Death Surrounds Me

Everything hurt, not physically, just mentally ... a little bit emotionally, too. It couldn't ever be easy. Sometimes I wish it would hurt physically, just in the hope that it would be enough to do me in. I've yet to be quite that lucky, though. I'd never do it myself, so as long as I'm here, I'll keep on walking. Walking meaning, keep on living, of course. I had no idea what I was going to do; everything was going to heck in a handbasket. Hopeless, scared, and alone, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

It was three in the morning, and I sat at my computer, lost, my heart ached, and there was no direction for it to go to help it feel better. There was no way for me to express in words how I felt overall. I don't think there's a word in the English dictionary that could describe it. Not knowing what the future brings like I had done many times before, I decided to take a nap. Not a long one, just a short two-hour break from reality. Only fantasies can hurt you in your sleep, and fantasy is far easier to best than reality. I turned off my lights, closed my eyes, and left the world behind.

Horrible dreams plagued me, vicious monsters who would chase me down and rip the skin from my body until I was left a bleeding mess. Horrid plagues, the screaming of all those like me as they died in agony. Watching the skyline fall to reveal a toxic red void, ready to sweep all of us into its ever-expanding maw.

Then, in a brief instant, everything had taken on a blue hue. A wiggling, pulsing mass of faces, screaming in torture, hobbled after me. No matter how fast I ran, I could not get away. I ran faster and faster until my two legs had grown into four. The pulsing and decaying bodies of people I once knew tried to grab me, tried to stall me so the face creature could get me. I kept running, kicking who I had to.

In a bright flash of light, the bodies, the face monster, the void, everything, disappeared. In their place stood a tall, dark blue, horse. Her eyes held what seemed to be concern, though it was likely me misreading. I chose not to take any chances and ran from her as well; unlike the face creature, I could lose the blue horse. Before I could get too far, however, the world began to ripple around me. Sleep fled from me like a speeding car.

I saw nothing but blackness. Then, I awoke with a start. My head throbbed painfully, and my ears rang from the noise of an imaginary explosion. It was dark, so I could not see, but I could feel myself ... mutilated. Just like in my dream, I had four, short, stubby legs. My feet had sunken into my leg and become hard. My arms suffered the same fate, as I was now forced to walk on what used to be my hands and feet.

I stood, wavering a bit, but a whisper from nowhere hit my ears. It was faint, and I could not make out any words. I was still disoriented from waking up, so I quietly turned around. Realizing that whatever was out there would likely be my end, I turned around and ran as fast as I could away from the whispering. Squelching sounds filled the area, and I felt a liquid squish underneath my feet as I ran, falling twice. I decided to stop caring about where I stepped, and just kept running.

The freezing night air made me feel like tiny fragments of ice were impaling me. So I shivered and huddled up, trying to keep warm. I heard the snuffling of an animal not too far off. It was close enough that I felt scared, but the darkness hindered my vision. I wasn't about to become something's dinner, so I started to run away as fast as my mutilated body could go.

It was still dark, but I saw shapes in the distance. Hope welled up inside of me as I was sure no animal would follow me to civilization. As I approached, I noticed that the liquid turned into grass halfway there, then the grass turned into dirt. The shapes started to turn into houses, buildings were all around I noticed, made of wood. My heart raced faster and faster as the buildings loomed over me. Every building I looked at seemed to have yellow roofs. I had never seen a yellow roof ... I had no recollection of this place. My heart sank as I realized I was lost. Wherever I was, it wasn't my city.

I noticed up ahead, a lampost, with orange, fiery light gleaming. I bolted for it. The light seemed to follow me as I ran. My shadow grew and shrank along the sidewalk, this way and that. I felt as if it was chasing me, so I kept running, not daring to look behind. And there I was, mutilated hands wrapped around a lamppost, far away from home in a place I don't recognize.

Under the light of the lamppost, I was able to survey the damages done to my body by who knows what. Nine deep scars ran across my torso; I could see white glisten against the orange light, it's a wonder I survived at all. My arms and legs had been forcefully mutilated into short and stubby things, now that I could see them properly, they look like hooves, Chubby hooves, but hooves, No fingers, no toes. it was then that I noticed my face was messed up as well. Some pointed monstrosity had replaced my once decently flat face. I could still breathe, but none of it felt right. It looked almost like a dog's muzzle.

Or a horse's. Hooves, a horse's muzzle, leaning back to check behind me revealed that I also had a big, unkempt green tail. This was all getting to be a bit too much; I felt as if my head would explode. I tried to use my .. hooves .. to massage my temples, it was there that I discovered my ears. Now shaped as a horse's. I felt sick. My stomach started to churn, and I was sure I was going to vomit. My once brown hair now flowed wildly in its new green color. I lurched over and ejected my lunch from my mouth as a firehose does water.

I was a monster. I knew that much. But, as I stood there, lost and alone, I still was in one piece. No longer human, not physically anyway. My once bare flesh has been covered in a dirty green substance. It was coarse, and caked to my skin. No matter what I did to it, it would not come off. For the first time in many years, I leaned against the lamppost and cried. I cried for what seemed like forever until my tears eventually led me back to sleep, a thankfully, dreamless sleep.

The sound of bird's chirping filled my half-asleep ears as I slowly started to stir from my unfortunate slumber. When I opened my eyes, I found myself in a small hospital room. A blue bird fluttered around my window, making beautiful noises, for once in many years, peace befell me. It was nice, it would not last, but it was nice.