POST POST CREDITS SCENE:

“Anon!”

Twilight’s scream echoed through the empty halls of the Castle of Friendship. The purple unicorn groaned and rubbed her forehead again as if her hoof pressure could somehow ward off the human-induced migraine she could feel starting at the base of her horn.

It couldn’t.

The Princess of Friendship was suppressing a minor stroke, her eyebrow twitching involuntarily again and again as she looked down at a completely empty freezer compartment. Every single one of her ice-cream sandwiches. All of them. Even the ones she’d deliberately hid inside the bag of frozen peas. She blinked hard, as if refreshing her vision might somehow change the sight before her eyes.

It didn’t.

“ANON, CELESTIA-DAMMIT, ANSWER ME!”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?” An annoyed groan from the kitchen archway bounced back at her, snarky and petulant as it always was. “Why are you freaking out this time? I could hear you across the whole castle you know -- by the way, why do they call it the Castle of Friendship? You live here alone. You should call it the ‘Fortress of Solitude’.”

The human.

The bane of her existence these past months.

Sure it had started out exciting: a human on Equus. And one that was markedly different than the ones she’d encountered when she’d travelled across the portal on her own. A fantastic new source of knowledge and experimentation… and a new friend who would live with her in Ponyville!

All that hopeful excitement had evaporated fairly quickly.

Issue 1: The poor human had gone through many of the same withdrawal symptoms as the ponies who had been involved with the quantihol incident. For some sick, twisted reason Anon’s captors had dosed him to make him enamored of pony mares.

Very enamored.

Twilight wasn’t sure if the human was naturally horny or if it was just a side-effect of the drug. Whatever the reason, the creature was randier than a thestral-colt in a mango factory. Her one saving grace was that the strange monkey-man had an overpowering fetish for… older mares.

Older moms to be precise.

She couldn’t even count the number of times she’d had to magically restrain him or teleport him back into the castle because of inappropriate innuendo or… mountings… It had been a tough few months.

But that wasn’t the only problem.

Issue 2: Anon was a dick.

“Are you pissed that I ate your ice cream? Twi, I was doing you a favor.” Anon grinned, leaning one arm up against the doorway. “Have you looked at your ass in the mirror lately? EFF-AY-TEE. And not the ghetto booty them zebras are into either, just plain old pudgy.”

“ANON.” Twilight could feel her teeth strain under the pressure of her clenched jaw.

“Seriously, if I slapped that plot it would probably still be rippling next week, here let’s try...” The human held up one of his hands, open palmed and took a step toward her.

With a flash of her horn, Twilight telekinetically drove the wind out of the human with a gut punch, before slamming him into the wall. It only partially satisfied her annoyance.

“Shut up! That ice cream wasn’t for me. It was for my mom! Ice cream sandwiches are her favorite.” Twilight snarled, happy that the human’s gasping, winded breaths prevented him from responding. “Now I have to run out and buy more before her train shows up. And before you ask no. She’s not coming back here.”

Anon’s eyes took on a hurt, puppy-dog look, even as he writhed in breathless agony on the floor.

“No bucking way in Tartarus.” Twilight huffed, shaking her head. “I’m not bringing my mom within a hundred stride-lengths of you. We’re going to have tea at… actually, I’m not even going to tell you where we’re meeting up. I know what you’ll try.”

Twilight trotted past the incapacitated human, deliberately swatting him with her tail as she did.

“Stay here, and stay quiet.” Twilight called over her shoulder as she left the castle, slamming the door behind her.

…

A few minutes later, a knock on the front door was answered by the human.

“Oh hello there! You must be the creature Twilight tells me so little about! Is she around? I managed to catch the earlier train and hoped to surprise her before our scheduled brunch at Rarity’s!”

Anon’s grin grew three sizes as he looked down at the peppy unicorn mare, Twilight Velvet.

Twilight Sparkle’s mom.

END

Author's Note

Personally, I’m not a fan of the Anon stuff. But for those of you who are, I smell a setup for a future installment in this Post-Post-credit scene. Enjoy!

AJ Aficionado, Editor

^^^ Clops: FYI AJA doesn't read my 'Anon bangs...' series. This sets up the first (and as yet unwritten) encounter of human and MILF-pony that has now spawned FOUR clopfics. :)