Throne Room Problems (Luna Takes the Stairs)
"Now that you've returned from the moon," Princess Celestia said, "I hope you'll reign in the Throne Room right beside me."
Luna muttered, "Best keep thy friends close, and thine enemies...how does that saying go again?"
"What, sister?"
"Nothing. We are certainly glad to be welcome back."
"SO welcome!" Celestia said. Now here are the stairs...mind the--oops!--you'll want to spread your wings and fly over that part--did I mention...OH NO! That part you need to use your horn for sure, to cast a flamewalking spell...and...dear sister, you look like you're having trouble."
Luna grated, "RRR! This door's hinges do need oiling, We think."
"Oh! That's the third test, Luna. Just use your earth pony strength and FORCE it open."
Luna grimaced. "The last time We FORCED something, We ended up exiled to the moon for a thousand years. We think a more gentle and inviting welcome to the Royal Palace might have been arranged instead of this."
"I'm sorry, Luna. This is the alicorn-only back entrance to the Throne Room, so it's specially designed to require all three major alicorn traits in order to gain entry."
"We see," Luna said in a sarcastic tone. "Or perhaps a group of one pegasus, one unicorn, and one earth pony could do it."
Celestia laughed awkwardly. "Well...I SUPPOSE. Still, that would require a CONSPIRACY of three different pony types. And you know what happens when you start theorizing about CONSPIRACIES."
Luna said flatly, "No. What?"
"Well...soon you won't want to trust anypony. Soon you'll be thinking that your OWN SISTER might be planning to...sorry, bad example."
"Yes," Luna said in a faux-agreeable tone. "If we count the bad examples of architectural planning, we seem to have a LOT of bad examples around here."
"Oh!" Celestia said. "The door. Here, let me help a little."
A yellow glow of Celestia's magic surrounded the doorknob. The doorknob broke off.
"Never mind," Celestia said. "Here, we don't really need this part." With a flash and a poof, the door vanished. Somewhere outside the castle, something thudded to the ground. "Let's just go on through." Celestia gestured, and Luna went first.
When Celestia followed her sister up the last set of stairs, she found Luna sitting on one arm of Celestia's throne.
Luna gave Celestia a grumpy look. "Sitting here, We feel We must look like a tamed hawk. Worse, We probably truly DO look like a tamed hawk. This is ridiculous, and completely inappropriate. Cancel all court sessions for today, until this problem is taken care of."
"My dear sister? What is it you want done?"
Luna pursed her lips. "A throne as grand as yours would be a nice start."
"Very well!" Celestia clopped her forehooves together. "Raven Inkwell? Court is cancelled for today. Please make all the arrangements. And I shall go speak with the Royal Architect and the Royal Furniture Maker."
***
The next morning, a bleary-eyed Princess Luna accompanied her sister through the same behind-the-scenes gauntlet of obstacles as yesterday, except the sticking door was blessedly still missing.
With Celestia behind her, Luna finished climbing the last set of stairs, and walked out onto the throne platform's topmost level. Luna circled the throne platform, turning her head at different angles to get a good view of everything.
"This is better," Luna said. "Yet..."
"Yet? Yet what?"
"This throne is lower than thine."
Celestia examined the throne. "I suppose it is. Your throne is sized for your body, which is smaller and shorter than mine. So when you have ascended to the seat of your throne, your seat is lower than mine."
Luna's lips moved through different little frowns, until she settled on a particular one. "That all seems to make sense. But what are ponies to think, if they see your sister seated lower than you? Will ponies understand that we are, in fact, EQUAL rulers? Or will they decide that one of us is HIGHER, and one of us is LOWER?"
"I had not considered that logic, but I understand. I shall have it promptly attended to. Raven Inkwell?"
Raven called out, "I know the drill. See you same time tomorrow?"
"Yes, Raven. See you tomorrow."
***
Luna stepped out onto the throne platform. She walked around her new throne. "Thou MUST be playing a prank, Celestia."
"What?" Celestia finished climbing the stairs, and joined her sister. "Oh. Does it remind you of a high-dive board?" Celestia gestured at some of the throne platform's water features. "But leaping down into a recirculating pool might be FUN. And a way to save a little time climbing down."
Luna said dryly, "We do not so much fear that ponies might mistake Us for a professional high diver, who does stunts."
"Good!" Celestia said in an overly cheerful voice.
"Rather," Luna said, gesturing at the high seat, the tall, thin supporting legs, and the access ladder, "We fear that ponies might see a resemblance between this throne and a foal's highchair."
"Hmm." Celestia rubbed her chin. "It's been a while. I haven't raised a foal in...well...ever. You know how it is. Married to the job and all that."
Luna shouted, "Raven Inkwell! Might We request thine opinion on something?"
Far below, standing on the Throne Room's floor, the brunette unicorn called back, "Let's save time. Yes, I've raised three foals, and yes, from this angle it does look like a highchair for a giant baby. Which does NOT seem the impression we should like to aim for."
Luna shouted back, "Thank you, Raven!"
"You're welcome, your highness!"
Celestia sighed. "I am sorry, my sister. I suppose I shall have to arrange for some creativity to be applied to this problem."
Luna muttered, "I can hardly wait."
***
The next day, Luna stepped out onto the throne platform. "WHAT is THAT?" she asked.
Celestia joined her sister. "Isn't it delightful? I didn't want you to be beneath me. And I didn't want you to be put on an overly high pedestal, with the accidental foalish connotations that unfortunate construction implied. So I found somepony who took a different approach to the problem. Thinking outside the crate, as it were."
Luna muttered something about crates. More audibly, she added, "We can only guess...but that looks like the largest magnifying glass We have ever seen."
"Isn't it wonderful? With the aid of this optical device, you can sit at your natural legheight AND appear at my height, and even above me. We simply magnify your physical appearance to more closely match your actual importance in my heart and in Equestria's government."
"A wonder indeed. Raven Inkwell? Please come up here."
"I live to serve, your highness." The unicorn trotted up one of the ramps leading from the main floor level to the top of the platform which supported the two thrones.
Luna said, "By thy loyalty to Us and to Our sister, We order thou to climb up into Our throne, and sit in it until We tell thee to descend. With bathroom breaks and such as needed, of course."
Raven seemed shocked. "Celestia?"
"Yes. Do as my sister tells you. I believe she has her reasons."
When Raven had seated herself on the throne, Luna walked a circle around the combination of throne and giant magnifying glass. Afterwards, Luna spread her wings and alternated between flying and walking, quickly getting a variety of views of her sister's latest present.
After a few minutes of this, Luna returned to the throne platform. "Mistress Inkwell? While We walked the throne room these last few minutes, how well couldst thou see me?"
Inkwell blushed slightly. "Try as I might, most of the time you were very strangely distorted. Often I could not see you at all. I doubt the legendary Discord himself could present a stranger set of appearances, than what I saw through that glass."
"My thanks, Raven. Our attempts to view thee were equally as distorted and doubtful." Luna turned towards Celestia. "Dear sister, thy latest attempt to satisfy multiple seemingly contradictory requirements is...a bit too contradictory, I fear."
Raven interrupted. "May I please get down, your highness? Please right away right now please please please OHMYCELESTIA--"
Luna nodded. "Thou mayest!"
Raven leaped down out of the throne. "Thank Cele--I mean, Luna. I mean, Luna and Celestia?"
Luna snorted. "Please tell me, Raven. Why wert thou in such a hurry to vacate the throne? Wert thou fearful that such a high place might go to thine head?"
"Princess Luna, have you ever seen an ill-raised foal playing outdoors with a magnifying glass, next to an anthill?"
Luna said, "What is that smell? OH. We understand."
Celestia looked around the Throne Room until she spotted a drop cloth which had been left under some ongoing repairs. She levitated the large cloth and draped it over the giant glass.
"There!" Celestia said with a fixedly wide smile. "All better! See you tomorrow?"
Raven Inkwell asked, "Should I bring burn cream in advance, next time? Or perhaps a swimsuit and a snorkel?"
Luna laughed. "Let us BOTH please treat thine assistant with due care, Celestia. I would like to become better acquainted with her BEFORE she quits thine employ and flees to Yakyakistan to avoid us."
Celestia said, "Our employ. Both of us."
"Yes, thank you. Of course. One more thing."
"Yes?" both Celestia and Raven Inkwell chorused.
"In this era, does Canterlot have a good fire department? My latest throne appears to be burning down."
***
Very early the next morning, Celestia met her sister at the top of the throne platform. Celestia wore a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers. "What do you think?" the pale alicorn asked.
Luna walked to the flat, empty spot where her latest throne had been, until it had burned down and the rubble had been removed by a cleanup crew. "It has a certain...minimal design. It is not very busy."
"Yes," Celestia said. Celestia levitated a note to her sister. "This signed note should hardly be necessary, but I provide it just in case."
"Hmm," Luna said. "You ask all ponies involved to serve Us and cooperate with Us as they would with thee. And to give good advice and assistance with providing and installing a new throne for Us, to sit beside thine own. And an additional instruction. "Please don't let my sister buck this up as badly as I did these last few times." Luna chuckled.
Celestia said, "I'm so used to being the sole ruler and the final word on everything. Naturally, when I wanted to honor my sister with a new throne, I took charge. When I should have done the very opposite."
Luna stepped closer to her big sister. "Celly dear?"
"Yes, Woony?"
Luna hugged her sister. "We thank thee. We understand thou hast tried so hard to make Us feel welcome...tried so hard thou hast been tripping over thine own hooves. It's good to be home, and together again."
"Me too, Luna. Me too."
