Unstoppable Force Meets Unbreakable Object
“Rage therapy? What in the wide, wide, world of Equestria is rage therapy?”
“Observe.” Starlight patted the seat next to her, and Twilight sat down next to her friend. Looking through the one-way glass revealed a padded room. The floor and walls were all black, making the pink coat of the pony inside the room stand out in comparison.
“Is that who I think it is? You freed Cozy Glow?!? Are you crazy?”
“She has a lot of pent-up anger. She’s the perfect subject for this experiment.”
The pegasus filly was gesticulating wildly with her hooves, but the room was soundproof, so the two mares couldn’t hear what she was saying. Starlight rectified that quickly, and her horn glowed as she magically enhanced the sound coming from the other room.
“…been here for hours! Mark my words, I’ll get my revenge on all of you for this! Especially ‘Grogar’! I’ll make Discord pay for his treachery!”
Starlight’s horn flickered out. “That’s roughly the same venom she was spewing out last time I checked, two hours ago. Not even a single ‘golly’ or ‘gosh’ in there. She’s got herself pretty riled up, wouldn’t you say?”
“It’s Cozy Glow. She’s always angry, Starlight.”
Starlight nodded. “Like I said, that’s why she’s perfect for this.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “So you have her in a padded room so she can kick and buck it to her heart’s content?”
Starlight chuckled. “Nope, that’s just to fire her up. The main event should be starting any second now. She’s going to get her wish.”
“While I applaud your pursuit of knowledge, I can’t just stand by and let Cozy Glow conquer Equestria just so you can run an experiment. Well, I mean, maybe I can if it's a really good experiment…”
“Not that wish. This wish.” Her horn once more glowed teal, and she opened the door to the room while Cozy was distracted on the other side. The filly zipped to the door trying to escape, but found her way blocked by a very familiar figure.
“You!” Even without knowing the Royal Canterlot Voice, Cozy’s words cracked the one-way glass between the rooms. “How dare you trick me! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” She pounded her hooves on her target with little success.
“Somepony really needs a thesaurus for Hearth’s Warming this year.” Discord yawned as he walked into the room. He was wearing a helmet, and had a number of pillows strapped to his body. He snapped his claws and a thesaurus appeared in his paw. “Let’s see, you could detest me, or despise me, or maybe even loathe me.”
“I’ll give you loathing!” Cozy turned around and bucked the draconequus as hard as she could. Which really wasn’t all that hard in the grand scheme of things. She was a small filly, a petite pegasus, and not a particularly strong one at that.
“By all means, do your worst, little pony. As if an insignificant little gnat like you could pose any threat to the Spirit of Chaos.”
“I drained you once and I’ll do it again! I’ve wielded your chaos magic!”
Discord nodded. “Yes, and you did a lousy job with it. Flying, biting pineapples? That’s the best you could do with it?”
“Lousy job?!?” A vein in Cozy’s face threatened to pop.
"Careful your face doesn't freeze that way. You know, again." He mimicked her terrified facial expression that had been frozen in stone for a month. "Such a cute widdle face. Pity it's wasted on somepony as nasty as you."
Cozy continued pounding her hooves into Discord, fluttering all around him as she bucked and kicked him for all she was worth.
On the other side of the glass, Starlight sighed. “This seems a little one-sided, don’t you think?”
“I still don’t see the point in all this.”
“Oh! Great idea, Twilight. We should get to the point…” Her horn glowed once again, and a panel in the other room rotated around to offer a selection of weapons. “…and the blunt.”
Cozy’s eyes almost bugged out of her head as she rushed to arm herself. She struggled to lift a comically oversized mace over her head.
“Seriously? You’re like what, nine? That must weigh thrice what you do.”
“I’m ten and a half, moron!” She swung the mace at him, hitting him over the head with it. As Discord was quick to note, the weapon outweighed its wielder. The momentum caught Cozy by surprise and she tumbled end over end through the air as she frantically tried to right herself. When she turned to look at Discord, his head was caved into his neck.
Discord reached his talon into the hole and pulled his head back out.
Furious, Cozy grabbed a spear and stabbed him in the chest with it. The spear poked out his back, then turned into a snake as the gaping hole sealed itself shut. The spear-turned-snake slithered off.
Cozy growled in frustration. “This would be easier if I had my horn back!”
Discord snapped his claws. “One horn, coming up.”
There was a flash of light, and Cozy once more had a horn jutting from her forehead. Specifically, a bicycle horn. Discord squeezed it and chuckled as it tooted.
Enraged, Cozy swung a baseball bat and Discord’s head went flying, smacking into the far wall.
A second Discord, dressed in an umpire’s uniform, stepped out from behind the headless one. “Foul ball! Or perhaps a fowl ball.” He tossed a chicken back to the first Discord, who caught it in an oversized catcher's mitt, then reattached it. “Strike one!”
Cozy responded by breaking the bat over his head. Little cartoon birdies flew around his head. She tossed the now useless weapon away and replaced it with a flail. She swung the weapon around and around, gathering up as much speed as she could before unleashing it at Discord’s legs. He tumbled to the ground in pieces.
Discord snapped his claw, reassembling himself. He snapped it again, and a bowling ball landed at Cozy’s hooves.
Cozy picked the ball up and slammed it into Discord’s head. A lump grew out of his scalp, and she pounded the ball into the lump, forcing it back into his cranium, only for it to appear elsewhere on his head. She continued slamming the bowling ball into the lump like a warped game of Whac-A-Mole.
“Why are we watching Cozy Glow beat the stuffing out of Discord?”
“It’s therapeutic.” Starlight offered Twilight some popcorn.
Twilight passed on the popcorn. “For Cozy?”
“Maybe?” Starlight shrugged. “I meant for us.”
Twilight nodded as she watched Cozy Glow disembowel Discord. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”
“Me too.” Starlight picked up a cup of tea with her magic. “One lump or two?”
“Cozy’s given him fifty-two lumps by my count.”
Starlight laughed, as Twilight’s attention was focused on the action in the other room. “I meant for your tea. Lumps of sugar.”
Twilight blushed. “Just one, please. How often are you going to do these rage therapy sessions?”
“Three times a week until she’s reformed.”
“And Discord agreed to this?”
“Yup. I figure we’ll keep Cozy in this padded room between sessions, with no external stimuli and nothing but the blandest food and water.”
Twilight blinked. “We can’t treat prisoners like that. It’s not right!”
“Worse than being a statue?”
Twilight conceded that point. “But she’ll never reform if we don’t show her kindness.”
Starlight grinned. “Did I mention thrice weekly?”
“I’ll keep my schedule clear.”
Cozy collapsed on the floor, completely spent. She’d been at it for a good forty-five minutes, and Discord was still standing.
“You do realize you can’t actually hurt me, right?” He squeezed the bicycle horn one last time before snapping his claws and poofing it out of existence.
“I…don’t…care…” She forced out between pants. “I’ll get you someday.” She struggled to her hooves. “Then you’ll really pay!”
“Cash?” Discord snapped his claws and a pile of bits appeared under Cozy Glow. “Or credit?” His lion’s paw revealed a dozen credit cards. “Feeling any better, my little pony?”
Cozy thought about it for a minute before replying. “Yeah, actually. I really needed to get that out. Can we do this again?”
“We’ll keep doing this until you’re cured for good.”
“That’s swell, Mr. Discord!” She smiled. “Golly, I bet I’ll be ready to become a productive member of society in just another two or three hundred more sessions.”
