Death.
Death, and more death.
That's what my mind felt like, a barrage of constant pulses in my head and sensitivity of my ears, paired of course by nausea. The smell of the sweet flavor of cider now replaced by a mixture of hay and corn chips with salsa and the slight odor of blueberry grape wine. Bitter and foul, but opting to endure the assault of my nostrils than see the sunlight burn my retinas.
"Its days like this...come on, get up damnit" slowly and sloppy like, my limbs began to move on their own, lifting my body like a heavy corpse, promptly keeping it stable as to not fall face flat on the bedroom floor.
Opening my eyes slowly, the sun being blocked slightly by the curtains, the few gaps where the light shone through being avoidable, carrying myself over to the bathroom, instinctively crossing over piles of bottles of liquor and random boxes and crates of cider. Opening the door with my hoof, flipping the lights on while moving towards the shower. Plopping myself down on the cold stone tiles, I reach up and turn the valves, the water quickly hitting my coat, washing the sweat and grunge from last night.
"Fuck...what did I drink last night?" A question I ask myself every morning, even though the answer being obvious. Hard cider, wine, and other spirits and liquor. Un-healthy yes, involving most of the poison circulating through my veins every glass or mug I had.
Deciding now was the time to clean myself, I stand, the strength now revitalized by the water raining on me, grabbing the bar of soap, lathering my coat in it. Soapy bubbles soon developed, washing them off, reaching for the shampoo next.
"Maybe you wouldn't feel like such shit everyday if you stopped yknow?" There it was again, the thoughts flooding back, every single day, fighting with myself, the shampoo now gone, the warm water now just washing over me. "What would you know about it? It's what it is." Every. Day. The same thought, of what could be if I didn't drink like I did. Maybe...
Work.
Work, and more work.
Filing and filling out papers was never my intended career choice, it payed the bills and that's all it did. It put food on the table and fridge and that's all it did. It helped me survive, and that's all it did.
Cutie marks would make you who you are, but with so many other career choices taking extensive requirements to even be what you're destined to be in this day and age, filing and filling out paperwork was the best if not the most high paying job today. Lunch was timed, breaks were timed and everything seemed to be on the edge all the time.
Work was mundane, despite what other ponies may have you believe, the posters on the walls of the office complex not entirely helping accomplish their goal. Perseverance, Dedication, Courage, Achievement, it all seemed so fake, the thought that these words may achieve helping you to keep yourself from feeling bored or dread from the mundane tasks you did repeatedly, day by day was all so surreal. Who would think that this worked?
"Hey, you coming with us to get dinner after work?" The quick sentence snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Wh-what? Sorry I kind of got lost in my thoughts for a minute" a small smile was offered, an apology for not listening well.
"Hah" a laugh was given back. "I could tell, but I was asking if you were going to join us for dinner after work today, y'know, that Neighponese place we've been eyeing for a while." A smile was offered to me, asking for a yes or a simple nod to accept.
Yes! The food there always smells delicious when we walk by! Of course!" I opened my mouth, ready to respond. "Yeah...sorry, I'm a bit busy today after work, got a few things to take care of, how about tomorrow?" Wait...that wasnt what I meant to say. "Yes it was, you know that if you go, you wont drink, and if you dont drink, then what's the point of going?"
"Oh...well, yeah absolutely, tomorrow sounds fine, sorry, I didn't know you'd be busy today." A sheepish smile was across their face, hoping to accept an apology.
"No, it's fine, don't worry about it, like you said, you didn't know."
"Thanks. I should probably get back to my desk, tomorrow for sure though, see you around." With that they left, trotting over back to their desk.
Workplace friendships were good, real good. It would be nice to go eat something besides microwave foods and easy prep meals for today. Maybe...
One drink.
Two drinks and finally...
...six drinks, the very thought of numbers made me grunt, annoyed at thought. Slurred words wouldn't help me now, and the somewhat blurry sight wasn't either. Putting the bottle up to my lips, feeling nothing, no liquid or sweet taste, looking at the bottle in hoof, empty. Sighing in disappointment, I tossed it to the side, landing on the soft carpet of my bedroom floor.
Reaching for another bottle, the crate that held twelve bottles now down to two. Wait, didn't I only have six? Maybe...it didn't, shrugging it off I grabbed the last two bottles, uncorking both and drinking them together, sweetness and bitter taste of the apple infused liquor flooded my taste buds, the taste making me warm inside. Now the blurriness being slightly more intense, the empty bottles on the nightstand now paired with the two I had. Maybe...
Reaching for the crate to quickly move it to the other empty crates of cider, feeling the clink of bottles, looking down, seeing it filled with ten bottles, wasn't it empty? Shrugging again, the happy euphoric feeling of more cider ignoring my rational thinking. Thirst quickly set in, begging for another bottle, grabbing another, uncorking and quickly taking a swig.
Nearly spitting it out, the taste now different, now it tasted bitter with a bit of sour taste, swallowing rather, looking at the bottle with my slurred and blurry vision, Haynessy, not cider. The warm liquid feeling shrugged off, another swig.
Grape-y with sweetness of sugar and blueberry. Another swig.
Sour, not very sweet, but full of warmth. Another.
Sweet, apple. Good. another.
reddish with slight grape, another
a combnitaion of apple wtih hay another
wasi two drunjk..? i fetle beatifuol,,nad goud...
Maybe...