Lyra's Very Special Birthday Surprise (E-Rated Adaptation)

by Mockingbirb

Rating: everyone
Tags: Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 1898

Bon Bon and Lyra celebrate Lyra's birthday. For some reason, Lyra has to wear a blindfold in a completely E-rated way.

Bon Bon and Lyra celebrate Lyra's birthday. For some reason, Lyra has to wear a blindfold in a completely E-rated way.

Sometimes I think fimfiction.net doesn't have enough "E for Everyone" stories. So when "AtomicClop" wrote an M-rated story about Lyra and her marefriend, I asked for permission to write a squeaky-clean adaptation suitable for children.

To make the story E-rated, I did have to change a few things.

If any commenters spoil the end, I make no promises about whether Lyra or Bon Bon will come do something gross to that box of very special oats you were saving.

Published 2021-03-30 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-03-30 13:40:01 UTC

Surprises

Back when Lyra was a little filly, she celebrated each upcoming holiday in a special way of her own. She liked to quietly search through the house, and peek at her presents ahead of time.

It wasn't that she didn't LIKE surprises. But what she liked even better was knowing in advance exactly what the surprises would be.

Sometimes that worked out pretty well. Like the time Lyra found a half-assembled bicycle, and went to a friend's house to learn how to ride on her friend's bike. When Lyra's birthday came, the unicorn's parents were so happy to see their daughter ride her new bike up and down the street right away, without any trouble at all!

Sometimes it went a little differently. Like the one Hearth's Warming season when Lyra very carefully unwrapped presents to peek inside, only to find that her parents had gotten her things she didn't even want.

Lyra's solution had been a bit drastic: after rewrapping the presents, she'd switched the tags.

Her brother had been rather surprised to receive a "My Little Mane & Tail Salon" playset for Hearth's Warming. But when Lyra unwrapped her new "Ox Files Investigator's Kit," she'd felt it was totally worth it.

As for the mane & tail salon playset? That was why stores had exchange policies.

***

When Lyra grew up, and got involved with Bon Bon? Things became more challenging.

Lyra was an old hand at present peeking. She'd even learned some extra-advanced techniques from her Ox Files Investigator hobby. But Bon Bon was a worthy adversary, almost like the earth pony was secretly a black ops agent. (It would be some years before Lyra found out that was entirely, literally true.)

Lyra still remembered the time before Hearts & Hooves Day when Lyra had been looking for presents or clues to presents, and accidentally found a secret weapons cache built into one wall of the home she and Bon Bon shared.

At first, Lyra hadn't been sure what to think. She hadn't exactly WANTED a self-stabilizing crossbow or a grappling hook. But she hadn't NOT wanted them either. The more she thought about it, the more she decided it would be fun to go to the edge of the Everfree Forest with Bonny and practice with them.

Lyra hadn't even known she'd wanted them. But Bon Bon had known. Bon Bon was the pony who knew Lyra better than the unicorn knew herself. That was why Bonny was so perfect for her!

The more Lyra thought about it, the more Lyra looked forward to showing Bon Bon her gratitude. Lyra started making plans that involved...well, a lot of things. The dozen roses, and the special recipe to make roses taste even better than they usually did? Those were a big part of it.

When Bon Bon's Hearts and Hooves day present to her very special friend Lyra had turned out to be a toaster oven? Lyra was more surprised by a present that day than she'd been in years.

The next year, a bugbear attacked Ponyville. Bon Bon confessed to her longtime special friend that Bonny had always been a secret undercover agent. Not that Lyra hadn't already figured that out, but she'd never told Bon Bon she'd known.

Lyra was glad she'd already put in so many years of practice at acting surprised. She hadn't wanted to distract Bon Bon from the emergency, by startling her secret agent special friend with the news that Lyra had already known, and Bon Bon's cover had already been blown. Lyra didn't think Bon Bon could handle the extra stress and shock, on top of the bugbear and all the other crises happening all over Ponyville that day.

Starting that night, Lyra had asked Bon Bon artful, casual-sounding questions, to get her marefriend to open up about things. Nowadays, the pair didn't keep many secrets from each other. Lately, Lyra had even helped Bon Bon with a few undercover missions. It had become another fun part of their relationship.

***

But on Lyra's birthday this year, all that had changed. Bon Bon was keeping secrets from her special friend, and Lyra wasn't sure she liked it.

"But why can't you just TELL me?" Lyra wheedled. "You know you can trust me with anything. I won't mention any examples."

Bon Bon smiled, and hugged her marefriend. "I know I can trust you with anything. That's why I called in some favors this year to get you something really special, because you're my favorite pony in the whole world. But I don't want to ruin the surprise."

Lyra mock-whined, "This had better not be another TOASTER OVEN. Because even though I like the toaster oven well enough, it wasn't as cool as a grappling hook."

Bon Bon giggled at Lyra's pouty face. "I promise you'll really like it. But it'll be the most fun as a surprise."

Lyra sighed, and stuck her lower lip out farther. Bon Bon giggled some more. "I have to put this blindfold on you. Promise you won't peek?"

Lyra said nothing.

"Lyra, I know if you really want to peek, you could use your investigator skills to get around it. But I have to ask you to promise me you won't. This will be worth it, I promise you. No, I double promise you."

"Triple promise?"

"Triple promise." Bon Bon kissed Lyra's cheek. "Pretty please?"

"Ok. I won't peek unless there's an emergency."

Bon Bon nodded. "That's the best way to do it. Always be prepared." She carefully tied the blindfold over Lyra's eyes, and kissed her marefriend's cheek again.

"Huh," Lyra said. "That's...nice. I like when you kiss me like this."

"I'm glad you like it. But it isn't the main surprise. It's just part of the thank you for letting me blindfold you." Bon Bon held Lyra's hoof, and led her special friend outside.

"Upsy daisy. This is a step up." Bon Bon helped Lyra climb into a wagon.

The wagon went up and down roads for a while. As the wagon traveled, Lyra tried to estimate distances and keep track of the ups, downs, and bumps.

When the wagon went down a short slope and rattled across a bumpy bit, Lyra said, "Ponyville Theater?"

Bon Bon said, "You're too good at this. But wait until you find out what's inside the theater."

Lyra grinned. "I can hardly wait."

When the wagon stopped, Bon Bon helped Lyra climb down out of the wagon, and led her indoors. Bonny led her very special friend through a room that had the echoes of a lobby, through a large doorway, and down a steep slope. From echoes (and because they weren't having to dodge around anypony) Lyra thought the room was almost entirely empty of ponies except for herself and Bonny.

"I know you like to see things close up," Bonny said. "So how about you sit...here."

"Ok." Lyra sat.

Lyra felt Bon Bon's hooves working at the blindfold. The cloth fell away, and Lyra could see everything.

On the stage, Rick Astley waggled his eyebrows and HANDLED a microphone. He started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up."

Lyra reached over and pulled Bonny tightly against her flank. "You're right," Lyra sighed into her marefriend's ear. "This is the best surprise ever."

Afterparty

At the end of the concert, Bonny led her friend onto the stage to meet Rick Astley.

"I'm so happy to finally meet you!" squealed Lyra.

Rick smiled warmly. "And I'm so happy to meet you, Miss--"

"A real live human!" Lyra jumped up and hugged Rick like she was trying to scare away a whole family of windigos.

"Huh," Rick said. "I've met a lot of fans, but never a fan quite like you."

"I know! I've been wanting to meet you my entire life!"

"Miss Lyra, there's something I've always wanted to do. Maybe this is my chance to have fun with two of my fans at once."

"No problem!"

Bon Bon gave Rick and Lyra a skeptical look.

Rick added, "On stage."

"I'm sure it's fine!"

Bonny seemed even more skeptical.

Rick looked around the stage. "It'll be easier if I sit here." He sat on a folding chair. Lyra hopped up and curled into an adorable ponyball on his lap.

But because she filled his entire lap, there was no room left for Bon Bon.

Bon Bon said, "No! This won't work!"

"Bon Bon!" Lyra cried. "I didn't mean to make you feel jealous."

The earth pony said, "Just keep each other company for a minute until I'm ready. Rick? Scritch my girlfriend's head! And rub her ears. But don't start the belly rubs until I come back."

"Yes, Mare'm." As he started scritching with his strong, sensitive fingers, Rick whispered to Lyra, "I've secretly always wanted to do this to a cartoon pony's ears and mane. I wrote a song about it, but I had to change the lyrics...because people wouldn't understand."

Rick started singing "This Must Be Heaven." But he didn't sing the regular lyrics, which you might have heard in a commercially released album. Instead, he sang the SECRET lyrics, which described his dreams of visiting a world of adorable ponies.

A few minutes later, Bon Bon dragged a large couch onto the stage.

"Ooh!" Lyra said. "That looks perfect!"

"I borrowed it from Rarity." Bon Bon dragged the couch until it was in the warm spotlight. She jumped onto the back. "What are you waiting for, Rick?"

Rick said, "I've been waiting my whole life for this moment." He picked up Lyra in both of his strong arms that ended in hands. He held the unicorn tightly against his chest as he walked to the couch and sat down.

Bon Bon jumped up to join her best friend and their new human friend. The three friends started snuggling in an entirely E-rated way.

Half an hour later, a stallion walked out onto the stage. "Excuse me," he said.

"Oh," Rick replied. "Is it time to clear the theater? Do you need us to go?"

"It's just...that couch looks so comfortable. May I join your E-rated snuggle?"

Rick said, "I like making new friends." He improvised a brand new song on the spot. His creation would soon become a popular hit all across Equestria:

"I used to wonder what friendship could be.
Until you all shared its magic with me..."

Ever since that day, the friendship has never stopped. The only problem was, Rick put his career in the human world on hold, so he could spend his days singing to and cuddling with adorable cartoon ponies.

So now you know why the "Rickroll" started.

It was started by jealous humans, who were upset because they had to go years at a time without seeing new performances by Rick Astley. Humans tried to fill the hole in their lives with the best substitute they could find.

But as pranks and angry protests go, "Rickrolling" is still pretty nice.

If you learn to sing that sweet little song yourself, you can join in and Rickroll someone today!

Author's Note

Happy March 32nd! :twilightsmile:

Is this a faithful adaptation of AtomicClop's "Vinyl Scratch Humps Bruno Mars?" Sure, for a rather different meaning of the word "faithful."

Another story that isn't much like this one is Mica's "Ranch."