Friendship is Magic But With More Chill

by hamster wizard

Rating: teen
Tags: Nightmare Moon, Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1884

Nightmare Moon tried to take over Equestria but everyone is just kind of chill about it.

Have you ever been really frustrated when you're trying to take something super seriously, but nobody else seems to care? That's pretty much what Nightmare Moon has to deal with when Twilight and friends don't really feel like fighting her and just ask her how she's doing.

Profanity tag for one f-bomb.

Cover art is a screencap from 2Snacks' Shadow the Hedgehog video

Now with a reading by StraightToThePointStudio, feel free to check it out!

Published 2021-03-21 05:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-21 05:30:01 UTC

Sort of the only chapter

Twilight was knocked down to the ground. Her friends stood behind her looking quite concerned as Nightmare Moon laughed in their faces, “You foals, you really thought you could defeat me?! The night shall last forever!”

Twilight struggled back to her hooves and winced, she coughed a bit and asked casually, “But why though?”

Nightmare Moon paused for a moment and looked to the mare, “Why? Because We can do whatever We please! That’s why!”

Twilight shook her head, “No, I mean in the more materialistic sense. Why would you want to create eternal night?”

Nightmare Moon blinked few times before looking to the side and let out a polite cough.

Later at Sugercube Corner

The mane six sat around a large table alongside Nightmare Moon. They all had ordered milkshakes, and were looking on in mild interest as the alicorn bemoaned her situation.

“We just feel as though We get no respect. It is always about Our sister, and her precious day. Why should We not demand the same respect?” Nightmare Moon glumly sipped on a milkshake. She licked her lips, “Hm, that is quite good. This is a milkshake, correct?”

Pinkie Pie smiled, “Yep! One classic milkshake from Sugercube Corner!”

Nightmare Moon took another sip, “Yes, very good. We shall spare this establishment when We enact our vengeance on Equestria.”

Applejack piped up, “I hate to ruin yer plans, but I reckon all these ponies yer mad at are long gone by now. It’s been a thousand years after all.”

Nightmare Moon scowled, “Pah, you believe that matters? Ponies have never loved Our night the way they loved Our sister’s day. It is a slight most egregious!”

“Well your highness, I wouldn’t say that ponies don’t love your night. It’s beautiful and majestic, and there’s plenty of things ponies can only do at night!” Twilight went on, “But well, ponies need to sleep sometimes, and it’s kind of tough to see without the sun.”

Nightmare Moon rubbed her chin, “We understand, however that does not excuse our mistreatment! We receive not even a shred of the adoration our sister does!”

“Well, you kinda just showed up after one thousand years and tried to take over the world. That doesn’t exactly inspire a lot of confidence.” Rainbow Dash explained, “Also we’re pretty sure you killed Celestia.”

“Our sister is fine, look.” The alicorn pulled out a small glass vial with a mote of white light swirling around in it, “We merely captured her soul. She is perfectly fine aside from that.”

Rainbow Dash frowned, “Now you see that, that sounds like something a villain would do.”

“It sounds as though your problem is mostly bad PR darling.” Rarity chimed in.

She frowned, “Bad PR?”

Rarity continued, “Yes, you want ponies to like you, correct?”

“We are their ruler, they should adore Us.”

Fluttershy frowned, “When you say stuff like that, you just come across as needy.”

Nightmare Moon could only frown, “Needy?”

“Look at Celestia for example, just last week she went over to Manehattan to open a new orphanage.” Rarity passed Nightmare Moon a recent newspaper with a large photo of Celestia cutting a ribbon in front of a large cozy building as foals crowded around her on all sides. “That’s good PR. Ponies love Celestia because she’s nice, and friendly, and approachable.”

“And she doesn’t try to take over the world.” Rainbow Dash cut in.

Rarity nodded, “And that of course."

Nightmare Moon’s scowl deepened as Rarity went on.

“What you really need is a rebranding. Less of the evil spirit of vengeance, more of the lovable rascal. You’re hardly helping your image with all the doom and gloom.” The rest of the table nodded in agreement, “Picture this...”

“Next!” Nightmare Moon called out, and the pony before her shuffled down the line. It was a busy night in the local soup kitchen as a stallion in an old coat took his place with a big grin on his face, smiling as the alicorn piled his plate with veggies.

“Bless you ma’am. I can’t thank you enough.” The stallion tipped his hat to her and went off to find a place to sit. Rarity and Twilight shuffled up behind her and gave her a smile.

“You see darling, isn’t this more practical? Doing good for the ponies is much better for your image than destabilizing the Equestrian government.” Rarity told her.

“We suppose.” The alicorn droned.

“And now that you gave Celestia her soul back, and she’s been vouching for you, ponies are starting to warm up to you a bit! Isn’t it great?” Twilight said.

“Hrmm.” Nightmare Moon fumed.

“Tomorrow we could have concert in the park! Or maybe a play? Providing artistic enrichment to the population is a great public service!” Twilight went on.

“Rrgh... Enough!” Nightmare Moon tore off her hairnet, which was a terrible decision, as her majestic flowing mane got all up in the potato salad. “This isn’t what We desired! Where is the retribution?! The recompense!? The revengence!? OUR JUSTICE IS DUE!”

“Can I have some of those green beans?” The stallion next in line asked.

Nightmare Moon angrily scooped him a helping of green beans and he gave her a nod in thanks.

“We have spent every hour of every day for the last thousand years planning Our revenge. Oh how We languished tirelessly, planning Our great return! THIS IS NOT WHAT WE HAD IN MIND!” Nightmare Moon threw a spoon across the kitchen and it wedged itself into the wall. She then angrily stomped out the back door into out into the street.

After a moment, Twilight scooted up next to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

“What!?” Screamed Nightmare Moon.

“You doing all right there buddy?” Twilight asked her gently.

“No We are not all right! We are fuming! We are furious! We are...”

“Frenetic?” Twilight supplied.

“No, not precisely. We are enraged however!”

“I was hoping for another f word.”

Nightmare Moon glared at her, “We shall show you an f word!”

“What’s that about an f word?”

Both ponies turned to see Princess Celetsia just walking down the fucking road like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Sister, why are you here?” Nightmare Moon hissed.

“Luna. I came by to see how the volunteer work was going, and instead I see you rampaging in the street. Is something the matter?”

“Yes something is the matter! We came to Equestia to seek vengeance! Not serve soup!”

Twilight put herself between the sisters, “Luna, would it really make you feel better to kill your sister?”

“We do not wish to kill our sister! Merely bring her to her knees and take the throne that is rightfully Ours!”

“I’m really sorry Luna, I’ve already apologized every way I know how. Can’t we just put all this behind us?” Celestia said.

“PUT IT BEHIND US!? You banished Us to the moon! For a thousand years!”

“Yes, and your tried to stage a coup. Against me. I was there, I remember it.” Celestia coughed, “It’s not like I enjoyed sending you to the moon. It messed me up, really.”

“It messed you up, did it sister? Well TRY BEING THE ONE ON THE MOON FOR A THOUSAND YEARS!”

Twilight broke in, “It sounds so strange, hearing it said over and over again. A thousand. A thousand. A thousand. Like it’s not even a word anymore.”

“Luna, we both did things we regret, but I feel as though it’s been long enough that we can move on. You didn’t even respond to that invite I gave you. Do you not like tea anymore?” Celestia went on unfettered.

“We do not enjoy tea IN THE COMPANY OF TYRANTS!” Nightmare Moon screamed.

“Always with the screaming, you really ought to tone it down a bit sister. And why are you still sporting the ‘evil queen’ look? Black isn’t really in right now.”

“Do you truly feel no remorse!? No regret for the egregious injustice you have brought upon Us!?”

“Well, yeah I feel bad about sending you to the moon, but come on Luna, you stole my soul like three days ago. Like I said, you can’t get hung up on these things.” The princess shrugged.

Twilight cut in again, “This kind of stuff happens all the time with siblings. I remember a few years ago when Shining got really mad at me and stole my Smarty Pants doll, and then he hid it on the roof! I got really mad at him and showed our parents where he was hiding those naughty magazines of his, but it all blew over eventually. Now we only hate each other about half the time.”

Celestia nodded, ‘Yeah, it’s like that.”

Nightmare Moon looked up at the night sky. She saw the beauty of the cosmos laid bare before her. The twinkling stars, the iridescent sheen of the waning moon, all on the vast canvas of the universe. She closed her eyes and let out a great deep sigh, slowly dragging a hoof down her face.

“Can We at least bring back public executions?”

“No.” Celestia said.

Another sigh, “Alright whatever.”

But not really

Luna had dropped the Nightmare Moon look a few weeks ago, and things were pretty much back to being business as usual. Celestia had given her a room in Canterlot castle, and while she was technically co-ruler of Equestria, she hadn’t really felt like doing anything and spent most of her time trying to catch up on the 1,000 years of history she’d missed out on.

She was currently just waking up for the night, and slowly inched her way over to her bathroom. Splashing some water on her face, she reached over and prepared to brush her teeth. A sudden tragedy struck when she attempted to get some toothpaste but found the tube empty. She was certain she had left enough in it before she went to sleep, and angrily stomped out into the hall.

“SISTER!” She yelled out.

Celestia, half asleep, poked her head out of a nearby room, “What?!”

“DID THOU TAKETH OUR TOOTH CLEANSER!?”

Celestia blinked, taking a moment to work out what Luna was asking before responding, “Yeah, I guess? I ran out earlier.”

Luna threw the empty tube to the ground in righteous fury, “You dare slight Us is this manner!? We shall see ye burn in the pits of Tartarus for thine foalish affront to Our authority! RETRIBUTION SHALL BE HAD!”

A maid walked by with a small trolley and passed Luna a fresh tube a toothpaste, which she took looking a tad befuddled. Celestia shook her head and went back into her chambers. Luna glanced back and forth through the hallway before gritting her teeth and saying, “Very well then! In our magnanimity, We shall forgive this slight, but only once! Behold, the merciful and beautiful Princess of the Night!”

A single pegasus guard standing in the hall gave her a small wave in acknowledgment before going back to staring listlessly at the wall.

Luna quietly ducked back into her room to get ready for the night to come.

Author's Note

So I'm working on another longer Luna-centric fic and this idea came to me. That is all.