his hands up. I nod before a flash of light blinds me.

“God dammit!” I yell. “Those fuckers keep blinding me with this teleporting bullshit I swear I’ll-“

“Sir!” Bones yells. I look down. “Luna’s escaped!” He cries.

“So?” I ask. “She’ll be down for a while nonetheless. I doubt even she can barely handle a tank shell to the chest.”

“Uh, okay then,” Bones calls back. I look back and smile as the minotaurs peacefully, though reluctantly, walk out.

“It’s time to blitzkrieg this bitch,” I say. I start laughing, slowly becoming maniacal.

“Sir?” Wretch asks from the side, next to my tank. I look down, irritated.

“What?” I ask.

“I have good news,” he says. He takes out a paper. “I had calculated that we wouldn’t be able to conquer this place until two or three days later.”

“And?” I ask impatiently.

“We’ve saved a lot of money sir,” he says. I scoff.

“And?” I ask again.

“We can afford certain parts for Project Noot-Noot sir!” He explains. I perk up.

“You don’t say?” I ask, slowly smiling. “Well well well! Let’s hurry up this victory then! We’ve got a city to burn!” I say.

“Sir, you can’t burn an underwater city,” Bones states.

“Just- just stop, alright? This is like- a big moment here,” I say. Bones shrugs.

“Sorry my lord,” he mutters.

One week later

I stand on a sandy beach with my hand in my coat’s pockets, watching the waves crash just before me, slowing to a halt before retreating back. This cycle repeats as I hum to myself. An army of Diamond dogs stand behind me, nervous. Bones steps up, fidgeting. “Sir? Um, I know we’re attacking the uh, sea ponies and hippogriffs today. Uh, do you have a plan?” He asks. I nod.

“Of course I do. Don’t worry, the dogs won’t even touch the water,” I say.

“Erm, how are we going to fight them?” Bones asks. “Shouldn’t we take advantage of our surprise attack?”

“Oh, there’s no surprise attack, I told them we’re coming,” I say. “I also told them that I had a powerful bomb that could take out their whole army in seconds.” Bones looks at me in confusion. “Also, that it’s completely ineffective in the bottom of the ocean.” Bones looks at me in shock.

“What!? Why!?” He yells.

“Just watch,” I say. Suddenly, a sea pony jumps out of the water ahead, followed by several more. They’re all clad in a strange grey armor, which seem shiny and untouched. I smile as they turn into hippogriffs in midair and fly towards me. Several dogs around me start stepping forward, but I usher them back with a wave of my hand. “Don’t intervene.” I turn and see the hippogriffs land in front of me, the leader of which, is Queen Novo. She glares at me as her guards surround me.

“You are a fool,” she says. The dogs growl, but keep their distance as I simply laugh.

“No no, you see, there’s a reason I called you here,” I say. I look up at the sky. “It sure is a peaceful day. Not a cloud in sight,” I note. The guard glance at each other before keeping their glare on me. “And the temperature’s so warm and-“

“I refuse to talk about the weather to a maniac like you,” Novo says. “Now, surrender.” I look back at her, and crack a smile.

“Why should I? You have a few minutes before I make up my mind on what to do with you,” I say. She grimaces.

“You said in your message you wanted to discuss the terms of surrender,” she says.

“Yes, but I was talking about yours,” I explain. She looks at me in confusion. I chuckle as she frowns. “What? You think have a couple knives against my neck scares me?” She growls.

“Don’t play games! I’ve heard how you work- brute force and-“

“Hey, do you think it’s a bit... chilly, out here?” I interrupt. Novo and her guards look at me in confusion.

“What are you-“ A loud crash sounds out as a beam of magic hits the ocean, causing a large splash. Suddenly, the splash slows down before turning into ice. Shortly after, in seconds, from as far as the eye can see, the ocean is frozen.

Novo stares in terror before rushing to me and growling. “WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!?!?” She yells. The dogs and hippogriffs all stare in awe at the frozen sight. I simply smile menacingly.

“Solved global warming,” I smartass. “Don’t worry, the ice is only a mile deep. Anything that’s encased will practically be preserved for a while. Your quaint underwater city is untouched.” Novo looks at the ocean before looking back to me.

“How far does it go?” She asks. “The ocean can’t be covered for-“

“Oh, it doesn’t cover The whole ocean,” I say. “I allowed a little opening up north, near the Arctics.” Novo shudders at my calm tone.

“So, you’ve used up your leverage,” she says. “I can take you down right here, and wait for the ice to melt. In fact, Celestia hold gladly help.” I laugh.

“Nope. It won’t,” I say. She glares.

“Why?” She asks.

“Magic ice,” I say. “See, I’ve had a lot of engineers and brainiacs design enchanted weapons and armor before. However, we found an enchantment that will freeze anything, and only melt if the user is either allowing it, or dies.” Novo smirks.

“So, you’re the key then?” She asks, as her guards point their spears at me again.

“Nope. Some random dog on the other side of the world is,” I correct, making her frown.

“What?” She asks. “N-no, this much magic is-“

“It’s ridiculously amplified,” I answer. “I am quite literally paying a dog to eat, sleep and breathe.” Novo shakes her head before looking at the iced-over ocean in horror.

“No- no!” She yells. She falls to her knees as she takes in what’s happened. “... Y-you’re lying,” she says. I frown. “Someone had to cast the magic- and that means the caster is still near.” Novo gets up and turns to me, smiling in a newfound confidence. “All we need to do is fly up and grab your caster! Nothing artificial can fly faster than us! Guards! Fly up and grab that caster!” With that, the guards around me take off and race towards the heavens as Novo looks at me with a victorious smug look. The dogs, still a little ways off, look at me.

“Um, should we-“

“Stay out, this is going to plan,” I say. Novo frowns at my calm look. We wait, as the wind fills in the silence the ocean usually filled. Instead of waves, a wind blows aimlessly. The cold from the iced ocean starts making the atmosphere colder. The Queen glares at me in anticipation, waiting for her guard’s arrival. Sweat starts to drip down her face as minutes for by. Eventually, all the guards come back, exhausted.

“They- they were too-“ they pant.

“Spit it out! What happened!?” She yells, freaking out as everything falls apart. I smile.

“My dogs were too high,” I say, causing her to look at me in disbelief. “See, here’s the difference between a hippogriff and a griffon.” I start walking around her, as fear forms on her face. “A griffon is built to fly. They’re used to the light pressure at even 60,000 feet in the air.” I turn towards her with a smile. “But hippogriffs? They’re different, aren’t they? They don’t just fly, they swim.” I cross my arms. “Although they magically change their bodies in water, they are still a primarily sea-based creature, correct?” Novo looks at me in shock. “I don’t know to what the highest altitude they can reach is, but I’m guessing they can’t fly as high as griffons.” Novo shakes with anger, as she glares at me.

“You... You!” She yells.

“Ah ah ah,” I say. “If you take me down, my dogs won’t let your people go. The same people who were told it’s safer to be underwater. You know, in case something like a nuke came into play.” Novo growls, gritting her teeth.

“Alright,” she says. “You win, but there’s a whole other Hippogriffian kingdom not under my control.” She smiles. “And you can’t possibly win against them.”

“On the contrary, I won’t even have to fight!” I say excitedly. I pull out a pen and paper, and hold them in front of her with a smile. She looks at it in confusion.

“... What is this?” She asks.

“Writing materials,” I say, I lean in. “So that you can tell the hippogriffs that their former queen is in danger, and requests a peaceful surrender from them so that the big bad villain Anon doesn’t touch a feather on your wing.” Novo looks at me in anger. “And if they don’t surrender, that the big bad Anon is going to keep the poor queen’s subjects locked in an ice cage.” Novo shakes her head.

“You’re despicable,” she says.

“No, I just didn’t want to waste time,” I reply. I hand her the pen and paper. “And just so we’re clear, I could have done much worse. I could have snuck to your city, and frozen it myself from the bottom of the ocean. I wouldn’t make it as cold as this cover layer up here. No, it’d be just cold enough to freeze all of your loved ones to a slow, immobile, cold death.” Novo glares at me as I smile and back away. “Now, one more little favor, and it’ll all be over!” She sighs.

“What?” She asks.

“I like insurance policies. Especially ones that insure my success!” I say. “So how does a little forced vacation sound? We wouldn’t want you to bother setting up a counter attack for your subjects after all!” She glares. “What, I’m not totally heartless! Right after you send your letter, I’ll let go of the ocean! Hell, I’ll even ask one of these guards of yours to deliver a new set of rules that’ll keep the whole place running smoothly!” Novo looks at me in distrust, but starts writing her letter...

A sea pony clears her throat as she takes up a message delivered from above. “Um, another set of tax legislations,” she says. A sea pony, sitting next to her with a water-proof typewriter sighs.

“Please, Celestia, no,” he mutters.

“New tax rule 71: If you write a letter, pay up the cheddar,” she says. “New tax rule 72: All legal nitwits, pay me the bits.”

“WHY DOES EVERY BUCKING TAX LAW RHYME!?!?” The writing sea pony yells.

“I DON’T KNOW- BUT HE HAS OUR QUEEN HOSTAGE SO JUST KEEP WRITING!!!” The reading sea pony yells back. Sighing, she continues depressingly. “New tax rule 73: Diss the my tax rhyme, it becomes a pay time. Celestia damn it...”

Author's Note

I hope y’all enjoyed this chapter!

Day 100: V-Day

It’s been... like, a week or two, I think. I had sent a portion of my army to deal with the yaks, and they accidentally conquered them by causing avalanches, which may or may not have destroyed their towns and settlements as well of bits of their economy. I mean, is it really a war crime if it’s on accident? Nonetheless, I had other problems. We ran into Kirins, which were a lot nicer than I thought they were. They were kind of clueless as to who I was, but knew that I might be somewhat popular. Despite being mute, they sure love music! I offered about ten stereos for their undying loyalty to my cause, to which they agreed. However, now I have to deal with the dragons. I had thought of causing a snowstorm with Project Noot-Noot, but not every dragon would be knocked out or killed off. So, instead, I tried a different approach. In the alien movie, I never really specified how I took over the Dragons’ lands, so I’m free balling this.

I’ve thought of creating an artificial revolution, that I will lead and ultimately betray, but I realized that the dragons don’t necessarily have a stable government in the sense that I’m thinking of. In fact, choosing a new leader would be a death sentence for me since my magic would mean Jack shit to them. Money can’t bribe them to revolt or create chaos because Ember’s spear controls them, thus forcing them to stop if need be. I also can’t just brute force my way since my tanks are simply free target practice to air born attackers.

I groan as I look at my battle plans/chicken scratch in a planning room in a discrete location. I can’t really attack them physically or mentally. I can’t do any off hand ridiculous bullshit since it’d be too expensive or costly. A poke to my side brings me back to reality, and I look over to see Frank. “Boss?” He asks. I sigh.

“I’m fine, nitwit. Get back into position. I need to think,” I say. What the hell can I do? It feels like nothing I have could really deter or hurt them. Hell, a nuke wouldn’t really scare them so much as rush them to finish me off before we can even launch. I sigh before a dog guard walks in.

“Sir, we have an intruder,” he says. Tossed into the room, is a familiar purple dragon, who struggles in his handcuffs.

“Let me go! You guys can’t fight me when you’re not supposed to!” He yells. I turn and look at him before an idea pops into my head.

“Spike!” I greet with open arms. “It is so good to see you!” He glares up at me. “How convenient of you to drop by!”

“Let me go,” he insists. “I heard your bet, you can’t attack any Equestrian until you’ve attacked everyone else.” I look at him with a wide smile.

“Tell me, how did you get aboard?” I ask.

“He snuck in sir. Possibly as a spy from Twilight,” a dog replies. Spike shoots the guard a dirty look as I laugh.

“Oh, what’s the difference- you’re here now!” I say. “And you, my dear friend, have just given me the best leverage ever!” Spike stops and looks at me with a confused look.

“B-but, I’m Equestrian, you still need to-“

“Ah ah!” I interrupt. “You came here, of your own free will, possibly to sabotage me.” I smile. “So, you’re in violation of my contract with Celestia, which means, I have grounds to nuke Equestria.” Spike looks at me with anger.

“You wouldn’t,” he says. I laugh.

“Spike, Spike, Spike, you are absolutely, stupendously, ridiculously even, correct,” I say, to the confusion of everyone.

“Wait, what?” Spike asks.

“No, you’re right, why would I need to nuke Equestria?” I ask. I lean in close with a smile. “I can simply throw you off the side of the ship and be done with it.” Spike looks at me in confusion.

“Ship? No, we’re on solid ground,” he says. I laugh.

“So that’s how long you’ve been here, huh?” I say. “No no, we’re not on the ground. Nor are we at the sea. No, we’re simply tens of thousands of feet in the air, drifting along my planet.” Spike looks at me incredulously.

“What!? This is an airship!?” He asks. I nod.

“But don’t worry, I won’t throw you off just yet,” I say. I take out a pen and paper, and start writing a little note. “I first want to use the pawn I have been given...”

Twilight looks at the letter Spike sent with Celestia beside her. Her face is disbelief and fear. “Go to war with the dragons, or Spike gets strapped to the nuke I’ll send,” Celestia reads. She looks at Twilight with panic. After a moment of silent terror, Celestia makes a sensible comment. “Well buck...”

It has been a couple of weeks, and I’ve had the best entertainment. Dragons have impacted on Equestrian and the Crystal Empire’s economy and resources, to which vice versa has also occurred. There were a couple fights, a couple rescue attempts, a couple negotiations, but finally, the dragons surrendered when Ember, the queen/ruler of the Dragon lands, learned that Spike was in danger. She offered the country, as well as some riches. I had no clue Spike and Ember were close, but oh well. This has allowed me to increase my army and it’s abilities without the usual cost of waging a quick war. I’ve gotten a few more tanks, I developed one more airship, which I kept secret, and I even had some left over money and profits to afford a massage chair. If this isn’t dominating the world, I don’t know what is.

The dragons started rebelling, but because I kept Spike hostage, Ember was forced to use her staff to make the other dragons keep themselves under my technical rule. All that’s left, is the Crystal Empire. However, that was ridiculously easy to conquer, as I managed to shatter their defenses with a small number of tanks. At the sight of my marching, stone cold killing machines, the Crystal Empire surrendered, but not without Cadance and Flurry Heart escaping. Shining Armor on the other hand, I locked him up with Novo and Spike. I then gave them a deck of Uno cards and told them they are forced to play. The occasional scream of insanity has been reported, but nothing makes me happier knowing that.

So now, it’s the final day. I managed to take down the Dragons on the seventh fifth day, and the Empire on the eightieth. Now, it’s the one hundredth day. I gave them time to prepare, and I started my march. Within hours, the ponies’ defenses shattered. Celestia and Luna joined the battle. Funnily enough, they actually pushed back my forces a bit for half an hour.

I look on from my new airship, which has a special package on it, sitting just below the hot air balloon of the airship, and just above the long deck. A package I have dubbed “Magnum Prometheus”, or Mag-Pro for short. I’ve activated its charging mechanism, and it’s currently ninety percent charged. Bones looks out to the battlefield of Canterlot, where the tanks have been forced to go through constrained street corners and urban landscapes. Where the Diamond dog foot soldiers are cautiously sweeping buildings and alleys. Where, near the castle, two princesses fight with their elites, protecting Equestria’s capital from my grasp. I smile, watching with him.

“Tell everyone to clear the deck,” I say. He looks at me in confusion before a flash of light goes off a little ways behind me. I turn around, as all the dogs scamper to the lower decks. In the middle, is Celestia. “Rather early, aren’t you?” I ask.

“Anon, we’re going to fight,” she says. “If you beat me here, you win. You don’t need to fire the laser.” I laugh, crossing my arms.

“Oh? But this would violate our bet,” I say. “Are you willing to agree to this new one?” She gulps and looks up at the weapon hanging above her. It’s large, long enough to cover the deck. Two rods protrude the front of it, which pulses from the energy coursing through. It almost looks like a sci-fi cannon. It hums softly, though it vibrates the very air around us. Celestia looks back to me.

“Yes. If we battle here, and you win, the previous bet will still be fulfilled. If I win, you stop this. Either way, I know your weapon is extremely destructive, and I don’t want to waste any more lives. So yes, I accept,” she says. Suddenly, her body becomes covered in golden armor, and a grand golden executioner’s axe forms next to her. I snicker and spread my arms out.

“Look at this! I’m on the doorstep of world domination, isn’t it exciting!?” I yell. She grimaces.

“Anon, please-“

“It’s funny, I came here, excited for all of this to come to fruition,” I say, turning around. “I came here, ready to grasp something the other pathetic villains of this world had so desperately wanted to-“ I turn around and shoot lightning at Celestia. Time seems to slow down as I smile wickedly, my energy going through the air to Celestia, who stares on. To my horror, however, the lightning bounces off. I drop my smile as Celestia rushes in, and slams me with the side of her axe. Suddenly, I’m flying in the air, off the side of the ship. My chest hurts, and the world seems upside down. For a second, I freeze up, genuinely shocked by her counter. I grimace, before smiling. I focus a lot of my energy and convert it into force. This is much more tedious than electricity, since I’m apparently more attuned to the latter. However, it’s still possible for me. I expel my energy, and start flying forward. If you think I’m not gonna take the time to do a flip, y’all really on some shit.

I flip back onto the deck, and land on my feet, which actually hurt a lot more than I thought it would. However, I didn’t stop there. I keep my arms out and electricity start crackling through the air around me. Celestia rushes in from seemingly nowhere, slamming down her axe. I jump back in time for her to embed the weapon into the floor. I shoot electricity towards her, which conducted easily due to her armor. Although she lets out a grunt, my electricity seems to still be less effective. “Heh, it really is funny,” I comment. “I really was going to stop after this, but now?” I stop to laugh a bit more. Celestia grits her teeth and ditches the axe, instead using her horn to cast magic. Bolts of light shoot towards me, but I raise up my shield spell, which seem a bit weaker for some reason. “I’m wondering what else I could do,” I say, before even more electricity shoots out of me and toward Celestia.

“Anon-!” She cries, before casting magic to defend herself. A shield comes up, but it wasn’t completely effective, as some electric current curved around the shield and zap her anyway. “What are you planning!?” She yells. I snicker as I feel more electricity coursing through me.

“Eh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t go through with them. I’d get bored eventually. But have you ever wondered why I always win?” I ask. My senses sharpen, and I channel some energy into the sky. Dark clouds start surrounding us, electricity crackling and zapping through the air. This allows me greater electro manipulation. I smile widely. “The short answer: I’m always in control.” With that, several bolts of lightning curve around the giant weapon above us, striking Celestia from all sides. She screams in pain, before wobbling. I smile as she starts to fall. However, she struggles, and starts standing back up. I frown.

“I... I refuse-“ She grimaces in pain, panting as she speaks. “I refuse... to be beaten... by you...” she grunts, and her horn starts charging up a spell. “If I can’t beat you here, then who knows who else would follow your footsteps. I can’t- I can’t let you take over the world. Others would see it’s possible-“ I smile and calmly start walking to her, crossing my arms. Her eyes widen and she shoots off a half-assed spell. I block it easily with a shield, and snicker. “Anon- please- just this once-“ I shake my head.

“Nope. Can’t do that. You’re gonna have to aptly harder,” I say. Celestia growls to herself and a noise from behind catches my attention. I sidestep just in time for the broad side of the golden axe to swing and miss me, hitting Celestia instead. She falters, but amazingly enough, keeps standing on one leg and one knee. “I admit, you’re much more formidable than the last two times.” Celestia, now bruised and tired, starts standing up again. “Don’t hurt yourself anymore, alright? Concede.” Celestia grunts, and shakes her head. I sigh. “Fine. Then taste defeat.” With that, I send a strike of lightning to her. The crack of thunder was loud, but Celestia made no noise. Moments pass as I look at Celestia’s face, seemingly paralyzed in shock, before she slowly falls to her side. I smile, and turn around. Victory, was mi-

Suddenly, I’m knocked forward onto the floor, and I hear a faint beep from my coat. I’m forcefully turned over, and Celestia stomps her hooves on either side of me, aiming her axe at my neck. “Anonymous the human,” she starts. “Concede.” I look up at her with surprise before snickering.

“Wow. You tricked me,” I say. “A dirty one too, pretending you lost.” Celestia gives me a glare, but smiles.

“I’ve won then?” She asks. I sigh.

“Not really,” I say. I grab onto her hooves and send electric shocks into her, causing her to start shaking. However, she still has enough control to charge her horn and ditch the axe again. I know she won’t kill me. However, if she’s going to win, she’s gonna have to knock me out. I try to force out more energy, amping up the electro therapy I’m giving her. However, she stands strong against it, gritting her teeth as she keeps charging her horn. My power and capacity, versus her will and determination.

“BOSS!!! BOSS!!!” Bones yells, breaking us up.

“What!?” Celestia and I yell impatiently, stopping our attacks. Bones, who has rushed onto the deck, looks panicked and terrified as he stumbles to run up to us.

“The Mag-Pro! It’s about to fire!” Bones yells. Suddenly, I realized what the beep from my coat was. I look up to look at Canterlot, which still has both ponies and Diamond dogs around, fighting.

“Oh shit,” I say.

“W-what? Why is the cannon firing?!” Celestia asks, getting off of me and looking up.

“It must’ve accidentally activated when you shoved me down,” I say, getting up. “Shit- we can’t stop it now. If we destroy it, the energy will explode all at once, and it’s be like a mini nuke.” Celestia looks at me in terror.

“Can’t we force the gun to aim somewhere else!?” She yells.

“We can’t- not without essentially nuking some other town. Equestria’s small enough that the blast range would still hit populated areas,” I explain. “We can’t deactivate it either since we’d still have the first problem of self exploding.”

“W-what do we do!?” Bones yells. Celestia looks up at the cannon as I freak out. I completely forgot I had a remote on me. I could’ve sworn I gave it to-... Frank.... fuck. I don’t know how, but I’m sure it’s somehow his fault.

“... We could try to absorb the energy’s output,” Celestia says. I look at her, ready to scoff, but stop. No, it makes sense. We can’t stop it, it’s just energy. It can’t be stopped, it had to keep moving somewhere.

“Great, so we need an energy sponge to contain a shit ton of energy. Damn, I wish I had some lying around,” I deadpan.

“Anon, my armor has been enchanted to absorb energy,” she says. “It might be able to contain the gun’s blast.”

“Uh, sure, as well as fry you to a crisp,” I counter.

“Do we really have any other option?” Celestia asks. I look down in thought. Well, we really don’t... except... wait, if I remember correctly, the energy from the cannon should be mostly electrical energy. Albeit, it’s mostly solar powered, it’s still converted into electrical energy.

“I could, potentially,” I say. Celestia shakes her head.

“Anon, it’s too risky for you. I’m much more resilient than you are,” she says. She’s not wrong, I could very well turn into a human-sized bacon bag. However, since I’m normally coursing through electricity, I should be able to handle it.

“Uh, in that case, allow me to give you this compelling argument,” I say. I reach over, grab her neck, and send as much electricity as I could into her. She freezes up before stumbling down. The armor may be good at absorbing, but I bet it’s only good for direct contact with itself and not the wearer.

“W-why-“ Celestia struggles to keep her head up as Bones is look at me in shock. “Anon-“

“This cannon didn’t have to work, it just had to be here. This was supposed to be a fake out, but I requested it to be operational since we had excessive funds,” I say, calmly. “I literally did all this because I was bored. Now it’s about to bite us all in the ass. I never agreed to senseless destruction.” I look at Bones. “Bones, start reversing the ship and tell everyone to evacuate. I’ll handle the gun.” I start walking away, but Bones grabs my coat,

“B-but my lord! No! There- there has to be-“ I kick him off, and send a glare.

“Don’t make me repeat myself. I’m doing this. I’ll be fine. Get everyone off the ship,” I bark. Bones sniffles. “Go! Go on!” I yell. He salutes and starts dragging Celestia, who’s still clinging on to consciousness. As they disappear from my view, I look up at the gun. “Alright, let’s go work on not killing my henchman,” I mutter. With a force push, I jump up and grab onto a bar. I wrap my arms and legs around it, and look up to see electricity running throughout the gun’s inside. It’s almost like looking into a shark’s mouth. “Why didn’t I let Sunbutt do this shit?” I mutter, steadily getting onto my feet. Balancing isn’t too much of an issue, but the high altitude winds are. Walking on my hands and knees, clinging to the pole, I crawl towards the opening of the cannon. “Why the fuck couldn’t I fly,” I complain, reaching out to grab the edge of the opening. I can tell there’s very little time left, so I need to hurry. I use what little energy I have left to force push myself into the cannon. Now, let’s hope for the best. Due to my grip, the push makes me flip over and land on my back with a thud.

“Ow,” I whine, getting up. Looking out, I can see the city of Canterlot, unaware of the danger it’s under. “Right, just gotta absorb electricity,” I say to myself, as my fear starts growing. I turn around and my eyes widen at the increase of electricity jumping around. The gun’s finished charging, and it’s about to expel the energy. “This shit better work,” I say, throwing my arms out. “COME ON THEN!!!” I yell. Suddenly, it all goes quiet, and the electricity jumps into a cylindrical object attached to a wall. For a second, all was quiet. I briefly reflected on everything that’s happened throughout my time in Equestria. I... I’m afraid. Heh. I’m about to die, aren’t I?

The cylinder releases its energy into a beam, which hits my chest. If it went between the poles, it’d disperse the beam to have a more imposing figure. However, this way, I can safely say I’m absorbing it. On the flip side, this really fucking hurts. I scream, stumbling back a bit as I allow myself to conduct electricity. It seems that although the beam is really just a mix of magic and electricity, the magic will still hurt me while I absorb the electricity. Tears well up as I grit my teeth, while still screaming as my chest burns. Just a little more- holy shit this fucking hurts! The electricity coursing through me is starting to get too much for me to handle. Shit, shit, shit! I look back at the poles and think of something. I slowly point back my fists, and electricity jumps from me to the poles. The energy latches onto them and starts helping me from overloading with energy. Fucking- great- this shit still fucking hurts. Suddenly, the poles retract into the gun. Fuck- initial charge mode has to have the poles discharged of any excess energy. So now, I have to bear the rest of it alone. On the plus side, the beam stopped firing a moment ago, so now I just have to deal with the electricity. However, I struggle to stand as the energy courses through me.

“Ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuck-“ I exhale, stumbling back. My body feels like it’s heating up way too fucking much. Suddenly, I feel like I’m falling and I realize I had tripped out of the gun’s mouth. Shit. My body collides with the wooden floor, causing me to yell in pain. I roll onto my back, and electricity slowly starts leaving me. As long as I release the energy slowly, it won’t be too dangerous. So now, I just have to sit and wait. The air around me crackles, and I breathe heavily. Everything fucking hurts. I look at the sky, noticing how clear it is as I rasp. I look down at my chest to see my coat and shirt were singed, and a black circular mark rests on my chest. My fingers all look black from the excess energy racing through them. I have no doubt my toes are suffering the same fate. I lay back and breathe out, spazzing as the last of the excess energy leaves. I look around to see that the airship is still moving backwards, and no mountains are in sight.

“Good, he listened,” I mutter. I listen to the wind howling, and the mechanical creaks and whirs of the airship.... and suddenly, I hear footsteps. I strain to lift my head and see Bones walking over to me, scared. However, when I moved, he smiles and rushes over.

“Sir! Are you okay!?” He yells. I cough, which hurts.

“Probably not,” I say. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Celestia pop into view, before rushing over.

“Anon- Anon! Are you-“

“Don’t ask if I’m-“ I stop to cough, answer her question. “Fuck, I feel tired,” I rasp, before closing my eyes. I have no clue what Bones or Celestia is saying right now, but I don’t care. Slowly, I drift to sleep...

A couple weeks later

After my little mishap with the cannon, Celestia had decided to surrender, due to the show of valor I made. Everyone, including me, complained and said that it shouldn’t count. However, Celestia as firm, and said she lost. I have taken over the entire world. Many were terrified of what I’d do. Would I force them into slavery? Would I subjugate them into a heartless society? Would I declare pineapple pizza a world wide pride of food? No. I’m not that evil. I sent all my captives back to their respective homes. I released every country from my rule. I even replaced their defenses. However, I had one condition for every single one of them.

“Tax Laws must rhyme, for the rest of time.”

To say that seeing everyone lose their shit was the funniest shit I’ll ever see, is an understatement. I did got give anyone an exception. However, there was one thing I had to do, which I had agreed on from the initial bet. I tried to get out of it as best as possible. I mean, come on, I am an evil genius who has done some pretty terrible shit. So what I had to do seemed utterly ridiculous to me.

Outside my castle, I sigh as I look at my classy outfit for the evening. Well, I say outfit, but is a pair of khakis and a flamingo shirt really an outfit? Trick question, of course it is. “Sir, you look so iffy for your date tonight!” Bones says excitedly, lint rolling my clothes.

“It’s not official,” I grumble. “It’s just because I won a stupid bet. It doesn’t mean anything.” Bones laughs.

“I don’t know my lord, you took up that bet pretty quickly for it to ‘not mean anything’.”

“Well, that’s because I was concerned for my image, nothing more,” I say, crossing my arms.

“I see, of course,” Bones says. “Tell Celestia I said hi while you two are out.” I roll my eyes.

“Yeah yeah, bye,” I say, stepping away from him and walking away. Bones waves bye and walks back into the castle. I grumble to myself, upset I couldn’t wear my coat to this thing that Celestia wants to do. It’s not like anyone would see us, we’re just hanging out in a private movie theater in Canterlot. Suddenly, a flash of light blinds me, making me stumble back. “Sonovabitch!” I yell.

“Sorry,” Celestia says. I look around before realizing I’m sitting in a row of seat in front of a huge screen. To my right, sits Celestia, but without any tiara or horseshoes.

“It’s- it’s fine, let’s just- get this over with,” I grumble. Celestia smiles, unperturbed by my attitude.

“Aw, what’s the rush?” She teases. “Got other world domination plans?” I sigh, cracking a smile before frowning again. “I saw that smile, tsundere,” Celestia remarks. I blush and furrow my brow at her.

“... Says the chick with a bad boy complex,” I counter. She blanches before whipping her head at me,

“What- what bad boy complex!?” She says.

“Oh, you know,” I say. “There was Discord, there was that comic book villain you love so much, and if Luna’s diary is anything to go by, then Sombra counts-“

“I am not into bad boys,” Celestia says as the lights dim.

“Then, let’s not forget you made a bet where I’d go on a date with you,” I bring up. Celestia huffs, blushing as she takes out a bag of popcorn.

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be a villain again,” she mutters before sipping on soda. I snicker.

“Uh Huh, just admit it, you like it when a guy drives you up the wall-“ I’m interrupted by a peck on my cheek, making me freeze in place before sinking in my seat.

“That was a cheap shot. Just proves my point,” I grumble, flustered.

“Uh huh, whatever you say-“ Celestia stops and smiles smugly. “~Tsundere~”

With that, we watch the movie in silence, as my final villainous adventure comes to a close... Unless they invent space travel, because I call dibs on the closest planet.

Author's Note

Welp. This was a roller coaster. Although I marked this complete, I’mma post an epilogue soon.

Epilogue: A Happy Ending For a Villain

I keep a small smile on my face as my massager vibes my whole body in the throne room. Diamond dog construction workers scatter throughout the room, taking measurements and writing notes. In front of me, a new movie about monsters fighting plays. It has been... I think three years since my last take over. Celestia and I kind of hit it off, and she suggested that I should move in with her. However, I refused to move out of my castle. Instead, after a couple of fights and a couple of exchanged gifts and kisses, she realized I won’t change my mind for anything. So, she’s moving in with me. At first, I had been hoping that me being stubborn and uncooperative would deter her from liking me, but that did fuck all apparently. At first, we’ve been trying to keep it secret since ponies would freak out. Thus, we kept it secret all the way until now. After Celestia and Luna retired, Celestia figured it’d be a great time to tell everyone since she’s not a power in the government. Luna figured it out about a year after Celly and I started dating, which she did not like at all at first.

So, really, Celestia just has to tell Twilight and Cadence. I imagine Twilight will immediately assume I gave Celestia a love potion or something. Cadence might be able to deter Twilight, but I’m prepared either way. The door to the throne room opens as a dog walks in, confused. “Um, sir?” He asks, running up. “Your list says that one room is to be made into a uh, cakery?” I nod.

“Yep,” I acknowledge. “Sunbutt’s idea.”

“Erm, okay, it’s just... out of all the things here, that felt the most out of place,” the assistant says. God I miss Bones. He’d know well enough whether I made a mistake or not. Bones actually left my army and service to go have a family. Every now and then I’d stop by his home in the Crystal Empire. His family’s nice, and of course, I occasionally send an anonymous gift, like a basket of exotic meats, a basket of toys, and so on. I shake my head to regain focus on the movie I’ve stopped paying attention to. After all, I can’t be distracted since- A crashing noise sounds off from above, and Twilight and her pals drop in like a discount Justice League. Of course, they break the Throne Table when they land, causing it to crack and make a crater in the center. I lazily look past the television and sigh.

“God fucking dammit,” I mutter. As the dogs around us scamper to escape, Twilight lowers her head, and charges her horn. Looks like Celestia’s talk went as well as I had expected. I whip out my gun and fire, only for the charged magic shot from Twilight to push past the bullet and hit my gun, knocking it from my hand. I quickly dive to the floor, just in time for Rainbow to crash into the chair. The chair cushions her impact, and allows her to jump and fly towards me as I roll past the Tv. I sprawl out on my back, reaching towards her with electricity jumping between my arms. “Learned a new trick, bitch!” I yell, before electric energy, having been charging between my arms and building up more energy, launches and contacts Rainbow. She falters and falls, sliding across the smooth floor before stopping next to me.

“Ha! First try!” I exclaim, only for a gripping sensation to overtake me. “Oh shit-“ I fly up before slamming down onto the floor, knocking the wind out of me. Quickly, I’m thrown towards Applejack, who reads up and bucks me in the chest, sending me flying into a wall. This hurts more than usual since my chest actually scarred from the Mag-Pro incident. I grasp my chest, breathing shallowly as I try to stand up. With less focus over my electrical energy, electricity starts coursing around me. “F-fuck-“ I rasp.

“Anon, you better release Celestia from your control,” Twilight warns. I scoff.

“Heh, she isn’t under my control,” I say. Quickly, I throw my hands up, regaining enough focus to send electricity towards the remaining ponies. Applejack, being closer than the others, gets struck, and spazzes a bit before falling down. I look over to finally realize Twilight only brought herself, Skittles, and Applejack. It seems Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy opted out on this one.

“Then, that only means one thing,” Twilight says maliciously. “That nuke, you’re using it as leverage, aren’t you?!” Oh right, I forgot about that. Maybe I should have told her that I disarmed it and dismantled it about a year ago since I realized my warehouses aren’t as secure as they used to be. I start to tell her this, but before I could get a word in, Twilight shoots several magical charges at me, which I throw up a defense spell to block. However, I feel a grip on my head before my face slams into my own shield, causing me to drop it and stumble back into the wall. The magic hits me, three times, tearing through my iconic cloak and shirt. Thankfully, they’re apparently more like punching spells for organisms since it doesn’t cut or burn me. I clutch my chest again, hissing in pain.

“God I don’t miss this,” I mutter.

“Then you shouldn’t have been a villain again,” Twilight remarks, walking over. “This time, you’re losing. This time, you’re going to Tartarus, and nothing will protect you then.” I laugh, heaving. This causes Twilight to tense up and start charging her horn.

“Do you think my guards are here, just for show?” I ask, leering at her. Twilight panics and spins around, firing off several shots from her horn, only to hit air since there aren’t any guards around. She’s so paranoid, she genuinely believes I’ve planned for everything. This gives me enough time to lift an arm and send electricity towards her. However, with a flash, she disappears right before the electricity made contact. With another flash, she’s in front of me, with a charged horn. Well shit. In slow motion, I look at her with surprise as she glares at me. Welp. I’m fucked.

In a split second, I’m shoved to the side, Twilight’s spell shoots forward and hits the wall, and Twilight’s pulled back. “Goodness, Anon, are you slipping?” A teasing voice asks. Through the pain, I furrow my brow and f grimace. This is objectively worse than whatever Twilight’s gonna do. I’m lifted gently into the air, on my back, and come to a step in front of Celestia, who smiles down at me.

“Don’t fucking start,” I say irritably. Celestia snickers as her horn glows brighter. Slowly, my body feels better as her healing magic take effect. Twilight stumbles before looking at Celestia and tensing up.

“Oh no- how am I going to fight them both?” She wonders. Celestia laughs.

“Twilight, you have magic, don’t you?” She asks calmly. Twilight stops and blinks.

“What?”

“Twilight, isn’t there a spell to detect the work of magic or potions?” Celestia asks. “Why not try them on me?” Twilight stares at her former mentor blankly before her horn glows. A minute later, she shakes her head.

“Princess Celestia, if he’s threatening you, I’m sure we can-“ Celestia laughs as I finish healing up. I notice she keeps a hold on me despite that I’m healed.

“Anon, did you forget to tell her about the nuke being disarmed?” Celestia asks.

“Well, she didn’t ask,” I say. “Also, can you put me down now? I don’t need to be held like a child.”

“Aw, but you’re so cute this way,” Celestia says, before leaning in. “~Tsundere~” I blush and cross my arms.

“Fuck off, I could take over the world again and keep it that way,” I say irritably.

“W-wait-“ Twilight says, rubbing a hoof to her head as she feels a migraine coming on. “So, Anon didn’t threaten or poison you? You actually like him!?” Celestia giggles.

“Life’s funny that way, isn’t it?” She asks. Twilight looks at her incredulously as Rainbow and Applejack slowly come to consciousness.

“He took over Equestria, not once, not twice, but three times!” Twilight exclaims. “He’s hurt and endangered Faust knows how many lives, and don’t forget the glitter incident!” Celestia sighs, nodding.

“Yes, I am a bit confused too, but I’ve grown to respect him... somewhat,” she says. “To be fair, he’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him.” Twilights gawks at her as Applejack and Rainbow walk up, dazed.

“He literally killed orphans!” Twilight yells. I stop and look at her.

“Wait, did you think I actually killed orphans?” I ask.

“Are you saying you lied to me?” Twilight asks.

“... Twilight, I was a villain. Would I really kill orphans?” I deadpan. Twilight looks at me for a bit before sighing, nodding. “I would never kill orphans... I just taxed them.” To this, Rainbow and Applejack’s eyes shoot open as Twilight just gives up.

“W-wait, you taxed orphans? Why!?” Applejack asks.

“If you’re small, you still pay it all,” I answer.

“Anon, they were orphans,” Rainbow Dash deadpans.

“Yeah, amazing to see who’s a free loader nowadays,” I say, only adding to the confusion of the ponies.

“Well, in any case,” Celestia interrupts. “Anon’s a nice guy. He is a perfectly fine person to fall in love with.” To this, I look away, frowning and blushing a bit as she brings me closer. She rests her head on top of mine, smiling. “I know it’s a bit strange, but please, trust me, okay?”

“You don’t need to be so touchy-feely and shit,” I grumble.

“~Tsuuuuundere~,” Celestia says, making me grumble even more.

“Well... I guess I can’t help it,” Twilight says, sighing.

“Well, look on the bright side. You would have won this time,” I say. I look at her with a smirk. “If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m scarred, tired, and not a villain, you could’ve finally added a number to your score of wins.” Twilight just deadpans at me before turning and leaving.

“H-hey, wait up! What’d we miss?!” Rainbow asks, flying off. Applejack looks at Celestia in confusion.

“I still don’t understand something,” she says. She points to me. “What’s stopping him from trying another take over by using you?” Celestia starts to answer, but I beat her to it.

“Easy. I took over the world. Granted, I was unconscious for a bit of it, but I ultimately won. As a villain, all my goals are fulfilled and all my wishes have come true. I don’t need to take over the world.” Applejack squints her eyes.

“So, how’re y’all gonna earn money?” She asks. “You’re not gold digging our Princess, are ya?” I laugh.

“Applejack, I wouldn’t do something so crude and unimaginative,” I say. I turn my head towards her with a grin. “Remember how some parts of Equestria’s government got a couple of additional branches for financial institutions?” Applejack furrows her brow in confusion.

“Uh, yeah? So?” She asks, unsure of how a government owned building has anything to do with this.

“Who commissioned, built, and wrote the rules for it?” I ask. To this, she suddenly realizes something before looking at Celestia with astonishment.

“No,” she says.

“Yep. I made a monopoly by grabbing the stock market by its neck and shaking it down for lunch money,” I elaborate. “Continuously, mind you. But don’t worry, those new tax laws I made actually created an increase in revenue for the government, it’ll take forever for the system to weed out every single individual tax law I made, which will split the tax between the government and me. I made a pretty fair and balanced share for everyone, sixty percent’s for me, the rest to the pony government.” Applejack looks at me blankly.

“... I’m not entirely sure what you just said, but it sounds really illegal,” she remarks.

“Oh, it is. But by the time it’s fixed, I’ll have enough money for the rest of my life. They know better than to try and freeze my accounts,” I say, grinning. Celestia, shaking her head, sighs as she looks down at me.

“Anon...” She says, disappointedly.

“Hey, I’m not making it worse anymore, so why bother messing with me while I’m alive?” I ask. “Also, can you put me down now?” Celestia smiles.

“Nope,” she says simply, pulling me closer with magic to peck me on the forehead. In response, I grumble try to shrink.

“Fuckin- stop, I’m not a baby,” I complain. Applejack, weirded out and done with me, shakes her head and gives her respects to Celestia before walking out.

With that, Celestia and I are alone in my throne room. Celestia gently puts me on my massager, which I turn on and sink into the vibes. With a flash, Celestia summons a chair of her own before she sits down. “Sorry, I hadn’t gotten around to getting a massager for you,” I say.

“It’s fine, I don’t really think a massager is what I need,” Celestia says, laughing softly. I shake my head as I turn the television back on.

“Everyone needs one. No excuse,” I say, flipping through channels. Several channels have a news story on Celestia and I. I must admit, it does bring a smile to my face, seeing how much drama I’ve accidentally stirred up. Celestia snickers at them, but I know she doesn’t really wanna watch that kind of stuff. Finally, we settle on an older movie, which is in black and white. I think it’s a murder mystery, but I don’t really pay attention to it. I stare off into space as we sit in the throne room. You know what?... I’m happy I’m not a villain anymore. I’ve done what I’ve wanted, no one’s chasing me around, and I got one good fight in with Twilight. I lean back, stretching a bit. This, is the life.

Day 15: Griffons Boutta Be Fried Chicken-

It’s been two weeks. Zebrica was a punching bag, and Griffon Stone was next. Surprisingly, Griffon a stone was a bit harder to conquer this time around. That is, they had seriously upgraded since I last saw them. They have iron armor, they have modern swords and bows, though spears are standard issue. Their castle was prepared for a siege, and it took a whole two days to conquer it! Way better than the measly two hours it took last time. Next to a small army of dogs, I walk up the mountain path as Bones tries his best to stick to the wall. “Man, remember when I kicked you down the mountain?” I ask him, smiling. He gulps.

“Verily sir, I’m terrified of heights because of that,” he says.

“Good. One should remember how much it hurts me on the inside as much as I’ll hurt others on the outside,” I say. “Now, what do you think the Griffon’s surrender will entail?”

“No clue sir,” Bones answers. “They were pretty weak last time, and I heard they’ve invested much more into security.” To that, I look at the army beside me, having taken out the Griffon’s army quickly yet again.

“Did they? I hadn’t noticed.”

I kick open the throne room doors of Griffon Stone’s castle, before walking in calmly with Diamond dogs rushing in and surrounding the throne and its ruler. The griffon sitting on the throne looks like the same guy I spoke to last time. “Ah, Anonymous the human,” he says. “I see you’ve-“ I interrupt him by shooting him with a gun. He falls to the floor, clutching the spot the rubber bullet hit him. “OW- WHAT THE BUCK!?!?” He yells. “I WASN’T FINISHED YOU CRETIN!!!” He yells. I shrug.

“Thought you’d know better by now,” I say. “So, do you surrender?” The griffon looks up at me with anger.

“Go to Tartarus!” He yells. I send electricity through him, and he spazzes out. After a moment, he’s unconscious. I snicker.

“Griffon’s down, Minotaurs next,” I say. I turn to my guards. “Take the king away and lock him up. Tell the others to escort him to the new dungeon.”

“Which new dungeon?” A guard asks.

“You know, the one we just made,” I say.

“The one in Zebrica?” He asks.

“No, the other one,” I sigh.

“... There was another one?” The guard asks. I groan.

“Just- tell him to take that bird bastard to the new dungeon!” I yell. Suddenly, a flash comes up behind me, making me sigh. “God damn it-“ I am interrupted by a pair of hooves bucking me into the crowd of guards, who all catch me before falling down as well.

“Stop this Anon!” An all too familiar voice yells.

“Shut up nerd!” I yell back, getting to my feet as my guards scramble to get up. I turn around and snicker as I see Twilight and her friends.

“I want payback,” Rainbow says, flying up. I pull out my gun and fire, but miss her as she simply dodges and flies toward me. I generate electricity and run forward throwing my arms open. Realizing this is a mistake, Rainbow tries to slow down, only to run into me and conduct all those volts of energy. She passes out and falls down as I dust off my coat.

“How do you have so much energy!?” Twilight yells in frustration.

“I’ll do you one better, how are you stooges gonna stop me?” I ask, walking forward. Applejack runs up and attempts to hit me, but I simply keep an electric field around me, effectively gazing her the moment she steps near me. As she falls, a twilight steps forward.

“I can beat you!” She boldly says. I stop.

“Oh really?” I ask. “With that?”

“Legalities!” She says. I stare at her for a minute and shrug.

“Alright, it sounds stupid enough, but send your pals back to Equestria,” I say. “I’ll only listen if you talk alone.” Twilight grimaces before her horn lights up.

“Darling- wait-“ is all Rarity could say before she, and the rest of Twilight’s buddies, were teleported away. I smile.

“See? Isn’t being civil so easy?” I ask. She grits her teeth.

“You violated the contract,” she says. I blink in surprise.

“What?” I ask.

“Your contract with Celestia. You didn’t conquer the past two countries correctly,” Twilight says. I scoff.

“How?” I ask.

“For instance, Zebrica surrendered, it wasn’t conquered,” Twilight says. “Because of the fact that they surrendered-“

“No, they didn’t surrender,” I interrupt. “I simply stormed right into the capital, took down their defenses with ease, and took control with a military force.” Twilight grimaces.

“Well- you didn’t do it correctly,” she reaffirms. “Celestia said, and I quote-“ Twilight stops to take out a paper. “Hey Anon, think you could conquer the world like these aliens?” I cross my arms as I look at her in amusement. “You haven’t conquered either of these countries in a similar manner as aliens do.” I look at her as she looks at me seriously. The Diamond dogs all look at me in shock, wondering if this campaign is over. However, I could only show one single emotion.

“Hahahahahahaaaaaa!” I loudly laugh, confusing everyone.

“Y-you lost! Admit defeat!” Twilight yells. I double over, laughing even harder.

“Oh my god- you don’t understand how fucking FUCKED you are!” I yell in amusement.

“B-but- No! You lost! We’re not the ones who’re screwed!” She says defiantly. I wipe a tear away as I grin at her.

“Answer me this, ace attorney. Which alien?” I ask. Twilight pauses and her eyes shrink to pin pricks. She takes out her notes and looks through them.

“No... No no no-“ she freaks out as I continue laughing my ass off, as my guards join in. “C-Celestia knows! Surely she knows which one!” Twilight says before teleporting out. Bones walks up to me, worried.

“My lord, do you know which aliens you’re copying?” He asks.

“Bones, remember when I made that training film a while back for new recruits?” I ask. Bones nods. “Ever wondered why some Diamond dogs made a television show?” Bones stops as realization dawns on his face.

“W-wait-“ Bones stops and scoffs. “You can’t seriously be telling me, that years in advanced, you made a plan to take over the world, and filmed it,” he says incredulously.

“Actually, it was a joke show I made just to scare the ponies,” I explain. “It’s a cult classic rerun nowadays, and I figured Celestia noticed. Apparently not.”

Meanwhile, Celestia rewatches the movie that she saw two weeks ago. She face hoofs as Twilight, sitting beside her, has her jaw hanging open. “... I almost want to call this cheating,” Twilight says. “It feels like cheating.”

“Twilight, let’s look on the bright side,” Celestia says. “At least we have a way of predicting him. He has to stick close the the movie, right? Which means, he can only use what the movie shows us.” Twilight nods.

“Yes, that’s great and all, but the movie says he has an airship and a cannon that shoots light,” Twilight says. “Normally, I would dismiss it and say it’s impossible, but knowing Anon, this may very well be a secret project he has been developing for years.” Celestia sighs as she watches the antagonist of the movie laugh at her face.

“I suppose I should have seen this coming. If Anon says he’ll do it, he does,” she mutters.

“So, what now?” Twilight asks. “We could try to attack him first. He never said we couldn’t do that.” Celestia looks at Twilight with a smile. She starts to agree, but remembers last time, when a nuke was mentioned.

“Although that’s true, I know Anon has thought of that. He has something that could... effectively counter it,” she says, trying to be careful with her words. “I believe that the most we can do is either send the Elements of Harmony, send resources to the other countries, or just keep an eye on them in general.” Twilight sighs, look back to the television. Who knows what diabolical plan could be unfolding next. Twilight takes out a letter, catching Celestia’s attention. With a spell, she sends it off.

“It’s a warning, for the Minotaurs,” she says, answering Celestia’s question before she asked. Celestia nods.

“Ah yes, the movie does say that the minotaurs were next,” she replies. “Though, the movie only says ‘they were taken by strange and dangerous technology...’”

In a base in a south west sector of Griffon Stone, I hum as I watch a cargo ship arrive at our new port. I stand in a watch tower, similar to that of an airport’s control tower. Computers surround me, yet staying short enough for me to look over them and through the windows. I hear footsteps and turn to see Bones coming up some stairs. “Sir, our ship has arrived. Other than the assigned army and supplies, what should we bring with us?” He asks. I smile and cross my arms.

“Tell them to bring Project Opposer, it’s almost complete and our engineers can finish it abroad,” I say. Bones looks at me in confusion.

“Abroad? Without being tested?” He asks. “Don’t get me wrong my lord, although this is much easier than the BFB, this is still dangerous. What if they weigh too much on the ships?” He asks. I scoff.

“The nerds downstairs did the math. They’ll be fine,” I say. A beep from a computer alerts me that someone’s calling. I pick up a phone. “Yeah?” I ask.

“Sir! This is Mirror Team! We’ve made progress on that project of yours!” A voice says excitedly.

“Good. Can it fire?” I ask.

“W-well, sort of,” he replies. “We’re trying to find a way to make it bigger. However! We’ve managed to make it hold a charge for longer!” I smile.

“Excellent! I’ll call you back when I need another report,” I say. Hanging up, I turn and walk past Bones, going down the stairs. Bones follows close behind, as we start our departure for the minotaur country, Moumany. As I step onto the ground floor, in a huge room full of mechanical parts and machinery, I look up to see the fruit of Project Opposer’s labor. A mother fucking tank. This one is a custom model, designed for me. On the barrel, is a couple of spray painted lightning bolts. The tank’s a dark grey color, but various parts of it are highlighted in yellow.

“Sir, do you wish to move this one first?” Bones asks. I nod.

“Bones, when we get to the minotaurs, I will show everyone what shock and awe truly means,” I say. He grins and looks up at the tank as well, admiring the handiwork of our engineers. “... There are manuals for these things, right?” I ask suddenly.

“Of course, Opposer crews are each given a manual. We can ask for one from the engineers,” he replies. I nod.

“Good, because if something happens to my personal crew, I’ll need to know how to do it all myself,” I say. Bones nods.

“Understood sir,” he says. With that, we turn and walk towards the exit, ready for the next goal.